NationStates Jolt Archive

As Chief Goon of the Goontopian region, it has come to my attention that too many of my loyal minions are being threatened with war. Therefore I have decided to make this announcement, in hopes of forestalling any possible future conflicts. Goontopia has developed the ultimate weapon.

We have zombies with nuclear bombs in their chests.

The zombies will be provided, free of charge, to any Goontopian nation currently in a state of war. Unless you want your citizenry to be irradiated and have their brains eaten, let us live in peace.

Also, I thought it was about time I gave you anti-Goontopia paranoids something concrete to fear. You're welcome.

The zombies will be provided, free of charge, to any Goontopian nation currently in a state of war. Unless you want your citizenry to be irradiated and have their brains eaten, let us live in peace.


You know, I'm sure a few of us UN economic power houses will be happy to ship you as many I.G.N.O.R.E. cannons you like if you'd rather avoid war and zombies.

[OOC: In other words, you don't have to acknowledge warfare against you if you don't want too. Though was there any justification for the warfare?]

You know, I'm sure a few of us UN economic power houses will be happy to ship you as many I.G.N.O.R.E. cannons you like if you'd rather avoid war and zombies.

[OOC: In other words, you don't have to acknowledge warfare against you if you don't want too. Though was there any justification for the warfare?]That's very kind of you, but the I.G.N.O.R.E. cannons, while effective, lack pizzaz. I do thank you for the friendly offer.

[We know we don't have to acknowledge it. Being able to say "oh, you declare war? Ha ha, suck on nuclear zombies!" is just a lot funnier.]

Nuclear zombies eh? Us Hirotan do have a problem with cemetary space being gobbled up....and we have plenty of weapons-grade uranium knocking about....Why not kill two birds with one stone?

Thanks for the idea :p

Ratavia is in the process of creating the Z.N.W.N.B.I.C. Missile, as a goontopian country, we will look down on any attacks on our allies... you have been warned.

(Zombie Ninjas With Nuclear Bombs In the Chest)

HA HA!

Are you sure the weight of a nuclear bomb is actually feasibly possible to attach to a zombies chest. Lets consider they are a brittle nation the zombies and would probably like some equal rights. Instead why not have the Euthanastic Monster Sized Zombies With Tactical Nuclear Warheads Strapped To Their Chests. The EMSZWTNWSTTC. :mp5:

Presumably, the nuke would be installed inside the zombie. If you used a small warhead, you could make it light enough that it wouldn't impose too much of an encumberance... Then nuclear brain munching goodness could be had by all. The trigger mechanism could be set up so that if anyone triies to shot the zombie, it will explode. It wouldn't hurt to have aremote kill switch so that you could reduce the enemy to a radioactive wastland at a whim.

Of course, you'd have to find a way to transport the zombies without them attacking your own people. I'd suggest air lifting them in metal drums, and then just dropping them into the target zone. If the zombie survives, it gets to go on a shambling brain-munching rampage. If not, then at least you still get some 50 megaton bang for your buck. Either way, you can't lose.

Braaaiinssssss

What did one IDFI CommSurvey Officer say to the other IDFI CommSurvey Officer?

"Blimey, nuclear zombies. What'll they think of next?"

The response:

"A toaster that doesn't burn your toast by default?"

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<ad>
Elegant Solutions is proud to announce our newest product...

...the no-burn toaster!

Now you too can enjoy great tasting toast without burning your bread!

Just slice, place the bread on the tray, and press start...

...and VIOLA! Perfect toast!

Never hunger for unburnt toast again, buy today for only 10 low monthly installments of $11,249.99 plust $300 shipping and handling.

And if that weren't enough, the first one million orders will get a free, listen again, FREE rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle.
.
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</ad>

"Hmmm," said the bald IDFI CommSurvey officer.

His compadre, a middle-aged looking Human, mused, "You ever get the feeling you're being watched?"

Baldy appears to ponder that for a few moments. "Isn't that supposed to be our job, though?"