NationStates Jolt Archive

Okay, for those who don't know, I'm writing a small story here on NS called United we stand, divided we fall (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=410921). Yes, I know the name is tired and over used, but I originally didn't plan for this specific story to be anything beyond five badly written posts with minimal thought involved, so I didn't put much effort into selecting a good title.

Anyway, while I've gotten positive feedback from some friends I've directed to the thread and a few people who've stumbled onto the thread by themselves, the number of responces has been quite low. They've all been good responces ("Great Story!", "You rock!", "Keep up the good work!", etc.) but there just haven't been very many of them. I'm just wondering if the sentiment expressed by those few people is held by anybody else. Right now I'm craving feedback, even if it's bad.

I'm not expecting a page and a half of literary critique, I don't need a list of every single spelling error and every character flaw, but just your general opinion would be great. Thanks in advance.

Right now I'm torn between "It's pretty good but not the best I've read" and "If you write more, I'll stab you in the jaw!"

Right now I'm leaning more towards the latter. Urge to vote stupidly rising...

...Nope. It's pretty good, but it's not the best RP I've ever read. The Amerigan Slave War takes that, IMO. Or one of AMF's stories.

You've got more willpower than I do, by my vote I should be stabbing myself in the jaw right about now.

You know, you make a thread hoping to attract more responces and you end getting less than you had before. I should probably start a program to increase my tax losses to the IRS, I might end up being owed a million bucks by the govermment!

Nope...the tax code is such that you can only get to zero...except with tax credits...I guess if you could find a loop hole in the tax credit code you could do it.

OK I havent finished reading your story due to time restrants but I can tell you from a writer to another...your story is good its real good but there are a few things I have seen so far, names I know names are hard but "the Bad Times" it kills the meaning of it, takes less work but it just doesnt pack anything. Give a name to the bad times like the Klonor Civil Crisis, that might not be the best ex. but you get the idea, and your classification names are the the languge for numbers or rank or something? I just seemed to lose something when you said Lambda. I love the ship names by the way I always put to much thought into mine and they end up suckin. One last thing before I go your writing Space sci-fi becareful because unless your a fan of sci-fi and space stories like this you cant apprecate a good story when ou see it so if people want to stab your jaw its prolly not cuz your a bad writer or the story stinks, they just might not like this idea. Your fellow writer Gabriel Moore

'The Bad Times' actually comes from Sin City, which I've seen twice in the past two weeks and have had on my mind 24/7 (I even went out and bought two of the graphic novels after seeing the movie). It's what the girls of Old Town called the days before they made an alliance with the cops and when the mob ran the town and treated them as slaves. I felt that the meaning behind it in the movie, that of uninterrupted oppression and horror, fit what they were referring to (This being a point in Klonor history where, in a plot by a still undiscovered secret society, every single member of the Klonor government was horribly murdered and the multi-system government collapsed into anarchy and civil war).

The reason there's no word besides just 'The Bad Time' is because so much stuff happened then (Including the so often mentioned Epsilon Pegasi Civil War) and nothing else seems to fit. I mean seriously, what name could encompass annexation by foreign powers, revolution, civil war, and crime on a massive scale (We're talking Godfather scale crime) all by itself?

About the ships, I just try to find one single source and work from there. For example, I called this class of ship the Achilles because they're meant as a massive and unstoppable force in combat. I just spin off of there. Priam was the name of the King of Troy when Achilles fought there, Illium is another name for Troy, etc. You just need a common thread and it's not that hard.

Quite possibly the best I have read on NationStates, but I have only been here for six/seven months. Despite that, it's among the best in this genre I have ever read. Congrats.

Wow....talk about an ego booster. Yay for me!

Okay, I am really grasping at straws now. Who else thinks my last few posts have been a bit off?

Dear God, if you ever so much as write another word I will stab you in the jaw! :mad:


Not Joking :mp5:

Well, that hurts. Care to say why?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but did a certain story arc just get editted into oblivion and replaced by something entirely different? Or has my memory failed me once again?

The answer is probably a yes, I've been going back and re-writing various parts of the story since the first post (I originally had the Priam go 'undercover' and trying to take the pirates down from the inside) in an attempt to improve the story. Don't worry, you don't need to go back and suddenly start re-reading the whole thing all over again, I only do that to the latest posts so as to avoid confusion, but the story has shifted quite often. I'm not quite sure how to end it and am trying out many different possibilities.