NationStates Jolt Archive

ooc

This is the thread for the Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree invitational tournament. The tournament will run over one ooc week before the start of the WC25 qualifiers.

The tournament will contain twelve teams which will be divided into two groups: Group 'A' and group 'K'. Group 'A' will contain Audioslavia and, if you hadn't guessed already, group 'K' will contain Kaze Progressa. Of the two groups, each team will play each other once, with the top two teams in each group progressing to the semi-finals. Three points will be awarded for a win, one point for a draw, and zero for a loss. If two teams are on equal points then goal difference will be used to seperate them. If the teams can still not be seperated at this point, then goals scored will be thrown into the equation. Failing that, the previous result between the two teams will be used. If there is still a tie, then both teams will play a penalty shoot out with each other in a big television studio. How do ya like them apples?

Each group will contain one team from each 'style mofidier' (for more on this see the top post of the roster thread) as well as the hosts who will be using the '0' style modifier. So, group A will contain Audioslavia, a team who uses +2, a team who uses +1, a team using 0, a team using -1 and a team using -2. Group K will follow suit, but obviously with Kaze Progressa instead of Audioslavia. There will also be an effort to make the two groups comparibly as strong as each other, as well as an effort to include nations of varying strengths in both groups.

Although the following RP will make the draw seem random, the actual ooc draw was not. Kaze Progressa and I picked the teams on MSN messenger, taking turns to chose their groups's participants from the different style modifiers. If any nation is picked for the cup but cant or does not want to participate in it, please let us know by TG and we'll replace you, no questions asked :)

ic!

The huge, plush hall at Jaffacake Palace is filled to the brim with the 'in-crowd' of Audioslavian football and an assortment of ex-players and big names from Kaze Progressan football. Mixed amongst them are journalists from various other countries around the world. The in-crowd are a bustle of smug faces, screeching laughter and bad suits, while the Progressans are more relaxed, chatting to each other and trying desperately to block out the noise from the arses on the other side. The journalists all look faintly bored. The Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree? It sounded like the Wacky Races being held in a confectioners. Still, the tournament might throw up some decent football, even if the journalists were at this point ready to throw up their lunch. Its exactly the sort of mind-numbing celebration of football that William Branston would have thrown had he still been president of the F.A.. It wasn't his idea of course, as he was busy managing New Montreal States. The ceremony was in fact organised by William's equally unbearable brother Benny Branstone, who had somehow found his way into The Chair at F.A. headquarters. Bastard.

Not a moment too soon for the irritated journalists, the room lights dim, and the stage lights brighten. Benny Branstone walks onto the stage from the left, near the Audioslavian flag. At the same time, Sani Luvo walks on from stage right, near the garish Kaze Progressa flag. They both stride towards each other, stupid grins on their faces, and shake hands before taking up positions at microphones on opposite sides of the stage. Then, in a moment of mind-numbing cheesiness, they both lean towards the microphone and simultaneously utter the words 'Welcome to the draw for the Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree!'. Its enough to make even the in-crowd shudder with embarassment, and doesn't seem to draw the rapturous applause that Benny Branston had planned. Benny keeps grinning anyway, although his eyes are now moving from left to right like a man paranoid of being followed by the TnUFBI. As Benny keeps grinning, Sani Luvo pipes up.
"Ladies and gentlemen, thankyou for your attendance. This tournament will act as an appetiser for the greatest show on earth, the World Cup, and we're all very excited about it. In fact, we're really stoked". The audience shudder at the blatant Vilitanism. Benny twitches slightly.

"And now, i'd like to introduce the man for whom this tournament was named, Mr. Jeremy Jaffacake!". Jeremy takes to the stage and goes accross to shake Sani Luvo's hand. Benny moves over, eyes wide, hand outstretched, teeth beaming. Jeremy Jaffacake looks at him and walks away, leaving Benny 'hanging'. Its enough to draw a huge cheer from the section of the crowd that aren't Audioslavian posh boys. It also draws cheers from the back of the room where the Audioslavian ex-footballers and managers are sat. It appears the posh goons had swindled their way to taking their seats, but that wouldn't stop the decent Audioslavians in the crowd having a good time.

Jeremy Jaffacake waves to the crowd, and goes to sit at the back of the stage to precide over the event. His first job as 'precider' is to witness a sickeningly shiny contraption get wheeled onto the stage in front of Sani and Benny. The contraption contains five pots, each with a label. It appeared as though there was going to be a draw... but surely this cup was an 'invitational' one. As some awful music plays over the tannoy, Jeremy walks towards Benny.
"Hey, whats with the pots?" he asks.
"Oh, thats for the draw" replies Benny. Jeremy looks confused.
"How.. how can you have a 'group draw' when the tournament is an invitational one?"
"Ah, i see". Benny smiles the most condescending smile he can muster. "The nations we draw are the nations that will be invited, see?". Jeremy stares at Benny.
"That, Benny, is the most arrogant idea i have ever heard of. It is the pomp..". Jeremy's rant is drowned out by a huge, gargantuan, monstrocity of a noise. Its so unbearable it can hardly be even called a 'noise', its a veritable aural holocaust, its a wankstain of wavelenghts, its octaveless offal, its, its, its a DRUM SOLO?!?!. Sure enough, theres a drummer in the orchestral pit, hammering away on the tin cans. If anyone could avoid being violently sick, they deserved a medal at that point. The night was proving to be more unbearable than anyone could have imagined.

Jeremy Jaffacake looks for the service revolver he usually hides in his pocket. This was it, he was going to kill himself. Damnit, no revolver, stupid gun-safety laws. The drumming ends, and Jeremy trundles back to his position at the back of the stage, visibly shaken.
"And now.." Sani Luvo starts "the draw!". Carl Orff's 'O Fortuna' echoes accross the hall in a cliched attempt to create atmosphere. Benny moves across to the central pot. Mr. Luvo continues; "The groups will be drawn in an all-new fashion. Instead of being sorted by rank, the teams have been sorted by how attacking or defensive they played in the last cup!". The crowd look at Sani Luvo with bemused faces. One by one, each member of the audience looks down at the five pots at the front of the stage. Below each one is a label, reading from left to right: "Very Attacking!", "Quite Forward!" "Normality!" "Defensive!" and "Defendorama!!!". Before the audience can register their disgust, Benny Branston dips his hand into the central pot.
"Benny won the toss to pick first, and the team he picks will be placed in group A, whilst the teams that I myself pick, will be put in group K." Benny fishes out a name.
"In group A are...." Benny stutters, he looks around at the crowd, and gives an accusing glance to the guy who wheeled out the pots. "are... Sarzonia...". The Audioslavians in the crowd look at the stage, stony faced. Sani Luvo moves to the central pot.
"And in group K will be... The Archregimancy!". Smiles all round, until the announcement is followed by anotherr song on the loudspeaker. Its Mozart. "Haaaleighluja! Haaaleighluja! Haleighluja! Haleighluja...". The notch on the sickenometer goes up one, the notch on the 'archregimancy-offending-ometer' hits the roof.

Now for the second pot, the 'Defensive!' pot. Sani Luvo fishes out another name for Group K. "Its Andossa Se Mitrin Vega!". Blank stares all round as people struggle to read the nation name that has just gone up on the big screen. Benny steps up again to pick a 'defensive' team. He picks.. Praying2God. The entire room wince as they expect the 'Haleighluja's again, but it doesn't come, thank god. Instead, the opening bars of Beethoven's Fifth is played as Sani and Benny move over to the mega-defensive pot. Benny shoves his hand in the pot and looks back up at the crowd. "Heh, lets hope it isn't Rejistania eh? Heh... heh... hmm..." He pulls out a name. "Its... Rejistania." Benny does not look amused.
"And in group K... Hockey Canada!".

More music, this time its Wagner riding a valkrye. Sani and Benny walk back accross the stage to the ultra-attacking pot. Its Sani's turn to pick.
"and the next team in group K will be... Liverpool England, the world champions!". Faint smattering of applause, most of the crowd screw up their faces at the mention of LE. Benny moves over to the same pot, still a little bit pissed off at having his 'slaves play Rejis and Sarzonia. He picks a name out and reads it. "Trebnak!". His smile returns.

Mussorgsky's 'Night on Bare Mountain' thunders around the room as Sani and Benny move to conclude the draw by choosing from the "Quite Forward!" pot. Benny tries his luck and comes out with "Popular Freedom". A popular choice with Audioslavians, who trounced the Sharks AND the Ravens a couple of years ago. Sani moves over to the pot. "And last but not least, the final team of group K will be.. Cockbill Street!. Huge applause. Not so much for Cockbill Street, but mainly because it meant that everybody had an excuse to leave this caucophanous ceremony, which they did.

GROUP A
AUDIOSLAVIA, TREBNAK, POPULAR FREEDOM, SARZONIA, PRAYING2GOD, REJISTANIA

GROUP K
KAZE PROGRESSA, LIVERPOOL ENGLAND, COCKBILL STREET, THE ARCHREGIMANCY, ANDOSSA SE MITRIN VEGA, HOCKEY CANADA


MD1: Monday 10th October
Trebnak v Sarzonia
Audioslavia v Praying2God
Popular Freedom v Rejistania


Kaze Progressa v Liverpool England
Cockbill Street v The Archregimancy
ASM Vega v Hockey Canada

MD2: Tuesday 11th October
Audioslavia v Popular Freedom
Trebnak v Praying2God
Sarzonia v Rejistania

Kaze Progressa v Cockbill Street
Liverpool England v ASM Vega
The Archregimancy v Hockey Canada

MD3: Wednesday 12th October
Audioslavia v Sarzonia
Trebnak v Rejistania
Popular Freedom v Praying2God

Kaze Progressa v The Archregimancy
Liverpool England v Hockey Canada
Cockbill Street v ASM Vega

MD4: Thursday 13th October
Praying2God v Rejistania
Audioslavia v Trebnak
Popular Freedom v Sarzonia

Kaze Progressa v ASM Vega
Liverpool England v The Archregimancy
Cockbill Street v Hockey Canada

MD5: Friday 14th October
Kaze Progressa v Hockey Canada
Liverpool England v Cockbill Street
The Archregimancy v ASM Vega

Audioslavia v Rejistania
Trebnak v Popular Freedom
Sarzonia v Praying2God

Semi-Finals: Saturday 15th October
'A' Semi-Final
A1: Winner A vs Runner-up K
A2: Winner K vs Runner-up A
'B' Semi-Final:
B1: 3rd place A vs 4th place K
B2: 4th place A vs 3rd place K
'C' Semi-Final
C1: 5th place A vs 6th place K
C2: 6th place K vs 5th place A

Finals: Sunday 16th October
Final:
Winner A1 vs Winner A2
3rd place playoff:
Loser A1 vs Loser A2
5th place playoff:
Winner B1 vs Winner B2
7th place playoff:
Loser B1 vs Loser B2
9th place playoff:
Winner C1 vs Winner C2
Wooden Spoon playoff:
Loser C1 vs Loser C2

Stars hope for a Jam(boree) session

Fresh off the two match derby with former Coach Dave Wilson's new Hypocria side, the Sarzonian national football team received word that it was being invited to take part in the Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree, an invitational tournament that will give Barry Owens and the Stars a chance to round into form before the World Cup finals begin.

"This will be an excellent opportunity for us," Owens said. "We're facing Rejistania and Audioslavia, two sides that will undoubtedly test us in the early stages and we're looking forward to the matches."

Sarzonia will play at least five matches against opponents that also include PopularFreedom, Praying2God, and Trebnak. The top two teams in Group A will play in the semifinals of the tournament, but Owens said his first priority is to use the tournament to evaluate his team's ability to play in his modified system.

"We're playing a bit more defensively than we did under Dave Wilson," he said. "We're still looking to control possession and use short passes to hold the ball, but we're also going to be leaning more heavily on the backline. I don't want us to put Horace [Sandt, the team's goalkeeper] on an island." Owens also said reserve goalkeeper Harvey Cooley will start at least two matches, likely against PopularFreedom and Trebnak. He said he's undecided about the starter for the Praying2God match.

"I'll play that by ear," he said. "I want our reserve players to get a chance to start so I can tell who's going to be available for what." However, he said he would play his expected starting 11 against Rejistania and Audioslavia.

"We're not going to treat those two matches as friendly type matches," he said. "We're going to treat those as matches we need to win to give us momentum for the World Cup qualifying campaign. We've never beaten either of those teams and this tournament would be a nice time to break the schneid."

Owens brings a modest 5-2-6 record as a head coach in this tournament, not counting the two friendlies against Hypocria, but said the Stars job was "a different team, a different environment."

"Legalese were a team that was searching for an identity and it was trying to make it to the World Cup finals for the first time. Just getting there was viewed as a success. Sarzonia are used to success; in fact, we've been dominant the past three World Cups. Anything less than a championship or retaining the number one ranking will be considered a failure."

*in Warriors Head Coach Paul Johnson's office*

Assistant Coach John Ball (JB): Hey, Paul! Did you see that we've been invited to play in an invitational tournament shortly before WC XXV?

Head Coach Paul Johnson (PJ): You're a little behind the times, John. I've already seen the draw for who we'll be playing our group fixtures against.

JB: Who are we facing?

PJ: A Trebnak team that's new to international soccer competition...at least as far as we know, PopularFreedom which is about our rank, and a couple of relative unknowns: Audioslavia, Rejistania, and Sarzonia. (OOC-note the sarcasm here)

*JB's jaw drops open*

JB: You mean to tell me that most of our matches are against teams that are amongst the best in the world.

PJ: That's exactly what I'm saying.

JB: We're going to get blown away! :eek:

Goalie Coach Mark Williams (MW): Well, Sarah Walker did seem to be a bit lazy in CoH XVI, maybe this will be a good wake-up call for her.

PJ: After the way she played in the CoH, she needs to re-establish herself as one of the best keepers in the world going into WC XXV.

MW: The teams we'll be facing will surely give her a challenge to rise to.

JB: If they don't destroy her confidence in the process.

*PJ and MW glare at JB*

PJ: Give her a chance, John. She'll rise to the occassion.

Trainer Mary Ann Glover (MAG): This tournament should help get us in shape for WC XXV, so we can make a better showing than we did in WC XXIV and CoH XVI.

JB: If it doesn't tire us out first.

*PJ, MW, and MAG glare at JB*

PJ: Don't be so pessimistic, John. We'll be fine. Playing against the best will help us get better faster., and hopefully some day soon we'll be mentioned along with those teams as one of the best in the world.

MAG: John, Paul's right. We're going to be fine. We might not qualify, but it will be a good experience for us as we get ready for WC XXV.

PJ: Time for practice. Let's go.

The Principality of Andossa Se Mitrin Vega is honored to have been invited to play in this tournament. If it does not interfere with our participation in the BoF, we will be more than happy to accept.

Football, as you call it is still relatively new in ASMV, so the international experience will be a great help to us as we prepare for WC25.

Although experience is an issue at this level, athleticism is not. All members of the ASMV team are former stars in other sports that have made the switch to football during the past three years.

Goal Tender, Shaun Conarky, was an All-Pro power forward in the ASMV Basketball League. Unami Banta-N'bai is world-class in the 5k. Floyd Carlise is one of the top 200m and 400m sprinters in the world. And Baccardi Maumelle is a champion downhill ski star.
Others on the team, though not quite as distinguished, have excelled in sports from track to lacrosse.

We look forward to the challenge - Thanks for the invite!

Choose my goalscorers Y
Godmod Scoring Events Y
RP injuries to my players Y
Godmod injuries to my players Y
Hand out Yellow cards to my playersY
Hand out Red cards to my players y
Godmod Other Events Y (just dont kill or paralyze anyone)

Style - -1 to make use of talented athletes still new to the game

The ASMV National Team is pleased to announce its roster for the BoF Tourney & the WC25 that will follow

Team info:
Team Name - Sea Dragons
Team Colors - Columbia Blue & Yellow

Coaching Staff
Name - Age - Pos
Edgar Moroni - 49 - GM
Alain D'Champaign - 32 - Head Coach
Elizabeth Chatman - 29 - Asst Coach - Offense
N'Djai Mabuto - 30 - Asst Coach - Defense
Roberto Ricci - 24 - Director of Scouting
DeAngelo Montego - 26 - Head Trainer

Players
No. Name - Club - Age -Pos - Background
1 Shaun Conarky - Errion Vega - 20 - GK - basketball
2 Ibrahim Kalun - Voque - 28 - Gk - volleyball

3 Tomas Carrington - Tierra del Mar - 21 - D - lacross
4 Unami Banta-N'bai - Modesto - 27 - D - 5k
5 Wesley Haim - Millsport - 19 - D - marathon
6 Micah Swift - Tapia Reis - 23 - D - american football

7 Mikiel Rasputin - Errion Vega - 27 - M - raquetball
8 Floyd Carlisle - Errion Vega - 22 - M - 200m/400m
9 Uri Volkov - Tapia Reis - 30 - M - basketball
10 Sajid Muhammed - Tierra del Mar - 18 - M - cricket
11 Xavier Cage - Panderros Que - 24 - M - american football

12 Pablo Iglesias - Errion Vega - 19 - F - 100m hurdles
13 Malachi James - Voque - 26 - F - lacrosse
14 Evan Evans - Milsport - 21 - F - triathalon
15 Pao St Martinique - Amarillo - 23 - F - boxing

16 Biccardi Maumalle - Errion Vega - 29 - D - downhill skiing
17 Kyle Vanderpol - Amarillo - 18 - D - hanball
18 Justin Case - Panderros Que - 20 - M - hockey
19 Langston Dirks - Modesto - 25 - F - speed skating
20 Vladmir Ivanisi - Tapia Reis - 22 - F - tennis

OOC: No problem at all in playing at the same time. It could be assumed that ICly this tournament took place about a month after the Baptism of Fire, or something. Trebnak will be fresh from the BoF too. And I like how your team is full of athletes from other sports - one of my early WC teams had a former basketball player and a former 200m runner too! (And the football team in my IRL home town once included the sprinter Darren Campbell before he specialised in athletics and eventually won a 200m silver medal in the Sydney Olympics.) Edit: and a 4x100m gold medal in Athens. Why did I forget that? Thanks for reminding me Starblaydia!

IC: The eight stadia used in the Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree are to be announced later today. Already earmarked for use is the newly-built Silver Jubilee Stadium in Soundgardia City, Audioslavia - the 98,200-capacity ultra-modern venue will host its first ever matches during this tournament. Other venues are yet to be confirmed.

Kaze Progressa's group contains the following five opponents:

Liverpool England [+2 style]. The world champions. Enough said? Maybe not. Almost certainly the best attacking team in the world, but they lost 1-0 to the Progressans in World Cup 9 qualification, the last time they could call themselves world champions.
Cockbill Street [+1 style]. In many ways similar to the Progressans - they love all kinds of sport and traditionally qualify for the World Cup only to exit early. Only problem is they haven't faced a civil war lately, so this is a bit of a mismatch now.
The Archregimancy [0 style]. The Progressans' recent great rivals. This will be their fourth meeting in less than four years, after two in World Cup qualifying and one in the Cup of Harmony, and so far the Progressans haven't won - drawing once at home, losing twice away.
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega [-1 style]. Football is only just starting to take off in this country, but they love their domestic sport and their national team is full of raw athleticism with stars from other sports. Look set to play a physical style, and need to be beaten by brain rather than brawn.
Hockey Canada [-2 style]. The only country where you can expect to see a 0-0 draw over 120 minutes, and the penalty shootout to be postponed due to a blizzard. Full of defensive talent - goalkeeper Kyle Thomas has been a top target for Quarua Lakeside - and could surprise a few.

JAFFACAKES DECLARED "TEMPTING"

YIELDING TO TEMPTATION KNOWN TO BE SINFUL

ARCHREGIMANCY ENTER "JEREMY'S JAMBOREE OF SIN" TO DISCOURAGE UNGODLY BEHAVIOUR

The Monastic Football Association decided today to accept the Audioslavian invitation to enter the 'Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree' pre-world cup invitational tournament despite severe misgivings about the nature of the tournament.

Fears expressed by the Holy Synod that entering the tournament could be considered un-Orthodox were allayed at the last minute by noted scholar Fr. Seraphim the Occasionally Dangerously Free-Thinking Theologian, who noted that participating in a tournament containing the name of a food forbidden during fasts did not itself break that fast, and that while he realised his fellow monks didn't get out much, a 'jamboree' was not necessarily defined as 'an orgy of animalistic lust', no matter what Fr. Pavel the Prudish thought.

More concern was expressed that travelling to the nation of Kaze Progressa, where the vile heathen rite of excelitism holds sway, might somehow constitute an endorsement of that terrible sin, but Fr. Seraphim further pointed out that the Orthodox Church wouldn't have gone very far without SS Cyril and Methodius travelling to heathen Slav lands, and that Progressans couldn't be any worse than pagan Moravians.

Fr. Nicholas the Scribe then took the time to discuss the teams in the group:

Liverpool England While the Archregimancy fully expects to lose this match, playing the world champions can only be beneficial to the squad in terms of experience.

Cockbill Street A team about which we know little. Another match we'll probably lose, but once again useful for the experience.

The Archregimancy We'll continue to play the trademark orthodox 4-4-2 formation that's served us so well in recent WC and CoH qualifying

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega Yet another team about which we know little, but apparently their squad is made up of athletes switching from other sports, so they may inexperienced.

Hockey Canada Cup of Harmony champions who only beat the Archregimancy in the latter tournament thanks to a freak goal by goalkeeper Kyle Thomas. If we weren't ascetic Orthodox monks, we might have found them to be good company

Kaze Progressa Sinners.

THE ARCHREGIMANCY SQUAD

As time passes differently in the Dreamed Realm, the Archregimancy has the luxury of entering an unchanged side into the Jamboree of Sin.

COACH:
Metropolitan Kyrill of Solovetsky will be assisted by World Cup Hall of Fame member Juan Tzimisces for the last time - Tzimisces will leave to coach Alasdair I Frosticus in the upcoming WC qualifiers.

THE STARTING XI:

GK:
Fr. Justinian the Thrice-Blessed (Pantaleimon): Roundly acknowledged as the best goalkeeper in the Monastic League, Fr. Justinian saved three shots in the penalty shoot-out that decided a recent Pantaleimon v Pantocrator Monastic Cup semi-final.

DEF:
Fr. Michael the New Hermit (Hermits United): On those rare occasions where he actually leaves his small cell high in the mountains to play for his team, Fr. Michael the New Hermit is a left-back of no little skill and refinement.

Fr. Michael the Greater (Troitse-Sergiyeva): His name has nothing to do with his devotion – this towering centre-back is merely several centimetres taller than his namesake and teammate Fr. Michael the Lesser.

Fr. Dmitri the Humble (Pantocrator): While vowed to silence and humility, there’s nothing humble about this centre-backs crunching tackles.

Fr. Michael the Lesser (Troitse-Sergiyeva): Club teammate of Fr. Michael the Greater, and a speedy overlapping right-back fond of taking corners.

MID:
Fr. Andrew the Twice-Found (Vatopedion): This left-winger has had two spells at Vatopedion either side of a spiritual journey through the vast emptiness of the Archregimancy’s desert.

Fr. Polycarp the Venerable [cap] (Simonopetra): Age shall not weary this well-respected central midfielder with a thunderous left foot.

Fr. David the Water-Drinker (Llanilltud Fawr): The only western-rite player on the squad, this central midfielder is renowned for spurning the heretical properties of Gatorade for the spiritually uplifting properties of pure spring water.

Fr. Pavel the Wanderer (Iviron): Iviron’s star right-winger – a celibate priest rather than a monk - often drifts in from the wing in the course of one of his trademark mazy dribbles.

FOR:
Fr. Silouan of the Seventy Caves (Solovetsky): This centre forward’s goalscoring ability is second only to his attention to the Holy Fasts.

Fr. Nicholas the Hermit (Hermits United): Perennial strugglers Hermits United (“Hermits Disunited”, as the not-really-that-funny joke goes) often rely on the goal-scoring miracles of this shy and retiring centre forward.

SUBS
GK
Fr. Gleb the Fortunate (Hilandarion)

DEF
Fr. Nicholas the Twice-Blessed (Solovetsky)
Fr. Alexander the Missionary (Zografos)
Fr. Alexander the Sailor (Pantocrator)

MID
Fr. Constantine the Learned (Simonopetra)
Fr. Michael the Equally as Learned as Father Constantine of Simonopetra (Iviron)
Fr. Theophilus the Golden (Vatopedion)
FOR:
Fr. Pavel the New Slav (Borisoglebsky)
Fr. Demetrius of the New City (Pantaleimon)

The team shall be accompanied to the tournament by the Holy Icon of the Mother of God, Bringer of Victory, which shall be paraded before the team before all matches.

Kit: (home left, change right) http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a319/vakraas/Archreg.jpg

Squad Photo: http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a319/vakraas/squad.jpg


Choose my goalscorers Y
Godmod Scoring Events Y
RP injuries to my players Y
Godmod injuries to my players Y
Hand out Yellow cards to my playersY
Hand out Red cards to my players y
Godmod Other Events Y - no religious conversions of players, please

Johan Jodoski walked into the Trebnak dressing room in the capital after another practice. It was still wierd for him, being on foreign soil, playing for another nation. He was still proud of his decision. He headed for main area where the coach had already begun to tell the players about the teams they were playing against in the World Cup. He knew his home nation of PopularFreedom was going to be there, he was just hoping that the security would be tight for those games.

Coach Terrance Williamson had already started noting something about another pre-tournament to the World Cup that they would be in, some Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree or something like that. Johan smiled, it was nice that their team would be put on display and without having to worry about security would be nice too.

Coach Williamson then noted the teams. 'AUDIOSLAVIA, POPULARFREEDOM, SARZONIA, PRAYING2GOD, and REJISTANIA'

Johan cursed as he heard the name of PopularFreedom. Shook his head and went to ask the coach what security precautions were going to be in place for this tournament.









OOC: I assume the hosts will be holding all games or am I incorrect in this assumption?

OOC: Roster and formation and godmodding etc will remain the same for this tourney and WC25. Information found at this link: TREBNAK ROSTER (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9747685&postcount=27)

Allow opponents to select goalscorers: N
Allow opponents to godmod goalscoring events: Y
Allow opponents to injure players: check with me first
Allow opponents to godmod injuries: see previous answer
Allow opponents to hand out yellow cards/red cards: N
Allow opponents to godmod anything else under the sun: Y

Style: I play a defensive 4-4-2, so I'm going to go with a -1.


Praying2God Warriors Roster

Head Coach: Paul Johnson

He is the only Head Coach the Warriors have had since returning to WC competition. This is now his 5th WC as Head Coach, and he has a career record of 17-19-13 (wins-losses-ties). Expectations are reasonable for this WC, as all Johnson is being asked to do is to show improvement from the miserable showing his team had in WC XXIV and CoH XVI. If he can’t do that, his job may be in jeopardy after this WC.

Assistant Coach: John Ball
Goalie Coach: Mark Williams
Trainer: Mary Ann Glover

All of the assistant trainers know their roles, and are outstanding in them. In particular, Goalie Coach Mark Williams is becoming renowned throughout the world as one of the best in the business at what he does. Trainer Mary Ann Glover always seems to have the Warriors peaking at just the right time physically.

G: Sarah Walker (age 28)*

Sarah is developing into one of the best goalies in the world. If the Warriors can get her a lead, the other team is in big trouble, as she finds a way to take her game up a notch when she's protecting a lead. She has also gone down in Warriors soccer lore for scoring the match-winning goal against Giant Zucchini in WC XXI. It is rumored that she is seeing Thomas Larson, but neither of them has confirmed or denied that rumor.

G: Brianna Smith (28)

Sarah Walker’s back-up is one of the most talented keepers in Praying2God. She probably won’t see much action, but she can do the job when called upon better than most. This may be her last WC on the Warriors’ squad, as Sarah Walker’s younger sister Susan is developing into an outstanding goalie very quickly, and may be named to the squad for WC XXVI to learn from her sister.

D: Christine Holly (28)*

Christine has become the heart and soul of the Warriors’ defense. Her offensive capabilities make her the most likely Warriors defender to score. However, she's more known for her defensive abilities. Her younger sister, Kylie is also on the Warriors’ roster. Sarah Walker is her best friend, but she won't say anything about the Sarah Walker-Thomas Larson rumors either.

D: Claire Paulson (28)*

A very solid defender. She is also an outstanding passer, having garnered five assists in her four WCs.

D: Luke Royal (28)*
D: Jenna Royal (28)*

Luke and Jenna are engaged have married since WC XXIV concluded, and have contemplated retiring to start a family, which they might do after this WC. It’s clear to see that they’re a great compliment to each other as they work together great on the soccer field. They have a chemistry between them that helps make the Warriors defense so difficult to penetrate.

D: Haley Erickson (16)
D: Stephanie Vickner (16)
D: Danielle Karlson (16)

These three ladies are all young, but very talented defenders. They’ll get a WC to learn from the starters, but may be pressed into a starting role after that, as the starters are starting to get into the later parts of their careers. They should be very good fill-ins if needed to step-up and play in this WC, however.

M: Kevin Faith (28)*

Kevin is one of the best midfielders in the business. He is the fourth leading scorer for the Warriors, with 12 points in his four WCs, with seven of those coming on assists. His ability to hold onto the ball is something that has left even the best opposition that he has faced shaking their heads in amazement. He married midfield partner Christa Nelson since WC XXIV ended, and they have talked about retiring to start a family after this WC.

M: Ashley Gore (27)*

Ashley is the third leading scorer for the Warriors over her four WCs, compiling 13 points, with nine of them coming on assists. She also has the distinction of being the first Warrior other than Thomas Larson to score a match-winning goal, when she scored in the 89th minute against Turori to give the Warriors a 2-1 upset, as well as being the only other Warrior to have scored multiple match-winning goals. She is a solid defensive player too.

M: Christa Faith (26)*

Christa holds fifth place on the Warriors' leading scorers list, having scored ten points in her four cups (three goals, seven assists). She married midfield partner Kevin Faith after WC XXIV ended, and they are contemplating retiring to start a family. Her defensive abilities make her the best defensive midfielder in the starting line-up.

M: Alissa Madison (27)*

A former reserve forward, Alissa was changed to a midfielder and named a starter when the Warriors changed formations before WC XXIV, and didn’t disappoint with a goal and an assist. She has a lot of offensive talent, and was the best defensive forward on the roster when she played up front.

M: Jessica Stevenson (27)
M: Michael Star (27)
M: Gwen Wall (28)
M: Kylie Holly (27)

A solid collection of reserves. They are all excellent defensive midfielders, but with the offensive talent and chemistry amongst the starters, they are left to sit on the sidelines. Kylie is Christine’s younger sister, and more offensively minded than her older sister. Jessica, Gwen, and Kylie are also close friends of Thomas Larson and Sarah Walker, but so far, they have also declined to comment on the rumors about them. How long they will be on the roster is unclear, as there may be a youth movement on the Warriors squad after this WC, especially if the Warriors fail to qualify, in order to prepare for the future.

F: Thomas Larson (28) Captain*

Arguably one of the greatest scorers in the game today, and by far the most well-known Warriors player. He has the ability to score anytime he touches the ball, no matter where he is on the field. This is his third WC as the official Warriors captain. Hands down, the Warriors’ leading scorer, having poured in 38 points (27 goals, 11 assists) in his four WCs, in only 49 matches. Defenses try to focus on shutting him down, but with all the offensive talent between the forwards and midfielders, it is hard to double him at all times. He is rumoredly in a relationship with Sarah Walker, but nobody has been able to confirm that rumor, and they refuse to confirm or deny the rumor.

F: Kelly Carter (27)*

The second leading scorer for the Warriors, having scored 21 points (13 goals, 8 assists) in her four WCs. She is a threat anytime she touches the ball. However, her accomplishments have been overshadowed by Thomas'. She seems to be interested in him, but then again, which of the single ladies on the team isn't?

F: Sarah King (28)
F: Amy Long (16)

A pair of very talented back-up forwards. Amy is young compared to the most of the other members of the team, but that may be a good thing, as she’ll be better suited to lead once the current starters are gone. Sarah is a veteran at warming the bench, as she’s done it for 47 of 49 matches on the national team. However, she’s very capable, and would not be a big step down from the starters, despite the fact that they are prolific scorers.

*-indicates starters

Jaffacakes top baked treat in Hockey Canada

Cup of Harmony hangover finally lifted.

HC has a little plan for WC warm-up (try to win it)

Well after a few days of hard drinking in Hockey Canada, the headache and blurry vision has lifted just in time for the next World Cup- only this pre-World cup tournement Hockey Canada will have the time to enjoy.

Audioslavia is a longtime World Cup team and will have the highest respect in the minds of Hockey Canadians when Hockey Canada plays in the round robin and beyond that. The Canucks will have their final roster for World Cup Qualifying play in this tournement. Syku Kansu, Under 21 World Cup 19 leading scorer who has been living with Mike Ko the last few weeks will play quite a bit of games. Other former U21 stars include "Timmah" Johnson who oiled up his wheelchair wheels, Yanic Perrault, Rahul Kulkarni and Kyle Thomas himself (who recently signed a contract to play in Kaze Progressa next year).

Thomas has been in two team reviews so far letting on that he's projected to be good in this tournement. Kulkarni, Perrault and Ko will be expected to keep up their goal scoring abilities while Kansu is expected to put the spotlight on him by his play.

Team Overview:

Liverpool England- The defending World Cup Champions don't scare us. The fact they have much more experience doesn't. The fact they're good might just a little.

Cockbill Street- The street have a reputation as a giant-slayer, but seeing how we're not giants (rank-wise, we are in terms of height) we can assume we're safe.

The Archregimancy- They're defensive, but not as defensive as us. However, after a freak goal by the most defensive player in Hockey Canada, the first to attack may be the only one to score.

Andossa Se Mitrin Vega- Well we have no frickin' idea what this new team is like in the World Cup so we can't really comment on them. We hope for a good Goal Differential against these guys.

Kaze Progressa- They're not so bad... after all... we love each other but not in a wierd sexual kind of way. Does that make us sinners?

Roster:

Goalkeepers:

90- Kyle Thomas [22] (North Pole United (team playing for in question)) 78 Caps- Great goalie and experienced, he's writing the Hockey Canadian record book. Good choice to be Hockey Canada's first Hall of Fame player.
33- Damien Marx [28] (Irkutsk) 10 Caps- Good goalie to back up Thomas, Marx is just playing at the wrong time. Pity for a great keeper though.
0- Alexi Tarasov [25] (Vancouver FC) 2 Caps- On the rare occasion that Marx cannot furfill his duties as a keeper, Tarasov will step up gratefully.

Defenders:

4- Yanic Perrault [29] (Yakutsk) 69 Caps- 2nd highest scorer only to Kulkarni, Perrault just might make the Hall of Fame one day.
6- Petr Sylanko [37] (Anadyr) 44 Caps- The aging defender has been plagued with injuries but has the heart to continue.
8- John Cormack [39] (Vancouver FC) 36 Caps- Cormack may not be the quickest defender, but his sense of play makes him a dangerous threat to other teams.
10- Timmy "Timmah!" Johnson [33] ("Special" Care Centre) 33 Caps- He's "Special" off the field, but really "Special" on the field.
12- Kenny McKormick [33] (Revuocnav) 31 Caps- He's poor showing and underbelly of Hockey Canada. But his playing skills make him top-notch.
14- Evgeni Zimin [38] (Federal District) 30 Caps- A small and quick defender who isn't afraid to scrap up the field.
16- Leopold "Butters" Scotch [29] (Irkutsk) 38 Caps- He's got talent, but just afraid to use it in most games.
17- Tommy Hydulov [24] (Vancouver) 2 Caps- The rookie has big things expected.
20- Wladislav Shvlidky [32] (Anadyr) 6 Caps- Injuries have kept Shvlidky out of the lineup, maybe he'll be lucky.
22- Clyde Dunatek [32] (Yarensk) 5 Caps- Dunatek is in his prime right now, but without reacing his full potential he'll be a benchwarmer.

Midfielders:

3- Rahul Kulkarni [29] (Dionte City) 62 Caps- Highest scoring player in Hockey Canadian history, Kulkarni can score the big or small goal in any game.
5- Ike Broflovski [23] (Aigburth Athletic FC) 42 Caps- The young Broflovski knows how to play and play well.
7- Trent Tyvlov [40] (Federal District) 3 Cap- He's old, but one last try at qualifying will be gratifying for him.
9- Tyrone O'Dyliile [30] (Vancouver FC) 2 Cap- Immigrant from wherever, O'Dyliile has a monster kick.

Strikers:

13- Mike Ko [25] (Irkutsk) 59 Caps- 3rd on Hockey Canadian all-time scoring, Ko and give a KO to any team.
29- Syku Kansu [16] (Yakutsk) 0 Caps- Future Star for Hockey Canada. As for now he'll be starring on the sidelines.

Hockey Canada will play a 7-2-1 formation.

Kits:
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/nswc/kits/hc-home.jpghttp://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/nswc/kits/hc-away.jpg

Location: Loyalty Bay, PopularFreedom
Loyalty Bay Headquarters of Locke Air (National Air Carrier of the nation)

A telephone flight reservation attendant motions to her boss at her desk to come over as she is finishing up with a client on the phone

Supervisor: Yes?

Flight Reservation Attendant: Sir, within the last few hours we have gotten a swath of calls from football fans from a neighbourhood in Loyalty Bay, ummmm North Beach, that are asking where the Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree is being held. What the heck is the Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree?

Supervisor: It's a football tournament before world cup 25.

Flight Reservation Attendant: Ah well why so much interest, the BFL (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/PopularFreedom_Bay_Football_League) season is ongoing so some team from the Pearson Cliffs (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/PopularFreedom_Pearson_Cliffs_Football_Association) league is going instead so why would anyone want to watch that?

The supervisor grabs a pamphlet and shows it to the attendant.

Supervisor: Now look at this team specifically, the Trebnak nationally team, see anyone you know.

The attendant looks down the list then stops at a name and looks wild eyed at her supervisor.

Attendant: Is that the same Johan Jodoski who said that all of PopularFreedom could kiss his *** (http://s4.invisionfree.com/The_Sunbelt/index.php?showtopic=307)

Supervisor: Yep, that is also the same fellow that had his home burnt to a crisp (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9508697&postcount=296) later in the day.

Attendant: Oh dear, the poor fellow, why are you smiling?

Supervisor: Cause I got my vacation coming up and I plan on seeing how good I can hurl a projectile at that Johan jerk. I hope wherever the game is being played they have plenty of security cause it is gonna be ugly!

OOC: Roster and formation and godmodding etc will remain the same for this tourney and WC25. Information found at this link: PF ROSTER and RPing LINK (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9747466&postcount=26)

Kaze Progressa- They're not so bad... after all... we love each other but not in a wierd sexual kind of way. Does that make us sinners?


For an answer to this burning question, we turn to Fr. Seraphim the Occasionally Dangerously Free-Thinking Theologian....

"Thank you. Sin. It's everywhere. In books, on the radio, even on this new-fangled tee-vee that I've heard so much about. So there's every reason to be concerned about succumbing to sin.

But I can put Hockey Canada's heart at rest. As long as the love the Canadians feel towards the Progressans is the platonic love of friendship, then why not share the love? If Hockey Canada's love for Kaze Progressa were to descend into a vile swirling pit of hormonally-inspired lust and depravity, free of the mystic union inherent in a married relationship, then yes, they should probably start worrying. But at present, it seems that they're on safe ground"



OOC: Can I ask the hosts how they're doing RP bonuses? Specifically, If pre-WC RPs are counting towards bonuses, might I ask that this tournament count in some small way towards those bonuses? I simply don't have the time in RL to write quality RP in the Jaffacake Jamboree and the relevant pre-WC threads, and if this is an issue I'd humbly like to suggest that it would be unfair to deny JJJ participants WC RP bonuses if they focus on this tournament

Reporter: "There seems to be little respevt for your team entering this competition. What do you have to say about that?"

Micah Swift: "Well some teams are looking for a large goal differential when they play us. All I have to say about that is that if they want it, they will have to bring it hard for the duration of the match - 'cause we'll be in their face every second that gets played. I made a living chasing running backs and wide recievers before this. So they might as well get used to seeing my beautiful smile - as I'm looking down at them."

Xavier Cage: "Yeah. I was one of those running backs, hehe. We may not be the most experienced team here, but I can guarantee they will remember having played us! As for the goal differential - with guys like Micah and Unami defending and the very large and cat-quick Mr Conarky in at goalie, they will have a tough time getting clean shots."

(OOC: Why are both Trebnak and PF, one a puppet of the other, in this tournament? Is that not depriving someone else of a spot?)

Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree to see under-26 side: Freech

Sir Douglas Freech, manager of the Liverpool England Terminators, has confirmed to the press recent rumours that he would be axing all the players of his World Cup-winning squad who are above 26 years of age for the Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree invitational tournament.

The Terminators, who had 5 players above 26 years of age involved in World Cup 24, are set to face a familiar foe they haven't faced as defending champions since World Cup 9 (and lost) - Kaze Progressa, on Matchday One. Freech, however, is giving nothing more away.

"All I'll say is, I've called up some of our younger prospects. The five of them, including Tommy (Thomas Lunson), who're older than 26 will just have to sit on the sidelines or watch from the comfort of their homes."

OOC: I assume the hosts will be holding all games or am I incorrect in this assumption?
Correct assumption. Final list of venues will be out today.

(OOC: Why are both Trebnak and PF, one a puppet of the other, in this tournament? Is that not depriving someone else of a spot?)

Deprived? Pah! Like anyone wants to be in the JJJ...

Anyway, the Trebnak-PF rivalry should be good :)

OOC: Lots of North Beach Sharks fans (the former team of Johan Jodoski) along with patriots from all over PopularFreedom are coming to the game with projectiles for Johan. Trebnak is a fascist nation so they will not take such actions likely. Expect lots of action between the fans and the players in their game between one another. :)

The four venues in Kaze Progressa for the JJJ are all strung along the country's northern coast - from west to east, they are the Read or Dead Arena in Pageas (capacity 80,000), the K-Cheese Frizkao Arena in Frizkao (capacity 100,000), the Davilia Stadium in Maunlik (capacity 78,000) and the Gateway Arena in Taqizerr (capacity 90,000). (Frizkao and Maunlik are actually a little way inland, Pageas and Taqizerr are on the coast and the Gateway Arena is in fact less than a mile from the sea.)

Matches in Group K will take place in the following venues:

MD1
Kaze Progressa v Liverpool England - Frizkao
Cockbill Street v The Archregimancy - Taqizerr
ASM Vega v Hockey Canada - Maunlik

MD2
Kaze Progressa v Cockbill Street - Frizkao
Liverpool England v ASM Vega - Pageas
The Archregimancy v Hockey Canada - Maunlik

MD3
Kaze Progressa v The Archregimancy - Frizkao
Liverpool England v Hockey Canada - Taqizerr
Cockbill Street v ASM Vega - Pageas

MD4
Kaze Progressa v ASM Vega - Taqizerr
Liverpool England v The Archregimancy - Frizkao
Cockbill Street v Hockey Canada - Pageas

MD5
Kaze Progressa v Hockey Canada - Frizkao
Liverpool England v Cockbill Street - Taqizerr
The Archregimancy v ASM Vega - Maunlik

MD6
1st K v 2nd A - Frizkao
3rd K v 4th A - Pageas
5th K v 6th A - Maunlik

MD7
3rd place playoff - Frizkao
7th place playoff - Taqizerr
Wooden spoon playoff - Maunlik

Audioslavia's stadiums for the JJJ have been announced:

'Soundgardia National Arena' (Auden City, Soundgardia, Capacity 105,000)
'Black Lemur Complex' (Cornellby City, Cornellby, Capacity 77,290)
'Republic Stadium' (Machinegrad, Machingardia, Capacity 72,000)
'Silver Jubilee Stadium' (Soundgardiana City, Soundgardia, Capacity 98,200)
'Celidhton Prison' (Celidhton, Machingardia, Capacity 2,450)

One may notice the distinct 'odd one out' feeling of the last stadium mentioned. It is indeed a small pitch in the grounds of Ceridhton Maximum Security Prison. This 'stadium' (really just a pitch with a collection of benches around it) will be used for the Popular Freedom vs Trebnak match only, as it means that the prison guards and the hundred police officers at the match can deal with the violence that will probably erupt at the game. If the Trebnakians and the Freedomonians want to fight, they can do it in the streets like everybody else :p

The JJJ sees the opening of the Silver Jubilee Stadium in Soundgardia, a stadium that will eventually replace the 90-year old Soundgardia National Arena as the home ground of Audioslavia's national team. This switch will happen during Audioslavia's first match of World Cup 25, so in the JJJ, every side in group A will play in the new stadium at least once, with Audioslavia's one and only time (providing they don't win group A and/or get to the final of the tournament) coming in the fifth game against Rejistania.

The pre-tournament celebrations will happen in the Silver Jubilee Stadium before the opening match: Sarzonia vs Trebnak, the world's #1 team versus one of teams in the basement #150 position. We feel the David vs Goliath match, between a talented, solid side and an ultra-attacking team of inexperienced youngsters, is the perfect match to reflect on the glory and tradition of the World Cup as it goes into its 25th instalment.

MD1:
Sarzonia v Trebnak - Silver Jubilee Stadium
Audioslavia v Praying2God - Soundgardia National Arena
Popular Freedom v Rejistania - Republic Stadium

MD2:
Audioslavia v Popular Freedom - Soundgardia National Arena
Trebnak v Praying2God - Black Lemur Complex
Sarzonia v Rejistania - Silver Jubilee Stadium

MD3:
Audioslavia v Sarzonia - Soundgardia National Arena
Trebnak v Rejistania - Republic Stadium
Popular Freedom v Praying2God - Silver Jubilee Stadium

MD4:
Praying2God v Rejistania - Black Lemur Complex
Popular Freedom v Sarzonia - Republic Stadium
Audioslavia v Trebnak - Soundgardia National Arena

MD5:
Audioslavia v Rejistania - Silver Jubilee Stadium
Trebnak v Popular Freedom - Celidhton Prison
Sarzonia v Praying2God - Soundgardia National Arena

MD6
Winner A vs Runner-Up K - Silver Jubilee Stadium
3rd place A vs 4th place K - Soundgardia National Arena
5th place A vs 6th place K - Republic Stadium

MD7
Final: - Silver Jubilee Stadium
5th place playoff: - Soundgardia National Arena
9th place playoff: - Black Lemur Complex

Please note, some of Group A's fixtures have changed since they were first posted. My fault, but blame KP anyway :)

ASMV is thrilled at the chance to play some of the more established WC teams here in the JJJ, Including their MD1 opponent Hockey Canada. Expect the Sea Dragons to bring the same physical, hard-nosed defense that has them at 3-0 in the BoF.

F Pablo Iglesias had this to say earlier - "We are excited. This is a real chance for us to gain some experience before WC25 begins. Our defense is great. They create opportunities for us, then we can use our speed to attack. Having the same success here as in the BoF is unlikely, but I can say that we will bring the same intensity and physical play to this tourney."

The rejistanian team realized too late that they were signed up into this competition and the domestic league was still underway. So the players, who participate are surely not the best one, but the only ones, who are allowed by their clubs to leave. However, if some players excel, they can advance into the real national team.

The players are:
Goalkeepers:
Sikit Teana, 25, Jesejil Lines
(Taka Ji, 28, KaMaRi Kali Xentira Sekhika)
(Iteru Ki~l, 22, Nami~ndi Kimi)

Defenders:
Neami~nhe Ta~o, 25, Mimyje Ynu
Xixi Ita, 21, Sike Veran
Hakatanu Iki, 23, Xykianara Ynu-Lines
H~senha Nkila, 28, Xykianara Ynu-Lines
Xiaren I Lel, 18, Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati
Tianan Hikiuou, 21, Sijitalatirikimidateme-Inanakasesyja Ines
(Taka Sala, 25, Namyda Nanti)
(Syku Tara, 27, Nami~ndi Kimi)
(Ijiniu Jen, 25, Hi~llika Hetaki)
(Xi An, 24, I Jesejil Kaletri)
(Kansu Kynsu, Hetkali Divensi)
(Iasin Sala, 24, Vaje~n Viki)

Midfielders:
Y I Lin, 19, Mimyje Ynu
Seha~o Sii, 24, Maiju Makin
Kansu Syku, 26, Soru Kamex-Kimi
(Ikaru Kansu, 27, In-Jan-Mik Lines)
(Ila Syku, 19, Kalimnintan Veran)
(Kaskada Sahal, 24, Kalisimu Kaletri)

Forwards:
Deli Misin, 22, Mikedi Veran
(Karela Raju, 21, Hetkali Divensi)

Somewhere deep in Kaze Progressa

"So, Fr. Polycarp, as team captain, what do you think of the nation of Kaze Progressa so far?"

"Well, Fr. Nicholas the Scribe, it causes me great pain to see so many heathen excelite souls denied the fullness of Orthodoxy, but I'm here to play football, not to convert pagans."

"But surely this is a magnificent missionary opportunity?"

"Indeed it is, but in this case we feel it best to lead by example. We shall parade behind the Holy Icon before each match, bow our heads in fervent prayer, and hope that at least a few Progressans shall be moved to turn away from the foul doctrine of excelitism. Frankly, for the time being I'm more worried about rampant commercialism."

"Rampant commercialism, Fr. Polycarp?"

"Yes.... This 'K-Cheese Frizkao Arena' in Frizkao. That sounds like commercial sponsorship to me. I mean, I'm all for rendering unto Caesar when I have to, but I'm not too keen on rendering unto Mammon. Sometimes I wonder why the Holy Synod sends us out to these international footballing tournaments when so much of ordinary reality is so clearly morally corrupt. <sighs>. I'd much rather be praying in some remote skete somewhere than having to deal with this sort of nonsense."

"But surely setting a good example to the heathens is a worthy cause?"

"Indeed it is, Fr. Nicholas. But I'm getting on. Perhaps it's the turn of someone younger. I'm thinking of retiring after this world cup. The power of prayer will only keep my dodgy left knee going for so long, you know..."

Style Modifier: 0

My opponent, if they RP first, have permission to:
====================
Choose Scorers: Y
GodMod Goalscoring Events: N

Injure Players: N
GodMod Injury Events N

Red Card Players: N
Yellow Card Players: N
GodMod Other Events: N
====================

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/msarzo/SarzoniaHome.jpg
Home kit
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/msarzo/SarzoniaAway.jpg
Away kit

Sarzonia Stars

COACH: Barry Owens, 46. First season as head coach of Sarzonia; 5-2-6 with Legalese
Assistant Coach: Cal Trottier, 61. First season with senior national team after longtime career as Under 21 national team coach.

SQUAD LIST (starters in bold)

GOALKEEPERS

35 Horace Sandt (Woodstock Wild): The 30 year old netminder has solidified his place among Sarzonia’s all-time greats by leading the team to two World Cup championship finals and one title. The Stars have conceded one goal in qualifying in three straight World Cups with Sandt playing every minute of every match.
39 Harvey Cooley (Saugerties Snakes): Cooley made his career as the starting netminder for the Under 21 national team and won a third place title in his first stop entrenched as the starter. At 26 years old, he is still waiting for his chance to shine.

DEFENDERS

2 Mike Coyle (Woodstock): Left back in the Wild's 4-4-2 alignment. Speedy defender who has added veteran savvy to his athleticism. Now 31, has become a steady hand in the backfield.
12 Kenny Houlder (Saugerties): Although Holder is just 20 years old, he has become a steady contributor to the Snakes because of his fanatical study of his opponents and his constant work with his coaches to improve his game.
7 Brian Sandt (New Praeton College): At 23 years old, the youthful Sandt has bloodlines to his advantage, being the younger brother of starting goalkeeper Horace Sandt. He also injects some youth to a roster that has undergone significant turnover after the departure of former national team coach Dave Wilson.
3 Trevor Crenshaw (Woodstock): Team captain. The right fullback for the four time champion Wild adds much defensive depth and experience to the team. At 33 years old he has become an important member of the starting 11.
22 Jeff Comstock (Nicksia Knights): After the Knights' surprise run through the NSFA Cup, Comstock signed a free agent contract with them. He brings speed and grit to the team. At 26 years old, he is now one of Sarzonia's many veterans.
19 Kurt Laughton (Bristol Braves): Even though he's only 24 years old, he graduated from Joe Gibbs University at 19 following intense home schooling. Perhaps the smartest player on the pitch from a schooling perspective.
12 Mike Cole (Bristol): Cole is a rugby standout as well as a footballer, having led the Sarzonia Galaxians to a surprise berth in the knockout rounds their first time out. At 26 years old, he gives Laughton a run for his money for brain power.

MIDFIELDERS

4 Henrik Bastale (Turoki Isle - Vilita): Has starred for Turoki Isle since his transfer from the Portland Timbers, being named Foreign Player of the Year in the Vilitan league. He has a lot of pure speed and ball control, but needs to learn to pace himself for 90 minutes. Just turned 24.
14 Jenna Raven (Woodstock Justice, women’s team): Has been under the radar after the abolishment of the Under 21 national side, Raven was the first player contacted by Owens after he was named the team’s head coach. At 24 years old, becomes a key member of Sarzonia’s youth movement after the team became veteran-laden under Dave Wilson.
19 Jarret Sanderson (Woodstock Wild): Sanderson has come a long way from his days as the Junior Stars’ malcontent to become a star player for the Under 21 national side. Now 23 years old, he brings some extra maturity and an infusion of youth to the senior side.
37 "Dix" Porter (Portland): A key player for the Timbers, he has inherited the role as offensive playmaker from Darwin Russell. At 32 years old, may be playing for a spot on the starting 11.
24 Landra Tennison (Woodstock Justice, women's team): She earned a spot in the starting 11 on the Stars for AOCAF VIII after an impressive tryout where she out-physicaled several men despite her 5 foot 6, 133 pound frame. At 30 years old, she'll earn a spot in the starting 11 if she continues to play well.
13 Calvin Olson (New Jerusalem Nobles, semipro): As dangerous as Manson is with his left boot, Olson is just as deadly with his right boot. For a skillful midfielder, he's surprisingly physical. This 29 year old has been suspended due to yellow card point accumulation three times last season. However, this tendency to be suspended has cost him a spot in the starting 11 under Owens.

FORWARDS
22 Brian Wilson (Woodstock): At 29, has earned experience playing abroad in one of the world's largest media fishbowls. His father became a legend as the national team's head coach after winning 94 games, so he often thinks like a coach on the pitch. Former national team captain.
19 Kenny Cooper (Tacoma): Now 27, he is the all-time leading goal scorer for the U21 national team. He still hasn't cracked the starting 11 yet.
20 Kevin Wilson (Joe Gibbs University): The younger son of former Stars Coach Dave Wilson and the younger brother of team captain Brian, Kevin shares his brother's instincts on the pitch and may be even more of a heartthrob than his older brother. At 25 years old, joins his older brother Brian fulltime on the first choice national team.
15 Roy Spencer (Under 21 national team): The 25 year old Spencer made an impression in the 10th AOCAF tournament, signing with a Bettian side (OOC: I’ll fill that in once I’m reminded of exactly which one) and has earned a spot on the squad.

Location: International flight to Audioslavia from PopularFreedom

Scene: A plane full of primarily football hooligans chanting and singing in the aisles and standing on the seats with flags and all sorts of items. One guy with a drum banging a beat, another with a trumpet,...

FANS: 'Jodoski's dead! We're gonna knock him in the head! Jodoski's dead! We're gonna knock him in the head!...'

Snobby Business woman in seat 31C: 'Would you behave yourself'

The large fan beside her, across the aisle, with the drums and facepaint dressed in the colours of the North Beach Sharks is undisturbed as he continues to lead the chant somewhat banging his drum and chanting as he stands in his seat.

FANS: 'Jodoski's dead! We're gonna knock him in the head! Jodoski's dead! We're gonna knock him in the head!...'

Snobby Business woman in seat 31C: 'Silence you fool'

snobby business lady jabs him in the foot with a pen getting his attention

Snobby Business woman in seat 31C: 'Silence you idiot, I am trying to work here on my laptop, do you have no respect for a...'

Fan in 31D: 'Hey a Trebnak fan right here!' points to the lady who just jabbed him, she is ceremoneously doused with beer, food, water, and whatever else people can hurl her way.

The fans continue their chanting as the fan in 31D continues to chant while the plane continues it trip to Audioslavia. The fan in 31D smiles with his tongue sticking out at the lady in 31C.


FANS: 'Jodoski's dead! We're gonna knock him in the head! Jodoski's dead! We're gonna knock him in the head!...'

To the world at large,

The glorious players and fans of Trebnak will be allowing everyone to glimpse their presense at the world renowned Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree. Any fans or players who might think to do us harm will be dealt appropriately by our security detail which will go to all lengths to protect our players and fans from harm.

Sincerely, Pauline Soros
Commander of the nation

Group A scores, matchday one
Trebnak 0 Sarzonia 3
Audioslavia 1 Praying2God 1
PopularFreedom 0 Rejistania 1

Stars off to impressive start, 3-0

Sarzonia kicked off the first meaningful game of the Barry Owens era with a vastly different starting 11 from the one that kicked off World Cup XXIV, and one that was even very different from the one Owens expects to start in the World Cup XXV qualifying open. Goalkeeper Harvey Cooley earned a rare start in favour of longtime Stars keeper Horace Sandt, and veterans Mike Coyle and Brian Wilson sat in favour of Mike Coyle and Kevin Wilson respectively.

It didn't matter. Kevin Wilson scored twice and assisted on Kenny Cooper's goal and Cooley made three saves en route to an easy 3-0 win over Trebnak. The Stars (1-0-0), dominated possession against Trebnak, holding the ball 53 minutes to 37 minutes for Trebnak. They outshot Trebnak 18 to seven, firing eight shots on goal to Trebnak's three. They also earned nine corner kicks to Trebnak's two.

"It was an efficient, workmanlike performance," Owens said. "The more things change around here, the more they'll stay the same. We don't and won't have any great stars; we just play well together as a team and we're one of the hardest working teams in football. That's our hallmark."

Sarzonia demonstrated that hard work 19 minutes into the one-sided match. They made several crosses into the area and finally cashed in when Kevin Wilson headed the ball toward Cooper. The onetime Junior Stars goalscoring ace drew first blood with an acrobatic bicycle kick that left players on both sides stunned.

"That was a daring play by Coop," Cooley said. "My jaw dropped just watching the replay."

The combination would strike again just four minutes on, with Cooper drawing three defenders to him and slotting a pass to Kevin Wilson, who one-timed the ball past the goalkeeper for a 2-0 lead. Wilson then spent the rest of the first half harrassing the defence, finally notching his second goal of the match in the second minute of first half stoppage time.

"That was big going into the half," Kevin Wilson said. "If we don't score there, we let them hang in there, who knows. We wanted to bury them."

Sarzonia face Rejistania in the second game of the Jeremy Jaffacake Jambouree and Owens said he would start Sandt against the Orange-Blues, along with the rest of the starting 11.

"Whether this is a friendly or a World Cup finals, we want to do everything we can to beat those guys," he said. "We're going to play the full starting 11 and we're going to pull out all the stops. We wouldn't be Sarzonia otherwise."

MATCHDAY ONE, GROUP K SCORES:

Kaze Progressa 1 - 1 Liverpool England
Cockbill Street 2 - 0 The Archregimancy
ASM Vega 0 - 1 Hockey Canada

# Name P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Cockbill Street 1 1 0 0 2 0 +2 3
2 Hockey Canada 1 1 0 0 1 0 +1 3
3 Liverpool England 1 0 1 0 1 1 +0 1
4 Kaze Progressa 1 0 1 0 1 1 -0 1
5 ASM Vega 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0
6 The Archregimancy 1 0 0 2 0 2 -2 0

#: Name Age Club Position:
1: Gabriel CELTA 31 Caylerden Goalkeeper
2: Derry COLGAN 30 Makosil United (VIL) Right Back
3: Kabaofo ALANILA 22 Turoki Isle (VIL) Left Wing
4: Dietmar MUSSORGSKY 21 Iskara Daii (STB) Central Midfield
5: Yevgeny SMASHNOV 25 Soundgardia Centre Half
6: Aron CEULEMANS 35 Cornellby Centre Half (c)
7: Taurxa JEROEN 32 Yeaddin Owls (VIL) Attacking Midfield
8: Jackie BURNS 18 Cornellby Central Midfield
9: Michael BRONDBY 29 Cornellby Centre Forward
10:Jan-Arne HELLSTROM 30 Machinegardia Centre Forward
11:Antonin BERLIOZ 21 Soundgardia Right Wing
12:Jack BATTLE 32 Machinegardia Central Midfield
13:Kyussi CIAKHINISEN 20 Machinegardia Goalkeeper
14:Nikki POLSSON 18 Ridern Left Wing
15:David RAVEN 30 Cas. New Osteria (KRY) Left Back
16:Calem BAXTER 17 Caylerden Central Midfield
17:Kristen DVORAK 33 Stanton Town (KRY) Centre Forward
18:Jimmie WALKER 23 Phoenix Centre Half
19:Danny McCOSSTESSY 27 Ridern Centre Forward
20:David YOUNG 26 Phoenix Centre Half
21:Danny JENNESON 19 Ridern Right Back
22:Zlatan KORREKOV 23 Machingardia Goalkeeper

Formation:

1
Celta

2 6 5
Colgan Ceulemans Smashnov

4 8
11 Mussorgsky Burns 3
Berlioz 7 Alanila
Jeroen

11 10
Brondby Hellstrom

http://www.geocities.com/lifeobrien/jmcslavia.gif

A late goal for Nonbi Olog sent the 100,000-strong partisan crowd at the K-Cheese Frizkao Arena into raptures as the Progressans took a shock 1-1 draw against the world champions Liverpool England.

Olog struck five minutes from time after Dodia Tiakosuv's lofted through-ball was misjudged by the defence.

In truth it was a fortunate draw, with Liverpool England piling on the pressure after Mert Maxilix's attempted goal-line clearance went in off the post for an own goal in only the ninth minute. However, fine goalkeeping from Arista Hetujuk - and somewhat wayward finishing - kept the score down, as did the patience of the packed Progressan midfield to frustrate the attack-minded Liverpool England side.

The Progressans now meet Cockbill Street, top of Group K after a 2-0 defeat of The Archregimancy. The other match in the group saw Andossa Se Mitrin Vega edged out 1-0 by Hockey Canada.


Kaze Progressa 1-1 Liverpool England
Olog 85 Mazilix og 9

Kaze Progressa [3-1-3-2-1]; Hetujuk; Zair, Ezkinsaay, Mazilix; Virj-Murula; Yuveko, Tutari, Partola; Jituvek, Tiakosuv; Olog.

WARRIORS RALLY FOR STUNNING DRAW AGAINST CO-HOST AUDIOSLAVIA

The Praying2God Warriors looked vastly out-matched for most of their JJJ opener against co-host Audioslavia, but miraculously managed to earn a 1-1 draw. Audioslavia scored early, as captain Aron Ceulemans played a beautiful corner in to the box, where it was cashed in by Antoinin Berlioz in the 13th minute. The Warriors didn't have many chances to even the score; managing only 7 shots in the match. However, in the 73rd minute, forward Kelly Carter found her partner up front, captain Thomas Larson on a beautifully played cross from one side of the box to the other, and Larson doesn't miss when he gets a scoring chance that good. Poor Gabriel Celta didn't stand a chance, and the match was tied. Neither team was able to mount a serious scoring threat after that, as the match finished in a draw. The surprising result leaves Warriors fans optimistic that they may be able to do better than they expected. However, the next two matches are going to be crucial; they need to pick up points in both matches to have any chance at qualifying-s points being ideal, but four wouldn't kill their chances.

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

JEREMIAH THE PROPHET'S ORGY OF GLUTTONY TONIGHT
[something may conceivably have been lost in the translation of 'jeremy jaffacake jamboree' into Old Church Liturgic]

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated


"Well, Fr. John, not the greatest of start to the Orgy of Gluttony, was it?"

"Hardly, Fr. Nicholas. At the same time, a 2-0 loss to a regular World Cup Finals participant ranked 21st at the conclusion of World Cup 24 is hardly a disgrace"

"But surely this is the sort of team we should be aiming to be competitive against?"

"True. But let's not commit the sins of pride and envy. Cockbill Street deserve to be where they are. We still have work to do. It's only by testing ourselves against better opposition that we can improve. Much like with the Church - only after centuries of suffering by our glorious martyrs at the hands of pagan Roman emperors did the Orthodox Church rise to a position of security."

"So you're saying that our footballing monks are going to spend centuries suffering at the hands of heretics before we start winning anything?"

"Not quite, Fr. Nicholas, but the basic metaphor holds"

"What about highlights, Fr. John?"

"Well, not much to report there, I'm afraid - let's look at the footage. Cockbill Street take a 32nd minute lead off a fine edge of the area free kick following a sloppy tackle by Fr. Dmitri the Humble.

Our opponents' keeper makes a fine save in the 44th minute after some nice approach play from Fr. Pavel the Wanderer, but... the goalkeeper just tips Fr. Silouan's shot round the post - our only real chance of the first half

Cockbill Street's attacking style brings them a just reward in the 55th minute when this looping cross is dealt with quite poorly by Fr. Justinian - who wasn't looking Thrice-Blessed today, let me tell you. Once-Cursed, perhaps. And... the ball's tucked away by an opposing forward.

We spent most of the rest of the match pinned back in our half. Cockbill Street were in fully in control, and if pulling back to defend isn't quite their style, then equally they made sure they dictated the tempo. A 2-0 loss in these circumstances isn't a disgrace. We just need to get better."

"And what about the other matches in the group?"

"A couple of surprises there, Fr. Nicholas. The Progressan sinners did very well - much as it pains me to admit it - to hold World Champions Liverpool England to a 1-1 draw. More signs of a revival of Progressan fortunes there, perhaps. And international new boys Andossa Se Mitrin Vega also seem to have done well to only lose 1-0 to Hockey Canada - though the Cup of Harmony champions do play in an ultradefensive Karelan style, so we might have to wait for a match report to see how that match unfolded"

"And our next match, Fr. John?"

"A rematch of our Cup of Harmony group game against Hockey Canada. You'll remember that last time they only beat us 1-0 through a freak goal by goalkeeper Kyle Thomas in one of the infamous CoH 'haiku' games. We'll be looking for an improved performance this time around - though putting our faith in the Lord our God is ultimately a much better path to eternal salvation than footballing victory..."


MATCHDAY ONE, GROUP K SCORES:

Kaze Progressa 1 - 1 Liverpool England
Cockbill Street 2 - 0 The Archregimancy
ASM Vega 0 - 1 Hockey Canada

# Name P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Cockbill Street 1 1 0 0 2 0 +2 3
2 Hockey Canada 1 1 0 0 1 0 +1 3
3 Liverpool England 1 0 1 0 1 1 +0 1
4 Kaze Progressa 1 0 1 0 1 1 -0 1
5 ASM Vega 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0
6 The Archregimancy 1 0 0 2 0 2 -2 0

Edgar Moroni issued this statement to the ASMV News Network earlier today

"Well, it seems that we have tasted defeat for the first time on the international level. But there were some positive things to bring out about the match with Hockey Canada. First of all, our physical, agressive style of defense paid off. HC was limited to just five shots on goal for the match. So there is nothing to be ashamed of there. If we can continue to limit our opponents opportunities, then we will always have a chance to pull off the upset. Pablo (Iglesias) was able to get his shot a couple of times and Micah made one hell of a move to try and score. Unfortunately they didnt pay off this time. It was a good showing for us today though."

"Now for our next match - the defending World Champions. I can't honestly stand here and tell you that we stand much of a chance in this match. They are superior to us in almost every aspect of the game. Conditioning is where we excel at, and we will use that. We will bring the same intensity and physicallness to this match that we have shown in every other match we have played. If we can manage to limit their shots, we just might pull off the "Upset of the Year". We shall find out today, huh."

Jaffacakes selling out in Hockey Canada

It wasn't pretty, but it was definately karelan for Hockey Canada after they recorded their first win in the Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree over newcomers Andossa Se Mitrin Vega. The game started off slow setting the tempo not needing for any serious conditioning to pay off. A few shots from the Andossa Se Mitrin Vega players early on in the game was nothing new for keeper Kyle Thomas. When the defence weren't solid (which was pretty rare) Thomas was there to keep the shutout and pefect game going for both teams.

However, Andossa Se Mitrin Vega nearly went ahead in the 44th minute when a Pablo Iglesias was taken down rather roughly by defender Yanic Perrault. Perrault was given a yellow card in disgrace while the referee awarded Iglesias with a penalty kick. A hard punt to the bottom-left corner was great but not great enough to beat the hands of Thomas. Commentators screaming and fans nearly making waste of their seats, the stadium erupted in cheers and boos from both sides of the crowd.

Halftime saw once again it's usual thing- the naked mascot, the naked mascot's assistant naked mascot and the random drunken streaker.

Hockey Canada's effort against Andossa Se Mitrin Vega finally paid off in the 69th minute when Rahul Kulkarni notched another goal to his career when he ran the ball beautifully by three defenders deep into the Andossa Se Mitrin Vegan half. A quick move on the challenging keeper and he was in all alone on the net. A slow tap into the net before running to his waiting teammated by half to congradulate him.

The final whistle blew to end a rather boring game seeing 9 shots from Andossa Se Mitrin Vega and only 5 shots from Hockey Canada. The Archregimancy is up next, a team Hockey Canada beat on a fluke goal in the Cup of Harmony but certainly won't go easy this time. They lose 2-0 to Cockbill Street in a close one. So will Hockey Canada go 2-0 in the opening games of the tournement? Only time will tell.

As Jolt is slaniing particularly badly in Audioslavia, he can't access the forums at the moment. Therefore, I'll be posting these scores on his behalf:

GROUP K, Matchday 2

Kaze Progressa 0 Cockbill Street 2
Liverpool England 4 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 0
The Archregimancy 0 Hockey Canada 2

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

JEREMIAH THE PROPHET'S ORGY OF GLUTTONY TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"Bit quiet round here tonight, Fr. John"

"So it is, Fr. Nicholas. Word has it that in ordinary physical reality, which many often confuse with something called 'real life', there's been some difficulties with something called 'Jolt'. I originally thought this 'jolt' was a reference to some sort of long-discredited pre-Christian pagan divine punishment, but it seems that many nations use this 'jolt' to communicate with each other."

"Including us?"

"I couldn't possibly comment, but it seems that our contact with physical reality has been at best patchy today."

"But what about the football, Fr. John?"

"Ah. Well. The less said about that, the better, Fr. Nicholas. Two more goals from in-form Hockey Canada striker Rahul Kulkarni, and not one goal for any of our not at all in form Monastic forwards. We never looked as if we were in any danger of breaking down the HC defence, and if I'm refusing to show highlights, it's because there are no real highlights to show. Frankly, I'm getting worried."

"But surely suffering is good for the soul?"

"Of course it is, Fr. Nicholas, and we must assume that this is part of the Lord's plan for our brave footballing monks, but we also have to worry about the fact that our lads have now been playing poorly over their last five matches. They've lost four of the last five between the Cup of Harmony and Orgy of Sin, and the only match they did win was a dramatic come from behind 2-1 victory over Kaze Progressa where they were outplayed for most of the game. With the World Cup qualifiers coming up, this has to turn around"

"And what do you suggest?"

"Well, Fr. Nicholas, I suggest a regime of intense fasting, followed by a month of Hesychast-influenced prayer, combined with devotion to the Holy Icons. And maybe throw in some friendlies against the top teams in the Monastic League in order to sort out some of our defensive problems. Fr. Dmitri the Humble and Fr. Michael the Greater are still having communication problems, and for that matter Fr. Silouan and Fr. Nicholas the Hermit seem to be having a poor run of form on the forward line."

"What about the other matches in the group, Fr. John?"

"No surprises there, Fr. Nicholas. Cockbill Street with another fairly easy 2-0 win, this time over the Progressan heathens, and Liverpool England thrash the group new boys.



GROUP K, Matchday 2

Kaze Progressa 0 Cockbill Street 2
Liverpool England 4 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 0
The Archregimancy 0 Hockey Canada 2

Sele I Kansu reports in her net-diary:

"Han'il, Karela! Junis-Omeh'ki'sitera!" were the chants in the stadium when the Orange-Blues went ahead against Popular Freedom in the 30th minute. The mood among the fans was good because the defense was strong. Popular Freedom had no chance in the entire match. That was pretty awesome!

Deli Misin is absolutely crazy, he was the one who scored and I mean, being an forward is the first sign that you don't have all toes in the sock, but he is a crazy forward. I heard about him already from Mikedi, but I could not imagine someone going as crazy about a goal against Popular Freedom. I mean, the match was not won.

My bro Syku admired his favorite Xyki players H~senha Nkila and Hakatanu Iki. He believes they'll advance into the real national team and become famous in the entire Rejis. Dreamer! It is not that they are bad, it is merely that I don't know how they well do against a team like Sarzonia. I fear the worst in this respect. I pray to Taderekansa that we do not concede!

OOC: Caprine States, in case you read this, yes, I meant "Deli misin" as in "Are you crazy" :>

Under 26s secure 4-0 trashing of ASM Vega
The Liverpool England squad at the Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree have proven their attacking prowess to the nation, scoring 4 goals against ASM Vega in a 4-0 clean sheet shutout.

The Terminators, who were playing an entirely under-26 team, scored first in the 74th minute - hard to imagine that for over three-quarters of the game, there was almost no action. Lawrence O'Reilly, the only 26-year-old on the team, managed to net from 2 yards with a toe-poke.

Three minutes later, Pablo Iglesias was unlucky to have gotten the last touch off an O'Reilly cross, which the referee awarded as an own goal. O'Reilly was again instrumental in the third goal, a 25-yard attempt palmed by the goalkeeper into the path of debutant Henry Wilson, 18, who tapped it in.

Wilson capped off a nice debut by winning a pnalty in stoppage time which he converted after picking himself up. O'Reilly then added a late goal six minutes into added time from close range.

FT
Liverpool England 4 (O'Reilly 74, 90+6; Iglesias [og] 77; Wilson [pen] 90+1)
ASM Vega 0

I've had a few Jolt problems myself but here's Group A:

Audioslavia 6 PopularFreedom 1
Trebnak 1 Praying2God 0
Sarzonia 0 Rejistania 0

Stars can't break through Orange-Blues

Barry Owens had been waiting for this moment since he officially took over as the head coach of the Sarzonian national team following a heartbreaking loss in the World Cup XXIV final. In a tournament that figured to be a vehicle for reserve players to stay sharp or show the new head coach something, he chose to use his probable starting 11 against Rejistania and "pull out all the stops" to earn a win over the Orange Blues, a team Sarzonia had never beaten in four tries.

The streak is now five. Despite the fact that goalkeeper Horace Sandt didn't allow a goal on three shots, the Stars couldn't dent the net in five shots on goal and ended up playing to a 0-0 draw in the second match of the Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree.

"We played a good game, but we're going to have to get sharper," Owens said. "We've got one more chance for this lineup to show me something in our next fixture against the Slaves, but we really wanted the full three points."

Sarzonia's record dropped to 1-1-0 in the two matches under Owens, but the Stars seemed to have the run of play throughout against the dangerous Orange Blues. Sarzonia held possession 47 minutes to 43 minutes for Rejistania and outshot the Orange Blues 14-9, firing four corner kicks to two for the Orange Blues. But the team still hasn't figured out how to beat System Karela.

"We've done just about everything against that team, sent our guys forward, played with five in the back, and still nothing," Owens said with a shake of his head. "I guess I'm going to have to pull out the tapes of the first match [a 2-2 draw against the Orange Blues in World Cup XVIII qualifying, at Hendrix Stadium in Woodstock] and see how we got through their defence."

For right now, the Stars will focus on playing their fixture against an Audioslavia side they still haven't beaten in three tries. However, with two draws and a 3-2 loss, the Stars came closer to beating the Slaves than they have to knocking out the team they refer to as "the Evil Empire."

"We're treating this like an away fixture," forward Kevin Wilson said. "That's in effect what it's going to be. It's going to be in front of a bunch of hostile supporters and we're going to go out there and pull out all the stops."

Owens said he would again use the same starting 11, saying "this is no time for an overblown friendly." The team is playing its two toughest matches before the final two fixtures against PopularFreedom and Praying2God, but Owens sounded non committal about playing the reserves in either match.

"We'll play that by ear," Owens said. "If we need the wins to advance, we'll weigh starting our regular lineup, but if we don't, we might just keep playing our reserves."

ASMV Falls to Champs 4-0

Despite being seemingly man-handled by Liverpool England, the Sea Dragons were all smiles following the match.

"This was a great learning experience for us. Just to be on the field with the World Champs was great. We saw first hand how a champion team handles itself during play. We take a lot from this game in that respect. Now if you will excuse me, I must go get some autographs!" -Pablo Iglesias

"Well what can we say. We played hard. They just managed to control the tempo on us. I cant be disappointed in the outcome. 4-0 isnt too bad when the bookies were throwing predictions from 16-0 and 12-0. We just have to move on. Cockbill Street is up next. They look really good thus far at 2-0. If we controlthe pace and style of play, we might just have a chance. Could be another "learning experience" though. -Shaun Conarky

Location: Hotel in Audioslavia

Drayce Riggens shut off his television and laid back in his bed. 'Disgusting' he said out loud as the visions of his team being slaughtered by Audioslavia still raced through his head. As starting goaltender for the Brunstone Grizzlies it was his job to stop those shots from going in, however due to a little case of food poisoning...

'BLASTED TREBNAKIANS', he yelled out loud. He knew it was them, anything to get him off his game. He remembered last night, he was at some bar, some Trebnakian offered him a free beer, he thought it seemed too nice, then of course midway through the night he was throwing up profusely.

He still had a splitting head, both from whatever they put in the beer and from watching the game. He thought back to each goal and what he would have done, what Matar Kimchuk, his backup should have done and growled. Game shoulda been 1-0 for them he knew it. Oh well. He was till mad at Ilya Rushnik one of his starting defenders for letting Michael BRONDBY get so many shots on Kimchuk.

'Four goals!' He still shook his head at the thought. Brondby got the first at the 9 minute mark to open the score, then another at the 14th minute mark. At the 21st minute Jan-Arne HELLSTROM had scored to make it 3-0 for Audioslavia. Samik Greman made it interesting for the Grizzlies in the 31st minute by scoring a beautiful shot from the edge of the box to make it 3-1. It could have been 3-2 had that shot by Greman not glanced off the post and out Riggens thought to himself.

Then those two goals in the 41st and 44th minutes by Brondby just killed the Grizzlies. Made the score 5-1 going into halftime. The Audioslavia coach pulled Brondby for the second half, obviously to ensure he would not be injured during the game since it was virtually over and still the Grizzlies could do nothing while the Raging Bulls were still able to score one more with Taurxa JEROEN able to get the final goal in the 78th minute to make the final 6-1.

Drayce sighed to himself, he thought it could have been worse as he turned on the television to watch clips of the fighting at the Trebnak game between Shark and Trebnaki fans. Drayce shook his head, 'stupid Loyalty Bay nuts' he said outloud. Not like Trebnak was playing PopularFreedom today and yet they still go just to cause trouble. He glanced at the schedule and noticed his calendar in his hotel room marked with the PopularFreedom vs Trebnak game and cringed. Deep down he had a longing that he was sick for that game too.

Diary of a soldier...

Dear diary,

Well today was a crazy day. Those PopularFreedom nuts were at our game today again. Last game they were chanting all sorts of crap at us including using bullhorns to chant just as the opposition were taking shots on our team, this game it was worse. They were throwing flares. Our government finally gave us the go ahead to move in on them. Man it was nuts, blood everywhere. They had gasmasks and body armour at the game too! You woulda thought it was war, meanwhile the hosts just continued with the game. The Audioslavia security was useless, all they did was shock anyone who came near the field with tasers so that the game could continue. Still remember seeing that sign when I first entered the stadium, what was it, 'attending this game is hazardous to your health'. I thought it was a joke at first, but now I see, apparently they have been told by their government not to get involved as long as it does not bother the game. No Audioslavia fans at the game either. I should go though, I have a burn on my leg from one of the molativ cocktails thrown our way by those Shark fans that I gotta ice again. John nearly got killed by three of them too as he got dragged in while battling to help one of our supporters who was being beaten up. Bunch of nuts. Thank God they have our game verses them in a prisonfield, maybe this way it wont be as crazy though I doubt it. Speaking of God we played some team Praying2God today and actually won. Wow, it was so cool, Johan Jodoski, that guy from PopularFreedom scored the goal. Man that made the PopularFreedom fans so pissed. Kinda wished it was someone else who scored. I like the guy, just anytime he touches the ball the Shark fans get even more violent. They grabbed one Trebnak citizen and beat him up good before we got there to save him after the Jodoski goal. Guess it doesnt help that Jodoski is wearing a sign on his rear stating, 'PF SUCKS'. Can only imagine what next game will be like. I am not looking forward to it.

Netdiary of Sele I Kansu:

In Rejistania, celebrations surely started after the final whistle, holding the best team in the world scoreless is a success. Also here in Audioslavia, the celebrations of the Orange-Blues lasted until the next morning. From what I heard in the news, no violence occurred. I did not expect otherwise since it would surely be considered an attack by the temple. Syku tried to get the attention of an audioslavian girl, but I have no idea what happened later. He is old enough to take care of himself.

I must apologize to H~senha Nkila and Hakatanu Iki. They were great in this match. Why in the green hills as they worse in the league? I never saw such a good defense lately and I enjoyed seeing it. Sarzonia struggled to get anything done at all. We had also few chances to score but hey, we did not concede! Attack means defeat!

Oops, 8am? *stops writing and goes to bed*

Group A, MD3:

Audioslavia 0 Sarzonia 1
Trebnak 1 Rejistania 1
PopularFreedom 4 Praying2God 1

Stars leave Slaves 'Raven' mad, 1-0

SOUNDGARDIA, Audioslavia (ASP) -- Even though it wasn't the streak that Sarzonian media was focused on going into the Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree, the Sarzonian national football team was able to celebrate the end of a winless streak against one of the world's elite sides, in spite of a subpar performance by the Wilson brothers. Midfielder Jenna Raven scored her first senior national team goal and Horace Sandt turned aside five shots and the Stars celebrated their third straight clean sheet, defeating Audioslavia 1-0 at Soundgardia National Stadium.

However, Audioslavia will likely remember the match as the one in which the normally disciplined Stars (2-1-0, seven points) turned rough, getting called for 24 fouls to Audioslavia's 16 and seeing two Slaves carted off the pitch due to injuries. Left back David Raven (no relation to Sarzonia's Jenna) was cautioned for pushing forward Kevin Wilson in the back.

"They're a bunch of punks," David Raven snapped as he came off the pitch. "They're supposed to be a class side, not a bunch of thugs."

"Teams have been playing that way against us for too long," Coach Barry Owens said tersely after the match. "This Sarzonia team will answer the bell when people try to intimidate us."

As for the game itself, Sarzonia played a much more ragged game against the Slaves, being outpossessed for the first time all tournament (52 minutes to 48) and outshot (16-12), but Sandt (1-1-0) was the difference in the match. He made five saves, including a point blank bid by forward Michael Brondby in the 32nd minute that would have put Audioslavia up 1-0.

"That shot was the turning point, no question," Brondby said. "If I score there, who knows what would have happened?"

Not necessarily. The more the Stars changed following the World Cup XXIV finals loss to Liverpool England, the more things stayed the same. This team is still one of the hardest-working top ranked teams in football and it's still arguably the most determined team in the game. The team may be boring in the minds of Starblaydi supporters who don't know good football when they see it, but they're also incredibly gritty. And with Owens taking the reins, they'll only be more intense.

"We don't win matches with fancy footwork; we win them by outworking everyone we play against," Owens said. "That's our identity. Rejistania has Karela. We have our work ethic."


# Name P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Sarzonia 3 2 1 0 4 0 +4 7
2 Rejistania 3 1 2 0 2 1 +1 5
3 Audioslavia 3 1 1 1 7 3 +4 4
4 Trebnak 3 1 1 1 2 4 -2 4
5 PopularFreedom 3 1 0 2 5 8 -3 3
6 Praying2God 3 0 1 2 2 6 -4 1

2005-10-13-EVENING EDITION

RIGGENS ALL THE DIFFERENCE.
Star keeper awesome in 4-1 in pre World Cup tourney.

INTERNATIONAL - One day after the Brunstone Grizzlies were embarrassed they came back with their number one goalie and smoke the opposition for a brilliant win in the Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree tournament. Drayce Riggens took his normal starting post in net and provided the type of goaltending that PopularFreedom fans and espeically Brunstone fans are used to as the Grizzlies finally did the nation proud.

The game started off rather slow with neither team getting much in the way of scoring chances. Then in the 25th minute forward Costov Felamora was able to burst through the Praying2God defense and get the ball over the keeper into the net for a 1-0 lead. The lead however was short lived as Praying2God fought back and scored to tie it up in the 30th minute.

The Grizzlies did get some chances near the end of the 1st half though they were unable to capitalize and the score remained 1-1 at the half.

In the second half, forwards Samik Greman and Vadim Plostorinov were replaced by Varlam Atterov and Jorim Jenovik with instantaneous results. At the 47th minute Varlam was able to burn around the side and cross the ball to an onrushing Felamora who smashed the ball into the net for a 2-1 lead.

Minutes later in the 49th minute Atterov again had the ball in the corner after stripping a Praying2God player of the ball. He then was able to crack the defense before lofting a pass over the outstretched hands of the Praying2God keeper and into the top left corner for his first goal of the tournament and a 3-1 lead.

The Grizzlies then played a defensive brand of ball for the remainder of the game with their last goal coming on a breakaway by Jorim Jenovik who was able to steal the ball off a stumbling Praying2God defender and then take it down for an easy score to make the score 4-1 in the 77th minute.

As the game ended both sides congratulated one another on a well fought game. Fans in the stands seemed to also support one another which showed the sportsmanship of at least some PopularFreedom football fans.

Diary of a soldier...

Dear diary,

I still cannot believe I volunteered for this assignment. My commander told me that he needed 2 from our regiment to go to guard our national football team and that he thought it might be worse than our assignment guarding the Trebnak/Trotsgrad border but still I never thought it would be this bad. Had I known I woulda stayed guarding the border. Now I gotta deal with crazy nutty fans hurling everything at me and those I am suppose to protect. I watched the highlights of the PopularFreedom game today where they beat Praying2God and the fans there all acted like human beings. It is almost as if all the crazy PopularFreedom fans specifically come to our game only. Well as usual they let the crowds in prior to the match, and after the teams had already made it onto the field, and from the onset it was nuts. You could see the PopularFreedom nuts as they came through the tunnels into their sections start to hurl things towards our fans before they even reached their seats. One thing I don't understand is why the hosts put the sections holding the PopularFreedom and Trebnak fans together. They state that they don't want fans of the other teams to get hurt but what about our fans. Anyhow I saw the PopularFreedom fans throwing what looked like batteries, and beer bottles, and numerous other things being thrown from the start. Well obviously we had to protect our fans as they had to hide for cover with the rain of debris. We charged the PopularFreedom fans who almost in unison put on gas masks and started to pull out more beer bottles and light them on fire and throw them at us. Our commander then took action and fired a number of rubber bullets into the crowd striking one guy in the chest. I thought at first, wow, he just killed a guy, but then you could see him moving a bit. We found out later the guy had a bulletproof vest and that he lived though I bet you he was in a ton of pain. Meanwhile other fans just charged my commander and beat the tar outta him before we could do anything. We starting firing into the crowd but a lot of those same fans had body armour. Didn't help either that some of the PopularFreedom soldiers started firing over our heads with their rubber bullets either after we shot a few into their fans. We almost had a full out battle right there before one of their commanders told his fans to get back giving us enough time to grab our commander and bring him to the health clinic. Meanwhile the PopularFreedom soldiers and security formed a wall between their fans and our troops while their fans continued to hurl objects towards our fans over our heads while the Audioslavia forces did nothing except to those who accidently missed and hit the field, then they charged in with about 300 and took the offending PopularFreedom fan and dragged him onto the field and into their security pen. So anyhow the game begins and you have this flare show at the end of the stadium where their fans and ours started hurling whatever they could at one another. We just stood there with our firearms pointed at them not sure what to do cause our commander was in the health unit. It was nuts. Look like a freakin fireworks display over my head. Some of our soldiers joined in as well grabbing their own army issued flares and firing them towards the PopularFreedom fans and soldiers. Anyhow one of their soldiers gets hit then things get nuts as they begin to yell all sorts of obsenities to us. Then the PopularFreedom fans let out a huge roar and we look on the field to see that Rejistania just scored. Did not even see who scored the goal, just was shocked to see that it was the 12th minute in as I didn't even realize that game had begun to be honest with all the commotion. The PopularFreedom fans started to jeer us from that point but to be honest I did not care because thankfully by then they stopped throwing things at us, though to be honest I am really worried about next game. If their soldiers pull that crap again of protecting their fans while allowing them to throw stuff at our fans I don't care what my commanders say, I am charging in there and if their soldiers wanna fight well they got one then. Luckily the Audioslavia forces got in between us after the Rejistania goal as I think their presense helped to avert an international incident to be honest as a few minutes later our boys finally scored a goal, think it was Johan Taylor, but with so many Audioslavia forces there the PopularFreedom forces finally told their side to not throw anything as I think they realized that attacking the hosts would not be the smartest thing to do. Anyhow the rest of the game was uneventful on the field though in the stands it was soooooo tense. Next game I have a bad feeling something ugly is gonna happen, I am arming myself with more body armour that is for sure.

Group K, MD3

Kaze Progressa 3 - 3 The Archregimancy
Liverpool England 0 - 1 Hockey Canada
Cockbill Street 3 - 2 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

GROUP A
# Nation P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Sarzonia 3 2 1 0 04 00 +4 7
2 Rejistania 3 1 2 0 02 01 +1 5
3 Audioslavia 3 1 1 1 07 02 +5 4
4 Trebnak 3 1 1 1 02 04 -2 4
5 Popular Freedom 3 1 0 2 05 08 -3 3
6 Praying2God 3 0 1 2 02 06 -4 1

GROUP K
# Nation P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Cockbill Street 3 3 0 0 07 02 +5 9
2 Hockey Canada 3 3 0 0 04 00 +4 9
3 Liverpool England 3 1 1 1 05 02 +3 4
4 Kaze Progressa 3 0 2 1 04 06 -2 2
5 The Archregimancy 3 0 1 2 03 07 -4 1
6 Andossa SM Vega 3 0 0 3 02 08 -6 0



Sorry about the delay, only just managed to get round the forum problem. Group K MD4 scores will be posted around midnight tonight (GMT), Group A scores will be posted slightly earlier

The Sea Dragons fell to 0-3 today with a loss to Cockbill Street. A tough match that ended with ASMV on the wrong end of a 3-2 score.

"We're not really playing badly" said Malachi James. "We just arent quite at the same level as some of the teams here. But with the exception of the Liverpool England match we have been really close. We live and learn, but damn the losing gets old."

When asked about their next match against Kaze Progressa, Pao St Martinique had this to say- "On paper we dont really match up. But we're not playing this on paper. KP has had problems putting teams away so far. 2 draws and a loss thus far. If we can keep it close early, we will have a chance before the end."

The K-Cheese Frizkao Arena was completely sold out, as was inevitable for a match between the Progressans and their fiercest rivals of recent times, The Archregimancy. The Progressans were desperate to win - they had played The Archregimancy three times since WC24 qualifying and had not won any, drawing once at home and losing twice away.

At first it seemed as though thinks would change - Nonbi Olog headed the Progressans into the lead after just seven minutes to a massive roar of approval from the home fans. But Fr. Silouan equalised just three minutes later to near-silence from the crowd - a few prayers from the visiting fans aside - and when he added a second on the half-hour mark with a diving header the stadium seemed genuinely shocked, as the Progressans had been unlucky not to regain their lead on more than one occasion before this (Dodia Tiakosuv hitting the bar from a free-kick, Olog almost doing the same in trying to lob the goalkeeper).

The Progressans regained parity in wonderful style just before half-time though, Tiakosuv making Fr. Dmitri the Humble look more humble than ever with a side-step and 360-degree spin before chipping over the goalkeeper to leave Olog with an unguarded net to volley into from the corner of the six-yard box. The stadium was rocking once again, metaphorically anyway.

After that breathless first half, the second half was rather ordinary, and good saves at both ends kept the score deadlocked until the 73rd minute when Fr. Michael the Greater was unable to properly clear a corner and Tiakosuv pounced to smash a thunderous 20-yard shot in off the left post. Delerium.

But not for long. Ten minutes later, Fr. Silouan was only denied a hat-trick by Yortvi Zair's goal-line clearance, and even that wasn't enough as Fr. Nicholas the Hermit prodded in the rebound. Despite a frenzied final ten minutes in which both Fr. Silouan and Olog were denied a hat-trick by the woodwork, there were no more goals, which will suit Liverpool England just fine - as they remain two points clear of the Progressans despite a defeat to Hockey Canada, who produced a masterclass of Karelan football to beat the best attacking team in the world 1-0 and retain their 100% record. Cockbill Street also share that distinction, though Andossa Se Mitrin Vega pushed them all the way in a 3-2 thriller which will give the new boys confidence as they prepare to meet the hosts in their next match, the first Progressan international ever to be played in the Gateway Arena in Taqizerr.

Netdiary of Sele I Kansu:

The Orange-Blues drew, even worse: they CONCEDED! Nothing against a good scoreless draw, but a 1:1 against Trebnak of all teams? I need booze!

I returned with a bottle of Audioslavian beer. They don't have lychee-based hooch here, which is a real shame because sometimes one needs that to blow ones lights out after a such awful loss. This slani Iteru Ki~l! If he was not asleep, we would have won! What was the Nami~ndian doing at the one attack? And what about the defense? That was not poor, that was disastrous*! My bro disappeared once again after being comforted by an audioslavian girl. The girl disappeared too, well, it's her choice, but still annoys me.

Slani, my father called and wanted to know how I was. HE SAW THE MATCH AS WELL, FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT'S CUTE AND CUDDLY! Another call and the phone flies out of the window!

Well, not that I am jealous of that storm of hormones which is my bro, it just annoys me that he thinks he doesn't fall as often on his face with his arrogance than he deserves (which would be constantly)! He is...

Slani! Note to self: before throwing the phone out of the window, open the window!


*OOC: if you find a HT reference, you can keep it :>

Hockey Canadians pull biggest upset in team history
"Do you believe in miracles? YES!!!!"

That quote made by Hockey Canadian commentator Joe Zsygankov after the final whistle in Hockey Canada's first game against World Cup Champions Liverpool England. Fans were screaming all across Hockey Canada when they heard the score on the radio, read it in the paper or watched it on TV- truly this was chaos in the large, communist nation. Tiny villages in the remotest parts of the country were yelling and celebrating so loud that neighbours Nova Britannicus, Oliverry and Druida could hear the partying and yelling.

The actual game on the other hand was almost the opposite before the opening whistle. Two teams focused on the very important game at hand had warmed up with glares at the other team that could kill. Big names on both sides were called out as in Hockey Canadian tradition, players lined up at the 18-yard line for their names to be called out so they could step forward for a cheer, and step back. Kits ablaze in the lights on the field saw players looking more professional than ever. Hockey Canadian kids played in the freezing streets of Hockey Canada not only to have fun, but to keep warm.

Names beginning to have a rich history stepped forward to cheers- some louder than other players on the team. Ko, Kulkarni, Perrault, Broflovski, Marx, Thomas- all players that would threaten any team's plans for a win. But this game meant something more for Hockey Canada- this game was against defending World Cup champions.

The game started with both sides at each other's necks. The Hockey Canadians used their size and physicallity to keep speedy Liverpool Englanders at bay while smaller Canuck players could break free for chances at the Liverpool England net. The game was getting rough early on but the ref let the game slide giving the Hockey Canadians some room to play against the Liverpool Englanders.

The 14th minute saw an excellent chance for Liverpool England when Petr Srylanko took down a Liverpool England striker 20 yards out from the Hockey Canadian goal. A Liverpool England player faced the wall of 4 players while Thomas stood ready in the net waiting for the shot or attempted pass. The player connected with the ball hard and accurate but Thomas was able to dive to the other side of the net to make what was most likely the save of the tournement. Replay showed the ball would've been placed beautifully in the top-left corner of the net had not a gloved hand been in the way to redirect the ball. Fans and players were thanking the keeper for keeping the game in reach.

The 27th minute even saw a chance for Hockey Canada when a save from Thomas started a counterattack for Hockey Canada with Ko spearheading it. A quick move by Kulkarni and a pass to Broflovski got the attack by 2 Liverpool England players with only a handful left to beat. Broflovski sent a beautiful pass past all the Liverpool England players to a running Mike Ko who ran at the Liverpool England net with excellent speed. However, the Liverpool England keeper had other plans when he came out to challenge Ko taking the ball off him with somewhat ease.

The 40th minute was a cause for concern when Mike Ko collided with a Liverpool England player both going for the ball when it was in the air. Ko was bleeding somewhat and doctors began to worry if Ko would stay in the game. Staying tough and Hockey Canadian, Ko remained in the game after 6 stitches and a quick dab with a kleenex. Miracleously, the game was tied 0-0 after the first half.

The game began getting tense as the second half began with shots being launched at Thomas and the Liverpool England keeper causing for big cheers and even bigger saves. Both sides were pressing hard for a goal but both keepers were determined to keep their team from falling one big goal behind. Unfortunately, for Liverpool England and Hockey Canada's forwards, it was not the easiest thing to do.

Thomas was almost going to break in the 76th minute when Yanic Perrault took down a Liverpool England striker 23 feet out from the net but was square in front of the net. A wall of 5 players was needed to at least prevent an easy shot for the Liverpool England kicker. Thomas stayed perfect for the tournement up to this point and planned to keep it that way. The Liverpool England player took a shot bending around the wall and post but not Thomas as he stretched to make the blind save and keep Hockey canada in the game.

With 3 minutes of Injury time, Hockey canada began to press hard at the Liverpool England net and wasn't going to let up. The mastered-karelan style went out the window for this game as the Hockey Canadians played a hybrid of Takil and Karela which commentators were calling "Takela". Rahul Kulkkarni struck an incredibly lucky break when he was brought down by a Liverpool England player 28 feet from the net on an angle that would need about 3 players for a wall.

All players but Broflovski and Perrault moved forward... while Thomas took the free kick. The shot was accurate and looked like a cross-in pass at the net when it began to curve. The ball hit the outside-left post and into the net as players turned to swarm the bewildered keeper. He didn't tell anyone after the game it was an intended pass.

30 seconds passed for the final whistle to blow when Zsygankov made his now-famous quote.

"Kulkarni gets it up to Ko, Ko back to Broflovski. Broflovski hold the ball and fires it down the field- 10 seconds left. The ball is misplayed by a Liverpool England player. 3 seconds... Do you believe in miracles? YES!!!!. The game is over! Hockey canada have beaten World Cup Champs Liverpool England in an excellent game played by both sides."

And that was all there was to be said about the game Hockey Canada beat the defending champions.

Group A, MD4
Praying2God 0 Rejistania 0
PopularFreedom 1 Sarzonia 3
Audioslavia 2 Trebnak 1

Matchday 4, Group K
Kaze Progressa 2 - 1 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
Liverpool England 3 - 1 The Archregimancy
Cockbill Street 1 - 0 Hockey Canada

GROUP A
# Nation P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Sarzonia 4 3 1 0 07 01 +6 10
2 Audioslavia 4 2 1 1 09 03 +6 7
3 Rejistania 4 1 3 0 02 01 +1 6
4 Trebnak 4 1 1 2 03 05 -2 4
5 Popular Freedom 4 1 0 3 06 11 -5 3
6 Praying2God 4 0 2 2 02 06 -4 2


GROUP K
# Nation P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Cockbill Street 4 4 0 0 08 02 +6 12
2 Hockey Canada 4 3 0 1 04 01 +3 9
3 Liverpool England 4 2 1 1 08 03 +5 7
4 Kaze Progressa 4 1 2 1 06 07 -1 5
5 The Archregimancy 4 0 1 3 04 09 -5 1
6 Andossa SM Vega 4 0 0 4 03 11 -8 0

Sea Dragons Fall to 0-0-4

Today the ASMV team suffered yet another 1 pt loss. This time to at the hands, or should I say feet, of Kaze Progressa. Although the teams has made a strong showing by keeping 3 of the games close, The need for a win looms large in the minds of the younger players. Close games against Hockey Canada, Cockbill Street, and now KP - have solidified the team and provided some tough lessons that the Sea Dragons needed to learn in all actuality.

"We will get over the hump and collect a win." said Shaun Conarky. "With the way that we have played it puts the pressure on the other team to beat us. No one will want to be the first team that we defeat here. 3 of the teams we have played can attest that we are for real here - we've just come up a bit short. Perhaps we are the best 0-0-4 team the JJJ has ever had"

Hopes are high that the Sea Dragons can convert the tough play they have used into a win before the JJJ reaches its conclusion.

Stars clinch spot in championships round

You wouldn't know it looking at the starting 11 that Sarzonian national team Coach Barry Owens sent to the match against PopularFreedom, but the Stars were playing for the chance to advance to the semifinals of the Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree. Gone from the starting 11 was goalkeeper Horace Sandt and several of the usual starters. In their place was Harvey Cooley and a team that comprised the B team for this Sarzonia side.

However, the lineup hardly mattered. The Stars (3-1-0) played their usual brand of aggressive football and got goals from Kevin Wilson, Jenna Raven, and Mike Cole en route to a 3-1 victory that meant more of the reserve 11 for the final match of the group stage.

"We weren't just mailing this result in," Owens said. "We were going after it with the guys we had on the pitch. I wanted us to play an important match with the guys who normally don't get to play very often in the World Cup and see how they handle themselves. I have to say I'm quite pleased with the result."

However, Owens wasn't pleased with the goal Cooley conceded, which he called "Harvey's fault all the way." Still, Cooley made five saves after a two match layoff and he will be in net for the team in the group stage final against Praying2God. Owens said he hasn't committed to either goalkeeper for the semifinal match against their Group K opponents.

"Right now, we don't even know who we're facing in the next round," Owens reminded reporters. "It could be Liverpool England, it could be Hockey Canada, it could be Cockbill Street. We still haven't clinched the Group A title yet."

To wit, the Stars need a draw in the final match against Praying2God to clinch the group title and play the Group K runner up. The Stars say they won't care if it's either Hockey Canada or Liverpool England, but a source close to the team say they hope for "another crack" against the Terminators after losing in the final against them to close out former coach Dave Wilson's Sarzonia career.

"If we face Hockey Canada, we'll still play 'em hard, but it wouldn't compare to facing Liverpool England," the source said. "The incentive to play against the defending world champions is plainly obvious."

The source wouldn't comment on rumours that Owens would start the reserve 11 against Hockey Canada or Cockbill Street while sending the World Cup starting lineup against Liverpool England. However, the source said the team was still pondering their lineup choices for the semifinals match.

"We have competing goals here," the source said. "One, we want to win the tournament, but more importantly, we want our entire squad to get good, quality experience here. So far, we're accomplishing goal number one. Goal number two is still within our grasp."

Group A, MD5

Audioslavia 2 Rejistania 1
Trebnak 2 PopularFreedom 2
Sarzonia 0 Praying2God 2


GROUP A
# Nation P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Audioslavia 5 3 1 1 11 04 +7 10
2 Sarzonia 5 3 1 1 07 03 +4 10
3 Rejistania 5 1 3 1 03 03 0 6
4 Trebnak 5 1 2 2 05 07 -2 5
5 Praying2God 5 1 2 2 04 06 -4 5
6 PopularFreedom 5 1 1 3 08 13 -5 4

2005-10-15

Jodoski injured in brawl filled Trebnak vs PopularFreedom match.
Match played in empty stadium after pre-game 'war' in the stands.

INTERNATIONAL - In one of the largest spectacles ever seen by this reporter, the PopularFreedom and Trebnak teams battled to a draw while virutally the entire stadium were brawling with one another.

After days of build up where North Beach Shark fans had been crashing Trebnak games the 'fesitivities' came to a climax in yesterday's game where both groups of 'fans' met one another in full war attire.

Fans could be seen entering the prison football field, location of yesterday's match, in full combat attire. Gas masks, shields, alcohol bottles and lighters, fans were stocked full of weapons and while the majority of it was confiscated at the gate, there was still lots to go around.

From the onset the mood in the stands seemed to be one of unconcern for the actual soccer match in the field and rather a brawl with the fans of the opponents for both sides.

Shark fans were throwing items onto the field, despite the Audioslavia's rather quick response to such actions, trying to hit Johan Jodoski, one of the Trebnak players, and a former PopularFreedom star. Just prior to the actual beginning of the game as the anthems of both nations were being played one molativ cocktail actually connected with Johan Jodoski burning him enough for him to be taken off the field. This action was met by the usual Audioslavia involvement in finding and removing the fan responsible, however not before Trebnak soldiers took liberty to beat the fan as well. Needless to say PopularFreedom fans and soldiers backed up their comrade and from there a full fledged brawl insued in the stands before the game even begun.

Audioslavia riot police were deployed to break up both sides however it took over an hour for things to get back under control. When the game actually was allowed to start the stadium was cleared of fans, though the fans continued to brawl with one another outside while the game commenced.

The game itself was rather a lacklustre affair with both sides not doing much of anything and a 2-2 final ending up as the result. The brawl however may lead to something more serious internationally since many soldiers on both sides were injured in the melee.

PRAYERS FOR SOLID WARRIORS DEFENSE SEEM TO HAVE BEEN ANSWERED

The Praying2God Warriors picked up a miraculous four of six points in their last two matches of qualifying by shuting out the two best teams in the world in consecutive matches. Nobody could possibly have seen this coming with how poorly the Warriors had played coming into the last two matches, having been embarassed by the two teams in the group they should have beaten. The Warriors managed to play defense of a Rejistanian calliber in a 0-0 draw before upseting the number one team in the world, Sarzonia 2-0 on goals by Thomas Larson and Ashley Gore. The Warriors next match has not yet been announced.

[OOC: GRRRRR! :mad:]

Stars shocked, 2-0

Perhaps Barry Owens will want to rethink his decision to play his second choice team. Playing mostly reserve players, the Sarzonian national football team fell 2-0 to Praying2God, knocking the team out of a chance to finish as Group A champions after co-hosts Audioslavia defeated Rejistania 2-1.

"That was absolutely pathetic," Owens said after the match. "I don't know when I've seen this team play worse. We just didn't get anything done." Owens didn't commit to any lineup changes for the semifinal match against either Cockbill Street or Hockey Canada, but "there goes a lot of our plans shot to hell and back."

A source close to the team said that Owens would likely start goalkeeper Horace Sandt in the semifinal match, though the rest of the starting 11 was unclear. If the Stars advance to the championship match, the full starting 11 will play, the source said.

"If we've got a chance to play for a cup title, Barry's not going to throw a lot of kids into the fire. He's going to get his best 11 on the pitch."

Sarzonia (3-1-1) found itself down 2-0 just 24 minutes into the match and Praying2God had its way with the Stars throughout the first half. Cooley (two saves) was pulled from the game after the second goal and Owens was seen jawing at him. The goalkeeper and coach had to be separated by players and assistant coach Cal Trottier.

"That was just a case of frustration," Trottier said. "I've seen it in Under 21 World Cup play and you just saw it there. Those two men are competitors. Plain and simple."

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

JEREMIAH THE PROPHET'S ORGY OF GLUTTONY TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated


"Sooooo, Fr. John..... A couple of matches over the weekend in the Orgy of Gluttony...."

"That's right, Fr. Nicholas. These problems with the 'Jolt' telegramme system used by Ordinary Physical Reality are still causing problems - which is a real pity given that the match between the heathen Progressans and the Archregimancy was a real cracker."

"Really?"

"Absolutely. Our recent rivals - and hell-bound excelites - produced a worthy performance. Though not quite worthy enough. The Lord Our God may clearly want us to suffer for our sins this tournament, but not so much that He wishes us to lose to a bunch of pagans."

"But what about the game, Fr. John"

"Ah, well. Six goals, the lead constantly changing hands, and true two-goal star performances from Olog and Fr. Silouan - if only we could get Olog to convert to Orthodoxy and join a monastery! Still, I remain worried about our defence. Both Fr. Dmitri the Humble and Fr. Michael the Greater were left looking slightly out of their depth for the second and third Progressan goals, and any time you score three goals away from home against tournament hosts and still can't win, you have to be disappointed."

"And what about the second match?"

"Ah, well. That was against World Champions Liverpool England - a game we never expected to win. It's just useful to get that sort of experience. Odd thing is, Fr. Nicholas, we actually took an early lead... let's look at the coverage... Fr. Polycarp the Venerable surges through midfield on a quick counter-attack, the LE defence suddenly look exposed, and a deft flick to Fr. David the Water-Drinker leaves him with only the goalkeeper to beat - 8 minutes gone, and the Archregimancy lead 1-0 against the World Champions"

"But it couldn't last, could it, Fr. John?"

"Afraid not, Fr. Nicholas - taking the lead used up our quota of miracles for the day. After that it was all downhill. Again, I remain worried about a defence that conceded three goals for the second match in a row. [goals shown in quick succession] Coach Kyrill, Metropolitan of Solovetsky, seems unable to adapt his tactics to cope with an attacking team like Liverpool England. It's almost as if he's so certain that an orthodox 4-4-2 formation is the only permissable formation; certainly the Church places great importance on Tradition with a capital T, but not necessarily on footballing tradition with a small t."

"What would you suggest?"

"Adapt to the opposition. Nothing too drastic. Perhaps when facing an attacking team like this, put a holding midfielder in front of the midfielders to offer some more protection - still play a 4-4-2, but with a diamond-shaped midfield. There were times today when Liverpool England seemed as unstoppable as a plague of locusts. And if our defence wasn't quite disastrous, it was arguably wretched*."

"Certainly, Fr. John, this Orgy of Gluttony's been something of a wake-up call for the squad"

"Absolutely, Fr. Nicholas. We reached the playoffs in our first attempt to qualify for the World Cup - an almost-miraculous performance - then qualified, just, for the knock-out stages of the Cup of Harmony. Now we're second from bottom of the Orgy of Gluttony group, with no wins, one draw, four goals four and a worrying nine against."

"Still, Fr. John, suffering is good for the soul. Only through adversity can an individual learn the life lessons necessary to grow closer to God."

"True enough - but here's hoping we beat Andossa Se Mitrin Vega. Losing against bottom-placed international debutants would be rather more suffering than we deserve at this point"


*OOC: since HT references seem to be flavour du jour...
And my team is the not really very good at all 417372 if anyone ever wants to issue a challenge

We can only hope that you suffer then. We look forward to the match :headbang:

Miller Top-Scoring As Streetians Go Four From Four
Excuse Me, What?!

Cockbill Street look, for once, to have found the perfect balance between the suicidal attacking style nicknamed the "Hoik" and the defensive style of Rejistania nicknamed the "Sin". Somewhere in between there, the football team are winning matches, so luckily for us it's only a friendly tournament or half the Streetian population would die of shock.

Anyway, the Streetians are through to the semi-finals with a 1-0 win over Hockey Canada - unfortunately, this was a match the Rejistanis would have been proud of. The Streetians didn't even attempt to bash at the Canadian wall, choosing instead to punt the ball out of play and hope that they won it back when the Canadian keeper kicked it out. Eventually, however, Cockbill Street got a penalty as Irene Miller dared to venture into the 16-yard box, and she converted it for her sixth goal of the tournament - out of eight the Streetians have scored so far.

Sorry for the delay everybody, completely my fault. Hopefully, this should be the last time.

Semi-final results tonight with any luck!

THE SCORES
Kaze Progressa 2-0 Hockey Canada
Liverpool England 1-0 Cockbill Street
The Archregimancy 3-2 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

GROUP A GROUP K
# Nation P W D L F A GD Pts # Nation P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Audioslavia 5 3 1 1 11 04 +7 10 1 Cockbill Street 5 4 0 1 08 03 +5 12
2 Sarzonia 5 3 1 1 07 03 +4 10 2 Liverpool England 5 3 1 1 09 03 +6 10
3 Rejistania 5 1 3 1 03 03 +0 6 3 Hockey Canada 5 3 0 2 04 03 +1 9
4 Trebnak 5 1 2 2 05 07 -2 5 4 Kaze Progressa 5 2 2 1 08 07 +1 8
5 Praying2God 5 1 2 2 04 06 -2 5 5 The Archregimancy 5 1 1 3 07 11 -4 4
6 Popular Freedom 5 1 1 3 08 13 -5 4 6 Andossa SM Vega 5 0 0 5 05 14 -9 0

'A'
Playoffs
Audioslavia vs Liverpool England
(Silver Jubilee Stadium, Audioslavia)

Cockbill Street vs Sarzonia
(K-Cheese Frizkao Arena, Kaze Progressa)

'B'
Playoffs
Rejistania vs Kaze Progressa
(Soundgardia National Arena, Audioslavia)

Hockey Canada vs Trebnak
(Read of Dead Arena, Kaze Progressa)

'C'
Playoffs
Praying2God vs Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
(Republic Stadium, Audioslavia)

The Archregimancy vs Popular Fredom
(Davilla Stadium, Kaze Progressa)

ASMV feels very much the newcomer to this level of play that they are following yet another 1 goal loss - this time to The Archregimancy by a score of 3-2. The team now prepares to face Praying2God in the bottom bracket of the placement round.

"We have been playing hard, it just hasnt paid off as of yet. We will continue to do so and hope for the best" said Micah Swift of the Sea Dragons. "It is aggrevating to play in top form and continually come up just a bit short. It has been very humbling for us. But we have learned alot here, and we will take that with us into the WC25."

Audioslavia is to post all of the scores imminently. I hearby declare that I scorinated half of them, including his own match.

'A' Playoff
*Audioslavia 4-4 Liverpool England (AET after 3-3, Audioslavia win 5-3 on penalties)
Cockbill Street 1-0 Sarzonia

'B' Playoff
Rejistania 2-1 Kaze Progressa (AET after 1-1)
*Hockey Canada 2-1 Trebnak

'C' Playoff
*The Archregimancy 2-2 Popular Freedom (AET after 1-1, Popular Freedom win 5-4 on penalties)
Praying2God 1-1 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (AET after 0-0, Praying2God win 5-3 on penalties)

* Scorinated by KP



Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree Final:
Audioslavia vs Cockbill Street, Silver Jubilee Stadium, Audioslavia

3rd Place Playoff:
Sarzonia vs Liverpool England, K-Cheese Frizkao Arena, Kaze Progress

5th Place Playoff:
Rejistania vs Hockey Canada, Soundgardia National Arena, Audioslavia

7th Place Playoff:
Kaze Progressa vs Trebnak, Gateway Arena, Kaze Progressa

9th Place Playoff:
Popular Freedom vs Praying 2God, Black Lemur Complex, Audioslavia

Wooden Spoon Playoff:
The Archregimancy vs Andossa Se Mitrin Vega, Davilla Stadium, Kaze Progressa

WARRIORS WIN THRILLING SEMIFINAL...IN THE C BRACKET

The Praying2God Warriors took care of business in their C Bracket semifinal match against Andossa Se Mitrin Vega, but they sure made it exciting for the fans. After a scoreless 90 minutes, ASMV scored in the opening minute of extra time to give ASMV a 1-0 lead on the Warriors. That was the first goal surrendered by Warriors keeper Sarah Walker in 283 minutes, dating back to the PopularFreedom match. Speaking of PopularFreedom, they are the Warriors opponent in the 9th place match. The Warriors erased ASMV's lead in the 114th minute when star forward (and captain) Thomas Larson took a beautiful feed from midfielder Kevin Faith and one-timed it into the net. After extra time concluded, the Warriors got goals from Larson, Kelly Carter, Ashley Gore, and Alissa Madison during the penalty kicks to win the match.


Praying2God 1 (5) Larson (114)
ASMV 1 (3) <unknown> (91)

Penalty Kick Results:
Madison (goal), Gore (goal), Carter (goal), K. Faith (post), Larson (goal)
<unknown> (goal), <unknown> (save), <unknown> (goal), <unknown> (save)*

*-last penalty kick not taken because match result already settled

MONASTIC TIMES

JEREMIAH THE PROPHET'S ORGY OF GLUTTONY NEARLY OVER

By Father Nicholas the Scribe


A thoroughly depressing Jeremiah the Prophet's Orgy of Gluttony, full of soul-strengthening suffering, reached its final stages over night following another loss for the Archregimancy and a rare win over the bottom-feeding seadragons of Androssa Se Mitrin Vega - whom our footballing monks are to face again overnight for a chance to win the much-coveted wooden spoon, a trophy no doubt chosen as an allegorical reminder of our Saviour's early career as a carpenter.

Particularly galling to the squad was the 5-4 playoff loss on penalties to Popular Freedom, a nation that the Holy Synod had previously claimed represented the triumph of individualistic urges and lusts over the self-sacrificing spirit of a member of the Mother Church. In a pattern that has recently become all too familiar, the Archregimancy took an early lead through Fr. Silouan of the Seventy Caves - whose play has been a rare bright spot in an otherwise disastrous tournament - only to see PF equalise in the dying minutes of the match. The Monks then took the lead again in extra time after a brilliant dribble from Fr. Pavel the Wanderer, only to see PF equalise in the dying minutes of extra time. Theories that the team's thoughts turn to vespers in the last minutes, rather than concentrating on the on-field action, appear far too warranted.

Indeed, this habit of last minute collapses carried on from the previous match, where a magnificent first half hat-trick from Fr. Silouan, which had the travelling supporters polyphonically chanting to the rafters, was almost thrown away when two goals were conceded to cannon fodder Androssa Se Mitrin Vega in the last 8 minutes. However good suffering may be for the soul, this correspondant would like to suggest that the Holy Synod consider drawing a distinction between soul-strengthening suffering and soul-destroying nerve-shredding.

SEA DRAGONS LOSE AGAIN

ASMV took the field today with high hopes for a victory, onl to see the Praying2God team win on penalty kicks. Evan Evans scored in the 91st minute to give the Sea Dragons the lead, only to see the score equalized 13 minutes later. In penalty kicks the ASMV keeper Shaun Conarky looked completely worn out as he surrendered 4 scores. For ASMV, Pablo Iglesias and Evan Evans made their shots while Pao St Martinique and Malachi James made great shots only to see even greater saves be made.

The team will now face The Archregimancy, one of the numerous teams to have defeated them by one goal already. Dreams of a perfect tourney have come to view in a very different manner than they had hoped for in the beginning. Should the Sea Dragons lose this match, they will be a perfect 0-7 A distinction that the team will fight extremely hard not to achieve.

Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree Final, Silver Jubilee Stadium, Audioslavia:
Audioslavia 2-1 Cockbill Street

3rd Place Playoff, K-Cheese Frizkao Arena, Kaze Progressa:
Sarzonia 2-1 Liverpool England

5th Place Playoff,Soundgardia National Arena, Audioslavia:
Rejistania 1-0 Hockey Canada (AET after 0-0)

7th Place Playoff, Gateway Arena, Kaze Progressa:
Kaze Progressa 1-3 Trebnak

9th Place Playoff, Black Lemur Complex, Audioslavia:
Popular Freedom 0-2 Praying2God

Wooden Spoon Playoff, Davilla Stadium, Kaze Progressa:
The Archregimancy 1-2 Andossa Se Mitrin Vega

All matches played in Kaze Progressa scorinated by Audioslavia, and vice versa

Sea Dragons Finally Get Win!

ASMV fans breathed a much needed sigh of relief as their team finally brole into the win collumn at the JJJ by way of a 2-1 victory over the Archregimancy in the Wooden Spoon Playoff. Goals from Evan Evans(33rd min) and Micah Swift (74th min) got the job done for the team that had been so close many times before in this tourney.

"We were happy to get the win over a team that had previously beaten us." said Evans. "We surely didnt want to enter WC25 on a 7 game losing streak. Now we have something to build upon."

The Sea Dragons hope thet they can make more noise in the WC than they did here.

WARRIORS COUNTER-ATTACK TO TAKE 9TH IN JJJ

The Praying2God Warriors, after being dominated by PopularFreedom in their group play match 1-4, used the counter-attack extremely effectively to defeat PopularFreedom 2-0 to finish in 9th place in the JJJ. Warriors goals were scored by Thomas Larson on a breakaway, off a beautiful pass from Christine Holly, and Kevin Faith, on a cross from his wife, Christa. The Warriors hope to continue their late success (three wins and a draw in their last four matches) in the JJJ into success in WC XXV.

Small consolation: Stars beat Terminators

The stakes were much smaller, and the match wasn't where the Sarzonian national football team hoped to be at the onset of the Jeremy Jaffacake Jamboree. But the Stars earned a small measure of revenge, getting goals from Brian Wilson and Jenna Raven and four saves from Harvey Cooley en route to a 2-1 win over Liverpool England in a matchup of the World Cup XXIV final won by the Terminators.

"We weren't talking about that," Coach Barry Owens said when asked about the possibility of earning revenge on Liverpool England. "We were just trying to win a football game to have some measure of momentum going into qualifying."

For their part, Sarzonia, (4-1-2 during the tournament) didn't play like a team that was mailing in the result. Except for Cooley, Owens played the full 11 he is expected to start when World Cup qualifying begins. Owens said he and Cooley discussed the coach's comments about his play and, "we came to an understanding.

"I didn't look at the tapes when I questioned his play," Owens said. "Granted, there were some shots I thought he should have had, but on the whole, he did well for a guy who hasn't played at this level since the Ts'kinvali Cup.

"He's probably going to be our starter if Horace [Sandt] retires at the end of this World Cup," Owens said. "I can't think of anyone who's a better goalkeeper in our programme." Owens said he was planning to have Cooley start a few matches during World Cup qualifiers to "keep him sharp," but said that was subject to change, distancing himself from earlier comments that he would "absolutely" play Cooley and sit Sandt for a few matches.

"The thing about Horace is that he would get so hot during qualifiers that it became almost impossible to take him out of the starting 11," Owens said. "I can't even remember the last match Sandt didn't start that wasn't a World Cup qualifyer or finals match. That's how long it's been. If Horace plays like he's played the last three World Cups, I'm going to have a hard time justifying sitting him down."

For their parts, the Stars are looking toward World Cup XXV with generally good memories of their first tournament under Owens. The team "ironed out a few kinks" and said they expect to play well in the qualifying campaign.

"Normally, you need a few matches to feel out a new coach," midfielder Jarret Sanderson said. "We've already played nine matches with Barry, including a two-legged derby against Hypocria, so we've had our feeling out period with him." For his part, Owens said he's "mostly over" any awe he had over taking the place of his mentor Dave Wilson, now managing at Hypocria.

"It takes some time to get used to it, sure," Owens said. "But spend a little bit of time around this team and you get to work. Dave's set this team up as a bunch of hard workers and that hasn't changed since I grabbed the whistle."

JEREMIAH THE PROPHET'S ORGY OF GLUTTONY

THE WOODEN SPOON SUMMARY

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Football supporters in the Archregimancy declared themselves 'overjoyed' at winning the wooden spoon in the recently completed Jeremiah the Prophet's Orgy of Gluttony pre-World Cup preview tournament, following a 2-1 loss to Baptism of Fire runners up Andossa se Mitin Vega

Coach Kyrill, Metropolitan of Solovetsky, declared "this magnificent trophy will not only remind us of Our Saviour's early career as a simple carpenter, but will also serve as an important symbol of the constant need for humility in a world of heathens and heretics"

Captain Fr. Polycarp the Venerable - who scored the team's only goal in the playoff - said "winning this wonderful cooking implement is a wonderful victory, and will always symbolise to me the need for spiritual growth through suffering"

Star forward Fr. Silouan of the Seventy Caves added his voice to the celebrations "We praise you, Oh Lord, for sending us this visible symbol of our humility"

Fr. Dmitri the Humble said nothing, as to do so would have required him to break his vow of silence.