NationStates Jolt Archive

About the Cup

The Lancre Cup is a monthly football tournament competed in by nations in the region of Lancre.

The Lancre Cup is easy enough to take part in since the amount of involvement you want is entirely up to you. Every nation in Lancre is entered into the Cup automatically but those not wishing to take part are free to quit if they wish. All nations are drawn against each other randomly into heats. The winners of these heats progress to the quarter finals, then the semi-finals and so on and so forth.

Participants can feel free to write about their team, their fans, their stadia, etc. and submit it to the main thread in the Nationstates forum (HERE). Please note that anything you write may be used against you by the organiser (ie. your robot team may short out in the rain).

For those of you unfamiliar with the cup, we have a nsWiki site all about it at http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/The_Lancre_Cup

According to my count, these nations are no longer with us since the last cup; Aamericaa, Cicadalek, Damage Incorporated, Docere, DTAS LAND, Fartington, GROEGER, Harisia, Je Marques, Morporkian Lunatics. Some new nations have joined our ranks; Alexaander, Culdado, EDCL, Frederick Mickinson, Heiligkeit, Pazdom, Pugna, Roscco, Villasan. Welcome.

Final First Round Draw

Heat One
Roscco vs. Villasan
Sirocco vs. LostLotheria
Moth Balls vs Sliponia
Troon vs Dregruk
EDCL vs Frederick Mickinson
UCI vs Bongostan
Heat Two
Mother Culture vs Pazdom
Ultana vs Gandhi Followers
Sunstate vs The Harlot of Babylon
Rachels Insanity vs Sulfamic vs Froggity
Tonca vs Yesnono
Cristia West vs Andrewmania
Heat Three
Pugna vs Umgullia
Soyuz 1 vs Zamboni Island
Culdado vs Determined cows
Wash Baskets vs SAF
Jothopolis vs GNY Embassy
Heiligkeit vs Jamiezomonia

Organiser's note: This draw prevents us from have 2 three way games in the last rounds.

The Cup won't be starting for a little while, but I thought I'd let you all get started on your threats and secret plans...

Our lineup stand thus:

Strikers: Henry the poodle, a frog, and Geoff Waskakki.
Defenders: a tree, the colour purple, and Miss Sirocco
Midfielders: Sleazy Pete, a carboard cut-out of Pamela Anderson, Werry Togan (Terry Wogan's evil twin), and Guff-Guff Gammy.
Goalkeeper: Lucinda the flightless hippo.

Our line-up: :sniper:

STRIKERS: Speedy the national Snail, Queen Arra (the wife of Culdado's King Mark:fluffle: and the ruler of Culdado's capital, Arra City), and Gloria Arroyo (the present lady president of the Philippines)

DEFENDERS: Batista, Kane, Big Show, and Triple H (all from WWE)

MIDFIELDERS: Saddam, George Bush, and Mr. Krabs (from Spongebob)

GOAL KEEPER: Patrick Star (also from Spongebob)

:mp5:

Culdado's line-up for this cup will be composed of fine and able athletes. All four defenders are professional wrestlers from WWE. They are Batista, Kane, Big Show, and Triple H.

Strikers for the national team are Speedy the national Snail, the Philippines' President Gloria Arroyo, and her highness Queen Arra (the wife of King Mark and the ruler of Culdado's capital, Arra City).

Another royalty will be suiting up for play as Princess Arniella will be one of the midfielders, together with Saddam and the owner of world renowned Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs!!

Completing the powerhouse line-up will be the inspiration for Culdado's national flag, Mr. Patrick Star.

Sunstate's Team! *cheer*

DEFENSE:
goalie: Bob (from Weebl and Bob)
center back: Foamy the squirrel (fear his squirrelly wrath!)
left back:Johnny Depp *
right back: Jessica Rabbit
other back XD : King Kong

MIDS:
left mid: my boyfriend ^^
center mid: Pingu (got to have at least one penguin...)
right mid: Kermit the frog

FORWARDS:
striker:a llama that wandered onto the pitch at the start of the match
left wing: Michael Jackson (he's gonna moonwalk all ova yo' ass!)
right wing: Johnny Bravo(he kicks BUTT!)

*extract from conversation with boyfriend (I discussed this with him over messenger)
sok muppet:
why johnny depp
Attack my kitty minions!!!! says:
why not
sok muppet says:
why
Attack my kitty minions!!!! says:
why not
sok muppet says:
you have a thign for him dont you ><
Attack my kitty minions!!!! says:
no.....................
sok muppet says:
sure

XD

Strikers: Evil Harry, Ronald the Destroyer, The Incredible B*stard
Defenders: The Annihilator, B*stard boy, Fingers Mcree, Jack
Midfielders: Lucky Seth, Disgruntled Student A, Disgruntled Student B
Goalkeeper: Butcher

All players are heavily armed, and ready to destroy anyone who uses the word 'lol'.

Our team list is to be kept largely quiet. Suffice to say, the players are all improvements on the region-beating Slimy Thing #7. We are happy to announce, however, that our goal keeper is to be a Heavy Battle Tank (affectionately named George).

Round One Draw

Roscco vs. Villasan
Sirocco vs. LostLotheria
Moth Balls vs Sliponia
Troon vs Dregruk
UCI vs Bongostan
Mother Culture vs Pazdom

Ultana vs Gandhi Followers
Sunstate vs The Harlot of Babylon
Rachels Insanity vs. Sulfamic vs Froggity
Tonca vs Yesnono
Cristia West vs Andrewmania
Anyland vs Umgullia

Soyuz 1 vs Zamboni Island
Culdado vs Determined cows
Wash Baskets vs SAF
Jothopolis vs GNY Embassy
Heiligkeit vs. Frederick Mickinson
Milktea vs. Random Buggers


Round One

Roscco vs. Villasan

The Lancre Cup Organizing Committee (of Yesnono) decided to put two new teams first in the hope the field would look pretty for at least one match. "I mean, really, did you see this thing after the last Cup was done? After the groundskeepers were done with their crying, it took them four days just to get rid of the broken flamethrower bits… And does anyone know how the huge pile of acorns got under the south goal?"

The actual game was a masterpiece of defensive play: the fans got really bored.

Roscco 1, Villasan 2

* * *

Sirocco vs. LostLotheria

This was what the fans were waiting for, a stupendous match between the defending champ (the regional founder) and the third place team (through a series of dastardly plots).

The analysts would latter say that accepting a sponsorship that required you to wear watermelons on your feet was probably an example of hubris, which comes before a fall… Or, in this case a slip, a slide, a glop and the sound of cardboard ripping.

Sirocco 6, LostLotheria 8

* * *

Moth Balls vs Sliponia

"Wait a second… " said Mathew Jones, sitting in level 3, section 327, row 8, seat 12. "Didn't Moth Balls get kicked out of the last cup for some reason?" "Yeah," replied Joe Belmont, seat 14, "They got kicked out because the whole country went 'poof' during the middle of the tourney." "Oh, I thought it was because of something entertaining or explosive." "No." "They're gonna get creamed."

And they did.

Moth Balls 3, Sliponia 9

* * *

Troon vs Dregruk

Once the Dregruk team manager thought of putting cat mask on Slimy Thing #7(1), Slimy Thing #7(2), Slimy Thing #7(3) etc, and even a really big one on George (the Heavy Battle Tank), the Troon team decided to cut their losses and huddled in a twitchy, despondent manner directly in front of their goal.

Troon 2, Dregruk 7

* * *

UCI vs Bongostan

In a tough fought and nearly matched game it came down to the last minutes of the last half. UCI was ahead by one, but Bongostan had the ball and seemed determined to score. Their region-famous striker had an open look at the goal. He kicked. The ball whizzed toward the goal, but before it got there, it hit a bump caused by the treads on George, and bounced up and over the goal.

"That's what ya get for trying to play real soccer at this tournament. Bring on the flamethrowers…" was shouted down from the expensive seats in the back, where each box has its own escape stair.

UCI 4, Bongostan 3

* * *

Mother Culture vs. Pazdom

It was a brilliant plan. They knew it was brilliant, because it had been used against them last time. They superglued the Pazdom team's cleats together. They did their backup cleats too. They even went around to every sporting goods store in Yesnono City and superglued those together.

The damage to the Pazdom team's morale was so great that they couldn't even laugh at the two Mother Culture Midfielders who were stuck together, back to back, walking down the field sideways.

Mother Culture 6, Pazdom 0

* End of Heat One *

* Start of Heat Two *

Ultana vs Gandhi Followers

The bright new day dawned fiercely hot. Which, in Yesnonoian terms, means 75°F (23.9°C?) and only partially cloudy.

There was a brilliant move, which will go down in the annals of sport history, but it was done by this guy in the middle of the stands using someone else's backpack as a ball. On the field, Gandhi Followers scored. Then Ultana scored. After that, Gandhi Followers scored again.

Ultana 1, Gandhi Followers 2

* * *

Sunstate vs The Harlot of Babylon

This match started out normally, to the fans consternation. However, about 30 minutes in, a fleet of white vans pulled up and started kidnapping Sunstate players. Pingu the penguin (and previous soccer ball), Foamy the squirrel, Kermit the frog, King Kong, even Jessica Rabbit and the random llama were all grabbed.

The Harlot of Babylon team protested that this would happen without them being responsible. The small remainder of the Sunstate team protested that their teammates were missing.

Eventually, the Yesnono City Zoo confessed to the kidnapping, but said that they did it for the good of the animals. And that Jessica Rabbit had been a mistake.

Sunstate 2, The Harlot of Babylon 3

* * *

Rachels Insanity vs. Sulfamic vs Froggity

Across town, in another venue…

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/sasarah/soccer_field.gif

… the Sulfamic team was plotting. They told the Rachels Insanity team that Froggity had called them funny looking. They told the Froggity team that the Rachels Insanity team had insulted their mothers. They told both that the other had called them gullible. "Our goal," explained the team captain, to a YC Post reporter while standing in a dark ally wearing a trench coat, "is to make them hate each other so much that they won't gang up with each other to get us."

It started out very well for them, but unfortunately, they hadn't counted on Crazy Pete (Rachels Insanity) and his inability to direct his anger. They were ahead, working with the RI team, when Pete, seeing a Froggity player, went ballistic. In the time it took for the Rachels Insanity and Sulfamic team to regain consciousness (the refs were scared of him too, and decided not to stop play), the Froggity team had scored two goals. But in the end it wasn't enough.

Rachels Insanity 3 Sulfamic 5 vs. Froggity 2

* * *

Tonca vs Yesnono

Yesnono lost. It always happens. Even the Yesnono bookies have stopped taking bets on win vs. lose, and will now only take bets on how much we'll lose by.

"Tonca…"
"Yeah?"
"We like Tonca, they're a good nation to lose to."
"Yup."
"I mean, they were our Delegate at some point. We've heard of them…"
"Yup…"
"Why do I bother talking to you?"
"…."
"Right."

Tonca 6, Yesnono 1

* * *

Cristia West vs Andrewmania

The Andrewmania players started off quick, tying each of the Cristia West players to their own goal posts. Once they had checked that they were secure, they scored one goal, and left for the pub across the street.

At halftime, the refs got into a fight with the immobile Cristia West players over their failure to switch sides.

In a post game conference, the team captain vowed "Once we get back to Cristia West, every one of our players will have to complete a full month course on knots. That was embarrassing.

Cristia West 0, Andrewmania 1

* * *

Anyland vs Umgullia

Anyland's secret weapon was reveled at the beginning of the match, when, along with the rest of their announced players, Godzilla came onto the field. The Umgullia team immediately went into a huddle. "So what do we do about this?" "We need an alpaca." "A what? And why?" "Alpaca. Looks kinda like a llama. And it's like that think with elephants and mice. Really big animal scared of something for no reason." "Right, Joe, go steal that llama back from the Zoo. It'll be close enough."

It was close enough. Godzilla saw the llama and got scared. Really scared He hopped up and down on one foot and then the other. He ran around in circles. He spouted flames all over the place, trying to get the llama.

He managed to step on each one of the Umgullia players at least once, except the captain. He got flamed twice.

Anyland 4, Umgullia 1



* End of Heat Two *

* Start of Heat Three *



Soyuz 1 vs Zamboni Island

The day stared off cold and wet. (Translation from Yesnonoian: 74°F (23.3°C?) and half cloudy, maybe even a little fog in the mountains.) All the fans complained about the miserable weather, and the stadium was only half filled.

Halfway through the game, the team from Soyuz 1 got confused by the scoreboards, thought they had 11 points rather than 1, and switched to an energy saving defensive strategy. Even during the post game press conferences, the captain was convinced that his team had won, until one of the reporters asked "Well, who scored the second goal?"

Soyuz 1 1, Zamboni Island 5

* * *

Culdado vs Determined cows

Determined cows Spokespersons had described their team as "heavily armed, and ready to destroy anyone who uses the word 'lol'." When told that Culdado had used a thing known as a 'fluffle' in announcing their team, that same spokesperson rubbed his hands together and said "I can't wait. It's going to be brutal… Mwa ha ha ha. Ha."

The Determined cows strategy was to keep the ball on the Culdado side of the court. "It's really self sacrificing of us. That way the lovely Queen Arra won't have to deal with The Annihilator, B*stard boy, Fingers Mcree, Jack or Butcher. Especially Butcher."

After the game the Culdado captain spoke "We have realized, after this experiment, that animated characters have an awkward tendency towards slapstick humor that prevents them from keeping goal. The way he turned himself into a soccer ball, for example."

Culdado 1, Determined cows 4

* * *

Wash Baskets vs SAF

The rebuilt robot team was working well, but the real advantage came when the smell of the vendor's foods started to be wafted over the stadium. The SAF team vowed to "waft the smell of oil, or batteries, or whatever those guys need next time. It's no fair for them not to be distracted."

Wash Baskets 3, SAF 2

* * *

Jothopolis vs GNY Embassy

They played.

Jothopolis 3, GNY Embassy 5

* * *

Heiligkeit vs. Frederick Mickinson

The Heiligkeit team, having read about past cups and studied tapes of past games, came prepared. Each player had a mace stuck in one of his socks. As it slowly became apparent that this game was to be played in a normal, lawful, manner, it also became apparent that a mace in one sock makes you not only slow, but also lopsided.

According to one fan "They didn't do to bad for a team running slowly in circles."

Heiligkeit 2, Frederick Mickinson 3

* * *

Milktea vs. Random Buggers

These two teams didn't seem to have their hearts in the game. It could be because of the jet lag, trying to get to their games on time. Or it could be because they weren't really teams. The LCOC(Y) had just flown out, grabbed the first 11 people they had found, and flown back.

After the first half, it occurred to the Milktea team that if they won, they had to stay, whereas if they lost, they'd be allowed to go home.

Milktea 1, Random Buggers 4

* End of Heat Three *
End of Round One

Heat 1
Villasan vs. LostLotheria
Sliponia vs. Dregruk
UCI vs Mother Culture
Gandhi Followers vs. The Harlot of Babylon
Heat 2
Sulfamic vs. Tonca
Andrewmania vs. Anyland
Zamboni Island vs. Determined cows
Wash Baskets vs. GNY Embassy
Frederick Mickinson vs. Random Buggers

Culdado vs Determined cows

Determined cows Spokespersons had described their team as "heavily armed, and ready to destroy anyone who uses the word 'lol'." When told that Culdado had used a thing known as a 'fluffle' in announcing their team, that same spokesperson rubbed his hands together and said "I can't wait. It's going to be brutal… Mwa ha ha ha. Ha."

The Determined cows strategy was to keep the ball on the Culdado side of the court. "It's really self sacrificing of us. That way the lovely Queen Arra won't have to deal with The Annihilator, B*stard boy, Fingers Mcree, Jack or Butcher. Especially Butcher."

After the game the Culdado captain spoke "We have realized, after this experiment, that animated characters have an awkward tendency towards slapstick humor that prevents them from keeping goal. The way he turned himself into a soccer ball, for example."

Culdado 1, Determined cows 4



Oh well.. A tough loss for the national team.. My wrestlers weren't any help for the team.. :headbang:

Defeated so soon! I knew it was a bad idea to hire the tree. Son of a birch!

Ladies, Gentleman, and Other Respected Members of the Lancre community, I present…

Round Two

Heat One

Villasan vs. LostLotheria

The match pared a new nation against the long time powerhouse, who even knocked out the reigning champion. The only question in the minds of the audience was "How did Villasan keep them down to 5 points?" The answer was a flightless hippo named Lucinda. When asked to comment, the Siroccian sports league stated that it would be completely below them "to attempt a unsuccessful revenge on those low-down, dirty, meanies, the LostLotherians." When pressed further, he claimed, "They must have their own native flightless hippos. What? It could happen. There could be flightless hippos in the... airport lounges... they come from."

Villasan 2, LostLotheria 5

* * *

Sliponia vs. Dregruk

Dregruk started this game out with a bang. Literally. Unfortunately, due to a change in the wind conditions in side the stadium, George (the Heavy Battle Tank) missed the Sliponia huddle. By 3 m. Sliponia's captain started appealing to better judgment of the referees, pointing out that George could hit all the way back to the expensive seats, where the foreign dignitaries were sitting. He continued, "A flamethrower now and then I can handle, but this could hurt the fans. Think of the Children, Man!" This plea had the opposite effect from the intended, as that particular ref's name was Gladys.

George did, however, earn a yellow card late in the game for shooting one of the Sliponia players out of bounds.

"Can't have that…" said a senior member of the LCOC(Y) after the game, "The disclaimers we have our guests sign don't mention flying players. Flying footballs, yes, stray artillery shells, yes, but not players."

Sliponia 4, Dregruk 7

* * *

UCI vs. Mother Culture

The UCI against Mother Culture game was a defensive masterpiece. Both teams attempted numerous plots (mess with the shoes, replace them with rabbits, Put in exploding footballs) but both were stymied by the other. It seemed that neither team could think of anything the other hadn't thought of first.

When asked about the situation, the UCI minister of sport sighed and said "It's enough to make us wish we hadn't replaced all of our players with pranksters. They might have to play!" However, it soothed his worried heart to know that Mother Culture had done the same thing.

In a match one commentator called "the worst I've ever seen, and I'm including my 6 year old nephew, here" UCI and Mother Culture tied 3 to 3. The tie-braking shoot-off went to Mother Culture, but only because the UCI captain put one in the wrong goal.

UCI 3, Mother Culture 3, tiebreaker to MC

* * *

Gandhi Followers vs. The Harlot of Babylon

The last game of the day seemed to draw on forever. It could have been the excitement of the previous games. It could have been watching the structural engineers running around like maniacs, checking the stadium, after the kitten incident. It might have been the battery of the official clock, found to be faulty after only 12 min. of play, around 5 a.m. by the LCOC(Y) secretary's watch. The players complained heartily, but were still made to finish the full game, after the clock was fixed.

The captain of the Harlot of Babylon team estimated the true playing time at over 11 hours, "But we took turns taking naps against the goalposts. We're very glad that our training regime involved sleep deprivation."

Gandhi Followers 3, The Harlot of Babylon 6



* End of Heat One *

yesnono, are you already making heat two?

My nation finally makes it past the first round! Our first step on the path to world domination! Glorious!

yesnono, are you already making heat two?
Yes, I've got three out of five done. They should be up tomorrow after my morning classes.


My nation finally makes it past the first round! Our first step on the path to world domination! Glorious!
congrats.


Son of a birch!
That makes me laugh every time I see it. And I check this thread a lot.

* Start of Heat Two *

Sulfamic vs. Tonca

Tonca's plan to distract Sulfamic with the e UN Compassion testing Kittens failed miserably. The catnapped felines failed to bring the Sulfamic team off the field saying "oooo, look at the cute wittle kittens." In fact, one of the Sulfamic players went so far as to purposely kick one of them when he went to throw a ball back in. And that's when all hell broke loose, or in this case, all of Yesnono.

If the Cup organizers were terrified of the crowd reaction when a penguin got used as a football last cup, it was nothing to what they feared now. After all, the penguin had been an adult, and was voluntarily on the field of play. This kitten was a young, innocent bystander of the fluffy variety.

Later, one of the veteran pressman of the Yesnono City Post would say, "For a nation with no military whatsoever (pleasedon'tinvadeus) I'm amazed of the accuracy of the citizenry who took command of that tank-y thing of Dregruk's. They got pretty good near the 80th minute. Too bad about them running out of ammo…"

The kittens concerned have been adopted into good homes, and will be receiving counseling to help them deal with their traumatic experience (at government expense).

Sulfamic 1, Tonca 4

* * *

Andrewmania vs. Anyland

Andrewmania's strategy for this round was inspired. Since they had no wish to actually play their potentially carnivorous adversaries, they went with a pre-game prank method. They changed every calendar in Anyland's hotel to say it was the day after the match, left large amounts of empty alcohol containers in the hall outside their rooms, and even put faked pictures of the Anyland team celebrating their win in the fake newspapers. Anyland fell for it, and assumed that they had already played and won round two , and couldn't remember due to the celebrations.

The Andrewmania team showed up, scored four unchallenged goals, and went home, apparently still feeling unwell from procuring the bottles for their prank.

Andrewmania 4 Anyland 0

* * *

Zamboni Island vs. Determined cows

Both team seem in top form for this game. Zamboni Island scored in the 3rd min. and had broken four legs and three arms on the DC team by the tenth. The determind Cows team decided to repond in kind, making the game not only painful, but painful to watch. Luckly, the Yesnono City Hospital has a wing set a side for these games.

It came down to the last few minutes of the game. It was tied one to one (breaking bones takes energy). There were two players left standing on each side, plus Zamboni Island had a Goalie with one good arm.

In a sad mistake, one of the ZI players mentioned that they'd need to check for better bones next time the team was doing physical exams. The lone DC players, Disgruntled Student A and Disgruntled Student B only noticed the word exams, and went a little nuts. When the games finished and the players were hauled off, they noted that the two players had scored 5 points for, and 1 point against in just 5m 38 sec.

Zamboni Island 2, Determined cows 6

* * *

Wash Baskets vs. GNY Embassy

This game was a perfectly standard football game, aside from a slight incident in which a Wash Baskets player was lost for 30 min, only to be found in one of the craters on the field.

Wash Baskets 4, GNY Embassy 5

* * *

Frederick Mickinson vs. the Ghosts of Random Buggers

The crowd completely understood when the Frederick Mickinson team decided to leave the pitch with the lead. "Ghosts are spooky, what with the chains and the floating and all. And the keeper was doing bad lines out of Dickens's Christmas Carol, which is even scarier."

But it was rather amazing that an insubstantial team managed to score a point using just their combined vibrations. Or maybe it was the wind. It's tough to tell.

Frederick Mickinson 4, the Ghosts of Random Buggers 1

* End of Heat Two *


Round Three Draw

LostLotheria vs. Dregruk
Mother Culture vs. The Harlot of Babylon
Tonca vs. Andrewmania
Determined cows vs. GNY Embassy vs. Frederick Mickinson

My nation finally makes it past the first round! Our first step on the path to world domination! Glorious!

Ah, but you're playing me in the next round. Your campaign ends there! :cool:

Ah, but you're playing me in the next round. Your campaign ends there!

Brave words from a Team that is about to have to play two other teams at once, DC.

Round Three (Quarterfinals)

LostLotheria vs. Dregruk

The greatest minds of Dregruk proudly revealed the 'new' George in an exhibition before the first game of the quarterfinals. The crowd politely clapped as George scored goals from the opposing goal box, from across the street, and even a trick shot from the city center, televised live on the big screen in the stadium. The press wrote the LostLotheria team looked 'concerned,' since 'panicked' wouldn't be polite.

The game started badly for LostLotheria. The first time their goalkeeper tried to stop a George propelled ball he got knocked back into the goal. The second time as well. But the third time, something amazing happened. One of the LostLotheria players body checked a Dregruk Slimy thing (# 8) into the path of the ball. …and the ball stopped. …and the LostLotheria team had a plan. Every time George looked like he was going to fire, they pushed the slimy thing #7s into the way. Their genetically engineered exoskeletons were sufficient to stop the ball. As a plan, it almost worked.

LostLotheria 5, Dregruk 6

* * *

Mother Culture vs. The Harlot of Babylon

The next match, at even odds, should have made for a great game. Both teams apparently had the same secret plot before the game, because both teams showed up with flamethrowers. The same flamethrowers; same brand, same model, same faint blue tint.

Most of the pre-match was spent in glaring, which anyone who has ever been at a party where two women showed up in the same dress would recognize.

The Mother Culture captain ran off the field crying just before the game started, and refused to come back out of the locker room until they got him a different flamethrower.

Mother Culture 1, The Harlot of Babylon 4

* * *

Tonca vs. Andrewmania

It was a good game. However, no one knows what happened because they were busy stealing each other's seats across town at the other stadium.

Tonca 4 Andrewmania 3

* * *

Determined cows vs. GNY Embassy vs. Frederick Mickinson

The Captains of the GNY and Frederick Mickinson teams meet for a strategy session 2 days before their match. "If they can't even be bothered to capitalize 'cows' they don't deserve to win…" "Righty-o" The two captains proceeded to devises a series of the most stunningly beautiful plays ever known to man. They took full advantage of having two full teams. They used every inch of the three-ended field. The two of them made brilliant diagrams, and lectured their teams for hours on end.

On game day, it all broke down. The players were trying to remember who the squares were, what team was supposed to be the triangles, and where they were supposed to be standing. The two captains were yelling things like "Play 127!!" It only took 5 minutes before they gave up and went back to yelling "Stop the guy with the ball!" but the damage had already been done.

Determined cows 6, GNY Embassy 1, Frederick Mickinson 2


* * *

Semifinal Draw

Dregruk vs. The Harlot of Babylon
Tonca vs. Determined cows

*bites fingernails nervously*

I'm actually doing well for a change...

*considers taunting DC with the fact that she knows who wins*



*still considering*



*decides it would be too mean*



*sticks out her tounge at him anyway*

Semifinals

Dregruk vs. The Harlot of Babylon

The Harlot of Babylon team had, apparently, been out celebrating their wins rather than studying the team they were about to play. Not only were they hung over, but also they suddenly realized that the tank was shooting balls at them. The team captain, in a fit of bravery or stupidity, it's hard to tell, decided to fix this problem at the source. He walked up to George, climbed up, and grabbed the end of the turret. George wobbled his turret. George shook his turret. The Harlot of Babylon player was still there. Finally, George spun his turret 540 degree, flinging the player off (but not into the crowd this time), and, through a miscommunication, firing a ball into his own goal.

It didn't get any better for the Harlot of Babylon team from there.

Dregruk 7, The Harlot of Babylon 1

* * *

Tonca vs. Determined cows

Tonca got to the stadium early and stole Determined cow's shorts. They wanted to see if they would actually play naked in front of 130,000 people, and on live TV. The DC team put on their brave faces and played, but refused to come back after halftime. Their captain came out later dressed in full formal wear to tell the reporters "there is only so much taunting a team can take. And it's cold out here."

Tonca 7, Determined cows 4

* * *
3rd Place Game
The Harlot of Babylon vs. Determined cows

Finals
Dregruk vs. Tonca

Bugger!

Well, that's my campaign over. I knew it was too good to last.

3rd Place

Playing for the Pride of their Nations to Not Lose Twice in the Same Lancre Cup, and to get Their Name in really small Print on the Cup, here are…

The Harlot of Babylon vs. Determined cows

The Harlot of Babylon team didn't show up for the start of this game. Determined cows, in lackluster spirits after their humiliating loss, decided to see just how many goals a team could score unopposed in 90 minutes, but they got bored at 6 and wandered off. Then the Harlot of Babylon team wandered in from where they'd been hiding, scored one goal, decided they still had headaches, and went to pack to head home. The crowd booed. And threw things. And waited for the finals.

The Harlot of Babylon 1, Determined cows 6


* * *

THE FINALS

* * *


The Final Match

"It's the Final Match, folks. Nearly 3 Billion Yesnonoians tried to get tickets. A lucky 130, 000 are here today. Everyone wave at the section of Tonca Fans. They're the ones wearing blue on the west end. And, everyone wave at the Dregruk Fans. They're over in the east side of the stadium wearing blood red. No really, you can wave at them, they're not that scary.

And now, it's the coin toss. It's a special coin, the Lancre Cup logo on one side, our very own Queen Anne on the other (I think she's in the stadium today, folks, lots of Important People are. Everyone wave to King Siroc, up and to your left. No, your other left. Good enough). On the field, the coin is about to be thrown. Slimy Thing Number Seven Dash One has called Lancre Cup… And it is. They pick the north end. Everyone is the Stadium is going wild, because it's about to start. For the rest of you to home, and throughout the region, keep watching our live coverage of…"


Dregruk vs. Tonca


Tonca adopted the LostLotheria method of stopping George from scoring, with a slight modification. Instead of shoving Slimy Things into harm's way, they just duct taped one onto the front of the cannon. In the time it took their forward players to do this, Dregruk scored, but Tonca felt it was well worth it.

They played on. It was a rough game, but the body armor both sides wore (or had had genetically added) was enough that no one had to leave. With ten minutes left in the game both sides had scored three more times, making it Dregruk 4, Tonca 3.

Then, the power went out. It was pitch black in the stadium for five minutes. [It was a night game for more television audience. Work with me here.] No one heard a thing, but when the lights came back on, George was gone. His drivers (ST #7-11, 12, & 13) were lying in the goal box with a lumps on their… heads.

Tonca took advantage of the Slimy Things' temporary confusion to score twice, bringing them into the lead. The Slimy Things never fully recovered from their shock, and George was never found, but a large, suspicious looking magnet was found after the game with "Property of Tonca Space Program" written on it. In blue letters.

Dregruk 4, Tonca 5

* *

A few random awards were handed out along with the cup:

Biggest Upset - Sirocco (out in the first round)

Most Improved - Determined cows (who knew they were good?)

Most Room For Improvement - Pazdom and Cristia West (try to score next time.)

Most Creativity as a Team - Umgullia (if only it had worked)

and

Best Use Of Weaponry - Tonca (the kittens were a dastardly new turn in the Cup's legacy of weaponry)

* *

And so ends Lancre Cup XIII.

[As a side note, I'm going home for winter break soon. There is a possibility that I won't have internet until I come back on Jan. 11th. If you don't hear from me, feel free to start a thread for Lancre Cup XIV on your own. Threaten each other randomly. It could be fun.

Also, I hugely appreciate those who participate in the Cup, but I'll point out here that I couldn't name any position other then a goalkeeper, so you don't need to be very complicated with your rosters. Big things (like, look, he's a tank), are helpful, or your plot to defeat the other guy (kittens). And, as always, if you don't make something up, I will.

And thank you again for the cow pat. I shall treasure it until it starts to smell.

Yesnono]

I should really check in more regularly!

I knew we'd made the second round but it is a bit overwhelming to find out, all in the space of minutes, that not only did we win our third match round, we won our semi and the final!! :-) Yay for Tonca!

And I thought we were all gone when I read:
Tonca's plan to distract Sulfamic with the UN Compassion testing Kittens failed miserably.

Great work on the Cup, Yesnono, one of the funniest yet!!

Excellent work! I'll do better- I'll get the teams to do better next year. Probably. Hopefully. Maybe. Once we've figured out where they are.

Not dead yet

No-one can take on the rebuilt robot rebels....or something.

New improvements include catepillar tracks for rough terrain and eyes on the back of thier heads. Unfortunately our goalkeeper is experiencing issues with the sucker pods that come as standard issue with the army bots, i mean custom built footballing machines :rolleyes: but that should be sorted by the matchday.

Looking forward to it.

The Cup XIV thread is now up.

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=462297