NationStates Jolt Archive

Dear Members of the International Community:

The Commonwealth of Ogeechee Valley, is a small, recently formed nation comprised of an interconnected system of agrarian communes. Our citizenry is primarily made up of hard-working farmers endeavoring as a single community to serve the needs of all its citizens. We are a simple people with modest means, ultimately hoping to live in harmony with one another, with nature, and with our international friends.

To improve the prospects for living in a peaceful and healthy world, we have recently applied for admission to the United Nations. We trust that we will be soon allowed to join that noble organization and pledge to work with the world community to improve the condition of humanity. In preparation for our entry into the UN, we have begun the process of ensuring that our laws are in compliance with the resolutions that have been previously approved. Alas, because we are a young country of humble farmers, we lack the means to comply with some of the simplest requirements imposed by UN resolutions.

Most notably, I would refer you to United Nations Resolution number 9, which requires that citizens of UN members states have the right to:

At least one toilet in their house;
At least one washbasin in their house;
At least one of either a bathtub or a shower.

Though the people of Ogeechee Valley agree with this righteous goal, I must regrettably report that fewer that one-fourth of our residents currently have indoor plumbing. Thus, to protect the rights of our citizens to have a toilet and bathtub in their homes, we will need to expend in excess of 1,000,000,000 MN (MilkNotes, our national currency, which would equal approximately 100,000,000 USD). Even this amount would only allow us to be in technical compliance with the resolution as it would not provide running water to the households -- only a toilet and bathtub. The costs of providing water to the homes would be approximately twice the costs of the toilets and bathtubs.

The amount required for our full compliance will this single resolution would make this the second largest project undertaken by the government in this year, ranking ahead of law enforcement, education, and national defense; and ranking second only to our extensive, but necessary agricultural extension service. Thus, we fear that we will simply lack the means to comply with this (and other) resolutions. We are therefore, asking that our more affluent neighbors take pity on our plight and provide some monetary assistance to allow our country to comply with the resolution.

We do want to note that every citizen currently has access to one of numerous community bathhouses across the country. Ninety-eight percent of all households in the Commonwealth are within walking distance to one of the bathouses. Citizens do not lack for proper hygiene and the average Ogeechee Valleyian takes 5 baths per week. Nonetheless, we do understand that our practices do not conform with expectations of the U.N. and desire greatly to be meet those goals so that we can become an active influence for good around the world.

Thank you,

Ogeechee Valley Governing Committee

Greetings,

His Majesty, King Alfons I of Spruitland, is more than mildly distressed at the thought of so many Ogeechee Valley citizens having to resort to community bathhouses. His memories of Dutch tourists when camping in the South of France have caused him to lapse into a temporary depression.

Luckily, that does not stand in the way of His Majesty’s generosity, and he has ordered the immediate transfer of $ 3,056,812 to the bank account of the Ogeechee Valley Governing Committee. (Don’t ask, His Majesty is rather fond of random numbers.)

Furthermore, His Majesty would like to donate 100,000 removable showerheads, directly from the Royal Warehouse. (Again, don’t ask, His Majesty is a bit of an impulse-shopper.)
May the people of Ogeechee Valley remember King Alfons’ generosity whenever they use them.

Regards,

Hans Custers,
Minister of External Affairs
Spruitland

Understanding Ogeechee Valley's plight, Tannenmille will ship 100 miles of piping to your nation, as well as donating 800,000 Tannemarken.

From the Hand of the Empress, Michiko,

Unto the people of the Commonwealth of Ogeechee Valley, while the Empire of Tanara is not a member of the UN, or ever will be - this ridiculous requirement being a prime example of one of the reasons we would never join the Useless Nuisance - we applaud your desire to be a force for good in the universe.

Please find enclosed a transfer of funds in the amount of $382,022,714. ( USD). The children of Tanara undertook to raise this amount through a series of bake sales, hoverfloat washers, and door to door magazine subscription sales contests. I am encloseing the group holo of the 500 top achievers.

Please also find an additional, matching amount from the Tanaran Good Neighbor Fund,on behalf of the entireity of the Empire.

That makes for a total transfer of funds $ 764,045,428.

I hope that this gives you some bit of the foundation that you need to begin your quest. We ask no repayment - please just pay it forward - that way the circle continues to grow.

Sincerely,

Michiko

P.S. I do believe the 'right' to a toilet, tub etc - means they may have one if they wish, not MUST have one, but I may be mistaken. ( Though it never hurts to ask )

The Planet Federation will donate 200,000,000 FCS pounds through our regional banks and our national reserves. This is equal to approx 275 million USD

We will repay our banks and we simply ask that you telegram our nation so we can open a trade partnership with your nation so you can continue to grow.

The Prime Minister of The Planet Federation
Ricky Hanekamp

To the members of the Ogeechee Valley Governing Committee:

On behalf of the Grand Duchy of Skully Potatoes, I, Duchess S.P. Furstenberg-Barcalona would be elated to donate to your cause. I applaud your eagerness to meet UN regulations, and look forward to trading with your country in the future.

Upon recent of this message you should have received a grand total of $500,000 Bauers, equal to approximately $750,000 USD.

Go forth in peace,

The Duchess

To Ogeechee Valley
From the Commite of Outer Affairs, Ravea

Dear friends, Ravea hears your call for help and will answer it. Being a nation that is greatly concered with the welfare of humanity, Ravea is willing to donate a total sum of a billion USD to this noteworthy cause. The shipping of Millions of Showerheads, bathtubs, and other hygenic nessessities will begin shortly as well.

-Senetor Belanova Orlove,
Ravea

Ab-shalom and greetings,

It is the desire of the Sultanate of Vastiva to open and maintain strong diplomatic and economic relations with all nations desirous of such. We therefore offer an exchange of embassies and ambassadors, and a beginning of free trade between our nations.

As part of our program to improve your economy in the short run, Vastiva will purchase all of your exportable produce and other products for the next five years, giving you an assured sale regardless of production figures.

Vastiva will also open her banks to giving short and long term loans to prospective businesses in your lands at a flat rate of 3%, provided you allow Vastivans to open businesses as well. This rate shall remain as long as the quid pro quo terms are in effect.

We will also agree to place your nation on our "Most Favored" list, giving you a discounted rate on purchases - such as civil plumbing supplies - and will agree to discount the shipping costs by 90% for twenty years. This, truly, is not a great sacrifice on our part as we do plan for our freighters to return with your products in their holds, and we will reveal that gladly.

If this meets with your approval, please communicate by any means.

Go in Peace,

Namaste,
Raahmid Javani
Grand Vizier,
Humble Servant of His Magnificence, the Sultan of Vastiva

The Governing Council of the Commonwealth of Ogeechee Valley offers its and its people's sincere gratitude to the generous offers of assistance we have received. You can be assured that we will endeavor to make efficient use of the material and financial aid to comply with the terms and spirit of U.N Resolution 9. We will provide a full accounting to all donors once the project is completed.

After much deliberation and discussion, the Council must respectfull decline the generous offers of assistance from the Kingdom of Spruitland, the Holy Empire of Tannenmille, the Interstellar Empire of Tanara, and the Sultanate of Vastiva. We certainly do not mean any disrespect in rejecting these offers, but government policy and national values require that we not accept these gifts.

We note that the children of Spruitland are, according to UN reports, plauged by homelessness, with half of the child population living rough on the streets. The problems Ogeechee Valley faces as a national community pale in comparison with such problems as these, and we could not accept the funds knowing that they could be put to such better use in Spruitland. We respect his majesty's perogative to rule his sovereign nation as he sees fit, but we respectfully request that the alloted funds be reallocated to assist the homeless youth on the streets of Spruitland's urban centers.

We are very grateful to the children of children of Tanara and remark that their generosity speaks well for the future of that honorable land. However, we cannot ignore the fact that the childre of Tanara suffer as a result of poverty-stricken beggars clogging their streets and the major crime problem. As a nation, we can not in good conscience accept this magnanimous offer when the funds could be used to improve teh plight of those children who worked so diligently to raise the funds. The people of Ogeechee Valley would continue to suffer in community bathhouses rather than take money from the needy children of Tanara.

Also, because accepting aid necessarily causes entanglements between the donor and the donee, and given that acceptance of gifts from countries might be considered as implicitly approving the acts of the donor government, Ogeechee Valley is constrained to decline the generous offers of support from Tannenmille, Tanara, and Vastiva. These honorable nations have demonstrated a great deal of generosity by making impressive offers, but our national conscience forbids us from accepting them. We note UN reports that indicate that government dissenters in both Tannenmille and Tanara tend to "vanish from their homes at night." With regard to Vastiva, we note that the UN reports that hundreds of thousands of convicts work as slaves in Vastiva's many privately-owned prisons. While we respect the sovereignity of these honorable and powerful nations, we do not wish to in any way appear to accept these practices which the people of Ogeechee Valley find deplorable.

We again express our gratitude to all the nations that have offered support. We hope that this will lead to fruitful relationships between our nations.

*Blinks*

Is Ogeechee Valley still accepting Ravea's offer, then?

Ya know, I don't dare offer anything, because my nation is not lilly white. If you accept aid/help from only those that are spotless ( and oh please show me the nation that is - I'd like to see a miracle in the proverbial flesh ) you might want to complie a list of nations that you would accept help from.

It would save us 'less than perfect nations' the time.

the government of gelfland requests permission to send a team of experts to study the valley, and determine in what manner the noble houses of our land might be of assistance.

The nation of spanigland understand of Ogeechee Valley's difficulties and, being a large ceramic toilet exporter, will ship four million toilets, and one million metal bathtubs out to you, free of charge.
We whish you the greatest of luck with this venture of yours, and if you need anything more, feel free too ask, and we will give you what little surplus of supplies we have.

Thankyou, and good luck.

Ya know, I don't dare offer anything, because my nation is not lilly white. If you accept aid/help from only those that are spotless ( and oh please show me the nation that is - I'd like to see a miracle in the proverbial flesh ) you might want to complie a list of nations that you would accept help from.

It would save us 'less than perfect nations' the time.


The Governing Council of Ogeechee Valley certainly appreciates your country's concern and agree that there are no nations who are "without sin," so to speak. Though the adage "beggars cannot be choosers" typically holds true, our needy nation could choose in this case for two reasons: (1) Our generous friends offered overwhelming support for what, on a worldwide scale is a very small project, and (2) the matter for which we sought assistance, though certainly important, was not of such importance that we could not choose to reject assistance and forgo the project if it would compromise our principles.

As a sovereign state, Ogeechee Valley, must retain the perogative to ally with whom it chooses. While our country could not adequately fund this particular project, we needn't rely on other countres for our survival. Our citizens enjoy a health, peace, and security. For the time being, we see no need to compile a list of those countries with which we wish to avoid entanglements. It is sufficient, we believe, to report that we will avoid entanglements with countries that hold very different value from our own.

We also wish to extend our sincere gratitude to every nation that offered assistance. It is clear that the pledges that we have received heretofore will be sufficient for our stated purposes and we do not desire to accept more than we need. Thus, our needs being satisfied, we will not entertain any further offers for assistance. We hope to repay the international community by being a positive force for human rights in this world.

In specific response to the generous offer from Gelfland, the expert study will not be needed because we have satisfied our need through other sources. We greatly appreciate you concern and offer.

We do want to note that every citizen currently has access to one of numerous community bathhouses across the country. Ninety-eight percent of all households in the Commonwealth are within walking distance to one of the bathouses.

The Eternal Kawaii notes that while We are not familiar with the fine-print behind UN Resolution 9, perhaps an Ogeechee Valley citizen's registration with a bathhouse would suffice to meet the letter of the law? In Our estimation, it would be far cheaper to devote resources to increasing the number of bathhouses to enable 100% citizen access. Moreover, as well-constructed bathhouses have often been considered tourist attractions, the cost to the government for new bathhouse construction could be easily offset by a modest tourist service fee.

If the Ogeechee Valley agrees, We would be interested in sending a delegation from Our Conclave of Friendship to discuss Ogeechee Valley bathhouses, their construction and operation, and how they could be used to stimulate the tourist trade.

We note that the children of Spruitland are, according to UN reports, plauged by homelessness, with half of the child population living rough on the streets. The problems Ogeechee Valley faces as a national community pale in comparison with such problems as these, and we could not accept the funds knowing that they could be put to such better use in Spruitland. We respect his majesty's perogative to rule his sovereign nation as he sees fit, but we respectfully request that the alloted funds be reallocated to assist the homeless youth on the streets of Spruitland's urban centers.

King Alfons burst out in a great bellow of laughter when he read the reply from Ogeechee Valley. Minister of External Affairs Hans Custers sighed with relief. He had not been eager to bring His Majesty the messages, afraid it would make him sink deeper into his depression. Luckily, for some reason, it seemed to have the opposite effect.

“Well, I guess I don’t need these anymore,” His Majesty said, rolling over onto his side to grab a bottle of Prozac from the nightstand, thereby making the towel around his waist droop to the floor. Custers knew better than to avert his eyes – that would only hurt the Royal Ego – but it took a lot of willpower not to do so.

“Here you go, dear, consider it a bonus,” King Alfons said, handing the bottle to the scarcely dressed masseuse. “Take three of those and come back in an hour.”

The masseuse bowed respectfully, winked, and hastily left the room. King Alfons gazed longingly at the door through which she had disappeared, but when he accidentaly glanced at the messages in his hand, he burst out in laughter again. Custers waited paitently for His Majesty’s decision, one he was sure would be frustrating for all except His Majesty.

King Alfons’ laughter died abruptly due to a lack of breath, and after a sharp inhale he managed to bring himself under control.

“Alright,” His Royal Nakedness grinned, “these Ogeechee Valley dwellers are amusing. Double their funding! That would make it – “ He hesitated only a split second. “ – 6,113,624 dollars. Hell, make it an even 6,113,787!”

“But Your Highness… they refused our assistance. And the second message clearly says they have satisfied their need.”

“Oh, poppycock!” The King made a dismissive hand gesture, scratching the Royal Groin with his other hand. “It takes a long time for a man’s needs to be completely satisfied. I don’t think it’s possible, even. I remember, even when I had that painful rash which – “

“Your Majesty!” Interrupting King Alfons was not the wisest career move one could make in Spruitland, Custers knew, but some risks were worth taking. “Your Majesty, we can not force people to accept our money.”

“Nor will we need to, Hans.” There wasn’t more than a touch of sternness in the Royal Voice, and Custers again sighed with relief. “It is clear that these Valley dolls have been deceived by their political naivity. Just keep wiring the money to them every time they send it back – once the consequences of their own political decisions start hitting the international news, they’ll be all too eager to accept it. Just wait til they get plagued by UFO sightings or big purple spiders, then we’ll see who has the last laugh!”

His Majesty burst into laughter again. Custers knew that was his cue, and respectfully started to retreat.

“Wait!” Custers winced. “They didn’t turn down the removable showerheads as well, did they?”

“I’m afraid they did, Your Highness. The cargo ship is anchored in their international waters, waiting for instructions. Should we summon them back?”

“No! I don’t want those wretched things within a hundred miles of me!” His Majesty’s face displayed a look of anguish, while his hand scratched the Royal Groin again. “Offer to unload them in their port one more time. If they refuse, just dump the damn things in the ocean.”

“Understood, Your Highness.” Custers bowed his head respectfully and hurried out the door, fleeing from more potential Royal Randomness.

“And send that masseuse back in!” he heard, just before he closed the door behind him.

Ogeechee Valley Governing Committee:

While the Holy Republic of Qriter is, itself, a new nation. We feel that it would be prudent to assist you in what way we can. Though governmental funds aren't easily available to wire to you, I feel that it would be in both our best interests that you allow and welcome a devisional plant of Edentech Inc. to be built in your nation. Such a project would provide employment to your people and a boon to your economy, which would allow you, more easily, to provide such basic assistance to your people as you see fit.

Edentech Inc. produces small to medium armaments on a small scale, as well as a variety of basic consumer goods including, but not limited to, food, electronics, child toys, cars, and vaccuum cleaners. The decision of what production you wish would be up to you.

Furthermore, it would be useful for both in question to set up a trade in agricultural products. Such would also allow your country to bolser its coffers and economy, while allowing Edentech Inc. to regain a major position in the Qriter food market. Thank you for your consideration.

Alexander Marcus
Merkala Council, Qriter
Council Member of Edentech Inc.




To whom it may concern, Ogeechee Valley Governing Committee:

It has come to my attention that your nation is requesting monetary assistance. Though we are fairly new on the scene of the diplomatic community, in the interest of favorable diplomatic relations, I have found the ability to donate to you an amount in the sum of $500,000. This is subject to the approval of the Ogeechee Valley Governing Committee off course.

It isn't much but it is the best we can do so far.

Nikolai Benedict Jr.
High Executive of Qriter

[OOC: Yes, you've gotten two. It's the nature of my governmental system.]

"My Vizier, our offer of aid has been refused."
"Wha?"
"Apparently, Ogeechee Valley does not approve of our practice of having thieves work off the debts they caused."
"Perhaps they would prefer we put them to death?"
"Many apologies, we do not know, my Vizier."
"It is not a worry. Very well, rescind all offers, place them back on the common list, and move on to the next piece of business."

To The Governing Council of the Commonwealth of Ogeechee Valley:

The Free Land of Issic firstly would like to applaud you on your ethical stance in regards to donations. We have rarely seen a state that is prepared to both honour their own principles, and the rights of citizens in other states. May your actions encourage other states to follow your fine example.

We are willing to donate $USD50,000 for your momentous task. We hope that We shall be able to co-operate again in the future.

Regards,

The Free Land of Issic.

very well, May the Light of the True Crystal shine upon you, and guide your people to oneness with the land.