Simpsons Springfield
08-09-2004, 20:56
FOX NEWS - FAIR AND BALANCED
Springfield, USA -- **BREAKING NEWS** Local anarchists in the quiet, little, redneck, Podunk town of Springfield, USA have managed to take control of the small "American as apple pie" town in a local uprising whereas the anarchists later promised to, "Bring peace, unity, and stability to Springfield. With no violence. Anyone who opposes will be shot to death for being an ultra-right-wing-anti-freedom slack-jawed-Republican-Nazi. Finally, Springfield will be freed from the shackles of the authoritarian government of the United States which every year TAXES (or steals, should I say) its public for absolutely no reason. What do those taxes do? They make Washington fat-cats fatter, I tell ya! Under our new system, education, healthcare, and welfare will be privatized and run by uncorrupted individuals who have no money -- which has been banned. The banishment of money, and all your materials which are being seized right now while we speak, will bring great prosperity to our economy because it's quite obvious that everyone will work for absolutely nothing! I mean, that's why the evil Nazi American corporate dictatorships set up sweatshops in China. You will all be happy without material things, you self-centered rats! Since there are no laws, because laws promote anti-freedom, crime rates will evaporate. How you ask? Well if there are no laws, then no laws can be broken! Ha! Bow to us! But not in a hierarchical sense."
Warrior for Christ Republican, erm, Democrat Zell Miller had this to say in response to this hippie rebellion: "Hippies will NOT take over this GREAT nation. I will make sure personally to massacre any person who DARES try to promote freedom and equality for all. And thus it is my intent to lead a werewolf army into "Leninfield" to defeat the evil anti-freedom terrorists who behead our brave American soldiers. Prisoners captured by our Freedom Squad will be beheaded for crimes against humanity. This will be done live, of course, after Fox's showing of 'The Passion of the Christ.' ES IST ZEIT FUR RACHE! WIR MUSSEN DIE JUDEN AUS ROTTEN!"
What a great response. We salute you, brother, for fighting to keep America safe. God bless the unblemished, infalliable United States of Christian America.
In other news, five thousand Iraqis were lined up on raped at Abu Gharib prison and already the UN is whining about it. Check back for more details on how the apathetic UN has forgotten about America's endeavors on 9/11 and how France funded it!
--
Springfield, USA, World
Zell Miller hissed, his fangs dripping in the blood of children, "Me'sa going to kill the anarchistes! They took the precioussssss."
"What precious are you exactly referring to mein Fuhrer?" inquired Batman who had just come back from homosexual sex with Robin.
"What the FUCK do you think I'm referring to, fag? God, I'm a respected articulate politician; I thought you'd be able to interpret my witty comment without any problems, fag. God you're so immature and racist, fag. You hate AMERICA, fag! INTOLERANT FAGGOT!" Zell foamed at the mouth. "Uh-oh, it's happening again!"
Dark bat-like began to grow from his back, flapping loudly and blowing gusts of wind towards the committee of the entire Representation of America, the Texans. "BRING ME, KERRY-JOHN. I NEED THE BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT IF I AM TO REVERT BACK TO MY WARMHEARTED PERSONA," he bellowed.
"Yes, master," said Kofi Annan, bowing. He walked into the back room and reentered the dank meeting room with John Kerry's head on a plate. "Here."
"HOW DID YOU GET KERRY'S HEAD SO FAST??"
"The power of plate tectonics."
"What a world we live in," said Zell Miller sucking on John Kerry's brain, slurping the nerve-endings and cracking the brain in half like a chicken breast -- and then feasting on the juicy insides. "Tonight, we fight God's war."
Springfield, USA -- **BREAKING NEWS** Local anarchists in the quiet, little, redneck, Podunk town of Springfield, USA have managed to take control of the small "American as apple pie" town in a local uprising whereas the anarchists later promised to, "Bring peace, unity, and stability to Springfield. With no violence. Anyone who opposes will be shot to death for being an ultra-right-wing-anti-freedom slack-jawed-Republican-Nazi. Finally, Springfield will be freed from the shackles of the authoritarian government of the United States which every year TAXES (or steals, should I say) its public for absolutely no reason. What do those taxes do? They make Washington fat-cats fatter, I tell ya! Under our new system, education, healthcare, and welfare will be privatized and run by uncorrupted individuals who have no money -- which has been banned. The banishment of money, and all your materials which are being seized right now while we speak, will bring great prosperity to our economy because it's quite obvious that everyone will work for absolutely nothing! I mean, that's why the evil Nazi American corporate dictatorships set up sweatshops in China. You will all be happy without material things, you self-centered rats! Since there are no laws, because laws promote anti-freedom, crime rates will evaporate. How you ask? Well if there are no laws, then no laws can be broken! Ha! Bow to us! But not in a hierarchical sense."
Warrior for Christ Republican, erm, Democrat Zell Miller had this to say in response to this hippie rebellion: "Hippies will NOT take over this GREAT nation. I will make sure personally to massacre any person who DARES try to promote freedom and equality for all. And thus it is my intent to lead a werewolf army into "Leninfield" to defeat the evil anti-freedom terrorists who behead our brave American soldiers. Prisoners captured by our Freedom Squad will be beheaded for crimes against humanity. This will be done live, of course, after Fox's showing of 'The Passion of the Christ.' ES IST ZEIT FUR RACHE! WIR MUSSEN DIE JUDEN AUS ROTTEN!"
What a great response. We salute you, brother, for fighting to keep America safe. God bless the unblemished, infalliable United States of Christian America.
In other news, five thousand Iraqis were lined up on raped at Abu Gharib prison and already the UN is whining about it. Check back for more details on how the apathetic UN has forgotten about America's endeavors on 9/11 and how France funded it!
--
Springfield, USA, World
Zell Miller hissed, his fangs dripping in the blood of children, "Me'sa going to kill the anarchistes! They took the precioussssss."
"What precious are you exactly referring to mein Fuhrer?" inquired Batman who had just come back from homosexual sex with Robin.
"What the FUCK do you think I'm referring to, fag? God, I'm a respected articulate politician; I thought you'd be able to interpret my witty comment without any problems, fag. God you're so immature and racist, fag. You hate AMERICA, fag! INTOLERANT FAGGOT!" Zell foamed at the mouth. "Uh-oh, it's happening again!"
Dark bat-like began to grow from his back, flapping loudly and blowing gusts of wind towards the committee of the entire Representation of America, the Texans. "BRING ME, KERRY-JOHN. I NEED THE BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT IF I AM TO REVERT BACK TO MY WARMHEARTED PERSONA," he bellowed.
"Yes, master," said Kofi Annan, bowing. He walked into the back room and reentered the dank meeting room with John Kerry's head on a plate. "Here."
"HOW DID YOU GET KERRY'S HEAD SO FAST??"
"The power of plate tectonics."
"What a world we live in," said Zell Miller sucking on John Kerry's brain, slurping the nerve-endings and cracking the brain in half like a chicken breast -- and then feasting on the juicy insides. "Tonight, we fight God's war."