NationStates Jolt Archive

Hi there!

I’m Alexander Orphanatropho, well-known Holy Empire media personality, wit, raconteur, and bon-vivant.

On behalf of the Holy Empire Football Association [of Alasdair I Frosticus] and the Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy, I’m here to invite the not-quite-good-enough footballing nations of the world to…


CUP OF HARMONY 21


The Cup of Harmony will be hosted in a special Dream Bubble inside the Dreamed Realm where participant nations will be able to create their own reality for the duration of each match so long as these rules are followed:

1 - The created reality must permit at least 10,000 spectators from each nation to watch the match

2 - No harm must be caused to spectators (unless expressly agreed upon by both teams prior to a match)

3 - No harm must be caused to match officials

4 - The Laws of Football are obeyed

[ooc rule 5 – I stress that the first four rules are IC guidelines only, and are designed to stop the tournament descending into anarchy. Where breaches of these rules are done with flair, and in a manner consistent with your nation’s character, then no harm done. The MOST IMPORTANT RULE – and one for which no breaches will be tolerated – is that the RP requests of each nation must be followed. If your opponent refuses to grant you permission to harm, kill, or otherwise godmod events to his players, you must abide by that request]

Otherwise the participants are free to hold matches under whatever conditions they desire. A match held somewhere inbetween the British and German trenches, Christmas 1914? A match held between players temporarily taking the form of Greek Gods playing on Mount Olympus? A team of elves accompanied to the pitch by unicorns? A match played backwards in time? A perfectly ordinary football match taking place in a replica of your stadium of choice? Why not! A match involving green-skinned anthropomorphic vegetables? Oh, hang on, that's been done....

Finally, any matches involving Giant Zucchini will feature the AIF home element in the crowd waving zucchinis in the air [in a nod to an ancient AIF / GZ RP]

Accommodation will be provided in a series of luxury 5 star hotels, one for each participating nation, specially dreamed into existence for the duration of the tournament. Teams preferring alternative accommodation may change their accommodation reality accordingly.

Note that the Dream Bubble - over the vehement protests of the MFA - will be resolutely secular, with no official religion.

[IMPORTANT OOC detail - where teams have not agreed to the nature of match reality beforehand, the team that posts first will create reality for a match]

And remember, this tournament isn’t being run solely by the monks of the Archregimancy – here in the Holy Empire, we’re a little more relaxed about sin.

------------------------------------------------------------------


Participants:

[Note - invitations were not TG'd; the opening of sign-ups was announced in this thread the Discussion Thread]

Group tables and seedings


1 [rank] [KPB points]
Archregimancy 16 33.08
Cuation 38 15.05
Bazalonia 54 11.4
Tynelia 60 10.37
Sativaville 82 6.21
Green wombat 88 5.7
Sliponia 147 2

2
Milchama 22 28.26
Lowland Clans 39 14.26
Magnus Valerius 53 11.54
Mr Chuck Norris 63 9.91
AwalKB 77 7.03
Virginia Nova 98 4.76
Iansisle 100 4.29

3
Haraki 33 18.46
Anathem. Reps. 47 12.29
Qazox 58 11.1
Lisburn Mateys 66 8.53
Spmn. Plijous 73 7.91
Marceau State 89 5.59
GarfieldtheFat 103 4.21

4
Wentland 34 16.87
Vuam and Isma 40 14.5
Dorian & Sonya 54 11.4
One Red Dot 59 10.57
Rorysville 70 8.86
Raging Penguins 91 5.26
Nikea 131 2.86


The top two qualify for the knock-out stages.

The schedule!
(generated using a random schedule generator...)

Match Day 1
bye v 2
4 v 7
6 v 1
3 v 5
Match Day 2
5 v bye
1 v 3
7 v 6
2 v 4
Match Day 3
bye v 4
6 v 2
3 v 7
5 v 1
Match Day 4
1 v bye
7 v 5
2 v 3
4 v 6
Match Day 5
bye v 6
3 v 4
5 v 2
1 v 7
Match Day 6
3 v bye
5 v 6
1 v 4
7 v 2
Match Day 7
bye v 7
2 v 1
4 v 5
6 v 3



Apologies for any confusion if you've been reading this today and the tournament format changed while you were reading - some last minute admin has meant a couple of last-second changes in the number of participating nations.



---------------------------------------------

Given the nature of this Cup of Harmony, it is particularly important that you post clear RP rules in your roster post. As is traditional, these take the form of:

Choose my goalscorers y/n
Godmod Scoring Events y/n
RP injuries to my players y/n
Godmod injuries to my players y/n
Hand out Yellow cards to my players y/n
Hand out Red cards to my players y/n
Godmod Other Events y/n

I am not including style modifiers as a scorination factor in this tournament. Feel free to include them in your rosters, but they will be an RP guide only.


Otherwise, have fun!

He flicked through the papers that had piled up on his desk since he left on sick leave. Bill, bill, match report, bill, bill, federation notification, bill, bill... And a strange letter with letters that seemed to smolder on the paper they were written on. Since he had been head of the V&IFA, Hovar N'dochaty had seen strange things... But this was a first.

He cauteously opened the letter, hoping it wasn't the same prank that he had fell for last month, when someone had put some sodium in the letter... Burning letters were a pain to put out he had discovered.

But no. It was just the invitation for the CoH that he was hoping to recieve. And it was from Alasdair I Frasticus. He'd have preferred The Archregimancy to have written the letter though... Perhaps they'd have made ornate calligraphies or illuminated the letter with quaint pastoral scenes... Or they might even have gone as far as to make an icon for the invitation...

Well... At least they would be going there...

The squad? Same as for the Wold Cup Qualifiers... If it's not broken, don't change it.






The Vuam and Isma Whites and Azures play a 4-5-1 (http://img233.imageshack.us/img233/6582/4517un.jpg) with -1 for style modifier. This means that the Whites and Azures are more intent on defending than on attacking, but will by no means attempt to play with 11 players behind the ball.

Starting 11 are Italicised.


http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/VAI3.png



Goalkeepers :
* Colm O'Connor : This young goalkeeper, only 20 is considered to be the backbone of Lesk FC's successful season. His presence in goal at barely 20 has lead him to be tagged as one of Vuam and Isma's future greats. During the WC he attracted a lot of attention, and reports have it that he won't finish his career in Vuam and Isma, with a few Sarzonian clubs ready to snap him up. Last Season's Statistics (LSS) : 43 Games played, 38 Goals conceded, 9 Clean sheets, 1 Assist, and 11 Man of the Match awards. Current Team : Lesk. Date Of Birth (DOB) : 13/07
* Rikjard Stromstottir : Possiby pas his best, this 32 year-old was once considered to be the finest 'keeper in New Cyberia. However, his career was plagued with injury, and he has yet to show his talent under pressure. He knows this will be the last chance he'll have to tout the best in the world, and he'll be as ready as ever. Once again, his performances in the WC showed that he was well past his best, but that he had a lot of experience, keeping the beatings down to 1-goal margins in O'Connor's absence. LSS : 37 Games played, 41 Goals conceded, 3 Clean sheets, and 4 Man of the Match awards. Current Team : Hiron. DOB : 03/02
* Wayne Ivers : 26, and still solid, he'll probably not play much, as he's not quite as good as Rikjard or Colm. However, Wayne became a hero for Jelluit Foutor with his 4 penalty saves over 3 games to bring the V&I Club's Cup back to Costa da Akès. However, he forced his place on the bench off Stromstottir for the last 3 games of the WC, showing great tenacity and team spirit. LSS : 38 Games played, 46 Goals conceded, 6 Clean sheets, and 5 Man of the Match awards. Current Team : Jelluit Foutor. DOB : 22/03

Defenders :
* Mounir Reguagui : Mounir is considered to be the backbone of Vuam and Isma's defence, with great command and excellent tactical vision. He's been looking to leave his underperforming Dingam-Gué side, who hope to fetch a 8-figured cheque for his departure. It would seem that Mounir will be moving, but it's not quite abroad that's the target, with Dingam-Roh only too happy to add him to their back four. LSS : 32 Games played, 1 Goal, 7 Assists, 3 Yellow cards, 1 Red card, 3 Man of the Match awards. Current team : Dingam-Gué. DOB : 24/11
* Icham S'baa : 30 this year, but still as fleet of foot as when he was 21, Icham's part in Vuam and Isma's cup run promises to be very important. Capped 42 times so far for Vuam and Isma, he's still looking for his first goal, but his mazy running down the wing will torment more than one winger, that's for sure. His age showed in the WC, but he did prove that dispite his lack of stamina, his good tactical vision is often enough to keep his bemoaners at bay. LSS : 33 Games played, 0 Goal, 9 Assists, 4 Yellow cards, 0 Red card, 2 Man of the Match awards. Current team : Jelluit Foutor. DOB : 21/08
* Roman Brasiviev : Roman nearly didn't make the national side when he broke his leg 9 months ago. However, this 26 year-old wanted to be part of Vuam and Isma's first international tournament, and he ruled out anybody stealing his spot with a series of perfect matches when he came back, hoisting Agaña out of the relegation zone almost sigle-handedly. Coming back to full form for the WC, Roman stole the show, proving instumental to keeping the scores against V&I low, as he fended off Hypocrian and Sarzonian strikers with great efficiency. Tabloids see him leaving for Sarzonia next season, or even before should Agaña not be amongst the first 7 or 8. LSS : 14 Games played, 3 Goal, 4 Assists, 1 Yellow cards, 0 Red card, 5 Man of the Match awards. Current team : Agaña. DOB : 14/12
* Sett Marc : Dubbed 'The Chao Lee Prodigy', Sett's composure is astonishing for a 21 year-old. One of the most technical defenders that play in the Topplig, he'll be wanting to make his 'Marc' on this tournament. Even though Marc proved his loyalty to Vientiane as he signed on for 2 more years at the end of the WC, some say that he'll be leaving, and that his signing isn't anything more than a short delay. LSS : 26 Games played, 0 Goal, 1 Assists, 6 Yellow cards, 0 Red card, 3 Man of the Match awards. Current team : Vientiane FC. DOB : 02/08
* Eukla Chdone : A solid first-team player for Kediri, Eukla has been targeted for his short temper, and will probably be relieved that his frequent run-ins with the referees won't have barred him from the World Cup. However, he knows that he could be left on the bench, or have to watch the matches from the terraces if he doesn't keep his cool under the White and Azure shirt. Again, Eukla made more impact on the bench than on the pitch during the WC, recieving 2 yellows in his only 2 games, and spending 6 games on the bench without touching the pitch. LSS : 25 Games played, 2 Goal, 4 Assists, 12 Yellow cards, 5 Red card, 1 Man of the Match award. Current team : Rumùa. DOB : 18/01
* Victor Niederberger : A regular for Hiron, Victor will have to be as attentive as ever to get into the starting eleven. Victor was the defensive revelation of V&I's qualifying joust, as his will and all-for-all mentality gave him the edge over other players to make the starting eleven once injuries started to diminish V&I. LSS : 27 Games played, 0 Goal, 2 Assists, 4 Yellow cards, 0 Red card, 1 Man of the Match award. Current team : Alfared. DOB : 18/01
* Ray Wibowo 'Rayberto Carlos' Oey : The only niggling injury that will be flewn to the World Cup will be that of 33 year-old veteran 'Reyberto Carlos'. He's been the best left-back in the Topplig for 7 seasons running, and his talent will shine through. However, he's been having knee probelems. Let's hope he gets better fast enough to make Vuam and Isma proud of him with another one of his free-kicks! After a good BoF, Rayberto's WC was dissapointing to say the least. Although he played well, he often bemoaned his lack of freedom down the channels, as he stayed back to support Chdone and Brasiviev. Perhaps he is more effective as a sub after all! LSS : 17 Games played, 3 Goal, 5 Assists, 3 Yellow cards, 0 Red card, 2 Man of the Match awards. Current team : Alfared. DOB : 18/01


Midfielders :
* Yakit 'Yak' Yakkad : Gudjon know that Yak will perform, season in like season out. He's been at Gudjon all of 7 years since he turned pro at 17, and his performances just never let him down. Amongst other nicknames, he's called 'The conductor' and 'Destribuetor' for his cool passing play that brings the Madjedskay Park faithful to their feet. But if you think of the WC, then Yak's performances are down to one word : fabulous. Almost shutting out Sarzonia alone, he proved he was truly one of the best, sending tens of clubs after him, even though he maintains that he will only leave Gudjon if Gudjon want him to leave. LSS : 31 Games played, 5 Goal, 13 Assists, 1 Yellow card, 0 Red card, 4 Man of the Match awards. Current team : Gudjon. DOB : 30/04
* Harrp Dinamyque : Harrp is one of the few players to have not played for one or two outfits in the Topplig, but 5. When he started out, playing for Dingam-Roh, he was thought to never be able to break into the starting eleven, and was sold to sworn rivals Dingam-Gué for a measly 50,000 Ghis. However, he revealed himself to be an illuminating midfielder in the Black and Yellow hoops, and has since played for Lesk, Alfared and Hiron before coming back to Dingam-Gué, where he's considered to be the midfeld dynamo that creates single-handedly all of Dingam-Gué's offensive play. Dynamique's WC was good enough to attract Hypocrian and Krytenian clubs' eyes on him, even though it seems to be the Portland Timbers that hold the cutting edge. LSS : 23 Games played, 6 Goal, 12 Assists, 3 Yellow cards, 0 Red card, 4 Man of the Match awards. Current team : Dingam-Gué. DOB : 12/10
* Stefan Grak : Only 22, and already part of Lesk's unstoppable attack force, this dazzling winger will surely be one of Scarab's keys to unlock opposing defences. Another player who took a new dimension over the WC, Grak seems to play better if his opponents are harder, putting in grand matches against Hypocria and Krytenia, only to seem invisible against Rorysville and Revived Constantinople. LSS : 35 Games played, 8 Goal, 4 Assists, 3 Yellow cards, 0 Red card, 3 Man of the Match awards. Current team : Lesk. DOB : 09/08
* Exclamatio Lidon : Few can argue that seeing Lidon's dummies has been the best part of the season for Manang Marsiandi fans. A rather dissapointing mid-table finish for 'Il Plasicaos' will leave them bemoaning their lack of firepower up front, and the 26 year-old's relative lack of offensive support. Lidon played well during the WC, putting his place amongst the starting eleven beyond doubt. However, many say that he lacks consistancy, as his rather "all or nothing" performances against Hypocria, Sarzonia and Krytenia showed. LSS : 27 Games played, 4 Goal, 8 Assists, 2 Yellow cards, 0 Red card, 5 Man of the Match awards. Current team : Manang Marsiandi. DOB : 21/10
* Stuart O'Driscoll : Since he left the Topplig last season to play for Ternäo Suporta, Alfared fans have been booing ever move made by Ruan Edo, and many think that it was O'Driscoll's absence that was the difference between a glory-crowned season and a sour 4th place in the Topplig, as well as two cup semi-final exits. O'Driscoll's versatility in midfield made him a very unpredictable player, but often leaves the Ternäo faithful in dread of a counter-attack when he ventures far out on the wing. a good solid WC showed his great crossing abilities, as well as his good feeling for play with Fitzsimons and O'Beirne, the main strikers in V&I. LSS : 29 Games played, 9 Goals, 3 Assists, 4 Yellow cards, 0 Red cards, 6 Man of the Match awards. Current team : Ternäo. DOB : 01/05
* Peter Searle : Sita's only selected player, Searle will proabably be looking to attract attention of some of the big clubs that might have missed his good performances, in a last-dich effort to avoid Eredivie football with relegated Sita. Even though he only played one match in the WC, totalling 35 minutes playing time, Searle's performance was good enougjh to attract Topplig teams' eyes on him, and Kediri seem to have a deal almost completed with both the player and Sita. LSS : 24 Games played, 4 Goals, 7 Assists, 0 Yellow cards, 0 Red cards, 2 Man of the Match awards. Current team : Sita. DOB : 21/12
* Jorgé Clay : Possibly one of the most surprising choices by Scarab was to select Clay. Despite being voted best player in the Eredivie and captaining a red-hot Chuna side to Eredivie success, Clay is still untested at international level, and many predict that the 23 year-old won't be able to withstand the pressure of first-team football at such a high level. But all those fears should be abandoned after the WC performances he put in, proving to be more active and involved than some of the "regulars". However, he won't be worrying O'Driscoll or Grak for a few seasons as his mistakes often proved more dangerous than his actions. LSS : 37 Games played, 9 Goals, 12 Assists, 2 Yellow cards, 0 Red cards, 14 Man of the Match awards. Current team : Chuna. DOB : 23/06


Attackers :
* Stephen Fitzsimons : Lesk have kept 23 year-old Fitzsimmons away from contract talks with Arvestorm, Liverpool City and Harchester Town by promising him continental success next season. But Lesk know that it'll be very hard to keep this expolosive striker in the topplig, as he has simply become one of the best strikers in New Cyberia. Capped for the first time when he was 18, Fitzsimmons was able to make an instant impact on the Vuam and Isma National Side with the only goal of the game against a dull and uninspired Arghans side. As Fitzsimmons often answers reporters : 'I let my feet do the talking'... and we hope he'll have quite a lot to say during the following matches! A good WC has seen him announce that he has signed a contract with an unnamed club in Sarzonia, for an undisclosed fee, and that the transfer will occur at the end of the Topplig season. LSS : 41 Games played, 29 Goals, 8 Assists, 0 Yellow cards, 0 Red cards, 13 Man of the Match awards. Current team : Lesk. DOB : 07/10
* Robert O'Beirne : Dingam-Roh's main man, Robert O'Beirne knows that at 29 he's one of the 'ancients' in the squad, and we're sure that he'll do all he can to show us that he'll not be pushed aside by the next generation without a fight. An impressive playmaker who's not scared to come deep to fetch the ball, he knows that his main power is his head, as he shows season after season that he can make good use of his 194 cm. Dispite being snubbed because of Fitzsimons' outstanding form during the WC, O'Beirne has proved that should Fitzsimons be unable to unlock opponing defences, then he might hold the key. LSS : 28 Games played, 16 Goals, 5 Assists, 2 Yellow cards, 0 Red cards, 5 Man of the Match awards. Current team : Dingam-Roh. DOB : 23/01
* Sifiso Masilela : He claims he's the fastest player to ever wear the White and Azure, and who could blame him! Even though he's often criticised for his lack of constancy, if Sifiso can pull of a series of good matches, then most opposing defenders won't see more of him than a mere blur, followed by the ball in hte back of their net. He added a goal to his tally in the WC, even though some say it should have been four or five as he squandered simple chances. LSS : 34 Games played, 17 Goals, 1 Assists, 4 Yellow cards, 0 Red cards, 5 Man of the Match awards. Current team : Alfared. DOB : 23/01
* Fahd Ghauri : A constant striker, Ghauri was forced to battle hard for a regular first-team place in the Lesk satring line-up. However, being able to play any position in midfield and attack, he became the Lesk 'Super Sub', netting 8 goals in the last 5 minutes of play. As he netted 2 goals in the WC, both from the bench, Fahd's future seems to lie on the bench. However, should there be a need for an extra midfielder or striker, he showed that his flair was enough to merit first-team play. LSS : 21 Games played, 15 Goals, 5 Assists, 6 Yellow cards, 0 Red cards, 3 Man of the Match awards. Current team : Lesk. DOB : 31/03
* Mike Sharwood : Exiled for the last 3 seasons in Fenzaristan, Sharwood recently made his bid for international football clear when he lead Supaspor-K to a league and cup double, as well as a honourable second-round defeat in the North Rohan regional cup against eventual champions Fissio Rkho. Still awaiting his first goal for V&I, Sharwood did make a good deal of interesting play in the 2 games he played in, offering a more tactical option to Scarab and Fischmann. LSS : 43 Games played, 24 Goals, 6 Assists, 8 Yellow cards, 0 Red cards, 13 Man of the Match awards. Current team : Supaspor-K. DOB : 14/11



Key players are Fitzsimons, O'Connor and Yak.

Vuam and Isma have two coaches/managers :

Johann Fischmann : Head coach, has a long history in football management, but seems to be more used to coping with small squads and bringing them to the top level. Has a quite low success rate when in the final rounds though.

Scarab : One of the pioneers of football in Vuam and Isma, he became one of the most sucessful players of his time, winning 5 league titles, 3 cups and always being in one of the finalist teams of the Championna. As a manager, he's a high-profile loud-mouthed person, but who still has a lot to prove, dispite 2 championna successes. These successes are put in perspective by the fact that his managerial career saw him take the team he had just crowned champions into a relegation battle the following season.

I give my opponent permission to:
====================
Choose Scorers: Y.
GodMod Goalscoring Events: Y if they are first to RP.

Injure Players: Y up to two per game.
GodMod Injury Events: N unless the injury is minor and will not have an influence on further matches.

Red Card Players: N.
Yellow Card Players: Y.
GodMod Other Events: Y as long as it's fair play and fun play.
====================


(Yes, this is an acceptance of invitation/request for participation post.)

Bazalonian Bazalopes

BFSA President: James Gaines

Coach: Neil Kabants

Style:+1

Kit:http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f387/Bazalonia/BAZ3.png

Peter "Wolfie" Hobble (31, BSL)(c)*
Lucas Reaver (32, SSB)
James Kantwell (33, FFSA)*
Irchov Michael (34, BSL)* ... said Ir-ch-ov Mi-ch-ael (ch is a gutteral)
Colin Neil (35, BSL)

Midfielders:

Anthony Creek (21, FFSA)*
David McMahon (22, SSB)
Benjamin 'Benny Boy' Peters (23, BSL)*
Victor Boney (24, SSB)*
Keith Gilmore (25, SSB)

Defenders:

Kevin Balsom (11, BSL)*
Andrew "The Bandit" Creek (12, FFSA)*
Fjord Perts (13,FFSA)*
Shane Smith (14,BSL)
Steve Conne (15, SSB)*
Malcolm Halliwell (16, FFSA)
Hayden Peterson (17, SSB)

Goalies:

Jeffery Constantine (01, BSL)*
Paul Kanga (02, SSB)
Micheal Clarks (03, FFSA)

Asterix denotes Starters


Anything that would involve permanent changes to characters (eg death) should be disscussed with me before hand but otherwise you have free reign.

................

To HEFA & MFA;

The Bazalonian Bazalopes would like to register for the 21st Cup of Harmony.

Considering the recent official recognising of Esperanto as an official language of Bazalonia would like our dream bubble soccer fields to be made from a mix of Bazalonian English and Esperanto words detailing the item it represents.

Thank you for the invitation.

OOC: On behalf of Atheistic Right, I say. "Why would we want to go into the dragons lair? A hatchling, but a dragon none the less." ... or more accurately "We have our hands full with invaders to worry about soccer."

We would like to accept this invitation

((can't RP right now, but Iansisle would like to sign up. Entirely new roster, mostly untested rookies drawn from Iansisle's domestic leagues. Feeley is more conservative than Truman and will be running a 4-5-1, albeit one with more of an emphasis on attack with the midfield than is usual. Call it a +0 again.))

Lion and Morseley were waiting in a conference room in Pandemonium Stadium before they were due to ship out to the Dreamed Realm.

"They're just gonna love us there, won't they?" asked Lion.

"Oh, they don't know the half of it," replied Morseley. "Satan's actually got a reason for being late this time, beside arbitrary abuse of power - he's off looking for your new star forward."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he's decided that System Karela is a load of bollocks and that Italy winning the Cup be damned, he's going to instill some offensive spirit in the side, bless it all, and...here he comes now."

"Gentlemen," said Satan as he entered the room. "May I introduce everyone's favorite striker in all NS: Alan Shearer!"

"hey Whatup Guys??!? it pwns to not get zaped in the bals By F***ing TNUI fans! nemore. u the co9aches????????????????????????????"

Lion groaned. "We're just pulling out all the stops in the PR war, then?"

Morseley grinned. "Shut up and get drilling with your new side. I get the feeling this guy might be a bit of a ballhog at times."

Roster: Please note that you can do whatever - however, injuries are highly impermanent, as their bodies will just regenerate after the ref decides whether or not to hand out a penalty. If Spaamanian Piljous enters, Alan Shearer will score every goal, just to win the GodModAlan award, if not you can pick whoever. And you can't really kill that what is already dead.

Coach: Lion, ex-Atheistic Right. The "Madman of Carrington" has returned to the international stage, with the understanding that the Forces of Hell™ will appear in World Cup 30 proper, or his body's on the rack.

Keeper: Cerebrus - the transition from gatekeeper of Hell to goalkeeper of Hell seemed to be a simple enough one to make.

Backs: Arius - described even by his Orthodox peers as a man of "splendid physical presence," this denier of the divine nature of Jesus Christ who led many of the flock astray down the same path will be relied upon to provide the same physical presence in the back he has since WC25.

Sergius I - promoter of monothelitism will be forced to defend more than an erroneous position as the one new member of the roster.

Constantine V - this die-hard defender of iconoclasm will serve as a captain of the team and co-ordinator of the defense.

Michael II - a second die-hard Iconoclast who relies on speed and finesse to ward off attacking forwards. Will struggle to contend with more physical midfielders, however.

Nestorius - Patriarch of Constantinople who argued erroniously that Christ had two separate persons - the human and the divine. He will be relied upon to handle the left end of the backfield.

Midfielders: Eutyches - Radical monophysite bishop whose immortal soul, like his heretical doctrine, can cover large amounts of area in very short periods.

Sabellius - Third century priest who argued that the Trinity was one, undivided being instead of the three distinct personae. Being the center of a three-man midfield is a form of divine justice.

Marcion of Sinope - created a parallel church organization that threated the very existence of the Church during the second century A.D. Now threatens the right side of the field.

Striker: Simon Magus - father of wizards, this dark mage will be needed to perform his usual tricks in the front to spark the offense.

Alan Shearer - Yep, he's back. Somewhere, TnUI weeps.

William Thermon looked at Leroy Memnor, the Administrator of Sports and Other Useless, Distracting Activities, with disbelief.

"Are you really going to let The Team play again this year?" He asked for the 12th time. William prided himself on his unusual prediction skills, and was usually able to predict the outcome of Excecutive Decisions in the Governmental Beurecracy of Raging Penguins. This had caught entirely by surprise, and he wasn't sure whether or not it was a joke or not.

Memnor sighed. Thermon had been at it for half an hour.
"Yes, William, we had a vote, we made the necessary speeches, had the obligatory endless debates, had the customary insult trade-off, and everything. It was all very traditional and officious. We even included the food fight, if you muct know, hence the reason my back is covered in custard", explained the Administrator, who's back was slick and slimey from a thrown dessert, and who's left shoe was off due to a thick gravy-like substance which had somehow managed to infiltrate his footware. His sock was dripping from the stuff as well. "The final decision was that Director Robert McCoy is an idiot, I'm a bit of ass, and that The Team will play in the so-called Cup of Harmony."

Thermon stared at his superior in uncomprehending shock. This was far more counter-intuitive than most desicions made by the government, because there was an angry mob waiting outside to hear the final decision, and they were wielding many various sharp, pointy, and long tools. Some of them had torches, and he'd spotted some Professionals urging the angry mass on. From the sounds of things, the mob had developed well beyond the stage of simply shouting from outside the locked doors, and had progressed onto the stage which involved combustable items, and fire. SOme had probably begun to call in their relatives, as well, which meant that the revolution stage was soon to begin.
And now came this decision. The Team's wins had been the cause of most of the rampant rioting, rabble-rousing, and general disturbance of the hostility that had erupted literally over-night.

"Are you really going to let The Team play again, sir?" he asked.
"Yes!" snapped Memnor, clearly frustrated. "Now, if you will let me tell the people what is to happen, I need to clean myself off for the three-o-clock meeting. We're going to decide whether or not pelicans can be eaten on fridays, and whether or not to ban the practice of painting chickens red."

Memnor opened the door which led outside. There was a gradual hush, as the mob realized that the announcement was to be made. This took some time, as many rioteers were just getting worked up into a proper riot-worthy fury, were just arriving, or had been busy throwing firecrackers at passing automobiles. Some had been busy getting firecrackers thrown at them by the drivers of automobiles, and these were generally the last to be quiet, and some had been very busy setting automobiles on fire, while others were trying to avoid being set on fire by bad fire-setters. After about seven minutes, or so, the crowd looked angrily, expectently, and overall, quietly at the officials in the doorway.

Memnor opened his mouth to speak. Thermon fled in the opposite direction.

Five seconds later, Memnor was doing likewise, with hundreds of angry rioteers in hot pursuit. Memnor knew his way around the building, while the mob didn't. His outlook was good. He knew of a secret passageway, built for exactly these events, and where it was. There were security guards in the building, and the mob was untrained.

He would have almost certianly made it, had he not slipped on his gravy-soaked sock.


******************

The Team Roster:

Strikers: ABSOLUT LUNATIC, Furious Porridge, Wild Penguin

Defenders: DMYS, Fnab-Fnab, Obese Penguin, Normal Penguin

Midfielders: Mrs. Tweezly, Devious Penguin, Irritated Penguin

Goalkeeper: Willie Dee and his Extremely Dangerous Hair

The Team hasn't changed a bit, although Team Captain ABSOLUT LUNATIC will enter the field in a wheelchair, and bandanged to the point of immobility. We trust that this shall not prove to be a problem to any team wishing to tip him over, or otherwise abuse him while the referee isn't looking.
Irritated Penguin also is unable to speak, do to his unfortunate case of a broken beak. His bandages are set in such a way that his beak is clamped shut. This has caused him to be more irritable than usual, and he is now avoided by everybody but Wild Penguin, who's insanity often makes him appear suicidal.
Normal Penguin is more normal than ever, and Mrs. Tweezly has sharpened her yardstick. She's also purchased a new blackboard, and several sets of chalk, for the discomfort of opposing teams.
Devious Penguin has not been seen lately, although he is rumoured to be delving into the secrets of the occult, and applying them to even more cunning Devices of Almost Certain Destruction.
Obese Penguin has gained a bit of weight, wlthough you'd be hard-pressed to tell. It's rumoured that he's gained some flab under his tail-feathers, although nobody has any mind to confirm this.
Furious Porridge has been watching stolen football tapes, reportedly taken from the Giant Zucchini's locker-room, and has been waking up very early in order to practice.
Fnab-Fnab is as foriegn as ever. He's also begun to make speeches in his native language, and though nobody understands what he's saying, they seem very passionate and inspiring. Expect The Team's morale to be up, and they may be a bit full of themselves when they get onto the pitch, as a result of this.
Willie Dee has been seen making various deals with his Extremely Dangerous Hair, and they've been practicing with Porridge, although they don't get up nearly as early.
DMYS has been growing and squelching about. We don't know anything else. What do you think we are, biologists or something?

They are expected to lose. They've also elected to have every reality they play in include large amounts of barbed wire fencing, although the request for five landmines per meter was out-voted, it was only because nobody can fit that many large anti-personell mines in such a small space.

We expect cheerful, sunny, blue skies, bird-song, flowers of all kinds, and a large amount of violence. A twenty percent chance of Apocalypse(depending on the team they play, of course), a chance of nuclear war, and some very cold, harsh temperatures coming from the northwest at twelve kilometers per hour.


Choose my goalscorers: Sure, as random as you feel necessary!
Godmod Scoring Events: Do it as you please.
RP injuries to my players: Of course!
Godmod injuries to my players: Please do. Make them serious if not fatal. We're serious.
Hand out Yellow cards to my players: Of course.
Hand out Red cards to my players: Naturally. We're counting on it.
Godmod Other Events: Yes

QAZOX will sign up as will my puppet Sativaville (will post Sativaville's confirmation ASAP)

It's tough to tell where everything went wrong, so I'll just start at the beginning. I'm a dick, a gumshoe, a Private Eye. My name is Paul, Paul Mall and how I wound up stuck here in this cell is a long story. But since you got me here and I'm not doing anything else I guess I'll tell ya. But be warned the truth I speak has almost every country in the world after me and if they find out you know, then I guess they'll be coming after you too.

Sativaville will join up for this CoH and hopefully spread the sticky around this time.
SATIVAVILLE STONER
"We tell you where the Doritos are!!

Head Coach Ivan Schtuldz of the Sativaville Fritos, as the men's national team will be called, announced today the starting lineups for the COH
Sativaville will play a 0. and have a 3-3-4 formation.

(starters marked in green, captain marked with an *)

1. Billie Queenan-GK
2. Stephan Kampmann- LD
3. Efrain Strauf- MD
4. Jess Foo- RD
5. Stacy Ragains- LM
6. Edmond Gainor- SW
7. Teddy Terada- RM
8. Miles Wecker- LW
9. Teddy Mintey- LF
10. Vicente Penas- RF
11. *Humberto Pellecchia- RW
12. Louie Casten- GK
13. Micah Masterman- DEF
14. Stephan Sabatelli- MID
15. Dewayne Virginia- FOR/WNG


Following the team and reporting on the matches for the STONER will be intrepid reporter Monty Python.

[OOC] Opponents may(if post before me):
Choose my goalscorers: Y
Godmod Scoring Events: N
RP injuries to my players: Y (Don't kill or maim them, they are potheads not crackheads)
Godmod injuries to my players: N
Hand out Yellow cards to my players: Y
Hand out Red cards to my players: Y
Godmod Other Events: N (unless it weather-related or your team got a buzz off the fumes)

[rememebr these guys are pot-heads they won't remember anything you do to them so have fun!!!]

The Army of One of Green Wombat is proud to play in its 1st Cup of Harmony.

Head Coach Eugene Merriweather's squad that will attempt the impossible: Green Wombat plays a 3-2-2-3 and a +1 modifier

(Starters are in Blue)

1.Douglas Wayne--GK
2. Justin Robichaud--GK
4.Jerry Ives--Left Defense
5.Becky Leflore--Center Defense
6.Iris Fouts-- Right Defense
7. Cheryl Pinkerton--Defense
8. Flora Furtado--Sweeper

9.Travis Conners--Left Sweep
10.Samantha Dillard-- Right Sweep
11. Amy Hofer--Midfielder

12.Benjamin Gurule--Left Mid
13.Norman Mattos--Right Mid
14. Todd Lindsay--Winger

15.Gregory Henderson--Left Wing
16.Juanita Hess--Forward (captain)
17.Debbie Lebeau--Right Wing
18. Louis Elston--Winger
3. Florence Bui--Forward

[OOC] Opponents may(if post before me):
Choose my goalscorers: Y
Godmod Scoring Events: N
RP injuries to my players: n
Godmod injuries to my players: N
Hand out Yellow cards to my players: Y
Hand out Red cards to my players: n
Godmod Other Events: N

"Dear god they have another tournament for us?"

"Yes Mr. Prime Minister, the Cup of Harmony."

"Sounds pretty well, gay, to me."

"We are one of only 43 teams eligible for entrance into the tournament."

"So from what I understand, the 33rd through what?"

"33rd through 76th"

"Right, so we're between the 33rd ranked teams and 76th ranked teams in the world, for some reason I'm not so enthusiastic about this tournament."

"Well, sir, I do believe that if we do well in this tournament, our chances of qualifying for the World Cup Final in four years will be substantially greater."

"How so?"

"Well, the team will have a boatload of more experience, assumming you'll keep the squad together for another World Cup as planned, the team should be in good shape to make a run for at least qualifying."

"I suppose, but in all honesty, a losers cup? Where's the passion in that? How are we suppose to motivate the players?"

"That's exactly what I was thinking, sir, and I think I have a solution."

"And that is?"

"Money, sir."

"Money?"

"Yes, money."

"Don't we already pay them money?"

"Yes, sir, but reward money, like say we tell them, for every match won, we will give them a substantial amount of cash. For every match lost, we'll take away a substantial amount of cash, and for draws we'll just say nothing happens."

"How will that motivate them?"

"Because, sir, if they lose the first game, they'll be making negative dollars, now if that were me, I think I'd be motivated to win my money back, wouldn't you?"

"I don't know I've never really worried about money."

"Well take it from me, if you did, you would."

"Uh huh. In any case, I'd like you to present this proposal to the players and tell them their contracts mean nothing, the judges have yet to be appointed and if they try to stop us from 'breaching contract' they'll be goners. I still have another month before the damn Parliament takes over again."

"Yes, sir."

"And tell whoever the hell is hosting this tournament that we'll be accepting their invitation."

"Yes, of course, sir."

"Good, now away with you, I need my rest."

The assistant makes a short bow and exits the room. Approximately an hour and a half later the assistant looks over a sheet of paper.

To: Alexander Orphanatropho
well-known Holy Empire media personality
From: Dunkn Do Nut
Prime Minister of AwalKB
Head of AwalKB National Football Association

On behalf of the AwalKB National Football Association, and the AwalKB people themselves. I am pleased to accept your invitation into this "great" tournament.

Regards,

Dunkn Do Nut

"Fantastic."

The assistant stands up and walks out of the room with an odd look of glee upon his face.

The AwalKB Times

SQUAD OF HARMONY

AWALK CITY, AwalKB -- Earlier today, Prime Minister, and head of the AwalKB National Football Association, Dunkn Do Nut, announced his intentions of accepting the invitation for the AwalKB "Sex Gods" to take part in the Cup of Harmony.

In doing so, he finally named a new head coach to replace the role formerly held by greats such as Frap Pachino and Alfred Flatt, both of whom died in mysterious incidents after dreadful defeats. The new Head Coach is to be Joe Malone at age 42. Malone currently holds the job of Head at the Fair-Town Land-Rovers club which is acclaimed for its flashy offense, he is expected to bring this flair to the team with young but skilled strikers that have been named to the squad.

Contreversially Malone has already made a huge change in the formation, going from the 4-3-1-2 to a more attacking style 3-3-4. In defense of this change Malone said, "With speed and power like that of Kedzie Tomario, Ninja Louis, and George Labal, as well as the endurance of our midfielders such as, Andrew Wilson, Andre Rico, and Matthew Bowdo, we can move some of our attacking midfielders into real striker positions, and with this style of formation which is very uncommon, defense's will take at least 45 minutes to ajust to defend against 4 able strikers."

In any case the roster is as follows:

AwalKB Sex Gods
Style 3-3-4

Head Coach: Joe Malone 42
Asst Coach: Cameron Bleu 65

Starters

Pos Num Name Age Description
GK 99 Taylor Johnson 25 Starting Goalkeeper for AwalKB in all but one International matches
LD 16 George Labal 30 Rated as the Top Overall Defender in the AwalKian First League for two straigh seasons
CD 11 Kedzie Tomario 27 Acclaimed central defender for his speed and brute strength on and off the ball, however with a weak temper.
RD 05 Ninja Louis 29 Small and agile defender, unexpectedly strong on the ball.
LM 09 Matthew Bowdo 22 Incredibly quick footed midfielder, invited to tryout after being seen on the U-21 National Championship Team.
CM 02 Andrew Wilson 30 The first and only captain of the AwalKB Sex Gods and a fantastic goal-scorer as well
RM 01 Andre Rico 21 Strong and fast outside midfielder for the Fair-Town Land-Rovers with a bright future ahead of him.
ST 04 Andrew Jalisanzo 29 Steady and calm striker, in this new formation is expected to lay back as he did as a midfielder, yet a little further up the field to set up the other strikers.
ST 28 Buck Blacksmith 16 Youngest Player ever to make the AwalKB National Team at 14 years of age recently put on the starting line-up due to it's call for another striker.
ST 10 Jeffery Sanzo 28 Acclaimed as the best player in AwalKB for his huge arsenal of moves astonishing the best of defenders all over the nation.
ST 06 Jonathan Calzone 28 Right-hand man of Jeff Sanzo, the pair have been linked together since playing on the same U-16 Team 10 years ago.


Reserves:

GK 98 Colin Nosefed 22 Solid Goalkeeper, almost equivelant in skill with Johnson, yet lacking experience.
SK 97 Albert Walker 24 The lone Sweeper-Keeper on the 23-man roster, acclaimed for great footskills as well as keeper skills in tight games.
RD 13 Alfred Sheer 20 Rated as the Top Rookie Defender in AwalKian First League this past season.
DF 21 Landon Fromdondo 17 Solid Defender yet small at such a young age, astounding footskills.
DF 24 Zachary Cruz 23 Top defender on the U-21 AwalKB National Team
MD 22 Alessandro Ramirez 26 Starting Midfielder for Walksburgh Tigers
MD 25 Albeit Kien 27 Starting Midfielder for Gahnese Thorns
MD 23 Poncho Pavlo 21 Top Midfielder for the U-21 AwalKB National Team
MD 26 Zindale Kennedy 33 Former National Starter, yet past his prime.
MD 27 Chuck Memorex 26 Son of famous computer manufacturer, some speculate on team because of fathers economic influence.
ST 29 Hitch Hiker 28 Believed to have hitched a ride to team tryouts.
ST 42 Daniel Foreman 24 Striker upon which we've never heard of...


The squad will, unfortunately, be wearing the same old uniforms as they have been:

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/AKB3.png

The Cup of Harmony is expecting to be a great performance from this aging AwalKB squad, and much is expected of them here in AwalKB. By Joe Lohos

[OOC] Opponents may(if post before me):
Choose my goalscorers: Y
Godmod Scoring Events: Y
RP injuries to my players: Y (Don't kill more than one per game thanks =))
Godmod injuries to my players: Y
Hand out Yellow cards to my players: Y
Hand out Red cards to my players: Y
Godmod Other Events: Y

Queldereno Estati A Nikeaelir Kastari
Roster for the Glorious State of Nikea

After a somewhat disappointing qualifying campaign, which saw great performances against higher ranked teams wasted by poor performances against lower ranked ones, the Pandas try to improve their standing in the Cup of Harmony. Former finalists in the inaugural CoH, Nikeans everywhere look for a good showing in this competition, hoping it will ready themselves to have a better World Cup XXX qualifier.

Manager: Hikaren Spritethel
The man that the Nikean FA has chosen to lead the first charge of the Pandas is Hikaren Spritethel, former head of NPL champions AS Miserias, and also the best defender Miserias has ever had. Due to his former position, he predictably prefers a more defensive approach, however it is not unheard of for the Pandas to press forward from time to time along the wings.

Lineup (starters in bold)
Formation: 3-5-2 (-1 modifier)

Goalkeepers:

1. Jehurin Keletel (AF Queldas)
22. Melenin Esperetel (AS Miserias)
23. Kalasin Nekutel (Interiuas)

Defenders:
2. Mikeliten Keseterel (Teneteis)
3. Seserin Tinuviethel (AS Miserias)[Captain]
4. Jaskelin Yukaritel (AF Queldas)
12. Interen Jaskalatel (Credestem)
13. Ransatiel Neuvetel (AS Miserias)
14. Asteretel Madavikitel (Teneteis)

Midfielders:
5. Sprietein Kalamatel (Credestem)
6. Nirstin Somnatel (AF Queldas)
7. Komynisin Kabestel (Teneteis)
8. Jastin Lemperetel (AS Miserias)
9. Mandarin Natrenistel (Interiuas)
15. Avarin Fujistel (Credestem)
16. Kalamatin Tastel (Geometras)
17. Theatrin Blastel (Interiuas)
18. Yankarin Aramastiemitel (AS Miserias)

Forwards:
10. Yaskerin Eskimitel (Geometras)
11. Rankarin Depayenestel (AS Miserias)
19. Telerin Iranistel (Credestem)
20. Seserin Tilindel (AF Queldas)

Kit: The Nikean home kit is traditionally red, with navy blue trim and white numbers/letters, the shorts and socks are navy blue as well When away, they wear white shirts with navy blue names and letters, as well as white shorts and socks.


Keletel

Keseterel Tinuviethel Yukaritel

Kabestel
Somnatel Lemperetel
Kalamatel Natrenistel

Eskimitel Depayenestel


My opponent, if they RP first, may do the following:
Choose my goalscorers Y
Godmod Scoring Events Y
RP injuries to my players Y (within reason, no limbs lost or anything)
Godmod injuries to my players Y
Hand out Yellow cards to my players Y
Hand out Red cards to my players Y
Godmod Other Events Y

Basically do what you want but no killing, maiming, or career-ending injuries. These names are difficult to come up with you know.

Newly Appointed Head Coach Juanita Graziani has released the following Roster of the Cup Of Harmony: The team will paly a balanced 3-1-3-3 and have a +1 formation



NAME (age)--QFL team--Experience
Starters in Purple

GOALKEEPERS
Reggie Hassok (24)--San Guano--WC 28/29 Qualifiers, CoH 19, DI 2
Alice Springs, (22)--University of Lorax--WWC 1/2

DEFENDERS
Kiel Venice (27)—Bruxen AC--BoF 27, WC 27-29 Qualifiers, CoH 19, DI 2
Jarod Megia (25)--Kibbutz--BoF 27, WC 27-29 Qualifiers, CoH 19, DI 2
Joanne ‘Square’ Root (26)—Real Qazox--WC 28/29 Qualifiers, CoH 19, DI 2
Loki (24)--Rockport AC--WC 28/29 Qualifiers, CoH 19, DI 2
Julie Winne, (20)--Qazox Air Force Academy--WWC 1/2

SWEEPERS
Danica Childress, (24)--Dyanamo Vitas--WWC 1/2
Danielle Childress, (24)--LP Juniors--WWC 1/2
(ooc: yes they are twins)

MIDFIELDERS
Andrew Mason (26)—New Recife--BoF 27, WC 27-29 Qualifiers, CoH 19, DI 2
Anthony Mason (27)--Qazox City--BoF 27, WC 27-29 Qualifiers, CoH 19, DI 2
2nd Lt. Kelly Kinkade (22)--Qazox Navy--DI 3, WC 29 Qualifiers
Hugh Dansie (23)--Gothika--DI 3, WC 29 Qualifiers
Christian Likens (23)-- Saint Nash--DI 3, WC 29 Qualifiers

WINGERS
Alicia “Speedy” Gonzalez (24)—San Guano--WC 28/29 Qualifiers, CoH 19, DI 2
Marie Goya (24)—Fromburg Aston--BoF 27, WC 27-29 Qualifiers, CoH 19, DI 2
Nelson Macgillivray (23)-- FC Fromburg--DI 3, WC 29 Qualifiers
Fernando Turek (20)-- University of Qazox-Las Vitas--DI 3, WC 29 Qualifiers
Rene LaTreque, (25) Qazox (W-League)--WWC 1/2
Aki Fa'Mau-Tana, (27) years old, Gothika--WWC 1/2


Now In Blinding Color the Formation!!!!!!

Hassok
Megia Root Venice
Childress
Mason Kincade Mason
Gonzalez Macgillivray Goya


[OOC] Opponents may(if post before me):
Choose my goalscorers: Y
Godmod Scoring Events: N
RP injuries to my players: Y
Godmod injuries to my players: N
Hand out Yellow cards to my players: Y
Hand out Red cards to my players: Y
Godmod Other Events: Only weather related stuff please.

Vargas' Last Stand/Gasp/Hurrah?
From the Haraki News Network, Print Edition

Sam Sherman, Atherlon. Following a disastrous World Cup qualifying run, the Hawks are back in Atherlon briefly before setting out for the Archregimancy for the Cup of Harmony tournament, the invitation of which coach Lloyd Vargas accepted and replied to yesterday.

Vargas was reportedly very nearly fired from coaching the Hawks following their abysmal campaign, but reportedly Mike Zender, the national captain, entered the negotiations, pointing out Vargas was also responsible for their qualification two years ago. Eventually the HFA decided to give him the Cup of Harmony to prove himself and why he should remain coach for World Cup 30.

Surprisingly enough, Vargas has made no changes to the team roster following the abysmal qualification run, instead retaining the same roster that served for the second half of qualifying. When asked about this, he replied "These are the best players in Haraki. I know it, you know it, they know it. They just need their confidence. If we fail, I'll get fired and the new coach, I assume, will make a lot of changes to the roster. If we win, I'll be right. Good day."

Much of the team's hopes will be pinned on captain and forward Mike Zendar, who accounted for nearly half of Haraki's goals in qualifying. But we will have to wait to see what happens. I for one am hoping they will turn out much better than they did over the past fourteen weeks.















Roster!

Now with player numbers and specific positions!
Also with records of the year of the player's international debut!



My opponent, if they RP first, may do the following:
Choose my goalscorers Y
Godmod Scoring Events Y
RP minor injuries to my players Y
Godmod/RP major injuries to my players N
Hand out Yellow cards to my players Y
Hand out Red cards to my players N
Hand out Red cards to Alicia Ribald, Richard Weber, Luke Ford or Sam Daily Y
Godmod Other Events Y


The Hawks will be playing with a +2 modifier for this tournament.


#10 - Mike Zendar – Forward (Right striker), Captain, national superstar – Kiros Tigers FC – WC27
A national hero and all-round great player, he has the best kick in all of Haraki. With a total of forty-three goals in international play, he has scored almost three times as many goals as any other Harakian player. He’s a great leader and a superb offensive player, which is why he gets to be captain of the team. Rumours abound that, due to his age – he turned 41 during WC29 qualifying – this may be the last tournament he ever plays in, but he has dismissed them for now. He racked up an impressive thirteen goals in qualifying, accounting for 46% of Harakian scoring.
#11 - Matthew Thompson – Forward (Left striker) – Uses Coast Football Club – WC28
Uses Coast’s star player was the secondary reserve forward for WC28, and saw very little play time, most spectacularly one failed game when Sharp and Ribald were both out sick. However, over the two years since that Cup, he has taken another dramatic upswing, winning the ‘Most Improved Player’ title in the HFL two years running. He ranked fourth in the league for overall goals over the past season, and it seems long-time coach Lloyd Vargas has decided to place him in as Haraki’s left-side forward. He was the Hawks' second-best scorer in qualifying, with five goals.
#15 - (R) Alicia Ribald – Forward – Arkia Serpents FC – WC27
One of the two Ribald sisters, who have taken Harakian football by storm. The older of the two, she is an aggressive offensive player who can handle the ball past anyone in Haraki club play. With a fierce sense of national pride, many have speculated that, had Haraki taken a standard 3-4-3 setup, she would have been the third forward.
#12 - (R) Samuel Sharp – Forward – North Susa FC – WC27
Sharp is one of the most experienced players on the World Cup team, having been a starting forward for the Hawks since the WC27 Baptism of Fire, and having started nearly every game since then, except when, for medical reasons, he could not. However, over the past two years he has been slipping. He scored only three goals in all of World Cup 28, and a series of injuries over the last season including a broken toe which he recovered from only to be smashed in the face with a ball and suffer a broken nose. He has stated for the record that this will be the last tournament he participates in, and he will retire from international play afterwards. He may still see a lot of field time due to his long-standing presence on the team.

#5 - Thomas Neils – Centre (Right defending midfield) – North Susa FC – WC27
One of the older players on the team, Neils is an excellent team player. His passing is second to none, allowing him to drop the ball wherever it needs to be at the drop of a hat. He has the most assists of any player ever in the Harakian Football League, and is widely considered the best supporting player ever to come out of Haraki. As with Zendar and Sharp, rumours abound that he may retire soon, which he has not taken the opportunity to deny, leading them to gain momentum.
#7 - Richard Weber – Centre (Right attacking midfield) – North Susa FC – WC28
After only one World Cup, Weber was already tied for third most goals of any Harakian player in international play. This year, he’s going for the second-most title, and eventually hopes to claim the highest count. He plays for the best football club in the nation, and is one of their star players, scoring the second most goals in the last season, twenty-one goals behind Mike Zendar. Everyone in Haraki is certain he’s going to be a force in Harakian football for years to come. He scored four goals in qualifying, the most of any midfield.
#9 - Samantha Ribald – Centre (Left attacking midfield) – Arkia Serpents FC – WC27
The second and youngest of the Ribald sisters, she is not quite as aggressive as her sister, but still a dangerous opponent. She has been a starting midfield since the team’s return to international play, and is still only in her late twenties, giving her plenty of time to maintain her status. She has stated in press conferences that she is planning on staying on the team for quite some time.
#8 - Julie Vern – Centre (Centre attacking midfield) – Arkia Serpents FC – WC27
A young woman, whose parents were immigrants to Haraki. She grew up in the port city of Arkia, playing football with herself on the streets. As such, she is the best ball handler on the entire team, and can run faster than any other player on the Haraki Hawks while maintaining control of the ball. A reservist for WC27, she was made a starter for WC28 after her outstanding ball handling led to overwhelming Harakian possession in multiple games throughout the previous World Cup. She proved her worth then, as Haraki qualified for the Cup for the first time since World Cup 10.
#17 - Theo Angelica – Centre (Left defending midfield) – Unsigned – WC29
Only nineteen years old, Angelica is displaying amazing talent and has been made a starter for Haraki’s U21 side, who are currently the defending champions. He shows great talent as an offensive midfield, with a good shooting and passing foot and excellent agility that allows him to dodge opposing players for scoring runs.
#6 - (R) Luke Ford – Centre – Arkia Serpents FC – WC27
Luke Ford was a starting midfield for WC27, a reservist for WC28, and has now made his way back onto the starting rotation due to the absence of Manuel Cortes from the team. Ford is small, fast, and an enforcer for the team. He is in the top three players in the Haraki Football League (HFL) for penalties, and while not a great scorer, can still pull off some good shots, and a lot of good passes.
#18 - (R) Sam Daily – Centre – Leopards – WC29
The descendant of some of Haraki’s first settlers, Daily is a good all-round player. He’s tough with good stamina and a good kick on him. Excels at heading the ball or hitting it with any part of him except his hands. The accuracy from his kick lets him send balls straight into opponents’ faces as well as the net.
#13 - (R) Allison Keyes – Centre – Uses Coast Football Club – WC27
An ardent feminist and fast offensive midfield, Allison Keyes is a strong all-round player, although mostly on the offence. She’s been playing for the Uses Coast football club for seven years even after getting a four-year degree from the University of Kiros, granting her a certain veteran’s right on and off the field.
#14 - (R) Catherine Veritas Ezaniea – Centre – Caltis Football Club – WC27
The highlight of the Caltis Football Club, widely regarded as the worst big-city team in Haraki. She scores most of their goals and prevents more goals from being scored than the goalkeeper does. Unsurprisingly, she is the only player on the Hawks representing Caltis FC. Scored a goal against Starblaydia in her very first-ever international game.

#4 - Jonah Menike – Defence (Left defender) – Kiros Tigers FC – WC27
Plays on the same team as Haraki superstar Mike Zendar, and was originally slated as a reservist for WC27. He was brought in after Owen Peterson was injured in the first BoF game, and in numerous games was single-handedly responsible for keeping the ball out of the Harakian end. Fast, nimble, and with a quick and powerful kick, he is Haraki’s best defenceman.
#2 - Werner Vittenbach (Right defender) – Defence – Lake Lidane FC – WC28
Born of immigrant parents, Vittenbach managed to get a slot on one of Haraki’s worst football club teams just this season, hoping to break out and be signed to a better team. He displays excellent speed, agility and passing, although his shooting could use some work. Very young and energetic, and one of the youngest members on the team at twenty-four, having gotten a four-year degree from the University of Atherlon before signing to Rion Area FC. After showing amazing prowess for Division 3’s Rion Area, he was signed to Lake Lidane FC. Was a reserve defender for WC28 before getting a starting spot this year due to the retirement of two of Haraki’s starters.
#3 - Rebecca Disano – Defence (Centre-back defender) – Isasi Warriors – WC29
Replacing Bruce Forrester is Rebecca Disano, also of the Isasi Warriors. Although not as big as some defenders, she is best known for a spectacular save during the latest season in which, after faking out the goalkeeper, the opposition forward firing a surefire goal, but half a metre before it would have rolled across the line she slid in and kicked it away, gaining her a standing ovation from the home crowd.
#20 - (R) Alexandra Peterson – Defence – [Gorneth Heights] Blues – WC29
The daughter of former Hawks’ defender Owen Peterson, she was brought onto the team after Gary Willis was removed from it for abysmal play. She’s all-round good, with her foremost attribute being her sharp mind. She can predict what play is coming or where a shot will be going and be there to stop it from creating a scoring chance.
#21 - (R) Daniel Halner – Defence – Haelis Knights – WC29
Making his first appearance in international play is the twenty-year old Daniel Halner, who shows great talent in all aspects of defensive play, especially clearing kicks. He is expected to see a lot of play if Vargas feels the need to replace any defender.

#16 - Christopher O’Hara – Goalkeeper – Unsigned – WC29
Haraki’s U21 goalkeeper, the absolutely spectacular Chris O’Hara is also joining the national team this year, making him the youngest player ever to join the Harakian national team, at only seventeen years old. He’s not even out of high school yet, and thus also hasn’t signed to a club team. But his exposure in not only the U21 team but also the Hawks themselves should make him well-fought over. Analysts expect the side that gets him to have a sudden upturn in both attendance and performance. He took over from veteran Mark Stone halfway through qualifying.
#1 - (R) Mark Stone – Goalkeeper – North Susa FC – WC27
The HFL’s best goaltender, far and away. Just in the time he has been in the HFL for the North Susa club, he has taken them to five final games and won four of them. Holds the records for both least goals allowed by a keeper and most shutouts in the HFL. He has played nearly every game for the Hawks since WC27’s Baptism of Fire until WC29 qualifying, where he was replaced as starter by Christopher O'Hara. Due to the downturn in his performance and the upturn in his age, he has started talking about retiring. It is possible he will stay as a reservist for WC30 before retirement, though, and has stated he'd like to win at least one international title before he gives up the ghost.
#19 - (R) Susana Hamilton – Goalkeeper – Arkia Serpents FC – WC27
Another good footballer to come out of the streets of the port city of Arkia, where poverty levels have risen so dramatically over the last thirty years that she came from the exact same background as reserve midfield Julie Vern. Has only ever played only one game in international play, versus Imperial Moose, after Stone was incapacitated in a red card-worthy attack in the pre-WC27 Baptism of Fire, and allowed only one goal past her against a fierce offence.

Coach – Lloyd Vargas – North Susa FC – WC27
Once a star player for the North Susa football club, which has historically been one of the best teams in the country, he retired at age thirty-six and has been coaching North Susa ever since. He’s taken them to five championship games and four victories in the seven years he’s been coaching them, and now has been appointed the head coach for the Haraki Hawks. He had planned on coaching the Hawks for many years to come, but due to the awful performance in WC29 qualifying, he is expected to be fired if he does not significantly improve the team's performance for the Cup of Harmony.

And Yes, The Elves and Unicorns Are Here
Among Others :D

Dorian and Sonya Mystical Unicorns Roster.

Choose my goalscorers Y
Godmod Scoring Events Y
RP injuries to my players N
Godmod injuries to my players N
Hand out Yellow cards to my players Y
Hand out Red cards to my players Y
Godmod Other Events Y Nothing Too Extreme

Style +0. Formation 3-4-3

Nickname:Mystical Unicorns
Colors: Pink, Black, & Lime
Home Field: Elanesse Tulcokelume (White Hall)

Head Coach: Luthien Oronar, 32
Forwards Coach: Lessien Arnatuilë, 28
Midfield Coach: Sunni Oganyan, 27
Defender Coach: VI Sanpaolo, 29
Keeper Coach: Ettie Stibbins, 25
Trainer: Fransisca Centore, 24

Roster

Starters
Pos # Name Age Race
GK 18 Daniella Riskin 19 Human
RB 11 Tisa Laos 18 Halfling
CB 21 Nessa Elendil 22 Elf
LB 44 Taunya Skursky 20 Halfling
RM 30 Tári Falassion 17 Elf
OM 33 Maurita Deni 19 Human
DM 31 Brigette Deteso 19 Human
LM 38 Nátulcien Eluch`div` 21 Elf
RF 14 Avril Auerswald 18 Elf
CF 01 Zana Jablon 17 Human (Islander)
LF 40 Altáriël Telperiën 21 Elf

Reserves
GK 13 Alassea Sáralondë 22 Elf
RB 10 Deetta Torris 16 Halfling
CB 54 Elidia Spika 17 Elf
LB 20 Sixta Nommay 15 Elf
RM 7 Lashay Niesman 16 1/2 Elf
OM 12 Bethey Cangiano 18 Human
DM 49 Burma Krzak 17 Dwarf
LM 26 Carlita Botwinick 18 Human
RF 3 Ghislaine Suggett 19 Dwarf
CF 9 Makeda Kuwahara 20 Dwarf
LF 99 Neida Garrington 16 Halfling

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/Sonya0111/DSWC29kits.png
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/Sonya0111/DSPitchChart.gif

Sign-ups updated to D&S.

This is the last time I'll log in until tomorrow, so don't panic if you're not listed as signed-up immediately. Remember that your RL host lives in Melbourne (Australia, not Florida), so those wacky timezone thingies can get in the way.

ignore this post and use the later post.

The Swifts are back. Looking to go one better from CoH19.

Back in the royal blue shirts (with white V), white shorts and blue socks. Although manager Barnes is threatening to take a leaf out of the Blue Tits' book and remove the V if they do not come up to scratch this time.

Change kit remains grey shirts with a red V, red shorts and grey socks.

This will eventually look like a roster post. *signs up for another hopeless attempt to win a trophy*

At least I can't lose to Cuation this third time around.

I should have the time to rp on this on so if there is a space open, Cuation would like to sign up

Third time isn't going to be lucky for you;)

OC: My opponent, if they RP first, may do the following:
Choose my goalscorers Y
Godmod Scoring Events Y
RP injuries to my players Y
Godmod injuries to my players Y
Hand out Yellow cards to my players Y
Hand out Red cards to my players Y
Godmod Other Events Y

+0 please

Team Colours

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/CUA.png
Goalie Home: All Black, even the cap
Goalie Away: Imperial Purple all over

Stadium

Southern Island Peaks

An all seater modern stadium, retractable roof, special look is the old clock on the West bank. Capacity of 40,000, seats the colour of the national team. On the hot southern island ruled by General Jared, brother of the ruler Jude to gain him goodwill, the heat and sudden rain can be off putting. Beside a rushing river, quite a few ball boys have never returned from going in the river which is called "Catincoa death."

Manager

Jude Takerath-29-Manager: Passionate, he can often be seen on the sidelines trying to rally the team. A clever man, he knows how to manipulate the media but lacks the man management skills to rally the team in dark times. Otherwise a recluse, his glasses only add to his scholarly look. When the team isn't playing, he will study, read or play a game of chess.

Squad

Tactics: Mostly a defending side, they will push forward if behind by anything up to two goals in the last twenty minutes. Normally, they lump the ball forward for Lu Fei to hold up till players get forward. Willing to use the offside trap and press from front to back

SS SS

LM CM RM
DM
LB CD CD RB
GK

Starting line up:
Jude Tanner- GK-22

Star player for his club, touted as Cuation's hottest talent for years.. Plays fair but can be absent minded on the pitch. Slow off his line but good shot stopper and master at penalties.

Conceded four in three(or two and a half) games and one clean sheat but wll be hoping for a better defence this time. Playing in the Cup of Harmony to gain expirence.

Leslie Butcher-24-LB:
inexperienced but quick and eager. Likes to attack but his shots tend to be wayward. Does not like having to man mark someone as someone good with the ball can tear him apart and fairly short so lacks ability in the air. Otherwise a promising defender who deserves his chance

Played pretty well but in vital matches did not cut off the attacks on his flank, too rash in the tackle.

Philip Cole-35-RB
Solid defender lets little past him. Slow but not enough to be much of a hindrance. Dependable but if something unexpected happens, he gets caught out. His left foot is injury prone.

A solid world cup but seemed lacking in pace in a few games. Played vital part in Cup of Harmony but in the Dragon Cup, seemed to be exhuasted and was replaced by his brother.

CB: Swiss ""Cheese" Charag -24: 1 goal

Lives with his minority tribe in the mountains, powerful on air and ground, sure on his feet. Starts in defence after a few games as a subsituaite and two as a starter. Lacks expirence but has ability to make it.

Still getting used to playing alongside Yan, it is hoped that he will have more support then in the Dragon Cup.

Jonathan Yan 32-CB-captain: 1 goal
strong in the air and in the tackle, this man has emerged from troublesome youth to a quality defender. Lacks pace but has threat in the air that will be useful at set pieces.

Looked lost without Major but played well overall, often having to carry the rest of the defence. Needs to get his act with Cheese going so a repeat of the Dragon Cup doesn't happen.

Rio Samba-34-DM: 1 goal
A ball playing centre back but prone too playing off the pace and for being distracted. Recently been tried aat DM and deserves his chance since Abel retired.

Wasn't noted much but did a decent job for Cuation. Needs to cut his errors and could be overwhlemed at times but did the job for the most part. Needs able partner as witnessed when he was constalty overun when working with Hargreves.

Steven Milnar-29-Winger: 3 goal.
Has progressed up the Cuation league as a promising talent but has never quite fuffiled it. A winger who looks to sneak into the box and score, he is also pretty good when he stays wide.

His runs where good and he was always trouble but he will be dissapointed to have grabbed only one goal in twelve games. A good Cup of Harmony followed and was one of the few people to come out of the Dragon Cup with repaution intact.

Giovanni Hatzori-34-playmaker/RW: 3 goal
Hates to defend and can stop bothering if he is in a mood. However when he is in the mood and gets forward, he is wizard of all aspects of the ball. Due to his ego, he can lose the battle after taking to many people on/trying something too spectacular also pulling the team out of shape is a risk with him. Looks for flick on

Only one goal was suprising as he covered for Tanner's injury. Often played well, his playmaking was missed when on the bench. Played up front in the Dragon Cup but the forwards didn't click, has been moved to the right wing. P.Cole may be overworkred but Giovanni's attacking play will be vital. Cuation’s joint top goalscorer at Bof

Joe Fallen- 22 CM: 1 goal

A trick pony. When not hogging the ball, he can be so useful to the team with his deadly balls. Too often he wastes things by keeping the ball too long. Left footed, he started on the right for the team due to Ashton's retirment for the Dragon Cup.

On the wrong foot, he looked helpeless and greedy, not a threat to anyone. Moved into the centre in last two games and has improved a lot, able to organise play a bit more. Needs to use his right foot and to be less greedy on the ball but has enough defence ability to help Samba.

ST: Lu Fei- 22: 1 goal

Strong player, he is the target man. Will hold the ball up if needed and so often first to the long ball, expected to one day replace Beanpole Tanner. Has little pace but good on the ball and deadlier in front of goal then Beanpole

On the bench for most of the Dragon Cup but Cuation looked better when he came on and when he started the last two games. Will fill the role of Beanpole Tanner.

Rual Mendisez-25-striker: 17 goals
Pacy small goalscorer. Doesn't fit in with the style of play and can not dribble or jump much but useful in the counter attack or to chase a lead. Can suffer from his own doubts and arrogance.

Cuation’s joint top goalscorer at Bof 25, he was top goal scorer with seven in the WC28, top scorer in the Cup of Harmony with six and in the Dragon Cup with four. A hatrick against Chuck Norris was as good as it got but his striking power helped Cuation advanced to the semi finals and kept Cuation from finishing bottom i the Dragon Cup. Will be happy to play alongside a target man again

Bench


Gary Jens-31-GK.
Tall, tanned, agile, good at narrowing the angle, he has many strengths. He has three flaws however: his fiery temper, crosses and being somewhat inconsistent. This man can make a fantastic save only to let a 30 yarder through his legs. Willing to sweep up behind the defence, only dropped for Cup to give Tanner expirence

Def: Gary Cole -23

Can slot in anywhere along the back line, he is solid player at youth leven but now must take the step up to the big time. Like his brother Philip Cole but inferior.

Ended up filling in at right back due to P.Cole looking unfit and did well enough to keep a place in the squad.

Heskey Anderton-32-LM/ST: 3 goals
a striker played out of position on the left wing, covering for the lack of left wingers. Tall and strong in the air, he works hard but has the tackling ability of a striker and tends to fall over too much.

Struggled in the game he played as a target man, he played well when called upon, winning over any fans who still didn't trust him. Often coming off the bunch, he can cover on the wings and is reliable though it is sad to see him on the bench after being a first team player for so long

Jamie Hargreves-34-Def/Mid: 1 goal
plays anywhere in defence or in midfield but is pretty average. Good as fresh legs but that is about it. Heavens help us that he starts for us at the moment, he is now the boo boy.

WC28 showed him up, he was awful and had to be protected from angry fans. Got suspended against the top team in the group, his own goal against BP pretty much ended whatever hopes Cuation had. A poor Cup of Harmony and then moved into midfield as Cuation struggled, dropped so Cuation can recover shape.

ST: Pual Keane-24: 5 goals.

Pacy player like Rual Mendiz. Will be looking to get in behind defences and finish any chances he gets. Perhaps too similar but now he is too old for the next U21 Cup, his scoring run in the Dragon cup got him a squad place.

Started the odd match and often came of the bench, he did well to get four goals and with more compusure, could have had many more. Scoring run seemingly gone but a nice option to have. Scored Cuation's last Dragon goal.

Magnus Valerius will be joining the CoH. We did really good in the WC, even though we did not qualify... who knows, maybe I could win the CoH. :D

Alright, I'll make this post simple. I'll leave my energy for future RPs... I'll do an introduction in a bit.

----

The Boyars will use a 3-4-3 formation, just as in the last World Cup.

Their playing style modifier is +2.

I don't care how you can roleplay the Boyars... so long as you don't kill them or murderously injure them! Hehe...

And here's the roster for CoH29:

Coaching Staff

Manager/Coach
Ilya Pavlov (Tabriz Immortals Coach, Age 54)

Assistant Manager
Edouard Fremont (Isangrad Legion Assistant Coach, Age 51)

Starting Players

Goalkeeper:
Gustav Sibel (Gotenhavn Tigers, #12) Age 36

Defenders:
Stephan Bobrinsky (Meijis City Druzhina, #29) Age 32
Nestor Lucinius (Nova Mantova Praetorians, #4) Age 30
Yves de la Ronge (Nikeah United, #93) Age 35

Midfielders:
Mongke Urt-Urumqi (Shorehaven Colonials, #30) Age 33
Jonathon Song (Isangrad Legion, #52) Age 29
Heinrich Zerbst (Badenese Alpine FC, #7) Age 34
Yeufimei Bashkirsky (Trikoupes United, #70) Age 34

Strikers:
Jacques d'Anjou (Paladins du Blancmonte, #8) Age 32
George Illyanich (Isangrad Legion [Star Football Player], #1) Age 30
Kyrill Feodorov (Tabriz Immortals, #23) Age 29

Subsitute Players

Goalkeepers:
Ferenc de Mazovy (Belagrad Szekely, #10) Age 31
Ali ibn Dumat (Port Persepoli FC, #28) Age 34

Defenders:
Timofeos Wong (Isangrad Legion, #56) Age 29
Seymour Donnalson (Tabriz Immortals, #41) Age 32
Vincent Dravayzhushsky (Isangrad Legion, #3) Age 35
Victor Potyemkin (Meijis City Druzhina, #19) Age 43
Nikolai Gorskii (Trentino Imperials, #7) Age 41

Midfielders:
Luca Romanus (Kydonia Killer Whales, #11) Age 31
Robert de Tadoussac (Nikeah United, #44) Age 40
Bela Ungvar (Belagrad Szekely, #86) Age 33

Attackers:
Gannibal Ioannidis (Alexandria Eagles, #3) Age 36
Ismail Mendeleev (Havre de Paix FC, #13) Age 37

The Valerian kits remain the same as usual. The fans have pretty much forgotten about begging for new ones.

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f63/ValerianEmpire/Boyars.png

The Mateys are back after what was a pathetic WC 29

http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/9163/starlogo2ti.jpg


http://img210.imageshack.us/img210/9178/mateyshome8by.jpg http://img140.imageshack.us/img140/4941/mateysaway1ye.jpg



Manager - Paul Kirk

Style -1 formation = 4-4-2

Goalkeepers
01.Brian Livingston - 26/29 caps - Pika City (Qazox)
12.David Kirk - 33 Hillsborough Boys
18.Stuart Buffel - 28/3 cap - Lisburn Distillery

Defenders
02.Andrew Stewert [DR] - 19/27 caps - Lisburn Distillery (1 goal)
03.David Armstrong [DL] - 34/30caps - Lisburn Distillery
04.Jonathon Bell [DC] - 27/21 caps - Lower Maze
05.Marvin Andrews [DC] - 31/32 caps - Blackwater (Liverpool England)(1 goal)
13.Manuel Gucho [DC] - 24/15 cap - Crewe
16.Chuck Gonzalo [DR] - 28/8 caps - Grappenhall (Bettia)
19.Scott Mitchell [DL] - 25/1 cap - Crewe
23.Christopher Reims [DC/L] - 22/3 caps - Downshire FC

Midfielders
06.Stephan McNiece [MC] - 25/19 caps - Crewe (1 goal)
07.Chris Kingsberry [MR] - 24/17 caps - Lisburn Youth (1 goal)
22.Gregg Gregg [MC] - 30/21 caps - Downshire FC (1 goal)
11.Aaron McCann [ML] - 21/26 caps - Lisburn Distillery (3 goals)
15.Seamus O'Flannery [ML] - 23 - Crewe {3 U-21 caps}
20.David Irwin [DMC] - 31/5 caps - Ballymacash Rangers
21.Joe Bellucci [ML/R] - 26/27 caps - Lisburn Distillery
08.Keith Livingston [MC] - 19/27 caps - Hillsborough Boys (5 goals)

Attackers
09.Amusi Akobyi - 31/29 caps - AS Timiocato (Pacitalia) (15 goals)
10.Richard Dougherty - 27/21 caps - Crewe (7 goals)
14.Dominic Patton - 29/12 caps - Dromara Village (3 goals)
17.James Curry - 23/7 caps - Lisburn Distillery



Give My Opponents Permission To:

Choose Scorers: Y
GodMod Goalscoring Events: Y

Injure Players: Y
GodMod Injury Events: N

Red Card Players: Y
Yellow Card Players: Y
GodMod Other Events: N

3-3-2-2 formation. (-2) modifier

Coach- Greg Tudor age 52 This is Tudor’s final international competition after failing to qualify in his first two attempts at the World Cup, this past Cup proving to be Tynelia’s poorest showing ever. Critics cite an overly defensive style which keeps the team from mounting any offense of its own. While leading Tynelia to back to back top 20 showings in goals allowed the team was in the bottom 20 as far as goals scored which many feel to be the main reason the team is stuck where it is in the rankings.
Formation
…………….Masterson…………………….MacDougal
……………Collins………………………..Martins
Pytte………………………Kent………………………Brantley
Jacobs……………………...Li…………………………Stossels
……………………..Whiteworth…………………………….

G- Amy Whiteworth (30-starter) Whiteworth had a good stretch of Cup play before faltering slightly towards the end. She is still the best in the country and hopes to play in at least one more World Cup before retiring.
G- Vladimar Malloy (33-reserve) the man known as "The Wall" for his ability to seemingly block everything sent his way is now clearly the number two keeper as Whiteworth has brought her game to the next level. A half step slower as age begins to catch up to him, Malloy has compensated by being even swifter to pick up the angle of incoming shots than in his early days. Many feel this could be his final tournament of international play
G- Tom Gordman (17- reserve) Touted as the next Malloy, Gordman isn’t expected to get much action but as the up and coming keeper in Tynelia Coach Tudor felt just experiencing this level of play on the bench will help his development in the years to come.


F- Jay Masterson (30-starter) the flashy flamboyant Masterson was the league's goal scoring leader for the seventh time in nine years. Tynelia’s all time World Cup scoring leader, Masterson has yet to find a steady complement on the other side as a scoring threat to keep him from being double teamed constantly.
F- Anya Collins- (25- starter) The younger sister of Brad Collins, Anya has stepped beyond her brother’s shadow these past couple of years. A top five showing in both goals and assists has proven that unlike her brother she can do more than just charge the net.
F- Alan MacDougal- (24- starter) The brother of Tynelian Olympian speed skating bronze medalist Ginny MacDougal, MacDougal finished only one goal behind Masterson for the league goal scoring title and brashly announced that next year the title would be his. However this was dimmed by his poor showing in the Cup when he failed to score until near the end of the second half of play.
F/M- Andy Martins (27-starter) Martins has developed from someone who people felt were cashing in on his name to a player who has made the All Star team in two of the last three years. A very balanced game, Martins is a good ball handler while still a danger as a shooter and made the switch from the midfield to a forward last season and it paid off with a personal best in goals. He may still see some time at midfield during the Cup.
F- Troy Wallace (33-reserve) Wallace is a veteran of sixteen years in the game at some level and is known in the league for his trickery. He always manages to find the seam in an opponent’s defense and takes advantage of that when the defense over responds to a fake attack which usually leaves a teammate wide open. While not as dominant as he was earlier in his career the “Duke of Deke” is still a wily ball handler with a killer shot. The Duke has vowed to play in one more World Cup while many think he may make a good coach one day because of his strategic thinking.
F- Joe Richards- (29- reserve) Richards has become a solid contributor in all areas these past three years including becoming a better than average passer to go with his above average scoring touch. He saw little action in the Wolrd Cup and isn’t expected to see much more here.


M/D- Donna Kent (29-starter) Kent again led the league with a record +18 scoring differential. Her defense is still exceptional while her passing is among the league’s best. Some say she is expected to handle the role taken by Jeff Leason in past Cups but has been replaced by Kent this year as Tudor doesn’t want to have someone who would abandon offense like Leason was known to do.
M- Adrian Pytte (34-starter) The former MVP has also stated this may be his last Cup. A fierce competitor Pytte is not one to hang around if he thinks he is hurting the team. Managing to stay among the top ten in assists this past season, Pytte is now hoping to pass on his experience to the younger members of the team to help them through the new experience of world play.
M- Bret Brantley (32-starter) Now fully recovered from his injuries which seemed to haunt him the past few years Brantley is eager to prove himself in international play after being on the bench for much of the previous World Cup. He was a non factor in World Cup play.
M/F- Brad Collins (32-reserve) Collins has announced that this will be his final World Cup no matter what. Much more mellow now, he is often torn between pride and jealousy as he has seen his younger sister surpass him on the field. Still a dangerous attacker, Collins has done much better controlling his temper though some cynics claim its just old age showing. Nagging knee problems have made Coach Tudor keep Collins out of the starting lineup so he can safe Collins for when he is most needed late in a game. Collins hopes to finish his career with a bang in the CoH
M- Randy Willis (19- reserve) another of the next generation, Willis is a good ball handler but one who’s strength is breaking up attacks rather than creating them. He may actually see some play time as the midfield is the oldest part of the Tynelian squad and may need some younger legs to help them out over a long tournament.



D- John Stossels (32-starter) Stossels is living proof of having "soccer in your blood". Both his parents and his grandfather were all soccer players in their day though national leagues weren't around then. As such Stossels was almost raised on a soccer field and is almost never found out of position or caught off guard. This defensive unit just gets better with age as it now enters its third straight World Cup together.
D- Karl Jacobs (31-starter) Still the best ballhandler in the league, Jacobs is often lost in the shuffle when it comes to Tynelian defenders. However Jacobs is a quiet leader and has always been able to hold up his end of the bargain on defense. He will usually be the one to take the ball upfield to start an attack.
D-Tal Li (26-starter) Li is Tynelia’s best defender these days having added years of experience to his natural speed and ability making him even more of a danger to opposing ball handlers. More aggressive than Stossels is in going after a player carrying the ball, Li knows he has the speed to recover from any mistakes if someone does get by him. Li was the leader this season in steals.
D- Bonnie Davis- (28- reserve) Davis was second in goal differential with a +13 margin this season. She was also second to Li in steals, she could probably start for most teams but runs into the so-called Bermuda Triangle for offenses with Stossels, Jacobs and Li here. However she is more than capable of stepping up as needed.
D- Kim Anderson (18-reserve) The last of the new blood making her first appearance as Tynelia looks ahead to its future. Anderson is very quick on her feet and some say may end up as a midfielder in the future because of her speed and ability to move the ball downfield. At the moment however she is rather cautious in choosing when to counterattack but this just helps her defensively as she prefers to wait for a play to develop before making her move.

My opponent, if they RP first, may:
Choose my goalscorers Y
Godmod Scoring Events Y, but don’t make me look too bad
RP injuries to my players N
Godmod injuries to my players N
Hand out Yellow cards to my players Y
Hand out Red cards to my players N
Godmod Other Events Y


((OOC- my puppet Tessan will not be playing in the CoH unless you really need one more team to even up groups))

ONE RED DOT SET FOR CUP OF HARMONY
ATMOSPHERE NOT SO HARMONIOUS IN SOME PARTS
10 July 2006
by aSWORD.org.rd

After missing out on the World Cup, the Wolves have set their sights on another cup. As a parallel competition to the World Cup, the Cup of Harmony features as a competition for the not-so-successful.

As revealed by earlier today by aSWORD president Alvin Ker, the squad line-up, style of play, and formations (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11221618&postcount=81) would still remain the same.

Coach Eddy Lai said in a press announcement earlier, "After our efforts in the World Cup, I am confident to say that this competition would not only be a great chance for the team, it will also be a great chance for football to resume its great status in this country once again."

Meanwhile, from a so-called "real-world" persepctive, the entity known as 'the player' is disappointed that Italy had won the World Cup, when France had it all going for them, although Zidane's headbutt was pretty wicked.

---------------
Choose my goalscorers Y
Godmod Scoring Events Y
RP injuries to my players N
Godmod injuries to my players N
Hand out Yellow cards to my players Y
Hand out Red cards to my players Y
Godmod Other Events Y

~signs up with roster et al to come~

Meanwhile, from a so-called "real-world" persepctive, the entity known as 'the player' is disappointed that Italy had won the World Cup, when France had it all going for them, although Zidane's headbutt was pretty wicked.

OOC: ahahahahha I'd have to agree with you hahahahha

"Hey look, what does this letter say?"

"It says we're eligible for the Cup of Harmony."

"Well I assume we're in then."

"But how? We don't even have a coach now!"

"Aww it's easy, I'm sure we can dump some coach in from the Premier League. No problem, we'll find the coach by the end of the week, get him to call up some blokes and we'll be doing good for the CoH which should start slightly later than that. That really isn't much of an issue at the moment, we're well on track to sending our team to the Cup..."


3 weeks later...

ANNOUNCEMENT:

The Giant Zucchini Football Association has officially announced it will not be participating in the Cup of Harmony, as it is currently rebuilding the national team, as well as in the process of finding a new coach for the team. We wish all the teams participating in this tournament all the best. Except for One Red Dot. We fart in your general direction.

Except for One Red Dot. We fart in your general direction.

Except that we dreamed up a contraption that takes in your fart, soon to be used in a prototype F-bomb. 'F' for fart. Thanks Frosticus for your little dream bubble.

the entity known as 'the player' is disappointed that Italy had won the World Cup, when France had it all going for them

Apologies to all Italians and Italy-supporters who think that I'm wrong. But hey, I'm Australian. So no offence, but to be honest, I'm still a little bitter. But that's football I guess.

Milchama will sign up after getting a lot of egg's on its (and my face) for numerous things I have done in the past 2 weeks)

Virginia Nova accepts the invitation and expect a confirmation from GTF

Confirmation Post

Sign-ups updated to Garfieldthefat.

The opinion of your co-hosts on yesterday's events is that France were the better team on the day, but that Zidane's moment of abject folly removes any sympathy I might feel for the losers - and that Italy were the better team over the entire course of the tournament.

I will also risk the wrath of ORD by noting that I feel that Italy's last-gasp penalty against Australia, while perhaps harsh, wasn't completely outlandish, and that if the otherwise excellent Neill had stayed on his feet, it would never have been an issue anyway.

PART ONE:

It's tough to tell where everything went wrong, so I'll just start at the beginning. I'm a dick, a gumshoe, a Private Eye. My name is Paul, Paul Mall and how I wound up stuck here in this cell is a long story. But since you got me here and I'm not doing anything else I guess I'll tell ya. But be warned the truth I speak has almost every country in the world after me and if they find out you know, then I guess they'll be coming after you too.

PART TWO:

So.. you came back, dunno if that's because you're brave or you're stupid. you really wanna know how I wound up here? Fine then.. your funeral...right after mine.
It all started about a year ago about 3 days after Qazox lost their final qualifing match 3-1 at the feet of unranked Bostopia. I got called into the head offices of the Qazox Football League. There I met the new president of the league, Bjerknes. He asked me to look into some allegations that some players from New Bruxen had taken money to throw the last match of the season to Gothika, so Gothika would be promoted. He told me that of evidence was found, I would be rewarded with 30,000,000 Zaqs. Zaqs are the currency in Qazox. I dunno I guess it would be about $11 million of your dollars and that'a a lot of money for a gumshoe. Any way I took the case, sorta expecting to find that some overzealous fan paid the team or a local bookie, but...I gotta stop now, they're coming back.

(OOC: this is an RP about a lot of things.. but I will ask this.. Please don't be mad if i use your Country during this.. this will lhopefully ast well into the WC 30 Qualifiers... IT WILL GET SOMEWHERE.. I PROMISE)

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-Internationa-Star-News-Today

Sports Section

A new roster completely its great

After Milchama's terrible failure to qualify for the world cup coach Jamie Smith said this, "We have to say good bye to our golden generation. They have served Milchama well and they have put us on the map but they are getting old and it is time for the youth to take over. So with that being said we will be using the new Milchamian A team which will have very few old faces except for those who follow fring competitions like the FNI and U21 Cup."

The Roster:
Gk: Clay Finton- A great goalkeeper who makes many great saves and has forced Tuck Koolerc out of a spot where he looked entrenched to be keeper for a long time. Still looking for a boost of confidence after a disastourous World Cup.
D: Casey Stockholm- A good wing defender who got to start after his play on the ball made Jamie Smith take him barely over Brandon Callers.
D: Chase Mergle- Very fast for a centerback and that allows him to cover a lot of ground in a very short time. His speed has helped the Mongolian Horses avoid relegation this year.
D: Martin Hansen- A lot like Casey Stockholm on the other side. The only difference being Stockholm is a little bit better on the ball and Hansen is a little bit better on the defensive side. Made a great partnership in friendly games.
M: Elana Kilinin- Her great play was key to them qualifying and after helping the Milchama women in their world cup is back to play with the men. She will again be relied upon to get a spark in the offense.
M: Del Clufor- A little speedy center mid. Does not have the passing skills of Antoine Sanchez but his little runs thru the defense remind people of a mix between Johnny Rintell and Darian Flinters.
M:Barrett M. Lonnen- Destined to be the next great Milchamian player. How can we tell? He has the middle initial that he puts in his name that nobody knows what it stands for like Marc J. Floren. Can help the counter attack.
F: Marin Keffer- Was a starting midfielder for the Milchama B team at 15 but did not make last U21 squad because of a mistake by Patrice Thibault. This time a starter and he wants to show Thibault he made a bad mistake.
F: Spot Nielson- No longer in the shadow of Floren or anybody else he will be expected to pick up some of that goal scoring slack and is going to do the job very well if past expierience is something to go on.
F: Floren Albentine-A great goalscorer who did his job replacing Floren very well in the last WC. His play will be key as he is the one that many charge as replacing Floren. Success or failure in this, according to many, relies on him and his adjustment to international football.
F: Aaron Kary- The teammate of Floren. His crosses have been compared to Faren's and many consider him to be better than J.J.
Subs:
F: Matt Bantin- The header and supersub still did not crack the starting 11 with Floren gone. He is desperate to prove that was a big mistake.
Gk: Marcos Ollins- Came on the wrong time. A career backup in his 4th World Cup. Still only has 3 caps for the national team.
D: Kyoga Marcazumi- Is back in the fold as his play for club Great Alexandria helped them just miss the title in the lastest IAFL.
M: Antoine Sanchez- After starting for two cups is back on the bench. He wants to get his starters job back before WC30.
F: Kelvin Joseph- A natural scorer who was an outside shot to make the team before going on a scoring rampage for Milchama Warriors to get onto the squad.
Choose my goalscorers Y
Godmod Scoring Events Y
RP injuries to my players N Check with me first
Godmod injuries to my players N look at last
Hand out Yellow cards to my players Y
Hand out Red cards to my players N Well really check with me first
Godmod Other Events Y (rioting good)

I will also risk the wrath of ORD by noting that I feel that Italy's last-gasp penalty against Australia, while perhaps harsh, wasn't completely outlandish, and that if the otherwise excellent Neill had stayed on his feet, it would never have been an issue anyway.

Well at such close range, and with such tight time, I think Neill's tackle was justifed but Margaret made sure that something had to go wrong.. yep, just so you know, she was lurking about ;)

And no, no wrath.

Marceau Announces it's intentions to Enter the CoH


Marceau
Formation:3-4-3-1
Head Coach:Alain Vignault

The Starters
GK: Mark Cossile (Marceau FC) – 26(Starter RV National Team WC27,WC28)

LB: Jaques Mallar (1922 Marceau) – 32(Starter RV National Team WC27,WC28)

CB:Jean-Simon Allard(PSV Marceau)-20

RB: Yvon Lafluer (1922 Marceau) – 23(RV National Team Sub WC28 Reserves WC27)

LM:Vincent Zaore-Vanie (Laval FC)-22

LCM:Marc Myre(Dorval FC)-24

RCM:Alexandre Imbeault ( 1922 Marceau)-21

RM: Jean-Sebastian Cousteau (PSV Marceau) – 23(Starter RV National TeamWC28 Sub WC27)

LF:Martin Fréchette (RV Celtic)-25

CF: Vincent Lezclair (PSV Marceau) – 22(RV National Team Sub WC28 Reserves WC27)

RF:Maxime Fréchette (RV Celtic)-23

Substitutes
GK:François Ouimet (PSV River City(RVFA DIVII))-20

DB:Philippe Roberge (PSV Marceau)-24

DB:Marc-André Sauvé (AS Prince Charles(Islands League))-20

SM:Frédéric St-Denis(Kingston FC)-23

SF:Olivier Lajeunesse (RV Celtic FC)-20

SF:Rafaël D'Orso (Twin Cities United)-21

Reserves
GK:Jean-Philip Chabot(Marceau FC)-23

DB:Jean-Christophe Blanchard (York FC)-25

DB:Pierre-Alexandre Vandal (Canton United)-22

RSM:Jean-François Losier (Polaris SV)-25

RSM:Peter-James Corsi (1922 Marceau)-27

RSF:Jean-Philippe Levasseur (Marceau FC)-28

Marceau's Kit for the CoH
http://img222.imageshack.us/img222/6458/marceauinternationaljerseysnik.png

My opponent, if they RP first, may do the following:
Choose my goalscorers Y
Godmod Scoring Events Y
RP injuries to my players Y(No Killing)
Godmod injuries to my players Y
Hand out Yellow cards to my players Y
Hand out Red cards to my players Y - within reason
Godmod Other Events Y

After Rorysville's Dismal Performance in WC 29 They will enetr the CoH in hopes of Returning to Glory as they had in the CoH 28

Coach: Mark Merriles - 45

Starting 11

Formation: 3-4-3
GK: Nikolai Larionov (Polaris SV) – 22

LB: Charles Hinton (Polaris FC) – 22

CB: Rick MacDonnel (RV Celtics) – 25

RB: Alexander Nikolishin (Polaris SV) – 32

LM: Anatolli Svernetsiev (Aubin FC) – 26

LCM: Jaun Pérez (A.C. Bremerton) – 23

RCM: Adam Lenevue (RV Coast Guard United(RVAFFA))-23

RM: Mark Schweitzer (Canton United) – 26

LF: Adam Negeuanne (RV Celtics) – 21

CF: Daniel Miller(Canton United RVFA)-25

RF: Dan Decost (Island City FC(RVSL DIVII)) - 21
Bench

GK: Hendrik Linstrom (Aubin FC) – 22

CB: David DeSalle (RV Rangers) – 22

CF: Mark Millens (North York FC)-20

LF: Mike Bay (Mountain FC 1975 RVFA)-26

CM: David Devanns (Core Forces FC(RVAFFA) – 23


Reserves

GK: Steve Weiland (Island Point Steelheads(RVFA DIVII))-21

RM: John Milllenovski (Plymouth City FC)-27

CM: Andre Trefelov(Polaris SV) – 22

CDM: Peter Delleny (North York FC) – 24

CB: Steve Simmons (RV Air Force FC(RVAFFA) -25

LM: Doug Jacobs (Plymouth City FC) –23

and the Kit as follows
http://img160.imageshack.us/img160/5228/rvnationaljerseyccm1ca.jpg

If My Opponent RP's First I give Permission to-
Choose Scorers: Y
GodMod Goalscoring Events: Y
Injure Players: Y(No Killing)
GodMod Injury Events Y
Red Card Players: Y(Within Reason)
Yellow Card Players: Y
GodMod Other Events: Y (No Killing)

Updated to Rorysville and Marceau State

Only 2 hours remain for sign-ups!

OOC: How many are currently signed up?

The opinion of your co-hosts on yesterday's events is that France were the better team on the day, but that Zidane's moment of abject folly removes any sympathy I might feel for the losers - and that Italy were the better team over the entire course of the tournament.

I will also risk the wrath of ORD by noting that I feel that Italy's last-gasp penalty against Australia, while perhaps harsh, wasn't completely outlandish, and that if the otherwise excellent Neill had stayed on his feet, it would never have been an issue anyway.

Harsh? Italy had actually been outplayed by the men from Down Under, and the penalty was just plain not a penalty. They were poor on the day there, and they were not much better later in the tournament.

Is there still a spot left? If so, Sliponia will enter and I'll have a roster/kit up once we know if we're in.

[this post has been considerably edited]

Sign-ups are closed.

Sliponia is in (strictly speaking, Sliponia was late, but that was my fault, not Sliponia's).

Due to a post in the Discussion thread making it clear that Mr Chuck Norris intended to participate in this tournament, I am also adding Chucky despite the lack of an IC sign-up in this thread.

That makes 28 teams, so our tournament will have four groups of seven teams.

"Nine groups of three and the winner of each group advances?"

"Yes, and the two "worst-winners" go to a playoff to advance to the next round."

"That is, I think I'm correct in saying, incredibly weird."

"I'd say so yes, sir."

"But yet again, I can't really see a better way to accomadate a 27 team soccer tournament."

"Well, they could do a full 32 team bracket, leaving the top seeds with bye's."

"Shut up you fricking idiot."

"Excuse me, sir."

Joe Lohos, Editor-in-Chief of The AwalKB Times, and anchor/director of the AwalKB Football Report, looks down at his desk and wonders how the hell he is suppose to make this into a newscast.

"Go get me that guy."

"That guy, sir?"

"That new guy"

"You mean, my assistant?"

"Yes, wait, why the hell do you have an assistant?"

"Well-"

"Forget it, it's not my money, just bring him in."

"Right away, sir."

The assistant exits the room and walks down the corridor to the Assistant Assistants desk.

"Why the hell does Mr. Lohos want to talk to you?"

"Who?"

"Mr. Lohos!"

"Who?"

"OUR FRICKING BOSS!!!"

"Oh, that's his name? I could've sworn it was just director-guy."

"Don't be a moron, he wants to see you."

"Me? How does he know me?"

"Apparently you're that new-guy he must've saw you walking in or something."

"But-"

"But nothing fricking go."

"Yes, sir."

The Assistant's Assistant walks out of the room and toward the Directors office, pondering how the director could've seen him coming in this morning if he teleported...

"Excuse me, si-"

"Ah, welcome to my office!"

"Thank you, sir. You wanted to see me?"

"Yes, yes indeed. Now, what's your name?"

"It's-"

"Great! Well I have a special project that I need you to help me with."

"Alright what is it?"

"Well you see, there's nine groups of 3 in the upcoming Cup of Harmony, and then the top team from each group is in the knock-out stages, but see that catch is, the worst two of those group winners, has to play eachother in order to advance."

"Odd."

"Yes indeed, and what I need from you, is to develop a newscast that all the, and remember when it comes to sports these guys are morons, all the AwalKians out there can easily understand! We'll be broadcasting as soon as we find out where each team is going to be placed, I want to see you once those come out again, but make a provisional one that we can just throw the teams in. I want to see your work so far in about an hour."

"Uh, ok, sir."

"Alright, now go get my assistant and tell him to get in here."

The Assistants Assistant exits the room and returns to his computer desk and tells the assistant to return to the directors office and starts to develop the script for the newscast of the night.

Meanwhile, the assistant re-enters the directors office.

"Where were you?"

"I was in my office, like you told me, sir."

"Oh. OK, well, I just wanted to tell you that this idea of an assistant to you was brilliant, now you can do the paper articles, and that guy can do the newscast! Fantastic work on the last article, by the way, um, what was it again?"

"I'm-"

"Oh yes of course, alright well once we find out who's going where in this tournament I want you and that other guy in here so I can fill you in, alright?"

"Yes, sir, of course."

"Alright go get to work."

The assistant leaves the office, quietly mumbling that he has no work to do until those damn reports come in...

OOC: God damn it, almost that entire RP was based on the 9 group 3 team system, although I'm not opposed to adding another team, lets just say I'm not changing the post =D

PART THREE

They're gone for now. Where'd I leave off? Ok.. yeah I thought that a fan or a bookie set the whole thing up. I talked with Kevin Hobb of New Bruxen and he told me that the only person who could of done that sort of thing was Lamar Reynolds. I asked him who Reynolds was and found out Reynolds was from Sativaville. Now it got a little weird. A rich ganja-farmer from Sativaville fixed the match? Why and how? So I went to Sativaville to find this Lamar Reynolds, and He was dead. I walk into his house and he's dead. His wife, kids, dogs,all dead and his farm burnt to the ground. I contacted a source inside of the Ganja-Exchange Commission, and i got a hold of his recent files. Hello.. you still there?? damn. I'll just wait 'til ya get back then.

"Oooooooh......."

"What is it Alexander?"

"The official tournament draw's been announced on page one of this here 'thread' thingy!"

"Never was sure why the World Cup Committee insisted on keeping all of its official records on threads myself. What if the threads unravel?"

"It's probably an obscure nod to classical Incan record keeping, Greg"

"And what about AwalKB thinking the entire tournament was going to be nine groups of three teams each?"

"My fault, that, Greg. For a second it looked as if that was in fact going to be the format. I even sent out a press release announcing that was going to be the format, and... well... I changed my mind. Our co-hosts in the Archregimancy are furious, saying something like 'they'll think the Orthodox can't organise their way out of a paper bag'. Or something like that."

"Well, the Holy Empire's never been the most efficient nation, Alex!"

"True enough, Greg - which is why we're giving all of the participants 48 hours to RP reaction to the group draw - and give those monks in the Archregimancy enough time to actually post a roster. The tournament will get underway on Friday morning, Australia time."

"Which leaves me only to ask..... what's Australia?"

Group 3
Haraki 33 18.46
Anathem. Reps. 47 12.29
Qazox 58 11.1
Lisburn Mateys 66 8.53
Spmn. Plijous 73 7.91
Marceau State 89 5.59
GarfieldtheFat 103 4.21

SCHEDULE:
Match Day 1
vs. Spmn. Plijous
Match Day 2
vs. Haraki
Match Day 3
vs GarfieldtheFat
Match Day 4
vs. Anathem. Reps.
Match Day 5
vs. Lisburn Mateys
Match Day 6
BYE
Match Day 7
vs. Marceau State




The tournament shall have four groups of seven teams each, with the top two qualifying for the knock-out stages.



Juanita Graziani sat in her office watching the groups scroll by.. "Get in here Helen.... And bring some coffee, this is going to be a long trip tonite."
after her assistant came and left Juanita sifted through her files on the teams in the group and took the following notes:

Haraki.. fellow BoF27 team... finished 2nd there... made it World Cup 28... threat level 5.. must beat

Anathematic Republics : Owned and run by Satan....players are un-dead...threat level 7.... holy water a must.

Lisburn Mateys: upcaimg team.... threat level: 5..must beat

Spaamian Plijous: unknown factors: threat level: 4..probably will beat

Marceau State: easy pickings... Threat level: 2...easy win

GarfieldtheFat: See above...

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/Sonya0111/SylMedCen.png

Unicorns Ready For Great CoH Run

Queen Sonya sat alone in the Royal Palace of the Sylvanaes Kingdom pondering the chances of the Mystical Unicorns in the Cup of Harmony. After a somewhat “surprising” WC qualification, the level of competition would sure be raised from the last CoH where the Unicorns made the final 8 only to lose to eventual champions Schiavonia. But that was the way of things, and the Unicorns would be as ready as possible for the tests that would come.

A soft knock at the door, and the courier brought in the group draw that she had been waiting for. A moment’s glance told her everything she needed to know. The Unicorns had a shot at this thing after all.

With such big names as The Archregimancy, Milchama, The Lowland Clans, Haraki, and Wentland - along with CoH specialists Cuation, a good draw was more than the Queen could have hoped for. But that is precisely what the Unicorns received in Group 4.

The top seed would be #34 Wentland. All things considered, that wasn’t so bad. Certainly not the level of the Monks or Warriors. But Wentland would be a tough test for the women of the Kingdom. But stealing points from them was not out of the question.

2nd seed #40 Vuam and Isma is the side to knock off with just two nations qualifying from each group. They have moved up the rankings nicely, and nearly qualified for the WC proper this time. But nevertheless this is the step we have to climb if we want to move on. 14 points separate us in the rankings and it should be a great race to the finish.

3rd seed. #54 Wait! That’s us. Perennial Underachievers thus far as far as the WC is concerned. But things have been different for the Unicorns in the CoH. Elite 8 last time around, and an eye on taking even more this time. The Unicorns have pulled off some major upsets before only to lose to sides we should beat. That gives us good reason to keep an eye on the side right behind us.

4th seed - #59 One Red Dot. From all accounts these guys used to be regular Wc competitors. Now they are climbing back up the rankings with a blinding speed. They will have marked us as the side to beat, and we will have to work hard to fend off their efforts.

5th seeed - Rorysville. At #70 this is the Dark Horse of the group. They are active and capable of pulling the upsets. Every squad above them in seeds had better watch out or Rorysville will steal points.

6th seed - #91 Raging Penguins. You can bet the Unicorns are waiting for this match. Last time we met, there was a chalk board incident that almost allowed the Penguins to pull a draw. Fortunately the Hair ate a butterfly when the shot was made.

7th seed - #131 Nikea. No one likes to play the squads ranked 100-140. They steal points and make the higher seeds look silly. We must be in top form to handle their pressure.

Group 4 could easily be a five squad race to see who moves on to the knock-out stages. The Unicorns will face Rorysville on MD1 and try to prove that they are capable of becoming one of the better sides not in the WC itself.

Hawks Drawn Into CoH Group 3
From the Atherlon Times

Tom Bucket, Alasdair I Frosticus. The Haraki Hawks have been drawn into Group 3 of the twenty-first Cup of Harmony football tournament, and are actually the first seed in the group and third-highest ranked in the tournament. However, following the Hawks' abysmal showing in World Cup 29 qualifying, in which the second-seeded Hawks finished sixth in the group, many are doubting even their ability to make the top two and qualify for knockout stages.

The players may find some inspiration from the fact that they are playing for their coach's job. A Haraki Football Association spokesman announced yesterday that if the Hawks performed as badly in the Cup of Harmony tournament as they did in World Cup qualifying, Hawks' coach Lloyd Vargas would be fired from his position. Whether this means 'anything below top two' or precisely 'sixth or below' is unclear, but the actual relativity of it is mostly subjective for both observers and the HFA itself.

Together with the Hawks in Group 3 are Anathemetic Republics (47th), Qazox (58th), Lisburn Mateys (66th), Spaamanian Plijous (73rd), Marceau State (89th) and Garfieldthefat (103rd). With the gaps between the nations so small, it appears the entire gorup has a chance of qualification and will make for an epic group stage. Only Group 4 comes close to the same size of gaps, and even then begins trailing off at the end, going from 34th-ranked Wentland up to 131st-ranked Nikea. Group 3: Group of Death?

Haraki (33rd): The Hawks performed abysmally in World Cup 29 qualifying, going 3-6-5 in 14 games and finishing sixth in Group 4 after being seeded second. On the bright side, the Hawks' offence was more potent than ever, with a record-setting twenty-eight goals over qualification. Although many football pundits are doubting their ability, the Hawks have a lot to play for: Their reputation, their coach, their dignity - many of them likely for their jobs. Expect to see Mike Zendar rack up some more goals, as he managed 46% of Harakian goals in qualifying.

Anathemetic Republics (47th): Went 7-3-4 in qualifying, finishing third in their group. Definitely a strong contender for either qualifying spot and should prove a tough challenge for the Hawks. Expect to see them get some easy points off the lower-ranked sides. Impressive offence, with 31 goals in 14 games over qualifying, allowing only 14, half of what the Hawks managed.

Qazox (58th): Fellow pre-WC27 Baptism of Fire graduates, the ox-worshippers came very close in WC29 qualifying, finishing two points behind the team in second and going a fairly impressive 7-1-6 with a goal difference of 0 with 23 goals both for and against. Could manage a few upsets against higher-ranked teams and make off with a playoff berth.

Lisburn Mateys (66th): Went 3-5-6 in qualifying, parallel to Haraki's performance. Possibility for upsets, but somehow I just can't see it. I predict them to finish fourth at 3-0-3, but expect the match versus Qazox to be one for the ages.

Spaamanian Plijous (73rd): In the same group as Haraki, finished one spot above at 3-8-3. Tied Haraki in both qualifying games, first 4-4 and then 1-1. Expect to see the match between Haraki and Plijous decide much about the Hawks' performance in this tournament, and show whether or not the Harakian team has finally come into their own after the qualifying debacle.

Marceau State (89th): Don't know much about them except they went 5-0-9 in qualifying and their rugby team isn't all that great. I don't expect much from them, and I don't expect to be disappointed. The Hawks play them right off the bat, and if they drop this one, Vargas deserves to be fired. Maybe from a cannon. Good thing they'll be playing in a dream stadium, maybe my wish could come true.

Garfieldthefat (103rd): 3-4-7 in qualifying. Eh?



In Group 1, I'm going to be boring and predict that the top two seeds will move on. The Archregimancy's monks are playing on home ground and are well above the other teams, and Cuation, although chronologically beaten and then tied by the Hawks in qualifying, are still a better team. Third will go to Tynelia, who will put up a hell of a fight but most likely finish just shy of second.

Group 2: Milchama already all-but has the top spot in the bag, while Magnus Valerius and Mr Chuck Norris will be trying to steal second from the Lowland Clans. It'll be a good battle, and I'm going to go with our old friends Mr Chuck Norris for this one, rising up from fourth to take the second playoff spot.

Group 3: Detailed above. No predictions, I don't want to jinx it.

And in Group 4, it will be an epic battle between Wentland and Vuam and Isma for first and second, while mid-ranked sides like Dorian and Sonya and One Red Dot will do their best to take the second spot. My predictions? Although Vuam and Isma play their hardest, a loss to Wentland seals their fate and their morale goes downhill. Dorian and Sonya rise to take one of the spots while Wentland hangs onto theirs, putting Wentland and D&S in the playoffs.

See you next week for the Hawks' first game against Marceau State.


Tom Bucket is the extremely overpaid and pompous football reporter for the Atherlon Times. Can you believe he gets paid to just make fun of our national team on the back page of a nationally-syndicated newspaper? Unbelievable.

OOC: Sorry, wrong nation.

Spaamanian Plijous

Nickname: The Gulls

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/plijouslogo.jpg

Coach: Bob (The Builder) Builder Can he fix it? Yes he can!

Forwards:
1. Alan Belmore (c) The greatest ever goal scorer for this territory, he won the silver boot in qualifying, racking up 19 goals from 14 games. He is the only reason this team is any good at all, and it is not remembered when anyone else last scored for this team. Is aware he has the same name as another former great footballer, but is no relation. OR IS HE!?

Midfielders:
3. Reginald (Reginaaald) Price Son of Spaamanian Plijous' richest man, he is only on the team due to his papa's influence. Otherwise incompetent.
5. Shawn (Pratster) Pratt And prat he is. The womanising bastard is often intoxicated on and off the field.
7. Cheryl (Chazza) James The largest player on the team, Chazza is 6'3", 220lb, and has a crew cut. We're not talking about her sexual preferences, but well, you know...
9. Shawn (Yatesy) Yates Good ol' Yatesy. Missed out on being selected for the Waffles, so used his mum's heritage to get picked for the Gulls. Has apparently played overseas.
11. Theodore (Theo) Frazier Theo has great ball skills, but terrible passing and receiving. Usually plays centre because he often strays over the line. Not uncommon to run into other players, especially on his own team. Glasses much?

Defenders:
4. Rhonda Johnston With fiery red hair and incredibly good looks, Rhonda was the next big thing in Plijous, until she fell and crushed her voice box. Now mute, she's gone back to what she was good as a kid. Pity she's not so great at it now.
6. Ellen (Yes, Ma'am) Norris Ellen is a probably the toughest player on the team. When pissed off, she can deliver an almost fatal roundhouse kick. No idea who her father is...
8. Jerry (Jezza) Lowe Poor Jezza is the smallest player on the team. Weighing in at 5'2" and 140 pounds, he's not much for tackling, but he's pretty zippy.
10. Rick (Rickyyy) Baker Ricky is 5'10", but ways the same as Chazza. A big bloke, you don't want to be underneath him. Thank goodness he's not that quick, in any sense of the word.

Goalkeepers:
2. Pamela Moore (vc) Pamela is the resident blonde. Can't run fast due to her massive... attributes... Not such a bad keeper though, cos she always seems to know where the balls are going.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/plijouscolours.png


Choose my goalscorers: n (Alan Belmore scores all goals)
Godmod Scoring Events: y (please!)
RP injuries to my players: y (anyone but Alan Belmore)
Godmod injuries to my players: y (anyone but Alan Belmore)
Hand out Yellow cards to my players: y (anyone but Alan Belmore)
Hand out Red cards to my players: y (anyone but Alan Belmore)
Godmod Other Events: y (please!)

-Well, the draw is in, Michael...of it you make what?

-I think it is a very nice draw...if you like a draw, you cannot do better than draw. A bunch of random things with numbers. Very good.

-Erm...yes. What about the teams?

-Oh yes, there are teams. We seem to be playing lots of teams. Vuan, Isma, Dorian and Sonya...there's four for a start. And some penguins, which are always nice and cuddly, which is good. I don't get this dot reference, though.

-How about the outsiders? Nikea?

-They do a good wardrobe.

-Ye-e-e-s...how do you think the Swifts will do?

-As they always will. Swooping and screaming for insects.

-Michael, do you know anything about football?

-Who's Michael?

THE MONASTIC TIMES

CO-HOSTS ANNOUNCE CUP DRAW
Last Hurrah for Original Archregimancy Squad

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Our co-hosts in the Holy Empire today announced the draw for the 21st Cup of Harmony. The Archregimancy will be seeking to redeem themselves in group 1, which looks like this:

The Archregimancy (16)
Cuation (38)
Bazalonia (54)
Tynelia (60)
Sativaville (82)
Green wombat (88)
Sliponia (147)

While tough competition is expected from Cuation - and rising teams Bazalonia and Tynelia are no push-overs either - senior figures in the Monastic Football Association were heard to say "if we can't get past this lot, the Lord really must be punishing us."

Sources close to the team, however, were believed to have noted that similar sentiments were expressed in the build-up to World Cup qualification, where the Archregimancy failed spectacularly to qualify despite being the first seeds in the group, and even finished behind the foul heathen excelites of Kaze Progressa.

Bookies in the den of sinful iniquity that is the Holy Empire - and how we pray for the imperfect souls of our Orthodox brothers - are nonetheless believed to have made the Archregimancy firm favourites to lift the Cup of Harmony at the conclusion of the tournament.

An official announcement on the Archregimancy's cup roster is still forthcoming, but I can exclusively reveal that the Monastic Football Association has decided to allow the current squad - most of whom have been competing in international football since World Cup 24 qualification - one last hurrah, despite their soul-strengthening failure to qualify for the current World Cup.

"Cup of Harmony Group Round-up, brought to you exculsively by BazSports. Bazalonia's sporting channel. The Group draw has been released by the Monastic Football Association and the Holy Empire Football Association.

The Bazalonian Bazalopes have been draw against a number of teams most we have already faced and now let's have a look at our chances against the other teams.

The Archregimancy (16) - The co-host of this Cup of Harmony and is expected to do very well against both us and the rest of the rest of the group. They should have no problems in the dream bubble since since they live in dreams constantly.

Cuation (38) - A team we have faced before but also a team we have struggled against in the past. But this doesn't mean that they will dominate. IT just means that the Bazalopes will just have to perform better than them on the day with if very possible. They may have some problems with the Esperanto words used in the dream bubble but shouldn't have too much trouble.

Bazalonia (54) - That's us, we have our work cut out for us if we want to make the quarterfinals. We have to upset Cuation if we are to make it through to the quarter finals. This is going to be hard but we can do it. Especially with the 4th seeds snapping out our heels who also has a reasonable chance to reach the quarter finals as well.

Tynelia (60) - A team that started with those deranged atheists but has shown consistant form and has nearly managed to over take us. These guys are knipping at our heels and we have to show dominance over them if we are to make it over Cuation and make the Quarters. All the best luck to them but it's Bazalonia's time to shine.

Sativaville (82) - The winner of the Baptism of Fire though they are from the legalese region we have kept an eye on these guys. Expect them to do well but they should not be in contention to reach the quarters. But we wish all these guys all the best in the future.

Green wombat (88) - Another team from Atheistic Right's era but have not been doing as well as their Tynelian counterparts and seeminlkgy mortal enemies of Qazox. Sorry but these Green Wombats will not be seeing any finals action, Wombats are not known for their grace and dexterity and their green cousins are just the same.

Sliponia (147) - A new nation and a team that we know virtually nothing about. Expect an easy win.

What does that mean for the end of the group stage? Our analysts are predicting a reasonably easy 1st place for the Archregimancy, who viewers may remember we drew nil-all in the final matchday of the qualifiers when Peter Hobble was returned to normal. competition between Cuation, Bazalonia and Tynelia is expected to be close the others would have to perform extrememly well to have a chance..

It has also come to our attention that Peter Hobble in recognition to the help provided by the Archregimancy has asked that despite of the secularity of the dream bubbles used for the Cup of Harmony. That the Bazalonian/Archregimancy match dream bubble have Orthodox Christianity as it's official religion. The BFSA is currently under negotiations with the various officials of the HEFA & MFA. We'll give you more information when we have it.

And that is BazSports Cup of Harmony group round up. Goodnight. Bonan Nokto

http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/9163/starlogo2ti.jpg
Do the Mateys have a chance?

Ok we all know that we didnt live up to our own expectations in world cup 29 qualifying.
We know that we arnt the best team in the world.
But with the Mateys group draw for the cup of Harmony being so tight with only 14.25 points seperating top ranked Haraki and bottom Garfield the fat each team must believe that they have a chance, especially with Haraki's shocking performance in world cup qualifying comming sixth in their group. Ironically the team that came fifth was Spaamanian Plijous a team that also drew twice with Haraki are in this group 3, which could see a very tight grudge match and with Spaamanian Plijous mayby being able to get a result against Haraki again it would give the rest of us hope and could also unstable Haraki.

Qazox is a team that one person in particualar will be very familliar with. Brian Livingston the Mateys number one goal keeper plays his trade for Pika City in Qazox and will no doubt be able to provide valuable info to the coaching staff about them.

The Anathematic Republics is the other big team in the group but we do not know much about them but rumour has it they are rulled by Satan. In the Qazox press they said they are bringing Holy water, but with religion banned across the Commonwealth of Lisburn Mateys there is no Holy water to protect us, but then again who wouldnt be afraid of 6 foot 6 Marvin Andrews on our side.

Spaamanian Plijous and Marceau State are two teams that could be the upset kings Plijous have done it before as already mentioned and Marceau have the Fréchette's two players which ended up going to RV Celtic but where extensivly sought after by several Mateys clubs, im sure Paul Kirks phone will be buzzing with Hillsborough Boys scouts on the phone telling him what they saw. Garfield the fat on the other is the weakest team in the group but do not count them out. If results go their way and they beat the lesser experienced teams such as ourselves they could sneak their way through.

Well this is gearing up to be a very exciting competition and hopefully Kirk gets the midfield sorted correctly or else his future may not look so rosey

Presenting your SUPERCUP! champion Ians!

GK -- Sherman Cumberland (22, #15, Republic FC (Ianapalis)) At 5’11”, Sherm is unusually tall for a Shieldian. In Iansislean league play, he used this height advantage along with a natural athleticism to make fantastic snatches and become one of the league’s all-time great penalty-kick stoppers. However, although Sherm has great instincts on PKs, he is wont to leave the box early and get beaten. The starting goalkeeper for Republic’s march to victory over cross-town rivals Adien, Sherm was a natural selection for the Ians’ new coach.

D -- William Hawkstone (25, #12, Weshield Federal (Fort Jackson)) Hawk was the one bright spot in Weshield’s march to the basement of the UFAI. Although often beaten by more veteran players, Hawk was often able to put himself back in the play with a burst of speed. Seemingly indefatigable, Hawk is a good choice for a team trying to emphasize youth and athleticism over veterans
D -- John Clyfton (19, #17, Mansmouth) Another of Feeley’s ‘young guns’, Clyfton was relatively old when he burst onto the Iansisle footballing scene. Coming out of a coal mining community in Thortraia, he did not play organized ball until a scout for the local XI noticed him playing pickup with other miners. At age 17, Clyfton was generally considered ‘too old’ to be trained for professional ball, but was an integral part of Mansmouth’s run to the third place game in the UFAI just two years later.
D -- Peter Queensborough (29, #5, Mansmouth) There was a reason Mansmouth allowed the fewest goals in the UFAI despite a mediocre goaltender, and Queenie was a big part of it. Acting as the backfield general, he directed a mixed group of hot rookies and veteran talents, multiplying their force. Also the oldest player on the Ians, Queenie will look to add a little veteran know-how to the Ians.
D -- Roger Blake (17, #14, Adien (Ianapalis)) Given the strong rivalry between Republic, Feeley’s team, and cross-town Adien (who have played each other six times in twelve seasons for the UFAI Championship), it is perhaps not surprising that Blake is the only Adien player on the Ians. To omit him would have been a gross error: in his rookie campaign, Blake completely overturned Adien’s backline, turning them from one of the most porous defenses in the league to one of the most stingy. However, there are worries that Blake and Republic striker Madigan will not work well together, especially considering the altercation between them following a tackle in the Championship game that ended with a red card for Blake.

MF -- Alfred Spenste (23, #7, Grand Street (Ianapalis)) The only Dianatranian on the national team, Spenste will be looking to follow in the footsteps of the Brandt father-son team. Although Grand Street languished in mediocrity during the last campaign, Spenste acquired a reputation for making plays at the expense of his body. A very physical presence on the pitch, Feeley will probably be looking for Spenste to play a more defensive role in the midfield.
MF -- Bruce Hopston (24, #1, Mansford) [i]Although the matchup of Mansmouth and Mansford in Iansisle’s third-place game confused many outsiders, there was no love lost between the two teams. Memories of the Shield’s End massacre mingled with resurgent Mansford’s Cinderella season to create a great desire to beat the primarily Weshielder side. Feeley hopes to channel Hopston’s feelings over the 4-1 loss to Mansmouth into action in the midfield. Hopston is expected to come forward more often than Spenste or McPaul.
MF -- Timothy Cooper (18, #25, Beshon Township) Although Beshon was absolutely pathetic, finishing dead last, Feeley apparently liked what he saw in their athletic rookie midfielder. Many believe that, with competent teammates, Coop can develop into a serious play maker.
MF -- Brian McPaul (28, #20, Thortraia) Although many saw Thortraia’s turnabout to a mid league after ten years of awful play as the result of a bombs-away striking line, McPaul was a key player in keeping even offense-happy teams such as Lakeriverwood and Mansford from outscoring a mediocre Thortraian defence. Although a capable play maker, McPaul lacks the speed to make breaks down field and prefers to patrol the midfield, trusting to his instincts and a preternatural ability to detect plays as they develop.
MF -- Phil Ward (24, #6, Lakeriverwood) Ward was actually a striker with Lakeriverwood, but Feeley wants him to experiment more with the midfield, seeing Ward’s strong legs and quick sprint speeds as more valuable coming up the sides than playing deep. Ward’s ability as a goal scorer was clearly demonstrated in Lakeriverwood’s thundering offense, but his ability to intercept passes and win midfield battles is more suspect.

S -- Spencer Madigan (26, #3, Republic (Ianapalis)) The lone striker on Feeley’s starting roster, Madigan began to make himself a presence alongside veteran Jacob King with Republic. Winning came naturally to Madigan; one can even date Republic’s three Championships in the last five campaigns, a streak which followed a brief dip in the club’s fortunes, to the trade that brought Madigan over from Beshon. Extremely athletic and agile, Madigan has only average location; he much prefers to take a shot from behind traffic or jump for a header, for instance, to taking a penalty kick. Although Madigan’s clash with the much younger Blake following a tackle in the Championship game was much publicized, Madigan denies any ill-feeling towards the Adien defenceman. Weighing heavily on Madigan’s shoulders also will be the burden of history: he will be expected to live up to the reputations of great Iansislean strikers such as Leonard ‘Flash’ Flaherty, Alexander Truman, John Copplestone, and Brian Lyons.

((ooc: I meant to have a group preview along with this, but holy goodness! It’s 4am! Where does the time go?))

“Hello everyone and welcome to Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s opening coverage of Tynelia’s third Cup Of Harmony run. I’m Sal Spikeman along with Anna Dalespin. This time Anna, unlike the past two CoHs when the groups only had four teams and a quick start often lead to advancing things are much different under the Archregimancy’s run. This time four groups of seven with only the top two advancing meaning the finals begin with the quarterfinals instead of the round of sixteen as in our last two tries.”

“That’s right Sal, this new spin on things will clearly help out the teams who get off to a poor start as they will have five other matches to recover. Of course each match is still more vital than a WC proper match as we again have less than half the matches of a WC qualifying run. But this may end up helping Tynelia assuming they can find the net as we traditionally start out slowly. At least we start off in the best possible situation this time against Sliponia, the bottom team of the group whom we should on paper do well against.”

“Ok Anna, we’ll get back to you later on about our group chances, which I have to say is a tough draw. As Tynelian fans recall from our first Dragonnii Inviatyii we faced both our hosts the Archregimancy and Cuation there. It wasn;t a pretty sight as the two teams pounded Tynelia to the tune of a 4-0-0 record and 14-4 goal edge. Hopefully the team will do better this time. But first given the religious nature of the Archregimancy let’s go to our special symbologist Melodi Harris, the twin sister of our own Harmonie Masterson who is still at home watching over her first child. Hello Melodi and welcome to TSW.”

<Anna rolls her eyes in a “oh god not again” manner>

“Hello Sal, Harmonie says hello. Now some have questioned the change in the group setup for this CoH but studies show that there is indeed a religious correlation to this entire set up. While there are several possible interpretations to the seven teams in the group, the seven deadly sins, the seven virtues, the seven sacraments the clearest correlation comes to the seven seraphim or archangels across the various biblical based religions. The seven archangels themselves are mostly accepted by the Islamic church. However the catholic church only recognizes four of these, Michael, Gabriel, Raphael and Uriel which is represented by the four groups which each of the twenty eight teams have been divided into.

"Finally the top two advancing clearly corresponds to the protestants who had a much stricter view of the Archangels where only Michael and in certain circles Gabriel alone retain their seraphim status. While lacking a representation of the orthodox church proper that the Archregimancy itself follows it is clearly a sign of the secular nature of this cup that all heretical religions are tolerated in this international event, when they would not normally be so. Over to you Sal. ”

((OOC- this part above was done from memory so I’m sure I messed something up))

<camera returns to a stunned jaw dropped image of Sal and Anna, the latter trying to say something but finds herself unable to say a word. Finally Sal shakes it off>

“Thanks Melodi, I see you did your homework on this. Nice work. Now Anna what do you think about our chances this time? We made the round of 16 last time but the road seems tougher this time.”

<Anna continues to stare jaw dropped and wide-eyed at Melodi on the other side of the studio>

“Anna?”

<Anna finally comes to her senses>

“Oh sorry Sal. Yes this will be a very tough draw, in fact its probably tougher than our WC group when you think about it. Only one team ranked below 100, a slightly higher top seed and more teams in that dangerous 80s spot that the Atheistic right did so well against us in. The team is still wearing the footprints from the thrashings the Archregimancy and Cuation handed us two DIs ago and I’d say our hosts will still be tough to get a point from. It’s a big surprise they failed to qualify for the Cup proper and will no doubt be one of the two teams moving on. We’ve closed the gap on Cuation since our first meeting nearly as close in the rankings as Sativaville is to us now. We might be able to steal a point or two here. Balzonia has been around a bit longer than we have but have seemed to stall a bit around this ranking. While we slipped up ourselves after our poor Cup showing we’re right on their heels. Expect a split here.

“Now the real issue of this run will be the same thing that has plagued us since our second WC. Can Tynelia beat the teams below them. For some reason of late Tynelia has actually fared better against the teams ranked above them than below them and as many recall the Green Wombats knocked Tynelia out of the BoF in our initial appearance. We beat them in group play so we’re an even 1-0-1 against them. They haven’t been as strong in the Cup proper so hopefully Tynelia can take the edge here. Sativaville is in their first CoH but won their BoF and played pretty well in the group play for the WC so can’t be taken lightly. Sliponia seems a bit outgunned here but as Quakmybush proved, we can’t count on anything despite the low rank here. This is probably the toughest group as the hosts are just about assured of moving on. The second spot I think will go with Cuation narrowly over ourselves and Balzonia but I think we can nip Balzonia for third and actually finish above our seed in a KPB group.”

“OK Anna, that will still be a better result than our WC showing and hopefully we can regain the spots we lost in the ranks. Before we get back to your thoughts on our first match let’s head over to Mike McPhee with a look at the other groups. Hello Mike.”

“Hello Sal, the other groups are a bit more closely bunched at the top than our group so expect a few surprises. To start with group 2, Milchama should get by in one of the top two spots. Mr.Chuck Norris hasn’t fared well in past CoHs and I think their bad luck will continue. My surprise here is that Magnus Valerius, a team that advanced from the last seed in Tynelia’s first CoH, will be a surprise once again and beat out the Lowland Clans, who have had trouble since Tynelia knocked them out of the World Cup proper with a final matchday win in WC28.

“In group 3 a couple of our old BoF companions hold two of the top three seeds with Haraki and Qazox with the co-host Anathem.Republics in between. I think the home field edge will be the difference with the co-hosts taking the group and haraki finishing second. Qazox as their tradition will miss out by a single point on the last day of group play. Finally group 4 is probably the most wide open of the four with four teams ranked between 30th and 60th so anything could happen here. Wentland should do well and move on but the second spot will go down to the final day I’m sure. I’ll go out on a major limb and go with the returning One Red Dot to be fired up to show these newcomers what an old school squad is capable of. Besides there’s always someone unexpected sneaking in and that’s my pick. Back to you Sal.”

“OK Mike, finally Anna, what are your predictions for matchday one?”

“Well this first match will show right off the bat if Tynelia is going to do anything. Anything short of a win and be ready to see lots of shutouts for our team. I’d like to think that the team will want to send Coach Greg Tudor out on a high note in his final international tournament so I’ll take a chance and say Tynelia come son top 2-0. The Wombats start off in what could be a painful match with the host Archregimancy. I think the monks have something to prove and come out on top 4-1. Finally Balzonia takes on Sativaville and in a bit of a shocker I think this one will end up in a 1-1 draw as the newcomers have been playing pretty well so far.”

“OK Anna, hopefully your prediction for us will come through, while not a crippling blow a loss or even a draw against the lowest seed will not help the Tynelian morale which is clearly in need of a boost after their World Cup performance. But in any case, our live coverage of Tynelia’s first CoH match will begin a half hour before kickoff with the prematch show and followed by everyone here with the post match show. Until then this is Sal Spikeman for Anna Dalespin wishing everyone a good night.”

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MFA PROMISES HOLY WATER TO ALL ANATHEMATIC REPUBLICS OPPONENTS
"Let's Bitchslap Satan" Says Leading Bishop

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

In an extraordinary breach of co-hosting neutrality, Monastic Football Association officials today announced that they would be making free supplies of Orthodox-blessed Holy Water available to all teams facing the Anathematic Republics in the Cup of Harmony.

"The souls of the damned - heretics every one, especially this Shearer character - must be punished for their temerity in infesting our hallowed realm thanks to these accursed WCC rules of 'hospitality'" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity.

Metropolitan Stefan of Xenophon was less reticent, announcing "let's bitchslap Satan - and send his minions back where they belong in the process".

The supplies of Holy Water are being closely guarded by agents from SOFTEE, the Synodical Office for the Elimination of Evil.

Now with the correct nation

Milchama

These guys were possibly the biggest dissapointment of WC29. they struggled somewhat to a 6-3-5 record. these guys should easily win the group.

PREDICTION: 1st


The Lowland Clans

The Scots came within one win of making it,But there A team did win the Puntiforia Invitational.

PREDICTION: 2nd


Magnus Valerus

These guys lost out on Goal Deffenrence so they should be hungry,But stif compitition should keep them starving.

Prediction 4th


Mr Chuck Norris

Thes guys had a lot of trouble and finished 4-3-7. we don't expect to much from this self-centerred team.

PREDICTION: Dead Fucking Last

AwalKB

These guys should some promise during Qualifiers,But this compitition is much stiffer. So don't expect much.

PREDICTION: 6th


Iansisle

Watch out for these guys, despite ther 4-3-7 record these guy should be tough.

PREDICTION:3rd




Overall Prediction

1. Milchama
2. Lowland Clans
3. Iansisle
4. Magnus Valerus
5. VIRGINIA NOVA
6. AwalKB
7. Mr Chuck Norris

CUP OF HARMONY MAY SEE ONE RED DOT GO FURTHER
12 July 2006
by aSWORD.org.rd

The World Cup may be on-going in Krytenia and Casari, but over here in the Dream Bubble hosted by Alasdair I Frosticus, the Cup of Harmony is set to begin soon enough.

In the pre-hiatus era, One Red Dot has (from memory) never entered the Cup of Harmony, instead always qualifying for the World Cup.

One Red Dot's jounery through WC29 was interesting enough, and although they were 5th in the group by rankings, and never expected to do much, they managed to reach as high as 3rd in the table by the 13th day of qualifications, stressing the fact that the Wolves are indeed a force to be reckoned with. The world rankings of One Red Dot were pushed up 27 places from #86 to #59.

One Red Dot has been allocated to Group 4 for this tournment.

Group 4 consists of Wentland, Vuam and Isma, Dorian & Sonya, One Red Dot, Rorysville, Raging Penguins and Nikea.

Wentland, #34, had a very impressive qualification run, going against giants like Jerusalem and Ariddia, however, their goal difference was not all to impressive. Vuam and Isma, #40, however had an impressive run in their group with 9 wins and with a low number of goals conceded. In any case, both teams are marked as teams to defeat in the tournament for One Red Dot.

Dorian & Sonya, #54, had a good run as well against a group with Rejistania and Sarzonia. However, their statistics in the World Cup, much similar to the Wolves, would show that the match against the might prove to be fights to the end.

Rorysville, #70 and Raging Penguins, #91, perhaps might not produce much resistance against One Red Dot, however, the play of Raging Penguins might indicate a defence not to be trifled with.

Nikea, once a giant, is another up-and-coming ex-veteran to return, much like One Red Dot. It may seem that they might not have much to produce, but their play does not reflect that.

Prediction:
1. Wentland
2. One Red Dot
3. Dorian & Sonya
4. Vuam and Isma
5. Nikea
6. Raging Penguins
7. Rorysville

Tickets for the opening match against Nikea at the Royal Red Dot National Stadium can be bought at your local ORDTIX centre. Channel 5 would be broadcasting the match live at 7.00pm.

AwalKB Football Report

Good Evening, I'm Joe Lohos, tonight we have the latest on the AwalKB Sex Gods and their status in the Cup of Harmony, which is fact, has had an interesting turn of events.

In other news, the Fairtown Land-Rovers as well as those other two AwalKian First League teams are expect to endure quite a beating in the NSFA Cup as stars like Goalkeeper Taylor Johnson will be on International duty.

We'll be back, right after this.

(((Screen cuts to commercial)))

"How long is this suppose to take?"

"Should be a 45 minute news wit 15 minutes of commercials."

"Are you sure that new guy has worked this out correctly?"

"Positive."

"Alright, well-"

"We're on in 5-4-3-2-1"

(((Screen cuts from commercial to Anchor Joe Lohos)))

Welcome back.

In recent news, the Cup of Harmony has had an interesting turn of events, as there are currently 27 teams the event has been split into 9 groups of 3--

(((Muffled voice is heard in backround)))

Well, we'll be back right after this...

(((Screen cuts to commercial)))

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN THERE'S 4 GROUPS OF 7 NOW?!?!"

"It was changed, sir, just after we went on the air."

"My ass it did, get that new guy in here now!"

"Hey! Jimmy, go get the newbie! Alright, well we're gonna have to work this out."

"DO YA THINK?!"

"Should we just drop the story and try it tommorow?"

"And do what with the half-hour thing we had planned out?"

"We could just have the station put on some stupid show like 'Dr. Who' or something."

"No, I hate that show, we're doing it, just drop the graphics and put the information about the AwalKB group on the telepromter and I'll make it up as I go."

"If you say so."

The new guy comes running into the room panting

"You wanted me."

"YOU ARE A FRICKING MORON. YOU'RE FIRED NOW LEAVE!!"

"But-"

"Joe, we're on in 10"

"JUST SHUT UP AND LEAVE!"

"Yes, sir."

"5-4-3-2-1"

(((Screen Cuts to Joe)))

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen.

If you were watching earlier, we had some technical dificulties as my mouth seemed to be spitting out words that I wasn't even saying.

In fact, I was saying that the tournament currently has 28 nations participating, and therefore is split into 4 groups each with 7 nations.

The AwalKB Sex Gods are currently sitting in the second group, and once again are heavy underdogs.

(((Visual below Group 2 is put up as Joe continutes to speak)))

Rank
Group 2
Milchama 22
Lowland Clans 39
Magnus Valerius 53
Mr Chuck Norris 63
AwalKB 77
Virginia Nova 98
Iansisle 100

As you can see, the AwalKB side, although jumping nearly 100 places in the overall rankings, have are still seeded 5th in the group of 7.

The group is expected to be dominated by 22nd overall ranked Milchama. The fight will most likely be for the second spot in the group between Lowland Clans, Magnus Valerius, Mr. Chuck Norris, and AwalKB.

We'll have our full prediction of the Group, and possibly, given the airtime the entire tournament. You can join online at our website at AWW.AwalKBFootballReport.gov to participate in our Cup of Harmony bracket predictions, and remember, the winner wins a life-size model of Prime Minister Dunkn Do Nut!

We'll be right back with news on the AwalKian First League teams.

(((Screen cuts to commercial)))

Plijous City Herald

Well, its Cup of Harmony time again, and this time, the Gulls are ranked a record high 73rd in the world, and looking to raise that even further. Here is a look at the teams we will and may face in this great competition...

Group 3

Haraki (33) - Haraki is our bet for the finals, and will be looking to improve on their poor performance in the qualifiers. We have a good record against them, but don't expect any mercy this time around. Prediction: 1st.

Anathematic Republics (47) - A good team, but one under pressure from their home nation. We suspect that they will pull of this comp, but who knows? Prediction: 5th.

Qazox (58) - A strong team that gets stronger each season. However, they seem to believe they are owed a place in the World Cup. They'll prolly be knocked out as soon as they reach the next round, but they should move on. Prediction: 2nd.

Lisburn Mateys (66) - Never underestimate the Mateys! This is the team that will be rivalling us for 3rd, but they can pull out some upsets. Prediction: 3rd.

Spaamanian Plijous (73) - With Alan Belmore on our side, we can go far. We have the potential to even move on, but with the strength of the competition, critics don't hold much hope. Prediction: 4th.

Marceau State (89) - Not much known about this team, and they don't seem to make much of an impact. Prediction: 6th.

GarfieldTheFat (103) - Their ranking is generous. Prediction: Dead fucking last.

And now for the other groups!

Group 1

The Archregimancy should easily take this group, but second will be a battle. We pick Bazalonia, but Cuation and Tynelia are equally likely. Sliponia will find it hard to not finish last, but could finish ahead of Green Wombat and/or Sativaville.

Group 2

A closer group, its gonna be a battle between Milchama and the Lowland Clans. We're picking TLC, but watch out for Mr Chuck Norris who could steal the other place. Virginia Nova will finish dead fucking last.

Group 4

Wentland believe they are owed something, but they are in the group of death here. Vuam and Isma, Dorian and Sonya, and veteran One Red Dot, can all move on here. We're picking D&S over V&I, but its gonna be close. We'd also pick Raging Penguins, but the competition is way too strong. Nikea will struggle to not finish last, but it may be a losing battle.

Tomorrow night we face Qazox, which should be a good game. Make sure you catch it on COW.

Prediction: Dead fucking last.


OOC: wooohooo I started a fad:p

OOC: wooohooo I started a fad:p
OOC: No, sick of your arrogance.

The Troglodytia Tribune




The Group of The Dead and Dying awaits The Team


After the groupings for the rather badly named Cup of Harmony, which always has turned out to be extremely violent for The Team(see match with Qazoxian Oxen) were announced, The Team is up for an interesting, if unexpected series of matches. Our reporters spoke to Team Midfielder, Mrs. Tweezly about the upcoming games.

"We'd been hoping for a match against those pompous, whiny Milchaman's, because they've got such close ties with us, and, well, we've always wanted to beat the s*** out of them, but that's not possible now, unless both our teams qualify. And there'd been some foerign speculation on a match between us and those wee little demons from The Anathematic Republics, but that's also not happening, which is a pitty. I bet we'd have been able to make them cry, if we can't kill them. On the other, hand, we get to play those wimpy Unicorns, from Dorian and Sonya, and we're all anticipating that match by sharpening knives, and not making sure not to be too full before the match starts, so that's okay, I suppose. Are you writing this down?
Let me see that!
You call that spelling?
It's back to the chalkboard for you, my lad!"

And that's where our interview was cut short, unfortunately. However, we managed to convince another, rookie journalist to interveiw Tweezly one last time, in order to get some predictions. He managed to do so, but is now in the Hospital in critical condition.

Group 4 Predictions, as given by Mrs. Tweezly:

Wentland: 'They're better than us, more experienced than us, and higher ranked on the international scale than us, but they don't wear enough body armor, and they play by the rules. They'll be punished if(when) they win.' And so will The Team, for sure, but punished on the scoreboard, not the tender bits. Our Prediction: Top-ish. Maybe Middle-Top-ish.

Vuam and Isma: 'We don't know much about these twice-named people, but if they have any clue about how football works in relation to warfare, then we're up for a difficult match.' Yes, Mrs. Tweezly, yes you are. Our Prediction: Top-ish

Dorian & Sonya: 'We played these pansies last Cup of Harmony, and frankly, if it hadn't been for the Hair's extreme case of radio-active ADD, we wouldn't have lost. This time, we're going to chew these Unicorns up, and spit them out. In some cases, literally.' Well, this may be true, but remember, they'll probably come prepared. And by "prepared", we mean "armed and dangerous". That queen of theirs has a nasty temperment. Our Prediction: Middle-Top-ish.

One Red Dot: We looked this place up on the map, and I have to say, after both of those double-named countries, this one's well named. It is just one red dot, although this dot comes with a warning: "CAUTION: NATION IS BIGGER THAN IT APPEARS". We don't think they pose too much threat to us.' Well, we've looked at the threat it poses to The Team, and we think that dot should have a disclaimer saying: CAUTION: THREAT IS BIGGER THAN IT APPEARS". Our Prediction: Middle-Top-ish.

Rorysville: 'Who?' We were thinking something more like: "The Team's going to lose to Who?" Oh, sorry, Mrs. Tweezly, "The Team's going to lose to whom?" Our Prediction: Middle-ish.

Nikea: 'They're lower ranked than us. We're going to beat them into a bloody pulp.' That's true, but this is a Must-Lose game for The Team. After all, they're ranked 91st, and we're hoping to get them well into the one hundreds. Our Prediction: Bottom-ish.


The Team looks like it's going to cause more grevious bodily harm, but is going to lose as it always should. Our prediction: Last-ish.

The Swifts' squad:

1. ROBINSON David G/k 24 Vogsphere Utd [Squornshelous]
2. EAGER David R/b 22 Melboro
3. JARVIS Raymond L/b 23 Blackport
4. BATESON Mike C/h 28 Blackport
5. NEWTON Leonard C/h 21 Maitland Utd
6. vacant
7. DEVEY Thomas Mfd 32 Royal Heath
8. TREVES Francis Fwd 29 Warpstone
9. EDMUNDS John Mfd 22 Royal Heath
10. WESTON Joseph Mfd 29 Royal Heath
11. KENT Cosmo Mfd 30 Warpstone
12. GILBERT Mervyn G/k 19 Royal Heath
13. LAWRENCE Wm Mfd 21 Blackport
14. TRACEY Dennis G/k 27 Crowhurst
15. TALBOT Ian R/b 27 Crowhurst
16. LANE John C/h 27 Crowhurst
17. MOON Steven C/h 27 Crowhurst
18. TANNER Robert L/b 27 Crowhurst
19. LODER Adrian Mfd 27 Crowhurst
20. JONES Benjamin Mfd 27 Crowhurst
21. BARNES Thomas Fwd 27 Crowhurst
22. COLLINS Neil Fwd 27 Crowhurst
23. COOPER Norman Fwd 27 Crowhurst
24. DAVEY Peter Fwd 27 Crowhurst


General starting line-up (+1 mod):
Tracey

Talbot Bateson Moon Tanner

Loder Weston Kent

Treves
Barnes Cooper

Proud to wear the royal blue.

If you're RPing first - and given I'm off on hollybobs soon that's likely - you can do what you like, so long as nobody is quite dead. Sorry Penguins.

SLIPONIA JAYHAWKS
NATIONAL SOCCER TEAM

MEDIA PRESS KIT:
CUP OF HARMONY XXI

http://www.brokebroke.com/ns/football.jpg

ROSTER:
STARTERS:
#8 - GK Mike Davis

#31 - RB Nick Ford
#32 - RCB Zach Tebow
#22 - LCB Drew Wise
#33 - LB Jason Jacob

#21 - LWM Jason Kotlyarov
#23 - LCM Andrew Williams
#24 - RCM Tony Lanigan
#25 - RWM Keith Grey

#10 - RS Jason Finley
#11 - LS Gerald Parenteau
RESERVES:
#7 - GK Kevin Woods
#55 - CB Aaron Welch
#44 - CM Brandon Toliver
#30 - LWM Danny Mathis
#00 - RWM Shane Dennis
#12 - RF Rusty Mason
#15 - LF Andrew Steele
#84 - LB Jose Vazquez
#66 - RB Tyler Beaven
#35 - RS David Watkins
#39 - RCM Chris Price
STAFF:
COACHING STAFF:
Carl Edwards - Manager.
Ahmed Shalabi - Offense Specialist.
Hamad Hamdi - Defense Specialist.
AIDES:
Ron Martin - Lead Trainer.

KIT:
http://www.brokebroke.com/ns/slisoccdark.pnghttp://www.brokebroke.com/ns/slisoccwhite.png

STYLE:
+1

FORMATION:
1-4-4-2

©2006 Sliponian Federation for International SOCCER

http://www.brokebroke.com/ns/ssn.jpg

Jayhawks In Group With Co-Host
Sliponia Looks To Gain Experience

SLIPONIA--The Sliponian National Team has left for the Cup of Harmony 21. This will be the 'hawks first time in this Cup. They have been drawn in with some of the top teams in the world and are not expecting to make it out of the first round, especially considering Sliponia was the last team to enter the tournament.

Let's take a look at who the Slips will be facing:


The Archregimancy (16) - Co-host and ranked 16th? A clear favorite to win the group, the Slips are praying to not get beat too badly.

Cuation (38) - Another top team that Sliponia will really need to work hard to beat. Most likely to finish second unless Bazalonia can pull the upset.

Bazalonia (54) - A tough sleeper team that stands a good chance to do well in the group.

Tynelia (60) - A tough team with a good work ethic, but not everyone can make it out of the group.

Sativaville (82) - They won the Baptism of Fire and may finish ahead of Tynelia if things work out, but most likely won't make it out of the group.

Green wombat (88) - Clearly this is the main team Sliponia has their sites on. If they can beat #88, there's a chance of beating #82, and so on and so forth.

Sliponia (147) - Our beloved Jayhawks. Merely looking to prepare for WCXXX even if it means getting detroyed.

Jayhawk Schedule
Tynelia @ Sliponia
Sliponia @ Green Wombat
Bazalonia @ Sliponia
Sliponia @ Sativaville
Archregimancy @ Sliponia
Sliponia @ Cuation

In the chaos of co-organising the Cup of Harmony with HEFA - not to mention the ongoing in-fighting between the two host associations about how much smiting of heathens and heretics there should be - the Monastic Football Association has somehow forgotten to actually post an Archregimancy roster.

Until now....

The classic roster returns for one last hurrah, one last shot at footballing redemption. But with a significant coaching change.

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

THE ARCHREGIMANCY CUP OF HARMONY SQUAD

Time passes differently in the Dreamed Realm, so the Archregimancy has the luxury of entering an unchanged side from the last World Cup if it so chooses.

For those not in the know, the Archregimancy is a nation of Orthodox (Eastern Orthodox Christian - Russian, Greek, Serb, etc) monks and celibate priests.

COACH:
Fr. Polycarp the Venerable, captain of the national team in World Cups 24 and 25 - and starting midfielder in World Cup 28 - replaces Metropolitan Kyrill of Solovetsky, sacked for arrogance and hubris following the nation's spectacular failure to qualify for World Cup 29. Fr. Polycarp is one of the most respected footballing figures in the Archregimancy.

THE STARTING XI:
The Archregimancy plays in an orthodox 4-4-2 formation (style: 0)

GK:
Fr. Justinian the Thrice-Blessed (Pantaleimon): Roundly acknowledged as the best goalkeeper in the Monastic League, Fr. Justinian saved three shots in the penalty shoot-out that decided a recent Pantaleimon v Pantocrator Monastic Cup semi-final.

DEF:
Fr. Michael the New Hermit (Hermits United): On those rare occasions where he actually leaves his small cell high in the mountains to play for his team, Fr. Michael the New Hermit is a left-back of no little skill and refinement.

Fr. Michael the Greater (Troitse-Sergiyeva): His name has nothing to do with his devotion – this towering centre-back is merely several centimetres taller than his namesake and teammate Fr. Michael the Lesser.

Fr. Dmitri the Humble (Pantocrator): While vowed to silence and humility, there’s nothing humble about this centre-backs crunching tackles.

Fr. Michael the Lesser (Troitse-Sergiyeva): Club teammate of Fr. Michael the Greater, and a speedy overlapping right-back fond of taking corners.

MID:
Fr. Andrew the Twice-Found (Vatopedion): This left-winger has had two spells at Vatopedion either side of a spiritual journey through the vast emptiness of the Archregimancy’s desert.

Fr. Constantine the Learned (Simonopetra) Fr. Polycarp the Venerable's decision to retire from international football again has left a huge gap in midfield which his Simonopetra team-mate - a studious tactical master - hopes to fill for the second time.

Fr. David the Water-Drinker CAP (Llanilltud Fawr): The only western-rite player on the squad - and a once-controversial choice as captain - this central midfielder is renowned for spurning the heretical properties of Gatorade for the spiritually uplifting properties of pure spring water.

Fr. Pavel the Wanderer (Iviron): Iviron’s star right-winger – a celibate priest rather than a monk - often drifts in from the wing in the course of one of his trademark mazy dribbles.

FOR:
Fr. Silouan of the Seventy Caves (Solovetsky): This centre forward’s goalscoring ability is second only to his attention to the Holy Fasts.

Fr. Basil the Faster (Pantaleimon): Even more devoted to the Holy Fasts than Fr. Silouan - this past Great Lent he ate nothing but grass - Fr. Basil is also quite a speedy little forward.

SUBS
GK
Fr. Gleb the Fortunate (Hilandarion)

DEF
Fr. Nicholas the Twice-Blessed (Solovetsky)
Fr. Alexander the Missionary (Zografos)
Fr. Alexander the Sailor (Pantocrator)

MID
Fr. Michael the Equally as Learned as Father Constantine of Simonopetra (Iviron)
Fr. Theophilus the Golden (Vatopedion)
Fr. Polyeuctus the Obscure (Borisoglebsky)

FOR:
Fr. Pavel the New Slav (Borisoglebsky)
Fr. Demetrius of the New City (Pantaleimon)


Kit:
Home - All black with white collar
Away - All white with black collar


Squad Photo: http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a319/vakraas/squad.jpg

The team is always accompanied to matches by the Holy Icon of the Mother of God, Bringer of Victory, which shall be paraded before the team before kickoff.

Choose my goalscorers Y
Godmod Scoring Events Y
RP injuries to my players Y (please ask me first before killing anyone)
Godmod injuries to my players Y (please ask me first before killing anyone)
Hand out Yellow cards to my players Y
Hand out Red cards to my players y
Godmod Other Events Y - (no religious conversions of players, please)

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

TLC What?! TLC What?!

That's right everybody we get The Lowland Clans again in our group (group 2) This time though when we are overly arrogant they cannot get mad at us as we are ranked higher than them HAHAHAHAHA! Coach Jamie Smith said, "This looks to be a very winnable group. It also looks to be the tournament where our A team finally its first ever outround as we have never done that before. Although we'll still find a way not to win the cup as we are good at that." There are also other teams in our group and here they are:

Milchama 22 28.26
Lowland Clans 39 14.26
Magnus Valerius 53 11.54
Mr Chuck Norris 63 9.91
AwalKB 77 7.03
Virginia Nova 98 4.76
Iansisle 100 4.29

Now the infamous Milchamian predictions:
Milchama 22- For the first time ever we are top seed. We also have double the KPB points of our next opponent. The question isn't will we advance? it is, how many points will we get?
Lowland Clans 39- Our arch rivals. Even if our rivalry has gotten less rough since WC 24 we still don't particularly like these guys and want to beat them really bad. Bet you we can too. 3 points.
Magnus Valerius 53- They have been slowly moving up the charts. The key word there is of course "slowly." This means that in a couple of cups we might fear them but for right now we will crush them like little bugs. 3 points.
Mr Chuck Norris 63- We fear very few things but Chuck Norris is one of them. And that serial killer O.J. Pimpson is another. While their results might be dissapointing expect an upset here (of sorts). 1 point.
AwalKB 77- They did well in the BoF but they sucked during qualifying. We're going to go with recent results and say that they won't do much here. 3 points.
Virginia Nova 98- Ah Tonissia number 2. One of the most complained about countries in many "RL" places like #sport. That doesn't mean they suck though it just means that they are really really bad. 3 points.
Iansisle 100- They were once number 3 in the world. While they may suck now they will get better quickly and because of that they will upset us, big time. 1 point.

So that means that we 14 points. Is that enough for advancement? Yeh probably. But so what when have we ever been right in our predictions?

"Predictions? Why the hell do we have to do predictions?"

"Because you said we would, sir."

"When the hell did I say that?"

"When you were making up the newscast as you went last night, sir."

"Oh, right, and quite magnificently I might add."

"You might, sir."

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"Well, now we have to make predictons about teams we pretty much have no clue about."

"Well, whatever. Have you fired that assistant of yours yet?"

"You fired him, sir."

"Did I? When was that again?"

"In your rampage last airing, sir."

"Hey, now that wasn't a rampage, I was mearly getting the job done."

"Right."

"Excuse me?"

"Right...sir."

"Yea...Alright, well lets get going on these damn predictions, too bad someone fired that assistant of yours, we could really use another body."

The assistant mearly stares at his boss with a pained look on his face.

"Sir, if I may."

"Yes, go ahead."

"What are you on?"

"Excuse me?"

"What kind of drugs are you taking?"

"THATS IT, I WILL NOT TAKE THIS SARCASTIC CRAP FROM YOU, ONCE WE'RE FINISHED WITH THIS, YOU'RE FIRED!!!"

"Of course, sir."

"OK NOW GET TO WORK."

"Yep."

After about two hours of work on the predictions the Assistant packs up his briefcase and starts to exit the building, but is cut off by Director/Anchor Joe Lohos.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm leaving, sir, you said when the project was finished, I was fired."

"I did not, I would never say such a thing, that's maddness!"

The assistant mumbles something to himself that cannot be heard by Lohos.

"What was that?"

"Oh I was just saying how of course it is and that I must be mad myself for ever thinking you said such a thing."

"Yes, indeed you are. Now, since you fired your assistant, I suggest you get to work on the AwalKB Times article."

"Yes, sir, good idea."

"Thanks what can I say."

The assistant rolls his eyes as his boss turns and walks away. He then slowly returns to his desk to get started on another grueling article on the AwalKian First League.

The Isangrad Times
Bloody Revolutionaries!
Magnus Valerius Is Drawn Into Group 2

Magnus Valerius has finally gotten its draw of the Cup of Harmony, and now is set to roll. The Boyars have been drawn into Group 2, which is definitely looking out to be an exciting Cup of Harmony. The top seed of the group is Milchama, who have been around the World Cup for awhile. The rest of the competition is rather up there, but the Boyars, who have gone past the first stages in the Cup of Harmony before, will likely beat them out. After all, the Boyars had just come out of a tremendously successful World Cup, placing third in their group two points shy of qualifying.

Group 2
Milchama 22
Lowland Clans 39
Magnus Valerius 53
Mr Chuck Norris 63
AwalKB 77
Virginia Nova 98
Iansisle 100

As you can see, the group poses a mixed bag for the Boyars. You've got the top seed, Milchama. The main competition for the second slot will be between Magnus Valerius, The Lowland Clans, and Mr Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris himself leads the team from Mr Chuck Norris, and the upstart revolutionaries from Iansisle are here too. The Dream Bubble will surely be wrought with suspenseful games, and I can foresee an outcome for Group 2 in which The Lowland Clans, Magnus Valerius, Mr Chuck Norris and perhaps AwalkB all tied for second. Isangrad Times Sportsman Chuck has got you his predictions on the outcome of this world cup in the Sports Section, Page D2.

Speaking of Iansisle, the dastardly Gull Flaggers will meet us on the battlegrounds of the Dreamed Realm, and they will sorely lose. They will experience the full might of the Boyars and then wet themselves with nightmares of George Illyanich, our football star. Just as our troops shall lay waste to the Iansisleans who are unlucky enough to find themselves in their colony of the Philippines, so shall the Boyars crush the Iansisleans and their loathsome Gull Flag Republic on the football field in the Dream Bubble!

EDITOR'S NOTE ---- I would like to apologize for the writer's putrid words of hatred against Iansisle. He, like many other writers at the Isangrad Times, are not very fond of Iansisle and have become over inflated with sheer patriotism in these times. Yes, Iansisle is our political enemy, but such bloody remarks should be refrained from in press, especially if it concerns sports! I believe political rivalries and issues should not be dragged into the realm of sports. That's poor sportsmanship. I must admit, I am not a fan of the Gull Flag Republic, and I support Magnus Valerius's war against them, but I firmly believe that Valerians and Iansisleans shouldn't tear each other apart in football games.

I wish luck to the Boyars in the Cup of Harmony, and I would like to wish luck for Iansisle as well. I am practically the only one here who is old enough to remember when Magnus Valerius and Iansisle under the Callahans were rather cordial with each other.

Sincerely, Yakov Rhamozev, Editor-In-Chief

And Now, Patriarch Feodor's Blessings
By His Holiness Patriarch Feodor III Himself

God Bless, Fair Valerians. As Patriarch of the Valerian Orthodox Church and the spiritual leader of our fair Empire, I would wish to bless every Valerian and to offer my blessings to the Boyars in the Cup of Harmony. The Boyars, as we all know, came in third in WC29's Qualifiers, short of qualifying. Even so, this shows sign of great improvement and I hope to live to see the Boyars finally qualify. In this Cup of Harmony, I am looking forward to some great games. (OOC: As everyone in Magnus Valerius knows, the Patriarch is a huge fan of football.) Before the games commence, however, I would like to extend my most holy blessings to teams that I believe are worthy of them.

I would like to extend my utmost blessings and wishes of luck to our Most Holy Orthodox brethren in The Archregimancy. I was disheartened to see such a devout and skilled team not make the qualifying mark in WC29, but since they are the highest ranked team in the Cup of Harmony, they have an easy, set pathway to qualifying, and a certain future in perhaps winning the Cup. May God be with them.

To the People of Iansisle, I would wish to preach peace and harmony. I wish their team the best of luck, for they are just returning to the World Cup, and I hope to see them rise again in the rankings. Although we are currently at war with Iansisle, I wish to see peace in the football stadium and in the future. Why, I remember the past, the good days when the Grand Empire and The Callahan's Shieldian Empire were at peace with each other. Although there aren't many Orthodox brethren in Iansisle to my knowledge, I wish them luck and bless them the same. After all, a blessing from God is the same throughout all good Faiths of the Book.

Finally, in a similar holy notion like The Archregimancy, I would like to grant all of my blessings and prayers to those facing off against the heathens and demons of The Anathematic Republics! Those devils should be maimed thoroughly, salted well, and then be thrown into the ash heap. I pray that God will grant His might and His sword to the teams playing against them to ensure victory.

Any other national team who wishes to have my utmost and holy blessings may ask. God Bless you, everyone, and may God Bless these games. May there be exciting days to come!

In the Sports Section, Page D2
Sportsman Chuck's Predictions!

Hey, ladies and gents. It's your favorite Sportsman Chuck, sports writer for the Isangrad Times! With a whirlwind of a World Cup 29 for Magnus Valerius, the Boyars are looking to make this Cup of Harmony Count. But in Group 2, there is definitely some serious competition to be had. Let's take a look at them all.

Milchama - The top seed of the group, Milchama is definitely the guaranteed favorite to qualify in the group. They are most likely to grab the top spot in the group, hands down, and I fully expect them to qualify in the Cup of Harmony. It's only a question whether how badly we will lose to Milchama...

Prediction: 1st

The Lowland Clans - The professed rivals of Milchama and the second seed of the group, The Lowland Clans are likely to be the top competition for Magnus Valerius. Although they are tough and ranked higher than us, we can beat them. Even so, there shall be plenty of suspenseful games to be had between them and the Boyars.

Prediction: 3rd

Magnus Valerius - As mentioned before, the Boyars have done pretty well in WC29, despite missing the qualifying spot in Group 15 by two GD points. If we had fewer goals against, we would have made it. Now, in the Cup of Harmony, things are different. We qualified easy in the CoH for WC27 and qualified for the CoH for WC28 barely. We expect to repeat this success for a third time in a row and go further than just the first knockout round.

Prediction: 2nd

Mr Chuck Norris - With players like the Burger King and Chuck Norris himself, Chuck Norris is a colorful team. Yet, they probably will falter in front of the Boyars, unless Chuck Norris's roundhouse kicks could stop the lightning-fast shots made by George Illyanich and his cohorts.

Prediction: 5th

AwalkB - The Sex Gods of AwalkB are an up-and-coming team for sure, but they have a slim chance of qualifying and might have trouble against the Boyars or the Lowland Clans. They might end up dueling it out with Mr Chuck Norris for 4th.

Prediction: 4th

Virginia Nova - This rookie team will likely not pose a threat to the Boyars at all. They should get prepared to be steamrolled.

Prediction: 7th

Iansisle - Their triumphant return to the World Cup was marred by an agony of poor games, but we expect them to do well for their position. Their brand-spanking new team probably won't match up well with our somewhat battle-scarred Boyars, but they will be a thorn in the side to everyone in the group.

Prediction: 6th

That wraps up my predictions for the outcomes for this Cup of Harmony qualifiers, but as we all know, nothing can ever be certain in predictions. I am Sportsman Chuck, signing off. Good Games, Everyone.

Match Day Schedule

MD 1 - Magnus Valerius v. AwalkB
MD 2 - Milchama v. Magnus Valerius
MD 3 - Magnus Valerius v. Iansisle
MD 4 - The Lowland Clans v. Magnus Valerius
MD 5 - Magnus Valerius v. Mr Chuck Norris
MD 6 - Bye
MD 7 - Virginia Nova v. Magnus Valerius

The AwalKB Times

THE EXPERTS SAY, AWALKB TO CLINCH SPOT IN QUARTERFINALS

Well ladies and gentlemen, for the AwalKB Sex Gods International season, it's come down to this. And as a special treat for the Sex God's first ever Cup of Harmony, we're issuing a full breakdown of every teams chances, and how we think they'll end up at the end of the group stage.

It is only fitting that we begin with the highest ranked squad in the group, Milchama, who is ranked overall at 22nd, however suprisingly did not qualify for the World Cup finals.

Here's the schedule as we see it happening:

Milchama 3-0 Virginia Nova
Milchama 2-1 Magnus Valerius
Milchama 1-0 AwalKB
Milchama 5-0 Iansisle
Milchama 2-1 Mr Chuck Norris
Milchama 0-1 Lowland Clans

Overall, we expect the Milchamese team to do very well, being a much more experienced and just plain skilled team compared to the rest of the crowd, however we do expect a slight upset to their quiet rivals Lowland Clans in the final match before qualification. At the end of the group stage we expect Milchama to be on top with 15 points.



The second ranked squad in group two would be the Lowland Clans, currently ranked 39th in the overall rankings.

Here's their schedule as we see it.

Lowland Clans 0-1 Mr Chuck Norris
Lowland Clans 2-0 Virginia Nova
Lowland Clans 0-1 Magnus Valerius
Lowland Clans 0-1 AwalKB
Lowland Clans 3-0 Iansisle
Lowland Clans 1-0 Milchama

Although we have the side upsetting group favorites Milchama, we don't really expect the squad to do incredibly well, yet they still have a lot of international experience and could come out strong and grab the second qualifying spot. As we see it the Lowland Clans squad will end up with 7 points.



The next team on the list is Magnus Valerius currently ranked at 53rd in the overall rankings. With a fantastic performance that didn't pull through by literally 2 goals, the Magnus Valerius side has proven their worth. But can they come back from such a harsh way to get booted from the World Cup running?

This is their schedule as we see it:

Magnus Valerius 1-1 AwalKB
Magnus Valerius 1-2 Milchama
Magnus Valerius 2-0 Iansisle
Magnus Valerius 1-0 Lowland Clans
Magnus Valerius 2-2 Mr Chuck Norris
Magnus Valerius 2-0 Virginia Nova

We see the Magnus Valerius side coming out with a moderately good display in the Cup of Harmony, nothing amazing, but its a toss up as to whether they win, lose, or draw most of their games. However, we have the squad from magnus Valerius finishing the group stage with 11 points.



Next we have the fourth ranked Mr Chuck Norris. With a dissapointing qualification the Mr Chuck Norris side will be looking to improve upon itself in this Cup of Harmony, coming in with an overall rank of 63.

Here is the schedule as we see it playing out:

Mr Chuck Norris 2-0 Iansisle
Mr Chuck Norris 1-0 Lowland Clans
Mr Chuck Norris 2-1 Virginia Nova
Mr Chuck Norris 2-2 Magnus Valerius
Mr Chuck Norris 1-2 Milchama
Mr Chuck Norris 0-2 AwalKB

Overall, our experts think that the Mr Chuck Norris squad will pull off and impressive run here in the Cup of Harmony with losses only AwalKB and favorite Milchama. At the end of the group stage our experts expect the Mr Chuck Norris side to have 10 points.



Currently ranked 77th and a new star in the International pool finishing in an impressive 4th place in group qualifying for the World Cup is AwalKB. The Sex Gods have come out with some pretty big results for their first 2 years at the international level, despite a depressing loss to Tessan in the knockout stages of the Baptism of Fire, the squad went on to an, although not wonderful, impressive showing in qualification, considering their rank and experience.

Here's how we think the schedule will work out for the Sex Gods:

AwalKB 1-1 Magnus Valerius
AwalKB 0-1 Milchama
AwalKB 3-0 Iansisle
AwalKB 1-0 Lowland Clans
AwalKB 3-1 Virginia Nova
AwalKB 2-0 Mr Chuck Norris

Our experts believe that the AwalKB Sex Gods will come out in nearly every match, startling the opponents at their calm yet intense play. Though it may seem a bit ambitious we have the AwalKB side, after the group stage, tallying up to a huge 13 points.



Virginia Nova reports say they expect the team to finish at a lowly 5th in the group, with such expectations from their own nation, who can disagree with them? Though the squad shows heart, they are lacking in the skill and discipline section.

Here's how we see it playing out for the Nova's:

Virginia Nova 0-3 Milchama
Virginia Nova 2-1 Iansisle
Virginia Nova 0-2 Lowland Clans
Virginia Nova 1-2 Mr Chuck Norris
Virginia Nova 1-3 AwalKB
Virginia Nova 0-2 Magnus Valerius

Though the Nova's performance was respectible in World Cup Qualifying, our experts expect that the squad might find themselves in quite a fix and at this moment we expect the squad to emerge from the group with only three points.



And last but, well, maybe least, we have Iansisle. The squad, currently ranked last in the group at 100 overall, had a tough going in Qualification, and quite frankly, we don't see it getting better.

Here's how we see the Iansisle schedule working out:

Iansisle 0-2 Mr Chuck Norris
Iansisle 1-2 Virginia Nova
Iansisle 0-2 Magnus Valerius
Iansisle 0-3 AwalKB
Iansisle 0-5 Milchama
Iansisle 0-3 Lowland Clans

We expect the squad to, at most, come out with three points with one plausible win, however our experts weren't nice enough to give it to them, so we currently have Iansisle coming out of the group with a heartstopping, earthshattering, totally enourmus 0 points.



In the end of the group stage we expect the simplified table to look something like this:


Rank Points

Milchama 22 15
AwalKB 77 13
Magnus Valerius 53 11
Mr Chuck Norris 63 10
Lowland Clans 39 7
Virginia Nova 98 3
Iansisle 100 0

As you can see, the running for the second spot in the group will be incredibly clos, and will, most likely, be a battle of the will between the sides from AwalKB, Magnus valerius, Mr Chuck Norris, and quite possible Lowland Clans, only time can tell how the fixtures will work out, as I've always said, there's a reason they play the games, anything can happen in Football.

That concludes our newspaper coverage of the Cup of Harmony before the kickoff of AwalKB's first match against Magnus Valerius don't miss the action only on the AwalKB Football Channel at 13:00 AwalKB Time. By Joe Lohos

POLLS

Lots of questions going into this Cup of Harmony with what may be the toughest collection of squads in Tynelia's history here at the Cup. With that in mind our paper set up its own online polls for Tynelians to vote on before this CoH begins.

1) Which team will win the group
Archregimancy- 61.3%
Cuation- 28.1%
Balzonia- 7.4%
Tynelia- 1.2%
Sativaville- 1.4%
Green Wombat- .5%
Sliponia- .1%

2) Who will take the second qualifiying spot?
Cuation- 35.2%
Archregimancy- 34.9%
Balzonia- 14.1%
Tynelia- 10.1%
Sativaville- 2.5%
Green Wombat- 2.3%
Sliponia- .9%

3) Who will win the CoH
Archregimancy 34.8%
Milchama 20.5%
Wentland 15.6%
Haraki 11.3%
Cuation 8.5%
Magnus Valerius 5.4%
other-3.9%

4) As a Tynelian fan which is your most hated team and why? (most popular reason listed)
Atheistic Right- 22% (0-1-2 in international play even though we're ranked above them)
Qazox 20.9%- (oxen are plagarists)
Tinsuville 13.5%- (0-1-1 in international play and ranked way below us)
Quakmybush 11%- (they qualified on their first try and we didn't)
The Kazoo peoples- 10.5% (two words- - Chad Johnson)
Archregimancy- 7.4% (made us look silly in our first DI)
Green Wombat- 5.7% (knocked us out of the BoF)
Haraki- 4.1% (we hate Mark Stone!)
other- 4.9%

5) Where do you think Tynelia will finish in the CoH?
Fourth- 36.5%
Third- 22.2%
Fifth- 19.4%
Second- 10.1%
Sixth- 7.1%
Seventh- 3.5%
First- 1.2%

Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

CUP OF HARMONY SET TO BEGIN
Another Uphill Battle Expected
by Markinen Marketel

QUELDAS(NP) - The Pandas qualifying campaign ended with a whimper.
Although they did better than many outsiders predicted (they finished
second from bottom as opposed to dead last), any campaign that doesn't
see qualification is seen as a failure in manager Hikaren Spriteithel's
eyes.

"We didn't qualify, and that's the point of the qualification round,"
he said before the team came together once again in Queldas for
training for the Cup of Harmony. "Saying that a team did well but not
qualified is like rewarding a child for almost spelling a word
correctly. It's either correct or not, and we either qualified or not.
And we didn't. A side in the same situation as us, Quakmybush, managed
to do it. So why not us?"

Despite such harsh words about the campaign from Spriteithel, and his
apparent disdain for children who spell words incorrectly, many in
Nikea were quite happy with the way the team performed against some of
the better opposition in the higher ranked opposition in their group,
especially not dropping a full 6 points against Bedistan as everyone
expected. The performance against some of the middle teams was less
inspiring, but Nikea didn't lose to Sovietry, which can be seen as more
of a relief than an achievement.

Nikea is in Cup of Harmony group 4, which includes Wentland, Vuam and
Isma, Dorian & Sonya, One Red Dot, Rorysville, Raging Penguins, and
Nikea. It may not be the group of death, but it is the "Group of
Countries with More than One Word in Their Name". Nikea's matches can
be seen on NTV1, although expect a series of weird matches from the
dreamed up existences in Alasdair I Frosticus.

MD1 - One Red Dot v Nikea
MD2 - Nikea v Raging Penguins
MD3 - Dorian & Sonya v Nikea
MD4 - Nikea v Rorysville
MD5 - Wentland v Nikea
MD6 - Nikea v Vuam and Isma
MD7 - bye

Cuation goes into the Cup of Harmony looking to try and arrest a slide down the ranking table. The formation seems to be working and Cuation tends to be fighting for a semi final place but for one problem. The group is big, Cuation's tendency to drop form in a big group may mean Cuation fail to get out of the group stage of a Cup of Harmony for the first time in its history.

Let us have a look at those attempting to stop us in the group stage. We get a bye day on the first day to give us a chance to observe the other teams before we try to hit the ground running.

Archregimancy 16

A last hurrah for these monks, a highly respected team that has livened the hearts of many a man. They are not popular in Cuation after a diplomatic incident involving hosting a certain match but they are respected will certainly receive a good reception fit for a team that has been a good servant to this great game.

Co hosts and favourites to win this cup, they have been driven apart by infighting. Playing a 4-4-2 style like Cuation, if they can't get past this group then it will be a sad end to such a fair playing side. Quoted as 34% chance of winning the cup, they have a massive 61% likelihood of winning the group.

We play them in the final group game, hopefully for top spot. The monks to win 2-1 and confirm their tag as favourites by topping the group.

Cuation 38

We have always got past the group stage and despite some up and coming teams, should still have the quality to do that. Despite never winning, we are experts at getting to the semi-finals and Cuation will be hoping to improve and either get third place or even go into the final.

Have an 8% chance of going all the way according to one online poll (our legal team says to tell you that it was a Tynelian poll figures) and are favourites to take second place. A 4-4-2 team with passionate support, we must avoid a loss of form.

Bazalonia 54

We have a good record against this team but if we are underestimate the, they will punish us. A team on the up, Plijous thinks they will take second place in the group, a 14% chance of that happening. A good performance in this cup could given them a boost in the rankings and with the second place fight so tight, who is to say that can't happen?

Hobble leads a strong attack in a 4-3-3 formation, they risk getting outgunned in the midfield battle but have the fire power to make up for it. Have high hopes tempered with realism and will certainly be fired up for this cup.

We face them on match day four, a 1-0 victory to us perhaps but too close to really call.

Tynelia 60

Not expected to qualify but are also noted as a team who could pull it off anyway. Played against us two DI's ago as well as the monks and lost all four games, taking some hammerings in a tournament that we tend to struggle in. Our star since has waned whereas they are still rising, a beating should not be expected. Last of the teams with real hope of qualification, a 10% chance whereas the others struggle below in the 2%.

Greg Tudor leads the team out for his final hurrahs, a defensive 3-3-2-2 team that lacks width or attacking edge, despite four forwards, but they are hard to break down. Pytte and Brantley have a point to prove, expect them to contest every ball.

We play them in our first game and maybe a 2-0 win if they become scared of us.

Sativaville 82

A daring 3-3-4 formation, they will look to overcome by sheer attack, expect the stronger teams to pick them off at the back. Play out of their minds by being stoned but they have won their Baptism of Fire so deserve respect.

This will be vital experience for them and might give them a little rank boost, they must beat those lower then them and then help for an upset here or there if they are to qualify

Match day 5 should be a 3-1 Cuation win though Jude Tanner will be busy.

Green wombat 88

We have played this team before, I think, but they have changed into a 3-2-2-3, another team who may suffer for lack of width but will be interesting to see in the midfield. They have struggled at World Cup level and this is their first Cup of Harmony.

This team will be trying to avoid bottom place I think as they will struggle in a tough group but anyone expecting cricket scores are sorely mistaken. Cuation toy manufactures will sell toy Green Wombats on the week before our match with them.

Match Day 3, a 1-1 draw as we struggle with yet another little team.

Sliponia 147

Wooden spoon contenders or dangerous underdogs? They back us for second place but are realists, in their first cup, there best hope is to beat the two teams in the 80 ranks. They may be able to pull it off but any point will be a welcome boost.

Play an attacking 4-4-2 so won't bore teams to death like we used to do, they must use the ball well when they get it, if they are too rigid or give the ball away cheaply, they will suffer.

Play us on Match day 6, the Jay Hawks last match may result in Cuation struggling in a 0-0 draw.


Day 1 Group 1

We get a chance to observe everyone on our bye day, the Cuation nation will be watching with eagerness. Tynelia get a chance to hit the ground running by playing Sliponia, anything less then a win will be a huge upset and a blow to Tynelian hopes.

Green Wombat will expect a hammering against the monks, who are no doubt thankful for the chance to gain momentum against such a poor side. This match could be exciting if the Green Wombats avoid the temptation to try and stifle play. Game of the day.

Bazalonia against the best of the rest, Sativaville. Closer game on paper then the other two but Bazalonia should be strong enough to win as long as they don't get cocky. Overall these three games look unevenly matched a chance for our top three rivals to gain a march on us, we could end up having to play catch up or taking advantage of a demoralised team.

Qazox as their tradition will miss out by a single point on the last day of group play. ”

OOC: Boy you miss out on the Cup by 5 points in 3 tries and it becomes a tradition....

PART FOUR

Hey... you're back....what they do to you??? nevermind where was I...

Location: Somewhere in Qazox City: watching Paul Mall talk to Agent 13....

MAN #1- I can't believe that Mr. Mall is falling for our cover story so easily.

MAN #2- We cannot underestimate this man. Tell Agent 44 that it is time to put Phase 2 into play... Mr. Mall cannot find out the truth.

MAN #1- I don't think he will. For a couple of reasons. First.. he's stuck in a Green Wombat prison.. they'll flay him alive until he spills what he knows, which is not much. and Second, even if somehow he is released, he'll never pick up the right trail.

MAN #2- Ok. For now Phase two will be put on hold, but the second he starts finding out the Real Truth.. he must be eliminated....permanently.

MAN #1- Agreed.

Back to the Prision Cell "....and after I found Lt. General Huff's body, the cops broke in and here I am."

MD 1 RP cut-off.

I'm facing a busy morning, so it may be a few hours before I can post scores.

Rest assured that they will be up at some point today [it's 9:00am in Melbourne as I write this, and I mean 'today' my time].

Hi!

I'm Alexander Orphanatropho, international media personality, wit, raconteur, and bon-vivant.....

What, I should get on with it?

You're saying they already know who I am?

You just want me to release the Match Day 1 scores?

What about group tables?

Not until after the second match?

Oh mother, you never let me have any fun.....


Group 1
Tynelia 1 Sliponia 0
Green wombat 0 Archregimancy 3
Bazalonia 0 Sativaville 0

Group 2
Mr Chuck Norris 1 Iansisle 2
Virginia Nova 0 Milchama 2
Magnus Valerius 1 AwalKB 0

Group 3
Lisburn Mateys 1 GarfieldtheFat 1
Marceau State 3 Haraki 3
Qazox 1 Spmn. Plijous 1

Group 4
One Red Dot 1 Nikea 1
Raging Penguins 0 Wentland 2
Dorian & Sonya 2 Rorysville 1

OOC: Dammit, too late. :D

Ah well. Can this count for MD2?

IC:

Ilya Pavlov, coach for the Magnus Valerian Boyars, was casually reading newspapers from AwalkB, Magnus Valerius’s first match opponent. He thought it was interesting that their rankings have placed AwalkB in second and Magnus Valerius in third.

“They’re a pretty new team,” he murmured. “I kind of think it is funny that they say the Sex Gods will pull off such a feat, but then again it could happen. After all, it happened for the Boyars!” The aging coach looked up from his paper to watch his team as they went through practice games right before the Cup of Harmony’s first match day. George Illyanich was practically walking circles around the Boyar Subs, and made in several practice goals. Kyrill “Ky” Feodorov and Jonathon Song, perhaps the pair of players that use the best teamwork on the field, also racked up some points during practice. At the last minute, Jacques d’Anjou netted a last goal.

“Alright, that’s a wrap!” shouted Pavlov. “Subs, you need to improve! I don’t want you all to be bench warmers! So give me 100 laps around the field and then hit the gym!”

The Boyars wandered over to Pavlov, sweating profusely and hoping for the practice to end. “Wait, where do you think you guys are going?” Pavlov remarked. “I think you need more practice! Join the Subs and run around the field… 200 times!”

The Boyars groaned as they joined into the circuit with the substitutes.

“Geez, why can’t Pavlov give us a break once in awhile?” sighed Gustav Sibel. “I’m a keeper, not a forward.”

“Well, you need to be more swift, anyway,” snorted Stephan Bobrinsky. “You can’t help but let those goals in, can’t you? Bettia made us look like a breeze this last world cup, butchering us like farm animals! We could have qualified, if it weren’t for the two or so points you let in!”

Sibel boiled with anger. “WHAT? You know, I am the best goalkeeper in the Valerian Leagues! You’re a defender, you shouldn’t have let those players come close to the net anyway. The strikers should have put out more anyway.”

“What do I hear back there? Is it… whining?” a joking George Illyanich said as he ran past Bobrinsky and Sibel; they were left plain speechless.

“Well, George Illyanich sure is good… but he can’t take some things seriously,” Bobrinsky started. They soon caught up to Illyanich, who slowed down to let his friends Sibel and Bobrinsky catch up to him. Sibel added, “Well, maybe it’s the other forwards, like Frenchie or Ky.”

Of course, other teammates were listening, and one did not rest with what the gossiping Sibel and Bobrinsky had to say. Jacques “Frenchie” d’Anjou butted into the conversation with the keeper and the defender with arrogance. “YOU think I am bad, well, just take a look at Illyanich. That dirty Slav is overrated.” Illyanich was goofing around, taking a moment to stop and gawk at a female fan who broke into the stadium. However, Illyanich overheard. The Valerian rejoined the runners for the last lap around the field and then stopped.

“BOYARS! BOYARS! BOYARS! GOOOOOO BOYARS!!!” the team shouted in unison, with the satisfied Coach Pavlov looking on from the side. However, as Sibel, Bobrinsky, and Illyanich grouped together to plan what they would do after practice, Illyanich still thought about d’Anjou’s comment.

“I guess there really is only one thing to do today: go out, eat, drink beer and vodka, and…”

“Wait, Frenchie,” shouted Illyanich, confronting the Franco-Valerian. “What did you call me? Did you call me an overrated, dirty Slav?”

d’Anjou snorted, “Yes, of course. And your father smells of elderberries and your son can’t play football for shit!”

George Illyanich was once on good terms with Jacques d’Anjou, often using teamwork together to earn goals for each other. But, something changed d’Anjou’s opinion of Illyanich. Maybe it was Illyanich’s desire to be transferred out of The Valerian Leagues to some foreign Footie Club. Regardless, this tension finally broke Illyanich’s cool, and he snapped.

“WHAT DID YOU SAY?!” Illyanich shouted as he lunged at d’Anjou, grasping his neck and spitting with rage.

“I KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS!!!”

Illyanich and d’Anjou erupted into a fistfight, with blows flying randomly from both players into some unfortunate teammates. Sibel and Bobrinsky shouted on, rooting for Illyanich, while d’Anjou got support from Yves de la Ronge and Nestor Lucinius. Soon, other Boyars shrugged their shoulders and began to fight at random. The entire team was at their necks as people picked random fights amongst each other for baseless causes.

“HEY WHAT’S GOING ON?” Pavlov had to use a megaphone to get his word across to the fighting teammates.

The Boyars immediately stopped as their coach, red-faced and tense, ran towards them with his assistants and medics.

“This is practice, not a wrestling match! What the hell do you all think you would accomplish by fighting with each other? You guys are a team!! You work TOGETHER!”

Jacques d’Anjou nursed a bloodied nose while Illyanich spat on the ground, with (what was found out later) only bruising on his chest and shoulders from d’Anjou’s punches. The medics got to work treating all of the players, checking for minor injuries. Luckily, the players weren’t too roughed up, and looked in good shape to play, but Pavlov was nevertheless furious.

“This better not happen again! I can’t imagine the horror of you guys turning into a riot on the field in the Dreamed Realm… who started this?!”

Feodorov spoke up, “Illyanich and d’Anjou, sir.”

Pavlov stared at the two for half a minute before announcing, “Alright, hit the lockers and go home. Get ready, for we are traveling to the Dreamed Realm soon.”

As the players cleared the field, Pavlov leaned over to one of his assistants, “Hmm…I can’t believe it: the best player in the history of Magnus Valerius, acting up like that and causing a big fight. He grappled d’Anjou’s throat, for Christ’s sake! Maybe being the MVP for The Valerian League was too much for him.”

OOC: Just a little parody on Zidane, hehehe. :D

SportsnetRV Soccercentral
Cup of Harmony Edition

Rorysville's Struggles continue. The 70th Rked Nation Drops the opener for the 21rst Cup of Harmony.54th Ranked Dorian and Sonya droped Rorysville 2-1.The Game started out with a quick goal by D&S's Avril Auerswald as he bent a shot past Larionov at the 15th minute to put Dorian and Sonya up 1-0.Rorysville would answer with a goal at the 45th Minute Lenevue Broke through and Rifled a shot low to beat Riskin and tie the game. The game would remain tied until Dorian and Sonya scored at the 88th minute.

Scoring Update
D&S-A.Auerswald(15min)
RRV-A.Lenevue(45min)
D&S- Z.Jablon(88min)

Rorysville CoH Schedule
MD1 @(54)Dorian and Sonya L 2-1
MD2 BYE
MD3 (34)Wentland
MD4 @(131)Nikea
MD5 (40)Vuam and Isma
MD6 (91)Raging Penguins
MD7 @(59)One Red Dot



SportsnetRV Player of the Game-Adam Lenevue

[A quick OOC note - I haven't yet found anyone to scorinate Archregimancy matches on my behalf (I did TG NMS, but didn't get a reply). Volunteers who can run an excel spreadsheet should TG me, though I'd rather not take Cup of Harmony participants since I want to keep the mechanics of the RP bonus from participants. Rather than hold up the tournament, I've gone ahead with scorination for MD1. If I still haven't found someone to scorinate my matches by the knock-out stages, however (always assuming I reach the knock-out stages!), I will hold up the tournament until I can find someone to scorinate Archregimancy matches rather than risk possible accusations of bias]

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

CUP OF HARMONY TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"Well, Fr. John, I think that was quite the most remarkable sight I've ever seen!"

"I entirely agree, Fr. Nicholas! Who would have thought we'd find ourselves playing against 11 green marsupials!"

"And what type of marsupial were they - can you clarify?"

"I think, Fr. Nicholas, that they were indeed wombats, though whether they were common wombats, southern hairy-nosed wombats, or northern hairy-nosed wombats, well.... that I couldn't tell you..."

"But I thought the nation was only named Green Wombat, not that the entire citizenry consisted of wombats."

"Ah, well..... Erm...... they don't."

"What are you trying to tell me, Fr. John?"

"Well, it seems that someone temporarily turned the entire starting XI of Green Wombat into green wombats, Fr. Nicholas?"

<stunned silence>

"An investigation of events is underway, but at present it's believed that visiting fans from the Holy Empire - entirely unattached to and unendorsed by the Archregimancy or the Monastic Football Association - used their familiarity with Dreamed Realm Oneirology to, well, turn our opponents into green wombats for 90 minutes. One easy Fr. Silouan hattrick later, and we'd won 3-0."

"But surely this is totally unfair, Fr. John! Surely we should protest on Green Wombat's behalf!"

"Well, it seems that the tournament rules were rigidly adhered to. Furthermore, none of the Green Wombat squad were harmed in any way, and as of right now have regained their original form. Our co-hosts in the Holy Empire have ruled that the result should stand."

"But this is preposterous! What's to stop these Imperial anarchists from forcing us to play against small inanimate lumps of coal in our next match, Fr. John?"

"Ah, well, I can exclusively reveal that the MFA has tightened security after this incident, and that our own oneirologists will be employed to make sure this sort of thing doesn't happen again. I'm with you, Fr. Nicholas - true, we expected to win this match easily, but we'd rather do it fairly. Defeating a small warren of wombats doesn't really seem, well, entirely Christian. And it certainly isn't Orthodox - in any sense of the word."

"I agree, Fr. John. But there's one thing that does puzzle me...."

"What's that, Fr. Nicholas?"

"If we were playing green wombats, how on earth did we only win 3-0?"

"Christian charity, Fr. Nicholas..... Christian charity."

GRAHAM CITY SUN - Sports Section: Cup of Harmony PREVIEW

Cup of Harmony Bonanza PREVIEW!: Group 1

1 [rank] [KPB points]
Archregimancy 16 33.08
Cuation 38 15.05
Bazalonia 54 11.4
Tynelia 60 10.37
Sativaville 82 6.21
Green wombat 88 5.7
Sliponia 147 2


Well, this will certainly be a tough group. With the Archregimancy coming out of a very tough group in qualifying, losing out to World Cup veterans Kaze Progressa and Chicanada. Also in this group we've got the Lowland Clans eternal kryptonite rivals in Cuation. With those two and Bazalonia and Tynelia, this will be a tough group. With the bottom three also are an excellent example of up and coming talent in the world of football, this group is without a doubt the group of death in the Cup of Harmony.

There could be quite a few very reasonable qualification formats, and the Stars certainly have to hope that Cuation get eliminated. But it's going to be a tough group, and we've got to predict whoever can control the possesion in their games will win this group, and we're going with the Archregimancy to win the group. Wr are also being somewhat biased and hopeful for our national and going with Bazalonia to reach the knock out stages.

Cup of Harmony Bonanza PREVIEW!: Group 2

Milchama 22 28.26
Lowland Clans 39 14.26
Magnus Valerius 53 11.54
Mr Chuck Norris 63 9.91
AwalKB 77 7.03
Virginia Nova 98 4.76
Iansisle 100 4.29

Well here we go, with our group. We've been unfortunate enough to be drawn with Milchama, who in typical Milchaman fashion have completely overblown the rivalry in between the two nations. "I really don't want to play because to be honest, their gamesmanship is non-existent when we play," said an anonymous team member from the Stars. They also have a habit of being very arrogant, and we hope, but doubt that it will be their down fall in this group. This group will be a total dogfight for second plance, with the Stars, the Boyars, and the Fighting Norris will be scrambling for second place, with the Ians vaulting over the Novans and AwalKB to take the best of the less. Watch for the minnows to take chunks out of the big competitors. We're going to go ahead and be slightly biased once again and pick The Lowland Clans to go through.

Cup of Harmony Bonanza PREVIEW!: Group 3

Haraki 33 18.46
Anathem. Reps. 47 12.29
Qazox 58 11.1
Lisburn Mateys 66 8.53
Spmn. Plijous 73 7.91
Marceau State 89 5.59
GarfieldtheFat 103 4.21

Well, this is perhaps the weakest group in the cup, but by no means the easiest. The parity in this group will make it incredibly difficult to break away from the group. But some of the names and the quality behind them will really put them ahead of the crowd. We're putting number one seed Haraki in on that account, with them really pushing ahead of the glut of teams behind them. But were betting that Qazoxp will overcome the minions of hell and beat out the rest of the group to make it to the knockout stages.

Cup of Harmony Bonanza PREVIEW!: Group 4

Wentland 34 16.87
Vuam and Isma 40 14.5
Dorian & Sonya 54 11.4
One Red Dot 59 10.57
Rorysville 70 8.86
Raging Penguins 91 5.26
Nikea 131 2.86

Well, this group has the tightest top two, and it's very possible that these two could flipflop, and whomever finish first will avoif the nightmare of being chased by Dorian & Sonia as well as the veterans form days past One Red Dot. This group will have a tough time fixing itself out, but I'm going to bet my money on the top two sides, Wentland and Vuam ans Isma will make it through to the next round.

Allow opponents to select goalscorers: Y - infact, I insist on it. If you roleplay before I do, choose my scorers
Allow opponents to godmod goalscoring events: Y
Allow opponents to injure players: check with me first
Allow opponents to godmod injuries: see previous answer
Allow opponents to hand out yellow cards/red cards: If a red, check with me first
Allow opponents to godmod anything else under the sun: Y

The Lowland Clans Stars - The ASLC National Team
Manager: Oliver Doig
Formation: 4-4-2 - Style 0
* denotes starters
C denotes Captain
Strikers
09 - Ryley Bloudin, Limassol United*C
Age: 25 Nationality: Portugese
Skills: footwork, power
After a great success as an international footballer, Ryley has completed his move to a big time club with his 43Ð transfer to Limassol United after his Castle of Lisbon side was relegated to LeagueOne. His ascendancy to captain of the squad while not originally forseen, could clearly be seen once he got experience under his belt. His leadership style is plain, unassuming, and clear: on the field, he scores, in the locker room, he learns and supports the manager. Ryley is the cream of the Lowland Clans crop.
11 - Jonathan Kavanagh, Vancouver FC*
Age: 26 Nationality: Canadian
Skills: ball control, accuracy
Another part of the devastating offense that helped push the Stars the closest they've ever come post-isolation to qualification, Kavanagh is looking at a new landscape as one of the few veterans of the team. With all his prolific scoring and fine play on the field, he's certainly proved himself worthy of the spot on the Stars.
03 – Christopher Landry, Hearts United
Age: 29 Nationality: Welsh
Skills: hard working, patient
Christopher Landry was just as surprised as most pundits were to discover that he had been chosen as the third striker for the team. Not to say, that the call up was undeserved. Landry has been noted for his ridiculously hard work ethic and patience on the attack, which as gotten him quiet fame around Hearts United fanatics, but little recognition outside the team.

Midfielders
10 – Iska Djukashenki, FK Sarajevo*
Age: 19 Nationality: Serbian
Skills: footwork, passing
Another huge surprise for Daniel Davies, many are not exactly sure what to with the selection of Djukashenki. Clearly a talented player, also has a quiet manner and style of leadership about him (he captained his youth squad and is an associate captain for Sarajevo), but lacking in professional experience. Despite all of the things against him, Djukashenki excelled. He played with remarkable control and pace, earning himself a starting spot on the national team.
13 – James Kingston, Grand Captiva*
Age: 28 Nationality: English
Skills: vision, passing
The first new name to be announced by Chief of Football Operations Daniel Davies, Kingston's selection to the Stars for the national team came as little surprise. Many wonder why Stjepan never chose Kingston over Konstantinoppolis, because they both possess largely the same skills, but Kingston is without the hotheadedness that plagued Phillip. Look for him to help push the philosophy of ball control and mobility that is being preached by Doig.
05 – Henry Castintallas, Fort Manchester
Age: 24 Nationality: Portugese
Skills: endurance, accuracy
Henry Castinallas was the first of the surprise picks for the Stars. There were several players Doig looked over to select Castinallas, all with more skill than Castinallas, but they all lacked what Doig called “it.” Apparently he found it in Castinallas. He's known more for his hard work, like many of the new selections, as well as his uncanny accuracy of his passes. Many pundits though, after the shock of the selection, see that Castinallas has plenty of time to develop skill that will benefit him further down the road.
18 – Alekos Karaindroy, Bolton Abbey
Age: 26 Nationality: Greek
Skills: set pieces, vision
Alekos was another unexpected selection from Davies and Doig, but the skills that he has were clearly lacking in the World Cup 29 squad. His vision combined with his skill on the ball during set pieces will bring the Stars into the next level during the Cup of Harmony. His involvement in the Abbey squad has given them the flexibility on set pieces that allowed them to lead the ASP in goals scored off of set pieces.


Wingers
04 – Krotos Daganopoulis, Highlanders*
Age: 22 Nationality: Greek
Skills: speed, crossing
Krotos Daganopoulis was one of the least shocking surprises of the team that Daniel Davies put together with the assistance of new manager Oliver Doig. Daganopoulis' work ethic and speed were well known, making him a key addition to the Highlanders squad. His comfort on the wing and his crossing ability are arguably the best in the Allied States. The main reason he was kept off the team for the World Cup was his youth and consistency problems
07 – Elliott Deldier, Graham City FC*
Age: 23 Nationality: Canadian
Skills: physical, speed
Deldier was another unorthodox selection to the Stars. A strapping winger whose size and speed make it difficult to stop, he his renowned to draw ridiculous amounts of fouls to those trying to take him down. His physical size make it difficult to defend against him, and his speed makes it even more difficult to predict exactly where he's going to play upfield.
12 – Jordan Bailey, Grand Captiva
Age: 20 Nationality: English
Skills: ball handling, crossing
Bailey was perhaps the greatest surprise coming out of the Premiership this year. His skill handling the ball and his ability to find a friendly head in the box on his crosses turned the Captivan offense which had for many years been considered lacking into something that could strike from any movement up the field. While his inexperience at the international stage means that he won't get the starting job right away, if the Stars make it through the second stage, expect to see more and more of him suppoering Deldier and Daganopoulis.

Central Defenders
15 – Kellen Markoff, Hearts United*
Age: 25 Nationality: English
Skills: containment, vision
Markoff was the last veteran to be announced to have a place on the national squad, much to the relief of critics everywhere, whose hearts were about to collapse from the surprise of many of the selections. Markoff's main talents lie in his ability to contain the main threats to the goal, and use his superb field of vision to prevent any attack using his target.
14 – Ryan O'Rory, Dublin Clovers*
Age: 31 Nationality: Irish
Skills: physical, vision
O'Rory was another surprising choice for the Stars. Thought to be a player whose best days were behind him, he surprised most domestic fans with a great season for the Clovers, aiding them to produce one of the toughest defences around. He uses his size and vision to block runs forward, intercepting passes and generally wreaking havoc with on the opposing teams attack.
06 – Rugar Jagr, Limassol United
Age: 28 Nationality: Croatian
Skills: physical, containment
Rugar Jagr is considered a good, if a bit strange choice. Jagr is a massive man, adding up with the rest of the team to produce a physically impressive Stars, who hope to fix the deficiencies of the smaller, more attacking focused Stars of Westley Stjepan. His size is very complementary to his read of attacks, helping him contain threats before they become dangerous.

Wing backs
08 – Yuri Kvendazi, Graham City FC*
Age: 26 Nationality: Bosnian
Skills: speed, disruption
Yuri was a little more expected choice, as he was a dark horse for the expected choices. Critics have noticed that his skills at getting a disrupting touch on the ball really slows the attack down, forcing the attackers to move the ball away at a disadvantage. His speed helps him keep with even the peskiest of attacker, though some have questioned his physical health and endurance.
19 – Garry Delvecchio, Heartland Central*
Age: 22 Nationality: Canadian
Skills: disruption, power
Delvecchio was one of Tom Hall's favorite players when he was managing Heartland Central, and it's no surprise that he is on this team. His powerful foot and ability to seemingly touch every ball that comes within ten feet of him no matter who is on it fits well and fills a much needed niche in this team. He's expected to provide leadership as his experience gains and stiffen up a weak back end.
16 – Szlavko Koblina, FK Sarajevo
Age: 24 Nationality: Slovenian
Skills: containment, passing
Szlavko Koblina was another surprising choice. Part of the successful attacking defence of at Sarajevo, Koblina uses his containment ability to slow down the attack, but is also a hub of the back of the play. His ability to get passes anywhere he needs often prove fatal, as opposing defences are unable to deal with the surprise runs and attacks.

Keepers
00 – Darien Santander, Okehampton Citizen*
Age: 23 Nationality: English
Skills: quick, deflection
Darien Santander is another strong keeper from the Okehampton Citizen. His young age and relative inexperience to many of the keepers in the Premiership really raised a lot of eyebrows. His skills are definitely up there, and his quickness and ability to get at least a hand on any ball that comes near him is supernatural. However, he has a tendency to freeze up in tense situations.
99 – Figo Dentarilla, Hearts United
Age: 30 Nationality: Portuguese
Skills: experience, holding
Figo Dentarilla was very surprising choice. Dentarilla’s age was seen as a major limiting factor, and despite his ability to swallow up balls and let only a handful of rebounds go free, he was seen as past his prime. But Davies defended him against all attacks, saying that his age will not effect his performance.

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The Official Newsletter of Marceau International Soccer


The Fluer de Lys Earn a draw in thier Inagural Cup of Harmony Contest. A 3 all Draw to a team like Haraki is better than can be expected.The Game started out With Haraki Scoring and dominating play Haraki's goal was scored at the 41rst minute of Play by Zendar.Marceau would open up the First half with a goal by Cousteau at the 47th Minute.Then at the 55th Minute Martin Fréchette Fired an amazing shot past O’Hara. to take a 2-1 lead just 6 minutes later Brother Maxime would net one and put Marceau up 3-1. The Fréchette's Recently Signing with the RV Celtics FC have made the Marceau International team a scary Offense to tangle with.Marceau looked to have things on cruise control until Haraki's Zendar Netted his second of the game at the 87th minute and with 5 minutes of stoppage it looked all but over for Haraki unitl Angelica netted a tieng goal in stoppage to tie the game.

" Well For our first game here in this tournament against a team like Haraki who is the best we've played yet.Really showed us were we'd like to be one day.I'm proud of the Boys for thier play in this game we need to work on our Finishing and our Stamina in these games so we can hold our leads."--Coach Vignault

Scoring Recap
HRK-Zednar(41min)
MAR-Cousteau(47min)
MAR-Mrt.Fréchette(55min)
MAR-Mx. Fréchette(61min)
HRK-Zednar(87min)
HRK-Angelica(90min)

SportsnetMR Player of the Game-Maxime Fréchette
SLAM Sports Man of the Match-Zednar

Marceau's CoH 21 Schedule
MD1- (33)Haraki D 3-3
MD2- @(103)GarfieldtheFat
MD3- (47)Anatheatic Republics
MD4- @(66)Lisburn Mateys
MD5- BYE
MD6- @(73)Spmanian Plijous
MD7- (58)Qazox

OOC - just a quick update on the Archregimancy scorination situation mentioned in the OOC section of my last post.

Casari has kindly offered to step into the breach, and will scorinate Archregimancy matches from this point on.

Given that I'm the highest-ranked team in the tournament, and therefore one of the clear favourites for the title, I did want to avoid any appearance of impropriety over this.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Cup of Harmony.

QSPN FOOTBALL TONIGHT

Welcome to the 1st edition of QSPN Football Tonight, as we take our weekly series and turn it into a daily one. I'm Ben Rottenburger and with me tonight is Former National team Coach, Jason Bourne and a member of the only back-to-back QFL champs, Greg Orbach of Bruxen AC. Welcome gentlemen. Tonight was the 1st match of the Juanita Graziani era for the Black Oxen. Her 1st match as coach a 1-all draw with Spaamian Plijous.

(shows the scores:
QAZOX- 1
Spaamian Plijous-1
Goals: Spaam. Pj.- Alan Belmore 16'; Qazox- Nelson Macgillivray (1) 59'
Cards- YELLOW: Spaam Pj. Rick Baker- 34'; Qazox- Joanne Root- 66'

Jason, as the former coach, how did you think she did?

Bourne: As good as I did my 1st CoH game when we drew the late nation of Pastorville 1-all. Since there's been 5 great players retire and 5 new ones to work in, today's result while dissapointing was a step in the right direction.

Orbach: I think is was a big dissapointment. Drawing against a team reanked below us will keep us from advancing. This still seems to be a problem for the Black Oxen, They paly up or down to their opponents, when they should take all of them at the same sense of urgency.

Rottenburger: Up next is Haraki who drew with Marceau State in a highscoring 3-3 game. What does Qazox have to do to win this game?

Orbach: Have more players in the box when attacking. Today they usually only had the front 3 in there, they need to put Childress up there to take the corners and put the middies in there as well.

Bourne: since Haraki is a more offensive minded team, have the Mason brothers play a little more back to prevent the counter-attacks. The defence is solid enough, but a little defensive play by the midfield will open up more counters for the Black Oxen.

Rottenburger: Well that's all for this edition, see you tommorrow after the Qazox-Haraki game. Good night.

OOC: Dear Qazox. Please take the time to look at my roster and change your RP. Thankyou.

(ooc: sorry forgot to check if you posted a roster...my bad :sniper: )

QSPN FOOTBALL TONIGHT

Welcome to the 1st edition of QSPN Football Tonight, as we take our weekly series and turn it into a daily one. I'm Ben Rottenburger and with me tonight is Former National team Coach, Jason Bourne and a member of the only back-to-back QFL champs, Greg Orbach of Bruxen AC. Welcome gentlemen. Tonight was the 1st match of the Juanita Graziani era for the Black Oxen. Her 1st match as coach a 1-all draw with Spaamian Plijous.

(shows the scores:
QAZOX- 1
Spaamian Plijous-1
Goals: Spaam. Pj.- #5 16'; Qazox- Nelson Macgillivray (1) 59'
Cards- Spaam. Pj- #10 Yellow 34'; Qazox- Joanne Root- 66'

Jason, as the former coach, how did you think she did?

Bourne: As good as I did my 1st CoH game when we drew the late nation of Pastorville 1-all. Since there's been 5 great players retire and 5 new ones to work in, today's result while dissapointing was a step in the right direction.

Orbach: I think is was a big dissapointment. Drawing against a team reanked below us will keep us from advancing. This still seems to be a problem for the Black Oxen, They paly up or down to their opponents, when they should take all of them at the same sense of urgency.

Rottenburger: Up next is Haraki who drew with Marceau State in a highscoring 3-3 game. What does Qazox have to do to win this game?

Orbach: Have more players in the box when attacking. Today they usually only had the front 3 in there, they need to put Childress up there to take the corners and put the middies in there as well.

Bourne: since Haraki is a more offensive minded team, have the Mason brothers play a little more back to prevent the counter-attacks. The defence is solid enough, but a little defensive play by the midfield will open up more counters for the Black Oxen.

Rottenburger: Well that's all for this edition, see you tommorrow after the Qazox-Haraki game. Good night.

OOC: Dear Qazox. Please take the time to look at my roster and change your RP. Thankyou.

"No one knew where to go" by Nev Gould

The Bazalonian Dream bubble causes confusion for both opponents and for the Bazalopes. Despite the language penetration of Esperanto in Bazalonia it seems none of the Bazalonian players knew where to go, or in fact the umpire or the opponents Sliponia.

The whole 90 minutes was total chaos no one could determine that the word "celo" actually represented the goal and "trunketo" where the blades of grass. Infact.. It seemed that the players and umpires themselves all turned into words... though it was. It was chaotic and was exteremely fun for all that where there but it was very bad for playing soccer. James Gaines has released a press statement that apologised for the resultant chaos but could not be responsible for the chaos as an Esperanto dictionary was supplied to all those that entered the dream realm. However the dictionaries soon turned into words themselves and they could not be read.

The plan for the Bazalonian dream bubble will soon change and the BFSA also apologised to all that attended the matches.

Daily Wombatian

Green Wombat played its 1st CoH game today and were beaten soundly by the co-hosts THE ARCHREGIMANCY, by a score of 3-0. Somehow, due to the unique Dreamed realm, someone managed to transform the team into actual Green Wombats. Only the humble nature of the monks kept the final score from being any worse. Fr. Silouan scored all three goals for the monks in the 3rd, 5th and 8th minutes, before teh monks effectively sitting the rest of the match out as Real green wombats were physically unable to move the ball unless they ran at it real fast, and wombats don't run fast.

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/Sonya0111/SylMedCen.png

Unicorns Victorious In Camelot

Queen Sonya was relieved to have her squad play in the Dreamed Realm and leave all the stress of the World Cup behind for a bit. At least the CoH always seemed to be a bit more relaxed and enjoyable.

And with all the “weirdness” surrounding where matches could be played during this Cup, things could end up being very interesting. And the first match against Rorysville was no exception.

OOC - Rorysville never stated where the match was played :D

IC-
The trumpets sounded as The Mystical Unicorns entered the pitch that had miraculously appeared in the central courtyard of Camelot itself. King Arthur, Sir Lancelot and all the rest gave both sides a standing ovation before the match. Even Guinevere could be seen smiling at the prospect of enjoying the match. And the entrance was as spectacular as the surroundings. Rorysville entered the pitch on black Pegasi while D&S were astride white Unicorns. The banners of both squads flew in the wind. It was to be a day of many great memories.

The match itself was played hard and physical by both sides, but it was the Unicorns that would strike first. Tisa Laos’ hard tackle and recovery of the ball set up the very long downfield pass to Avril Auserwald who somehow managed to stay onside and score her first goal of the CoH in the 15th minute of play. She was rewarded with a subtle wink form Lancelot himself. Levenue would even the score for Rorysville as time ran out on the first half.

The half-time festivities were wonderful. Galahad bested Lancelot in a jousting match and one fan from each of the participants of the match was given a chance to “run the gauntlet”. Unfortunately neither was able to complete the mighty course, but each was still rewarded with a slight kiss on the cheek from Guinevere herself.

The second half saw each defense step up to the task of shutting down the other’s attack until Nessa Elendil made a brilliant steal in the 88th minute and found Tári Falassion near midfield. The footwork display was as good as it gets as Tári moved the ball ahead and found an open Zana Jablon for the score. That would be enough to see the Unicorns escape Rorysville with a 2-1 victory.

Camelot was wondrous to both sides following the match as gifts were awarded to players and a massive feast was laid out for all to enjoy. This was a match that neither D&S nor Rorysville would soon forget.

Next up comes a match with Wentland, though it will most likely not be held in Camelot. Wentland are the number one seeds in Group 4 and a good outing against them will go a long way in bolstering the way in which the Mystical Unicorns are regarded by every one else.


Note: All D&S Mystical Unicorns players are female for those who don’t already know that.

SATIVAVILLE STONER
"We tell you where the Doritos are!!

Monty Python here for the Stoner, and today's match was weird.. even with me as high as a kite, as Sativaville and Bazalonia drew 0-0. the weird thing was, no-one could understand each other as a strange tongue called "espresso or ex-laxo or asparagus or what ever" was used during the match. due to the language barrier, the match was offically declared a 0-0 draw and that's it. Up next for the Fritos is a bye week, then a match against the hosts, those Monks of the Archrutabegancy.

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Star-News-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Milchama Cruise to Victory

In their first match in the Cup of Harmony the Milchama Warriors cruised to victory over an overmatched Virginia Nova squad. They dominated from start to finish and the younger, fresher legs of the new players showed as they did not tire out like the older players during the cup proper. Coach Jamie Smith said, "This game is the beginning of a new era for Milchamian football. It's out with the old generation and in with a new generation. This new generation is looking quite good and I'm sure they will lead us to many victories."
Now for the boring old match report:

The match started out well for the Warriors as Del Clufor made some nice moves in the middle as he beat a few Virgianians and took a few defenders with him as he passed to a wide open Floren Albentine who missed his shot in the 4th minute. It was a sign of things to come though as the Warriors continued to attack through Clufor. Clufor led the Warriors to their first goal in the 26th minute when he found a sprinting Marin Keffer with a pass that Keffer then proceded to deke two defenders and shoot past the keeper for a 1-0 Milchama lead. They would keep this lead into the break. However, they would get a few more oppurtunities as Nielson's header was parried high and a free kick from Lonnen hit the post. The score at halftime 1-0.

Second Half Report:
Lonnen would get his revenge early in the second half when he got a chance from 28 yards out and nailed it to make it 2-0 Milchama. After the goal the Warriors "pursued their defensive efforts" and really did not create the same kind of oppurtunities as in the first half. They did create good chances though and should have probably scored 1 to 2 more goals if it weren't for the Virigianian Novan keeper who shut down Albentine from point blank range and stopped several breakaway oppurtunities for the strikers. The Warriors dominance continued the whole game and it ended up a 2-0 victory for the good guys.

Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Keffer 23, Lonnen 48)
Virginia Nova 0 (A shutout is always good)

Raging Penguins Report:
They had a tough first match with Wentland and they lost 2-0. The Team though looks to improve in their next match and maybe, hopefully get a draw. or at least bring out better weapons than their sucky clubs that they brought to today's match.

Milchama Man of the Match:
Del Clufor- His control of the match at the beginning was key for the early portion of Milchamian dominance. While the dominance did slow down later, he was still the key guy to jump starting the offense. If his play at the center mid continues Milchama should be going a long way in this tournament.

ARTICLE CORRECTION - "No one knew where to go" by Nev Gould

In the Article entitled "No one knew where to go", written by Nev Gould.
Sportswritter covering the Cup of Harmony. In his coverage of the first matchday of the Cup of Harmony hosted by the Archregimancy and Alasdair I Frosticus. He wrongly stated "Sliponia" was the Bazalonian opponents when the team clearly played Sativaville. Tynelia played Sliponia in which Tynelia beat them by 1 goal to nothing. Nov Gould and the editorial staff wishes to apoligse for this mistake and hope that no damage to either team.

OOC - Rorysville never stated where the match was played :D


OOC - Quite right - and you've highlighted an issue in need of clarification.

So let's clarify the relevant rule to:

Teams posting first get to create reality for a match where none has been agreed to beforehand. However, if the team posting first fails to specify a reality, the team posting second can still create match reality.

OOC - Quite right - and you've highlighted an issue in need of clarification.

So let's clarify the relevant rule to:

Teams posting first get to create reality for a match where none has been agreed to beforehand. However, if the team posting first fails to specify a reality, the team posting second can still create match reality.

OOC: guess my next match will take place inside of a dead oxen's colon.....lol

Match Day 1 In the Dream Bubble...

It was the start of the match. It was before anyone had ventured into the Dream Bubble. No one knew what the reality would turn out for this match. The Boyars were ready to face off against the Sex Gods of AwalkB after a warm up series of practice games. Even though the big romp has left some bad blood between Illyanich and d'Anjou, Pavlov had made sure that the Boyars will not break down into fighting again by threatening harsh penalties, like being the water boy for the rest of the Cup of Harmony.

The Boyars entered the Dreamed Realm, into the Dream Bubble. They opened their eyes to see a majestic field, surrounded by clouds and a large mountain, adorned with Greek architectural feats, such as a magnificent golden temple and numerous palaces. Nearby was another field. And, to the surprise of the people and teams from Magnus Valerius and AwalkB, came several Greek gods and goddesses up an unseen path and onto the field. Zeus, in a kit saying "OLYMPIC GODS" was carrying a football, and he was shouting and laughing with his entourage. Hera came up the opposite side with her "OLYMPIC GODDESSES". The flamboyant Olympic goddesses laughed. A cloud of swirling smoke appeared in the center of the field. Hades, adorned in glittering golden armor and an intricate face mask, joined with the dregs of souls from the Underworld, were to be the staff for this game of the gods.

"So, they make me referee again? I would like Poseidon to play that role one of these days, but I guess his tail fin smashes are too valuable, eh brother?"

Zeus nodded, and the two gods laughed.

"Whoa... talk about the stuff of dreams," remarked Boyar Midfielder Jonathon Song.

The Boyars got to work playing against the Sex Gods at the very same time the Gods and Goddesses of Mount Olympus began their own game. The thousands of Valerian fans could not decide which match to watch: the match between the Gods and Goddesses or the match between the Boyars and the Sex Gods. The Boyars and the Sex Gods both were in a tough spot, but not just for the fans' attention. The game was all about defense this time around. The game was slow, and many possible goals for both AwalkB and Magnus Valerius were foiled.

Particularly, on the Boyars' side, the teamwork was shabbier than usual. Illyanich and d'Anjou were not passing the ball amongst each other, and lost the perfect chances to make additional goals by getting surrounded by Sex Gods. Fortunately, the Valerian defensive lines kept the Sex Gods away from the net. Bobrinsky, de la Ronge, and Lucinius worked wonders with Sibel, keeping the Sex Gods. Of course, Magnus Valerius did not break the nil-all game until the second half. The offense was lacking in the game, for sure. That is when Mongke Urt-Urumqi, dismayed by the competition between Illyanich and d'Anjou, charged and netted a swift goal for Magnus Valerius at the 79th minute.

"Wow, nice work, Mongke!" Heinrich Zerbst cheered as he gave Urt-Urumqi "The Mongol" a high-five and a slap on the back. However, The Mongol was unable to get the ball away for another goal again when d'Anjou and Illyanich kept it to themselves and the Sex Gods of AwalkB. The game ended, with one point to nil, in favor of the Valerian Boyars.

As the Boyars and Sex Gods faced off against each other, the Greek Pantheon had a rough game that ended up in a draw. Zeus started off the scoring with a flamboyant array of footwork, making his way past his estranged wife Hera and making in the goal. He gaze a passing look to the mortal women watching the Olympic Game from the Boyar and Sex God field, giving them a wink and a bright smile. "I'm the real Sex God," Zeus boomed, "I could make you pregnant by just looking at you! Hahaha!" A random Valerian woman swooned under his power, but Hera gave Zeus a reckoning when she stomped on his foot. (OOC: Seeing as this is a dreamed realm, of course, there were no god-on-mortal woman action during this game, since the Gods were imagined. :))

Athena, however, was on fire for the Goddesses. She ended up with two goals at the end of the game, making in the equalizing point at the 23rd and later making in another point at the 82nd. Athena celebrated by releasing a white owl into the sky, which later unleashed a load on God midfielder Hermes's head. "Even he was not fast enough to dodge that," Athena chuckled post-game.

Artemis made a modest goal for the goddesses at the 41st, giving the goddesses a lead for the first time in the game, if only for a brief moment. Ares showed off his skill as he head-butted the ball and made it in the goal at the 56th, once again equalizing the game. Ares flexed and laughed at Artemis. "Hey, Artemis, when are you going to hook up? I could always be your first!" Artemis rolled her eyes and picked up her game. Hades called out a yellow card on Ares and Artemis each, citing unsportly manner. "Keep the flirting off the field!"

Poseidon made a goal with a tail spin at the 77th, with his fans watching from his domain in the seas. It was the last lead for the Gods before Athena equalized the score once and for all. It was a tough draw, between the gods and goddesses who were vying for the championship of Mount Olympus. "Next time Athena, you won't be so lucky," Hermes groaned as he mopped the owl droppings off his face.

Final Scores

Magnus Valerius 1:0 AwalkB
(Urt-Urumqi: 1, 79')


Olympic Gods 3:3 Olympic Goddesses
(Zeus: 1, 15') | (Athena: 2, 23', 82')
(Ares: 1, 56') | (Artemis: 1, 41')
(Poseidon: 1, 77')

BOYAR SCORERS!
M. Urt Urumqi - 1 goal

Match Day Schedule

MD 1 - Magnus Valerius v. AwalkB - W 1:0
MD 2 - Milchama v. Magnus Valerius
MD 3 - Magnus Valerius v. Iansisle
MD 4 - The Lowland Clans v. Magnus Valerius
MD 5 - Magnus Valerius v. Mr Chuck Norris
MD 6 - Bye
MD 7 - Virginia Nova v. Magnus Valerius

OOC: Oh no you don't, Qazox! Although if you felt like playing on a giant sleeping ox's back (Preferably one without much hair) I might be up for it.





Hawks Struggle to Tie Marceau
From the Atherlon Times

Tom Bucket, Alasdair I Frosticus. Haraki struggled to a 3-3 tie over newcomers Marceau State in a plain old, boring stadium. Although Haraki dominated the first half with one goal near the end by Mike Zendar, the team fell apart in the beginning of the second half, as Marceau State managed three goals over the first fifteen minutes against seventeen year old goalkeeper Christopher O'Hara.

The Hawks managed a spectacular comeback, though, as in the second half following the disastrous first fifteen minutes the team dominated posession, with some beautiful midfield play and some nice passing. I must say even I was impressed by Haraki's play, but only when down 3-1. Zendar slotted home his second goal with three minutes left in regulation, and off the Marceau kickoff, trying only to stall time, Matthew Thompson managed a nice sliding tackle to get possession back to the Hawks, who managed to force a corner kick after a punch away by the keeper. Off the left-footed Richard Weber corner kick, Weber passed it back to Angelica just inside the panelty box, who volleyed it in with his left foot for a fantastic goal to tie the game up.

Although the Hawks looked less than convincing for fifteen minutes, in the rest of the game they seemed like the team that did so well in World Cup 28. Chris O'Hara just needs to step up his game and I think he could be a truly great goalkeeper, possibly even better than Mark Stone, and admittedly Haraki's offensive 3-5-2 setup does leave him with a little too many shots on goal to be able to handle them all perfectly.

Although the Hawks got only one point from the draw, they sit tied with Marceau State at the top of the rankings as both other matches in Group 2 ended as 1:1 draws, putting the Hawks at the top of the table with 3 goals scored.

The Hawks play Qazox next, the group third seed, which should be a close match, especially with the Hawks playing so badly lately. Qazox tied Spaamanian Plijous 1:1 on the same matchday as the Hawks' game versus Marceau. During World Cup qualifying, the Hawks tied Spaamanian Plijous twice, first 4:4 and then 1:1. Ouch.

Tom Bucket is a pompous and arrogant prick. I hope he meets a grim fate for tearing apart anything Harakian so viciously.
- Editorial Ed

At the teneral Moving-Picture House on East Grand

A silent countdown, flickering with poor film quality. After ‘one’ and a brief pause, the screen is filled with an aerial shot of a stadium in Tranquillitis, except it’s not in Tranquillitis. It’s been recreated perfectly down to every last detail in the Dreamed Realm bubble by Iansisle’s most advanced somniatologists. A tinny piano starts to play in the front of the room as the shot zooms in on the two teams, Iansisle and Mr Chuck Norris, taking to the field. Spencer Madigan looks at least a little bit like heroic striker ‘Flash’ Flaherty from the SUPERCUP days. Suddenly, a series of placards flash onto the screen, pausing only long enough to give the slower-wits in the audience time to keep up.

JAY: Sam, it’s a great day for a game of football here in this dreamed recreation of Tranquillitis. It makes me feel like the lads are playing for the SUPERCUP! all over again.

SAM: Jay, I posit that you were not even alive in the days of the tenth World Cup.

JAY: Quite so! I would elaborate further on my youthful good-looks, Sam, but I rather believe that the boys down there are about to engage in this olympic contest. Play on, fellows, and do the old colors a good turn!

Thereupon follows several minutes of football played at an insanely film high speed; about twenty in-game minutes passes in five real-time. Yet the audience seems to follow the action, despite the angle of the camera never changing, the complete lack of sound (other than the piano, which is a live performance) and the poor quality of the recording. They boo and hiss when the Fighting Norris make a good play or the Ians are penalized and cheer with every Ians drive. Suddenly, the ball is kicked into the net by the team in the slightly darker shade of grey (and the gull on their chest) and the audience goes wild. They stop cheering long enough only to consider the placards:

JAY: Good show! There is a goal for the lads, putting them up one-zero on a header by Spencer Madigan. Feeley must have a rather inflated head at this point, would you not agree, Sam?

SAM: Indubitably.

The rest of the half plays out in under ten minutes. Nothing of particular note happens, although the audience takes every breathless chance to ‘oooh’ and ‘aah’.

JAY: Welcome, fair viewer, to the half-time show, wherein my compatriot Samuel of the Broken Teeth and I shall review the other six teams in Group Six. Our predictions -- read them off, Sam.

SAM: Topping off Group Two, we have our very own Iansisle Ians! Third-ranked in the world (Ed’s note: Actual ranking may vary depending on altitude and position in the time-space continuum), our boys in the red and white (Ed’s note: Color may change from ‘red and white’ to ‘slightly dark grey and white’ depending on dreamed status) are proven winners in the post-qualifiers cup that isn’t the World Cup, whether you call it SUPER! or harmonic. Look for the Ians atop their own group!

JAY: Coming in second, we have today’s opponent, Mr Chuck Norris! Led by one of the all-time great martial artists, the Fighting Norris have a serious chance to mop up second -- although our team will wipe the floor with them to-day!

SAM: And in third is none other than The Lowland Clans! They picked us to steal a couple points, so they are in our good graces.

JAY: Fourth....wait, this cannot be correct. Virginia Nova?

SAM: Does not appear to be a typo. I suppose our writers just figured that they couldn’t be worse than the other teams in the group.

JAY: Well, let us proceed straight on to fifth. Sam?

SAM: AwalKB, Jay. Their official charts showed the Ians finishing with a grand total of zero points!

the audience hisses in disgust

JAY: Yes, to the scrap-heap with them. Sixth, we have picked Milchama.

SAM: Now, Jay, how could you pick the top-ranbked...

JAY: Again, Sam, ranked.

SAM: Right, ranked. How could you pick the top ranked side in the group to finish next to last?

JAY: Well, Sam, Milchama may be long on KB points, but they’re short in sportsmanship. It is my experience that a team with no sense of fair-play does little in the Cup of Harmony.

SAM: Right you are, Jay! And, finally, in abso-positively last place, Magnus Valerius.

the theater errupts in a storm of boos and hisses. At least one bottle of beer is thrown at the screen.

JAY: The foul, onerous, downright despicable villains that have invaded our territory? Those same nefarious Cossacks who currently plunder our land, rape our women, and attempt to crush our democracy? That Magnus Valerius?

SAM: They very same!

JAY: A thousand poxes upon them for violating this group! Doubtless they would attempt to invade the pitch, much as they brought their needless reactionary war to Iansisle! However, just as I have no doubt that the armed forces of the Republic shall prove triumphant on the field of battle, the might of the Ians shall sweep those half-illiterate weak-willed peasants and their aristocratic slave-drivers from the pitch!

JAY and SAM: Long live the Republic! Death to the Valerians!

SAM: and buy war bonds!

JAY: Well, it would appear that half-time is over. Let’s get back to this game...

((ooc: after this sleeping break =P. Of course, if Norris would care to pick up the rest of it, I’ve no objection. And no offense, of course, MV ;-)))

SLOW START TO CoH FOR ONE RED DOT
WOLVES' NIGHTMARE BECOMES NIKEA DREAM
14 July 2006
by aSWORD.org.rd

It was perhaps a rough beginning for One Red Dot in the Dream Bubble at Alasdiar I Frosticus. Although the DB has been applauded as an excellent place for players, this has not been so for the Wolves. Ailments, although not serious, has been rather rampant in the Dottian camp. Sabotage has been suspected.

Despite this, the starting-11 made well of the match against Nikea. Peter BRACK scored an early first goal in the 12th minute. However, a costly mistake by the Wolves gave Nikea the opprtunity to equalise at the 78th minute, making the score 1-1, which remained so until the remainder of the match.

With one win slipped out of the hands of the Dottians, the next couple of matches would be crucial for the survival of One Red Dot in the tournament.

Tickets for the match against Vuam and Isma at The Dream Bubble in Alasdair I Frosticus can be bought at your local ORDTIX centre. Channel 5 would be broadcasting the match live at 7.00pm.[/QUOTE]

http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/9163/starlogo2ti.jpg
The under dogs strike

Cup of Harmony begins!!!

Ok the all the pre match tension is over, all the talking big is over, now its time for all those ludacris claims to be proven on the pitch.
Sadly today the Garfield the Fat players where equal to us 1 - 1 the final score, as the opening day of group three comfirmed our fears that it would be a fight to the wire for all teams in this group in order to qualfy.

We started well cooly passing the ball around Livingston and Gregg seemed to be in their element, both playing with smiles on their faces and working well together, with Gregg hitting the same post twice in the first 15 minutes. The Mateys where being restricted to long shots as Garfield shut of any space in the box, and their wing backs didnt look to push up either, in what was truly a backs to the wall job.

Over the break a vicious thunderstorm broke overhead with torential rain comming down onto the pitch. Akobyi didnt looked pleased and he immediatly went back down to the dressing room to change to a long sleeved shirt and put on gloves which really got the Garfield supporters going.

The Mateys goal arrived from a Livingston corner, which drifted in aimed at Andrews, however it was knocked clear only to fall to Gregg Gregg. Gregg launched a vicous right foot drive, catching the ball on the volley. With the rain still pouring down the keeper probally didnt see the ball until it was too late and it was going so fast i doubt if it mattered anyway, 1 - 0.

Garfield scored when Armstrongs age started show after making an uncommon error of mispassing, the winger ran straight at Armstrong easily beating him for pace he hit in a mid height cross which was put in by the forwards knee at the near post, 1-1.

With pitch now extremly water logged passes where not flowing very well and the pitch condition deteriorated quite rapidly. The game became a scrap and ended 1 - 1. We told you not to count them out.

Final score
Lisburn Mateys 1 - 1 Garfield the Fat
Gregg Gregg - 51
number 9 - 69

With Crewe playing in the champions league tomorrow the majority of their players will be flying off back home to join the rest of their squad, but it looks like Manuel Gucho will stay for the mean time with the national team.

Page two, Crewe, NSCL (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11360024&postcount=2)

“Hello everyone and welcome to Tynelian Soccer Weekly. Today Tynelia started out its Cup of Harmony run with a 1-0 shutout win over bottom seeded Sliponia. Combined with the Archregimancy’s 3-0 win over the Green Wombats and the 0-0 draw between Balzonia and Sativaville Tynelia finds itself in second place on goal differential after one match. I’m Sal Spikeman and with me is Anna Dalespin. Well Anna, so far so good wouldn’t you say?”

“Yes and no Sal,. Yes because Tynelia definitely needed a win to start things and they got it but no because once again it seems as if the offense will be some trouble. Only one goal against the lowest seed in the group could lead to a few shutouts in the days to come when the competition gets tougher. Case in point, I don’t think one goal will be enough to top Cuation before we go into out bye.”

“That may be the case but at least they got the win they needed to. Alan MacDougal got off to a quick start in this tournament with Tynelia’s lone goal in the 22nd minute of play. After that Tynelia basically sat on the ball from that point on while some felt they should have played more aggressively. Still they did control the ball but a six minute margin even while sitting back passing the ball around the midfield area. Shots were 13-10 in favor of Tynelia who also held a 4-2 edge in quality attempts. All in all a solid start for the team who now goes up against a Cuation squad that got to watch our first match on astral TV.”

“I agree Sal, a win to start was very big but in a way it was all but expected so even this win doesn’t really feel that inspirational. Now if they can pull off a win against Cuation next and go into the bye at 2-0-0. Now in a way we may have to hop on the hosts bandwagon. As they already are ahead of us, if they keep beating everyone else that will only help our own chances, they have Balzonia next and a win for the Archregimancy coupled with a win of our own and we could, if the Wombats and Sliponia draw, find ourselves 5 points up on the third place squad after only two matches. That would be a huge edge for us if that scenario plays out.”

“That would definitely be a huge early edge if it plays out that way but Cuation beat us by a pair of 3-1 scores eight years ago but hopefully with many of the same players on our team now as then, they will be motivated for a bit of revenge this time around. Now let’s take a quick look at the other groups with Mike McPhee. Hello Mike.”

“Hello Sal. Things went from routine to crazy in the other three groups. In group two the seeds held up on the top side with Magnus Valerius and Milchama both coming out on top. The shocker was Mr.Chuck Norris’ defeat at the hands of bottom seed Iansisle, as again that team stumbles out of the gate in CoH competition. Group four was more straightforward as the top two seeds playing came out with wins, Wentland and Dorian & Sonya. The four seed did a bit better as One red Dot managed a draw with Nikea. Group three however resembled an old western shootout as everyone there came out with a draw. Top seeded Haraki put in three goals but their new young keeper had trouble early and it was only a late rally that gave the top seeds a point today. After one match this could be the grouping that gains the dreaded title of the ‘Group of Death’. That’s it from the rest of the tourney so back to you Sal.”

“Thanks Mike. Well next up for Tynelia is Cuation as we mentioned earlier. What’s your take on things for our next match Anna?”

“The competition level certainly turns up in this match and Cuation also has the benefit of being able to have seen one of our matches already while with them being on bye Tynelia hasn’t been able to learn anything about their strategies with this lineup. It is vital that Tynelia comes away with at least a draw here since every point they gain against the teams ahead of them is less points they can pull away from us. A win here and the next match coming against the Green Wombats might find Tynelia sitting at 3-0-0 before going up against Balzonia and the Archregimancy before finishing off with Sativaville. But that’s getting ahead of things. I think the team has been better defensively now than they were in the first DI so I don’t think we’ll be giving up three goals this time around. However I also feel that the offense hasn’t shown enough to be taken seriously yet so I think Cuation will come out on top by a 2-1 score. In the other matches, the Archregimancy has the home, um, realm advantage against Balzonia and came out firing tying Haraki and Marceau States with top scoring honors at three goals each. Balzonia struggled against CoH newcomers Sativaville so I feel the hosts will come out on top again, this time by a 3-1 score. Finally the bottom seeds face off with the Green Wombats taking on Sliponia. Based on their experience I think the Wombats will find a way to sneak away with a 1-0 win.”

“So basically Anna, the exact opposite of Tynelia’s best case scenario will take place except for the host’s win. Well you did call the Balzonia MD1 draw correctly so maybe you’re onto something here. Of course Tynelian fans are hoping for a different outcome from our match with Cuation than what you predicted but that’s why they play the games. And speaking of the game, TSW will of course be covering the Cuation-Tynelia matchup in its entirety as we have done for all of Tynelia’s international competition. And afterwards of course Anna and I will be here for the post game wrapup. So until next time this is Sal Spikeman for Anna Dalespin wishing everyone a good night.”

Mixed Day of Dreams

The first game was rather sane for the day’s action, Tynelia beating a hard working Sliponia side. A goal in the first half an hour was enough, Alan MacDougal showing good finishing. They proceeded to play with the ball but where very content to hang on rather then create chances.

In the end, it was a deserved win as they where the better side but they must get forward more against Cuation, they can not expect to be able to hang onto a one goal lead without a bit of luck. Performed to the level required but can and must play better against the bigger sides. Sliponia did themselves proud but where never really going to win, they are just not at that level yet.

In the Dream World, odd things can happen. Like the Green Wombats turning into their name and proceeding to get hammered 3-0 with ten minutes. The Archregimancy sportingly decided not to rack up the goals, a sporting gesture on their unfortunate opponents. Fr. Silouan meanwhile as shown that he can be fighting for top scorer of this cup, the monks hitting the ground running.

An investigation will be looking into what happened but seems some pranksters turned dream into reality. The Green Wombats would have probably been hammered anyway but should get away without such problems for the rest of the Cup.

The last game didn't happen, Bazalonia and Sativaville having translation problems so settled for a 0-0 draw and call off the game. Both sets of players will be rested but Bazalonia may have needed a win here, neither side will have gained momentum for this challenging group stage.

Clues on the first day? A few but it has just been a weird day, the organisers must deal with this by finding refs who can speak languishes and make sure we don't get another Green Wombat. What will happen in the Cuation game tomorrow?

Wentland dressing-room. Half-time. Player-coach Tommy Barnes is lying on a stretcher, unconscious. Players are in a various state of bandagery partout.

Neil Collins was the first to speak.

"Well, someone say something."

"Err...do we have to go back out?"

It had been a fairly brutal half. The teams had expressed different preferences for the Dream Arena - Wentland wanting a be-columned academy atop a mountain of ineffability, the Penguins an abattoir - so a randomizer had produced a riot of primary colours, childlike clouds, a smiling sun and match officials with aerials atop their heads to project instant replays on their ample stomachs.

The Penguins seemed disappointed but the Swifts thought they could run a little riot against their oppressive opposition. And it looked good as Barnes brought out a couple of good saves and Cooper nearly headed home.

Then it happened. One of the Penguins managed to obtain what looked like a shower head that emerged from under the pitch just outside the by-line. A quick swing of that and Barnes was off on a stretcher, bleeding heavily. Referee Nina Nannar was unmoved by the Swifts' protests, and threatened kung fu against them. A brutal tackle from DMYS saw Cooper stretchered off as well and suddenly the Swifts were not looking quite so confident.

But Ginger Collins had a plan for half-time. "We'll put Peter Davey on." The tiny number 24 looked horrified - he was the smallest one on the pitch - and he was the final substitute permitted.

Collins had a few wors with Davey and the Crows went out with renewed purpose. Davey immediately had the ball and DMYS and Normal converged on him. Frozen with terror, he looked easy pickings for the murderous opposition - until he burst between them at the last minute and looked back with satisfaction at two unconscious opposition players. Suddenly momentum was back with the Crows.

The Penguins needed to fight back. Mrs Tweezly produced a bazooka on the referee's blind side but the strange dream conditions meant that the resulting shot brought a bowl of petunias from the barrel which looked startled as they hurled towards the touchline, where a spectator called Dent dispatched them. This was not good - the Penguins' secret weapons were rendered unorthodox and hence non-U. ABSOLUT was being permanently caught offside and it was beginning to get better and better.

And better. In the 74th Willie Dee was unsighted as a Kent curler came in from the side as his barnet flopped over his eyes. Treves was on hand to make it 1-0. The second came six minutes later when Peter Davey hid behind Obese to the surprise of Dee and poked a rare goal.

Ten minutes later the whistle blew and the Crows were away, glad to be alive. They were met in the dressing-room by a smiling Tommy Barnes. "Great stuff..." "I thought you were nearly dead?" "No, this realm rejuvenates when the whistle blows...we'll be full strength for the next game..."

The Justtundra Times



Team Beats on Wentland, gets Beaten Anyhow


In an exciting, and utterly predictable match against Wentland, The Team got thrashed by Wentland on a dreamed-pitch which was part coloring book, sort of flat, and rather cloudy. If we hadn't known better, we'd have said that the players were running around in a childs playpen, something which The Team must have picked up upon, resulting in a rather angry team. It was, after considerable and pursuasive 'lobbying' by Normal Penguin, rather cold, and had, after some more lobbying, this time by Irritated Penguin, barbed wire strung along every possible stretch of ground, cloud, or other dreamed substance. Surprisingly, and probably by design, the barbed wire seemed to affect The Team more than it did the Swifts, although several of the Wentlandians could be heard complaining about the metal spikes which had lodged into their knees.

It was rather surprising that The Team could even play, seeing as many players were trapped in their respective positions by thick strands of rusty, spikey barbed wire fencing. Devious Penguin, as always, had come prepared for this, and was securely locked inside some sort of floating tank, which appeared to be using technology thich will not be available for another seventy years or so. We suspect that he stole it from one of those "FT Nations", but we're not opening our mouths too much, because that tank had a nasty Atom Cannon mounted on it.

Mrs. Tweezly, in true teacher style, gave a Pop-Quiz, an action which is now under investigation by international police agencies, and several media netwroks across the globe. The shocking thing was, she gave it to the fans as well, causing the Hosts to mutter, fuss, and wring their holy hands in consernation, because no harm was to come to the spectators in any way. On the other hand, the pop-quiz was about the origin of the word "Went", and the fans were finished in no time. The referee was not nearly as knowlegeable, and was kept from handing out red cards(many of which should have been handed out, such as when Irritated Penguin slide into Thomas Devey with incredible force, and sprained the Midfielder's ankle, and cracked the penguins skull. Irritated was carried out on a stretcher, although he managed to savage one of the paramedics who was trying to strap the aggravated bird down, along with Devey, although Devey didn't savage anyone, and he limped out, leaning on a teammate's shoulder.

After several rather questionable plays(Furious Porridge kicking the opposing keeper between the legs, Barnes saying something nasty to a wheelchair-confined ABSOLUT, resulting in Fnab Fnab beating the poor man over the head with a bathroom fixture, DMYS smothering a confused stray cat to death), the tides turned. Normal Penguin recieved a face-full of slime mold, and passed out, DMYS became temporarily dormant with shock - though it slid casually back onto the pitch later on, pretending nothing had happened - and ABSOLUT's wheelchair crashed into the opposing goalpost, and, despite his flailing, he couldn't get himself free. Even after the red card was handed out, he stayed there for the rest of the match.

DMYS, totally unhindered by the extremely thick amount of barbed wire around it, glooped itself to advantageous positions around the field, clearly confused as to why nobody else was moving very far. The mold managed to make several viscious saves, and forcefully blocked on shot from going in, after making the ball bounce back at forward Norman Cooper's face. The Wentlandian player retreated, clutching a bloody nose, which was thought to have been broken, although it turns out it was simply flattened.

Wild Penguin got himself strung up in several lengths of wire, while trying to attack Wentlands goalkeeper, Dennis Tracey, and was left dangling there, just five feet from Traceys nose, for the rest of the game. Wild reportedly called the Wentlandians some very nasty names, and got a pastel green mud thrown at him as a result.

After Devious Penguin discovered that his Atom Cannon shot glitter, rather than fiery death, he resorted to simply pouring large amounts of glitter onto opposing players, and, after he upped the cannon's settings, found that glitter, when coming into contact with a human at very high speeds, can be rather dangerous. The crowd was furious, and went home after the match, covered head to toe in glitter.

Obese Penguin was assaulted by Wild Penguin, after he decided that he couldn't even attempt to attack Peter Davey on a full stomache, resulting in a goal for the Swifts, although he was hungry by the time Wild attacked, so the fat bird wasn't totally helpless. He is currently in an undisclosed location, presumably a hospital, but nobody's talking.

However, with the majority of players wielding little more than maces, long, wooden sticks, and the occasional hammer, the playing was rather slow. Needless to say, Wentland scored twice, frustrating Willie Dee and his Extremely Dangerous Hair to the extent that the Hair ate an entire length of barbed wire. Dee is currently having treatments to remove said metal from his scalp.

This is an RP cut-off.

My wife and I are about to do our weekend shopping (ah, domesticity!), so it may be a few hours before scores are posted.

The RP cut-off is happening now so I can tabulate the RP bonuses and send the relevant details to Casari in the hope that by the time I get back, he'll have sent me the Archregimancy / Bazalonia score, and I can post all of the scores together.

OOC - Rorysville never stated where the match was played :D


OOC:Well I had Assumed that all the Matches in the CoH were in the Host Nation not in My Home Stadiums.As such I have no clue what Game is played in what stadium.

So that said If they are Home Games in Home Countries and not in the Host then all Rorysville National Games are played in Celtic Field(102,955) or National Stadium(99,900) Depending on the Opponent and Field availability.

PART Five

"You're free to go.. Mr. Mall, your story checked out." the guard said.

"What... Umm.. Ok.. Thanks and tell the guy next to me that I'm sorry that he heard what he heard." I replied.

"Mr. Mall.. there is no one in either cell next to yours... Now if you don't get going, You'll Stay here forever." the guard answered.

As I was left the holding cell i spent the lat 5 days in I took a look around and to my surprise found no one else there besides the guard. 'Did I just think him up finally going around bend or was he taken out before I left. This conspiracy must go deeper than I thought.'

As I emerged from the detention center, I planned my next move. The memo I found in General Hui's desk pointed towards Bazalonia and a meeting with a Mr. Polk. "Why would someone from Bazalonia pay a Green Wombat General $10,000,000 to hire a gangster from Sativaville who used a Ganja-farmer to pay off the New Bruxen player to throw that match??" I muttered to myself in the taxi that was taking me to the transportation chambers.

OOC:Well I had Assumed that all the Matches in the CoH were in the Host Nation not in My Home Stadiums.As such I have no clue what Game is played in what stadium.

So that said If they are Home Games in Home Countries and not in the Host then all Rorysville National Games are played in Celtic Field(102,955) or National Stadium(99,900) Depending on the Opponent and Field availability.

OOC: you don't have to play at home... you can do what ever you want if you RP 1st.. Play in an igloo or on motlen lava or in the depths of space... (please refer back to the 1st post of this thread)

OOC: you don't have to play at home... you can do what ever you want if you RP 1st.. Play in an igloo or on motlen lava or in the depths of space... (please refer back to the 1st post of this thread)
OOC:Whoops :headbang: alrighty then I'll Remeber that,thanks Qazox.

MD 2 scores!

Archregimancy 1 Bazalonia 0
Sliponia 1 Green wombat 4
Cuation 2 Tynelia 0


Milchama 1 Magnus Valerius 0
Iansisle 4 Virginia Nova 0
Lowland Clans 3 Mr Chuck Norris 1


Haraki 1 Qazox 3
GarfieldtheFat 1 Marceau State 2
Anathem. Reps. 0 Lisburn Mateys 2


Wentland 1 Dorian & Sonya 1
Nikea 0 Raging Penguins 3
Vuam and Isma 0 One Red Dot 2

Tables!

PL W L D F A GD PTS
GP1
Archregimancy 2 2 0 0 4 0 4 6
Cuation 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 3
Green wombat 2 1 0 1 4 4 0 3
Tynelia 2 1 0 1 1 2 -1 3
Sativaville 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
Bazalonia 2 0 1 1 0 1 -1 1
Sliponia 2 0 0 2 1 5 -4 0

GP2
Iansisle 2 2 0 0 6 1 5 6
Milchama 2 2 0 0 3 0 3 6
Lowland Clans 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 3
Magnus Valerius 2 1 0 1 1 1 0 3
AwalKB 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0
Mr Chuck Norris 2 0 0 2 2 5 -3 0
Virginia Nova 2 0 0 2 0 6 -6 0

GP3
Qazox 2 1 1 0 4 2 2 4
Lisburn Mateys 2 1 1 0 3 1 2 4
Marceau State 2 1 1 0 5 4 1 4
Spmn. Plijous 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
GarfieldtheFat 2 0 1 1 2 3 -1 1
Haraki 2 0 1 1 4 6 -2 1
Anathem. Reps. 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0

GP4
Wentland 2 1 1 0 3 1 2 4
One Red Dot 2 1 1 0 3 1 2 4
Dorian & Sonya 2 1 1 0 3 2 1 4
Raging Penguins 2 1 0 1 3 2 1 3
Nikea 2 0 1 2 1 4 -3 1
Rorysville 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
Vuam and Isma 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0

“Hello everyone and welcome to Tynelian Soccer Weekly. Today in not much of a surprise team Tynelia fell to second seed Cuation who were playing their first match by a 2-0 score. This result dropped the team to fourth on GD behind both Cuation and the Green Wombats who pounded Sliponia 4-1. The Archregimancy continued on its expected path to qualifying with a 1-0 win over thirds seed Balzonia. I’m Sal Spikeman along with Anna Dalespin, so Anna, not much of a revenge match out there was it today.”

“It certainly didn’t look that way Sal. While this match was closer than Tynelia’s first attempts in that they held Cuation to a pair of goals, the Tynelian offense once again vanished from the face of the planet. Though at least this time you could point to a stronger team asserting itself rather than the usual offensive futility that the Tynelian team is fast becoming known for.”

“That’s a good point Anna, so viewers shouldn’t be abandoning hope for our chances just yet. With the bye next the team will have time to reorganize and do a bit more scouting on their remaining opponents before we come back against the Wombats in another attempted revenge match. A goal in each half was more than enough for Cuation today as they held a solid 10 minute time of possession advantage over us. Shots were in their favor by a 14-9 margin with a 5-1 quality edge. All in all Tynelia was pretty much outplayed today. Its clear the advantage Cuation had in being able to scout our match with Sliponia while we were unable to do the same as they began with a bye proved to be a vital advantage that the second seeds took full advantage over.”

“Most certainly Sal, now Tynelia will have to see if they can return the favor when they try to avenge their BoF elimination to the Green Wombats who will be up against Cuation next. This will mean Tynelia will be no better than third after their bye but most likely fourth unless Balzonia doesn’t get their expected win against Sliponia.”

“Yes Anna, it does look like we’ll be dropping down the ranks a bit after our bye and if Cuation continues to win our chances of advancement will be that much smaller. But now let’s see how the rest of the groups fared with Mike McPhee. Hello Mike.”

“Hello Sal, things are getting a bit topsy turvy in the other groups. Last seed Iansilse actually leads the group over top ranked Milchama as they pulled off their second straight upset, this time over Virginia Nova. The Lowland Clans started off on a winning note sending Mr.Chuck Norris to a second straight defeat. Oddly they were the only other second seed to start off with a win. In group three teams finally decided to get some wins and Qazox finds itself joined by Marceau States and Lisburn Mateys for first while top seed Haraki suddenly finds itself second to last after the Oxen pounded their former BoF rivals 3-1. And my sleeper pick One Red Dot continues to make me look smart as they beat second seed Vuam and Isma to stay in a three way tie for first with top seed Wentland and Dorian and Sonya. So this looks like these groups are going to be dogfights the entire way through with only Milchama playing like a dominant top seed so far. Back to you Sal.”

“Thanks Mike, so Anna, with Tynelia’s off day how do they fix things?”

“It will be tough, the team has played this style for some time now despite its lack of offense and I don’t think Coach Tudor will be changing anything. On the other hand this is his last tourney so that could mean he’s going to pull out all the stops. However, in the past whenever a Tynelian squad tries to change its style mid tourney they usually fall flat on their face. Ideally they would need to find a way to stretch the field a bit. The attack is too concentrated towards the middle of the field so defenders can cheat inside since Tynelia lacks any sort of outside presence to keep the other team honest. Pushing up an extra striker or forward might create some more openings for better quality chances on net. I do know that Tudor is always worried about a counterattack the other way if he sends too many players up but something clearly has to be done and he should trust Amy Whiteworth in net more than he seems to.”

“Okay Anna, that does point out a few good fact about the problems we’ve been having on offense. We’ll just have to see if Coach Tudor agrees with you. Now how about the rest of the group? How do things look there?”

“The biggest match right now is the Cuation one with the Green Wombats, two teams currently tied with us with 3 points. I think the second seeds will prove to be the superior squad here as the Wombats only beat Sliponia albeit by a convincing score to salvage their goal differential from the Archregimancy loss. I expect the second seeds to roll through with a 3-1 win. Sativaville comes off the bye only to come up against the Archregimancy who have yet to allow a goal so far this tournament. I believe that will continue here as the hosts continue to dominate with an easy 3-0 win. Finally I think Balzonia will finally get into the winning column as they face a winless Sliponia squad. Needing some win to get back into this I think the third seeds will come out firing and come away with a 3-0 win as well.”

“So basically you feel the top seeds will assert themselves and beat on the bottom half of the draw. Sounds reasonable Anna but as viewers know, everything isn’t quite as clear cut when they take the field. With no Tynelian match coming up, TSW will show the Cuation match with the Green Wombats as this is the match which will most concern Tynelian fans right now. After that match Anna and I will be back with an abbreviated program to cover what happened during Tynelia’s bye. Until then this is Sal Spikeman for Anna Dalespin wishing everyone a good night.”

http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/9163/starlogo2ti.jpg
Mateys defeat the undead

Walking into the dream bubble today the fans and team didnt no what the setting was going to be or who it would favour. The big steel doors where opened, and the Mateys smiled, the setting was to be a cathederal, and a big one that. Looking over 100 years old with fantastic architecture and scriptures written on the walls and some parts of the floor.
The 27 000 strong crowd all sat on tradional wooden church benches , im sure their backs where aching by the end of this game.

This setting was excellant for the Mateys who facing Anathematic Republics are a team ruled by Satan and the players are all undead. If they walked on the scriptures on the floor they seem to get jolt through their body, they also cringed when walking through the steel doors, but quickly got used to a certain extent to their surroundings.

The match kicked off and all seemed weary of these 'creatures' apart from Marvin Andrews who many supporters think should be the captain of the Mateys when Armstrong goes, but Armstrong's leadership got them playing they way they wanted and also seeing Andrews charge about spurred them on.

So the match settled down, the Mateys where a little underpower with Crewes Champions league game but Gucho remained at the back. The first half was a little dull with both teams keeping possession and lacking that killer ball through to the strickers, leaving Akobyi very angry when he went off at half time. During half time it came through that Crewe had beaten Irkutusk from Hockey Canada 2-0, which got the crowd going as that is a major victory for football in the country.

The Mateys players had no doubt heard about that and came out fired up for the second half and scored very quickly. An over adventerous shot from Mc Cann went out for a corner and up came Andrews who played an excellant game so far. Livingston was definatly looking for him as the ball came in fast. It looked way to high for anyone, but Andrews being 6 foot 6 was able to jump up and get his head in the way which went in the top right corner over the thing at the post.

Mateys sensing that they like Crewe could dramatically improve their qualification chances started playing with more confidence Gregg and Livingston both trying their luck and just missing the net. Akobyi also had a few shots saved as the passes started to reach him.
It was indeed to be Akobyi that scored the second goal, a quick counter with Armstrong hitting the ball across field to Kingsberry whos pace fired the ball along the pitch , hitting in a low cross which found Akobyi at the front post.
That the move the Mateys are famous for and have used it time and time again.

Final score
Anathem. Reps. 0 - 2 Lisburn Mateys
Marvin Andrews - 48
Amusi Akobyi - 71


Page 2 - Crewe, NSCL (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11367502&postcount=9)
Page 3 - Crumlin, NSFA cup (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11367448&postcount=7)

The game was in its closing stages with Cuation two goals in front, Tynelia looking to pull a goal back. Martins pulled away from Samba and tried a shot but the holding player deflected it into the path of MacDougal who lurks just outside the area. The striker had just got away from Cheese for a split second and hit the ball first time.

"Martins tries to create some space, oh he has got away and is having a go, good block by Samba! Loose ball has got away from Cheese and straight to MacDougal!!!"

The first time shot was hit low and hard across goal. It was a good effort but Jude had evidently kept his concentration, diving low and getting both hands to it before clawing it to his chest. As MacDougal turned away, clearly frustrated, there where ironic cheers from the Cuation fans behind the goal.

"Good effort across the face of goal but he was not going to beat Jude from there, a fine save. The first time the young keeper has been called into action so worth an effort bu MacDougal. If Jude had gone to sleep, that was in but it sad that it has been the best Tynelia have to offer all day."

Cuation players get forward as Jude climbs to his feet, looking for options. Spotting the sub Gary Cole in acers of space on the right, Jude throws the ball out to the rightback. Collecting the ball, Gary Cole bursts forward over the half way line before a sloppy pass for Giovanni goes out for a throw in, much to Giovanni's evidenct disgust.

"Jude throws it out to Cole who is now ramapging forward without a challenge. Over the half way line and the attack is on, he plays it forward down the right but it is too far behind Giovanni, throw in. As the winger remonstrates with his full back, the Tynelia players yet again allowed the full backs to much space on the flanks."

A Log of an IM conversation between to viewers of the Cup of Harmony.

SoccerFreak - I wonder what the setting is going to be for this match? The last English/Esperanto word pitch for just a shamble

MechaFootball - It was funny though. Imagine them not knowing Kafo or Teo meaning Coffee and tea. "Ĉu Kafo, ĉu Teo ĉu Varma ĉokolado?"

SoccerFreak - I think that really hurt us we needed a win. And with us playing the Archregimancy next... well let's just say the points will be going to the Archregimancy

MechaFootball - We have a chance... not much of one but still a chance

SoccerFreak - Well, let's just wait till the match is over. How long is it now till the kickoff?

MechaFootball - uh... 34 minutes... we should know what the dream bubble setting is any minute now...

4 minutes later...

SoccerFreak - ooo.. BazSports coverage is starting... I can't quite place the match setting.

MechaFootball - No... it isn't, is it?..

SoccerFreak - What? :s.. Tell me!

MechaFootball - We are playing in the village green of my favourite fictional village. TinyHamlet, in the SuperDude comics. I wonder if SuperDude will make an appearance

SoccerFreak - Nerd! :p

MechaFootball - Oh Hah.. very funny. If it wasn't for me you'd have no idea where we were.

.... 123 minutes later ...

MechaGoal - and it looks like a draw.... reminds me of when Hobble was a werewolf. We drew nil all and I think it is going to happen ..... oh ****

SoccerFreak - GOAL!... for the Archregimancy and the whistle blew.

MechaGoal - the Defense was fairly good appart from those last 5 minutes... They seemed just too exhausted and made a sloppy pass letting the archregimancy through

SoccerFreak - oh well. At least we play Sliponia, for real this time not what ne Gould said in his article.

MechaFootball - yeah, heh. Well they corrected it. If we don't win against Slip then our chances are null. Fr. Basil the Faster certainly lived up to his name with that goal though. I mean they did win it and IMO did deserve it

SoccerFreak - Yeah Whatever. I have to go to bed now... gn

MechaFootball - night

* SoccerFreak has left the channel *

Eagles lose 4-0 to the Ians

The Virginia Nova Eagles quest for the CoH championship has taken an hit as the Eagles lost to the Ianisle Gulls 4-0. The game was played at Iansilse's National stadium.

The Eagles did have an oppurtunity to score. when Harold Freemont took a penelty kick,but it went wide right. soon after and 20:14 into the game Brain Lyons took a penelty shot and hooked it passed Alex Potter. just after that Gull midfielder Robbie Johnson stole the ball from Adam Neppi and took Alex Potter off guard, to make it 2-0 Iansisle. that would be the half time score and the second half didn't get much better as Midfielder Geoffrey Tagger got one passed Potter. It looked as if it would be a 3-0 loss for the Eagles until 88:19 when Brian Lyons decided to run up the score and got anpther one passed Potter. That makes the final Score 4-0 Iansisle.


Eagles
(none)
Gulls
Lyons 20:14,88:19
Johnson:20:56
Tagger:47:38

Huh?
UFAI, Feeley advise Virginia Novan news agency to “Lay off the laudanum!”

by Jay McYule and ‘Toothless’ Sam St. Pierre

DREAMED REALM: Exactly why Virginia Nova chose to dream up a recreation of the Westergate Footballing Grounds, complete with tickets for Iansislean fans, when they could have had any location they wanted will probably always be a mystery. However, an even greater mystery came out shortly after the game in Virginia Novan newspapers.

“Flagrantly irresponsible journalism, such as the time that the Star-Tribune reported that I was having a secret affair with Susan Aglukark, is one thing,” said UFAI chief and Director of Sports, Games, and Recreation Gregory Penns-McCormick said at a press conference earlier, “What I saw in that Novan report, however, was a complete fabrication; it leads one to wonder if, perhaps doped out on opiates, their reporters dreamed up a game that did not actually take place and then reported on that.”

Among the glaring inconsistencies were the nickname of the national football team -- Nova reported it as the ‘Gulls’ when everyone knows it is the ‘Ians’ -- the names of Iansislean players -- it seemed that the Novans were using an outdated player sheet from the World Cup qualifiers -- and even the word ‘Iansisle’ (alternatively spelled correctly, ‘Ianisle,’ and ‘Iansilse’).

Ians coach Feeley joined Penns-McCormick in condemning the report.

“Many Iansislean fans who could not attend the match and do not own radios were doubtlessly led astray by this report, never mind those poor people in Virginia Nova itself,” Feeley said at the press conference. “I understand that being the first to a scoop is important for any newspaper, but one should not sacrifice the truth in pursuit of the hot story. I think that I speak for everyone on the team when I say that we are very, very disappointed with the lack of journalistic integrity displayed here. Perhaps the Novans should lay off the laudanum.”

The controversy marred what was surely a fine match played by our boys in red and white. Two Republic FC players figured into the play early. Goalkeeper Sherm Cumberland had obviously impressed some in the Virginia Nova scouting department (with his skills, even if the name had not stuck) as Novan Harold Freemont appeared almost frightened of the keeper in taking his penalty shot early in the first half. Freemont ended up booting the ball well to the right of the goal.

On the other end of the pitch, Republic striker Spencer Madigan, never known for his penalty-shooting prowess, still managed to sneak one past Alex Potter, who had a decidedly bad game, looking as if he were constantly out of his depth. Midfielders Ward and Hopston made the score 3-0, and Madigan capped a fine day by scoring the fourth goal late in the game.

The high score was a surprise to many who expected Feeley’s team to hang back and sit on a lead, rather than try to expand it, and a pleasant surprise at that. Perhaps Feeley had a boost of confidence by the slothful and inexperienced play of the Novans; perhaps he saw the many gaps left in their defence and wished to run up Iansisle’s goal differential going into matches against tougher sides. Either way, Iansisle (2-0-0, +5) will play against the Boyars of Magnus Valerius (1-0-1, +0) as the top team in group two.

VSL responds


After a contrversial match in which, the teams played a game in supposedly the Gulls home court,the VSL responded with the following "We had agreed with the Archregemency,that we should dream up a stadiumthat was exactly like the Iansisle national stadium. We had warned our people and also sent a wiretap to Iansisle, but that must have not made it.Also the Press being the way they are in VN, Forgot they were dreaming and thought they were really in Iansisle.We have talked with them and they have agreed to be more careful when playing other teams.

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-News-Today

Sports Section

A run in the 9th gives Milchama with their second win

In what was a weird day Milchama barely beat Magnus Valerius 1-0 on a double in the bottom of the 9th by Kelvin Joseph. Coach Jamie Smith said, "We really needed that hit in the 9th. I put him in there to get the hit and he delivered. If he can do this when we play soccer that would be even better." Now to explain this weird circumstance we go to the announcer for the day Thomas Barrix:

"Hello and Welcome to a beutiful game of football today between the Milchama Warriors and the Magnus Valerius Boyars. The teams are about to take the pitch which is -what the hell?!- Wrigley Field. Well it looks like its going to be a baseball game today and that's right it is, the Warriors starting lineup looks like this:

1: Elana Kilinin CF
2: Spot Nielson 2B
3: Barrett M. Lonnen 1B
4: Marin Keffer RF
5: Chase Mergle 3B
6: Clay Finton C
7: Del Clufor SS
8: Casey Stockholm LF
9: Floren Albentine P

The Boyars lineup is as follows:

1: Jonathan Song 2B
2: Yves de la Ronge 3B
3: George Illyanich RF
4: Heinrich Zerbst CF
5: Kyrill Feodorov 1B
6: Jacques d'Anjou SS
7: Nestor Lucinius LF
8: Gustav Sibel C
9: Yeufimei Bashkirsky P

Well it looks to be a good day for both sides lets see how the game will go."

1st Inning: The pitching dominated in the first inning as both sides went down in order 1-2-3. Illyanich did work the count to 3-2 before a sweeping slider from Albentine did him in.

2nd Inning; The Warriors went down in order but the Boyars threatened as a leadoff single from Zerbst then another single from Feodorov put runners on 1st and 3rd with no out. A strike of d'Anjou and then a double play ball from Lucinius kept the game at 0-0.

3rd Inning: A leadoff single from Clufor did nothing for the Warriors and Albentine struck out the side.

4th Inning: The Warriors should have scored after a leadoff triple from Nielson. But the long fly ball from Lonnen was tracked down by Illyanich who then threw a lazer beam to the plate to beat Neilson home.

5th-8th inning: Nothing of interest happened at all.

9th inning: It was the bottom of the order for the Warriors and Clufor started it off in the right fashion with a bunt single. Then Stockholm sac bunted him over to second to put a runner on second with 1 out. That brought up the pitchers spot and Jamie Smith decided to put in Kelvin Joseph to drive the run in. Joseph did his job as he hit smash off the top of the wall that brought Clufor home and gave the Warriors a 1-0 lead. Then the Boyars came up with the top of the order. Matt Bantin came in to close the game. Bantin struck out Song with a fastball. Then gave up a single to de la Ronge. That brought up Illyanich. Illyanich hit a BLAST to deep right field it went back to the track to the wall and it was caught by Marin Keffer on a leaping grab to get to two outs. Then Bantin got Zerbst to ground out to end the inning.

Final Score:
Milchama 1 (Joseph 178)
Magnus Valerius 0 (The pitching was gooood)

Raging Penguins Report:
The Penguins again most likely lost to a team they shouldn't have.

Milchama Man of the Match:
Floren Albentine: He pitched 8 innings of 3 hit shutout baseball. His pitching was key to the Warriors victory today. Now he just needs to score more goals.

Wentland and D&S agreed a coin-toss to determine the dream realm for the second round of matches. The Swifts lost and were disconcerted to emerge against a set of half-humans in a world of swirls, trees, rainbows...suspended on a cloud...whirlpools of pure energy in and out of existence in an eyeblink...music from an etherial realm, accompanied by the sweet part harmonies of an unknowable tongue...We'll be soaked and ruddy...cups of pearly dewdrops drops...the sport of gods and heroes...a gilded crystal surround...turrets and tenements...spires and spirals...every precious dream and vision underneath the stars...

It was all too much for the prosaic Swifts. "What the bloody hell is this? We're meant to be playing football!" complained Norman Cooper. And the pulses of prime material winking in and out of existence disconcerted the side more than the Mystical Unicorns. The only surprise come half time was that it was only 1-0.

For the second half the Swifts had acclimatized. Cosmo Kent was surfing the waves of power down one wing to generate crosses that nearly brought the Swifts level. Steve Moon began to exude a power that he had hitherto not demonstrated and his face shone with a gleam that struck fear into the halfling opponents.

But it still looked as if it was all going to be in vain. Until in the 83rd minute when Tommy Barnes finally escaped his marker. He rose to a Kent cross, only for a panicking Elindil to pull his shirt. A penalty.

Barnes decided to take it himself. As he placed the ball, the stadium seemed to vanish. Barnes was sent upwards on a stone path, high, high above the clouds, high above the Archregimancy many miles below... an archway surrounding him, a keyhole before him...a guillotine blade...

http://img351.imageshack.us/img351/9654/140to1.th.jpg (http://img351.imageshack.us/my.php?image=140to1.jpg)

If score you must, a voice seemed to say, worthy you must be...

Barnes saw before him a dragon, red as flame, fierce of mien and proud of stature. He barely had time to consider his options before it swooped down on him, maw agape, ready to devour.

Barnes reacted with the only weapon available. He struck the ball with all his might, all his spirit, all his life. He watched, gratified, as the ball followed its path, straight and true into the dragon's mouth and towards the larynx. A groan of asphyxiation brought the dragon crashing down and the stadium re-assembled itself, Wentland players leaping on their player boss, joyful and triumphant as the net bulged.

The stadium re-formed itself...all grey, dismal...broken trees, naked branches scratching the charcoal sky...a monastic lament as virgins tied to trees were enticing lachrymose unicorns to their doom...the driving rain that had emerged from nowhere scorching the teams as the remaining few minutes continued morosely to the inevitable stalemate. 1-1 and the Swifts stayed atop the group.

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/Sonya0111/SylMedCen.png

Unicorns Draw Swifts On Mystical Day

OOC- Very nice job, Went

IC-

The Dream Bubble offered up the very best of all Dreams today as Wentland faced Dorian and Sonya in the CoH. The Swifts and Mystical Unicorns both had aim on the top spot in the group and neither was ready to give ground.

Then came the fantastic features that made up the stadium for the match. Rainbows. Trees. Blinking pools of energy. All in suspense far above the world below. Crystal Spires and Turrets reverberated the sounds of ancient tongue and music. Every fantasy of everyone present was realized at some point. And the Swifts seemed a bit overwhelmed while the Elves, Halflings, and others on the Unicorns roster were in complete harmony with it.

And they proved that in the first half as they became one with the sounds, smooth and flowing. Easily outmaneuvering the Swifts as they struggled to adjust. It was more than fitting that Altáriël Telperiën gave the Unicorns the advantage in the 32nd minute.

The second half saw a more composed Wentland enter the field of play. No longer confused and searching, but rather learning to deal with the strange properties of the Dream Bubble. Surfing on waves of power and looking very much the number one seed, Wentland pushed the ball into the D&S end forcing the defense and midfield to give ground. But the Unicorns did not break. They too knew how to use this power.

The 83rd minute saw the valiant defense fail as Nessa Elendil rushed too quickly and over-ran the play. To avoid the assured goal all she could do was to pull Tommy Barnes to the ground. At least this way Daniella Riskin would have a chance to stop the shot. And that is when things got really magical.

The stadium vanished and Barnes was alone. High above the earth he reached his destination. An omnipotent voice then made the decree that barnes must be worthy in order to score. But his test was yet to come.

Daniella Riskin had been transformed into a massive red dragon that soared down upon Barnes to end the threat. But it was Barnes that rose to the challenge. As Riskin opened her mouth to devour the human, he remained calm and took aim into the giant maw. The shot was true and Riskin crashed to the ground far below. Barnes had evened the score…..

Gone were the rainbows and trees. Gone was the beauty of song. In its place came a gray and dismal - and broken stadium where rain scorched the players and despair seemed to dominate. The match would end that way with the Unicorns securing a draw from the Swifts 1-1.


Next up for the Unicorns is a match with Nikea. All hope is for the Unicorns to continue to play well and secure the win - and its important three points.

Gazetta de'Esporte

Vuam and Isma to lodge complaint?
Vuam and Isma - 0
One Red Dot - 2 (Xessol 56, Harrison Jr. 72)

Vuam and Isma start once again a competition with dismal form, dropping two easy goals to One Red Dot in their opening game in the Dreamt Realm.

However, Vuam and Isma were surprised by the reality that the game was played in. Indeed, it was as though there were literally two halves to the game. In the first half, reality was the norm as Vuam and Isma dreamt up a pitch that was a little longer and not quite as wide as regulation pitches are, and also dreamt up a nice dugout that pleased both Scarab and Johann Fischmann.

But the second half was played in a completely distorted reality. First of all, when One Red Dot replaced the ball by an exploding contraception that lead to two injuries (albeit minor) in the Vuam and Isma squad, there was rucus in the arena. And yet it was nothing compared to the change that would follow, when after scoring their first goal, One Red Dot dreamt the pitch to be uphill.

However, we must admit that fair-play was never what won games, and today Vuam and Isma suffered from excessive fair-play, barely shifting reality in their favour, as they failed to dream a pitch that favoured their long ball play, favoring one that was almost in compliance to the laws of the game.

So, even if there is an outcry from many media outlets that calls for less fair-play when the next match comes round, we at the Gazetta will look at the game's virtues, and then at its flaws.

One Red Dot fielded, as expected, an offensive line-up, with their 3-4-3 proving enough to edge out a paltry Fitzsimons in the early stages of the game. But during the first half, Vuam and Isma did take the upper hand as they twice crashed balls off the woodwork, and had two shots cleared off the line, all four dangerous situations coming from corner kicks or free kicks. But the "Wolves" battled valliantly, and managed to hold out for the goalless half-time pause.

The second half, however, was played in a spirit of unfairness that should ashame One Red Dot. As Fitzsimons intercepted a pass only seconds from the re-start, the ball exploded at his feet, forcing him to leave the pitch. Lidon was also hurt by a part of the explosive ball, dispite being a few feet away, and was substituted after being judged unable to continue that match. This incident prompted the referee to reverse one of the visitors' dreams, and sadly, it would have been better if he had reversed more than one. Following the explosive ball incident, play was stongly disturbed, and tensions flourished on the pitch, most notably between Yak and Tang, both players were yellow carded when they had a violent exchange following a strong tackle on the 53rd minute. The Whites and Azures' spirits were red hot though, and they were conceding a lot of fouls, most notably a ill-timed tackle by S'Baa on the edge of the box that was duly converted by Xessol. Then, whilst Vuam and Isma brought the ball up-field, they suddenly found themselves also playing up-hill. One Red Dot dreamt the pitch to be on a hill, and the situation of the hill strongly disadvantaged the Whites and Azures. Vuam and Isma players quickly tired out, whilst the referee refused to reverse the decision, and the "Wolves" barely moved, relying on Vuam and Isma's uphill struggle to conquer the ball. They would seal a second goal when Harrison Jr. got his head to the 9th corner of the half for the "Wolves". During the celebrations that followed, supporters and players all noticed the air getting denser, making movement harder, and penalising the long ball play that Vuam and Isma favour. As the "Wolves" settled into their half to tick away the seconds, Vuam and Isma fans left the dreamt realm, many admitting that they were "disgusted" by the dreamt realm, and hoped that "such conditions would never be seen again".

QSPN FOOTBALL TONIGHT


Ben Rottenburger: Welcome to Football Tonight, and in what all of us here thought was a very strange game, Qazox beat Haraki 3-1 in what could be called a "Hot and Cold" performance. Why a hot and cold performance you may ask? Well it was simple, half of the field was molten lava, while the other half of the pitch was on a glacier. In the first half, Qazox lost the toss and Haraki forced the defence to paly in the molten lava. The first half was scoreless for the most part due to the ball bursting in flames every time it touched the lava, but a fluke goal by Mike Zendar in the 44th minute gave Haraki the lead. The goal went in on a very long clearing pass by Zendar which stayed in the air long enough to cross the goal line. Reggie Hassok had no chance of stopping it as he had climbed untop of the net to keep from burning.

The second half saw the teams switch sides, and to Haraki's dismay, they forgot their asbestos cleats and had to use the ice skates they used in the 1st half. Qazox took quick advantage as Alicia “Speedy” Gonzalez, scored only 27 seconds into the 2nd half as all of Haraki's defenders were keeping out of the way of the rivers of magma and Christopher O’Hara was swallowed whole by a stream of boiling hot steam. Mark Stone came in to replace the missing O'Hara, but the damage had been done. In the 56th Minute, Gonzalez once again dodged her way through the molten surface and scored and a goal that deflected off a plume of water erupting from a geyser, which Stone didn't bother to stop as the ball exploded upon contact with the back of the net.

The last goal was scored in the match was an own goal by Mark Stone in the 77th minute, as he slipped into a river of magma setting up for a goal-kick and the ball was accidently knocked back into the net by a floating boulder.

After the final whistle blew, the pitch returned to normal as did all players, When asked where he had disappeared to, Christopher O’Hara replied "I'm not exactly sure, but i think it was the Anathematic Republics."

Haraki- 1 (Zendar- 44'
Qazox -3 (Gonzalez (1,2) 46', 56'; OG (Stone) 77')

Daily Wombatian

Green Wombat won its 1st ever CoH match today in a match that was stranger than the last one in which all of our players were literally turned into Green Wombats. In a match against Sliponia, the match was played in a Ice Cream Sundae. Yes you read correctly, an Ice- cream sundae. both sides were kind of flat for the first few minutes. but a goal by Gregory Henderson, which deflected of a cherry in the 13th minute opened the flood gates and by the end of the first half GW lead 4-0 on goals by Norman Mattos, whose goal went in when the keep slipped on a piece of banana in the 35th, Henderson again when the ball was covered in hot fudge and the keeper could not hold on in the 40th and Juanita Hess who deflected her shot of a sprinkle in the 44th.

In The second half , the venue changed to a bowl of fruit salad. While the change didn't affect Green Wombat, Sliponia coul not adjust to the bowl shaped field. However, the bowl did work in Sliponia's favor as in the 88th minute, a goal kick by Douglas Wayne, was knocked into the air by a stray grape and bounced in for an own goal.

PART SIX

After meeting with Mr. Polk in his office, in an undisclosed part of Bazalonia, he directed me to his contact, which would help break the case open, or so I thought. As I made my way to Bazalonian Used Cars to meet with a Mr. Kennard Holmes, I should have known that something was up, but after my long prison stay in Green Wombat, I needed to get to the bottom of this case and instincts be dammned. Under a streetlight at the back of the carlot, stood Mr. Holmes, an average man, about 5 foot-7, 170 pounds, light blonde hair and a bushy mustache.

"Mr. Holmes.. I presume" I asked, fully knowing who he was. He just nooded and started walking towards his car, a beat-up 1945 Packard. (don't ask me how a car from 33 years into our future was there.. it just was). He nodded to get in, and as I sat down, A gun was suddenly in my face. The only thing I could say was " OH, SHIT, not again."

The Gun was kept on Paul as Mr Holmes threw the investigator a black hood that would entirely cover his head and prevent him from seeing anything else.

"Put it on" gruffly stated Mr Holmes. The Car started once the hood was on and both Mr Holmes and Paul Mall where driven in the heavily tinted Packard. Not knowing the layout of the area Paul quickly lost his sense of direction and after 37 minutes of driving.. if it was in a circle Paul couldn't determine but it was nearby. Mr Holmes was quiet during the rest of the Journey.

The car came to a stop and Paul Mall was dragged out of the car and forcefully lead though a number of doors before being thumped down onto a chair a few seconds later. "You can take it off now. So how can the BFP, Antiquities Traffiking Division help you? Sorry about that we need to keep as anonymous as possible."

The room that they where in was a small room. Set up to look like a cosy lounge room. Kennard Holmes was the only one in the room and his demeanor was that of a relaxed person sitting in his lounge room.

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

CUP OF HARMONY TONIGHT
With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"Well, Fr. John, perhaps you can help me...."

"With what, Fr. Nicholas?"

"Perhaps you can explain why, despite us having the home-field advantage, we found ourselves playing in some village called 'TinyHamlet'? After that green wombat fiasco, I was expecting something biblically uplifting, like the middle of the parted Red Sea, or the Belly of Jonah's Whale, or the Hill of Golgotha. I wasn't previously aware of TinyHamlet's vital role in either scripture or Orthodox Tradition."

"Who cares, Fr. Nicholas! Didn't you see SuperDude? He's Super! And he's a Dude! Don't you know the SuperDude Song?....

SuperDude, SuperDude
He's so cool, but he's never rude.
He leaps tall opera houses in a single jump
He beats his enemies into little lumps.
More powerful than an 18-wheeler
His super dog's breed is a blue heeler.
Faster than a speeding jet-ski
More proportionate in strength than a giant flea.

SuperDude!

SuperDude!

SuperDude!

SuperDude! "

"Fr. John, may I remind you that you are a monk of the Holy Orthodox Church. This sort of sordid celebration of an entirely secular fictional character is most unbecoming!"

"Don't blame me, blame Bazalonia"

"Why blame those nice Bazalonians? They're one of the very few nations who has ever come to us for help, over that poor afflicted Peter Hobble."

"It was their dream"

"Even so, Fr. John. I don't approve. The only SuperDude we need is Jesus Christ. Anyway, what about the football match?"

"Fairly boring, I'm afraid, Fr. Nicholas. Bazalonia seemed to be playing with the strength of SuperDude, and were holding us to a draw until the last 5 minutes. Fortunately, team captain Fr. David the Water-Drinker was keeping a secret supply of Tonkrypnite in his kit bag, tied it to his pectoral cross in the 86th minute, and the Bazalonians collapsed. A long range-shot from the team captain found the upper left hand corner, and 1-0 to the Archregimancy. Why, Tonkrypnite's almost as effective as holy water!"

"But not quite, Fr. John..... not quite....."

This is the RP cut-off.

Scores to follow shortly.

Due to a stuff-up from your host - who thought the first seed bye was today (idiot!) - the Archregimancy/Sativaville score will be late, and may not arrive until tomorrow.

I will post the remaining scores, however.

-----------------------------------------

And here are (most of) the Matchday 3 scores:

Group 1
Green wombat 1 Cuation 3
Bazalonia 6 Sliponia 0
Sativaville - Archregimancy TBC

Group 2
Virginia Nova 2 Lowland Clans 1
Magnus Valerius 3 Iansisle 1
AwalKB 0 Milchama 2

Group 3
Marceau State 1 Anathem. Reps. 1
Qazox 4 GarfieldtheFat 0
Spmn. Plijous 0 Haraki 1

Group 4
Raging Penguins 0 Vuam and Isma 2
Dorian & Sonya 3 Nikea 1
Rorysville 1 Wentland 3

I apologise again for the stuff-up over my own team's scorination. I'll post complete group tables once I get my result from Casari. Feel free to post your own unofficial tables in the interim.

Part Seven

Bazalonia']The Gun was kept on Paul as Mr Holmes threw the investigator a black hood that would entirely cover his head and prevent him from seeing anything else.

"Put it on" gruffly stated Mr Holmes. The Car started once the hood was on and both Mr Holmes and Paul Mall where driven in the heavily tinted Packard. Not knowing the layout of the area Paul quickly lost his sense of direction and after 37 minutes of driving.. if it was in a circle Paul couldn't determine but it was nearby. Mr Holmes was quiet during the rest of the Journey.

The car came to a stop and Paul Mall was dragged out of the car and forcefully lead though a number of doors before being thumped down onto a chair a few seconds later. "You can take it off now. So how can the BFP, Antiquities Traffiking Division help you? Sorry about that we need to keep as anonymous as possible."

The room that they where in was a small room. Set up to look like a cosy lounge room. Kennard Holmes was the only one in the room and his demeanor was that of a relaxed person sitting in his lounge room.

" Well that's quite a rude way to welcome your guests, Mr. Holmes." I said to him as I took in the surrounding room. "I'm here because Mr. Polk sent me here to talk with you. His funding of a War-Criminal in Green Wombat, has been traced back to a match-fixing scandal back in Qazox. Mr. Polk told me that the money he used was from the time he sold about 5 rare antiques from Cataduanes and Liverpool England. Now what I would like to know is how did such antiques get past your radar and where did they specifically come from and how can I find out who sold them to Mr. Polk in the first place?"

Holmes thought about my request for a moment as he stood up and paced the room. "You do know that if I tell you these things, I could lose my job, and you'll wind up dead right? he replied after a minute or two of silence.

"Yes, but trust me, I'm as good as dead with some of the shit I've found out already, so what's a few more burials compared to the truth I seek?" I replied, waiting to see if Mr. Holmes was indeed scared to tell me that which I needed to know.

"And Welcome to BazSports live coverage of the Cup of Harmony. Today saw a turn around of Fortunes to the Bazalopes as they faced off Baptism of Fire Compettees Sliponia. 5 goals scored and an embarassing Own Goal by the Sliponian Keeper Mike Davis. Mike managed to stop the ball but did not do so completely the ball rolled over the line. The Sliponian Keeper tried to remedy the situation but was moments to late.

The Sliponian obviously did not like it but in the end even if it was a wrongly awarded goal a 5-0 scoreline would not effect the end result of the match. Which happened to occur on a deserted, if you didn't count the nearly 40 thousand crowd watching the match, tropical island. Coconuts and coconut trees where sporadically spread throughout the field and it seemed that it was these sporadic items caused problems for the Sliponia team. And I have the feeling that there have been some sort of power that the Bazalonian team have taken onto the Desert Island from the world of the SuperDude comic. We saw SuperDude but did not see his arch enemy Max Mactor.

Peter Hobble got a hattrick in the 23rd, 56th and 67th minutes James Kantwell got one in the 12th minute and Michael Irchov in the 41st minute.

ONE RED DOT PULL FIRST VICTORY
VICTORY SCARRED BY ALLEGATIONS OF THE UNFAIR KIND
16 July 2006
by aSWORD.org.rd

One Red Dot produced a victory that was much needed after the draw against Nikea. Vuam and Isma were one of two teams that were "must-defeat" on Coach Eddy Lai's list and the Wolves have certainly done him and the nation proud.

The first half was dominated by an equal exchange of possession as both teams were unable to penetrate each other's defences. However, Vuam and Isma manoeuvred some quick shots that gave Akihito SEHINA some tough work.

The second half was a completely different story. Vuam and Isma were fighting an uphill battle as they were completely overwhelmed by the Wolves midfield and offense. A mistimed tackel by S'baa on the 53rd minute gave the Wolves a free kick which was sent through the goalposts by Andrew XESSOL.

Vuam and Isma soon showed themselves to be a rather unfit team as their coordination deteriorated unexpectedly. A corner kick at the 72nd minute and a header by Louis HARRISON JR. sealed the fate of Vuam and Isma. The final score was 2-0.

Despite the win by One Red Dot, players and officials from Vuam and Isma have lodged complaints, citing that they were "literally playing uphill", saying that the Wolves took advantage of the Dreamt Realm's capabilities to produce a pitch on a hill. They have also accused the Wolves of dreaming of balls which explode on impact. One Red Dot have denied these accusations. In a rebuttal, the Wolves say that Vuam and Isma's inexperience with all types of conditions had locked their fate.

Tickets for the match against Raging Penguins at The Dream Bubble in Alasdair I Frosticus can be bought at your local ORDTIX centre. Channel 5 would be broadcasting the match live at 7.00pm.

Part Seven



" Well that's quite a rude way to welcome your guests, Mr. Holmes." I said to him as I took in the surrounding room. "I'm here because Mr. Polk sent me here to talk with you. His funding of a War-Criminal in Green Wombat, has been traced back to a match-fixing scandal back in Qazox. Mr. Polk told me that the money he used was from the time he sold about 5 rare antiques from Cataduanes and Liverpool England. Now what I would like to know is how did such antiques get past your radar and where did they specifically come from and how can I find out who sold them to Mr. Polk in the first place?"

Holmes thought about my request for a moment as he stood up and paced the room. "You do know that if I tell you these things, I could lose my job, and you'll wind up dead right? he replied after a minute or two of silence.

"Yes, but trust me, I'm as good as dead with some of the shit I've found out already, so what's a few more burials compared to the truth I seek?" I replied, waiting to see if Mr. Holmes was indeed scared to tell me that which I needed to know.

"I have to think about this..." said Holmes as he got up from the couch and turned his back to Paul... and he was there for just over a minute facing a door. After the ackwardness of the minute Holmes turned back to Paul Mall.

"Okay, I'll give you what you want, but you know this will be the end of my Career. Go through the door, I'll be behind you. oh and I suppose you probably should call me Kennard." Said Holmes as he motioned to the door.

Paul Mall cautiously followed the Holmes instructions.. "alight, Kennard." the door was opened Paul looked out and saw a darkened store room and the vague shape of five objects. Then he heard a click ... a familiar click. The cocking of a gun and a sensation. "You know Paul, you where right about one thing. You're as good as dead." The lights came on to reveal the antiquities from Cataduanes and Liverpool England.

"Actually they are fakes but you do know too much. I'm afraid you are going to have to.... ****"

One of the doors into the storeroom burst open there where men in masks shouting and totting guns. Kennard threw Paul Mall to the ground and raced away.

"Federal Police. Put your hands on your head and stay down." a number of the masked men that burst through the door. Others went to find Kennard.

“Hello everyone and welcome to a shortened edition of Tynelian Soccer Weekly as our national squad has the day off. I’m Sal Spikeman along with Anna Dalespin. In a couple of expected results Cuation came out on top of the Green Wombats by a 3-1 score and in a utter pounding Balzonia crushed Sliponia 6-0 as they have suddenly awakened and sprung into the playoff hunt after a slow start. In an unusual move some dreamscapes seemed to have gotten mixed up in the Archregimancy match with Sativaville. One source claims that the Archregimancy squad was gathered outside a dream monestary while the Sativaville squad lingered in a field of marijuana. The same source claims officials are currently in search of both squads hoping to find a mutual dreamscape for the match to take place. Very odd wouldn’t you agree Anna?”

“Yes Sal, you’d think as hosts the Archregimancy would be used to things like this if your source is accurate Sal. And the only surprise in the other matches was the margin of the Balzonia win which jumps them to third place and we stay in fourth because of goal differential over the Wombats that we’ll be playing next.”

“That’s right Anna, a huge match for Tynelia if they hope to move on with Balzonia coming up next. Both these next two matches are must wins if the team hopes to move on. But first let’s take a look at the other groups with Mike McPhee.”

“Thanks Sal, the Iansisle undefeated run came to a end at the hands of Magnus Valerius which jumped into second behind the still undefeated Milchama squad in group 2. The Lowland Clans were upset again this time by Virginia Nova. Qazox takes control of group three with their 4-0 win against GarfieldtheFat as Haraki finally gets into the win column. In group four Vuam and Isma also broke into the win column at last but still trail Wentland and Dorian & Sonya at the moment. That’s it for here, back to you Sal.”

“Thanks, Mike, so Anna, how do you think the team will fare coming off their bye week against the Green Wombats?”

“Hopefully well, they’ve been able to study them against Cuation and compare styles with how Cuation played against us. Now the margin of victory in both matches for Cuation was the same so this should be a close matchup. Of course given the Tynelian ability to not find the net again and again I believe this will end in a disappointing 1-1 draw. In the other matches I like Cuation against Balzonia as well. As we’ve seen with other teams in the World Cup the match after a huge scoring day tends to tire out the team doing the scoring so I think Balzonia will be a step behind today and Cuation continues its undefeated run with a 2-1 win. In the final match Sliponia can’t seem to get anything going so expect to see Sativaville come out with a win 2-0. However, because of the mess up with the Archregimancy match the Sativaville squad may be fatigued playing two matches so close together so that should keep this one close.”

“OK Anna, well that will do it from here. As usual our live coverage of tynelia’s match will begin a halfhour before the game starts and we’ll be back here afterwards as always to see how the day’s matches affect the race for the Cup of harmony qualifying spots. Until then this is Sal Spikeman for Anna Dalespin wishing everyone a good night.”

OOC: Sorry for being late for MD 2, Milchama. Hehehe... I've got some computer problems. :p

IC:
The Isangrad Times
In a Tense Game, Boyars Lose 0:1 to Milchama

THE DREAMED REALM ---- It was expected folks. We lost to the top seed of the group in the Cup of Harmony. However, it was a very odd game today. The Boyars did not play football at all today. They played BASEBALL! This odd realm that had been created by Milchama was where they played today, at an exciting change of events. The Boyars apparently could make a fine national baseball team as well, if they didn't have their hands tied down in football; they only lost by one run today to Milchama, thanks to good pitching that kept the game scoreless until the 9th inning, where the Milchama Warriors's Kelvin Joseph sacked them a point.

"I never knew I could have been such a good pitcher," Yeufimei Bashkirsky said as he flexed his arm. "Too bad I've sold my soul to football. Otherwise, it's to the Valerian big leagues!"

It was a surprise that Milchama barely defeated the Boyars to many Valerian fans in the stadium. They honestly thought the Boyars would have lost by at least 2 points against a more skilled, experienced team. Apparently, thanks to Illyanich's persistent pressure from some of his plays (that, however, ended up nowhere) and the good pitching from the Valerians, the Warriors from Milchama would have to look for their doormat for the Cup of Harmony elsewhere. And, it looks like a team ranked higher than us has earned some respect for us, as we have for them for such an exciting game today.

Final Score

Milchama 1:0 Magnus Valerius
(Joseph 178)

BOYAR SCORERS!
M. Urt Urumqi - 1 goal

Match Day Schedule

MD 1 - Magnus Valerius v. AwalkB - W 1:0
MD 2 - Milchama v. Magnus Valerius - L 0:1
MD 3 - Magnus Valerius v. Iansisle
MD 4 - The Lowland Clans v. Magnus Valerius
MD 5 - Magnus Valerius v. Mr Chuck Norris
MD 6 - Bye
MD 7 - Virginia Nova v. Magnus Valerius

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/Sonya0111/SylMedCen.png

Unicorns Feeling Smurfy Vs Nikea

Queen Sonya looked around the newly defined stadium of the Dream Bubble for the Mystical Unicorns match against Nikea. And what she saw was completely and utterly expected. Far beyond anything she could have expected.

The entire world had undergone a strange conversion to one that was completely cartoonish. Then the Unicorns entered the pitch - and by some twist of the Dream Bubble, they had all been transformed into Smurfs. But that wasn’t all, Nikea had been transformed as well - into many versions of that hated cat Azreal. It looked as if things couldn’t possible get worse but then the Referee took the pitch, and he had become Gargamel. The Queen knew that the Dream Bubble could really hamper one’s efforts to play well, but this was going to be very difficult.

The first half showed very much how difficult things were going to be for the Unicorns as they spent the majority of the time scampering around the pitch chased by the many Azreals and Gargamel as well. It was very frustrating to be chased by the ref, but that is what had happened. Nikea enjoyed a 1-0 lead at the break, and many of the Smurf-Unicorns were searching for oxygen and a way to free Brainy (Sixta Nommay) who was suspended above a boiling cauldron near the Nikea sideline.

Papa Smurf (Luthien Oronar) devised a plan for his squad to get back into the match. And sure enough it worked to perfection. As several members of the squad caused a distraction that allowed Hefty (Zana Jablon) to free Brainy, Lazy (Burma Krzak) slipped past the confused cats and managed to score her first ever goal at any level. The Unicorns had pulled even in the 50th minute.

From that point on, it was organized mayhem for the Unicorn Smurfs. The defenders took turns luring the Nikea attackers away from the pitch while Handy (Nátulcien Eluch`div`) managed to keep Gargamel busy and not paying attention to the match. The second Unicorn goal came in the 68th minute when Grouchy (Avril Auerswald) placed the ball in the net while the Nikea Azreal keeper was occupied by Smurfette (Altáriël Telperiën). The Unicorns now had a 2-1 lead. But that would not be all.

Smurfette would score in the 85th minute when Wildsmurf (Maurita Deni) made a beautiful pass from midfield. 3-1 was all the Unicorn Smurfs would need.

As always was the case, the Smurfs had outsmarted Gargamel and his cat and went home whistling wile Gargamel abused poor Azreal.

Next up for the Unicorns is Vuam and Isma. The Unicorns have been on a roll and V&I just destroyed Raging Penguins. This should be a great match as D&S works to keep pace with Wentland and One Red Dot atop group 4.

OOC: No real time for an RP now. Hopefully more later.






Hawks win One-Nil
Atherlon Times Sports Blurb

Tom Bucket, the Archregimancy. Haraki played old rivals Spaamanian Plijous today and beat them 1-0 thanks to a Matthew Thompson header off a nice curving corner kick by Thomas Neils only ten minutes into the game. Following Haraki's humiliating 3-1 loss to Qazox, it seems the Hawks may have a chance of pulling back into this. But don't count on it.

The Harakian man of the match was defender Jonah Menike, who broke up offensive plays all over the field with nice interceptions and sliding tackles, leaving the famed Alan Belmore goalless in this game.

The strange machinations of the dream world were not confined to the players. Some of the Wentland fans were having difficulties as well.

Take Graham Land, for example. He attended what he thought was going to be the crucial match between Wentland and Rorysville. Instead he entered to see two people standing behind podia for the filming of the final round of "Trivial Pursuit". Five questions each, whoever got the most wins. The chap in the kilt did not do to well, he only got one correct in his first four, at which point the host ended the quiz as he could not win - the girl in the blue dress with what looked suspiciously like a white v-shaped collar had got 3 correct of her five and was declared the winner.

His brother Ellsworth, meanwhile, seated next to him, watched bemusedly as swifts swooped delightedly over a high altitude field. Various moose masticated contendedly at the forage on the ground. But when a whistle blew all vacated the scene as a flaming circle appeared low in the sky with the glories of the otherworld revealed beyond. Three of the swifts flew through the circle, and one of the moose managed to leap into it, before another whistle blew and the circle - and the field - vanished.

Their sister Marie Byrd had a different vision again. She saw some sort of music programme. There were two pop groups, one of which she recognized as Wentland's own The Magnificent Five and the other seemed to have some black shirts with red sleeve stripes, but she could not quite make them out. They seemed to be in some sort of sing-off and each took turns to perform a song. Four songs each, and the audience around her preferred the Five's recordings on three of those occasions (although the final one for some reason did not seem to go down so well).

Younger brother Enderby saw something different again. He watched as Frank Treves scored a couple and Neil Collins made it three before substitute Millens notched a late consolation for Rorysville.

Gazetta de'Esporte

One, Two & Thank You.
Raging Penguins - 0
Vuam and Isma - 2 (O'Beirne 28, 72)

With Fitzsimons still injured, O'Beirne got his first start in 16 games. And even though it looked like the tall striker had lost his touch when he made 5 fruitless appearances as a substitute, Robert has settled all questions about his quality.

But, let's bring you readers up to speed on the "pitch" in the dreamt reality that saw the match... To all those who love gravity, well... Let's just say this game was a dissapointment. Instead of a 2-dimentional playing field, the pitch was... Well... 3-D. Players floated about as though they were underwater and Archimedes' works were ignored by the dreamers. The ball persued its course in any given direction, without flexing its course, and the goals were squares, or more precisely rectangles that were twice the dimentions of normal reality goals. Pitch boundaries were distinguished by bizarre walls of coloured light, as thin as a wafer, and yet didn't halt the ball's progression, nor that of players.

So, as the players... well... floated -I guess- onto the pitch, or rather into the pitch, there was a lot of misunderstandment, most of all when one of the assistant referees refused to step out of the tunnel and into the... uuh... void -I guess- that surrounded the pitch... However, the most notable moment that preceeded the kick-off was when ABSOLUT LUNATIC's weelchair made the first discovery of the game. Unable to halt his impetus that was gained as he left the tunnel, he deftly crossed the pitch, and discovered that half a pitch's width from the playing field was a wall of barbed wire. However, as he squawked the news to his teammates with glee, he went on to make the second discovery of the game, as the second his weelchair grazed the wall of wire, it apparently connected with a land mine that was embedded in the wall, sending him back across the pitch with what appeared to be major damage (our specialists noted that his beak was detached from the rest of his body and that one of his knees was bent in a manner that nature didn't design knees to bend). However, after 40 seconds with DMYS, he returned to the playing... volume, claiming "they're only grazes". He punctuated this comment with a sharp twist of his knee to stop his foot from brushing his chest.

The penguins exchanged banners with Yak, who promptly dropped the banner his opponents handed him when he made the 3rd discovery of the match : the Penguins' banner was made of blood. And it seemed fresh. However, after the Penguins won the toss (the coin was lost as the referee had forgotten that tossing a coin in an enviroment without gravity meant that it was pointless to wait for the coin to fall, but Yak let the Raging Penguins kick off in a gesture of fair play and good intentions).

The start of play was sluggish to say the least, with 14 throw-ins and 22 corners in the first 20 minutes, as only 7 players managed to touch the ball, both teams unused to having gravity removed. After these disturbing twenty minutes, however, Vuam and Isma begun to gradually take control of the ball, helped by the penguins' fondeness for the barbed wire that was around the 'volume', as they seemed content to just zip through the pitch, in whatever direction the latest explosion sent them. However, Obese Penguin didn't manage to divert from his course, and he collided heavily with O'Driscoll. The referee gided towards him, and awarded a yellow card to the sphenisciforme without a second's hesitation. From the resulting free kick, Grak managed to aim not too far from the goal, and O'Beirne's agility as well as his height allowed him to collect the ball and then coolly slot the ball through the Dangerous Hair of Willie Dee to open the scoring.

After that incident, the game found a slightly more normal pace, mainly due to the penguins' boredom from the explosions. Both teams however were unable to keep the ball, with the end of the first half being nothing more than a long series of throw ins, corner kicks and free kick, the latter of which were more often in favour of Vuam and Isma than of the Penguins, seen that the Penguins reverted to their usual bloody play. However, they only recieved 4 yellow cards : 2 for dangerous tackles and two for shirt-pulling (this last incident required O'Connor's goalkeeper jersey to be replaced when Wild Penguin bit O'Connor's shirt, ripping the arm off.

Half-time was punctuated by in-match adverts. Three were from Vuam and Isma (they shall not be related here for all you readers know them by heart), and the three others were from Raging Penguins. First off was an advert for a nuclear weapon (branded "Boom - No bugs left behind"), and the two others were for nuclear shelters ("Protect-IF" and "Thermouse"). Needless to say, nobody was that surprised by the ads.

The second half was very boring, as Vuam and Isma kept playing long balls for O'Beirne as to avoid the feirce physical midfield challenges, whilst the Penguins played long balls in return because they hadn't quite mastered the trick of the short pass game. They also had to revert to this stratagem because once they had recieved their 3rd red card, they were finding it hard to find enough players to do any passing... Let alone triangle passing or short passing! On one of the fouls that lead to a red card (Obese penguin sent off for repeatedly headbutting and blocking Grak), Grak's cross was collected by O'Beirne, who duly converted his second goal of the game.

By the end of the game, the Penguins had 3 injured players (all three during the first half, and replaced), 4 red carded players (2 direct red cards and 2 second yellows), and 9 players with "only" one yellow card. Our correspondant in Raging Penguins told us that the fans were "dissapointed by the lack of heart shown by their team, as they hardly tackled, and sometimes even played the ball". One fan was particularly harsh, saying that "DMYS and Furious Porrige played so badly that they should never be allowed back on the iceberg". Indeed, they were the only two players to not recieve a yellow or red card.

OOC: No hard feelings, either, Ian. :)

Matchday 3 In the Dream Bubble...

The Realm that was created today in the Boyars' game by a group of hired dreamers. They were told to make a realm that "The Ians would fear to play in against the Boyars". However, it is unsure what they made would actually deter the Ians. After all, they won a stunning four-point shutout against Virginia Nova, sealing them as a top contender and top of the Group. Magnus Valerius, with its 1-0-1 +0 record, has to show that it is man enough, and that it needs to pull off a stunning win against the upstart Ians.

The Boyars entered the Dreamed Realm to a stunning, almost horrific site that made one Boyar particularly nervous. Ilya Pavlov couldn't help but shake. Considering that his eldest son joined the military once war between The Gull Flag Republic and The Grand Empire broke out, Ilya hasn't heard from him since. He also heard that a battle or a siege had begun in the Philippines, where his son was sent to. There weren't any war casualties yet, but the whole realm within the Dream Bubble reminded him that his son's life was at stake.

Within the Dream Bubble was a dreary land, where the capital of Iansisle lied on the Iansislean side of the dreamed stadium. This was venerable, glorious city of Ianapalis, the beating heart of what was once the Grand Empire of the Shield and now the Gull Flag Republic. Iansisle's capital city was in ruins. Its buildings were bombed out, rubble and rust piled in the streets, destroyed vehicles piled up in corners of the city, and craters dotted the landscape. There was nary a soul to be seen, although screams of despair echoed throughout the ruined city. Several charred buildings had the flag of the Grand Empire flew throughout the city, with its golden double-headed eagle emblazoned as a sign of the reactionary government within Magnus Valerius.

However, it seemed that the Valerian dreamers came across a malfunction as on the Valerian side of the field laid Isangrad. This ancient, historically rich, booming industrious and commercial heart of the Grand Empire, with its numerous skyscrapers on the west side of the River Vedus and the historical city on the east, was the capital of Magnus Valerius. However, all was not well. The sounds of incessant machine gun fire, explosions, and troop and military vehicle movement echoed throughout the dreamed city. Was this a grim omen of what might befall the Valerians as well? This has gotten the Boyars perplexed, but, as soon as they and the fans piled in, a glass dome appeared over the field and insulated the game from the violence outside. The sounds muffled, and it but both the Valerian players and the fans at ease.

The game started up with the fans jeering and hissing at the Ians as they threw random articles (like liquor bottles) of garbage at their fans; some aggressive Valerians, including a group of retired, aging Cossacks, brought their sabers, or shashkas to be more specific, to rattle at the game. Large signs of the Imperial Double-Headed Eagle grasping a weak, sickly Gull in its claws appeared on the Valerian side of the stadium (along with some variations, such as a strong-looking, well-built eagle versus a weak-looking, skinny gull in a boxing match). "YOU IANS WILL FEAR OUR BOYARS! AND DON'T FORGET OUR COSSACKS IN YOUR REALM AS WELL!"

It seems that the Valerians began the game with a confident start, with two of their goals made in the first half of the game. With some work made by an energetic Illyanich, he made quick work of the Iansislean defense. At the 23rd minute, Illyanich blasted a goal past Ian Keeper Sherman Cumberland, who couldn't hold Illyanich's power and energy. The Valerians cheered on the Boyars as the ball soon returned to their possession. The Valerians couldn't get through the Ians as they kept the ball to themselves. They lost it a few times but always recovered it from the Ians.

Kyrill Feodorov thought it was time for the Boyars to press on their score to keep it above one. It would have been pretty rough if the Ians managed to equalize it. With determination and speed, Feodorov caught a hook from Jonathon Song and made it past Iansislean turf. Not even John Clyfton or Roger Blake, who were guarding the rear field near the goal, could stop Feodorov as he made a shot while being guarded by d'Anjou and Illyanich at the 34th minute. The rest of the first half was mundane defense, as no more goals were made.

In the second half, things still were tight. Valerian defense kept the Ians from scoring a point while Iansisleans kept on foiling Valerian plays. The score remained a stable 2:0. However, when Ian Forward Spencer Madigan was traveling towards the Valerian goal at the 66th minute, his shot was intercepted by a head butt from Heinrich Zerbst. Zerbst passed it onto George Illyanich who was ready to make his second goal in the Cup of Harmony. Since d'Anjou was being unsupportive of his teammates, he was sent to the benches and Ismail Mendeleev was sent in his place. With good support, Illyanich was able to make the third Valerian goal of the game, and definitely sealing a win for the Boyars (minus any miracles) at the 72nd minute.

Thortraian Brain McPaul prevented Ians from suffering a shutout by the Boyars through his sheer determination. Apparently, the heart of the Gull Flaggers was with him, as he made a lucky move past Bobrinksy and Lucinius' dual defensive play. Gustav Sibel couldn't halt McPaul's shot, as he tried his best to stop it. Sibel fell flat on his face, and looked up with wide eyes as the Ians cheered for their first and only goal of the game at the 81st minute of the game. The game proceeded for nine more minutes without any new Valerian goals; they were coasting on through and keeping the Ians away. The Ians tried aggressively to get in at least one more goal, but it was too late and the Valerian defense kept them high and dry.

It was a crushing victory, and the Valerians cheered. Another barrage of garbage ensued as the Valerians showered the given number of Iansisleans at the game again. The Valerians were victorious and have halted the Ians from keeping their top, cushy position in the Group with ease and showed them some humility. The Valerians seem destined for victory in their next game against the Lowland Clans, as they triumphantly headed off once again to their hotel. Tonight, however, was holding more trouble and intrigue for George Illyanich however.

Final Score

Magnus Valerius 3:1 Iansisle
(George Illyanich - 2: 23', 72') | (Brian McPaul - 1: 81')
(Kyrill Feodorov - 1: 34')

BOYAR SCORERS!
G. Illyanich - 2 goals
K. Feodorov - 1 goal
M. Urt Urumqi - 1 goal

Match Day Schedule

MD 1 - Magnus Valerius v. AwalkB - W 1:0
MD 2 - Milchama v. Magnus Valerius - L 0:1
MD 3 - Magnus Valerius v. Iansisle - W 3:1
MD 4 - The Lowland Clans v. Magnus Valerius
MD 5 - Magnus Valerius v. Mr Chuck Norris
MD 6 - Bye
MD 7 - Virginia Nova v. Magnus Valerius

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Star-News-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Another win for the good guys

In a more traditional game today, somewhat, in a weird gigantic cheese wheel, the Warriors won 2-0 over AwalKB. The Cheese wheel really affected as Coach Jamie Smith said, "You know next time we might just try to have the game in a normal environment instead of at a baseball stadium or in a giant cheese wheel. These things can get really weird, really fast. We need to put a stop to this or else who knows tommorow we might be underwater on Mars." Well with that we have the not quite daily rendition of how they scored:

1st Minute: Here we are again in the Archregimancy for today's game between Milchama and AwalKB. Yesterday the Warriors ended up playing baseball against Magnus Valerius so I don't know whether they will be ready to play soccer today. But here we are in giant cheese wheel? What the hell!? well anyway a giant cheesewheel today for the Warriors.

5th minute: Del Clufor on the ball, he passes over to Elana Kilinin but she is tripped as the defender ate a bit of the cheese but the ball is at the top and it runs to the top and is shooting down, OVER THE GOALIE AND IN!!!!!!! 1-0 Milchama in one of the weirdest goals I have ever seen in my life. The credit goes to Kilinin but she is just as confused as anybody else as the ball went to the top of the wheel and went past the goalie and into the goal for a 1-0 lead for the Warriors.

47th minute: Free kick for the Warriors. Lonnen to take it and he shoots from it hits the goal but the goalie has slipped and Albentine comes in and SCORES! 2-0 Milchama. Floren Albentine has scored for the Warriors off a botched rebound by the goalie for a 2-0 Warriors lead.

Final Score;
Milchama 2 (Kilinin 5, Albentine 47)
AwalKB 0 (When did our defense get this good?)

Raging Penguins Report:
The craziness continues as weird things happened in the Penguins 2-0 loss to Vuam and Isma.

Milchama Man of the Match:
Floren Albentine- He finally came through as his scoring touch came back with his goal today. He looks to be in form again and if he can stay in form then only good things can happen.

VIRGINIA NOVA 2

THE LOWLAND CLANS 1

When the people got to sleep they all dreamed the were at New Bristol Motorspeedway.....to watch a soccer game! It got started of at who knows when cause frankly the sky was Green and Purple. Not only that,but the Lowland Clans players were all Beer Cans in Kilts.


It got started and right away a Pabst Blue ribbon had a chance to score but goalie Alex Potter saved it. TLC did still get the first goal,on a penelty kick from A can of Coors. With the score at half time 1-0 TLC the Eagles dicied to change into a bunch of Speedy Gonzales clones. This worked as Speedy Gonzales #5 scored on a header from Speedy Gonzales #1. the second Goal came from Speedy Gonzales #1 as got one past A can of Keystone Light. nothing else important happened and so The Eagles Won there first ever CoH game.


Scorers

TLC
Pabst Blue Ribbon 33'09''

VN
Adam Neppi 68'09''
Jimmy Hellios 72'51''

Group 1 late score
Sativaville 0 Archregimancy 3

(apologies again for the delay)

MD 4 results won't be for at least another 3 hours as I want to try and give all of you close to 24 hours for RPs.


Official group tables
(please TG any mistakes to the Archregimancy)

PL W D L F A GD PTS
GP1
Archregimancy 3 3 0 0 7 0 7 9
Cuation 2 2 0 0 5 1 4 6
Bazalonia 3 1 1 1 6 1 5 4
Tynelia 2 1 0 1 1 2 -1 3
Green wombat 3 1 0 2 5 7 -2 3
Sativaville 2 0 1 1 0 3 -3 1
Sliponia 3 0 0 3 1 11 -10 0

GP2
Milchama 3 3 0 0 5 0 5 9
Iansisle 3 2 0 1 7 4 3 6
Magnus Valerius 3 2 0 1 4 2 2 6
Lowland Clans 2 1 0 1 4 3 1 3
Virginia Nova 3 1 0 2 2 7 -5 3
Mr Chuck Norris 2 0 0 2 2 5 -3 0
AwalKB 2 0 0 2 0 3 -3 0

GP3
Qazox 3 2 1 0 8 2 6 7
Marceau State 3 1 2 0 6 5 1 5
Lisburn Mateys 2 1 1 0 3 1 2 4
Haraki 3 1 1 1 5 6 -1 4
Spmn. Plijous 2 0 1 1 1 2 -1 1
Anathem. Reps. 2 0 1 1 1 3 -2 1
GarfieldtheFat 3 0 1 2 2 7 -5 1

GP4
Wentland 3 2 1 0 6 2 4 7
Dorian & Sonya 3 2 1 0 6 2 4 7
One Red Dot 2 1 1 0 3 1 2 4
Vuam and Isma 2 1 0 1 2 2 0 3
Raging Penguins 3 1 0 2 3 4 -1 3
Nikea 3 0 1 2 2 7 -5 1
Rorysville 2 0 0 2 2 5 -3 0

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

CUP OF HARMONY TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So, Fr. John, why the late kick-off?"

"It seems, Fr. Nicholas, that the Sativaville squad had to stop off at something called a '7-11' due to what their coach termed 'a wicked case of the munchies' - but they have been gracious enough to donate to us a large quantity of what I believe to be incense. Their media rep referred to it as 'top quality Jamaican ganja', and while I wasn't aware that the Caribbean was a source of Orthodox incense, I think we should burn it during the match commentary today to add a certain aura of sanctity to our commentary."

"I agree, Fr. John - especially after yesterday's SuperDude fiasco...."

"It's a most unusual aroma, Fr. Nicholas..... but let us inhale deeply, and offer our prayers unto the Lord for victory against these heathens...."

<half an hour later>

"Like, Fr. Nick, that was some cool monastitude by Fr. Silouan to open the scoring...."

"Yeah, Fr. J."

"Like, your beard's frizzy."

"Is it?"

"Yeah. Really, really frizzy." <giggles>

"So's yours." <giggles>

"Like, we both have frizzy beards?"

"yeah"

"That's, like, totally cool"

<10 minutes later>

"I think we just scored again, Fr. Nick"

"Wicked"

"Yeah, like, off a corner or something. Fr. Michael the Greater. I dunno"

"Cool."

"Yeah."

"I have the munchies, man. Where you keep the lentils?"

"Under your chair"

"You want some?"

"Yeah."

"Lentils. Cool."

"Yeah. Cool"

<20 minutes into the second half>

"Cool. Fr. David the Water-Drinker scores off a penalty, Fr. Nick."

"Yeah, that's cool, Fr. J."

"We're winning"

"Yeah"

"You wanna do something?"

"What, something else?"

"Yeah"

"Like what?"

"I dunno. Something else."

"Like what."

"Like, maybe do something else."

"That's what you just said."

"I did?"

"Yeah"

"That's so uncool" <giggles>

"Yeah" <giggles>

<static>

The Monastic Football Association and Monastic Television would like to apologise for the unusual nature of Fr. Nicholas and Fr. John's commentary.

Normal service will be resumed following an investigation.

In the meantime, we interrupt today's 3-0 victory over Sativaville with a repeat of 'Famous Feasts'. Today we celebrate the third finding of the head of St. John the Baptist with the monks of the Third Desert Skete, and join in their custom of only eating three of anything on this holy day.

Gazetta de'Esporte

Vincere o morire!

GP4
Wentland 3 2 1 0 6 2 4 7
Dorian & Sonya 3 2 1 0 6 2 4 7
One Red Dot 2 1 1 0 3 1 2 4
Vuam and Isma 2 1 0 1 2 2 0 3
Raging Penguins 3 1 0 2 3 4 -1 3
Nikea 3 0 1 2 2 7 -5 1
Rorysville 2 0 0 2 2 5 -3 0

With Vuam and Isma in a dissapointing 4th position after MD3, due to an upset against One Red Dot, it's "more than a case of life or death" to beat Dorian & Sonya, according to Shill Bankly.

With Wentland on bye, and One Red Dot facing Raging Penguins, it seems like Wentland and One Red Dot will be tied at 7 points each after the next matchday.

For the moment, Dorian and Sonya also have 7 points. However, they could increase their advance and seriously damage Vuam and Isma's chances of persuing the competition if they win tomorrow. Vuam and Isma would only have 6 points in the best case, putting them one point behind Wentland, Dorian and Sonya as well as One Red Dot, but with a game in hand over Dorian and Sonya.

We've got to remember that Dorian and Sonya have already faced Wentland, whilst One Red Dot and Vuam and Isma haven't. So, should Vuam and Isma fetch some points against Dorian and Sonya, they'll still have to hope that One Red Dot falters against Wentland, and that Vuam and Isma pinches a few points from the group favorites.

This is what would arrange Vuam and Isma for tomorrow's results :

Wentland v bye
Nikea 1 v 1 Rorysville
Vuam and Isma 2 v 0 Dorian & Sonya
One Red Dot 1 v 1 Raging Penguins

The table would then look like :
GP4
Wentland 3 2 1 0 6 2 4 7
Dorian & Sonya 4 2 1 1 6 4 2 7
Vuam and Isma 3 2 0 1 4 2 2 6
One Red Dot 3 1 2 0 4 2 2 5
Raging Penguins 4 1 1 2 4 5 -1 4
Nikea 4 0 2 2 3 8 -5 2
Rorysville 3 0 1 2 3 6 -3 1

But should Vuam and Isma fail to win, and in the worse case lose, then the table would look more like :

GP4
Dorian & Sonya 4 3 1 0 8 2 6 10
Wentland 3 2 1 0 6 2 4 7
One Red Dot 3 2 1 0 5 2 3 7
Raging Penguins 4 1 0 3 4 6 -2 3
Vuam and Isma 3 1 0 2 2 4 -2 3
Nikea 4 0 2 2 3 8 -5 2
Rorysville 3 0 1 2 3 6 -3 1

And then Vuam and Isma would truly be out of the running.




Elsewhere in AIF & TA...

Group 1

The Archregimancy continues its tradition of "converting" goals, and "preserving" their own. But their advance remains slim, and they must remember that they're scheduled to play Caution on MD7... And the looser might just be knocked out. Caution are finding good form, and their impressive attacking record puts hopes for TA to not finish top of their group, as green and yellow shirts might just push hard enough to battle for first spot on the last match of the series.

Bazalonia, Tynelia and Green wombat are still in there, but they're hoping that Cuation will have a slip-up before playing TA in the last game... And if everything goes well, they might just edge the unfortunate looser out of the competition. But none of them harbour any real hopes of being first in the group any longer.

As for Satiaville and Sliponia, they're praying that the worst is behind them, and that they'll manage to get some good games under their belt, and who knows... Perhaps avoid last spot in the group!


Group 2

Milchama and Magnus Valerius have pulled away from their serious competitor in this group : The Lowland Clans, even if the latter of the three has a game in hand. Milchama have taken such a good start that it's unplausable to see them fail to win all the games that are left, including their MD7 fixture with The Lowland Clans. Magnus Valerious will be tested against The Lowland Clans tomorrow, but should they pass that test, then they'll be in pole position for 2nd place, with a string of easy games, whilst The Lowland Clans prepare to meet group dominators Milchama.

Iansisle are the surprise of this group, as the bottom seed sped past its rivals and its hopes, to lodge in second place in the group. However, qualification seems one dream too far, especially when you know that they've still got to play the top two seeds in the group, and were thrashed by the 3rd seeds... However, they will challenge to the end, and to steal a 3rd place would not be unmerited.

Virginia Nova, Chuck Norris and AwalKB were simply blown away by the pace in this group, and already have limited expectations, the best of which would see them 2nd, but that's purely mathematical. Realisticly, they'll battle for 4th place, or rather to avoid 7th.


Group 3

If there was a group that was full of surprises, then its this one. Haraki, top seeds, failed to defend their status of favorite, and are now engaged in a 4-way battle for the top two places with Qazox, Marceau State and Lisburn Mateys. However, with 2 hard games coming up (Lisburn Mateys and Anathemic Republics), Haraki seem to be only able to fetch a dissapointing 2nd place. The hot favorites for 1st place are Qazox. Having already played Haraki, they now have to face Anathemic Republics. Should they win, then they'll already be well on their way down the final straight to finish in pole position. But if they slip up, then Lisburn Mateys' game in hand might prove to be enough to catch up with Qazox, and even strip them of the 1st place that seems almost in their grasp if they equal Qazox's good result against Haraki. Marceau state might be the deceider though, as they play against Lisburn Mateys, Qazox and Spaamijan Plijous in their closing games. Expect them to delay celebrations for as long as possible.

Spaamijan Plijous and Anathemic Republics still harbour a hope of catching up with the forerunners, using their fixtures against them as well as their game in hand to upset the rankings. But even if they find the great form they are capable of, it would be a tremendous surprise if they topped the group. Spaamijan Plijous might only challenge for 3rd place after a slow start, but Anathemic Republics sill face Qazox, Haraki and Spaamijan Plijous, so they still have chances to progress to the next stage. Slim chances, but chances none the less.

Finally, GarfieldtheFat has collected its first point, but still has a hard schedule as they face two teams that want every point left to hope to get past this stage (Spaamijan Plijous and Anathemic Republics), as well as Haraki. Sad to say that they might not get another point, but it's very probable. But then, who knows. Perhaps they'll challenge for 6th, or even 5th place!

A quick host request...

Please note that in the first guidelines post, I have requested that you use the properties of the dream bubble within the context of a football match, however outlandish, rather than playing another sport. Like baseball. This is, after all, a football tournament, however unusual. Please note that I did not penalise Milchama in any way for playing a baseball match, and he was given his full RP bonus - I have no intention of being hard-arsed about this. But that said, do please try and stick to football. Even if it is zero-gravity football on a pitch surrounded by barbed wire and a minefield, or played within a giant cheese wheel, or played by Smurfs, or commentated on by stoned monks, or.... well, you get the idea ;)


Group 1
Sliponia 2 Sativaville 2
Cuation 0 Bazalonia 2
Tynelia 4 Green wombat 0

PL W L D F A GD PTS
GP1
Archregimancy 3 3 0 0 7 0 7 9
Bazalonia 4 2 1 1 8 1 7 7
Tynelia 3 2 0 1 5 2 3 6
Cuation 3 2 0 1 5 3 2 6
Green wombat 4 1 0 3 5 11 -6 3
Sativaville 3 0 2 1 2 5 -3 2
Sliponia 4 0 1 3 3 13 -10 0

Group 2
Iansisle 2 AwalKB 0
Lowland Clans 1 Magnus Valerius 2
Mr Chuck Norris 1 Virginia Nova 3

GP2
Milchama 3 3 0 0 5 0 5 9
Iansisle 4 3 0 1 9 4 5 9
Magnus Valerius 4 3 0 1 6 3 3 9
Virginia Nova 4 2 0 2 5 8 -3 6
Lowland Clans 3 1 0 2 5 5 0 3
Mr Chuck Norris 3 0 0 3 3 8 -5 0
AwalKB 3 0 0 3 0 5 -5 0


Group 3
GarfieldtheFat 0 Spmn. Plijous 2
Anathem. Reps. 1 Qazox 1
Lisburn Mateys 2 Marceau State 1

GP3
Qazox 4 2 2 0 9 3 6 8
Lisburn Mateys 3 2 1 0 5 2 3 7
Marceau State 4 1 2 1 7 7 0 5
Spmn. Plijous 3 1 1 1 3 2 1 4
Haraki 3 1 1 1 5 6 -1 4
Anathem. Reps. 3 0 2 1 2 4 -2 2
GarfieldtheFat 4 0 1 3 2 9 -7 1

Group 4
Nikea 3 Rorysville 3
Vuam and Isma 2 Dorian & Sonya 2
One Red Dot 1 Raging Penguins 1

GP4
Dorian & Sonya 4 2 2 0 8 4 4 8
Wentland 3 2 1 0 6 2 4 7
One Red Dot 3 1 2 0 4 2 2 5
Vuam and Isma 3 1 1 1 4 4 0 4
Raging Penguins 4 1 1 2 4 5 -1 4
Nikea 4 0 2 2 5 10 -5 2
Rorysville 3 0 1 2 5 8 -3 1

Needless to say, the Iansislean attendees at the match were less than impressed by the Valerian fans boorish behavior.

“Absolutely abysmal,” said one looker-on. “But then, considering that your average Valerian is genitically one half a step above the primordial stew, perhaps it is not all that surprising. Reprehensible, but not surprising.”

“No wonder they invaded us,” said another. “They were obviously jealous of our superior sense of honor and fair-play. Nonetheless, I know that a stiff upper lip and an unyielding notion of sportsmanship shall see us through to the end.”

“No I’ve absolutely no amazement as to how their squad lost to the Milchamans,” a third quipped. “Such an uncivilized culture could never grasp the concepts of the grand ball-game. Should the Michamans have the inclination to engage our team in a game of base-ball, however, I remain confident that we would prevail.”

The game on the pitch, of course, was a direct contradiction of the lofty and confident opinions of the fans. As the Boyars ran the score up to three-nil (“obviously the result of cheating and skullduggery; they’re quite simply making a mockery of the game”), the Ians battled gamely on. McPaul -- ironically the one member of the team from a staunchly royalist area -- scored a lone goal to preserve Iansisle’s one goal lead over the Boyars in the group standings.

Despite the 3-1 defeat, Ians fans gave their boys one last hearty cheer as they filed off the pitch to practice for the upcoming game against AwalkB

When pressed for an opinion on the game, coach Henry Feeley declined comment -- perhaps to preserve the reputation of his players -- and cited the upcoming “RP cutoff” as a reason for brevity. Perhaps in the future, the Great Controller will not be forced to go to his job at such an inopportune time and will be able to further comment on the games.

EDIT: oh please? I was only three minutes late >.<

REEDIT: And technically, I posted this two hours and forty-nine minutes after the post saying there would be 'at least three hours' >.>

EDIT: oh please? I was only three minutes late >.<

REEDIT: And technically, I posted this two hours and forty-nine minutes after the post saying there would be 'at least three hours' >.>

OK then - but only because I was at fault for posting the RP cut-off 11 minutes too early.

Since the mistake was mine, and mine alone, Iansisle's result was re-scorinated to take into account his adjusted RP bonus.

"Cuation gives Bazalonia 2nd Spot" by Nev Gould

Bazalonian 2-nil win against Cuation today brought us up to 2nd spot on the ladder, However Tynelia is just a point behind breathing down our necks and while Bazalonia still has a bye to come up Tynelia has already has theirs done. It will be a final tussle between the Bazalopes and the Tynelian Squad in the last matchday of the cup of Harmony will determine who goes through with the Archregimancy and who get's the dubious honor of the highest placed team that did not get through.

Todays match was seemed to occur ontop of a computer chip, the players of both sides had to be careful of the circuit as pulses frequently run through the chip causing a no-where near lethal jolt but certainly uncomfortable.

The Bazalopes took an early lead and scored a goal in the 12 minute with a great setup and deception by Peter Hobble who gave the ball to James Kantwell who got the ball into the empty net that floated above the chip on the field.

There was a Cuation fight back, but despite this they failed to score a goal but they did manage to prevent the Bazalopes from scoring for the rest of the Half and well into the 2nd half. and nearly for the entire match. However there was a problem with the timer and and about 98 minutes into the match Peter Hobble managed to score a goal before the timer ran out. This was probably due to someone underclocking the chip investigations are under investigation but the investigation is currently under way and we are getting no information from the BFP in regards to this situation.

However the 2-0 scoreline was officially sanction by the Cup of Harmony organisers, the HEFA and MFA. Other strange mis-occurances such as a kettle in the 5-star hotel not boiling or an oven blowing up. These occurances where just dismissed as some sort of general dream bubble mishapps. But I'm not sure.

QSPN FOOTBALL TONIGHT


Ben Rottenburger: Sorry about yesterday's match being blacked out as there was an unexpected meteor shower that struck our transmitter, but Qazox beat Garfieldthefat 4-0 in which all the players on Qazox were turned in an Animal called an "ODIE" and despite that handicap, the other team was turned into 11 lazy tabby cats and we won easily as Alicia Gonzalez scored 2 goals and Marie Goya scored the other two.

Garfieldthafat- 0
Qazox -4 (Gonzalez (3,4) 25', 50'; Goya, (1,2) 36', 87')

In today's action, the Black Oxen played the Anathematic Republics in HELL, that's right in HELL, the backyard of Satan himself. But thanks to some recently acquired holy relics "Borrowed" from the Archregimancy, the Black Oxen were lucky as hell (pardon the pun) to escape not only with thier souls, but a 1-1 draw as well. The Anathematic Republics scored first on a penalty kick as Simon Magus the father of wizards himself, scored in the 34th minute as Kiel Venice was called for a hand-ball in the penalty area.

But Satan's minons could not hold the lead as in the 87th minute, Nelson Macgillivray lofted a brillant shot right between two of Cerebus' heads and tied the match with minutes left.

Up next for Qazox is Lisburn Mateys who are right behind us in the standings. A win tommorrow will almost certainly clinch a 2nd round berth for the Black Oxen.

Qazox- 1 (Nelson Macgillivray (2)- 87')
Ana. Rep.- 1 (SImon Magus- 34' PK)

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/Sonya0111/SylMedCen.png

D&S/V&I Skate To 2-2 Draw

Another trip to the wondrous Dream Bubble for Queen Sonya Sabre and her Mystical Unicorns was in order today as D&S was set to face off against V&I. 1st and 2nd seeds back-to-back. Just the way we like it.

The stadium came into view - or what was to be a football stadium. Indeed it did look more like a skate park to everyone involved. That thought was solidified as Tony Hawk himself emerged to ref the match. Now we are unsure about the V&I squad, but most of the Unicorns had never even attempted to ride a skateboard before - let alone play a very important match on one of those contraptions with the goals atop vert ramps. It would indeed be a very interesting match.

It was almost comical in the first minute of play when fully half of the players literally fell off their boards to roll on the planking in pain. But minutes later they were up and at it again - neither side was ready to back down. But everyone did have trouble with helmets that were “dreamed” far too large and those confining knee pads in place of shin guards.

But the action was intense as V&I took the early lead in the 24th minute. Most likely the goal was allowed due to Taunya Skursky falling from her board while attempting a 360-stiffy tackle which actually pushed the V&I attacker into the goal for the score.

It would be the 41st minute when the Unicorns would equalize on Altáriël Telperiën’s 900-fakey tail grab shot that scored easily as the V&I keeper uselessly grinded a 50/50 across the goal line. The first half would end with the score 1-1.

The second half would be just as entertaining as the first. But all the players were catching on to the fact they could actually ride like pros in the Dream Bubble. Tári Falassion even used a massive Christ-Air at one point to steal the ball and send the Unicorns on the attack. It was Zana Jablon who took advantage by simply laying down on the board to roll under the defense and score the go-ahead goal for D&S.

But V&I was not willing to give up. The shot that pulled them even for the 2-2 draw was a huge and flawless 1260 Stalefish to Madonna that left keeper Daniella Riskin staring in awe as the shot sailed past. And that is how things would finish.

The win moved D&S into first place on the Group 4 table having already played the top two seeds. But as always there is a catch - the Unicorns must still take a bye date on MD6. But before that can even be considered, One Red Dot looms large on the horizon as the last big challenge to pass. This is an important match before the Unicorns face Raging Penguins on the final day, where anything can and probably will happen. We just need the three point from ORD first.

PART EIGHT

Bazalonia']"I have to think about this..." said Holmes as he got up from the couch and turned his back to Paul... and he was there for just over a minute facing a door. After the ackwardness of the minute Holmes turned back to Paul Mall.

"Okay, I'll give you what you want, but you know this will be the end of my Career. Go through the door, I'll be behind you. oh and I suppose you probably should call me Kennard." Said Holmes as he motioned to the door.

Paul Mall cautiously followed the Holmes instructions.. "alight, Kennard." the door was opened Paul looked out and saw a darkened store room and the vague shape of five objects. Then he heard a click ... a familiar click. The cocking of a gun and a sensation. "You know Paul, you where right about one thing. You're as good as dead." The lights came on to reveal the antiquities from Cataduanes and Liverpool England.

"Actually they are fakes but you do know too much. I'm afraid you are going to have to.... ****"

One of the doors into the storeroom burst open there where men in masks shouting and totting guns. Kennard threw Paul Mall to the ground and raced away.

"Federal Police. Put your hands on your head and stay down." a number of the masked men that burst through the door. Others went to find Kennard.

Paul Mall stood in amazment as Polk walked up to him.

"Sorry about the subterfuge, but you came right a good time to helps us get Kennard Holmes. As you probably know by now, He's the biggest Antiques smuggler in Bazalonia and you helped capture him." Polk told him as they left the room...

Location: Somewhere in Qazox City: watching Paul Mall in Bazalonia....

MAN #1- Agent 44 has failed us!! I believe now that it is time for Phase 3.

MAN #2- Mr. Mall has more lives than a cat. Remind me to send an assassin to visit Mr. Polk tonite. And yes, time for Phase three.

MAN #1- What if Mr. Mall escapes us this time, what then? Our Boss will be most displeased.

Man #2- If somehow he escapes us, then I suggest that we take matters into our own hands, correct Agent Smith?

Agent Smith (aka MAN #1)- Quite correct Agent Wesson, quite correct.


(Back in Bazalonia...)

I took the computer files that Polk gave me and inserted them in my laptop whiel traveling to the Transport Station. I clicked on the first file and was amazed at the amount of information contained, but none seemed relevant to my investigation, until the last page... (t.b.c....)

SATIVAVILLE STONER
We tell you where the Doritos are!!

This is Monty Python and a mixed bag today as somehow the schedules were messed up and Sativaville had to play a doubleheader, In the 1st match the Host country of The Archregimancy beat us 3-0, but I got my revenge by introducing some 'INCENSE' on those holier-than-thou-reporters they have, Fathers Nicholas the Scribe and John the Golden-Throated. Man were those two guys buzzed outta thier skulls!!!

In the 2nd match, a worn-down Fritos team fell behind to Sliponia 2-0 late in the second half, when REGGIE MARLEY of all people appeared and proceded to scored two quick goals for Sativaville to tie the match up at 2-2 all, but even REGGIE MARLEY himself couldn't score again as long flowing dreadlocks tripped him up on what could have been the winning goal.

Daily Wombatian

TYNELIA'S REVENGE

In their 1st meeting since the Quarterfinals of BoF 27, Tyenlia and Green Wombat met and this time, Tyenlia won. In an exact replica of same stadium where years ago the two teams battled, Green Wombat expected the ghosts of the past to come through again, but a country's collective exorcism was unleashed instead, as Tynelia won 4-0. Goals were scored by: Jay Masterson (14', 36', 77') and Anya Collins (64').

“Welcome, folks, to this broadcast! Coming to you live from a dreamed-up simulation of Tranquillitis during World Cup X, this is Jay McYule alongside ‘Toothless’ Sam St. Pierre! Sam, I think it’s fair to assume that Iansisle comes into this game with a chip on their shoulder, isn’t it?”

“Considering that every fan in Iansislean colors is currently standing and waving copies of the AwalKB Times article that stated, and here I quote, “we currently have Iansisle coming out of the group with a heartstopping, earthshattering, totally enourmus [sic] 0 points.”

“The prose is as abysmal as the spirit, Sam. Now let’s have a look at the old standings -- why, it would appear that Iansisle has not one, not three, but six points.”

“Indeed they do, Jay.”

“One might even venture to say that they’re second in the group.”

“Such would be a safe statement.”

“I could even further postulate that the Sex Gods have to date collected a whopping zero points. Heartstopping. Earthshattering. Dare I say it, totally enourmus [sic].”

“It seems to me, Jay, that they would have an easier time getting their predicted thirteen points by going backwards.”

“I’ve just been handed a sheet reminding us that it is not possible for a team to have less than zero points in the Cup of Harmony, Sam.”

“Jay, if I may ask, why is it we both harbor this burning resentment towards AwalKB? I mean, the Ians have been picked to finish last before.”

“I think it’s because they’re a bunch of snot-nosed, pimple-faced, squeaky-voiced Baptism of Fire whippersnappers. Back in our day, Sam, you went straight to the World Cup qualifiers and by God you either swam or you sank! The Ians are swimmers, Sam, I swear that they are! These Sex Gods would never, could never have finished a strong third in their group and won the SUPERCUP! like we did....”

“Not to cut you off mid-rant, Jay, but I’ve just been handed a sheet. Our producers at IanCorp Wireless National would like to remind you, gentle listeners, that the Ians play football and have never competed in any swimming or diving. Additionally, defenceman Roger Blake would like to inform all us [radio edit] sportscaster [radio edit] [radio edit] that he [radio edit] has never [radio edit] shaved his legs, he’s just a little too [radio edit] young to grow [radio edit] hair down there.”

“Fascinating, Sam. At any rate, I believe the game’s getting ready to start. The AwalKB Times predicted an 0-3 defeat here for our boys in red and white--”

“What are you talking about, Jay? They’ve been playing for ten minutes now.”

“Eh?

“They’ve been playing for ten minutes now. Look at the field.”

“So they have, Sam! Erm, Ians are in possession in the midfield. Spenste passes it forward for McPaul, who is looking for Madigan. The Sex Gods’ defence is too tight, however, and it’s cleared back to midfield by Labal.”

Thirty-first minute

“Here comes Sanzo up the right side. He’s just got Blake to beat and, yes, he’s done it.”

“This could spell trouble for the Ians, Jay.”

“Blake is putting on an extra burst of speed -- he’s just behind Sanzo now -- and there’s a slide tackle, taking Sanzo down. The ball dribbles out of bounds. The referee’s coming up; he’s reaching for the pocket, and it’s a yellow for Blake.”

“Well, Jay, I’d have to say that the Ians caught a break here. That tackle could easily have spelled a red.”

“Roger Blake doesn’t seem to think so. He’s shouting at the referee; Henry Feeley’s coming to the sideline try to calm down his defenceman. Blake’s absolutely irate; I believe he just tried to kick some dust in the air.”

“I hardly see how he’s so upset. That was a violent tackle, one which might have injured one of the Sex Gods’ key players, and he should consider himself lucky to be off so easily.”

“Blake just spit at the referee’s feet, and that’s enough. Here comes the red. Blake had better get off the field; he’s putting the whole team in jeopardy with this tantrum of his.”

“It looks like he’s stormed himself out, Jay. Blake’s coming off the field, head hung. No, wait, I think that water cooler just absorbed the last little bit of his temper. Two trainers are guiding him back to the Ians’ locker room.”

“I must say, Sam, that was one of the worst displays of poor sportsmanship we’ve yet seen in this tournament. Apparently, someone forgot to tell Roger that this is the Cup of Harmony.”

“Clever, Jay. Are you going to roll out that venerable chestnut every time someone seems to care about these games?”

“I might, Sam, I just might.”

Forty-second minute

“A man down here in the first half, one might have expected Hank Feeley to play conservatively. Instead, the Ians have been on the attack for the last ten minutes. The Sex Gods defence, which looked so invincible earlier, is showing signs of weakness.”

“There’s a booming shot off the foot of Bruce Hopston, the Mansford midfielder, but it’s deflected wide of the goal by Tomario. This’ll be a corner kick for Iansisle.”

“You have to like the Ians’ chances here, Jay. Spencer Madigan is one of the best goal scorers in the Cup from behind traffic, and a corner kick certainly creates a lot of that.”

“Indeed they do, Sam. Here’s the kick, lofted over the box -- and it finds the head of Madigan! He spikes the ball almost straight down, but it bounces over the outstretched fingers of a diving Johnson. Goal for the Ians, 1-0!”

Halftime

“Well, Sam, before we break for commercial, Coach -- or perhaps I should say Manager? -- Feeley has asked me to read his starting lineup for the game against Milchama, should they decide to play baseball again.”

“Lay it on me.”

“Leading off and playing center field is youngster Timothy Cooper. Cooper bats right and throws right; he’s well known for his high speed, incredible range in the field, patient eye at the plate, and complete lack of power. McPaul, starting at second base in place of Blake -- who had the red card earlier today -- is a pure contact hitter with enough speed to make himself felt on the basepaths. Spencer Madigan, the left fielder, will bat third; a true five-tool player, him. Catcher Phil Ward bats cleanup with a combination of power and sloth. Bruce Hopston, the third baseman, will fill the fifth slot. Peter Queensborough bats sixth and plays at shortstop; he’s a known general with a gun for an arm, although his range in the field isn’t what it used to be. Hawkstone is playing in right field and batting seventh; the first baseman Spenste will bat eighth. Sherm Cumberland is Feeley’s starting pitcher; he’s best known for an overpowering cut fastball and a tight slider with plenty of late break, even if his location isn’t the stuff of legends. To recap:

CF Cooper (R)
2B McPaul (L)
LF Madigan (R)
C Ward (R)
3B Hopston (R)
SS Queensborough (L)
RF Hawkstone (R)
1B Spenste (R)
P Cumberland (R)”

“Take a breath, Jay; you’ve almost passed out on the floor.”

“And now *gasp* a word from our sponsors.”

*thump*

Eighty-ninth minute

“Jay! Welcome back! I thought you were at the hospital!”

“I was, Sam. When I heard what a lame job you were doing by yourself, I made a full recovery.”

“That’s not the sort of thing Hallmark puts in its cards, is it?”

“Sam, have you chanced to check the scoreboard recently?”

“Erm.”

“You haven't. Have you noticed that the Ians scored a second goal? I didn’t hear it mentioned in your semi-coherent broadcast.”

“Erm.”

“Do you even remember what happened?”

“I seem to recall a lot of cheering about ten minutes ago; do you think that was it?”

“Without a doubt, Sam. Now shove off and let a real sportscaster take over.”

“No can do, Jay.”

“And why not?”

“You spent all of stoppage time yelling at me. There’s the referee’s final whistle. This game is over! 2-0 the Ians!”

“Erm, so it is. How anti-climatic.”

“You can say that again, Jay.”

((thanks a lot, AR =) I was almost making my keyboard smoke getting that last one banged out; it just about broke my heart to see I was three minutes late (or eleven minutes early ;-)). I'll have to go back later and get a decent RP for MV. He deserves it.))

GROUP 4 RUN BY COWBOYS
WENTLAND ESCAPES CROSSFIRE
17 July 2006
by aSWORD.org.rd

Day four was a day overrun by draws for Group 4. And this is no surprise. This was a day where everyone played against a team of practically equal standing. Offence and defence were of similar quality and capability.

Raging Penguins with their previous lost to Vuam and Isma, were looking for a victory, and although One Red Dot prevented it, it was the efforts of their defence which prevented a draw from turning into a loss.

After an uneventful first half, it was Ben Jerrison BANDER that sent the ball flying through on the 52nd minute. The score remained the same until the 3rd minute in extra time where something extraordinary occured: on field, eleven players in red and white suddenly slowed down to snail speed, whilst the other eleven players passed the ball through to the goal and shot one in. It was not known how it was done, but it was speculated that the use of the abilities of the Dreamed Realm was used. No complaints have been lodged by the Wolves as of yet.

The next match for the Wolves is against Dorian & Sonya. This is a crucial match to have, and a victory has to be achieved. Without this win, then the campaign for One Red Dot would justifiably be over.

Tickets for the match against Dorian & Sonya at The Dream Bubble in Alasdair I Frosticus can be bought at your local ORDTIX centre. Channel 5 would be broadcasting the match live at 7.00pm.

OC: I'll be doing a proper match report for the three games later

The game is just in the last ten minutes, an impressive Green Wombat come back has seen them pull a goal back and it only seems a matter of time till they equalise. Henderson nutmegs sub G.Cole and bursts clear down the left flank. Hitting one of the "boost" icons, he is too fast now to be caught.

"Wombats forward again, this time it is Henderson, has got himself one on one with Cole. Oh, cheeky nutmeg and he is clear down the flank. Philip Cole wouldn't have let that happen to him but Cuation are being beaten in these one on one contests so why is Giovanni not back to defend?"

Stopping, Henderson looks up and sees that only captain Hess is in the box. Not wondering how she caught up with him, he crosses it towards the centre of the six yard box. Hess is not picked up by the sleeping defence as she timed her run to perfection, her powerful header flying above the head of the flat footed Jude.

"Henderson has not many options but he crosses it in for... Hess!!! Two all, the Wombats have finally got what they deserved, Hess has scored her second of the night. Great run and cross by the wide man, great timing and powerful header. Jude will be unhappy on the marking but he must accept blame, he didn't even move to stop the header."

The defence, led by Hargreves, suddenly appealed for offside, claming Hess had goal hanged, while the Wombats where celebrating. Without looking to the linesman, the ref was convinced by the arguments of the Cuation players, pointing for a free kick. Replays showed that the defenders had played deep and allowed Hess to stay offside inside the box, Jude had already picked the ball out of the net and quickly placed it in the ground before booting it towards the head of Lu Fei.

"The Wombat players are celebrating like you wouldn’t believe, this means so much to them. Oh but the Cuation players are surrounding the ref, claiming for offside. Was she? The ref has said no goal, it has been ruled out yet the Wombat players are unaware of the change, they still think they are drawing."

Lu Fei battled for it in the air, the ball squirming between him and Becky Leflore to the feet of Fallen. Holding the ball up for a few seconds, he suddenly chipped the ball behind the defence towards the run of the offside striker, substitute Keane. As the defence appealed, Douglas Wayne flew off his line towards the ball.

"Jude plays it quickly up for Lu Fei, knocked down to Fallen and most of the Wombats are only now realising what has happened. Chipped forward towards Keane who is surely offside? The flag stays down despite appeals, it now is a race between Keane and Wayne for the ball."

Both players are close as it drops down, Wayne dropping down to smother any effort of Keane and to stop him being rounded but Keane is just able to get his boot in, nicking it over the keeper and into the gaping net. Both players look to the linesman and see he has kept the flag down before the Cuation striker is mobbed by his team mates.

"It has fallen for Keane! It is in! The ball just beating the keeper and the Wombats must accept defeat now, Pual Keane has made the game safe for Cuation. The keeper was unlucky and Wombats must feel hurt, had a good goal incorrectly disallowed and then Cuation score when offside. Still it is the result that matters and the Wombats failed to come back sufficiently from 2-0 down."

http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/9163/starlogo2ti.jpg
So close now

Today the Mateys faced impressive Marceau State a team that did well in the BoF and also a team that has been performing well so far in this competition. Mateys still missing four Crewe players are under strength but prevailed again, as did Crewe in the NSCL (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11381326&postcount=15).

The dream bubble today came up with an amazing backdrop to the game, a country western, complete with tavern and sheriffs office, but luckily without the desert heat.

Mateys kicked off and immediatly pushed forward, Mc Cann flew down the left wing, Livingston seeing this lobbed the ball up to him, no offside and Mc Cann was now behind the defence. Mc Cann hit the ball into the box aiming for Kingsberry, but Jean-Simon Allard reached out a foot before it reached Kingsberry putting the ball into his own net. Time on the clock was 72 seconds a disasterous start for Marceau.

This shocked Marceau and they didnt look very focused giving the ball away almost straight after their kick off Mateys kicked the ball about for a bit, and had a few shots but nothing amazing. A corner in injury time of the first half the Mateys struck again, with Akobyi rising to the ball but Mark Cossile made an excellant save but only managed to parry Akobyis header, it fell to the feat of Dominic Patton who scored.

Marceau had to be careful that this didnt become a rout, a few substiutions and they looked like a different team, as they where now able to string a few passes together.

Eventually they scored and what a fine goal it was too Vincent Zaore-Vanie picked up the ball on the wing, and with nothing on and Kingsberry not being bothered to close him down he took a strike, B Livingston in goal couldnt do much as the ball thundered past. 2 - 1 , but it was just a consolation goal.


Final score
Lisburn Mateys 2 - 1 Marceau State
Jean-Simon Allard (OG) - 1
Dominic Patton - +46
Vincent Zaore-Vanie - 77

Next its Qazox which could possibly decide this group, its ok to be scared. B. Livingston said that research oin Qazox began many weeks ago so we will be prepared.

Tommy Barnes concentrated on preparing the team for the next dreamed match. Nikea had not been considered a major threat thus far but their unexpected 3-3 draw with Rorysville showed that they could score almost at will - even if their defence seemed a little lacking. Still, they could not be taken lightly.

Neil Collins, though, as Barnes's right hand man and key theoretician, was after any advantage that the Dreamed Realm could offer. He had approached a strange character, Simon Kryptognosis, who was reputed to dabble in interesting arts.

Kryptognosis' house was hidden in a warp dimension accessible via dreambub 65. Only certain inhabitants of the Archregimancy were able to assist for fear of crossing the Archregimand but Collins' diplomatic immunity assisted.

65 was difficult to find, shimmering at the edge of existence and even inhabitants of the neighbourhood were often unaware of its location. Finally Collins approached the shimmering mansion and, not without trepidation, entered.

OOC- i can't seem to log in as Tynelia but can as my puppet for some reason. i won't be around later to try again so posting Tynelia's RP under this acct instead

“Hello everyone and welcome to the latest edition of Tynelian Soccer Weekly, I’m your host Sal Spikeman and with me as always is Anna dalespin. Today was a stunning return of the attack as Tynelia avenged their BoF defeat to the Green Wombats by a 4-0 margin. This is the team’s biggest margin of victory since our 5-1 win over our next opponent Balzonia almost eight years ago in our first Dragonnii Inviyatii tournament. This time we’ll both be coming in on a bit of a roll as Balzonia topped Cuation 2-0 to move into sole possession of second. The Sativaville match with Sliponia ended in a 2-2 draw as Sativaville was feeling the effects of the earlier delayed match with the Archregimancy where they fell 3-0. So Anna the offense returned in a big way here today.”

“Yes Sal, it was quite a shocker to me especially given the lack of scoring we’ve seen over the past year for the team. A hattrick for Jay Masterson, his second ever and only Tynelian ever to get one and Anya Collins getting into the scoring column for the other goal as well. However the team must maintain this level of play against Balzonia Sal, the match after we lost to Cuation 2-0 they lost to Balzonia by the same score. Hopefully we can catch them suffering a letdown over that big win because while they lead us in the standings we have a game in hand against them. Likewise Cuation like ourselves have yet to play the Archregimancy yet and that match may end up deciding which team moves on. After us Balzonia only has an expected win against the Wombats left so Tynelia must find a way to come out on top here to keep pace.”

“Well it seems like Coach Tudor has a plan for this match so let’s cut to Dana Lee who is with Coach Tudor live. Over to you Dana.”

<footage cuts to the dream realms>

“Thanks Sal, Coach, what’s this secret plan you have for the Balzonia match? A match most experts agree Tynelia must find a way to win to stay alive?”

“A quite clever ploy I must say Miss Lee. You see, it seems that reality here is what you make of it. So what better way to throw the other fellows off their game than with this?”

<Tudor pulls out a monk’s robe from behind his back>

“I don’t understand Coach? What’s so special about this monk’s robe?”

“Ah there’s the thing Miss Lee. You see Balzonia has faced the Archregimancy before and fell to them. As the hosts are the top team of the group if not the whole tournament the prospect of facing them once again will no doubt throw them off their match. The team and I shall hurry off to our next dream state as soon as we can to create a reality where the field will be found on a monastery’s grounds with a typical monkly setting. Our team will appear to be dressed in these robes to make Balzonia think they are having a nightmare that they are playing the Archregimancy again. By the time they realize they’re not dreaming about reliving that match but are indeed playing the match with us, we should have a nice lead on them and be able to come away with a smashing victory I say!”

“Wow, I never thought of things that way. I see you’ve been thinking about this a lot since your arrival. Hopefully it will work Coach.”

“Yes and it had the added benefit of helping us prepare for the next match with the Archregimancy as well, perhaps we might flitch a point or three there as well.”

“We can only hope. OK Sal, that’s it from here, we’ll just have to find out how the Tynelian monks will do in these huge upcoming matches.”

<camera returns to the studio>

“Well Anna that’s certainly the most interesting tactic I’ve seen in a while. Do you think it will work?”

“Its either brilliant or crazy Sal, but one thing’s for sure, Coach Tudor seems to be pulling out the stops now in this Cup of Harmony. We can just hope things work the way he feels it will.”

“I can’t wait for that match now Anna. But now let’s head over to Mike McPhee for the rest of the Cup action. Hello Mike.”

“Hi Sal, and I have to say that is pretty sneaky of Coach Tudor impersonating the Archregimancy and all but lets get to the rest of the groups action this past matchday. In group two it looks like its going to be a threeway brawl between Milchama, Magnus Valerius and the surprising Iansisle squad. With one game in hand Milchama seems best positioned right now while second seed the Lowland Clans could be eliminated this next matchday, a real shocker to some experts. Group three has Qazox in good shape despite their draw with the Anathem. Republics as only the Lisburn Mateys are in any shape to challenge for the top spot right now. The big question here will be to see if Qazox can maintain their edge or suffer another morale scarring collapse at the finish as they have in World Cup play. This is the group where the top seeds are stumbling badly so its anyone’s group at this stage. Finally in group four Dorian and Sonya have taken the lead after a draw against Vuam and Isma in a day of draws. The only trouble for D&S right now is that the three teams chasing still have a match in hand so their lead isn’t quite as secure as it looks right now. So that’s how things stand right now Sal, back to you.”

“Thanks Mike, ironically it seems that group 1 is the only one that seems to be going to form with the top four seeds all being in the top four at this point. Quite unlike our WC group where we had the only top seed that didn’t move on. But now Anna what’s in store for us in our match with Balzonia?”

“Until I saw how handily Balzonia handled Cuation I thought that maybe Tynelia could get a win here but after that match I’m not as certain. If we’re lucky Balzonia might breathe a sigh of relief at getting a win against a higher seed but we’re close enough to their rank that this will probably not be the case. The big wild card here is if Coach Tudor’s monkly disguises will confuse the Balzonians enough for it to matter. I think it may have an effect at least in the early going but enough to win? Maybe. Still I’ll play this one conservatively and go with a 1-1 draw here, I think Balzonia will recover quicker than Coach Tudor believes and tie things up. In the other matches I see the Archregimancy coming off their body and destroying poor Sliponia who must now be regretting their last minute entry here. I thinbk this will be along the lines of a 5-0 shutout for the monks who we will be facing next. I do feel the Cuation match with Sativaville, the team we finish our CoH run against, to go to the second seeds by a 2-0 score. Sativaville does play a decent defense so this match shouldn’t be too high scoring.”

“OK then Anna, hopefully the disguises will be more effective than you think and we can come away with a win to hopefully move into second depending on what Cuation does. Either way it should be quite a match to see here live on TSW. Naturally we’ll be back afterwards to see how the team’s progress has continued or if their CoH run takes one step closer to coming to a close. So until then this is Sal Spikeman for Anna Dalespin wishing everyone a good night.”

Few have tried, said the voice, and fewer have succeeded.

"Who said that?" Said Neil Collins.

The one you call Kryptognosis, said the voice.

"Er, yes. Hello. Um, this may not make sense..."

You seek aid in the Dreamworld.

"Er, yes. Are you a seer?"

No, no, why else would you seek my aid? Only those adrift in the Dreamworld require my special advice.

"Oh, OK then. You are right on that. "

I have travelled the byways, said the voice. I have glimpsed deepest Gehenna and highest Primum Mobile. There are those here who would not hear of such tales. I have experienced every emotion, every reality, every dream. Even the sleep of Gods. I have the Hidden Knowledge of Morpheus, the mystery of substantiation, the sleepsongs of the long forgotten etched into every fibre of my being.

Now, seeker, what assistance requirest thou?

"Erm, well, we play Nikea tomorrow-"

YOU SEEK THE AID OF THE AGELESS FOR FOOTBALL!!!!! IMPUDENT UNDERLING!!!!!!!

Just play with an attacking 4-4-2 and you shall be fine. Weak is the Nikea defence.

With that Collins found himself back at the training camp. Hmmm.

The Bloco'yce Courier




The Team causes Riots, Revolutions, and Ice Cream Sales

The Team. One Win, One Draw, Two Losses. Beating Nikea, losing to Wentland and Vaum and Isma, and finally, in the least violent game so far, a draw against One Red Dot's Wolves.

After winning that brutal and rather sickening match against Nikea(which included Irritated Penguin spontaneous combustion, and DMYS' sudden and very breif growth of a spiny exoskeleton), the riots began. After the loss against V&I, the riots became less noisy than an airplane, but remained at a decible which can still blast out the eardrums(to be fair, they did offer to help put out a few of the house-fires they caused). And now, with this Draw against One Red Dot, the Professionals are once again stirring up the masses, and raising small armies in order to storm buildings which are symbolic of the Governments control of this Not-So-Grand Dutchy.

The game was strangely peaceful, with the Wolves threatening The Team before the match began with an assortment of broken furniture, unscrewed light fixtures, and a ornamental trident. This show of unrefined force gave The Team something to think about, especially after Obese penguin got himself entangled in the ever-present barbed wire, and couldn't move, even after he tried really hard. Devious Penguin even tried to lure him into motion with the promising fragrance of a freshly made custard pie. Under normal conditions, the scent would have sent Obese waddling quickly in the direction of the pie, but, struggle as hard as he might, he couldn't get himself free.

Normal Penguin, in an effort to keep the opposing team at bay, played "I'm In Love With My Car", by Queen, as well as several other catchy tunes, including the Beatles Greatest Hits, which made Normal popular among the spectators(who would have thought that a memebr of The Team would ever be regarded with anything even remotely resembling friendliness?). However, after Normal attacked the Wolves' captain from behind at the end of the first half, that popularity faded quickly, despite the sound of Bohemian Raphsody blasting out from a growing, pink, bulbous stereo.

When The Team reappeared after the first half, Devious Penguin had a strange device strapped to his left fin, and during the entire match he kept fiddling with it, apparently hoping that it would activate. Mrs. Tweezly, in a sour mood, used most of her red ink up, by mercilessly grading the opposing teams performance, and ended up giving them all bad grades. She also used several sticks of chalk on a lecture concerning the nature of map-reading, and why a red dot on a map is simply symbolic, and not literal. We noticed several of the Wolves throwing paper airplanes, get caught and get their hands slapped by Tweezly's meterstick.

After Willie Dee failed to block a shot by Ben BANDER, The Team stepped up its performance, with Irritated Penguin and Wild Penguin tackling players as fast as they could. DMYS, with Normal Penguin, kept the ball from passing towards the goal, and Devious Penguin finally got his device to work, and the area around him began to warp in a strange way. After trying unsuccessfully to gain control of the ball, he forced Fnab Fnab to get it for him, under pain of pain. After the foriegn ex-dictator punched Peter BRACK in the face, getting the ball, which he passed ineptly to Devious, and although BANADER intercepted the ball, Devious Penguin tripped the forward up, and kicked him while he was down, thus getting the ball. By this time, the match was almost up, but the moment that Devious touched the ball with his strange device, time, and the Wolves, slowed down, The Team sped up, and after five failed attempts to score on a nearly frozen goalkeeper, Furious Porridge managed to squeeze the ball past, resulting in a draw, a chain of riots which have seen Bloco'yce City in flames, and Ice Cream Sales sky-rocket.

We're not sure why people are now buying Ice-Cream, but it may be because many Rioteers are pacified by Strawberry flavors.

Next, The Team plays a team that they'll lose to. We've been assured of this by a fortune cookie obtained by daring adventurers from a mystical cult of mystical Monks, who reside in a nigh-impenetrable fortress high in the mountains of a strange and foriegn land. The cookie tasted pretty good, as well.

Deep in injury time and I mean deep, Cuation are 1-0 down, many players suffering from cramp, both sets of players asking the ref the blow the whistle as Cuation know they are not going to pull an equaliser in this match. Out wide on the right Giovanni hits a first time cross from a Hargreves long ball.

"Cuation pushes forward once more as the crowd whistle for full time but the strange little ref is still playing on. Hargreves on the ball, plays it long but its moves away to the right where Giovanni lurks. He has options and hits it first time..."

It isn't too good and is too far ahead for any of Cuation's attackers to get onto it, Jeffery Constantine laming it for himself instead. A frustrated Rual Mendiz turns around and yells at his team mate for not playing it in better but the final ball has been a problem all day.

"Poor delivery and Cuation waste another attack, the keeper has it in his arms. Rual is turning on the right winger but the striker has not received any real service from his team mates today."

The keeper welted it up towards Hobble to buy some time. Subs Hargreves and G.Cole where forming an emergency centre back pairing but Hargreves was too far up field while Cole missed his header. Hobble controlled the ball well and was clear.

"Constantine kicks the ball upfield, still no whistle, only Cole and Hobble are up there. Cole has missed the header! Hobble has it at his feet and no defender is between him and Jude now. Where is Hargreves? Hobble has already tricked Jude once but without someone to play it too, can Hobble do it a second time?"

Jude was clearly hesitant to come off his line so quickly this time, inching slowly to narrow the angle but leaving too much of a gap to his far post. Hobble was too experienced no to take advantage, shooting low and powerfully across the keeper. Jude got down well but not quick enough, the ball slipping under his right hand and just inside the far post. As the ref blew for full time, Jude thumped the ground in frustration.

"Yes he can, 2-0 and the game is finally over. Two contests between the star striker and keeper and both times the keeper has come off worst tonight. A devastating blow for Cuation and one that Jude will look back on with regret. Can Cuation make up lost ground? Only if they play a lot better then this when going forward."

Mr Chuck Norris 1

Virginia Nova 3


Todays game was a real uplifter for the Eagles as they defeated Mr Chuck Norris Fighting Norris 3-1.This game was dreamed up to be played in a Boxing ring with all the players shrunken to 1:9th size.

The game got started with a quick penelty by Jason Yarr on Chuck Norris. The Kick easily went over Potter's head. But almost as soon as MCN scored VN scored. This coming on a free kick from Jimmy Hellios. But after that nothing Happened till half when all Side were treated to a 3-round Boxing Match Between Norlando Hill and Jimmy "iron Hands" Lassiter. After the Boxing Match. Harold Freemont made a fancy move around The Burger King and knocked Mr Bednarick cold on the ground. Now with Mr Allen Price in Goalkeep The Eagles thought it should be easy,And it was,as Adam Neppi took an Assit fom Ross Peirio. and that wiould be the final action as VN won 3-1.

Goals
MCN
Chuck Norris 0'56''

VN
Jimmy Hellios 1'19''
Harold Freemont 49'23''
Adam Neppi 66'21''

And now, Monastic TV interrupts its normal broadcasting to bring you a public service announcement.

"Hello. I'm Fr. Nicholas the Scribe"

"And I'm Fr. John the Golden-Throated"

"Together, we would like to apologise to all citizens of the Archregimancy and the nations participating in the Cup of Harmony for bringing the tournament into disrepute yesterday."

"That's right, Fr. Nicholas and myself want to make it very clear that Orthodox monks, while highly fond of the sanctifying properties of genuine incense, SAY NO TO DRUGS!"

"That's right kids - this is the head of John the Baptist..." [Fr. Nicholas holds up the gilded Holy Relic]

"And this is what the head of the Holy Forerunner John would have looked like if he'd used drugs..." [Fr. John holds up a cracked and unordained ordinary skull]

"The lesson of which is, Fr. John?"

"Holy Saints don't do dope, Fr. Nicholas"

"Though starving yourself in the desert may bring on hallucinations. It can also bring on holy visions or demonically-inspired temptation - consult an expert if you don't know the difference, though a bevy of foul temptresses gently caressing their lithes bodies can usually be put down to demonically-inspired temptation. Either that or the Dorian and Sonya squad lost their way to the ground again."

"Either way, Fr. Nicholas, we stand united against mind-altering substances, and here do sincerely repent of our behaviour in the commentary booth yesterday."

Monastic Television now returns you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Kryptognosis' house was hidden in a warp dimension accessible via dreambub 65. Only certain inhabitants of the Archregimancy were able to assist for fear of crossing the Archregimand but Collins' diplomatic immunity assisted.


OOC - This is turning into an excellent RP, but for the sake of religious consistency can I request that anyone helping Collins be a citizen of the Holy Empire [Alasdair I Frosticus] and not of the Archregimancy. This sort of mysticism is something Imperials would be more likely to be involved in, not Orthodox monks. Imperial citizens pretending to be residents of the Archregimancy would, however, be fine.

OOC : I don't care about RP bonus. I'm just RPing for the kicks (since I'm most likely eliminated). I hereby admit that I spent the day out in Paris with friends, and shockingly chose to not be in time for the RP cutoff, and that Jolt was in no way influential.

OOC2 : D&S, didn't I allow you to choose scorers for my team? Upon checking I did... However, I must admit my surprise that you didn't include them in your funny RP.

OOC3 : For RP reasons, I changed one of the goalscoring times you specified to one minute later. Blame it on the fact that it was "during the minute".

IC :

Gazetta de'Esporte

Things go by twos in CoH clash.
Dorian & Sonya - 2 (Telperiën 42, Jablon 64)
Vuam and Isma - 2 (Fitzsimons 24, Dynamique 84)

When the two teams with "and" in their names met, one could have bet that things would go by pairs in the dreamed realm. Or by fours. Or any other multiple of two, in fact.

Well... The game was to be played on four wheels (skateboards), fulfilling the prospect of a two and four extravaganza. And when the game was over, soothsayers and men of magick all across the world deemed that they had had their prospects fulfilled : 4 goals, 2 by team, all 4 scored in minutes with a 4 in, and the sum of the digits in the scoring times was a multiple of two, regardless if the pairing was by player, by team or global. Other men of wisdom noticed that 4 yellow cards were handed out (two to each team), and that in both halves, 2 minutes of injury time were played. Even more sagacious people mentioned the fact that both teams had substituted two players, and that these substitutions had all been in minutes that were multiples of 2, 4 and 8 : 56th minute, 64th minute, 72nd minute and 80th minute.

And a bunch of wackos noted that there were 42,222 spectators in the dreamt realm, that the total number of hot dogs sold was 2,482, and finally that there were 28 elements disposed on the field. However, more intelligent (and responsable) people dismissed these facts as being nothing more than a co-incidence, and not at all related with any of the "2 vs 2" feats.

Anyway... Back to the game. Skatebording was the name of the game, and amongst the Vuam and Isma squad, only one player seemed almost at ease : Sett Marc. The young full-back had obviously already tasted the wooden contraception, but he remained very shaky, although the fact he managed to cross the pitch to get into position without falling was a great hope for the V&I fans.

The start of the game was set under a mild feeling of defensive cautiousness, as 180s and 360s were all that were used, and very few players opting for anything more elaborate than a 50-50 or a boardgrind when they slowed the pace of the game, and grabs were limited to tailgrabs and nosegrabs. However, this didn't halt the game's progression, as moves were set up and the players found an interesting rythm to pace their play with the boards. The scoring was opened by Fitzsimons after 24 minutes, when a defensive mix-up between Elindin and Laos allowed the young striker to pick up a deep ball by Lidon. However, he missed his first touch and only managed to score when Skursky pushed into his back as she fell off her board as she attempted to tackle him, pushing the player and the ball past a desperate Riskin.

With the scoring underway, the pace heatened up, but remained blocked in midfield, where 9 players disputed ball control. Both sides were unable to gain a clear advantage, and the score was levelled only minutes before the break as Telperiën's 900-fakey tailgrab made the net bulge as O'Connor glided too slowly towards the impact area with a measly 50-50.

Half-time saw both teams gain a lot of confidence, as when they came out for the second half, the level of skating was distinctly superior. Both sides were planting far more impressive tricks, and seemed to have completely overcome their inhibitions, and wereable to pull out the fluid, spectacular play that they have made us used to.

The second half would however be constantly more star-studded, and the goals were highpoints of the "star-studded-ness" of the game. First of all, Jablon rounded off a Falassion christ-air (extra points to the D&S commentator who exclaimed "Jesus" just when his partner was on the point of saying "Christ-air", leading many radio listeners to believe the move was a "Jesus Christ Air") interception with a cannonball. The unexpected move surprised O'Connor, who proved unable to stop the ball, dispite a 360 indy fakie to melon. But as 560s came commonplace and 720 begun to creep in, it looked like nobody would be able to budge the scoreline from 2-1 in favour of D&S. Untill... Untill Dynamique. Proving once again that he was the most creative player by far in the V&I midfield, the long-range shot midfielder brought a point home for V&I with what was arguably the best trick of the game : 1260 Stalefish to Madonna, standing landing. As the ball left his feet, the whole stadium held its breath, players stopped in the middle of their runs to watch the ball soar downfield, and when the ball slammed the back of the net, the whole stadium erupted, with even D&S fans and players saluting the magnificent move. However, no player was good enough to trouble the nets in the closing minutes of the game, leaving the score at 2-2, sharing the points evenly between the two two-named teams.

P.S. : As I finish writing this article, I believe that it is interesting to bring to your attention that according to our most devout statistics department, there were a total of 186120 degrees of rotation during the match... Another element to add to the "2vs2" conspiracy!

CoH host announcement

There appear to be problems with the NS - Jolt connection right now.

It's unclear to me whether everyone can even log on to Jolt directly at present - and not everyone may be aware that they can even try to do so.

As a result, I'm delaying MD5 scores for 24 hours in an attempt to be fair to as many people as possible.

All RPs currently count towards the MD5 bonus until notified otherwise.

OOC- Great RP V&I. As for the goal scorers, you have the right to name your own. I have never named another side's scorers for them. As for the one minute change on the score - great job in catching that for the 2v2 theme. Good luck in your next match.

IC-

Due to extenuating circumstances and unseen problems with the Dream Bubble there is no match to report between Dorian and Sonya vs. One Red Dot. The whole situation concerning the lack of played matches has been linked to the “2vs2 Conspiracy” laid out by citizens of Vuam and Isma. Some local theologians have blamed this on the “3 by 3 Convergence.” Dorian and Sonya and Vuam and Isma both have three parts to their names. And so does One Red Dot who consequently is the next opponent for D&S. More research will have to be completed before we know if this is the case or not.

PART NINE


I looked at amazement at what my laptop was showing me, that Holmes recieved orders from a man only known as "Peter" and that the last known location of this man was in Bostopia... the small country that shocked Qazox on the last day of qualifing to keep them out of the World Cup. As I arranged for transport to Bostopia, the whole puzzle just clicked into place, that whole New Bruxen-Gothika match-fixing scandal was just a cover to prevent anybody from looking too close at the Black Oxen's surprise loss. But how to prove it?

I punched up some match info on both of the matches and found quite to my surprise that both Qazox and New Bruxen lost 3-1, despite leading at halftime 1-0. Further research found some more "coincidences", like both teams were called for a handball in the penalty area at the 56th minute, which lead to the tying goals, both teams' best Defender was red-carded in the 60th minute, and 2 minutes later Bostopia and Gothika scored the go-ahead goals. The final coincidence was that both the losing teams allowed a very late goal in the 88th minute. After looking through some more info, I found the Common thread between both matches, a referee, a corrupt referee, Don Manik of Cuation. Now with this new lead I changed my plan and decidedto head to Cuation and whomever or whatever I would find there....





(ooc: I hope Cuation does not mind that i use a referee from the referee thread... if you do mind, I'll change it)

OC: I have no objections to using my ref in any such thing. Just glad someone found a use for him, if you need me to rp as him then just give me a kick.

Be great if more named refs where used in games

Cuation Blunt Tynelia

The Cuation manager had scouted Tynelia's first game, a 1-0 win and had clearly adjusted the team. Young keeper Jude had been promised this Cup of Harmony to show case his skills but Fallen was in a withdrawn role to battle in the centre for once, to shackle the Tynelia forward line.

Despite the player maker’s more restricted role, this helped Cuation a lot. With the opposition front four struggling, Cuation dominated possession throughout though it got tougher when Cuation went forward, the three holding players in front of the defence limiting any real chance for the likes of Giovanni to flaunt themselves.

However the three man defence was run ragged, if they stayed inside to deal with Fei and Rual, Giovanni and Milnar would race down the flanks with Butcher and Cole overlapping. If they moved to cover the wingers then Rual and Fei could run havoc over Li.

In the first half, the defence tried to play to counter the wingers so allowed Cuation to play their direct game. Lu Fei would often win the ball but Rual Mendiz's touch let him down, Li often recovering to win the ball as soon as that happened.

Three times, Rual was played clear by a flick on with Li unable to get back, two of them being in the first half. The first time was in the first ten minutes, he let the ball get away fro him and the quick thinking Amy dashed off her line, smothering his shot as she dived at his feet. The second time, near the end of the first half, he kept under control but Amy made the angle small, his shot was too close, allowing her to block with her legs.

Cuation may have nullified the attack but when they went forward, they where often restricted to half chances as Fallen was kept back, Giovanni and Milnar found themselves double marked with Rual's poor control and Li's last ditch tackles preventing chances of real note but many half chances that didn't trouble Amy.

Still Cuation would go in ahead at half time thanks to a counter attack set up by the long ball in the 38th minute. Samba got to a loose ball and played it up for Lu Fei. This time Li went with the lurking Rual Mendiz so Fei trapped the ball and waited for support. He would release to his left where defender Stossels, for once, allowed Milnar to get goal side of him. The left winger could not be caught, instead he allowed Amy to come out and then aimed at the gap between her and near post, the shot slithering into the net, past the despairing keeper. 1-0!

At half time, Fallen was surprisingly brought off for Hargreves, a clever tactical move. With the leniency of Diego Parker to help, the Cuation players would rough up the narrow attack. Tynelia's defence would move into the centre and allow the wingers to play, correctly assessing that they could deal with the crosses.

Both sides had half chances but Tynelia never looked like scoring whereas Cuation had three good chances. First Milnar sent clear the overlapping Butcher, the full back's low cross finding Mendiz on the six yard line. Under pressure from Li, the striker surprisingly spooned it well over the bar. It would be the last act of the game for the striker, Pual Keane replacing him. Keane would struggle with a lack of height and a lack of real chances but he played well overall.

In the 63rd minute, Philip Cole rampaged down the right, drawing out Pytte before slipping the ball to the advancing Giovanni . Cutting inside, he looked up at what options he had and then decided to try one of his trade mark curlers. Inconsistent he may be but how Tynleia could have used him, his thirty yarder going into the top corner, Amy having no chance to save it. 2-0.

Lu Fei should have made it three when Giovanni crossed it him a few minutes later but Amy kept her side in it, angling herself well so the unmarked striker's weak header would strike her legs. Before Keane could get on it, the experienced keeper smothered the bouncing ball and ensured her team still had some chance of catching up.

They never looked likely of pulling it back, Jude bringing on Gary Cole for his tired looking brother to close the game down. Cuation wingers started going for the corner glad, happy to wind down time. Only in the last minute was Jude forced into action, diving low to keep out a good long range effort from MacDougal.

"So, Ginge, let me get this straight.

"You decided to ask someone from the Dreamed Realm for assistance - and you ended up in Alasdair I Frosticus?"

"Not really, it was all so confusing. I don't think that mystagogue was all he was cracked up to be, if you get my drift. The problem is that the Archregimand's subjects don't go for this sort of thing which was why they did not like directing me to Kryptognosis. In the end I had to rely on some downtrod beggar who claimed to be in touch with Hypnos. He might have been drunk."

"Yes, he might."

"But I did find Kryptognosis. Mad as a fish. Turns out he's not from the Archregimancy at all but from AIF and has constructed a dream bubble here for some reason. Maybe he is watching the Archregimand? By being part of a dream he can evade the monks...they don't seem to go in for that sort of thing. They prefer the icons, something tangible."

"Ginge, I think you might have been sharing a bit of the beggar's goodies."

"That's the problem, Tommy. I'm beginning to wonder what's real and what is not. Some of these matches have such a dreamlike quality. Yet it's all reset like a Sega. As if it never happened. And the spectators here seem to see different things all the time - but what's happening back home? They're seeing perfectly normal football matches."

"That's because the media are not dream media, Ginge, so all they can do is record some sort of reality."

"But television is not real, surely? That's as much a dream as everything else. I mean, who's to say we are real? We could be just figments of a deranged imagination. Maybe the imagination of a God, maybe the imagination of a fool..."

"Careful with that sort of talk, Ginge...you could get excommunicated or something..." laughed Barnes.

"I just wonder whether that can be of more help? If you can master your dream, or gain knowledge of who is controlling, can it assist in this mad world? So many weird things...

"Tommy, I really think I'm on to something here. For the Nikea match let's have a little experiment. I sleep throughout it whilst you play and see whether I can help in some way...if you win the reality toss you could pick something ultra-real, as a control. We're top of the group and Nikea are bottom so there is less risk if I'm not around. Is it worth a punt?"

"Mmm, I'll think about it..."

The Jolt problems are still not resolved - poor Magnus Valerius has been reduced to e-mailing me his MD4 RPs so I can post them on his behalf - but I'm going to post the MD5 scores now.

I'll post Magnus' RPs as soon as I get them via e-mail. However, I am giving him a MD4 RP bonus since it's not his fault Jolt's having one of its occasional brainfarts and he has tried very hard to contribute.

Matchday 5
Red=eliminated
Blue=qualified

Group 1
Bazalonia 2 Tynelia 1
Sativaville 0 Cuation 2
Archregimancy 2 Sliponia 0

PL W L D F A GD PTS
GP1
Archregimancy 4 4 0 0 9 0 9 12
Bazalonia 5 3 1 1 10 2 8 10
Cuation 4 3 0 1 7 3 4 9
Tynelia 4 2 0 2 6 4 2 6
Green wombat 4 1 0 3 5 11 -6 3
Sativaville 4 0 2 2 2 7 -5 2
Sliponia 5 0 1 4 3 15 -12 0

Group 2
Magnus Valerius 1 Mr Chuck Norris 0
AwalKB 2 Lowland Clans 0
Milchama 2 Iansisle 2

GP2
Magnus Valerius 5 4 0 1 7 3 4 12
Iansisle 5 3 1 1 11 6 5 10
Milchama 4 3 1 0 7 2 5 10
Virginia Nova 4 2 0 2 5 8 -3 6
Lowland Clans 4 1 0 3 5 7 -2 3
AwalKB 4 1 0 3 2 5 -3 3
Mr Chuck Norris 4 0 0 4 3 9 -6 0

Group 3
Qazox 1 Lisburn Mateys 2
Spmn. Plijous 2 Anathem. Reps. 0
Haraki 4 GarfieldtheFat 2

GP3
Lisburn Mateys 4 3 1 0 7 3 4 10
Qazox 5 2 2 1 10 5 5 8
Spmn. Plijous 4 2 1 1 5 2 3 7
Haraki 4 2 1 1 9 8 1 7
Marceau State 4 1 2 1 7 7 0 5
Anathem. Reps. 4 0 2 2 2 6 -4 2
GarfieldtheFat 5 0 1 4 4 13 -9 1

Group 4
Dorian & Sonya 0 One Red Dot 1
Rorysville 0 Vuam and Isma 2
Wentland 2 Nikea 0

GP4
Wentland 4 3 1 0 8 2 6 10
Dorian & Sonya 5 2 2 1 8 5 3 8
One Red Dot 4 2 2 0 5 2 3 8
Vuam and Isma 4 2 1 1 6 4 2 7
Raging Penguins 4 1 1 2 4 5 -1 4
Nikea 5 0 2 3 5 12 -7 2
Rorysville 4 0 1 3 5 10 -5 1

Somewhere deep in the Archregimancy.....

"Fr. Seraphim....."

"Fr. Michael...."

"How can I be of service?"

"Well, it's like this, Fr. Seraphim... it's these Wentlanders...."

"What of them? They are guests of the Dreamed Realm for the current Cup of Harmony - anarchic and sinful tournament though that is turning out to be."

"They seek the Oneiromancer, Fr. Seraphim"

<shocked silence>

"The Oneiromancer... he who is said to call himself Kryptognosis... He who claims to have travelled the byways, to have glimpsed deepest Gehenna and highest Primum Mobile; to have experienced every emotion, every reality, every dream.... even the sleep of Gods. To have the Hidden Knowledge of Morpheus, the mystery of substantiation, the sleepsongs of the long forgotten etched into every fibre of his being."

"The Oneiromancer is dead, Fr. Michael. Has been for centuries. He's just a legend that parents in the Holy Empire scare their children with. A bogeyman. He has no more substance than a prayer from Atheistic Right."

"There are those that believe otherwise, Fr. Seraphim. It is said that there is some sort of underground in the Holy Empire, a tiny minority who dress as beggars and worship the Oneiromancer."

"Then they are fools. Fools and heretics."

"Nonetheless, I believe that they are fools that should not be ignored. True, the Oneiromancer is no god, but if they have found him, if the reports are true, then they have found the one power in the Dreamed Realm who pre-dates the Basileus. Who knows what fell secrets he holds within his grasp? If we are not careful, Wentland might even defeat Nikea and qualify out of the group stages....."

"That would have happened anyway, Fr. Nicholas."

"Perhaps, Fr. Seraphim. But I urge you to have agents from SOFTEE [the Synodical Office For The Elimination of Evil] trail the Wentlanders.... Just in case...."

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/Sonya0111/SylMedCen.png

Unicorns Buried On The Beach

Sandy beaches. Killer Surf. Guys in speedos. Girls in bikinis. That was the setting for today’s match as the Mystical Unicorns matched up against the Wolves of One Red Dot. This was to be an epic battle that held a lot of each sides fate, but you could hardly tell that from the atmosphere of the beach. It was just too damn nice out there.

Clad in the aforementioned speedos and bikinis, the Unicorns and Wolves took the sandy pitch with waves gently rippling the edge of the field of play. And neither side was willing to give an inch. It was apparent early on that the hard defense both sides were playing would control the day. That is the way both of us would like to look at things. However, it is highly possible that the deep sand merely slowed everyone top the point of near uselessness. But we do like our version better.

The Unicorns nearly scored in the 45th minute when a stray volleyball collided with the ORD defender guarding Zana Jablon, but the ref blew Jablon offside and nullified the attempt. For future reference, we are blaming that volleyball for all of our misfortunes- not the sand or water. Nothing that pretty could be bad.

The first half would end 0-0. And both sides were physically drained from all the running in sand. The reserves for both sides were rather disappointed when they were called on in the second half. Sixta Nommay and Lashay Niesman had to leave their half-finished sand castle to enter the match - and neither was happy about it at all. Neida Garrington had to be dragged onto the pitch away from the surfers she had been flirting with. She wasn’t happy about that either.

But despite all that, both defenses remained strong, refusing to yield a point. But that would change in the third and final minute of stoppage time. One Red Dot pushed everyone forward in an effort to score despite the deep sand and rising surf. And that paid off brilliantly - though in truth it had little to do with their efforts. The shot taken should have been an easy on to stop for Daniella Riskin, but as she stretched for it, the straps on her bikini snapped and instinctively her arms moved to cover what was now visible to everyone present. The shot sailed into the net at the last possible moment and One Red Dot escaped with the win.

That still leaves D&S second on the table, but now even with ORD at 8 points while V&I have snuck back into the mix with seven points. To complicate matters, D&S have a bye date next before facing Raging Penguins and the payback for Mrs Tweezly that will come then.

That means that Wentland has become a side we will be pulling for the final two matches. They face ORD on MD6 and V&I on MD7. We need Wentland to win those matches. As long as they do that and we can beat the Penguins, we will move on to the next round. If not……lets not go there just yet.

Meanwhile the Bazalopes did not look like themselves either, They looked like the saints depicted by the various Icons handed out by the Archregimancy during the World Cup Qualifiers.. We don't have the time to go through them all but I think there was Saint Peter, and a number of other saints that only Catholics or Othodox Christians would know. The setting for the Bazalonia - Tynelia match was by the ruins of an old monastery. Despite being a ruin the monastery was still functioning. Well actually as the match was being played the monastery as being re-built. Starting with Foundations when the game was started to the fully rebuilt it and restored monastery at full time. It was not being built by human hands but seemed to be built by God as the match progress. Off course during the half-time break God took a rest from his work and started once again when the whistle bew to start proceedings.

James Kantwell scored both Bazalonian goals as I believe the Icon for the Milchamans. Some Jewish saint, whoever that was. And whoever from the Tynelian squad was being Fr. Basil the Faster scored the only Tynelian goal. It was a mistake for the Tynelians to pretend to be the Monks from the Archregimancy. First because the Bazalopes where not scared of the Monk evidenced by only a 2-1 loss when Bazalonia played against them at TinyHamlet in the Comic world of SuperDude and his Arch nemesis, Max Mactor. Who also has been mysteriously missing from the latest comic that had been released just after the match with the Archregimancy. And everyone knows that Saint's would dominate over monks anyway considering their higher status in both the Catholic and Orthodox religions over normal run-of-the-mill friars.

Next Matchday the Bazalonian Bazalopes have a bye and Tynelia will need to win at least one win and draw one of their remaining 2 matches (and that is assuming The Bazalopes lose on the last day and even then they can only go through on Goal Difference). If the Bazalopes win when they face the Green Wombats, which in our opinion is very likely Tynelia will not have a chance and Bazalonia has cemented it's place in 2nd spot to for the first time in Bazalonian History make it through to the Knockout stage of the Cup of Harmony.

However Cuation is still on the Warpath and also has 2 matchdays to recover. Wether Bazalonia can keep Cuation at bay it All depends on how Cuation handles the next 2 matches.

The Hawks took the field, such as it was, in a bizarre setting: Two long rooftops, disjointed and on multiple levels, connected only by a few thin (1-2 feet) bridges between the buildings, with the street some ten stories far below, traffic still whizzing by incredibly quickly and dreamed pedestrians on the sidewalks. The only added rule was that no damage from impacts (falls or car collisions) would injure the players. Two fire escapes on each side of the street would allow players to make their way back onto the field. The spectators watched from a massive ring of seats placed around the two sets of rooftops. At the back of each rooftop was each team's net, and kickoff was on a small circular platform in the middle of the centre bridge.

It made the midfield play interesting, as most of the midfield was either bridges or the street below.

The Harakians seemed slightly more advantageous than the Garfieldthefat team, partly due to the massive urban setting that was their home city of Atherlon, the second-biggest city in Haraki. At one point they had closed off a large street to play an exhibition training game against each other between two office buildings. The Garfieldthefat team seemed to arrive and not know what was going on, treading gingerly for some time in an effort to avoid falling off the edge.

Mike Zendar scored Haraki's first goal with a somewhat spectacular sprint across one of the bridges unopposed, the Garfieldthefat midfield covering him apparently afraid to go on the bridge, and Zendar managed to dodge past two defenders to simply kick the ball in past the keeper. Only minutes later, crossing the same bridge, Zendar was slide tackled by the same midfield, who had been shouted at by his captain, and the 41-year old forward tripped and went flying off the bridge together with the game ball. The midfield put a hand to his mouth and reportedly shouted "Oh my god, I've killed him!"

Zendar hit the street head first and was immediately slammed into by a sedan which sent him flying into the side of a building, from which he collapsed and lay still for a moment before opening his eyes, emitting a loud laugh, and climbing to his feet. Shaking his head, he picked the ball up with his foot and held it on the instep of his right foot, taking it up the fire escape beside him.

The game continued at an unabated pace into the end of the first half, when a long pass by Harakian defender Jonah Menike missed its target, Richard Weber, and fell to the street instead. Weber simply jumped off the bridge he was standing beside, landing on the sidewalk nearly on top of a man in a black business suit, who loudly protested "Excuse me, I have to get to work!"

"Oh please," Weber replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "You don't even exist."

"So?" the man replied. "That doesn't mean I don't have commitments to make."

Weber then returned to the game, as two Garfieldthefat midfields leapt down to the street and another followed on the stairs, at which point Thomas Neils, Haraki's aging supporting midfield, leapt down to join him, his age clearly not showing in the magical world of the Dream Bubble. "Couldn't let you have all the fun," he said, as the two Harakian midfields looked across the busy four lane street at their three counterpaprts.

"Let's do this," Weber replied.

Some furious midifeld play followed, with Weber and Neils losing the ball several times but the other midfields failing to get the ball up to the rooftops, where most of the other two teams were standing around watching, the two goalkeeprs feeling left out.

Weber managed a very long pass up to the rooftops off a volley pass by Neils, onto the Garfieldthefat side of the street, and it sailed over Mike Zendar's head. As the ball was played he was onside, standing just in front of the curious Garfieldthefat last defender, but he took off sprinting after it, taking the ball into posession as it fell down in front of him. The defence tried to run and catch up, but he was too far ahead of them and was elft one on one with the keeper. As he ran up, he simply chipped a shot over the keeper's head, his arms flailing up to try and grab the ball but missing, and the ball bounced several times before slowly rolling over the goal line.

The crowd went wild at Zendar's second goal. With over ten thousand Harakian supporters in the crowd, they could make a lot of noise.

The half ended with Haraki up 2-0, mostly thanks to their willingness to utilize the dreamed terrain. In the second half and after Zendar's impressive fall and Weber and Neils' jumps, they seemed more willing and less scared, and used the midfield more effectively, even managing a goal at fifty-three minutes off a shot from outside the goal box. With all the Hawks' defence bunched up, the forward somehow managed to find a clear shot and slotted it home past Chris O'Hara.

The Harakians responded well, with some midfield play by the Harakian right-side midfields leading to Thomas Neils giving in a long cross which Matthew Thompson headed in, using his very skilled head to best advantage, and only ten minutes later midfield Richard Weber managed to slot in a free kick from just outside the box, putting Haraki up 4-1.

The Garfieldthefat forwards added in a second consolation goal off a corner kick only five minutes from the end, but Haraki had managed a convincing victory, unlike several other games in the tournament. Only three points down from first place, down one point from second, but the second place team had yet to have the bye day. Although it would be a tense last two days, Haraki had a chance for qualification.

Haraki 4 - Garfieldthefat 2

Zendar (19)
Zendar (40)
(53) Forward 'A'
Thompson (60)
Weber (71)
(86) Forward 'B'

QSPN WRESTLING TONIGHT


Ben Ross: WELCOME TO WRESTLEMANIA 23 as the teams of Qazox and Lisburn Mateys will settle their differences inside of a STEEL CAGE!!!! The match is about to begin and there will be a 90 minute time limit. Here comes the challengers, Lisburn Mateys led by their manager, Paul Kirk . and the champs: led by their manager Juanita Graziani. Joining with me to call this match is Stone Cold Steve Austin.

AUSTIN: AUSTIN 3:16 says QAZOX will whip their ASS!!!!

Ross: And theres the ball and this match will begin with all 22 players from each team in the ring at the same time. The rules of this steel cage match are as follows, A goal will be scored of every pinfall or submission, there is no disqualifactions and no red cards. And OH MY GOD!!!! Kinkade was just struck in the head with a steel chair.. He's bleeding all over the mat!!! There's a cover by Keith Livingston...1...2. and 2 1/2.. Kinkade just kicked out of that one. All 22 of these players are leaving it in the ring and it looks like it will be a slobberknocker.

Austin: They're all opening up a can of Whoop-Ass.

Ross: Aaron McCann is now climbing the cage and he's setting up for a 540 Senton splash on Alicia Gonazalez.... and NO ONE home he missed and Gonzalez rolls him up and 1...2...3..!!! The first goal of the match has gone to Qazox here in the 29th minute as Gonzalez used a school-boy to pin McCann. and now all hell has broken loose as chairs are being swung by everybody and Its Amusi Akobyi he has the steel steps and OH MY GOD!!! Nelson Macgillivray was just decked with the steel steps and Akobyi covers him... 1..2..3.. and now its tied 1-all here in the 42nd minute.

Austin: They all look tired now, but the 5 minute half coming up should recharge they're batteries..WHAT? WHAT?

Ross: this match is still tied up at 1-all and time is running out as now OH MY GOD the referee has been knocked out by Marie Goya as she missed her super-kick on Brian Livingston and what the HELL??? Paul Kirk has now come into the ring and he nails Marie goya with a steel chair and the referee didn;t see it, Akobyi climbs to the top of the cage.. HE's NOT gonna do that!!! OH MY GOD!!! A Five-Star Frog Splash from the top of the cage and the ref's up now.. It Can't end like this.. 1....2....3.. AND Just before the final bell lisburn Mateys steal a victory from Qazox 2-1.

(ooc: I'm sorry but i couldn't resist a wrestling soccer match)


Qazox- 1 (Gonzalez (5) 29')
Lisburn Mateys- 2 (Akobyi, 42', 90')

(OOC: Rotten time to have gone away for a few days, but with my ranking I don't think I could have really expected anything different. Some creative RPs I've been reading, awesome stuff.)


Queldas Hikari - Rul Isio Nesuntel A Seserim

PANDAS STUMBLE THROUGH COH
Early Elimination Entirely Expected
by Markinen Marketel

DREAM BUBBLE, AIF(NP) - It's been said that football is the stuff
dreams are made of. That saying came true in the Dream Bubble of
Alasdair I Frosticus. 28 teams entered the Bubble, knowing that only
one could come out with football's second or third, possibly fourth,
most valued prize: the Cup of Harmony. Joining 20 other champions on
their day where for once, they pushed back the fact that they did not
qualify for the World Cup with lifting a cup which isn't quite as good,
but still respectable in its own right.

Anyway, pretty much everyone thought that Nikea would not be in
contention for that moment. With the entirely expected result of
crashing out early in the qualifying campaign, few hopes were raised
for success in the Cup of Harmony. Those realists were rewarded: no
victories for the Pandas with only one matchday remaining, against Vuam
and Isma who will need points to keep their qualification hopes alive.

It's not all doom and gloom however. Nikea's dismal 2 points is
slightly better than Rorysville's depressing 1 point, however the
representitives from Nikea have played one more match than the
Rorysvillans. This has led to the worst goal differential in the group,
with a shocking -7. Surprisingly enough, they have scored one more goal
than Raging Penguins who have scored only four. Three of those came
against the Nikean team. With the latest lacklustre effort, a meek 2-0
loss to group leaders Wentland, the Nikeans seem destined for the
bottom two in the group and another forgetful tournament.

Manager Hikaren Spriteithel has been given one more World Cup
qualifying campaign to show some sort of improvement. The team who drew
with and competed with the top team in the world seems long gone, with
the only proud moment coming as a 1-1 draw with One Red Dot in the
opening match.

MD1 - One Red Dot v Nikea (D 1-1)
MD2 - Nikea v Raging Penguins (L 0-4)
MD3 - Dorian & Sonya v Nikea (L 1-3)
MD4 - Nikea v Rorysville (D 3-3)
MD5 - Wentland v Nikea (L 0-2)
MD6 - Nikea v Vuam and Isma
MD7 - bye

It wasn't working. Eighty minutes plus on the clock and it was still goalless. Tommy Barnes realized he had made 2 mistakes. Firstly, choosing an ultra-real surrounding having won the reality toss; basically a replication of the Sequor Stadium, but the surroundings were inspiring the Nikean team that had not coped with dreamtime previously. Secondly, he was missing that something from Neil Collins, who was off dreaming. There had been no assistance, the man called Kryptognosis was evidently of no use and the 4-4-2 was no good. Nikea had bolstered the defence and two points were going begging.

Neil Collins was somewhere else. It was the same nightmare, the one he had had since he was 10. Once again he was at the Rec cheering the 121st Sector school team on in the final. Left on the sidelines to oversee the action from the side while Tommy Barnes dealt with it on the pitch. Once again it was near the end and once again the 121st needed to score.

Peter Davey was on the left wing.

Peter Davey was on the left wing.

They'd tried to break through this way a number of times before.

They'd tried to break through this way a number of times before.

Yet again there was a defensive wall in front of him.

Yet again there was a defensive wall in front of him.

But then Collins saw it.

"Benny! BENNY! Start running now!!!!"

Benny Jones suddenly heard a voice. Start running now? Nothing else has worked...the slightly overweight Jones broke into a deceptively fast sprint and his marker had not noticed.

"Davo! Put it behind Barnesy!"

Peter Davey suddenly heard a voice. Put it BEHIND Tommy? He won't score that way...but he was compelled to follow.

"Barnesy! Flick it back! BACK!!!"

Tommy Barnes suddenly heard a voice. Hello, he thought, that sounds familiar. Ball's coming behind me...just knock it with the ankle...keep it low...

"HIT IIIIIT!!!!!"

"HIT IIIIIT!!!!!"

Benny Jones struck it. Oh, how gloriously he struck it. The goalkeeper did not even move, to dive would ruin the replay as the ball arced in perfect Newtonian motion. Even the dreamworld could not stop this one from going top corner. 1-0.

Benny Jones struck it. Oh, how gloriously he struck it. The goalkeeper did not even move, to dive would ruin the replay as the ball arced in perfect Newtonian motion. Even the dreamworld could not stop this one from going top corner. 1-0.

The opposition just collapsed, physically and metaphorically. They were there for the taking. And a second came right at the end with Loder curling one in from an acute angle. The nightmare was over.

The opposition just collapsed, physically and metaphorically. They were there for the taking. And a second came right at the end with Loder curling one in from an acute angle. The nightmare was over.

After seventeen long, long, years.

Collins awoke. It would be all right now. He glanced out of the window. Hello, he thought, that monk looks familiar. Mind you, they all have a certain look about them.

((ooc- still can't log in as Tynelia....))

DWAYNE’S WORLD!!!

DWAYNE’S WORLD!!!

SOCCER TIME!!!

EXCELLENT!!!

Dwayne: Hey there dudes and dudettes, this is Dwayne here in my mom’s basement with that most excellent of shows Dwayne’s World! And we can’t have Dwayne’s World without my best bud Darth. Soccer on Darth!

Darth: Soccer on Dwayne!

Dwayne: OK. Well it looks like Tyenlia lost to Balzonia today Darth…
<Darth chuckles>

Dwayne: What’s so funny Darth?

Darth: You said Balz.

Dwayne: Why yes Darth I did. Cause that team needed some to win today Darth.

Darth: OK Dwayne, but its still funny.

Dwayne: But lets get to what’s really important here today Darth. Didn’t Anya Collins look very babe-ilicious today?

Dwayne and Darth: SCHWING!!

Dwayne: Indeed Darth, she’s a tower of babelon don’t you agree Darth?

Darth- misty eyed: She’s like from Babelon 5.

Dwayne: No Darth she’s at least from Babelon 10.

Darth: No way!

Dwayne: Way!

Darth: Ok.

Dwayne: So anyway Darth let’s look at some of the highlights from this match.

<Dwayne and Darth both stand up from their seats and start making wavy up and down motions while they say “Do-da-loo-do-do-da-loo-do” until the camera fades away cutting to the acquired footage>

<first bit of footage shows Anya Collins on the sidelines taking a drink and then pouring some of the water over her head, this part moves in extremely slow motion as she looks relived at the cooling water>

<second bit of footage shows Anya Collins racing down the field in very slow motion as she winds up to kick the ball down field>

<more “do-da-loo-do-do-da-loo-do” sounds are heard before the camera returns to Dwayne and Darth on their knees bowing to the screen>

Dwayne and Darth: We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy!

<footage ends and Dwayne and Darth both get to their feet and sit back down>

Dwayne: OK <smiles>. Now the babeistic one has to take the team to play the monks next and if they lose then Anya Collins…

Dwayne and Darth: SCHWING!!

Dwayne: won’t be moving on. So Darth what do you know about the monks?

Darth: Um, they wear robes and are all guys.

Dwayne: Right Darth so that will help our team out most excellently.

Darth: Why Dwayne?

Dwayne: Just think, these monks have probably never seen a woman in their lives so what will happen when they see the Queen of Babelon?

Darth: Schwing?

Dwayne: Right Darth, if uberbabe just bends down to tie her shoes all the monks will be busy schwinging so the rest of the team can score.

Darth: I’d like to score with Anya ‘Babelon 10’ Collins too Dwayne.

Dwayne: Wouldn’t we all Darth. Wouldn’t we all.

<image appears on the screen of the monkly commentary crew and Dwayne begins to talk about them>

Dwayne: I bet these monks won’t be able to talk about the game while they’re watching her babeishness.

<Darth holds up a sign from the bottom of the screen with an arrow pointing up at the monks with the words “Sphinkter boys” underneath as Dwayne keeps talking>

Dwayne: In fact I bet they’ll be so not watching the match that we score 10 goals on them Darth. What do you think?”

<Darth looks up surprised and steps away from the image where the picture of the monks now have a single curl of hair coming from both their heads with the words “I’m a bigger sphincter.” “No I am.” Coming from each other with a combined quote of “Schwing!” written in coming from them both.>

Darth- nervously: Um I don’t know Dwayne I guess so. That would be cool.

<voice from upstairs>

Dwayne’s mom: DWAYNE! If you and your friend are writing all over the walls again I’m coming down there to smack you both upside your heads!

Dwayne: DON’T WORRY MOM. EVERYTHING’S COOL!

<Dwayne looks back to the camera>

Dwayne: OK. Well that’s all the time we have for our show tonight so until then Soccer on Darth!

Darth: Soccer on Dwayne!

Dwayne and Darth: Soccer on everybody!

<credits roll>


DWAYNE’S WORLD!!!

DWAYNE’S WORLD!!!

SOCCER TIME!!!

EXCELLENT!!!

http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/9163/starlogo2ti.jpg
1!!! 2!!! 3!!! - Mateys win!!

Mateys today beat the team closest to them in the group Qazox, scoring two goals,, or was that successfully pining two players, we arnt quite sure but it doesnt matter we won, Akobyi and manager Kirk grabbed the headlines with Kirk comming into the ring and with a steal chair, smashing Marie Goya, the ref didnt see and Akobyi finished it off.

Crewe won again in the NSCL so their players remain away from this competition and now Lisburn Distillery are off for their tie in the NSFA cup, it is expected that most of their players will go, but Mc Cann has already stated his intention to stay with the national team. Therefore Hillsborough Boys young striker Neil Livingston has been called up to act as third striker as Curry and Dougherty are now away with their clubs. Neil is the cousin of the other two Livingston's already in the squad. Captaincy will now go to defender Marvin Andrews until Armstrong returns

The Troglodytia Tribune



The Team Fails to Not Qualify

—Before we continue with this article, we'd like to reassure all of you loyal readers out there with this news: The Team hasn't lost yet, because they got a By. When they play next, they'll be completely trashed. Wasted. Out-classed. We've got experts in the office, all of which assure us of this outcome. It is inevitable. Destiny. Fate. Statistically Proven. Don't panic. Don't Riot. Please?—

Now, after the last set of games, several teams were listed as unable to qualify, and, to everybody's surprise, The Team was not among them. Well, not yet, anyway. Give them one more game, and their name will show up as red. This came as a shock to everybody, I think. The Team has only one win, and Rorysville will certainly be more than a match for them. Even Devious Penguin can't out-think mathematical probability, although he's been working on a device rumoured to be called the Improbability Machine. Pure speculation, of course. And even if has been, he wont have finished it by the time the match rolls around.

The Team is certainly screwed. Boned. Fu—

**************

Senior Editor Wurg Muark, born, raised, and named in Troglodytia, looked up from the final draft of Burrf Nnng's article on The Cup of Harmony. He raised his inch-thick eyebrows, which lifted to the top of his boney, ridged forehead.

"This is a family newspaper, Nnng. You can't just start throwing in nasty cuss words in an article," he said, admonishing the reporter further with a pre-historic glare. "Just because you think it will sell to an outraged populace better than something with polite, civilized, Homo Sapien derogotives. Just because we strongly resemble Neanderthals does not mean we have to speak like them, you know."

Nnng shifted uncomfortably. He had thought that his article was quite good. Especially the reassuring disclaimer. Anyways, he hadn't put any really bad words in there, like 'KaughhN', 'OooughN', or even 'BaaaughrrN'. He didn't see why Muark was so upset, and he was loath to rewrite that article. Troglodytes had limited time, and even more limited attention spans.

Nnng scratched his brow-ridge, which jutted out of his forehead like a helmet. He'd used it as a helmet before, especially during mating season, when he had competed against the better part of Sales for the privlidge of having Ooiki Uuurb, the Tribune's only female employee as a mate. He'd lost, but he'd been one of the top contenders. He appeared to be thinking hard, which was true, to an extent.

"I'll edit them out, alright? It wont detract from the article much, and it'll allow for more room for Greycoldandugly Mts. Tea advertisements" he suggested. "That way, we'll keep our integrity, and we'll get some more money from our sponsers."

Wurg Muark nodded slowly, and handed the reporter the draft. The young Troglodyte had potential, and was in line for promotion. He was sensible, and didn't argue too much. Muark was going to have to keep an eye on this possible contender. Come mating season, Ooiki might slip out of the Senior Editor's grasp, and he wasn't going to let that happen.

"Yes, do that. And when The Team plays next, you're going to be there in person to cover it in person" said the crafty Editor. "That way, we'll have some exclusive coverage, and not have to rely on foriegn tabloids for the news. Yes, Nnng, I think you are going to be an excellent Sports Coorospondant. Welcome to the ranks of the Special Reporters!"

Nnng left Muark's office in high spirits, unaware that his promotion to Sports Coorospondant was going to bring him an early death.

Upset Refers to Score, More
”Are you tying? There’s no tying in baseball!”

by Jay McYule and Sam St. Pierre

DREAMED REALM -- “In retrospect,” said Iansislean Director of Sports, Games, and Recreation Gregory Penns-McCormick, “perhaps inviting American baseball commissioner Bud Selig to moderate to-day’s game against Milchama was a mistake.”

Thousands of Iansislean and Milchaman fans certainly agree. Just after a dramatic bottom of the ninth solo homer by Milchaman Spot Nielson reset the score to 2-2, Selig decided to call the game a tie. After the official announcement, the field was littered with beer bottles and boos. Iansislean batters waiting for their chance to hit in the top of the tenth stood with their bats on their shoulders and their mouths gaping open, while several Milchaman players actually had to be restrained from taking their places on the field.

In an announcement after the game, Selig said that he could see no reason to continue to expose Iansislean and Milchaman players to the risk of injury in what he called “essentially an exhibition tournament” and that, after raking his brain for more than ten seconds, could think of no solution than to declare the game a tie.

Until the end, the game was an exciting one. Milchama staked Clay Finton (2-0) to an early lead with a run in the bottom of the third off Sherman Cumberland (0-0). However, Iansisle struck back when Brian McPaul drew a walk from Finton and stole second on the first pitch to Spencer Madigan. Three pitches later, Madigan drove a double into deep right-center, scoring McPaul. However, Phil Ward struck out to end the inning and the threat.

On the mound, Cumberland was spectacular, striking out nine in eight innings of work and allowing only three hits and three walks. He also helped out his own cause by laying down a beautiful sacrifice bunt in the top of the seventh, advancing Albert Spenste to second. Spenste would then move to third on a passed ball and come around to score on McPaul’s sacrifice fly.

Unfortunately for Iansisle, Cumberland ran out of gas in the ninth. After hitting one batter and allowing another to drive a ball five hundred feet and just shy of the right field foul pole, Cumberland was taken out in favor of relief pitcher / backup goalkeeper Bob Feckless (0-1). While Feckless did manage to pick off Cumberland’s runner, Milchama made him pay with Nielson’s home run.

The tie leaves Milchama and Iansisle in a dead heat for the second qualifying place in group two, both with ten points and a +5 goal differential. However, Milchama has two games left to play -- against underperforming Mr Chuck Norris and even-more-underperforming Lowland Clans -- whereas Iansisle only has the chance for three more points against the Lowland Clans. Magnus Valerius, with twelve points, sits atop the group; they’ll face Virginia Nova, who waits in the wings of the group, on the last day. There remains some great Harmony action, as only nine of twenty-eight teams have been eliminated and zero have nailed down a qualifying spot with two game days left.

SOFTEE HQ
The Archregimancy

"...and so I call this meeting of undercover agents of the Synodical Office For the Elimination of Evil to order. Fr. Athanasius?"

"It's like this, boss. Yesterday, Neil Collins, citizen of Wentland, was contacted on the street by a beggar. Said beggar has been monitored for years as a potential member of the Church of the Oneiromancer...."

"HERETICS!"

"HEATHENS!"

"BLASPHEMERS!"

"Yes, yes.... settle down now, lads. Continue your report, Fr. Athanasius."

"Thanks, boss. Anyway, like I was saying, this Collins bloke was contacted by a this beggar. Two of our agents tailed Collins incognito, but lost contact following a brief disturbance in dreamed reality.

Our contacts in the State Bureau of Imperial Security then confirmed through their, ermmmmm, usual delicate methods that the beggar was in contact with the foul unbelievers, and that Collins was looking for an advantage in Wentland's next match against Nikea.

SBIS and SOFTEE both monitored Wentland's match against Nikea, and agents from both groups bugged Collins' REM sleep during the match. This is what they picked up:

It was the same nightmare, the one he had had since he was 10. Once again he was at the Rec cheering the 121st Sector school team on in the final. Left on the sidelines to oversee the action from the side while Tommy Barnes dealt with it on the pitch. Once again it was near the end and once again the 121st needed to score.

Peter Davey was on the left wing.

They'd tried to break through this way a number of times before.

Yet again there was a defensive wall in front of him.

"Benny! BENNY! Start running now!!!!"

"Davo! Put it behind Barnesy!"

"Barnesy! Flick it back! BACK!!!"

"HIT IIIIIT!!!!!"

Benny Jones struck it. Oh, how gloriously he struck it. The goalkeeper did not even move, to dive would ruin the replay as the ball arced in perfect Newtonian motion. Even the dreamworld could not stop this one from going top corner. 1-0.

The opposition just collapsed, physically and metaphorically. They were there for the taking. And a second came right at the end with Loder curling one in from an acute angle. The nightmare was over.

After seventeen long, long, years.

You'll note from watching this replay that this bears a striking resemblance to the actual events on the field"

"But boss, with all due respect to Fr. Athanasius, similarity between dream and play isn't proof of contact with this Kryptobloke - any team in this Cup of Harmony can choose their playing reality. And just because the Church of the Oneiromancer are hell-bound heathens doesn't necessarily make for some sort of anti-Orthodox plot. I know that some 90% of the population of the Holy Empire are Orthodox, but they do have freedom of religion over there.... I know, I know... makes me shudder too."

"Agreed, Fr. Paul - and thank you for taking a moment to deal with some awkward plot exposition, by the way. But SBIS do consider the Oneiromancer's followers to be a security threat, much as we consider them to be a religious threat. The Wentlanders could be entirely innocent of any impropriety - but we can't take a chance.

If you get any more evidence of Collins contacting the so-called Kryptognosis, I want him brought in for questioning. POLITELY. No need to make a diplomatic issue of this. And he might not really understand what he's been meddling with anyway.

Incidentally, lads, did any of you watch our 2-0 victory over Sliponia? You did? Great rare goal for Fr. Michael the Lesser, and a cracking cross from Fr. Andrew the Twice-Found for the second from Fr. Basil the Faster.... The squad's looking really solid, isn't it?"

Some house-keeping...

1) Again, do please try and keep your RPs to football/soccer (however bizarre), not wrestling or baseball. This is a host preference, not an order, and everyone posting an RP gets their relevant bonus. But do try and remember that this is officially a football tournament, however unusual the nature of the actual football matches / soccer games.

2) I never did receive those RPs from Magnus Valerius. I have therefore, reluctantly, removed the RP bonus I gave MV yesterday on the implicit understanding that these would be sent via e-mail. I know that MV isn't responsible for the current Jolt issues, but I can't hand out bonuses for RPs that I don't then get to read.

3) Finally, congratulations to Wentland, the first team to qualify for the knock-out stages!

The knock-out stages will be as follows:

Quarters
1 - Winner Gp 1 v. R-U Gp 3
2 - Winner Gp 4 v. R-U Gp 2
3 - Winner Gp 2 v. R-U Gp 4
4 - Winner Gp 3 v. R-U Gp 1

Semis
1 - Winner QF 1 v. Winner QF 2
2 - Winner QF 3 v. Winner QF 4

-------------------------------

And now....

Matchday 6!

Group 1
Sativaville 2 Green wombat 2
Archregimancy 0 Tynelia 1
Sliponia 2 Cuation 1

PL W L D F A GD PTS
GP1
Archregimancy 5 4 0 1 9 1 8 12
Bazalonia 5 3 1 1 10 2 8 10
Cuation 5 3 0 2 8 5 3 9
Tynelia 5 3 0 2 7 4 3 9
Green wombat 5 1 1 3 7 13 -6 4
Sativaville 5 0 3 2 4 9 -5 3
Sliponia 6 1 1 4 5 16 -11 3


Group 2
AwalKB 3 Virginia Nova 0
Milchama 5 Mr Chuck Norris 1
Iansisle 2 Lowland Clans 0

GP2
Milchama 5 4 1 0 12 3 9 13
Iansisle 6 4 1 1 13 6 7 13
Magnus Valerius 5 4 0 1 7 3 4 12
AwalKB 5 2 0 3 5 5 0 6
Virginia Nova 5 2 0 3 5 11 -6 6
Lowland Clans 5 1 0 4 5 9 -4 3
Mr Chuck Norris 5 0 0 5 4 14 -10 0

Group 3
Spmn. Plijous 3 Marceau State 2
Haraki 2 Lisburn Mateys 1
GarfieldtheFat 1 Anathem. Reps. 2

GP3
Spmn. Plijous 5 3 1 1 8 4 4 10
Lisburn Mateys 5 3 1 1 8 5 3 10
Haraki 5 3 1 1 11 9 2 10
Qazox 5 2 2 1 10 5 5 8
Marceau State 5 1 2 2 9 10 -1 5
Anathem. Reps. 5 1 2 2 4 7 -3 5
GarfieldtheFat 6 0 1 4 4 13 -9 1

Group 4
Rorysville 0 Raging Penguins 3
Wentland 2 One Red Dot 0
Nikea 2 Vuam and Isma 2

GP4
Wentland 5 4 1 0 10 2 8 13
Dorian & Sonya 5 2 2 1 8 5 3 8
Vuam and Isma 5 2 2 1 8 6 2 8
One Red Dot 5 2 2 1 5 4 1 8
Raging Penguins 5 2 1 2 7 5 2 7
Nikea 6 0 3 3 7 14 -7 3
Rorysville 5 0 1 4 5 13 -8 1

((ooc- still can't log in as Tynelia....))

DWAYNE’S WORLD!!!

DWAYNE’S WORLD!!!

SOCCER TIME!!!

EXCELLENT!!!

Dwayne: Hey there dudes and dudettes, this is Dwayne here in my mom’s basement with that most excellent of shows Dwayne’s World! And we can’t have Dwayne’s World without my best bud Darth. Soccer on Darth!

Darth: Soccer on Dwayne!

Dwayne: OK. Well it looks like Tyenlia lost to Balzonia today Darth…
<Darth chuckles>

Dwayne: What’s so funny Darth?

Darth: You said Balz.

Dwayne: Why yes Darth I did. Cause that team needed some to win today Darth.

Darth: OK Dwayne, but its still funny.

Dwayne: But lets get to what’s really important here today Darth. Didn’t Anya Collins look very babe-ilicious today?

Dwayne and Darth: SCHWING!!

Dwayne: Indeed Darth, she’s a tower of babelon don’t you agree Darth?

Darth- misty eyed: She’s like from Babelon 5.

Dwayne: No Darth she’s at least from Babelon 10.

Darth: No way!

Dwayne: Way!

Darth: Ok.

Dwayne: So anyway Darth let’s look at some of the highlights from this match.

<Dwayne and Darth both stand up from their seats and start making wavy up and down motions while they say “Do-da-loo-do-do-da-loo-do” until the camera fades away cutting to the acquired footage>

<first bit of footage shows Anya Collins on the sidelines taking a drink and then pouring some of the water over her head, this part moves in extremely slow motion as she looks relived at the cooling water>

<second bit of footage shows Anya Collins racing down the field in very slow motion as she winds up to kick the ball down field>

<more “do-da-loo-do-do-da-loo-do” sounds are heard before the camera returns to Dwayne and Darth on their knees bowing to the screen>

Dwayne and Darth: We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy!

<footage ends and Dwayne and Darth both get to their feet and sit back down>

Dwayne: OK <smiles>. Now the babeistic one has to take the team to play the monks next and if they lose then Anya Collins…

Dwayne and Darth: SCHWING!!

Dwayne: won’t be moving on. So Darth what do you know about the monks?

Darth: Um, they wear robes and are all guys.

Dwayne: Right Darth so that will help our team out most excellently.

Darth: Why Dwayne?

Dwayne: Just think, these monks have probably never seen a woman in their lives so what will happen when they see the Queen of Babelon?

Darth: Schwing?

Dwayne: Right Darth, if uberbabe just bends down to tie her shoes all the monks will be busy schwinging so the rest of the team can score.

Darth: I’d like to score with Anya ‘Babelon 10’ Collins too Dwayne.

Dwayne: Wouldn’t we all Darth. Wouldn’t we all.

<image appears on the screen of the monkly commentary crew and Dwayne begins to talk about them>

Dwayne: I bet these monks won’t be able to talk about the game while they’re watching her babeishness.

<Darth holds up a sign from the bottom of the screen with an arrow pointing up at the monks with the words “Sphinkter boys” underneath as Dwayne keeps talking>

Dwayne: In fact I bet they’ll be so not watching the match that we score 10 goals on them Darth. What do you think?”

<Darth looks up surprised and steps away from the image where the picture of the monks now have a single curl of hair coming from both their heads with the words “I’m a bigger sphincter.” “No I am.” Coming from each other with a combined quote of “Schwing!” written in coming from them both.>

Darth- nervously: Um I don’t know Dwayne I guess so. That would be cool.

<voice from upstairs>

Dwayne’s mom: DWAYNE! If you and your friend are writing all over the walls again I’m coming down there to smack you both upside your heads!

Dwayne: DON’T WORRY MOM. EVERYTHING’S COOL!

<Dwayne looks back to the camera>

Dwayne: OK. Well that’s all the time we have for our show tonight so until then Soccer on Darth!

Darth: Soccer on Dwayne!

Dwayne and Darth: Soccer on everybody!

<credits roll>


DWAYNE’S WORLD!!!

DWAYNE’S WORLD!!!

SOCCER TIME!!!

EXCELLENT!!!


ooc: This gets my vote for Funniest RP yet... wtg Tynelia....

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

CUP OF HARMONY TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated
"So, Fr. John... Tynelia.... We're undefeated.... Haven't conceded a goal... An easy victory, right?"

"I'm afraid not, Fr. Nicholas. Tynelia ran out 1-0 winners - but they cheated."

"Cheated, Fr. John? How? Are we to lodge a protest?"

"Alright... so maybe 'cheated' is too strong a word - but forcing all of the women on their team, including the Whore of Babelon Anya Collins, to play in the nude did put us at a disadvantage. In a repeat performance of an infamous recent defeat to Dorian and Sonya, our lads were forced to start the match blindfolded."

"Why didn't we just dream some clothes onto the sinners, Fr. John?"

"We did! But by the time we'd asserted reality in the 5th minute, and dreamed some Orthodox nun's robes onto the heretical opposition, the Whore of Babelon Collins had already given Tynelia the lead. And then things deteriorated...."

"Deteriorated, Fr. John?"

"'Fraid so, Fr. Nicholas. After we dreamed the robes onto Tynelia, they retaliated by forcing our squad to play naked. The Tynelians stripped off, our team ran to the sidelines to re-robe. We dreamed robes back on to the Tynelians - they in turn forced us into sinful nudity again. By half time we were dreaming the entire Tynelian support into monastic retreats with nothing but lentils to eat, and they were dreaming our entire support into a nudist camp surrounded by 'we're the biggest sphincter' billboards - all this while topless Archregimancy players tried to play their way through bottomless Tynelians on the field of play. A half-time discussion between representatives of both football associations led to a truce of sorts, and the match was played out in a more or less normal spirit thereafter, despite the occasional loss of an Archregimancy shirt or the sudden appearance of a pectoral cross on a Tynelian. But the lads were clearly discomforted by events, and could never really assert themselves. So 1-0 to Tynelia."

"But we'll still qualify for the second round, Fr. John, right?"

"Probably, Fr. Nicholas, but suddenly we're in danger of replicating one of our famous and soul-strenthening last-second failures to qualify - like in WCs 24, 25, 26, and 29, where each time we failed to qualify for the finals on the very last matchday of qualification."

"And the Black Oxen think they have qualification problems!"

"To be fair, Fr. Nicholas, our goal difference is so good that it would take an unprecedented disaster for us not to qualify. It would take a three goal victory for Cuation over us coupled with a Bazalonia win. I know that the history of Orthodoxy teaches us that suffering is good for the soul, but surely that's a level of suffering that even we don't deserve."

"And what about these rumours involving Wentland, Fr. John?"

"Nothing really to report there, Fr. Nicholas. Following the Swifts' easy and early qualification for the quarterfinals, a Mr. Neil Collins from the Wentland delegation has been called in to assist Synodical and Imperial police with their enquiries. I'm sure it's nothing untoward, and that Mr. Collins will be released very soon. So long as he stays in Archregimancy or joint Archregimancy/Imperial custody and SBIS don't get their dirty little hands on him, he might even be released entirely unharmed!"

PART ELEVEN

Waiting is the hardest thing to do. Especially if you're the most wanted man in a number of countries, like I am. As I sat waiting for Don Manik in the lobby of his apartment building, I looked around nervously. Was that lady sitting at the cafe window an Agent of Casari, was that crazy man spouting nonsense about "the coming of Kryptognosis" an agent from Krytenia? Since those countries were probably next on my search, it seemed to me that every person on the street was after me, but paranoia can do that to you. Finally after 3 hours of pacing the street, stopping to window shop, and just sitting in the lobby, he finally showed up.

"Mr. Manik?" I asked, walking towards him.

"Yes I'm him. How can I help you?" he replied, with an arm full of groceries.

"Did you referee the match between Qazox and Bostopia about a year ago?" I asked, knowing the answer.

"Why.. Are you a disgruntled fan here to kill me? I so just get it done and over with.. I can't stand the hate mail and death threats any more. The damned police won't do anything about it." he replied with all seriousness.

"No..I just wanna ask you a few questions." I answered. "May we go up to your apartment?"

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/Sonya0111/SylMedCen.png

And The Race Is On

The fans of the Mystical Unicorns were disappointed today that no trip to the Dream Bubble was in store due to the Unicorns being required to take a bye date. But millions of fans across the Sylvanaes Kingdom tuned in to see just what action had taken place. The race for qualification had become that tight.

D&S was in second place after MD5 but only on goal differential above One Red Dot, and just a single point behind #2 seeds Vuam and Isma. Luckily both sides still had to face top seeds Wentland.

Now for the action from MD6:

Wentland did us a massive favor and helped theirselves as well by dropping One Red Dot easily 2-0. That widens the goal differential to 2 and gave Wentland their qualifying spot. That leaves one crazy race for the second spot to be decided on the final day, but more on that in a minute.

Vuam and Isma may have shot theirselves in the foot by earning a draw with Nikea today. That means V&I slides neatly into 3rd for the group - even with D&S and ORD on points and exactly between them on GD.

Raging Penguins trashed Rorysville 3-0 and put themselves right back into contention for qualification- Just one point behind D&S, V&I, and ORD. Whew!

So let’s now take a look at what the final day will bring:

Wentland will face Vuam and Isma. Wentland is already in, and V&I is very capable of stealing this match. Of course we are pulling for Wentland, but the reasons are purely selfish.

One Red Dot gets the easy match of the day as they face Rorysville who have been struggling. It is safe to say that the Wolves should win this one. Ouch.

D&S face a Raging Penguins squad that can ruin everyone’s best dreams. And this may likely be the match to decide who moves on.

So, just what are the scenarios?

Wentland will take the top spot, so we will only look at the rest.

1. D&S, V&I, ORD all win their matches on the final day. Result = that depends on the difference in the victories. D&S is one goal better than V&I right now. With them facing Wentland that will at worst come to even. That would move the decider to goals scored where both sides are even. This will be really close in this scenario. One Red Dot would have the hardest time making up the difference as they are 2 goals back on GD and 3 goals back on Goals Scored. But they are playing Rotysville.

2. Any two of the aforementioned 3 nations win and the other lose. The scenarios remain very much the same.

3. Just one of the aforementioned 3 nations win while the other two lose. The nation to win their match would then move on.

4. All three aforementioned nations lose means that Raging Penguins would steal the final spot.

5. Draws. That is a headache I will not get into just yet.

But as can be seen, this will be a very tough day of football for all nations concerned in Group 4.

Things are not easier in the other groups. Wentland is the only team to qualify as of yet.

Group 1 - 4 teams/2 spots. The Archregimancy should be in, but who will join them is anyone’s guess.
Group 2 - 3 nations/2 spots. We say Milchama and Magnus Velarius. But who knows. Ianisle will be hurt by the bye.

Group 3 - 4 nations/2 spots. We think Qazox will join the winner of the Spam Pljs vs. Lisburn Mateys match. But if Haraki can hold off Anamathic Republics they will get in.

Tune into tomorrow to see just how this eventful final day will turn out for everyone involved. This is drama that cant be missed.

QSPN FOOTBALL TONIGHT

Ben Rottenburger: With an off day after their disappointing 2-1 loss to Lisburn Mateys, The black Oxen now find them selve on the outside looking in as they are currently 2 points behind with only one match left.

Here are the current standings:
Group 3 W-D-L PTS GF GA GD
Spmn. Plijous 3-1-1 10 8 4 +4
Lisburn Mateys 3-1-1 10 8 5 +3
Haraki 3-1-1 10 11 9 +2
QAZOX 2-2-1 8 10 5 +5
Marceau State 1-2-2 5 9 10 -1
Anathem. Reps. 1-2-2 5 4 7 -3
GarfieldtheFat 0-1-5 1 4 13 -9


as you can see there is still hope for the Black Oxen, but they need help as well.

In tommorrow's matches, Qazox must beat Marceau State by any amount then hope for the Lisburn Mateys-Spaamian Plijous match end in a draw. if that happens, then Qazox will advance over those two teams by virtue of a better Goal differential. If the Spaamian Plijous-Lisburn Mateys match ends in anything but a draw, then Qazox would need Haraki to draw or lose to the Anathematic Republics. IF that happens, that Qazox will once again advance on Goal differential. IF somehow, the Spaamian Plijous-Lisburn Mateys and the Haraki-Anathematic Republics matches both end in draws and Qazox wins, then Qazox will win the group and Spaamian Plijous will finsh 2nd.

Max Mactor, SuperDude's archenemy had found a way to exist when the dreamed SuperDude tournament at TinyHamlet dream was ended. No one knew that he has or eventually when he was Discovered a dreamed SuperDude came arrested him and took him back to the world of TinyHamlet and Expansive City. However this was not until a number of devious plans had been put into place. It was Max that was the begger that lead the Wentlander, Mr Neil Collins, to the Oneiromancer, Kryptognosis.

It was Max Mactor that worked in the background to influence the Tynelians to use their "Nude Attack" against the Archregimancy. The first matchday he was free he spent trying to disguise himself and cultivating contacts. He hated the Archregimancy because of keeping himself sealed in the SuperDude comic dream. Where he was never successful against SuperDude for the pure reason that some person dreamed the domination of Good over Evil. And he wanted to leave that behind. His plan worked well, but an avid SuperDude comic reader in Bazalonia used the various behind-the-scenes strangness that should of not happened in The Archregimancy and the fact he wasn't in the latest comic. He was in every comic apart from this one. Using his knowledge of Max the fan looked at every match's spectators with as much detail. Spotting a trenchcoat in the crowd he compared the person with a picture in a comic book with Max in a trenchcoat they matched.

Alerting the appropraite authorities in the Archregimancy who attempted to arrest Max but he slipped through their fingers a number of times. Max is nothing if not slippery. Then finally with the help of a number of Bazalonian SuperDude fans that where in the Archregimancy dreamed up SuperDude who came and dealt with Max Mactor in the usual fashion.

Meanwhile on the Bazalopes prime opponents for the 2nd spot for the Cup of Harmony Group 1 qualification. The Cuation team failed to win against Sliponia whom the Bazalopes Managed to thrash 6-0. Sativaville drew 2-all against the Green wombats and The Archregimancy was handed their first defeat so far in the Tournament against Tynelia. If the Bazalopes win against Green Wombat in their last match then no matter what else happens The Bazalonian Bazalopes progress as at least number 2 in the group with the slim chance to steal firsst place from the Archregimancy.

If Bazalonia Draws or looses then if either Tynelia or Cuation win their matches then they will steal qualifing from under our nose, otherwise it's the Bazalopes turn to appear (for the first time in their international career) in the Cup of Harmony knock out stage. Matchday 7 is the last hurdle

“So, what reality do we have today, Tommy?”

“It’ll be a nice surprise…”

“Is Ginger going to be part of the squad this time? Might be better off with him in the team than dreaming…”

“Not sure, he has been looking for Kryptognosis again, but said he’d meet us at the dream stadium. He should have some further information.”

As the team approached their dream alternate reality, something strange seemed to happen. The grass became somehow paler, more wan. The coach seemed to regress from a top-of-the-range model to some old relic chugging away at a very slow speed. And the surroundings became more sinister. No more the religious mien but malevolent. No monks on the street, merely functionaries in grey or brown army-style uniforms.

Tommy Barnes was the only one who knew what their dream reality would be. And this was not it. Something was terribly, terribly wrong.

***

A tall, blond officer approached him. Barnes recognized a factotum assigned to the squad, Fr Alexander Xanthokomos. “Tommy, I’m sorry, it’s not my doing…”

”What’s going on, Father?”

“All will be clearer inside…”

The team entered the stadium. A concrete bowl, shattered stone, weeds and bushes poking through the gap. A morose attendance of a crowd without hope. Not even floodlights. And the dressing-room provided another surprise. The royal blue strip was not laid out. No, instead an old change kit was there – a very old one, from 60 years previous. White shirts with a blue and red stripe down the side, before the victory over Walled City that gave rise to the victory v, and before the Donington side provided the grey and red change. And seated on the bench was Neil Collins, ginger hair all tousled.

“What’s going on, Ginge?”

“I don’t know…these chaps invited me to go with them when I was looking for Dreambubble 65…I thought they were going to take me to Kryptognosis but instead they kept asking me all these questions…mad things…something about the filly-owe-kway…what the hell is that all about?

“Anyway they’ve put me in this alternative and used me to get you here…I don’t know what’s going on…but I think we need to get out…”

“I dunno…I wonder whether this is allowed? It all seems highly unorthodox…”

”DON’T SAY THAT!!!!! I said that in questioning and they went bloody berserk. I thought they were going to burn me.”

“Well, we can’t get out now, there’s a match to win…the knockouts are at stake…don’t worry, Ginge, we’ll get this done…”

The Swifts went out onto the pitch and met with another surprise. The One Red Dot team seemed to have changed somehow. They were not in their usual red and white…but in black shirts with white sleeves. And their appearances had changed. All muscular, all crew-cutted blonds. And when did the One Red Dot flag change to mainly red? What was that thing in the middle?

Tommy Barnes shuddered. This was not going to be easy.

Anton Diffring was on the lip mike for commentary.

There are only a few minutes to go before the kick off of this historic match. This great crowd of about 50,000 really have something to look forward to during the next 90 minutes. To ensure fair play and good sportsmanship, the Archregimancy organizers have picked a neutral to referee the match...and he is now ready for the toss of the coin. The winner will have his choice of kicking off or defending, but will most probably choose to play towards the east goal with wind in his favour. Captain Bauman of Ein Rot Punkt has done just that, and the Swifts will kick off this great event.

Well I tell you years from now, man will say of this game, did it happen? Well I tell you in the listening audience today, it is happening. We're all witnesses to an occasion long to be remembered, not as propaganda as some would say, but as a magnificent sporting spectacle.

Had the Swifts heard the comments about “sporting spectacle” they might have changed their minds. Within five minutes Loder was carried off following a hefty challenge from Strauss. And after another five Johnny Lane was felled by an elbow from Lutz. Ten minutes and two subs. Dennis Tracey in goal was also on the receiving end of some fairly brutal play, not least from Bauman.

After half-an-hour Kent was off as well, but not to be substituted as Barnes wanted to hold some back for later, Lang having clattered him brutally. But when Tracey’s arm was broken Barnes had no choice but to bring on Robinson. All subs used and the Swifts were down to ten men.

Somehow they staggered through to half-time without conceding another one. As the team trooped into the dressing-room they all headed for the medicine cabinet for bandages. It had been brutal.

Ginger Collins had not been playing, he had been searching for a way out. And he had found one. The floor of the team bath was very, very thin. Perched above a sewer tunnel. And he had heard banging.

Suddenly the bath emptied. A hole had appeared and a couple of heads poked out. “The Oneiromancer sent us,” explained one of the heads. “Get your team-mates here and you can escape to reality.”

“Tommy, quick, we can get out…”

As the team climbed down a fortuitous ladder, one man remained behind. Peter Davey. “What are you doing? If we leave now we blow qualification. Back home. Zeroes. We can win this!!!”

The team stopped. “It’s hopeless…we’re down to 10 men and the ref’s biased…”

“No, he’s right…they’re all muscle, we can beat them…”

“Ginge, if you go, we will all follow you…but we CAN beat them…”

Ginger Collins thought for a moment. “OK, let’s get them…”

***

The Swifts came out for the second half, invigorated, and bursting. Still down to 10 men but Robinson in goal was resolute and with Davey bombing down the flank the Punkt defence was being stretched. It was somehow fitting that Davey was the one who broke the deadlock, a run from deep midfield saw the Punkt defenders backing off taking players to mark…but Davey’s momentum was such that he burst through the middle, rounded goalkeeper Schmidt and put it into the empty net.

http://img148.imageshack.us/img148/3184/report5ks1.jpg
Peter Davey (hidden) is mobbed for his goal

That was all the encouragement that Kent needed to return. Despite hobbling and holding his stomach the Punkt team was desperate to stop him…and so was the referee, a spectacular overhead kick disallowed for no evident reason. And then the penalty…who could have considered it a foul? But Robinson was up to the task, Bauman double-bluffing himself and Robinson punching it away.

That looked to be the last action of the game but the Swifts broke away and with the Punkt team collapsing around them Kent made it 2 with some genius dribbling, a one-two and a swerving dip volley.

http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/8577/250om1.th.jpg
Kent hits a glorious second

It was over. Fr Alexander was on his feet applauding, much to the displeasure of the monks in the crowd. And the crowd poured onto the pitch from all directions to mob the heroic Wentland resistance.

“Well, Fr Alexander…it seems that Wentland have had some inspiration from somewhere…”

“It can’t be the Oneiromancer…they played in this reality and took it on. They must have had the chance to escape but did not do so.”

“Perhaps you are right. Hey, where have they gone?”

“Maybe they went back to the dressing room…but it’s difficult to see, with all those people on the pitch…”

AKer: Hey Eddy, so how are things going in the CoH? I haven't heard from you a while.
ELai: Yes, I know. There has been some problems with the communications here. It's a miracle that I manage to get this conversation up.
AKer: Breakdown huh? Well, you got through. So how's the team going?
ELai: Not as well as I thought. Ever since the last time I got to you, things have not been going too well.
AKer: How bad is it?
ELai: Well.. besides us not scoring enough.. the other teams.. two of them have been doing pretty well also.
AKer: You mean the Dorian one and the Vuam one.
ELai: Yeh, that's right. Dorian & Sonya and Vuam and Isma
AKer: Go on...
ELai: Well, we defeated Dorian & Sonya yesterday. But we only defeated them by one goal. We were playing on the beach, and we were using a volleyball to play.
AKer: Oooh, a beach eh? Any hot chicks?
ELai: You kidding me? The entire D&S team are women. And yeh, some of them were pretty hot.
AKer: Ahh, I wish I was there right now.
ELai: Haha, you dirty old man. But anyway, because of the tough conditions, we had to substitute practically the entire team.
AKer: No kidding.
ELai: Well, playing on sand isn’t exactly a very exciting surface to play on.
AKer: Yeh that’s true.
ELai: However, Darren did nick in a goal after that at about near the end, so that was a big relief. It was a substitute team out there though. So as much as I would have liked more goals, I don’t think I would have expected a lot out of them.
AKer: Right, so how about the next match. The one today.
ELai: Today? Yeh, it was against Wentland, the highest seed in this group.
AKer: That’s got to hurt.
ELai: I know, all of us were pumped to defeat them. Maybe the win against D&S made us over-confident.
AKer: How many times must I tell you! Overconfidence = Death. You can never win if you are overconfident.
ELai: Yeh, but you can’t win if you just sulk about how you think you are going to lose.
AKer: Dammit! This is why I was hesitant about employing you! You keep bloody talking back!
ELai: Arghh! Why must you keep bringing this up!
AKer: Of course I have to, because the same bloody thing always happens!
ELai: Dammit, I should have never tried to contact you. Damn you! If it will only make you happy, we lost 0-2 ok?
AKer: HA! That serves you right!
ELai has left the conversation.

((ooc- still no luck logging as Tynelia, hopefully this will be fixed before WC30.... :mad: ))


“Hello everyone and welcome to Tynelian Soccer Weekly. I’m your host Sal Spikeman along with Anna Dalespin. Hey Anna, did I tell you about that weird dream I had the other night. It was that guy from that Sunday Morning Live skit, you know, Dwayne. And he was doing the TSW report. It was kinda weird because it seemed like I was there even.”

“What a coincidence Sal, I had the same dream except for some reason I was some guy named Darth or something. I did have an odd dream afterwards that had Anya Collins in it for some reason but I’m not sure why…”

“Hmm odd things are really happening in this CoH, imagine both of us aving the same dream.”

“Yes Sal very unusual.”
<Anna seems a bit discomforted as she reflects about her dream>

“Well funny you should mention Anya Collins because she scored the lone goal in Tynelia’s huge upset over the formerly undefeated Archregimancy team that beat us by a combined 8-2 score in two matches during our first DI. Thanks to this win and the equally if not moreso shocking Sliponia 2-1 win over Cuation ,Tynelia finds itself still alive going into their final match where everything is still wide open. Our next and final opponent of group play Sativaville earned a 2-2 draw against our now best friends the Green Wombats.”

“The monks were extremely bad sports about that loss I’d say Sal.”

“That’s right Anna and before we get into that, TSW would like to apologize to its viewers for not warning about the excessive nudity involved in the Tynelia match with the Archregimancy. TSW would also like to announce that that match was the number one most watched program in the country last week as well. But yes, I thought it extremely poor taste that the monks referred to Anya Collins as the “whore of Babelon”…hey that’s odd in my dream Anya was referred to as being from ‘Babelon’. Dana Lee caught up to Anya after the match for her thoughts on these comments.”

<footage plays>

“Well Dana I suppose these monks are sexually repressed and all being cloistered all the time or whatever they do there so any woman showing any skin is probably a spawn of satan or whatever to them. I don’t know why they kept trying to undress us though if they were just going to complain about it. I know coach had a tough time deciding whether to use the Bedistan, Starblaydia or Liverpool England kits for this match and so they kept changing every few minutes when he changed his mind but I know he wanted us clothed. And those monks <shudders> they really need to keep their robes on is all I have to say about that. Maybe the monks should look in the mirror and admit that they have the same desires as any other man and like looking at women in little or no clothing and not complain about it after.”

<footage ends>

“Well that’s an interesting rebuttal Anna. Whether its true or not only the monks know for sure and she’s right about one thing, those monks really need to get some sun once in a while. OK then, moving on, get your pens and papers ready viewers, Anna is now about to try to breakdown all the playoff possibilities for our group on this final matchday. Mike McPhee on the other hand has thrown in the towel at the attempts of trying to figure out the other groups. Ok Anna take it away.”

“Thanks Sal, let’s start with the easiest scenario, the Archregimancy. All they have to do is get a win or a draw and they’re in. If they lose they can get in if Balzonia loses and Cuation can’t make up a -5GD AND Tynelia can’t make up a -5GD in their win. So they’re in good shape unless Cuation beats them handily and/or Tynelia wins in a blowout.

“Next is Balzonia who are slightly more complicated. They win and they’re in. They lose and either Cuation or Tynelia wins then they go home. A draw is of no use to anyone in Balzonia’s scenario.

“Now things get really complicated as we move onto Cuation. Currently ahead of Tynelia by one goal scored Cuation is eliminated with a loss. They can move on with a draw if Tynelia loses and Balzonia is beaten by more than five goals, UNLESS Cuation outscores Balzonia by three goals in their draw as Balzonia’s win over Cuation gives Balzonia the head to head tiebreaker if they finish with the same GD and GF scores. But wait we’re not done yet. If Cuation wins they move on if Balzonia loses or draws AND Tynelia wins by either a smaller GD than Cuation or they keep the same GD but finish the same or fewer goals scored because of the Cuation 2-0 win over Tynelia. Cuation can also move on if they win even if Balzonia wins as long as they can turn around the -5GD deficit to the Archregimancy with the same Tynelia scenario I just explained also taking place.

“Finally there’s Tynelia who is clinging to the faintest chances of the four teams. A loss and they’re done like Cuation. Also like Cuation a draw plus Cuation and Balzonia losses will move Tynelia on assuming they can make up the differences in GD and GF which are the same as Cuation’s except Tynelia would need one more GF. Now with a win, they move on if Cuation loses and Balzonia loses or draws. As mentioned above they can move on also if Cuation wins and Tynelia can recover their GD deficit to the Archregimancy though here the tiebreaker if GD and GF equal out favors Tynelia because of our win last match. Got all that everyone? We’ll have a test later.”

“Wow so basically anything can happen to just about anyone even after six matchdays and the other groups are just as tight. As Mike told us earlier, only one team has clinched to this point and that’s Wentland. And we might find ourselves in a DI rematch from last DI if we end up in the second spot and be forced to play them. Shockingly as well Iansisle, the last seed of group 2 finds themselves on the verge of advancing themselves in a Quakmybush like run here in the CoH. But now Anna, the moment of truth. What’s your take on this last day of matches?”

“Well Sal, I have to say Tynelia should be favored in their match with the CoH debutants Sativaville. One worrisome thing is that Sativaville is winless so far and would love to get their first win to eliminate us from any hope of advancing. Having said that however I think Tynelia will be fired up by this new lease on life they’ve been given after being the only team to have beaten the hosts and will come out strong. I expect our team to come out on top with a 2-0 win as Sativaville is decent defensively so I don’t see any sort of blowout. As a bonus, from running away with the group, the Archregimancy finds themselves suddenly with a slight chance of not advancing as they face their toughest test in group play against Cuation. Had the hosts won or even managed a draw with us then they would have clinched a spot in the quarterfinals and would probably play a lot of their bench against Cuation. Now with their own spot in jeopardy they have to come out with their A game.I think they will not wish to face the embarrassment of not advancing in their own Cup hosting and will prevail with a 2-1 win. However that will probably end the run of good fortune for Tynelia.

"The Green Wombats have allowed over 2.5 goals a match so far and Balzonia is the top scoring team in the group so far so this should be an easy win for Balzonia by something like 4-1 to advance with the Archregimancy to the next round. Tynelia’s only hope here is if, like so many other so-called majorly hyped offensive explosion matches, the match ends in a 0-0 draw. But I think that to be very unlikely.”

“Well that’s too bad if that’s how things turn out Anna. Still 12 points in the CoH should help Tynelia recover the ground they lost in the world rankings if they do win this final match no matter what else happens elsewhere. So to find out if Tynelia does indeed advance or not tune into Tynelia’s final CoH group play matchup with Sativaville where we will be cutting away live to catch every goal in the other two matches of major importance to Tynelia’s chances of moving on. TSW also wishes to announce that there will be no nudity in this matchup and that the children will be able to watch it worry free. Anna and I will of course be back here after the match in what we hope will not be our final CoH postgame show. So until then this is Sal Spikeman for Anna Dalespin wishing everyone a good night.”

A letter that was sent by the BFSA to the company running Tynelian Soccer Weekly



To the Producer of 'Tynelian Soccer Weekly':

It has come to the attention of the BAZALONIAN Federation of Soccer Associations that the presenters of 'Tynelian Soccer Weekly' Anna Dalespin and Sal Spikemen repeatidly used the word "Balzonia" to refer the the Bazalonian Bazalopes performance in the Cup of Harmony soccer tournament being covered by Anna and Sale in their presentation of Tynelia Soccer Weekly.

We find the usage of this word highly offensive and wish to express our outrage at this usage. There has been a number of occasions where the two presenters have used Bazalonia correctly before and we demand that an on air apology as well as a written letter apologising to the Bazalonian people that also contains a description of the circimstances surrounding it's usage on air.

We await your reply.

President of the Bazalonian Federation of Soccer Associations,
Mr James Gaines

Cuation On the Brink!

Cuation have never failed to get into the knock outs in this cup but history could be about to change, something that would force the manager to resign. A somewhat fortunate win over the Wombats had seen Cuation settled in second place but a controversial defeat to Bazalonia set Cuation back and sent them into third place.

A somewhat comfortable win over Sativaville kept up the pressure but then Cuation blew it. An easy game against bottom team Sliponia and they lose 2-1, Giovanni's consolation goal not enough to salvage any pride. We have to win our last game and hope results go our way but we are facing the co-hosts, the might of the Archregimancy.

Our only hope is if they field a reserve side but that isn't going to happen and Cuation does not have the spirit of old that saw them upset the Weegies or Nedlia. Bazalonia are rested and should brush aside their opponents and advance into the next round.

All seems lost but football is an odd game, amazing things can happen, dreams can come true and after all, this is the realm of dreams.

To the Producer of 'Tynelian Soccer Weekly':

It has come to the attention of the BAZALONIAN Federation of Soccer Associations that the presenters of 'Tynelian Soccer Weekly' Anna Dalespin and Sal Spikemen repeatidly used the word "Balzonia" to refer the the Bazalonian Bazalopes performance in the Cup of Harmony soccer tournament being covered by Anna and Sale in their presentation of Tynelia Soccer Weekly.

We find the usage of this word highly offensive and wish to express our outrage at this usage. There has been a number of occasions where the two presenters have used Bazalonia correctly before and we demand that an on air apology as well as a written letter apologising to the Bazalonian people that also contains a description of the circimstances surrounding it's usage on air.

We await your reply.

President of the Bazalonian Federation of Soccer Associations,
Mr James Gaines


President Gaines,

On behalf of Tynelian Soccer Weekly i would like to apologize for the incorrect pronouncination of your nation's name to a more offensive name by our hosts Sal Spikeman and Anna Dalespin. When confronted the two of them about your concerns they rather sheepishly admitted they were still troubled by a disturbing dream the two of them seemed to have just before the show during which your nation was called by the degrogatory term "Balzonia" rather than its true name of "Bazalonia". Apparently they could not get the idea out of their heads in order to perform their job accurately or professionally.

Both Mr. Spikeman's and Miss Dalespin's contracts will be looked at carefully after the conclusion of the Cup of Harmony as to whether they should continue to be considered the voices of Tynelian Soccer Weekly. Both have been fined 5000 vinli for their repeated use of the derogatory name. Such errors will only hurt Tynelia's continuing emergeance onto the world scene which is of course not what we wish. This has not been the first time the duo have mangled another nation's name as the people of "Qakoz" and the "Algar States" are well aware.

On behalf of TSW and the Tynelian governement I would like to apologize to the people of Bazalonia for the unintended slight and slur against their fine nation.

Sincerely
Jill Claymore
Tynelian Minister of Propaganda


((ooc and i only misspelled it three more times on this post too :eek: ))

The Justtundra Times



Massive Riots Hit Not-So Grand Dutchy!

Last night, around 7 P.M., Bloco'yce City erupted. Not like a volcano, mind, it wasn't spewing lava around, and no natural explosions could be seen. It was an eruption of people, torches, and lots of angry noises. From every pub, bar, tavern, greasy spoon, and five-star restaurant came a flood of furious Rioteers. They burned three government buildings(not actually used, they're there for show), a monument celebrating some historic, uninteresting old war, and about twenty cars. They've tipped over hundreds of trash bins into the street, making the streets of Bloco'yce smell just a bit better, and have tossed effigys of prominant government officials onto the river*.

Similar happenings have occured elsewhere throughout Raging Penguins. In Oobnnaaagh, the largest cave community in Troglodytia, rioteers charged aimlessly around, bashing each other over the head with clubs, torches, and large rocks. In addition to this everyday activity, they also decided to attack a neighboring community in the Greycoldandugly Mountain Valley, where residents aided them in burning, looting, and pillaging the entire town. This growing mob spread, and marched on Greycoldandugly Mountain Valley City, where citizens of the city joined their ranks, and tore down the twon hall with their bare hands. They then marched back into the mountains, where they have reportedly been busy setting up a warcamp, with which they plan on coming up with a plan to plan on how they are going to plan on taking over the world, starting with Raging Penguins.

In southern Raging Penguins, the riots are smaller, but due to the fact that moving around and shouting keeps one warm while standing outside of a governmental building in the freezing cold, they are still going on. In fact, there's one going on outside of these offices as we type this.

Why have these riots sprung up this time? Was it due to soap shortages? A bad harvest? Lack of scantily clad women dancing around live on television? A ban on illegal drugs?

No, according to a Professional, the honorable Mr. Edward T. Roddly, the riots were caused by The Team. Agian. Last months, the destructive riots which resulted in the deaths of some twenty lawyers, seven mailman, five dogs, and a random passerby, were caused by liquor shortages, but lately, things have been burning up becuase of The Team.
Turns out, as everybody was in the bar watching the Adult Channel, The Team defeated Rorsyville, in a disgustingly violent game.

More details in the next article.




The Team puts 'Harm' back in 'Harmony'


Last night, on a the steep sides of a skyscraper, The Team defeated Rorysville three to zero. Both teams were fitted with harnesses, and hoisted into position, some seventy feet in the air. A crowd of Rorysville fans took up seats in the skyscrapers opposite to the pitch, although some elected to buzz around in helecopters in between the buildings.

Critics point out that the match was unfair, due to the fact that whichever team was higher than the other only had to release the ball, and score. The lower team had to kick really hard in order to get into a scoring position, which meant shooting vertically. After a coin toss, Rorysville got to be above The Team, and thus had the most chance of winning. However, neither team was accostumed to playing on a vertical field, and they kept losing the ball, due to a bad kick, or someone not being able to intercept it in time. At the end of the match, some forty footballs lay at the base of the tower, as well as loose change, a hairband, and several trashy magazines.

During the first half, no goals were scored. This is attributed to DMYS's revelation that if it spread itself out along the width of the pitch, any ball aimed over it would be bound to fly clear over the goal, or would be consumed by the Extremely Dangerous Hair. A drawback, however, was that any pigeons looking for a place to rest headed straight for the mutant slime mold, and many of them had eaten a while ago.
At the end of the first half, DMYS was covered in white spots. Other players suffered the same fate, although Willie Dee was heard to say that he hadn't felt anything, as he had positioned his head in such a way that any oject falling from above would end up in the Extremely Dangerous Hair. The Hair was too infuriated to be available for any comments.

In the second half, The Team was positioned above Rorysville, and though this may have been an advantage, it turns out that Furious Porridge has Height-Anxiety. The Star forward was removed from the pitch, amid hisses and boos from his teammates. The Team looked like it was going to lose. And it was: sports experts, probability experts, culinary experts, intellectuals, gamblers, analyzers, preditionizers, soothsayers, oracles, magicians, genies, and other reliable sources had assured us that The Team was going to lose. The fianl score varied from zero to four, in Rorysville's favor, to one to two, also in Rorysville's favor, but they were certainly going to lose. And then The Team began to do what they do best: Hurt people.
Mrs. Tweezly, in collaboration with Normal Penguin, began to cut the cables which supported the opposing team members, while Irritated Penguin pressed a slide on his release cable, sending him hurtling into a clump of opposing players, concussing Daniel Miller, and angering Juan Perez. Perez then tryed to strangle the annoyed bird(something we advise our readers to never attempt), resulting in his removal from the pitch with a dislocated jaw.

ABSOLUT LUNATIC, strapped tightly into his wheelchair, his wheelchair suspended by about seven cables, attempted to flail himself towards the goalkeeper, but instead hit the release lever for two of his support cables. He then flailed some more, releasing more cables, until he was left with only one cable, one which was clamped onto his left wheel, holding him up. He spun there, uspide down, until Wild Penguin bounced over to him, and cut the last cable, sending LUNATIC hurtling into the pavement, seventy-eight feet below. No word has come as to his condition, becuase we're fairly certain htat nobody has bothered to check.

DMYS, needing no cables and instead relying on its own adhesive quality to stick to the stainless steel siding, revealed that stainless steel can stain, if it comes into contact with certain dangerous, unnatural substances. Such as DMYS. It also had to block one shot, which was sent by Adam Negeuanne, who was then sent spiraling ground-ward by Mrs. Tweezly's sharpened meterstick encountering Negeuanne's last remaining support cable. Nearing the end of the second half, no goals had been scored, despite LUNATIC's absence. Then it was revealed that Obese Penguin was also afraid of heights, especially with a full stomache. The ensuing shower of partially digested fish, seaweed, and kitten opened up a large gap in the Rorysville defense.

After about five minutes of staring, Normal Penguin decided to take advantage of the situation, and, after another three minutes of horrible shots, the ball was snatched away from him by an exhasperated Rick MacDonnel.

It was 0-0, and Mathematical Certainty, coupled with Fateful Inevitability, was closing in. MacDonnel passed the ball, and moved it quickly upwards. The ball rose past DMYS, past Obese Penguin, landed on Mark Millens' outstretched foot, and shot up towards the upper-left corner of The Teams' goal, Willie Dee and his Extremely Dangerous Hair stretching to reach an area they could not reach, and—

Devious Penguin hit a button on a small remote he was carrying. Mathematical Certainty rearranged itself. Fateful Inevitability changed its mind. Common Sense remembered that it had an appointment elsewhere, and the Laws of Physics went out to lunch.

—the ball fell backwards. Down, down, past Mark Miller's astonished expression, past Obese Penguin's dozing form, past DMYS's apathetic shape, past Irritated Penguin, past Charles Hinton, past Rick MacDonnel, straight to the right corner of the Rorysville goal, past Keeper Nikolai Larionov's outstretched fingers, and into the goal.

The crowd fell silent. The referee hung from his cable, his mouth opened, uncomprehending. Willie Dee remembered that he was still in midair, and calle dthe laws of physics back from its midday meal, just in time to bring him down to the end of the cable with a painful tug. All eyes were fixed on the ball which shouldn't have done what it had just done. The air grew thick with tension.
Then someone in the stands threw a rock.

Amid the sounds of glass windows shattering, angry football fans screaming, and Irritated Penguin leaping out of his harness to attack the spectators(an act which proved that, given enough air, anger, and motivation, Penguins can fly), Mrs. Tweezly managed to take control of the ball.

By the time the two teams had retreated from the brawl that erupted on the pitch, the score was 2-0, in favor of The Team. Sports, probability, and culinary experts worldwide were scratching their heads in front of their televisions, trying to figure out what had happened. But it wasn't over yet.

Normal Penguin drove his beak into the side of Mark Shwietzer, who had just recieved the ball from Larionov. He stole the ball, and, after some confused passes between he and Fnan Fnab, he passed back to Mrs. Tweezly, unclipped Obese Penguin, and dropped the Defender onto the opposing team. Fortunately, all players struck by the fat, astonished penguin were caught by their own goal. After they picked themselves up, and threw Obese over the side of the net, the discovered that the ball was lying inside the gaol as well.
The goal remains controversial, due to suspicions voiced by witnesses and lawyers that Mrs. Tweezly had actually passed the ball to a pidgeon, which had, in turn scored, which qualifies as an act of interference, nullifying the goal.
No pideon has yet come forward, so we are left with the final, if grudgingly given, score of 3-0, in favor of The Team.

We are furious.

These two RPs are posted on behalf of Magnus Valerius

RP 1
George Illyanich was exhausted. After a great game against the Gull Flag Republic of Iansisle, he decided to hit the bar at the hotel within the Dreamed Realm. The rest of the team were at the spa, having fun with the pool and hot tubs. George rather opted for a drink. The bar was dark, filled with women chattering, a band playing on stage, filled with the smell of cigarette smoke and the sound of clinking glasses and splashing alcohol.

The star of the Valerian football team watched cautiously at the people within the bar. It appears that there were only foreigners there at the moment, which put him at ease. Illyanich wasn't known in many places outside of Magnus Valerius, save for perhaps McPsychoville, but having a flock of raving Valerian fans would just ruin the moment.

"One beer, please," Illyanich said as the bartender delivered him an ice-cold beer. The Valerian sipped on the bottle slowly as he began to think about the fallout from his fight with d'Anjou. He remembered reading the headlines on the Isangrad Times, the "Grand Empire's #1 Newspaper". Today, at practice in Isangrad's stadium, The Tsar's Arena, star football player George Illyanich, the Tower of Power, got into a bloody fight with forward and teammate Jacques d'Anjou today...

That was several days ago, before the Cup of Harmony began. The nation was caught off-guard. Why should the MVP of the Valerian Football League start a fight with a teammate on the national team? The VFL was also rolling, and was even considering withdrawing the MVP award and granting it to Gustav Sibel, goalkeep for the Goetenhaven Tigers and for the national team.

As Illyanich ordered his fifth brew, a blonde bombshell made her way towards the counter. She was wearing a Boyars jersey, and was pretty young, perhaps 22 or 23 years old. Illyanich did not see her, but she surely saw him, as her eyes widened and sparkled as they came across her 'dream' football player and sex symbol of the Boyars.

"OH!" she blurted out as she scurried to the side of Illyanich. "Mr. Illyanich! It's a miracle! My dream has come true! Oh, I always wanted to meet you!"

George, bewildered as he chugged down his fifth beer and notioned for another bottle, tried to fend off the girl. "Hey, what do you think you're doing? Who do you think you are?"

"Oh, George, you're much more handsome in person! Oh, I'm Elizabeth Svyatoslavich!"

The young woman blathered on about pointless topics and her life. She finally ended it all with one sentence, "How would you like to go out on the night... with me?"

Before Illyanich could answer, a sultry black-haired woman pulled up to Illyanich's right. She spoke in a sexy French accent and soon identified herself as a Franco-Valerian; she was wearing a Boyars jersey too.

"Oh, Bonjour George Illyanich," she greeted, while blowing a kiss, "I am Jeanne d'Angelou. I am one of your... comment dite-vous? Oh, Greatest fanz. You are sezzay, mon Boyar bon-bon! And... You're such a man. You taught that Jacques Bon à Rien a great lezzon by bloodying up his noze. Jacques d'Anjou cannot pleaze a women right, ezpecially a Franco Valerian like moi. That iz why he married a Japaneze girl... but you, George Illyanich. You are the man of men. You are so fichu beau. You know how to pleaze women... I know you know how."

George was working on his eighth beer as he was nodding along to Jeanne's sweet talk. Already, the alcohol was taking ahold of his senses. Just as the two women began to notice that they wanted the same man, yet another woman joined into the group. Apparently, there were more Valerians out and about here in the bar than Illyanich first thought.

"Hey look, it's George!" the red-headed beauty said as she approached. She was a Celtic Valerian, distinguished by her red hair and slender face and body. Frankly, Celtic Valerians have been stereotyped in Magnus Valerius as straightforward in trying to lay with people whom they are attracted to, and this woman approaching George Illyanich did not try to disprove such an unfair stereotype. "I'm DubEssa MacDunkeld, and frankly George, I want you. You're such an athletic man... and I've been dreaming about meeting you one of these days." DubEssa continued on about complex things, although one thing is clear: she wanted George's children.

George Illyanich, who now has forgotten how many drinks he ordered, rose up drunkily. The room was spinning and he was about to collapse on his arse before his admirers picked him up, blushing. "I touched him!" a fluttery-eyed Elizabeth sighed in happiness. George made up his mind, although he was drunk and could not think straight. "Alright... *hic* I'll s-sleep with the lot of yah! I just hope my wife doesn' *hic* find out about thisssssss!" The football player landed 500 Valerian Crowns on the bar counter for the tab and as generous tip to the bartender before being hauled off by three seductresses, up to his hotel room.
-----

RP2

OOC: This is the MD5 RP for my game versus the Lowland Clans.
The Isangrad Times
MAGNUS VALERIUS ON EASY STREET

THE DREAMED REALM --- With the Lowland Clans crushed today on MD5, there is nothing in the way stopping Magnus Valerius from qualifying, except for, perhaps Iansisle scoring more points than the Boyars. But, with an expected win against Mr Chuck Norris tomorrow and a finishing game against the sixth seed Virginia Nova, Magnus Valerius is surely on Easy Street, and it is obviously an easy path for the Boyars to qualify and make it past to the next stage.

"Our most serious competition has been crushed," said a smiling Ilya Pavlov. "The Lowland Clans was our true test for the run to qualify for the next round in the Cup of Harmony. With such an easy victory against them, we can edge out Iansisle, I hope, and make it on with the Cup of Harmony." As Valerians understand, Iansisle has been a resurgent force in football, taking the Cup of Harmony by storm as they rose from being bottom seeds to being serious competition in Group 2.

The game against the Lowland Clans started off with a bewildered Valerian team and fans watching as today's dreamed field was created before their eyes. The Boyars held a raffle for deciding who would dream up the next field, and lucky winner Tara Rothschild, age 7 of Aeola, won. "I want there to be a waterfall... and ponies!" The girl's dreamed field came to life as a gargantuan waterfall cascaded alongside the field. Babbling brooks brought water to herds of horses of different breeds as emerald green grasslands as far as the eye can see stretched out in each direction, with the exception of the waterfall's side; it was wet, foggy, and forested as that particular direction.

The Lowland Clans made first blood, as the apparent sight of a young girl's dreamland made their primitive minds boil in anger. Elliott Deldier marched right past the Valerian defenders de la Ronge, Bobrinsky, and Lucinius with Krotos Daganopoulis as his support. At the 18th minute, the Lowland Clans made a goal, and it would be the only goal they would ever see agains the mighty Boyars of Magnus Valerius.

Jacques "Frenchie" d'Anjou gave The Lowland Clans their needed retribution as he waltzed past the Clan defense and delivered a shocking goal. It was a picture-perfect moment as the goal made it in at the 41st minute, with the crowd cheering and d'Anjou wallowing in his own pride. A few of his friends on the team gave him some slaps on the back, while George Illyanich and his crew of friends scowled at Frenchie.

The second half was when George Illyanich brought home another goal. The Lowland Clans could not stop this rocket. The seemingly re-energized Illyanich steamrolled past the Clansmen, as Valerians waved "TOWER OF POWER" signs in the crowd. Jonathon Song and Kyrill Feodorov covered the star football player of the team and team captain of the Boyars as he made his way with the ball. At the 76th minute, Illyanich made it in, amidst the roaring of fans. The last goal of the game was made, and it sealed a Valerian victory as the Clansmen could not pass through the Valerians defensive play after Illyanich's goal. The game's score was final. And thus, it was yet another win for the magnificent Boyars! Tomorrow, the Boyars will face Mr Chuck Norris before taking a day off. The last game of the qualifiers will be against Virginia Nova.


Final Score

The Lowland Clans 1:2 Magnus Valerius
(Elliott Deldier - 1: 18') | (d'Anjou - 1: 41')
(Illyanich - 1: 76')

BOYAR SCORERS!
G. Illyanich - 3 goals
J. d'Anjou - 1 goal
K. Feodorov - 1 goal
M. Urt Urumqi - 1 goal


Match Day Schedule

MD 1 - Magnus Valerius v. AwalkB - W 1:0
MD 2 - Milchama v. Magnus Valerius - L 0:1
MD 3 - Magnus Valerius v. Iansisle - W 3:1
MD 4 - The Lowland Clans v. Magnus Valerius - W 1:2
MD 5 - Magnus Valerius v. Mr Chuck Norris
MD 6 - Bye
MD 7 - Virginia Nova v. Magnus Valerius

The missing Archregimancy - Cuation result has now been added!

In the meantime, congratulations to the qualifiers, and commiserations to the unsuccessful. I regret that some really good RPers are inevitably missing out, including - in the form of Dorian and Sonya - the team with the highest accumulated RP bonus so far.

But thems the breaks. As much as this has been, and will continue to be, a tournament with a strong RP factor in scorination, it's also still a tournament using a weighted random number generator. And random numbers can sometimes be a bitch....

--------------------------------

MD 7 scores

There will be a 48 hour pause before the knock-out stage. Both to allow for reaction and to wait for the missing result.

Group 1
Cuation 1 Archregimancy 2
Tynelia 1 Sativaville 1
Green wombat 0 Bazalonia 4

PL W L D F A GD PTS
GP1
Archregimancy 6 5 0 1 11 2 9 15
Bazalonia 6 4 1 1 14 2 12 13
Tynelia 6 3 1 2 8 5 3 10
Cuation 6 3 0 3 9 7 2 9
Sativaville 6 0 4 2 5 10 -5 4
Green wombat 6 1 1 4 7 17 -10 4
Sliponia 6 1 1 4 5 16 -11 4

Group 2
Lowland Clans 0 Milchama 2
Mr Chuck Norris 4 AwalKB 2
Virginia Nova 2 Magnus Valerius 4

GP2
Milchama 6 5 1 0 14 3 11 16
Magnus Valerius 6 5 0 1 11 5 6 15
Iansisle 6 4 1 1 13 6 7 13
AwalKB 6 2 0 4 7 9 -2 6
Virginia Nova 6 2 0 4 7 15 -8 6
Lowland Clans 6 1 0 5 5 11 -6 3
Mr Chuck Norris 6 1 0 5 8 16 -8 3

Group 3
Anathem. Reps. 1 Haraki 0
Lisburn Mateys 0 Spmn. Plijous 2
Marceau State 0 Qazox 5

GP3
Spmn. Plijous 6 4 1 1 10 4 6 13
Qazox 6 3 2 1 15 5 10 11
Haraki 6 3 1 2 11 10 1 10
Lisburn Mateys 6 3 1 2 8 7 1 10
Anathem. Reps. 6 2 2 2 5 7 -2 8
Marceau State 6 1 2 3 9 15 -6 5
GarfieldtheFat 6 0 1 4 4 13 -9 1

Group 4
Vuam and Isma 3 Wentland 1
One Red Dot 2 Rorysville 0
Raging Penguins 2 Dorian & Sonya 2

GP4
Wentland 6 4 1 1 11 5 6 13
Vuam and Isma 6 3 2 1 11 7 4 11
One Red Dot 6 3 2 1 7 4 3 11
Dorian & Sonya 6 2 3 1 10 7 3 9
Raging Penguins 6 2 2 2 9 7 2 8
Nikea 6 0 3 3 7 14 -7 3
Rorysville 6 0 1 5 5 15 -10 1


Quarters
1 - Archregimancy v. Qazox
2 - Wentland v. Magnus Valerius
3 - Milchama v. Vuam and Isma
4 - Spaamanian Plijous v. Bazalonia

Semis
1 - Winner QF 1 v. Winner QF 2
2 - Winner QF 3 v. Winner QF 4

"What? we Qualified?" by Nev Gould

And the heavens opened and the Lord smiled, his sun pouring down invigorating the team. Oh did I forgot to mention today's game against Green Wombat was played on the fluffy white things known as clouds. Normally clouds by no means support the weight of anything let alone a person but dreamed reality things that can only happen in dreams happen regularily. The match ended in a 4-0 whitewash where it seems the Green Wombats did not like being so far from the ground.

Maybe it was the fact that it was the last day and they had no chance of qualifying or that they thought they'd loose to us and then combine this with the fact that it seemed a number of kilometers from the ground may have caused some problems for the wombats. Whatever the reasons behind the dramatic win the Bazalonian Bazalopes have qualified for the knock out stage for the Cup of Harmony. It is also fact that if the Hosts lose or draw in their match against Cuation then the Bazalopes will take first place in the region leap frogging the hosts and taking the number one spot in the group. If we do get spot number 1 then the Bazalopes will play the Qazox Oxen if they are delegated to spot number 2 then they will play Spaamanian Plijous.

Not only is this the first time the Bazalopes have ever qualified for any WCC sanction event... well, unless you count the Baptism of Fire. Not only that but I do believe this is a tournament that we can win, or at least make to the Semifinals. Though we do not know exactly which team we will be playing next all we know is that the Bazalopes have never been prouder.

Warning to Qazox or Spaamian Plijous... The Bazalopes are hungry for the first Cup of Harmony.

QSPN FOOTBALL TONIGHT

Ben Rottenburger: It's finally happened... Qazox actually Qualified for something the knock-out rounds of the 21st Cup of Harmony!!! Qazox defeated Marceau state 5-0.

(Shows the field... the Rings of Saturn... and both teams dressed in spacesuits.)

Rottenburger: Now the rules of this match were slightly modifed to allow the free movement in space so the match was played with each goal allowed to float in space, tethered to Saturn itself.

(15th minute-) Marie Goya has the ball now and there's the Marceau Goal, she shoots.. deflected off an mirco-asteroid, and it still goes in!!! Qazox leads 1-0.

(24th Minute) Nelson Macgillivray lines up for the direct kick... somewhat as the net is now about 75 feet above him... and he shoots, and Scores!!! the lead now is 2-0!!!

(47th minute) Fernando Turek has been subbed in for for even more offence now, and he stole the ball, he's all alone, a chip shot, and off the crossbar, collected by Turek, he shoots again and GOOOOOALLL!!! Another deflection off an asteroid and now the rout is on 3-0.

(67th minute) And now Turek is lining up for the penalty, the goal is about 15 feet below him and the Marceau keep is about 2 feet above that and he shoots, GOOOOOOALLL!!! 4-0!!!! and Turek scores again!!

(82nd Minute)- Alicia gonzalez has just scored her sixth goal of the Cup as she did a triple back-flip, 720 spin right past the keep to make it 5-0 now.

Rottenburger: The win temporarily moved Qazox back into 1st palce, but on the flight back to reality, the score board showed the following scores: Final: Spaamian Pjilous 2- Lisburn Mateys 0, so at least Lisburn was eliminated, but he Anathemic Rep.-Haraki match was still tied at 0-0 in the 2nd half.. IF haraki wins, then all was for naught, but then a cheer heard around the Cosmos - Anathem. Reps. 1 Haraki 0.. and Qazox had finally qualifed for something.

Up next for the Black oxen is either a rematch of Qualifing with Bazalonia or the Hosts, the Archregimancy. Either way, the shock and jubilation of advancement hopefully will fuel the team into the semi-finals.

Qazox -5 (Goya (3) 15', Macgillivray (3) 24', Turek (1,2) 47', 67', Gonzalez (6) 82')
Marceau State- 0

The Bloco'yce Courier



Team Draws Unicorns in Naval Battle

The Team walked out onto the pitch from below decks. The opposing team stood likewise on their 'flagship', staring stoicly at their enemies. In between them were two more ships, old, wooden frigates from days of yore, worm-eaten, and battle-scarred. In formation, from The Team's side to the Unicorns side, they went as such: HMS Gargoyal, HMS Lord George, RSS Dragon, LMS Magnificent. None of the ships were touching one another, and a three foot gap seperated each rotting hull. If one were to look over the side of any given frigate, dark grey shapes could be seen gracefully gliding through the water. Sharks. Mounted upon the sides of each ship were cannons, each with powder and shot - all sorts of shot. Upon the yardarms, high above the decks, hung rolls of canvas sail, not yet unfurled to prevent the pitch from dividing and floating off from its regulation size.

The fans, hailing exclusively from Dorian and Sonya, sat eagerly upon the shores of various desert islands, which formed a lagoon around the small fleet of decommisioned vessels. They too, had loaded cannons, which, in the hands of crazed football fans, did not bode well for anyone.

The Referee, Goran Jolly, sat in the crows-nest of a wrecked merchant vessel which had been grounded upon reef, in a position of negotiable saftey, far away from the game. In his hand he held a brass-bound telescope.

The match began, with Furious Porridge peforming a kickoff which landed the ball in the rigging of the Unicorns flagship, and causing slight confusion among the spectators as to where the ball had landed. However, as Zana Jablon used her feet to extract the ball from the ropes, and the rest of the Unicorns used grappeling hooks to draw the Magnificent nearer to the Dragon, The Team had already begun to take action. Normal Penguin organized a gun crew, comprising of Fnab Fnab, Obese Penguin, Willie Dee, and himself. Mrs. Tweezly, meterstick in hand, scimitar gripped between her teeth, led a boarding crew over the Gargoyal's side, using the plaster-cast bound LUNATIC as a bridge. Wild Penguin, in his deranged charge, decided to use his natural swimming abilities to his advantage, and dove beneath the waves, straight into the mouth a Great Blue Shark, earning him a yellow card for diving. Devious Penguin, along with DMYS, hoisted himself to the top of the mainmast, using some new extendable arms and a heafty cutlass to aid him in the process of unfurling the sails. DMYS, extreting some acidic juices, easily dissolved the ropes which bound the canvas, and soon the Gargoyal was drifting away from the rest, much to Normal Penguin's distress; he'd just discovered that Unicorn Forward Avril Auerswald was in range, and hadn't had the chance to blast the elf away.

By then, the Unicorns had clambered aboard the Lord George, where they discovered Mrs. Tweezly, Furious Porridge, and Irritated Penguin lying in ambush. The ensuing battle saw the ball fly over the decaying railing and into the shark-infested water. It also saw Wild Penguin emerge explosively from that exact stretch of water, onto the deck of the Dragon, covered in bloody shark bits(he was later awarded three red cards for the murder of some seven sharks of various species, as well as an arrest warrant for unlicensed poaching, and a kill-on-sight contract from world-wide environmental groups due to the slaying of an endangered animal). Wild, after realising that the ball was no longer on-board, dove back into the surf, which was now boiling with blood-frenzied sharks.

As the small boarding party began to realise that they were outnumbered by the Unicorn's force, they retreated towards the Gargoyal, only to find that it had sailed around the Lord George and the Dragon, with the aim of bombarding the Maginificent with cannon fire. Tweezly, realising that the Unicorns were set for revenge upon her, decided to make a last, glorious stand, leaping upon a barrel, thrusting deftly with her meterstick, slashing dangerously with her scimitar, as Porridge began to set up a chalkboard, and Irritated threw himself into a pack of Midfielders.

Normal Penguin, directing his gunnary crew, began to fire upon the Unicorns defense, and drew similar cannon fire from both the Magnificent and the crowds of Unicorn Fans, who had watched the Gargoyal's progress eagerly, murder on their minds. As red-hot iron flew through the air, puncturing sails, splitting beams, and bouncing off DMYS, Wild Penguin retrieved the ball from the small intestine of a hammerhead(we'd give you the gory details of how this operation looked, but we have limited space, you know). He leapt from the water, football balanced impossibly upon his head, and landed feet-first on the deck of the Magnificent, just as chain-shot, from Fnab Fnab's gun, swept by, knocking the ball of the penguins head, and into the Unicorns goal. The crowd screamed bloody murder - in unison, so that each syllable of the two words could be heard. Well organized, that crowd.

The battle upon the Lord George raged on, ignoring the goal, indeed, perhaps feuled by it. Tweezly, her blackboard shattered by a desperate Jablon, her scimitar broken in two, began using her secret weapon: her Look, an often fatal weapon which gained notoriety after she used it to inflict mortal trauma upon a heavily armored team of psychotic janitors in the Lancre Cup. However, the effects of the Look were lessened considerabley by the Dreamed Realm, and instead of causing fear and panic to all it struck, Unicorn players began to think happy thoughts, and several elves floated into the air due to this sudden happyness. However, the Unicorns euphoria only aided Irritated Penguin in his quest to exterminate all opponants, and he delivered many damaging pecks to the Unicorn's legs as they began to float over-head.

Using their new flying ability to their advantage, the airborn Unicorns signaled for the ball, which Daniella Riskin kicked up to them as she dodged cannon fire, and the random assaults of Wild Penguin, who had still not left the field, despite being red-carded(the Ref had seen tapes of what had happened to other referees who tried to take members of The Team off the pitch; they always ended with a huge medical bill). The Unicorns flew over to the Gargoyal, passing to each other by kicking the ball very, very high. Willie Dee, occupied with loading up a large, oxidized cannon, didn't realise what had happened until the Extremely Dangerous Hair lifted him bodily up by its follicles, and vainly reached for the unattended goal.

The Unicorns had scored once, bringing the game even.

Then, just as Devious Penguin began to aim a swivel gun at the swooping Unicorn forwards, the first half was over, and both teams returned below decks.

When the teams returned to their positions above decks, they discovered that the ships had all been returned to their original places, and that many, many more sharks now swarmed around the pitch. Both ships had changed positions around the two middle frigates, and the Lord George no longer had shalkboard fragments upon it. The Gargoyal's sails were rolled up once again, and the cannons bore no sign of recent action. The referee, too had changed his position. This time, he watched the match from an iron-clad Man-O'-War, which bristled with gleaming cannons, and was crewed by at least one hundred trained sailors and a uniformed marine corps.

Both teams eyed one another, devising their strategies, and then rushed to get grappeling hooks. Mrs. Tweezly, once again leading The Team's charge, now carried a sheaf of ominous papers in a newly aquired bandoleirs. Irritated Penguin had tied a steel spike to his beak, and Furious Porridge had a saber in each hand.

Obese Penguin had a large red X painted sloppily on his chest, and was told to stand off to the side, well away from the goal, although he had also picked up a large, floppy captians hat, and an annoying parrot. Even DMYS had gained a nautical look, with a large seaboot cantaining much of its blobby form. Actually, DMYS came off as some sort of night-marish, mutant hermit crab, but still, that's nautical, right?

The Unicorns had the ball(which had teethmarks in it), and they were the first off their ship, boarding the Lord George with alarming speed. As they rushed across the deck, Mrs. Tweezly swung herself aboard the Lord George, followed closely by Irritated Penguin, Furious Porridge, Wild Penguin, and Devious Penguin. As the two teams battled for a position on the others deck, Tisa Loas, in charge of loading and firing the Magnificent's cannons, sent some round shot into the side of the Lord George - a misfire. The resulting vibration knocked many of the Unicorns players off their feet, allowing Irritated Penguin to throw himself ackwardly aboard. As he and the Unicorn forwards got up, another blast rocked the Dragon, this time fired by some tipsy fan(who has since disappeared under mysterious circumstances) from a nearby island(which has also disappeared under mysterious circumstances). This time, however, the Lord George had been hit right where its hull met the ocean, and the proud frigate began to take water.

As the Unicorns brought the Dragon closer to the slowly sinking Dragen, and boarded it, The Team saw reason to worry. The Unicorns had decided to arm themselves properly this time, and many of the female players held sabers, rapiers, and matchlock pistols in their hands. Some even had daggers stuck in their socks, and the keeper had a musket cradled in her arms. The ball was brought close to the side of the Dragon, and even as DMYS slid out of its boot, and Willie Dee adopted a ready position, the ball was kicked–
–At a big, red X, which stood to the side of the goal, on the fordeck, with a large, floppy tricorn hat sitting over it.
The ball bounced off of Obese Penguin, and glided past the Extremely Dangerous Hair, into the net. The Unicorns were up by one.

As The Team fought off the Unicorns, and defended the deck of the Gragoyal, Normal Penguin and Fnab Fnab loaded the ball into a cannon muzzle, packed the powder in, aimed at the Unicorns goal, and fired. The football shot out in an eruption of smoke, and, on fire, hurtled toward the Magnificent, trailing smoke. Just as it neared the goal, the wind picked up, catching the ball, and sending it spinning into the choppy seas off the Magnificent's side. Both teams charged towards the Unicorns side, only to realise that the Lord George now was filling with water quickly, and was almost entirely underwater. The Main deck was flooded, and and the fordeck was going under fast. The poopdeck, higher than the others, stayed delicately above the waters surface, and the masts stood proudly, like a ships master going down with his ship.

Mrs. Tweezly wasted no time. She lept off the Dragon, onto the barely submerged bodies of the sharks below. Leaping from back to back, with an agility unusual to all but stuntmen with special effects, the ex-teacher hopped aboard the sinking vessel, and waded across the main deck, the Unicorns midfeilders in hot pursuit. Wild Penguin, having learned something from his first reckless dive, lept onto the back of a passing tiger shark, and threatened physical violence unless it complied with his wishes. Devious Penguin hopped onto the back of Maurita Deni, who was in the process of crossing over to the scuttled Lord George. The unfortunate midfielder didn't fall, and kept on going, carrying the cunning penguin with her. Irritated Penguin simply used surface tension to suppost his body, as he leapt into the water, and skipped across like a flat stone skipped across water. Furious Porridge grabbed a grappeling hook, threw it around the rigging of the mizzen mast, and swung over, muttering something like "******* showoffs".

Once again, however, it was Wild Penguin who claimed the ball first, although he was awarded another red card for using a non-participant(the frightened tiger shark) to get it. He booted it to Tweezly, who passed bakc to Porridge, who kicked it into the water, where Irritated Penguin peirced it with his beak spike, and carried it up the Magnificent's sides, charged the net, got beaten over the head with a musket by Riskin, and scored when the deflated, soaking, charred ball slipped off his beak and slid into the goal.

After another fruitless charge, involving a trash barge which was provided as a replacement for the loss of the Lord George, the second half ended, as a draw, and both teams were disqualified.

We, as fans of whomever has the bad luck of playing The Team, are furious. The Unicorns deserved to qualify for their efforts. They even engaged The Team in combat, and caused Mrs. Tweezly to retreat!

Plus, our Head Publisher thinks that they're really hot.

The Archregimancy - Cuation result has now arrived, and has been added to the MD 7 scores (see four posts up!).

All tables and knock-out stage fixtures have been corrected accordingly.

(well, strictly speaking, I'm going to do all of the above once I post this message, but you get the idea).

The knock-out stages will begin in approximately 24 hours from this post (I stress approximately!).

PART TWELVE

(on two separate rooftops across from Manik's apartment building)

Agent Wesson (on commlink W/Smith): I have the room sighted... but have no shot yet. They're behind a wall... Do you have a shot?

Agent Smith: No... I have confirmed they are behind the southwest corner of the kitchen...

Wesson: Wish I knew what they were talking about... If manik tells him who paid him off.. Then the Boss is gonna be really pissed if we don't take Mr. Mall out.

Smith: I got a shot... Its Manik... Should I take It??

Wesson: Not yet. I want to kill both of them... Damn... Still no shot on Mall.

Smith... I got a bead on Mr. Mall right now.... I'm gonna take it....

Did you ever get the feeling that something bad was going to happen to you and you turn around and every thing moves real slow and you avoid it? I don't know what exactly tipped me off, the glass breaking or the sound of the bullet, but as I turned away from Don Manik, the bullet went right where my head was and sickenly thudded into his brain.

I threw myself to the floor, drew my gun and looked around. I didn't see anything but the body and a broken window with a bullet hole in it. I ran towards the window and looked up at the near-by roof-tops, and saw a man running away. "Damn.. another lead dead.. but at least I know where to go next..."

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

CUP OF HARMONY TONIGHT
The Quarterfinal Preview Show

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So.... Fr. John.... now that we've overcome a late scare and finished top of the group - God be praised - any thoughts on the Cuation match and the upcoming quarterfinals?"

"Well, Fr. Nicholas, let's deal with the Cuation match first. I'm reliably informed that we won 2-1 thanks to a brace from the ever-reliable Fr. Silouan of the Seventy Caves - but I can't personally confirm that result, and I certainly have no idea who scored for Cuation."

"No?"

"I'm afraid not - such was the obscuring fog of incense on the field of play, that in fact very few people have any idea of what happened. But 2-1 it apparently was."

"And I take it, Fr. John, that this was real Orthodox incense - not Sativaville Jamaican 'incense'...."

"Absolutely Fr. Nicholas. If I can't report much about match events, I can at least reliably report that no one came away from the match with the munchies."

"And what about the Quarterfinals?"

"An interesting mix, Fr. Nicholas... Let's look at them one at a time....

1 - Archregimancy v. Qazox: How we pity the poor Oxen-worshipping heathens of Qazox. How we pray that their spirits will turn to the Truth of Orthodoxy. But I for one think we'll slay this particular fatted calf and move on.

2 - Wentland v. Magnus Valerius: An intriguing match-up between a perennial underachiever and an inconsistent old-timer. My heart says our Orthodox brothers the Boyars. My head says the Swifts.

3 - Milchama v. Vuam and Isma: How many times have I made the comment that the Milchamans may believe they're God's chosen people, but they certainly aren't God's chosen football team. Nonetheless, I expect the Hebrews to get through this one comfortably.

4 - Spaamanian Plijous v. Bazalonia: The Spaamanians were arguably the surprise of the group stages, winning their group above the Black Oxen and Hawks. But I still expect the Bazalopes to spring a slight upset here."

"And what of other Cup of Harmony news, Fr. John? Anything to report from the other squads?"

"Yes... an apology was sent to Wentland overnight for the unfortunate events surrounding their match against One Red Dot. The Monastic Football Association and Holy Empire Football Association have both made it clear that they in no way endorse the actions of certain rogue agents in the security forces of the home nations, and that both nations strongly distance themselves from the fascist atheistic ideology of Wentland's opponents in that match. Following an intervention by Fr Alexander Xanthokomos, the Holy Synod's Junior Deputy Secretary for Foreign Affairs,bBoth host football associations have also sent a personal apology to a Mr. Neil Collins that apparently reads along the lines of
We're really, really sorry about the arrest and interrogation.
Now stop meddling with what you don't understand, or else.
The first sentence is believed to have been written by SOFTEE, the second by SBIS."

"And is that all, Fr. John?"

"Not at all.... It seems that Bazalonian Supervillain Max Mactor has - since the Archregimancy - Bazalonia match - been contained and isolated within his own Dreamed Reality where he's free to believe that his evil plans for world domination have been impacting the tournament. Why, those responsible have even given him a new Superhero to face.... Supermonk! Faster than a speeding liturgy, more powerful than a meditating monk, able top leap tall basilicas in a single bound - he'll be teaming up with Superdude to bring the nefarious Max Mactor to his knees this month in Exciting Monastic Comics"

This is an RP cut-off!

OOC: RP cut off and 6 hours later still no scores? Arch are you still around?

I am very much still around, Baz - but please appreciate that RL sometimes gets in the way on weekends.

Anyway....

QUARTERFINAL RESULTS:

Quarterfinal 1
Full time:
The Archregimancy 0:0 Qazox
AET
The Archregimancy 1:0 Qazox

Quarterfinal 2
Full time:
Wentland 0 Magnus Valerius 0
AET:
Wentland 0 Magnus Valerius 1

Quarterfinal 3
Full time:
Milchama 1 Vuam and Isma 1
AET:
Milchama 3 Vuam and Isma 3
Penalties:
Milchama 2 Vuam and Isma 1

Quarterfinal 4
Spaamanian Plijous 1 Bazalonia 4


Semifinals:
The Archregimancy v. Magnus Valerius
Milchama v. Bazalonia

OOC: Sorry, just thought it odd that there was at least a 6 hour break between the RP cut-off and the posting was saying that I thought it odd. I should have realised and unreserverdly apologise.

IC:

"SuperDude & SuperMonk Team Up to break comic book records"

The teaming up of the Moral backbone of the comic industries Super-powered men SuperDude and SuperMonk have broken all previous comic book sale records for SuperMonk's origin story including the initial teaming up of SuperDude and SuperMonk.

When a visiting Monk from the Archregimancy visits Expansive City. Max Mactor kidnapps the monk and tries to extract orthodoxy from the monk using Purple Tonkrypite a rare form of Tonkrypite that has powered some of Max's more sinister machines. While in the process of extracting the orthodoxy from the monk Max is confronted by SuperDude who accidently while dealing with Max causes a feedback loop in the machine causing multiplication of orthodoxy inside the monk taking him from a normal monk from the Dreamed Realm to being... SuperMonk.

All stories will involve SuperDude and SuperMonk teaming up against Max Mactor who has also just received an ally a slippery character who always stays in the shadows who has been hinted at being a person from Atheistic Right and only known as "Chameleon". Who is this character, is he (or her) really from Atheistic Right? How does chameleon know so much about SuperDude and SuperMonk? What is Chameleon's end game? Does Chameleon himself have super powers? Read "The Super Adventures of SuperDude and SuperMonk" and find out.

.............

"So that was a QuarterFinal, eh?" by Nev Gould

In a stadium that was a mix of TeleBaz Stadium in Fauxhan and the Spaamian Plijous national stadium the Bazalopes looked as if they where in a group match rather than the Quarter Finals for the Cup of Harmony as the Bazalopes ran away with a 4-1 win against the Spaamian Plijous national team totally dominating the match with 69% of the possesion and managed to make the most of that possetion with Peter Hobble Scoring 2 goals in the 23rd and 89th minutes with support from James Kantwell in the 38th minute and with Michael Irchov with a goal right after returning from half-time in the 46th minute.

Spaamian Plijous only managed one goal and that was the result of a sloppy tackle by Andrew "The Bandit" Creek in the Penalty area. Providing Andrew a yellow card in the mish-mash of design and styles that was the combined stadium. The Bazalopes match against Spaamian Plijous was the only quarterfinal that did not come down to extra time. The hosts The Archregimancy where kept scoreless in normal time but they came through for the Archregimancy during extra time scoring a much needed goal.

The 2nd quarter-final Wentland vs. Magnus Valerius went by the exact same playbook with neither team managing to get a goal over the other in normal time but the experience of Magnus Valerius provided the necessary boost for them to take the match out in exrta time by the 1 goal.

The 3rd and last quarter final, Milchama vs. Vuam & Isma(the Bazalopes match against Spaamian Plijous was QF number 4) was a much more interesting and tight affair. After a 2-all draw after normal time. The match was a wonder to watch but it came to a cliff hanger as during extra time both teams scored 1 goal each taking the score top 3- all after extra time the highest scoring match in the quarter finals and so it came to the tense draw.... after a tense penalty shoot out only one goal was the difference between them. The winner of this epic battle was just an epic battle. It could have not been tighter. I had managed to watch this match on TV and oh, I was biting my nails for the entire match. If both could have gone through then this would be the match for it occur but there could only be one winner. Comiserations to Vuam & Isma.

During the Semi finals The Bazalopes will face Milchama. This match will determine if the Bazalopes will face the winner of The Archregimancy - Wentland match and be guaranteed at least a 2nd place in the Cup of Harmony or whether the Bazalopes will try and battle the loser to steal 3rd place from the loser of the same match. This is the first international tournament that the Bazalopes have even reached the Quarter Finals. Let alone the Semifinals. Sales in the Bazalope replica kits have gone through the roof.

OOC: Finally! I can log on again! :D

Alright, I have to do a short RP, since I need to start assessing all the threads I have to catch up in...

IC:

The Isangrad Times
TO THE COH SEMIFINALS!

The Dreamed Realm ---- Today in the Dreamed Realm, the Boyars have been victorious in the Quarterfinals! After winning in Group 2 against the Iansisleans and other teams squabbling for passing the test of qualification. The lethargic Ians, the weak Lowland Clansmen, and the others could not hold Magnus Valerius's destiny to qualify in the Cup of Harmony for the third time in a row; only Milchama could stop us within that group. A final win of 4-2 versus Virginia Nova verified the third seed of CoH Group 2's qualifications.

But, Magnus Valerius has made a habit of losing in the first knockout round for the past two games. How did they fare this time? Well, they surely broke that habit, and made it past the quarters! The game was certainly tough against the Wentlandians, whom were the favorites to win. Apparently, though, they could not score against the solid defense that the Valerian defenders made during the game. The performances of Bobrinsky, Sibel, Lucinius, and de la Ronge were outstanding against the Wentlandian forwards and midfielders who wanted to steal this game away from the Boyars. While the defense of the Boyars was excellent, the Wentlandian defense was too tough for the Valerian attackers as well. Illyanich couldn't come close to making a goal in the first half, and in the second half, he got close but was intercepted ruthlessly. In extra time, however, the Wentlandian Swifts tired, leaving Illyanich with that opportunity to score the only point in the game - the game winning point for the Boyars.

Folks, we are in the semifinals!

However, many Boyars fans are unsure if the Magnus Valerian national team can stand a chance against The Archregimancy in their game tomorrow. But, things are looking up, and if the Boyars don't make it to the CoH finals, we can at least walk away as being one of the top teams in this Cup of Harmony.

It was meant to be the Dreamed Realm.

It turned into a nightmare.

Whether it was the events surrounding Ginger Collins, the suspicious loss of the toss to play in the Magnan Valerian dreamworld, or just the general fatigue, the Swifts spent 119 minutes pounding a suspiciously resilient goal, only to concede to a freak goal with seven seconds left on the clock...

A cross, palmed out by Tracey to safety and penalties...but Ginger Collins, suddenly screaming and clutching his head in pain, was suddenly hurled in the way and the ball bounced off him and over the line...so slowly it did not even touch the net...

The goal was suspiciously credited to Ilyanovich, perhaps to defray suspicion. But it did not matter.

The crowd, suspiciously full of Boyars, erupted with joy and the Swifts fans, suspiciously denied entry to the ground and massing outside, knew that the worst had happened...

Out in the quarters. Again. And almost certainly out of the top 50.

THE HISTORICAL RE-ENACTMENT SOCIETY OF THE ARCHREGIMANCY
BRINGS YOU

THE FIRST COUNCIL OF NICEA
Part CLXVII - The Council Pronounces Anathema on Oxen Worship

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"And what an exciting evening we have for our viewers tonight, Fr. John!"

"That's right, Fr. Nicholas! Tonight the national football team of the Archregimancy attempts to argue that the Oxen-worship of Qazox consists of heathen idolatry, and that anathema should be pronounced upon the visitors from Qazox!"

"Opening debate for the Archregimancy tonight is team captain Fr. David the Water Drinker, who points out the Old Testament admonitions over not worshipping any other God, nor worshipping graven images, still hold true after Christ's teachings. And he passes the argument to Fr. Silouan, who aggressively attacks the Qazox defence with a storming discursion over the similarity between the Black Oxen and the Golden Calf.... and I think he's going to score with that argument....."

"But no, Fr. Nicholas! Qazox counter-attack with a learned discussion on the role of Holy Icons within Orthodoxy! The Qazox defence stop the score, and launch their own attack by arguing that veneration of the Holy Icons may itself consist of idolatry, and that the council should not condemn them for a practice used by the Orthodox! I think they're going to score with this counter-attack...."

"But no! Archregimancy goalkeeper Fr. Justinian the Thrice-Blessed has stopped Qazox by reciting the complete works of St. John of Damascus in defence of the Holy Icons! Magnificent stuff from Fr. Justinian! And... there seems to be some controversy down on the pitch, I mean, down on the field of discussion..."

"That's right, Fr. Nicholas, Qazox are arguing that St. John of Damascus lived several centuries after the First Council of Nicea, and that his sermons and other writings should not be admissable as evidence in today's match-up...."

"The referee from Rejistania seems to be completely baffled by this, Fr. John...."

"And the Rejistanian has allowed Fr. Justinian's save to stand! No score to Qazox! A highly controversial moment here as the heathen virgin-sacrificer from Rejistania comes to the rescue of the Archregimancy solely through his total lack of knowledge of the Seven Ecumenical Councils!"

<later>

"...after nearly 120 minutes of discussion, debate, and a disputed free kick outside the penalty area, it's still 0-0, and as we come to the end of extram time, neither side has convinced the assembled Church Fathers of the essential truth of their argument."

"But wait, Fr. Nicholas! Fr. Constantine the Learned seems to have remembered something! He's pointing out that a Black Oxen is not a representation of God, or the Holy Trinity, and that therefore technical arguments over the nature of idolatry and representative images are irrelevant since the Black Oxen is itself pagan!"

"Stunning stuff late on, Fr. John! And that leaves Fr. Silouan of the Seventy Caves with the simplest of tap-ins as he points out that the Council is duty-bound to pronounce anathema on Oxen Worship as a pagan practice!"

"Yes! Bishop Eusebius, representing the Emperor, is rising to his feet! He pronounces anathema on Oxen Worship, and it's a late, late goal to the Archregimancy as Qazox are defeated 1-0 in the dying seconds of extra time!"

"Fantastic stuff, Fr. John.... now let's look at the other quarterfinal results....

In the second quarterfinal, fellow Orthodox nation Magnus Valerius defeated Wentland with their own last minute of extra time goal, but in slightly more controversial circumstances than ours. Officials from the Monastic Football Association are denying any involvement in the incident that saw Neil 'Ginger' Collins collapse to the ground in agony, deflecting the ball into his own net with seconds on the clock. Officials from the Holy Empire Football Association have declined to officially comment, noting only off the record that 'this sounds about right to us'.

An epic battle in the third qualifier saw the Hebrews of Milchama scrape past Vuam and Isma on penalties after both teams scored two goals in extra time.

Finally, the Bazalopes look as if they're coming into ominous form as they crushed Spaamanian Plijous 4-1.

And the Archregimancy - Magnus Valerius semi-final match-up guarantees that at least one Orthodox team will reach the final, God be praised!"

SEMIFINAL RESULTS
In which it is revealed unto the monks of the Archregimancy by the Lord our God that hosts - no matter what WC29 might lead us to believe - don't always win their own tournaments...


Semifinal 1:

The Archregimancy 1 Magnus Valerius 2


Semifinal 2:

Full Time
Bazalonia 1 Milchama 1
AET
Bazalonia 1 Milchama 2



The final of the 21st Cup of Harmony is:

Milchama v. Magnus Valerius


The loser's match, sorry, I mean 'third place playoff' is:

The Archregimancy v. Bazalonia

"Charge of the Jewish Warriors" by Nev Gould

In the Bazalopes first Semi Final they faced the Milchama warriors in a physical battle of strategy and tactics. This was no normal soccer match as those who have been keeping up with the Cup of Harmony. This match was battled out on Horseback in a field bordered by a dense forrest on all sides. The Bazalope players where on the Backs of our national emblem, the Bazalope while the Milchamans where on standard horseback.

The Bazalopes charged their opponents who charged back... in the 23rd minute after repeated charges by both teams the Bazalopes managed to successfully evade the milchaman agressive defense while exploiting the weaknesses exposed by the Milchaman's fighting style and so the Bazalopes managed to rumble through the first point of the match.

The Milchamans went on a counter-attack right after this and caught the Bazalopes recovering from their successful attack. This time in the 27th minute it was the Milchamans exploting the Bazalopes weakness, scoring a goal to tie the game.

It was a pretty much a stalemate for the rest of the match with neither team managing to gain an upper hand over the other team right to the end of normal time. Where the opposing forces went back to their camps to talk strategy and to heal the wounds.

During the return it was a revitalised Milchama that seemed to have the upper hand. However this did not result in the ending of the draw and it was not util the 2nd last minute that the Milchamans managed to take a score from the Bazalopes. This was the result of a "low blow" that a midfielder named Anthony Creek inflicted on a Milchaman attacker. This caused the Arridan referee to give a yellow card to the midfielder and give the Milchaman a "free shot" against the Bazalope keeper. If it hits then a penalty kick will be awarded but if the keeper manages to evade the free shot then no score was made.

The Milchaman lines up his shot and strikes cutting into the Bazalope keeper. However it was not a nasty cut it was a successful shot and a goal had been awarded causing Milchama to win 2-1 after extra time.

This loss takes the Bazalopes to the 3rd Place Play off against the only other group 1 team that had entered the quarter finals. The Archregimancy the hosts of the Cup of Harmony and the team that Beat the bazalopes 2-1 in the group stage will be battling out for the 3rd place in thew CoH and determine whether they "just made it to the semi-finals" or wether they where 3rd.

Whatever happens the Semi Finals have been as far as the Bazalopes have ever gone in any WCC sanctioned event even going way back to the Baptism of Fire.

HOLY OXEN PRONOUNCED A HEATHEN PRACTICE!!!

QAZOX CITY HERALD



"But wait, Fr. Nicholas! Fr. Constantine the Learned seems to have remembered something! He's pointing out that a Black Oxen is not a representation of God, or the Holy Trinity, and that therefore technical arguments over the nature of idolatry and representative images are irrelevant since the Black Oxen is itself pagan!"

"Stunning stuff late on, Fr. John! And that leaves Fr. Silouan of the Seventy Caves with the simplest of tap-ins as he points out that the Council is duty-bound to pronounce anathema on Oxen Worship as a pagan practice!"

"Yes! Bishop Eusebius, representing the Emperor, is rising to his feet! He pronounces anathema on Oxen Worship, and it's a late, late goal to the Archregimancy as Qazox are defeated 1-0 in the dying seconds of extra time!"



With this loss of not only a football match but a ideological one, Qazox has been eliminated from the 21st Cup Of Harmony in a disapointing finish. While advancing to a knock-out round for the 1st time in a WCC-sanctioned event, the loss does undo some of the momentum building up to World Cup 30. There is no expected changes to be made on the squad, but one may never know what the next year may bring.

(ooc- my "other RP" will be continued in WC 30 Qualifiers.. so long and thanks for the fish)

OOC : YES! nexrom.net isn't backlogging jolt anymore!

Couldn't access Jolt for 4 days... Sorry for missing RPs, etc, etc. More to come.


IC :


Gazetta de'Esporte

V&I get the points against Rorysville, but it could be too late.
Rorysville - 0
Vuam and Isma - 2 (Marc 58, Fitzsimons 76)

Rorysville faced V&I in a factory for MD6, and what a surprising game it was. With machinery still working and workmen still at their machines, V&I knew that they couldn't have a cock-up. Or a mix-up. Or any "-up".

V&I took posession of the ball early in the game, and never seemed endangered by Rorysville, whose poor passing meant that the few balls they touched were soon won back by O'Driscoll, Grak, Regragui and Marc. However, if Rorysville weren't powerful up front, they made amends with superb rearguard action, as Larionov made an outstanding series of dives and saves to preserve his team's 0-0 scoreline.

However, after half-time, there was little that could be done as Rorysville's 3-4-3 seemed tired and completely unable to cope with the offensive strength V&I were showing. Fitzsimons aimed shot after shot goalwise, but Larionov had kept his marvelous form, and was sucessful in all his duels against the young striker, both from afar and from close.

However, under the increasing pressure that was applied by the Whites and Azures, Rorysville caved in. Conceding a corner kick on a long effot by Fitzsimons saw the Rorysville defence submerged as only O'Connor and S'baa didn't go to pressurise the Rorysville goal. Brasiviev got the header, but Nikolishin cleared it off the line. However, his clearance only got as far as Marc, who lost no time in drilling the ball through the mass of shirts that stood between the goal and him.

After conceding the goal, Rorysville seemed demotivated, and Vuam and Isma's posession play meant that the following attack, concluded by Fitzsimons at the far post, was the second goal of the game. The 32-pass build-up had left Grak alone on his wing, and his swift run had brought the defence towards him. A pass to Yak, who fed the ball accross the face of the goal later for Fitzsimons, and the White and Azure fans were chanting their glee with 2 goals off two consecutive shots... Albeit with 15 minutes of rather boring play inbetween.

As the last 10 minutes loomed, V&I settled extremely low, knowing that any mistake would end their chances of advancing. However, even Vuam and Isma fans were dissapointed by the lack of spirit that their teams had shown in the last minutes of the game, with one fan commenting that "we should have pushed forwards, if only for the goal difference".

Indeed, V&I are only 4th in their group, and have to face bottom-and-out Nikea, as well as top-and-going-strong Wentland... But since they're within one point of One Red Dot and Dorian and Sonya, with a goal difference that doesn't play in their favour, even with a match in hand over D&S, qualification isn't at all sure... Far from there...

GP4
PL W L D F A GD PTS
Wentland 4 3 1 0 8 2 6 10
Dorian & Sonya 5 2 2 1 8 5 3 8
One Red Dot 4 2 2 0 5 2 3 8
Vuam and Isma 4 2 1 1 6 4 2 7
Raging Penguins 4 1 1 2 4 5 -1 4
Nikea 5 0 2 3 5 12 -7 2
Rorysville 4 0 1 3 5 10 -5 1


Gazetta de'Esporte

Say goodbye, V&I!
Nikea - 2 (Somnatel 15, Kalamnatel 87)
Vuam and Isma - 2 (Fitzsimons 28, Grak 52)

Long, hard, gritty and disputed are barely adjectives that scrape the skin of the match between Nikea and V&I.

Nikea battle out for a point on a spherical pitch, leaving V&I in disarray for last match clash...

With their traditional 3-5-2, Nikea managed to battle V&I effectivly in midfield. However, with 4 men at the back, V&I allowed Nikea fewer clean shots on goal... But Nikea was more opportunistic, taking better quality efforts than V&I, and ending on even terms with V&I, dispite having fewer shots. Eskimitel and Depaynestel played more as ball-holders than as stikers, meaning that Nikea soon abandoned using their midfield, who were very bothered by the more technical presences of Lidon and Dynamique, by the more physical presence of Yak, and by the more speedy presences of O'Driscoll and Grak, preferring to lob the ball directly from their back 3 to their front men, and then hoping to earn a free-kick or another dead-ball situation. Vuam and Isma however attempted to play through their midfield for a lot longer, but as the first minutes showed, were they to have any advantage in midfield, they would need Regragui and Marc to push forwards... Endangering their defence from the 2 strong Nikea front-men.

As was shown by the first ten minutes, V&I's midfield had a slight edge over Nikea, but not enough to enable proper construction. So Regragui and Marc pushed up to support their midfield. After two build-ups, leading to a throw-in deep into Nikea's half and to a poor shot by O'Driscoll, Nikea however found the play that would put them ahead. Tinuviethel intercepted a pass that was aimed at Fitzsimons and promptly sent the ball upfield to Depayenestel. Depayenestel managed to control the ball, dispite the pressure by S'baa, and with a short pass, he put the ball through for Eskimitel. Eskimitel made his way to the edge of the box, before Brasiviev caught up with him. Then, he backheeled the ball for Depayenestel who played the ball accross the box with a first-touch pass for Somnatel. Somnatel controlled the ball sweetly, faked a shot to get past O'Connor rushing out, and then passed the ball just inside the post to put the pandas in front.

However, V&I didn't drop in their playing level, and their more fluid play allowed them to be more dangerous than Nikea during the rest of the first half, especially since only 13 minutes after being put behind on the scoresheet, Fitzsimons brought V&I back on level terms when he put a 7-yard shot just under the post and between Keletel's arms. But even with the morale boost, V&I were unable to get clearly in front, and went into the tunnel feeling dissapointed that they hadn't made it two when Yak missed a sitter only 3 minutes before half-time, blasting the ball over the empty goal after Fitzsimon's chip had brought the goalkeeper off his line.

After the break, V&I started as the better side, showing more presence in all parts of the field, and they logically put themselves in front when Grak tapped in a O'Driscoll cross at the far post. From that point on, V&I settled on their one-goal advantage, barely attacking and retaingin considerable ball posession. As V&I wasted time away, Nikea piled pressure on the V&I defence, and even if they only regained the upper hand in the last ten minutes, it was enough for a long range shot by Kalamnatel to be deflected into the net after hitting Brasiviev. Even though Kalamnatel claimed the goal, it was clear thathad Brasiviev not hit the ball, then it wouldn't have slipped between O'Connor's legs...

V&I will feel hard done by the 2-2 draw when they effectively dominated the match. But then, it also shows that nothing is sure... And one thing that seems completely outlandish now is for V&I to qualify. With a last-day meeting with Wentland on the cards, whilst being on the same number of points as One Red Dot and Dorian and Sonya, who both have easier matches, and a goal difference that plays in favour of D&S... It looks like V&I's qualification prospects are... Minimal. To say the least.

Qualification : We win and have to end up with a better goal difference and scored goal record than D&S and ORD. If we draw or loose, then we're out, because if D&S lose to RP, then RP beat us on points. If D&S beat RP, D&S beats us on points, and if D&S draw with RP, then D&S beats us on goal difference...

GP4
PL W L D F A GD PTS
Wentland 5 4 1 0 10 2 8 13
Dorian & Sonya 5 2 2 1 8 5 3 8
Vuam and Isma 5 2 2 1 8 6 2 8
One Red Dot 5 2 2 1 5 4 1 8
Raging Penguins 5 2 1 2 7 5 2 7
Nikea 6 0 3 3 7 14 -7 3
Rorysville 5 0 1 4 5 13 -8 1

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Sports Section

Milchama To the Final

The Milchama Warriors have finally won an outround match at the senior level. It only took us 7 cups of qualification but it finally happened. It happened during the quarterfinal stage as the Warriors beat Vuam and Isma 2-1 on penalties. The Warriors also won their group with 16 points getting 5 wins and a draw playing another game of baseball against Iansisle. After that they went on a rampage including a final day 2-0 win over arch rival The Lowland Clans. This led them to the quarterfinals where they beat Vuam and Isma.

The game started quickly as the Warriors scored 5 minutes in when Floren Albentine found a pass from Del Clufor most appealing and he put it away. The Warriors then held the lead for 80 minutes until V&I struck back late as Fitzsimmons (Can't get to the rosters) got a wonder pass from Grak to put the ball in the back of the net to tie the game at 1. That is how the match ended in regular time. All looked lost for the Warriors espiecially at the beginning of extra time when Grak scored only 1 minute in. V&I continued the offensive and scored once more to make it 3-1 White and Azures. The second half though changed everything as the Warriors struck back twice once through Spot Nielson and once through the sub Matt Bantin. Then came Finton's brilliance in penalties as he saved the last 4 shots taken and the final penalty score from Elana Kilinin to win the game.

The semis was another tough game as the Warriors went to extra to defeat the Bazalonia Bazalopes coached by our former coach Neil Kabants. The game was a tough one on horseback but the Warriors pulled through after a goal by Albentine and another one by Martin Hansen to win the game and go the finals where we face Magnus Valerius.

Final Score Quarters:
Milchama 3 (Albentine 5, Nielson 110, Bantin 115)
Vuam and Isma 3 (Fitzsimmons 85, 103, Grak 91)

Final Score Semis:
Milchama 2 (Nielson 27, Keffer 118)
Bazalonia 1 (Hobble 23)

The final is looking quite good for a Warriors victory as most think that they can beat the 50 some squad from Magnus Valerius. However nothing is certain but most in Milchama are looking forward to our first major cup victory.

Go Warriors!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE MONASTIC TIMES

CUP OF HARMONY SEMI ENDS IN MIGHTY VICTORY FOR ORTHODOXY
Football Team Lose

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe


In a mighty victory for the Orthodox Church, Magnus Valerius reached the Cup of Harmony final overnight after winning their semi-final 2-1. Uncharitable sources in the Archregimancy have pointed out that for the Boyars to reach the final, they had to beat the co-hosts, and that therefore this result should technically be considered a defeat.

But the fact remains that the Boyars' victory guarantees that an Orthodox team has reached the Cup of Harmony final for the first time since the Archregimancy lost the final to the Golden Wolves of Yafor 2 some Cups back.

The match itself was played in a spirit of fraternal understanding and depth of shared faith. So deep was that fraternal understanding and shared faith that neither team remembered to actually touch the football until the 75th minute of the match, as the Boyars spent all of the first half and most of the second seeking blessings from the individual members of the home team and taking the opportunity to engage in learned discourse on obscure points of Orthodox theology. By the time someone remembered that a football match was supposed to be taking place, the monks of the Archregimancy were so taken by actually facing a squad that treated them with the utmost respect that they allowed the Valerians to score two, before the equally magnaminous Valerians allowed the monks to pull one back. But for a misunderstanding over the amount of injury time remaining, the Valerians would have allowed the co-hosts to score an equaliser, as both squads were looking forward to continuing their discussions in extra time. Alas the referee blew for full time just as Fr. Constantine the Learned was lining up a free kick that the Valerians were refusing to defend, and the match ended in farce as the Boyars unsuccessfully petitioned to have the clock extended and a late equalising goal against them allowed.

The Boyars face the Hebrews of Milchama in the final.

THE 21st CUP OF HARMONY FINAL RESULTS.....

The 3rd place playoff:
Bazalonia 1 The Archregimancy 3


The final:
Magnus Valerius 0 Milchama 2


Congratulations to Milchama, Champions of the Cup of Harmony.

OOC: OUCH! I missed the last RP that could have made the difference. :p

Jolt went beserk again and I couldn't log on... so I got fed up and reactivated an old email so I could log on the forums directly. Anyway, this was a good CoH.

IC:

It Seems that Hebrews Defeated Orthodoxy Today
But, At Least We Made the Finals!

THE DREAMED REALM --- In what was a whirlwind of a tour in the Cup of Harmony, Magnus Valerius defeated The Archregimancy in the Semifinal to make it to the finals. It was the first in Valerian Football History for the National Team to ever reach a final in anything! "We were surprised that we defeated The Archregimancy, who was the favorites to win and the cohost for the Cup of Harmony," George Illyanich said with a smile.

Indeed, The Archregimancy was the ones Valerians had predicted to make the final and take home the Cup for Orthodoxy. However, Magnus Valerius won, and after having meeting the Most Holy Orthodox Brethren on the field, the Boyars gave their respects to the Monastic Football Team. Even His Holiness Patriarch Feodor III, Patriarch of the Valerian Orthodox Church, was there to cheer on both of the teams. His Holiness was hoping for his favorite team, The Archregimancy, to proceed, but it looked like he would have to root and pray for the Boyars in the final. The game that day was nothing but enlightenment as the Valerians paused to learn more about their faith and to delve into the obscure corners of Orthodoxy. The game started late at the 75th minute, and the game seemed to be destined for a draw, considering that the field and teams was full of fellowship and empathy for Orthodox Brothers.

The Final Game was tense. The field was grim-looking under a red sky, with dry land everywhere to see. In the background, mighty armies of humans, dwarves, and elves were clashing with demonic forces, in a gruesome, bloody battle. The screams of human and demon perishing in battle ravaged the field. This shocked many of the Valerians and at the same time distracted their attention. That would be to prove fatal on the field. The Monks taught the day before that the Milchamans were nothing but Hebrews that had to be dealt with for an Orthodox Crown at the top of the Cup of Harmony. However, the Milchamans were less daunted by the battle raging around the field. They soon scored two goals in the second half after Valerian defense failed; Bobrinsky, de la Ronge, and Lucinius were in view of a gigantic devil that soon toppled over and died once a paladin in silver armor and on a white horse dealt a mortal blow to the unholy beast.

Since Jews are known not to believe in hell, all of the hellish demons did not distract them. The Cup of Harmony was theirs.

"Well, it's kinda expected," Ilya Pavlov said. "Not only are they Jews, but they also beat us once before. We face them off in the CoH qualifiers and lost 0 - 1, so I thought winning might not have been easy."

And, the Valerians have no hard feelings for Milchama. Many congratulated them for a great game and a good Cup of Harmony.

(Random OOC note: The Jewish belief in the afterlife is not uniform it is more or less up to the person to decide what they believe happens after death and different rabbis have different opinions on it. So as for Jews beleiving there is no hell is wrong it is most certainly true that some do and some don't.)

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Sports Section

Milchama Win! Wait a sec WHAT?!

That's right everybody, Milchama actually won a semi significant trophy as we beat Magnus Valerius for the second time, this time playing soccer, 2-0 in the final. The game was brilliant for the Warriors who dominated the whole time and easily won the game. Coach Jamie Smith said, "It was lucky we played them in baseball that first time it really helped us as they did not know our strategy at all. They were unprepared for how much attacking we were going to do, the demons thing really did not enter into it at all until the end when we pulled away. I can't believe we won a cup. This new generation is going to do great things mark my words they will be brilliant. I expect many new shiney trophies in the cabinet by the time they are done." And now the announcing of the game by Thomas MacNeal.

1st minute: As has become increasingly expected in this tournament this game is not being played on a regular football pitch oh no it looks like they are hordes of demon men all around fighting each other. We can only hope they don't invade the pitch. Anyway its the regular Milchamian except that Spot Nielson has been replaced by Kelvin Joseph. The Magnus Valerius looks similair to their regular soccer lineup.

45th minute: That had to be one of the boringest first halves in recent memory. Their were two shots combined by both sides. While the Warriors had 58% of the possesion it went nowhere. Clufor was unable to move the ball around and the forwards barely got in the game. The Valerians seemed to be sitting around having the good guys in the demon wars stopping the Warriors and they were doing quite well at it. The Warrior need to be more attack oriented if they want to win the game in the 2nd half

60th minute: Milchama on the ball. Clufor finally past somebody, to Kilinin on the wing. She beats her man and crosses the ball towards the net where its headed in by Kelvin Joseph! 1-0 Milchama. Joseph beating his defender and scoring easily. He seems to be the only one on the field that is not distracted by the demon wars. Heck I don't think he's noticing it at all.

80th minute: Clufor barely finds Joseph past a crusading horse and Kelvin takes the ball. Past one Valerian, two, three, four, five!?, its now him vs. the goalie and he shoooots!!!!!!!!!! 2-0 Milchama!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kelvin Joseph with his 2nd goal a beauty to in all likelihood seal the cup for Milchama.

90th minute: Its the countdown now for the Warriors. Here we go Clufor over to Kilinin over to Lonnen back to Clufor over to finals MVP Joseph and ITS ALL OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MILCHAMA WIN THE CUP OF HARMONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A 2-0 win over Magnus Valerius thanks to two 2nd half goals by Kelvin Joseph has given Milchama their 1st major international trophy. This is a great moment for all of Milchamian sports. We've ridden the old can't win an outround (OOC: Which hopefully can start happening for me in debate) IC: and won 3 of them to win the Cup of Harmony. Hopefully we will never be in this tournament again but for right now as the champagne flows and riots break out across Milchama great things are happening here.

Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Joseph 60, 80)
Magnus Valerius 0 (Fitting a shutout)

Milchama Man of the Match:
The two goal hero Kelvin Joseph obviously took this title. He might even have secured himself a starting spot on the WC 30 squad over Spot Nielson. His performace was amazing espiecially his 2nd goal. He hopefully will be the next super sub for Milchama.

Milchama Man of the Tournament:
Del Clufor- His play was really special as he energized the offense in no way that any other center mid has for Milchama. He will be the next great one and maybe the third representative for Milchama in Hall of Fame. But for right now he should be happy but not content with being the CoH 21 MVP.

Go Warriors!!!

May this win lead to many great successes in the future.