NationStates Jolt Archive

I am recreating the thread myself with only two rules:

No IRC posts are allowed. If any are posted, a request will be placed with the mods to have it removed.

and

Must be from teh NS or II forums. No gerneal, no RL. OOC is fine, though.

And I will start us off with the three quotes that stand the test of time:

"[n00b], you're dead. Stay in character."

"I accidently nuked my friend StupidWhiteBoys."

"SWEET JESUS! EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE!!!!"

Amerigo is a land of contrast.

Also, I want you all to understand something else about this thread. The last became an archive of mostly funny one liners or zingers. I'm looking for those, but I'm also looking to have an archive of just plain great pieces of writing.

This guy was a total freak... Posted all this in an RP I was having, starting out with something about armless alien babies, and Nazi Doctors. Well, he then quickely moved on to his favorite topics... Oh, and especially check out the last post, if you must read something!

Siesatia, you write like a human that believes he is part alien nephilim. I hate scum sucking nephilim aliens and humans that pretend like they are nephilim alien are little better. Of course... maybe you really are part monkey, or cow, or crocadile ! Maybe we should BBQ you on exotic dinner night ! Maybe you are part meteorite ! We should put you in a rock show ! What does your family photo album look like? Probably looks like a cross bewteen a rock show and the zoo ! What is your mother--meteorite or monkey ? HA HA HA !

Ha ! Now you are a self appointed political correctness censor ! Wow ! Hey, you mean you said something real ? You were NOT RP role playing ! Wow ! Can spread peanut butter on bread too ? Nephilim are freaking aliens dude ! UFO FOO FIGHTER, Camp Roberts extraterrestrial aliens, dude ! Some nephilim had sphinx or lion-like warrior/Hero of Moab off-spring. Watch out ! A freakin' alien may rip your freakin' heart out ! HA HA HA !!!



Faker than Hollywood, please refrain from posting off-topic comments in other people's threads. If you continue to do so, you will be issued with a formal warning.



Myrth the FAKE censor...

Cut right to the CHASE, dude ! Skip that knee-wobbling FORMAL WARNING PHASE ! Show your censor stuff ! What can you do ? Be a control freak censor controlling fake message boards ? HA HA HA !!! You're probably nephilim alien scum or think you are. You probably believe in evolution, too. How about your mama-- part meteroite or monkey ? Family photo album look like a rock show or the zoo ? HA HA HA !

Damn. Tell me Myrth gave him a good dose of smackdown. Please.

"Rave, I know now that love is more important than your damn rules, for they harm the ones they were meant to protect! Us!" - Kain Brightblade Shentavo, to Ravelyn.

"Qui was not my choice!" - Ravelyn Shentavo

"Mr. Card!" - Icarus

Just some off the top of my head that I remember. And also, I commend you Crimmond for creating another thread for this, which does not have IRC.

Damn, I wish I could find things in the archive....

A few of my old favorites.

Kitsylvania sports a Static Reality Amplifier, which protects us from the effects of such godmodingly insane levels of radiation.

Comment made in reference to the Uber-Caust, which was actually only 5,400 nukes, 5,000 of which were from Garrison II. He holds the record for number of people and nations killed in one attack.

The empire of Spellfall and the Holy Empire of Cow Monkeys are here to create a new world order and conquer other nations. Join us and we will conquer all. If you join us today than you will be benefitted greatly. Wire me a telegram and I will join you. If you do not join then I will vanquish you. We will conquer the nations and create anew world order.

Help our cause
Join or Die!!!!

The response:

1. Go find Siri
2. Stand in a long line
3. Roughly 29 hours later, you get a chance to meet Siri
4. (Literally) kiss her ass.
5. Repeat steps 2-4


YES!


Taking to the podium, he squints. The intense beam that shines from the spotlights conspire to annoy him even further than his collar, which was ridiculously tight.

Shuffling the papers he held in his sweating palms nervously, he coughed.

I'm honoured..." he began, faltering after only two words.

"To finally reach such a milestone, it really does leave an impression on you, it affects you....just like the eight shots of Vodka I had before I came on..."

Absolute silence, that did not go well.

"Moving on..." he chirped nervously, tugging at his collar once more.

"I'd like to thank all the people who made this possible, theres....um...welll..."

Trailing off, he rummaged through the notes, his eyes widening in terror as the lead rubbed off from the sweat-stained paper and on to his trembling hands.


"Get on with it, I've got a nation to rename!" yelled Slagland, flinging a spoonful of tapioca stage-wards.

Gasping as the cooling pudding impacted on his forehead, he threw the notes to the floor, electing to do as all great speakers do, and "wing it."

He failed.

"Seriously though, Since turning one billion I feel a new sense of maturity, I can't even remember the last time I tried to urinate on Mishakal....wait, that was last week- but other than that, Im right up there with Scolo and that other one who sounds like a film company..."

Again, his amusing tales were delaying the inevitable heckling. Slag had finished her tapioca, and her Semolina was late, she wanted blood.

"Get off you newbie scumbag!"

"Heh...." he stifled out, his forehead disappearing in a rapidly growing sheen of sweat.

He was about to pull out his special "How rule with an Iron head" story when he felt a heavy object smack right into his temple.

And then he knew no more.


Skipping on to the podium, -taking care to stand on the prone body- Slag, resplendid in her checked country dress, retrieved her pudding bowl.

As attendants struggled to pull EBs heavy form from the stage, The lights dimmed and the audience hushed, as Melkor strolled on stage...

"Whoot! tell the one with Rep getting stuck in a phonebox!" shouted Slag, high on Semonlina and raspberry suprise.


The high lord of Arda, he who arises in darkness cleared his throat, and his booming voice rolled over those present-


Boy, I just flew in from the eternal fires of Morgoth...and heck are my arms tired"


OOC:YAY! One Billion! :D

On the League of Extrodinary Gentleman and Ladies thread:

Name: Hugh Jass
League Name: Butt Weight Lifter
Ability: Hugh Jass was born, as his name implies, with an unusually large ass, capable of lifting one hundred pound weights. When he turned 20, he used his powers to hurl a toliet at a robber, while he was using the bathroom. He can also use his butt to jump up and down, like a pogo stick. Since then, he's been the police chief of Happy Town and has a supermodel wife and three children.

New Genoa: Excluded by default on basis of stupidity. We're not about to have some guy hurling toilets.

-Nik

New Genoa: Excluded by default on basis of stupidity. We're not about to have some guy hurling toilets.OOC: Ok, ok, I'll put in a serious one.

IC:
Name: Caligula
Sex: Male
League: Fastest man on Earth
Ability: *snipped as this isn't the funny part*

NOTE: He can also hurl toliets with his abnormally strong butt, too, although he rarely uses that power. :wink:

Stop With the F*****g toilet thrwoing!!!

"Fire the Ignore cannon Mr Sulu!"

"My name isn't Sulu, It's George Takai!"

"I said fire the Ignore cannon, Mr Sulu!!!"

*fires cannon* "Moron..."

Pong.

No one will get the above, unless you are familiar with New Spartha's departing thread. It started the bigest random offtopic thread I've ever been in.

And this one you will only get if you had to live through the Hell that was the previous servers. Poor things. We killed them.


A scientist sat in a secret labratory miles below ground. In a contained enviroment he sent one million troops from a new nation to take on and conquer a computer-generated nation with a poulation of 1 billion, in another try, he n00ked them with 450723942938741 nookz.

"Interesting, Interesting..." He muttered to himself.

The results were always the same.

So he began to type up a thesis.

Evidence that godmodding causes forum crashes.

In a contained enviroment so as not to affect the NSverse, I have delibriatley godmodded to examine the results, it is always the same.

When godmodding, a vessel attempts to enter into the highly unstable matrix of the godmodding realm, where the laws of physics, common sense, grammar, spelling, and punctuation, cease to exist.

Though it is entirely possible to achieve this speed, since most nations leave there "Ignore Cannons" on automatic, the crossover automatically triggers a massive ignore, the sheer energy from the blasts causes an unstable reaction within the forum level.

It is my belief that when RPing that the attempt to cross these levels, creates a rift that prevents interaction between nations, IE forum crashes.

Signed,
Doctor Otto Octavious.

Hello.

We look for things. Things that make us go. Do you have things? We want them. Our thing is broken. Can you fix it?

http://www.eskimo.com/~bpentium/pakleds/pakled07.jpg
Pakled Commander

Private comment to her son, Lord Maglor:

I remain mystified as to how those people ever achieved interstellar spaceflight.

And finally, the one quote that has become of moderate fame in RP circles, though was wriiten by a mostly unkown user:


I can strip you of your ozone. I can nuke you. I can sentence you to obital bombardment. I can fill you with Jello.

This is a little "conflict" that occured in my region... was done sort of ICly-wise...


<Hyraphornia (aka 'Valient')>
Hmmm... wow, i missed something.

Fatal terrain has some movers and shakers. thats all i know.



<Tarlachia>
I am both. I can move this region, and I can shake the weak out, so to speak. Only I.



<Valient>
Hmmm... sounds like someone needs a coup attempt to wake him up to reality.

*fires up war machine...*



<Tarlachia>
*twitch*

Do it. I dare you.

*finger hovers over the God-modding button of Ejection*



<Valient>
*Looks at Tarlachia, and turns face away to spit on the dirt road. A small puff of smoke rises and dissapates into the warm, still air.*

"Heh, you wouldn't do it... you don't have the balls to do so..."

*turns around and walks away, laughing all the while...*



<Tarlachia>
*snaps*

*pushes the 'OMG-he's-gonna-kill-the-other-guy-button!*

"Ladies and Gentlemen. I show you my **POWER!**"

*Uber-nuclear explosion occurs over Valient*
(Please look at the Regional Happenings above this little forum)


<Tarlachia>
"My wrath has met its satisfaction!"

Val. Password is "Return and Kiss Tarlachia's Ass"


Seconds ago: The Realm of Tarlachia ejected The Rogue Nation of Hyraphornia from the region.
Seconds ago: The Rogue Nation of Hyraphornia departed this region for The Rejected Realms

He dared me...lol

Hmmm.... Someone has been editing my thread title. And sig. Naughty mods. ;)

Hmmm.... Someone has been editing my thread title. And sig. Naughty mods. ;)

Well, it's hardly a sequel thread given that it has totally different rules...

There's a few, but some of the best I've seen are.


Okay, I know I've godmodded nd I've made a metake but....oh what the hell

*Turns IGNORE cannon on himself*

Goodbye

*Fire's leaving puff of red smoke*





I have a river in the way of your troops.



That wasn't on the map!



It only appears when rain falls



I'll let it stand, I'll just send my troops to cross it on ships.



You can't. It's 3 miles wide, with a really strong current and infested with crocadiles. And I've got all of it covered with guns, which you can't see.



And this isn't on the map/



No



Bullshit


Anyone rember the maklor and Sisi on nude beach thread?

Melkor and Siri.

Yeah, I remember. I bumped it up to the front about three months before teh forum switch.

Recieved an official mod warning not to ressurect dead threads.

[Me (as TST), after nuking an allies troops in an enemy nation]
"Sorry, thought you were on the other side"

Okay... these next two quotes are my personal favorite on NS. They are explicitly violent and involve torture techniques that would make teh Spanish Inquisition shift uncomfortably. If you still read them, it's knowing full well what you're about to read...

Abandon all hope, ye who enter. Death itself fears what lies behind these doors of stone.

-Inscription above the entrance to The Halls-

****

Decay had consumed the Halls. Years of dust and rot had turned the once horrific Halls of the Dead into a literal wreck. The only constant however were the thousands of dried and withered corpses that lines the walls going into each individual corridor, that and the sickening sweet stench of putrid rot. Many years had passed since the Vault of Souls was discovered, and since that day Lord Dreadfire had ordered The Halls sealed.

That was until the need for such a facility emerged yet again.

With crime and domestic unrest growing, and with the international community beginning to have it's doubts of the ferocity of AMF resolve, the need for The Halls had become very clear. An example had to be set, for the lessons once learned had been forgotten.

The mighty stone doors were thrown open, and a gust of toxic air burst from the seal that locked the mighty death chambers away from the outside world for so long. The first customers had been waiting outside The Halls, chained to the ground and periodically flogged for no reason whatsoever. A large crowd had gathered across the street from the tiny stone entryway that lead into the underground facility. Babes began to weep and the children began to cower as a sense of pure dread washed the crowd, for the first people in line for their taste of death started off into the darkness. As the last few people entered, the cold stone doors were closed and several armed Sentinels stood guard outside and kept order, telling the crowd to disperse or they will be fired upon.

As the group decended into the darkness, the executioners that came to call The Halls home began igniting the old torches that once filled the blood soaked corridors with cleansing light, and as they did so the condemned cried out in pure terror as they saw the skeletal remains of the unfortuate souls that suffered an unspeakable fate in the years past. Thousands of corpses stood frozen with a look of horror upon what was left of their faces, a silent testament to the authority that The Destroyer commanded.

The caravan rounded the first corner and walked past the holding cells. Nothing more than holes carved out of the stone walls and closed off by steel doors, the cells were once alive with the insane laughter and the pitiful cries of those that had to sit and listen to the screams of those being tortured in such a horrifying fashion. And worse, they knew they were next. But there would be no need for holding cells on this day, for the guest list was short. A few murderers and child molesters, 'twas nothing more than a small cleansing.

With great haste the executioners began strapping the condemned into the various crude and sometimes extravogant torture machines The Halls sported. The first one ready to go was a simple steel table with leather straps. Nothing special, save for the table that sit next to the metal slab. On the table sat various instruments of pain ranging from drills to hammers to blow torches. The dust and age did not affect the power tools in any way, and the first noise of torture to fill the air was that of an electrical drill with a rather large bit in it. Golf ball sized to be exact. Without so much as batting an eye, the executioner removed the shoes of the 24 year old man that he had strapped in and laid the whirling drill into the tender skin that covered the soles of the man's feet. Blood spattered and coated the executioner's shrouded face, and the sounds of unspeakable pain and agony filled the room as the drill prodded through skin, tissue, muscle, and bone alike on both feet. The blood began running freely, so the executioner knew he did not have much time. The 10 pound sledge would serve well in this case. Straight to the shin bones he went, causing fragments of bone to splinter off and fly into the air along with a generous portion of gore. With smashed legs and hole ridden feet, the dying man stapped to the table cried out to his God with tears running down his face and his fist clenched in defiance.

The executioner cocked his head and chuckled slighty, grabbing the neddle nosed pliers that lay in front of him. A small whack to the back of the man's right hand with the sledge loosened his grip but did not shatter his hand. Onto the finger nails on the right hand the executioner went, prying and pulling until the skin tore and the nails slid easily from the finger tips. While this was going on, another executioner placed the man's left hand into a container of volitile acid that began rapidly dissolving the skin and muscle, all the way down to the bones. The man's eyes widened and his pupils began to dilate, but in kicked the IV unit that was forcefully jammed into a random vein in the left arm of the man. A shot of adrenaline was administered to keep the man's suffering at a maximum, and it worked to great effect.

By this time the other victims were ready to meet their fate, and it was apparent by the attitudes of the executioners that they wanted to get this done and over with, obviously wanting to do better things than torture vermin. A woman was tied to a pike in the center of the room beneath a giant vent shaft, and she was promptly doused with gasoline and set ablaze. The stench of burning hair and skin caused even the executioners to grimace abit, and the woman thrashed and struggled about as she attempted in vain to free herself from the flames that engulfed her entire body. Her screams drowned out that of the first victim that was now dead and tossed off to the side, and this caused the other victims to break down into hysteria.

The woman's screams were outdone by that of a large industrial woodchipper, and the young man that was being fed into it slowly. He watched in absolute horror as his feet and legs were sliced into tiny portions and spat out the end of the chipper with a shower of blood and other bodily fluids. The snapping and crunching of bone could easily be heard over the wails of the condemned and the motor of the chipper. The whirling blades then caught ahold of the man's pelvis, and it was all over. In a flash he was sucked into the chipper with great speed, and the motor of the machine was bogged down slightly as it's spinning blades of death tore through the rest of the unfortunate young man.

All across the main torture facility people were meeting fates that eclipsed the fate of the one to die before them. This is what The Halls existed for, to punish the agents of evil and cleanse their souls in the stagnant waters of pain and misery. Although each soul that entered that chamber marked for death and masked for torture were brutally killed, not one of them were tossed into a place that dwarfed even The Halls....The Tomb of the Mutilated. The stone lid that sealed the enterance was illuminated by the forces that lived on the other side. It was apparent that they too lusted for fresh souls, and the demons and vile creatures of the night began drinking their fill.

*****

AMF News Update

Criminals everywhere, enemies of Automagfreek, here my words. The Halls of the Dead have been reopened yet again, and the horrors that took place there tonight are but a taste of what lies in store for those that undermine the Empire. You commit a crime, you go the The Halls. You defy the Empire, you go to The Halls. The lessons of old have been forgotten, and a refresher course has been started.

<Cut to video feed from within The Halls>

Heathens and agents of evil here me now, The Halls will soon claim your souls if you dare step out of line. That is all.

This statement was given by the Sentinel officer in charge at the world's most notorious torture facility. What we just heard were the words of Damien handed down to his officer at the site, and it is very apparent that Lord Dreadfire seeks to restablish his intolernace for crime and deception against the Excessively Armed Empire.

We will break in with more details as they emerge. This has been an AMF News update.

The screams began to fade out as the visitors died one by one, their broken corpses stacked in large piles or hung up on the walls. The wench that tood tied to the pike in the center of the room had finally died after being painfully extinguished then reginited several times. All that remained upon her now blackened bones were a few bits of charred flesh. The remains of the woman and the pike were tossed into one of the several large fireplaces that kept the main chamber warm.

A few people were still alive, their suffering prolonged and their death delayed for as long as possible. The smashing of hammer on bone, the slice, peel, and tear of skin, and the horrifying cries of anguish could still be heard much to the delight of the executioners. At this point they began toying with their prey, occassionally gouging them in the eyes with a flaming red hot poker, stretching their tongue foricibly with large pliers, and the like.

Arriving abit late, a pair of executioners led in a middle aged man convicted of murder and then raping the corpse. Into the chairs they strapped him, and instantly the crack and smash of breaking teeth could be heard as an executioner swung a large steel wrench at the man's face. A stream of blood poured from his mouth along with incoherent babble, and the executioners delighted in his suffering. The yanked his head back and without pause began peeling his eyelids off with needle nosed pliers and removing them with a large scalpel. He howled and wailed like the heathen dog he was, and every time he tried to blink his eyes became engulfed in blood.

The same scalpel was then used to gash the man across his midesction, and the executioners began pulling out his entrails piece by peice and setting them on a table in front of him. His slime coated guts wriggled and moved as they were removed from his body, and the man began coughing up blood and other bodily fluids. The executioners knew his time was almost up, so four of them took up the man's entrails and began pulling with great force. The condemned man reeling and shook violently as his innards gave way and soared from his belly. He looked down in horror to see his spine and the bottom of his ribcage, and with that his intestines were jammed into his mouth by the executioners. A large, thin pole was then used to stuff his throbbing entrails down his throat, and finally death came to claim the unfortunate soul.

*****

The executioner in charge of overseeing the acts of torture stepped out from the large stone doors of The Halls and looked at the crowd that was being pushed back. They suddenly grew silent as he removed his black mask and looked on with a devilish grin, his forked tongue running across his wicked teeth in an evil manner. Who's next?

The crowd then immediatly dispersed.


Sometimes Auto scares me. I mean really scares me.

Sometimes Auto scares me. I mean really scares me.
That was surely a Comedy piece!

Alas. I know of no quotes myself.

Sometimes Auto scares me. I mean really scares me.

Sometimes!? I'm starting to think the guy had this horrible life-changing incident...

And now, the quote. This is from the old forums... not exactly sure what thread, but this was before II really took off.

Ruhr: I'm starting to remember it like it was yesterday...

Danzi: But it wasn't. It was two hours ago.

Good times.

Damn. Tell me Myrth gave him a good dose of smackdown. Please.

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6777488&postcount=299

:D

A few more.

"Tom has dared me to do the news topless. I've got the goods, but do I got the guts? Find out at 11!"

Random bump. after about a dozen Jack&Cokes a random bump is all I can accompish. I have an almost irresistable urge to start an RP... On the other hand, I also have an almost irresistable urge to drink a bit more and just go to sleep. Hmmmm.........................................

Attention all nations. The mighty NYT democracy known as Selmarte will never be pushed around . Thus, as my first act as its leader, the following announcment

We have nucular weapons trained on every city in every nation in the world. Submit to us or face annihilation


...gee, that was fun! :)
Wait, no, we mean it :mad: submit or suffer :upyours:

Your nukes to not threaten us. We are not on your planet Earth. We are in our own Star Cluster.

But you amuse us. As we are speaking, a ship is heading to your airspace, carrying our own personal doomsday weapon.

In about five minutes, several hundered geneticly engeneered bunnies will be released inside your borders. They will reproduce like mad, and within a week will consume your entire ecosystem.

Have Fun

-Atlantian Senate

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6777488&postcount=299

:D

Sounds like he remembers that one. Heh, I really hope he comes back.

You gaping at me? Oh... So there is a use for my 1248901385209852985 ships...

:p I love talking to n00bs...

Dear sir/madam,

We have been informed that your nation only has sixteen million people living in it's population centres, a figure which has been deemed by one Five Civilized Nations to be to small to fully support a future technology nation at this period of time. Other such authorities on these matters will also confirm that your nation is too small to support weapons of mass destruction or any interesting or relatively fun technology.

These conditions will remain until you have expanded your population to a reasonable one hundren million for weapons of mass destruction (modern technology only) and a further four hundred million for future technology including faster then light travel.

Please note that however good your roleplaying actually is, or your reasoning for having either technologies will not be accepted by such authorities until the time you have expanded your population sufficiantly. This is a game of numbers, not co-operative story telling.

Any attempts to argue that a small nation could reasonably have these technologies through roleplaying, such as having a colony or being given the technology are unreasonable given that you are a newbie. Only large nations can have good technology.

Nevermind that your concept will be shit upon because your not big enough to start with, so actually becoming a future tech nation requires a waiting period of several months.

Thanks for your attention, we look forward to RPing with you when you are of suitable size.

Thanks,

Pedantic Arseholes of the Nationstates Community.

Although directed at me, its still funny.

Sometimes!? I'm starting to think the guy had this horrible life-changing incident...



OOC: Nope, you'd actually be quite surprised if you met me in real life. :)

Way back when, Lemmitania got pissed off about being forced to run one of the NS World Cups, he thought he'd go postal...


Nations that have had their asses kicked by Lemmitania so far:

1. Snub Nose 38 - ass kicked by steel-toed boot

2. Kaze Progressa - ass kicked by pocket fluff

3. Quohog - ass kicked by one entire Lemmitanian soldier

4. Errinundera - ass kicked by pocket fluff left over after invasion of Kaze Progressa

5. Oglethorpia - ass kicked with unkind words

6. TnUI - ass kicked with sarcasm

7. Pure Evil - ass kicked by crappy luck

8. Liverpool England - ass kicked by a belt buckle

9. Giant Zucchini - ass kicked by half a pencil we found in our pocket

10. The Belmore Family - ass kicked by left sock

11. Aquilla, baby - ass kicked by right sock

12. Haraki - ass kicked by other half of pencil (leftover from Giant Zucchini asskicking)

13. Runaway Moose - ass kicked by hat

14. Bedistan - ass kicked by business end of a pack of Juicy Fruit

15. Lunatic Goofballs - ass kicked by Audrey Hepburn’s name on a wadded-up piece of paper, mailed to Goofball Island

16. Europa Brittania - ass kicked by Ion Cannon
note to EB: can you lend us an Ion Cannon?

17. Tanah Burung - ass kicked by sneaker that was originally earmarked for SN38 asskicking

18. Audioslavia - asskicking rescinded

19. LordSquall - Dude, LordSquall is nuts. I’m not even bothering with him.

20. Timway - ass kicked by handful of raisinettes

21. Nevershadow - After all the b****ing Nevershadow did on the WC6 signup thread about whether they’d been added to the list, you’d think they might have posted a couple of match RPs. Ass kicked by rubber hose. You didn’t think we had rubber hose technology, did you? Well, we do!

22. Halfassedstates - ass kicked by Gilmeecian Prickly Thorntree pricker. Yeeouch!

23. Ironchefk - ass kicked by some bad sushi. You didn’t think we had bad sushi technology, did you? Well, we do!

24. Dennisov* - ass kicked by the slow descent into obscurity

25. Spaam - ass kicked by Al Quds syndrome**, apparently

26. Ravenspire - ass kicked by another boot we found. Didn’t think we had another boot, did you? Hah!

27. One Red Dot - ass kicked by an extra button from our shirt

28. Copiosa Scotia*** - ass kicked by the sudden rise from obscurity

29. Brazillico - who do you think we’ve been saving our other soldier for? Ass kicked by another entire Lemmitanian soldier!

30. Tha Machine - see Audioslavia

31. BK_Samurai - ass kicked by-- oh, never mind. Why kick the dead?

32. Ariddia - ass kicked by, um, lemme find something here... AH! This laptop computer! Yeah, that’ll do.

33. Squornshelous - asskicking postponed until the Lemmitanian military can purchase some new supplies

78. Kingsford - ass collectively kicked by every nation in the tournament


Help With Comedy Value:
*Dennisov won one of the previous world cups, but then kept losing all the time
**Al Quds Syndrome was the old term for popular nation suddenly disappearing, named after one 'Al Quds'
***Coposia Scotia had suddenly went from losing all their matches to kicking everyone's ass

A few of my newer laughs.

Newbish Delight.
Kinda like Turkish Delight, only Newbish.
Well, actually not really like Turkish Delight at all...
But anyway, Im Delightfully Newbish. There. Happy now?


(From Atlantian Outcasts' 5th Trumpet Thread)

"This is Captain Mike Johannes of the cargo ship Templar. We are unarmed and are carrying..." He paused. How could he make root vegetables sound expensive? "...valuable luxuries for earth. However, we will not be able to reach out destination if we get caught in the middle of some crossfire. We therefore request that any ship with some spare cargo space could allow us to dock until our nation's fleet makes it here. Anyone, please respond."

He signalled, and the recording stopped.

"'Valuable luxuries'?"

"Up yours, Frank."

This is truly the fastest war jet in the world.

Thunder Rapid
Speed: Up to Mach 11.2
Engine: Hydrogen-Plasma Turbine
Crew: 3
Maximum Hold Weight: 5 tons.
Actual Weight: 3 ton. (used mostly titanium)
Miliary Purpose: Emergency Air Support
Armments: 3 Plasma Tracking Missiles, 2 Air to Ground Missiles, and 5 Mini Nuclear Air-to-Air Missiles

Price: $450 million English Pounds.

Aside from the more obvious problems, what on Earth do you need a three-man crew for?

Padding http://www.animeleague.net/~berrik/emot-v.gif


This is truly the fastest war jet in the world.
Bull. Crimmond Aerofighters can escape the Earth's gravity to get back to their carriers.

Thunder Rapid
My God that name sucks. I've seen B-Movies named better.

Speed: Up to Mach 11.2
Hope you have Structural Integrity Fields and Inertia Dampeners...

Engine: Hydrogen-Plasma Turbine
And WTF is that, if I may ask?

Crew: 3
Three? THREE?! If you can do all that this plane can, you really don't need one in there. Make it all RC.

Maximum Hold Weight: 5 tons.
I laugh at your puny ass lift capacity.

Actual Weight: 3 ton. (used mostly titanium)
Titanium frame, eh? You poor, poor misguided soul.

Miliary Purpose: Emergency Air Support
Use the F-104 Starfighter.

Armments: 3 Plasma Tracking Missiles, 2 Air to Ground Missiles, and 5 Mini Nuclear Air-to-Air Missiles
Emergency Air Support means you're supporting troops that are in deep sh*t... so let's blow up nukes over their heads! Yeah!

Price: $450 million English Pounds.
Lowball price. Must have realized it was a POS, or you wouldn't be selling it. No nation sells top of the line, brand spanking new, pride of the nation aircraft as soon as they roll of the lines.

In the words of all Crimmond leaders: I should ortillerize you on princible alone.

-General of the Army Maximus Decimus Meridius

Who said this jet was high-quality?

n00b, learn to RP
rp?

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