Steel Butterfly
08-07-2005, 15:34
A Steel Nightly News (SNN) Report
“Hello, and welcome to SNN. I'm Dick Jones and it is an astonishing night here in the Orion Sector, as Emperor Dave Bivens has just unleashed his "PWND EARTH POLICY" with horrific efficiency. Across the Earth, all seven or so of them actually, massive starships are destroying government facilities, underground secret bases, military stockpiles, and family pets. For more on this, we take you to John Katart, on location. John?”
“Thank you, Dick. I’m standing here on Earth III, where like the other identical planets, massive destruction ensues. The starships, each consisting of equipment that takes up to five posts to fully describe, as is the custom in International Incidents, blanket the Earths from the sun, casting a sort of eternal darkness only lit by the fire of the scorched nations below. We are told by various military personnel that the Emperor himself intends to finish this massacre soon, before the nations he’s attacking have any chance to respond…another tradition in the International Incidents forum.”
“John you talk of this International Incidents forum…would you care to explain to our viewers what it consists of?”
“Frankly Dick, the International Incidents forum is an enigma in itself. It is comprised of many different types of peop…er…nations all fighting amongst each other for a common cause.”
“Wait…John…did you say fighting amongst each other for a common cause?”
“Yes, Dick, I did. There are many types of nations existing within the International Incidents forum. For instance, there are the tech-whores, the people more interested on the diameter of the 3453498th bolt on their carrier than the content of their story. These people often verbally assault those who don’t lay out every aspect of their nation in specific statistical detail. These national leaders are often pale from spending too much time poking at their calculator, and were losers in high school…leaders who think pointless knowledge is the key to excellent storytelling. Next there are the reality nazi’s, nations and leaders who write stories so real, that they have absolutely no value to them and are not interesting in the least. So jealous of they are of those who’s stories aren’t firmly trapped in reality, that they often lash out at anything with a semblance of excitement or originality.”
“It’s a sad day, John. I for one am glad that the Emperor chose this move.”
“As am I, Dick. The third inhabitant of the International Incidents forum is far more horrible than even the previous two. This type of nation speaks in a hideous code known only as 1337, roughly translated as “leet.” Even their name is in code, as they are known across the multi-verse as n00bs. These national leaders often lack the intelligence needed to form complete thoughts and transfer them into words, and as a result, their stories make little sense if they are even attempted. Wait…what is this…it seems we have breaking news! Earth VI has just been destroyed, blown to pieces by the UBER CANNON OF DOOM just thought of, planned out, constructed, and put into service yesterday! I know my tax dollars are going where I want them now!”
“But isn’t there anything good in International Incidents, John?”
“……”
“John?”
“…yes, Dick, there is some good in the unshaved and disease-ridden vagina of NationStates, the International Incidents forum. It is unfortunate really, for these nations almost become guilty by association. Nations such as Automagfreek, for example, firmly in place on Earth I, the last stronghold of the II Army, are unfortunately lobbed together with the others, just because of the forum they chose to take part in. It makes me glad, Dick, that we chose to exist in the NationStates forum. Praise the Emperor for that one!”
“Well, John, with only the original Earth remaining, it appears as if the PWND EARTH POLICY has been completely effective.”
“Yes, Dick, I couldn’t agree more. By the time I’m done rambling on about absolutely nothing is this spoken paragraph, it should be…wait…what is this…oh good. Steel Butterfly just landed 1,000,000,000,000 marines on the planet, massacred it, and then escaped before blowing it to space dust. That’s it for me. I’m John Katart, SNN.”
“…Now lets check in with Bubba for the five-day forecast. Bubba?”
“Hello, and welcome to SNN. I'm Dick Jones and it is an astonishing night here in the Orion Sector, as Emperor Dave Bivens has just unleashed his "PWND EARTH POLICY" with horrific efficiency. Across the Earth, all seven or so of them actually, massive starships are destroying government facilities, underground secret bases, military stockpiles, and family pets. For more on this, we take you to John Katart, on location. John?”
“Thank you, Dick. I’m standing here on Earth III, where like the other identical planets, massive destruction ensues. The starships, each consisting of equipment that takes up to five posts to fully describe, as is the custom in International Incidents, blanket the Earths from the sun, casting a sort of eternal darkness only lit by the fire of the scorched nations below. We are told by various military personnel that the Emperor himself intends to finish this massacre soon, before the nations he’s attacking have any chance to respond…another tradition in the International Incidents forum.”
“John you talk of this International Incidents forum…would you care to explain to our viewers what it consists of?”
“Frankly Dick, the International Incidents forum is an enigma in itself. It is comprised of many different types of peop…er…nations all fighting amongst each other for a common cause.”
“Wait…John…did you say fighting amongst each other for a common cause?”
“Yes, Dick, I did. There are many types of nations existing within the International Incidents forum. For instance, there are the tech-whores, the people more interested on the diameter of the 3453498th bolt on their carrier than the content of their story. These people often verbally assault those who don’t lay out every aspect of their nation in specific statistical detail. These national leaders are often pale from spending too much time poking at their calculator, and were losers in high school…leaders who think pointless knowledge is the key to excellent storytelling. Next there are the reality nazi’s, nations and leaders who write stories so real, that they have absolutely no value to them and are not interesting in the least. So jealous of they are of those who’s stories aren’t firmly trapped in reality, that they often lash out at anything with a semblance of excitement or originality.”
“It’s a sad day, John. I for one am glad that the Emperor chose this move.”
“As am I, Dick. The third inhabitant of the International Incidents forum is far more horrible than even the previous two. This type of nation speaks in a hideous code known only as 1337, roughly translated as “leet.” Even their name is in code, as they are known across the multi-verse as n00bs. These national leaders often lack the intelligence needed to form complete thoughts and transfer them into words, and as a result, their stories make little sense if they are even attempted. Wait…what is this…it seems we have breaking news! Earth VI has just been destroyed, blown to pieces by the UBER CANNON OF DOOM just thought of, planned out, constructed, and put into service yesterday! I know my tax dollars are going where I want them now!”
“But isn’t there anything good in International Incidents, John?”
“……”
“John?”
“…yes, Dick, there is some good in the unshaved and disease-ridden vagina of NationStates, the International Incidents forum. It is unfortunate really, for these nations almost become guilty by association. Nations such as Automagfreek, for example, firmly in place on Earth I, the last stronghold of the II Army, are unfortunately lobbed together with the others, just because of the forum they chose to take part in. It makes me glad, Dick, that we chose to exist in the NationStates forum. Praise the Emperor for that one!”
“Well, John, with only the original Earth remaining, it appears as if the PWND EARTH POLICY has been completely effective.”
“Yes, Dick, I couldn’t agree more. By the time I’m done rambling on about absolutely nothing is this spoken paragraph, it should be…wait…what is this…oh good. Steel Butterfly just landed 1,000,000,000,000 marines on the planet, massacred it, and then escaped before blowing it to space dust. That’s it for me. I’m John Katart, SNN.”
“…Now lets check in with Bubba for the five-day forecast. Bubba?”