Assis
06-05-2006, 04:00
On the 6th of May of 2006, around 2:00 am GMT,
the newly born but powerful Commonwealth of Assis
declared war to the whole world.
While neighbouring countries were fast asleep,
4.999.997 soldiers armed with seriously heavy sticks
left the grand capital of this perennial nation
to begin their march towards glory and victory.
Unfortunately, the armies advanced on a Friday night,
without having a clue that on Fridays most people
in other countries are awake until later. According to
the last messages arriving to the capital "opposing armies
are responding with flying dragons that drop fire from the sky
and soldier demons armed with magical staffs that spit
miniature metal penises that pierce through the flesh
of our young soldiers"
The Great Army of the Commonwealth of Assis was crushed
in 1 hour and 13 seconds, exactly 15 minutes and 34 seconds
after crossing the borders.
There are no survivors reported.
Francisco, the spiritual leader of Assis, was against the war
along with his mom and his best friend Tiago. He was reported
as saying:,"We never found out who they invaded in the end,
no one came back to tell us."
So how is the country now recovering from this slaughter?
Tiago says "It's proving difficult. The only woman
left in the country is my Francisco's mum. She's 50 years old
and we're worried that she may not be able to become
pregnant anymore, despite my intensive efforts.
Francisco is particularly distraught. He's wandering
whether he should give it a try, just in case the problem
is with me."
The Commonwealth of Assis, through the voice
of the newly appointed enlightened leader Francisco issued
a world-wide apology today at a press-conference held in Assis:
"We, the three people of the Commonwealth of Assis,
would like to apologise to all nations of the world
for this terrible mistake. So... Sorry, it won't happen again.
We promise."
Unfortunately, no reporters were alive to cover
the press conference and the three leaders weren't able to invite
any representatives from neighbouring countries,
since all postmen were dead as well and they didn't know
who they should be inviting anyway.
the newly born but powerful Commonwealth of Assis
declared war to the whole world.
While neighbouring countries were fast asleep,
4.999.997 soldiers armed with seriously heavy sticks
left the grand capital of this perennial nation
to begin their march towards glory and victory.
Unfortunately, the armies advanced on a Friday night,
without having a clue that on Fridays most people
in other countries are awake until later. According to
the last messages arriving to the capital "opposing armies
are responding with flying dragons that drop fire from the sky
and soldier demons armed with magical staffs that spit
miniature metal penises that pierce through the flesh
of our young soldiers"
The Great Army of the Commonwealth of Assis was crushed
in 1 hour and 13 seconds, exactly 15 minutes and 34 seconds
after crossing the borders.
There are no survivors reported.
Francisco, the spiritual leader of Assis, was against the war
along with his mom and his best friend Tiago. He was reported
as saying:,"We never found out who they invaded in the end,
no one came back to tell us."
So how is the country now recovering from this slaughter?
Tiago says "It's proving difficult. The only woman
left in the country is my Francisco's mum. She's 50 years old
and we're worried that she may not be able to become
pregnant anymore, despite my intensive efforts.
Francisco is particularly distraught. He's wandering
whether he should give it a try, just in case the problem
is with me."
The Commonwealth of Assis, through the voice
of the newly appointed enlightened leader Francisco issued
a world-wide apology today at a press-conference held in Assis:
"We, the three people of the Commonwealth of Assis,
would like to apologise to all nations of the world
for this terrible mistake. So... Sorry, it won't happen again.
We promise."
Unfortunately, no reporters were alive to cover
the press conference and the three leaders weren't able to invite
any representatives from neighbouring countries,
since all postmen were dead as well and they didn't know
who they should be inviting anyway.