NationStates Jolt Archive

(Just before I start, let's get one thing clear; this is not an RP. You don't have to do anything, just read it. If you feel the uncontrollable urge to post your team list, then do so. I'll try and squeeze it in somewhere. Finally, do not post here if you're not in the Region of Lancre. M'kay? M'kay.)

Dregruk Regional Enterprises (a sub-department of the Department of International Sabotage) presents:

The Lancre Cup XI, hosted by Dregruk

"This year, the regional football tournament of Lancre is to be held in the friendly, warm shores of Dregruk!" *camera pans over man being attacked by last year's football team, quickly moves away*

"The tournament will be held in the nation's luxury sports stadium, situated in the quaintly named 'Radiation Area #47'!" *camera focuses on a large crater with some wooden benches set up around it*

"Yes, this month's tournament will be one-of-a-kind! *NB, the Dregruk government takes not responsibility for death, physical harm or radiation damage."

High Punisher Hrrachen's Favourite Matches:

Utter Complete Idiots versus GNY Embassy

The first match of the Tenth Lancre Cup got off to a shaky start as the whole pitch was beseeched by a plague of Locust, which temporarily terrorized the fans before a man with a giant Bug Spray can scared them off.
‘Booger off!’ the man said, with a strong Siroccan accent.
The pitch was in no way perfect for the game to be played on, even before the Locust.
‘A plague?’ the UCI manager told a group of press after the match, ‘our luck never changes. It seems that the whole of the Nationstates world is against us even winning ONE match. ONE! That’s all we ask for!’
He then ran off crying.

The final score was UCI 1 GNY Embassy 3

---
Sirocco versus LostLotheria

‘We have this one in the bag’ King Siroc said, ‘Even without our magic boots we’re in a class of our own. By the way, what happened to our magic boots?’
‘The Bestiville players stole them. Can’t you remember, you decided to steal all of their clothes?’
‘Oh, I remember..’ Siroc said, flinching.
‘Anyway, we can beat people without our boots. Just watch this…’

‘We’ve sooooo lost’ the LostLotheria captain said, ‘Even if there is no Armoured scorpions, we’ve still lost’
‘Don’t be so sure’ Emperor DTAS whispered to him, hidden in a black sheath and looking very shifty, ‘I’ve discovered how to beat Sirocco, found their weakness. Listen closely…’

And so the match started, the tactic clear in LostLotherias mind.
‘Your mam’, a LostLotheria player shouted to the Siroccan captain (OOC: I’d use the players names which were on the Team list thing, but they’re lost in the forums at the moment), ‘Is soooooo fat, when I tried to drive around her I ran out of petrol’
The Siroccan player then started crying and fell to the ground.
‘Your mam’ a second LostLotheria player said, ‘Is sooooo fat, she fell down the Grand Canyon and –get this- got stuck!’
This continued until many of the Siroccan players were on the ground crying.

‘Well that was easy…’ The LostLotheria players said after the match.
‘They aren’t allowed to talk about our mams like that…’ Siroc said, weeping slightly.

The game ended Sirocco 2 LostLotheria 3

High Punisher Hrrachen's speech:

*Stumbles onto stage, rubbing uniform carefully*

"Why the hell do I have make a speech?! I don't even like the people in our region..." *Someone whispers something in his ear*

"Oh. Ah. Hello. I am High Punisher Hrrachen, leader of Dregruk, host of this month's Lancre Cup. We hope to keep the spirit of the tradition of the tournament alive with this month's competition. We are also proud to say that we will have less fatal accidents this month than in the previous months!"

*Someone in the audience yells, "That's because you haven't entered a team!"*

"SILENCE!" *Shoots wildly into audience, camera cuts away*

We enter a whole team of evil deadly microbes. We enter these just so you don't know if we have 11 or 11,111,111,111,111,111,111 players on the field.

Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!

We enter a whole team of evil deadly microbes. We enter these just so you don't know if we have 11 or 11,111,111,111,111,111,111 players on the field.

Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!

Official response:

Sure, go ahead. Only, the new rules state that you must name every member of your team. And the names may not be the same.

Have fun.

Because the real Vtorbetin team is tied up in the Baptism Of Fire Cup, we will send a team of footballing badgers to Dregruk instead. We will not be using the badger song as an anthem, due to recent copyright lawsuits against various nations.

After a dismal performance in the last Cup, the Toncan Sports Federation has sacked all of the members of the Toncan Lancre Cup team. Tryouts are currently being held to find new team members.

Unfortunately there has not been a great turn out. Four people turned up to the first tryouts - a 250kg former sumo wrestler, a pair of conjoined twins and a 90 year old great grandmother who thought that the request was for people who wanted to try out Lancre Cup Tea.

We will continue searching and hopefully have a team ready by next week.

Lancre Cup XI: Heats

Heat 1:

SAF VS Rachel's Insanity
UCI VS Umgullia
Troon VS Hockey Canada
Sirocco VS Andrewmania
Rutisia VS Bestiville
Bongostan VS The Harlot of Babylon

Heat 2:
Tonca VS LostLotheria
Jothopolis VS Docere
Sliponia VS Extreme Dictators
Peng-Pau VS Yesono
Hoge VS Jamiezomania
Aamericaa VS DTAS Land

Heat 3:
Fatheaded Edward VS The Big Little People
Pazdom VS Andomen
Treynna VS Important Notice
GNY Embassy VS Vtorbetin
Blu-Tac VS -Arynth-
Ghandi Followers VS Zamboni Island

Due to an unfortunate mix-up, the Siroccan team consists of ten small schoolgirls and a rocking horse. Nevertheless, we are confident of making a good start to the Cup.

Our left midfielder is a rock, centre striker is a giraffe, and sweeper is a dead grandma on a toboggan

Ummm..., wow they are hard to beat, but i think my goalkeeper might be a bottle of beer.

So our national anthem is now

999 bottles of beer in the goal, 999 bottles of beer, you knock one down and the ball goes in, and we just lost the game.

magical. simply wonderful