NationStates Jolt Archive

International Dodgeball League

How it will work

Well, there's fifteen teams signed up, so I guess that's the number we're going to have to go with. We'll split the teams up into three divisions, with each team playing every other team in the competition once. Then, the top two from each division, as well as the two sides with the next best win-lose records will go through to the playoffs.

Each round of games will be played one after another at The Hole in Cefn. Divisions are...

Division A
Audioslavia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8809552&postcount=25)
Zakrowskitoria (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8759545&postcount=21)
Spruitland (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8774178&postcount=22)
Fmjphoenix
Liverpool England

Division B
Nargopia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8674885&postcount=12)
Bedistan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8828549&postcount=11)
Druida (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8677434&postcount=15)
Robotopolis (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8822190&postcount=29)
Starblaydia

Division C
Rejistania (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8686209&postcount=17)
Hockey Canada
Lovisa
Kaze Progressa
Cockbill Street (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8775331&postcount=23)

For more information, visit the sign-up and roster thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=412171).

Oh, and one final thing - as games are best of three, all scores will appear as 2-0 or 2-1. Jsut so you don't think the scorinator's a bit screwed.

MAWR, DRUIDA -- The Spruitland SugaFreaks arrived in Druida today for their first participation in an international Dodgeball tournament. Actually, for their first participation in any Dodgeball tournament, period.

But what the SugaFreaks lack in experience, they make up for in sheer size. Totalling 705.5 kg (1555 lbs), not including reserves, they can certainly be considered “heavy contenders”. When asked if this volume wouldn’t be a disadvantage compared to most opponents’ more nimble team members, SugaFreak team captain Adam Suikerbuick (138 kg) decidedly shook his head.

“Don’t mistake our size for a lack of dexterity. Ever see a baker run to the oven when the egg timer goes off? No, the only disadvantage I can see is when people start making fat jokes. Bertha [Slava, 129 kg] has a tendency to go for the throat when that happens. That’ll likely get her disqualified.”

The SugaFreaks spent the better part of their first day in Druida sightseeing in the city of Mawr, and they were “not impressed by the local bakeries”. Stale dough, lack of sweeteners and “insufficient stock” were only some of the complaints, the latter a remark from Jörg “Ogre” Steen (203 kg), who singlemouthedly caused every bakery in the eastern Mawr area to close early for the day.

“There was this one place were the pudding cake filling was as lumpy as a teenager’s forehead,” Ogre said with a sad look on his face. “Everybody knows you can’t just toss scalded milk into the egg batter! You have to pre-mix them gradually! If I hadn’t been so hungry I’d have just thrown it away.”

The SugaFreaks made it clear that their ambitions in the Dodgeball tournament are fairly low, since they are not familiar with the game, but Suikerbuick still thinks they can get far.

“This Dodgeball thing seems a lot simpler than the Pie War Festival,” he said. “In Pie War, there are a lot more factors you have to take into consideration. Velocity, spin, angle of throw. You can’t just randomly toss a pie at someone – you have to take the interaction between the dough and the whipcream into account, or the whipcream just goes flying all over the room. A ball is a perfectly symmetrical object, so it’s a lot easier to control. I think we’ll do fine.”

The Spruitland SugaFreaks have been drawn into Division A, together with Audioslavia, Zakrowskitoria, Fmjphoenix and Liverpool England.

The Daily Druid

DODGEBALL PROGRAMME CHANGED
By Garth Mowlam

Druidan officials of the International Dodgeball League have announced that, different to what is stated before the tournament, each team will play hte teams in their division only. The change was made after it was realised that an eighteen-day season (including play-off period) with just one day's rest per team was nowhere near adequate.

It now means that the group stage will now be followed by a "Super Six", a round robin between the top two from each division. Scores from the games between the top two teams of the divisions will be carried forward. After that, we'll have semi-finals and a final.

And our schedule...

Matchday 1
Team 2 v Team 3
Team 4 v Team 5

Matchday 2
Team 1 v Team 4
Team 3 v Team 5

Matchday 3
Team 1 v Team 5
Team 2 v Team 4

Matchday 4
Team 1 v Team 3
Team 2 v Team 5

Matchday 5
Team 1 v Team 2
Team 3 v Team 4

Matchday One scores


Zakrowskitoria 2 - 1 Spruitland
Fmjphoenix 1 - 2 Liverpool England
Bedistan 1 - 2 Druida
Robotopolis 1 - 2 Starblaydia
Hockey Canada 1 - 2 Lovisa
Kaze Progressa 0 - 2 Cockbill Street

SugaFreaks Deprived!

Zakrowskitoria – Spruitland: 2 – 1

DRUIDA -– The Spruitland SugaFreaks were unable to defeat the national dodgeball team of Zakrowskitoria and lost their opening match of the tournament by two games to one – a disappointing result for the pastry chefs, who went into the match with low expectations, but found themselves leaving the field feeling robbed of a win.

The first game was fairly one-sided, though. While the Spruitlanders were still engaged in a heated argument about how exactly to pronounce “Zakrowskitoria”, team captain Adam Suikerbuick got struck out, and the SugaFreaks would not recover from this early disadvantage. They did manage to eliminate one opponent, but the ongoing debate between the Spruitlanders, both on and off the field, turned out too distracting to manage more than that.

After this abysmal start, captain Suikerbuick called a brief time-out and passed out cream puffs to his team. The SugaFreaks started the second game with renewed spirits and turned their opponents into sour dough, with Rudy Costello jumping up like a baboon on steroids to catch the ball inches from the re-activation target to eliminate the last Zakrowskitorian.

The deciding game turned into a real nerve-racker when Spruitland took the early lead, but Guan Yu managed to hit the target to bring his full team back into play. The SugaFreaks, now at a disadvantage, battled bravely, but the decisive moment came when two Zakrowskitorians remained, facing a lone Bertha Slava.

Bertha looked determined to hit the re-activation target, but when Zhuge Yi yelled “Viva Zakrowskitoria!”, she promptly dropped the ball and tackled him to the floor, earning herself an elimination by the out-of-bounds rule.

“I thought he said See that cow’s flimora,” Bertha sobbed after her teammates had dragged her off the bemused Zhuge Yi. “I didn’t know what a flimora was, but I was pretty sure it was something bad.”

The SugaFreaks slunk out of the arena, comforting Bertha, team captain Adam Suikerbuick staying behind just long enough to say “This is depressing. We must go eat now.”

On matchday 2, Spruitland will meet Liverpool England, who beat Fmjphoenix 2 – 1.

"We can't cover dodgeball! It's a kids' sport! No one even bothers about it except the Druidans, and everybody knows they're friggin mad!" Jimmy Rotherham, sports journalist at the C-mail exploded.

"Yes, but see, those kids have parents. And mates. And mates' parents. And all of those will want to see something about their kids. After all, they're representing Cockbill Street here..." the sports editor in chief, Alan Udder, replied rather calmly.

"Ye gods, they're fourteen and playing against professionals. Gods know how they manage - heck, they probably will lose all matches 0-10. How do you score in dodgeball, anyway?"

"You don't. You win a game or not. Bit like a series of cricket, except that you break off when a team has won two games."

"Still...disorganised kids against Rejistani professionals who do everything to win. It's bound to go bad."

"You never know - after all, kids play dodgeball the most..."

"That's because it's the greatest game for showing who's the class fatso that they can all bully."

"Enough! You get to Druida with the next zeppelin or you don't have a job!"

"But boss, the county cricket semi starts tomorrow..."

"I'll get someone else to cover that. You go to Druida before I lose...my...temper..."

"Gah," Jimmy sighed before going down to the travel agent's to get tickets.

---

"So, what have you been doing today, then," Jimmy asked the captain in the traditional journalist-speaking-to-kid voice.

"Oi, mate, if you ain't gonna interview us properly, feck off," Alan Schofield, the 13-year-old captain, said. "I know 'ow this is s'posed to be dun, and yer not doin' it righ',"

"Oh, am I not. Oh dear. You want me to interview you like you were professionals, then? What d'ya feel and stuff?"

"Too righ'. Lis'n, matey, we wun both games wi' Kaze Pro...you know how it's said, anyway, we wun and we're the only team to win twoice, bit more respec' from our local paper in order, per'aps?"

"Okay, then. Start again," Jimmy sighed. "How do you feel about the victory?"

"Nah, nah, that won' do. Ya gotta sound excited, matey."

"Who's interviewing? Me or you?"

"We're both in it," Alan said with a grin.

"No, I'm interviewing you because I've nothing better to write about and the bloody article's gotta be on the zeppelin in two hours and my editor's gonna sack me if I don't give it and I'm missing a county cricket match to watch you guys, and you're playing a sport that nobody understands and only a couple of hundred Druidans care about! Happy now?!" Jimmy almost screamed near the end.

"Okay, okay matey. Calm down now. Deep breath. Now lis'n, you're obviously no' up to doin' the in'erview righ' now, so we'll jus' leave i' till tomorrow, okay? Good lad. See ya around tomorro, mate."

"Um...hey, wait!"

But it was too late - the team had already departed for their dressing rooms. Jimmy began to curse in Ancient Dwarfish - Dwarfish wasn't good enough for the situation.

Someone shouted incoherent words in something reminding of Rejistanian on the training ground of the rejistanian team. If one comes near, one can identify the shouter as Jui Janek, coach of the rejistanians. If one tries to make heads or tails out of his words, which works remarkably well if one translates what he says word for word into minokajetian, one realizes that he is angry about "Sita" Sijitalamirinume Kalatadedinimelakana, who is absent, apparently without excuse. No, he is not, there he comes, obviously high as one can be. "K~hojin, it is difficult to find good stuff in Druida!" his rejistanian was not the best, he speaks it with a clear seleke dialect, mispronouncing certain syllables and leaving out what is grammatically possible. Kansu Y translates Sita's rejistanian into minokajeti rejistanian. Eventually, coach Jui Janek understands it and starts shouting at Sita. The seleke waits coolly until Janek'he has to catch breath and then asks: "Continue shouting, I go to the toilet! when I'll be back, we might start training."

A reporter of the Update saw that occurance and reported it. Since then the Rejistani chances are considered low since the rejistanis are nothing but a chaotic bunch of oddballs.

Matchday 2 results and tables

Audioslavia 2 - 0 Fmjphoenix
Spruitland 2 - 0 Liverpool England
Nargopia 1 - 2 Robotopolis
Druida 2 - 0 Starblaydia
Rejistania 2 - 0 Kaze Progressa
Lovisa 0 - 2 Cockbill Street

Division A W - L
Audioslavia 1 - 0
Zakrowskitoria 1 - 0
------------------------
Spruitland 1 - 1
Liverpool England 1 - 1
Fmjphoenix 0 - 2

Division B W - L
Druida 2 - 0
Starblaydia 1 - 1
------------------------
Robotopolis 1 - 1
Nargopia 0 - 1
Bedistan 0 - 1

Division C W - L
Cockbill Street 2 - 0
Rejistania 1 - 0
------------------------
Lovisa 1 - 1
Hockey Canada 0 - 1
Kaze Progressa 0 - 2

Ties are decided on head to head, then on games lost.

Easy as pie!

Spruitland – Liverpool England: 2 - 0

The Spruitland SugaFreaks retained their chances of moving on to the “Super Six” with a convincing win over Liverpool England in their second match of the tournament. After unluckily losing to Zakrowsomething on matchday one, the pastry chefs rebounded with surprising grace and dominated the match from start to finish.

“Like shooting pies in a barrel,” Adam Suikerbuick commented after the game. “The Liverpoolenglanders didn’t seem to be totally focused on their game.”

Indeed, the Liverpool England dodgeball team seemed to care very little about the outcome of the match, spending most of the time cracking jokes, pulling down each other’s pants, and making funny faces at each other. The SugaFreaks made short work of them, only failing to play a perfect match because Jörg Steen saw a throw accidentally get caught by a Liverpoolenglander who was waving at someone in the crowd.

“Disgraceful!” was the opinion of a frustrated Druidan dodgeball enthusiast who left the arena before the match was over. “It’s bad enough most countries saw fit to send their most ridiculous team to Druida – I mean, bakers, 12-year old kids, even robots? Come on! But at least try to win the game. These guys just didn’t care!”

“Tha’s not true,” one of the Liverpool England players replied. “We care lots. Like, plenty. And then some. It’s just, you know, some days it becomes clear where a man’s priorities should – Hey, Rudy! Thanks for the brownies, man! Great stuff, like, awesome!”

Anorexic Spruitland brownie-chef Rudy Costello was unavailable for comments.

On matchday three, the Spruitland SugaFreaks get the day off to rest for the important match against Audioslavia on day four. Audioslavia looked strong in their match against Fmjphoenix, beating them 2 – 0.

The Orange-Blues surprised all journalists by a clear 2:0 win. The Progressans are the sport-mad community, but the Rejistanians totally outplayed them. "Sita" Sijitalamirinume Kalatadedinimelakana was the man of the match, maybe because he was for a change not sky-high on a nice combination of legal and not-quite-legal drugs. He said after the match that drugs are the key to a good performance: "Y'kno', I ca' stop it and i improve, they have no'a way t' improve the'selves! y'see?" He did not believe Janek'he that the others are normally on that high standard as he is when on cold turkey. "y'see them, are they compare? Are they compare to us?" When Janek'he stated that 'KP' is the worst team in this divisasi and urged him not to rate all sober players on them, "Sita" said: "Jie, yo'see who's ahead after the group stage!".

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/bsd_banner.png
miscellaneous sports

Bedistanis playing dodgeball...what will they think of next?

CEFN, Druida -- Well, we've now proven that Bedistanis are willing to try anything. Why? Because we've decided to take a leaf out of Druida's book and put together an international dodgeball team. Yes, you heard right - dodgeball on an international level.

Firstly, here are the players that will be representing Bedistan, going by the nickname "Porcupines":

1. Rob Richardson (5'9", 163 lbs, age 25) - As the team captain, it makes sense that his primary skill is leadership, and he's also quite a good player in his own right. Throw Strength: 8/10, Speed: 7/10, Catching: 7/10
2. Bill Young (6'5", 195 lbs, age 30) - One of the team's larger players, he's not quite the fastest, though he can still dodge a ball relatively quickly. His main attribute is his strength, as he's been known to break 50 mph with his throws on occasion. Throw Strength: 10/10, Speed: 6/10, Catching: 4/10
3. Georg Sipowicz (5'11", 183 lbs, age 24) - He was born to Lovisan parents that had just immigrated to Bedistan four months earlier. And that's really the only notable thing about him. A very average player on the whole. Throw Strength: 6/10, Speed: 6/10, Catching: 5/10
4. Penelope Song (5'4", 102 lbs, age 17) - The Bedistani team's female player actually makes the team on her own merit and not just because of her gender. Several years of playing dodgeball in elementary and middle school helped her hone her skills. She's also very small and very fast, making her quite difficult to hit. Don't expect her to catch the ball a whole lot, though. Throw Strength: 7/10, Speed: 10/10, Catching: 3/10
5. Al Scott (6'2", 226 lbs, age 29) - The biggest player on the team, he's the most likely to get hit due to somewhat of a lack of speed. However, years of playing baseball in high school and university make him a very dangerous person to try to hit, as more likely than not he'll just catch the ball instead. Throw Strength: 6/10, Speed: 4/10, Catching: 9/10

These five brave individuals faced host nation Druida on the first day of competition at the Hole. In the first game, all started well, the Porcupines having at one point a 4-2 advantage with only Benelliontoli and Yrstru remaining for the Phantom Phlingers and only Sipowicz eliminated on the Bedistani side. But "the Scream" managed to catch a throw from Al Scott to even the sides at three a piece, and with the momentum in Druida's favor they quickly took the point from the first game, giving them a 1-0 lead. The Porcupines narrowly squeezed out a win in the second game in an exciting matchup that ended up in a one-on-one shootout between Penelope Song and Melinda Trevors, the former managing to hit the latter in the upper left leg. But it was not to be for the Bedistani team as the Phlingers dominated the third game of the match, eliminating the last Porcupines player, Bill Young, with a catch by Becki Williams.

The Porcupines had a bye on matchday 2, but will be ready to come up off the bottom of the table next time.

finalscore
Bedistan 1
Druida 2

Matchday 3 results/tables


Division A


Audioslavia 1 - 2 Liverpool England
Zakrowskitoria 1 - 2 Fmjphoenix

Division A W - L
Liverpool England 2 - 1
Audioslavia 1 - 1
-------------------------
Zakrowskitoria 1 - 1
Spruitland 1 - 1
Fmjphoenix 1 - 2


Division B


Nargopia 2 - 1 Starblaydia
Bedistan 2 - 1 Robotopolis

Division B W - L
Druida 2 - 0
Bedistan 1 - 1
-------------------------
Nargopia 1 - 1
Starblaydia 1 - 2
Robotopolis 1 - 2


Division C


Rejistania 1 - 2 Cockbill Street
Hockey Canada 1 - 2 Kaze Progressa

Division C W - L
Cockbill Street 3 - 0
Rejistania 1 - 1
-------------------------
Lovisa 1 - 1
Kaze Progressa 1 - 2
Hockey Canada 0 - 2

Congratulations to Cockbill Street on making it through to the 'Super Six'!

The Daily Druid

TOURNAMENT DELAYED
Dodgeball returns after 18 months

The longest delay in a World Championship... well, ever, ended yesterday as the Dodgeball World Championships in The Hole re-started.

Of course, a lot of water has passed under the bridge since then. The Progressan team have all applied for Druidan citizenship after finding that they didn't have a home to go to, the Zakrowskitoria team are somehow still with us, Rejistania are now forced to just stand there and defend themselves, while the Druidan national stadium, The Hole, has been rebuilt.

Why? Well, some rogue Dodgeball:Goliath players decided to upstage the main event by striking the stadium with one of their giant dodgeballs. For those of you not in the know, Dodgeball:Goliath was a giant inter-state dodgeball game played across Vilita, Druida and Nova Britannicus using giant dodgeballs. It was banned in Druida after a stray shot killed thirty in a Neodzki suburb. However, the culprits who attacked The Hole are still at large.

But back to the action, and the Druida team kept up their impressive run with a win in the deciding game against Nargopia. The full results of yesterdays games, and the tables, are as follows...


Audioslavia 1 - 2 Spruitland
Zakrowskitoria 1 - 2 Liverpool England
Nargopia 0 - 2 Druida
Bedistan 0 - 2 Starblaydia
Rejistania 2 - 1 Lovisa
Hockey Canada 2 - 1 Cockbill Street

Division A W - L
Liverpool England 3 - 1
Spruitland 2 - 1
------------------------
Audioslavia 1 - 2
Fmjphoenix 1 - 2
Zakrowskitoria 1 - 2

Division B W - L
Druida 3 - 0
Starblaydia 2 - 2
------------------------
Bedistan 1 - 2
Robotopolis 1 - 2
Nargopia 1 - 2

Division C W - L
Cockbill Street 3 - 1
Rejistania 2 - 1
------------------------
Lovisa 1 - 2
Kaze Progressa 1 - 2
Hockey Canada 1 - 2

So, with one matchday to go, three teams have made the next stage, but everyone still has a chance of making it through. We'll be back with more scores tomorrow, as well as presenting the opening super-six table.

Starblaydia In Qualifying Position
Need Results to go their way on Matchday Five

There's something rather fun about throwing things at foreigners and making them walk away, and this sport appears to have taken instantly to the hearts of Starblaydi sportsmen and women.

With two women, a dwarf, a half-halfling and a Starblaydi Monk of Karela, Starblaydia strangely aren't the weirdest side in Drudia, believe it or not. One thing they did manage, however, was to beat Robotopolis. Now, as you may know, Robotopolis just won the Cherry Cup (of Ice Hockey, that is) twice in succession, becoming probably the best team in the World.

Better than Starblaydia's Rayzors, even. Bastids.

So after destorying Robotopolis, losing to Hosts Druida and some guys from Nargopia, then beating Regional Rivals Bedistan, Starblaydia are just about in the Qualifying places behind 3-and-Oh Druida.

Now, watch carefully, here's the science.

If Nargopia and Robotopolis win, then Starblaydia, Nargopia and Robotopolis will all be on 2-2 records with one qualifying place to be decided between them. Starblaydia have beaten Robotopolis, Robotopolis beaten Nargopia and Nargopia beaten Starblaydia. Resulting in a right mess.

So, we'll see. So lets watch foreigners throw things at each other some more!

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y197/Spruitland/sportsgazette.jpg


SugaFreaks well rested

Audioslavia – Spruitland: 1 – 2

The Spruitland SugaFreaks were pleased to have a bye on matchday three, enabling them to rest for their important match against Audioslavia on day four. When one day turned into 18 months though, the pastry chefs were a bit peeved, especially since they missed the annual Pie War Festival back home.

However, huge amounts of cake and pie can overcome any problem, so the SugaFreaks didn’t take it to heart. They spent their time teaching the local bakeries a trick or two, and by the time matchday four finally came along, they were well rested (and had gained quite a few pounds).

The match looked to be a one-sided affair as the SugaFreaks won the first game with relative ease, but pesky Audioslavia player Timothy Mallet used his speed to roll up the entire Spruitland team in game two, tieing the match.

In the deciding game the Spruitlanders chose to take no chances, so Bertha Slava sacrificed herself by tackling Mallet to the ground and landing her full weight on him. Mallet was taken to the hospital with several broken ribs and Bertha was disqualified, but with Audioslavia’s anchor man eliminated, the remaining SugaFreaks had very little trouble winning the decider.

They are now in second place in Division A, but still need to win the final match against Fmjphoenix to advance to the Super Six. Should they lose that match, there will be a three way tie for second, and nobody knows exactly what will happen then.

“Well, it’s in the rule book, but it’s more complicated than a Spruitland tax form,” team captain Adam Suikerbuick said. “I suppose the Druidan officials know, but that’s not exactly reassuring. I’ve seen how their bakers work, I wouldn’t trust a Druidan to separate the yolks from the whites! Guess we’ll just have to win against Fmjphoenix to make sure there’s no confusion.”