The Death of Lady Faren
Lady Faren collapses, declared dead
Special report by Manasi Adrahn for the Daily Ennial
The UN Building:
Shortly after leaving the General Assembly Chamber this afternoon, Lady Yssandra Faren collapsed. Paramedics were unable to resuscitate her, and she was declared dead at 3:25 pm Ennish Standard Time.
No cause of death has been established at this point, and the Daily Ennial understands that a post-mortem will be carried out as soon as Lady Faren’s body has returned to Enn. Several rumours have already begun to circle suggesting foul play. General Xzelyn, acting Triumvir for Lady Faren, has promised a full investigation into the Lady’s death, and has contacted the Gnomes and the UN Building Management about a joint operation.
Chairwoman Justine Engard and Chief Justice Xavier Loreni, the other Triumvirs of Enn, have each offered their condolences to the Faren family. Mrs. Engard went on the say that “while I rarely agreed with Lady Faren’s opinions, I always admired her strength and resolve.”
It is understood by the Daily Ennial that General Xzelyn will continue to act as Triumvir for the time being, but there is much confusion as to who should take up the position permanently.
Lady Faren’s cousin, Stephano Faren, is to inherit the Lantari fortune, but it is not clear whether she intended to will him the Triumvirs seat itself.
Some members of Lady Faren’s department, who wished to remain unnamed, have expressed a hope that the new Triumvir will be a democratic seat rather than autocratic or monarchic, in line with Enn’s position as a member of the International Democratic Union.
Enn’s ambassador to the United Nations, Consul Stephanie Fulton, is expected to remain at her post for the time being. General Xzelyn, upon declaring this, said “it must be hoped that Enn can continue its strong international presence, and that our friends from other nations will help us during this time.”
Thomas Smith, former Deputy Minister in charge of UN Affairs from the time when the Federation had been a member of the United Nations, always kept abreast of the affairs of the nations whose representatives he had interacted with in the course of performing the duties associated with his prior position. He frowned at the recent news. The Lady Faren had been declared dead, it seemed. This upset the generally even-keeled Thomas somewhat. He remembered her fondly, especially the first time they had met in Listeneisse (http://z3.invisionfree.com/UN_Organizations/index.php?showtopic=204) on UN business. He had even given thought to having her as his fourth wife. Ah, well. Such ruminations were not helpful, he knew. He needed to do something about the situation. Extracting himself from his favorite and incredibly comfortable chair, Thomas set about trying to make arrangements to attend the funeral, calling favors in from his former co-workers. Many hours passed before Thomas turned the lights off in his study and went to bed, too tired to care which one of his wives was in the bed this time.
I have been directed by His Royal Highness, Prince Leonhard, to express the condolences of the royal family and the people of Ausserland on this sad occasion.
Balthasar H. von Aschenbach
The Principality of Ausserland
We would like to offer our condolences on this sad occasion. However, we would like to make an inquiry: is this the end of the influence of the makers of Ennish Shandy on the Triumverate?
From the office of the Grand Poobah of
The Rogue Nation of Flibbleites
On behalf of the entire nation we'd like to express our deepest condolences on this occasion.
Grand Poobah of The Rogue Nation of Flibbleites
First Lady of The Rogue Nation of Flibbleites
From the office of Robert Flibble
UN Representative of The Rogue Nation of Flibbleites
This is a sad day indeed, I will truly miss Lady Faren's presence at the UN.
Lady Faren taken to that Big Ennish Shandy Bottle in the Sky
UN HEADQUARTERS (Paradise City Town Crier) -- Lady Yssandra Faren, the ruthless autocrat and triumvir of Enn who used her fortunes in a trademark national beverage to buy political influence and control over her nation's security forces, was discovered dead on Sunday in a corrider of the UN building, not far from the General Assembly chamber.
She was in her late twenties, or if Kennyite intelligence officers are to be believed (and they aren't), her nineties.
Though medical authorities were not immediately certain about the cause of death, one unverified witness claimed to have seen "military penguins" scurrying from the scene with a bottle of Ennish shandy in hand, or in this case, flipper. The witness was immediately declared a terrorist and detained by Kennyite security forces.
On the floor of the General Assembly, Secretary of State Alex Tehrani relayed "the heartfelt condolences of the Federal Republic to the nation and people of Enn, and to the lady's family and friends." He called Faren "a stalwart of United Nations politics," and praised her for her role in founding the UN Old Guard.
The former Ennish consul to the United Nations, Faren somehow emerged from Enn's "Destabilisation" last year as one of the most powerful figures in the government, with control over the nation's police, army and diplomatic corps. She was also a former love interest of President Fernanda.
But relations between the two world leaders soured following an awkward movie date they shared, after which Faren did her best to avoid the president, and Fernanda harassed the lady to no end of crank phone calls. They were seen bickering publicly at UN Headquarters over one such conversation about Faren's refrigerator, if it was running, and whether she should go catch it.
Asked if relations with Enn may change in the light of Lady Faren's sudden death, a State Department spokesman said no. "We have no formal diplomatic relations with Enn, so I can't see very well how they could change." He scoffed at the triumvirate -- toward which the Federal Republic has maintained a wary stance since the former's departure from the National Sovereignty Organization.
"They're sovereignty-haters now, anyway," he said. "Semi-fluffies, dreaded International Federalists, one-worlders -- and we're pretty sure they hand out poison candy to children at Halloween, too."
It is as of yet uncertain who will stand as Faren's successor in the triumvirate."Ten-hut!" barked the Marine guard as the doors to the Frowning Street Situation burst open and Fernanda entered with his chief of staff. Immediately the military and civilian leaders seated around the conference table stood at attention as the president seized his chair at the near end. "As you were," he consented, and they reclaimed their seats.
"So what's all this about anyway?" the president asked.
"Sir, the situation in Enn has the potential to get ugly, what with the death of a triumvir with no designated heir," said Sec. Tehrani. "Things over there can get very bad very fast if the matter isn't settled civilly."
"And how does that affect us?"
"Well, sir, Enn has been one of the most influential voices in the United Nations. We have watched them switch from moderate sovereigntist to more of an interventionalist, resign from the UN, then return. And with this open triumvir position holding authority over the nation's UN delegation, we don't know what future UN stance Enn will pursue. It could have an impact on our own UN policy if Enn, say, switched back to a more sovereigntist stance."
"Yeah? So how do we make sure things go our way?"
"I suggest we keep a watchful eye on the situation, and inform the Ennish that we are committed to a stable, democratic Enn--"
"The Conglomerate is already buying up shares of Faren's shandy racket on our behalf," interrupted Susa Batko-Yovino, the secretary of the treasury.
"What?" Tehrani. "Won't the Ennish be suspicious that our government is investing so heavily in--"
"No, not us. Right now, it's just a bunch of Kennyite companies with a sudden interest in fine drink," Batko-Yovino replied.
"But that would be--"
"--And we can transfer those stocks to our preferred candidate for triumvir. That way he (or she) will have a beter shot at taking the position, and we can assure that Enn's is a positive voice for reform in the United Nations."
Fernanda pondered this a moment. "You're saying, Susa, we can actually buy a seat on the triumvirate?"
"If we play our cards right, yeah."
"But, Mr. President--" Tehrani started, but was cut off again.
"And with a foothold in the government there, we can expand our, erm, 'presence' in Enn," offered Defense Sec. Valentine.
"Right. With all the political turmoil in Enn, they'll have to let international observers in, to keep the peace."
Tehrani again: "But ... but ... Mr. President, this is insane! There aren't any reports of turmoil in Enn!"
Fernanda smiled devilishly. "We'll just have to make some, then."
Tehrani was dumbfounded. "You know, guys, I thought at first those rumors of foul play were ridiculous," he said accusingly, "but now I gotta ask: do any of you think Lady Faren's death was an assassination?"
The room suddenly fell silent.
Out of the corner of his mouth, Fernanda muttered something about Faren, "the little tease," never returning his calls.
The Palace of the Triumvirate
Justine Engard, Chairwoman of the People's Assembly and Triumvir of Enn, strode into the office of her fellow Triumvir, Chief Justice Xavier Loreni.
"Xavier, we need to talk. We need to work out what to do."
"Justine, I presume this is about that awful business with Lady Faren? The post-mortem should be done soon. Then at least we'll know whether it's assassination."
"We both know what the result of that is going to be. Either she died of natural causes, or the killer will lean on the mortician to get that official result. That General's posturing won't change a thing. What really matters is what's going to happen to Yssandra's seat."
"Ah," Xavier paused, gathering his thoughts. "Well, her money's going to young Stephano. I've checked the will personally, it's very clear. He can also lay claim to the title 'Lord of Enn', although I'm not sure he'll want to. Especially if he doesn't become Triumvir as well."
"Which he won't," Justine replied flatly.
"You sound so... certain."
"I know he can't. Money was a tool for Yssandra, but she had enough influence even without her fortune. She could command attention. Stephano can barely instruct his servants in how he wants his dinner."
"Perhaps. But one never knows. He certainly did well in Faren-land."
"Presiding over a noble defeat! Spare me, Xavier. Yssandra spoon-fed him. If he ends up Triumvir, it'll only be as a puppet. And puppets don't last in Enn."
"So now, I suppose, we come to your problem with General Amalya Xzelyn."
"Yes. I grant her she's a good tactician, and the military looks up to her. If she were the only one in contention to the Triumvirate, I could likely work with her," Justine ended, sounding like she could continue.
"But... what have your spies found, Justine? Who else is truly likely to become Triumvir?"
"It seems a message was sent to other IDU nations, requesting help in setting up a democratic seat. It came from somewhere in Lady Faren's department. I haven't yet found out who, but if it gets out there could be chaos on the streets. And truly, I see no reason who we shouldn't have more democracy in Enn."
"Hmm..." Xavier pondered. "You've given me a bit to think about. I need to have a better look at General Xzelyn. There's something odd about her, I'm sure I remember that name from my days at the Council, before we even had a military..."
The Cold Shores of Norderia
From the Desk of the Prime Minister
The deepest sympathies are offered by the people of Norderia on this lugubrious eve. Lady Yssandra Faren will be sorely missed. The flag flies at half-mast at Parliament in honor of the Ennish.
I have granted Ambassador Tommo the Stout permission to take a leave of absence to attend the funeral, and will attend myself if either of our presences are so requested.
Cold Shores of Norderia
The deepest condolences of the Republic of Compadria lie with both the Ennish people and the Triumverate. We will display our embassy flag at half-mast for the next week as a symbol of mourning. We hope for a smooth transition of responsibilties in the Ennish government and offer our negociating capacities, should they be required, in the service of the Ennish people and state.
Lontra of the Republic of Compadria to the U.N.
"Bugger and blast it, is Otterby still away on holiday", raged Lutinae with a distinctly peevish tone in his voice, "I only learned of his petit-sejour as he so pretentiously calls it, as he was bording on the plane. Don't tell me he's left that back-stabbing imbecile Holt in charge of our U.N. office"?
Silence reigned around the cabinet office. both Marcus Hydros, the Foreign Secretary and Bob Wareing, Luris of Compadria, stared at the varnished surface of the table. Alin Guschak, the Home Secretary and Pontius Valens, the U.N. Officer Designate of the Compadrian government, looked studiously at a painting of a pastoral scene, set in Hydros province. None of the other 15 ministers gathered in the room showed any inclination to look at Lutinae either.
"Oh for Ottarkus' sake gentlemen, could you explain how we're supposed to offer negotiating and advisory capacities if our chief diplomat in international affairs is off in Love and Esterel, sunning himself on the beach with the Pazu-Lazu fellow?"
Lutinae looked decidedly furious now, but Hydros stepped in to make a suggestion.
"The Luris could fulfill the role if necessary Lontra".
Wareing looked edgily.
"I've a complex legislative programme to get through, a raft of ceremonial and diplomatic functions to attend, a sea of policies to set out at the national conference in two months time and the full-time job of keeping three bickering parties (see Compadrian election results) together each week. So I can't do it. What about you Hydros"?
"I'm busy with filing", Hydros posited warily, "our departmental audit is coming up and anyways, I'm flying out to the Palentine to negotiate a uranium contract, I can't do it I'm afraid".
"Well then", Lutinae said, sullen now in vocal terms, "I guess you'll have to do it Pontius".
"Very well Lontra", Valens said with an audible lack of enthusiasm, "but remember, the Ennish have to acquiese first to our offer".
"Yes, but with the shit-storm of intrigue that's going to be kicked up by this whole death, I'm sure they'll at the very least enquire at some point. Regardless, anything else we should discuss about this matter".
No response was forthcoming.
"Very well, let's look at these budget figures for the pre-budget address on the 15th of July, now as I see it we've got a deficit in..."
Faren: Natural Causes
Manasi Adrahn for the Daily Ennial
Lady Yssandra Faren, Triumvir of Enn, died from natural causes Sunday afternoon. According to the official post-mortem undertaken at the Central Hospital of Enn, she suffered an aneurysm to the brain and died instantly.
General Amalya Xzelyn, acting Triumvir, has officially closed the investigation into Lady Faren's death following this announcement. "There is no need to continue a search for possible assassins now we know there are none," she said in a statement to the press.
She continued by saying, "it is good to know we Ennish have nothing to fear from foreign aggressors at this time."
Chairwoman Justine Engard also released a statement, expressing a hope that Ennish lives can return to normal, and that a speedy solution to the succession dilemma can be found that suits all parties.
One potential Triumvir has crossed his name off the list. Stephano Faren, heir to the Lantari fortune, stated that he had enough work with running Enn's largest company (Lantari Shandy Supplies) that he "would not be able to apply himself fully to the duty of the Triumvirate".
This leaves General Xzelyn as the principal choice for Lady Faren's seat.
However, the Daily Ennial has learnt of a message sent from an unnamed source within Lady Faren's department, pleading for international help in setting up a democratic opponent to General Xzelyn.
General Xzelyn did not comment on this news, beyond saying she would welcome challengers to come forward.
Chairwoman Engard has previously expressed a wish for more democracy in Enn, but when asked about the latest news simply reiterated her wish for a resolution that would suit the Ennish people. Chief Justice Loreni refused to comment on this matter.
Funeral Service for Lady Yssandra Faren
Lady Yssandra Faren, Triumvir of Enn, will be laid to rest on Friday 30th June. Colleagues and friends from throughout her life are invited to pay their respects at a funeral and memorial service at the Palace of the Council at 11 o'clock, followed by a funeral procession to the Ennish Central Cemetary...
The notice continued declaiming Lady Faren's life and times and praising her to the highest at great length.
Notices were put up throughout the Palace of the Triumvirate, the Palace of the Council, the People's Assembly, the Lantari Breweries and other major sites through Enn.
Copies were also sent to various other nations, primarily those with whom Enn had had significant contact at and through the UN.
UN Building Mgmt
The Bureaucracy of UN Building Mgmt
From the Board of Directors
On behalf of the entire UN Building Mgmt we'd like to express our deepest sympthay to Lady Faren's friends and family. We have ordered all flags at the UN Building to be flow at half-staff in her honor
"Are you sure that they won't notice that we had to basically fake a Board of Directors letterhead?" asked William Smithers.
"We don't have a choice, we won't be recieving any more of it until Monday," replied James Gould.
The Most Glorious Hack
I would like to extend my deepest condolences to Lady Faren's family as well as the entirety of the Ennish people after the untimely passing of Lady Faren. While our dealings were exceptionally limited, she had certainly earned my respect. Her presence in the meandering bitch-fests that were UN "debates" will be missed.
Doctor Denis Leary
Ambassador to the UN
On Behalf of Dr. Josef Specter, Nominal Head of the Oligarchy
The Federated Technocratic Oligarchy of the Most Glorious Hack
On behalf of his Majesty King Valik the third’s government, we would like to extend our deepest sympathies on behalf of our citizens to the family of Lady Faren. Her to the point attitude in debates earned her the respect of many colleagues both within the UN and otherwise.
With deep condolences
Nadia D’Nion, Prime Minister
Office for the Prime Minister
HM Government of Telidia