NationStates Jolt Archive

The fledgling Parliament of Impunia was brought to an abrupt end today when a question was brought to the floor in regards compulsory democracy. Within minutes of the proposal members of Lord Cruel's elite Death Guards stormed the Parliament building.

Public executions of parliament members are scheduled for next Tuesday.

In other news, the general public widely welcomed the Lord's formal support for cloning research. The Minister of Human Experimentation proudly claimed that this would substantially reduce the number of live organ donations drawn from the peasant population. This would also significantly help resolve the shortage of high quality mandatory volunteers for research subjects, as traditional sources of such subjects, such as foreigners picked up by the secret police, simply has not been able to keep up with demand. This has only been exacerbated by the recent drop in tourism.

A new test program is being implemented, wherein all citizens are to be implanted with a remote transmitter at birth. According to the Ministry of Security this program is being implemented to combat truancy and worker tardiness. Rumours of a small explosive device being emplaced alongside it, at the base of the neck, thus far have been unconfirmed from official sources.

BBC News.

This just in.

The Grand Duchy of Impunia today initiated a new program of enforced euthanasia, to be applied to terminal cancer sufferers, the mentally ill, the ugly, comedians, and persons of Canadian descent. The reason for the law was to make room for newer, fresher, more vibrant workers in the tight job market of Impunia, as stated by the Minister of New Labour.

"It is well known that most of these categories overlap," the New Labour Minister was heard to remark. "That is part of the beauty of this legislation - one bullet can be used to solve multiple problems."

The tranquil peace in the capital city of Impunia today was shattered, when retail workers from the massive GUM department store chain organised a general strike, campaigning for a reduction in the 18 hour workday and for a doubled increase in daily pay, from one to two cups of gruel. It took several hours of intense fighting by Death Guard infantry, tanks and assault helicopters to put a final end to the revolt. Rebuilding efforts in the capital are ongoing.

In other news, Lord Cruel announced a temporary lifting of meat rationing recently, in spite of ALF strikes on several chicken farms in recent days, with the introduction of something referred to in the official documents as "long pork hamburger".

"It is a tradition amongst Impunians to feast on long pork during times of civil strife or war, or on Christmas", the Grand Duke quoted to our correspondent. "We consider a delicacy, a very lucky dish and good for the complexion."

No word yet on the whereabouts of several ALF activists taken prisoner during the past several days.