NationStates Jolt Archive

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Welcome to Chicanada and the Fifteenth Edition of the Don Cherry Cup

We look forward to another weird and wacky cup, as was last seen in Mogada 11.

For starters, the rankings for this cup (based on the last three tournaments in a stratified format) resulted in:


1 Kalaallit Nunaat
2 Robotopolis
3 Hockey Canada
4 Lovisa
5 Liverpool England
6 Spuritland
7 Starblaydia
8 Mushroom Kingship
9 Gulf States
10 Krytenia
11 Kericia
12 Harlesburg
12 Iansisle
14 Tonissa
15 Chicanada
16 Formal Dances
17 Oliverry
18 Fmjphoenix
19 Tanah Burung
19 Corneliu
21 Druida
22 Daistallia 2014
23 VAR
24 Squornshelous
25 Bipedal Apes
26 Bettia
27 Sarzonia
27 Casari
27 Susa
27 Turori
27 Geisenfried

The draw was set with the top 8 teams being selected first into the eight regional qualifiers, then the next 8 and so on. But Chicanada, as host, gets one of the top slots over the current Cherry Cup Champs.

The Opening Round Draw officially looks like this:

Group A - in Livingston and Acadia
1 Robotopolis (2)
2 Krytenia (10)
3 Squornshelous (24)
4 Sarzonia (27)

Group B - in Rosa City and Seaport
1 Spuritland (6)
2 Tonissa (14)
3 Druida (21)
4 TBA

Group C - in Rosa City and Acadia
1 Liverpool England (5)
2 Iansisle (12)
3 Tanah Burung (19)
4 Bettia (26)

Group D - in Livingston and Seaport
1 Chicanada (15)
2 Kericia (11)
3 Fmjphoneix (18)
4 Casari (27)

Group E - in Jaxx and Eastentown
1 Starblaydia (7)
2 Formal Dances (16)
3 Oliverry (17)
4 Bipedal Apes (25)

Group F - in Colombo and Star Point
1 Lovisa (4)
2 The Mushroom Kingship (8)
3 Dalistallia 2014 (22)
4 Susa (27)

Group G - in Jaxx and Star Point
1 Hockey Canada (3)
2 Harlesburg (12)
3 Very Angry Rabbits (23)
4 Geisenfried (27)

Group H - in Colombo and Eastentown
1 Kalaallit Nunaat (1)
2 The Gulf States (9)
3 Corneliu (20)
4 Turori (27)

Groups A, B, E and F will begin play this Friday and play their following matches on Sunday and Tuesday. Groups C, D, G and H will star on Saturday and continue on Monday and Wednesday. The Group Round will start next Friday and go through the weekend. The Finals will start the following Wednesday.

Note that one group has only three members. As of now there is only 31 teams participating. Should no one join up by Friday they will remain a 3-team qualifier and wil play one match a day. Should someone join up, they will be inserted into Group B.

Good luck and post some, won't you? The ChicanadaSun will have their own special coverage (as was the case last time) and should have their own predictions of the champions later today.

Once again, welcome back to Chicanada and good luck on the road to Southampton.

Squornshelan Ice Hockey Association Chairman Jaques Perreault stood, in a small workshop. It was not a very pretty workshop, but it was nice, to him at least, due to the large amounts of hockey sticks, skates, helmets and other equipment hanging on every wall. There was a blade sharpener and several other pieces of machinery for maintenance of all this equipment. The reason for his prescence in the workshop was sitting a a worktable, looking through a magnifying glass at the handle of a hockey stick he was working on. He had hollowed out a small space in the handle, and was trying to position a small piece of electronics in it.
Perreault cleared his throat, and the workman looked up. "What d'you want?"
"I'm here to check up on your progress Mr. Nielsen. As you know this is a very important job and I have a very large interest in its success."
"It's goin' fine, I've already fitted your little circuit boards in ten sticks, and the rest will be ready for the team's first practice."
"I think you're underestimating the importance of this . . ."
"Ahh, shaddup. I know everything there is to know about this equipment. If I say your little conratption will be fine, it'll be fine. What the hell was it ya called this thing anyway?" He jabbed a finger at the bundle of tinywires and capacitors sitting in the handle.
"It's an EMP generator."
"Speak English man."
"ElectroMagnetic Pulse. It knocks out all electrical systems within a certain radius, for these, that radius is about 10 feet.
"Why the hell would hockey players need that?"
"That's none of your business, you've been paid, just finish your job and kep quiet about it."
"Alright, alright, don't get yer panties in a bunch."
Perreault left the workshop, confident that the Ferrets would be winning at least one game this Cherry Cup.

The Corneliu Penquins got off of their plane and proceded to the terminal. The team was in perfect step all the way there. They entered the terminal and proceded to get their lugage and head to their hotel.

Upon arriving, they moved to their rooms to unpack. Fifteen minutes later, the team proceded to the hockey rink for practice. The stood outside their bus and looked at the rink.

"What are you staring at? Let us go inside now. We're burning ice time." Their coach hollared. The team walked into the locker room and changed for practice.

When they exited onto the ice, they immediately began to do laps. They were skating as fast as they can to build up stamina for this year's tournament. When the 20 laps were completed, the goalies took their places and began goalie practice.

After 3 hours, the practice came to a halt. The players were exhausted but they know that if they want to win in this tournament, they have to be at the top of their game.

"OK LADIES! When we get back to the hotel, its lights out. Practice tomorrow at 0500 local time. Now board the bus and get the lead out of your skates."

They returned to their hotel and the team hit the sack.

Defiantly dressed entirely in plaid and carrying bagpipes, the New-Look Cassowaries alighted from the blimp that had carried them directly from home to Rosa City. Sister Hale Maria had arranged to personally pilot the blimp carrying Tanah Burung's line-up. After the disgraceful plummet from champions to last place in their last outing, fans had been promised an entirely non-human team: one that it was hoped could match the success of the hockey-playing dwarves of Starblaydia, the hockey-playing robots of Robotopolis, and the hockey-playing fungi of The Mushroom Kingship. But not the complete failure of the hockey-playing rodents of Very Angry Rabbits.

As the team emerged, anyone could see they were the result of genetic experimentation gone terribly, terribly wrong.

Here, one player oozed orange sludge from open sores on his face. The attempt to create an Intelligent Skating Carrot by recombining human and vegetable DNA had been only partially successful. In total there were four Intelligent Skating Carrots, which possessed varying degrees of intelligence but were all about equally loathsome in appearance.

There, another player limped as he tried to reconcile his metallic kneecap with his otherwise plastic body. The cooling vents from his internal machinery spewed hot air on a team-mate, who ran squealing from the danger of being melted. In total, there were six Skating Plastic Android Things, each one an Abomination in the Sight of God, and eight Hyper-Intelligent Ice Monsters, genetically engineered from a cross of Arctic Foxes and Slurpies.

The rest of the team was made up of Hallucinations Created by Spiking the Other Team's Drinks. They were variously Unspeakable, Ineffable and Indescribable.

Druida fan #1: "It sure is good to be back supporting the Druida Lightning again."

Druida fan #2: "Yeah. I guess it is."

Druida fan #1: "So where is it we're off to this time?"

Druida fan #2: "Chicanada."

Druida fan #1: "Oh hell. Not again!"

Druida fan #2: "Uhuh. Hopefully it won't be as traumatic as last time."

Druida fan #1: "Well let's hope so. Who are we playing against this time?"

Druida fan #2: "Well, I'm not sure myself. Spuritland, who appear to be half Spruitland half Spurland, Tonissia, the famous motor racing nation, and somewhere called TBA, who I never even new existed."

Druida fan #1: "Maybe they're initials. Y'know, like VAR is Very Angry Rabbits and RBA is the Republic of Bipedal Apes."

Druida fan #2: "Guess so."

Druida fan #1: "What d'you reckon it stands for?"

Druida fan #2: "Dunno. Turtles Before After."

Druida fan #1: "Or Tony's Bobbly Aubergines."

Druida fan #2: "Indeed. So thats Sprutiland, Ten Tonissia Trucks and Twenty Bald Ants."

Druida fan #1: "Great."

Druida fan #2: "Sorted."

*oops* :D

"Brothers in Hockey, terrible news for the Game of Men! It has just come to my attention that Tanah Burung, long the low-ranbked joke of the hockey world, has kicked their good, honest humans into the street and replaced them with vegetable mutants!"

"Oh horror!"

"We must cleanse this vile affront to Sacred Hockey, the strong-hold of Men in Sports! We must attack them! We must strike this problem down at the very root!"

A few people chuckled.

"How ought we to deal with the shuffling vegetable abominations?"

"Burn them!"

"And the bearded Starblaydi midgets?"

"Burn them!"

"And the devil-computers?"

"Burn them!"

"And the infidel rodents?"

"Burn them!"

"And the lower primates?"

"Burn them!"

"And the various other fauna?"

"Burn them!"

One fellow sitting towards the back leaned over and asked this of his neighbor: "Won't all this burning have a rather negative effect on the quality of the ice?"

The reply: "Not now! This is no time for logic! Speak on, Brother Ashlee!"

"Thank you, brothers, thank you kindly! We shall purge these villanous elements from our midst! The putrid non-human and those who shelter him shall perish in flame eternal! Brother technician, my visual!"

A video is shown. Rabbits, ferrets, chimpanzees, toy robots, and various vegetables are shoveled into a great bonfire while the announcer's voice raises to a fevered pitch.

"...and the great and terrible flame is rising in height - it's reaching up to the sky! I don't know how to describe this - Oh, the humanity!"

"'Oh, the humanity' indeed, Brothers in Hockey! Praise Cherry! What a sight! May this wonderful scene be reenacted a thousand-fold from Star Point to Eastentown!"

"Oh the humanity!" echoed the delighted crowd.

"Who can we turn to in this most desperate hour for a friendly human to bolster us? Kalaallit Nunaat?"

"Damn the Iceberg!"

"Chicanada?"

"The best host is a dead host!"

"Druida?"

"We'll show ...wait, who the devil is Druida?"

"The Gulf States?"

"There was NO Cherry Cup V!"

"Who CAN you trust?"

"GULLS GULLS GULLS!"

"Say that again!"

"GULLS GULLS GUUUUUUUUUUULLS!"

Harlesburg Arrival....
The Scene...
Chicandia
Time...
Sometime before Lunner-After Lunch-Before Dinner

After waiting many moons to avenge their heartbreaking dismissal from Cherry Cup XIV when they were edged out by only a few goals and or one opposition win.
The Harlesburg Blades the national team of the confederacy Of Harlesburg once again led by their 1st and only Coach Barry Melrose aim to wrest the Cup from the hands of the disbelievers but with he in ailing health and people getting somewhat tired of the gradually slipping performances of the national team he is now joined by Assistant Coachs Vincent Sanity and Matthew Hader both former Trialist's for the Blades yet never really good enough.

Melrose
-So boys were back at the big show again and this time we will do better i promise you.
Sanity
-Coach i had a look at the draw and we are ranbked 2nd in our pool but i also noted that their are two 12 ranbkings two 19 and 4 27 whats up ewith that?
Melrose
-Ill find out.

-Coach i had a look at the draw and we are ranbked 2nd in our pool but i also noted that their are two 12 ranbkings two 19 and 4 27 whats up ewith that?

"Wait, why are there two 19th-rankbed teams again"

"Like we said the last fifty times Jaquee! There was a tie in the ranking accumluator thing!"

"So...two teams had the same total? what, did they have the same finishes?"

"No Jaquee, they just ended up with the same points total."

"So all the last place teams did to?"

"No, this is their first cup so they got seeded in the back."

"Oh...when does TBA show up?"

"Huh?"

"TBA."

"You mean the 32nd team we haven't found yet to play, thus making Group B a three-way..."

"Hee! You said three-way!"

"Shut it Jaquee! Group B looks to be a three team group unless someone shows up looking to play by tonight."

"Why tonight?"

"...cuz they start playing tommorow."

"Oh yeah!"

From the desk of Professor Ms. Digbotch

Memo
To: ChiCanadian Hockeyball Bigwig Authority, ChiCanada
From: Professor Ms. Digbotch, Bipedaleen University
Re: Hockey matches to be played in your esteemed country

Dear Ms. Bigwigs,

It has come to our attention that the next edition of the Don Cherry Hockeyball Cup is about to begin. Having no hockeyball organization here in the RBA we were unaware either that (a) someone had signed us up to play, or (b) the tournament is about to start. But yesterday someone down at the Foreign Ministry was looking through various random foreign newspapers, and lo and behold they noticed that (a) the Don Cherry Cup is about to begin, and (b) we're in it. So they called me up on the bananaphone and asked me to coach. Seeing as I'm Professor of Unusual Fetishes and Related Sporting Events here at Bipedaleen University. Being a joiner, I was game to try.

Now, I undertand that the RBA sent a team to the last tournament, and that Ms. Blupotch coached it. Unfortunately, she's now in retirement, with a nice little harem of hand-picked males, somewhere down south in the jungle, and as such is unreachable, at least without extensive trekking through the jungle of the sort that I'm sure as Bejeezus not willing to do just to find out who played hockeyball for us in the last tournament. So we've got a new lineup, and I have to warn you that these are kids in my Competitive Piercing class, and not hockeyball players, professional or otherwise. They are as follows:

Zingbump
Loopartle
Grokweeno
Blibleetle
Lugmux
Dreepondle
Honkster

I hope that's enough players. I don't really know how many players there are on a hockeyball team. And note that Honkster is a male, though I vouch personally for his suitability for Trans-border travel. Now, if you could just send an aeroplane, rocket, stargate, or other speedy form of transport to get us over to your fine, esteemed, etc., nation in time for kickoff, I'm sure we'll all have a fun tourney.

Yours,

Professor Ms. Digbotch

Squornshelous, as a nation is sick of it. We are fed up with sucking. We are no longer amused by our country's pathetic record as the third worst in International Hockey. We don't think it's funny that our best performance in a Cherry Cup was given by a team composed entirely of chimpanzees. We will no longer be entertained by 20 PIM performances by third line defensemen. We are so disenchanted with thretening to play worse than everyone else. We have also run out of ways to say "We're not gonna f*ckin take it anymore!" For once, we want to kick some ass. We want to be a game that other teams circle on their schedules. We want to matter. We want to get out of the f*cking basement and breathe the freash air that we keep hearing about. And most of all, we want to kick the crap out of Hockey Canada, our threat be damned.

With that said, here's the rosters:

Retiring Players from Cherry Cup 14:

# Pos Name Line Age Club
6 RW Arne Rassmussen 3 32
7 C Jeff Noonan 3 34
14 C Pavel Dukov 1 35
31 D Bjorn Rasmussen 1 39
36 D Krog Dugsk 3 41
43 LW Igor Petchukov 1 35
52 D Wet Biscuit MacGlee 3 42
61 LW Ilya Chuko 1 34
81 D Adolf Netbers 1 37
82 RW Rudolf Karlson 2 32
84 RW Petr Zarik 2 36
90 GK Miika Svenson - 36


Squornshelous Ferrets Roster for Cherry Cup 15

# Pos Name Line Age
1 GK Jerrick Nielson - 23
2 LW Alfonso Vincente 3 22
3 GK Markus Dornier - 25
11 D Vanislav Polovski 1 30
19 C Atkins Korolev 3 23
21 RW Jason O'Connor 1 27
22 LW Jan Baros 1 27
25 D Petr Kryzldlwytzch 3 21
27 RW Mahmud Iffret 2 23
33 D Ahmed Hakim 1 33
38 RW Titus Young 3 20
45 D Nick O'Connor 2 31
51 C Nicola Pablicosta 1 28
52 D Stanislav Popovich 3 22
67 LW Janni Titov 2 29
91 C Arnold Friedel 2 26
99 D Hrolf Olafson 2 28


Out with the old and in with the new. Over half the CC14 team has retired clearing the way for fresh young faces. Veteran Defenders Polovski and Hakim will start along with center Nicola Poablicosta and wingers Jan Baros and Jason O'Connor. They will all play in front of young keeper Markus Dornier. The Ferrets will have only three lines for this Cup, as a shortage of players exists due to the collapse of the Squornshelan Ice Hockey League due to lack of fan support and a collective bargaining failure.

Coach Mikkonen: "Where are we off to this time?"

Assistant Coach: "Chicanada."

CM: "What, those hockey-playing communist Canucks? Oh hell."

AC: "No, coach. Chicanada."

CM: "Oh, that's different then."

AC: "You don't seem with it, Coach. Something wrong?"

CM: "Had some trouble with the council. Want to knock my house down - something about a bypass. Must be Thursday. Never got the hang of Thursdays. Damn, I'm starved. What time is it?"

AC: "Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so."

Coach Mikkonen: "Where are we off to this time?"

Assistant Coach: "Chicanada."

CM: "What, those hockey-playing communist Canucks? Oh hell."

AC: "No, coach. Chicanada."

CM: "Oh, that's different then."

AC: "You don't seem with it, Coach. Something wrong?"

CM: "Had some trouble with the council. Want to knock my house down - something about a bypass. Must be Thursday. Never got the hang of Thursdays. Damn, I'm starved. What time is it?"

AC: "Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so."

Don't panic Coach.

“Gimme an S!”

“Gimme a P!”

“Gimme a U!”

“Gimme an… Hey! Wait a second! You’re in my spot!”

“Whatcha talkin’ about, woman?”

“I’m the number three cheerleader! I have the R, and the R comes before the U! So step aside –”

“Oh yeah? Well not anymore, sister. Apparently someone finally recognized my talents and prefers them over your fat ass. I’m number three now, honey!”

“Says who?!”

“Says so right here on the group draw sheet: SPU-RIT-LAND. So bite me, bitch! You’re moving down a step!”

“Am not! That’s ridiculous!”

“Face it, honey, you’re old news. Time for some real talent to step up and-”

“Ha! If you think I’m gonna let a flat-chested bimbo like you take over my spot, you better think again, bitch! Step aside!”

“Don’t you touch me, you – aargh!”

“Let go of my #!§&#!”

* * * * *

“Have a seat, Coach. The girls have been practicing hard for weeks, I hope you’ll like them.”

“I like them already, and they’re just standing there, ma’am. I can hardly wait to see them in motion.”

“Let’s get right to it, then. Hit it, girls!”

“Gimme an S!”

“Gimme a P!”

“Gimme an I!”

“Gimme a T!”

“Gimme an L!”

“Gimme a…”

“Erm, hold it! That’s… very nice and all, especially the jumping up and down part, but erm… aren’t there a few letters missing?”

“Ah… yes, I’m afraid two of our girls have been… injured in practice this morning.”

“But… we’re SPRUIT-land! Not Spur-it-land, or Spur-land, and certainly not SPIT-land! SPRUITLAND!”

“I understand that. But it’s too late to change the choreography now, so we’ll have to make do with what we have, or just stay home completely. Would you prefer that?”

“Well I… erm, it’s… bah! They do move well, don’t they? Oh screw it, hockey fans can’t spell worth a damn anyway. Let’s go to Chicanada, girls!”



The Spruitland Ice Bunnies

Coach: Coach

GK Ludovic Robins
GK Julien Karoot

D Pjotr Zamboni
D Karl Mellick
D Jean Oorweeg
D Wouter Luidt
D Sven Huberts
D Ludo Keersmaeckers
D Frank Zandt

L Marino Poirot
L Johan Bronkhorst
L Bengt Jonson
L Ferdi Schtrumpf

C André Vermeylen
C Stijn Moereels
C Pär Lange
C Aren Kiersted
C Danny De Ceuster

R Louis Dardenne
R Hadar Vibbard
R Rudy Smets
R Frey Kirby
R Donald Vervoort

Team Kit:

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y197/Spruitland/SPRhockeykit.jpg

Robotopolis Times Hail Wily!


Cutbacks A-Plenty!
Synthos get new coach, reduced lines
------------------------------------------------
After an extensive reconstruction of our offices, those offices mysteriously burning down, getting new offices, then getting shut down for a while due to governmental regulations, the Robotopolis Times is back, and we're ready to report on the 15th incarnation of the Cherry Cup. And we've got two stories for you before the Cup even starts!

Dr. Wily steps down as head coach

It's offical. As of right about...NOW, Dr. Albert W. Wily, dictator of Robotopolis, has stepped down as Head Coach of the Robotopolis Synthos inorder to pay more attention and detal to the incrasing number of terroist attacks against his government by rouge scientist Dr. Thomas Light and his creation, "Mega Man". We here at the Times have recieved information that this so called Mega Man is no more than a modified janatorial robot, and are certain that the attacks will be crushed immediately. At a press conference earlier today, Dr. Wily annonounced his replacement: "I haff veen spent moost of my time in zis off-season building and training zee new coach.", he told reporters in his german accent, before pressing a button. A beam of light came down from the ceiling, and when it cleared, there stood...what looked like a Metool, except with a fez instead of a helmet, a pipe sticking out from under it, and a monacle. "I give you, Mr. Fez.", Wily spoke as he handed the floor over to the apparnt new coach.

"I say, can I get a booster stool?", was the first thing spoken, as a stool was placed behind the podium, allowing Mr. Fez to get up to the microphones. "Well then, I believe I should get on with my introduction. Greetings one and all. I am Mr. Fez, as the good doctor said earlier." He then paused to apparently take a smoke of his pipe, as a puff of smoke expelled from it. "I've been programmed with the very finest in hockeyball-coaching programs, and can even be substitued as a player if the need arrives. Wily forbid it does. Anyway, you may wonder if the Robot Masters will be willing to take orders from a small chap like me. That is why I have this.", he explained as his monacle glowed and fired a large laser beam across the room, injuring two reporters and nearly decapitating another. "Each Master has been shown that I can do this. I can assure you there will be no troubles what so ever this Cup. Now if you'll excuse me, I believe I have a team to prep.", as he hopped off the podium and scuttled away.

"Vell, that concludes zis press conference. I vish you all a plesant day, and urge you to leave immediately. Unless you want to be...detained...", said Wily with a gleam in his eye as he stepped to the podium and the room vacated.

Speaking of a team, that leads us right into the next story...

Only two offensive and 1 defensive line(s) this year!

Due to the escalating attacks by this so-called "Mega-Man", most of Robot Masters(players) have to stay in Robotopolis and combat him and/or lead our Armed Forces. That doesn't mean an immediate basement-dive, though! The Synthos are still sporting some of their best players, although fan favorites Elec Man(Secretary of Defense), Search Man(Robot General), Shadow Man(Robot General), and Napalm Man(Robot General) shall be sorely missed(some of our best players). But hey, we still got Ice Man! Yeah! Anyway, onto the roster...

And now, the lineup for your Cherry Cup XV (15 for you laymen)...

ROBOTOPOLIS SYNTHOS

(Comments from the Times in ())

1st Line:

RW: Gemini Man(Gemini Man was a natural pick for the 1st line, having proven himself time and time again during games with his 'double-vision' power. He'd been moved to second line during the last few cups, so it was a no-brainer to move him up when the 1st line lost two players. But can he hold up under the pressure?)
C: Magic Man(This one surprises us, but it shouldn't. Magic Man IS a good player, but until now, had been delgated to 3rd line duty due to the talent at the top. Most of those guys are gone now, so he's got his chance to shine. He can use his magic skills to his advantage, disappearing the puck to another player, or behind his opponent, or freezing a defenseman in place and the like.)
LW: Ice Man(He's back. The Synthos 3-Time MVP was considered to be held back to fight Mega Man, but was determined invaluable to the team. One of the fastest players on the ice, Ice Man is the main scorer for the Synthos, and is expected to continue his role.)

2nd Line:

RW: Freeze Man(Freeze Man is, from what we can tell, a larger version of Ice Man. This costs him speed though, but he's still got the scoring ability. He's prone to outburts though, costing him trips to the penalty box, which severely hurts the team.)
C: Tengu Man(How the hell did he get here? Tengu Man, the former 4th Line center, is a great skater admittidly, but flat-out refused to pass in the past. That appears to have gone now, possibly due to some tinkering from the good doctor? In any case, Tengu man is still reluctant to pass, but his considerable skating and stickwork make up for it.)
LW: Quick Man(As you can tell from his name, Quick Man is FAST. Almost as fast as Ice Man on the ice, but faster than almost anyone on land. If you need someone to blaze down the ice, he's your guy. Plowing through defenders, not so much. He's not really all that big. Tall, though.)

Defensive Line:

D1: Frost Man(Here he is, the Tower oF Titanium himself, Frost Man. Most likely the biggest player the Cup has ever or ever will see, Frost Man's been the Synthos' number 1 defenseman since Cherry Cup IX. He's on the slow side of the spectrum, but that doesn't stop him from crushing linemen as the try and get past him)
D2: Guts Man(Guts Man, most likely the SECOND biggest player the Cup has ever or ever will see, is like Frost Man. He's a bit smaller, but a bit faster. He was a starter along with Frost Man in Cherry Cup IX, but has since been on the second line after Napalm Man blew the competion apart. Napalm Man's not here right now, so it looks like the Twin Towers will team up again.

Goalie 1: Blizzard Man(Blizzard Man, like Frost Man and Ice Man, has been the Synthos starter at his position sicne their introduction in Cherry Cup IX. He excells at shot blocking, preferring to use two sticks instead of a glove and a stick. So far that's worked out just fine. No need to change it NOW.)
Reserve Goalie: Clown Man(Clown Man's been the main goalie for any game with the Synthos in a Shoot-out, using his long arms to catch slapshots out of the air before they get near him. He's only been in a non-shootour game once or twice, as Wood Man was the second-string goalie. He wasn't all that good, so he's been cut and Clown Man moves up in position. We'll just have to see if he can keep up.

And there you have it folks, the Synthos are back, and looking to be the first team to win the Don Cherry Cup three times! HAIL WILY!


OOC: Wow, that was a long one. I need bed. *SLEEP!*

The Rayzors Team Announcement Title
Witty Subtitle Included, free of charge

The blurb about the team:
Here come the Rayzors once more, this time they're actual Dwarves and everything, none of this 'two-hobbits-dressed-up-in-a-dwarf's-kit-with-a-false-rabbit-fur-beard' malarkey.

The kit:
http://www.starblaydestudios.co.uk/Images/CCKit.jpg

The team (same as ever):
Coached by: Haztarr (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Coach_Haztarr)

1st Line:
Thror Honnhirrim C Electrickery Guild
Thorin Nibin (C) W Brewer's Team
Thrain Naugrim W Brewer's Team
Thingol Zaram D Electrickery Guild
Dimrill Barazinbar D Brewer's Team
Dagnir Tumunzahar G Mining Co-Operative Guild

Replacements:
Gromril Tamanubaz C BeardBraiders United
Floror Hemanguroth C Brewer's Team
Nebazarr Mahamhir (A)C Runic Guild
Haradin Azanulbizarn W Electrickery Guild
Thorion Ganuztar W Runic Guild
Gonotrill Harantzim W Mountain Mithrils
Banghiman Fortrekhir W Electrickery Guild
Thorin Hazbathim W Runic Guild
Gotrek Ramanzabar W Mining Co-Operative Guild
Fingon Nongortheb D Runic Guild
Danwedh Turgrim D Brewer's Team
Balak Fingorram D Engineering Union
Hagard Haztarr D BeardBraiders United
Nurri Temekrahin D Mining Co-Operative Guild
Grimcrag Torinzahar G Mining Co-Operative Guild

Rayzors All The Way, Baby!

From the desk of Professor Ms. Digbotch

Memo

To: Members of the Don Cherry Cup XV “Skate-Footers” RBA side
From: Your esteemed Professor and hockeyball coach
Re: Hockeyball

My dear students,

Well, here we are in ChiCanada. Quite a lovely country it is, filled with clever humans going about their ChiCanadian chores, producing GNP and whatnot. I hope everyone enjoyed the trip and that no one became too seriously ill on the way over. For myself, I have to admit that I remember nothing of the voyage, for I was doped out of my head on laudanum prescribed by the team physician, Glexo. You all know Glexo from her days as nurse-in-residence at BU’s Sports Medicine and Strange Injuries Clinic. I still say that her termination was unjust, though the Court of Appeals will have the final word on that.

At any rate, I’ve hired her out of my own pocket to accompany us to ChiCanada for the Don Cherry Hockeyball Champeenship Cup, number fifteen, and so any injuries you sustain will be quickly and expertly treated. Speaking of injuries, I know that there have been a few already. And I think I have figured out why. First off, the hockeyball bats and bootblades are not actually meant to be used in free-for-all melee, as I had mistakenly surmised. The boots are meant to be worn on the feet, and the blades, far from being weapons of moderately massive destruction, are meant to fit into tiny grooves carved into the pitch by a frightening cybernetic machine-thing called “Zamboni.” In other words, you are meant to balance upon the blades. So be sure to start practicing that.

Second, I was wrong about the intended use of the bat. You are not meant to hold it in one foot (while hopping on the other foot; both feet are to be placed inside the boots, balanced upon the blades, as described above); you are meant to hold it in your hands. And in fact the bat is not for hitting other players, except occasionally your opponents. Instead, it is meant for hitting the ball. Now, this should sound familiar to all of you, as it is derived from baseball, which as we all know is second in popularity only to footie back home in the RBA.

Hockeyball is, in fact, a bastardized derivative of footie and baseball combined, dreamt up hundreds of years ago by insane humans looking for something to do between premiere-league seasons. Basically the game is played as follows: Each side has six players on the field at a time. One player is designated keeper, two or three are defenders, and the remainder serve as strikers. As in footie, the ball is kicked off at midfield, though unlike footie, it is kicked not with the feet but with the bats—so more accurately, one might call the kickoff the batoff.

Unlike the footie kickoff, however, the hockeyball batoff is competitive, with the top striker from each side battling for the ball, which is dropped between them by the official. The ball, it should be noted, is flat. The reason for this is quite obscure, I’ll try to send you all a memo on the history of hockeyball sometime in the future, but for now suffice to say, it’s flat, and you’re only allowed to touch it with your bat. The odd shape of the bat is thus explained, by the way; the curve near the end is to allow you to keep contact with the ball while running about the pitch.

The game thus proceeds. Strikers try to work together to move the ball into the opposition’s territory and to score past defenders and goalkeeper. You don’t have to worry too much about offsides; the officials seem to be quite lax about calling it. The pitch is surrounded by a low glass-topped fence, which it is legal (even encouraged) to shove your opponents against, so by all means do so. A bonus is awarded if you shatter the glass partition with an opponent’s head. In case of being carded, you are asked to leave the pitch for a short time, but are allowed to return to play when the official decides that you have learnt your lesson well.

So, having now determined the particulars of the game, I shall assign you positions:

Zingbump will be left striker, for she is both quick and right-handed.

Loopartle will be center defender, for she misses nothing, and will quickly respond to any threat of attack.

Grokweeno shall be goalkeeper, for she rarely moves and often gets in the way, and as such will be adept at blocking things from entering the goal.

Blibleetle will be left defender, for no particular reason.

Lugmux will be right defender, for she is left-handed though not particularly fast-moving.

Dreepondle will be right forward, being reportedly ambidextrous, though I have never seen her write with her left hand, but I’m counting on her to be able to control the bat with it.

Honkster will be our reserve, for he is male and likely has neither the strength nor the stamina to balance on hockeybootblades throughout an entire match.

Now that you know your duties, practice them well, for soon we shall take the pitch to face our first opponents.

Yours in coachitude,

Professor Ms. Digbotch

http://img109.imageshack.us/img109/1461/ccxvbidlogo4ri.gif

Qualifiers - Day 1

Group A - playing in Acadia

Robotopolis 2 Sarzonia 1
Krytenia 1 Squornshelous 1

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Robotopolis 3 1 0 0 2:1 1
2. Krytenia 1 0 1 0 1:1 0
2. Squornshelous 1 0 1 0 1:1 0
4. Sarzonia 0 0 0 1 1:2 -1

Group B - playing in Seaport

Tonissa 0 Druida 1

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Druida 3 1 0 0 1:0 1
2. Spruitland 0 0 0 0 0:0 0
3. Tonissa 0 0 0 1 0:1 -1

Group E - played in Jaxx

Starblaydia 0 Formal Dances 1
Oliverry 2 Bipedal Apes 1

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Oliverry 3 1 0 0 2:1 1
2. Formal Dances 3 1 0 0 1:0 1
3. Starblaydia 0 0 0 1 0:1 -1
4. Bipedal Apes 0 0 0 1 1:2 -1

Group F - played in Star Point

Lovisa 0 Susa 0
The Mushroom Kingship 1 Dalistallia 2014 0

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. The Mushroom Kingship 3 1 0 0 1:0 1
2. Lovisa 1 0 1 0 0:0 0
2. Susa 1 0 1 0 0:0 0
4. Dalistallia 2014 0 0 0 1 0:1 -1

Blizzards return with a thud, lose 2-1

The return of the Sarzonian national hockey team to international competition could have started much worse than it did, but Coach Harold Clark's sombre mood following his team's 2-1 loss to Robotopolis belied the team's efforts.

"We weren't outworked, that much I can say with certainty," Clark said. "But we looked like a team that hasn't even touched the ice in the last five years."

Perhaps that's because the Blizzards (0-1) haven't played in five years. The last time the Blizzards laced up was in the second round of the Cherry Cup X knockout stages, when they lost their second round game in overtime.

Ben Knight was a rookie third string goalkeeper then, but is the lone holdover from the previous edition of the Blizzards. He turned aside 40 shots, but the team's defence let him down repeatedly.

"Ben was the only reason we weren't blown out of there," centre and team captain Harlon Barshay said. "He stood on his head like few goalies I've ever seen."

The Blizzards were outshot 42-19 during the game, with only left winger Brianne Harley's power play marker with 8:46 to go in the third period preventing the Blizzards from being shut out. Sarzonia was only one for six on the power play and killed off nine of 10 chances for Robotopolis.

"We've got to do better than that," Clark said. "We're not playing like a unit right now."

OOC: Chicanada, download the new version of leagion. With this version, you can have the hockey point system by setting the =lowwins variable. And, make the =defense variable 500 or to something that permits a bit more goals

IC:
Oliverrian team unvailed!

Here is the Oliverrian team for Cherry Cup 15. A brand new team with only young francophones in it:

Goalkeepers:
21. Jean-Francois Letarte. Age: 24
67. Guillaume Terrier. Age:21

Left-Wingers:
10. Jean Kirouac. Age:31
43. Kenny Leroi. Age: 22
87. Luc Hardy. Age:19
54. Gérard Jean. Age: 26

Centers:
9. Benoit Lafontaine. Age: 18
87. Rene Francois. Age: 37
11. Samuel Dube. Age: 29
79. Regent Lois. Age: 42

Right-Wingers:
2. Lenny Roland. Age: 20
39. Mathieu Benoit. Age: 21
49. Olivier Tourigny. Age: 31
57. Christian Langlais. Age: 19

Defenders:
4. Jim Lhostie. Age: 23
5. Kimmy Lanoix. Age: 24
6. Ben Latendresse. Age: 25
78. William Letendre. Age: 38
99. John Leblanc. Age: 39
56. Gilles Roy. Age: 28

Head coach will be Jean-Francois Larache. The Oliverrian Hockey Association decided to give him a last chance to prove that he is good. If the team don't go good, he will be fired

OMGWTF Squornshelous Doesn't Lose!!!!!!!!!

The Ferrets played recent rivals Krytenia to a standstill in their first game of Cherry Cup XV. The two countries have played quite a bit recently, meeting in the first round of Cherry Cup XIV and playing twice in World Cup XXIII Qualifying. The record in these four games is 1-1-2 for both sides, with a draw now in both hockey and Football and Squornshelous winning on the field and losing on the ice. Not this time however, as all the changes to the Squornshelan roster seem to have done some good. The game was momentarily delayed earlier in the first when, quite unexpectedly, the scoreboard shorted out. A explanation has not been released yet, but the culprit is probably a bad bit of wiring. Both goals were scored in the 3rd period, with Krytenia opening up 2:34 in witha phenomenal bout of passing that lead to one of their forwards easily putting the puck past a sprawling Markus Dornier. With the first goal coming so late, the situation looked pretty grim for Squornshelous, and they spent much of the third period working on puck control and strong hitting to try and regain momentum. Finally, with just under 2 minutes to play, Nicola Pablicosta put in the tying goal. The Ferrets were shorthanded after a 4 minute boarding call against Vanislav Polovski at 16:02 and it looked like their chances for a tie had gone off the ice with him. However, a sloppy pass sailed out past the Krytenian defender standing at the blue line and Pablicosta jumped on it. He raced down the ice and faked out the goalie, putting the puck just over his leg and under his glove. Ovetime was hard hitting with plenty of shots, but both keepers played well enough to stop them all.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 1-1 Krytenia

Nanny State sends Granny team
Harlesburg team

GOALIES
#1Jorge Oliverier 44 4th Cherry Cup and also his last works the crease well.
#3John LeBartard 40 Oliverier's understudies understudy for the last 12 years finnaly gets his chance to be the Understudy.Ludian Devil Rays
#41Mark Perve 26 First Cherry Cup LeBartard's understudy at The Ludian Devil Rays.Devil Rays

DEFENCEMEN
#19 Brober O'Shea 22 young up and comer straight out of Highschool plays for Harlesburg University.
#23 Handel Lefrankie(C)45 A Veteran of all 3 of The Harlesburg Blades Campaigns in Cherry Cups was inspirational in his position as Alternate Captain and took the riens after Cherry Cup 12.
#26 Carl Eunuch 28 In his second Cherry Cup Scorer of 1 goals and with a +/- rating of 18
#72 Peter Van Ziel 31 Coming to the end of his carrer and finally gets a shot at international level
#33 Hurbert Zeleet 36 In his Second Tournament big strong player likes working his opponents into the boards.
#23 Tobias Mormo 25 Young fast and aggressive are the 3 words best used to describe Tobias also a furicious and commited ppenalty killer often putting his body on the line.
#13 Mester Von Rebel 27 Capable puck handler but is more noted for his checks a specialist penalty killer.Plays for Oestenferl
#11 Rabbit Warren 32 got his name from as a baby being found in a Rabbit Warren and the local police authorities thought it would be slightly humourous to name him so.As a result he is slightly unhinged.Looking for a Club to aquire his services after last club Harlesburg RainJackets released him.

FORWARDS
#43 Jurgen Gleanmier 26 First Cherry Cup fast on the ice strong shot of around 104(MPH)Tyber Rapids
#9 Pierre Mur-St-Nome(A) 43 Also a Veteran of every Harlesburg campaign fast agile player of 5'8" stature.Plays for Olgen GreenBoots
#8 Harald Fernescu 21 Still in High School but believably fast with excellent motor skills which are shown through his puck handling.Plays for Duke Edward Harlesburg Middleschool Phoenixs
#17 Phillip Cuntenescu 22 Out of Highschool and a Profesional Ice Hockey player for Harlesburg NorthStars
#12 Marcus Antenescu 28 Dennier Navigators Left Wing who switches between lines.
#27 Kielt Von Kliener 23 In his 2nd year of University playing for Harlesburg Tech Taipans
#99 Denis Patrick-Bormon-Smith 34 A veteran of 2 of the 3 Harlesburg Campaigns missing out on the 12th Cherry Cup due to Injury.Hector Hazzards
#27 Louis Eldermane 27 2nd Cherry Cup scored 2 Goals in last Campaign

Centres
#74 Pierre St Laurent(A)41 After being in the team since Cherry Cup XI has seen the highs and lows of Ice Hockey Top International Scorer for Harlesburg with 9 from 12 games Plays for Jasper Jaguars
#16 Thomas Mc'Bride 29 In his last year of a LAw Degree at Strongbadia University plays for the Strongbadia Guerros
#63 Batholomew Garnescu 28 League Leader in the Harlesburg Domestic League for Assists with 10 per 15 games also collects a goal every 3 games
#48 Christopher Le plaat 22 Last year of Highschool where he pays for the Gardinier High Guardians another member of the youth Brigade prevalent in this Squad

Starting Lineup

OFFENSIVE LINES
Fernescu-St Laurent-Cuntenescu
Antenescu-Mc'Bride-Mur-St-Nome
Kliener-Garnescu-Patrick-Bormon-Smith
Gleanmier-Christopher Le plaat-Eldermane

DEFENSIVE PAIRS
Lefrankie-O'Shea
Eunuch-Warren
Van Ziel-Zeleet

Power Play 1
Fernescu-St Laurent-Patrick-Bormon-Smith
Lefrankie-Warren
Power Play 2
Kliener-Mc'Bride-Cuntenescu
Van Ziel-O'Shea

Penalty Kill 1
Fernescu-Mur-St-Nome
Von Rebel-Warren

Penalty Kill 2
Eldermane-Patrick-Bormon-Smith
Mormo-O'Shea

GOALIES
Starting: Jorge Oliverier
Backup: John LeBartard

COACH:
Barry Melrose

Tonissia Announces Roster

COACH Coach Z

Starters
C(C)1 Dave Hedwik (29) New Richmond Gamecocks
LW 12 Zach Hill (24) Port Manning Cannons
RW 45 Kristoff Zaadier (19) Southern Bristol County U
D 8 Ed Hill (34) Northshore SeaDogz
D 78 Jerry Robertson (45) Bristol Mountineers
G 09 Josef Simteno (22) U of Northern South Glynn

Reserves

C 66 Dale Chaw (32) Bristol Mountaneers
C 2 Chris Johnson (28) Chesterfield Capital
LW 52 Dan Damuffinman(22) New Alcoa Bears
LW 46 Dennis Stetzerton (39) Chesterfield Capital
RW 3 Yacob Hassad (25) Sargo Islandeers
RW 10 Vicenzo Mobber (18) Capital School of The Arts
D 98 Willie Wilson (25) Jacksonburg Drakes
D 79 Ian Illio (33) New Maryville Metros
D 93 Joey Wall (25) Louisville Lightning
D 29 Kendrick Yano(23) Chester Field Capitals

From the desk of Professor Ms. Digbotch

Memo

To: ChiCanadian Hockeyball Authority
From: Professor Ms. Digbotch, Bipedaleen hockeyball coach
Re: Frozen water on hockeyball pitch

Dear Ms. Bigwigs

I address you this evening with the greatest high esteem and respectfulness, etc., wishing only to inform you of what may be considered by some the highly irregular, or perhaps even unacceptable, condition of the pitch at today’s hockeyball match in the Don Cherry Cup Tournament. My youngsters took to the pitch dressed to the nines in correct uniform, that is, with hockeyball bladeboots strapped to their feet and bats in hand, only to find that, inexplicably, the pitch had been covered in a thick layer of frozen water! As you can imagine, this led to great consternation, confusion, and loss of balance as the players tried to walk about.

I am given to understand from my research that the blades attached to the hockeyball boots are meant to fit into grooves in the pitch. Unfortunately, due to the ice in which the pitch was enshrouded, it was impossible for the players to fit their boots into the grooves. While the official was kind enough to refrain from penalizing the players for improper bootblade-goove assignment, the frozen water at the very least vastly increased the opportunity for my players to become injured, and at worst, was a tremendous impediment in their playing. Under the circumstances, it is miraculous that anyone survived.

Therefore, I am requesting a thorough review of the state of the pitch by your esteemed association in advance of the following match, and hope that you will make remedy to this atrocious and harrowing condition. I am certain that there is a logical explanation for the ice coating the field, but whether there is or not, I trust that such ridiculousness will not be repeated.

Yours,

Professor Ms. Digbotch

From the desk of Professor Ms. Digbotch

Memo

To: Members of the Skate-Footers hockeyball team, national side of the RBA
From: Professor Ms. Digbotch, your humbly esteemed coach
Re: Today’s match against the talented humans of Oliverry

My dear charges,

Well, the first match came off with no one killed and no serious injuries, so Glexo can happily drink herself into a stupor this fine balmy evening. She’s off somewhere sampling the many local fermented beverages as I write this, and I’m anxious to try a few myself, so I’ll be keeping this brief.

First off, let me say that a loss by the score of two to one to a fine human side like Oliverry is quite not unacceptable. It’s really a reasonably not-terrible loss at all. Considering that before yesterday’s memo none of you knew the first thing about hockeyball, such as whether to put the bladeboots on your hands or on your feet, you’re certainly to be commended for not being utterly annihilated by these Francophonic humans.

Some specifics:

Zingbump, you did a very nice job swinging the hockeyball bat. I recall that you played baseball in your pre-university days, and your form is clearly influenced by that experience. I think, however, that your aim would be improved by two things. First, you should try to remember that the hockeyball is generally not airborne. It is not a baseball, hurled through the air by a pitcher, but is rather sitting on the pitch (or in this case, the frozen water, though believe me, I’ve taken steps to see to it that we won’t be playing under such a disadvantage next time). Therefore, you should aim your swing more for the ground. If the hockeyball were in the strike zone, it would truly be surprising, and so swinging through the zone is likely to result in no contact, every time. No contact with the ball, that is. You did very nicely knock the Beejezus out of that poor Oliverrian defender’s knee that one time, but I’m pretty sure that the resulting time you spent in the box was meant as a punishment, not a reward. In other words, you’re not supposed to swing with all your might for your opponent, dear. Aim low, and I’m sure you’ll do much better.

Second, try swinging from a standing position. Trying to hit the ball while laying flat on your back is hardly likely to be effective. I realize that the unexpected presence of a sheet of ice coating the pitch made standing difficult, but you really must try to improvise in these situations. Giving up and flailing about like an overturned cockroach is generally pointless.

Dreepondle, what can I say? You’re not ambidextrous, that was pure fabrication on your part. Or perhaps you don’t know the meaning of the word. I specifically assigned you to be right wing because I thought you could guide the bat with your left hand. But your right-handed stance put you at a clear disadvantage, which tempts me to put Lugmux in your place. If not for the fact that you scored our only goal of the match, I’d make the switch in a moment, but under the circumstances, I’ll give you one more chance. But please, dear, please try not to hit the board with two-thirds of your swings. Not only did you break three hockeyball bats and cause numerous blemishes in the partition, you also completely failed to connect with the hockeyball on ninety-two percent of your swings.

Lugmux, you did fine, dear. Don’t feel at all bad about the seventy-four times that one or more Oliverrian strikers stepped over you while nimbly manouevering the ball around your prone body. I would give you only one piece of advice: if you’re going to give up trying to balance on the bootblades, at least move about a little while you’re laying there. You never know, you might interfere with the opposition a bit. Especially if you try swinging the bat around, and I wouldn’t want you to be penalized for illegal play, but you know, if you were to swing the bat up right as someone was stepping over you, it might really reduce their effectiveness.

Loopartle, you were quick and reflexive to the point of spasticity. Keep up the good work, try to direct your swings a bit more carefully, and I’m sure you’ll hit the ball next game, rather than thrashing the crap out of poor Blibleetle. And Blibleetle, you just get plenty of bed rest and work on recovering. Loopartle didn’t mean it and I’m sure she’s quite sorry about the beating she gave you while both of you were laying on the pitch, swinging wildly and spinning in lazy circles.

Finally, Grokweeno. Good Grokweeno. I know you tried hard. I truly felt for you as I watched you cling desperately to the top bar of the net, doing everything in your power to keep to your feet while apes and humans thrashed and skated around you. how you managed to repel all but two of the Oliverrian shots is truly remarkable. I really cannot understand it. Really. Those Oliverrians must be the unluckiest human bastards in the world. It was like their bats had specially-installed ape-seeking sensors that cause the ball to hone in on your flailing form rather than the net either side of you. Be that as it may, it certainly creates the impression, at least on paper, that you played a quite reasonable match.

All told, I’m quite proud of each of you. I cannot imagine a more dedicated bunch of university students being any more capable of keeping to their feet on a pitch covered in frozen water while balancing on thin blades designed to be inserted into grooves. You should all be reasonably satisfied with your performances.

Now, I’m off to join Glexo in a drinking spree. See you all at practice tomorrow!

Yours in coachicacity,

Professor Ms. Digbotch

From the desk of Professor Ms. Digbotch

Memo

To: ChiCanadian Hockeyball Authority
From: Professor Ms. Digbotch, Bipedaleen hockeyball coach
Re: Frozen water on hockeyball pitch

Dear Ms. Bigwigs

I address you this evening with the greatest high esteem and respectfulness, etc., wishing only to inform you of what may be considered by some the highly irregular, or perhaps even unacceptable, condition of the pitch at today’s hockeyball match in the Don Cherry Cup Tournament. My youngsters took to the pitch dressed to the nines in correct uniform, that is, with hockeyball bladeboots strapped to their feet and bats in hand, only to find that, inexplicably, the pitch had been covered in a thick layer of frozen water! As you can imagine, this led to great consternation, confusion, and loss of balance as the players tried to walk about.

I am given to understand from my research that the blades attached to the hockeyball boots are meant to fit into grooves in the pitch. Unfortunately, due to the ice in which the pitch was enshrouded, it was impossible for the players to fit their boots into the grooves. While the official was kind enough to refrain from penalizing the players for improper bootblade-goove assignment, the frozen water at the very least vastly increased the opportunity for my players to become injured, and at worst, was a tremendous impediment in their playing. Under the circumstances, it is miraculous that anyone survived.

Therefore, I am requesting a thorough review of the state of the pitch by your esteemed association in advance of the following match, and hope that you will make remedy to this atrocious and harrowing condition. I am certain that there is a logical explanation for the ice coating the field, but whether there is or not, I trust that such ridiculousness will not be repeated.

Yours,

Professor Ms. Digbotch

To: Professor Ms. Digbotch, Bipedaleen hockeyball coach
From: Jaquelyne Moriseete, Chicanada Hockey Club President, CCXV Chair
RE: Ice

After adressing this concern with my staff, I have to say that ice, or as you so put it, frozen water, is required to be skated on when playing hockey. If the ice were replaced by grass, not only would we be playing field hockey but I beleive that your players would fall down in the dirt after getting their skates stuck.

In addition, the players, while skating, are not supposed to be set into the ice, but rather skate on top of it. If you would like, the CHC and CHL ad hoc skating committe would refer you to a lovely old lady named Miss Ulalasan who could work with your players to keep them upright on the ice.

Thank you for your concern and I hope this will address your concerns.

Jaquee.

PS...are your players really apes? Are the cuter that the Very Angry, Loveable, Squishy, Cuddly, Flopp-eared rabbits? O, I should watch Spruitland (sorry about the spelling mistake there :-x) but that's besides the point. For if the apes are cute enough, i would love to see you all!

OOC: Ooh, thanks for the heads up Oliverry. I can't d/load the new Leagion right now due to a really slow connection speed but I can in a month or so!

From the desk of Professor Ms. Digbotch

Memo
To: Esteemed human Jaquelyne, President of ChiCanada Hockeyball Club
From: Professor Ms. Digbotch, coach of the RBA hockeyball squad
Re: Ice

Dear Jaquelyne,

Thank you for your attention to this harrowing matter. It is evident that I will need to do further research into the specifics of hockeyball policies and procedures. In the meantime, we graciously accept your kind offer of Miss Ulalasan's services. I will instruct the players to report to her post-haste to begin practicing the proper means of balancing atop narrow blades on a sheet of frozen water, or as it is more commonly known here in the northern hemisphere, ice.

Regarding your question as to the specie of my players, they are indeed apes. We hail from the Republic of Bipedal Apes, as you may be aware. Our people evolved to a most rigorous upright form of walking some thousands of years ago, after observing the delightfully Machiavellian advantages of the technique employed by your own bipedal species. Standing upright certainly gives one a great advantage when swinging a club, or bat, and frees up the front feet for all kinds of clever mischief, such as brewing ale and designing microchips, and whatnot.

Personally, I consider bunnies very cute. I don't think any bipedal species-- human, ape, goat, genetically engineered carrot-creature-- could compare to them. However, I have it on good authority that the Spruitlanders are dangerous. Very dangerous. I'm not entirely sure whether the Ice Bunnies are an arctic form of the deadly wabbit, or some yeti leporidae of so horrifying a visage that I am not prepared to imagine, let alone describe, its awfulness. I think that those angry ones, though, are a bit cuddlier. Though armed, I am told. So be careful when hugging them.

Thanking you again for your quick response and kind offer.

Professor Ms. Digbotch

The Enlightener: 30th July 2005 - back to the drawing boardhttp://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

Icebergs Dead Ahead!

Despite the Bettian League of Ice-Hockey Professionals (BLIP) still not being arsed to set up a full time league, the heroes who performed so averagely in their international debut are back after putting in some hard graft on the rink.

Now most of them are able to skate - in fact, centre Ikrama Thruxton has a rather neat triple Salkhow in his repertoire, and Dafydd Clayton's camel spin has to be seen to be believed. What's more, they don't even need their coach to tell them which goal to aim for, or what the little black thing they're hitting is called. That's how much Bettia has improved.

Unfortunately for the Icebergs, they been shoehorned into a rather nasty-looking little group and so they look extremely unlikely to repeat their feat of winning three games. Ah well. They may lose all their games, but at least they'll put on a neat show of twists, spins and jumps to a suitably rousing piece of background music.

So who will be pulling on the green and yellow jersey?

CENTRES:
12. Phil Canton
08. Ikrima Thruxton
46. Llifon Evans
51. Dave Phillips
87. Omar Rajab
19. Phil Hill

LEFT WING:
17. Jon Phillips
65. Hefin George
05. Nathan Foulkes
54. Chris Beckton
38. Neil Rice

RIGHT WING:
16. Warren Alexander
77. Guto Al-Shamari
76. Jason Anwar
11. Amin Ifans
94. Iestyn Knockhill

DEFENCE:
05. Rob Silverstone
04. Jeff Penbray
84. Jason Oulton
44. Jamie Coombe
28. Jason Castle
10. Gwynlon Mihangel
56. Amir Morello

NETMINDERS:
01. Daffydd Clayton
34. Greg Abdullah

Jaques Perreault was once again, having a fairly unpleasant conversation with one of his underlings. This time, it was the Squornshelan coach, Cyrus Evinrude.
"What the hell were your idiot players thinking?! This screw up could ruin everything! Do you realize what will happen if we are found out?!" Evinrude took a moment to think about this, and replied.
"It'd be bad?"
"Yes it'd be bad! Your players are to use the EMP's only when playing against artificial opponents! They have no effect on the normal humans from Krytenia!"
"I was wonderin' abou' tha'."
"It's only good against robots you imbecile! You are only to use the EMP sticks against teams with electrical players!"
"The boys were jus excited. Wanted t'play with the new sticks."
"They're not toys, they're a secret policy that will get Squornshelous kicked out of the cup if we're found out, and will be destroyed as soon as we're eliminated!"
"Oh? Some o' the lads want t'keep em."
"That's too bad, we can't have a bunch of mental degenerates running around with incriminating evidence against us!!"
While Evinrude tried to figure out the meaning of the word incriminating, Perreault stormed off muttering about what would happen if any more scoreboards shorted out.

http://img109.imageshack.us/img109/1461/ccxvbidlogo4ri.gif

Qualifiers - Day 2

Group C - playing in Rosa City (scheduled for Acadia but a faulty scoreboard moved the game east)

Liverpool England 0 Bettia 3
Iansisle 2 Tanah Burung 1

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Bettia 3 1 0 0 3:0 3
2. Iansisle 3 1 0 0 2:1 1
3. Tanah Burung 0 0 0 1 1:2 -1
4. Liverpool England 0 0 0 1 0:3 -3

Group D - playing in Livingston

Chicanada 1 Casari 0
Kericia 0 Fmjphoenix 2

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Fmjphoenix 3 1 0 0 2:0 2
2. Chicanada 3 1 0 0 1:0 1
3. Casari 0 0 0 1 0:1 -1
4. Kericia 0 0 0 1 0:2 -2

Group G - played in Jaxx

Hockey Canada 2 Geisenfried 0
Harlesburg 1 Very Angry Rabbits 1

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Hockey Canada 3 1 0 0 2:0 2
2. Harlesburg 1 0 1 0 1:1 0
2. Very Angry Rabbits 1 0 1 0 1:1 0
4. Geisenfried 0 0 0 1 0:2 -2

Group H - played in Colombo

Kalaallit Nunaat 1 Turori 1
The Gulf States 0 Corneliu 0

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Kalaallit Nunaat 1 0 1 0 1:1 0
1. Turori 1 0 1 0 1:1 0
1. The Gulf States 1 0 1 0 0:0 0
1. Corneliu 1 0 1 0 0:0 0

From the desk of Professor Ms. Digbotch

Memo
To: Players of the Cherry Cup XV Skate-Footers
From: Professor Ms. Digbotch, your coach
Re: Hockeyball policies, procedures, and history

My good students,

I know that by now you have all heard the news that hockeyball is played not on a pitch like most sports, but on a field composed entirely of frozen water. This was therefore not a mistake in the first match, but an entirely intentional situation that the ChiCanadians put into place in the normal course of hosting this tournament. So while this undoubtedly makes our job of learning the game of hockeyball that much more difficult, at least we know more clearly where we stand—or to be accurate, where we slide around and fall over.

However, I am pleased to inform you that our esteemed human hosts have offered the services of a fine ice-walking instructor, Miss Ululanda, who will begin this afternoon teaching you all the fine art of balancing upon hockeyball blades while standing on an ice-field. I’m sure that by the next match you’ll be true experts in the craft.

It may help everyone to better understand the techniques of the game if I enlighten you as to its strange and checkered history, as I said I’d try to do, in a previous memo. So, between that thought and the misunderstanding over the ice, I decided it would be best to spend some time in the local library, and I have come away having composed a small treatise which I shall share with you now.

A Brief history of hockeyball
by Professor Ms. Digbotch

The earliest record

In ancient times, humans played only footie and baseball. Those were the dark days before the apes evolved bipedal stature or language skills, the long-ago times when only humans, and if you believe in them, elves and dwarves, carried the gift of sentience. Basketball had not yet been discovered, nor had rugby been invented (neither union nor league), lacrosse was a glimmer in a butterfly-hunter’s eye, and greco-roman wrestling was still just… well, it wasn’t a sport yet, and it was engaged in by writhing naked human males, so you figure it out. Footie and baseball were the only sporting outlets, and would remain so for many many years until of course cricket would spring forth from baseball with the advent of the British East India Company.

That is, footie and baseball would remain the only sporting outlets until the advent of cricket, save one thing. That thing would be hockeyball.

According to the Mayan calendar, the footie season lasted from March until late August in those days, with the premiere league dragging itself out for nearly six full months. Baseball, being a summer sport, started up in May (according to the Maya) and ran through September, with the playoffs and World Series taking place into October, as is still the tradition. Cave paintings from as far afield as Arizona and France show fur-clad pre-civilization humans kicking footie-like balls into goals made of mammoth tusks and walrus bladders, but only during the temperate months. And the proto-baseball records on the tablets of Babylonia and Mesopotamia likewise indicate that when the weather got cold, the bats were hung up until next season.

There was thus, in the ancient world, a clear gap of several months’ duration, in which no sports could be played, and the extended period of idleness led to all sorts of bad behavior, such as children being sent to school and murders being committed. So the natural inventiveness of humans, being geared toward cleverness etc., led a few of them to begin experimenting with different ways of having sports that might be playable during the colder months. A few of the earliest developments, such as moose-baiting, pointy-icicle-hurling-and-catching, and Canadian Football, proved untenable or unpopular and were quickly abandoned. It was not until a clever young human named Gloria Hockey got the bright idea to whack baseballs into a footie goal that the first inklings of a viable sport could be noted.

Neanderthal rock-paintings show that the first hockeyball matches were played in ordinary footie boots on the fields of Versailles, or as it was then known, Eire. However, this being in those long-ago days before the coming of Saint Patrick, players were regularly devoured by great serpents that came popping out of holes in the pitch at inopportune moments (or opportune moments, if you were a great and hungry serpent). So some quick-thinking person got the idea to strap vicious blades to the undersides of the boots, thus allowing players to simultaneously run about the pitch waving bats hither and thither, and decapitate serpents. The idea worked brilliantly, and the sport quickly caught on throughout the British Isles and Kalaallit Nunaat, or “Greenland,” as its pre-Columbian marketing team insisted it be known.

It was in this so-called Greenland that the sport was first played on ice, for as is well known, there is no solid ground beneath that esteemed island, the entire thing being one great frozen wasteland, which is fine if your primary export is frozen water, but not so nice if you are trying to farm or play footie. The concept of playing hockeyball on an ice-pitch would not spread to the more civilized parts of the world for many years, however.

Hockeyball in the Babylonian and Roman Empires

The Babylonians of ancient times gave us many inventive gifts, including the sundial, text messaging (carried out in those days by carving one’s message into a clay tablet and then hurling it at the intended recipient), and the curved hockeyball bat. The Babylonians, unlike the Irish and Inuit, played the sport on the beach, and as such found themselves continually spraying one another with sand, which got into the eyes and caused much consternation. It is recorded that the quick-thinking coach of the Susa Sandlions got the idea to flatten the end of the bat and curve it so that the bat could be used somewhat like a spoon, allowing a much greater quantity of sand to be flung, with greater directionality, into the opposing players’ faces.

The development spread throughout the Babylonian world like a sand-flinging wildfire, and soon hockeyball matches played anywhere in the vicinity of the Persian Gulf consisted primarily of blind bat-swinging contests, as no one was willing to open her eyes and expose them to the sandstorm. Not surprisingly, the Romans eventually caught wind of this development, and adopted the bent-and-flattened bat for their own players. However, the Roman intention was somewhat different from the Babylonian, as the Romans played the game on a proper pitch and as such were not looking to whack gobs of sand at one another. Rather, as the Greek philosopher Socrates observed, “To hit the ball with a bent and flattened bat gives one greater control of its movement, and as such, puts one in greater accord with both one’s nature and the will of the Gods.”

Hockeyball was of only moderate popularity in Rome, as the great sports of Chariot Wrecking, Gladitaion, and Christian-eating (this last sport being played primarily by lions) had been discovered by that time. It was in the Roman Empire, however, that the first hockeyball star rose to the heavens. This was a male human named Jesus. He and his team, the Jerusalem Apostles, won six consecutive Cherry Cups (the Cup being known as the Holy Grail in those days) before the growing popularity of the sport among Jews in the vicinity of Egypt forced the local Prelate to crucify Jesus and put an end to any possible uprisings that may be stirring. With millions of dinar pouring in each week from sales of Christian-eating tickets and merchandise, the risk of hockeyball overtaking that lucrative and growing sport was too great to allow. Though it may conflict with our modern sense of justice, for that time executing Jesus but leaving the rest of the apostles alive was a fairly mild treatment.

To the dismay of Roman emperors everywhere, the apostles went on to spread the gospel of hockeyball throughout the Empire and well beyond, leading to the sport’s ascendancy and a decline in Chariot Wrecking and Gladiation that eventually led those sports to disappear entirely from civilized nations’ broadsheets. Of course, no one today really remembers this Jesus character, though his skills with the bat would be immortalized by King Missile some two thousand years later, even going so far as to compare his skills favorably to those of the great Ms. Gretzky.

The rise of Edmonton and ice

Ms. Gretzky, of course, was an Edmontosaurus, which is a type of Hadrosaur, or possibly an Edmontonia, which is either an Ankylosaur or a Nodosaur; I can’t quite remember which. At any rate, she hailed from Edmonton, which is a slightly less-frozen wasteland than Kalaallit Nunaat, but is still cold enough to encourage people to find creative things to do with ice. The Edmontonian hockeyball side was known as the Oilers, a clever reference to the fact that its star player was a dinosaur, which as we all know, is what makes up the fossil fuels that propel our fine internal-combustion vehicles.

Gretzky took the hockeyball world by storm, not least because of her immense size. Weighing over seven tons, she was able to crush her opponents to jelly with a simple check against the boards. What is more, when the Edmontonish hockeyball authorities decided to try playing the game on a frozen-water pitch, Gretzky was the only one able to get any traction, thanks mainly to her size. It was also Gretzky who invented the now-familiar flat hockeyball. According to newspapers of the day, it happened quite by accident, as she one day lost her balance and flopped down on the pitch. When she arose, there, flattened to the ice, was the hockeyball, along with her entire defensive line and the official. With the official thus unable to blow the whistle, play had to continue until the end of the period, and so the flat hockeyball was kept in. This turned out to be a boon, as it moved much more predictably across the ice now that its sphericity had been reduced.

Seeing the wondrous invention that Gretzky had created, the hockeyball world quickly adapted its ways. By the next season, virtually every major hockeyball league the world over had switched from playing on a grass pitch to a frozen field. With this change, the sport became infinitely more exciting, and players’ actions became haphazard and unpredictable, with much loss of balance and heretofore unexploited injury potential making itself known. The sport quickly gained popularity, even being introduced, eventually, to the Olympics.

Don Cherry and his cup

And this brings us to the present. The exploits and antics of the great coach and commentator Don Cherry need not be expounded here. Suffice to say that he gained control of the world championship tournament fifteen iterations ago, successfully arguing in a CBC court that continuing to call the hockeyball championship trophy the “Holy Grail” amounted to buckling under to European pressure, also muttering something about Versailles and Neanderthals. The Cup is now controlled by its rightful masters, those residents of the land of ice and snow and ice and frozen water, Kalaallit Nunaat.

A final word to you, my students

As humble competitors in this great tournament, whose roots as you now understand go back thousands of years, spanning the entire scope of human history, more or less, we must conduct ourselves with dignity and aplomb. All must strive not only to win, but to present a dignified front as you slip ridiculously about the ice. We are but motes of dust in the great swirling history of hockeyball, and we must not forget that. I hope that you find this history helpful and instructive.

Yours,

Professor Ms. Digbotch

The Enlightener: 30th July 2005 - fab Suduko competition: page 15http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

How On Earth Did That Happen?

Bettia 3 (Thruxton 14, Evans 19, Anwar 58)
Liverpool England 0

The hockey-watching public in Bettia were picking up their jaws yesterday after watching their team romp to a thoroughly unexpected victory against the top-ranked team in the group.

After coming onto the ice to the strains of Balero, the Liverpool England squad were in stitches, which probably accounted for the multitude of fouls committed in the first ten minutes, culmanating in the LE netminder being given a ten minute penalty for spearing. That was just the opportunity the Icebergs needed, forcing home their one-man advantage with two well-taken goals by Ikrima Thruxton and Llifon Evans.

The Englanders came roaring back in the second half, forcing Clayton into a number of heroic saves whilst the rest of the team were more concerned with getting their double toe loop spot-on. It was only when coach Amin Tibbert started pulling his hair out that they remembered they were here to play hockey, and so responded with a shot of their own courtesy of Amin Ifans.

The third period continued in pretty much the same fashion, but without the pirouetting, and it was left to right-winger Jason Anwar to wrap the game up two minutes from time, getting the decisive touch in a scramble in front of goal.

And so the Icebergs are left trying to work out just how they ended sitting at the top of Group C, and go away to prepare for their next game. Apparently they're working on a routine set to 'Peter and the Wolf'.

CORNELIU SPORTS NETWORK

"Welcome to Chicanada! I am Travis Jones of CSN! Our national hockey team is here competing in Cherry Cup XV. Earlier today, they saw their first action against the team of The Gulf States. How did the game go Veronica?

"Well Travis, the game didn't go to Corneliu nor did it go to The Gulf States. In fact, this game went to nobody as the game ended in a draw. Both sides had their chances however to score but the goalies of both teams were very tough. The defense was stiff as well, especially for our beloved Penquins as they held the Gulf States to only 15 shots the whole game. The Penquins on the other hand, got off 25 shots but the opposing goalie stopped them all.

"The only excitement of the game came in the second period as both sides had flurries infront of the net. No goals were scored but it brought the fans to their feet. Back to you Travis."

"Thanks Veronica. That wraps up this Cherry Cup update. When we have more, we'll bring it to ya. Remember that you can catch the next game right here on the Corneliu Sports Network. Thank you and good night."

"Well Travis, the game didn't go to Corneliu nor did it go to The Gulf States. In fact, this game went to nobody as the game ended in a draw.


Woot! The process of eliminatiobn strikes again!

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Qualifiers - Day 1

Group E - played in Jaxx

Starblaydia 0 Formal Dances 1
Oliverry 2 Bipedal Apes 1

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Oliverry 3 1 0 0 2:1 1
2. Formal Dances 3 1 0 0 1:0 1
3. Starblaydia 0 0 0 1 0:1 -1
4. Bipedal Apes 0 0 0 1 1:2 -1

Formal Dances Underground Sports Wire

With the Civil War waging on in Formal Dances, it is a surprise that this team is even here. What is even more surprising is that they even won a game. They defeated Starblaydia 1-0.

"This was a great game for us. Most of us have been down due to the civil war raging in our country. The team that is here have been keeping up with it. This has been our distraction and we are glad for it. Hockey is a great distraction."

"I'm glad that we won this game. Its a lift for our team. Hopefully we can keep this up throughout the rest of the tournament." Goalie Angela Summers stated.

Allison Carson was even more delighted with the victory because she was the one that scored the winning goal late in the 1st period. With about 5 minutes to go, She received a pass from Samantha Liller and one-timed it right past the starblaydia goalie.

"I was really shocked when that goal went in. I really thought that the goalie had a chance to block it. When I saw that red light go on, I was jumping up and down as my teammates mobbed me."

And she really was jumping for joy. The Dancers are hoping that they can dance themselves right into the playoffs and make a good showing so the folks back home can have something to cheer about in this time of need.

Rachel West
Formal Dances Times
Sports Editor

Our roster remains unchanged from CC14. Why fix what ain't broken?

So...


C1: Craig Peterson #1 - Windsor, Ontario, TGS Canada
C2: Thomas Fletcher #22 - Mississauga, Ontario, TGS Canada
C3: Stephen Smith #14 - Thompson, Manitoba, TGS Canada
LW1: Jacques Lyons #8 - Lac du Ville, Quebec, TGS Canada
LW2: Jean Peltier #20 - Sherbrooke, Quebec, TGS Canada
LW3: Marcus Thames #28 - Halifax, Nova Scotia, TGS Canada
RW1: Tyrone Davis #27 - New Castle, Delaware (Flocarga and Delmarva)
RW2: Peter McDougall #9 - Millbury, Bardista, Mainland
RW3: Manuel Sanchez #53 - Orange, Rutland, Mainland
D1: Pedro Ortiz #6 - Paterson, Flordis, Mainland
D2: Mike Henderson #15 - St. Catharines, Ontario, TGS Canada
D3: Tim Horton #5 - Toronto, Ontario, TGS Canada
D4: Wayne Simmons #25 - Pittsfield, Bardista, Mainland
D5: Sean Carter #11 - East Orange, Rutland, Mainland
D6: Tom Johnson #21 - Lewiston, Palm Bay, Mainland
G1: Dan Solmwyski #30 - Barrie, Ontario, TGS Canada
G2: Gerald Martin #31 - Hull, Quebec, TGS Canada
G3: Alejandro Campos #36 - Baltimore, Maryland (Flocarga and Delmarva)

In case you didn't figure it out, our starters...
Lyons - Peterson - Davis
Ortiz - Henderson
Solmwyski

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Qualifiers - Day 3

Group A - playing in Livingston

Robotopolis 0 Squornshelous 0
Krytenia 0 Sarzonia 0

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Robotopolis 4 1 1 0 2:1 1
2. Krytenia 2 0 2 0 1:1 0
2. Squornshelous 2 0 2 0 1:1 0
4. Sarzonia 1 0 1 1 1:2 -1

Group B - playing in Rosa City

Spruitland 2 Druida 1

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Spruitland 3 1 0 0 2:1 1
2. Druida 3 1 0 1 2:2 0
3. Tonissa 0 0 0 1 0:1 -1

Group E - played in Eastentown

Starblaydia 3 Oliverry 2
Formal Dances 3 Bipedal Apes 1

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Formal Dances 6 2 0 0 4:1 3
2. Oliverry 3 1 0 1 4:4 0
3. Starblaydia 3 1 0 1 3:3 0
4. Bipedal Apes 0 0 0 2 2:5 -3

Group F - played in Colombo

Lovisa 0 Dalistallia 2014 0
The Mushroom Kingship 2 Susa 1

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. The Mushroom Kingship 6 2 0 0 3:1 2
2. Lovisa 2 0 1 0 0:0 1
3. Susa 1 0 1 1 1:2 -1
4. Dalistallia 2014 1 0 1 1 0:1 -1

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Qualifiers - Day 3

Starblaydia 3 Oliverry 2
Formal Dances 3 Bipedal Apes 1

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Formal Dances 6 2 0 0 4:1 3
2. Oliverry 3 1 0 1 4:4 0
3. Starblaydia 3 1 0 1 3:3 0
4. Bipedal Apes 0 0 0 2 2:5 -3

FORMAL DANCES UNDERGROUND SPORTS WIRE

Maybe day one's surprise wasn't a fluke after all. Formal Dances came dancing into day three with a victory and left day three with their second victory of the tournament. This gives them a total of six points for the tournament to date.

This has most definitely boosted the spirits of the team even higher. Today, they played the team from Bipedal Apes and defeated them 3-1. The Goal scorers for the Dancers today was Allison Carson (2,3) and Kelly Clark (1)! Goalie Angela Summers gave up one goal on 25 shots while the Dancers put 33 shots on net with three of them going on.

After the game, I interviewed Coach Patterson about today's game and this is what she said regarding today's action. "It was a pleasure watching our girls out there on the ice tonight. We are finally showing the league that even though we are a team of all females, we are still a force to be reckoned with. This year, we're dedicating to our beloved people back home. We are here to win this thing for them and to make them proud of us. Hopefully we are succeeding in that regard because they'll need as big a lift as possible."

She also went on to mention that the team is keeping spirits high and they are prepared to do what is necessary to ensure a spot in the next round of this tournament. The team spirit is high due to the two victories and it is due to this that I have no doubt that the Dancers could very well make the playoffs in this years Cherry Cup.

Rachel West
Formal Dances Times
Sports Editor

Ferrets Draw Again

No goals were scored in group A, as Squornshelous remained tied for second with Krytenia. The Ferrets trend for good luck and electrical failures stayed with them in their second game, as they outplayed the second ranked Synthos, but were unable to score. Robotopolis came out very confidently, but Squornshelous also played with purpose, and both teams cancelled each other out. The best chances of the first period were a quick one timer from the blue line by Vanislav Polovski for the Ferrets, and a breakaway by Gemini Man, who strangely, stumbled and fell as he crossed through the face off circles. He had to be carried off the ice, and while he did return to the game midway through the second, he wasn't playnig at 100%. Petr Kryzldlwytzch was given two minutes for tripping, even though it appeared his stick only brushed incidentally against Gemini Man's skate.
At the close of the second period, a second Syntho went out. Freeze Man had just checked Janni Titov into the end boards, and Titov had gotten up and returned the favor. However, Freeze Man seemed to go limp as he hit the glass and didn't get up. The game was stopped again, and Titov given two minutes for roughing. The Ferrets piled up quite a few penalties throughout the game, and as the third period opened, another Syntho went out. This time it was Quick Man, who had been skating in after a dump in, and was levelled by Hrolf Olafson. There was a solid thunk as Hrolf's stick met Quick Man's head, and the Syntho went down like a ton of bricks. Olafson was given 2 minutes for cross checking, as well as a 5 minute game misconduct and was ejected. His status for the game against Sarzonia is not known. Robotopolis was bolstered by the return of Freeze Man, but he quickly got slapped with a five minute major fo boardin, trying to exact revenge on Janni Titov. The two teams played 4 on four for 5 minutes, after which there were only two minutes remaining. Those two minute were full of hard hitting, and the Synthos spent most of it on the powerplay, with Markus Dornier making save after save.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 0-0 Robotopolis

the second draw. :S.

its not good. we still in second position, but it will be very hard advance to next round. :(

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Qualifiers - Day 4

Group C - playing in Rosa City (still fixing that damn scoreboard)

Liverpool England 0 Tanah Burung 1
Iansisle 0 Bettia 0

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Bettia 4 1 1 0 3:0 3
2. Iansisle 4 1 1 0 2:1 1
3. Tanah Burung 3 1 0 1 2:2 0
4. Liverpool England 0 0 0 1 0:3 -3

Group D - playing in Seaport

Chicanada 1 Fmjphoenix 1
Kericia 1 Casari 1

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Fmjphoenix 4 1 1 0 3:1 2
2. Chicanada 4 1 1 0 2:1 1
3. Casari 1 0 1 1 1:2 -1
4. Kericia 1 0 1 1 1:3 -2

Group G - played in Star Point

Hockey Canada 0 Very Angry Rabbits 1
Harlesburg 1 Geisenfried 0

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Harlesburg 4 1 1 0 2:1 1
1. Very Angry Rabbits 4 1 1 0 2:1 1
3. Hockey Canada 3 1 0 1 2:1 1
4. Geisenfried 0 0 0 2 0:2 -2

Group H - played in Eastentown

Kalaallit Nunaat 2 Corneliu 1
The Gulf States 1 Turori 0

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Kalaallit Nunaat 4 1 1 0 3:2 1
2. The Gulf States 4 1 1 0 1:0 1
3. Corneliu 1 0 1 1 1:2 -1
3. Turori 1 0 1 1 1:2 -1

We lost tuh WHO???

Yeah, ya saw it... Hockey Canada (3rd ranked in the world for Hockey) lost to 23rd ranked Very Angry Rabbits earlier today in Cherry Cup Action. This broadcast has been taken over by Hockey Canuck Rebels ta talk in traditional ways. We use "low-brow" words like "Oh yeah?" and "commere a minute." Which is probably why we neded to lynch some of the broadcasters in 'ere.

Hey! who bumped me?

Me!

Then commere a minute.

You commere a minute

Oh Yeah?

*silenced for content*

One down, one to go

Cherry Cup XV has started, and the Spruitland Ice Bunnies have been placed into Group B (for “Better not mess up because there’s only two matches to play!”) A late withdrawal from some obscure team called TBA left Group B with only three teams. Along with Spruitland - aka Spuritland – there’s also Tonissia – aka Tonissa – and Druida – aka Those Drunks.

A three team group has pros and cons. The pros being that there’s not as many matches to play, so there’s more time to get drunk and fool around with the cheerleaders, and that only one team in the group will not advance to the next round. The cons being that it would really suck to be that one team, and with only two matches to play, there’s little to no room for error.

Fortunately the Ice Bunnies did not err in their first game, against Druida, taking the three points with a narrow 2-1 win. One game remains to be played in the Group, Spruitland vs. Toniss(i)a. A draw will be enough for Spruitland to finish on top, while the Tonissians will need to win, preferably with several goals difference, to advance to the next round.

“We may try to win, but we may try to arrange a draw as well,” coach Coach says. “It’s been a rough schedule so far, and we’re all getting pretty tired. Perhaps we can convince the Tonissians to do a mutual forfait, settling the score at 0-0. Of course, that’ll eliminate them, but with a little luck it’ll be too late by the time they figure that out.”

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Qualifiers - Day 5

Group A - playing in Acadia

Robotopolis 1 Krytenia 1
Squornshelous 1 Sarzonia 2

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q. Robotopolis 5 1 2 0 3:2 1
Q. Sarzonia 4 1 1 1 3:3 0
3. Krytenia 3 0 3 0 2:2 0
4. Squornshelous 2 0 2 1 2:3 -1

Group B - playing in Rosa City

Spruitland 0 Tonissa 0

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q. Spruitland 4 1 1 0 2:1 1
Q. Druida 3 1 0 1 2:2 0
3. Tonissa 1 0 1 1 0:1 -1

Group E - played in Eastentown

Starblaydia 1 Bipedal Apes 1
Formal Dances 2 Oliverry 0

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q. Formal Dances 9 3 0 0 5:1 5
Q. Starblaydia 4 1 1 1 4:4 0
3. Oliverry 3 1 0 2 4:6 -2
4. Bipedal Apes 1 0 1 2 3:6 -3

Group F - played in Star Point

Lovisa 1 The Mushroom Kingship 0
Dalistallia 2014 1 Susa 1

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q. The Mushroom Kingship 6 2 0 1 3:2 1
Q. Lovisa 5 1 2 0 1:0 1
3. Susa 2 0 2 1 2:3 -1
4. Dalistallia 2014 2 0 2 1 1:2 -1

Congrats to Robotopolis, Sarzonia, Spruitland, Druida, Formal Dances, Starblaydia, The Mushroom Kingship and Lovisa who will advances to the Group Stage (well, second group stage, anyways) of Cherry Cup XV! If ya didn't please feel free to post and comment away!

*note, the Group Draw will be posted Thursday, with Matchday 1 being on Saturday so people can make up rps or what have you!*

aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*explodes*

'Imperfect storm': Blizzards advance

Despite scoring a total of three goals in three matches, the Sarzonian national hockey team will be on its way to the second round of the 15th Cherry Cup after defeating Squornshelous 2-1 as Ben Knight recorded 22 saves and forward Dave Kowalchick scored both goals on the power play.

"We've played three solid games of hockey on defence," Coach Harold Clark said of the Blizzards, who have taken to calling themselves the "Imperfect Storm" due to their offensive futility. The team scored one goal against second ranked Robotopolis and failed to score against 10th ranked Krytenia and was stymied for much of the game against Squornshelous.

The team looked to be on the way to a 1-0 defeat with 4:32 remaining as the team fired only eight shots on goal to that point in the game, but Kowalchick drew a hooking penalty that gave the Blizzards their fourth power play chance of the game.

With time winding down in the power play, Kowalchick streaked onto the ice after a shift change and stole the puck at the centre line and streaked in, putting a wrist shot past the goalie to tie the game at 1-1.

"That was a huge break for us," Kowalchick said. "We don't score there and who knows what happens?"

With a new lease on life, the Blizzards applied more pressure in the Squornshelous end of the rink and that pressure led to a roughing penalty against the team's best defensive defenceman. With him in the penalty box, Kowalchick set up shop and poked a rebound of defenceman Noah Kinney's shot past the sprawled goalie with just 1:19 left to go in regulation time. From there, it was the Ben Knight show, as he made four saves with Squornshelous playing with an empty net.

"We've got life left in us," Clark said. "That's a testament to the guys in the [dressing] room."

aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*explodes*

"What was that noise?"

"Sounded like a whole hockey team just exploded."

"Damn it Emmer, I told you to make sure the lightboard was fixed in Acadia!"

"Um, ma'am, it was fixed. Is that flying wood debris?"

Bits of hockey sticks fell out of the air and landed around Jaquee, Emmer and Evann as they headed to the Livingston Arena for the final day of qualifiers. as they all scattered, no one knew that Squornshelous and their maginificent-if faulty-electro thingamajig hockey sticks exploded after a rather embarrasing loss sending them home without advancement and possibly without a home to call their own when they returned. Jaquee, ever the most random person, decided to call the Livingston Police to report flying debris commin from the southeast and to keep a lookout for it.

Geisenfried Fired
Harlesburg 1 Gisenfried 0

After scraping the barrel to get a draw against previous hosts Very Angry Rabbits The Harlesburg Blades next match was against Geisenfried and a win here would surely put them into the next round but with one more match and against Hockey Canada it is wide open in this pool with everyone barr Geisenfried in with a shot of moving on.

After the One all Draw against VAR where veteran #11 Rabbit Warren 32 year old scored at the end of the 2nd Period to even things up.

His goal was off a deflection of a Jurgen Gleanmier shot who had not made the line change with the rest of his line.

(OOC)
MO to come.

The Enlightener: 30th July 2005 - fab Suduko competition: page 15http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

Rock Solid Defence Rules The Day

Bettia 0
Ianisle 0

After their unbelievable opening day victory, the Icebergs got down to the normal business of failing to score against their opponents. Thankfully, Ianisle also neglected to score.

0-0 draws are dull at the best of times, but this is ice hockey so makes it twice as bad. Not much to write about really - Bettia hit the little black thing around a bit (apparently, its called a puck, with a P), Ianisle hit it around as well, and the fans muched their way through plenty of hot snacks in an efort to prevent their derrieres getting frozen to their seats.

The resident PA did his best to gee things up a bit - he did, but not inthe way he intended when he took the rather daft decision to play 'Agadoo' by Black Lace, causing a near-riot at the hands of spectators incensed at having their eardrums violated in such a disgusting manner.

The result leaves Bettia sitting on top of their group on four points, meaning they can progress to the next round even if they get thrashed by Tanah Burung, providing Ianisle lose their last game against Liverpool England.

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Qualifiers - Day 5

Group E - played in Eastentown

Starblaydia 1 Bipedal Apes 1
Formal Dances 2 Oliverry 0

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q. Formal Dances 9 3 0 0 5:1 5
Q. Starblaydia 4 1 1 1 4:4 0
3. Oliverry 3 1 0 2 4:6 -2
4. Bipedal Apes 1 0 1 2 3:6 -3

Congrats to Robotopolis, Sarzonia, Spruitland, Druida, Formal Dances, Starblaydia, The Mushroom Kingship and Lovisa who will advances to the Group Stage (well, second group stage, anyways) of Cherry Cup XV! If ya didn't please feel free to post and comment away!

*note, the Group Draw will be posted Thursday, with Matchday 1 being on Saturday so people can make up rps or what have you!*

FORMAL DANCES UNDERGROUND SPORTS WIRE
FD BEATS OLIVERRY! QUALIFIES FOR 2ND RD

It is official ladies and gentlemen. Our Dancers have danced themselves into the 2nd round of Cherry Cup XV! They accomplished this feat by defeating Oliverry 2-0. They along with Starblaydia will now have to wait for the draw of the 2nd group stage.

The game against Oliverry was a very impressive defensive game by the Dancers since they already had qualified for the 2nd round prior to the game. In the first period, Kelly Clark slapped a shot from the point that bounced off of an Oliverry defenseman's skate and it sailed right into the net. This occured halfway through the first period when it turned into a two on one break for the Dancers.

In the same period, Oliverry had their chances but were unable to get the puck past Goalie Angela Summers managed to get either her stick or glove on the puck.

In the second period, Allison Carson got the second goal of the game when she received a pass from from Tina Davidson and deeked the goalie out of his pads and went top shelf. This marks her 4th goal of the tournament and probably her best goal in her career.

In the third period, it was stiff defense that kept Oliverry off the scoreboard. Oliverry managed to get several shots on net in that third period however, there wasn't much room around the net as the team stayed back. The Dancers did make some rushes here and there in the 3rd period but they simply dumped it into the zone. When the horn blew announcing the end of the game, the team jumped over the boards and celebrated their qualification to the next round

"This was truly a great game." Ali Carson said afterwards. "This was our goal from the start of this cup and now we have achieved it. Now all we have to do is make it to the knock out phase of this tournament."

"This team is performing miracles this tournament." Patterson said. "Despite all the pressures of home, this team is performing admirably. I think we are the crowd favorite at the moment because of what is going on back in our own nation."

"I can't believe I managed two shut outs this round. The quality teams we went up against makes it even more unbelievable." Summers stated. "Hopefully, in the next round, I can perform just as well as I did during this round."

The team will now wait for the new group draw so that they can start to prepare for the 2nd phasse of this tournament.

Rachel West
Formal Dances Times
Sports Writer

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Qualifiers - Day 6

Group C - playing in Rosa City

Liverpool England 2 Iansisle 0
Tanah Burung 1 Bettia 0

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q. Tanah Burung 6 2 0 1 3:2 1
Q. Bettia 4 1 1 1 3:1 2
3. Iansisle 4 1 1 1 2:3 -1
4. Liverpool England 3 1 0 2 2:4 -2

Group D - playing in Livingston

Chicanada 1 Kericia 2
Fmjphoenix 1 Casari 2

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q. Fmjphoenix 4 1 1 1 4:3 1
Q. Chicanada 4 1 1 1 3:3 0*
3. Casari 4 1 1 1 3:3 0
4. Kericia 4 1 1 1 3:4 -1

*Chicanada advances due to better head-to-head record

Group G - played in Star Point

Hockey Canada 1 Harlesburg 1
Very Angry Rabbits 1 Geisenfried 1

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q. Harlesburg 5 1 2 0 3:2 1
Q. Very Angry Rabbits 5 1 2 0 3:2 1
3. Hockey Canada 4 1 1 1 3:2 1
4. Geisenfried 1 0 1 2 1:4 -3


Group H - played in Colombo

Kalaallit Nunaat 2 The Gulf States 1
Corneliu 3 Turori 0

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q. Kalaallit Nunaat 7 2 1 0 5:3 2
Q. Corneliu 4 1 1 1 4:2 2
3. The Gulf States 4 1 1 1 2:2 0
4. Turori 1 0 1 2 1:5 -4

Congrats to Tanah Burung, Bettia, Fmjphoenix, Harlesburg, the VAR, Kalaallit Nunaat, Corneliu and the host team from the land of Kodiaks (meaning us) for joining the first eight in the Group Finals. Tommorow the draw will be posted by the ChicanadaSun, who should have lots of things to say!

FORMAL DANCES UNDERGROUND SPORTS WIRE
FD BEATS OLIVERRY! QUALIFIES FOR 2ND RD


Nongortheb Injured By Title!
Formal Dances' Shoddy Code Blamed

Rayzors Defenceman Fingor Nongortheb was rushed to hospital for a scan on his left leg after being crushed by a giant sign erected by the staff of the Formal Dances Hockey Team.

Nongortheb, 47, had played as a replacement in the 1-1 tie with Bipedal Apes and had quickly headed over with other members of the Rayzors squad to watch the crucial game between the Dancers and Starblaydia's rivals, Oliverry. After the Dancers' victory, however, the huge sign erected by the Formal Dances Underground Sports Wire to mark the victory came loose and fell on top of the plucky dwarf, leaving only a beard visible under the fallen sign.

Coach Haztarr described the event as a "setback, t'fookin bastid Dancers, I'll give ye a setback!", though he was sure that the Rayzors can rely on their four other Defencemen: Turgrim, Fingorram, Haztarr (no relation, we're told) and Temekrahin, to see the Rayzors through to a record Third Cherry Cup title. Notably The Cherry Cup is being held in a lucky city for Starblaydi teams, as Southampton was were Starblaydia's (plus a few Vilitans and Britannicans) finest footballers won the 7th Champions' League.

After the freak explosion of the EMP's in their hockey sticks, there were only seven living members of the Squornshelan hockey team remaining. They had nothing, as all of their stuff had been caught up in the explosion, and so they wandered the streets of Chicanada wearing their uniforms, (all their other clothes had been blown up, although luckily, they had been able to scrape enough change to wash them at a laundromat). They had no money, and no possessions, so they spent their time attempting to get drunk, threatening any Sarzonians they met, and trying to figure out what might get them deported.

Its unheard of, Blades qualidy first in group

A win, a loss, a draw. That is all it took for Fmjphoenix to top Group D. A solid 2-0 win over Kericia started things off. A 1 all draw against Chicanda keep the Blades on top of the group, and even a 2-1 loss against Casari could not make Fmjphoenix relinquish the top spot, as they finished with a plus one on the difference to top their group for the first time ever.

Now, the Blades are keeping focused and waiting to see who they will be drawn with and face in the next round. With the recent improvements in the quality of play of hockey in Fmjphoenix, they might be able to get somewhere.

CORNELIU SPORTS NETWORK

Today Corneliu propelled themselves into the 2nd round of this years Cherry Cup. They did it with a 3-0 victory over Turori!

"Today was fantastic. We new we needed a win today and we got it."

That was the coach. The players have all be sequestered for now pending the next draw.

This is Travis for CSN!

ChicanadaSun
Presents:

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The Group Finals Draw
(With expert analysis by Page 4s Hkol and CHL player Gavin Rossdeau)

Group A - in Provincetown and Paradiso
Corneliu
Harlesburg
Robotopolis
Spruitland

Gavin - This group could go any way. Robotopolis did win a cup here but hasn't looked fantastic yet. Corneliu has been recovering from their recent collapse into mediocrity while Harlesburg and Spruitland have looked excellent and really are good up and commers. I'm thinking the Bunnies and the Burg will slip into the final 8.
Hkol - I love what the Robots have been doing in play, even if it's been sorta lackluster. I'll give them a final spot with the Bunnies as well - provided Jaquee doesn't try to smother them with her love or whatever.

Group B - in Provincetown and Paradiso
Fmjphoenix
Lovisa
Starblaydia
Tanah Burung

Gavin - Should we pencil in Starblaydia and Tanah yet? Because, while Fmjphoenix and Lovisa looked good in advancement, the Blaydes and Jaquee's favorite team look excellent and could be hard to stop now that the harder action begins.
Hkol - I'm going with the Blaydes and Fmjphoenix. Tanah has shown life with their odd looking team but that one carrot player is disolving really fast and it's nasty looking. Lovisa could surprise all but I'd say making it this far is a shock in and of itself!

Group C - in Cana and Atens
Druida
Formal Dances
The Mushroom Kingship
Sarzonia

Gavin - This is a hard one. The reigning champs have looked dull while Druida didn't get much time in play thanks to how Group 2 was structured. I'm thinking that Sarzonia - who came on fire during their last two games - as well as a Formal Dances squad playing for pride more than anything should make it on.
Hkol - See, I'm saying Druida and the Kingship asvance. Never count out a reigning champion and Druida has a lot of luck on their side.

Group D - in Cana and Atens
Bettia
Chicanada
Kalaallit Nunaat
Very Angry Rabbits

Gavin - Does anyone care who wins this group? The host nation is here and gets to face the object of Jaquee's desire! If the team isn't thrown out for her actions, I think they can make it to the quaters with those Icebergs.
Hkol - Oh totally. Bettia has looked great but I think might run out of steam against Nunaat and the VAR. Maybe they can slip by the Kodiaks. And 50 Chicanadan Pences on Jaquee getting ejected for humping a VARian during the match.

Alfonso Vincente, Markus Dornier, Stanislav Popovich, Arnold Friedel, Atkins Korolev, Petr Kryzldlwytzch and Nicola Pablicosta sat on a park bench completely dejected. They were penniless in a foreign country, their entire organization had been blown up, and all their attempts at lawbreaking had only gotten them thrown out of a few malls.
"What the slani hell are we going to do next?"
"Maybe we could attack some pedestrians?"
"Nah, they'll probably beat our asses."
Suddenly, Markus, who had stolen the day's paper from a bum the seven had jumped in an alleyway jumped up. "Sarzonia's playing in group C, in Cano and Atens."
"Who cares about those bastards?"
"We can get both of our goals done at once. If we can get into that game and attack the Sarzonian team, we'll get deported for sure!"
There was much excited shouting and backslapping about this. Everyone agreed that Markus had a fantastic plan. It was only Petr who realized they had one small problem.
"Where the hell are Cana and Atens, and how the hell are we going to get there?"

ChicanadaSun
Presents:

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The Group Finals Draw
(With expert analysis by Page 4s Hkol and CHL player Gavin Rossdeau)

Group C - in Cana and Atens
Druida
Formal Dances
The Mushroom Kingship
Sarzonia

Gavin - This is a hard one. The reigning champs have looked dull while Druida didn't get much time in play thanks to how Group 2 was structured. I'm thinking that Sarzonia - who came on fire during their last two games - as well as a Formal Dances squad playing for pride more than anything should make it on.
Hkol - See, I'm saying Druida and the Kingship asvance. Never count out a reigning champion and Druida has a lot of luck on their side.

FORMAL DANCES UNDERGROUND SPORTS WIRE
Group Draw Complete: Tough Games Ahead

Well this is it. The second phase of the tournament. The Group Draw was held earlier today and it looks to be an interesting set of games. The Dancers finished Round 1 on top with a perfect 3-0 Record. Now they'll face 3 new teams. These teams are Druida, Sarzonia, and The Mushroom Kingship. This is what Coach Summers said after the draw was announced.

"It'll be interesting series of games. I have to wonder though if this Mushroom Kingship is an actual monarchy or not. They better be on their toes for some hard hitting action because that is precisely what they're going to get. We don't know much about the other 2 teams but we'll be prepared for all of them when the time comes."

This is to qualify for the knock out stage of this years Cherry Cup Tournament. Sixteen teams remain and after this, we'll be down to the elite eight.

The Formal Dances team wasn't expected to do much this tournament but they proved their skeptics wrong by being here. Another great surprise team of this year's tournament is that of the Corneliu Penquins. They went from being one of the best teams in this cup to not even getting out of the first round. Now they too are in the second round of the tournament. Can we have a cinderala match up? It is possible.

Also in the tournament is 2nd place Starblaydia. They lost to Formal Dances 1-0 to open up the tournament and have since recovered from that debacle. They are expected to make it to the knockout phase of this tourny. As for the host nation of this year's tourny. They too made it to the second round of this year's cup. They are expected to face tough competition so it is unclear if they too will make it to the knock out phase.

Tomorrow we'll see just how this tournament is going to shape up as the 2nd phase of the tournament begins.

Rachel West
Formal Dances Times
Sports Writer

Fmjphoenix Blades

Goalkeepers:
#88 Breggan Voltlander - Starter
#00 Frando Kluckie - Substitute
#12 Devall Uryla - Reserve

Defenders:
#43 Howard Kaylay - 1st line
#98 Royal Denyals - 1st line
#65 Ramon Feylia - 2nd line
#11 Kell Doran - 2nd line
#49 Charels McLauren - 3rd line
#05 Jeremy Owens - 3rd line

Right Wingers:
#24 Daryl Brown - 1st line
#03 Forlien Clowlen - 2nd line
#28 Xavior Vega - 3rd line
#67 Betred Salim - 4th line

Left Wingers:
#22 Paul Farlan - 1st line
#87 Ariel Boyten - 2nd line
#42 Stephen Davis - 3rd line
#14 Bobby Kalunia - 4th line

Centers:
#30 Keith Roneck - 1st line(C)
#40 Gerald Howard - 2nd line
#95 Larry Ferando - 3rd line
#35 Branden Lowell - 4th line

Home jerseys - Green with blue trim on the sides, numbers written in white outlined blue
Away jerseys - Blue with green trim on the sides, numbers written in white outlined green

The Enlightener: 5th August 2005 - Agadoo-doo-doohttp://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

Hosts Scupper Icebergs' Chances

Bettia 0
Tanah Burung 1

Bettia narrowly lost their final group game, but a Liverpool England victory against Ianisle ensured that the Icebergs progressed past the first group of the competiton at the second attempt, a remarkable feat considering Bettia are one of the lowest ranked teams in this tournament.

However, the jubiliation turned to trepidation as two Chicanadan pundits predicted that Bettia would make it to the quarter-finals. "That's all we need, a bloody kiss of death," commented centre Ikrima Thruxton. "When the first round groups were drawn, people took one look at our ranking and thought 'Heh, Bettia - that's three points in the bag', but now... now it's all 'Hello, maybe these chaps are better than we thought... perhaps we'd better play some ice hockey against these guys instead of just sitting back and admiring their picture perfect double Lutz triple Toe Loop combo.' Perhaps they're just playing mind games because we've in the same group now."

Drawn against the Icebergs in the next round are hosts Chicanada, Kalaalit Nunaat, and the red-button-fixated Very Angry Rabbits.

After failing to get good directions from a police officer, fireman, and map salesman, and successfully getting directions from the bum they had jumped earlier, in exchange for the return of his newspaper, the seven members of the Squornshelan hockey team walked into the lobby of the Chicanadian Ice Hockey Association's (or whatever it's called) headquarters. They stood for a moment, discussing where to go, and then walked over to the front desk and adressed one of the people sitting there. Because he was the youngest remaining member of the team, and his name was sure to be impossible for anyone other than his mother to spell or pronounce, Petr Kryzldlwytzch had been elected to do all the talking.
"Excuse me, we're the Squornshelan Hockey team and we need some help."
The secretary looked at Petr skeptically and then said, "what do you want."
"You may have heard that the rest of our team was recently blown up along with all our facilities and our plane tickets back home. We need to go to the next Sarzonian game where we're supposed to meet our travel agent. We thought the Hockey Association could help us out."

'Dance' snub angers Blizzards

Following a preview of the Cherry Cup second round group stage by Rachel West, a sportswriter for the Formal Dances Times that neglected to say anything about the surprise Blizzards run to the second round following a four cup absence, Coach Harold Clark refused to address the media regarding the omission.

"We don't read their newspapers. In fact, we've never even heard of Formal Dances before now," Clark said. But a team source who agreed to speak on condition of anonymity said Clark was singing a very different tune.

"He was livid," the source said. "I haven't seen him this angry about anything that happened on the ice. That should tell you something about Harold Clark."

For the team's part, they advanced past the first round groups stage on the strength of a stingy defence and goaltender Ben Knight's stellar play. The team has a collective goals against average of 1.00 in three games. The problem for the team has been an anemic offence that has only scored one goal per game in its own right.

"If we can figure out how to put the puck in the back of the net, we should be fine," assistant coach Les Broten said. "We've been playing hard-nosed, aggressive hockey but we don't have the goals to show for it."

One player said he hoped to "teach that wicked witch of the West" a lesson. Another player said, "that's why women shouldn't be sportswriters. What do they know about the game?"

A team spokesman said the unnamed player's comments "do not reflect those of the team or the Incorporated Hockey Federation." But according to several players, they do reflect the team's anger.

CORNELIU SPORTS NETWORK

"Welcome to Corneliu Sports Network here in Chicanada and Cherry Cup XV. I am Travis Jones.

"The Penquins advanced to the 2nd round of this years Cherry Cup. This marks the first time in a few years that they managed to make it out of the qualifier round and into a semi style playoffs. As most of our viewers know, this team is made up of military officers and enlisted personel and are very well displined as they have shown throughout this entire tournament. They qualified for the 2nd round by beating Turori 3-0 bringing their record to 1-1-1.

"Now we are going to take alook at the 2nd round groups. We promise not to leave any teams out and we'll have more on that scandal in a minute. This is what Group A looks like. A group that this network will refer too as the Penquin group because that is where our Corneliu Penquins wound up in.

Group A:
Corneliu
Harlesburg
Robotopolis
Spruitland

Their games will be played in Provincetown and Paradiso. Our Penquins will have tough competition as they drew Robotopolis, a team of robots apparently. The Robots are expected to take this group but the Pens are scheduled to finish second out of this group. Not bad for a team that hasn't played a second round game in years. Harlesburg isn't slated to do well this round and neither is Spruitland but then this is hockey so anything can happen.

We'll now move on to Group B which will be designated as the Starblaydia Group. This Group includes Starblaydia who was upset by the Dancers of Formal Dances 1-0.

Other teams in the group are:
Fmjphoenix
Lovisa
Tanah Burung

"The team expected to win this group is Starblaydia, a Cherry Cup powerhouse. They are the toughest team in this group but watch out for Tanah Burung. They too can make waves in this group. As for Fmjphoenix and Lovis, we do not know much about these two teams. They play hard and they could upset the other two teams and find themselves in the knockout phase of this tournament. It'll be tough but can they do it? Playing the Game will tell.

"Group C will be known as the Dancer Group. Formal Dances, Sarzonia, Mushroom Kingship and Druida are in this group. Formal Dances Times Sports Writer, Rachel West caused some contraversy here as they left out the surprising Blizzards. I'm sure when these 2 teams meet up, its going to be a slug fest. CSN will be carrying this game live because the ratings will be off the charts. We here at CSN think that Formal Dances will win this group but don't count out Sarzonia. They maybe a surprise but they are playing hard. Look for them to make it to the knock out phase of this tournament. Mushroom Kingship and Druida will have a tough time in this group but the games they play will be interesting. If there is a suprise in this group, it'll be from Druida.

"Group D and our final group will be known as Chicanda group. Why? They are the host nation and they are in this group.Bettia, Kalaallit Nunaat, and Very Angry Rabbits are also in this group. This group is a toss up. Three of the four teams in this group are tough teams. Bettia may not have a shot at all in this group. Kalaallit and Very Angry Rabbits hate eachother and Chicanda, the host, is a sentimental favorite. My money, if I was allowed to bet, would be on VAR and Kalaallit Nunaat to move on to the 3rd round of this tournament.

"That is the break down of the 2nd round. We here at CSN hope you have a pleasant evening. I am Travis Jones broadcasting from Chicanada. Good night."

After failing to get good directions from a police officer, fireman, and map salesman, and successfully getting directions from the bum they had jumped earlier, in exchange for the return of his newspaper, the seven members of the Squornshelan hockey team walked into the lobby of the Chicanadian Ice Hockey Association's (or whatever it's called) headquarters. They stood for a moment, discussing where to go, and then walked over to the front desk and adressed one of the people sitting there. Because he was the youngest remaining member of the team, and his name was sure to be impossible for anyone other than his mother to spell or pronounce, Petr Kryzldlwytzch had been elected to do all the talking.
"Excuse me, we're the Squornshelan Hockey team and we need some help."
The secretary looked at Petr skeptically and then said, "what do you want."
"You may have heard that the rest of our team was recently blown up along with all our facilities and our plane tickets back home. We need to go to the next Sarzonian game where we're supposed to meet our travel agent. We thought the Hockey Association could help us out."

The CHL Headquaters lie due east of the Colonial Assembly in the heart of Cana. Hannah Milleas had planned on playing for Cana HC when she was little, but rather became a secretary after several ACL pulls. When a rag-tag bunch of hockey players stumble into her lobby, she tends to eye them both skeptically and with envy.

This Petr gent asked some weird questions for a group of guys in serious need of a shower. She had heard about the explosion in Acadia and the scattered remains of a bunch of clothes and hockey sticks scattering the northern territories of the nation, but figured the authorties or even Jaquee would get them a room.

"You want to know where Sarzonia is playing? Lets check..." Hannah consulted the schedule for the next day. She found it funny that Sarzonia was staying a block away but did wonder why a travel agent would be meeting them at a hockey arena rather than at, say, an agency or an apartment or anywhere else really.

"They are apparently playing in town tommorow. Over at the Cananite Pavillion actually. Should be a fun game with them and The Mushroom Kingship."

Petr, before hannah could refer them to a hostel or at least a bathroom, thanked her and the seven person posse headed out to who knows where.

"So we were in Cano all along?"
"Yes," Petr answered for the nth time, "the woman said that Sarzonia are playing The Mushroom Kingship at the Cananite Pavillion tomorrow."
"Well where the hell is that."
"How are we going to get there?"
"I have no clue, Why don't we ask some locals?"
After several hours of ineffectual questioning and begging, the seven managed to hitch a ride in the back of a pickup truck, belonging to a man who claimed he knew "a short cut." Three hours and seven vomiting episodes later, the Squornshelan players crawled, fell and rolled out of the back, attempting to avoid the hearty backslaps and cries of, "Toldja I knew the quick way," coming from their sometime chauffeur. (I have no idea if I spelled that right)

They managed to scrape together dinner from free samples at a lacal food court, stealing candy from small children and diggin in the garbage at aforementioned foodcourt for anything edible. It was seven cold, hungry, smelly, unshaven hockey players who curled up on benches, or under them, depending on who got there first, waiting for the morning to come.
"Petr?"
"What the hell do you want Markus?"
"How are we gonna get in there?"
"I have no f---ing clue, why am I suddenly in charge of everything?"
"But seriously man, how are we gonna. . . ."
"I don't care, we'll make it in, just go to sleep."

From the desk of Professor Ms. Digbotch

Memo
To: Skate-Footers hockeyball squad
From: Professor Ms. Digbotch, your coach
Re: How the time flies

Dear students,

Well, it looks as if the Don Cherry cup has been and gone so far as the Skate-Footers are concerned. While I was off having a small adventure of my own (I can’t give you any details, but it involved beer, banana peels, and some males I had flown in from, er, well, I really shouldn’t give too many details, I think I said that, tempting though it may be, but just suffice to say it was more fun than a barrel of hockeyballs), I understand that you dears played your hearts out in a futile cause, being fairly eviscerated by a group of formal-dancing humans and then scoring a draw against the Dwarfblaydians.

That is fine, just fine. You should be proud of your effort. I am especially pleased that no one had need to be hospitalized, except for Lugmux, due to some business of mistaking her hockeyball bat for an oversized banana and eating it, and Loopartle (I understand that Grokweeno forgot my instruction that the boots go on the feet and that the blades are not meant to be used as weapons).

I have decided that you should all be rewarded, and so I will give you three hours’ credit toward your degrees in Bizarre and Unusual Sports. Congratulations!

I hope you have arranged for your passage home. I’ll see you in class on Monday.

Yours,

Professor Ms. Digbotch

We lost tuh WHO???

Yeah, ya saw it... Hockey Canada (3rd ranked in the world for Hockey) lost to 23rd ranked Very Angry Rabbits earlier today in Cherry Cup Action. This broadcast has been taken over by Hockey Canuck Rebels ta talk in traditional ways. We use "low-brow" words like "Oh yeah?" and "commere a minute." Which is probably why we neded to lynch some of the broadcasters in 'ere.

Hey! who bumped me?

Me!

Then commere a minute.

You commere a minute

Oh Yeah?

*silenced for content*Several newspapers in Edgeburrow ran this article at the end of their sports pages, in order to point out that The Artic Hares are, by at least one rating scheme, 38th. ;)

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Group Play - Day 7

Group A

@ Provincetown
Robotopolis 1 Corneliu 2

@ Paradiso
Spruitland 3 Harlesburg 0

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Spruitland 3 1 0 0 3:0 3
2. Corneliu 3 1 0 0 2:1 1
3. Robotopolis 0 0 0 1 1:2 -1
4. Harlesburg 0 0 0 1 0:3 -3

Group B

@ Paradiso
Tanah Burung 1 Lovisa 1

@ Provincetown
Fmjphoenix 2 Starblaydia 1

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Fmjphoenix 3 1 0 0 2:1 1
2. Lovisa 1 0 1 0 1:1 0
2. Tanah Burung 1 0 1 0 1:1 0
4. Starblaydia 0 0 0 1 1:2 -1

Group C

@ Atens
Formal Dances 2 Druida 2

@ Cana
The Mushroom Kingship 0 Sarzonia 1

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Sarzonia 3 1 0 0 1:0 1
2. Formal Dances 1 0 1 0 2:2 0
2. Druida 1 0 1 0 2:2 0
4. The Mushroom Kingship 0 0 0 1 0:1 -1

Group D

@ Atens
Kalaallit Nunaat 1 Bettia 1

@ Cana
Chicanada 2 Very Angry Rabbits 0

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Chicanada 3 1 0 0 2:0 2
2. Kalaallit Nunaat 1 0 1 0 1:1 0
2. Bettia 1 0 1 0 1:1 0
4. Very Angry Rabbits 0 0 0 1 0:2 -2

And note: Jaquee was well-restrained during the Chicanada/VAR match to prevent her from kidnapping a rarara of her own. No word on how well restrained she was after the match, though.

Matchday 2 is on Monday.

CORNELIU SPORTS NETWORK

"Good Afternoon from Chicanda. I am Travis Jones with your Cherry Cup XV update. Round 2 of this Cherry Cup started off with a tremendous boost to our team's moral. Today they played the robot team from Robotopolis.

"This game was a great one from the moment the puck was dropped. Corneliu started off slowly and Robotopolis took advantage of it. At the 5:45 mark, Robotopolis fired a shot from the point that defeated SSGT Michael Lawrence. This brought on a quick change of strategy on the part of our Penquins. Later that period, the Pens got going with tremendous shots from Sheridan, Tribet, Sheridan, and Wilson. Though none of these shots went in, it kept the Robotopolis goalie on his perverbial toes.

"The second period was vastly different than the first. From the moment the puck was dropped, Corneliu dominated. Spc. Jack Wilson fired a shot from the blue line that deflected off of a robo defensiveman to 1st Jason Kendell who fired it into the back of the net tying up the score at one apiece. Since then, Robotopolis couldn't quite be as aggressive because of the style of play that Corneliu has.

"The third period was pretty much the same as the 2nd period. Michael Lawrence kept the puck out of his net and got one of two assists as Capt Thomas Tribet blasted a shot from the left face off circle giving them a 2-1 advantage. That is how it stayed as the horn sounded ending game one of the 2nd round of this year's Cherry Cup.

"General Robert Jones was pleased on how his team performed against this tough Robotopolis team. This is what he said after the game."

"Our team performed admirably. I would've prefered to win by more than one goal but in a game of this magnitude, a win is a win. Now that we have this game out of the way, we will begin to prepare for our next opponet which is also going to be a difficult game for us."

"That was Coach General Jones. In the other Group A action Spruitland defeated Harlesburg 3-0. In the Starblaydia group, Tanah Burung and Lovisa tied 1 apiece and Starblaydia was defeated by a 2 to 1 score to Fmjphoenix! In the Dancer Group, Formal Dances and Druida tied 2 all and Sarzonia defeated Mushroom Kingship 1-0. In the Chicanada group, Kalaallit Nunaat and Bettia tied 1 apiece and Chicanada defeated Very Angry Rabbits 2-0.

"That concludes the first day of the 2nd round of Cherry Cup XV. Thank you for joining us this evening. I am Travis Jones, have a good afternoon."

Knight shines for Blizzards, 1-0

Despite an anemic offence that has averaged one goal per game in four games, the Sarzonian national hockey team was the only team from Group C to taste victory, getting 27 saves from goaltender Ben Knight and making right wing Tom Jonsson's goal at 18:31 of the second period hold up to give the Blizzards the 1-0 win over The Mushroom Kingship.

"I think we've pretty much shown everybody what we're going to be as a hockey club," Coach Harold Clark said. "We're going to get in there and muck around and do the little things well. We're not going to be a great offensive club but as long as we score more than the guys we're playing against, we'll be fine."

The biggest concern for Clark was the team's inability to generate scoring chances, and the team was outshot 27-18. But with Ben Knight playing to a 0.75 goals against average, Jonsson said the team was trying to focus on "quality chances" and taking advantage of the few chances the team has been able to create.

Sarzonia got the only goal after right wing Cory Baker was pulled down as he tried to set up a slapshot outside the blue line. The resulting power play received a boost just 25 seconds later when a Mushroom Kingship defenceman got called for an obstruction penalty. Centre Dave King set up a screen and Jonsson fired a lefthanded shot that trickled in past the goalkeeper.

"That was big," King said. "If we don't score there, it's a lot harder for us."

In the other Group C game, Druida and Formal Dances skated to a 2-2 tie. The other score of interest to Blizzards fans saw Fmjphoenix upset the Rayzors of Starblaydia 2-1.

"We were hoping to face the Rayzors," Knight said. "Who knows, maybe we will. But we've got to focus on playing our game." No matter how ugly it may be to outside observers.

"That sucked totally and completely."
"We didn't get in, and on top of it, Sarzonia won!"

The seven increasingly miserable Squornshelans' efforts to enter the hockey game last night had not proved very fruitful. They had a few nasty bruises where crazed fans and overzealous security guards had seen fit to put their fists, elbows or in extreme cases, billy clubs and trashcans. The group was sitting in an alley a few blocks away from the Cananite Pavillion feeling very dejected. With every passing day, their hopes of disrupting a hockey game and even their hopes of getting home, be it in an airconditioned airplane cabin or whatever the local police used to transport hooligans out of the country, grew dimmer and dimmer.
"That's it man," Petr stood up, "we're not gonna let anyone push us around anymore. We're going to get into that hockey game tomorrow night, I don't care who's playing."
"And then what, what if it's not Sarzonia?"
"That doesn't matter anymore, we just need to get in and punch out some rent-a-cops, then we jump the glass and tackle the players, make sure one of us punches the referee. A few days of court appearances and judgements and then poof! We're going home to a nice, Squornshelan prison!"
"But I don't want to go to prison."
"Well then you can stay here, have fun."

Ice Bunnies off to a good start

Spruitland – Harlesburg: 3 – 0

The Spruitland Ice Bunnies did not miss their start in Group A of the Second Round of Cherry Cup XV. In only their third match of the tournament, Harlesburg (still with a u) was routinely disposed off with a clean 3-0, without breaking a sweat.

This puts Spruitland in the lead in their group, ahead of Corneliu, who pulled off a surprise win over Robotopolis. Whether this is good or bad news for the Ice Bunnies remains to be seen, but it likely won’t matter since a win against either team will be enough to advance.

“Corneliu’s still our best bet,” coach Coach says. “Robotolis looks a bit rusty and squeaky this year, but you can never underestimate them, and our boys aren’t used to playing against over-sized toaster ovens. But the Cornelians shouldn’t be too much of a problem.”

Words of confidence, that seem to coincide with the general feeling among Spruitland sports fans, who expect the team to easily qualify for the semi finals.

http://img109.imageshack.us/img109/1461/ccxvbidlogo4ri.gif

Group Play - Day 7

Group C

@ Atens
Formal Dances 2 Druida 2

@ Cana
The Mushroom Kingship 0 Sarzonia 1

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Sarzonia 3 1 0 0 1:0 1
2. Formal Dances 1 0 1 0 2:2 0
2. Druida 1 0 1 0 2:2 0
4. The Mushroom Kingship 0 0 0 1 0:1 -1

FORMAL DANCES UNDERGROUND SPORTS WIRE

Well this was as good as it could get. Formal Dances and Druida hammered away at eachother. Both sides wanted to get the victory today but neither side achieved it. This game ended in a 2-2 tie.

For Formal Dances, this is just as good as a win because it still puts them into contention for a 3rd round spot. That is what this team is now focused on. The team, though, is disappointed that they didn't get the win.

Late in the 3rd period and up 2-1, A Druidian forward managed to go top shelf on Ms. Summers tying the game at 2 apiece.

"Though this was disappointing to us, we are not going to lose hope. I am surprised though that there are still ties considering the importance of this round. THough having ties will make this round that much more interesting. All we have to do now is beat Mushroom Kingship and Sarzonia and that should propel us into the third round."

Speaking of Sarzonia and Mushroom Kingship, those two teams played in the second matchup. Sarzonia defeated Mushroom Kingship 1-0. This puts Sarzonia at the top of the group stage.

And to any Sarzonian fan reading this column, I would like to apologize for leaving you out. No hard feelings and it won't happen again.

Rachel West
Formal Dances Times
Sports Writer.

"... a final score of Very Angry Rabbits 0 and Chicanada 2! Please don't forget to take all your belongings with you as you leave the arena, and remember that includes trash - refuse bins are located just inside, and just outside, each exit. Souvenir stalls and the Snack Shop will remain opened for 20 minutes. Drive carefully - the life you save may be mine."

"Not our best showing, Otto."

"Can't argue the point, Harv. C'mon - we've gotta go."

"What's the hurry? Why is the team running? Why are we running?"

"They're releasing Jaquee."

"...They're releasing...well, don't just stand there, man! Run for it!"

*unfortunately neither our camera man nor our intrepid reporter could keep up with the Artic Hares, Otto, or Harvey. Especially Harvey. Never saw a rabbit run that fast before.*

ooc: I think that there are enough political threads in NS to avoid dragging politics into the sports threads. I'm also aware that, when you have a "signature", it just goes along where ever you go, and attaches itself to ALL your posts.

So, I don't mean this to be mean, or demeaning, or any of those other negative adjectives.

Formal Dances signature contains this:

"God Bless America and Our Forces overseas and God Bless the President of the United States!"

I personally have nothing against the first two parts. There are those in NS who would have something against them. But I don't find them political. Of course, I'm a US citizen and a US (soon to be retired) soldier - so I may be just a little biased there. I strongly disagree with our forces being where they are, but I support them. I know some of them personally. I also know that FDs Dad is over there (Corneliu is her brother, and he's stated in a number of threads that his Dad is over there).

The third part - well, first of all it singles out one person - and that makes it a political statement. Given who that one person is --- well, just look around in the political threads and you will find why I don't especially want to call on God to bless that particular person. And finally, to me it smacks of monarchy.

So...I would prefer to continue to keep politics (other than the politics of our individual make believe nations) out of the sports threads.

I am asking Formal Dances to take the politics out of her signature.

I won't mention it again - whether she does or not.

Thanks for "listening".

The third part - well, first of all it singles out one person - and that makes it a political statement. Given who that one person is --- well, just look around in the political threads and you will find why I don't especially want to call on God to bless that particular person. And finally, to me it smacks of monarchy.

Care to tell me what person I singled out? I didn't single out any person. Not a one. The OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT stays the same whereas the person occupying that office changes. God Bless The PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES is more than one person. It is the office of the land I live in.

I am asking Formal Dances to take the politics out of her signature.

I won't mention it again - whether she does or not.

Thanks for "listening".

My answer is no! I won't change it.

ooc:
*snip*

I am asking Formal Dances to take the politics out of her signature.

I won't mention it again - whether she does or not.

Thanks for "listening".

Does it really offend you that much? I'm no fan of Bush either but you don't see me bitching someone out over their signature. As long as it isn't explicit, you can put whatever you want in your sig. If you were in FD's position, you wouldn't want someone telling you what to do with your sig. Just relax and ignore it. It's really not a big deal.

God bless 'im, because no other bugger is dumb enough to :) Seriously though, in a country where any normal son of a billionaire can live out the simple dream of doing what his daddy did, do they really need the blessing of the deity of their choice?

a) the statement doesnt bother me

b) i have sigs switched off anyway

c) let's play some virtual hockey and give the Rayzors a record-breaking third title, eh?

Does it really offend you that much? I'm no fan of Bush either but you don't see me bitching someone out over their signature. As long as it isn't explicit, you can put whatever you want in your sig. If you were in FD's position, you wouldn't want someone telling you what to do with your sig. Just relax and ignore it. It's really not a big deal.
1. Yes, it does bother me that much, or I wouldn't have mentioned it. I also said whatever FD decided, I wouldn't bring it up again.
2. I was not, am not, will not, tell FD what to put in her signature. I asked her to change it, she said no, that's that.

1. Yes, it does bother me that much, or I wouldn't have mentioned it. I also said whatever FD decided, I wouldn't bring it up again.
2. I was not, am not, will not, tell FD what to put in her signature. I asked her to change it, she said no, that's that.

It better be all. :mad:

It better be all. :mad:...or what?

...or what?

I have to ask, what about her signator that distressed you so much that you had to ask her to change it?

Forget it, Corn. I asked her to change it, she said no, let it go.

Forget it, Corn. I asked her to change it, she said no, let it go.

Fine. I was curious. Don't answer. Just tells me you don't have answer.

Might I remind everyone that this is a sports RP thread. Let's get back on topic and DROP this whole political debate now.

Very Angry Rabbits, you have the ability to turn off sigs. Try it. Even I don't keep sigs turned on.
It better be all. :mad:
Corneliu, 10,000+ posts does not give you the right to threaten over disagreements about politics. Knock it off.

If you have any further problems or questions with signatures, take it to the Moderation forum. Can we get back to the sports now?

~ Frisbeeteria ~
NationStates Game Moderator
The One-Stop Rules Shop

Very Angry Rabbits, you have the ability to turn off sigs. Try it. Even I don't keep sigs turned on.

Corneliu, 10,000+ posts does not give you the right to threaten over disagreements about politics. Knock it off.

If you have any further problems or questions with signatures, take it to the Moderation forum. Can we get back to the sports now?

~ Frisbeeteria ~
NationStates Game Moderator
The One-Stop Rules Shop

My apologies. Just that I get overly protective of my sister. I'm sorry I overracted. It won't happen again.

Blades beat Blaydes. Thats Fmjphoenix Blades, we mean

In an unbelievably unconceviable thought, the Fmjphoenix Blades defeated the Starblaydia Blaydes 2-1 in front of a large crowd in Provincetown, most of which were rooting for the Starblaydia Blaydes. Keith Roneck and Dary Brown scored, with the former scoring the go ahead goal in the last minute of the third period. Starblaydia opened up early with the lead, with Thror Honnhirrim scorring with 15 minutes left in the first period. It appeared that goalie Dagnir Tumunzahar was not going to allow a single thing to happen, as Fmjphoenix could not get anything past him in the first two periods. It ended up being a solid performence by Fmjphoenix against a much superior team. This is going to be just another blip in the long line of fierce rivalry between Fmjphoenix and Starblaydia.

The Enlightener: 8th August 2005 - 2 runs... just 2 runs...
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

Icebergs vs Icebergs - Bettia Didn't See That One Coming!

Bettia 1 (Knockhill 41)
Kalaalit Nunaat 1

Bettia continued to dumbfound the critics, their fans and themselves by coming away with a very creditable 1-1 draw with no.1 ranked Kalaalit Nunaat.

As expected, Kalaalit Nunaat started as favourites and threated to overwealm the Bettian Icebergs in the opening stages so it came as no suprise when they went ahead on nine minutes after some strong play down the left wing.

This dominance continued throughout most of the game, but the Icebergs (of the Bettian variety) stuck gamely to their task with some stout defending and delicate spins that left the Icebergs (of the non-Bettian variety) bedazzled by their skill of execution.

Bettia equalised shortly after the third period started, after wingman Iestyn Knockhill fired in from the right flank, the puck spilling through the netminders legs and trickling over the line.

Despite some conerted pressure in the closing stages, Bettia clung on to record a confidence boosting draw. Can they build on this fabulous result?

CORNELIU SPORTS NETWORK

"Welcome to day 2 of Cherry Cup XV, I am Travis Jones. Today Corneliu will be back in action after their upset defeat of Robotopolis. The Pens are set for today's game and they know that if they win today, they could qualify for the 3rd round of this tournament.

"You'll be able to see the game live here on CSN. After the game, we'll have full post-game coverage with interviews from the coach and players.

"This has been your CSN Cherry Cup Update from Chicanada. I am Travis Jones."

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Group Play - Day 7

Group A

@ Provincetown
Spruitland 1 Corneliu 1

@ Paradiso
Robotopolis 1 Harlesburg 1

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Spuritland 4 1 1 0 4:1 3
2. Corneliu 4 1 1 0 3:2 1
3. Robotopolis 1 0 1 1 2:3 -1
4. Harlesburg 1 0 1 1 1:4 -3

Group B

@ Paradiso
Tanah Burung 0 Starblaydia 0

@ Provincetown
Fmjphoenix 1 Lovisa 1

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Fmjphoenix 4 1 1 0 3:2 1
2. Lovisa 2 0 2 0 2:2 0
2. Tanah Burung 2 0 2 0 1:1 0
4. Starblaydia 1 0 1 1 1:2 -1

Group C

@ Atens
Formal Dances 1 Sarzonia 2

@ Cana
The Mushroom Kingship 3 Druida 0

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Sarzonia 6 2 0 0 3:1 2
2. The Mushroom Kingship 3 1 0 1 3:1 2
3. Formal Dances 1 0 1 1 3:4 -1
4. Druida 1 0 1 1 2:5 -3

Group D

@ Atens
Chicanada 1 Bettia 2

@ Cana
Kalaallit Nunaat 1 Very Angry Rabbits 0

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
1. Bettia 4 1 1 0 3:2 1
2. Kalaallit Nunaat 4 1 1 0 2:1 1
3. Chicanada 3 1 0 1 3:2 1
4. Very Angry Rabbits 0 0 0 2 0:3 -3

Matdya 3 is on Thursday!

Can We Beat This Dance?

Brianne Harley and Dave Kowalchick scored first period goals for the Sarzonian national hockey club, staking the team to its first 2-0 lead of the tournament, but goaltender Ben Knight barely held on, recording a career high 58 saves to lead the way for the Blizzards past Formal Dances, 2-1 in what Coach Harold Clark described as a "revenge game.

"Our guys were still angry about the snub by that girl reporter," Clark said after the game. "We wanted to show Formal Dances that we were a team to be reckoned with."

If the media may not have caught on, their players certainly did. The team burned its timeout early in the second period after two point blank bids by Kowalchick seemed to send Formal Dances on its heels. The move seemed to focus the team and they fired 46 of their 59 shots in the last 35 minutes of the game.

Formal Dances didn't break through on the scoreboard until the 56th minute, as Knight finally gave up a goal following a six shot flurry during a five-on-three power play opportunity. Clark said Knight "saved our bacon once again."

"If we actually win the Cherry Cup this time out, he's got to be the Most Valuable Player on this team. Bar none."

The Blizzards (2-0 in second round group play and 3-1-1 overall) prepare to face regional mates Druida in their next game as the only team with an unblemished record in the second round. Clark said the team "isn't thinking about records at this stage.

"We're thinking about one thing right now. Beating Druida," he said. "Well, two things, he added, smirking. "Getting Ben Knight some rest."

The seven Squornshelan players were thrilled. Something had finally gone right in their quest to return home. They had successfully snuck into the Kalaallit Nunaat vs. Very Angry Rabbits game and gotten arrested as a result of it. They had quickly jumped over a low gate while no one was looking, and made their way inside. Once there, they blended in perfectly with the crowds of jersey wearing fans, well not perfectly, since their black and red Squornshelan kits were a little out of place. They ran into trouble when trying to enter the seating area. A worker asked to see their tickets, and after a dramatized show of fumbling around in their pockets, they made a run for it, sprinting down the steps and attempting to climb over the glass onto the ice. Stadium security was quick to react, and most of them were apprehended halfway up, but Markus Dornier and Petr Kryzldlwytzch made it over and tackled two players who were batling for the puck against the boards. They sustained a couple of nasty looking cuts from skate and stick blades for this effort, and were hauled unceremoniously out through the zamboni driveway.
The morning after, the seven of them sat, battered but grinning in a Chicanadian police department's interrogation room.

Blades draw Louvisa, keep lead in Group B

One more game to go and Fmjphoenix may be on their ways into knockouts in the Cherry Cup. A 1-1 draw against Louvisa keeps the Blades on top of the group with only Tanah Burung left to play. If they can keep it up, they may be able to work towards the ultimite goal, hoisting the Cherry Cup high. Keith Roneck scored the goal again for the Blades, in the second quarter during a 5-3 power play.

The Enlightener: 10th August 2005 - the boiler was manufactured by...
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

Crazy Chics Put On Ice

Bettia 2 (Thruxton 12 59)
Chicanada 1

Bettian hospitals reported a 500% increase in mandible bruising last night as Bettia came away with a thrilling win against Cherry Cup hosts Chicanada, resulting in a collective dropping of jaws throughout the country. Dr Foster of the Gabalfa Royal Infirmary (odd name for a hospital in a country with no monarchy, but hey, welcome to Bettia) told The Enlightener "I haven't seen anything like it. I mean, there some raucous celebrations when our football team suprisingly won the Baptism of Fire but no-one expected the Icebergs to come so far, hence people's jaws dropping all over the place. Even mine went, but I managed to catch it in time".

In another shock move, the Bettian League of Ice-Hockey Professionals (BLIP) finally got off their arses and announced the formation of a domestic hockey league. "Details are sketchy at the moment," BLIP president Ramadan Rogers told reporters, "We're hoping to have ten teams competing initially, but only if they think of good enough nicknames. The Ceffinton Sheep have already been told to, ahem, go away until they come up with something better."

Back to action on the ice, and Bettia came into this game knowing they had to improve on their performance against Kalaalit Nunaat who had dominated large portions of that match. They started positively enough, and took the lead on twelve minutes thanks to star centre Ikrima Thruxton.

Roared on by the home fans, Chicanada swarmed forward shooting at every opportunity only to be repeatedly denied by Clayton in the Bettia goal. However, time and pressure told and the hosts equalised just two seconds before the end of the first period.

The second and third periods were exciting affairs with both teams having plenty of shooting chances, and both netminders on top form. It was the Icebergs who stole the show two minutes from time when Thruxton broke clear of the defence after soem neat play off the boards by Knockhill. Thruxton made no mistake going one-on-one with the Chicanadan netminder, sending him one way then another before calmly slotting the puck underneath his diving body.

This win leaves Bettia on top of their group on goals scored, with the possibility of advancing to the quarter-finals even if they lose against the Very Angry Rabbits. A draw for Bettia or a win for Kalaalit Nunaat will see Bettia through. A win for Chicananda will see the hosts through, and if Bettia lose as well it will all go down to goal difference or even goals scored to see who finishes in second place. If Bettia lose and the other game ends in a draw, Kalaalit Nunaat advance, and Bettia will be eliminated on goal difference.

Iceberg fans throughout the nation are keeping their fingers crossed...

2 draw and still chance to advance. excellent. We hope in the last match we win with Starlybadia.

http://img109.imageshack.us/img109/1461/ccxvbidlogo4ri.gif

Group Play - Day 8

Group A

@ Provincetown
Harlesburg 4 Corneliu 0

@ Paradiso
Robotopolis 1 Spruitland 0

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q. Spruitland 4 1 1 1 4:2 2
Q. Harlesburg 4 1 1 1 5:4 1
3. Robotopolis 4 1 1 1 3:3 0
4. Corneliu 4 1 1 1 3:6 -3

Group B

@ Paradiso
Starblaydia 1 Lovisa 0

@ Provincetown
Tanah Burung 2 Fmjphoenix 0

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q. Tanah Burung 5 1 2 0 3:1 2
Q. Starblaydia 4 1 1 1 2:2 0
3. Fmjphoenix 4 1 1 1 3:4 -1
4. Lovisa 2 0 2 1 2:3 -1

Group C

@ Atens
Formal Dances 2 The Mushroom Kingship 2

@ Cana
Sarzonia 1 Druida 1

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q. Sarzonia 7 2 1 0 4:2 2
Q. The Mushroom Kingship 4 1 1 1 5:3 2
3. Formal Dances 2 0 2 1 5:6 -1
4. Druida 2 0 2 1 3:6 -3

Group D

@ Atens
Very Angry Rabbits 1 Bettia 0

@ Cana
Kalaallit Nunaat 1 Chicanada 2

Pts W D L GF:GA GD
Q. Chicanada 6 2 0 1 5:3 2
Q. Kalaallit Nunaat 4 1 1 1 3:3 0
3. Bettia 4 1 1 1 3:3 0
4. Very Angry Rabbits 3 1 0 2 1:3 -2
*KN advances based on head-to-head record against last place team*

The quaterfinals are set up like so:

Spruitland v Starblaydia
Tanah Burung v Harlesburg
Sarzonia v Kalaallit Nunaat
Chicanada v The Mushroom Kingship

And the games will be held on Saturday at the Southampton National Plaza

F*** we lost in last nmatch and out in tournament. Demnt.

In next edition we will be better then now.

I hope Kalaallit Nunaat win.

Blizzards draw Druids but move on

For once, the Sarzonian national hockey team's defence caught up to the sterling play of their goalkeeper. The Blizzards limited Druida to just 15 shots on goal, but Ben Knight whiffed on an easy shot by a Druidish defenceman and the Blizzards settled for a 1-1 tie in the third and final game of the second round group stage.

Despite earning just one point for the tie, the Blizzards advance to the quarterfinals for the first time thanks to a record of two wins and one draw in the three game stage. The team's seven standings points were the most among the 16 teams in the stage.

"We still haven't figured out how to put more than two pucks in the net," Coach Harold Clark said. "But we'll take the berth in the quarterfinals. We've still got work left to accomplish before we can say we're where we want to be." The Blizzards will face Kalaallit Nunaat, a team they consider one of the "royal family" of hockey clubs in the Don Cherry Cup.

"They're usually one of the clubs you associate with the sport," Knight said. "If we're able to win the game against those guys, it's a major feather in our caps."

Knight fumed after the game about the "soft goal" he gave up that dampened the enthusiasm of the 2,000 Blizzards fans who made the trip to Chicanada. But the mood in the dressing room after the game was one of steely determination, especially when reports came in that Lovisa were supporting Kalaallit Nunaat for the Cherry Cup.

"Did they really say that," Clark said. "That's reason number 18,450 not to like Lovisa."

"We don't give a [expletive] what they say. They're not playing. We are," Knight added.

Sports anthropologists from throughout Tanah Burung were so engrossed in Professor Ms Digbotch's ground-breaking work on the history of the Cherry Cup, that they neglected to notice that Tanah Burung's gaggle of monstrosities had advanced to the quarter-finals of the Fifteenth (known, oddly enough, as the XVth to some) installment of that Cup.

"Goodness me," said Professor Singalong of Lovesfest University during a brief coffee break from the Full-Contact Debate on the Interpretation of Digbotch's Theorem on the Size of the Gretzysaurus. "Well, that's simply splendid, isn't it?"

The academic battles have begun to crystallize over such issues as the bulk of the players in the fifth century AD, the relative importance of Human, Non-Human and Marginalized Diasporas in hockey, and Professor Zing's theorem of the Missing B. This posit, derivative from Chaos Theory, holds that hockey's history has always been dedevilled by a random element, represented by the letter "B," which travels through the sport's historical narrative. The ripples in the atmosphere created by the B's travels lead to random improbabilities, such as the occasional disappearance of rankbing, the surprising success of newcomers during Cups divisible by either 4 or 5, the fall of the Roman Empire, and the rare failure of Squornshelous to achieve eliminatiobn in the first round.

So most of Tanah Burung's sports commentators are currently mud-wrestling to settle the question of whether Cherry Cup 5 existed or not, and if so how many angels can dance on the rim of the Cup, taking into account the possible non-existence of Cups as posited by Professors Foolcold and Leotard (please see footnote 174). That leaves only the youngest son of a random graduate student in the department of Human and Non-Human Kinetics (vulgarly known as phys-ed) to provide the following account of Tanah Burung's progress to date at Cherry Cup XV.

Viz.

Iansisle 1 Cassowaries 0

Wow that wasn't fair the Iansislers didn't drink the kool-aid that Sister Hale Maria sent them. So they didn't see the Hallucinations. That was too bad cuz the Halucinations scored six goals. Yeah, six. Anyway, aren't we supposed to own Iansisle now? I heard Uncle Mau won it in a bet. Twice.
looks like the Cassowaries are off to a pretty rotten start. Again.

Cassowaries 1 Liverpool England 0

Ha ha the Ice Terminators drank the gins and tonics that we sent them. The Carrot thingys seem to be melting and getting orange gloop all over the Ice Monsters. It's getting stuck in their skates and slowing them down. Yeti! Oh, anyway one of the Hallucinations scored a goal. Hurrah! I saw it with my own eyes. The Hallucination made a quick run down the moderate left wing, but the Ice Termiantors had all moved over to the extreme left so he deked them out. Suckers!

Cassowaries 1 Bettia 0

When i heard we were playing the Icebergs i was so exicted, maybe the Ice Queen of the Greenlandic Hordes would be there. That's what my daddy said anyway. But she wasn't, and there was some team that was all about gambling or something. i bettia we can beat them. Ha ha i'm so punny. Hey, is that a big pile of orange goo on the ice or one of our players? Go Cassowaries!

Hey, we made the second round. Hurrah!

Lovisa 1 Cassowaries 1

My daddy told me that Lovisa is named after our own Lovefest University. You see, in the old days the people of Lovefest wanted to spread love all around the world. But no one in the civilized world had heard of hockey yet, it was only played by people in countries that can't support intelligent life cuz it's too cold, like Hockey Canada. So anyway, when they got to Lovisa they discovered that it was cold enough to make ice, but not so cold that people couldn't live there, and they started playing hockey, which they had learned from the Purse Carrying Empire. And they really loved the ice. So they called the country Lovisa. The end.

A draw? Hey, isn't this game supposed to have overtiomes and shoot-outs and then high-card wins to decide the winner? Is that zamboni driver moving the goal posts? Who's that nice lady with the gigantic Easter Bunny ear rings drooling all over the rabbit players? I'm getting cranky, i think maybe it's time for bed.

((Star, this presumes more than i normally would on your players, but i couldn't resist. If you want to deny the whole thing and say my coach made it up, feel free.))

Sister Hale Maria was fairly pleased. True, a number of genetically engineeered carrots were dissolving into what she assumed was a better life up in the Heaven, the poor innocents, but the Cassowaries had recovered from the shame of the Fixed Cup in the Godforsaken Warren of Very Angry Rabbbits and advanced to the second round, where there was every chance of advancing to the quarter-finals. A draw against Lovisa, coupled with the win she confidently expected over Fmjbphoenix, should put the Cassowaries in good shape.

As long, that is, as they did not lose to Starblaydia.

To say there was no love lost between the Cassowaries and the Rayzors would be like saying the Emperor Caligula had been Quite Keen on Parties. It was true, but it hardly did justice to the intensity of the emotions involved.

The diminutive but determined dwarves had put an endb to Tanah Burung's first run at a Cherry Cup final back in CC5. They'd done the same thing in CC8. And they had nearly been rude enough to win CC10, when the Cassowaries had been polite enough hosts to lose almost all their matches thoroughly.

If Sister Hale Maria didn't know better, she'd swear that someone from Starblaydia had been behind the Very Bureaucratic Decision to keep her out of VAR during the embarassment of CC14 for the alleged crime of wearing plaid. Damn those bunnies. Anyway, suffice to say that Starblaydia had been voted Most Likely to Become the Cassowaries' archbnemesis for the past 17 years running by the readers of the Sporting and Smoking Digest.

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"This is where you should be hitting them," Sister Hale Maria told her team in the locker room before the big clash with the Rayzors, as she pointed to various points on the diagram pinned to the wall. "Remember they're tiny buggers, so hit them low and hit them with force."

Shgijj, one of the Ice Monsters in Tanah Burung's line-up, glared across the ice at Thrain Naugrim as the anthems played. First the soaring tunes of whatever random piece of classical music Coach had told the Chicanadians was the Burungi anthem, then the discordant clanging noises of the Starblaydi national hymn.

Hit them low. Shgijj chewed what Coach had told him was gumb, but he thought might be something a little stronger. He glared at Thrain some more. bUgly little midget. What lab had they concocted that in?

The whistle blew. The puck dropped. Shgijj ignored it, dropped to his knees, and bodychecked the dwarf with his full weight. "Free East Undergrboundistan!" he shouted, if the noise of wind scraping through a narrow ice tunnel can be described as shouting.

Caught by surprise, as much by the shout as the bodycheck, Thrain went down.

"Oi, that's me mate!" Dimrill Barazinbar rushed in, stick at the ready. Maybe he wasn't a brawler, but he knew how to handle a mining implement. A hockey stick against an ice surface wasn't all that different. Ice Monsters rushed to defend their team mate.

The Cherry Cup has seen very few bench-clearing brawls before either team has touched the puck. First time for everythingb.

To end the fight, it took seven officials, two coaches and a detachment from the mobile police rapid response force armed with water cannons. And even then they had to replace the water with Stout Lout Lager, the official lager of drunken fans everywhere (offer not valid in Puerto Rico). The two sides didn't so much stop fighting, as collapse into intoxicated groups.

"I didn't mean it man," sobbed Uysoiu, another of the Ice Monsters. "Hey. c'mere man, i luv ya." There were sixty more minutes of skating, punctured by the odd shot on goal, but very little that could be described as hockey.

At least, that's how Sister Hale Maria remembered it. But it's just possible that her carrot bjuice had fermented.

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Quaterfinals - Day 9

@ the Southampton National Plaza

Spruitland 0 Starblaydia 1 Overtime

Tanah Burung 1 Harlesburg 2

Sarzonia 1 Kalaallit Nunaat 0 Overtime

Chicanada 0 The Mushroom Kingship 1
*this makes the Kodiaks 0-for-2 in Quaterfinals*

Semifinal matches, to be played at the Southampton Western Ice Hall

Starblaydia v Harlesburg
Sarzonia v The Mushroom Kingship

Blizzards slay hockey giants in overtime, 1-0

Despite a misfiring offence that generated only 22 shots on goal over the course of 78 minutes, the Sarzonian national hockey team managed to get over their offensive doldrums just in the nick of time, getting a goal from defenceman Darren Harvey with time winding down in sudden death overtime and the Blizzards defeated Kalaallit Nunaat 1-0.

The Blizzards will advance to face The Mushroom Kingship, a team they defeated in the second round groups stage 1-0. Coach Harold Clark immediately warned the media to dismiss the previous game, saying that would "only motivate them.

"The last thing you guys need to do is remind them of the groups stage," Clark said. "We have enough trouble against teams when we sneak up on them."

The Blizzards have managed their winning ways in the 15th Cherry Cup in spite of an anemic offence that has not scored more than two goals in a game in this Cherry Cup. Fortunately for the Bliz, the team has not conceded more than two goals in the entire Cherry Cup, thanks in no small part to goaltender Ben Knight, who made 24 saves against Kalaallit Nunaat.

The Blizzards (4-1-2 in the Cherry Cup thus far) have taken on the nickname the Imperfect Storm due to their offensive failings, but the team may have to come up with a name for Knight.

"He's been a rock for us," Clark said. "There's no doubt about it."

((Star, this presumes more than i normally would on your players, but i couldn't resist. If you want to deny the whole thing and say my coach made it up, feel free.))

Certainly not, big thumbs up for that RP, TB. And, as I'm in the Semi-Finals, I'd better do some RPing before Sarz gets delusions of Ice Hockey grandeur.

The Chicanadan hotel room was spinning in a kind of blurred, headachey way. Floror attempted to grab hold of the sides of his bed to steady himself but he missed and fell off his chair. The carpet came up to meet him with a friendly smack in the face. He was pretty certain that wasn't the only smack in the face he'd received over the past twenty-four hours, as the swelling around the side of his face pointing to the ceiling would testify to. Under oath, of course, his entire body would immediately break down in the witness box and confess it had been summarily thrashed, but you shoulda seen the other guy. Honestly, m'lud.

Hemanguroth.

Floror frowned, though you could hardly tell through his bruised face. 'Hemanguroth' was before him in large white letters, edged in black and surrounded by purple, though it took him a few minutes to take in all the letter and colour information before him.

Hemanguroth.

That meant something to him, but he couldn't quite remember what. His head pounded again. Three times, in fact, in a fast, wooden-sounding rhythm. Pounding headaches don't usually say "It's the afternoon, Mister Hemanguroth," through a closed hotel door. Floror Hemanguroth - he'd remembered his name by this point - crawled over towards his door, stopping on his way for a quick vomit. He continued on his hands and knees to the door, but was halted by the back page of a newspaper that had been shoved under his door.

Final Score from the Southampton National Plaza:
Spruitland 0 Starblaydia 1 (OT)
Scorer: Hemanguroth

"I did what?" Floror said. The last thing he remembered was putting the boot into a Cossowary. Spruitland? Tanah Burung was the last thing he could remember, so he'd been drunk for a fairly long time. Probably not a new personal record , but defintely something to write in the memoirs.

The knocking came again, and the the knocker was greeted by an axe blade parting the wood just over the door handle. Floror was awake, and he was very much hungover.

Sarzonia 1 Kalaallit Nunaat 0 Overtime

At the news of a defeat by the Sarzonia Blizzards, Queen Susan flew into a rage. (This may not be surprising news to those who know the Queen.)

Giant weather-control machinery has been placed into a low sub-orbit. Whirring blades instaleld below every cloud will make sure that snow fall is carefully controlled. There will be gentle flakes from time to time. There will be regular snow fall. There will be frozen rain and hail. But there will never again be a blizzard in Kalaallit Nunaat. Never! The Queen commands all citizens to rejoice at this news!

Also, the Queen commands the ruler of the host country, Chic Anna Da, to make her a nice new fur coat, made from arctic hares and lined in the finest ermine.

That is all.

If you dare, you amy also sign up for the next installment at http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=437948

HAY! I dont see us in the scorecard anywhere

"She wants a what?"

"A fur coat."

"She wants a fur coat and can't even pronounce Chicanada right? It's CHIcanada, not some Chee-anna-dah thing."

Jaquee and Evann were going over fur samples. Unable to resist the plushy rabbit fur, Evann was forced to look elsewhere while Jaquee rolled around for some more hours while questioning the sanity of Queen Susan.

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Semifinals

@ Southampton Western Ice Hall

Starblaydia 1 Harlesburg 0
Sarzonia 4 The Mushroom Kingship 0

So, in the Grand Final, to be held at the ever so lovely outdoor Southampton National Square on Wednesday we have:

Starblaydia v Sarzonia

Ya'd think we were playing footy over here!

Ya'd think we were playing footy over here!

Luckly we're not in a World Cup, otherwise I wouldn't have much of a chance :D

Blizzards get their wish: 4-0

For once, Harold Clark could rest a bit easier.

The Sarzonian national hockey team coach, a man who'd gotten used to the frustration of having a team that never scored more than two goals in a game in the 15th Don Cherry Cup, watched his team score four times against The Mushroom Kingship and saw a rare easy game for goaltender Ben Knight (14 saves), en route to a 4-0 win.

The Blizzards will face two time Cherry Cup winners Starblaydia in possibly the most unlikely finals matchup in the history of the tournament. Perhaps not Starblaydia, whose Rayzors have been hockey royalty. But for their opponents to be a Blizzards team that hadn't laced up their skates since Cherry Cup X?

"We're tickled to have gotten this far, obviously," Clark said. "That said, we've got work to do if we want to finish what we started." The Blizzards (5-1-2) have quietly developed a seven game unbeaten streak, losing only in the opening game of the tournament against Ruvenstoria. However, the team has done so despite earning the self-applied moniker of "the Imperfect Storm," due to offensive futility that has threatened to be the team's undoing in several matches.

"It felt great to get some breathing room this time," said forward Dave Kowalchick, who scored the first Sarzonian hat trick of the tournament, and only the third all time. "You could see those guys [The Mushroom Kingship] pressing after the second goal."

"You figured it had to be a matter of time before we got an easy one," forward Brianne Harley (one goal, two assists) said. "We can't just rely on Bennie to stand on his head every single game."

Now the Bliz have only one more game to play before they can realise the improbable: Hoisting their first-ever Cherry Cup and the first world championship for Sarzonia in a sport other than football. But to do that, they'll have to overcome the Rayzors, including Dwarves.

"We have to get mentally ready, not just physically," Clark said. "We'll be fast friends with the DVR in our training facility."

In the dark and hallowed halls, deep in the heart of Karak D'Ragh - the City of Quiet Fire - the braziers burned. Alight for hundreds upon hundreds of years, the history of this room would stretch back into the 'countless' range of years had not every one of those years been carefully documented in the Books of Grudges.

Every Dwarven Guild, family, organistation, company and even sports team had their own Book, and in his ancient Hall one of the Grudges was to be crossed off. Vengence was the business of Dwarves, any slight upon their honour was a tumour to be excised. This book listed every single grudge that the Rayzors had ever received. Not only from the first appearances of Dwarves in the Rayzors side in the Seventh Cherry Cup, but also the grudges against the human sides of the fifth and sixth Cups, which was something unique in all the Great Books of this hall.

Wearing the coveted iron mask and having the ceremonial Hockey Stick and skates carried before him, the head of the Grudgebearers' Guild, Sporting Division marched proudly to the altar upon which the Rayzors' book was placed. Light by the light of candles and braziers, he gently turned the pages.

He turned to the pages for the 13th Cherry Cup. Skimming over the initial grudges against the foreign media, the personal affronts and the 'intriguing' crowd chants - sorted by opponent - he moved on to the results. The Group Stage results, in particular. Described as the 'Upset of the Century' by Hockey Canadian journalists and hockey pundits alike, there was a Grudge that now needed to be ammended, the Honour now restored.

'Starblaydia 1 Harlesburg 0, Cherry Cup 15 Semi-Final,' said the ammendment. And so the ceremony was completed.

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Grand Finals

@ Southampton National Square

Starblaydia 2 Sarzonia 1

Congrats to Starblaydia and their third Cup win and thanks to all the nations that made Chicanada their home. We look forward to the next cup wherever it will be!

Once, Twice, Three Times A Lady
Thror becomes Thyria as Starblaydia net record

For once, Thror/Thyria Honhirrim, could rest a bit easier.

After having been outed in the press by an Inuit journalist in the run-up to this Final, the Rayzors' Starting Line Centre Thror Honhirrim has come to terms with himself. Being able to lift a third - record-breaking - Cherry Cup has allowed Thror to accept himself. As a her. Thyria Honhirrim, as she now would like to be called, will surely become the Rayzors' first ever legally-recognised female player when Cherry Cup 16 rolls around.

Cherry Cup 16, of course, will mark the third Cup where Starblaydia begin a title defence. No other nation in Cherry Cup history has done that, yet, so Starblaydia being statistically the greatest Hockey nation ever is a real comfort to Coach Haztarr, who's unusually low-key approach to his press conferences appears to have paid off.

"Aye," he said, "Ah shut me mouth t'make them other teams confuddled aboot what Ah'm doing wit me team."

Indeed.