Cherry Cup X - scores, RP, rosters & general wackiness [Archive]

Tanah Burung

11-03-2005, 23:45

The Stout Lout Breweries and the Tanah Burung College of Cosmetic Dentistry present...

Cherry Cup X
(results generated using Mac OS 9)

Hockey in the Tropical Sun

This year’s tournament will be organized using a conference system. The top eight teams in each conference will qualify for knock-out playoffs, with the conference champions facing each other for the Cherry Cup.

Each team will play four matches, one against all other teams in their division. You can bet on the winner at http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=8417504

Here are the ranks based on finish at the last Cup:

1. Oliverry
2. Fimble Loving Peoples
3. Iansisle
4. Robotopolis
5. Vilita
6. Liverpool England
7. Hiraan
8. Hockey Canada
9. Starblaydia
10. Tanah Burung
11. Kalaallit Nunaat
12. Sjwitz
13. South Osettia
14. Very Angry Rabbits
15. Cockbill Street
16. Hisam
17. Frozcheva
18. Sarzonia
19. Brazillico
20. Lovisa
21. Bryn Shander
22. Andrasuvare
23. Piquantrax
24. Squornshelous
25. all others

Group Draw
Presented by Burung Bud Brew & the Amalgamated Union of Intoxicant Suppliers

STOUT LOUT CONFERENCE
(All matches will be played at the Tiga Burung Cow Palace, a well-chilled complex of rinks in the coastal city of Tiga Burung, home base to the Sunny Tanah Burung Trade & Tourism Bureau. The locals are very welcoming, if you know what we mean, nudge nudge. Temperature drop from outisde to indoors is estimated at between 20 and 30 degrees.)

Susan Aglukark Memorial Harpoon Division
Sarzonia Blizzards (18)
Druida Lightning
Nargopia Llamas
Redundancia Redhawks
Lovisa (20)

HRH the Duchess of Cornwall Division
Oaker Sharks
Oliverry (1)
Starblaydia Rayzors (9)
Fimble loving peoples (2)
Kelssek

Dwarf-crushing Division
Vilita (5)
Corneliu Penguins
South Osettia (13)
Chicanada Kodiaks
Cockbill Street Streeters (15)

COLLEGE OF COSMETIC DENTISTRY CONFERENCE
(Matches will be played at one of three rinks built to international specifications in the mountain province of Matebian, where ice has been known to form naturally on occasion. Fans here are known for their devotion to national pride and discerning palate for all forms of alcohol)

Russian Division
Kalaallit Nunaat Red-and-White Iceberg (11)
Sjwitz Silversharks
Bweezystan Brawlers
Saskatoon Blues
Squornshelous (24)

Battery-operated Division
Very Angry Rabbits Artic Hares (14)
Tanah Burung Cassowaries (10)
Hisam (16)
Fmjphonenix
Robotopolis Synthos (4)

Quebecois Liberation Division
Iansisle Gulls (3)
Liverpool England Ice Terminators (6)
Hockey Canada (8)
Euroslavia Phantoms
The Raspberry Reich

Schedule

Match one: 1 v 3, 2 v 4
Match two: 1 v 5, 2 v 3
Match three: 1 v 2, 4 v 5
Match four: 1 v 4, 3 v 5
Match five: 2 v 5, 3 v 4

This post brought to you by the College of Cosmetic Dentistry. Too many robotic fists to the face? Mouth smashed in by a goonish Gull? Front teeth too prominent? No Problem! Our moderately qualified dental surgeon will fix you up good. Now offering free anasathetic!

Fimble loving peoples

11-03-2005, 23:54

FLP team for CCX.

Having heard that famous cry of free beer the FLP team has multiplied from the team of 15 at the last tournament to a staggering 2000 players. The coach must sort through these for their first match, but, after guiding the team to second place last time round it is assumed he will.

Of the faces rather quickly drinking themselves into an early night a few familiar faces can be picked out, such as Brian Farmish, superstar FLP hockey player.

Corneliu

12-03-2005, 00:16

CORNELIU SPORTS PAGE

The Corneliuan Team arrived at their hotel. When they arrived, the coach and players dropped their luggage off in their rooms and gathered for a team a meeting. The Corneliuan Hockey team is competing in their first international competition and they are hoping that they do quite well.

"I have full faith in the team that we assembled." The coach stated. "This will be tough and I know we aren't expected to take the cup but this is hockey and anything can happen. We will have fun while we are here."

Starblaydia

12-03-2005, 01:18

Dwarves Out for Revenge
Hockey Sticks, Axes and Hammers at the Ready

The blurb:
Starblaydia once more send their Dwarven warriors take to the Burungi ice to try and take a record third Cherry Cup Championship for Starblaydia. To challenge the greats like Iansisle, Kalaallit Nunaat, Tanah Burung, Oliverry and Starblaydia. Wait, that's us.

The kit:
http://www.starblaydestudios.co.uk/Images/CCKit.jpg

The team (same as before-before):
Coached by: Haztarr

1st Line:
Thror Honnhirrim C Electrickery Guild
Thorin Nibin (C) W Brewer's Team
Thrain Naugrim W Brewer's Team
Thingol Zaram D Electrickery Guild
Dimrill Barazinbar D Brewer's Team
Dagnir Tumunzahar G Mining Co-Operative Guild

Replacements:
Gromril Tamanubaz C BeardBraiders United
Floror Hemanguroth C Brewer's Team
Nebazarr Mahamhir (A)C Runic Guild
Haradin Azanulbizarn W Electrickery Guild
Thorion Ganuztar W Runic Guild
Gonotrill Harantzim W Mountain Mithrils
Banghiman Fortrekhir W Electrickery Guild
Thorin Hazbathim W Runic Guild
Gotrek Ramanzabar W Mining Co-Operative Guild
Fingon Nongortheb D Runic Guild
Danwedh Turgrim D Brewer's Team
Balak Fingorram D Engineering Union
Hagard Haztarr D BeardBraiders United
Nurri Temekrahin D Mining Co-Operative Guild
Grimcrag Torinzahar G Mining Co-Operative Guild

"Ye all know why we're here, laddies."

"Uh, not really, Coach," said a voice from within the huddle of players, "why are we here?"

"'Tis what we been waitin' furr." Coach Haztarr eyed his players narrowly with bright eyes from under thick, greying eyebrows. "Y'all ken what Tanah Burung is famous fur across t'globe?"

The room was dimly dark and ill-lit. The former probably being a consequence of the latter. Haztarr stood proudly on a bench, towering above his players. The average Dwarf, not really known for their Goliathesque statue, doesn't really need much help to be towered over. So Haztarr did over his compatriots, glaring at them in his usual style. He was greeted by blank looks staring back up at him.

"Um," piped up one player, "they're famous for losing to us?"

"Ohhh, good answer!" Haztarr congratulated his nervous defenseman. "'Tis a good answer, but it's not roight!"

The faces were slightly relieved, but not quite relaxed. Haztarr raised his eyebrows but was offered no further answers.

"Its because," he continued, "they make sommof t'finest ale in t'world!"

That caused quite a stir amongst the young, comparatively athletic Dwarves before him. Most of the Brewer's Team were here, and they certainly loved their ale. Talk about an understatement, they practically played drunk. Dwarves did everything at least moderately drunk, and beating people up on skates was a sinch.

"Burungi Brew, Stout Lout's Finest Preserve, Tanah Real Ale, Doctor Black-Doomhammer's Bitter of Eternal Reeling Drunkardness..."

The list went on and on, each famous name making their eyes wider and their mouths drier. The Dwarves were completely in his spell, as so often before.

"Ye realise, o'course," Haztarr lowered his voice, barely a whisper above the slathering mouths of his team, "that we can have it all. T'stuff o'dreams be made of. Beer."

"How can we get it?!" cried out an eager player, breaking the silence with all the grace of a stumbling rhino. He received a quick jab in the ribs from a teammate, shutting his mouth immediately.

"'Tis all around ye," Haztarr whispered again, spreading his arms wide, enveloping himself into the darkness, "Tanah Burung, me laddies. If we can win again, the Cherry Cup, here, in the heart of Brewerdom itself..."

He broke off, letting the players' imaginations create more fantastic images than his broken English could ever concoct. He looked around at each of their faces. Players who had been with him in triumph and disaster. Players who would put their bodies on the line for him, their people, their county. Minds, bodies and souls all bound up together, ready to be sacrificed, if need be, on the icy altar of Don Cherry's memorial of glory. He knw that now, in this moment, they were his to command. They were his men, now and forver. They would follow him to hell and back, for Honour, Glory, Blood. And Beer...

Rayzors All The Way, Baby!

Iansisle

12-03-2005, 01:23

((OS 9? Sheesh, get with the times, old man! :p *zooms off in OS X*))

TIGA BURUNG, Tanah Burung -- The Iansisle Gulls arrived by aeroflyer in the capital city of Tanah Burung, that Knootian-occupied tropical paradise, with a chip on their shoulders the size of a Gallagan bull elephant. Despite their most brutal efforts and being the only real hockey team left in the tournament, the Gulls had blown it all in Oliverry. Never again.

Upon arriving in Tiga Burung, star goalie Sergei Naumov promptly fainted from heat exhaustion after leaving the protective 'air-conditioning' (a newfangled contraption devised by overheated engineers in Gallaga). Trainers report him in stable conditions, but Naumov will not be able to gallivant about Tanah Burung without his protective ice double-breasted suit and top hat.

The Gulls cannot wait until the group draw, when they will know exactly whose heads they will be bashing.

http://www.arthritis.org/images/chapters/sandiego/gulls_logo_t.gif (http://sandiegogulls.com/)
Gulls Roster:

G: Sergei Naumov
G: Trevor Koenig

RW: Martin St. Amour
RW: Mark Woolf (AC)
RW: Dennis Purdie
RW: Ashlee Langdone
RW: R.J. Enga

LW: Kevin St. Jacques
LW: Sandro Sbrocca
LW: Clayton Read
LW: Mark Pederson
C: B.J. MacPherson (C)
C: Mark Stitt
C: David Neal
C: Sylvain Deschatelets

D: Jamie Black
D: Brett Larson (AC)
D: Sergei Visegorodcevs
D: Taj Melson
D: Kevin Grant
D: Samy Nasreddine
D: Sammy Dejean

First Line
RW: Martin St. Amour
C: B.J. MacPherson
LW: Kevin St. Jacques

Second Line
RW: Mark Woolf
C: Mark Stitt
LW: Mark Pederson

Third Line
RW: Ashlee Langdone
C: David Neal
LW: Sandro Sbrocca

Fourth Line
RW: Dennis Purdie
C: Sylvain Deschatelets
LW: Clayton Read

Defensive Line 1
RD: Jamie Black
LD: Sergei Visegorodcevs

Defensive Line 1
RD: Taj Melson
LD: Samy Nasreddine

Power Play 1
RW: Mark Woolf
C: B.J. MacPherson
LW: Kevin St. Jacques
RD: Jamie Black
LD: Samy Nasreddine

Power Play 2
RW: Martin St. Amour
C: Mark Stitt
LW: Mark Pederson
RD: Taj Melson
LD: Samy Nasreddine

Penalty Kill 1
RW: Ashlee Langdone
LW: Kevin St. Jacques
RD: Brett Larson
LD: Sergei Visegorodcevs

Penalty Kill 2
RW: Martin St. Amour
LW: Mark Woolf
RD: Taj Melson
LD: Samy Nasreddine

((ooc: In case anyone is wondering, I use the same roster every Cherry Cup. It's basically the San Diego Gulls' all-time all-star roster. :)))

Oliverry

12-03-2005, 01:24

Oliverry ready to defend title

Tarah Burung- Last year, Oliverry won the title by a surprisingly victory against Starblaydia and another against Vilita. The only good team remaining that could win the cup was Iansisle but they were eliminated in semifinals. So Oliverry just had to win against Fimble Loving Peoples to take out the cup in their own house. Now, Oliverry will play in a tropical country: Tarah Burung. Contrarily as the current running-gags are saying, no it will not be a roller hockey tournament, and the ice was exceptional, classified 2nd in quality in the whole world, just behind Oliverrian ones.

Other subject: Punters are making Oliverry favourite to win this cup at 2/1 just ahead of Starblaydia which punters are betting for them by a 3-2 margin. The team just hope that it's real and are doing their freshes by thinking they're higher than anyone. The coach is suppose to warn them that having this atitude will make them lose the cup. Now, here are the rosters:

Coaches:
Coach:Johnathan Blue will come in for a 3rd year
Goalie Coach: Jean-Francois Larache
Forward coach: Brian McGill

Goalies:
32:John Mezzalona(East Rubbermade DJ's):25 years-old
5: Nicola Missioliza(Lamontagne Pingouins):30 years-old

Defensemen:
1st pair
44:Louis Tremblay(Lamontagne Pingouins):24 years-old
98:Gil Brown(Marshalliston Capitals):36 years-old
2nd pair
31:Richard Lanoix(Letremblay Bleu-Blanc-Rouge):35 years-old
22:Steve Dubé(Perpignant Français):23 years-old
3rd pair
58: Oliver Jones(Coastal Oceans):28 years-old
39: Lil'Jon Hat(Coastal Oceans):29 years-old

Forwards:
1st line
2:Guy-Jacques François(Marshalliston Capitals):31 years-old
4: Denys de Ladurantaye(Marshalliston Capitals):26 years-old
6:François Laroche(Marshalliston Capitals):29 years-old
2nd Line
8: Johnathan Bailey(Sunberry Coastals):32 years-old
12: Frank Thompson(Perpignant Français):26 years-old
10: Michael Nurenburg(East Rubbermade DJ's):29 years-old
3rd line
9: Felipe Alanzano(Marshallsiton Capitals):21 years-old
14: Joel Hatcher(Sunberry Borders):32 years-old
36: Dick Tremblay(Perpignant Francais):20 years-old
4th line
18:Pat Andretti(Letremblay Bleu-Blanc-Rouge):32 years-old
23: Jersey MacMaster(Coastal Oceans):32 years-old
16: John Motorola(Costal Oceans):28 years-old

The players are gonna use these uniforms:
http://membres.lycos.fr/lhjmq2004/Image1.png
http://membres.lycos.fr/lhjmq2004/Image2.png

Vilita

12-03-2005, 04:50

tag to become roster tomorrow night

Chicanada

12-03-2005, 06:36

http://www.geocities.com/crazyshy100/CHCChestLogo.jpg
Chicanada Hockey Club Newsletter
ooc: Damn, our team logo is blurry. Must work on it to unblurrify

Showing much interest in competing at the international level, Chicanada sends it's very best to take part in Cherry Cup X.

Coach: Marsha Villeneue (Atens, only female coach in CHL)
Assistants: Tiger Omills (Easten), Marien Iolen (Acadia)

First Line:
C Terrence Philton (Verde)
W Jerrad Los (Provincetown)
W Bastian Opei (Bishop HC)
D Ioan Luff (Star Point)
D Peris Alcazar (Rosa City)
G Dumair Prada (Eoden, Captain)

Reserves:
C Mashir Barazin (Colombo)
C Tribecca York (Easten)
C Mordecai Lincoln (Crossing HC)
W Lin Fe (Mission HC)
W Karoli Uganzi (Provincetown)
W Blu Gondril (Livingston)
W Forrest Winston (HC Ashely)
W Harrison Klingstron (Provincetown)
W Quentin Sloven (West Coast HC)
D Derk Louve (HC Ashley)
D Sylvester Youden (Township)
D Finnen Elmeron (Saint Croix)
D Rodgeon Kittzenson (Cana HC)
D Gradan K'lzojo (Jaxx)
D Salan Ovedon (Verde)
G Mirel Kros (Atens)
G Garen Wallase (Easten)

The team is expected to spend the next week in Eastentown at the CHL National Facility before flying out to Tanah Burung for group play. No clue as of yet to who the team will play but they're expecting to take immediate advantage of playing the national sport on an international level.

Kelssek

12-03-2005, 09:48

"Okay, good morning to all of you. I'm sure you all know what the nation expects from you. We are going to have to work hard to build on the EPHC performance, because we aren't playing against teams like Fish Island anymore. We'll be up against the big shots. This is the Cherry Cup, people!... what?"

"Uh... coach, we aren't in the Cherry Cup." said Neville Keanes.

"Okay, look, let's get this straight right from the start. I don't care if you're the captain, I don't care if..." he was interrputed as Peter Eriksson, the national team GM, walked in and stared for a bit.

"Why's everyone here?" asked Peter.

"We're starting the training for the Cherry Cup."

"We're not in the Cherry Cup."

"WHAT? Why?"

"The paperwork was filed too late, it was full up already. I thought you knew that. Anyway..."

The coach stared at Peter in shock. "WHAT??"

"I thought you knew that. Anyway I just wanted to tell you that JetSek went bankrupt last night, your flight home got cancelled, and all the other airlines are probably full up cause it's the start of the holiday week. So you might want to get a hotel for the night."

The coach left the room fuming mad. Silence hung over the $220 million worth of talent in the locker room.

"Do you guys want to play a scrimmage anyway?" piped up Rob Fletcher.

Very Angry Rabbits

12-03-2005, 13:51

Current up to here, sign-ups for Cherry Cup X are:
Includes Kelssek. Host is looking for 30 teams - with Kelssek, we have 29

Host - Tanah Burung
And we all thank our 5 other friends who offered to host CC X

Participants
Kalaallit Nunaat - Iceberg colors are red and white
Vilita - Ice Cats colors are orange and teal
Sarzonia - Blizzards
Oaker - Sharks
Oliverry (current champion) colors are green, blue and red (http://membres.lycos.fr/lhjmq2004/Image1.png), alternate jersey (http://membres.lycos.fr/lhjmq2004/Image2.png)
Iansisle - Gulls colors are white, orange and blue (http://www.sandiegomag.com/issues/february00/images/gulls.jpg)
Liverpool England - Ice Terminators
Druida - Lightning colors are brown, dark brown, and yellow (http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y2/NEWI/cherrykits.bmp)
Starblaydia - Rayzors colors are purple (and more purple) (http://www.starblaydestudios.co.uk/Images/CCKit.jpg)
Sjwitz - Silversharks
Hockey Canada - "Whatever" colors are red, white and black
Corneliu - Penguins colors are black and gold
Euroslavia - Phantoms colors are black and red
Very Angry Rabbits - Artic Hares colors are white with green trim and red piping
South Osettia
Chicanada - Kodiaks colors are red, blue and gold
Nargopia - Llamas colors are greenish-beige and greenish-brown – alternate colors are reversed
Fimble loving peoples colors are bright yellow and green, with black trim
Bweezystan - Brawlers colors are royal blue with gold trim
Redundancia – Redhawks colors are dark red and silver with gold trim
Tanah Burung - Cassowaries colors are yellow, black and red – the wearing of tutus has been mentioned…
Saskatoon Saskatchawan - Saskatoon Blues
Hisam
Fmjphoenix
Squornshelous
Lovisa - Polish Bisons colors are dark blue, white, and blue
Robotopolis - Synthos colors are Dr, Wily. Robotopolis Synthos' Team Logo (http://www.aaroncity.com/kanjiri/drwlogo.gif)
Cockbill Street - Streeters colors are red, white and blue
Kelssek

History of The Don Cherry Cup
The Don Cherry Cup was founded by Kalaallit Nunaat to provide an arena for an NS Ice Hockey tournament and a forum for a bunch of fun.

Past Champions
Cherry Cup 1: SterlingIce
Cherry Cup 2: Soviet Haaregrad
Cherry Cup 3: Tranquillitis
Cherry Cup 4: Eizen
Cherry Cup 5: Starblaydia
Cherry Cup 6: Tanah Burung
Cherry Cup 7: Iansisle
Cherry Cup 8: Starblaydia
Cherry Cup 9: Oliverry

Past Hosts
Cherry Cup 1: Kalaallit Nunaat
Cherry Cup 2: Kalaallit Nunaat
Cherry Cup 3: Kaze Progressa
Cherry Cup 4: The Belmore Family
Cherry Cup 5: The Gulf States
Cherry Cup 6: Squornshelous
Cherry Cup 7: Liverpool England
Cherry Cup 8: Iansisle
Cherry Cup 9: Oliverry

Very Angry Rabbits

12-03-2005, 14:07

Otto Matic, Director of Operations for the Very Angry Rabbits Ice Hockey squad, the Artic Hares, is sitting in his office space in the Tanah Burung Ice Hockey Complex*, struggling to come up with the perfect team to compete in Cherry Cup X. One can't help but notice he bears a striking reseamblance to the "rabbit suit" found during the investigation of his previous...er...sabatical. Otto sips his coffee. Otto scratches his chin. Otto leans back in his chair, stretches, yawns, leans forward, and stares at the roster in front of him.

Otto remembers he is already in Tanah Burung, with the same team he took to Cherry Cup 9.

That makes it all a bit easier on Otto, who writes "Cherry Cup X" on the top of a Cherry Cup 9 roster, folds it, and slips it into his vest pocket. Just as soon as Otto finishes his coffee, he'll take a walk over to the Registrars Office and submit it.

Otto is not among those one might call "sharp".

*Complex? Well, we thought we'd be kind...

INTRODUCING, FOR THE (umm, lessee...1, 2...) SECOND TIME ANYWHERE ON INTERNATIONAL ICE!!

The Arctic Hares
Hockey Team from Very Angry Rabbits
Cherry Cup X

Goalkeepers:
Carl Eichbaum #00 Normal Starting Goalkeeper
Jose Esposito #99 substitute

Defenders:
1st Defense
Randy Boeskitz #2
Jacov Immiwitz #4
2nd Defense
Piers Dornetski #12
Raphael Angelino #14
3rd Defense
Jann Stremm #22
Ian Sisle #24

Right Wingers:
Alphonse Sommers #30 – 1st line *
Danny Johnson #31 – 2nd line
Grigor Dennisovitch #32 - 3rd line
Gunter Toivel #33 – 4th line

Left Wingers:
Johan Schmidt #40 – 1st line
Ravik Tennkilsohn #41 – 2nd line @
Serg Mendelson #42 – 3rd line
Hans Brinker #43 – 4th line

Centers:
Heinz Funfzigger – 1st line
Pavel Reichs – 2nd line
Andreas Neuheimer – 3rd line
Robbi Richards – 4th line

* Captain
@ Alternate Captain

Director of Operations
Otto Matic

* just how does international ice differ from just regular old ice?

Hockey Canada

12-03-2005, 16:10

Hockey Canadian roster:

Here is the roster for the Hockey Canadian women's hockey team.

Goaltenders/Gardiennes de but

32 Labonté, Charline
33 St-Pierre

Defence/Défense

20 Bredin, Correne
34 Collins, Delaney
4 Kellar, Becky
3 MacLeod, Jess
5 Sostorics, Coleen
26 Shewchuk, Tammy Lee

Forwards/Avants

Line 1

10 Apps, Gillian
24 Béchard, Kelly
17 Botterill, Jennifer

Line 2

77 Campbell, Cassie
15 Goyette, Danielle
16 Hefford, Jayna

Line 3

27 Kingsbury, Gina
13 Ouellette, Caroline
7 Piper, Cherie

Line 4

61 Sunohara, Vicky
26 Vaillancourt, Sarah
22 Wickenheiser, Hayley

Canadians should know these names.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/olympics/2002/ice_hockey/news/2002/02/21/canada_usa_ap/lg_hefford_all-01.jpg

Hockey Canada

12-03-2005, 16:11

Kelssek

12-03-2005, 16:28

just how does international ice differ from just regular old ice?[/size]

NHL and the IIHF use different rinks. The "international" one is bigger and the three zones are equal sized, while the neutral zone is smaller on the NHL rink. Also the NHL uses imperials and the IIHF metrics.

Very Angry Rabbits

12-03-2005, 18:00

NHL and the IIHF use different rinks. The "international" one is bigger and the three zones are equal sized, while the neutral zone is smaller on the NHL rink. Also the NHL uses imperials and the IIHF metrics.Kelssek:

1. Sincere thanks :)
2. Although I was just joking ;)

Very Angry Rabbits

12-03-2005, 18:02

Hockey Canadian roster:

Here is the roster for the Hockey Canadian women's hockey team.

Canadians should know these names.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/olympics/2002/ice_hockey/news/2002/02/21/canada_usa_ap/lg_hefford_all-01.jpgIsn't this the Canadian National team that won the Olympics a few years ago?

Hockey Canada

12-03-2005, 18:05

Isn't this the Canadian National team that won the Olympics a few years ago?

Actually it's the 2005 WWHC roster.

Corneliu

12-03-2005, 18:12

Corneliu Roster

Line One:

RW: Thomspon, Greg
C: Rogers, Mike
LW: Walker, Steve
RD: Samson, Kevin
LD: Peterson, Aaron

Line Two:
RW: Parker, Vincent
C: Alexander, John
LW: Appier, Lawrence
RD: Burr, Thomas
LD: Washington, Robert

Line Three:
RW: Oscar, Peter
C: Davidson, George
LW: Bush, Abraham
RD: Karvolov, Sergei
LD: Roberts, Travis

Line Four:
RW: Parker, Vincent
LW: Rogers, Mike
C: Sakic, Patrick
RD: Samson, Kevin
LD: Washington, Robert

PK One (4 man)
RW: Thompson, Greg
C: Alexander, John
LW: Mike Rogers
RD: Burr, Thomas

PK Two (4 man)
RW: Oscar Peter
C: Sakic, Patrick
LW: Bush, Abraham
RD: Samson, Kevin

PK One (3 Man)
RW: Thomspon, Greg
C: Rogers, Mike
LW: Walker, Steve

PK Two (3 Man)
RW: Parker, Vincent
C: Alexander, John
LW: Appier, Lawrence

These are the starting lines. Replacement players will be announced later.

Tanah Burung

12-03-2005, 18:33

Announcement: the Tanah Burung Ice Hockey Federation has just realized, thanks to our Kelsekkian friends, that there are two different ice surface sizes possible in hockey. This came as a shock, and inquiries have discovered that due to poor coordination, the rinks in the Colege of Cosmetic Dentistry Conference have been built to NHL specifications and the rinks in the Stout Lout Conference are international-sized.

(international ice gives a bit more room to skate, NHL ice favours a more "physical" game)

Also, i've received a sign-up request from "the Raspberry Reich" who is apparently waiting for e-mail verification to join the forums, whatever that means. So we're at 30. Posting groups in the opening post now.

Hockey Canada

12-03-2005, 18:42

We need scores... my anxiousness is killing me slowly.

Corneliu

12-03-2005, 18:44

We need scores... my anxiousness is killing me slowly.

I echo her sentiments

Tanah Burung

12-03-2005, 20:00

Opening match results, sponsored by Stout Lout "Knee to the Groin" Porterhouse Lager. "Oi! No one gets between me and me porterhouse!"

Match one
Stout Lout Conference
Sarzonia Blizzards 2 Nargopia Llamas 3
Druida Lightning 2 Redundancia Redhawks 2
Oaker Sharks 2 Starblaydia Rayzors 1
Oliverry 3 Fimble loving peoples 1
Vilita 3 South Osettia 4
Corneliu Penguins 3 Chicanada Kodiaks 0

College of Cosmetic Dentistry Conference
Kalaallit Nunaat Iceberg 3 Bweezystan Brawlers 2
Sjwitz Silversharks 2 Saskatoon Blues 1
Very Angry Rabbits Artic Hares 2 Hisam 4
Tanah Burung Cassowaries 3 Fmjphonenix 1
Iansisle Gulls 3 Hockey Canada 0
Liverpool England Ice Terminators 1 Euroslavia Phantoms 1

(Oddly, my screen does not display code boxes. Someone tell me if the standings don't look right, please.)

STOUT LOUT CONFERENCE

Aglukark Division G W L D GF GA Pts
Nargopia 1 1 0 0 3 2 2
Druida 1 0 0 1 2 2 1
Redundancia 1 0 0 1 2 2 1
Sarzonia 1 0 1 0 2 3 0
Lovisa 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

HRH the Duchess of Cornwall Division
Oliverry 1 1 0 0 3 1 2
Oaker 1 1 0 0 2 1 2
Starblaydia 1 0 1 0 1 2 0
Fimble loving ppls 1 0 1 0 1 3 0
Kelssek 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

Dwarf-smashing Division
Corneliu 1 1 0 0 3 0 2
South Osettia 1 1 0 0 4 3 2
Vilita 1 0 1 0 3 4 0
Chicanada 1 0 1 0 0 3 0
Cockbill Street 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

COLLEGE OF COSMETIC DENTISTRY CONFERENCE

Russian Division G W L D GF GA Pts
Kalaallit Nunaat 1 1 0 0 3 2 2
Sjwitz 1 1 0 0 2 1 2
Bweezystan 1 0 1 0 2 3 0
Saskatoon 1 0 1 0 1 2 0
Squornshelous 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

Battery-operated Division
Hisam 1 1 0 0 4 2 2
Tanah Burung 1 1 0 0 3 1 2
Very Angry Rabbits 1 0 1 0 2 4 0
Fmjphonenix 1 0 1 0 1 3 0
Robotopolis 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

Quebecois Liberation Division
Iansisle 1 1 0 0 3 0 2
Liverpool England 1 0 0 1 1 1 1
Hockey Canada 1 0 1 0 0 3 0
Euroslavia 1 0 0 1 1 1 1
Raspberry Reich 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

Fimble loving peoples

12-03-2005, 20:07

FLP lose to Oliverry. Again.

The campaign for CCX could not have begun worse for the lads at the FLP camp/pub. In a repeat of the CCIX final FLP were once more soundly beaten by Oliverry. One has to wonder at the forward planning that led to this match-up on the opening day.

However, it can only get better from here, or alternatively if you believe the fans, it will get infinately worse.

Oliverry

12-03-2005, 20:18

Oliverry start the defense of their title by a win

Oliverry won 3-1 against last cup's finalists, Fimble Loving Peoples. 2 goals from Guy-Jacques Francois and a John Mezzalona's goal in an empty net sealed the game. The player had a good chimy, even if Oliverrian hockey scene is divided by 2 leagues.

Starblaydia will be next Oliverry's opponents. They will try to venge their loss against Oliverry in last cup's Round-of-16. "Dwarves sucks, said Francois Laroche in interview. They don't know how to skate correctly on a fast rink. I know, I have one as a domestical animal".
Now, let's see what will do those dwarves to Francois Laroche. Will he survive to this? That's what we'll know in the next game

Hockey Canada

12-03-2005, 20:28

Hockey Canadian women lose to Iansisle, no hard feelings.

Today the Hockey Canadian women's team lost to the Iansisle Gulls today. They might have used the excuse that they had a "rough" night last night and weren't in top condition. But there is no need to worry, because Hockey Canada will win at any cost.

Oliverry

12-03-2005, 20:30

They might have used the excuse that they had a "rough" night last night and weren't in top condition..
PMS? Menopause? Missing sex? Menstruation? My players are arriving to save you :D

Corneliu

12-03-2005, 21:18

Corneliu Sports Network

Corneliu Penguins 3 Chicanada Kodiaks 0

"This is our hockey update now as we switch over from baseball. The Corneliu Penquins take their first matchup of the season over Chicanada Kodiaks 3-0. This came as a surprise because Corneliu wasn't expected to do well and they managed to win their first game."

This helps our confidence. We should be able to sustain this momentum and hopefully, it'll take us to the playoffs. That is our goal here. To make the playoffs.

"That was coach Carter.

"Well this concludes this quick Hockey wrap up."

Hockey Canada

12-03-2005, 21:39

PMS? Menopause? Missing sex? Menstruation? My players are arriving to save you :D

If you or any other real people out there can save me we'd be winning.

Very Angry Rabbits

12-03-2005, 22:29

After their inaugural loss of Cherry Cup X (suffered to Hisam, who is also in the Battery Operated Division), in their locker room the Artic Hares of Very Angry Rabbits are...well, very angry...um...rabbits. Otto Matic gave 'em what for (he wasn't sure what for, but he figured it was what he was hired for), and stormed out. The fact that the door said "Pull" in very large letters, as Otto pushed it for some time ineffectively before he stopped, turned red, pulled, and slipped out, kind of spoiled the intended effect of his exit a bit. His final glare at the team as he left was not as effective as it would have been if he hadn't had that little bit of saurkraut hanging from his bottom lip. In Ottos' defense, all the while he struggled with his departure, he never lost a drop from the bottle of Stout Lout's "Tropical Paradise" clutched in his left hand.

No sooner was Otto out the door than that bottles sisters and brothers materialize all around the locker room.

Sipping gently at his, Grigor Dennisovitch starts stowing his gear in his locker - pauses - and makes an announcment to the team.

"Well, bloody flippin' hell! No damn wonder we lost! Right here on the tag on the tongue of the skates!"

His team-mates take a moment to look at the tags on the tongues of their skates...which read - - -

"Batteries Not Included"

Starblaydia

12-03-2005, 23:02

"I have one as a domestical animal"

OOC: That's below the belt. You asked for it.

IC:

<Spark, what's your status?>

"Spark-One to Anvil," the black-clad Dwarf spoke softly into his mic "we are in position above the balcony."

<Proceed.>

"Confirmed." The Dwarf looked around at his comrades, they were all ready. Dressed all in black BDUs, their beards braided tightly and looped into their belts. With ropes in their hands, the other ends tied securely to the rooftop, they were ready. "Let's rock and roll."

Spark-One gave the signal and his men hurled their ends of rope over the rooftop. Immediately they clipped themselves onto the ropes and repelled down the side of the building. Spark-One was last to go, having a quick last-check around the barely-moonlit rooftop. There was a sniper out there, somewhere, watching him with a keen Dwarven eye through a precision hand-made telescope. Spark-One threw himself over the side and down the wall in a flash. By the time his feet came to rest on the balcony, the demolition expert had already fixed the cordite in place.

"Spark-Three," he said into his mic, "Let's see that electrickery." A few moments later, all the lights on the street went out. Spark-One looked at his troops and nodded.

A sharp bang rang out across the empty street and the doors were forced open, the Spark team inside in the blink of an eye. Out came their torches as they swept the room with an instinctive professionalism. Silently they stepped across the floor as they ransacked the place. Tables turned over, drawers emptied pictures ripped, glass broken.

"Where is he?" Spark-Two said, frustrated.

"He'll be here," replied the commander, "keep looking."

"W... What's going on?" came a subdued, confused voice.

"It's him!" Spark-Two cried, rushing over. "They've shaved his beard. The barbarians."

"Spark-One to Anvil," the commander said, "Target acquired."

<Good work, Spark Team,> came the gruff reply, <get him out, you know the rest."

Spark-One gave the appropriate signals. Spark-Three and -Five quickly got out their spray cans and began tagging the walls. Spark-Two helped the now-freed dwarf to the balcony and clipped him in. After little persuasion he guided the shaved, malnourished, sober dwarf down to ground level. A screech of tyres outside heralded the arrival of the van.

Spark-One looked around, satisfied with his team's work. He quickly repelled the two floors to the ground and dived into the open side-door of the blacked-out van. Another screech of tyres sped them on their way towards a nearby small airport.

Behind them, they had left their mark on the residence of the Oliverrian Goaltending coach.

DWARVEN FREEDOM

DLF

DEATH TO OPRESSORS!

RAYZORS ALL THE WAY, BABY!!

Chicanada

12-03-2005, 23:12

http://img100.exs.cx/img100/2998/chclogo6st.jpg
Chicanada Hockey Club Newsletter
ooc: Well, that's less blurry.

To the surprise of absolutely no one, Chicanada drops their opener in the Cherry Cup to the Corneliu Penguins in what is expected to feel like one very long tournament for the Kodiaks.

Most feel the Kodiaks don't stand a chance in hell in advancementment due to their placement in the tournament:

Stout Lout Conference - Dwarf-crushing Division
G W L D GF GA Pts
(nr) Corneliu Penguins 1 1 0 0 3 0 2
(15) South Osettia 1 1 0 0 4 3 2
(05) Vilita 1 0 1 0 3 4 0
(nr) Chicanada Kodiaks 1 0 1 0 0 3 0
(15) Cockbill Street Streeters 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

Coach Marsha Villeneue had no qualms with the loss, saying "Do you see who we're facing? This might be by far the hardest division to get a win in [even if she was ignoring the Quebec Liberation Division or the HRH the Duchess of Cornwall Division which have massive seed overloads. Hell, the top two seeds are in the same division. We personally say she was overly mad at the loss], hell even Vilita lost a match everyone figured they'd win (against South Osettia) and you expect us to come out looking grand against an excellent Penguins squad?"

Indeed most CanaTV sports pundits, whose focus seems to be on the tightening CFF Champions League race, have said Chicanada would be lucky to escape the tournament with one point and really has no chance at making the top 8 in their conference. Of course these pundits also called for the team to finish fourth somehow, so we should have more relevant analysis from real sports professionals shortly.

In other news the blowout was the most seen sports event since the end of the CHL Session-A, when Eoden defeated upstart Easten for the title. The game was seen by 55 million household and easily trampled the primetime showing of AS Cana/Rosa City in the CFF (on Northern) the #1 show under normal weeks, "Desperately Boring Botox Women" (shown on Canal4) If fans aren't turned out by the dismal showing, ratings for CanaTV, who has exclusive rights to the Cherry CuP), could surpass that of Canal4.

Finally, the CHL Board Of Regents has announced no disappointment with loosing the hosting duties for Cherry Cup x and their intentions to submit a bid for the 11th edition of the cup, with the hosting city being Livingston.

Remaining matches for the Kodiaks:

Match one: v Corneliu (L 3-0)
Match two: off day
Match three: v Cockbill Street
Match four: v Vilita
Match five: v South Ossetia

Fimble loving peoples

12-03-2005, 23:13

PMS? Menopause? Missing sex? Menstruation?

That is not an excuse for poor performance. Infact my team relied on it considerably back in CCVIII.

Oliverry

12-03-2005, 23:58

OOC: That's below the belt. You asked for it.

Behind them, they had left their mark on the residence of the Oliverrian Goaltending coach.

[center][b][size=4][FONT=Comic Sans MS]DWARVEN FREEDOM

DLF

DEATH TO OPRESSORS!

The next day, Oliverrian fans went to the motel park where the Starblaydian team was lodged. It was written "We are little funny dwarves that are drunk" on it. Maybe it was Oliverrian terrorists or Francois Laroche but when Oliverrian fans saw that, they were laughing at the door. But someone checked behind it and saw:
"Dwarvn liberation groop
Deat 2 opresr"
So he laughed again, saying that even Limbrugidlians write better than that.
The fans had a banner written "Dwarves are animals, not much"
And their spokesman said: "We will also have it at the game later today! Go! Oliverry Go! Everyone of us also have a dwarf as a domestic animal"

This story is to follow in next show, at 6:30 PM

Starblaydia

13-03-2005, 00:42

"What are those idiot frenchies doing outside?" Floror Hemanguroth stepped onto the balcony of the Rayzor's hotel in a Hawaiian shirt, his beard tied tightly in a long braid that hung down below his barrel waist. The Centre sipped his ale and stepped out onto the balcony. "'Dwarves are animals, not much'. What in the name of Grungi does that mean?"

Floror was being greeted by a combination of cheers and boos from the assembled crowd outside, waving their banners. Gonotrill Harantzim stuck his head out of the balcony doors.

"Oh, some guys called the Dwarven Liberation Front freed the Dwarf that their Goaltending Coach was holding like a pet," Gonotrill said, "they said that they shaved his beard every morning, like some kind of animal."

Floror, horrified and disgusted, emptied the remaining contents of his mug of ale over the Oliverrians below. Greeted by angry shouts and threats from those below, Floror walked inside with an idea. He looked at the room around him; Hockey-playing Dwarves sure did make a mess of their rooms. There was rubbish and dirty jock-straps everywhere.

"Balak!" he yelled, "BALAK!"

"What?" Defenseman Balak Fingorram stepped out of the en-suite toilet, adjusting his belt.

"You're an actual Engineer, aren't you?"

"Of course," he replied, "I couldn't play for the Engineering Union if I wasn't, just like you and your Brewers' Team."

"Well," Floror said with a grin, "I've got a use for your ballistics training..."

*****

A short while later, it was ready. Using a table, some string, a chair, a plank of wood, some more string and some sticky-back plastic, Floror's plan had come to fruition. It looked like a household artillery weapon which, in fact, it was. Built by an engineer and adorned with Runes of power, the catapult was ready, pointing towards the balcony windows. Floror needed just one more touch to set the tone.

He stepped onto the balcony to the jeers of more Oliverry fans. He span on his heels undid his ornate belt buckle and dropped his trousers, mooning the crowd. Not something that needs to be described in further detail.

The crowd, quite obviously, began to yell and swear at the Dwarf's display.

"Fire one!" Floror called, ducking out of the way and dropping to the floor.

Grimcrag Torinzahar, the replacement goalie and largest player on the team, began his run-up. He started between two beds and ran across the carpet and into the living room with balcony attached. He leapt forward with all the athletic ability he could manage, landing down on top of the plank of wood. Using simple leverage, the chair rotated at high speed over the table and flung its contents, a black plastic bag, through the air. In mid-air the plastic bag ripped apart and the contents exploded out of the window, showering anyone in the street who wasn't quick enough to move. Three days of accumulated Dwarf garbage dropped straight down in a wretched arc upon the Oliverrian fans.

Floror took another sip of beer and swigged it around his mouth, spitting it out over the balcony and onto the already-dirty fans below.

"That'll teach 'em," he said with a smile, "good old Dwarven ingenuity. The bastards, we're gonna get 'em tomorrow."

Sjwitz

13-03-2005, 01:42

Match one in the Russian Division saw the Sjwitz Silversharks overtake the Saskatoon Blues by a small margin after a hardfought match. The Blues were leading halfway through the second period but the Silversharks managed to tie it up during the last minute of that second period and after 7 minutes of the third period the Silversharks netted what proved to be the winning goal.

The other match saw a very strong Kalaallit Nunaat side win 3-2 against the unknown Brawlers from Bweezystan.

Kalaallit Nunaat ans Sjwitz lead the group after the first matchday, the next matchday will see Kalaallit Nunaat facing the squad from Squornshelous while the Silversharks will be playing Bweezystan. A victory would put Sjwitz a big step closer to the next round.

Hockey Canada

13-03-2005, 02:22

Oliverry

13-03-2005, 02:42

Oliverrian hockey team suspends Francois Laroche for 2 games!

Yes, it's official! "He was suspended for breaking team spirit" declared the General Manager and ex-coach of the Oliverrian formation, Jean-Claude Gibouère. And also, the captain, Johnathan Bailey, declared: "I don't respect anyone that has a dwarf as a domestical animal, that's not cool you know? The dwarves are bad to skate but are very good to shot and they are good to come in there and being good despite their differences with human beings so I hope they will play a good game against us and that Starblaydia didn't suffer from these silly things, as I know Oliverry did."

Iansisle

13-03-2005, 02:54

It was a very confusing day for the Gulls. Although they have the reputation of one of the faster (and most aggressive) teams on the ice, nonetheless their 3-0 lead after the second period was not the result of bone-crushing hits applied to the Hockey Canada team. International ice gave the Canadians too much room in which to skate around the Gulls' attacks, although their reluctance to close with the notorious bruisers still gave Iansisle a plethora of scoring chances.

At last, nearly at the end of the final period with a comfortable lead, enforcer Ashlee Langdone managed to apply a good clean hit to Béchard as the Canadian forward moved the puck up ice. Surprise would have been a good adjective to apply to Langdone as he noticed Béchard’s helmet pop off and long, feminine hair flow out.

“Good God!” he exclaimed in horror, “I hit a girl!” Strange, he noticed as she regained her skates and stole the puck from his awe-stuck, motionless form, but she was also the most beautiful woman whom he had ever chanced to see.

Iansisle won the game by three goals, but many observers with a keen insight into the Shieldian psyche think that they will win another against the all-woman team from Hockey Canada.

Hockey Canada

13-03-2005, 03:02

Fimble loving peoples

13-03-2005, 03:27

Isn't it amazing how hormones can change the way of a game?

After watching a tape of the Iansisle - HC match, the FLP coach has been instructed to bring back the young woman who proved fatal during CCVIII. They believe her prowess on the ice, along with a good shot, a tendency to reclessly injure anything within sight, and her ability to put the other team off could prove invaluable.

Assuming she may injure a few friendly players is no concern of the directors, as "With this free beer we have way more than enough player. It serves them right if they get a whack.".

Hockey Canada

13-03-2005, 03:33

After watching a tape of the Iansisle - HC match, the FLP coach has been instructed to bring back the young woman who proved fatal during CCVIII. They believe her prowess on the ice, along with a good shot, a tendency to reclessly injure anything within sight, and her ability to put the other team off could prove invaluable.

Assuming she may injure a few friendly players is no concern of the directors, as "With this free beer we have way more than enough player. It serves them right if they get a whack.".

We sent women, not gorillas.

Fimble loving peoples

13-03-2005, 03:35

We sent women, not gorillas.

Yeah. But we'll stop using her in a few days, when she's ready to start acting like a real person again.

EDIT: The views of anyone in my nation do not nessecarily reflect those I hold myself.

Kelssek

13-03-2005, 05:01

"Thank you, Kieran, welcome to your sports bulletin on KBC News. Well, team Kelssek are in the Cherry Cup as a last-minute entrant, however since coach Greg Gilbert didn't know about it, the team had to scramble to Tanah Burung on one of the busiest weekends for air travel in the year. Gilbert was detained by airport security in Arlingsdale for screaming and choking a ticket agent who refused to 'make an airplane appear out of nowhere cause we gotta get to Tanah Burung now'. Team manager Peter Eriksson spoke to the KBC..."

"I'm really worrying about Gilbert, I think he's getting even more unbalanced than he already was. I mean, I went to the charter desk, like any sane person with a blank cheque from the Department of Culture and Sport would, and when I get back to the check-in area I see him upsetting the people in the Kelssek Airlines queue and getting smacked by a grandma."

"In the confusion, no one is quite sure what is going on or who Kelssek will be playing against, so on arriving in Tanah Burung, captain Neville Keanes led the team on a gruelling workout consisting of stretching, a quick skate, and then travelling by foot almost 20 kilometers in the capital on a pub crawl."

Liverpool England

13-03-2005, 08:12

[OOC: TB, I'd much support it if HC was given no, or negative, RP bonus.... Hockey Canada: Nothing against you, but please, this is an IC thread, and even if you do want to talk OOCly, at least RP well, and not the crap you're giving in the u21, for example.]

IC:

Ice Terminators [LEN] 1-1 Phantoms [EUR] (Cherry Cup X College of Cosmetic Dentistry Conference game)
Ice Terminators tie Euroslavians as CCX gets underway in Tanah Burung

The first game of the Cherry Cup started with a bang for the Ice Terminators, playing the Euroslavians in Tanah Burung, with centre #14 of the Phantoms bodychecked goalie Michael Kronsosky, resulting in a two-minute minor for #14. The Ice Terminators took full advantage, and scored on the powerplay through Hiroshi Yukinowa, the right wing with a brilliant slap-shot that went in off the post.

Yukinowa, however, was not the hero for very long. As the Ice Terminators went into the first-period break with that solitary one-goal lead, Yukinowa shoved the Phantom goalkeeper, resulting in a five-minute major penalty for him.

With thirty seconds left on that five minute penalty in the second, #14 reclaimed himself and deflected a back-pass to Kronsosky off his stick, tieing the game up at 1-1, leaving Yukinowa fuming.

Yukinowa has since been fined L£10000 (US$17400) for volent misconduct, and suspended two games.

Kelssek

13-03-2005, 09:51

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v428/numbersaregood/kelssekjersey.jpg

GOALIES
Benoit Laharrague
Brian Duborny
John Baron

DEFENCEMEN
Sven Stefanovic
Kevin Deegan
Josh Mulroney
Rob Fletcher
Stephane Lefevre
Colin Calderwood (A)
Patrick Dieppe

FORWARDS
Neville Keanes (C)
Laurent Oberforsky
Alan Dubens
Pierre Dubois
Phillip Adams
Gary Bavarillo
Maurice Provonost
Harry White (A)
Daniel McKellon
Kevin Smith
Denis Roche
Liam Cevensdale
Tony Ithans
Benjamin Hamilton

Typical Lineup

FORWARD LINES
Provonost-Keanes-McKellon
Adams-White-Bavarillo
Dubens-Roche-Oberforsky
Cevensdale-Dubois-Roche

DEFENSIVE PAIRS
Stefanovic-Deegan
Mulroney-Calderwood
Fletcher-Lefevre

GOALIES
Starting: Benoit Laharrague
Backup: John Baron

South Osettia

13-03-2005, 11:23

(OOC: Hear, hear! And stop quoting the whole of other people's RPs. Just say *snip*.)

"Is it that hockey thingy again!"

"Yes it is."

"That came around rather quickly didn't it?"

"No - you've just been asleep for the past four years."

"Really? Why?"

"You got hit by a bus and a coch simultaneously. You've been in a coma ever since."

"Am I still in it now?"

"Well...obviously not."

"That's good then. So, has it started yet?"

"Indeed it has. We played Vilita yesterday."

"I hate it when we play Vilita. We always lose. Did we lose?"

"No, we won."

"What?"

"We beat them 4-3."

"How the hell did we manage that?"

"It was a clever ploy involving mirrors and photographic images that fooled the referee into thinking we scored four goals."

"So really we lost 3-0."

"Yes, but we actually won 4-3 thanks to the wonder that is technology."

"Well...don't tell anyone. There'll be a scandal."

"You mean you'll be fired."

"Yes."

Tanah Burung

13-03-2005, 19:16

(ooc: there is no RP bonus in this Cup, for anyone. But, the RP so far is great, everyone. Keep it up -- no bonus, but i'll look for a way to recognize it in the awards ceremony. Losing is fun to RP, too, right? ;) )

Over the strains of a tune altered just enough to avoid paying royalties, the studio lights came up on a desk with three men seated at it.

Rave al-Haj: Welcome to our special extended edition of Coach's Moaner, brought to you by Stout Lout Special Skunky. Joining me, as always, is Drapes Berry, coach of the Cassowaries in Cherry Cups 1 and 2.

Drapes Berry: Pleasure to be here, Rave.

Rave: And today, it's also a pleasure to be joined by Borje Karlsson, coach of the Cassowaries in Cherry Cup 3.

Borje Karlsson: My existential despair is slightly lessened by the meagre cheque i am receiving to appear on your programme, Rave.

Rave: So, what do we make of the opening matches, gentlemen?

Drapes: It's an outrage, the way some of these fine teams have been set up. I mean, look at the Fimble Loving Peoples. Now, i don't know what in Gord's name a Fimble might be, but those boys showed a lot of heart in the last Cup. Made it all the way to the finals, they did. And to be forced into a group with Oliverry and Starblaydia both, that just ain't right. Whoever drew those groups must have been drunk.

Rave: As long as it was on a Stout Lout product.

Drapes: It's an outrage. I'm calling on all decent people in the silent majority to write to the pinkos that run this tournament and give them a piece of your mind. Tell them, we're mad as hell and we're not going to take it any more!

Rave: Oh Drapes, you don't mean that. So, what about the match itself?

Drapes: Great hustle, Rave. Oliverry's a bunch of prima donnas, but whatcha gonna do? System's stacked to favour the French, always has been. International ice surfaces are ruining the old-time spirit of the Cherry Cup.

Borje: I disagree, hockey is about the artful pass and the skillful skater and the beautiful goal and team play.

Drapes: Shut up, you chicken Swede.

Borje: I am more saddened than angered by your attitude.

Rave: At any rate, Oliverry has to be happy after their win, especially as Starblaydia lost in a shocker to Oaker. These two are the favourites, and they meet up in match two.

Drapes: A great effort by the Sharks in their first international outing. But look. Starblaydia gets a lot of grief, but the fans really have to give them some respect. They work hard and they drink hard. They’re men after my own heart.

Rave: Dwarves after your own heart, you mean.

Drapes: Whatever. it’s just sour grapes on the part of some fans to have showered them with octopuses when they skated out on the ice.

Rave: Octopi, you mean.

Drapes: You’re beginning to piss me off, Rave. What kind of a name is al-Haj, anyway?

Rave: It means i’ve made the pilgrimage to Mecca.

Drapes: Yeah, right. Bring much beer with you, you stinking hypocrite?

Rave: I’ll thank you not to insult my faith, Drapes.

Drapes: is that your faith in Islam or your faith in Stout Lout?

Rave: Er, both, really. Stout Lout. Hey kids, try Stout Lout Beanie Lite! It helps you build muscles, you know!

Drapes: I’m picking the Rayzors to bounce back in game two. But enough about the Duchess Division. I’m also making Nargopia my pick for rookie of the year. They looked great in the win over Sarzonia, and I think they just might take the Aglukark Division.

Borje: There are no miracles on ice. What goes up must come down. There is only the void.

Drapes: I thought I told you to shut up.

Borje: With a world made up of men like you, it is little wonder I contemplate suicide nightly.

Dissolve to commercial.

Tanah Burung

13-03-2005, 19:18

Rave: Welcome back to Coach’s Moaner, living up to its name tonight. Gentlemen, your thoughts on the Dwarf-smashing Division?

Drapes: Heh heh. Dwarf-smashing. I always said this country needs a good manly summer sport. Corneliu is the standout here. The Penguins could go far, with hustle like that.

Borje: You say hustle too much, it bores me. The real story in this division is the shocking win by South Ossetia over Vilita. I suspect those very large mirrors suspended over the rink may have confused the officials.

Drapes: More whining. Why are you always whining?

Borje: Play must not only be fair, it must be seen to be fair. I am calling for a full investigation, by a committee of neutral international observers.

Drapes: A committee of whiners, you mean. That result was fair and square.

Rave: Your attitude has nothing to do with your summer cottage in West Ossetia, does it Drapes.

Drapes: And you can shut up too. Now over in the Russian Division, that’s a great story. Three teams, all from the region of Canada, plus a bunch of chicken Swiss and some sort of mattress outfit. Best region in the world, Canada. And I like that dame that runs Kalu- ... Kalka- .. Cowlick Nunnit, whatever they call themselves.

Rave: Bunch of chokers, I hear.

Drapes: A bad start for the Canadian rookies, but I think we’ll see at least three teams from Canada go through. Redundancia started strong over in the Aglukark Division, too.

Rave: And the Quebecois Liberation Division?

Drapes: What pinko tree-hugging separatist-loving seal-kissing whale-buggering liberal picked that name?

Rave: I believe it was the Prime Minister.

Drapes: Why, i’ll get hi- ... Wait, we don’t have Prime Minister.

Borje: Only the most perfect libertarian socialist government by committee ever developed. Not that it will save us from planetary extinction, of course.

Rave: Thought that sounded a bit upbeat for ya, Borje. We’ll be right back after these further messages from our sponsor. Now let me warn you folks at home, there may be some ads in this next break by breweries other than Stout Lout. Pay no attention to them. There is only one beer you love. Only Stout Lout can satisfy your cravings. In fact, you need one right now.

Drapes: Stop spinning that colourful little wheel, Rave.

Dissolve to commercial.

Rave: And we’re back, with more of Coach’s Moaner. Now, during the break Drapes was telling me his thoughts on Hockey Canada. Drapes, you’re not really saying women shouldn’t play hockey, are you.

Drapes: Absolutely. It’s a game for men.

Rave: And dwarves.

Drapes: Yeah, dwarves as well. Manly dwarves, that is.

Rave: And rabbits.

Drapes: As long as they’re very angry, OK.

Rave: And robots.

Drapes: Shut up.

Rave: So why not women, too.

Drapes: Well, look at them. They stunk up the ice. The Gulls skated circles around them. And that’s not a team that stresses speed, mind you.

Borje: Iansisle’s continued adherence to an outmoded feudalistic political system saddens me, as does their continued reliance on a style of play that cheapens the game of hockey. I am more pleased at the even-handed fairness of Liverpool England and Euroslavia in playing to an honourable draw.

Drapes: Shut up shut up shut up shut up.

Rave: Now, now, Drapes. You loveable cartoon bigot. Tell us your thoughts on the home team’s showing.

Drapes: the Cassowaries were on fire. I love these guys! Even the girls! They’re true blue winners!

Rave: True yellow, black and red, you mean.

Drapes: You’re getting on my last nerve, Haj. But i’m picking the Cassowaries to be the first team to win two Cherry Cups.

Rave: The first team after Starblaydia, you mean.

Drapes: That Cup never happened. it’s like that rabbit that people keep saying they saw.

Briefly a rabbit appears, but disappears as if it was never there. Somehow, though, we feel it never happened. Or it isn’t happening now. Something like that, we can’t quite remember the words. But by now, we’ve fallen asleep.

Iansisle

13-03-2005, 21:34

((Woah, TB. I think you just blew my SPORTSBLURB out of the water. Great read!!))

Charles Bradsworth watched the Gulls skirmish for their upcoming match against the Raspberry Reich with a contented smile on his face. Down on the ice, Martin St Amour parted the Noropian All-Stars' sea of defensemen with a mere flick of his wrist and easy movement of the skates. The Noropians fell all overthemselves in confusion and St Amour pounded the puck into the back of the net.

"This is the greatest hockey team ever assembled," Sir Gregory Penns-McCormick assured Iansisle's Premier.

"They had better be," said Bradsworth. "The fate of our nation rests more on these lads' shoulders than it has upon any of our soldiers and sailors throughout history." He looked over at Penns-McCormick. "Their shoulders are broad enough, are they not?"

"Very broad," whispered the Director of Sports, Games, and Recreation. "The broadest, some might say."

Bradworth watched Sergei Visegorodcevs steal the puck from a Noropian and pass it up ice to Mark Woolf, who scored the Gulls' second goal in as many minutes. "They had better be," he said quietly before turning to glare at Penns-McCormick, who withered under the gaze. "Else I will know the reason for failure."

Hockey Canada

13-03-2005, 22:19

Hockey Canadian players not pleased with sexist remarks.

After the comments from the interview with Drapes Berry from Rave al-Haj, Hockey Canadian players have been outraged. They've been trying all through this tournement to prove that they can compete with the men, and after a 3-0 loss to Iansisle, they know they can oversome one loss. The controversial remarks have made Drapes unwanted in yet another country, making his total to 450, rivalling many convicts, PIMPS, and Osama bin Laden.

However, the players will prove Drapes wrong with a win in their next game. They're not giving up that fast seeing how a mysterious figure bet $2,000,000 Zlins on them with 5-1 odds. Hockey Canadians everywhere are cheering for their arctic nation as they go into their next game with will and rage.

In fact, many players have made a few comments of their own.

"He's a sexist pig, he should watch our games roasting on a spit"

"We know alot of people are stereotypes, sexist, and rude. So all we need to do is go out there and prove them wrong"

"What dwarves lack in height, the compensate for- what? Is this live? Dammit!"

Very Angry Rabbits

14-03-2005, 02:54

Late that night (what? yes, that night - don't be difficult) Otto Matic is lurking about just outside the entrance of the Artic Hares temporary quarters in Tanah Burung. It only takes a moment to discover that lurking is among the many things Otto does not do well. He is whistling - loudly, and off key - a tune that he apparently does not know well. He is wearing a very bad wig, and glasses (with no glass). He looks furtively over his shoulder (always the left one, never the right) every 30 seconds. And as he paces, he is careful to stay in the shadows, oblivious to how odd his attempts to do so make his movements.

Otto is also being careful not to step on any cracks.

Quite calmly another figure with what appear to be the tell-tale ears of a rabbit approaches Otto, pauses in the shadows a few steps away, and says, "Hey, bud."

Otto starts, spins to look at the speaker, and manages to trip over his left foot. The new comer steps into the light to help Otto to his feet, and we see that he is indeed a rabbit - a 6 foot tall, white, invisible rabbit, wearing a natty suit and a very snappy hat.

"urk!" says Otto.

"And a pleasant urk to you, to, Otto ol' pal," says Otto's companion.

"Why..."

"I've brought you a little message from The Old Grey Hare, Otto."

"Oh. The...Old..."

"Grey Hare, yes, ol' chum. Look, he's just a little teed off with you, Otto."

"Teed?"

"Off - yes. Look, he said to tell you, in the nicest possible way, that there had better be a couple of wins this time. Or, he said, else."

"Else?"

"Exactly. Now, I'm not all that familiar with "else", Otto, ol' chum. But I am quite familiar with His Hareness' moods. This was...not a good one. "Else" does not look promising, my friend. Not promising at all."

"Urk!"

"You're repeating yourself, Otto. Look, it's not me. We're still buds, bud. It's just - well - a message, is what it is. Take it for what it's worth. My suggestion is, make sure these Artic Hares of yours win a couple games. Get 'em to beat these Synthos, and them Tanah Burung whatsis's - Cassaroles. Then, the whole "else" thing becomes moot."

"Moot. Moot would be good, wouldn't it? I think moot would be good."

"Moot would, indeed, be good. Look, Otto, I've been told the beer in these parts is some of the finest to be had. So, lets us go and "had" us some."

"Sure. Uh, sure, Harvey. Sure."

Harvey places one hand on either side of Otto's face, and gently turns it so that Otto is looking directly into Harvey's eyes. Harvey smiles. Otto tentatively smiles back. Harvey nods.

"Alright, then. It's settled. First, you'll take me to the nearest decent pub, and we will test-drive a couple of these Stout Lout "whatevers", and then you will see to it that the Artic Hares win a couple games. What could be easier?"

"Moot..." says Otto.

"Beer." says Harvey.

And off they go.

Tanah Burung

14-03-2005, 02:54

Match two results:

Stout Lout Conference
Sarzonia Blizzards 2 Lovisa 3
Druida Lightning 1 Nargopia Llamas 3
Oaker Sharks 1 Kelssek 2
Oliverry 3 Starblaydia Rayzors 2
Vilita 0 Cockbill Street 1
Corneliu Penguins 3 South Osettia 2

College of Cosmetic Dentistry Conference
Kalaallit Nunaat Red-and-White Iceberg 4 Squornshelous 4
Sjwitz Silversharks 4 Bweezystan Brawlers 1
Very Angry Rabbits Artic Hares 1 Robotopolis Synthos 3
Tanah Burung Cassowaries 2 Hisam 3
Iansisle Gulls 1 The Raspberry Reich 1
Liverpool England Ice Terminators 3 Hockey Canada 2

STOUT LOUT CONFERENCE

Aglukark Division G W L D GF GA Pts
Nargopia 2 2 0 0 6 3 4
Lovisa 1 1 0 0 3 2 2
Druida 2 0 1 1 3 5 1
Redundancia 1 0 0 1 2 2 1
Sarzonia 2 0 2 0 4 6 0

HRH the Duchess of Cornwall Division
Oliverry 2 2 0 0 6 3 4
Oaker 2 1 1 0 3 3 2
Kelssek 1 1 0 0 2 1 2
Starblaydia 2 0 2 0 3 5 0
Fimble loving ppls 1 0 1 0 1 3 0

Dwarf-smashing Division
Corneliu 2 2 0 0 6 2 4
South Osettia 2 1 1 0 6 6 2
Cockbill Street 1 1 0 0 1 0 2
Vilita 2 0 2 0 3 5 0
Chicanada 1 0 1 0 0 3 0

COLLEGE OF COSMETIC DENTISTRY CONFERENCE

Russian Division G W L D GF GA Pts
Sjwitz 2 2 0 0 6 2 4
Kalaallit Nunaat 2 1 0 1 7 6 3
Squornshelous 1 0 0 1 4 4 1
Bweezystan 2 0 2 0 3 7 0
Saskatoon 1 0 1 0 1 2 0

Battery-operated Division
Hisam 2 2 0 0 7 4 4
Tanah Burung 2 1 1 0 5 4 2
Robotopolis 1 1 0 0 3 1 2
Very Angry Rabbits 2 0 2 0 3 7 0
Fmjphonenix 1 0 1 0 1 3 0

Quebecois Liberation Division
Iansisle 2 1 0 1 4 1 3
Liverpool England 2 1 0 1 4 3 3
Euroslavia 1 0 0 1 1 1 1
Raspberry Reich 1 0 0 1 1 1 1
Hockey Canada 2 0 2 0 2 6 0

Corneliu

14-03-2005, 03:00

CORNELIU SPORTS PAGES

Corneliu Wins Two Straight

In a surprise, Corneliu upsets South Osettia 3-2! No one expected Corneliu to win this game and by them doing so, goes to show that this team is one tough cookie to beat.

"This is a really huge victory for us. In a division with only five teams, winning your first two games gives you added cushion. Our team will not slack, make no mistake about it, but it does give us breathing room."

"I'm just happy with this victory" goalie Jones stated after the game.

With this victory out of the way, the Penquins prepare to meet their toughest opponet yet as they prepare to faceoff against Vilita who has started off the season 0-2.

Very Angry Rabbits

14-03-2005, 03:07

"This isn't looking so good, Otto, ol' pal."

"What can I do, Harvey? They just..well, they just..."

"Don't play hockey too well, eh, Otto? That what you're trying to choke out?"

"...not too well at all. They lost again. Wadamigunnado?"

"Besides trying to actually coach the team? Nah, forget I said that. Look, Otto, this may work - it may not work. But, it's worth a try. Slip this in an envelope, and mail it anonymously to the Cassaroles..."

"Cassowaries."

"Cast o' thousands - whatever. Just slip this in an envelope and mail it to 'em anonymously."

"Should I say who it's from?"

"Ok - before you mail it, get yourself a dictionary and look up anonymous.'

" 'kay. Say, why would I mail 'em a raspberry?"

But Harvey has disappeared. Which is an interesting trick for an invisible rabbit, but that Harvey is a talented fellow.

------------------
ooc: raspberry reich? lmao ;)

Kelssek

14-03-2005, 03:23

"A very scrappy game and Maurice Provonost was the hero, as he tends to be, despite being hungover and being given a misconduct penalty for puking on the ice in the second period."

"Keanes from behind the net, Provonost takes it and here comes the defence, he avoids the check, brilliant move!... HE'S IN THE SLOT AND THR-SCORES!!!!"

"A excellent goal, Kelssek took the game 2-1. Most of the team were still feeling the effects of last night's gruelling workout, so if they could take this team on, we can probably expect some measure of glory in this Cherry Cup. Alternate captain Colin Calderwood had this to say at the post-game press conference."

"Uhh... my head..."

"Kelssek are currently third in the HRH the Duchess of Cornwall... How the hell do you build a wall out of corn?... Uh, they are third in the Cornwall division and tabloid gossip says they'll be up against Fimble Loving Peoples next and that my producer is cheating on his wife with the sexy boom mike operator. Nice one, Cassie."

Iansisle

14-03-2005, 04:02

"There will be dire consequences for this humuliation," said Charles Bradsworth as he gazed at the telegraph reporting Iansisle's draw with the Raspberry Reich. "Yes, dire. That is a superbly ironic word for the rage which I am currently feeling."

"They are still in first," commented Ben Rinehart. "There's no reason -"

"They drew with an unranked team. There is nothing more unforgivable." Bradsworth paused. "They will win the game against Liverpool England," he said. "Or else..." He used his good hand to trace a line across his neck.

Squornshelous

14-03-2005, 04:19

The Great Prophet Zarquon, leader of the Empire of Squornshelous, calls an aide into his office to discuss something very strange happening at the Cherry Cup.

TGPZ: I need some explanation of these results.

Aide: Well, we drew with Kalallit Nunaat 4-4.

TGPZ: I can see that, what happened the game before that?

Aide: We didn't play sir.

TGPZ: So are you telling me that we're two games in and we haven't lost yet?

Aide: Well, we've only played one game but. . .

TGPZ: How is this even remotely possible?

Aide: I beg your pardon sir?

TGPZ: The Squornshelous Ferrets are the worst team in international hockey, how did we even get into the same bulding as Kalaallit Nunaat?

Aide: We were scheduled to play them sir.

TGPZ: Isn't there a law against that?

Aide: No sir, not that I know of at least.

TGPZ: Well that doesn't mean much, how long can we expect this to last?

Aide Well sir, considering that Kalaallit Nunaat is the only other ranked team in our division I'd say we have a decent chance of actually qualifying for the next round.

TGPZ: Have we ever done that before?

Aide: Yes sir, once, in Cherry Cup 7, twice if you count Cherry Cup 6.

TGPZ: Why shouldn't we count Cherry Cup 6?

Aide: Well, we hosted that one and got an automatic berth in the second round.

TGPZ: What did you say the score was again?

Aide: 4-4 sir.

TGPZ: Have we ever scored 4 goals in one game before?

Aide: A few times sir, our largest total was 6, against Vilita in Cherry Cup 8.

TGPZ: Wasn't that when those monkeys were playing?

Aide: Yes sir.

TGPZ: Right. Okay, here's what we'll do. We'll run a propaganda ad about the fact that we haven't lost any hockey games yet this Cherry Cup and twist it to promote support of government policy.

Aide: I'll get our propagada department to work on that sir.

TGPZ: Good, and hurry, it might not be accurate for long.

Sjwitz

14-03-2005, 10:27

The Bweezystan Brawlers proved to be no match for the Sjwitz Silversharks as the match ended 4-1 after total domination for the whole 60 minutes. If the Silversharks manage to win one more game then they should be qualified for the next round. The two toughest opponents seem to remain however, Kalaallit Nunaat and Squornshelous, currently in positions 2 and 3, behind Sjwitz. Sjwitz is the sole leader after two matchdays because the match between Kalaallit Nunaat and Squornshelous ended in a 4-all draw. Both crows happy with a fun match there but both teams disappointed to only gain one point.

On matchday three the Silversharks will play against Kalaallit Nunaat while Saskatoon face Squornshelous.

Coach Rudi Billy-Bob Joutsela added: "I think the team should progress, we've been showing consistency so far and although I think the team could slip up against Kalaallit Nunaat, we should atleast win against Squornshelous since they don't even know we're seeded. They'll prolly underestimate us, heehee"

Redundancia

14-03-2005, 14:49

Paul Grammatico, New Valaria Times

The Redundancia Redhawks tied the Druida Lightning 2-2 to begin the Cherry Cup. Star center Doug Grant has a goal and an assist while goalie Ron Young recorded 36 saves on the Lightning.

"I thought they played well for their first-ever international match," coach Paul Rosenbaum said. "They were a little nervous, but held their own against some tough competition."

After falling behind early in the first, the Redhawks rallied to tie the score when left wing Adam Perry deflected in Greg Charles' shot from the point to tie it after just 32 seconds had elapsed in the second.

They fell behind again when Young was beaten early in the third, but tied the game on Grant's goal, the end result of an end-to-end rush, with 8:01 left on the third period clock.

"I thought our special teams really won the game for us," Grant said. "When you don't let your opponent score on the power play, that's a small victory right there."

Redundancia held the Lightning to an 0-for-5 on the power play, but did not have any opportunities of their own.

The Redhawks had yesterday off and will play Lovisa today.

Starblaydia

14-03-2005, 15:17

"Grimcrag, yerr'in!" Haztarr yelled. "Grimcrag? Wake up ye fat bastid!"

"Uhh," the replacement goalie groaned, "just a few more minutes, Michele."

"Michele?" Haztarr nearly exploded. "Dagnir's taken a crack on t'head an' we're beating Oliverry Two-t'-One in't final period! Gerron t' bloody ice, fatso!"

Grimcrag clambered and half-fell over the sideboard as Dagnir was helped off the ice. He skated towards the goal in a slow, straight line, his head bowed. The stadium announcer's voice boomed over the ice: '...replacing Dagnir Tumunzahar, for Starblaydia, Grimcrag Torinzahar...' Grimcrag leapt into the air as if he'd just sat on an axe.

"Ma fookin' player's fallin' asleep!" Haztarr yelled in his rage, to no-one in particular. "Wot is wrong wit ye lazy bastids?"

"He was, uh, kept awake last night, coach," Balak Fingorram said hesitantly

"Dem fookin Oliverry bastids outside t' fookin hotel?" Haztarr slammed his clipboard down, smashing it (again) into small(er) pieces. "I'll have t'Grudgebearers kill 'em all!"

"Uh no, Coach," Balak replied, "we got rid of the Oliverrians, it was a Hockey Canadian that kept him awake."

"What?!"

"One of their, um, Coaches, coach," Balak explained, "a little... one-to-one tuition."

Sufficed to say, Coach Haztarr's day did not get much better after that moment, once the buzzer sounded and the Oliverrians cheered the equalising goal past a dozing Dwarf 'keeper.

Vilita

14-03-2005, 18:02

GOALKEEPERS:

[ 92 ] Tommy Finn
------- GK ( AGE: 21 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )

[ 96 ] Mike Kater
------- GK ( AGE: 15 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )

DEFENDERS:

[ 37 ] Kevin Diesel
------- D ( AGE: 24 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )

[ 74 ] Mike Ice
------- D ( AGE: 21 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )

[ 51 ] Korus Korney
------- D ( AGE: 20 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )

[ 45 ] Cinnami Vellamoi
------- D ( AGE: 18 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )

[ 7 ] Martie Ligs
------- D ( AGE: 17 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )

[ 1 ] Artuin Virde
------- D ( AGE: 31 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )

LEFT WINGERS:

[ 32 ] Cartai Chiate
------- LW ( AGE: 27 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )

[ 48 ] Ricky Fike
------- LW ( AGE: 18 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )

[ 58 ] Tristain Outseas
------- LW ( AGE: 16 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )

[ 35 ] Jessi Hotonia
------- LW ( AGE: 26 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )

RIGHT WINGERS:

[ 4 ] River Suzgar
------- RW ( AGE: 19 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )

[ 23 ] Eastern Raciani
------- RW ( AGE: 24 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )

[ 41 ] Lance Blaki
------- RW ( AGE: 25 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )

[ 28 ] Redworm Triffle
------- RW ( AGE: 23 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )

CENTERS:

[ 19 ] Patrick Vilita
------- C ( AGE: 21 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )

[ 88 ] Ocean Suzgar
------- C ( AGE: 22 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )

[ 15 ] Emhaoi Linaozi
------- C ( AGE: 26 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )

[ 22 ] Juliar Fichaud
------- C ( AGE: 18 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )

Very Angry Rabbits

14-03-2005, 18:30

[ 19 ] Patrick Vilita
------- C ( AGE: 21 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )
A member of the Vilitian aristocracy, no doubt? :)

Hockey Canada

14-03-2005, 19:24

2 straight loses :( i don't think TB's scorinator likes me very much.

Starblaydia

14-03-2005, 19:40

Oh from Two
Whinging Hockey Canada in Same Boat as Rayzors

As the Eighth- and Ninth-Best teams in this competition (according to the highly-objective Burungi Institute of Hockey Statistics and Pizza Delivery), Hockey Canada and Starblaydia would be expecting to qualify for the next round with ease.

However, thanks to the Tanah Burung Random Group Selection and Subtle Revenge Union, Starblaydia were placed with 1st- and 2nd-ranked teams Oliverry and Fimble Loving Peoples. It seems clear, to this reporter at least, that if the Burungi and other Cherry Cup officials didn't want the Dwarves to be here, they shouldn't have let them off the plane.

Maybe this could simply be a scheme to keep Burungi Bookmakers free from bankruptcy. As the saying goes, when the favourite wins, the bookies lose. With so much money being placed on the Rayzors, Burungi Bookmakers would be facing serious trouble if Starblaydia took a record third title.

Then, of course, it the simple fact that teams like Hockey Canada and Starblaydia have simply been victims of a nasty series of bad luck striking teams. We, however, at the newsdesks of Conspiracy Bi-Monthly - The only place They don't control, or do they? think otherwise.

Rayzors All The Way, Baby!

Hockey Canada

14-03-2005, 20:13

It seems to Hockey Canadians that "Random Selections" may favour some nations to others.

Breif summary of divisions in Hockey Canadian and Starblaydi perspective.

Nargopia
Lovisa
Druida
Redundancia
Sarzonia

Ok then, not the strongest division, but a threat nonetheless

Oliverry
Oaker
Kelssek
Starblaydia
Fimble loving ppls

The once-then host/champion (coincidence?) on top of their division. Starblaydia and FLP feeling the hurt being lower than rookies Oaker and Kelssek.

Corneliu
South Osettia
Cockbill Street
Vilita
Chicanada

Corn and SO... newcomers who don't know too much about CC, ahead of powerhouses Cockbill Street and Vilita. You'd think Vilita would be atop the division, but I guess not.

Sjwitz
Kalaallit Nunaat
Squornshelous
Bweezystan
Saskatoon

Well, here is something that is a surprise (heavy sarcasm), KN sitting atop their division with Sj. In my 1st 2 tournements I never lead the division at any time. Not complaining, just wondering if people know.

Hisam
Tanah Burung
Robotopolis
Very Angry Rabbits
Fmjphonenix

Another division of upsets and controversy? Of course not with the hosts behind a team that wouldn't RP to save his life. I think that it isn't right to watch some teams that have been sitting in front of a TV rotting away when they could be in front of a CPU rotting away.

Iansisle
Liverpool England
Euroslavia
Raspberry Reich
Hockey Canada

I have nothing against this division, but bringing up the back behind teams like Euroslavia and Raspberry Reich isn't doing much for my ego. I'll admit I have played against the top 2 teams in the division, but with a few games left (not fond of the short round robin format) it isn't very nice to know that a few n00bs are taking my spot in the relegation.

South Osettia

14-03-2005, 20:24

"What's this crap I'm seeing on my screen?"

"That's Hockey Canada complaining about something or other."

"Why?"

"They're bottom of their group."

"Figures. Speaking of doing badly, how are we doing?"

"We just lost to Corneliu."

"Corn on the cob!?!"

"No, Corneliu."

"What happened?"

"One of the mirrors cracked whilst we were winning 2-0. Rather coincidentally, the new mirror configuration favoured the opposition, and they 'scored' three goals."

"What was that?"

"What?"

"That thing you did with you fingers."

"You mean 'scored'?"

"Yes - the bunny ears - wht the hell is that?"

"It means so-called. 'Scored' means that they didn't actually score the goals."

"That's good - I'll have to use that. So, how are we doing in the 'group'?"

"We're still second, and that was an amateur use of bunny ears."

"Sorry - what?"

"What?"

"They just said we were newcomers! We're thirteenth seeds - we can't be that new. Do you think they actually know what they're talking about?"

"Probably not."

"Damn 'Hockey' Canada."

"That was better."

"Thanks."

Very Angry Rabbits

14-03-2005, 21:37

"Hey, Otto - wake up! Ya gotta see this! Wake up!"

"Snurf?"

"Wake up! Come on - get up! Down the hall! Lookit, lookit, lookit!"

"Urgh?"

"On the hidden camera screen."

"Wha...?"

"The hidden camera screen."

Otto drags himself out of the warm snug cocoon of his down comforter, glares at the intruder, glares at the light that the intruder has turned on, and involuntarily yawns. He slips on his slippers and robe, and shuffles along behind his excited companion, who is literally hopping in circles around Otto as they approach the Artic Hares Security Office.

"It's on the South Osettia camera! Come on!"

"Snumpf."

"Lookit, lookit, lookit! Right there!"

Otto observes an unidentified South Osettian make a certain gesture with two fingers of each hand. He stands there, watching and listening, for a few seconds.

"Yes - the bunny ears - wht the hell is that?"

"It means so-called. 'Scored' means that they didn't actually score the goals."

"That's good - I'll have to use that. So, how are we doing in the 'group'?"

"We're still second, and that was an amateur use of bunny ears."

"Alright, then. Lodge a formal complaint with the South Osettians in the morning. Make sure they do not find out how we came by the knowledge of their prejudicial use of the term 'Bunny Ears'. Follow that up with a formal complaint to the Tanah Burung Civil Authorities. They probably won't be civil, but don't let than stop you. File a personal injury lawsuit in three separate jurisdictions - Tanah Burung, South Osettia, and Very Angry Rabbits. Then draft up a letter for my signature reprimanding yourself for waking me up in the middle of the night for this nonsense, and docking yourself one weeks pay."

"Urk?"

"Funny - I said the same thing to Harvey just the other day."

Otto turns, and shuffles off back to bed.

Tanah Burung

15-03-2005, 00:21

The same tune. The same lights. The same studio.

Rave Al-Haj: Welcome to another installment of Coach’s Moaner, brought to you by Stout Lout Fin du Cul. With me are Drapes Berry and the general legal counsel of the Tanah Burung Broadcasting Corporation, Bi Reaucratte. I understand you have an announcement, Ms Reaucratte?

Bi Reaucratte: The Tanah Burung Broadcasting Corporation would like to apologize to our viewers, to the people of Hockey Canada, and to women everywhere for Mr Berry’s remarks that women should not play hockey. It is the policy of the Tanah Burung Broadcasting Corporation and the government of Tanah Burung to grant full sexual equality on all matters sporting and non-sporting to both sexes and to transgender and intersexed people and non-human sentient life forms.

Rave: Well said. Drapes?

Drapes Berry (glowering): Yeah, I like ladies.

Rave: And your pay cheque, eh Drapes?

Drapes: Yeah, my- ... wait, shut up!

Rave: And with that, guests, your thoughts on the results of match two? We’ll start with the Quebecois Liberation Division.

Drapes: No surprises there. Iansisle and Liverpool England up on top, the marquee teams not having too much trouble so far. The big test is tomorrow, when they face each other. I’m picking the Gulls to win that clash, if only though sheer bloody-mindedness.

Rave: They want revenge after a tie against newcomers The Raspberry Reich, you mean?

Drapes: Yeah. Hey, isn’t that a soft-core porn film?

Bi Reaucratte (alarmed): The Tanah Burung Broadcasting Corporation does not condone the broadcast of soft-core pornography. But nor do we necessarily oppose it.

Rave: Thanks for that contribution. Turning now to the Russian Division, I see that Kalaallit Nunaat also drew against Squornshelous.

Drapes: Chokers! They’re choking early this year. Can’t even beat the worst team in hockey. Choke, choke, choke!

Rave: Meanwhile, Sjwitz leads the division. Along with Hisam, they’re the only team to go 2-0 in the College of Cosmetic Dentistry Conference.

Drapes: They’re both unpronounceable foreigners, so they’re bound to lose out soon. Over in the Battery-operated Division, and despite the Cassowaries loss, I still think it’s Cassowaries and Synthos to advance along with Hisam. You saw what the Synthos did to that other team that I can’t pronounce. Dismantled them, old-time!

Rave: And the Cassowaries’ next match, against the Very Angry Rabbits?

Drapes: Rabbit stew.

Bi Reaucratte: The Tanah Burung Broadcasting Corporation wishes to express its opposition to the stewing of any team in this tournament. We value and affirm the participation of rabbits in this competition, and only wish to help make them less angry.

Drapes: They could try winning. Heh, not much chance of that. They suck. Hear that, varmints? You suck!

Rave: We’ll be right back.

[dissolve to commercial]

Rave: We’re back on Coach’s Moaner, as seen on Beertime for Kiddies Story Hour! Ms Reaucratte has had to go lie down, but we’ll soldier on manfully. Er, bravely.

Drapes: Corneliu kicking some ass in the Dwarf-smashing Division. Heh heh, i’d like to smash some dwarves right now.

Bi Reaucratte (rushing back into the studio, out of breath): The Tanah Burung Broadcasting Corporation deeply regrets the tone of Mr Berry’s remarks and extends the hand of friendship to our foul-mouthed tiny drunkard friends.

Rave: Well said. What do you make of Vilita’s troubles?

Drapes: No comment.

Rave: What, really?

Drapes: I said no comment, moron. Let’s move on. I was very upset to see Oliverry’s dastardly tricks against the Rayzors.

Rave: Skillful hockey, cleanly executed, you mean?

Drapes: That would be bad enough, but no, I meant their cruel taunting of dwarves.

Rave: The same dwarves you keep saying you want to smash?

Drapes: Heh heh. Dwarf-smashing.

Rave: You think Starblaydia’s in with a shot?

Drapes: They’ve been badly, badly treated. Look at the facts: grouped with the top two teams. Forced to play them both in the two opening matches? Is that fair? Is that justice? Something stinks! I’m outraged. I’m appalled! But you can’t keep a good dwarf down. They’ll bounce back, I know they will. In fact, i’m placing a bet on them after this stupid show is over. Er, fine sporting programme, I mean to say. In fact, i’m going to place that bet right now!

Rave: But what about the Aglukark division, Drapes?

Drapes: Ah, who cares?

Squornshelous

15-03-2005, 00:24

Starblaydia

15-03-2005, 00:29

OOC: Calm down HC, you want unfair? I was ranked fourth in the world in Cherry Cup 8 and finished 3rd to last in that tournament. You're starting to sound like LE. (no offense meant to either of you).

OOC: Sorry, my fault. My conspiracy post, instead of HC reading the title and getting the subtle hint not to whinge, they got the idea to question the host's fairness.

Iansisle

15-03-2005, 00:39

OOC: Calm down HC, you want unfair? I was ranked fourth in the world in Cherry Cup 8 and finished 3rd to last in that tournament. You're starting to sound like LE. (no offense meant to either of you).

Well, technically you were sixth in the world, but fourth in the tournament because Liverpool England and I (the numbers one and two) auto-qualified.

I agree it was most unfair, though, and I appreciate how good of a sport you've been about the whole thing. :)

Squornshelous

15-03-2005, 00:42

Well, technically you were sixth in the world, but fourth in the tournament because Liverpool England and I (the numbers one and two) auto-qualified.
That's right, I had forgot.

I agree it was most unfair, though, and I appreciate how good of a sport you've been about the whole thing. :)
Getting pissed at a java program won't win hockey games. If you find out what will though, let me know will ya?

Nargopia

15-03-2005, 02:44

CUT FROM NARG CITY NEWS, 3 HOURS AGO

...and we're back. This just in: The Nargopian Llamas hockey team has won their second game at Cherry Cup X, putting them at 2-0 and keeping them at the top of the Aglukark Division. Raikkur Lang and Nimble Thresh are the only two scorers for the Llamas thus far, with 4 and 2 goals respectively. Defenseman Ygor Price has an outstanding 5 assists in two games, the best start in the history of his career. Goalie Krizz Dracie has shown us that he earned his Goalkeeper of the Year Award this past NGHL season, letting in only 3 goals in 2 games against two rather impressive offenses who didn't seem afraid to shoot the puck. Center Phlzantra Niem de Graaff is currently being looked at by medical professionals after his knee injury in the Druida Lightning game; team officials have declined to comment on the situation. That's all for now... Good night, Narg City. Have a safe evening, a scrumptious dinner, and a socialist mindset. Until tomorrow, I'm Shximmy Dallow.

Very Angry Rabbits

15-03-2005, 03:23

"...Rabbit what?!?!"

"Stew, your Hareness. Rabbit stew, is what was said."

"On the air? He said that on the air?!"

"Yes, sir, Greyness."

"And did that great lump of a Director of Operations, Otto what 'is face - Matic - did he respond to this insult at all?"

"He held a press conference immediately, you Oldness. He referred to the outcome of the upcoming match between the Artic Hares and the Tanah Burung side as "Cassowary Cassarole", which he said goes well with either white wine or red."

"Cassowary Cassa... I like that! Send Otto a gold watch and a box of chocolates!"

posted outside the office of Otto Matic, director of operations for the Artic Hares:

Listen up, you guys! It's just about time you got it together out there on the ice! Start playing like a team! Pass the damn puck to somebody wearing the same uniform as you, for pity's sake! That thing at the end of the rink that looks like half a big ol' basket laid on it's side? That's the goal! You're supposed to put the puck in there! See if you can't manage to do that at least one more time than you let the other guys put it in ours!

I've got just one word for y'all if'n ya don't win a couple games PDQ.

Hassenpfeffer...

Otto

Euroslavia

15-03-2005, 04:54

teams like Euroslavia and Raspberry Reich isn't doing much for my ego. I'll admit I have played against the top 2 teams in the division, but with a few games left (not fond of the short round robin format) it isn't very nice to know that a few n00bs are taking my spot in the relegation.

OOC: Come on now. Let's keep the cheap shots outta here.

High Expectations for the Phantoms!

IC: With the Phantom's first match in the Cherry Cup, they tied a very tough Liverpool England team, which was more than what was expected out of the team. The Euroslav team current awaits its second match, and has scheduled an extra practice in between matches to make sure that everyone is up to date on the strategies and maneuvers in the Team Manual.

Euroslavia itself has had a growing interest in the Cherry Cup, and has kept watch for quite some time; however, has been unable to enter due to the fact that hockey wasn't exactly the most prevalent sport in Euroslavia. Since then, a hockey league was formed, and the entirety of the league has stepped up over the past five years, making the sport one of the fastest rising interests in recent sports news.

Expectations for this Cherry Cup are high, nevertheless. With the amount of training that this All-Star Team has had over time, along with their own competitions within the Euroslavia Hockey League, the players are at their peaks, performance-wise. Realistically, they don't expect to win the Cup. Teams such as Starblaydia, Iansisle, Oliverry, and Fimble Loving Peoples are known for their strong performances, and it will be no easy task in defeating any of them.

Tanah Burung

15-03-2005, 16:58

(Cassowary stew it is, VAR)

Match three
Stout Lout Conference
Sarzonia 3 Druida 2
Redundancia 2 Lovisa 2
Oaker 0 Oliverry 2
Fimble loving peoples 5 Kelssek 1
Vilita 1 Corneliu 1
Chicanada 1 Cockbill Street 2

College of Cosmetic Dentistry Conference
Kalaallit Nunaat 4 Sjwitz 2
Saskatoon 1 Squornshelous 3
Very Angry Rabbits 3 Tanah Burung 2
Fmjphonenix 1 Robotopolis 3
Iansisle 2 Liverpool England 5
Euroslavia 3 The Raspberry Reich 2

STOUT LOUT CONFERENCE

Aglukark Division G W L D GF GA Pts
Nargopia 2 2 0 0 6 3 4
Lovisa 2 1 0 1 5 4 3
Redundancia 2 0 0 2 4 4 2
Sarzonia 3 1 2 0 7 8 2
Druida 3 0 2 1 5 8 1

HRH the Duchess of Cornwall Division
Oliverry 3 3 0 0 8 3 6
Fimble loving ppls 2 1 1 0 6 4 2
Oaker 3 1 2 0 3 5 2
Kelssek 2 1 1 0 3 6 2
Starblaydia 2 0 2 0 3 5 0

Dwarf-smashing Division
Corneliu 3 2 0 1 7 3 5
Cockbill Street 2 2 0 0 3 1 4
South Osettia 2 1 1 0 6 6 2
Vilita 3 0 2 1 4 6 1
Chicanada 2 0 2 0 1 5 0

COLLEGE OF COSMETIC DENTISTRY CONFERENCE

Russian Division G W L D GF GA Pts
Kalaallit Nunaat 3 2 0 1 11 8 5
Sjwitz 3 2 1 0 8 6 4
Squornshelous 2 1 0 1 7 5 3
Bweezystan 2 0 2 0 3 7 0
Saskatoon 2 0 2 0 2 5 0

Battery-operated Division
Robotopolis 2 2 0 0 6 2 4
Hisam 2 2 0 0 7 4 4
Tanah Burung 3 1 2 0 7 7 2
Very Angry Rabbits 3 1 2 0 6 9 2
Fmjphonenix 2 0 2 0 2 6 0

Quebecois Liberation Division
Liverpool England 3 2 0 1 9 5 5
Euroslavia 2 1 0 1 4 3 3
Iansisle 3 1 1 1 6 6 3
Raspberry Reich 2 0 1 1 3 4 1
Hockey Canada 2 0 2 0 2 6 0

Starblaydia

15-03-2005, 17:56

"How can we still be at t'bottom o't'Group after three fookin games? We gorra point today, I saw it!"

"Um, Coach," Floror said, "We didn't play today."

"Wot?" Haztarr looked around and composed himself. "I ken that, of course. I knew t'weren't our players I was shouting at. Besides, we donnae play in Teal."

Kelssek

15-03-2005, 17:58

"I never heard of them before," said the stunned Kelssek Hockey Association executive.

"Apparently they love fimbles, sir, whatever they are." said one of the subordinates.

"Yes, I can see that." the executive replied. The commentators were discussing at length when they had last seen so woeful a performance from the Blueleafs.

"I think you'd have to go back to 1983, when the team bus got stuck in snow up on Chevasre Ridge, the game started without them, and they lost... 549 to 0, was it?"

"It was 594, Jim but that can be excused since they weren't actually there, and the game, technically, was counted as a 3-0 forfeit. I would say seeing Tom Perriser dance on centre ice and do stand-up comedy during the second intermission in 1993 was probably the worst performance I've ever seen from a member of this team."

"Yes, the 1993 team were really bad at that, but acutally, some of the guys on the squad are quite the artsy type, aren't they? Oberforsky was in a rock band in secondary school, one of the guys with a French name I can't pronounce was in a drama society for a while too..."

"Are we actually sure that Fimble Loving People are a newbie team? They might have a reputation going that we don't know about." someone else said.

"Interesting you say that, David, because that's insubordination. You don't contradict your superior, buddy. You're fired."

Suddenly realising, however, that doing that would entail a nasty wrongful termination lawsuit, he quickly added, "...Just kidding."

Corneliu

15-03-2005, 18:21

CORNELIU SPORTS PAGE

Corneliu Ties Vilita!

In a stunning game, our beloved Penquins are showing tht the can compete on the world stage. After defeating one ranked opponet, they turned around and tied the 5 ranked team in Vilita. This gives the Penquins 5 points in division play to date. According to analysis, a win or tie will propel Corneliu into the 2nd round of the tournament.

This has been our goal from the beginning. To make it to the second round of the tournament and to show ourselves to the world that we can compete against them.

This is getting real exciting. No one predicted that we would be this close to making the playoffs. We will continue to do what we've been doing. If we're lucky, we just might actually win the whole thing.

The team gets one more game then their divisional play is done. That team? Cockbill Street that has won 2 games in a row and is in 2nd right now, literally a half game out of first place. It should be an interesting matchup.

Very Angry Rabbits

15-03-2005, 18:28

A scent on the wind...a certain aroma...what is it? Familiar, and yet somehow - unique. Pleasant enough, tangy...what is it? It's not beef, but...it has a certain "Je ne sais quoi". Venison? No, no, not venison. Pheasent? Not pheasent either, but closer. Rabbit? Certainly not! Crocodile? Wait! That's it!

Cassowary Cassarole!

Ah, life is good...

;)

at work - promise a more expansive, and hopefully more interesting, rp later in the day

Corneliu

15-03-2005, 18:36

at work - promise a more expansive, and hopefully more interesting, rp later in the day

OOC: I"m at work too and I managed a decent rp! :D

Fimble loving peoples

15-03-2005, 18:45

Win puts FLP back on form.

FLP have once more found the form which took them to the final of CCIX. A 5-1 demolition of Kelssek. Although information has been received that this nation is renowned in the sporting world they are new to international ice hockey, and this proved fatal.

FLP scored early in the game, then left it late to knock in another 4. Which rather disappointed the fans, who as usual had placed bets on FLP to lose.

Squornshelous

15-03-2005, 19:28

A: "Hi, and welcome to the Squornshelan Sports News Network, I would tell you what my name is, but I'm sure you don't really care, so we'll just refer to me as "A". This is my cohost, and we'll refer to him as "B".

B: That's f*cking retarded, why don't you want people to know our names?

A: Because, polls show that they really don't give a sh*t. I could tell them that this news report was brought to them by Barney the Dinosaur and they wouldn't even notice.

B: That's really f*cked up.

A: Anyway, on to todays news. In a stunning feat of something or other, the Squornshelan National Hockey Team, those hopeless losers that we love to hate, have defeated Saskatoon 3-1 in Cherry Cup competition.

B: Wait, did you say the Ferrets won?!

A: Yes, at least I thin I did. Hey, director, is this written correctly?

Director: Yes, it is, just do the show and stop interrupting yourself.

A: Right, well this is extremely odd behavior for a Squornshelan hockey team.

B: That just might be the understatement of the day. When you look at the tables for CC10, you come to the stunning realization that the Ferrets are undefeated after the third gameday.

A: Part of that probably comes from the fact that they've onnly played two games, owing to a first day bye.

B: And to the fact that there's only one other ranked team in their division.

A: say, do you remember what happened last time we had a bye on the first gameday and there was only one other ranked team in our division?

B: Has that ever happened before?

A: I dunno, but if it has, we probably lost.

B: Agreed.

A: Anyhow, the Ferrets won by a score of 3-1, giving them a total of 7 goals in two games, has anyone else been able to match that?

B: Yeah, Kalaallit Nunaat has 11 goals in three games.

A: Oh, anyone else.

B: Hisam.

A: Gesundheit.

B: What?

A: What?

B: I'm confused.

A: Shut up. Do you think this bizarre success has anything to do with Squornshelous's placement in the Russian division? After all, Squornshelous controls some Russian territory.

B: How am I supposed to answer if you tell me to shut up.

Director: Shut up!

A: Erm, that's all the time we have for now, we'll b going over to the regularly scheduled infomercial already in progress.

B: This newsblurb was brought to you by Barney the Dinosaur.

A: And all of his friends.

Both: Bye!

Iansisle

15-03-2005, 20:05

"Man!" exclaimed Mark Woolf, "We really got Tuhmanated out there."

"No kidding," replied Langdone, "And I know just what the problem is."

"The international ice," chanted the rest of the team.

"Right! Darn the eurowuss son of a Swede who came up with this! We can't hit anyone and, therefore, we can't win."

"More bad news," said Jamie Black, "Listen to this!:

"'Dear Gulls,
"'Win better or we'll kill your families!
'Love Björn Svensen, Department of Sports, Games, and Recreation.'"

"What!?" chorused the rest of the team.

"Gimmie that," snapped St Amour, grabbing the sheet of paper. "Idiot! This says 'Win better or we'll dock your pay!' Where the hell did you get 'kill your families' from!?"

"It sounded better."

"Shut up, you guys!" shouted Langdone, "I have an idea!"

"Well?"

"It's all so simple - we'll get to play on a standard ice - like that one Stout Lout's using --"

"Mmm, Stout Lout. It's what I use for all my drinking needs," said Woolf.

"Shut up, moron. We're not in public. Anyway, all we have to do is..." Langdone paused dramatically, "Blow up the rink! Then we can say Hastah lah veestah to international ice and our Terminator problems."

"But isn't that illegal?"

"Maybe in some places," chuckled Langdone, "But not in Tanah Burung. Heck, they'll probably encourage us to do it!"

“I’m actually starting to like this plan,” nodded St Amour. “Ashlee, for someone who has taken so many hits to the head, you make a lot of sense.”

“Thank you. Let me just go get some explosives, then Ah’ll be back and we can get this party started.”

Kalaallit Nunaat

15-03-2005, 20:40

Susan Aglukark, Queen of Greenland and All Its Dependencies, is pleased to see the half-savage people of Iansisle resorting to the path of random psychotic violence. She may yet spare their nation from utter desolation and ruin.

The Queen pronounces her fury at the host country's decription of her beloved Red and White Iceberg as "chokers." She was about to declare war, but is mollified slightly by the creation of the Susan Aglukark Memorial Harpoon Division. it is a fitting tribute, and thus the host nation is pronounced acceptable. For now. But it is too hot. The Queen commands Tanah Burung to construct a nation-sized air-conditioning system at once.

The Queen is satisfied at the division-leading position of Kalaallit Nunaat. For now, no one need die. This comes as good news to the new Greenland Hockey Commissioner, Jordan Metoo. If the Iceberg continues to win, he will not suffer the same grisly execution as his predecessors Big Bobby Clobber and Lance A. Comte.

Kalaallit Nunaat's roster remains the same as last tournament. Any similarities in name to the territorial parliament of Nunavut are purely coincidental.

The Queen rejoices over the sad fortunes of Starblaydia, and reminds the people of Starblaydia that our countries remain at war. Your fiery death shall come soon. The Queen further commands Robotopolis to begin losing immediately, or face further taunting.

That is all. Long live the Queen!

Very Angry Rabbits

16-03-2005, 01:24

Recipe for Cassowary Cassarole

Ingredients:

20 to 25 med to lg cassowaries (plucked) 1 lg rink, chilled
20 to 25 hares (artic) 3 to 4 “zebras”, size imtrl
14,567 mixed fans 1 3” (approx) puck, black
50 to 60 sticks, var sizes, taped assorted pads, helmets, bandages
40 to 50 prs skates (hockey) w/laces 3 20 min periods
1 lg scoreboard, electric 2 sm goals, w/netting
1 lg zamboni 2 sets uniforms, size as necessary
1 score, final, med ice to taste

Fill chilled rink to brim with ice, ensuring temperature between 15 to 25 degrees (minus 8 to minus 3 centigrade). Smooth entire surface with zamboni (repeat at end of each period). Slowly stir in cassowaries & hares, making sure cassowaries are thoroughly plucked. Add uniforms, with sticks. Then slowly fold in pads, helmets, and skates (laced). In a separate outdoor lot (parking or otherwise), or large holding area, bring fans to boil. As fans heat up, insert goals and scoreboard. When fans reach boil, drop in puck, then stir in fans and allow to simmer for 3 20 min periods – slowly stirring in score until final (cheat if necessary to ensure final score favors hares, artic). Add bandages to taste.

This dish best served cold, with a good pinot noir.

Hockey Canada

16-03-2005, 01:30

Recipe for Cassowary Cassarole

Ingredients:

20 to 25 med to lg cassowaries (plucked) 1 lg rink, chilled
20 to 25 hares (artic) 3 to 4 “zebras”, size imtrl
14,567 mixed fans 1 3” (approx) puck, black
50 to 60 sticks, var sizes, taped assorted pads, helmets, bandages
40 to 50 prs skates (hockey) w/laces 3 20 min periods
1 lg scoreboard, electric 2 sm goals, w/netting
1 lg zamboni 2 sets uniforms, size as necessary
1 score, final, med ice to taste

Fill chilled rink to brim with ice, ensuring temperature between 15 to 25 degrees (minus 8 to minus 3 centigrade). Smooth entire surface with zamboni (repeat at end of each period). Slowly stir in cassowaries & hares, making sure cassowaries are thoroughly plucked. Add uniforms, with sticks. Then slowly fold in pads, helmets, and skates (laced). In a separate outdoor lot (parking or otherwise), or large holding area, bring fans to boil. As fans heat up, insert goals and scoreboard When fans reach boil, drop in puck, then stir in fans and allow to simmer for 3 20 min periods – slowly stirring in score until final (cheat if necessary to ensure final score favors hares, artic). Add bandages to taste.

This dish best served cold, with a good pinot noir.

Ahh yes, I saw Emeril serve this up last tuesday. Not a bad dish, but it seems TB's scorinator perfers microwave n00b dinners to fine dining.

Chicanada

16-03-2005, 02:53

http://img100.exs.cx/img100/2998/chclogo6st.jpg
Chicanada Hockey Club Newsletter
ooc: Hey, my RP abilities suck. That's why I recap!

To the surprise of even less than no one, Chicanada lost again. This time it was a more interesting affair as the Kodiaks fell 2-1 to Cockbill Street. It appears the Streeters may have Chicanada's number, as we all recall how Nonesuch Street swept Chicanada in World Cup Qualifying as well

Standings as of today:
Stout Lout Conference - Dwarf-crushing Division
G W L D GF GA Pts
(nr) Corneliu Penguins 3 2 0 1 7 3 5
(15) Cockbill Street Streeters 2 2 0 0 3 1 4
(15) South Osettia 2 1 1 0 6 6 2
(05) Vilita 3 0 2 1 4 6 1
(nr) Chicanada Kodiaks 2 0 2 0 1 5 0

Coach Marsha Villeneue, who earlier resonded to questions about the strength of their division compared to the more loaded-seeded divisions with a "bollocks" said the loss "wasn't as bad as we expected but we're still playing like crap," and expects to bench the entire starting line in their next match in order to possibly switch things around - especially in regards to shots on goal, as the Kodiaks have only attempted 5 shots in their two games.

The bigger question will happen tommorow, as the Kodiaks meet a very shakey #5 Vilita squad which will enter the match with a single point. Some in the CanaTV reporters call the collapse of the Vilitan team surprising and think it could work in the Kodiaks favor, but none are willing to put money on Chicanada winning the match, let alone managing a tie. Even more analyists are surprised at the success of the nonranked Corneliu Penguins and rumor has it the CHL Board Of Regents may send a delegation to their next match to see how their team has been developed and how to implement improvements into the Chicanadan system.

It appears that even with the Kodiaks sucking that fans can't get enough. Their second match was viewed by 58 million household, which more than doubled their rivals on Northern (showing a repeat of Red Cap), CityTV (showing new episodes of Essendon and Waterfront) and Canal4 (which finished second on the night with an airing of the CFAA nominated film "Notorious").

Remaining matches for the Kodiaks:

Match one: v Corneliu (L 3-0)
Match two: off day
Match three: v Cockbill Street (L 2-1)
Match four: v Vilita
Match five: v South Ossetia

Kelssek

16-03-2005, 03:44

"Lahha... Lahhrgau... Larr... Benoit. You're pulled. Permanently." said Gilbert, "You choke. You choked BAD."

"Choke?" said Benoit Laharrague.

"Uh..." he reached for his English-French dictionary. "You bobined."

The goalie was still somewhat quizzical. The coach resorted to hand gestures.

"You! POOO!" he said, holding his nose.

"Ahh. I suck donkey. Bad. You should say so earlier." Benoit said in his heavy accent.

OOC: We aren't new to the international level, only to the Cherry Cup.

Hockey Canada

16-03-2005, 04:45

"Move it ladies! not much time before our next game!"

"But we are ladies, and we know that"

"Come on, you play like girls."

"We are girls!"

"Pfft, no way... after how badly you lost both of your games i'd say you are no better than men."

"Uhhh coach, didn't you sleep with that Starblaydia goalie? Isn't he a man?"

"Dwarves are not men... they're too big in some areas to be men."

Kelssek

16-03-2005, 12:33

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v428/numbersaregood/ad-cherrycup.jpg

Starblaydia

16-03-2005, 14:09

OOC: We aren't new to the international level, only to the Cherry Cup.

OOC: Um, what other international NS ice hockey tournaments are there?

Redundancia

16-03-2005, 14:10

Redundancia nets second straight 2-2 game

In another exciting game, the Redundancia Redhawks garnered their second point in the Cherry Cup by tying Lovisa 2-2 last night. Ron Young racked up an impressive 32 saves, including two key stops on breakaways in the overtime period.

Doug Grant assisted on both goals, both scored on the power play.

"I thought we came out a lot better today than last game," Grant said. "The guys seemed nervous before, but they're getting the hang of things. To tie a team like Lovisa shows we put together a pretty solid effort."

Redundancia's first goal came in the first period with 6:52 left on the clock.

"That was a thing of beauty," Grant said in describing the goal. "I saw (right wing Rob) Graves through a seam and managed to get him the pass. He didn't hesitate, and put it right into the back of the net."

After Lovisa scored two quick goals in the second frame to take the lead, the Redhawks battled back late for the second straight game.

"I got the pass from (Greg) Charles and took the shot," Grant said. I was hoping to get it through all the traffic, but their goalie stopped it. Fortunately (left wing Dan) Payton was there to clean up the garbage."

The Redhawks will play the Sarzonia Blizzards today.

Kelssek

16-03-2005, 14:24

OOC: Um, what other international NS ice hockey tournaments are there?

The East Pacific Hockey Championship, a regional tourney which we set up thanks to ignorance of the Cherry Cup's existence. Admittedly we haven't won it yet.

http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/East_Pacific_Hockey_Championship

Tanah Burung

16-03-2005, 17:07

Match four results

Stout Lout Conference
Sarzonia 2 Redundancia 1
Nargopia 6 Lovisa 1
Oaker 1 Fimble loving peoples 4
Starblaydia 3 Kelssek 1
Vilita 2 Chicanada 1
South Osettia 2 Cockbill Street 1

College of Cosmetic Dentistry Conference
Kalaallit Nunaat 1 Saskatoon 2
Bweezystan 2 Squornshelous 2
Very Angry Rabbits 5 Fmjphonenix 2
Hisam 0 Robotopolis 4
Iansisle 3 Euroslavia 2
Hockey Canada 3 The Raspberry Reich 2

STOUT LOUT CONFERENCE

Aglukark Division G W L D GF GA Pts
Nargopia 3 3 0 0 12 4 6
Sarzonia 4 2 2 0 9 9 4
Lovisa 3 1 1 1 6 10 3
Redundancia 3 0 1 2 5 6 2
Druida 3 0 2 1 5 8 1

HRH the Duchess of Cornwall Division
Oliverry 3 3 0 0 8 3 6
Fimble loving ppls 3 2 1 0 10 5 4
Starblaydia 3 1 2 0 6 6 2
Kelssek 3 1 2 0 4 9 2
Oaker 4 1 3 0 4 9 2

Dwarf-smashing Division
Corneliu 3 2 0 1 7 3 5
Cockbill Street 3 2 1 0 4 3 4
South Osettia 3 2 1 0 8 7 4
Vilita 4 1 2 1 6 7 3
Chicanada 3 0 3 0 2 7 0

COLLEGE OF COSMETIC DENTISTRY CONFERENCE

Russian Division G W L D GF GA Pts
Kalaallit Nunaat 4 2 1 1 12 10 5
Squornshelous 3 1 0 2 9 7 4
Sjwitz 3 2 1 0 8 6 4
Bweezystan 3 0 2 1 5 9 1
Saskatoon 3 1 2 0 4 6 2

Battery-operated Division
Robotopolis 3 3 0 0 10 2 6
Very Angry Rabbits 4 2 2 0 11 11 4
Hisam 3 2 1 0 7 8 4
Tanah Burung 3 1 2 0 7 7 2
Fmjphonenix 3 0 3 0 4 11 0

Quebecois Liberation Division
Liverpool England 3 2 0 1 9 5 5
Iansisle 4 2 1 1 9 8 5
Euroslavia 3 1 1 1 6 6 3
Hockey Canada 3 1 2 0 5 8 2
Raspberry Reich 3 0 2 1 5 7 1

(It looks like this won't actually apply, but in the increasingly unlikely event that Tanah Burung goes 2-2 and makes the playoffs, Iansisle will be generating my results. Thanks Ian!)

Hockey Canada

16-03-2005, 17:12

All we need is one win over Euroslavia and we're in... lets pray we do.

Vilita

16-03-2005, 17:18

Is it just one game against all other competitiors? (in other words I'm out? ) :)

Hockey Canada

16-03-2005, 17:22

Is it just one game against all other competitiors? (in other words I'm out? ) :)

I wouldn't say so Vil, if Cockbill Street and SO lose their games and you win you could jump into second. But if you win and one of them loses you have a shot at 3rd. DON'T GIVE UP!!! (This sounds really, really preachy :rolleyes: )

Vilita

16-03-2005, 17:32

I wouldn't say so Vil, if Cockbill Street and SO lose their games and you win you could jump into second. But if you win and one of them loses you have a shot at 3rd. DON'T GIVE UP!!! (This sounds really, really preachy :rolleyes: )

If it's just one game between the other teams in the group, then i've already played all my games

Fimble loving peoples

16-03-2005, 19:07

Another big win. Not the greatest of headlines.

FLP recorded another big win, this time knocking 4 goals past the opposition. Fans are still surprised, as winning was expected to be difficult this time round, under the influence of so much alcohol.

However, despite 2 wins on the trot qualification for the next round remains uncertain. A significant loss is would be needed to drop FLP from the competition, and ofcourse that is what is expected. And with significant amounts of FLP money placed on Starblaydia to win rumours have been circulating about possibly throwing the match.

However, these rumours are completely unfounded.

Very Angry Rabbits

16-03-2005, 19:35

...Squornshelian news...

B: This newsblurb was brought to you by Barney the Dinosaur.

A: And all of his friends.

Both: Bye!We heard that... ;)

Very Angry Rabbits

16-03-2005, 19:48

A large group of rabbits, the Arctic Hares from the Armed Republic of Very Angry Rabbits, will be hanging about Tanah Burung for at least a few more days. These rabbits have hired them selves a Tour Guide (a Miss Helen Bakagin) and anticipate doing a little sight seeing. They have every intention (out of sight of their Director of Operations, Otto Matic) of trying every single brew Stout Lout, or it's Tanah Burungian competitors, have on the market - although, all things considered, there may not be time for that. Who are we kidding? There wouldn't be time for that in short of a decade! As well, these rabbits plan to invade every theme park, fairground, and every other form of entertainment offered in tropical Tanah Burung - legal, and (we've heard it hinted) otherwise.

These rabbits, having won two games of four, and no longer under threat of hassenpfeffer, are happy. These rabbits, having proven themselves as competitive athletes at the highest level in ice hockey, are proud. These rabbits, having pockets full of change, a bit of time on their hands, and a decent map of the locale, are jaunty. What these rabbits aren't is...you guessed it...they just aren't very angry.

Let the games continue - these rabbits are takin' a break.

Tanah Burung

16-03-2005, 19:55

Vilita - as it stands, yes, you have played all four games and would be eliminated.

I am willing, if there is a strong feeling this way, to run this as a double round-robin tournament, meaning each team would play each other team in their division twice, for a total of eight matches. Since the upset results came mostly in the first two matches, and this is now reverting to mostly wins for the higher-ranked teams, that's likely to favour the higher ranks, like Vilita, that have done badly, and punish the unranked teams such as Corneliu that have done well. It won't necessarily help Starblaydia or Hockey Canada, both of who are the third-ranked team in their division and both of who would probably qualify as it is IF they win in match five (though a 2-2 record is not a guarantee of advancement, it would depend on how other teams do, since top 8 in each conference go through).

As a point of information, when higher-ranked have played lower-ranked teams, they have so far won 24, lost 11 and tied 6, which i think is fine. (Actually i'd like to see everyone win all the time, but half of us have to lose. The score generator has not been terribly kind to me either.)

I'm of the school that likes to see things shaken up and ranks change rapidly, with new teams quite able to make a breakthrough. So my own inclination is to leave things with the short 5-match schedule (4 per team). If however there is a really strong feeling in favour of a 10-match schedule (5 per team) then i'm willing to do that. My main hesitation is that there may be some who are in position to advance to the playoffs after match five who might drop out of playoff spots after a hypothetical match ten, and changing the rules midstream would not be fair to them.

Opinions?

Corneliu

16-03-2005, 20:00

Here's my opinion,

LEAVE IT ALONE!!

The tourny has already started and changing things mainstream is idiotic. You've set this up for a five team, four match play. It should stay that way because that is how it started and that is how it should end.

Starblaydia

16-03-2005, 20:12

I am willing, if there is a strong feeling this way, to run this as a double round-robin tournament, meaning each team would play each other team in their division twice, for a total of eight matches.

I've always hated such a short qualifying period as a single upset can massively alter how a group ends up, particularly for teams who are in and around the qualifying mark.

Was it Iansisle or LE who doubled their number of actual qualifying teams as they got near the conclusion of the Group stage? I can't remember. That is also an option, of course, to increase the number of peeps who qualify over the 5 matches.

Corneliu

16-03-2005, 20:20

Upsets are part of the game Star. Your right, they will upset the balance of group play but do you see the real international competitions increasing the number of games to satisfy the powers do you?

Starblaydia

16-03-2005, 20:26

Upsets are part of the game Star. Your right, they will upset the balance of group play but do you see the real international competitions increasing the number of games to satisfy the powers do you?

I know they're part of the game. When the host beats the defending champions 4-0 then the best team in the competition 2-1 and then wins the whole thing, setting themselves up as the best team in the next Cup, I know an upset when I see one.

And this is the Cherry Cup, it's not real life :p

Iansisle

16-03-2005, 20:27

I've always hated such a short qualifying period as a single upset can massively alter how a group ends up, particularly for teams who are in and around the qualifying mark.

Was it Iansisle or LE who doubled their number of actual qualifying teams as they got near the conclusion of the Group stage? I can't remember. That is also an option, of course, to increase the number of peeps who qualify over the 5 matches.

((Aye, that was me. If I remember correctly, it was mostly to make the playoff bracket work correctly (silly me thought we could have a ten team tournament ;)) but it did end up letting a lot more people advance.

Personally, I say keep the five team, four game. If you're really feeling guilty about upsets - and believe me, I know the feeling - then Starblaydia's suggestion sounds like a good one. Back in the glory days of the WCHL, every team made the playoffs; the season existed only to determine home ice advantage.

Before I ramble off on how much the Phoenix Mustangs sucked (which, believe me, I was about to do) I'd like to say that TB's system seems to be working fine to me. If a few folks don't make the playoffs (including, God forbid!, me - I've not worked the math, but it does seem to be possible) oh well: there's always the next cup.

Oh, and I'd also like to remind TB that it's a pleasure to go visit his great aunt Thelma, or be his roommate on the business trip, or whatever it is that I've agreed to do. :)))

Sarzonia

16-03-2005, 20:37

OOC: Keep it the way it was scheduled originally. If someone loses an upset and is removed from the competition, it happens from time to time IRL.

Oliverry

16-03-2005, 21:55

What we should do is doing a kind of ranking, not as complicated as KPB but it would be some rankings anyway. So here would be how it would work:
It would take into consideration the 2 last cups
We divide the rankings in 3 parts:
- Those who participated in the last 2 cups or more
- Those who started to participate in the last cup
- Those who started to participate in this cup
After, we would have to add the 2 last results of each nation. For example: Oliverry finished 9th in CCVIII and 1st in CCIX so they would have 10 points. After, those nations are placed in decreasing number, which means that Oliverry would beplaced ahead of Iansisle because they placed better. And if there are ties, the nation who placed better in the last CC would be placed better. And we do the same thing with those who participated only in the last CC and etc.

Does anybody understands this?

Euroslavia

16-03-2005, 22:05

Euroslavia Falls to Iansisle, 3-2

The Euroslavia Phantoms suffered their first loss of their Cherry Cup career, falling to Iansisle, 3-2. This loss came after a shocking 1-0-1 start to the Cup. Each sports critic within Euroslavia didn't even expect the Phantoms to gain a single point; however, they've proven that they are a much tougher team than anyone would have ever expected. A victory in the Phantoms' next game is vital if the Euroslav Team wants to keep a good position within their division. The next team the must go against is a rough Hockey Canada team, who has been highly under-rated this time around. If the Phantoms can keep their gameplay up to where it has been recently, and can step up with defense, they may be able to pull off a win, but it all depends on the strategies and the way they act as a team when the time comes around.

The match versus Iansisle was described as a heartbreaker for these young Phantoms. The game was tied with each team having two goals a piece, when the Euroslav team suffered a checking penalty. Two minutes isn't a really long time, but for the Euroslav defenses, it was eternity. They cracked under pressure, early in the 3rd Period, and gave up the winning goal to Iansisle. The Euroslav goalie did the best that he could, in stopping the Iansisle offensive onslaught, and stopped a record 52 shots, but it wasn't enough to stay on top.

The Head Coach of the Phantoms looked very proud, after the game today, because of the fact that their team fared quite well versus a very dominant Iansisle team, seeing as Euroslavia is new to the tournament. He came over to the press immediately after the game and answered a few questions about what the team has in store for their next game.

One reporter asked, "What do you plan to do to have a chance at victory over Hockey Canada?"

He responded with, "Well for one, our defense needs to coordinate better so that something like this, what happened today, will not get a chance to happen again, especially at such a crucial time. We also need to be more careful about our aggressiveness. It can get us in trouble when we need to focus the most. If we can keep the penalties to a minimum, and work together as a team, I don't see why we can't win this game. Hockey Canada's record doesn't show their true talent, and we cannot afford to lose our focus. They are a much better team than most people think, so pulling off an upset would be the best thing in mind. We need to do all we can to show the rest of the Cherry Cup that Euroslavia is here to stay, and that we can compete against the top teams."

The Phantoms' goalie walked into the press room soon after, and gave a brief description of what happened.

"I was focused on the advancing opponents players right after the penalty was announced, and Tim was sent to the penalty box. I knew I needed to stop any and everything in order to keep our team in the game, but our defense cracked when we needed to stay in order the most. I cracked as well, and let them get an easy goal. Our defense did the best that we could, but within one minute of the penalty, we lost it. That's one thing we need to work on for next time, is the coordination between me and the rest of the defense, as well as short-handed strategies. If we are to get far in the Cherry Cup, we can't let silly things like this happen."

Expect the Phantoms to be focused more than ever for their next match, and for them to be at the top of their game. They cannot afford to receive another loss, if they want to be taken seriously.

Chicanada

17-03-2005, 00:40

http://img100.exs.cx/img100/2998/chclogo6st.jpg
Chicanada Hockey Club Newsletter
ooc: Getting swept out the tourney kicks ass! ;)

Well, everyone thought there was a shot and Chicanada dropped it and completely out of the competition with a 2-1 loss to #5 Vilita. The loss, which more than helped eliminate the Kodiaks, made their division look like such:

Standings as of today:
Stout Lout Conference - Dwarf-crushing Division
G W L D GF GA Pts
(nr) Corneliu Penguins 3 2 0 1 7 3 5
(15) Cockbill Street Streeters 3 2 1 0 4 3 4
(13) South Osettia 3 2 1 0 8 7 4
(05) Vilita 4 1 2 1 6 7 3
(nr) Chicanada Kodiaks 3 0 3 0 2 7 0

The team was more productive with 8 shots on goal with one goal, COach Marsha Villeneue was clearly displeased with the Kodiaks' performance: "This team continues to slide well past mediocrity." She went on to say "It's a disgrace to the sport of Chicanada how poorly we have played in these three games and the CHL will be looking forward to excluding the entire team from any future international events if this level of play continues into the next cup."

Threats about banning the team from future competition after Cherry Cup XI were not responded to by the CHL Board Of Regents, who were busy in Eastentown preparing for Session B play.

As the team preps for what should be their final game (there are rumors of the tournament opening round expaning to 4 more matches or all teams in or all sorts of things) Coach Villeneue has actually dismissed most of the team, choosing to bring in members of the under-21 squad to gain international experience. Villeneue said "If the damn team won't play the way we need them to, we'll try it with a different set up."

The starters for tommorow's match against South Ossetia are:

C Mordecai Lincoln (Crossing HC)
W Quentin Sloven (West Coast HC)
W Erin Longeview (Cana Tech)
D Kletis Fredline (Territories Union)
D Periden Dulaoup (Livingston Academy)
G Dumair Prada (Eoden, Captain)

Chicanadans must be a sucker for punishment, as the loss garnered 62 million households to continue the winning streak for CanaTV against reruns on the major stations Northern, Canal4 and CityTV. With their match tommorow being grouped with a Session-B Preview, CanaTV is expected to win the Sweeps period for the last cycle.

Pundits are predicting with all the subsitutions that Chicanada will fall 4-1 to South Ossetia.

Remaining matches for the Kodiaks:

Match one: v Corneliu (L 3-0)
Match two: off day
Match three: v Cockbill Street (L 2-1)
Match four: v Vilita (L 2-1)
Match five: v South Ossetia

Kelssek

17-03-2005, 01:36

He'd lost two in a row, qualification for the next round was pretty much out of the question, and the media were calling for his head. Greg Gilbert berated his players, tossed equipment around the room, and generally made it clear that he was MAD with your HORRIBLE PERFORMANCE. YOU CALL THAT HOCKEY? THAT'S NOT HOCKEY YOU'RE PLAYING, IT'S CURLING!!

Once everyone had left the locker room, he took out his mobile. The KHA wouldn't be paying the bill for much longer, so he had to make the most of it. He dialled international.

"Hello?"

"Mummy?"

"Oh, Greg! How are you?"

"They're saying really nasty, hurtful things about me, Mummy!" He began sobbing. "I tried and tried but we just couldn't do it, Mummy! We can't win the Cherry Cup the first time we play, but... I just wish they could understand!" he bawled.

"There, there, Greg, now you mustn't pay attention to them, okay? They're journalists, they just say what ever they need to sell papers, right?"

"BUT IT HURTS SO MUCH!! EVEN THE TV GUYS DON'T LIKE ME ANYMORE!!

"Now, Greg, there's only one thing to do. You have to prove that you can still win. Win that last game. Okay, honey? You can do it. I believe in you."

"Okay. Thank you, Mummy. Bye." he sniffed.

"Bye bye, now Gregory, and remember, I believe in you... Also I have $30 riding on the next game and if you don't win I'm going to strangle you when you get back."

Liverpool England

17-03-2005, 02:22

Thoughts: Oliverry: Too confusing...
Starblaydia: I did that too, but in the FHWC [only for the reason that otherwise, Oddslavo and LE'd have been the first to qualify- suspicious signs of fixing]
Tanah Burung: Working on the expanding no. of qualified teams option, if you don't want 4 teams (24 team finals?) you could send the top 2 in (12 teams) and have all the third and fourth placed teams [12 teams] playoff for 4 spots (3 teams per group over 2 games) - but it's more confusing this way.

Very Angry Rabbits

17-03-2005, 02:38

There are a number of rabbits (of late, very angry) messing about in Tanah Burung - carousing, actually. Helen Bakagin is leading them on quite a merry tour of Tanah Burungs' points of interest. Even so, they have heard that there may, or may not be, a change in the offing regarding the administration of the Cherry Cup. Something about twice the number of matches. Something about rankings. Something about upsets. They don't have an opinion - they're too busy messing about to have an opinion.

They do have a Director of Operations. Otto Matic is sitting in the nicest pub he could find within walking distance of his seat of operations here in Tanah Burung, slowly and lovingly drinking the tallest, coldest, Stout Lout they would bring him. Otto has also heard the rumblings and mumblings of displeasure and dismay about the outcome of quite a few of the tournament games.

Otto does have an opinion. He whispers it quietly to his beer...

"Whatever," whispers Otto. "Whatever."

Tanah Burung

17-03-2005, 18:50

Thanks for the input. There's clearly opinions on both (and neither) sides, so i will continue with the 5-match format. However, pickig up on Starblaydia's suggestion, the number of teams making the playoffs will go up slightly.

Playoff format:

Top two teams in each division qualify and get a first-round bye.

The third-placed team in each division, plus the fourth-place team with the msot points, advance to a wild-card round. These four play each other for the final two spots in the conference quarter-finals.

These two wild cards, plus the six auto-qualifiers, make eight teams in each conference, who will then play down as normal.

Results from final division match later today.

Tanah Burung

17-03-2005, 23:32

Match five
Stout Lout Conference
Druida 1 Lovisa 3
Nargopia 1 Redundancia 1
Oliverry 2 Kelssek 3
Starblaydia 2 Fimble loving peoples 1
Corneliu 3 Cockbill Street 0
South Osettia 4 Chicanada 1

College of Cosmetic Dentistry Conference
Sjwitz 4 Squornshelous 4
Bweezystan 1 Saskatoon 0
Tanah Burung 0 Robotopolis 3
Hisam 2 Fmjphonenix 3
Liverpool England 2 The Raspberry Reich 2
Hockey Canada 4 Euroslavia 1

STOUT LOUT CONFERENCE

Aglukark Division G W L D GF GA Pts (playoff seeding)
Nargopia 4 3 0 1 13 5 7 (2)
Lovisa 4 2 1 1 9 11 5 (5)
Sarzonia 4 2 2 0 9 9 4 (8)
Redundancia 4 0 1 3 6 7 3
Druida 4 0 3 1 6 11 1

HRH the Duchess of Cornwall Division
Oliverry 4 3 1 0 10 6 6 (4)
Fimble loving ppls 4 2 2 0 11 7 4 (6)
Starblaydia 4 2 2 0 8 7 4 (7)
Kelssek 4 2 2 0 7 11 4 (10)
Oaker 4 1 3 0 4 9 2

Dwarf-smashing Division
Corneliu 4 3 0 1 10 3 7 (1)
South Osettia 4 3 1 0 12 8 6 (3)
Cockbill Street 4 2 2 0 4 6 4 (9)
Vilita 4 1 2 1 6 7 3
Chicanada 4 0 4 0 3 11 0

COLLEGE OF COSMETIC DENTISTRY CONFERENCE

Russian Division G W L D GF GA Pts
Squornshelous 4 1 0 3 13 11 5 (3)
Kalaallit Nunaat 4 2 1 1 12 10 5 (4)
Sjwitz 4 2 1 1 12 10 5 (7)
Bweezystan 4 1 2 1 6 9 3
Saskatoon 4 1 3 0 4 7 2

Battery-operated Division
Robotopolis 4 4 0 0 13 2 8 (1)
Very Angry Rabbits 4 2 2 0 11 11 4 (6)
Hisam 4 2 2 0 9 11 4 (9)
Tanah Burung 4 1 3 0 7 10 2
Fmjphonenix 4 1 3 0 7 13 2

Quebecois Liberation Division
Liverpool England 4 2 0 2 11 7 6 (2)
Iansisle 4 2 1 1 9 8 5 (5)
Hockey Canada 4 2 2 0 9 9 4 (8)
Euroslavia 4 1 2 1 7 10 3 (10)
Raspberry Reich 4 0 2 2 7 9 2

Playoff match-ups

Stout Lout conference

1. Wild card round:
Starblaydia (7) v Kelssek (10)
Sarzonia (8) v Cockbill Street (9)

2. Quarter finals
Corneliu (1) v wild card lower seed
Nargopia (2) v wild card higher seed
South Ossetia (3) v Fimble Loving Peoples (6)
Oliverry (4) v Lovisa (5)

College of Cosmetic Dentistry Conference

1. Wild card round:
Sjwitz (7) v Euroslavia (10)
Hockey Canada (8) v Hisam (9)

2. Quarter finals
Robotopolis (1) v wild card lower seed
Liverpool England (2) v wild card higher seed
Squornshelous (3) v Very Angry Rabbits (6)
Kalaallit Nunaat (4) v Iansisle (5)

Starblaydia

17-03-2005, 23:56

"We won two in a row, Coach," Thorin Nibin cried with glee, "We're in the Play-offs! We got a Wild Card as Seventh-Seeds in the Conference!"

The Rayzors cheered as Haztarr eyed them coldly. Their joy was misplaced, he felt. He sneered at them as they poured beer from the keg. Most other teams had a water, gatorade or sports-drink cooler. The Rayzors had a great wooden barrel of beer.

"Wild card, eh?" he said, his voice harsh with anger. "Wild Card! t'should be fookin' livid card!" Haztarr grabbed a mug of ale and threw it to the ground, smashing the wooden mug and sending beer dregs flying across the room. "Ye dumb bastids have won t'fookin' Cup before! An' ye's thinkin' ye've done well by gettin' in't't'wild card spots! Well lah-tee-dah ye great whackin' jessies!"

"We're gonna beat Kelssek again, Coach," Gonotrill Harantzim piped up sheepingsly.

"Aye!" Haztarr yelled. "That be the most intellijunt fing ye've said all Cup long, Harantzim." His players laughed. "And when ye's beaten Kelssek, ye's gonna beat Nargopia, whoever t'hell they be!"

"And then we'll beat whoever they put us up against!" cried Nurri Temekrahin.

"And then we'll beat the next team!" shouted Haradin Azanulbizarn

"And the next!" Thorin Nibin chimed in.

"And then we'll get drunk!" Dimrill Barazinbar's cry provoked a fifth cheer from his comrades.

"And then we'll get laid by sexy Hockey Canadian Coaches!" yelled Grimcrag Torinzahar at the top of his lungs. Everyone else suddenly went quiet. Coach Haztarr sniggered, then chuckled, then full-on belly-laughed. The entire locker room fell about in laughter and beer and toasts. And oaths and cheers and merriment. Starblaydia's Dwarves were going to the Playoffs!

Oliverry

17-03-2005, 23:59

OOC: Just a comment: Weren't the positions 1, 2 and 3 reserved to division leaders?

IC:
Oliverry loses

They lost 3-2 to Kelssek, new ones to the Cherry Cup. The coach wasn't happy with this and hopes that the team will never let an 2-0 lead away. Now, that the Francois Laroche's exclusion from the team finished, it will be interesting to see what will happen to the team. He declared that he apologizes for what arrived and that he will donate 1 000 000Ø$ to the "Free the dwarves" organization.

Corneliu

18-03-2005, 00:25

CORNELIU SPORTS PAGES

Corneliu Downs Cockbill Street! Takes Division

In stunning fasion, Corneliu Defeats Cockbill Street 3-0 to take the Dwarf-smashing Division and is ranked #1 in the Conference. They will be playing the winner of the Sarzonia (8) v Cockbill Street (9) play-in playoff matchup.

This is what we wanted for our team. We wanted to be in the playoffs and we did that. Winning the division and becoming the number 1 seed is just an added bonus. The team won't overlook anything as we wait to see who we are playing. We will be practicing and practicing hard.

Corneliu itself is preparing for the playoffs. The bars are offering half price drinks and the games will be placed on the big screen TVs.

Starblaydia

18-03-2005, 00:35

"Uhhh..." The Rayzors Captain tried to roll out of bed but something was preventing him. Thorin look over, squinting due to the harsh morning light streaming through his window.

It looked like a brunette. A naked brunette, no less. Thorin rubbed his eyes and gently eased his thick forearm out from under her neck. As the sheets half came away with him, he caught a glimpse of her back and nodded with a smug grin on his face. He slipped on his shirt and hobbled to the kitchen.

"Another Hockey Canadian, Thorin?" his roommate asked, fresh from making a full Dwarveh breakfast, half-reading a newspaper.

"I dunno, Danwedh. I think she had a name, but... nope, it's gone, " Thorin said, glancing at the paper, "woah! Them Corneliuan headlines just don't get any smaller, do they?"

"Does a Troll shit in his cave?" Danwedh chuckled. "Oh, it also says in their that the Oliverrian coach is giving a million Oliverrian Dollars to the 'Free the dwarves' organization."

"A million, eh?" Thorin scratched his head. "I'm a patron of that society." He chuckled. "That'll buy me a new snowboard, that will."

"Gotta love phoney organisations," Danwedh replied, tucking into a bacon sandwich, "I think I'll spend my share on some more tats."

"Dude," Thorin replied, "you have enough tatoos. They're everywhere."

"Dude," Danwedh said with a glint in his eye, "you can't see everywhere."

Chicanada

18-03-2005, 00:51

http://img100.exs.cx/img100/2998/chclogo6st.jpg
Chicanada Hockey Club Newsletter
ooc: Wow, I'm psychic! It's like I have ESPN or something ;)

Give those pundits a raise, my friends, as Chicanada is rudely ousted from the Cherry Cup with a disaterous 4-1 loss to South Ossetia.

Standings as of today:
Stout Lout Conference - Dwarf-crushing Division
G W L D GF GA Pts
does it even matter? let's just focus on:
(nr) Chicanada Kodiaks 4 0 4 0 3 11 0

Coach Marsha Villeneue, rightfully so, took all the blame for the callous play of the match, where it was clear early the Kodiaks had given up. "Maybe I need to not be as bitchy about the team" she said during a press conference before the team returns to Cana.

Of course the CHL wishes the best of luck to all the teams that remain, even if Tanah Burung is borrowing our playoff strategy from the Cherry Cup X bid. Maybe it will aid in helping Chicanada win hosting duties for the next cup!

In their final match, 60 million households saw the Kodiaks go down in a blaze of embarrasment, while 40 million saw the season premier of "Stuck On An Island" on Northern. SOAI is expected to retake it's ratings crown now that CanaTV must depend on the Chicanada Song Contest for ratings, especially as Desperatly Boring Botox Women on Canal4 finishes their season next week.

Pundits are currently projecting a South Osettia/Liverpool England Final, even though Corneliu is the oddsmakers favorite in Chicanada.

Remaining matches for the Kodiaks:

Match one: v Corneliu (L 3-0)
Match two: off day
Match three: v Cockbill Street (L 2-1)
Match four: v Vilita (L 2-1)
Match five: v South Ossetia (L 4-1)

Iansisle

18-03-2005, 02:28

Iansisle didn't play today, which kept them from attaining their Glorious Victory. However, the Gulls will be well-rested going into the quarterfinals, when they will play against the Red and White Iceberg of Kalaallit Nunaat. Rumors that the Greenlandic nation may be willing to seek an armistice in the Eternal Hockey War have been dismissed by the War Office.

“Kalaallit Nunaat is a savage country, and Susan Aglukark - who in arrogance pretends to royalty - the most savage of them all,” said the Director of War at a press conference in Jameston Place. “There can be no peace until we have driven them, every one, into the snowy depths whence they came.

"Oh, yes, and may the Gulls win evermore," he added.

Kelssek

18-03-2005, 02:51

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v428/numbersaregood/efp-sports.gif

Kelssek Qualify By A Hair

TIGA BURUNG - A comeback 3-2 victory over Oliverry allowed Kelssek to qualify for the tenth and last playoff spot in the Stout Lout Conference at Cherry Cup X. Phillip Adams scored the winning goal with eight minutes left in the third and was named the first star of the game.

Oliverry were the better team in the first period and put two past John Baron in short order. Kelssek could not get their forechecking game going and found themselves chasing the puck and leaving holes in the defence, which Oliverry quickly exploited.

However the tide turned in the second period as Kelssek found their bearings. A fortituous powerplay gave Maurice Provonost the chance and he put the puck top shelf to get Kelssek on the scoreboard. Then Kelssek found themselves backpedalling once again as Sven Stefanovic was given a 4 minute double-minor for cross-checking. Oliverry parked themselves in the Kelssek zone and only brilliant defensive play by the penalty killers prevented a goal as Oliverry tried to put the Blueleafs away for good.

Stefanovic jumped back on the ice with a vengeance and fed Daniel McKellon for the equaliser. The third period became a scrappy game as stifling defense from both sides kept the score 2-2. McKellon was unlucky early in the third to have one of his shots ring off the post with the goalie beaten. But then with Oliverry caught out on a bad line change, Kelssek crossed the blue line with a three-on-one advantage and Phillip Adams made no mistake.

Coach Greg Gilbert was very pleased with the win. "It was a physical game, and I'm proud of how we grinded it out and came back to win. The team deserves the credit."

Kelssek will now play for a spot in the Round of 16.

Hockey Canada

18-03-2005, 03:14

Hockey Canadian women prove worthy of advancing, to play Hisam for Wild Card in Round-of-16.

Well, they did it. By a hair they made it all the way to 8th in their conference, and when about to play Hisam in the wild card game, the Hockey Canadian women are feeling confident. After a 4-1 win over Euroslavia, Hayley Wickenheiser scoring all 4 goals, the women were seen by the pool in bikinis and bathrobes relaxing.

"Well, we've been in tighter situations before. So we think we'll do it."

Kalaallit Nunaat

18-03-2005, 03:50

Queen Susan Aglukark has raised the state of war with Iansisle to "persnicketty" after rude comments by a minor functionary of the savage kingdom's ruling class. The functionary's comments are completely unacceptable after the Queen extended the hand of friendship to the primitive kingdom, which does not even know the joy of a sauna followed by a swift plunge into arctic waters.

The Queen notes that Tanah Burung has failed to install proper coolant systems in their nation. The ice was a little spongy in the last game and no doubt this explains the less than perfect record for Greenland's team. Nevertheless, the Queen shall spare Tanah Burung from her wrath: their miserable failure in their own tournament is punishment enough. To quote Her Majesty: "Who's choking now, bitch?"

In fact, the Queen is pleased to announce she will be favouring the hellish tropical jungle country with her presence for the playoff game against Iansisle. She will graciously waive the usual requirement for a 21-gun salute. The joy of watching the Red and White Iceberg crush Iansisle like the quiche-eating dilettantes they are shall be pleasure enough.

In her munificence, the Queen offers Chicanada a new and more competent coach for their next Cherry Cup team. Zebedee Aglukark, a nephew of the Queen, is looking for a job and the Queen is confident that he must be a coaching genius, seeing as how he is related to her and all. There will be no fee for this offer. God save the Queen!

Iansisle

18-03-2005, 04:07

The news that Susan Aglukark (the government requires this publication to note its doubts that Aglukark is related to royalty of any sort and is most likely the tyrannical ruler of despotism with delusions of grandeur) has set the Iansislean game-fixers into overdrive.

One fan was reported to offer Tanah Burung officials the “Shieldian aid in the liberation of your country from Knootian hands” so long as “all the calls go our way, if you know what I mean.”

Government officials have not confirmed this report but have also not been quick to deny it.

“We have every confidence that the Gulls will triumph,” said the Minister of War and Crushing Kalaallit Nunaat, his title inflated after recent defamatory remarks from the icebound country, “Now, if you members of the press will excuse me, I must finish cutting this cheque to our paramilitary forces hired to liberate Tan - ahem, our ...pastry chefs. Yes, we enjoy our pastries here in Iansisle.”

Hockey Canada

18-03-2005, 04:11

Robotopolis

18-03-2005, 05:05

Synthos go undefeated in match play, declared Amazing.

Finally, after destroying their last opponnent, the hosting Tanah Burung Cassowarries 4-0, Head Coach Dr. Wily allowed his players/government/creations to take in and enjoy their suroundings at last, embarking on the longest pub crawl in Robotopolis history, lasting from the end of their last game, about 5:00 PM, and ended about 5:00 that morning. Observers commented that they had a firce desire to consume atleast one alchoholic beverage in each and every bar they could get to. Team captain Ice Man mumbled this from under the covers of his hotel bed, only the top of his eskimo hat visible: " I'm gonna take so much heat from Wily about this... I'm supposed to be responsible for the team when he's not around, and this happened. I'm not even sure the rest of the team made it back to the hotel..."

They didn't. Starting defenseman Frost Man was found in a bus terminal about 7 blocks away from the hotel, asleep on the floor, having crushed a bench he tried to lay down on. Fellow starting defenseman and assistant captain Napalm Man was confined to a jail cell for starting a brawl in one of the many stops on the crawl, apparently with a Cassowary defenseman that resulted in said defenseman being blown through the bar via concussive missle. Starting center Shadow Man was found buried on the beach with only his left hand visible, covered with a beach towel. Shadow Man had no explanation for this when questioned, but said he distinctly remembers an encounted with a group of midgets earlier that night.

Dr. Wily sent out a search party shortly after he discovered that 3 of his best players were missing, and rounded htem up about 2 hours later. He then confined his team to bed rest for the entire day to get them ready for their 1st playoff game the next day.

"This kind of behavior is unacceptable to me," Wily told the press in his German accent, "My team should know better than to do this kind of thing only after going undefeated in match-play. This kind of celebration is reserved for winning the Cup! Yes, I allowed them to celebrate after last night's match, but not to this extent..."

Wily had forbid his team from consuming any alchohol(which IS a good fuel for robots, but it messes up their systems a whole lot) during match play so he could get the best results. He couldn't have asked for more. The Synthos dominated their opponents, scoring 13 goals while allowing only 2, and not to mention going undefeated, the only team in the Cup to do so, and securring the #1 seed in the College of Cosmetic Dentistry conferrence going into the playoffs.

Squornshelous

18-03-2005, 05:34

How is this possible, the Squornshelous Ferrets, formerly the losingest team in international hockey have qualified for the playoffs of the Cherry Cup. Not only that, they've somehow won their division and earned a third seed in their conference, all this, with only one win. The secret was in a pair of 4-4 draws, one with Kalaallit Nunaat and one with Sjwitz. Finishing with 5 points, the Ferrets went ahead of their group because of their 13 goals for, which was the best total in that department, along with Robotopolis and Nargopia. So anyhow, Squornshelous will be playing against the team from Very Angry Rabbits. The Great Prophet Zarquon couldn't help but point out that in nature, the rabbit and other rodents and the main food source for ferrets. That has nothing to do with the outcome of the game though, given our recent trends, it'll be a tie.

Druida

18-03-2005, 13:21

The only two hockey fans in Druida are discussing their team's performance during the Cherry Cup.

Fan 1: "Where've you been all cup? We're out already!"

Fan 2: "Out? Oh, damn. I've been ill."

Fan 1: "Ill?"

Fan 2: "Uhuh. Housebound. Contageous."

Fan 1: "Are you sure you didn't give our team it? They played like men with some kind of unfortunate disease."

Fan 2: "Nah. They're just useless, remember?"

Fan 1: "Oh yeah. Well anyway, you've missed it all, we're out and we're going back home on the next flight to Cefn."

Fan 2: "But I've only just got here! And Tanah Burung's got much better weather than home..."

Fan 1: "I suppose. Ah well, let's go get drunk to commiserate with ourselves."

Fan 2: "Yeah."

Sjwitz

18-03-2005, 14:01

OOC: (Sorry, can't find cherry chatter thread). Why is Sjwitz only ranked 7th in the COLLEGE OF COSMETIC DENTISTRY CONFERENCE! I understand Sjwitz is behind Kalaallit Nunaat because the match between both teams was won by KN, but howcome Very Angry Rabbits and Iansisle with only 4 points are ranked higher than Sjwitz, with 5 points? If I work it out correctly, I think it's because Sjwitz would otherwise have to play Kalaallit Nunaat in the quarters, or, when ranked 6th, Squornshelous, with Sjwitz already having played a match against both in the groups. But that's just an unfair system. Sjwitz could now be knocked out in a earlier round because of this! And if Sjwitz progresses, they get to play the best or second best team in the conference in the quarters whereas they should be playing the 4th ranked team.

Should have been a system:
A1 - best third
C1 - second third
B1 - C2
A2 - B2

Anyway, what's done is done, back to the IC stuff, which is very short now since I used up my time for all this OOC crap :p

Sjwitz ended their group stage poorly with a loss against Kalaallit Nunaat and a draw against Squornshelous. After the first two victories the team was expected to progress easily but in the end it was a close call. Sjwitz will even have to play an extra playoff match against Euroslavia, a team that managed only one victory in their group stage. Anything less than a quarter finals berth will be very disappointing.

Lovisa

18-03-2005, 17:38

Excellent Hockey team advance to next round. But the match with Oliverry will be very hard, and I affraid we lose this match.

I hope Lovisa will make a suprise. :)

Fimble loving peoples

18-03-2005, 18:43

Rumours confirmed?

FLP lost to Starblaydia in the final game of the group stage. Many people are proclaiming that FLP threw the game, citing evidence that the players were inebriated throughout the match. However this has been disregarded as further evidence has shown the team to have been in a similar state during all their other matches. And the dwarves did infact play remarkedly well, despite being as, if not more, drunk than the FLP players.

Fans continue to cite that the team lost because the nation is simply incredibly bad at Hockey. As if to confirm this view, many were seen with large amounts of money gained from betting on Starblaydia to win.

However, FLP still make it to the Quarter finals where they meet South Ossetia, a team who showed incredible prowess, and sobriet5y for that matter, throughout the group stages.

South Osettia

18-03-2005, 19:12

"How's that fruit cup going?"

"You mean the Cherry Cup?"

"Yes...I thought it was the Banana Cup."

"What do bananas have to do with ice hockey?"

"I don't know - what do cherries have to do with hockey?"

"I believe it's named after some famous person."

"I don't care if it was named after that bum that mugs people outside my house, how are we doing?"

"Well, we won our last game 4-1."

"That was good - was it actually 4-1, or did we use the mirrors again?"

"Nope, we actually won this game. We felt we could beat Chicanada without resorting to cheating."

"Good thing we did, or I would have killed you before firing you."

"...Right. Anyway, we're through to the next round."

"Good - who're we playing?"

"Fimble Loving People."

"That may be the case, but what's the nation called?"

"That is what the nation's called."

"Oh...so it's not just people that love the Fimbles?"

"I don't think it's those Fimbles."

"Preposterous - there's only room for one type of Fimble in this world, and that's the big stripey kind! Let's beat these imposters, and then drink lemonade through straws!"

"Good idea."

"Thank you."

Tanah Burung

18-03-2005, 20:23

ooc: The top two in each division advance. They are seeded 1-6, according to their point total. The third-place and best fourth teams have been seeded 7-10. I'm aware this is very bad luck for Sjwitz, which has an identical record to Kalaallit Nunaat, but i'm afraid it's the inevitable result of the playoff bye system.

Coach's Moaner

Rave al-Haj: Welcome to another edition of Coach's Moaner. I'm joined as always by the irascible Drapes Berry and by special arrangement with the government of Kalaallit Nunaat, by Susan Aglukark, self-proclaimed queen of that country.

Susan Aglukark: Made Queen by the overwhelming will of the people, you mean.

Rave: Well, the government of Iansisle disputes that claim.

Susan: Speak not to me of such sub-humans. They shall find the peace of utter obliteration, soon enough.

Drapes Berry: You know, your awesomeness, your team only managed second spot in the division thanks to a pretty obscure tie-break formula over Sjwitz. Hardly crushing the opposition, are you?

Susan: We are in the playoffs, you pipsqueak. Can you say the same about your beloved Cassowaries?

Drapes: Er. Um. It's just the famous Tanah Burung hospitality. The Cassowaries wanted other teams to have a chance to experience playoff glory. Especially those bunny things that have been camped in my back yard drinking all my best scotch. We weren't losing so much as being hospitable.

Rave: In fact, it's actually Squornshelous that surprised everyone by coming out on top of your team's division. Your reaction, your Queeniness?

Susan: Squornshelous? A mere doormat. Mention it not.

Rave: That sounds strangemy familiar. Are you plagiarizing the Squornshelan holy book, your Majesty?

Susan: It's not plagarism. It's an homage.

Rave: Turning to the Battery-operated division, we see that Robotopolis has topped the group, and they'll be joined by Hisam and Very Angry Rabbits in the next round.

Susan: I have commanded Robotoplois to lose. Their insolence in failing to obey has been noted. There shall come a reckoning for this, too.

Drapes: And tell those rabbits i want them out of my garden, Rave. Their fur is starting to smell.

Rave: An impressive four teams through in the Quebecois Liberation Division. Drapes?

Drapes: Watch the Ice Terminators from Liberpool England. They haven't attracted a lot of attention in this Cup, but they are undefeated and their dismantling of Iansisle shows this veteran side may have what it takes to go all the way. Everyone's watching those dames from Hockey Canada, and good for them for pulling back from an 0-2 start to make it through, but you might find rookies Euroslavia deliver a few surprises too.

Rave: The other conference?

Drapes: The story here is in the upsets. Oaker beat Starblaydia on day one to put the Rayzors qualification in doubt. The Sharks didn't hold up, but two other rookie sides have shown they have what it takes. Nargopia topped one division and Corneliu another. They showed grit and courage. Good for those boys.

Rave: And the other division, Drapes, who won that?

Drapes: Those bloody Frenchies from Oliverry.

Rave: I'm being passed a note ... Yes, the Tanah Burung Broadcasting Corporation would to remind our viewers that Mr Berry's views do not represent the opinion of the network. We embrace our brothers from all nations. Nous embraçons les peuples d'Oliverry en esprit d'amité international. Etcetera.

Drapes: Some disappointments in this conference. Sarzonia only barely made it through in a division i thought they might top. Same with Cockbill Street. But both showed a lot of character. Lovisa made it, no surprises there, but they showed a lot of character.

Rave: And in the Duchess of Cornwall division?

Drapes: The plot to defraud Starblaydia division, you mean? Well, the Rayzors showed a lot of character to win two straight after dropping their openign two. That 2-1 win over the Fimble Loving Peoples? What a match. Both teams showed so much character. And look how much character Kelssek showed in getting through! Man, those boys have character. And i have to say, South Ossettia showed a lot of character in pounding away on division doormat Chicanada. 4-1! Whew! Character coming out the yin-yang!

Susan: Your antics begin to bore me. Speak again and i shall order your execution, wretch.

Rave: And that's all we have time for! Remember, folks, Stout Lout is having a special on Mixed Backwash Strong Lager this week!

Very Angry Rabbits

18-03-2005, 21:25

Several very angry rabbits, wearing bits and pieces of "Artic Hares" uniforms, become aware of the TV broadcast in the window of the appliance store they happen to be lying in the gutter in front of.

"... ? o ~...mixed backwash strong lager...?~ "

Ably lead by their staunch tour guide, Helen Bakagin, this stalwart group of semi-concious semi-angry rabbits pull themselves, and each other, slowly (and rather comically, we might add) erect. Or, something resembling erect. Leaning on one another, nearby storefronts, parking meters, parked cars, street lights, and occasionally something that isn't there, resulting in their collapse like a small troup of mobile dominos and another session of dragging each other to their feet (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) they stumble in the general direction of the nearest pub.

They haven't tried Mixed Backwash Strong Lager yet...

Corneliu

18-03-2005, 22:35

CORNELIU SPORTS NETWORK

{Intro Music Plays}

"Welcome to Tanah Burung and Cherry Cup X competition. Well divisional play has wrapped up here and Corneliu has taken the Dwarf-smashing Division. Corneliu went 3-0-1 in divisional play for 7 points. With this, they have secured the Number one seed in the Stout Lout Conference and will play the winner of the Sarzonia-Cockbill Street matchup."

"Mark, that playoff matchup is going to be interesting especially if we play Cockbill Street. That is the team our Penquins beat 3-0 to secure the division."

"That's right Bob. And that was an impressive win. Infact, the Penquins have shown that they belong here. They even played the 5th ranked team from Vilitia and tied them 1-1. It goes to show what hard work does for a team."

"How right you are. We have also been informed that John and Erica Server, along with their 2 kids Wendy and Thomas, will be in Tanah Burung for the playoffs. This isn't an official visit but a visit to cheer on our beloved team."

"Mark, they better have good security considering John is the heir to the Empire. What do you think this will do to the confidence of the Penquins?"

"It'll help but they still have to maintain their heads and they cannot be nervous to play infront of them."

"Let us preview the Cockbill Street-Sarzonia matchyp that you will see right here on the Corneliu Sports Network."

"Bob, it should be interesting. Both teams are coming off a disappointing divisional play so both teams have something to prove. Frankly, I think that Sarzonia will have a leg up in this game. Look for them to move on to face Corneliu in the 2nd round."

"What about the Rayzors?"

"They are good and have won two matches as well as two Cherry Cup matches but I do not think they have what it takes to make it into the 2nd round to face Nargopia. It should still be an interesting match but I don't believe that they will win it."

"Well that concludes today's Cherry Cup roundup here at Tanah Burung. Stay tuned for further updates. Don't forget to watch the Sarzonia and Cockbill Street game. I'm Bob Erikson."

"And I'm Mark Anthony. Thanks for watching."

{End Music Plays}

Tanah Burung

19-03-2005, 01:15

Wild card match results:

Stout Lout conference
Starblaydia 2 Kelssek 0
Sarzonia 1 Cockbill Street 0

College of Cosmetic Dentistry Conference
Sjwitz 3 Euroslavia 2
Hockey Canada 1 Hisam 1
OT: Hockey Canada 2 Hisam 1

Conference quarter-finals:

Conference quarter-finals:

Corneliu (1) v Sarzonia (8)
Nargopia (2) v Starblaydia (7)
South Ossetia (3) v Fimble Loving Peoples (6)
Oliverry (4) v Lovisa (5)

Robotopolis (1) v Hockey Canada (8)
Liverpool England (2) v Sjwitz (7)
Squornshelous (3) v Very Angry Rabbits (6)
Kalaallit Nunaat (4) v Iansisle (5)

Starblaydia

19-03-2005, 01:40

"...will face t'Conference second-faverites, Nargopia."

"Nar-who?" asked Thorion, oblivious to their opponents.

"They, um," Haztarr thought for a moment, "they're t'guys wit nae kit designer, nae sponsors, nae Press Corp and nae fans."

"So how did they get this far, Coach," Thorion continued, "what's their style of play?"

"Um." Haztarr was lost for words. He could only shrug.

"Who am I most likely to fight?" Thror Honnhirrim, the Centre, asked.

"Usually you don't need a specific name, Thror," Thorion butted in before Haztarr could fail to provide an answer of his own. The locker room fell into laughter. Thror Honnhirrim, Starblaydi Star Centre, had spent a Dwarven record number of minutes in the penalty box for an international compeition already, and Starblaydia potentially had five matches left in them.

"Lucky they haven't created a specific 'groin-biting' penalty," Thror grinned through recently-cosmetically-enhanced teeth, "otherwise I'd be off all game, every game."

"Well, donnae get too many minutes agin' Nargopia..." Haztarr began.

"Why, Coach," Thororin butted in again, "are they good on the power play?"

"Um... maybe."

Sjwitz

19-03-2005, 01:55

After a slow starting match in which Euroslavia twice took the lead it was Sjwitz who powered up their gear in the second period to take a decisive 3-2 lead which would hold all through the third period. The Euroslavians, lucky to still be in the tournament, were all but a walkover as they created numerous chances and most neutral observers say they deserved more than a loss. On the other hand, Sjwitz supporters are already thinking of the next match, Sjwitz' quarter finals match against Liverpool England, a team that has yet to lose its first match during this tournament. Ofcourse the Silversharks would gladly assist them to this first loss. Most players are very motivated to put Sjwitz on the map as they feel some kind of injustice has been done to them as they saw Iansisle and Very Angry Rabbits, two teams with less points, get a straight ticket into the quarters where they had to fight for it against Euroslavia. That news had struck them while they were having a small party to celebrate their quarter finals berth, which ofcourse had to be canceled. Oddly enough, the organisation was not to blame at all, the Sjwitz team had just interpreted the rules of classification wrongly which led to this misunderstanding. Coach Joutsela: "Yes well I'm happy this thing happened really, we got past Euroslavia so we are were we thought we were already, but importantly, the players feel like they've got something to prove now. Really the fighting, winning spirit is higher than ever. I just hope that our number of acquired Elbowing, Holding, Hooking, Tripping, Roughing and penalties alike don't skyrocket during the next game."

Hockey Canada

19-03-2005, 02:26

Hockey Canadians dodge bullet but get ready to face (hopefully beat) Robotopolis

Well, it can't get any better than this. Hockey Canada, a once threat to any team in the Cherry Cup is now sitting at the bottom of their conference wondering what went wrong. Some people think it was the relatively short round robin. Some think it was the division draws. But whatever it was, we're all POSITIVE that it was fair.

But the Hockey Canadian women are preparing for their game against Robotopolis, trying to be the 1st ever bottom-raked team to win the Cherry Cup.

Corneliu

19-03-2005, 03:04

CORNELIU SPORTS PAGE

Corneliu to face Sarzonia

Corneliu will be facing against Sarzonia. They defeated Euroslavia 3-2. It should be a very interesting game. Corneliu comes into the game as the number 1 seed and Sarzonia as the 8th seeded team.

"We maybe the number 1 seeded team but we are not going to think that way. We are going to treat this game just like any other game. We will practice our usual practice sessions and play the game like a regular game."

The fans here in Corneliu are full of Penquin fever. Go to your local bar to watch the game and make sure to wear your Pens jerseys if you have them.

Kelssek

19-03-2005, 03:45

By now, the players had gotten used to falling short of glory, and losing in international tournaments has lost its sting. They always had the domestic league to worry about, endangered as it was at the present moment. But for the coach it's an entirely different matter. Greg Gilbert moped about his house and waited all day for the dreaded phone call. He'd been dreading it for years now, and surely this performance would finally seal his fate.

Ring.

Slowly, he picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Gregory!"

He froze. This was even worse. "H-h-hi, Mum..."

"You fool, why didn't you put McKellon on the powerplay? That boy's a good point man, you know. And he's cute, but never mind that! You are an embarrassment to your mother, you ingrate of a son! I can't take Bounty out for a walk without seventy people telling me what an idiot I raised! What do you have to say for yourself?!"

"Uh..."

"Nothing! You should forget about embarrasing the nation and get that job with the Clayquot Partisans! No one cares when those guys lose! Good bye!"

Gilbert slowly put the phone down, but it rang again.

"Mr. Gilbert?"

This was the phone call he'd been dreading, though the experience with his mother had certainly made it less daunting.

"Hello, Mr. Hinckle..."

"Well, what can I say, Mr. Gilbert, you know we're tired of losing. We'd like to fire you, but unfortunately all the good coaches have jobs with KHL teams and the executives take care of themselves, you understand? They get normal pay for doing absolutely nothing and they don't want to give up their life of leisure and go to work again. So you have a job. Goodbye, Mr. Gilbert."

Oliverry

19-03-2005, 08:39

In the lockerroom...

- You better win this game bastards. I'm not happy with what you've done so far. Don't forget, we are defending champions. Morons...

- Hey coach, shouted someone in the locker-room(that someone was the fat guy who picks the washing cloths), go fuck yourself. The team is good, as good as a good Big Mac...

- Everybody at McDonald's, said the coach

Later, in a McDonald's near the arena...

- Cool, my BigMac sticks together. It's a very unusual situation, said Francois Laroche

(The guy beside him was searching the little toy)

- "No, there isn't a toy", said the coach

(the guy went to the washroom and started whining)

- Anyway, we need to improve our strategy, said the coach while he was eating his quarter-pound. Lovisa proved to be a very good team last Cherry Cup and they all know what we are doing. And we know that they are playing trap. You ugndurstagn?

- Yeah! But, I need some more time. Why don't you put me on the powerplay? said Joel Hatcher

- Because the guys on the powerplay are doing a good job.

- Ok, I see...

- Now, let's return to the rink to practice. Francois, go take the guy that is whining in the bathroom. The others, all to the rink. And don't forget the beer...

Kelssek

19-03-2005, 10:40

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v428/numbersaregood/natl-telegraph.jpg
"Reporting on the nation's sporting humiliations since 1974."

Dream Ends As Starblaydia Shuts Out Blueleafs

TIGA BURUNG - The resurgence of team Kelssek was snuffed out just as it began as solid defensive play from Starblaydia earned them a 2-0 shutout of the Blueleafs in the wildcard playoff round of the tenth Cherry Cup.

The top line of Daniel McKellon, Maurice Provonost, and Neville Keanes spent almost 28 minutes on the ice trying to break the Starblaydia defence but to no avail as it held firm to constant assault. It was simply a matter of who had the stronger defence in this game, and it turned out to be Starblaydia as they popped in a goal in the second period and sat back at the blueline in full forcefield mode.

Not even Sven Stefanovic's knockdown victory to start the third managed to turn the tide, although Kelssek did come close several times and Starblaydia's goaltender was forced to earn the shutout several times as Kelssek desperately put on the the pressure in the third period. Finally, Kelssek's journey ended as Starblaydia put in the empty net goal, sealing the
victory with ten seconds on the clock.

The Conference quarterfinals at the Cherry Cup will feature defending champions Oliverry taking on Lovisa in the Stout Lout Conference. Oliverry are currently the favorites to retain the Cup, while Starblaydia and Iansisle are also favoured.

Tanah Burung

20-03-2005, 04:12

Conference quarter-final results

Corneliu 1 Sarzonia 1
OT: Corneliu 2 Sarzonia 1
Nargopia 0 Starblaydia 4
South Ossetia 1 Fimble Loving Peoples 3
Oliverry 2 Lovisa 0

Robotopolis 3 Hockey Canada 0
Liverpool England 1 Sjwitz 2
Squornshelous 2 Very Angry Rabbits 0
Kalaallit Nunaat 2 Iansisle 1

Conference semi-final match-ups:
Corneliu (1) v Starblaydia (7)
Oliverry (4) v Fimble Loving Peoples (6)

Robotopolis (1) v Sjwitz (7)
Squornshelous (3) v Kalaallit Nunaat (4)

Corneliu

20-03-2005, 04:29

Conference quarter-final results

Corneliu 1 Sarzonia 1
OT: Corneliu 2 Sarzonia 1
Nargopia 0 Starblaydia 4
South Ossetia 1 Fimble Loving Peoples 3
Oliverry 2 Lovisa 0

Conference semi-final match-ups:
Corneliu (1) v Starblaydia (7)
Oliverry (4) v Fimble Loving Peoples (6)

OOC: I should be going up against Oliverry and Fimble should be up against Starblaydia but that is a technicality.

IC:

CORNELIU SPORTS NETWORK

{Intro Music Plays}

Well ladies and Gentlemen, our beloved Penquins have made it into the Conference Semi-finals with a very close 2-1 victory over Sarzonia. Welcome back everyone. I"m Bob."

"And I'm Mark and your right. The game was close. Do you think it had something to do with the fact that John and Erica Server were in the stands?"

"It could but I think they underestimated Sarzonia. Good news is that they toughed it out and managed to pull it out tonight. Now they have to play the Rayzor who are dwarves no less."

"Dwarves? Well then it should be another interesting match. You can catch it right here on CSN. Now let us recap the game."

"The game was close from the opening faceoff. Sarzonia did get on the board early in the first period but the Corneliu's checking game stepped up and took the puck off of their sticks. Midway through the 2nd period, Corneliu ties it and in Overtime, the star of the team pops in the winning goal midway through the 1st overtime period."

"What a way to end it. Alot of teams counted us out but apparently our team is better than people anticipated."

"So they are. The Rayzor match will be very interesting. They defeated Nargopia 4-0. Nargopia was the 2nd seeded team coming into the Conference playoffs."

"Thats right! They underestimated their opponet and they got shut out. Hopefully our coach saw that and realizes that you should never take a team for granted."

"Now let us turn to our special guests that are with us in the Studio. Mr and Mrs Server. Welcome."

Erica: "It is great to be here."

Bob: "You were at the hockey game today, both of you. What do you think of the team and their performance today?"

John: "The team performed admirably. I'm glad that they managed to pull that one out tonight. The semi-should be fun to watch. My wife and I will be attending."

Erica: "Yep. We also watched the Rayzor contest. Those dwarves will be formidible to beat but I have confidence in our hockey team."

"Thanks for joining us and hopefully we'll be talking to you again soon."

John: "We'll talk to you at the end of the next game, win or lose. By the way, keep up the good work."

Mark: "We will."

"That'll be all for now. For the Corneliu Sports Network, I'm Bob."

"And I'm Mark. Thanks for watching!"

{End Music Plays}

Oliverry

20-03-2005, 04:31

- Good job boys! said the coach

- Common evrybody, let's party right now! I hope you didn't forget the beer Guy-Jacques...

- No, no. I also have paid some... beauties here!

- Oh yeah! Good job man. After your 2 goals, you just accomplished the hat-trick!

- Now, I'll go away, my wife will kill me if I don't go.

- Ok. Good bye Guy!

- Guy-Jacques, wait a minute, I have to talk to you said the coach

- Why? he answered

- Come into my office

In the office...

- You know, Guy-Jacques, you have, for the first time in Oliverrian international hockey history, proved that you were the best player in Oliverry. You have a good leadership, more than Francois, and I want you to become the captain of the team. I really doubt that he will come back next year.

- Why? Guy-Jacques then asked?

- Because he revealed me somethig that doesn't have to be revealed in any media: He has lung cancer

- Oh no! Then, now we know why he has done this with the dwarves!

- So now, I dont want you to talk about that in any circumstances. Is that clear?

- Yes coach! I'm very surprized. I never thought that he was having a problem like that. He is just 29.

- You know, tobacco will never do less than hurt.

- So now, can I leave?

- Yes, you can. And don't forget, this discussion is supposed to stay secret.

Oliverry

20-03-2005, 04:32

OOC: I should be going up against Oliverry and Fimble should be up against Starblaydia but that is a technicality.

No! It works like in the NHL: the gamings are always like this: Best vs Worst, 2nd vs 3rd(well you know what I mean)

Corneliu

20-03-2005, 04:36

No! It works like in the NHL: the gamings are always like this: Best vs Worst, 2nd vs 3rd(well you know what I mean)

No! This is like the NFL not the NHL! In the NFL its best vs worst. In the NHL it is how the brackets are set up. So you could have 8 vs 5 and 6 vs 7 in the NHL!

Oliverry

20-03-2005, 04:40

No! This is like the NFL not the NHL! In the NFL its best vs worst. In the NHL it is how the brackets are set up. So you could have 8 vs 5 and 6 vs 7 in the NHL!
Taken from NHL.com:
First-round playoff berths were awarded to the first-place team in each division as well as to the next five best teams based on regular-season point totals in each conference. The three division winners in each conference were seeded first through third for the playoffs and the next five best teams, in order of points, were seeded fourth through eighth. In each conference, the team seeded #1 played #8; #2 vs. #7; #3 vs. #6; and #4 vs. #5 in the quarterfinal round. Home-ice in the Conference Quarterfinals was granted to those teams seeded first through fourth in each conference.

In the Conference Semifinals and Conference Finals, teams were re-seeded according to the same criteria as the Conference Quarterfinals. Higher seeded teams gained home-ice advantage.

Corneliu

20-03-2005, 04:47

So they use the same system as the NFL! Brillient. Then every hockey game I've played is 100% when it comes to the playoff tournament.

Iansisle

20-03-2005, 06:13

Brick Slamfist: "...and, for sporting news, let's go to Dick Springwall. Dick?"

Dick Springwall: "Thanks, Brick. I'm glad to be able to confirm that Sir Gregory Penns-McCormick - the same steady hand who has guided Iansisle's Department of Sports, Games, and Recreation through many a turbulent year - has indeed called down 'a thousand plagues upon Susan Aglukark's house.' Many seem to feel that this curse is consistent with the Department's stated policy to be, quote, 'sore losers at every turn' and most likely related to today's loss to the Red and White Iceberg of Kalaallit Nunaat. Let's go to the post-game interview."

*footage of the Gulls' locker room*

Reporter: "Mr Martinson! Mr Martinson! Is it true that the Gulls have indeed lost this quarterfinal game to archnemesis Kalaallit Nunaat?"

Steve Martinson: "I'm afraid so."

Ashlee Langdone: "But we sure got a piece of them!" *Langdone hoists his fist, which is dripping with freshly spilled blood*

Reporter: "Wait! Mr Langdone, I was under the impression that you were serving an infinity-game-long suspension for attempting to blow up this very ice rink?"

Langdone: "Um. Rumors have been greatly exaggerated."

*sirens*

Langdone: "Whoops! I'm out of here!" *Langdone runs off screen*

Steve Martinson: "Yup. Our boys fought to the last man, but the sneering presence of Susan Aglukark - a thousand plagues upon the house of the pretender-Queen! - in the stands was just too much, even for our superb team."

Reporter: "Is it true that Charles Bradsworth and the Gull Flag government back in Ianapalis have ordered massive purges to, quote, 'relieve this country of underperforming, freeloading, good-for-nothing, hockey-playing bums and all those related to them'?"

Steve Martinson: "Um, no. That's just a rumor - I think Jamie Black started it."

Reporter: "Very well. In that case, is it true that this loss has, in fact, put the entire economy of Iansisle and all her dependencies under the control of an obscure Tanah Burung gambling house?"

Steve Martinson: "Ah, I see you've fallen victim to that fallacy as well. You see, much like Cherry Cup V, that bet never actually happened."

Reporter: "Or is it simply the policy of the Iansislean sporting community to ignore all events it finds displeasing?"

Steve Martinson: *Martinson sticks fingers in ears* "I can't hear you! Neener Neener Neener!"

Reporter: "And there you have it. Back to you in the studio, Dick."

*back to the IanCorp newsroom*

Dick Springwall: "A fascinating story. Wouldn't you agree, Brick?"

Brick Slamfist: "Indeed. Say, Dick?"

Dick Springwall: "Yes?"

Brick Slamfist: "Didn't we steal this format, with each of us shouting our name before we say something and putting our actions between little stars from Tanah Burung's Coach's Moaner program?"

Dick Springwall: "Oh, without a doubt, Brick. But they probably stole it from someone else."

Brick Slamfist: "Right you are, Dick." *both laugh* "In other news, tragedy struck today when Gulls fan Throckmorten Alabaster was brutally assaulted by a group of dwarves while attempting to steal a lock of one's beard for a souvenir of Cherry Cup X. Mr Alabaster is currently reported in stable condition, with multiple axe wounds, at ..."

Robotopolis

20-03-2005, 07:35

Synthos destroy Hockey Canadia, continue reign of dominance

Well, you can't say this wasn't unexpected. Honestly, this was a matchup between a team of GIRLS and a team of robots, many of them either having sharp corners or being really big. Hockey Canadia didn't even stand a chance.

There were checks all over the place. Even the linesmen got into the mix, slamming a Hockey Canadian into the boards every chacen they could get, most of the time giving up easy shots to do so, resulting in the score of 3-0 in favor of Robotopolis.

To quote star defenseman Frost Man pre-game: "Frost Man crush pretty girlies. They stand no chance against Frost Man's great size. Or entire team, for that matter."

Fimble loving peoples

20-03-2005, 11:00

"Oh bugger."

Those weree the words of the FLP coach after his team were drawn against Oliverry in the quarterfinals.

The game which secured this match-up was a win over South Ossetia by 3 goals to 1. The players played with more ability than in any other match so far. It was reported that the coach had the luck to find a number of players from the last cup drinking themselves stupid in a local pub.

Starblaydia

20-03-2005, 15:45

"So then they guy comes up to me," Gromril said, recounting his latest tale of bar-room frolics, "and I'm thinking, 'this is the guy who tried to steal our Cherry Cup from before', so I'm watching him walk over."

"What'd he do, Grom?" Thrain butted in, immediately hushed by the other players.

"Well," Grom continued, "he comes and sits next to me..."

"Great game you guys played," he says, "I thought it was brilliant."

"Thanks," I say, "we're going all the way."

"I like the beard," he says, "very neatly braided."

"Um, thanks," says I, sipping my beer.

"So what does he do then?" Gromril looked comically-shocked as he re-told the tale. "He whips out a pair of scissors and only goes for my beard! The little bastard! So I get's me axe from resting on the bar and lops his arm clean off. Wallop."

He mimiced his own chopping motion, and the arm falling onto the floor.

"Luckily," Gromril continued, pointing to his team-mate "Balak, over here, just happened to have some industrial-strength glue on him, So Balak comes over, squirts the old sticking-juice on the stump and reattaches it, job's a good'un."

"Then we had to beat him up a bit more," Balak interrupted, "as he went for my beard, the little weirdo. A couple-more axes to the central mass and he was sorted."

"Just like them Corneliuans tomorrow!" Gromril shouted at the top of his lungs. "Innkeep! Another round for the Rayzors!"

Very Angry Rabbits

20-03-2005, 16:46

Rabbits Lose "Shel Game" - Head Home Holding Heads

Earlier today the Very Angry Rabbits' Artic Hares failed miserably in their bid for respectability in the cold, cruel world of international ice hockey. Up against a well-schooled team from Squornshelous, the Artic Hares didn't seem to be able to do anything right - not even hold on to their sticks. Repeatedly, throughout the entire game, every time an airhorn sounded, or the crowed roared, or someone was body-checked loudly into the boards, every Artic Hare on the ice (and those on the bench) clapped their hands over their ears - no mean feat for a rabbit. This had one of two results for those on the ice at the time. There were those that dropped their sticks in order to cover their ears - and there were those who didn't, which of course meant they slammed themselve in the head with their own sticks.

For the young reader trying to learn the game, this is not advisable and will not lead to a win.

There was no score in the first period, as the first few times this happened Squornshelous was not expecting it, and did not take advantage. The next few times it happened, Squornshelous could not believe it was happening, and stopped in their tracks - well, they would have stopped in their tracks had they not been on ice - what really happened was they just kind of glided along with shocked expressions on their battered faces.

The next two times it happened, during the second period, the Squornshelous player nearest the puck simply skated it into the net.

After that, each time the Very Hung-Over Rabbits covered their ears to block out various loud noises, the Squornshelous players were laughing so hard they couldn't score.

And so it ended. A two to nothing drubbing. The Director of Operations for the Artic Hares, Otto Matic, had this to say after the game.

"I blame it on Tanah Burung. They couldn't beat us on the ice, but their flippin' Stout Lout! I've never seen a bunch of rabbits so hung-over! And where's that tour guide - what's 'er name...Helen Bakagin? If I ever get my paws on her..."

The Very Bedraggled Rabbits...the Very Abashed Rabbits...the Very Possibly-Soon-To-Be-Hassenpfeffer Rabbits - left the rink dragging...well, we all know what losers drag...and holding their heads, some still from their hang-overs, and some from the drubbing they'd given themselves with their own sticks.

When the buses arrived to pick up the Artic Hares and take them home to Very Angry Rabbits, they were no where to be found. Rumor has it that they discovered there were still a few varieties of Stout Lout they hadn't tried yet...

Squornshelous

20-03-2005, 18:10

. . . and there was much rejoicing

Stout Lout paves the way for Ferrets
Squornshelous won a very comical game with the team from Very Angry Rabbits thanks to the wonders of alchohol. The Arctic Hares were overcome by the loud noises and bright lights of the arena and after realizing their advantage, Squornshelous easily scored two goals, before they themselves were overcome with hysterics. This win sets up a rematch with Kalaallit Nunaat, whom the Ferrets tied 4-4 in group play. In anticipation of this game, an entire case of Stout Lout has been delivered to every member of the Kalaallit Nunaat team and free airhorns and strobe lights will be given to every Squornshelan fan attending the game. In addition to this, all of the Ferret's players will be wearing dark visors and earplugs. When asked about this policy, the head coach, whose name has yet to be disclosed said, "I can't control the fans and the other team you know, and there's nothing illegal about visors and earplugs." The government of Squornshelous has also prepared the military, because if the plan is succesful, there will doubtless be a declaration of war by Susan Aglukark. There are rumors, that she has also been sent a case of Stout Lout, but the government has no commetn about that.

Tanah Burung

20-03-2005, 21:12

Mau Slurp, owner and sole proprietor of Mau Slurp's House of Gambling, had enjoyed the last match. True, the bets on Stablaydia could still cause some troubles, but that was solved now. He had enjoyed watching Kalaallit Nunaat defeat the Gulls of Iansisle, even if it's Queen was madder than a mad hatter at a mad convention. There should be plenty of money, now, to cover all bets. He mikght even be able to buy enough fimbles to pay out if that idiot boy betting on Squornshelous won his bet. "The entire GNP of Iansisle." Yes, that should be plenty.

Mau Slurp had always wanted to own his own country. This one was a little technologiclly backwards, but still a nice little bauble. One with plenty of nice ships.

He knocked at the ornate gates of the Iansislean Embassy. One of his lesser possessions, now. But it might make a home for him, during his visits to Ukun Rasikan City.

"Hello, my good man," he said to the guard. "I'm here to collect on a bet."

Iansisle

20-03-2005, 21:32

Justin Fletcher, formerly His Iansislean Majesty's Ambassador to the United Provinces of Tanah Burung and now HIM's consul in the Dutch Democratic Republic's East Indies, peered out the gate at Mau Slurp from behind a bush.

"Well, we've got to pay up. It's only sporting," said Fletcher to an assistant.

"The entire GNP of Iansisle?"

"And all her colonies."

"I don't know," said the assistant. "That's an awful lot of money."

"Well, what did we do last time we were in trouble with someone from Tanah Burung?"

"Um... We hired the East Gallaga Company to kill Markus Rumbiak."

"Oh, yeah," remembered Fletcher. "Think that'll work again?"

"How many times do you think we can kill Markus Rumbiak?"

"Seems one's the limit."

"Well," said the assistant, "then what do you propose we do?"

"Keep hiding," advised Fletcher. "He's bound to go away sooner or later."

Corneliu

20-03-2005, 21:37

Someone from Corneliu, the sameone that placed the bet walks up to the Tanah Burung official.

"Excuse me sir. But the Tournament isn't over yet. The GNP of this nation will have to be split among the betters of the tournament that have correctly betted on the team that won the tournament."

Starblaydia

20-03-2005, 23:13

"Ah donnae know what kinda pish-up bettin' system ye run in yer country," Coach Hazatarr said, as he just happened to be passing the Iansislander Embassy, "its not t'poker match, ye dozy bastid, ye donnae split t'stakes 'tween 'twinners."

Iansisle

20-03-2005, 23:21

"There's more people out there!" whispered Fletcher from behind the bush, "Do you suppose old More Slup, or whatever his name is, has gone and hired some toughs to beat the economy out of us?"

"They don't look all that tough," whispered back Fletcher's assistant. "I mean, look how short that one guy is!"

Tanah Burung

20-03-2005, 23:33

This was supposed to be a private visit, Mau Slurp thought, as a small army of compulsive gamblers appeared around him to voice their opinions.

He waited.

And waited some more.

Still, no one from Iansisle came out to hand over the keys to their kingdom.

Most unsporting of them. Mau Slurp contemplated challenging someone inside to a duel. It would be certain to get their attention. But given how things had worked out the last time a Burungi citizen challenged someone to a duel on this spot, perhaps discretion was the better part of valour.

Anyway, he had another plan. The gambling maven sauntered off, chortling to himself.

Shortly afterwards, a small notice went out to select customers with more dispoasble income than common sense.

For sale: One kingdom. Slightly soiled. Order now and receive -- at no extra cost! -- a set of colonies.

Oliverry

20-03-2005, 23:40

The Oliverrian new president passed by there.

He entered and asked to the gambler: how much costs this kingdom? We would like to annex it to Oliverry...

Iansisle

20-03-2005, 23:42

"It's not really for sale!" called a voice from behind a bush in the front lawn of the Iansislean embassy. "Go away, all of you!" The cry was followed by a series of hushing and a whispered argument.

Starblaydia

20-03-2005, 23:42

"There's shufty-lookin' people behind t'bush," Haztarr said, squinting through the foliage behind the new and hastily knocked-up 'For Sale' Sign, "I'll trade ye a Cherry Cup Five Trophy fer it."

Corneliu

20-03-2005, 23:43

Admiral Server walks by and enters.

"What ever it is, we'll double it."

Starblaydia

20-03-2005, 23:47

"Ye see, laddie," Haztarr said, taking his axe from off his back and leaning on it, "ye havnae got one Cherry Cup Trophy, let alone two. T'Rayzors be t'only team wiv a pair o'trophies. Nae go home ye fancy 'hello sailor' uniferm-wearin' ponce."

Oliverry

20-03-2005, 23:51

So the president, who is also the most rich of the country(he does like Paul Martin here in Canada, he doesn't pay any fee to the government) takes out a check and writes 1,000,000,000 oliver dollars on it + a CC trophy(sinc we all know Oliverry will win the cup :p)

Corneliu

20-03-2005, 23:57

"A Billion dollar Oliverry currency eh? That is roughly 750,000,000 Corneliu Dollers. I'll take it because Oliverry isn't going to win the cup. Since this is between u and me, you lose you pay up. If you win, I will pay up."

Iansisle

21-03-2005, 00:02

"What's going on out there?" whispered the assistant.

"I don't know - sounds like a great bunch of nonsense," replied Fletcher. "Apparently, Starblaydia's offered their fake Cherry Cup V trophy for Iansisle, Corneliu offered two even more make-believe Cherry Cups, and Oliverry topped them all by offering a billion Oliverrian dollars and the Cherry Cup X trophy, which they technically haven't yet won."

"Hmm. Well, we won Cherry Cup VII, didn't we?"

"You're saying we should bid to buy ourselves?"

"It'd be the first real Cherry Cup offered."

"We offer the seventh Cherry Cup trophy for Iansisle," shouted Fletcher, standing up. "Um, that is all!" He quickly ducked back behind the bush.

Oliverry

21-03-2005, 00:04

Hum, hum, said Sam Gagnon. We offer CC IX cup with the billion oliver dollars...

Corneliu

21-03-2005, 00:08

3 Billion Corneliu Dollars. Though we don't have a cup to put up, we'll give you a Omega Class Star Destroyer and help you with space travel.

Iansisle

21-03-2005, 00:09

"Drat," said the assistant as he leafed through his An Iansislean Sportman's Guide to Our Collective and Selective Memory, "According to this, we recognize CCIX as legitimate. What should we do? I don't have a billion Oliverrian just laying around!"

"I vote we go back to hiding," said Fletcher.

"Good idea!"

Oliverry

21-03-2005, 00:11

Starblaydia

21-03-2005, 00:11

"Hold it!" Haztarr yelled, demostrating why he was a Coach with his battlefield-voice, drowning out all the bickering idiots and even making the poofy Iansislanders behind the bush stick their heads out and see what was going on.

"How about," he said, running his fingers over the ornate rune-encrusted handle of his weapon, "that Ah promise not t'hack all yer limbs off with ma axe? That's gottae be worth owt."

Corneliu

21-03-2005, 00:45

Corneliu, if you win, said Sam Gagnon, you're excluded as a NS Bowl host so if you want to still be the host, then remove your offer. Anyway, I offer 5 billion Oliver dollars and the Cherry Cup IX trophy

"Since we are the only ones hosting and have been eliminated from competition, you have no leg to stand on." John stated.

He turns back to the people in the Bushes. "Ten Billion and a space station and we'll pay for a spaceport."

Oliverry

21-03-2005, 00:47

"We can host it again. We have done it since the start so we can continue" Sam then said. "15 billion"

Corneliu

21-03-2005, 00:54

"We can host it again. We have done it since the start so we can continue" Sam then said. "15 billion"

"I don't care. We'll still host it anyway even though we are out." He stated. "30 Billion."

Oliverry

21-03-2005, 00:59

"40 billion + a Ferrari car"

Corneliu

21-03-2005, 01:05

"40 billion + a Ferrari car"

80 billion and a fleet of the best automobiles in Corneliu.

Oliverry

21-03-2005, 01:06

100 billion + a hockey rink

Corneliu

21-03-2005, 01:08

100 billion + a hockey rink

200 Billion + A winter sports complex

Starblaydia

21-03-2005, 01:13

Oliverry

21-03-2005, 01:13

"Ok then", Sam then replied. "We will conclude an agreement. The Team that goes the farther in the cup will win the Iansislean territory. Is that a good agreement?"

Kalaallit Nunaat

21-03-2005, 01:15

Rejoice! Queen Susan has declared a national holiday to celebrate the triumphant and decisive 2-1 thrashing of the pitiful principality of iansisle. The following three stars of the game are now declared to be "elected" as members of the Kalaallit Nunaat legislative assembly: The Honourable Louis Tapardjuk, third star, is the new MLA for Amittuq and Minister of Mines and Resources. Joe Allen Evyagotailak, second star, is the new MLA for Kugluktuk. The Honourable Leona Aglukkaq, first star, is the new MLA for Nattilik and Minister of Finance.

Although she would not be caught dead waslking in the vicinity of that ramshackle hut calling itself an embassy or the unsightly crew of haloween monsters that seem to live in its bushes, the Queen is reported to be "extremely interested" in acquiring rights to the principality of iansisle. she is confident that she can match any price offered. should she emerge the winning bidder, the Queen offers the sum of OMG$137912238789127389127312637812637821!!lol!!2873891273 and promises not to lay waste to all other bidders for 1 (one) year. Nor will she poison any of their national leaders, if she is given satisfaction. Her hand upon the enslaved people of iansisle shall be light. True, many shall be boiled down to their constituent elements, but they shall so love the Queen that they go happily to the extinction vats. Rejoice!

The Queen warms the satanic machine things of Robotopolis that their continued defiance of her command to lose shall most certainly lead their extinction. On the other hand, the Queen commends the plucky rodent things from squornshellous for their good run. However, if they know what is good for them they will surrender quickly or be buried beneath the unstoppable Red and White Iceberg. She forgives their impertinence in scoring four goals against her beloved Iceberg in the group stage, but they shall suffer torment eternal should they dare to repeat the performance.

The Queen has spoken.

Kalaallit Nunaat

21-03-2005, 01:19

"Roight," Haztarr said, rather annoyed with the two idiots shouting random numbers above his head, "yer both asked fer it!"

He swung his axe in a vicous arc, aimed at the back of the knee at the man standing nearest to him, before moving on to sever some limbs of the other bidder.

"Spacedy ships, indeed," he growled.

The Queen is amused. For one week, no dwarves shall be savagely murdered in her Kingdom. That is all.

Corneliu

21-03-2005, 01:22

Oliverry

21-03-2005, 01:23

"Roight," Haztarr said, rather annoyed with the two idiots shouting random numbers above his head, "yer both asked fer it!"

He swung his axe in a vicous arc, aimed at the back of the knee at the man standing nearest to him, before moving on to sever some limbs of the other bidder.

"Spacedy ships, indeed," he growled.
When he heard about this, coach Blue said to his players: "Your goal will be to score the most goal and to injure the most of the dwarves when we'll play against those bastards of Dwarves. Now I understand Francois Laroche when he said that he hates dwarves..."

Starblaydia

21-03-2005, 01:43

...somewhere above Kalaallit Nunaat...

"Did you hear that Captain?"" The Second Officer asked the pilot.

"I certainly did, Gromli," the pilot turned back in his seat to face perhaps the only Dwarf in Starblaydia's Civil Aviation sector, "you wanna do it?"

"Sure do," he replied with a grin "that proclamation makes it less risky."

...sometime later...

"We have touchdown," the pilot said, "throttle back, bring us to a halt and open the side door. Starblaydi Flight Five-Eight to tower, we are making a brief stop-over, could you have your men on the ground check our port door?"

<Confirmed Starblaydi Flight,> the Tower replied, <sending men to check it out. Welcome to Kalaallit Nunaat.>

"Thanks, Tower, we'll be leaving in a moment." The Captain turned to look through the cabin door. "Ready, Gromli?"

"Ready!"

"Alright, go!"

As the side door of the airliner swung open, the Inuit ground-crew were staring at it for any problems. They were soon faced with a pair of hairy arse-cheeks, with a felt pen-inscribed message. Down on the ground, they looked somewhat confused.

"I think it says 'WE WN 5th 8th' but I don't understand it." One Inuit said to the other. His colleague whispered something in his ear. "Oh? Oh... oh my."

Before they could do anything, the plane's engines had roared and it was on its merry, mooning way down the tarmac.

*ignites his lightsaber and lops off the dwarve's ax arm*

"Dont try that again."

EDIT: Ignored.

Corneliu

21-03-2005, 01:46

(OOC: I recommend sticking to Newspaper and TV match reports, you're better at those :rolleyes: )

Sorry but you had it coming and he is a jedi master.

IC:

"Ya big Jessie!" Haztarr yelled as the plastic hit his forearm and the small speaker in the child's toy made a tinny lightsabre-esque noise. "Call yeself an Admiral? Admiral Poof more like!"

OOC2: It isn't plastic and his arm would've came off. So I'll assume you know nothing of Jedi or your godmodding.

IC: "I am Jedi Master and Admiral John Server! Commander of all of Corneliu's Military Forces and next inline for the Presidency."

Iansisle

21-03-2005, 02:37

Just as everything seemed to be coming to a head - bloodshed would be inevitable! - a giant flock of cassowaries (the large, flightless birds, not the Tanah Burung ice hockey players) came thundering down the street and swept away Coach Haztarr, Admiral Server, and even President Gagnon to parts unknown but undoubtably smelly.

"Well!" said Fletcher, apparently very pleased with himself. "That was certainly unexpected!"

"Does this mean we get to keep our country?" asked the assistant.

"We'll see. We'll see," replied Fletcher.

Very Angry Rabbits

21-03-2005, 04:43

Armed Republic
of Very Angry Rabbits
Official Letterhead
and Fish Wrapping

Government Official of Iansisle Best Suited to Accept This Offer

Sir / Madam / Honorific of Your Choice:

It has come to our attention that the government of Iansisle is, to put it mildly, in a bit of a financial jam. How lucky for you, then, that we here in the Office of Finance and Budget of the Armed Republic of Very Angry Rabbits happen to be right in the middle of our annual spring general house cleaning and sale.

During this once a year event, we offer loans of any - you heard right, any amount, and guarantee the lowest interest rate compounded monthly, payment due on the 5th of each month, we hold a lien on the left arm of every citizen of your country as collateral - current rate is 1.3% annually.

As we do not offer our citizens any government service, other than our sincere promise not to make hassenpfeffer out of them unless absolutely necessary, and yet collect sizeable taxes from each and every land owner and wage earner (we've perfected what every other government strives to achieve in this area), we have sizeable cash reserves. We've had a look at the GDP of your nation, and having recovered from out fits of hysterical laughter, can offer to lend you one year's national GDP without putting much of a dent in our reserves.

To take advantage of this offer, simply fill out an application and drop it in the nearest mailbox. We have a debtor in every mail box in the world assigned to intercept such missives and get them to us right away. We can settle this little ill-advised bet of yours in no time at all.

Should you decide to take advantage of our most generous offer, please ensure your monthly payments are on time every time. Our collections office, affectionaly known as "Guido", truly hates to have his beauty sleep disturbed by having to go out and collect - generally, his displeasure takes physical shape in some form of retribution on the client failing to make on time payments.

Hoping (Hopping?) we can do business, your "friend in need",

Andrew A. Blanque
Chief of Finance and Budget
Armed Republic of Very Angry Rabbits
Rue de Lapin Agile Trente Huit
Edgeburrow

----------------------------------------------
Having dispatched the offer to Iansisle post-haste (the only kind of post in Very Angry Rabbits is "haste"), Drew A. Blanque turned to his visitor and asked, "Do you think they'll accept my little offer, Harvey?"

Monsieur Blanque's visitor, Harvey, is standing at the window, holding the curtain back a little, and watching the traffic on the sidewalk below. Harvey is a 6 foot tall white invisible rabbit that we would swear we've seen somewhere before, except that we can't either see him or have seen him - as he is, of course, invisisble. He turns, letting the curtain fall closed, and replies, "I've no doubt but that they will, Drew. They are the most Gull-ible group I've ever laid eyes on."

Tanah Burung

21-03-2005, 16:59

Conference semi-finals results:

Corneliu 2 Starblaydia 3
Oliverry 1 Fimble Loving Peoples 2

Robotopolis 1 Sjwitz 1
OT: Robotopolis 2 Sjwitz 1
Squornshelous 1 Kalaallit Nunaat 2

Conference final match-ups:
Fimble Loving Peoples v Starblaydia
Robotopolis v Kalaallit Nunaat

Fimble loving peoples

21-03-2005, 17:30

FLP surprise everyone. Fans appalled.

FLP recorded a win over defending champions Oliverry to advance to the semi-finals. The shock victory came late in the game when, after being deadlocked for over a period of play at 1 apiece, FLP knocked in the winner 12 minutes before time.

Fans are reportedly annoyed at the result, claiming that the team should quit taking scalps and be happy with making it past the group stage. Not a very ambitious people these lot.

They meet Starblaydia in the next round, and once more there are rumours of throwing the game in order to receive big cash pay-offs. However, we're convinced the players will give it their all.

Starblaydia

21-03-2005, 21:48

Haztarr's men fly into Conference Final
"Corneliu were 'armless", jokes Coach

The Starblaydia Rayzors moved into a tense Conference Final match against the Fimble Loving Peoples after a 3-2 scoreline. Two goals from Captain Thorin Nibin, plus a Nibin assist to Floror Hemanguroth gave the Rayzors the shot at the Conference Championship. Somehow these were the 6th- and 7th-ranked teams in the Stout Lout Conference coming into the play-offs, but between them they have overcome the combined might of Oliverry, Corneliu, Nargopia, Sarzonia, South Osettia and Lovisa.

Obviously we use the term 'might' with a sense of journalistic licence, but this is still a great achievement for former-Champs the Rayzors. In two wins time, should they come about, Starblaydia will, without doubt, be the greatest Ice Hockey-playing nation in the History of the World. Not bad coming from a nation where 'The Mighty Ducks' movies are banned for their oh-so wholesome Joshua Jackson content...

"Ah wish they wouldnae use t'bird references in t'headlines," Haztarr said over his breakfast as he read the imported newspaper, "that gets me on edge."

Haztarr involuntarily shivered at the thought of those great big native birds sweeping him up and carrying them off to their nests. He took another swig of ale as his mind wandered to his actions, having to cut his way free with his axe, before using his beard as a mini parachute, and using his arse as a mini crash-mat.

"Fimble Loving Peoples, eh?" he said to himself, "now they're either very open aboot their life choices, or I'm misunderstanding sommat."

Iansisle

21-03-2005, 23:04

"I can't believe this," grumbled Charles Bradsworth, "even the damn rodents have more money than we do."

"Do they have enough to cover all the colonies?" asked Rinehart, the Director of Foreign Affairs, his face full of hope.

"It would seem so," said Bradsworth. "Who's idiot idea was it to bet our entire economy on the Gulls, anyway?"

"That would be Penns-McCormick, sir." All eyes turned to regard the slight Director of Sports, Games, and Recreation, who slouched farther down in his chair.

"Well, there's only one thing for it," said Bradsworth.

"Kill the players and all of their family members?" asked Rinehart hopefully.

"No, you idiot! We've been over that a thousand times. If we don't pay Slurp, he owns our country. If we don't pay the rabbits, Guido comes over and extracts a pound of our flesh. Now, which is the better option?"

"I've never really liked the way that Mau Slurp fellow smells," ventured Penns-McCormic cautiously.

"It's agreed, then!" shouted Rinehart. "We'll kill the players and all their family members!"

"Idiot!" replied Bradsworth. "We'll take the rabbits' loan and pay off Slurp. Honestly! - we'll kill the players and all their family members when we're out of the public eye... I mean, we'll eat pastries. Yes, we enjoy our pastries here in Iansisle."

Oliverry

21-03-2005, 23:34

In the locker-room after the loss...

Coach Blue: "What the hell was that shit?"

Francois Laroche: "We lost..."

Coach: "That's exactly what I was asking: What was this shit?"

Guy-Jacques Francois: "The goalie wasn't good. You know, we must find 2 other goalies. Those goalies will kill us in the next cups."

Coach: "Yes, you might be right. In the next national team trials, we must try other goalies"

Francois: "Yeah! But we lost to Fimbles Loving Peoples. That's a real shame for the nation. To win the cup in CC9 and to lose it in quarter... That's a real shame"

Coach: "Yes. I suggest we stay in Tanah Burung and we go boo FLP team in next game. After what happened in this year's cup, Starblaydia are the only ones that fully deserve this cup."

Francois: "I have to reveal something: I have lung cancer"

Every other players: "Ouch!"

Francois: "So, now, I will annouce that I retire from competition. Guy-Jacques, will you be able to take the raise and be the captain of the team to replace me?"

Guy-Jacques: "Yes, I can fulfill this thing. We need to be united in this phase of problems."

In a hospital near the arena...

Doctor: "President Gagnon, your knee is ok now, you can walk as you normally would."

President: "Thank you. I hate those dwarves..."

A non-Starblaydian dwarf in the waiting room: "Go fock yerselve"

Very Angry Rabbits

22-03-2005, 00:28

Payment Stub
Office of Finance and Budget
Armed Republic of Very Angry Rabbits

Month of __________

Select one of the following options:

___ Monthly Payment of 4,587,326.17 Guilders is enclosed

___ Send Guido to collect the left arm of each of our citizens
Only 720 easy monthly payments

Thank you for your business. Please come again

Iansisle

22-03-2005, 03:33

"Guilders? Do you have any guilders?" asked Bradsworth frantically, searching his office.

"Afraid not," replied Penns-McCormick. "I've ...er... two..no, three kenerals and some pocket lint."

"Give them here," said Bradsworth as he fished through his coin purse. "Er, I've two twenty general coins myself - that gives us, eh, G47 3 ken. Doesn't anyone have anything more?"

"Well, they've never given us an exchange rate - for all we know, that's enough," said Rinehart.

"Here's hoping," said Bradsworth, dropping the paltry assortment of coins into an envelope and depositing that into the waiting hands of an omnipresent VAR runner.

"You did remember to check the option where Guido doesn't dismember us and the other four hundred-odd million people in our country, right?" asked Penns-McCormick.

"Erm..." said Bradsworth. He hadn't. "Yes?"

Very Angry Rabbits

22-03-2005, 04:40

The post (haste, of course) arrived in Edgeburrow by runner from Iansisle. The runner, Ambrose Pierce by name (a name which will not be mentioned again), having stopped for a little lunch at "Carrots R Us", trotted the last two blocks to the Office of Finance and Budget, and delivered the envelope directly to Andrew A. Blanque, Esquire, at precisely 12 minutes after 2 in the afternoon.

Drew opened the envelope, and dumped the contents on his desk.

A payment stub - not, Drew noted, properly filled out.

A small pile of coins of a sort not recognized by Drew.

And some pocket lint.

"Harvey?"

"Drew?"

"Ah - you are here. Harvey, does that look at all like 4,587,326.17 Guilders?"

"Honestly, Drew, it doesn't look like there's quite enough there to me."

"Hmmm. But, they didn't check the "Send Guido to collect the left arm of each of our citizens" box. Do you think these are large denomination coins?"

"It's conceivable."

"Well, then. I really don't want to wake up Guido unless it's necessary - he get's so grouchy. And, it really wouldn't be fair to rip the arms off all the citizens of Iansisle if they have paid. Hmmm..."

"A bit of a pickle, eh, Drew?"

"Well, yes. Harv, do we know anyone who knows the exchange rate?"

"Dunno."

"Right. Then, I guess we better get someone on it."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Well, of course it does. It is a plan."

"..."

"And, Harv, who ever you put on this - ask them to find out the exchange rate for lint, as well."

Kalaallit Nunaat

22-03-2005, 15:20

The Queen is very pleased. She notes that Iansisle will soon fall into her waiting lap like a ripe plum. The new Royal Titles Act is under preparation. SHe will soon be known as: "Susan, of Kalaallit Nunaat, Iansisle and Her Other Dependencies Beyond the Sea, Queen and Sovereign, Defender of the Sport of Hockey."

The Queen is throwing a small fete to celebrate the two goals scored by centre Paul Okalik against Sqornsehellous. Okalik is now created the new MLA for Ultima Thule West and Prime Minister of Kalaallit Nunaat.

The Queen warns Robotopolis that they may have reached the conference finals, but there shall be no repeat of the lamentable results of the last Cup, when the despised Synthos defeated Greenland's finest. This time, the day belongs to the Unstoppable Iceberg. Rejoice!

Kalaallit Nunaat

22-03-2005, 15:25

sign-ups for CC 11 are at http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=406780

Very Angry Rabbits

22-03-2005, 15:50

Armed Republic
of
Very Angry Rabbits
Office of Information and Misinformation
Hassenstrasse Ocht und Dreizig
Edgeburrow

Your Majesty, "Susan, of Kalaallit Nunaat, Iansisle and Her Other Dependencies Beyond the Sea, Queen and Sovereign, Defender of the Sport of Hockey":

The Office of Information and Misinformation is pleased to inform you (or possibly distressed to inform you, depending entirely on how you receive this information) that the likelyhood of Iansisle becoming part of your expansive and enviable empire has dwindled to...zero.

The nation of Iansisle have taken advantage of the Annual Spring Cleaning and Sale of the Very Angry Rabbits Office of Finance and Budget. They have contracted for a loan equal to the size of the Annual Gross Domestic Product of Iansisle, in exchange for certain monthly remunerations (and a lien on the left arm of all citizens of Iansisle). A payout of the borrowed amount has occured, and the funds were transferred by the Iansislian Government to pay off their ill-advised bet on the outcome of Cherry Cup X.

The bet having been paid off, Iansisle will remain free and independent.

Well...independent. Free - not so much so, as there is this little matter of their obligation to come up with the 720 monthly payments required to pay off the mortgage on the left arms of all their citizens. Other than that, though (and the ever present threat of a visit from our collection department, "Guido") free and independent they will remain.

We suggest you consider leaving the part about Iansisle out of Your Majesty's title. That, of course, is up to you. And whatever court Iansisle might lodge a civil complaint in should you choose to continue to insist on that part of your "title".

On that subject, we have been asked by The Old Grey Hare Himself to insert something here (as we are providing a copy of this memorandum to Iansisle) about the availability of the Very Angry Rabbits Courts for just such occasions. Since we restrict our citizens access to our courts quite a bit (who are we kidding? citizens access to courts? Ha!) the courts always have openings in their schedules. Huge holes, in fact. For a minimal charge to both the party pressing the civil suit, and the party defending themselves, a reasonably just outcome can be obtained bribes are discouraged, but generally result in a totally just outcome - wink wink.

Pleased (or dismayed) to be of service to Your Majesty in bringing this information to your attention, we remain

Your Obedient Servant

Miniumus Cogitum
Director of Information and Misinformation
Armed Republic of Very Angry Rabbits

Robotopolis

22-03-2005, 19:00

Robotopolis advances to Conference Finals again, to face Kalaallit Nunaat

The Synthos are back to where they were last Cherry Cup, the semi-finals, one step away from the final match against the Stout Lout conference champion. But to get there, they have to defeat the surprising Iceburg team from Kalaallit Nunaat.

You're probably saying that this is an easy win, it's in the bag, and other cliches. And you're probably right. Rookie Robotopolis defeated Kalaallit Nunaat not once, but TWICE in Cherry Cup IX, the first in their first match play game, and the second in the playoffs, in the first round.

However, the semi-finals was where the Synthos were knocked out last time, thanks to then-champions Oliverry. Thankfully, THEY were defeated by the team that they beat in the finals of Cherry Cup IX, Fimble Loving Peoples.

Looking ahead, it's actually a very good chance that the Synthos can win it all this year, the only threat being Starblaydia, assuming they defeat the Fimble Loving Peoples. Which they most likely will.

Starblaydia

22-03-2005, 21:06

"'Ow many times have Starblaydia been t'Cherry Cup Semi-Finals, laddies?"

"Two times!" The chorus of assembled ice hockey players yelled at their coach.

"An 'ow many time ave we wun in t'Semi-Finals?"

"Two Times!" They yelled again.

"Who d'ye think ye are," Haztarr asked again, "Wyclef Jean?"

"No!" They yelled back, "we're the Rayzors!"

"Rayzors all the way, baby!" shouted Floror, as the tradititional chant began. In both Cherry Cups that Starblaydia have won, that chant was prevailent. It is their hymn, their shield and their goal.

Rayzors, all the way. Baby.

Tanah Burung

23-03-2005, 02:00

Mau Slurp, newly wealthy and rolling in the filthy lucre of a profitable tournament and one extremely profitable bet, has released his new odds on the Cherry Cup.

Starblaydia is now listed as favourites, at 5-4. These near-even odds are the result of heavy betting on the Rayzors, who seem to have evaded all efforts by the tournament organizers to throw obstacles in their path. Only Cherry Cup 9 runners-up Fimble Loving Peoples stand between the dwarves, best able of all visitors to hold their liquor, and a third Rayzor berth in the Cup final.

Robotopolis, which came out of nowhere to challenge for the Cup last time, is listed at 2-1. The Synthos have quietly and methodically marched into the Cherry Cup elite in two short Cups, and are favoured to continue their dominance of Kalaallit Nunaat and advance to the championship match. Will they go from rookie to champion in two short Cups? Many think they will and are placing their bets accordingly.

Fimble Loving Peoples, who got their revenge for Cherry Cup 9 by eliminating defending champs Oliverry, are drawing 3-1 odds. The highest-ranked team in the tournament, these admirers of all things Fimble-related are making a run based on lowering expectations. "If we say we'll lose, we're sure to win," said some random guy on the street, fondling something that may or may not have been a fimble.

Mau Slurp is chagrined over calling Kalaallit Nunaat the Cherry Cup's ultimate chokers. It seems the tournament founder, best known for a succession of second-place finishes and a recent plunge into mediocrity, is once again a threat to be reckoned with. That, and the players have the prospect of their insane dictator watching them play in person. The threat of imminent execution should they lose, he figures, increases their chances. But not enough to get past a bunch of hockey-playing machines. Odds: 5-1.

Very Angry Rabbits

23-03-2005, 16:42

For those who may have missed it...

Sign-up Thread for Cherry Cup XI (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=406780&page=1)

Tanah Burung

23-03-2005, 22:46

Conference finals:

Fimble Loving Peoples 0 Starblaydia 1
Robotopolis 0 Kalaallit Nunaat 3

Starblaydia

24-03-2005, 00:19

"...we've only won it two times, we're gonna win it three times, we've only won it two times, we're gonna win it..."

The chants and songs echoed long into the night in bars across Tanah Burung. With Starblaydia making it to their third Cherry Cup Final Game in six attempts. In prospect of this great achievement, Burungi airports were flooded with extra flights from Starblaydia, bringing in hundreds more Dwarves to swell the population of short, beared, axe-welding Ice Hockey fans already in the tropical nation of Tanah Burung.

They're easy to spot, you don't even need a guide. But we're going to win it three... oh, sorry, getting carried away there. We're going to give you a guide anyway, rather.

It is easy to spot a Dwarven Ice Hockey Fan. They usually are sunburnt. Dwarves are known for the time they spend below ground, rarely venturing into the sun, so expect sunglasses in various shapes, colours, styles and tastes. Usually bad taste, but occasionally one will have ventured into a shop run by a purveyor of stylish eyewear.

They will certianly have immensely large beards, a sign of everything good about a Dwarf. A clean-shaven Dwarf is a shameful Dwarf. In tropical nations, beards will most often be braided to aid ventilation of the torso, and Beardbraiders' Guild stands staffed by comely maidens (in Dwarf terms, of course) are very popular as they twist and mould Dwarven beards into all sorts of styles and colours.

Hawaiian Shirts (or should that be Burungi Shirts?) are also part of the Starblaydi Dwarf's Uniform in a tropical nation like Tanah Burung. Purple shirts abound obviously, to match the team colours, though anything bright, vivid and nauseating to look at for more than a few moments are commonplace too.

As for footwear, sandals are de rigeur, with heavy mining boots long diespensed with. Don't forget, of course, that every Dwarf will carry one of the three main traditional hand weapons. Axe, Hammer or Hockey Stick. The third of those weapons was added to the traditional list after Cherry Cup Eight as the Dwarves brought home the trophy to Starblaydia for a second time.

Finally, they will, of course, be drunk. Very, very, very. Drunk.

Robotopolis

24-03-2005, 20:43

"WHAT?!"

How this happened was anyone's guess. The Synthos didn't even look like they were there as the Iceburg knocked them out of the finals with a stunning 0-3 defeat.

This comes as a huge dissapointment to the team, especially the ones who bet on them. As previously stated, The Synthos had already deafeted the Iceburg twice in Cherry Cup IX, and they were expected to continue this streak into the semi finals of Cherry Cup X. Alas, it was not to be.

The Synthos were weaving all over the ice, leading to suspicions that the team had somehow snuck out of the hotel where they were lodged, and had once again 'gone drinking'. No doubt that Wily's unhappy about this, and one can only guess at what punishment he has ready for them once they get back home.

But, if they can win the Bronze Medal match gainst last year's runner-ups, Fimble Loving Peoples, it will be a bit more leinent.

Kalaallit Nunaat

24-03-2005, 21:33

- Wevenge!

In a scene stolen shamelessly from A Fish called Wanda, the Queen of Kalaallit nunaat drove a streamroller through the airport to celebrate the Iceberg's flattening of Robotopolis. Her hockey heroes has avenged their defeats in the last Cup.

The Queen ticked off the enemies vanquished: Iansisle, who had the audacity to defeat the Iceberg once, now destroyed and added to her empire. (True, they did not acknowledge her legal aquisition of the kingdom. True, some impertinent rodents had interfered. Nevertheless, the Queen has declared Iansisle incorporated into her empire). Robotopolis, vanquished at last in a smashing 3-0 triumph of the will. In celebration, the Queen declares robots and computers legal once again in her domains.

Next up, the greatest evil of all. The tiny terrors of Starblaydia. Those whose impertience was punished by the forced stretching of all short Inuk in the realm. The midget bearded satans too shall fall away, like specks of dandruff from the Queen's ermine robes of state.

Revenge!

Fimble loving peoples

24-03-2005, 22:41

FLP lose. Bugger all else to say.

Beaten by the dwarves, again, the drunken lads from FLP head home. Well, the majority have actually gone to the pub just down the road, but we're assured that some have gone home.

Not much to say about the match really, but the gloating from the Rayzors camp says more than we ever could. Still, back for the next cup, wherever that may be.

Tanah Burung

25-03-2005, 04:56

Cherry Cup TEN championship match

Starblaydia 1 Kalaallit Nunaat 4

The Cherry Cup is awarded to: Kalaallit Nunaat

[/world]

Robotopolis

25-03-2005, 06:36

OOC: Does this mean I finish 3rd? Because the FLP team already left...

Fimble loving peoples

25-03-2005, 11:13

OOC: Does this mean I finish 3rd? Because the FLP team already left...

Only the teetotallers left. The rest are about 50 yards from the stadium.

Starblaydia

25-03-2005, 14:17

"It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel... pished,"

There's always a point when drunken Dwarves forget why they got drunk in the first place. This point, sober scientists have measured, is inversely proportional to the number of drunk Dwarves in a certain location. The theory being that the more Dwarves there are, the more likely one of them will still remember the original reason for getting drunk in the first place. So when there are fifty-thousand depressed Dwarves in a city, they hold their grudges for a long time.

Cherry Cup 'X' has seen a lot of highs and lows. Nnot all of them caused by alcoholic drinks, strangely enough. The Inuits have taken revenge for their 7-0 uber-thrashing of the Rayors some moons ago in the best way possible, by denying Haztarr the honour of being head of a sporting Dynasty. This was what he had to say on his defeat, interviewed in a bar shortly after:

"Inuits... bastids... fookers... Queen... revenge... vengance... Rayzors... threaten... i fookin' love you, yer me best friend... Hockey... sleep..."

He promptly proceeded to fall off his bar stool then some Rayzors staff carried him away, back to his hotel room.

Tanah Burung

25-03-2005, 17:18

In what has been caleld the cruelest ritual in sports, the two losing semi-finalists were forced to meet in the third-place match.

The results after 60 minutes:
Robotopolis 1 FLP 1

After overtime:
Robotopolis 2 FLP 1

Hockey Canada

25-03-2005, 18:35

I think because of Starblaydia's many final and semi-final appearances over the last few Cherry Cups that Starblaydia deserves dynasty status.

STARBLAYDIA DYNASTY CHERRY CUP 7-10!!!

Starblaydia

25-03-2005, 18:43

Three Finals in Six Cups with Two wins means the Rayzors are a Dynasty?

Hockey Canada

25-03-2005, 18:51

Well, yeah. Better than any previous team as far as I know. Think about it... The first Cherry Cup Dynasty.

Starblaydia

25-03-2005, 18:56

The first Two-Time winners is more than enough for me at the moment, thankyou.

Fimble loving peoples

25-03-2005, 18:58

Research claims fourth is better than nothing. Fans not convinced.

Officials are reported to be pleased that the team proved itself as the fourth greatest hockey nation, and second greatest human team. However fans are reportedly disappointed that the team lost two games in a row, although they were also quick to add that they expected nothing more.

Kalaallit Nunaat

26-03-2005, 18:59

Royal proclamation

Rejoice! The Iceberg has finally brought the Cherry Cup home to its rightful owners! Easter shall henceforth be known as Iceberg Resurrection Day.

By order of the Queen, there shall be no more punishments of dwarves in her realms. Short citizens shall have their full civil liberties restored. Rejoice!

Many countries have had the good sense to lose to the Queen's beloved Iceberg in this Cherry Cup. The Queen declares an end to the state of war against Starblaydia, Robotopolis, and her new colony of Iansisle. For the first time in many years, her empire is at peace. Rejoice!

For scoring two goals in a crushing 4-1 destruction of Starblaydia, the Honourable Jobie Nutarak (right wing) is created MLA for Tunnuniq and Speaker of the Legislative Assembly of Kalaallit Nunaat.

For scoring one goal, The Honourable Olayuk Akesuk (centre) is created MLA for South Baffin and Minister of the Environment.

For her empty-net goal as Starblaydia struggled uselessly to equalize, the Honourable Levinia Brown, defenceman and MLA for Rankin Inlet South/Whale Cove, adds the title of Minister of State for Community and Social Services to her portfolio.

Levi Barnabas was outstanding in goal for the iceberg. As a reward for his valour between the pipes, Mr Barnabas is created MLA for Quttiktuq.

The Queen is content. The universe is finally unfolding as it should. The tenth Cherry Cup is hereby declared the first Cherry Cup. All previous Cherry Cups were merely preliminary rounds, with no official standing. Single digits are henceforth banned in Kalaallit Nunaat. This may cause some accounting diffciluties, but We are confident that the Honourable Leona Aglukkaq
(MLA for Nattilik, left-winger for the Iceberg, and Minister of Finance) is up to the task.

Rejoice! The dynasty begins here.

NationStates Jolt Archive

Cherry Cup X - scores, RP, rosters & general wackiness