NationStates Jolt Archive

DTAS LAND vs. Experts
To begin the Lancre Cup, DTAS LAND and Experts took the field. Both teams had completely forgotten about the cup, and so grabbed random people at the airport. Still groggy from the chloroform, both teams attempted to eat the ball, but eventually, after being tased by the referees, began to play. Maybe the fact that one of Expert's players was a pro had something to do with his win.
DTAS LAND 2, Experts 3

Trandonor vs. Extreme Dictators
Both of these nations had left their teams at home too. Luckily for Trandonor, he had taken a soccer camp three years back.
Trandonor 4, Extreme Dictators 1

Argumentium vs. The Mighty ED
The Mighty ED showed up prepared to kick some butt. While none of his army, I mean team, actually knew how to play the sport, they had come fully armed with M-16s, grenades, tanks, air support, the works. Somehow, Argumentium managed to score twice before being obliterated.
Argumentium 2, The Mighty ED, 5

Determined cows vs. Serginsonia
Determined cows fielded a team of, well, cows. Serginsonia couldn't quite get to their feet because the field was waist deep in cow manure.
DC 4, Serginsonia 1

Sliponia vs. Raging Penguins
Willy Dee and his Extremely Dangerous Hair strangled anyone who came close to the goal, including his own teammates. After he killed about five people on each side, he took the ball and sat in the opposing goal until the match was over.
Raging Penguins 1, Sliponia 0

Worcester vs. Anyland
As Anyland came to the field in hazmat suits, the pox began to kill Worcester's team. Then, the SWAT team opened fire. Finally, the Roman legions attacked. Worcester never stood a chance.
Anyland 5, Worcester 4

Candy rocks vs. LostLotheria
Candy rocks was woefully unprepared for the Cup, but LostLotheria was also hungry, considering they're made up of refugees. Candy rocks team was actually candy rocks, so while the refugees were eating the candy, Candy rocks' coach snuck across the field and scored a few times.
Lost Lotheria 1, Candy rocks 5

Rachel's Insanity vs. Buddhist Sausage
Rachel's Insanity converted the other team to their odd, odd religion. After sacrificing several fans in the stands, they scored until their gods were appeased.
Rachel's Insanity 5, Buddhist Sausage 0

Ravenclawesome vs. Cristia West
The match was played as scheduled, much to the shock and disappointment of everyone attending.
Ravenclawesome 3, Cristia West, 2

Moth Balls vs. Oatrujcs
Moth Balls got an early lead in the game by getting to the match an hour early and starting to score goals. Oatrujcs didn't really care.
Moth Balls 5, Oatrujcs 1

Gandhi followers vs. Bongostan
They follow Gandhi. They were annihalated.
Gandhi followers 1, Bongostan 5

Bla alb vs. SAF
Bla alb was too hung over to get up, even though is was now 4:00 pm. SAF scored on themselves once in pity.
Bla alb 1, SAF 2

Flomp vs. Heiligkeit
Flomp actually cared about the Cup, for some odd reason. Heiligkeit was too busy trying to manipulate Lancre's economy.
Flomp 2, Heiligkeit, 0

Itzban vs. Tonca
Tonca's peaceful ways appealed to Itzban, and put him in a trance. While in the trance, they kicked the ball into their own goal.
Tonca 2, Itaban 1

Soyuz 1 vs. Doerce
Soyuz 1 brought an actual well trained team, and did well with it.
Soyuz 1 5, Doerce 2

Sirocco vs. Macrauchenia
By some "freak" accident, Macrauchenia's team was mauled by a large flying hippo that crossed back into Sirocco's borders after it was done with the attack.
Sirocco 5, Macrauchenia 0

Dregruk vs. Zamboni Island
Dregruk's recent addition of a large cyclops to the team turned out to be a brilliant move. The cyclops picked up George and hurled him at the other side. Luckily George was a tank, otherwise he wouldn't have survived the impact, unlike the people beneath him he crushed.
Dregruk 5, Zamboni Island 2

Robertybob vs. Desigaspring
Neither team came, so the fans played for them. Casualties were in the thousands.
Robertybob 4, Desigaspring 3

Sacer Raptoris vs. Fed up scientists
Fed up scientists's team had very advanced, scientific weapons equipped with them. Maybe this had something to do with the scientists? The smoke still hasn't cleared, but it is thought that Fed up scientists won the match.
Fed up scientists 4, Sacer Raptoris 3

Rogavit vs. Voltana
Rogavit released wild llamas onto the field, which also happened to be rabid, as Voltana found out quickly.
Rogavit 4, Voltana 3
Troon vs. GNY Embassy
Odd how heavily armed an embassy would be... One might almost think they were cheating by launching artillery at Troon's team's bus on the way to the field.
GNY Embassy 4, Troon 1

Umgullia vs. Ultana
"Hey!" exclaimed both sides. "Our names both start with a U!" While Ultana was splitting its sides laughing (they have a very odd sense of humor over there) Umgullia scored repeatedly.
Umgullia 5, Ultana 1

Austria Prussia vs. Andrewmania
Andrewmania, keeping up with their coniving ways, convinced Austria Prussia that the Lancre Cup was being held inside Dregruk's borders, and that no passports were needed. You can guess what happened when they didn't stop for the border guard.
Andrewmania 3, Austria Prussia 0

Lineups for the next heat will be announced shortly.

http://www.slackdaddy.org/jpg/pancake_bunny.jpg

http://www.slackdaddy.org/jpg/pancake_bunny.jpg

Of course you'd have no idea what he's talking about. You're not in our region.

Of course you'd have no idea what he's talking about. You're not in our region.


Which begs the question of why the hell you're posting it in General.

Candy rocks vs. Experts
Sadly, Candy rocks thought the strategy that worked against LostLotheria would work again. It almost did, but Experts ate the candy after the win.
Candy rocks 0, Experts 1

Soyuz 1 vs. Andrewmania
As Andrewmania attempted to steal all Soyuz 1’s players’ clothes, they quickly discovered that the locks to the doors they were attempting to pick were rigged with plastic explosives.
Soyuz 1 5, Andrewmania 1

Moth Balls vs. Sirocco
As Moth Balls’ team prepared to obey the referee’s request for “a good, clean game,” Sirocco’s robots began kicking the other team’s groins repeatedly. However, one player was faking being kicked, so Moth Balls at least got a goal.
Sirocco 2, Mothballs 1

Tonca vs. The Mighty ED
Nobody really knows what happened during this match. As the dust cloud rose, dinosaurs, barbarians, and puppies stormed the field. Since the Mighty ED’s team was the team left standing, they were declared the winners of the match.
Tonca 2, The Mighty ED 4

Dregruk vs. Trandonor
Dregruk decided to give Trandonor some mercy. They only murdered most of the team.
Dregruk 4, Trandonor 2

Anyland vs. SAF
Much to Anyland’s dismay, the !Stupendous! Tim was penetrated. Not for long, though, because as soon as SAF got inside of him, he closed off again, suffocating the person inside. SAF sacrificed three of their members, but time ran out before they could catch up to Anyland’s score. In order to ease SAF’s conscience, Anyland let the pox get them.
Anyland 5, SAF 3

Flomp vs. Robertybob
Again, the fans played for Robertybob. Too bad a Flomp cruise missile hit the stadium.
Flomp 4, Robertybob 2

Determined cows vs. Umgullia
Determined cows decided to sleep in this time, after finding out how much cleaning up the cow pats from the field cost them last time. Umgullia proved their ineptness at the sport by scoring on themselves five times in a row. Maybe they should have paid for that coach after all.
Determined cows 5, Umgullia 2

GNY Embassy vs. Rogavit
Rogavit decided to take a more legal way to win the game by putting lawyers on their team. GNY wouldn’t touch them for fear of a lawsuit.
GNY Embassy 2, Rogavit 5

Raging Penguins vs. Rachel’s Insanity
Much to Raging Penguin’s relief, their team was ripped to shreds (literally) by Rachel’s Insanity.
Raging Penguins 2, Rachel’s Insanity 3

Ravenclawesome vs. Bongostan vs. Fed up scientists
For scientists, Fed up scientists’ team isn’t very smart. They would have had a bye, but instead decided to take up the field with Ravenclawesome and Bongostan. Bongostan had an early lead, but soon Ravenclawesome had caught up. Then, Fed up scientists split their sides laughing as a breed of super-moles that they had created came up from underneath the field and devoured both teams.
Ravenclawesome 3, Bongostan 2, Fed up scientists 4

Yes, Another win for me!

Anyland vs. Experts
After discovering that the rock candy that they ate last time was badly made, Experts came to the field feeling very nauseous. Anyland ruthlessly exploited this as they pulled out fresh caught fish, which they beat Experts with until the smell made them lose their lunches.
Anyland 5, Experts 2

Dregruk vs. Soyuz 1
Dregruk almost lost this match, somehow. Maybe it had something to do with Soyuz 1’s team using their leftover C4 on George. Nah.
Dregruk 3, Soyuz 1 2

Sirocco vs. Flomp
Flomp shot another cruise missile at the Grand Anyland Stadium, but it hit a flying hippo hovering over the stadium (those just show up whenever you don’t want them to, don’t they?) Sirocco’s robots then proceeded to beat Flomp’s team as they walked through the door, ensuring victory.
Sirocco 5, Flomp 3

Determined cows vs. Rachel’s Insanity
Rachel’s Insanity worked themselves into a frenzy over the upcoming match, and ran into the stadium to score as many goals as they could before DC could react. When they settled down, they realized that DC hadn’t ever shown up, and had taken their own goal back to the hotel they were in, leaving only one goal available to score in, Rachel’s Insanity’s own.
DC 4, Rachel’s Insanity 0

Rogavit vs. Fed up scientists
Fed up scientists was getting bored with the whole scientific victory thing, so they came in with axes and swords and left with another win.
Rogavit 2, Fed up scientists 5

Lineup for the next heat:
Anyland vs. Dregruk vs. Sirocco vs. Determined cows vs. Fed up scientists