NationStates Jolt Archive

Treehouse of Horror [OPEN]

Simpsons Springfield
01-11-2004, 02:17

Here are the rules:

-one story, one post
-story must be at least two paragraphs long
-story should be gory and done in jest


"Hurry everybody, IT'S WORLD WAR THREE!"

Marge screeched so loud that her vocal chords exploded, erupting from her flesh like a volcanic explosion, splattering blood and guts all over the wall like a post-modern masterpiece painted by Picasso hopped up on marijuana.

"Oh my god, they killed Mom!" said Lisa.

"You bastards!" Bart indignantly remarked.

"Down to the bomb shelter... at Flanders's!" Homer shouted.

"Uh, Dad, you know you're not wearing any..."

"Shut up Bart 2!"

Lisa grumbled.


The war had begun with an insignifcant French joke by President George W. Bush, followed by a threat to the EU, followed by an international coalition to oppose America, followed by an array of random and odd declarations of war.

After the President's threat to the European Union in 2016, the EU (now consisting of every nation in Europe, Turkey, and Nigeria) declared war on the United States for "attempts to disrupt the world peace which had lasted for some six and a half hours." However, there was internal deception within the EU. Luxembourg saw this as an excellent opportunity to invade Germany and capture Berlin for reasons which are unknown. Thus, on December 7, 2016, 75,000 Luxembourgers crossed the international border and attacked Germany by throwing pitchforks at unsuspecting bypassers. Germany responded to this by launching 143 nuclear ICBM's at Luxembourg. The nuclear explosions were so volatile that they expanded into parts of eastern France. France immediately declared war on Germany and then immediately surrendered to the Germans cowardly after 16 million Frenchmen died in a degrading, tedious two-year trench war bloodbath against the German war machine. "French Cowards Surrender to German Masters," read the Fox News Times headlines in 72 point Comic Sans MS font. France was annexed by Germany and the war against America continued which is where we are now...


0800 Hours, New York City, New York, United States of America, North America, Gorgon Empire, Earth

"The Europeans have us surrounded. North, south, and west."

"What about East?"

"Screw those New England liberals."

"But what about the Carolinas and..."

"Fuck 'em."

"But doesn't this allow the Europeans to establish a foothold in our lands and thus open for a more comprehensive land invasion?"


"Why not? Do you have some sinister plan to stop them dead in their tracks or are you expecting me to concoct the plan for you and for you to claim all the credit for the ingenious plan?"

"Number two."

Dick sighed.


0900 Hours

"Ok, here's the plan. Everyone lean forward expectedly."

Everyone leaned forward expectedly.

"We. Destroy the Europeans. Using. Tennis balls loaded with small pox. We'll invite them to settle their difference with us at the US Open next week and then we load all the tennis balls with small pox. It's ingenious!"

"I can't believe I thought of it all by myself," said George proudly.

"George, is that a monkey in your pants?"



1100 Hours, the Next Week, US Open

"Wow, I'm glad the United States was so mature and decided to plead for peace on their own and to prevent needless violence. The Republicans really surprised me this time. I always thought, you know, that they were... well, evil. But I guess they're human beings with compassion and emotions like me and you."

Dick Cheney tented his fingers as he watched from his SkyBox seat above.

"Muahahahahahahahahaha! Release the balls!"

Suddenly tennis balls began flying from guns hidden in the stadium, exploding and unleashing the small pox virus everywhere. It was at this time that the Europeans realized that they were the only ones there and that the Americans hadn't showed up. But this wasn't any small pox virus. It was equipped with TNT, so, when inhaled, your body immediately exploded. Bodies exploded left and right like live mines, organs and blood scattered all over the stadium. It was like Saving Private Ryan, only realistic.



1200 Hours, Springfield, United States of America

"Well, looks like WW3 is over."

"No, Dad; we just ticked the Europeans off even more. Their population doesn't consist entirely of tennis stars," said Lisa worriedly.

"Sure they do, honey kitten," Homer said confidently as he opened the door of the bomb shelter and stepped outside. "NO!!!!!!!!! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!" Homer cried as he saw the horror first hand; Moe's Tavern had been destroyed in the mass carpet bombing of civilian sites by the humanitarian forces of the EU.

Tears rolled down Homer's face as the tavern burned, the precious beer in flames as well. Then Homer realized that he hadn't eaten in over five days.

"So hungry.."

He began hallucinating and at that moment, he saw what he thought was a walking, giant chicken.

"Mmm.. walking chicken."

"No you fool!"

Homer ripped the chicken's pelvis out and feasted on the meat.

The chicken screamed in terror and tremendous pain, "Stop it you fool! Stop!"

Blood was gushing from its former pelvis and organs and entrails were hanging out from the giant hole. Homer tore at the chicken's pectoral muscles, tearing the tender meat from the so-called chicken and then shoving it into his blood-stained mouth.

"Oh dear god, no; stop it!"

The chicken finally collapsed from its wounds and then Homer realized that it was not a chicken who he was devouring, but his twin brother, Herbert. Homer looked down at his brother's mangled body.

"Dinner's ready kids!"