NationStates Jolt Archive

Welcome to Cherry Cup 16. The following 33 teams will participate in the competition:


Corneliu
Starblaydia
Milchama
Oliverry
New Rynn
Hockey Canada
Lovisa
Vilita
Clavis
New Montreal States
Tonissia
Casari
Squornshelous
Druida
Chicanada
Fmjphoenix
Harlesburg
Bettia
Jon Parkin
Liverpool England
Bipedal Apes
East Lithuania
Iansisle
Daistallia 2014
Kaze Progressa
Spruitland
Formal Dances
The Mushroom Kingship
Kalaallit Nunaat
Genghis-Khanistan
Adrasuvare
Poppuli
The Gulf States

Post your pre-Cup RPs and rosters here. The draw for the opening round will take place on Monday.

Also, this Cup will use 'style modifiers', similar to (but less extreme than) those used in the Under-21 World Cup. Alongside your roster, please place a style modifier from -2 to +3, where -2 is highly defensive and +3 is highly attacking. (The value of 0 roughly matches the slightly-cautious approach of the pre-lockout NHL.) Needless to say, the more attacking your team is, the more goals you will score and concede. Your actual chance of winning is largely unchanged, but if teams are more attacking then there is an increased chance of big victories and a slightly increased chance of upsets (though this is cancelled out by the risk of a blowout). Thus, attacking tactics are risky but potentially more rewarding. Your route to Cherry Cup glory is up to you!

Rayzors Up For Title Defence
"We're ba-ack To kick your ass-es!" shout Dwarves

Does being the only nation in the History to win the Don Cherry Cup three times hang a heavy burden on our Dwarven sporting heroes (and heroine)? Of course not, they're used to having to live up to the deeds of old, its only natural.

Haztarr returns to coach his team to hopefully a record-breaking fourth title, along with his Captain and Star-Winger Thorin Nibin and the ever-fragrant transsexual Thyria (formerly Thror) Honnhirrim.

The Kit:
http://www.starblaydestudios.co.uk/Images/CCKit.jpg


The Team:


Coached by Haztarr

1st Line:
Thyria Honnhirrim C Electrickery Guild
Thorin Nibin (C) W Brewer's Team
Thrain Naugrim W Brewer's Team
Thingol Zaram D Electrickery Guild
Dimrill Barazinbar D Brewer's Team
Dagnir Tumunzahar G Mining Co-Operative Guild

Replacements:
Gromril Tamanubaz C BeardBraiders United
Floror Hemanguroth C Brewer's Team
Nebazarr Mahamhir (A)C Runic Guild
Haradin Azanulbizarn W Electrickery Guild
Thorion Ganuztar W Runic Guild
Gonotrill Harantzim W Mountain Mithrils
Banghiman Fortrekhir W Electrickery Guild
Thorin Hazbathim W Runic Guild
Gotrek Ramanzabar W Mining Co-Operative Guild
Fingon Nongortheb D Runic Guild
Danwedh Turgrim D Brewer's Team
Balak Fingorram D Engineering Union
Hagard Haztarr D BeardBraiders United
Nurri Temekrahin D Mining Co-Operative Guild
Grimcrag Torinzahar G Mining Co-Operative Guild

The Wiki Link:
Rayzors (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rayzors)

Motto:
Rayzors All The Way, Baby!

The Style Modifier:
(should it be used) +1

ooc: Well, the Gulls are an aggressive team. But they're really more aggresive in a physical way, not a puck-handling way. I'd say... +2? Yeah, that sounds good.

--------

Coming up next, on a very special Cherry Cup...

Scene: Gulls Locker Room

ASHLEE LANGDONE: Well, we’ve been humuliated in another Cherry Cup! We’ve tried everything - lasers, poisoned weed, fanatical pro-humanism, and actually killing Tonissian players - and yet we’ve only gotten worse every year!

KEVIN ST JACQUES: Have you ever thought that we might be going about this the wrong way?

*Langdone looks surprised*

--cut to scene of young people playing hockey on a frozen pond--

SCOUT: I tell you, coach, the one thing we’ve been missing? - speed! Brute power alone can’t win a hockey game, though the Lord knows that Langdone tries. Now watch this!

*A young gnome (all two-foot eight inches of him, including the pointed cap) streeks down the ice, jukes around several defenders, and puts the puck in the back of the net with his adorable tiny hockey stick*

SCOUT: Tinklebuzz Wagglefruit, the best forward in the junior leagues!

STEVE MARTINSON (dubiously): But he’s not human.

SCOUT: He’s the best there is, coach. You can leave him, but all Iansisle will regret it.

MARTINSON: There’s no place on my team for a gnome.

--cut to scene of TINKLEBUZZ WAGGLEFRUIT despondently hitting a puck against a wall. A souped up cadillac pulls up behind him. The plates read ‘GORYZRZ!” and the Cherry Cup drags from a rope tied to the bumper.--

DWARF ONE: Well, well: look what we have here!

DWARF TWO (spitting): Looks like we got us half a man and double a loser!

WAGGLEFRUIT (in an adorably high-pitched voice): Shut up, you guys! I may only come up to the bottom of your beards, but I’m twice the man you are on the inside, and that’s what really counts!

*Dwarves One and Two laugh harshly*

DWARF TWO: If that’s so, why are you here hitting a puck against the wall while the Iansislean team practices?

*A single tear rolls down WAGGLEFRUIT’S cheek as the two dwarves race away in their car*

WAGGLEFRUIT: I’ll do it anyway! - even without any help!

--cut to scene of the Gulls locker room. Ace right wing MARTIN ST AMOUR is clutching his shin while a doctor examines it when STEVE MARTINSON walks in.--

DOCTOR: It doesn’t look good, coach. Martin will have to skip the entire Cup.

ST AMOUR: I’m sorry, sir. I really wanted to play.

MARTINSON: It’s not your fault, son. I’ve told Ashlee to be careful with that laser of his, but does he listen? - no! *MARTINSON shakes head *we don’t have anyone to replace you except....MARTINSON’S eyes light up. He picks up the phone and dials* Hello? - may I please have the number for Tinklebuzz Wagglefruit?

--cut to scene after Cherry Cup XVI. Ashlee Langdone stands at the podium--

LANGDONE: I’d just like to dedicate this Cherry Cup victory to the one man - well, the one gnome - who made it possible. While we were all moping around about our preformance in the last Cup, he taught us how to love again, how to laugh again, and - most of all - the power of cooperation. We all owe a powerful debt to MR TINKLEBUZZ WAGGLEFRUIT!

*The crowd errupts into deafining applause. WAGGLEFRUIT is hoisted onto the shoulders of his teammates as the crowd starts chanting “TINKLE-BUZZ! TINKLE-BUZZ!”*

WAGGLEFRUIT: And I’d like to dedicate this Cherry Cup to the STALWART TEAMWORK of the Gulls. A team is nothing if not a team. Hurrah the Gulls!

CROWD: Hurrah the Gulls!

That’s all coming next in CHERRY CUP XVI. Don’t touch your dial!

Styles? What is this soccer?

Nope - but I wanted to be realistic and allow for more defensive teams to be involved in lower-scoring games and vice versa. That said, I'm willing to scrap the style modifier if popular opinion is against it.

Wickert War-Chronicle-Tribune-Update-Sun-Herald-Today

Sports Today

Milchama Announces Roster for the Cherry Cup 16


Line 1
C Mikael Horowitz
F Oren Zamir
F Anton Bulakov

Line 2
C Raviv Bull
F Eli Sherbatov
F Daniel Erlich

Line 3
C Yahav Agabra
F Harel Harosh
F Ayal Agabra

Line 4
C Benyamin Forsek
F Shon Norman
F Itzhik Buli

Defense 1
D George Pamir
D Yogi Shamir

Defense 2
D Itamar Abugov
D Ariel Tal

Defense 3
D Tal Jakovobiz
D Navot Kantor

Defense 4 (if neccesary only plays once or twice per game)
D Illia Orkin
D Golan Breneker

Goalies
Starter: Liam Horowitz
Backup: Eden Nemenoff

The team is coached by Jean Perron who led the Canadiens to the 1986 Stanley Cup. Also my style is +2

Les Ice Cats De Vilita


GOALKEEPERS:

[ 92 ] Tommy Finn [ - No Club - ]
------- GK ( AGE: 21 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 96 ] Mike Kater [ - No Club - ]
------- GK ( AGE: 15 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


DEFENDERS:

[ 37 ] Kevin Diesel [ - No Club - ]
------- D ( AGE: 24 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 74 ] Mike Ice [ - Ephesus Iguanas (STR) - ]
------- D ( AGE: 21 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 51 ] Korus Korney [ - No Club - ]
------- D ( AGE: 20 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 45 ] Cinnami Vellamoi [ - Ephesus Iguanas (STR) - ]
------- D ( AGE: 18 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 7 ] Martie Ligs [ - No Club - ]
------- D ( AGE: 17 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 1 ] Artuin Virde [ - Jhanna Combatants (STR) - ]
------- D ( AGE: 31 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )



LEFT WINGERS:

[ 32 ] Cartai Chiate [ - No Club - ]
------- LW ( AGE: 27 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 48 ] Ricky Fike [ - No Club - ]
------- LW ( AGE: 18 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 58 ] Tristain Outseas [ - Ephesus Iguanas (STR) - ]
------- LW ( AGE: 16 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 35 ] Jessi Hotonia [ - Gar-Hallad Thunder (STR) - ]
------- LW ( AGE: 26 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )



RIGHT WINGERS:

[ 4 ] River Suzgar [ - No Club - ]
------- RW ( AGE: 19 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 23 ] Eastern Raciani [ - Achaeos Avalanche (STR) - ]
------- RW ( AGE: 24 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 41 ] Lance Blaki [ - No Club - ]
------- RW ( AGE: 25 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 28 ] Redworm Triffle [ - Ephesus Iguanas (STR) - ]
------- RW ( AGE: 23 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )



CENTERS:

[ 19 ] Patrick Vilita [ - No Club - ]
------- C ( AGE: 21 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 88 ] Ocean Suzgar [ - No Club - ]
------- C ( AGE: 22 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 15 ] Emhaoi Linaozi [ - Bisarley Bluejays (STR) - ]
------- C ( AGE: 26 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 22 ] Juliar Fichaud [ - Tabeck Swans (STR) - ]
------- C ( AGE: 18 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )

Bipedal Times
Trans-border newspaper of the RBA

Prof. Ms. Digbotch wins ‘sexiest female of hockeyball’ contest
Announces players for next Don Cherry Cup

by Bonga

Bananaton—With close of registration for sixteenth Don Cherry Cup of Hockeyball Championdom, Bipedaleen University’s Professor Ms. Digbotch, coach of RBA national hockeyball side, was declared winner of big trans-border contest to pick hockeyball female most desired for dark-alley meetings. Narrowly edging out Burungi coach Sister Hale Maria, Digbotch was rejected for least-preferred by 97.06% of respondents in bass-ackwards poll format.

Said Prof. Ms. Digbotch, “I’m so delighted to be chosen as winner of this year’s Dark-Alley Female! I could just plotz! But I promise I won’t until after the big sex-romp with the males that I understand they’re shipping over as my prize.” Digbotch went on to name players for upcoming Don Cherry tourney:

Weegozzle: defender (sophomore in Prof’s ‘Archaic Hockeyball Strategies’ class)
Blibplibble: defender (junior in Prof’s ‘Using Psychokinetic Powers to Deflect Fast-Moving Objects’ class last semester)
Zuggroop: wing (graduate assistant in BU department of Strange and Unusual Sports, good at flicking paper wads into recycling bin)
Maltroppa: wing (sophomore in Prof’s ‘Competitive Piercing: Level II’ class)
Andersloop: center (frosh in Prof’s ‘Introduction to Painful Sports’ symposium)
Kleepr: keeper (male janitor in BU department of Strange and Unusual Sports, so aptly named that you just know he’ll make a good keeper)

She also named two multi-purpose reserves (big travel budget, this year):
Zeembo (sophomore in Prof’s ‘Hitting Hard for Fun and Profit’ class)
Proop (senior in Prof’s ‘Powering Objects Past Others’ Psychokinetic Barriers’ class)

OOC- The Skate-Footers play a neutral style of trying-to-stay-upright game, so they should be rated 0 on the offense/defense scale.

The NMS Ice Paladins (or, as they're called for no adequately explained reason, the "Habs"). Style points if used will be +3

LINE 1

LW Pavel Moss
C Mario Vaubain
RW Joesph Tremblay

LINE 2

LW Paul Bouchard
C Jerome Lagace
RW Richard Brisebois

LINE 3

LW Marc Chasseur
C Pierre Dentelle
RW Sylvain St-Antoine

LINE 4 - bruisers

LW Patrick O'Doul
C David Moise
RW Johnny (the Pirate) Markam

DEFENSE 1

D Rejean Cloutier
D Martin Lelievre

DEFENSE 2

D Patrice Filon
D George Papadoupoulos

DEFENSE 3

D Zhou Chang
D Jaques Pepin

GOALTENDERS

GK Patrick Roy clone #1
GK Jocelyn Thibault

The Spruitland Ice Bunnies

Coach: Coach

GK Ludovic Robins
GK Julien Karoot

D Pjotr Zamboni
D Karl Mellick
D Jean Oorweeg
D Wouter Luidt
D Sven Huberts
D Ludo Keersmaeckers
D Frank Zandt

L Marino Poirot
L Johan Bronkhorst
L Bengt Jonson
L Ferdi Schtrumpf

C André Vermeylen
C Stijn Moereels
C Pär Lange
C Aren Kiersted
C Danny De Ceuster

R Louis Dardenne
R Hadar Vibbard
R Rudy Smets
R Frey Kirby
R Donald Vervoort

Team Kit:

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y197/Spruitland/SPRhockeykit.jpg

The Ice Bunnies can be quite offensive, especially to referees. The style modifier thingamajig has therefore been set at +3.

The Clavis Falcons of Cherry Cup 16

Line 1
C Irvin Kennedy
F Perry Donovan
F Randell Bottoms

Line 2
C Herschel McDuffie
F Moises Moore
F Barton Johansen

Line 3
C Leonard Salerno
F Titus Slaton
F Sherman Nolen

Line 4
C Franklen Kelly
F Rolf Ainsworth
F Otto Silver

Defense 1
D Daryl Breeden
D Wilfred Dodd

Defense 2
D Orville Guillen
D Gary Christensen

Defense 3
D Kieth Runyan
D Lincoln Fraley

Defense 4
D Geraldo Cowell
D Daryl Carranza

Goalies
Starter: Cortez Rich
Backup: Ivory Doll
Third String: Sherwood Dunham

My style is +1

"attack attack attack!"

Susan Aglukark, Queen of Greenland, Hans Island and Her Other Dominions Beyond the Sea, was drilling the sixteenth version of the Red-and-White Iceberg in person. The Queen has decided, after too many years of failure in a Cup that she created (and let's be honest, never thought anyone else would be able to win). This year belonged to Kalaallit Nunaat. Onwards!

"We shall crush them all!" she shouted into the blizzard. "Attack!"

She has also decreed seats in the Democratically Elected Parliament shall be awarded (that is to say, democratically filled after a free and fair election of all the voters with no bribery or coercion of any sort) by the members of the team.

The Iceberg's Line-Up:

Centres:
Zebedee Tungak, Premier of Kalaallit Nunaat, MP for Scoresbysunj
Eske Brun, Minister of Fisheries, MP for Hans Island and titular Earl of Ianapolis
Jozef Moszfelt, Minister of Foreign Affairs, MP for Ataqatigiit

Right-wingers:
Augusta Salling, MP for Ultima Thule and titular jailer to House Callaghan
Hans Enoksen, Minister of Finance, MP for Attasut
Susan Susan, Duchess of the Faerohbjj Islands and Qikkttllalligr of the Marches

Left-wingers:
Curley Okalik, Minister for Oppressing Dwarves and Stretching Short People on a Rack, MP for Tunu, Tanu and the Islands
Iron John Service, Minister for Artificial Lighting Sources, MP for Avannaa
The Honourable Delphinia Siumut, heiress to the Duchy of Ungava

Defencemen:
Gump "Tiny" Torbrigjjavsdottir, Minister of Munitions, MP for Katusseqatigiit
Urs Ulitokark, Designated Scapegoat Should Anything Go Wrong, Ambassador to Canada

Goal:
Tomas "Susan" Akulliit, Minister with Special Responsibility for the Eradication of Seagulls and Other Vermin, MP for Nuuk North Centre
Princess Christiana Aglukark, Heir to the Throne of Kalallit Nunaat, MP for Qaanaaq

Style: +3. Attack attack attack!

Players Blown Up in Cherry Cup 15:

# Pos Name Line Age
1 GK Jerrick Nielson - 23
11 D Vanislav Polovski 1 30
21 RW Jason O'Connor 1 27
22 LW Jan Baros 1 27
27 RW Mahmud Iffret 2 23
33 D Ahmed Hakim 1 33
38 RW Titus Young 3 20
45 D Nick O'Connor 2 31
67 LW Janni Titov 2 29
99 D Hrolf Olafson 2 28


Squornshelous Ferrets Roster for Cherry Cup 16
(reminaing players)

# Pos Name Line Age
2 LW Alfonso Vincente 1 26
3 GK Markus Dornier - 29
19 C Atkins Korolev B 27
25 D Petr Kryzldlwytzch 1 25
51 C Nicola Pablicosta 1 32
52 D Stanislav Popovich 1 26
91 RW Arnold Friedel 1 30


Because of the lack of good hockey players in Squornshelous and the extremem unpopularity of the job of national team player after the explosion that killed 10 players in Cherry Cup 15, the only players on this cup's team are the seven survivors. Former center Arnold Friedel moves to rght wing and Atkins Korolev will sub in from the bench. All players except Markus Dornier will play all positions, rotating out every few minutes. As is our style, Squornshelous will play in an all out attack. (+3)

The Cassowaries starting line-up:

Coach: Sister Hale Maria, human

Goal: Benedict Nosferatu, human-rodent hybrid
Defenders: Theresa d'Avila, android
Alonso Porcini, human-mushroom DNA splice
Centre: Karol Johannes Paulus Kedua, clone
Moderate Left Winger: Joan Pope, hermaphroditic Ice Monster
Left Winger: Leonardo Boff, human

In keeping with the ancient Burungi saying, "there is nothing more beatiful thana socreless draw," the teams's style will be a defensive -2.

The Enlightener: 4th September 2005 - free crisps for every reader
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

Ice To See You, To See You... ICE!

These are exciting times for Bettian ice hockey. After a sterling performance in the last cup and the FOYNLS Premier League halfway through it's first season, the Icebergs travel to Kaze Progressa hoping to make the knockout stages at the third time of asking thanks to some overtly attacking play (in a +3 modifier stylee).

So who will be pulling on the green and gold of Bettia?

CENTRES:
10. Phil Canton (Gabalfa Blades)
11. Ikrima Thruxton (Butetown Battlers)
12. Llifon Evans (Porthbalfa Primals)
13. Dave Phillips (Ceffinton Rams)
14. Omar Rajab (Maindy Massive)
15. Phil Hill (Lorshill Assassins)

LEFT WING:
16. Jon Phillips (Lorshill Assassins)
16. Hefin George (Ceffinton Rams)
17. Nathan Foulkes (Porthbalfa Primals)
18. Chris Beckton (Akani Sands Sharks)
19. Neil Rice (Butetown Battlers)

RIGHT WING:
20. Warren Alexander (Sukatra Sultans)
21. Guto Al-Shamari (Butetown Battlers)
22. Jason Anwar (Gabalfa Blades)
23. Amin Ifans (Porthbalfa Primals)
24. Iestyn Knockhill (Ceffinton Rams)

DEFENCE:
03. Rob Silverstone (Grappenhall Masters)
04. Jeff Penbray (Maindy Massive)
05. Jason Oulton (Butetown Battlers)
06. Jamie Coombe (Lorshill Assassins)
07. Jason Castle (Whitchurch Wizards)
08. Gwynlon Mihangel (Butetown Battlers)
09. Amir Morello (Whitchurch Wizards)

NETMINDERS:
01. Daffydd Clayton (Butetown Battlers)
02. Greg Abdullah (Gabalfa Blades)

THE RANKINGS FOR CC16

Starblaydia 1
The Mushroom Kingship 2
Harlesburg 3
Formal Dances 4
Kalaallit Nunaat 4
Chicanada 6
Spruitland 7
Corneliu 8
Fmjphoenix 8
Bettia 8
Lovisa 11
Druida 12
Hockey Canada 13
The Gulf States 13
Oliverry 15
Liverpool England 15
Squornshelous 17
Daistallia 2014 17
Tonissia 19
Bipedal Apes 20
Milchama 30
New Rynn 30
Vilita 30
Clavis 30
New Montreal States 30
Casari 30
Jon Parkin 30
East Lithuania 30
Iansisle 30
Kaze Progressa 30
Genghis-Khanistan 30
Adrasuvare 30
Poppuli 30


These are entirely based upon points per (possible) game in CC15. This is out of nine for most teams, but out of eight for those in the three-team group in phase one of CC15 (Druida, Tonissia, Spruitland). Nations who did not participate in CC15 have a ranking of 30.

Nine teams earn byes to the second group phase. Of the teams tied-8th in the rankings, Bettia and Fmjphoenix had the best GD in the second group stage and thus they join the top seven in earning byes.

The remaining 24 teams will be divided into six groups of four playing each other once. These will be split into seeded and unseeded teams, with two of each per group. The eleven teams who did not earn byes but do not have newbie rankings, plus Kaze Progressa as hosts, will be the seeded teams. All other teams are unseeded.

The top two in each group will progress and join the nine teams with byes. These 21 teams will form seven groups of three, with the winner and the best runner-up progressing into the quarter-finals. The teams in these groups play each other TWICE.

In all cases, ties on points are separated first on head-to-head result, then goal difference, then goals for.

The Gulf States announces it's roster for Cherry Cup 16....

C1: Craig Peterson #1 - Windsor, Ontario, TGS Canada
C2: Thomas Fletcher #22 - Mississauga, Ontario, TGS Canada
C3: Stephen Smith #14 - Thompson, Manitoba, TGS Canada
LW1: Jacques Lyons #8 - Lac du Ville, Quebec, TGS Canada
LW2: Jean Peltier #20 - Sherbrooke, Quebec, TGS Canada
LW3: Alex McKinnis #40 - Yarmouth, Nova Scotia, TGS Canada
RW1: Peter McDougall #9 - Millbury, Bardista, Mainland
RW2: Roy Barboza #32 - Langley, Virginia (Flocarga and Delmarva)
RW3: Manuel Sanchez #53 - Orange, Rutland, Mainland
D1: Pedro Ortiz #6 - Paterson, Flordis, Mainland
D2: Mike Henderson #15 - St. Catharines, Ontario, TGS Canada
D3: Chris Morrison #9 - Toronto, Ontario, TGS Canada
D4: Wayne Simmons #25 - Pittsfield, Bardista, Mainland
D5: Sean Carter #11 - East Orange, Rutland, Mainland
D6: Jason Morrison #42 - Albany, Gulfport, Mainland
G1: Alejandro Campos #36 - Baltimore, Maryland (Flocarga and Delmarva)
G2: Gerald Martin #31 - Hull, Quebec, TGS Canada
G3: Corey St. Patrice #34 - Dorval, Quebec, TGS Canada

THE RANKINGS FOR CC16
ooc-I don't seem to see TB on the list.

Hockey Canada's roster for CC16

Line 1:

RW 36- Mike Baruzzio
C 93- Kyle Thomas (Captain)
LW 3- Scott Hannan

Line 2:

RW 23- Greg Bossy
C 12- Pete Cugno (Assistant Captain)
LW 8- Trent LeClair

Line 3:

RW 16- Jeff Hanson
C 17- Mike Hanson
LW 18- John Hanson

Line 4:

RW 63- Earl Grey
C 4- Damien Morris
LW 19- Jarret Moreau

Defence:

D 20- Blake Metziton
D 22- Darren Ilston
D 43- Jamie Gerhardt
D 49- Mike Johnson
D 69- Blue Red (Assistant Captain)
D 73- Red Green

Goalies:

G 00- Marcus Cousineau-Marchentz (to be held in minors)
G 33- Maurice Roy (backup)
G 63- Vladislav Myshakov (starter)



Coach: Gary Quinn
Assistant Coach: Doug Crawford
Assistant Coach: Mark Kazamarek
Assistant Coach: Joe Schmo
Trainer: Doug Brown
Manager: Jéan Poutinè

THE RANKINGS FOR CC16
Iansisle 30

Nations who did not participate in CC15 have a ranking of 30.

((Now, I know we got pasted in Cherry Cup XV, but surely that doesn't nullify our participation entirely? :D))

Now I'm confused. I didn't have TB on the signup list. Nor Iansisle in the CC15 scores.

Will have to start again tomorrow and check this again. Sorry guys.

I change my life, and in wensday I going to Ireland to my new job, and for a couple days or months I will be inactive, but I back. please do not DSQ my nation.

thanks

more info. send me to my email

Now I'm confused. I didn't have TB on the signup list. Nor Iansisle in the CC15 scores.

Will have to start again tomorrow and check this again. Sorry guys.
To be fair, you posted the list and asked if you were missing anyone, and no one spoke up to point out that TB was missing.

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9443571&postcount=18

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q. Tanah Burung 6 2 0 1 3:2 1
Q. Bettia 4 1 1 1 3:1 2
3. Iansisle 4 1 1 1 2:3 -1
4. Liverpool England 3 1 0 2 2:4 -2
Iansisle was eliminated in the first round, but finished ahead of LE. Don't know exactly where that puts them, but I imagine you can tell from this.

THE UPDATED CC16 RANKS
1 Starblaydia
1 Tanah Burung
3 The Mushroom Kingship
4 Harlesburg
5 Formal Dances
5 Kalaallit Nunaat
7 Chicanada
8 Spruitland
9 Corneliu
9 Fmjphoenix
9 Bettia
12 Lovisa
13 Druida
14 Hockey Canada
14 The Gulf States
14 Iansisle
17 Oliverry
17 Liverpool England
19 Squornshelous
19 Daistallia 2014
21 Tonissia
22 Bipedal Apes
30 Milchama
30 New Rynn
30 Vilita
30 Clavis
30 New Montreal States
30 Casari
30 Jon Parkin
30 East Lithuania
30 Kaze Progressa
30 Genghis-Khanistan
30 Adrasuvare
30 Poppuli

The new structure:

PRELIMINARY ROUND: 12 unranked teams only. These are randomly drawn into pairs and play a two-legged match with the aggregate winner qualifying.

FIRST GROUP PHASE: The 6 qualifiers from the preliminary round, plus 18 ranked teams (the top 4 gain byes to the second group phase). Divided into six groups of four, with two teams from the top 16, one team outside the top 16 and one preliminary round qualifier in each. Top two go through.

SECOND GROUP PHASE: The 12 qualifiers from the first group phase plus the top four, divided into four groups of four. The top four are seeds, the rest of the draw is random. Top two go through.

KNOCKOUT PHASE: All straight knockout with overtime. This is the only time overtime is used, except for preliminary round matches tied after two legs (there are no away goals as both matches are always in Kaze Progressa).

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q. Fmjphoenix 4 1 1 1 4:3 1
Q. Chicanada 4 1 1 1 3:3 0*
3. Casari 4 1 1 1 3:3 0
4. Kericia 4 1 1 1 3:4 -1

The only person I beat isn't even in this cup... but anyway.

Casari manages to throw together Hockey Team from Drucks found passed out in bars!
Probably the best national team yet, but still not hoping for much

The Casaran United Hockey Leauges managed to find some of their best players, passed out in bars at the time, and quickly threw them together to make an effort to win an international competition of such... um... of such an interesting nature as the Cherry Cup.

"We're very excited that the team will actually be sober by the time we make it to the first game this year." Coach Lobo said, smiling. "That really hurt our chances last year."

The team was then announced.

1st Line
7 LW Rob Donaldson
3 C James Wrable
17 RW Oliver Tonalerry
2nd Line
63 LW Simon Scott
92 C Larry Escandriola
44 RW Marcus Prosely
3rd Line
98 LW Fred Araloo
2 C George Senmal
67 RW Chris Creatmes
4th Line
53 LW Wesley Pacaster
77 C Fred Yestran
94 RW Bob the random drunk

Defense
1st Line
12 D Lester Angston
14 D Mario Sanchez
2nd Line
19 D Lester Poublyc
23 D Francis Craig
3rd Line
18 D August Closter
76 D Derrick Ford

Goalies
1 G Hector Gresfried
91 G Greg Nestarafariowilsobareson

"We're proud to say that this year, nineteen out of twenty are actual hockey players."

DRUNKARD PARTY RAISES MONEY FOR CASARIAN HOCKEY PLAYER

Evans calls Bob the random drunk "a role model for us all."

NEW MONTREAL - In a speech weird and random even by the standards of the New Montreal Common Council, Drunkard Party leader (and sole MP) Ronnie "Batshit" Evans called Casarian hockey player Bob the random drunk "a role model for ush all."

He continued: "It ish important to recognizsh that ush drunksh have our plache in the world of sportsh. I have ashked my fellow partyersh to help raish money ash a token of our admirashion for hish accomplishmentsh."

When Yann Battelier (MP, Spastic Rodent party), pointed out that Casari is not exactly a dirt-poor nation, and that Bob would be well supplied for the upcoming Cherry Cup, Evans replied: "FOR BOOZSE!" and passed out.

Seventeen ones and about 4 dollars in change have been sent to Bob the random drunk, care of the NMS Drunkard Party. No comments have been made by the Casarian team - maybe their postal servie has yet to decipher the handwriting on the beer-splotched envelope.

CHERRY CUP 16 PRELIMINARY ROUND DRAW

Jon Parkin v Vilita

Casari v Clavis

Milchama v New Montreal States

Genghis-Khanistan v Kaze Progressa

New Rynn v East Lithuania

Poppuli v Adrasuvare

Ties to be played over two legs, the first leg on September 8 and the second on September 10.

Bob the random drunk being treated by trainers
Will be able to play tomorrow vs. Clavis

After intense analysis by linguists at the Casaran Museum of Natural history, it was found out that an artifact found outside a Tyrellian post office was not a historical artifact from the early brewing civilizations, but actually a sloppily adressed letter from New Montreal States addressed to Casaran Hockey team member Bob the random drunk.

Upon recieving the letter, Bob set off to the local liquor store and picked up a twelver. When discovered this morning, he was passed out outside the National training facility with his stick hanging out of a woodpecker hole. Local residents claim that they heard yelling about "Those damn peckers!" at about three AM last night.

Who exactly Bob was talking about was uncertain.

Clavis first opponents in attempt to win Cherry Cup
Shockingly, no fruit is involved in contest

The first leg of a two-leg match vs. former Baptism of Fire opponents Clavis looms on the horizon tomorrow. Team statements reveal an oddly positive outlook on the proceedings, particularly because 4 selaris found under the bleachers last week is being used to paint the visitors dressing room a garish combination of neon colors and dark grey.

"We this our interior design will provide us a clear advantage. After all, who wants to dess in a room that ugly anyway. Noone, that's who." Right Wing Oliver Tonallery said to reporters.

However, the greatest shock is that the Cherry Cup isn't named after the small red fruit, but a Canadian Hockey personality. When the question wass brought up to the team, Bob the random drunk replied, "... wait... wheresh Canadah anywaysh?"

News Flash!

It turns out that there actually are hockey teams out there worse than Squornshelous. Along with twelve teams competing in their first Cherry Cup, the Ferrets have found themselves to be ranbked ahead of Bipedal Apes, Tonissia and equally with Daistallia 2014. For the first time in a while, we find this to be a good thing. Now that Squornshelous has rededicated itsself to winning hockey games, we want to schedule our games against as many of the teams found on the list below as possible, if it's okay with our hosts. Cut us a litte slack, you know, we've only got 7 players.

THE UPDATED CC16 RANKS

. . . . .
19 Squornshelous
19 Daistallia 2014
21 Tonissia
22 Bipedal Apes
30 Milchama
30 New Rynn
30 Vilita
30 Clavis
30 New Montreal States
30 Casari
30 Jon Parkin
30 East Lithuania
30 Kaze Progressa
30 Genghis-Khanistan
30 Adrasuvare
30 Poppuli

OOC: This does not even merit a newspaper title.

Milchama get NMS again people annoyed

The Warriors Peoples of Milchama are dumbfounded and annoyed about the fact that they have to play NMS again in sports. "We have to do this again we just beat them in baseball and soccer and now we have to beat them in hockey too? Why?" This is the question being raised all over Milchama as more and more people become aware of the draw, "Well we have crushed them in everything else we have faced them in this should be no different." said one man to the reaction to this draw. Another popular reaction is one of this man, "Well we have beat them in two sports already so we're bound to lose one sport eventually."

People don't like roster say Israelis are no good at hockey

Grumblings have been getting louder in the streets as many people do not like the choice of the Hockey Federation of Milchama choosing only players from the little and volatile region of Israel. "They are a desert country, they only have one ice hockey rink in Metulla and I just don't plain like them." These grumblings have come to late to change the rosters according to Hockey Federation President Sergei Matin has said, "This is the roster we have, this is the roster we are sticking with. There will be no changing now."

OOC: my roster is really the U18 Israeli hockey team. Just so everybody knows I think its cool

The Progressan team for CC16

Offense:

Line 1: LW Maratij Jaraheri, C Naurew Martilcaek, RW Arista Tamnau
Line 2: LW Quaza Arqueazio, C Mert Maunt, RW Atina Katrai
Line 3: LW Baun Jarai, C Arista Zaij, RW Parkara Mair
Line 4: LW Stua Janzo, C Matingo Jati, RW Quaza Lazryeki

Defense:

Line 1: LD Marau Tajiao, RD Rani Marok
Line 2: LD Alir Taizalap, RD Quaza Gilaar
Line 3: LD Bara Junip, RD Naurew Wialra

Goaltenders: Murayni Kiltaq, Quaza Jaina, Faiwe Raharan

Style modifier: -1

Preliminary round first leg

Jon Parkin 5
Vilita 3

Casari 8
Clavis 6

Milchama 7
New Montreal States 8

Genghis-Khanistan 4
Kaze Progressa 4

New Rynn 7
East Lithuania 4

Poppuli 1
Adrasuvare 3

Progressan result scorinated by Revolutionarian Island

HABS OUTSCORE WARRIORS

Fast-paced action-packed score-a-thon ends with Paladins up by 1

NEW MONTREAL - Okay, our defense blows. Our goaltendening is pathetic. Our power-play killing needs more work than an Edsel on blocks. But we still won!

5 Paladins combined for 8 goals on the way to a 8-7 win over Milchama in the preliminary rounds of the Cherry Cup.

"We've got some serious work to do," said coach Terry Brebeuf. "But we'll gladly take the win over the Warriors, it's not like any of our other teams have done that lately."

The States narrowly avoided a sweep at the hands of Milchaman sport, after both their baseball and U21 football teams collapsed pathetically against the Warriors in their respective tournaments.

"Feels good," said Brebeuf. "But we've got a second leg to prepare for, and the goal differential isn't that big. Anything can and will happen on the return trip."

8-6 result puts Casari ahead of Clavis
Even Bob the random Drunk puts one in

A shocking high scoring hockey game resulted in Casari being up by two as they go to Clavis for the second legs of their two leg match.

"We were astonished by the rate of scoring." Fans said after the match. "And we weren't really sure that you could score more than the other team, to be honest."

The scoring was lead by Donaldson and Tonalerry with 2 each, followed by Scott, Prosely, Araloo, and Bob the random drunk, each with one.

Dispite his name being Bob the Random Drunk, other players report that Bob neither seemed all that drunk or all that randomly chosen during the game.

"He had some definate skills. And he didn't drink all that much during the game, only a six pack or so."

To move on, Casari is hoping for victory in Clavis, but a 1 goal loss will still propel them into the next round.

We Lost To A Multi, Everyone Shot

-----------------So we lost to a multi and everyone got shot. Well, actually, not in that order, and not exactly in that context. You see with all these freaky drugs banned and outlawed and frowned upon and abolished and left out of Vilitan Culture, some of the punks showed up in Jon Parkin and decided it would be a good idea to shoot up before the match. Yup, not that the idiots had any idea what they were injecting inside of themselves, but obviously it had some effect because, well yea, the same guys that won the first ever Hockey Champions League, and the First ever AO Hockey Championships, lost a game to a bunch of twid poppers.

-----------------To be fair on the Vilitans, they managed to score three goals in the match, a surprising feat when considering that they spent most of the match lying on their backsides staring at the ceiling of the arena and reaching up expecting to grab the supporting beams high above them, eventually getting nothing but air, and on rare occasion, one of Jon Parkins sticks. The only two players that appeared on top of their game during the match were Tommy Finn, the goalkeeper, and Patrick Vilita, the team captain. Vilita managed to net all 3 Vilita goals and Finn managed to stop 102 of the 107 shots fired at him over the course of the match, saving Les Ice Cats their chance at qualification in the second leg.

PRO-BOB RALLY ATTRACTS 500 CITIZENS

Drunkard Party celebrates their hero's performance

NEW MONTREAL - A rally in support of Casarian hockey player Bob the random drunk was "a success" according to the Drunkard party, which organized the rally to celebrate his 1-goal performance during Casari's 8-6 win o'er Clavis.

Drunken Party leader and sole MP Ronnie "Batshit" Evans called for all Drunkard Partyers to follow him to Hockey Canada to watch the second game between the two nations. He formally requested leave from the Common Council to attend the match, leave which was hastily granted with not a few sighs of relief.

The party has announced that they will fly tomorrow, and have booked two floors of a HC hotel near the arena. 300 party members are expected to attend the game.

Milchama lose by one look for a win in the second match

The Milchama Israelis lost their first prelimanary game today as they were just outscored by New Montreal States. Coach Jean Perron said, "They were the better team out there today. Our offense can only do so much. I know that in the Milchama regional tournament we had the two leading point scorers but if our defense does not show up then we cannot win."

Milchama got a hattrick by Mikael Horowitz, two goals by Oren Zamir, two goals by Eli Sherbatov, and a goal by Harel Harosh. Liam Horowitz who started in goal today will not start the home leg as older (and we guess better) goalie Eden Nemenoff will.

OOC: Ack! Somewhere along the line, I missed this!

IC:
Our Roster:5 Erik Plien (Center)
4 Hien Shu (Center)
18 Heinz Mann (Center)
2 Wolfgang Grimm (Wing)
3 Maus Daek (Wing)
7 Walter Heinz (Wing)
8 Da-wa Lha-mo (Wing)
10 Jon Silber (Wing)
22 Dzi-mi Lha-mo (Wing)
25 Krieg Munze(Wing)
6 Bae Stall (Defense)
9 Wen Huek (Defense)
11 Hans Gruber (Defense)
12 Stien (Defense)
13 Hu Mi (Defense)
16 Kae Mar (Defense)
17 Meister Jaeger (Defense)
19 Hans Fet (Goalie)
21 Erik Viking (Goalie)
24 Jen Jaeger (Goalie)

Inactive list:
20 Vael Kari (Center)
1 Hae Yu (Wing)
14 Wi Rok (Defense)
15 Oliver Daes (Defense)
23 Franz Schlager (Goalie)

Head Coach: Adolf Goldenes
Assistant Coach: Silber Munzen


Style: an aggressive +3

Casaran Hockey team enjoys foriegn support
Team quietly moved to new hotel when found NMS delegation staying upstairs

The Casaran Hockey team checked out of their hotel today and moved to one a block away when it was anoounced that a delegation of NMS Drunkard Party members were books to stay in the 2 floors above the team's residences.

The sole member of the team who refused to leave the hotel was Bob the random drunk, who the Drunkard delegation supports even more intensely after his goal against Clavis yesterday.

Bob the random drunk was unavailable for comment at this time. According to the sign taped to his door, he seems to be in another location that is probably surrounded by a liquor distribution business.

CHC NEWS

Roster Forthcomming

The CHL today, during their break from a more hectic than normal hockey season (hey, ya'll shuffle around 40 teams into divisions and make it work right), announced really nothing concering the national side for CCXVI, considering the teams successfull run towards Southampton last time around.

What we do know is the team will be managed by one of the old guard clubs (most likely Cana HC or Star Point, possibly West Coast) and the team will be running on a score value of 1 (trying to draw a balance between their offense and defense).

The roster is expected to be announced after the Kodiaks' opponent for the Second Round ties is made. Expect new guard clubs to dominate the field regardless of coach.

[ooc: The CHL has 16 old clubs out the 40 competing and they tend to view themselves as better than the rookier, even though the last three champs have been from the lower ranks/new guard. This will be incorporated into the usual Jaquee tales about the Chicanadan Hockey Club]

Preliminary round second leg

Jon Parkin 2
Vilita 5
Vilita win 8-7 on aggregate

Casari 3
Clavis 4
Casari win 11-10 on aggregate

Milchama 7
New Montreal States 4
Milchama win 14-12 on aggregate

Genghis-Khanistan 3
Kaze Progressa 6
Kaze Progressa win 10-7 on aggregate. Score generated by Revolutionarian Island.

New Rynn 6
East Lithuania 4
New Rynn win 13-8 on aggregate

Poppuli 4
Adrasuvare 4
Adrasuvare win 7-5 on aggregate

First group phase draw on Monday.

+1 modifier
No time to post roster.

Casaran 3-4 loss still enough to win on aggregate
Bob hailed as national hero as drunken stumbling ends up scoring last second goal

Bob the random Drunk is a Casaran hero again today when his drunken stumblings around the rink resulted in a goal with just a few seconds left on the clock, making it possible for Casari to advance.

"Well, to me it looked like he was losing his balance, and in an attempt to keep it, he swung his stick and miraciously hit the puck past the Clavian goaltender. It was pretty exciting stuff."

The last second Bob goal raised the final score to 4-3 Clavis, Breaking the tie that would have existed on aggregate.

A mostly scoreless first period ended with a controversial Clavian goal that, upon further review, bounced of the clavian player's skate. However, in the second period, Tonalerry and Araloo scored their 3rd and 2nd goals respectively to make it 2-1 in Favor of Casari. Clavis scored 3 goals in the first ten minutes of the third period until Bob the random drunk's goal with 10 seconds left on the clock changed Casari's fortunes and moved them onto the group stage.

"To continue on from here, we're going to have to play on another level. Like ninjas."

MILCHAMA DOES IT AGAIN

Paladins shafted at hands of warriors, Ice Hockey team disbanded on spot

KAZE PROGRESSA - After last night's disgraceful showing against the Milchama Warriors, the Ministry of Morale announced the wholesale dissolution of the national ice-hockey team, and the severance without pay of all members and coaches thereof.

"We're a fucking joke," said Assistant Minister for Winter Sports Antoine Laporte. "We lose to the friggin' Warriors in every friggin' sport. We're disbanding the losers of a hockey team that we have, and we're starting a shutdown of the national hockey program. We anticipate a complete shutdown within 3 months as we've given everyone notice of the closing just today." He went on to add: "The point of the Ministry of Morale is to increase the morale of the people of the NMS. This clown show on ice does the exact opposite. In this age of war and non-military budget cuts, jokers like these can't be tolerated."

Rodney Jones, head of the national hockey program, said in a press conference called shortly after the Assistant Minister's speech, said: "Well, can't deny that we deserved it. Most of the employees will be shifted to other positions in the Ministry, and we'll help those forced to move out of the Ministry to find other positions in or out of the government."

As for the game itself - who cares?

Wickert War Chronicle-Tribune-Update-Sun-Herald-Today

Sports Section

Milchama beat NMS again

The Milchama Israelis beat the NMS Paladins in yet another sport today ice hockey. After losing the first leg 8-7 the Israelis simply outlasted the Ice Paladins in the third scoring 3 goals and giving up none to win the second leg 7-4. The goals were scored by Mikael Horowitz, Oren Zamir, Yogi Shamir, and Anton Bulakov. Coach Jean Perron said, "Now we have the real test when we face the much more challenging teams in the real Cherry Cup."

Somewhere in Han Dold City:

Gary Entwhistle wakes up shivering in a skip in a dark alleyway. He looks around, surrounded by garbage, the event's of this weeks bender a blurry nightmare of dingy pubs, cheap tequila and drunken teamates rioting. Memories of his coach shouting at him excitedly waving a letter come flooding back. He realises he isn't alone. Various other bodies wearing the New Rynn ice hockey kit in differing states of sobriaty are slowly coming back to consienceness. Words slur with some difficulty out of his mouth:
"Ain't we 'sposed to be playing in that Cherry Cup this week?"

http://tinypic.com/dnkhfm.png

First group phase draw here.

Group Draw completed today
Definately most exciting aspect of Cherry Cup

Casari was drawn in group F with Iansisle, Bettia, and Tonissia.

When fans were asked about their thoughts, the near unanimous reply was "It's a group draw, what do you expect us to say?"

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y197/Spruitland/sportsgazette.jpg

Bunnies on skates again

The Spruitland Ice Bunnies have been hanging around in Kaze Progressa for a while now, ready to participate in Cherry Cup 16. For some reason that had to do with rankings and scheduling and what not, things that go way over their heads, the Ice Bunnies did not need to play in the Preliminary Round. They did not mind at all, as this gave them more time to check out the local bars and try out the local brewings and women.

But, all good things come to an end, and it seems the Ice Bunnies will soon have to focus on playing an occasional ice hockey match as well. They have been drawn into Group E, together with Corneliu, Squornshelous and Liverpool England. Coach Coach does not expect any major difficulties at this stage.

“Sounds like a walk in the park,” he says. “Or a skate in the park, perhaps. Though there would have to be a pond in the park for that. A frozen one, at that. And we don’t much care for frozen ponds, to be honest. So maybe we’ll just walk, to be on the safe side.”

Regardless, nothing less than a top spot in the group will be expected of the Ice Bunnies, and they’re more than willing to break some opponents’ limbs to achieve that.

“Especially Liverpoolenglandish limbs,” ogre-sized defender Frank Zandt agrees. “We’re quite eager to break some of those.”

Results in the first group phase will be posted today, with the second set of games on Saturday and the third on Monday.

Matches are as follows:

Thursday: 1v3, 2v4
Saturday: 1v2, 3v4
Monday: 1v4, 2v3

(where 1 = the first name on the list of teams in the group, 2 = the second, etc.)

First group stage, matchday one

The Gulf States 8
Milchama 6

Hockey Canada 3
Adrasuvare 2

Kalallit Nunaat 3
Bipedal Apes 3

Chicanada 6
New Rynn 2

Formal Dances 7
Oliverry 4

Fmjphoenix 6
Vilita 3

Lovisa 3
Daistallia 2014 4

Druida 7
Kaze Progressa 4

Corneliu 4
Squornshelous 5

Spruitland 5
Liverpool England 3

Iansisle 2
Casari 4

Bettia 5
Tonissia 3

Ferrets Looking to sweep Wabbits

After the recent defeat of the Spruitland football team by the Pschychoes of Squornshelous, the somewhat less star-spangled Squornshelan hockey tem is looking to match that feat. It would be a huge step for the Ferrets to beat the Wabbits. While Squornshelous outdates Spruitland in Cherry Cup participation, the Ferrets have been somewhat lackluster in their performances since Cherry Cup 8, while the Wabbits have flourished, making several runs deep into the tournament. Along with Cornlieu and Liverpool England, Spruitland find themselves in Group E, and while many will assume that Squornshelous is the doormat team of the group, we will fight to prove otherwise. Our seven man squad will be out for blood, and we'll prove we can break as many limbs as any fancy-pants bunnies.

Ferrets Victorious!
The Squornshelan Hockey team broke a winless streak dating from Cherry Cup 14 in their first game of CC16. They went out and played a barn burner against Cornlieu, coming out on top 5-4. Two goals were scored by both Alfonso Vincente and Nicola Pablicosta, and Stanislav Popovich also knocked one in on a slapper from the blue line. The six Squornshelan players in their rotating lineup played like madmen, hitting and skating all out, going after every puck and forechecking deep in the opposing zone. With the toughest conditioning regimen anywhere, the Ferrets controlled the ice against a numerically and skillfully superior team, letting in most of the four goals against them in the third period, when the exhausted skaters could barely keep up with the play. Markus Dornier was called upon to stop 43 shots, and was successful on 39 of them.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 5-4 Corneliu

Casari Wins versus Iansisle
Yes, we're just that awesome

Casari defeated Iansisle today 4 to 2. With goals from the entire 1st line, today was a great example of the excellent scoring output we hope for the team in future games.

Other than that, There's not much else to say. I mean, it's hockey, you think we get lots of print space for hockey?

Wickert War Chronicle-Tribune-Update-Sun-Herald-Today

Sports Section

Milchama score 6 but give up 8 and lose first match to Gulf States

We know one thing about the Israelis through the preliminaries it's that they can score and in their opening game of the Cherry Cup they did score, scoring the first 4 goals of the game only to give up the next 6 and not able to come back to lose 8-6. Coach Jean Perron, "We really need to get our defense in order, sure we can score past anybody but if we can't stop anybody does it matter that we can score 6 or 7 goals every game no."
Goal Report:
This newspaper does not care much for how it happened only what happened thus here we go: The first period was dominated by the Warriors who from the opening face off dominated the Gulf Staters and it showed as Horowitz, Zamir, and Sherbatov all scored goals in the first 10 minutes of play. The Gulf Staters could not score in the period 3-0 at the end of the first. The second period started well for the Israelis as Sherbatov did a Crosby move and freaked out the goalie making him bang up against he cross bar allowing Sherbatov to score easily. With the score 4-0 the game looked well in hand but unfortunately events started to turn as only two minutes later Gulf States scored their first goal. Their second goal came 6 minutes after that and the third goal 10 seconds after their second. The score was then tied only two minutes later as the Milchama defense looked absolutely nutty. Coach Perron then called time out and the defense seemed to get more organized. Unfortunately so was the Gulf States who scored 2 more goals before the 2nd intermission to lead 6-4. The third period saw the Israelis score once then the Staters score once then Israelis scored again only to see with 58 second left the Staters score their 8th and final goal to win the game 8-6. The goals in the third period were scored by Bulakov and Shamir.

First group stage, matchday one

The Gulf States 8
Milchama 6



In Richmond, Virginia ....

President Ron Fleming is sitting in the conference room with a bunch of aides waiting the hockey game between The Gulf States and Milchama. The game ends, The Gulf States wins 8-6.

Fleming: Isn't their goalie from Delaware?

Aide #1: Either there or Maryland.

Fleming: But that's one of our boys right?

Aide #1: Yes.

Fleming: Wow, he did pretty badly tonight.

Aide #2: Well. Least The Gulf won tonight.

Fleming: Yeah, that's true. Hopefully we'll get back in the playoffs again this year. I remember a couple cups ago, we got to 2nd place. Gotta shore up that defense though, or else we're never gonna get there.

From the desk of Professor Ms. Digbotch

Memo
To: Skate-Footers, one and all
From: Your mentor and guide, Professor Ms. Digbotch
Re: Last night’s game, against Kalaallit Nunaat

Mis estudiantes,

Oh, I’m so proud. Three goals against Queen Aglukark’s band of rabid MPs is more than any of you could, or should, have hoped. And against only three goals conceded-- why, if I didn’t know better, I’d say that you didn’t spend the entire match scooting about the ice on your asses!

But I was there, and I saw all, and based on my observations and many years experience coaching hockeyball, I have these recommendations for improving your play in the next match.

1. Even if the opposing center forward is Prime Minister of her esteemed and powerful nation, her decrees are not technically law on the hockeyball pitch. In fact, even if the entire opposing side should form a quorum and, following Robert’s Rules, pass a law forbidding you to score upon them, the law is not binding unless it is also agreed to by the hockeyball officials.

What I am trying to make clear, here, is that you needn’t have stopped trying to score in the third period. I realize that Premier Tungak distributed a printed Motion to Reduce Bipedaleen Scoring to each of you. But in such a situation, the best thing to do is simply ignore it, for an MP (or even a PM) ignored will usually get tired and go away, and at any rate, it is very unlikely that the officials will allow them to bring their armies onto the ice to enforce whatever silly laws they’ve been passing.

2. Blibplibble, I noticed that you had difficulty when Minister Salling drove toward the goal in the middle of the second period as a result of having your hockeyball bat stuck up your nose. Please do not pick your nose with your bat during the match.

3. I was very impressed with Maltroppa’s highly evolved insistence on using good old-fashioned Bipedaleen upright-walking methods throughout the match. To an observant observer such as myself, it was clear that remaining upright gave her several advantages, namely:

a. She was able to move about the pitch much more quickly than the rest of you;
b. She had an increased level of maneuverability; and
c. She was able to derive much more force from each swing of her bat.

Take this to heart, and try to emulate her. We have often seen the advantages to bipedality, both in our species’ evolutionary development and by observing that most of the better hockeyball teams play while standing. And for those of you who think that standing upright on thin blades on frozen water is simply impossible, remember that the more challenging an activity, the more rewarding is success.

4. My final point is a note to Kleepr. I’m sorry to trouble you with this, but the males left a bit of a mess in my office after the big sex-romp. Can you please see to it as soon as we get back to the RBA? Try using citrus cleaner, I understand it’s very effective.

Thank you all, and good luck against New Rynn.

Prof. Ms. Digbotch

Ferrets Preparing for Liverpool England
What we wouldn't give to have Krog Dugsk and Wet Biscuit MacGlee back. We're gonna need some hard hitting for this game. Squornshelous looks to win two games in one Cherry Cup for the first time in recent memory. "I think our last multi-win Cup was either 12 or 13," said center Nicola Pablicosta, "I really don't remember, I try to blot it out really." Now, with a defeat of Cornlieu under their belts, the Ferrets have a perfect chance to make their comeback to international hockey. "If we can beat Liverpool England, that'll give us two wins, and almost garuntee us a spot in the next round," said keeper Markus Dornier. With success so tantalizingly close after decades of failure, the Ferrets will really be out there playing for keeps. If Squornshelous can perform well in the Cherry Cup, it might be possible for Hockey to return to Squornshelous in a big way. There might even be more than 7 players on the team for the next Cherry Cup. We don't want to have to put monkeys on the ice again.

"What? What? But they're just some form of sub-human tropical Sasquatch!" Susan Aglukark was not pleased. "Someone must pay! TunGAAAK! Get in here!"

The Prime Minister (and centre for the Iceberg) gulped. The team would have to pull its knee-high socks up. Otherwise, there'd be executions to deal with. And he hated the sight of blood.

"I've drawn up a parliamentary resolution, my Queen," he said.

Susan glanced at the paper.

Order-in-council by the cabinet of Kalaallit Nunaat (expeditionary force)

Whereas Apes are Notoriously Bad at Hockey, and

Whereas the Red and White Iceberg carries the hopes of all the people of Kalaallit Nunaat, and

Whereas the Cherry Cup rightfully belongs to us, and

Whereas Queen Susan is The Fairest in the Land,

Resolved: it is not possible for the Bipedal Apes to have earned a draw against Kalaallit Nunaat, and

Further resolved that the actual result was Iceberg 3, Hairy Monkey Creatures on Skates 0.

Susan cackled. "Good enough," she said, and signed the paper. Time to think about the next game. She threw open the window and commanded a random person in the street. "Tell that jolly Jacquee I'll get her, and her little dog too!"

From the desk of Professor Ms. Digbotch

Memo

To: Ms. Globina, Minister of Matriarchal Affairs, Republic of Bipedal Apes
From: Your old friend, Ms. Digbotch
Re: This unfortunate trans-border incident with the Ice Queen

Dear Globina,

I hate to trouble you, really, but sometimes one is just forced to appeal to one’s friends in times of crisis. I don’t know if you’ve heard the news, dear, but Queen Aglukark (she’s the top bigwig in Kalaallit Nunaat, you know) has gone and passed a resolution that the Skate-Footers lost their first match in the Don Cherry Cup. She also referred to the players as monkeys, apparently mistaking their hockeyball bats for tails.

Now, I would never want to get above my station in life, but if I were advising the Prime Matriarch, I’d suggest that she push a counter-resolution through Parliament forthwith, namely, declaring that the Skate-Footers actually won the match, by a score of three-nil. Then we can let the Progressan courts figure the whole thing out.

Also, the resolution should probably refer to the citizens of Kalaallit Nunaat as shaved sasquatch. See how she likes it when the shoe is on the other foot, that’s my theory.

If you have any questions I can be reached at the Progressa Grande Hotel on First Street. Give my love to Plooploo.

Yours,

Digbotch

Slight delay in MD2, for which I apologise - expect them in the next couple of hours.

First group phase, matchday two
The Gulf States 2
Hockey Canada 4

Milchama 5
Adrasuvare 7

Kalallit Nunaat 9
Chicanada 4

Bipedal Apes 3
New Rynn 0

Formal Dances 3
Fmjphoenix 5

Oliverry 3
Vilita 4

Lovisa 7
Druida 4

Daistallia 2014 3
Kaze Progressa 2

Corneliu 6
Spruitland 3

Squornshelous 3
Liverpool England 3

Iansisle 3
Bettia 4

Casari 8
Tonissia 4

Tonissia Dismantled by Casari
Freshman inprove to 2 and 0

The Casari Hockey scene seems to be emerging from a state of drunken stupor today, as Casari picked apart fellow groupmembers Tonissia, 8-4.

"It's really quite exciting that we can beat other people like this. I mean, who knew?"

The Casaran public also seems to be getting interested, as the broadcast was the #2 most watched show, after the network premire of "Real Life Tiger Maulings 3," which was watched by 32% of Casaran Households.

The fact that the only thing that beat hockey last night was the only thing on TV that was gorier than hockey is not a concern for government officals. "As long as the public isn't getting some sort of sadistic pleasure out of watching these shows, we have no problems. Oh, wait." Nameless TV Executive #6 said.

After victories over Iansisle and Tonissia, the final opponent is the other 2-0 team in the group, Bettia.

"If they can play hockey, we might, possibly, maybe be in trouble."

Wickert War Chronicle-Tribune-Update-Sun-Herald-Today

Sports Section

Defense struggles again giving up 7

The Milchama Israelis defense continued to struggle today giving up 7 goals unfortunately the offense also sturuggled scoring a tournament low of 5 goals to lose 7-5. The Israelis started out the game bad and it got worse as they were chasing from the get go, as the first 3 goals were scored by Adrasuvare. The Israelis managed to get 1 goal back before the end of the first period thru Raviv Bull to make the score 3-1 at the end of 1 period. The second period saw an awakening in the Israelis who started to play much better and scored two goals in the first 10 minutes of the period. Horowitz and Zamir got those goals. Then Shamir gave the Israelis as his blue line slap shot knocked the goalie into the net to make it 4-3 to the Israelis. The lead was shortlived as Adrasuvare scored again to tie the game at the second intermission. The third period was a disaster as the Israelis scored first from a beautiful pass to Horowitz saw him deke the goalie out of his skates for his second goal to make it 5-4 Milchama. This lead was held on for 10 minutes but then Adrasuvare scored again and again twice in the same minute to give them a 6-5 lead. The Israelis almost equalized but Horowitz's shot was off the post and the rebound was saved brilliantly by goalie Q. The game was then put out of reach two minutes later as they scored again to make the final score 7-5 Adrasuvare. Coach Jean Perron said, "We did not play well out there, we did not convert our chances and our defense has been absolutely atrocious throughout the entire tournament. Now there is no way we can advance and that just sucks for all involved. I hope we can at least draw with Hockey Canada so we can salvage something in this tournament."

Ferrets in First?!

Corneliu 6
Spruitland 3

Squornshelous 3
Liverpool England 3

Somehow, God probably doesn't even know, the Squornshelous Ferrets, former laughingstock of the world of international hockey, have taken at least a temporary hold over the first place position in Group E of Cherry Cup 16. After upsetting Cornlieu in their first game, the Ferrets earned a 3-3 tie. Now with only the game a gainst Spruitland remaining, the Ferrets need only a win or draw to finish top two, and hopefully move on to the next round. A win will guaruntee them 1st place, and if Cornlieu loses to Liverpool England, the Ferrets will finish second even with a loss.


Group E P W D L GF GA Pts
Squornshelous 2 1 1 0 8 7 3
Cornlieu 2 1 0 1 10 8 2
Spruitland 2 1 0 1 8 9 2
Liverpool England 2 0 1 1 6 8 1

* depending on the value of points assigned to wins by our hosts, the standings might be Squornshelous-4, Spruitland-3, and Cornlieu-3. I have used standard hockey point values of 2 points per win.
**Cornlieu is ahead by virtue of a higher goal difference, head to head record and alphabetical order.

It's Wabbit Season.

From the desk of Professor Ms. Digbotch

Memo

To: Skate-Footers
From: Coach
Re: Game

Dear you-all,

Well, well, I would never have believed it if I’d not been there on the bench seeing it with my own eyeballs! Three-nothing, and with us getting the three, and New Rynn getting the nothing! Kleepr, you have outdone yourself. Who would ever have thought that your talents with the mop would so beautifully translate to the hockeyball pitch? A shutout-- it’s really just too much.

There are so many things all of you did right in this game, I hardly know where to begin criticizing. Let me first just compliment Andersloop, Maltroppa, Weegozzle, and, yes, Kleepr, for staying upright virtually the entire match. What a difference it made! And let me also congratulate Zuggroop on her hat trick. Even from her ass, she was able to score three goals. Magnificent!

But I did notice a few areas that could be improved, even in such a sterling example of perfect execution. To wit--

1. It is not necessary to make sound effects, no matter how appropriate, when your teammates slips and fall upon the ice. For the next match I am confiscating the slide whistles, whoopie cushions, and bicycle horns.

2. The zamboni is not a toy. I am also given to understand that it is not street-legal. The next ape who liberates it from its shed during the second period and goes driving around the streets of Progressaton will be spending the next three nights sleeping in the hotel closet. I don’t care how wacky an adventure you have leading the Kazestone Cops on a low-speed chase, you are to respect the zamboni. I hope I make myself clear, Zeembo.

3. No more eating during the match. When Andersloop was checked against the boards in the third period and vomited a stomachfull of banana stew on the glass, I think the entire arena was put off its lunch. Let’s be respectful of our supporters and not go disgusting them unnecessarily.

With these simple instructions in mind, I’m sure you’ll be even more impressive in the next match, as long as Zuggroop comes through with another unlikely performance.

Professor Ms. Digbotch

I have used standard hockey point values of 2 points per win.

Correctly.

Matchday Three, coming up tonight.

Results: L 2-3 Hockey Canada, W 7-5 Milchama...

The Blue Angels of Adrasuvare have an upset on their mind as they go up against the Gulf States to try to stay in the hunt for the Cherry Cup... The Gulf States look like a strong outfit, but they should be careful of a let down at this stage in the running...

The Gulf Staters are normally slow starters, but will pick up as the match continues while Adrasuvare would tend to move quickly to create a nest very early and stay consistant throughout...Both teams have a defence that could need massive improvements by the start of the playoffs...

The Enlightener: 20th September 2005 - grrrrrr...
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

Icebergs Float On Through

Bettia 5
Tonissia 3

Bettia 4
Iansisle 3


With two wins under their belt, the Icebergs have progressed to the next round with one game to spare. Currently in second place on goal difference, the only thing that remains is to battle it out with newcomers Casari for top spot, which could be vital in the draw.

The Icebergs started off as they hope to carry on with a 5-3 victory over Tonissia. Two early goals from Ikrima Thruxton put Bettia into a lead they never looked like losing, although their opponents came back strong towards the end.

On paper, the second match against Ianisle was a much tougher proposition, and Bettia were made to work hard for their points. The opening period was a tense, scoreless affair, but things soon livened up in the second thanks to a moment of madness by the Ianisle centre which saw him spend ten minutes in the sin-bin for spearing. Bettia quickly put this one-man advantage to good use, scoring three power-play goals before the period was up.

The last period saw Ianisle storm right back, a quick brace putting Bettia on the back skate before Warren Alexander scored Bettia's fourth to calm their nerves. Ianisle grabbed a third in the last 30 seconds and went all-out for the equaliser, but the Icebergs hung on grimly to their slender advantage to claim all two points.

First group phase, matchday three

The Gulf States 6
Adrasuvare 3

Milchama 3
Hockey Canada 8

Kalallit Nunaat 6
New Rynn 3

Bipedal Apes 2
Chicanada 3

Formal Dances 2
Vilita 6

Oliverry 4
Fmjphoenix 2

Lovisa 1
Kaze Progressa 4

Daistallia 2014 3
Druida 4

Corneliu 2
Liverpool England 6

Squornshelous 4
Spruitland 2

Iansisle 4
Tonissia 3

Bettia 5
Casari 4

Tables will be added.

GROUP A
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Hockey Canada 3 3 0 0 15 7 8 6
2 The Gulf States 3 2 0 1 16 13 3 4
3 Adrasuvare 3 1 0 2 12 14 -2 2
4 Milchama 3 0 0 3 14 23 -9 0

GROUP B
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Kalallit Nunaat 3 2 1 0 18 10 8 5
2 Chicanada 3 2 0 1 13 13 0 4
3 Bipedal Apes 3 1 1 1 8 6 2 3
4 New Rynn 3 0 0 3 5 15 -10 0

GROUP C
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Fmjphoenix 3 2 0 1 13 10 3 4
2 Vilita 3 2 0 1 13 11 2 4
3 Oliverry 3 1 0 2 11 13 -2 2
4 Formal Dances 3 1 0 2 12 15 -3 2

GROUP D
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Druida 3 2 0 1 15 14 1 4
2 Daistallia 2014 3 2 0 1 10 9 1 4
3 Lovisa 3 1 0 2 11 12 -1 2
4 Kaze Progressa 3 1 0 2 10 11 -1 2

GROUP E
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Squornshelous 3 2 1 0 12 9 3 5
2 Liverpool England 3 1 1 1 12 10 2 3
3 Corneliu 3 1 0 2 12 14 -2 2
4 Spruitland 3 1 0 2 10 13 -3 2

GROUP F
Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Bettia 3 3 0 0 14 10 4 6
2 Casari 3 2 0 1 16 11 5 4
3 Iansisle 3 1 0 2 9 11 -2 2
4 Tonissia 3 0 0 3 10 17 -7 0

Top two teams from each group progress to the second group phase.

Casari4Sport

Casari loses close match to Bettia
Cherry cup apparently still going on

In their latest match, Casari let Bettia squeak by for a 5-4 win, giving them the top spot in the group and reducing Casari to second, which is still good enough to qualify for the second group phase.

"Our continued performance in the tournement is a good sign. We're somewhat successful at scoring goals, and although Bettia beat us this time, we've already surpassed what the average person said we would do."

More news is waiting for the first group draw to come along shortly.

Wascaly Wabbits no match for Fantastic Ferrets

Squornshelous pulls of another upset to take first in Group E
Spruitland and Squornshelous met in the final match of the group stage for Group E and the result was not at all what was expected. The Ferrets pulled of their second upset win to take home two points and a first place finish in Group E, sending them on to the next round in 4th place overall, trailing only Hockey Canada, Bettia, and Kalaallit Nunaat. The Ferrets are poised to go deep into this tournament, and perhaps, become one of the lowest ever ranbked teams to win a Cherry Cup. But that's a long way off, right now, the Ferrets are training hard for their next opponent. Our conditioning will have to be flawless if we are to keep up with the top teams in the world.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 4-2 Spruitland

Wickert War-Chronicle-Tribune-Update-Sun-Herald-Today

Sports Section

Hockey program to drastically change after 8-3 loss to Hockey Canada

The Milchama hockey program and federation is about to have drastic changes after going 0-0-3 in the first group stage of the Cherry Cup. President Allan Naislin said, "The team we put out there was clearly not good enough for the world stage. We only got one victory this entire tournament and it was sheer luck that we got that victory. We cannot depend on our dominance of New Montreal States sports to help us improve in hockey. We need a new team with new players, new training methods and maybe a new coach." Coach Jean Perron said, "I flat out chose the wrong team I could have chosen a team from all over Milchama but instead I used the Milchama Hockey Cup winners from the province of Israel, in the city of Metulla. Next time we will get the players that we can and hope for better luck." It was later confirmed that Jean Perron will be the coach for the now coined Norsemen.
Game Report:
Milchama went down 5-0 before Horowitz scored 2 goals. Then they let in 2 more goals before Zamir scored one more. Hockey Canada then scored again to make it 8-3 Hockey Canada.

Oliverry finishes last of the AO Hockey Cup III Group A

OOC: Sorry, was too tempting....

IC: Oliverry, after a 1-2-0 record, finished 3rd of their group in Cherry Cup XVI and, thereby, didn't qualify for the next round.
"We blame Kaze Progressa for this. said one Oliverrian player after the last game. We still congratulate Fmjphoenix and Vilita for their qualification and wish them to go far in this tournament." he completed.

Second group phase draw

GROUP A
Tanah Burung
Hockey Canada
Liverpool England
Druida

GROUP B
The Mushroom Kingship
Daistallia 2014
Kalallit Nunaat
Squornshelous

GROUP C
Starblaydia
Chicanada
The Gulf States
Vilita

GROUP D
Harlesburg
Casari
Bettia
Fmjphoenix

Order of matches
MD1 - 1v2, 3v4
MD2 - 1v3, 2v4
MD3 - 1v4, 2v3

How the draw worked
Top four teams (who gained byes to this stage) seeded.
All other teams drawn at random.

More Longwinded hockey action afoot

The next group stage was drawn today.

"We're excited. Really. But we're too bored to post now."

GROUP C
Starblaydia
Chicanada
The Gulf States
Vilita


High-tech electronic tags on whale sharks, the world's largest fish, have revealed how and where they find food.

...they eat fat dwarves.

Fat dwarves are protected species; but in Starblaydia, illegal hunting is bringing them within sight of extinction.

How many there are left nationally is not known; but where populations have been studied, falls of around 80% in three generations - about 45 years - have been registered.

a working group looking at "over-harvesting" of fat dwarves has collated evidence showing that a large number of species are being collected at unsustainable levels, for food, medicine, and the pet trade; it is one factor, though not the biggest, behind the global decline in fat dwarves which sees almost a third of species at some risk of extinction.

"Starblaydia is the country where this is the biggest problem but in many mid Atlantean countries, fat dwarve stew is a staple food item.

Orders from the desk of Her Majesty the Queen:

Chicanada is commended for showing the good sense to lose convincingly to the Red and White Iceberg. As a token of her appreciation, the Queen sends the people of Chicanada a lovely warm coat, made from 100 dead rabbits.

New Rynn is also commended, only not so much, as they did not lose quite so convincingly. The Queen hereby bestows upon New Rynn the gift of one snowball, to be picked up on Thursdays between noon and 2pm at the Royal Sorting Depot. She'd deliver it herself, but the Queen has no idea where New Rynn is.

The Bipedal Apes are congratulated on their spirited effort: they provided a valuable warm-up game, and despite being sub-human vermin, they show every sign of promise. Perhaps they will one day play The Game as well as those other sub-human vermin who insist on winning the Cherry Cup, despite the Queen's firm but friendly commands that they stop doing so.

Speaking of which, Starblaydia are commanded in the strongest terms not to repeat as champions. The Queen's patience is not infinite. Also she wants her silly hats back. At once.

Looking forward, the Queen commands the Mushroom Kingship to lose to Kalaallit Nunaat by a score of 9-1, and to end their pretensions to be able to play hockey. Should they dare to win, the Queen will have them doused in vinegrette and a nice white wine sauce and then finely minced. Allow to cool for 30 minutes; serves four.

The Queen orders Daistallia 2014 to lose, um, let's say 14-2. She has a vague memory that these people have played hockey before, so she is willing to wake up the Prime Minister for this game, but the Daistalllians are still ordered to lose by an overwhelming margin. The Queen is not exactly sure what manner of creatures inhabits Daistallia 2104, but if they are sub-human vermin as she thinks they very well may be, then they should lose 16-2.

To the former laughing stock of Squornshelous, the Queen says: well played, you mouldy old things. Now enough. For services rendered to the Cherry Cup, the Queen is willing to permit you to score three times, but you must give up at least five goals, or she will rip your innards out to knit herself a nice new sweater. And don't think hiding on another earth will save you: the Queen knows where all the magic wardrobes are located.

That is all. Long live the Queen!

Newly appointed Squornshelan Ice Hockey Association Chairman Petr Skrastins dubiosly read over a piece of mail addressed "To the Former laughing stock of Squornshelous, from the desk of Her Majesty Susan Aglukark the Queen of Kalaallit Nunaat." He had taken the position after Yannick Perreault had been unceremoniously sacked after the failure of the Cherry Cup 15 Ferrets to win a game, and their subsequent explosion, due to faulty EMP generators in their hockey sticks. This of course, was still classified information, entrusted only to top level government employees.

His eyes traced over the pompously written order from the queen and he snorted slightly, then burst out laughing. "Willing to permit us? This is rich, we'll score as much as we damn well want to." As he skimmed the letter a second time, a thought occurred to him. "Alright your majesty, I'll play your game. He quickly composed a letter in return:


To Her Majesty Queen Susan Aglukark of Kalaallit Nunaat
From the desk of SIHA Chairman Petr Skrastins
I thank you for your generous allowance and promise that everything will go as you have dictated. As a token of our goodwill, please accept this gift of a handcrafted hockey stick, equipped with a majic button of power on the grip which will render artificial hockey teams defenseless.


He read over the letter, then signed and stamped it with the SIHA seal. Walking down the hall, he met with one of his assistants. "Have this sent to Kalaallit Nunaat, addressed to the Queen, and send a CC15 special along with it. Soon, the letter and a hockey stick containing a defective EMP device had arrived in Kalaallit Nunaat.

Chicanadan Icey Rabbler
Where forgetfulness is next to godliness...apparently

Kodiaks Stumble into Final 16
Expectations Low As National Side gets killer group.

Starblaydia.
The Gulf States.
Vilita.

And to make the National side all the more concerned, they get the really hard ones (Starblaydia and Vilita) first and second before their final group game against an always pesky Gulf States.

What will this mean to the beloved Kodiaks? Hard to say as apparently the CHL forgot all about it as they were reordering the CHL into smaller Divisions yet again (at least the 48 team mega premiership lasted 5 seasons before the chaos). CHL Presidum Jaquee Moriseete, who was saddened to see her beloved Bunnies from the VAR did not make the scene, said that she and trhe CHL have full faith in the team in a short pressconference at the CHL headquaters in Eastentown.

The team is expected to train under anominimty in Eastentown for the week before heading off to...um...wherever this match is being held. Is it in Kaze Process? Or is it a traveling caravan of craziness? The Ice Rabbler shall know eventually.

In other news, apparently Jaquee fainted over the weeked after the CHL recieved a gift from Queen Susan of Kalaalit Nunaat. The rabbit-fur coat, while lovely, was quickly doused in purple paint by the People For The Protection of Precious Prettything (PPPP) who apparently followed the packagae in. No arrests were made, as Jaquee threw the paint back at the PPPPers as she whined about the loss of her beloved Snookumwookums for a good hour.

Sorry for the delay:

Second group phase, matchday one

Tanah Burung 4 Hockey Canada 3
Liverpool England 6 Druida 1

The Mushroom Kingship 4 Daistallia 2014 4
Kalaallit Nunaat 8 Squornshelous 4

Starblaydia 5 Chicanada 4
The Gulf States 6 Vilita 6

Harlesburg 7 Casari 4
Bettia 1 Fmjphoenix 6

National Broadcasting Red

Casari dismantled by Harlesburg
Not Suprising for worst team in group

Casari lost today 7-4 to Harlesburg in Kaze Progressa today, which isn't much of a suprise.

"We were outplayed today, and we're probably going to be outplayed in the next two games as well." the coach said. "However, we had another remarkable game from Bob the random drunk."

Inquiry into past of Bob the random drunk being completed
Hockey talent expected to be a fluke

Several interested parties have begun to look into the past of one of the Freshman's stars, Bob the random drunk.

One said, "We're not going to roll over and believe this 'random drunk' story he's trying to push off on the rest of us. There has to be something behind it."

The rest of the population has written these people off as random losers..

From the desk of Professor Ms. Digbotch

Memo

To: Los Piesadores des Patins
From: Lovable me
Re: That rascal, Don Cherry

Dear chihuahuas,

Another Don Cherry tournament of hockeyball has slipped away from us, and as usual, the talents of apes on ice shall not be sung too loudly this year. To put it another way, wise Mr. Cherry has pulled one over on us, again, and we must pack up and head home. It seems that success at simultaneously balancing on iceblades and hitting the hockeyball into the opposing goal eludes us once again, as those Chicanadian humans have defooted us narrowly and eliminated us from what had begun as a promising foray into Don Cherry Cupdom.

You all did very well, and have nothing to feel ashamed about, with the possible exception of the experimental patterned fur-shaving which several of you saw fit to engage in before the match. Weegozzle, I’m sure that having a Parliament/Funkadelic logo shaved onto your belly makes you that much more attractive to the males, or to your friends, or whatever, but honestly, George Clinton’s face engraved on your midsection does not improve your ability to check opposing players against the boards.

Zuggroop, your ziggurat design was interesting. Intriguing, even. But having it extend from the top of your head to the top of your boots was a bit much. And Zeembo, I can only tell you that, if you had not been shaved completely bare, I might have allowed you to play. Even despite your zamboni adventure last time. But you looked hideous. And you will continue to do so until your fur grows back in. I recommend that you stay indoors in the meantime. No one wants to see that, child. Really.

I just want to take one final opportunity to give my kudos to Kleepr, who should be very proud of himself. Allowing three goals to a fine side like Chicanada was a very good performance, and his excellent work throughout the tournament was not unnoticed. Oh, and please don’t forget about that mess in my office, dear. I believe it’s probably gotten pretty crusty by now.

Until next time-- you’ve all done very well!

Hugs and kisses,

Digbotch

Second group phase, matchday two

Tanah Burung 5 Liverpool England 2
Hockey Canada 2 Druida 6

The Mushroom Kingship 5 Kalaallit Nunaat 2
Daistallia 2014 5 Squornshelous 6

Starblaydia 4 The Gulf States 2
Chicanada 7 Vilita 5

Harlesburg 3 Bettia 3
Casari 4 Fmjphoenix 3

Druida fan #1: "So how come we've hardly been featured this cup?"

Druida fan #2: "Dunno. Something to do with football, probably."

Druida fan #1: "I know what you mean. It really gets to me that nobody else in the entire nation of Druida likes the game of hockey."

Druida fan #2: "Well, that's not strictly true..."

Druida fan #1: "Of course it is. Why do you think that we're Druida fans #1 and #2?"

Druida fan #2: "OK, I know what you mean, but we've got another follower."

Druida fan #1: "We do."

Druida fan #2: "Yup. And she's coming to our must-win game against Tanah Burung tonight!"

Druida fan #1: "Really?"

Druida fan #2: "Yup. Come on in!"

Druida fan #2 goes over to the hotel room door, and opens it to reveal a large urban griffin (Druida's national animal) in the brown and yellow hockey kit of Druida.

Druida fan #2: "Meet Druida fan #3!"

Druida fan #1: "It's a griffin."

Druida fan #2: "It's not it, it's she. And why sound so derogatory?"

Druida fan #1: "Well, for a start, she's not even human."

Druida fan #2: "So? Bipedal Apes and Very Angry Rabbits play. She's just a follower of a team."

Druida fan #1: "Does she speak?"

Druida fan #2: "Not as such..."

Druida fan #1: "What do you mean, not as such?"

Druida fan #2: "Well, she grunts occassionally..."

Druida fan #1: "But she has no method of communication whatsoever?"

Druida fan #2: "Well... no, she doesn't."

Druida fan #1: "Well, on top of the fact that she's a wild animal, she..."

Druida fan #2: "Domesticated. She's domesticated."

Druida fan #1: "You can't domesticate an urban griffin."

Druida fan #2: "They domesticated rats, didn't they?"

Druida fan #1: "Yes, but that takes a while to do. You can't just take a griffin in off hte street and call it domesticated!"

Druida fan #2: "It's not. I've taught it tricks and everything!"

Druida fan #1: "You haven't really, though, have you?"

Druida fan #2: "No."

Druida fan #1: "Well, where was I... oh yes, she smells of the sewers, brown and yellow really doesn't flatter her that much... oh, and the fact that griffins can get pretty ferocious at times."

Druida fan #2: "So you won't let her stay in our room, then."

Druida fan #1: "Where would she sleep?"

Druida fan #2: "In the bath?"

Druida fan #1: "The bath is for cleaning. How are we supposed to get a wash with something as putrid as that in it?"

Druida fan #2: "I'll take that as a no, then."

Harlesburg Win against Casari
OOC)ill fill it in tomorrow i hav been busy last 3 weeks.

cc17 sign-ups are up at http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=448791

Ferrets Needing a Win

Squornshelous stays alive by beating Daistalia 2014 6-5, after an 8-4 beating by Kalaallit Nunaat. The Ferrets last game of this second group stage will be against lttle known The Mushroom Kingship, who came out of nowhere to inexplicable, and very quiet glory in recent Cherry Cups. This game will be a bizarre mix of a highly successful team with little history, and a team competing in its 11th Cherry Cup which has had the most consistently bad performances in international hockey history. The result of this game will determine whether the Ferrets' cinderella run will continue into the elimination rounds, or end here. Either way, the Ferrets are guarunteed to leap up in the international standings from their dismal position in the high 20's.

For the first time in over 30 years, Squornshelan sports fans are showing interest in Ice Hockey. For so long, the hockey team has been overshadowed by the highly successful Footballing Pschychoes of Squornshelous, and while they will probably never reach that level, a big step up has been made. In the future, Squornshelous will probably give much more support to their hockey team, and look for them to step up to the top level in this game as they have in football.

Harlesburg team

GOALIES
#1 Walter Roberor 24 1st Cherry Cup.Tuscan Tundra's
#3 John LeBartard 44.4th CC.Ludian Devil Rays
#41 Mark Perve 30 2nd Cherry Cup LeBartard's understudy at The Ludian Devil Rays.Devil Rays

DEFENCEMEN
#19 Brober O'Shea 26 young up and comer straight out of Highschool plays for Harlesburg University.
#53 Peter James McBride 1st CC 19.
#26 Carl Eunuch 32 In his second Cherry Cup Scorer of 5 goals
Peter Van Ziel 35 2nd CC
#47 Garen Von Stomme 26 1st CC Harlesburg Heliopolis
#23 Tobias Mormo 29 Young fast and aggressive are the 3 words best used to describe Tobias also a furicious and commited Penalty Killer often putting his body on the line 2nd CC.
#13 Mester Von Rebel 31 Capable puck handler but is more noted for his checks a specialist penalty killer.Plays for Oestenferl
#11 Rabbit Warren 36 got his name from as a baby being found in a Rabbit Warren and the local police authorities thought it would be slightly humourous to name him so.As a result he is slightly unhinged.Back with the Harlesburg RainJackets after a 2 year leave of absence with the Harlesburg Jaberwocky's.

FORWARDS
#43 Jurgen Gleanmier 30 2nd Cherry Cup fast on the ice strong shot of around 104(MPH)Tyber Rapids
#9 Pierre Mur-St-Nome(A) 43 Also a Veteran of every Harlesburg campaign fast agile player of 5'8" stature.Plays for Olgen GreenBoots
#8 Harald Fernescu 25 Fast with excellent motor skills which are shown through his puck handling.2nd CC Plays for Edward's Phoenix's
#17 Phillip Cuntenescu 26 2nd/3rd CC. Harlesburg NorthStars.
#12 Marcus Antenescu 32 Dennier Navigators Left Wing who switches between lines.
#27 Kielt Von Kliener 27 Final year of University playing for Harlesburg Tech Taipans
#99 Denis Patrick-Bormon-Smith 34 A veteran of 3 of the 4 Harlesburg Campaigns missing out on the 12th Cherry Cup due to Injury.Hector Hazzards
#27 Louis Eldermane 31 23rd Cherry Cup scored 4 Goals in last Campaign

Centres
#74 Pierre St Laurent(A)45 After being in the team since Cherry Cup XI has seen the highs and lows of Ice Hockey Top International Scorer for Harlesburg with 9 from 12 games Plays for Jasper Jaguars
#16 Thomas Mc'Bride 33.2nd CC Strongbadia Guerros
#63 Batholomew Garnescu 32 League Leader in the Harlesburg Domestic League for Assists with 10 per 15 games also collects a goal every 2.6 games
#48 Christopher Le plaat 26 Gardinier High Guardians.

Starting Lineup

OFFENSIVE LINES
Fernescu-St Laurent-Cuntenescu
Antenescu-Mc'Bride-Mur-St-Nome
Kliener-Garnescu-Patrick-Bormon-Smith
Gleanmier-Christopher Le plaat-Eldermane

DEFENSIVE PAIRS
McBride-O'Shea
Eunuch-Warren
Van Ziel-Zeleet

Power Play 1
Fernescu-St Laurent-Patrick-Bormon-Smith
Lefrankie-Warren
Power Play 2
Kliener-Mc'Bride-Cuntenescu
Van Ziel-O'Shea

Penalty Kill 1
Fernescu-Mur-St-Nome
Von Rebel-Warren

Penalty Kill 2
Eldermane-Patrick-Bormon-Smith
Mormo-O'Shea

GOALIES
Starting: John LeBartard
Backup: Walter Roberor

COACH:
Barry Melrose

Apologies for delay in scores:

Second group phase, matchday three

Tanah Burung 1 Druida 2
Hockey Canada 6 Liverpool England 7

The Mushroom Kingship 5 Squornshelous 4
Daistallia 2014 5 Kalaallit Nunaat 6

Starblaydia 8 Vilita 6
Chicanada 4 The Gulf States 6

Harlesburg 7 Fmjphoenix 3
Casari 6 Bettia 3

Tables are here:
http://tinypic.com/eima7m.png

Wait, we Qualified again?
Casari Gets Past 2nd Group Stage

Casari was in shock today when they found out that They made it through Group D in 2nd place to continue in the tournement.

"We don't really know what we're doing well... we're just doing it."

CC16 QUARTER-FINALS

Liverpool England v Kalallit Nunaat
Tanah Burung v The Mushroom Kingship
Starblaydia v Casari
Harlesburg v The Gulf States

scores tonight.

Scores slightly delayed by Jolt, but here they are:

Quarter-finals

Liverpool England 2 Kalaallit Nunaat 3 [OT]

Tanah Burung 2 The Mushroom Kingship 1 [OT]

Starblaydia 6 Casari 4

Harlesburg 4 The Gulf States 3 [OT]

Semi-final draw

Kalallit Nunaat v Tanah Burung
Starblaydia v Harlesburg

Rayzors Hope For No Deja Vu
'Upset of the Century' Team faces Dwarves in Semi

The time was Cherry Cup 13. The place, Hockey Canada. It was the Group Stages, with Starblaydia playing Harlesburg. Starblaydia had been Quarter-Finalists in the previous Cup, and were looking for a usual romping win over near-complete unknowns Harlesburg.

3-1 finished the game, but Starblaydia only had the one goal to their name. Harlesburg had won and Hockey Canadian journalists dubbed it the 'Upset of the Century'. Though Starblaydia bounced back from that to again fall in the Quarter-Finals, the hurt still holds dear.

"I think that was my lowest point," said Rayzors Centre Thyria Honhirrim, "That was the time when I retreated into the women's clothing department to lose myself in the Dwarven fashions. After that becoming a full transvestite then having the snip was just a matter of time. Darlin'."

Starblaydia are thought to have the easier of the Semi, with the other two greats of the Cherry Cup, some crazy inuit nation and a bunch of hookers. Looks like the Dwarves have this one in the bag. As long as the upsets of the century decide not to rear their ugly heads.

Cassowary fever struck Tanah Burung as the team marched, almost un-noticed, into the later rounds. The Cassowaries confuised opponents by wearing mushroom caps, trying to fool them into thinking that Tanah Burung's players were the much-feared Mushroom Kingship. The trick even managed to confuse the Mushrooms themsleves, who passed almost at random -- often into the waiting stick of a Tanah Burung skater.

Next up is Kalaallit Nunaat, a team easily fooled by wearing novelty hats that resemble vegetables. The Inuk fear of ther mushroom is well known, so Tanah Burung hopes for a tidy victory that will take them through to the final, and a date with the team taht usually beats us when we make it this far.

Or maybe they will lose. All across Tanah Burung, the cry goes out "Go Harlesburg Go!"

Can we end this soon so we can get on with Cherry Cup 17?

We can:

CC16 SEMI-FINALS

Kalaallit Nunaat 6 Tanah Burung 4
Starblaydia 9 Harlesburg 4

THE FINAL: Kalallit Nunaat v Starblaydia

Rayzors On Cloud 'Nine'
Let's get this thing over with, shall we?

In a press statement released today that is likely to be read by only by Starblaydi Ice Hockey fans, Progressan media censorship officials and perhaps an Assistant-Adjutant to the Under-Secretary for Xenphobic Relations of Kalaallit Nunaat, Rayzors' Coach Haztarr had the following to say:

"F*** you! Yeah, that's reet, up yerrs, Queenie! We's gonna get yer fer Cherry Coop Ten! That's reet! We Dwarves donnae forget these things! Laddie, ye boys arr going doon!"

[Censorship provided by the Progressa For Progressive Language Board]

It appears that the bi-polar Starblaydi coach was pointing out to her most high Majesty, Queen of Kalaallit Nunaat, that the Rayzors were itching to take some sporting revenge for the Cherry Cup 10 Final defeat inflicted on them by the Inuits. It is also widely beleived that no-one outside of the two involved nations give a 'rat's behind', so the Final is urged to be played quickly before Cherry Cup nations get bored and start brawls in the car parks waiting for the next edition to start.

It appears that the bi-polar Starblaydi coach was pointing out to her most high Majesty, Queen of Kalaallit Nunaat, that the Rayzors were itching to take some sporting revenge for the Cherry Cup 10 Final defeat inflicted on them by the Inuits. It is also widely beleived that no-one outside of the two involved nations give a 'rat's behind', so the Final is urged to be played quickly before Cherry Cup nations get bored and start brawls in the car parks waiting for the next edition to start.

Contrary to public opinion, at least one person did care about the Cherry Cup final. In dank dungeon far below the surface of the earth in the backcountry of Iansisle, a cloaked figure sat brooding in a corner, an article ripped from a newspaper clutched in his hand. Every time Starblaydia or Kalaallit Nunaat won, it was like a separate dagger in his heart. The would be the ninth consecutive Cherry Cup to not include an Iansislean victory; in fact, the Gulls had been unceremoniously dumped in the first round and were quickly losing their status as one of the tournament's elite teams.

The old team which had won stellar victories in the early Cherry Cups was no more than a note in the history books. Now, the Gulls were forced to resort to cheap tricks like starting a gnome at forward to even make a mention in the papers. If only there were some way to get the old team back together! But most of them were dead, and he himself was an old man.

Unless...of course! He leapt from his chair with a grace that defied his age and ran to the deepest recess of the dungeon. There, behind a stack of parchments, he found an old, mice-eaten tome smoldering in the corner. He eagerly turned the ancient yellow pages, his eyes glimmering like insidious diamonds under his cowl. His grating voice made the rats scurry from the room.

"Reagents....well, I have this...this shouldn't be too hard to acquire...they sell this at the supermarket nowdays...but..."

He paused to think. Half a pint of intoxicated dwarf's blood and the condensed hot air of a tyrant. Where could he find those?

"Of course," he hissed. "Of coursssse." Muttering some fell words and using one skeleton-like hand to manipulate the shadows of the room, Ashlee Langdone transformed himself into a dreadbat and launched himself from the dungeon. In the nearby village, peasants heard the shrill cries and saw the dark shape against the moon. They made the sign of the cross and prayed that their master would not visit their house that night. For once, it worked: Langdone had no interest in Iansisle today. He was going to Kaze Progressa.

If he had anything to do with it, the Gulls of old would rise again.

Literally.

And here is the score of the 16th Cherry Cup final, played in the Indoor International Arena in Kaza:

Kalaallit Nunaat 2 Starblaydia 8

Harlesburg Hate Starblaydia

-Sir i think its getting to the point that everytime we play these guys it swings one way or the other.
-What do you mean?
-I think we need to declare something..
-You mean like a Grudge?
-Yes sir a Grudge.

Official Decree as of the 2nd Day of The 2005 Year of JC being the man it is officially declared there is a Grudge between one Confederacy of Harlesburg and one Somethings of Starblaydia.

Starblaydia 9 Harlesburg 4.

Kielt Von Kliener 14th
Denis Patrick-Bormon-Smith 22nd
Mester Von Rebel 28th
27 Louis Eldermane 56th

"Bad boys, bad boys," the Group sang together, "watcha gonna do when they come for you?"

"Get orf that fookin' table!!" Haztarr yelled at the top of his considerable lungs. High-profile Hockey-Star Dwarves getting drunk and doing Karaoke after putting a record fourth Cherry Cup in the lockerroom was one thing, doing said drunken Karaoke on tables above head height was quite another. "Laddies, sit bloody down an stop riskin them multi-million credit arses of yours!"

All of them muttered some minor oathes - ones certainly not to be fulfilled once their hangovers had finished - and climbed or jumped off the table onto the floor to go and change the karaoke CD. All except one, Defenceman Nurri Temekrahin. Nurri, who not only managed to play for most of the Final against the Inuits but actually managed to score one of their eight goals, was especially drunk. And as we're talking about Dwarves here, this guy was pretty fucking drunk.

"Ahhey mateys... ah said hey! Shurrup an lissen t'me! Ah'm gonna get doon and sit doon in one move! Like when ah did the turn an' slapslot at once fer t'fourth goal against Kallaallalla-la-la-la-la, oy! Oy! An' Marie who waits fer me... What was ah sayin? Oh yeh, one move! Table t' Chair, just like t'Final."

So, Nurri jumped. And, of course, Nurri fell flat on his face, cracked his head open on the chair, bounced off it into a table, overturned a lot of beer and then didn't move.

"Kruti." Coach Haztarr sighed. "Get the medics."

"Never fear," shouted a pale human, "paramedic's here!"

He rushed over to the prone Dwarf, the name-tag 'Ashlee' on his uniform.

"Oh my," he said in an odd accent that none of them could place. They probably could have had they been sober, but then we wouldn't have a story, would we? "he's lost a lot of blood, I'd better collect some of it for you..."

So the paramedic left with a bag full of Nurri's blood and a bandage round the injured defenceman's arm. Pity he hit his head, though.

((I owe you one, Star =P))

Ashlee Langdone quickly placed the bag of Dwarf's Blood into his enchanted thermos. That would hold it for the trip back to Iansisle, but he had one more task to complete before he could leave Kaze Progressa. Shedding his paramedic disguise as a snake sheds its skin, Langdone ran full tilt down the corridor, finally reaching the press room.

There, he opened what had passed for a paramedic's bag in the dwarf's locker room and withdrew from it a wrinkled suit. Donning this, he put on a clip-on tie and splashed some cheap vodka on like aftershave. A dark word caused tiny black hairs to sprout from his previously perfectly shaved chin. As a last thought, he took his forged press pass and tucked it into his hat. Perfect!

Langdone then withdrew a microphone from the bottomless bag and muttered an incantation. The black object glowed with a brilliant red glow, the demonic runes etched across its handle suddenly glowing with an unnatural green.

"Testing," said Langdone in his hissing voice as he depressed the button. He could feel the very words being sucked out of the air. Good, good.

Steeling himself, Langdone burst through the door. "Your Majesty!" he shouted in a surprisingly normal voice, for him. "Queen Susan! Burt Nuntak, Qasigiannguit Review! If I could please just have a few words on tonight's game?"