Carp of the Titans (The Battle of the Millenium)
There comes a time in the relationship between two nations, where the tension reaches the point where it can go no further. When words, treaties and nervous talks are shoved aside for one thing; action.
When two great nations meet in the field of conflict, only one will walk away with the satisfaction of victory stamped firmly into their collective consciousness.
Such a time has come. The relations between Dregruk and Bestiville have strained, bent and flip-flopped for months, but now it has degenerated into open war. The rules are simple; the first to collapse loses.
Any weapon from the fish family is permitted.
Are you ready, Besti?
(OOC: This came about because I was trying to find the fish fight I had with Sirocco before the server move. Feel free to comment and broadcast it, but don't interfere)
The time has came for the destined fish-fight and Emperor Besty nears the arena.
'Damn' he thought, 'It reeks of fish around here...'
The arena stretches out above him, a massive dome.
'He must already be inside...' Emperor Besty said, stepping into the large doors.
After getting lost several times Emperor Besty gets to the main hall. It is a large square room, with a stained glass dome covering it.
Besty looks around. He can't see where High Punisher Hharachen (OOC: that's right, isn't it? Got it off nswiki) anywhere, but he has a feeling that some of the shadows are moving.
He places his hands upon the small cod which he'd placed in his pocket.
This was going to get smelly.
Suddenly the room seems to expand and turns into a huge battle ground, desolate. Empty.
A tumbleweed tumbles past, and High Punisher Hharachen jumps out from behind a tree, clutching a trout.
(OOC: Yep, that's right. Although it's Hrrachen, not Hhrarachen)
"So, we meet at last, Emperor Besty. The mighty delegate of our region before me in the field of combat." He raised his trout, making a 'Vwoumm' noise for no apparent reason.
"I trust you're ready. Let's begin!"
'Correct, vile fiend, I am ready'
He then draws the small cod from his pocket and twirls it.
'This is the Cod Single action army, the most powerful hand Cod ever made...'
"Ha HA!" Shouted Hrrachen, lunging with his trout, its deadly scales reflecting the light in a myriad of rainbows. Rainbows of death.
Besty jumps aside, almost in slow motion, before attepting to strike the fiend with the tail of the cod.
'Take this you dog!'
Hrrachen jump flips forward, narrowly dodging Besty's cod. Time slows to a crawl, for reasons that have baffled physicists for ages, as Hrrachen swipes at Besty's head with the trout in mid air.
Besty see's this move coming and, with reflexes like a snake, narrowly avoids the swing.
He runs backwards to a safe distance and draws a secret weapon from his back, a GIANT swordfish!
'Lets see you avoid this!' Besty says, flinging the swordfish in Hrrachen's direction.
Hrrachen twists to avoid the fish, its pointed front cutting him along the shoulder. He drops his trout and produces four starfish and fires them in rapid succession at Besty like shuriken.
"Take that, you giant warble-flanger you!
Using skills never seen since the matrix, Besty does a wierd dance and avoids them all but one, which strikes his leg.
'Ahh!' He screams and almost collapses, but manages to regain some balance and stay upright.
'Eat hot starfish' he shouts, pulling out the starfish lodged in his leg and throwing it at Hrrachen.
The starfish flies thorugh the air, right towards Hrrachen's head.
It approaches, he hasn't tried to dodge it yet...
Hrrachen's eyes open slightly when he realises he still hasn't dodged the deadly projectile. He begins to lean backwards to dodge it, but he's far too slow. The starfish embeds itself in his forehead. He stands back up and starts moaning about how much it hurts.
"That's it, the gloves are on, Besty!" He pulls on a pair of surgical gloves and produces a jellyfish from his pocket. (How it got in his pocket will be explained in the upcoming movie "2000 to 1; a Plaice Oddity") He tosses said jellyfish at Besty with all his might, his aim slightly impaired by the starfish still lodged in his skull.
The Jellyfish is going at such an alarming rate that it smacks Besty right in the forehead.
'Ahhh!' Besty screams, clutching at his stinging forehead, 'That really hurts!'
He reaches deeper into the pockets of his cloak and pulls out a prawn.
'This may just look like a stupid prawn' Besty explains, 'But actually, it'll burrow into your skin and take over control of your body!'
He flings it straight at Hrrachen, it's evil prawn face hellbent on destruction...
Hrrachen draws a long, slender eel from his pocket and whips it off the prawn, sending the evil being a-flying.
"Behold, the Eel of Evil +110! I will now use it to annihilate you!" Screams Hrrachen, before whipping the infernal eel at Besty.
'Who do you think you are?' Besty screams, 'Indiana Jones?'
He leaps out of the way, before drawing an electric eel. It glows slightly and makes a 'Whuuum' noise when Besty moves it.
Besty breathes heavily and launches at Hrrachen with his eel.
The catchy Indiana Jones theme tune starts playing in the background. Hrrachen turns around and whips the band at the edge of the arena with his eel, yelling, "No theme tunes we can get sued for, you fools!"
Bestiville's eel catches him on the posterior and he yelps angrily. "Eat my eel flavoured whip, Besty!" He screams, whipping out with his own eel.
OOC: *Laughs until he cries*
(ooc: My eel was meant to be a lightsaber, geddit? Maybe we should move the fight into a Starwars inspired... Thing)
Besty continues to attempt to attack Hrrachen, despite the Theme-tune flavoured interference.
The Star-wars theme tune now begins playing.
Hrrachen yells something like 'We'll get sued for sure'.
'Draw your electric eel hrrachen, and show me what kind of master you really are...' Besty says.
Besty's eel catches Hrrachen on the side, winding him. His breathing becomes laboured and deep.
"I am the master now, Besty!" He rasps, lashing out with his oddly-glowing Eel of Evil +110.
'The master now you are not' Besty says, confused as to why he can no longer speak in the right order.
The two eels clash in a rain of sparks.
"Yatta!" Yells Hrrachen, then pauses looking confused. He raises and eyebrow and looks out into the blue yonder. "...yatta? Isn't that a breakfast cereal?"
Besty's eel-whip (not to be called whip-eel or wheel) catches him off guard in his moment of bewilderness. He yelps and does the dreaded Ying-Tsung hokey-cokey eel attack.
As Hrrachen does the dreaded Ying-Tsung hokey-cokey eel attack, Besty looks at his watch.
For such a dreaded move it did take a while to pull off.
An hour or so later, Besty stepped out of the way of the attack and planted a blow from his eel in the back of Hrrachens neck.
"Yeeeow!" Yelps Hrrachen, feeling both hurt and offended that his long-practiced move was.... well, garbage. "Stupid eel! This is your fault!" He screams, tossing the eel away and knocking out one of the members of the band that was trying to get away with playing the Darth Maul theme from Star Wars Episode 1.
He reaches into his jacket and produces a swordfish and points it at Besty. "Eat pointed fish-death!" He yells and begins another attack on Besty.
'I accept your challenge of death, you evil smelling fiend' Besty said, throwing away his eel and drawing a swordfish.
'The swordfish is my weapon of choice, I hope you've realised what a mistake you've made...'
The two men danced, neither one apparantly being better than the other.
However, it wasn't going to be long before someone found an opening.
"HaHA!" Yells Hrrachen, his lethal swordfish crashing against Besty's, "I have managed to get a university placement in law, one of the most sought-after courses available!"
He then curses when he realises he's been searching for the wrong kind of opening.
'Mwaha! The wrong kind of opening!'
The dance continues.
Hrrachen has a moment of sheer genius, reaches into his pocket with his free hand and produces a tube of fish oil. He sprays it liberally around the area, adopting an impish grin as he does so.
"Watch your footing, Besty..." He mocks.
Besty does a weird dance with his feet, makes contact with some of the fish oil and slips...
Wait, no he doesn't. He appears to be flying.
'That's right, I've got several wires! I'm like Peter Pan! Wheeeeee!'
Besty flies through the air straight at Hrrachen, his swordfish poised to enter Hrrachens chest...
"Oh you bloody poser..." Grumbles Hrrachen, right before Besty's swordfish goes through his chest. He goes strangely philosophical for a moment, right before he gets nailed to the wall.
"Well, this is... odd..." He complains, looking at the giant fish that's impaled him, "Luckily, it's missed all my vital organs... I think I'll just pull it out now..."
He makes undoubtedly gruesome faces as he yanks the fish from his chest. With it removed, he hurls it at Besty like a javelin.
'Ahhhhh!' Besty says, looking down at his chest, 'I've been impaled by my own Swordfish! That's really going to hurt tomorrow...'
The hurled swordfish, currently sticking out of Besty's chest, is pulled out and hurled to one side.
'Now we get personal...' Besty says, drawing a trout and running towards Hrrachen, with intent to seriously slap.
"GAAAAAAH!" Yells Hrrachen, mimicking the traditional Dregruk war-chant. Provided he wasn't about to be attacked by Besty, he may have swung into a rendition of "Ooh, ooh, I cut you!" (the classic Dregruk #1 pop song). He settles for the "GAAAAAAH!" and draws a carp. He runs at Besty full pelt, waving the fish around carelessly.
The two fighters sprint towards each other, both determined to cause his opponent to callopse.
'By the way' Besty says to Hrrachen, slowing down slightly, 'I am your father'.
The two men exchange curious glances, both slowing to a stop.
Hrrachen stops mid charge and gives Besty a funny look.
"How... how does that work?" He asks, rubbing his chin thoughtfully before realising it now stinks of fish, "I mean... I'm 10 years older than you?"
'Aha!' Besty screams, taking advantage of Hrrachens moment of confusion and slapping him across the face with the trout.
'Didn't see that one coming, didya?'
Hrrachen stumbles backwards, nursing his slapped cheek.
"How could you?! How could you?! My own son!" He yells.
'You're my father?!' Besty screamed, 'Well this is a slight turnaround...'
The fish clash in a rain of greasy sparks.
'Even though you're my father, I won't go easy on you...' Besty screams.
"I didn't expect you to! You always were a sissy, Besty." Sneers Hrrachen, deflecting the incoming blows deftly, "I can always spot a loser. I saw it the moment you were made the Regional Delegate. Why didn't they vote for me?!"
He pauses for thought.
"Ah yes, because I'm not in the UN... and didn't actually campaign neither. But still! Eat fish supper!"
Besty starts to munch on the fish, before he realises that this was a thing that they called a 'Metaphor'.
'You can't trick me, you big pie!' Besty shouts randomly, 'Just cause you won the Lancre Cup doesn't mean that you're better than me!'
Besty makes contact with Hrrachen, Hrrachen makes contact with Besty. The fight gets even more intense. The camera at this point jerks around randomly, gets even more intense.
"And now, we go to our news teams in Sirocco to bring you news of the massive nuclear accid..." Begins a news reporter, before being pelted by a dozen haddock from Besty and Hrrachen.
"You fools! Your national leader is having a fish fight with our regional delegate and you want to talk about Sirocco?!" Screams Hrrachen, looking very peeved.
"But.. but... there was a big explosion! Thousands of people have been mutated into giant caterpillars! This is a big story!" Protests the newsman.
"Leader. Fish fight. Delegate. Bigger story." After ordering the Dregruk national football team to demonstrate the skills they used in the Lancre Cup, using the news team as examples of the opposing teams, Hrrachen returns to the fight.
Demonstrating tremendous physical agility, Hrrachen does a quadruple super-sonic backflip at Besty, his akimbo trout swishing at lightning fast speeds.
Tagged for hilarity.
Ooh! Ooh! Do Highlander! Do Highlander! "There can only be chum!"
(OOC: I don't know Highlander. I can do Braveheart though!)
'You can take my fish, but you can never take the several fish hidden in my pocket!' Besty says, narrowly avoiding Dregruk's lunge.
'Hey, newsie' Besty whispers to the Newsreporter on the side, 'Remember to say how much arse that I am whipping.'
'How about no!' The newsreporter says, 'I'm reporting the truth!'
Besty slaps the reporter around the face, before lunging at Dregruk with his fish.
(OOC: I might not be able to post in this RP again for a couple of weeks. See you soon Dregruk!)