Rekanai Updater
Today in the Rekanai Updater, the Rekanai sports teams are still undefeated since the competition is nonexistant. Another civil rights law was passed that outlaws racial discrimination in the severest degrees, which include hazzings, racial separation, and the like. Several issues were dissmised due to extremist views.
Today on the Rekanai Updater...
The House of Congress is voting on whether police forces need more men and money...
A 'crazy son-of-a-[explicit deleted]' was found today mastrubating on the sidewalk. Police aprehended the man immediatally...
Sarah Kissinger was found dead in a horse stable yesterday. Apparently, she was narcoleptic, and she fell asleep, then she fell into the pile of horse crap and sufficated to death. Investigators were investigating why the crap wasn't cleaned up, but then they realized that she was responsible, so they filed the case as an assisted suicide...
More breaking news on the way.
Today in the Rekanai Updater...
Five people were arrested for public indecency. Apparently, they were throwing mud balls at persons entering the McDonalds on 15th and Heklar Dr. "Stop the murders man." said one of the arrested. "We want no meat more." Apparently, the fivesome got stoned first before going on their mud-flinging rampage. Three got away, but were inveriably sacked by angry customers...
Our Great Leader announced that marijuana is illegal in public places. Some stoned protestors gathered in front of the Capitol building, but police easily fought them off by pushing them once in the head, causing them to fall over...
Hurricane Mary, a catagory 3 storm, swept through the Rekanai Plate today, causing moderate damage. Luckily, Mary swept most of the stoned protestors away since they had no grip on reality anyway. The city folk rejoiced, then returned to their normal lives...
Today in the Rekanai Updater...
Rekanai's first zoo opened today. The enviroment is kept as natural as possible to keep the animals as active as is practically possible. 17 protestors protested outside of the zoo, saying that the conditions these animals live in are 'horrific'...
17 persons were arrested outside of the Rekanai Zoo when they "started flinging monkey [explicit deleted] at people entering the zoo". They were the same 17 persons said above...
22-year-old Jessica Lunghurt died today from a previously unknown disease only know as the "Jessica Syndrome". Syntomes include angry snap-backs at loved ones calling them 'poopie heads', and the need to punch oneself in the chest repeatedly. Reaserch on this continues...
In other medical news, Johnathan Hilarison litteraly laughed himself to death when he discovered the world's funniest joke. Other victims of this diabolical laugh-a-thon were his mother (dead), his sister (in critical condition), and his dog, who overheard it and ran out of the house yelping. Neither the exact nature of the joke, nor any of the contents or words from the joke, have been released to the public. It is believed that a cow may have heard it and went mad. More on this latter...
you terribly terribly odd little person
I'm sorry you feel that way
Today in the Rekanai Updater...
Twelve people were trapped when a semi caused a twenty-car pile-up on
I-720. The cause of the accident from the trucker's point of view was that he "saw purple elephants floating down the highway," and when one of them came his way he swerved to miss it, thereby spilling his entire cargo of twenty cows onto the highway. Eleven of the cows didn't make it, as indicated by the bloody mess spilled on the road. The driver flatly denied that he was under the influence, but then stated "I thought that that LDS wouldn't do a darn thang." He was immediatally arrested for drug possesion and use of illigal drugs...
An armless/legless man sued the King of the Northern Territories for quote "running away in the middle of a dual. The man was questioned as to how he got here, but his answer was always the same "I walked here you idiot!" One of the questioners told him that he has no legs or arms, but the loony flatly denys it all, calling the Northern King a (quote) "yellow bastard"...
In continuation from yesterday...
The worlds funniest joke has been incorperated into warfare. It was found that there were 45 words in this joke. The "killer joke", as it is being called, was tested on the most serious man that God knows of- John Stratface. He died after five minutes of extreme laughter. 44 monoligual scientist have translated the joke into every know language, each working on a single letter. One was hospitalized when he saw two words, but is expected to be released within the week. Never has there been such a lethal weapon; just one look at it can kill within minutes or even seconds. It's killing ration is 100%, thus making it the most lethal weapon in possesion of any nation on the planet. Testing continues on this lethal weapon...
Today in the great land of Rekanai...
A garbage truck tipped today, spilling it's contents of garbage onto several blocks of I-25. This inveriably cause much concern with drivers, since the garbage gave off a wretched smell that could be smelt for miles. Enviromentalist blame this incident on the goverment, saying that "they are trying to destroy the enviroment with these so-called 'accidents' ". The goverment flatly denies anything having to do with the garbage spill...
A bad storm came through, wreaking havoc on the citizens of Rekanai. It is estimated that there was over two hundred thousand dokai in damages caused, and twelve people injured. The storm, although violent, did have a bright side; it washed away the garbage spill that would've taken two teams of twelve men 20 hours to clean up...
More news to come...
Today in the Rekanai Updater...
The first Summer Xtream Games were held in Rekanai today, the first of an annual competition to see who's the greatest extreme sports players. Crowds numbering in the hundreds of thousands, but sadly, 11 people were inveriably trampled to death after stating that the crowd favorite, Toney Hawker, was a fink. The games will be held until Saturday. Today's winners were:
Event____|____Names
Half-pipe Semi-Finals
Skateboard- Toney Hawker
----------| Cal Revdreva
----------| Mark Karkar
-------------------------------
-------BMX- Andreaw Lands
----------| Hary Boremor
----------| Caysy Jenings
-------------------------------
-Rollerblade- Cravan Arkas
----------| Jen Swift
----------| Karren Cing (said like King)
-------------------------------
----Scooter- Newtan Warkas
----------| Karem Karnage
----------| Pat Steves
More information to come soon...
Continuing in from the last Update...
13 people were throw in jail after protesting about the cruel treatment of chickens in Rekanai. Court is deciding on a bill that states that "cruel and unusual punishment" of animals will be outlawed from here on in...
Rekanai's first radio station was established today. The prowd owners declined an interview, but some people have become excited about this new endevor. More on this later...
Ten people were saved today from a raging blaze that burnt down 2 homes on the north side. On witness said that she saw her son playing with a chemistry set just minutes before the flaming inferno started. Apparently, when the vaporized chemicals that the child mixed caught a small flame in the furnace, it set the test tube on fire. The child stuck the tube in a nearby fish tank, but this only succeded in making the flame bigger. Thankfully, the fire alarm went off and the family, child, mother, father, and sibling, excaped unharmed, except the child has said that his research will end with this tragedy. We're guessing that there was something fishy about the fire...