NationStates Jolt Archive

The Slutbum Wallah AeroSpace Association. The very name was synonymous with laughable idiocy, failure to even get the rockets off the launch pad and screw-ups of the magnitude that left twenty square miles of idyllic farmland uninhabitable till the year 3045. SWASA's single claim to glory since it's foundation was the 'colonization' of a cube of empty space just outside the Sol system. They'd sent a flag up to prove it. It hit Io. Technical failures were compounded by ever-more drastic budget reductions and management decisions, the organization's crisis moment coming two months ago when Senior Management agreed to sell the entirety of Slutbum Wallah's airspace to Dregruk for chemical weapons testing. After all, if the gas is released all the way up there, how can it harm anyone?

Now SWASA is on the edge of liquidation. Without the equipment, talent, money, or permission from Ghastopol Flight Command to launch any more missions, the Command Team meet for one last, hopeless council.

Chairman Jack-Upstanding placed his head in his hands and almost sobbed. Around him, the council looked on in helplessness. "Doesn't anyone have any ideas?" there was an edge of desperation to his voice.

Each face showed only a pathetic mixture of fear and confusion. The boardroom was silent.

"So that's it then." Jack-Upstanding sat up and clasped his hands, "The organisation is finished. We might as well hand ourselves over to the Ambassador-General right now." He tried to stop himself from shuddering at the thought.

Away down the table, one solitary hand raised querelous question, "I think... I think I have an idea..."

Every head craned round, the light of hope flickered again in the eyes of the Chairman. "Well go on Mr... uh... Beanpole is it?"

"Yes, sir." Beanpole's eyes were glazed and focused on some point in the middle distance, the corner of his mouth twitched in the ecstacy of invention. "I think... sir I think I might have it."

"Well lets have it then, man!"

"We have to... listen... what we have to do is..." The man's head flicked round suddenly. Now Beanpole was gazing straight at the Chairman, "We have to... dig... a tunnel... to Mars!"

Silence.

"That's insane!" A councillor shouted out finally.

"Madness!"

"Idiocy!"

Chairman Jack-Upstanding held Beanpole's gaze, one finger slowly tapping the table. "Yes... yes it is. But gentlemen.." He paused a moment, "It might just work."

"What?" The council babbled in confusion.

"Quiet!" Upstanding stood up, the fire of conviction burned bright in his eyes and with one hand to his chest he began to speak.

"I know it seems like lunacy but this is our last shot, our million-to-one chance. Up till now we've hardly been the finest Space Program the world has ever seen, I'll be the first to admit that, in fact we may be numbered among the worst. The disasters, the wastage, the lack of direction. We've been held to earth, crushed against this sodden rock but do you know what?" Upstanding thumped both hands on the table, "It's been our on lack of vision that's put us here!" He whirled round and began pacing the room.

"They laughed at us, you know that? They laughed! They told each other 'SWASA! That's not a Space Program, that's a Waste of Space Program!' Well by God I say its time we showed them! Showed them all, by God! And THIS!" His finger shot out, he was eight feet from Beanpole but it still seemed to pin the man to his chair, "THIS is how we'll do it! The WORLD will SEE out GLORY!"

The room fell silent once more, aside from the breathless gasps of Jack-Upstanding.

"Who's with me?" He whispered finally.

One by one, slowly at first, the entire council raised their hands.

"Then lets get to it!"

"Broadcasting in five, four, three, two, one...." The director raised a thumb and backed away from the set.

A seated Jack-Upstanding smiled into the camera. "People of the world," he began, "For years now, the wonder of interplanetary travel has been limited to those with the wealth and influence to afford it. The granduer of the canyons of Mars, the beauty of the acid clouds of Venus, the rings of Saturn veiwed from it's many moons, these have all been denied ordinary people just as international travel was once denied. But all that is about to change."

The SWASA Chairman stood up and strolled over to a series of complicated-looking charts and diagrams, "Thanks to new research being carried out in the proffesional enviroment of the Slutbum Wallah AeroSpace Association labs, it is now becoming possible for the thrills of the galaxy to be experienced at a cost comparable to subway travel. This wonderous new technology, known as Subterranean Trans-Spatial Intrasolar Interplanetary Vector Transportation, is about to be unvieled to the world at a Science Conference in Slutbum Wallah."

Passing the diagrams and blueprints, Jack Upstanding finally made his way to a decorated podium. Behind him a vast banner depicting the SWASA insignia of a rocket powered pigeon descending mercilessly on a terrified eagle was illuminated by powerful stage lights. "Once revealed, this new miracle device will transport a select few brave explorers to the surface of Mars. These courageous individuals will represent the vast, underpriveleged masses and spurned nations who have been denied space travel. And, once this trial is sucessfully run, as it certainly will be, the technology will be offered at a fraction of the true cost to the nations that supported these individuals. People of Earth, lobby your governments! Protest for the common rights of humanity! Demand, demand I say that your rulers, who no doubt have already ventured into space on your money, make this technology available to all!"

In the last shot, the camera zoomed in till Jack-Upstanding's face filled the screen, "Here at SWASA, we're trying to give something back. Give yourselves a chance, don't let our struggle die."

OOC: No? No interest at all? Not even to have a stake in the first subway train to Mars?