NationStates Jolt Archive

there has been large sizemic activity around reken causing large tidal waves sinking one of its three smaller islands. rescue and salvage attemps from the main island have not been frutful. the alliance of elders is now looking into other uses of the newly sunken island.

We're sending a couple of our ex-presidents over there to raise money for your aid.

We've temporarily suspended the rule that requires a citizen to be shot on the spot for mentioning the name "Reken". (They still must endure a public flogging, but those with big hearts will endure the pain for charity)

We're also allowing the avid scuba diving segment of our population to treasure hunt over the sunken island if they so desire.

I will now convey to you the official statement of the government of Bhullschitzk.

It is with great sadness and sympathy that the nation of Bhullschitzk acknowledges that the nation of Reken deserved to suffer the wrath of God, and rejoice with them that He executed His justice upon them to reduce the scum content of their population.

We, the nation of Bhullschitzk realize that the innocent are always caught up with the guilty in such judgements, but hey, what the hell, at least the rotten pukes are dead now.

Therefore be it known that the nation of Bhullschitzk sympathizes with the peoples of Reken and are glad that it was not us, but recognize if you would not be such rotten sinner scum you wouldn't get beat upon by God Almighty, and laugh at your stupidity, as is the case with all sinners such as we.

The Most Holy Republic of Bhullschitzk
If it isn't Bhullschitzk, it aint JACK.

So tragic. My nation expresses shock that our offshore drilling that caused the earthquake resulted in the loss of so many lives. Our drilling crew were some of the best in the nation, and there will be a full inquiry. In the meantime, we will ensure that our insurance companies pay the survivors of our drilling crew and we will work on getting a replacement crew as soon as possible.

We regret the loss of life, however Dogbonistan will continue in to pursue additional finite resources to keep up with the insatiable deman of our citizenry for bigger and better SUVs. Once you have re-built, please let us know. We would like to explore the new markets that will be available to our SUV manufacturers seeing as your roads were all washed out and you will require some sturdy off-road vehicles to navigate your now desolate nation.

Additionally we have imposed a ban on any imports from your nation due to the increase risk of disease coming from your newly developed swampland.

Hugs and Kisses,
The government of Dogbonistan.

I know someone with some nanoprobes, but he's not very friendly. Actually, the UN refers to him as a "psychotic dictator," who refers to his people as his "little playthings." In fact, I'm not sure if I want to even talk to him. Last time that happened, I was purging nanoprobes for almost a decade. Nasty little creatures. Or machines. Whatever you want to call them.

So forget about that. Sorry. :)

We of the Empire of Sunnyocracy regret to inform you that we told you so. As you are aware, we have advised many times in the past that obesity was becoming a severe problem on your islands, and that unless drastically curbed, you were all in danger of sinking to the bottom of the seas.

Unfortunately, you did not heed our advice and warnings, and as a consequence, your gluttony brought about the sinking of your smallest island.
Let that be a lesson to you all! Gluttony is a sin and it WILL BE PUNISHED! Your next smallest island is already suffering severe tremors due to the fat citizens from the smaller island who managed to reach land. It is already tilting on one side, and no amount of geological gobbleygook is going to save you.

Declare a national month of dieting, and declare gluttony a crime. Then we might be willing to talk turkey.

Please don't hesitate to let us know how we may be of service. We will give it our consideration when you have elevated your land masses. This may be achieved by drastic and immediate dieting. Of course, we would never actually recommend dumping your greediest and most obese into the sea, but that might be an option you might want to consider.

Sincerely,
The Empire of Sunnyocracy

there is not too much need to worry for the island was for research of misc. things and the only main loss was about a patrol of 15 men, and 10 researchers their familys where given 1.5million dollars for their loss.

i regret to inform you that if i or my citizens find anyone scuba divintg they have been authorized to use lethal force if the divers dont leave imeadately.

to all of you others thankyou for your condolences.
~the coven of elders

We find your belligerence offensive, insulting, and totally uncalled for. While we were offering to help your nation in a time of need, you threaten to murder the rescue diving teams in cold blood.

While we were encouraging our citizens to risk their lives under the dangerous seas that your ravaged peoples used to inhabit, your ungrateful nation threatens their lives.

This would be an act of outrageous aggression, totally uncalled for and shows us exactly why God has chosed to kick your ass. We would also choose such a course of action were we God.

We hereby withdraw all our offers of help and once again make it a crime to utter the name of *****, punishible by instant death.

We wish your nation a hearty Bite Me.

The Most Holy Republic of Bhullschitzk
If it isn't Bhullschitzk, it aint JACK.

The caring peoples of the UCK basket-weaving industries are producing thousands of burial baskets that can be easily shipped to you to help in your time of needThe kind peoles of the UCK are also not making a profit on this aid, we are letting the UN have these quality items at cost. :)

The nation of Bhullschitzk, a major trading partner and having exclusive shipping contracts with the UCK, is now recruiting thousands of volunteers to be stationed at the shipping port of Bitenschlongen, with the sole mission to defecate in every woven burial basket being shipped to Rek*n.

The Most Holy Republic of Bhullschitzk
If it isn't Bhullschitzk, it aint JACK.

Darth Iggy, the ruthless dictator of the glorious nation of Iggistania, hereby declares that all souicide bombings being conducted by our spies in the desputed territories of Reken shall be suspended during this desperate time.

Not only would further bombings be adding insult to injury, it would be silly for us to waste more money on explosives when so many have already died from natural causes.

We would weep for your loss if we had any compassion. And we would send aid if all our money wasn't tied up in building new palaces for our glorious leader.

Well according to your last transmission you said you were allowing civilians to scuba dive that is not helping my nation. By the time you had any civilians arrive your assisstance was no longer required. For it was imperative that what was being tested was not accessible to civilian eyes. We hereby request all attempts made to assist our men to be hereby recalled. Thank you for your willingness to cooperate though.
- The Coven of Elders