NationStates Jolt Archive

The local access network around the globe fizzed a bit. Suddenly, the normal programming that belonged suddenly disappeared, replaced with a black screen. The screen remained for a few more seconds, than a bespectacled young man with long blond hair appeared on screen. He is seated in an office chair with a laptop resting on his lap. He pushed his hair behind his ears and adjusted his glasses, than began to speak. “Hello. I apologize that I was forced to hijack local access channels around the world, but circumstances have forced our hand. A mere two weeks ago, a new evil was born, and the world is blind to it. Allow me to play the proverbial Jesus to your blind man and allow you to see.” As he speaks, the man’s eyes go wild. He pauses to type something on his laptop. The mapping of a nation appears in the corner of the screen. “This is The United Conspiracy. Yes, the united conspiracy. This nation is so arrogant it has its vile agenda worn on its sleeve.” He pauses again, and the nation’s photo disappears, replaced with the photo a young woman. Her face appears make-up less, her hair a rusty brownish red and worn back and just below her ears. She wore a pair of dark sunglasses. “This is the special representative to “The Establishment”, which is the unofficial name of the organization that runs the show in the Federation of the UC. She is their face. She does all the press conferences, makes all the speeches, goes to all the international parties or meetings. They make all the choices and hide in the shadows. She is also the head of the “secret police” known as the Guards of Truth. As such, she has the title of Truthbringer. Truthbringer Jessie Baltos is the name the public is given, but I doubt it would be a shock if this name was just an alias of one kind or another. She may play the power leader, and she does hold power, but she is little more than an animated puppet working for the hidden puppeteer.” The man looks like he wishes to continue, when suddenly his laptop beeps. “It looks like the Establishment has been alerted to my signal. Fight the power, I must drop the signal.” Without another word, he slams the laptop shut and the screen goes black.

1 week later…

A familiar jingle emerges from the TV as the famed “CUC Broadcast News: Where the UC gets there news” message appears. A man in a gray suit sits solemnly at the news desk. When the intro dies down, he begins to speak. “Hello, welcome to CUC Broadcast News. I am Melvin Blackwell, and here is today’s top story: A local “hacker” with the alias “Doc. Bullshit” has been found dead in the basement of his home in Byers City, our nation’s capital. Bullshit, whose real name is Richard Kohn, was found shot once in the head by a seemingly untraceable bullet. Kohn, 27, got nationwide headlines one week ago when he hijacked local access channels worldwide to protest the founding of this fine nation. However, many of Kohn’s friends claim the government, furious over this action, arranged for him to die to prove a point, which is why they left the body. However, one must take these wild claims with a grain of salt, especially considering the nature of these friends, most notably their obsession with aliens and Bigfoot and other such outlandish occurrences. Even so, Ms. Baltos, our nation’s Truthbringer, has decided to issue a press conference to address this matter and alleviate any concerns someone might have about the founding of this nature. We now take you live to this press conference.

A young woman, no more than 25, stood on a raised platform. She was similar to how the hacker had shown her: rusty red-brown hair cut just below her ear and pushed behind it, her face was still natural and without make-up. She was dressed casually for her position, a black trench coat worn over dark pants and a gray t-shirt. Even so, she was clearly athletically built, and quite tall, standing nearly 6’00 tall. She calmed the crowd and began to speak.

“While we mourn for the passing of this young man, The Establishment of Gentlemen and Gentlewomen, nor I and my Guards of Truth had anything to do with his murder. We challenge anyone to attempt to prove otherwise. Now, I will open the floor to any questions of any nature or theme.” A rather muscle-bound man raised his hand in the crowd. “Yeah, whose dumbass idea was it to put a bitch in charge of the military. Everyone knows chicks have three concerns: Making babies, cooking food, and looking pretty. No dainty lady should be in charge of our nations.”

Ms. Baltos said nothing for a second. Then she began to remove her trench coat. “Alright, if you wish to prove your male superiority, come up here and prove it.” She moved to the side of the podium and rolled up her sleeve and the man made his way to the stage and took it. “Once I kick your ass, you better not cry, bitch.” He said, and Jessie just grinned and the match began…and two seconds later it ended. Jessie laughed, and grabbed the microphone. “Now that I have proved my worth, this press conference is over.” As she moved away, some claim they could here a muffled “Make him disappear” come from under Ms. Baltos’ breath.