NationStates Jolt Archive

Please, keep this thread as IC as possible.


Welcome!
To the Sixth Don Cherry Cup, Hosted by Squornshelous

Here is the list of teams participating:
(the first number is the seeding for this tournament, the second is world ranking)

1. Kalaallit Nunaat (2)
2. The Gulf States (3)
3. The Belmore Family (4)
4. Iansisle (5)
4. Tanah Burung (5)
6. Starblaydia (8)
7. Liverpool England (9)
7. Kaze Progressa (9)
9. Dennisov (10)
10. Wella (13)
22. Celack (-)
22. Vilita (-)
22. Krytenia (-)
22. Lovisa (-)
22. Anti-Nazis (-)
22. Squornshelous (-)
22. Surda (-)
22. Aquiliana (-)
22. Esth (-)
22. The Lowland Clans (-)
22. Castillanos (-)
22. Trakken (-)


Kalaallit Nunaat, The Gulf States, The Belmore Family, and Squornshelous will not play until the second round.

Edit:
Vilita has posted the groups:

Gameday 1:
6 v 1
4 v 2
5 v 3

Gameday 2:
1 v 3
2 v 6
5 v 4

Gameday 3:
5 v 1
3 v 2
6 v 4

Gameday 4:
1 v 4
2 v 5
3 v 6

Gameday 5:
1 v 2
3 v 4
6 v 5

Gameday 6:
6 v 1
4 v 2
5 v 3

Gameday 7:
1 v 3
2 v 6
5 v 4

Gameday 8:
5 v 1
3 v 2
6 v 4

Gameday 9:
1 v 4
2 v 5
3 v 6

Gameday 10:
1 v 2
3 v 4
6 v 5

Group 1:
Iansisle
Wella
Dennisov
Castillanos
Lovisa
Aquiliana

Group 2:
Liverpool England
Starblaydia
Vilita
The Lowland Clans
Anti-Nazis
Surda

Group 3:
Tanah Burung
Kaze Progressa
Celack
Krytenia
Trakken
Esth

Defending Champions Look to progress from Group 2
Starblaydi Rayzors need to qualify above all the new participants
It's "Scoop" Ragnarsson, Starblaydia's top Sports Journalist, with all the reaction from today's Draw.

Despite being the current holders of the Don Cherry Cup, Starblaydia will still have to make it through the first group phase. Ranked 8th in the world and Seeded 6th for this tournament, Starblaydia are still the favourites for their Group, with Liverpool England being ranked just below them, joint-9th in the world and joint-7th seed for Cherry Cup 6.

The Group:
Starblaydia (6)
Liverpool England (7=)
Anti-Nazis (-)
Surda (-)
The Lowland Clans (-)
Vilita (-)

The Opponents
As stated, Liverpool England, perennial and unsuccessful Football World Cup Hosts, are ranked just below the Rayzors and should prove their toughest test in this Group.

The four other teams, two of which are known to most, if not all, Starblaydis, are new to the competition. Regional Rivals Vilita should, for once, be on the receiving end of a Starblaydi beating, though this time with sticks and a puck rather than a football. Similarly, Starblaydis will be happy with their superiority, on paper at least, over The Lowland Clans, who have also beaten Starblaydia on the pitch. Anti-Nazis and Surda, however, are complete unknowns both sportingly and geographically. Anything can come from these matches, though with their rank Starblaydia should expect to beat them.

The Team:
Largely unchanged from the winning squad, Coach Cleftjaw has recalled every one of his previous players save Jordy McCliff, though we don't need to go into the details of his beatings yet again. Top Scorer and hero Ragnar Larsson as well as Team Captain Ulfrik Holt, ready to kick yet more ass on the ice.

Coach:
Dagmer Cleftjaw

Best Starting Lineup:
Ulfrik Holt (Centre)
Ragnar Larsson (L-Wing)
Oberyn Baratheon (R-Wing)
Andall Dayne (Defence)
Magnus Tawney(Denfence
Olaf Goodbrother (Goalie)

Replacements:
Tomas Heiderson (Center)
Helmut Magnusson (Center)
Sven Fletcher (Wing)
Theon Greyjoy (Wing)
Gregor Pyke (Wing)
Ludwig Rotsheiss (Wing)
Dagor Saagt (Wing)
Erik Wynch (Defense)
Pieter Merlyn (Defense)
Dolf Stonehouse (Defense)
Timmett Saltcliffe (Defense)
Marty Murphy (Goalie)
Petyr Andersson (Goalie)



"Rayzors All The Way, Baby!"

The Falcons hope to not be crushed.

Roster:

GOALKEEPERS

31 - Connis Desco (37)
34 - Cudus Legatum (31)

DEFENSEMEN

2 - Dones Molior (30)
5 - Viculus Paralus (31) (A)
8 - Ieri Piscator (23)
15 - Medeor Lanosus (34)
24 - Cöri Cönca (40)
55 - Lanti Camurus (22)

LEFT WINGS

14 - Corvulus Zaman (35)
40 - Damo DeSenda (24) (A)
12 - Prudo Albins (32)
28 - Gemis Ilex (26)

CENTERS

19 - Corona Isteron (36) (C)
13 - Parvo Dassolo (25)
33 - Kari Pannos (30)
94 - Lucaus Prolo (27)

RIGHT WINGS

25 - Mannas DePlausus (29)
17 - Anglus Naios (38)
18 - Ecles Stuca (24)
32 - Cansa Gentis (35)

On the news that the defending champions had changed their name to "Starbaldi," the rogaine factories of Tanah Burung are working overtime to produce hair growth supplies for the Starbaldies.

"Too much time with their rayzors," said Lima Peach, the new coach of the Tanah Burung Cassowaries.

[/lame spelling flame]

Last season's Cassowaries can't be located. There are, in fact, rumours that last season's Cassowaries never existed. That the whole season was a dream by Ms Peach. Well, that's as may be: the task now was to pick a roster for the upcoming Cherry Cup. First qualification: be able to recognize a puck.

Few of the young prospects were able to do that. But finally, Coach Peach managed to select a starting line-up.

Goalkeeper: Xerxes-Emile "the Cat" Zapatero
Left defence: Santiago Boggs
Right defence: Magdalena da Silva da Cruz
Left wing: Vyacheslav "the Ringer" Federov
Also left wing: Carolina Bossy
Centre-left: Polly "the Other Cat" Kucing

The rest of the line-up will be announced when the coach is less tipsy.

OK, Squorn. Why do those 4 teams qualify? If they qualify automatically as previous hosts/current hosts, KP should get a bye as well.

OK, Squorn. Why do those 4 teams qualify? If they qualify automatically as previous hosts/current hosts, KP should get a bye as well.

"Coach Cleftjaw, just a quick question please!"

"Well, OK, son. Just make sure you get out of my bathroom when you're done."

"Thankyou, sir. What is your opinion on the fact that Kalaallit Nunaat, The Gulf States, The Belmore Family and Squornshelous are getting byes?"

"Well, they're the top three seeded teams, and Squornshelous are the hosts, so they're all getting byes."

"What about us not getting a bye, even as Defending Champions?"

"Now look here, son, I said one question. Now either hand me that towel or get the hell off my windowledge!"

ASNN - TLC Stars draw tough group in Cherry Cup

GRAHAM CITY - The national team ended their last practice before departing for the Cherry Cup in Squornshelous today, with captain Darian Kessler cautiously optimistic. "I believe that we should do relatively well in this cup, but because it is our first, we know that we could be wiped the floor with, so we want to be careful not to get overconfident," he said in a post-practice press conference. Coach Marc Devain announced that the final cuts had been made, and that the team should expect to finish at least third in the group.

The ranked competition, Starblaydia and Liverpool England, look to be tough competition, but watch for upsets from the United and Vilita.

Roster

Goalie
11 - Kevin Richter
07 - David Cloutier

Defensemen
21 - Kossis Feylas/43 - Ilan Dovin
39 - Jordan Julius/19 - Graham Devine
24 - K'sa'en H~sien/01 - Jasper Haven

Left Wingers
27 - Henrik Lesseen
51 - Nathan Jestan
34 - Oliver Tremble
25 - David Brashaer

Centres
71 - Fred Oppenheim
56 - Dallas Drake
33 - Wade McKinley
72 - John West

Right Wingers
93 - Mark Jeremy
04 - Daniel Lesseen
39 - Jason Mackintosh
80 - Henry Mckeehan

Colonel Piet Goossens came in the barracks and started screaming:

"All right you ladies! Get up and prepare your luggage,our Sports Minister is sending us to Squornshelous to represent our country in the Hockey Cherry Cup!"

After this,complete silence.

Goossens came close to one of his soldiers "What's the matter,son? Why that weird look in your face?"

"..Sir I don't know how to play Hockey....."

"BS soldier! Do you know how to fight?"

"Sir yes sir!"

"Do you know how to fight with sticks?"

"Sir yes sir!"

"Can you bear pain?"

"Sir yes sir!"

"Then stop your damn whining soldier! You,like everybody else, are killing machines ready for battle! Because Hockey is nothing more than a battlefield with an ice covered floor! And I can't see why all you maggots are not fit for this sport! Now prepare your damn luggages, I want you all at the airport in 0800! We will give you the Hockey Equipment once we arrive in Squornshelous."

"Sir Yes Sir" Everyone replied,and the colonel left the room.



THE CELESTIA TIMES

~------------------Sports News------------------~

Esthian Army will represent Esth in the Cherry Cup:

Esth's Hockey debut begins with a team where all players are all from the Esthian Army.
Colonel Piet Goossens will lead the team to Squornshelous.
"We may not have Hockey Stadiums,we may be new to this sport but my boys will do everything for the win."
Due to the non-presence of a professional Hockey league in Esth the Sports Minister was obliged to call people of the Esthian Army.
"I hope this event brings interest in Hockey to our citizens" says the Minister of Sports "we plan to build a Hockey Stadium next year".
These are the 18 players that will participate in this event:

Goalies
(1)Joop Smits
(22)Nocolau Skiotis

Defenders
(2)Dorin Barbu
(67)Blair Moore
(54)Augustyn Kowalczyk
(89)Amato González

Left/Right Wingers
(45)Lucio Hansson
(12)Ryszard Junker
(30)Akeno Kobayashi
(83)Zhao Sying
(55)Laheeb Shia-Agil
(76)Marek Krawczyk
(29)Hans Meijer
(71)Luca Traversoni

Centers
(25)Raimondo Mauri
(59)Renjiro Saito
(88)Gavrel Kovalenko
(11)Armandek Kozlowski

Esth will play in group 3:
Group 3:
Tanah Burung
Kaze Progressa
Celack
Krytenia
Trakken
Esth

Gulls Skate Again!

IANAPALIS, Iansisle -- It’s been a long couple of years since the Fourth Cherry Cup ended with the Ianapalis Gulls narrowly losing to the Mighty Ducks of Eizen in the final game. The only chance for Shieldians to watch hockey has been exhibition games between the Gulls and other teams around Tilsitia and some piss ant minor-league ‘tournament’ in an obscure third world country to which the Gulls condescended to send a team of five year olds, invalids, and people who couldn’t skate.

But our feathered friends have kept fresh in the off season, practicing almost daily and hungering after the Cherry Cup that was nearly theirs in the last contest.

The Gulls are one of the oldest teams to participate in the Cherry Cup, having played in the very first one ever held and every single one after that. They’ll be led this year by Sir Martin St Amour (knighted after his performance in the last Cup), captain BJ MacPherson, and goalie Sergei Naumov.

As usual, Steve Martinson will be coaching and general managing the team.

“Sure, we’ve won a lot of Taylor Cups here,” Martinson said, “but we’ve not yet won the Cherry Cup - and surely that is the greatest honor to which we can aspire.”

The Gulls have been put as the top ranked side in Group One, which also features Wella, Dennisov, Castillanos, Lovisa, and Aquiliana.

“Haven’t heard of most of those teams,” said MacPherson, reviewing the list, “but they still could be very dangerous. Remember our loss to the Ice Dogs last month? They’re a decidedly second ...no, third-rate team, but they still surprised us once. And I mean, how embarrassing is losing to a team named the Ice Dogs!? That sounds like something a preschooler made up!*”

“I’ve heard of Wella,” cut in Sir Martin. “Didn’t the Ians beat them in the last World Cup?”

“Well, if the Ians beat ‘em, then we have to,” said MacPherson seriously. “We cannot be outshone by some half-rate football team. That’s why I’ve made it my personal goal to win the Cherry Cup before the Ians win the World Cup - assuming they ever even make it past the quarterfinals,” insisted MacPherson, a strange gleam in his eyes. “We have the motivation and we have the talent. We can do this.”

All Iansisle certainly hopes they can. Be sure to tune in for the first game, live on National Radio 101.9!

((* apologies to any Long Beach fans in the audience (assuming any of you even know what the hell I’m talking about) but, well, the Ice Dogs suck! :P If you don't know what I'm talking about, click the picture below!))

http://www.arthritis.org/images/chapters/sandiego/gulls_logo_t.gif (http://sandiegogulls.com/)
Gulls Roster:

G: Sergei Naumov
G: Trevor Koenig

RW: Martin St. Amour
RW: Mark Woolf (AC)
RW: Dennis Purdie
RW: Ashlee Langdone
RW: R.J. Enga

LW: Kevin St. Jacques
LW: Sandro Sbrocca
LW: Clayton Read
LW: Mark Pederson
C: B.J. MacPherson (C)
C: Mark Stitt
C: David Neal
C: Sylvain Deschatelets

D: Jamie Black
D: Brett Larson (AC)
D: Sergei Visegorodcevs
D: Taj Melson
D: Kevin Grant
D: Samy Nasreddine
D: Sammy Dejean

First Line
RW: Martin St. Amour
C: B.J. MacPherson
LW: Kevin St. Jacques

Second Line
RW: Mark Woolf
C: Mark Stitt
LW: Mark Pederson

Third Line
RW: Ashlee Langdone
C: David Neal
LW: Sandro Sbrocca

Fourth Line
RW: Dennis Purdie
C: Sylvain Deschatelets
LW: Clayton Read

Defensive Line 1
RD: Jamie Black
LD: Sergei Visegorodcevs

Defensive Line 1
RD: Taj Melson
LD: Samy Nasreddine

Power Play 1
RW: Mark Woolf
C: B.J. MacPherson
LW: Kevin St. Jacques
RD: Jamie Black
LD: Samy Nasreddine


Power Play 2
RW: Martin St. Amour
C: Mark Stitt
LW: Mark Pederson
RD: Taj Melson
LD: Samy Nasreddine

Penalty Kill 1
RW: Ashlee Langdone
LW: Kevin St. Jacques
RD: Brett Larson
LD: Sergei Visegorodcevs

Penalty Kill 2
RW: Martin St. Amour
LW: Mark Woolf
RD: Taj Melson
LD: Samy Nasreddine

Fixtures for Game One:

Group 1:

Iansisle vs Aquiliana
Wella vs Castillanos
Dennisov vs Lovisa


Group 2:

Liverpool England vs Surda
Starblaydia vs The Lowland Clans
Vilita vs Anti-Nazis


Group 3:

Tanah Burung vs Esth
Kaze Progressa vs Krytenia
Celack vs Trakken

"alright team"the coach yelled "We're the best Celack has to offer. We have won the Celackain hockey cup 5 years in a row and we have destroyed any team we have played that is foreign. The only reason we haven't played in this tournament before is that this is the first time the government heard about it. We come a long line of hockey-players in our nation and now it's time to show the world what we're made of! FOR CELACK!"

"FOR CELACK, FOR CELACK, FOR CELACK!"The team cheered. A knock came on their hotel room door

"Sirs can we ask you to keep it down. We're getting complaints from the other guests."

"Sorry. Anyways our first oppenent is Trakken. I've never heard of them before and i'm not sure they've ever heard of us. However I'm certain that we will beat them because we are better than them. I want you at the rink tommorrow morning at 5:30 for pratice. Good night."

Goalies
(1)Jon Clitsa
(23)Norton Smith

Defenders
(27)Davan Mcintire
(37)Bill Wicaness
(51)Albert Geronwitz
(81)Alberto Ramirez

Left/Right Wingers
(15)Luke Harris
(12)Robert Jusna
(32)Arthur Kristanov
(43)Yao Tse-Tung
(11)Lawrence Shio-ogilski
(36)Marvin Krapinoz
(25)Redmon Maurison
(26)Lewis Maurison

Centers

(73)Ryan Sasani
(88)Férrïs Kràço
(57)Lucas Traversas
(29)Hank Meyer

25 and 26 are twin brothers

First Line
LW:R. Maurison
C:R. Sasani
RW: L. Maurison

Second Line
LW:L. Harris
C:F. Kràço
RW: R. Jusa

Third Line
LW:A. Kristanov
C:L. Traversas
RW: Y. Tse-Tung

Fourth Line
LW:L. Shio-ogilski
C:H. Meyer
RW: M. Krapinoz

The Squornshelous Ferrets Roster

Goalkeepers
Graham Nortonson #34
Ilya Kasparov #3

Defenders
Karl Anderson #14
Franco Benson #7
Gustav Kranmer #52
Peter Nederson #32
Paul Sanders #4
Janni Zikov #2

Right Wingers
Hans Bach #30
Ken Friedel #5
Gregory Petchukov #27
Jeff Sullivan #21

Left Wingers
Andrew Carlisle #20
Radek Grond #72
Markus Nielson #24
Niemen Regher #26

Centers
George Freeman #11
Rakov Lindt #16
Freddy Netters #48
Harvey Denns #34

Typical Starting Lineup


Nielson Lindt Sullivan
LW C RW


Zikov Kranmer
LD RD

Kasparov
G


Second Line:
D: Karl Anderson #14
D: Peter Nederson #32
RW: Hans Bach #30
C: Freddy Netters #48
LW: Andrew Carlisle #20

Third Line:
D: Franco Benson #7
D: Paul Sanders #4
RW: Gregory Petchukov #27
C: George Freeman #11
LW: Niemen Regher #26

Fourth Line:
RW: Ken Friedel #5
C: Harvey Denns #34
LW: Radek Grond #72

(defenders rotate playing with the fourth line)

Game 1 Results:

Group 1:
Iansisle 2 - 1 Aquiliana
Wella 1 - 3 Castillanos
Dennisov 2 - 4 Lovisa

Group 2:
Liverpool England 6 - 3 Surda
Starblaydia 2 - 0 The Lowland Clans
Vilita 1 - 4 Anti-Nazis

Group 3:
Tanah Burung 2 - 3 Esth
Kaze Progressa 6 - 2 Krytenia
Celack 2 - 2 Trakken


Group 1 Standings:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Lovisa 1 1 0 0 4 2 +2 2
2. Castillanos 1 1 0 0 3 1 +2 2
3. Iansisle 1 1 0 0 2 1 +1 2
4. Aquiliana 1 0 1 0 1 2 -1 0
5. Dennisov 1 0 1 0 2 4 -2 0
6. Wella 1 0 1 0 1 3 -2 0


Group 2 Standings:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Liverpool England 1 1 0 0 6 3 +3 2
2. Anti-Nazis 1 1 0 0 4 1 +3 2
3. Starblaydia 1 1 0 0 2 0 +2 2
4. The Lowland Clans 1 0 1 0 0 2 - 2 0
5. Surda 1 0 1 0 3 6 -3 0
6. Vilita 1 0 1 0 1 4 -3 0


Group 3 Standings

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Kaze Progressa 1 1 0 0 6 2 +4 2
2. Esth 1 1 0 0 3 2 +1 2
3. Celack 1 0 0 1 2 2 0 1
3. Trakken 1 0 0 1 2 2 0 1
5. Tanah Burung 1 0 1 0 2 3 -1 0
6. Krytenia 1 0 1 0 2 6 -4 0

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/logo.gif

Vilita in Cherry Mix-Up
SA Sends Fencing Team to face off against Anti-Nazis

-------------The Vilita Sporting Association has been hounded by reporters today after thousands of Vilitan Ice Hockey fans were left dissapointed following their opening Cherry Cup matchup with the Anti-Nazis. Apparently, The Vilitan Sporting Association got their flight plans mixed up, and the Vilita Ice Cats hockey team was sent via HyperPhotonic Rocket to Abysmalistan, where the Abysmali Fencing championships were being contested. The Vilita Spear Cats fencing squad arrived at the Hockey Rink half an hour before game time not quite knowing what to do. Being athletes, and being in love with their Country, when the referree approached the team and warned if they did not get on the ice, Vilita would forfeit their match, The Spear Cats quickly dressed themselves in whatever they could find to prepare themselves for the frigid, dangerous hockey action.

-------------The Anti-Nazis quickly got on the scoreboard, double scoring in the first period with the Spear Cats looking more helpless than anything, being unable to get much control on the puck with their fencing spears. However, one ingenious fencer found away around this obvious problem, and the team came out fighting in the second period. They only let up one goal in the 20 minute session, that coming on a 5 on 3 Anti-Nazi Power Play.

-------------However, it was the Third Period that the Spear Cats could be proud of. They started out strong and managed to get on the scoreboard. It was all-star Vilitan Fencer Klaus Vendo'iamois who did the trick for Vilita. He managed to get just enough rubber stuck onto his spear to lift the puck over the net and sneak it over the Anti-Nazi goalkeeper's shoulders and into the net. It is believed that the puck had de-iced slightly during a 10 minutes stoppage where a piece of glass had to be replaced. The Anti-Nazis goalkeeper had the puck in his glove the entire time, allowing it to soften just enough for Vendo'iamois to get a piece of it.

-------------The Referree immediately replaced the puck with a brand new, frozen solid version and the Spear Cats stood no chance from there, solidly defending before giving up an Empty Net goal in the dying seconds to increase the scoreline to 4-1, an impressive, but ineveitably futile performance from a bunch of fencers who just wanted to go to Abysmalistan. It is believed that none of the Vilitan Ice Cats have competed in the Abysmali Fencing Championships, as they were unable to stand the Abysmal lifestyle and had to catch the next flight home. It is also not believed that the flight will ever return to Vilita, as they did not take care to note that they were getting on an Abysmal Airline which would likely not properly function, but that's a story for another day.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/schedXV.gif
Matches & Venues:
M01: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [1] - [4] Anti-Nazis
M02: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - []
M03: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - []
M04: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - []
M05: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - []

Rayzors Open with a win
The only team on a three-game winning streak after one match
'Scoop' Ragnarsson with all the action and reaction from Starblaydia's opening Cherry Cup 6 match

Though our points total won't be as large as last time's 75, Starblaydia began with an acceptable start, beating The Lowland Clans 2-0. Though they didn't hammer the more inexperienced team, Starblaydia did manage to score short-handed, which is always a bonus.

The Clans came out fighting and Starblaydia seemed a little shock that the newcomers were having a pop at them, failing to score in the first period. In the second, however, the Starblaydis came out swinging, and Ulrik Holt was given two minutes for bashing one of the Clansmen back into his penalty box.

"When we scored after Ulfrik had left the field," said Goalie Olaf Goodbrother, "their confidence seemed to deflate and we began to dominate, even with five men."

The Rayzors are now in the middle of their group, third on goal difference. Coach Cleftjaw says that any win will do, as they've ground out victories before.

Rayzors all the way, baby!

GOALKEEPERS:

[ 92 ] Tommy Finn [ - No Club - ]
------- GK ( AGE: 21 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 96 ] Mike Kater [ - No Club - ]
------- GK ( AGE: 15 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


DEFENDERS:

[ 37 ] Kevin Diesel [ - No Club - ]
------- D ( AGE: 24 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 74 ] Mike Ice [ - Ephesus Iguanas (STR) - ]
------- D ( AGE: 21 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 51 ] Korus Korney [ - No Club - ]
------- D ( AGE: 20 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 45 ] Cinnami Vellamoi [ - Ephesus Iguanas (STR) - ]
------- D ( AGE: 18 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 7 ] Martie Ligs [ - No Club - ]
------- D ( AGE: 17 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 1 ] Artuin Virde [ - Jhanna Combatants (STR) - ]
------- D ( AGE: 31 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


LEFT WINGERS:

[ 32 ] Cartai Chiate [ - No Club - ]
------- LW ( AGE: 27 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 48 ] Ricky Fike [ - No Club - ]
------- LW ( AGE: 18 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 58 ] Tristain Outseas [ - Ephesus Iguanas (STR) - ]
------- LW ( AGE: 16 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 35 ] Jessi Hotonia [ - Gar-Hallad Thunder (STR) - ]
------- LW ( AGE: 26 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


RIGHT WINGERS:

[ 4 ] River Suzgar [ - No Club - ]
------- RW ( AGE: 19 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 23 ] Eastern Raciani [ - Achaeos Avalanche (STR) - ]
------- RW ( AGE: 24 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 41 ] Lance Blaki [ - No Club - ]
------- RW ( AGE: 25 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 28 ] Redworm Triffle [ - Ephesus Iguanas (STR) - ]
------- RW ( AGE: 23 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


CENTERS:

[ 19 ] Patrick Vilita [ - No Club - ]
------- C ( AGE: 21 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 88 ] Ocean Suzgar [ - No Club - ]
------- C ( AGE: 22 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 15 ] Emhaoi Linaozi [ - Bisarley Bluejays (STR) - ]
------- C ( AGE: 26 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )


[ 22 ] Juliar Fichaud [ - Tabeck Swans (STR) - ]
------- C ( AGE: 18 GOALS::TOT: CC: REG: )

Hockey Stadium,15 minutes before the match:

"Kowalczyk Godamn it! You're here to play a damn Hockey match not to do a pic-nic,come here now!"

Kowalczyk tried to reach the colonel,but since he (as the rest of the team) can't skate on ice he slipped about 5 times before reaching Goossens.

"What the hell is your problem private??? I bet if there was a -censored word- on the puck you could skate properly,could you?"

"Sir yes sir!"

"Now get the hell out of my sight and skate! And what are you other guys doing? You all look like sissies playing hopscotch,let me hear your warcry!

Everyone replied with a "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

"BS you didn't scare me,I want to hear a proper warcry before the beggining of the match!"

The match began against Tanah Burung,during all the Esthian Anthen the Colonel oredere to chant more louder the Esthian Anthem,in the end his orders could be heard more than the chanting of the national anthem.

2° Quarter Tanah Burung 2-0 Esth:

Goossens wasn't angry for the bad result,he was angry because his team wasn't playing with the aggressiveness he wanted to see.
He saw Gonzalez having a hard time blocking the attackers: "What the hell are you doing Gonzalez,you are supposed to block him!"

"Sir they're to fast,I can't stop them"

"Use your godamn stick you idiot!Do you think we gave you those only for sexual satisfaction???Whack them with it! Do It Now!"

"Sir yes sir!"

After many penalties and brawl fights Esth managed to win 3-2,but Gossens wasn't very satisfied,he knew that his team could "fight" better than that.

"They still fight like ladies" he thought by himself smoking one of his favourite cigars while the rest of the team was celebrating the win.


THE CELESTIA TIMES

~------------------Sports News------------------~


Great debut for the Hockey Team:
Esth Hockey team wins it's first match 3-2.
The esthian soldier suffered the attacks of Tanah Burung for the entire first quarter and could stop them from scoring 2 goals.
In the second everything changed,Esth squad became more aggressive and started making shots at the opposition's Goal.
"We could have played better" says coach Colonel Gosseens "my boys still don't have the guts to play properly this game,but things should change in the next matches"

Coach Finally Awards Individual Numbers to Squad
Players are happier and look forward to earning them on the ice

Instead of merely handing out 1-6 for the starters, in any given match, and 7 onwards for the rest of the team, the Starblaydi Razyors finally each have a number to call their own. Plus this is a good chance to show you our teams in the National Ice Hockey Incorporated League.

Preffered Starting Lineup:
C, 4, Ulfrik Holt, Ionia Hawks
LW, 7, Ragnar Larsson, Gar-Hallad Thunder
RW, 82, Oberyn Baratheon, Jhanna Combatants
D, 53, Andall Dayne, Ephesus Iguanas
D, 33, Magnus Tawney, Tabeck Swans
G, 91, Olaf Goodbrother, Gar-Hallad Thunder

Replacements:
C, 69, Tomas Heiderson, Samosisos Blues
C, 12, Helmut Magnusson, Tournet Deities
RW, 10, Sven Fletcher, Penningworth Panthers
LW, 18, Theon Greyjoy, Tabeck Swans
LW, 72, Gregor Pyke, Achaeos Avalanche
RW, 59, Ludwig Rotsheiss, Hersch Giants
D, 38, Dagor Saagt, Gar-Hallad Thunder
D, 61, Erik Wynch, Ionia Hawks
D, 36, Pieter Merlyn, Ephesus Iguanas
D, 84, Dolf Stonehouse, Gar-Hallad Thunder
D, 27, Timmett Saltcliffe, Bisarley Bluejays
G, 2, Marty Murphy, Penningworth Panthers
G, 95, Petyr Andersson, Tournet Deities

The NIHIL is split into two divisions of 7 teams each. The first is Western, made up of teams in 'old' Starblaydia. The Eastern contains teams from the annexed territory of Nemya, who's Government left Atlantian Oceania some time ago. The top two teams in each Division go to the play-offs, with the Winner being crowned NIHIL Champions and recieving the Saevion Cup.

NIHIL Western:
Penningworth Panthers
Bisarley Bluejays
Vecchio Rangers
Gar-Hallad Thunder
Jhanna Combatants
Hersch Giants
Tabeck Swans

NIHIL Eastern:
Ionia Hawks
Samosisos Blues
Tournet Deities
Sciapos Riders
Ephesus Iguanas
Achaeos Avalanche
Cythera Sapphires

Ice Hockey Still Goes On - Liverpool England win 9-Goal Thriller

Liverpool England, whose Cherry Cup 6 hosting bid failed, played their first match yesterday. The tournament, held in Squornshelous, has been a big hit with fans at home, with almost a quarter of Liverpool England's 3.5 billion population tuning in.

Sport has always been big in Liverpool England, who have two major sporting titles to their name, and ice hockey was certainly no different. With the national coach having to choose players from over 45 teams in 5 divisions, the quality of the sport in the nation showed in the opening match of Group B, against Surda. A nine-goal thriller, of which three were conceded by the team, which coach Cesco Huntame blamed on a poor goalkeeper.

The offense, however, made up for that, with the team grabbing 6 goals in the second period. Trailing 1-0 at the start of the second, on a powerplay after Surda's Right Winger caught defenceman Stoich Dumassé from behind, Dumasse brought the puck forward into the opposing half. The referee, and his assistants, not spotting the offside infringement by left winger Frederick Goran, did not blow his whistle, and Dumassé seemed to thank the referee, his shot being cleared away but Goran tapping in the rebound to level the score.

Goran completed his hat-trick just a further 13 minutes into the period, and center Hudjaidi Al-Duwaiti finished off the period with two goals to give Liverpool England a commanding 5-1 lead going into the final period. The Surdans attacked in the final period, but Al-Duwaiti laid the puck off to Dumassé with 4 minutes to play, on the two-man powerplay with an empty net, and Dumassé cleanly finished it from just inside the third of the rink. 6-3 the final score, a hard earned victory (or not so) for the team to bring into their next match.

Liverpool England Results/Scorers
MD1 -- Liverpool England W6-3 Surda Scorers: Goran (3), Al-Duwait (2), Dumassé

Celack sports network.

"This is Jim Kanosis here in Squornless with Celack's top goalie Jon Clitis after a disapointing tie to Trakken. Jon, you have an astonishing 80 goals in 72 games, twelve of them shut-outs in the regualer CHL season. Your team, the Benelencu Orca's went on to win the Durgis cup and the right to be Celack's hockey team. What happened out there? Why did you let in two goals."

"The first one was a fluke. My attention was focused on Davan because I thought he had the puck. It turns out the other team had it on the other side and he fired it over my right shoulder. The second goal was my fault. I was so shaken byt the early goal that I accidently knocked the puck into the net. I would just like to thank the Maurison brothers for getting those two goals that kept us in the game. The plays they make are pure beauty."

"I agree. Why do you think we failed to score a third goal?"

"Their defense. They made some amazing plays and kept trying to get it out of their end. I just hope our next game goes better. If you'll excuse me I have to head for practice. Good-bye"

"Well fans back in Celack, we'll be hoping that our team will win their next game. For CSN this is Jim Kanosis."

Falcons Overmatched Against Iansisle
World-Class Gulls Put Away Game Easily

The Aquiliana Falcons lost a close game to Iansisle Friday, 2-1. However, the game wasn't quite as close as it looked. The Gulls scored both their goals during their 3 power plays, while the Falcons could only get a goal on a late penalty shot.

"I'm somewhat disappointed, but we have to remember that this is one of the greatest teams in the world," said captain Corona Isteron. "We've got 2 other unranked teams in our group, and our football teams have played very well in double-unranked games."

St. Amour and MacPherson scored for Iansisle, while DePlausus put away Aquiliana's penalty shot.

Fixtures for Game 2:

Group 1:
Iansisle v Dennisov
Wella v Aquiliana
Lovisa v Castillanos

Group 2:
Liverpool England v Vilita
Starblaydia v Surda
Anti-Nazis v The Lowland Clans

Group 3:
Tanah Burung v Celack
Kaze Progressa v Esth
Trakken v Krytenia

ACES LOW IN DEBUT

The Krytenia Aces were soundly thrashed by Kaze Progressa in their first ever Cherry Cup match, the score being six-two.

Graham Scobbie and Gabriel Etuhu scored for the Aces.

Next up is Trakken, and a more even game...we hope.

OOC: Next RP will be a bit more...well, more!

Starblaydi National Ice Hockey Incorporated League Results

The NIHIL, now newly merged with the Nemyan Ice Hockey Leagues, competed last season in between Cherry Cup 5 and 6. Due to the lax book-keeping by triumphant Starblaydi Ice Hockey fans, the results have not been posted for the international community until now.

NIHIL West

Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Gar-Hallad Thunder 12 7 3 2 32 22 10 17
2 Vecchio Rangers 12 7 0 5 29 22 7 14
=======================================================
3 Hersch Giants 12 6 2 4 27 25 2 14
4 Bisarley Bluejays 12 5 2 5 26 25 1 12
5 Jhanna Combatants 12 4 3 5 21 25 -4 11
6 Penningworth Panthers 12 4 0 8 23 30 -7 8
7 Tabeck Swans 12 2 4 6 20 29 -9 8

NIHIL East

Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 Tournet Deities 12 6 3 3 24 20 4 15
2 Achaeos Avalanche 12 6 2 4 29 20 9 14
=======================================================
3 Ephesus Iguanas 12 7 0 5 27 22 5 14
4 Ionia Hawks 12 5 3 4 23 24 -1 13
5 Sciapos Riders 12 5 1 6 26 25 1 11
6 Cythera Sapphires 12 4 2 6 21 28 -7 10
7 Samosisos Blues 12 3 1 8 18 29 -11 7

NIHIL West Championship Play-off (3 game series)
Game 1: Gar-Hallad Thunder 3 - 1 Vecchio Rangers
Game 2: Gar-Hallad Thunder 2 - 1 Vecchio Rangers

Gar-Hallad Thunder advance

NIHIL East Championship Play-off (3 game series)
Game 1: Tournet Deities 0 - 1 Achaeos Avalanche
Game 2: Tournet Deities 2 - 1 Achaeos Avalanche
Game 3: Tournet Deities 3 - 0 Achaeos Avalanche

Tournet Deities advance.

NIHIL Championship Final (5 game series)
Game 1: Gar-Hallad Thunder 4 - 2 Tournet Deities
Game 2: Gar-Hallad Thunder 1 - 3 Tournet Deities
Game 3: Gar-Hallad Thunder 1 - 0 Tournet Deities
Game 4: Gar-Hallad Thunder 3 - 0 Tournet Deities

Gar-Hallad Thunder are the Champions!


OOC: The more observant among you may note that the Iguanas failed to qualify above the Avalanche, despite having more wins and both being on 14 points.

This is obviously because the Starblaydi Leagues were initially based on Football Leagues, so Goal-Difference came into it, rather than the American way of tie-breaking by Most Wins. That's just the way we do things in Starblaydia ;)

Game 2 Results:

Group 1:
Iansisle 3 - 2 Dennisov
Wella 3 - 2 Aquiliana
Castillanos 1 - 2 Lovisa

Group 2:
Liverpool England 3 - 2 Vilita
Starblaydia 1 - 1 Surda
The Lowland Clans 4 - 1 Anti-Nazis

Group 3:
Tanah Burung 4 - 3 Celack
Kaze Progressa 2 - 0 Esth
Krytenia 0 - 2 Trakken


Tables coming soon.

Second after 2 Games
Rayzors in the right place but Tie against Surda not what we wanted
'Scoop' Ragnarsson with all the action and reaction from Match Day 2 of Starblaydia's Defending Cherry Cup 6 match

With a Tie against Surda, Starblaydia haven't quite thrown a spanner in the works, but we're not home and dry yet. With Liverpool England leading on 4 points, Starblaydia are just behind with 3.

Fellow Atlantian Oceanians Vilita, however, sit bottom of the table with 0 points and look unlikely to qualify after two straight defeats. Starblaydia will need to keep the penalites to a minimum and pick up the offence if they want to assure qualification.

"I think we have defending-champs jitters," said Coach Dagmer Cleftjaw, "we look like we're afraid to lose each game, rather than simply wanting to win. It's affecting our shooting and the defence is looking nervous on every play."

Looks like Cleftjaw will have to make sure the team are more afraid of him than of losing out on qualification from the Group.


Rayzors all the way, baby!

Group 1 Standings:


Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Lovisa 2 2 0 0 6 3 +3 4
2. Iansisle 2 2 0 0 5 3 +2 4
3. Castillanos 2 1 1 0 4 3 +1 2
4. Wella 2 1 1 0 4 5 -1 2
5. Aquiliana 2 0 2 0 3 5 -2 0
6. Dennisov 2 0 2 0 4 7 -3 0


Group 2 Standings:


Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Liverpool England 2 2 0 0 9 5 +4 4
2. Starblaydia 2 1 0 1 3 1 +2 3
3. The Lowland Clans 2 1 1 0 4 3 +1 2
4. Anti-Nazis 2 1 1 0 5 5 0 2
5. Surda 2 0 1 1 4 7 -3 1
6. Vilita 2 0 2 0 3 7 -4 0


Group 3 Standings:


Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Kaze Progressa 1 2 0 0 8 2 +6 4
2. Trakken 1 1 0 1 4 2 +2 3
3. Tanah Burung 1 1 1 0 6 6 0 2
4. Esth 1 1 1 0 3 4 -1 2
5. Celack 1 0 1 1 5 6 -1 1
6. Krytenia 1 0 2 0 2 8 -6 0


::EDIT::
Fixed Group 2 table

Hotel 8.00 A.M Day before the match:
Goossens started knocking on every athletes room door.
"C'mon everybody get up,we've got training today,we can't be unprepared against our adversaries tomorrow!"

Slowly everyone went down to the Hotel's Dining Room to have breakfast.

"Damn,you still look like zombies,wake up soldiers!.
A day in the Esthian Army is like a day in the Royal Palace; every meal's a banquet,every formation a parade....."

He kept talking but everyone ignored him,they were too spleepy and too occupied eating their breakfast.

"Man,all this army stuff is killing me" said Junker with his mouth full.

Meijer thought the same thing "Why the hell we found ourselfs in the Esthian Army Jukie?"

"That's a million dollar question,i'll think about it after breakfast"

......

".... and i want you ready in 15 minutes!" the colonel concluded.

Stadium 11.00 A.M Kaze Progressa - Esth match:

"Fine,we're playing for the First place of the group today,i want ALL of you to play like you've got some balls,if I see someone slacking or crying like a sissy I'll personally whack him with the stick! Do you maggots understand that?"

"Sir Yes Sir!"

Stadium 1.00 P.M Kaze Progressa 2 - 0 Esth :

During all the match Esth made more fouls than shots,spending more time in the penalty box than in the arena. Gosseens wasn't angry for the result;actually he was quite happy seeing his "boys" clubbing every foe they had in sight.

"Alright you slimeballs,get a shower and head to the hotel,we have got another match tomorrow and I all want you in top-shape,move it!"

THE CELESTIA TIMES

~------------------Sports News------------------~

Tight match ends up in a defeat:
Esth's national Hockey team got defeat 2-0 against Kaze Progressa.
Goossens team couldn't make any attacking ooportunities and defended in all 3 quarters.
2 Kaze Progressa's powerplays couldn't be stopped,bringing the final score to 2-0.
"We haven't won but the team is improving in gameplay and aggressiveness" replied team coach Goosseens " we managed to brake some of their players too,they'll think twice scoring against us next time".
Esth's last match has been followed by 5 million people on TV,thus meaning the growing interest in this sport.

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Kaze Progressa 1 2 0 0 8 2 +6 4
2. Trakken 1 1 0 1 4 2 +2 3
3. Tanah Burung 1 1 1 0 6 6 0 2
4. Esth 1 1 1 0 3 4 -1 2
5. Celack 1 0 1 1 5 6 -1 1
6. Krytenia 1 0 2 0 2 8 -6 0

Team go two-for-two: 3-2 OT victory against Vilita ensures perfect record intact

The Liverpool England team kept their record intact today when they faced off against Vilita in Squornshelous. They won their match 3-2, prompting their coach to give the whole team a pay bonus for scoring nine goals in two games.

Vilita, however, opened the scoring in the first period, with two quick goals on the 2-man and 1-man PowerPlays. The team seemed to have lost all interest in the game until the third period with under ten minutes to play, when Vilitan right winger River Suzgar got ejected for a third fighting call. Playing 4-on-4 with Hudjaidi Al-Duwaiti in the sin bin, Frederick Goran managed a quick attempt on goal which was deflected in off the goalpost. Stoich Dumassé levelled things up with under a minute left, which sent the game into overtime. Al-Duwaiti was eager to make up for his fight, his long effort blocked by Tommy Finn, but Dumassé was on hand to get his second goal, and the winner, for the team.

Results
MD1 -- Liverpool England W6-3 Surda Scorers: Goran (3), Al-Duwaiti (2), Dumassé
MD2 -- Liverpool England W3-2 Vilita Scorers: Goran, Dumassé (2)

A leisurely tag

Gulls Win Pair During Strike!
Beat Aquiliana 2-1, Dennisov 3-2 while newsies protest

SQUORNSHELOUS -- The Gulls are back on the ice and in top form, writes IanCorp Wire Services, skating their way to two victories over group members in the opening days to Cherry Cup V.

St Amour and MacPherson scored for the Gulls in the first match, while Naumov held the line in goal. He allowed a single goal to DePlausus on a penalty shot late in the game. The most notable feature of the game was the incredible lack of penalties accrued by the Gulls; excluding when enforcer Ashlee Langdone tripped DePlausus on a breakaway, Iansisle only rang up four minutes of penalty time and spent a good amount of time a man up. Whether this standard of clean play will become a trend remains to be seen.

The next game against Dennisov was a thriller and, yet again, nearly all the players managed to behave themselves. Langdone and a Dennisov player each received a five-minute major for fighting in the second; however, the Gulls still only totaled eleven penalty minutes to Dennisov’s nineteen.

The difference showed, as the Gull’s powerful powerplay team converted two of its four opportunities, including once with five players to Dennisov’s three, and St Jacques scored on even four-four. Woolf and Pederson scored the powerplay goals.

However, Naumov seemed to be having a harder time than usual, letting in two goals on twenty one Dennisov shots. However, both scores came in the first period, and Naumov looked strong the rest of the way.

Fixtures for Game 3:

Group 1:
Iansisle v Lovisa
Wella v Dennisov
Castillanos v Aquiliana

Group 2:
Liverpool England v Anti-Nazis
Starblaydia v Vilita
The Lowland Clans v Surda

Group 3:
Tanah Burung v Trakken
Kaze Progressa v Celack
Krytenia v Esth

If Vilita lose every other match 10-0, they will have succeeded, so long as they defeat Starblaydia.

If Vilita lose every other match 10-0, they will have succeeded, so long as they defeat Starblaydia.

Vilitans Can't Handle Being Inferior to Starblaydia
Innate Napoleon Complex Produces Strange Tactics

As the Vilitan Ice Cats take to the Ice each match, we see strange things from them. They don't appear to be trying. Well,yes, they've scored three goals in two matches, but so far my Grandmother could have scored those. They look like a cat that has been placed on the ice. He doesn't want to move, has his claw out and is wondering why his paws are cold.

They're not passing correctly, moving fast enough or even bothering to defend very much. And now we know the reason: They're trying to lull other teams, or rather one team in particular, into a false sense of security. I expect the Vilitans to raise their game to their true potential and perhaps a bit higher for the next game against the Rayzors. We've watched the Vilitans in the NIHIL, they're better than what we've seen so far, so we should expect a set of hockey players to line up against Starblaydia on MD3, rather than the shower of pansies that we've seen on TV against Liverpoool England and the Anti-Nazis.

We'll still beat the crap outta them, of course, but that's beside the point.

Suzgar refutes "Lull" Claims

Vilitan national winger River Suzgar was stopped by a Vilita National reporter this morning, and thrusted on the spot to comment on Starblaydian quotes that suggest Vilita are only pretending they are terrible so they can surprise the Rayzors.

"No man, it's true, we just suck. I mean look at it, we didnt even show up for the first game, we were out in Abysmalistan at some stupid fencing competition or something, what the heck kind of a hockey team shows up at a fencing competition, no less an Abysmal one at that. So are we trying to pretend we suck? Nope. We know we suck, and we're proud of it. But, if you ask me, are we going to beat Starblaydia? Yes. We are. We guarantee it. There is not a chance in the world that Starblaydia will beat us. Defending world champions or not, they are afraid to face the Cat. The cats will slice them up and their stupid rayzors are probably female ones with the big protective plastic all around them. There ain't no female in us cats. Just pure ice in the veins and cat in the brains. We are cats. We will beat them, you watch."

It is unclear whether or not Suzgar has yet been tested for any illegal substance use during the cup.

The Gulf States Sea Wolves
National Ice Hockey Team

The Sea Wolves are waiting and training for the next Cherry Cup. The tournament has already started, but our team has one of the byes. We finished 3rd last year, and plan to improve on that standing in this season.

However, the team has another goal this season: shut up and take out Iansisle. There's no guarantee the two teams will even face each other this cup, but there is a major rivalry brewing between the two nations. Iansisle is upset with The Gulf States Hockey Commission for changing Cherry Cup 5 to a season/playoff format - which caused them to finish 11th and far from playoff contention.

Meanwhile, the Iansisle complaining has struck a nerve with some of TGS players. Carl DiPitre, a defenseman from Brampton, Ont., TGS Canada was quoted at a recent press conference: "I heard a couple days ago that Iansisle was talking a bunch of sh** about our team and our country. They called us a third world country, said last years Cup was a crap tournament, and said they had nothing but incompitents and 5 year olds representing them. Uh yeah, it's all nothing but sh**. They're just b****ing and whining about anything and everything because they lost. They did so horribly, they got to blame something else for their misery. Let's face it, if you finish 11th and that far out - you just suck. No other way to say it. We trounced them last year, and we'll be happy to beat them on the ice again. If they want to fight us, we'll just level them. We take honor in the Cherry Cup, our nation. The penalty box will be a minor sacrifice in maintaining our hockey tradition and our national honor.

From the Ianapalis Star-Tribune, Sports Editorial Column:

Entire Nation of Iansisle Points and Laughs at the Gulf States
”Sea Wolves’” massive insecurity complex great source of amusement!

IANAPALIS, Iansisle -- In an astounding display of sour grapes, the Gulf States’ hockey team, amusingly named the ‘Sea Wolves,’ lashed out at the Gulls at a press conference yesterday.

“I heard yesterday that Iansisle was talking a bunch of [expletive deleted] about our team and country,” said Carl DiPitre, an oafish-looking defenseman at said press-conference. Whether DiPitre was able to differentiate the source of the ‘[expletive deleted]’ that had been “talked” about the Sea Wolves (*snicker*) and the entire nation of Iansisle was unclear.

“Yeah, it’s all nothing but [expletive deleted]. They’re just [expletive deleted] and whining about anything and everything because they lost,” continued DiPitre, demonstrating a truly vulgarian mastery of the language and art of public debate.

After no small amount of research, it was determined that, yes, “the Gulf States” was indeed the name of the country to which the Gulls had sent a feeder team to participate in a minor league tournament.

“It is kind of cute that these Gulf Staters seem to think that they hosted a Cherry Cup,” said Steve Martinson at a press conference called to respond to DiPitre’s stumbling and profanity-ridden accusations. “Cute in a sad way, really. I mean, the only way the real Gulls could have finished eleventh in a Cherry Cup just after finishing as the runner up in the Belmore Family would be if some snot-nosed teenager sat around rolling dice instead of letting the teams play.”

The entire room chuckled with that preposterous notion in their heads.

“Further,” said Martinson, “I have video evidence, taken while during a game when the Valous-on-Mans Gulls were playing in that ‘tournament,’ that the Ianapalis Gulls were up north in Noropia taking on the Aces.”

The video Martinson played showed St Amour scoring on the Aces’ goalie to boos from the audience.

“Lastly, I’d like to respond, if I may, to DiPitre’s assertion that the Sea Wolves would ‘play dirty’ if the Gulls - like I fully expect - should prove better than them. All I can say is ‘we can take you.’ We’ve proven at our best in the power play, as I’m sure Dennisov can attest to, and we’re not afraid of a little checking if they’re willing to just hand the game to us. Thank you, gentlemen, and good evening.”

As other teams look for rivals, the Tanah Burung Cassowaries are hoping desperately not to be noticed. Their attempts to kill penalties by jamming up only the left side of the ice have left them easy prey to opponents who bother to scout.

With a win and a loss, it remains to be seen if these are the dismal Cassowaries who managed only wo wins in the first three Cherry Cups combined, or the Cinderella Cassowaries who have done so well since then. This third match against Trakken, observers say, will be the test. Which Cassowaries are this year's lot?

Only time, as they say, will tell. We asked Hailey Wickerbasket, centre half-back, for her thoughts.

"I like Cherry pie," the young sensation said.

Indeed.

Game 3 Results:

Group 1:
Iansisle 3 - 2 Lovisa
Wella 2 - 2 Dennisov
Castillanos 1 - 3 Aquiliana

Group 2:
Liverpool England 4 - 3 Anti-Nazis
Starblaydia 1 - 2 Vilita
The Lowland Clans 1 - 4 Surda

Group 3:
Tanah Burung 2 - 1 Trakken
Kaze Progressa 1 - 2 Celack
Krytenia 2 - 2 Esth

My apologies, these results should have been up yesterday, but this little thing called life interfered.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/logo.gif

We Win. We Win. We Win.

The Blades Stink And We Won.

We Win. We Win. We Win.

2 Points and now we're Done!

Lets Try a Math proof Ladies and Gentlemen:

1) Prove: X > Y

For All Values of X= "Vilita"
For All Values of Y= "Starblaydia"

If X = Vilita, & Y = Starblaydia, then X > Y.

This is true, because Vilita beats Starblaydia. Even if Z > X for all values of Z other than "Starblaydia" when x = "Vilita", X will always be Greater than Y with the said conditions above present.

Further Proof.

For All Values of X= "Vilita"
For All Values of Y= "Starblaydia"
For All Values of Z=/= "Vilita";"Starblaydia"

If Z > X , Then X > Y
If Z = X , Then X > Y
If Z < X , Then X > Y
If Z(~)X , Then X > Y *
If Z > Y , Then X > Y
If Z = Y , Then X > Y
If Z < Y , Then X > Y
If Z(~)Y , Then X > Y *

* (~) = Not Comparable To

Therefore, It is proven, that no matter the place, no matter the time, no matter the sport, no matter the rhyme, X will always be greater than Y, When X= "Vilita" & Y= "Starblaydia".

FINAL SCORE:
(World Champions) Starblaydia 1 - 2 Vilita (Never played before Fencing Team)



http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/schedXV.gif
Matches & Venues:
M01: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [1] - [4] Anti-Nazis
M02: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [2] - [3] Liverpool England
M03: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [2] - [1] Starblaydia (Y)
M04: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - []
M05: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [] - []

Standings after Game 3:

Group 1:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Iansisle 3 3 0 0 8 5 +3 6
2. Lovisa 3 2 1 0 8 6 +2 4
3. Wella 3 1 1 1 6 7 -1 3
4. Aquiliana 3 1 2 0 6 6 0 2
5. Castillanos 3 1 2 0 5 6 -1 2
6. Dennisov 3 0 2 1 6 9 -3 1


Group 2:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Liverpool England 3 3 0 0 13 8 +5 6
2. Starblaydia 3 1 1 1 4 3 +1 3
3. Surda 3 1 1 1 8 8 0 3
4. Anti-Nazis 3 1 2 0 8 9 -1 2
5. The Lowland Clans 3 1 2 0 5 7 -2 2
6. Vilita 3 1 2 0 5 8 -3 2


Group 3:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Kaze Progressa 3 2 1 0 9 4 +5 4
2. Tanah Burung 3 2 1 0 8 7 +1 4
3. Trakken 3 1 1 1 5 4 +1 3
4. Celack 3 1 1 1 7 7 0 3
5. Esth 3 1 1 1 5 6 -1 3
6. Krytenia 3 0 2 1 4 10 -6 1

The Press Conference was a sea of popping flashbulbs and anxious reporters. Well, the Starblaydis were anxious, while the Vilitan reporters were all smiles. At the head table sat Coach Dagmer Cleftjaw and his Centre and Captain, Ulrifk Holt. Behind them was a white advertising board with various sponsor aranged in a chequered pattern.

"So what do you blame the Rayzors' 2-1 defeat to the Vilitans on?" came the first yelled question from a Starblaydi Radio Journalist who had broken his way through the scrum.

"Blame?" said Coach Cleftjaw, "I don't blame anything, other than the Vilitan Fencing Team being better than ours on the night."

"Doesn't that say a lot about the steps you've made since winning the Cherry Cup last time?" came the hurried follow-up as the flash bulbs popped.

"I think it's a great step forward." said Cleftjaw.

The room fell completely silent, everyone was stunned. A few Viitans chuckled.

"Can you clarify that, coach?"

Dagmer Cletfjaw cleared his throat and looked at the assembled journalistic mass.

"You people did read the teamsheet, didn't you?" He asked, somewhat confused. "You did read the match-day programme, or hear the announcer?" He raised his voice. "Or were you all eating the free food and drinking the cheap beer in the press room while the game was actually going on?"

The reporters all looked somewhat guilty. Not one of them had actually been present for the game, though none dared to admit it faced with a very large, rather fierce man who controlled a large bunch of even larger, somewhat fiercer ice-skating psychopaths.

"If you look at the Rayzors team-sheet for the match against Vilita," Dagmer explained, very slowly, "You will see that it exactly matches this teamsheet, produced by the Starblaydi National Fencing Association."

The flashbulbs went abosultely mental and Ulfrik had to shield his eyes.

"We know that one hundred times out of one hundred, the usual Razyors will beat any Vilitan Ice Hockey team. Hell, our worst NIHIL team could beat the Ice Cats, as stoned as they seem to be." Dagmer smiled, "As they have used their fencing team, we thought we'd use ours. 'The Saybres', I think they're called."

Finally a journalist spoke up

"So what do you think of the... uh... Saybres defeat to the Vilitans?"

"I'd like to congratulate their fencing team on a great performance. This cross-pollenation of sports may work better in the future, but now it's time to stop playing silly-buggers and get back to using the real team and assure qualification by beating the Anti-Nazis and getting a good result against Liverpool England. Thankyou"

With that, Dagmer and Ulfrik stood up and walked out, leaving the large mass of Starblaydi journalists to beat the crap out of the few Vilitan journalists in the room.

Fixtures for Game 4:

Group 1:
Iansisle v Castillanos
Wella v Lovisa
Dennisov v Aquiliana

Group 2:
Liverpool England v The Lowland Clans
Starblaydia v Anti-Nazis
Vilita v Surda

Group 3:
Tanah Burung v Krytenia
Kaze Progressa v Trakken
Celack v Esth

Celack sports network
"we don't waste money on fancy logos or slogans or competent reporters!!!"

Sports reporter Tom Vilitiansa sat (without pants and with a bottle of whiskey in his hand) in front of Celack's hockey team's coach.

"Sho..coach Fris-Frig- Franz- Mother-F**ker! Waaa ever tha F**k your name is. What's your strategy." he began laughing.

"It's coach Ferdeline and our strategy is to grab the puck and out finess them. It worked in the game against Kaze Progressa."

"Do you think that dis winning streak will continue?. I like streaking." Vilitiansa took off his boxers and began running around the studio. He paused and began to vomit.


"Well I hope the winning will continue. If it does we'll be in the quater-finals. Our offensive team will be crucial to this. They have been consitently good throughtout the tournament. Also our goalie did an amzing job. He's seems to shake off the jet-lag and is back in his groove.

"Your goalie is so hot.. She haza sweeet ash....*hic*"

"Our goalie is male."

"Oh Swheet jesus....AHHH!!!!"

Sports Blurb
Gulls vault into first

The Iansisle Gulls continued their dominance in group during the Fifth Cherry Cup, writes IanCorp Wire Services, with an exciting 3-2 victory over former group leaders Lovisa.

Again, a clean game by the Gulls and a dominant power play were the key factors as the Gulls cashed in on three out of five opportunities. St Amour scored in the first and Woolf and St Jacques struck in the second to give Iansisle a dominating 3-0 lead.

However, Lovisa scored twice in the third to leap back into the game. Much nail biting later, Gulls goalie Naumov saved a last-minute slapshot by the Lovisa center and the game ended. Quite the thriller.

In other news, the Ians opened their tryouts for the next World Cup today...

Game 4 Results:

Group 1:
Iansisle 1-2 Castillanos
Wella 3-4 Lovisa
Dennisov 2-1 Aquiliana

Group 2:
Liverpool England 5-4 The Lowland Clans
Starblaydia 1-0 Anti-Nazis
Vilita 4-2 Surda

Group 3:
Tanah Burung 1-2 Krytenia
Kaze Progressa 2-1 Trakken
Celack 2-3 Esth


We'll let this game be a reminder that no one is perfect.
And neither is their spreadsheet.

Standings after Game 4:
Group 1:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Lovisa 4 3 1 0 12 9 +3 6
2. Iansisle 4 3 1 0 9 7 +2 6
3. Castillanos 4 2 2 0 7 7 0 4
4. Wella 4 1 2 1 9 11 -2 3
5. Dennisov 4 1 2 1 8 10 -2 3
6. Aquiliana 4 1 2 0 7 8 -1 2


Group 2:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Liverpool England 4 4 0 0 18 12 +6 8
2. Starblaydia 4 2 1 1 5 3 +2 5
3. Vilita 4 2 2 0 9 10 -1 4
4. Surda 4 1 2 1 10 12 -2 3
5. Anti-Nazis 4 1 3 0 8 10 -2 2
6. The Lowland Clans 4 1 3 0 9 12 -3 2


Group 3:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Kaze Progressa 4 3 1 0 11 5 +6 6
2. Esth 4 2 1 1 8 8 0 5
3. Tanah Burung 4 2 2 0 9 9 0 4
4. Trakken 4 1 2 1 6 6 0 3
5. Celack 4 1 2 1 9 10 -1 3
6. Krytenia 4 1 2 1 6 11 -5 3


Tables fixed

Squorn are you drunk? Take a second look at everything....

http://filebox.vt.edu/users/shrankin/pics/iraqui-information-minister2.jpg

There are no bad charts in this Tournament!

Wait a minute. You listed me as winning against trakken,(who I played in game 1) i won 3-2. Now I lost to Esth 3-2? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

((Hey, guys, calm down. Seriously. He made a mistake - one mistake. Now turn off your caps lock, get your font size down to normal, and lay off him. He messed up on one game, not the entire tournament. And this is from someone who went from a win to a loss, remember. Geez.))

Guess what -
One mistake can spoil the whole cup. Look at TGS' cup. His mistake: Shifting it offsite.

Wow. You're easily the biggest asshole I know. Have a fruit basket.

Okay, what happened was, somehow, the wrong teams were facing each other. Something happened with the spreadsheet. Whatever it was, I went back and re-inputted which teams were supposed to play in game 4 (1v4 2v5 3v6) and got new results, the first results I posted were wrong in every way possible, they never should have existed in the first place. I apologize and I'll be sure to double check everything so this doesn't happen again. For those of you who went from a win to a loss, I'm sorry and I understand that you're upset, you have to realize that the first result up there was not the right game and the new result is your team against a completely different team. Once again, I'm sorry, it won't happen again.

In a word (and a piece of punctuation)

"Huh?"

Run that one by me again, will ya?


I bet you couldn't resist finding out what this said. See? Told Ya.

I'm probably shooting myself in the foot here......Squorn the group three chart is srill out of order.....Esth should be in second place.

Cassowary Commentary
By Ron Larry

"No one is perfect," tournament organizers tell us. Well, the Tanah Burung Cassowaries are proof of that. There are few hockey teams in the world less perfect. These chickens are afraid to take a hit, and they sure can't dish it out.

Now a loss to last-place Krytenia. Krytenia, what the hell is that anyway? Sounds like a disease. Doctor, doctor, our hockey team has a bad case of Krytenia!

Sheesh. Who ranked these guys fourth in the world? Time for some old time asskickin.

Mr. Larry has been dismissed for inciting violence.

I'm probably shooting myself in the foot here......Squorn the group three chart is srill out of order.....Esth should be in second place.

You're right, sorry.

game 5 fixtures in a few minutes.

Fixtures for Game 5:

1 v 2
3 v 4
5 v 6

Group 1:
Iansisle v Wella
Dennisov v Castillanos
Lovisa v Aquiliana

Group 2:
Liverpool England v Starblaydia
Vilita v The Lowland Clans
Anti-Nazis v Surda

Group 3:
Tanah Burung v Kaze Progressa
Celack v Krytenia
Trakken v Esth

Game five delayed to tomorrow because of Hurricane Frances.

[Liverpool England]OMG YOU CANT DELAY THE REWSULTS YOUR THE WORST HOST EVER!!!!!1111[/Liverpool England]

((Understood, Squorn. Best of luck with that whole hurricane thing. :)))

An Annoying Surprise
Who the hell told Castillanos they were allowed to beat us?

It is amazing how quickly a situation can change, writes IanCorp Wire Services: one moment, you’re sitting pretty on top of the group and counting your eggs, the next some little snot-nosed punk like Castillanos shows up and reminds you to wait until they have hatched. How annoying!

The verdict? The Gulls were beaten, plain and simple. There is no excuse for what happened. They were sloppy on the pass, exceeded their opponent in penalty minutes for the first time ever, and generally lollygagged about the ice. Perhaps they were too busy resting on their laurels from beating Lovisa.

“I know this team is better than they just showed out there,” said coach Steve Martinson. “We can’t let something like this get us down; we’ve got to get right back on our feet -- er, skates -- and get back out there against Wella. And trust me, we will.”

Cassowary Commentary
By Ron Larry

"No one is perfect," tournament organizers tell us. Well, the Tanah Burung Cassowaries are proof of that. There are few hockey teams in the world less perfect. These chickens are afraid to take a hit, and they sure can't dish it out.

Now a loss to last-place Krytenia. Krytenia, what the hell is that anyway? Sounds like a disease. Doctor, doctor, our hockey team has a bad case of Krytenia!

Sheesh. Who ranked these guys fourth in the world? Time for some old time asskickin.

Mr. Larry has been dismissed for inciting violence.

The Aces were all over their opponents, the Tanah Burung Cassowaries, like a bad rash last night. That'll teach 'em to not wash their kit.

Two-one and still bottom, if you're interested.

In other news, only three days to WC17.

Spoiler:
If you can read this, you have way too much free time.

OOC: Ha, ha, Iansisle, very funny. You got a problem, take it off the boards into TG.

President Susan Aglukark laughs merrily at the minnows trying to claim the Cup that this year must finally come to its true home in Kalaallit Nunaat. Liverpool England may have a perfect record, but they shall be crushed beneath the Red and White Iceberg. President Aglukark laughs at the likes of Ianisle and Lovisa and Starblaydia. They too shall perish. For Kaze Progressa and Tana Burung, she has only derision. The President has only minor respect for teams that have been given byes into the next round. All others are beneath her notice.

The President has only minor respect for teams that have been given byes into the next round. All others are beneath her notice.

Starblaydi Ice Hockey Coach Dagmer Cleftjaw today stood on his tippy-toes, waving the 5th Cherry Cup above his head in a vain effort to get The President of Kalaallit Nunaat to notice him.

In other news, the Starblaydi match, and every other in the league, was held up yesterday by a Hurricane in Florida, USA, as thousands of players, officials, fans and spectators all turned to the Weather Channel out of interest.

Hockey Stadium,Celack Vs Esth match:
Everything was calm and "normal" during the match,Goossens was shouting at his troops as always while both teams where at 2-2.
Kozlowski manages to score the third goal for Esth and all the team started to celebrate... but Traversoni,who was sitting on the bench,saw the scoreboard and realized that the goal was given to Celack

"Hey Skiotis take a look at the scoreboard"

"What the hell!! we scored the goal how come where losing 3-2 now?"

"they wanna mess with us" replied Hansson from the penalty box

Skiotis stood up and said: "No way I'm accepting this!",he then started heading towards the commentators stand whacking every spectator he found on his way.
Others followed him creating total chaos,fighting ruthlessly with the spectators and breaking seats.
The players on the field looked and the riot on the stands and took advantage of the ruckus to attack their adversaries and the referee ruthlessly.
Goossens stood there smoking his cigar and thought :"finally,they're starting to be REAL soldiers".
Skiotis managed to arrive first at the commentators stand and stated screaming meaningless words in Esthian,destroying cameras and throwing chairs to the commentators.
The Squornshelous SWAT team managed to re establish order after two hours arresting half of the Esthian team.

THE CELESTIA TIMES

~------------------Sports News------------------~


Total Chaos for a Wrong Result:
Squornshelous: The Esthian Hockey team was involved in a giant brawl in the last match between Celack.
Apparently,after the 3rd goal scored by Kozlowski, the scoreboard had a wrong score showed thus irritating most of Esth's players.
Most of them started attacking the spectators,the press and the commentators,the others instead attacked their adversaries and the referee.
Local SWAT team intervened bringing order after a fierce battle arresting most of the Esthian players,the rest stayed and played the remaining minutes of the match before being escorted by a contingent of SWAT teams to their hotel.
The rest of the players ended the match,3-2 for Esth.
Goosseens and the rest of the team didn't want to be interviewed after the match.
Meanwhile formal apologies are being sent to Squornshelous organizing committe and the Celack national hockey team.
"We are terribly sorry for this accident" says Minister of Foreign Affairs, Maemi Hayami "we cannot understand the reason of such a behaviour of our national team but we will assure you that such thing will never happen again.
We will send repay all the damages that the Esthian team did and hope that Squornshelous will accept our apologies"
Meanwhile other national teams are complaining about the tournament's organization,Goosseens in an interview before the Esth-Celack match said "I'm not seeing any problems about the organization,everything seems to works fine".
Esth is now 2nd in group 3:
Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Kaze Progressa 4 3 1 0 11 5 +6 6
2. Esth 4 2 1 1 8 8 0 5
3. Tanah Burung 4 2 2 0 9 9 0 4
4. Trakken 4 1 2 1 6 6 0 3
5. Celack 4 1 2 1 9 10 -1 3
6. Krytenia 4 1 2 1 6 11 -5 3
group 3 schedule:

Tanah Burung v Kaze Progressa
Celack v Krytenia
Trakken v Esth

OOC:sorry if i took so long to reply bu t I was away.
Squornshelous good luck with the hurricane,heard on tv it's a bastard ol' hurricane

At last, the long awaited

Game 5 Results

Group 1:
Iansisle 4-1 Wella
Dennisov 3-3 Castillanos
Lovisa 1-3 Aquiliana

Group 2:
Liverpool England 5-0 Starblaydia
Vilita 2-4 The Lowland Clans
Anti-Nazis 4-2 Surda

Group 3:
Tanah Burung 0-2 Kaze Progressa
Celack 5-2 Krytenia
Trakken 4-0 Esth

Tables and midway analysis coming up.

Standings after Game 5:
Group 1:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Iansisle 5 4 1 0 13 8 +5 8
2. Lovisa 5 3 2 0 13 12 +1 6
3. Castillanos 5 2 2 1 10 10 0 5
4. Aquiliana 5 2 2 0 10 9 +1 4
5. Dennisov 5 1 2 2 11 13 -2 4
6. Wella 5 1 3 1 10 15 -5 3

Iansisle still look good to win this one, but I am surprised to see Dennisov and Wella bringing up the rear. Look for one of those teams to make a run for the second place spot in the next half of this round.


Group 2:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Liverpool England 5 5 0 0 23 12 +11 10
2. Starblaydia 5 2 2 1 5 8 -3 5
3. Anti-Nazis 5 2 3 0 12 12 0 4
4. The Lowland Clans 5 2 3 0 13 14 -1 4
5. Vilita 5 2 3 0 11 14 -3 4
6. Surda 5 1 3 1 12 16 -4 3

Liverpool England are totally dominating this group, and no one seems to be able to stop them. Meanwhile, Strablaydia seems to be trying to get through while scoring as few goals as possible. There's no telling what'll happen, with the lower five teams all withing two points of each other.

Group 3:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Kaze Progressa 5 4 1 0 13 5 +8 8
2. Trakken 5 2 2 1 10 6 +4 5
3. Celack 5 2 2 1 14 12 +2 5
4. Esth 5 2 2 1 8 12 -4 5
5. Tanah Burung 5 2 3 0 9 11 -2 4
6. Krytenia 5 1 3 1 8 16 -8 3

Kaze Progressa look strong, Tanah Burung look weak. That about sums this one up, Krytenia's in trouble unless they start winning immediately. One of the other three will probably take second.

A collection of interesting (or stupid, depending on your point of view) facts and observations after half of round 1:

Best Offense:
Liverpool England (23 goals for)

Best Defense:
Kaze Progressa (5 goals against)

Worst Offense
Starblaydia (5 goals for)

Worst Defense
Krytenia/Surda (16 goals against)

Selected quotes from Cassowary players, obtained in the dressing room after the latest loss:

"Well, we just went out and gave it 70%."

"Maybe that third rock of crack was one too many."

"An interview? OK, but let's keep it brief, i'm going antiquing."

"I blame this loss on my team mates, the fans, and the coaching staff. And God. Most of all, i'd like to blame God."

"There's only one thing standing betwene us and the Cherry Cup, and that's the fact that we can't beat the other teams."

"Does this towel make me look fat?"

"The match? I'm just looking forward to that hot, hot shower and the silky touch of my lavender apricot body wash."

"We won."

"We did? Good. By how much?"

"We won by five goals to nothing, sir."

"5-0? Good. Now go bribe our next opponents. We need a 7-0 win."

Liverpool England consolidate Group 2 Position: LE 5-0 Starblaydia
Liverpool England have the best attack in the competition, and today beefed that up by slotting five goals past Starblaydia with no reply. Star centre Cody Norman came off the bench for his first appearance since breaking his leg in training seven months ago. Norman, who plays in Starblaydia, scored all five goals in an amazing performance to send him to the top of the Liverpool England top scorers charts.

Press Conference Cancelled
Team in the mood to kill people, rather than talk to them

After a five-zero loss to high-scoring Liverpool England, the Starblaydi Ice Hockey team, known as the Rayzors, of course, declined to take part in the post-match press conference, instead going straight into the gym to get back and train.

"The only comment I'm making," said Head Coach Dagmer Cleftjaw, "Is that the Rayzors will be going all the way this year. We will get through this poxy qualifying round and we will pick up our offense, if i have to get on the ice and do it myself. Bunch of muppets..."






OOC: Is this some kind of anti, non-deserving-current-champions conspiracy campaign, or does Margaret just really, really hate me? :confused:

((Not on my part, Star. Looks just like rotten luck. Though you will understand when my people wonder why yours are waving about that old boot that looks like they fished out of the river and claiming it to be the ‘Fifth Cherry Cup.’ ;)))

Gulls Back on Track!

IANAPALIS, Iansisle - There was much celebrating, writes IanCorp Wire Services, after an impressive 4-1 Gulls victory over Wella left the team in first going into the halfway mark.

Once again, special teams proved the key to the victory, as the Gulls converted three of their five power plays while holding Wella scoreless in their two.

“Looking at those numbers,” coach Steve Martinson said, “you can see that this is a solid veteran team. They’re making very few mistakes out there, and consequently we’re scoring a lot of goals.”

Left wing Kevin St Jacques was the hero of the day, accounting for wholly half of Iansisle’s goals and also notching an assist. Defenseman Mark Pederson slammed his second goal of the Cherry Cup home and assisted on two other goals. Center Mark Stitt also rang up his first goal of the Cup late in the third to give the Gulls a little more breathing room.

((Gotcha, LE. In the future, I’ll be sure to follow your example and send a telegram to people when I have an out of character issue. How could I have been so thoughtless and immature as to have called you out on a public forum!? Just looking at your deft handling of the Squornshelous situation proves that there is a better way; you sent him a brief, politely worded telegram explaining his mistake so that he could fix it before anyone else noticed. Or how about all those newbies whose rôle-playing skills you’ve doubted? Simply send them a polite telegram, and BANG! Situation solved without having to publicly mock them in front of the whole WCC!

Yes, your great examples have definitely taught me that there is a better way. So I, the pot, hereby clap you, the kettle, on the shoulder and say “Damn! You’re right; I am black!”))

Squornshelous Police Station Prison:

"Hey don't push me like that,the last person who did so found my knife on his throat!"

"Shut your mouth and get in the cell" said a Squornshelous policeman who was pushing some of the Esthian players inside the cell.

"K,that's the last of 'em,close the cells".

Meanwhile two officers where discussing about for how long should they keep them inside

"Two days will be enough to cool them down"

"But they'll miss the next match."

"Good,that'll teach them not to smash everything like some mad bersekers"

Hockey Stadium,Trakken Vs Esth match:
only 5 players where not arrested:The goalie Smits,Moore,Shia-Agil,Sying and González

"Now tell me how are we supposed to play for 3 entire periods non-stop?"

"You tell me...."

"Let's just play like we did before,whack em' plenty and hard,there's nothing else we can do"

Goossens strangely didn't interrupt his soldiers,evidently he had something up his sleeve...

THE CELESTIA TIMES

~------------------Sports News------------------~

Alone against Everybody:
Squornshelous: Big defeat for the Esthian Hockey team,4-0 for the opposing team,Trakken.
Due to last match's brawl only five players played against Trakken for all 3 Periods.
In the second period goalkeeper Smits was left alone facing the angry offence of the opposing team for more than 2 minutes since all the team was sent off to the penalty box for high sticking.
Goossens was blocked by the police for attempting to throw molotovs into the adversaries bench.
"I don't know what the hell is wrong with these guys" says the head of the Security "where here to see hockey,not to see a battles".
Esth,Trakken and Celack have now 5 points while Kaze Progressa lead the Group 3 with 8 points.
Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Kaze Progressa 5 4 1 0 13 5 +8 8
2. Trakken 5 2 2 1 10 6 +4 5
3. Celack 5 2 2 1 14 12 +2 5
4. Esth 5 2 2 1 8 12 -4 5
5. Tanah Burung 5 2 3 0 9 11 -2 4
6. Krytenia 5 1 3 1 8 16 -8 3

[QUOTE=Vilita]http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/logo.gif

Vilita : Not Out Yet
Team Unaware of Match Schedule

-------------The Vilita Sporting Association has been reprimanded today after announcing previously that their hopes of Cherry Cup qualification had been dashed with the 4-2 defeat to The Lowlands Clans. However, It has now been noted that there are still 5 matches remaining, and the squad has been re-sent to face the Anti-Nazis on Matchday 6. The Ice Cats currently trail Rivals, and lesser opponents, Starblaydia, by one point in the race for qualification.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/schedXV.gif
Matches & Venues:
M01: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [1] - [4] Anti-Nazis
M02: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [2] - [3] Liverpool England
M03: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [2] - [1] Starblaydia
M04: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [4] - [2] Surda
M05: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [2] - [4]The Lowlands Clans

FYI: Squorn has informed me that due to internet problems he will not be able to post results for a while, please bear with him.

Ok, I'm back, Sorry about the delay. I had 30 spybots on my system and lost net access.

Vilita: The game schedule is the same as the first 5 games.

Fixtures for Game 6

Group 1:
Iansisle vs Aquiliana
Wella vs Castillanos
Dennisov vs Lovisa

Group 2:
Liverpool England vs Surda
Starblaydia vs The Lowland Clans
Vilita vs Anti-Nazis

Group 3:
Tanah Burung vs Esth
Kaze Progressa vs Krytenia
Celack vs Trakken

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/logo.gif

Ice Cats Prepared to Beat Blades
Ready for second helping of Rayzor Pie

-------------After learning that they in fact had five more matches to play in the Cherry Cup group stage, the Vilita Ice Cats again began training to be victorious over Starblaydia. We caught up with the Ice Cats head coach on his way to a team training session:

"Yea it certainly was a sruprise to find out we had more games to play, but I guess we're the better for it. We were already home relaxing in our living rooms when the hurricane tore through Squornshelous, while the other teams were left without power for days. Now that we are back though we are training hard. We've got a couple of warm-up matches coming up against the Anti-Nazis and Liverpool England, so we'll experiment with a few new things there and get ourselves prepared for Starblaydia. After defeating Starblaydia, we will play another meaningless match against Surda, where I plan to rest most of the big name players. Depending on how much we beat them by, will determine whether or not we show up for the match against the Lowlands Clans."

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/schedXV.gif
Matches & Venues:
M01: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [1] - [4] Anti-Nazis
M02: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [2] - [3] Liverpool England
M03: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [2] - [1] Starblaydia
M04: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [4] - [2] Surda
M05: Vilita (http://vilita.3wide.com/) [2] - [4]The Lowlands Clans

Game 6 Results

Group 1:
Iansisle 3-1 Aquiliana
Wella 1-2 Castillanos
Dennisov 1-1 Lovisa

Group 2:
Liverpool England 2-1 Surda
Starblaydia 2-3 The Lowland Clans
Vilita 3-2 Anti-Nazis

Group 3:
Tanah Burung 3-1 Esth
Kaze Progressa 4-3 Krytenia
Celack 2-2 Trakken

Standings after Game 6:

Group 1:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Iansisle 6 5 1 0 16 9 +7 10
2. Lovisa 6 3 2 1 14 13 +1 7
3. Castillanos 6 3 2 1 12 11 +1 7
4. Dennisov 6 1 2 3 12 14 -2 5
5. Aquiliana 6 2 3 0 11 12 -1 4
6. Wella 6 1 4 1 11 17 -6 3


Group 2:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Liverpool England 6 6 0 0 25 13 +12 12
2. The Lowland Clans 6 3 3 0 16 16 0 6
3. Vilita 6 3 3 0 14 16 -2 6
4. Starblaydia 6 2 3 1 7 11 -4 5
5. Anti-Nazis 6 2 4 0 14 15 -1 4
6. Surda 6 1 4 1 13 18 -5 3



Group 3:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Kaze Progressa 6 5 1 0 17 8 +9 10
2. Trakken 6 2 2 2 12 8 +4 6
3. Celack 6 2 2 2 16 14 +2 6
4. Tanah Burung 6 3 3 0 12 12 0 6
5. Esth 6 2 3 1 9 15 -6 5
6. Krytenia 6 1 4 1 11 20 -9 3

"The Celackian team managed to hold Trakken to a tie today. It is seen as a step up because the first time Celack played tehm Celack lost. In other news I'M NOT WEARING PANTS!"

Celackian sportsnet
"Competent reporters wanted. Please send resumes to 358 Endo St. Etteradi Celack."

Are we ranked 9th or 90th?
Starblaydia fall yet again, now in 4th place with 4 matches left

Being in fourth place in a group isn't so bad, though the Starblaydia Rayzors have not been used to that state of affairs for a whole season of Hockey. The latest debacle was a 3-2 defeat to The Lowland Clans, marking the Third such defeat of the season so far.

"I... I just don't have the words to either explain why this has happened, or even how I feel about it. It's just, depressing, given where we were at this stage last season." Commented Head Coach Dagmer Cleftjaw.

The Rayzors dramatic dip in form cannot really be explained by anything other than poor referees and sheer bad luck. The defending champions missing out on the final stages of the competition? Don't bet against it, if luck has anything to do with it.

Do you know who's out-scored us? Everybody. That's right. Everybody. A team that outscored nearly everyone throughout an entire season has put just seven goals on the board in six matches. That, frankly, is appaling by any standards.

Henceforth, all persons with the name 'Margaret' as any of their Fore- or Middle-Names are hereby banned from Starblaydi Hockey Arenas. Jordy McCliff, the much maligned defenceman hounded out of last season's squad by some very angry teammates, has been brought back into the squad in an attempt to bolster team spirit for the next match. It is assumed that the players will once more beat the living crap out of him before throwing him out of the team hotel, just like last time. I love Team Bonding Excercises!


OOC: For anyone not in the know, 'Margaret' is the name given to the fickle winds of fate, who appear to have deserted Starblaydia for this competition.

OOC: Squorn, KP should have played 6 games, not 5.
IC: Liverpool England go 6-for-6: Is this the year the Cherry Cup comes around?

Liverpool England have won both the football and field hockey World Cups, and now the Don Cherry Cup seems within reach. The team, who are 6-6 with a 2-1 vicotry over Surda, are certainly confident that the cup is not out of reach. It has been almost 25 years since the nation won a major trophy.

Despite going down 4-3 at the hands of Kaze Progressa, the Aces are not quite out. Teams above have been smacking each other over the head into oblivion, and though Krytenia are STILL at the foot of the table, there is still hope.

Spoiler:
We Suck.

Fixtures for Game 7:

Group 1:
Iansisle v Dennisov
Wella v Aquiliana
Lovisa v Castillanos

Group 2:
Liverpool England v Vilita
Starblaydia v Surda
Anti-Nazis v The Lowland Clans

Group 3:
Tanah Burung v Celack
Kaze Progressa v Esth
Trakken v Krytenia

Game 7 Results:

Group 1:
Iansisle 1-1 Dennisov
Wella 2-1 Aquiliana
Castillanos 5-3 Lovisa

Group 2:
Liverpool England 5-2 Vilita
Starblaydia 2-0 Surda
The Lowland Clans 1-1 Anti-Nazis

Group 3:
Tanah Burung 3-2 Celack
Kaze Progressa 2-3 Esth
Krytenia 2-4 Trakken

Standings after Game 7:

Group 1:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Iansisle 7 5 1 1 17 10 +7 11
2. Castillanos 7 4 2 1 17 14 +3 9
3. Lovisa 7 3 3 1 17 18 -1 7
4. Dennisov 7 1 2 4 13 15 -2 6
5. Wella 7 2 4 1 13 18 -5 5
6. Aquiliana 7 2 5 0 12 14 -2 4


Group 2:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Liverpool England 7 7 0 0 30 16 +14 14
2. The Lowland Clans 7 3 3 1 17 17 0 7
3. Starblaydia 7 3 3 1 9 11 -2 7
4. Vilita 7 3 4 0 17 21 -4 6
5. Anti-Nazis 7 2 4 1 15 16 -1 5
6. Surda 7 1 5 1 13 20 -7 3



Group 3:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Kaze Progressa 7 5 2 0 19 11 +8 10
2. Trakken 7 3 2 2 16 10 +6 8
3. Tanah Burung 7 4 3 0 15 14 +1 8
4. Esth 7 3 3 1 12 17 -5 7
5. Celack 7 2 3 2 18 17 +1 6
6. Krytenia 7 1 5 1 13 24 -11 3


Chart 3 Fixzored

Sqourn chart threeis outta wack again

*shoots self in foot again*

Fixtures for Game 8:

Group 1:
Iansisle v Lovisa
Wella v Dennisov
Castillanos v Aquiliana

Group 2:
Liverpool England v Anti-Nazis
Starblaydia v Vilita
The Lowland Clans v Surda

Group 3:
Tanah Burung v Trakken
Kaze Progressa v Celack
Krytenia v Esth

Rayzors Take Two Points as They Gear Up for Vilita
Mathematical theorems need to be proved wrong
It's "Scoop" Ragnarsson, Starblaydia's top Sports Journalist, with all the info from the 6th Cherry Cup

Whereas we see Liverpool England storming away, scoring more than four a game as their undefeated run gives them double Starblaydia's points, Starblaydia are still the lowest-scoring team in the entire competition after Seven Games.

Starblaydia will now go up against Regional Neighbours Vilita in Game 8, desperate to prove that the previous result, a win for Vilita, was merely a fluke, not to be repeated. After Vilita's demolition by Liverpool England, Starblaydia will be looking to repeat the feat against the 'Ice Cats', slicing them up with Rayzor-power.

Other than defeating Vilita and qualifying, the next target is to overtake Esth and Aquiliana on Goals Scored, as tey bhoth reside on 12, with Starblaydia lagging behind the rest with just 9 from Seven Games.

Rayzors All the Way, Baby!

Do We Rule, Or What!? - Liverpool England go 7-for-7

Liverpool England tore the Ice Cats apart on MD7 with a resounding 5-2 victory at home. The team, who have never had such a good record in any sport, are definitely in good spirits. They play Anti-Nazis on MD8.

Game 8 Results:

Group 1:
Iansisle 4-1 Lovisa
Wella 0-1 Dennisov
Castillanos 0-1 Aquiliana

Group 2:
Liverpool England 1-1 Anti-Nazis
Starblaydia 3-2 Vilita
The Lowland Clans 3-2 Surda

Group 3:
Tanah Burung 2-1 Trakken
Kaze Progressa 0-2 Celack
Krytenia 0-1 Esth

Standings after Game 8:
Qualified Teams: Red
Eliminated Teams: Blue

Group 1:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Iansisle 8 6 1 1 21 11 +10 13
2. Castillanos 8 4 3 1 17 15 +2 9
3. Dennisov 8 2 2 4 14 15 -1 8
4. Lovisa 8 3 4 1 18 22 -4 7
5. Aquiliana 8 3 5 0 13 14 -1 6
6. Wella 8 2 5 1 13 19 -6 5


Group 2:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Liverpool England 8 7 0 1 31 17 +14 15
2. The Lowland Clans 8 4 3 1 20 19 +1 9
3. Starblaydia 8 4 3 1 12 13 -1 9
4. Vilita 8 3 5 0 19 24 -5 6
5. Anti-Nazis 8 2 4 2 16 17 -1 6
6. Surda 8 1 6 1 15 23 -8 3



Group 3:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Kaze Progressa 8 5 3 0 19 13 +6 10
2. Tanah Burung 8 5 3 0 17 15 +2 10
3. Esth 8 4 3 1 13 17 -4 9
4. Trakken 8 3 3 2 17 12 +5 8
5. Celack 8 3 3 2 20 17 +3 8
6. Krytenia 8 1 6 1 13 25 -12 3

Break Out the Champaign!
Gulls officially qualify for the Cherry Cup!

In what has become almost a typical game, the Gulls skated all over Lovisa 4-1. In a less typical turn, the Gulls also qualified for the Cherry Cup with the win. Castillanos, who lost by a goal to Aquiliana, can still tie in points with two wins and the Gulls losing two, but third place Dennisov cannot do so. Liverpool England is the only other qualified team.

Mark Woolf, assisted by Pederson and Naumov, opened the scoring for the Gulls on a drive after defenseman Melson convinced a Lovisan winger to take his shot too early in the first period.

Thereafter, everything was swell for Iansisle. Once again, the Gulls played a clean goal and took advantage of Lovisan penalties, accruing a total of eight minutes on the powerplay. MacPherson scored a man up at the end of the first period and St Jacques added another powerplay goal in the second. Lovisa then struck back, sneaking one past Naumov, but it was too late. Defenseman Sergei Visegorodcevs added a slapshot goal in the middle of the third and not even pulling the goalie could save Lovisa.

“This is what we’ve been training for since we lost to the Mighty Ducks of Eizen,” said Steve Martinson, “and I have a feeling that this Cherry Cup will be the first major championship to grace Iansisle’s worthy scores.”

Asked if he was intimidated by the football Ians, who recently netted an 8-0 victory over Pure Evil and drew more than 100,000 fans to another game, Martinson had this to say:

“The Ians are a great team, that’s for sure. However, I feel we’re better. But this really isn’t about the Ians, is it? Are there any hockey-related questions?”

THE CELESTIA TIMES

~------------------Sports News------------------~


3 Teams run for the qualification:
Squornshelous:In the end of Day 8 three teams are fighting to obtain a place in the next round of the Tournament.
Esth in 3rd place with 9 points while Kaze Progressa and Tanah Burung lead with 10 points.
"Getting the qualification for us will be like winning the tournament; we barely knew how to skate and play hockey but now we're fighting for the qualification against some of Hockey's best nations". says Goalkeeper Smits.
Esthian Minister of Sports in a recent interview said:"We are proud of what our boys are doing in Squornshelous.
I Think this a great result not also for Hockey,but for all the Winter Sports itself;those kind of sports are not very common in the Esthian Archipelago,we barely even have snow here,but now people are getting into Winter Sports.
We are right now making new winter sports facilities,a Hockey Arena in Celestia and a Ice Rink in Pana Dis for Figure Skating".
Esthians are planning right now to reach Squornshelous to watch live their new Hockey heroes in their last matches "It's time they hear some Esthain chantings,they have fought alone enough and now they need some support" says the leader of the group "Esthian Ultras".
Group 3:

Code:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Kaze Progressa 8 5 3 0 19 13 +6 10
2. Tanah Burung 8 5 3 0 17 15 +2 10
3. Esth 8 4 3 1 13 17 -4 9
4. Trakken 8 3 3 2 17 12 +5 8
5. Celack 8 3 3 2 20 17 +3 8
6. Krytenia 8 1 6 1 13 25 -12 3

Fixtures for Game 9:

Group 1:
Iansisle v Castillanos
Wella v Lovisa
Dennisov v Aquiliana

Group 2:
Liverpool England v The Lowland Clans
Starblaydia v Anti-Nazis
Vilita v Surda

Group 3:
Tanah Burung v Krytenia
Kaze Progressa v Trakken
Celack v Esth

Game 9 Results:

Group 1:
Iansisle 3-2 Castillanos
Wella 3-2 Lovisa
Dennisov 2-4 Aquiliana

Group 2:
Liverpool England 2-0 The Lowland Clans
Starblaydia 3-2 Anti-Nazis
Vilita 3-4 Surda

Group 3:
Tanah Burung 4-2 Krytenia
Kaze Progressa 2-3 Trakken
Celack 2-4 Esth

Standings after Game 9:
Qualified Teams: Red
Eliminated Teams: Blue

Group 1:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Iansisle 9 7 1 1 24 13 +11 15
2. Castillanos 9 4 4 1 19 18 +1 9
3. Aquiliana 9 4 5 0 17 16 +1 8
4. Dennisov 9 2 3 4 16 19 -3 8
5. Lovisa 9 3 5 1 20 25 -5 7
6. Wella 9 3 5 1 16 21 -5 7


Group 2:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Liverpool England 9 8 0 1 33 17 +16 17
2. Starblaydia 9 5 3 1 15 15 0 11
3. The Lowland Clans 9 4 4 1 20 21 -1 9
4. Anti-Nazis 9 2 5 2 18 20 -2 6
5. Vilita 9 3 6 0 22 28 -6 6
6. Surda 9 2 6 1 19 26 -7 5



Group 3:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Tanah Burung 9 6 3 0 21 17 +4 12
2. Esth 9 5 3 1 17 19 -2 11
3. Trakken 9 4 3 2 20 14 +6 10
4. Kaze Progressa 9 5 4 0 21 16 +5 10
5. Celack 9 3 4 2 22 21 +1 8
6. Krytenia 9 1 7 1 15 29 -14 3

Fixtures for Game 10:

Group 1:
Iansisle v Wella
Dennisov v Castillanos
Lovisa v Aquiliana

Group 2:
Liverpool England v Starblaydia
Vilita v The Lowland Clans
Anti-Nazis v Surda

Group 3:
Tanah Burung v Kaze Progressa
Celack v Krytenia
Trakken v Esth

To the wire it comes. The Cassowaries, once laughing stocks, face fellow veterans Kaze Progressa in a bid to stay atop Group 3 and advance to the next round of the Cherry Tesseract. Will they advance? Will they fall heart-breaklingly, agonizingly short? Only their doping doc knows for sure.

Game 10 Results

Group 1:
Iansisle 0-2 Wella
Dennisov 3-2 Castillanos
Lovisa 2-2 Aquiliana

Group 2:
Liverpool England 2-4 Starblaydia
Vilita 3-0 The Lowland Clans
Anti-Nazis 3-0 Surda

Group 3:
Tanah Burung 1-3 Kaze Progressa
Celack 1-4 Krytenia
Trakken 3-1 Esth

Final Standings after Round 1:
Qualified Teams: Red
Eliminated Teams: Blue

Group 1:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Iansisle 9 7 2 1 24 15 +9 15
2. Dennisov 9 3 3 4 19 21 -2 10
3. Aquiliana 9 4 5 1 19 18 +1 9
4. Castillanos 9 4 5 1 21 21 0 9
5. Wella 9 4 5 1 18 21 -3 9
6. Lovisa 9 3 5 2 22 27 -5 8


Group 2:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Liverpool England 9 8 1 1 35 21 +14 17
2. Starblaydia 9 6 3 1 19 17 +2 13
3. The Lowland Clans 9 4 5 1 20 24 -4 9
4. Anti-Nazis 9 3 5 2 21 20 +1 8
5. Vilita 9 4 6 0 25 28 -3 8
6. Surda 9 2 7 1 19 29 -10 5



Group 3:

Rnk Team GP W L T GF GA +/- Pts
1. Trakken 9 5 3 2 23 15 +8 12
2. Kaze Progressa 9 6 4 0 24 17 +7 12
3. Tanah Burung 9 6 4 0 22 20 +2 12
4. Esth 9 5 4 1 18 22 -4 11
5. Celack 9 3 5 2 23 25 -2 8
6. Krytenia 9 2 7 1 19 30 -11 5


Qualifiers for the next round are:
Liverpool England
Iansisle
Starblaydia
Trakken
Kaze Progressa
Tanah Burung
Esth
Dennisov

Auto-qualifiers are:
Kallalit Nunaat
The Gulf States
The Belmore Family
Squornshelous

Starblaydia Qualify For the Next Round
Late surge see's Rayzors 3rd best record of the round
It's "Scoop" Ragnarsson, Starblaydia's top Sports Journalist, with all the info from the 6th Cherry Cup

In a total opposite to last season, Starblaydia started awfully and finished with a flourish. Beating Liverpool England's attempt at a ten-game unbeaten streak, Starblaydia shot four past the Group Leaders to secure second spot. Thankfully, the Ice Cats of Vilita managed to shut-out The Lowland Clans' challenge which made Starblaydia Qualify on its own.

The four-to-two victory was highly welcome, of course, as Starblaydia put the form book firmly behind the international rankings. A top-notch Starblaydi defence was in place as per usual, but this time it was added to a championship-defending offence to be proud off. Roll on Round Two

Rayzors All the Way, Baby!

Groups For Round 2:

Group A:
#2 Kallalit Nunaat
#4 The Belmore Family
#5 Iansisle
#8 Kaze Progressa
#9 Starblaydia
#22 Trakken


Group B:
#3 The Gulf States
#5 Tanah Burung
#8 Liverpool England
#9 Dennisov
#22 Squornshelous
#22 Esth

Fixtures For Game 1:

Group 1:
Kallalit Nunaat vs Trakken
The Belmore Family vs Kaze Progressa
Iansisle vs Starblaydia

Group 2:
The Gulf States vs Esth
Tanah Burung vs Dennisov
Liverpool England vs Squornshelous

Round 2
Game 1 Results:

Group A:
Kalaallit Nunaat 3-2 Trakken
The Belmore Family 1-2 Kaze Progressa
Iansisle 0-1 Starblaydia

Group B:
The Gulf Sates 2-2 Esth
Tanah Burung 2-1 Dennisov
Liverpool England 1-1 Squornshelous

Middle of Group A with one win from one
Crazy Iansislanders defeated in hard-fought game
It's "Scoop" Ragnarsson, Starblaydia's top Sports Journalist, with all the info from Round 2 of the 6th Cherry Cup

For Starblaydia, playing Iansisle at any sport since our Cherry Cup triumph in the last tournament is always a little surreal. When we display our trophy, or the pennants with '5th Don Cherry Cup - World Champions - Starblaydia' on it, they always seems to think we're making it up. 'Cherry Cups are like Star Trek Movies,' they tell us 'they go straight from 4 to 6!' But they were there, weren't they? Or did their reporters stop bothering and bring out the MiB-style neuralisers when we won?

Despite the Will Smith-inspired craziness, Starblaydia proved they were better than the Iansislanders with a 1-0 win in the first of their Group A games. Starblaydia are also in the group with victorious Kaze Progressa and Kalaallit Nunaat who beat Keh Belmore Family and Trakken respectively.

OOC: Sorry if this uis rubbish, I haven't RPed in 4 weeks due to internet problems.
TBF wake up to loss to kinda-sorta-rival-hingy.

The team we like to beat is Kaze Progressa, we didn't. Infact we were lucky to get one goal, and I'm sure we only got that because their keeper had a bit too much to drink last night.
It came not a surprise that early on in the game the Progressans took the lead. <player 9> smacked the ball beautifully into the corner of the goal just beyond the keepers reach.
The next goal was also from a Progressan who had an open goal when our keeper decided to rush at a fan. He got through the door and started pounding a man in a dark grey suit for no obvious reason. The refree was bemused, and never having seen an incident like this in hockey before could not pass a judgement and when the keeper returned to the ice he let play continue.
This spurred TBF onto their first shot of the game which left the keeper stranded on his line hunmming the Barney song to himself.

Final Score
THE BELMORE FAMILY 1

KAZE PROGRESSA 2

ICE-COOL PROGRESSANS DEFEAT LOCAL RIVALS

With the football team out of their home World Cup and Olympic fever yet to hit Kaza, the Progressan ice hockey stars gave a nation something to celebrate with a 2-1 defeat of supposedly superior neighbours The Belmore Family.

Hazji Vujukin opened the scoring after barely four minutes with a powerful slap-shot right into the bottom corner, before a farcical second goal early in period two where the Belmorian goalkeeper, who remained anonymous for quite good reason, rushed from his goal to assault a Progressan fan. By the time the goalie returned to the ice, the puck was in the net, slotted home by Vujukin. While Alan Johnson responded almost instantly for the Belmorians, that was their only real chance, though their defence remained firm. Even the inevitable goalie-pulling could not create a late goal at either end, leaving the final score 2-1.

The Red-and-White Iceberg smashed through Trakken to win the opener. Hopes are high that this will finally be Kalaallit Nunaat's year to at last bring home that bauble called the Cherry Cup.

Zebedee Nunaak notched two goals and Curley Tugak added a third in the 3-2 triumph.

Nunaak said: Trakken has been a lot stronger than expected. They did well to win Group 3. But they are in the big leagues now. We took 'em down. Old style!

President Susan Aglukark added: This will be our year. I feel it in my bones. I must possess that Cup, wrought by the dwarven lords in their deep fastnesses to adorn the mantlepiece of the Hockey Hall of Fame in Cherrialuit. If we do not win the Cup, then certain players may find themselves fed to the palace walrusses. I have spoken!

by the way, made a cherry cup entry for ns wiki. feel free to edit it. page is at http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Cherry_Cup

Another draw with those Crazy Brits
Only weeks ago, the Squornshelan and Liverpool English football teams met in the World Cup, and each walked away with the feeling that maybe, just maybe they should have scored a goal. Now, their Ice Hockey counterparts met and left the arena only slightly more successfully. Playing the underdog in this matchup, the Squornshelous Ferrets fought Liverpool England to a standstill in their first international hockey game. The Ferrets came out looking like newborn deer: awkward and completely helpless. If it weren't for some missed opportunities by the English and some superb goaltending by Ilya Kasparov, this game would have been over in the first period. As it was, Squornshelous went into the second down by one, and not a little disheartened. However, coach Ragnarsson reminded them of how Liverpool England had done much worse things to opponents in this tournament and the Ferrets came out with a new look in the second. 3:46 minutes in, Markus Nielsen recorded Squornshelous' firrst shot on goal, a harmless wrister from the blue line that the LE keeper easily gloved. It was a start, not a spectacular one, but it was definitely a start. The defense tightened up, allowing fewer shots than in the first, and Kasparov made a fantastic breakaway save to keep the Ferrets within one at the second intermission. At the beginning of the third period, Rakov Lindt won the faceoff for the first time that night, Defenseman Janni Zikov would later admit, "I was very surprised to see the puck come to me." Steadily building their momentum, the Ferrets went over the top midway through the period, after a bit of an altercation that resulted in a fighting penalty for each side, and an additional roughing penalty going against LE. Playing one the powerplay, The Ferrets held the puck in the enemy zone, but couldn't get a clear shot off until Zikov's slapshot from the blue line deflected off of an English defender and rang in off the post. A hushed silence fell over the arena, which was followed by a deafening roar. The home fans and players alike went berserk with their countries first goal in international play.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 1-1 Liverpool England

Scoring Summary:
1st Period:
player: time [LE]
2nd Period:
no scoring
3rd Period:
Zikov: 10:42 [SQ]

We tied who?

That sentiment was pretty much shared in The Gulf States. Hockey's now become the #2 sport in the country, and the national team is as popular as ever. The Gulf States was supposed to be one of the favorites to take home the Cherry Cup - or at least come close again.

And quite frankly, only the diehard hockey fans can remember just who or what the hell Esth is. The awkwardness came along when they tied TGS 2-2 in the first game of the 2nd round of Cherry Cup 6.

Coach Peter McKenzie was quoted after the game: "Yeah. We spent so much time waiting for the first round to end. We just kept practicing drills and practicing drills. We just got into that routine. We didn't have any simulated games for a while, or review any strategies. I don't even think we looked at any footage of their games. We just got retarded and decided to wing it. Don't get us wrong, Esth is a good team. We just got into a rut preparing for this cup. Won't happen again. We need to win a Cup very soon for our country and our fans."

Round 2 Game 2:

Group A:
Kalaallit Nunaat v Iansisle
The Belmore Family v Trakken
Kaze Progressa v Starblaydia

Group B:
The Gulf States v Liverpool England
Tanah Burung v Esth
Dennisov v Squornshelous

Round 2 Game 2 Results:

Group A:
Kallalit Nunaat 3-4 Iansisle
The Belmore Family 1-2 Trakken
Kaze Progressa 3-3 Starblaydia

Group B:
The Gulf Sates 3-5 Liverpool England
Tanah Burung 3-1 Esth
Dennisov 2-2 Squornshelous

Standings After Game 2:

Group A:
Rnk Team P W T L GF GA +/- Pts
1. Kaze Progressa 2 1 1 0 5 4 +1 3
2. Starblaydia 2 1 1 0 4 3 +1 3
3. Kalallit Nunaat 2 1 0 1 6 6 0 2
4. Iansisle 2 1 0 1 4 4 0 2
5. Trakken 2 1 0 1 4 4 0 2
6. The Belmore Family 2 0 0 2 2 4 -2 0


Group B:
Rnk Team P W T L GF GA +/- Pts
1. Tanah Burung 2 2 0 0 5 2 +3 4
2. Liverpool England 2 1 1 0 6 4 +2 3
3. Squornshelous 2 0 2 0 3 3 0 2
4. Dennisov 2 0 1 1 3 4 -1 1
5. The Gulf States 2 0 1 1 5 7 -2 1
6. Esth 2 0 1 1 3 5 -2 1

Starblaydia Uses Dirty Trick
‘“The Final Frontier” was much better than “the Voyage Home!” shouts Razors wing

IANAPALIS, Iansisle -- In perhaps the greatest sports travesty since Mark Langston’s strike was called a ball by the clearly biased Rich Garcia in Game One of the 1998 World Series, Starblaydian winger Ragnar Larsson used the most unholy tactic imaginable to beat the Gulls.

On an even-strength breakaway late in the third with the score 0-0, Larsson shouted “Star Trek V was clearly better than ‘the Voyage Home’ or ‘the Undiscovered Country!’ Sybok is my hero!”

Utterly befuddled by such blasphemy, goalie Sergei Naumov froze for a second, perhaps expecting Larsson to be smitten for heresy. During that briefest of chances, Larsson slapped the puck into the back of the net.

Steve Martinson and the entire Gulls bench was immediately in an uproar.

“Come on, ref!” Martinson was heard to shout, “any reference to the fifth of anything, especially the fifth Star Trek movie, is clearly a foul! He should get two minutes in the box!”

Lineman Rich Garcia disagreed. “He clearly said Star Trek II was better than IV or VI. That’s a perfectly acceptable statement. Everyone loves Ricardo Montalban.”

“But...but Sybok wasn’t even in ‘the Wrath of Khan!’”

Nevertheless, the call stood and Starblaydia skated away with a tainted 1-0 victory. Well, DelusionsofoviouslyfictionalCherryCupVgrandeurblaydia, we’ve only one thing to say: “Yeah, well, double dumbass on you!”

Sportsblurb

Apparently sometime after the Gulls were cheated out of a win by Starblaydia, they beat Kalaallit Nunaat. Huzzah.

Inside the Mind of Ragnar Larsson
Dancing Middle-aged Black Women had big effect on him
It's "Scoop" Ragnarsson, Starblaydia's top Sports Journalist, with all the info from Round 2 of the 6th Cherry Cup

"That was perfectly legal, what I shouted," shouted Ragnar Larsson over the din of the Iansisle Press Pack, "Without going into our playbook too much, 'Star Trek V was clearly better than ‘the Voyage Home’ or ‘the Undiscovered Country'!' is our internal-code for 'Holy Crap I'm going one-on-one with their goalie!', while 'Sybok is my hero!' means ''I can do it! I'm past the Great Barrier of the Defence and wearing the inspiration for Maximus' armour in 'Gladiator'!" he paused for a moment in front of the now silent journalists. "I thought that was obvious. Ah well. Press conference over!"

Kaze Progressa, on the other hand, were less phased by the unorthodox play calls. "Why are all the 'Die Hard' Bad-guys played by English actors?" allowed the Rayzors to sneak a goal while short-handed, dirty vests aside.

With the score tied late in the game at 3-3, Coach Dagmer Cleftjaw's cry from the sidelines of "If you've played any Final Fantasy Five you know you've played too much!" inspired the Starblaydis to, um, not score. At least they didn't concede, however, and sit joint-top of Group A with 3 points from a maximum of 4, tied with Kaze Progressa.

Fixtures for Game 3:

Group A:
Kallalit Nunaat v Starblaydia
The Belmore Family v Iansisle
Kaze Progressa v Trakken

Group B:
The Gulf States v Squornshelous
Tanah Burung v Liverpool England
Dennisov v Esth

After the chocking news of a defeat at the hands of Iansisle, President Susan Aglukark has taken a leave of absence to devote herself to "personal matters."

Sources say the President-for-Life will devote herself to the overthrow of Iansisle's government, the destruction of its way of life and everything the Iansislanders, Iansisleans, Ians or otherwise-named citizens of Iansisle hold dear. A massive program of culling sea gulls from the shores of Greenland has already been initiated. Citizens named Ian are being deported with no right of appeal. It is now illegal to refer to Greenland as an "island." By government decree, it is now a continent. The word shield is also banned. Red Shield Life Assurance has been renamed Red Fiery Death to Iansisle Life Assurance and Marauding Corp. Privateers are being licenced to attack Iansisle ships at sea.

President Aglukark refused to comment for the record.

This has been a report from your patriotic daily newspaper. Death to Iansisle!

Neener Neener Boo Boo!
RIN, Gulls slightly less than concerned by Greenlandic posturing

IANAPALIS, Iansisle -- A joint news conference between the First Sea Lord and the Gulls’ head coach revealed that the United Kingdom of the Shield was slightly less than terrified by the news that Kalaallit Nunaat had declared a crusade against it.

“I’d be pretty pissed if more than eighty per cent of my country was ice,” said Steve Martinson, “but that’s hardly any reason to take it out on us! I mean, we’re liable to bust our guts laughing at this jihad!”

Admiral Sir Hunter Neville Kennington dismissed rumors that Iansisle was considering using ally Walmington on Sea’s Norbray territory as a steppingstone for an invasion of Kalaallit Nunaat.

“No use swatting a fly with a sledgehammer,” said he. “Our current strategy is instead to have one person a day call Susan Aglukark, the president of that humorous nation, make a bad snow-related pun, and then laugh at her until she hangs up. This will be coordinated with a plan to follow up our initial success in the hockey theater by destroying them again in our next meeting.”

This plan was set into motion at that very news conference. J. Gershwald Muddersplut, president of the local chapter of the Gulls Fanclub and Mocking President Aglukark Society, made the historic first call.

“Hello, madame president? Who is this, you ask? A representative of the people who kicked your ice at hockey! Hahahahaha!”

If success continues, Gulls and Admiralty experts are predicting total victory over the dangerous Greenlanders by the time Iansisle hoists the Don Cherry Cup.

The Bear And Clatterbox, Norbray, Walmington on Sea

As indicated by the name's mention of modern wizardry, this was one of the newest public houses in Norbray, and had all mod cons, from a window [boarded-up] to a wireless [surrounded by unemployed hockey stars]. Each time the Gulls played, the little tavern would... turn a loss. This was because the defunct Norbray Red Bears would pile in to listen to the game, and woe betide anybody who spoke up to order a drink while the flimsy contraption lilted commentary in the Walming-tones of Cecil Grant-Timbleton or other such fop-with-nothing-better-to-do.

"What? What the ruddy 'ell's a star trek?"
"Isn' that in America?"
"No, no, they were going t' build it, but we blew 'em up before afore they could start."
"Well, n'wonder t'lad were confssed!"
[tongues cluck]
"Never in our day."
"Aye, aye."

The Red Bears were in agreement about the right and proper way to distract somebody... in the knee, gut, or face.

"Oh well, get last round in and we'll get Ted's trawler out t' Godthab."
"But I think it was Starbla..."
"...Drinks, Whiteside."


(Ahem. Sorry. Don't mind me :) )

Round 2 Game 3 Results:

Group A:
Kallalit Nunaat 3-1 Starblaydia
The Belmore Family 3-0 Iansisle
Kaze Progressa 3-2 Trakken

Group B:
The Gulf Sates 2-0 Squornshelous
Tanah Burung 2-1 Liverpool England
Dennisov 1-5 Esth

Standings After Game 3:

Group A:
Rnk Team P W T L GF GA +/- Pts
1. Kaze Progressa 2 2 1 0 8 6 +2 5
2. Kalallit Nunaat 2 2 0 1 9 7 +2 4
3. Starblaydia 2 1 1 1 5 6 -1 3
4. The Belmore Family 2 1 0 2 5 4 +1 2
5. Trakken 2 1 0 2 6 7 -1 2
6. Iansisle 2 1 0 2 4 7 -3 2


Group B:
Rnk Team P W T L GF GA +/- Pts
1. Tanah Burung 2 3 0 0 7 3 +4 6
2. Esth 2 1 1 1 8 6 +2 3
3. Liverpool England 2 1 1 1 7 6 +1 3
4. The Gulf States 2 1 1 1 7 7 0 3
5. Squornshelous 2 0 2 1 3 5 -2 2
6. Dennisov 2 0 1 2 4 9 -5 1

First Taste of Second Round Defeat
Kalaallit Nunaat defeaat Staarbllaydiaa
It's "Scoop" Ragnarsson, Starblaydia's top Sports Journalist, with all the info from Round 2 of the 6th Cherry Cup

After some lovely plays to earn a Win and a Tie in the first two games, the Starblaydi Rayzors were crushed three to one by the Hockey Demi-Gods of Kalaallit Nunaat. Despite an early Ulfrik Holt score, Starblaydia ended up letting three goals past Gar-Hallad Thunder Goalie Olaf Goodbrother. The Thunder, the current NIHIL Champions, have nearly a whole team present here at the Cherry Cup, including Four in the Rayzors and Centre Cody Norman of Liverpool England.

In other news, some other stuff happened that leaves Starblaydia third in the Group 1 Table with three points.

Undefeated after three matches, sitting comfortably atop their group, fresh off a neat win over Liverpool England, the once-hapless Cassowaries are coming to terms with a new status in international hockey. Contenders, not laughing stocks. Maybe last season wasn't a really good hallucination. Maybe, just maybe, the Cassowaries have the chance to bring back Tanah Burung's first international trophy in a real sport. (Most people don't think "international competitive piercing" is much to boast about.)

"But i liked being a joke," said team mascot Puffy Tarantula. "Hey, let's play the next match nude. Yeah, that'll do the trick."

Fixtures for Game 4

Group A:
Kallalit Nunaat v Kaze Progressa
The Belmore Family v Starblaydia
Iansisle v Trakken

Group B:
The Gulf Sates v Dennisov
Tanah Burung v Squornshelous
Liverpool England v Esth

Round 2 Game 4 Results

Group A:
Kallalit Nunaat 3-0 Kaze Progressa
The Belmore Family 2-0 Starblaydia
Iansisle 5-2 Trakken

Grup B:
The Gulf Sates 6-3 Dennisov
Tanah Burung 3-1 Squornshelous
Liverpool England 1-1 Esth

Standings After Game 4:

qualified teams
eliminated teams

Group A:
Rnk Team P W T L GF GA +/- Pts
1. Kalallit Nunaat 2 3 0 1 12 7 +5 6
2. Kaze Progressa 2 2 1 1 8 9 -1 5
3. The Belmore Family 2 2 0 2 7 4 +3 4
4. Iansisle 2 2 0 2 9 9 0 4
5. Starblaydia 2 1 1 2 5 8 -3 3
6. Trakken 2 1 0 3 8 12 -4 2


Group B:
Rnk Team P W T L GF GA +/- Pts
1. Tanah Burung 2 4 0 0 10 4 +6 8
2. The Gulf States 2 2 1 1 13 10 +3 5
3. Esth 2 1 2 1 9 7 +2 4
4. Liverpool England 2 1 2 1 8 7 +1 4
5. Squornshelous 2 0 2 2 4 8 -4 2
6. Dennisov 2 0 1 3 7 15 -8 1

“I just wanted to share with you one of our old folk sayings, President Aglukark,” internationally famous (overweight, cocaine addicted, and aging) star of the silver screen Kirk Valoon was saying, “As they say among my people, avalanche is better than none! Hahahahahaha!”

But there was no joy in his voice and his laughter was even flatter than when it was playing at a moving-picture house. The Gulls were last in their division, right on the verge of elimination after losing to the Belmore family - the Belmore Family, for chrissake! - shares of Iansisean International Polar Circle Shipping Inc. (IIPCS, check for it in your local papers!) were down, and it looked as if Susan would have the last laugh after all.

Suddenly!

“We’ve beaten Trakken!” laughed a random extra, somersaulting into the room. “5-2!”

“Hooray!” cried Valoon, for that was indeed merry news. “How do we sit in the division?”

“Above Starblaydia,” reported the extra, to a laugh of glee from Valoon, “but well below the thrice-damned Greenlanders, and some others.”

“How many games are left?” asked Valoon, who was ignorant of such things.

“Just one, methinks,” said the extra. “The schedule is most confusing.”

“And how many qualify?”

“Erm, probably two. Might be three, for all I know. Or something else.” The extra scratched his head. He didn’t like hard questions. Now he wasn’t so sure he was happy.

“So...we’re not eliminated, then?” asked Valoon.

“No!” replied the extra. THAT one he knew.

And so they rejoiced through the night.

"Sir?"

"Yes?"

"Sir, we desperately need a few wins."

"How many points are we off the pace, and how many games do we still play?"

"Sir, we can qualify with a win on our final day."

"Who are we playing?"

"Sir, Dennisov. They're last and have been eliminated."

"What was our result today?"

"1-1, Sir. Esth."

"Where are they and do they pose a threat to qualification?"

"Sir, they're tied with us on 4 points. They do pose a threat."

"Who's with 5 points?"

"The Gulf States, Sir."

"Well, see to it we qualify."

"Yes, Sir."

“I just wanted to share with you one of our old folk sayings, President Aglukark,” internationally famous (overweight, cocaine addicted, and aging) star of the silver screen Kirk Valoon was saying, “As they say among my people, avalanche is better than none! Hahahahahaha!”

((aarrgh! you've gone too far!))

Tensions were escalating sharply in the Hockey War between Iansisle and Kalaallit Nunaat. It was alarming, to say the least. First the Greenlanders had threatened piracy against Iansisle's navy (reportedly, one of the finest in the world) and now the Shieldians were deploying scatter-gun punnery in response. And so Tanah Burung's diplomatic corps creaked into action and deployed a crack squad of its elite mediators-by-irritation.

A woman dressed in an assortment of unwashed but brightly-coloured rags fastened a string of bells around her ankle and pulled her stringy hair back with a hemp head-band. "Tie" Di Harmonic-Convergence da Sousa clambered up on to the stage and began her news conference. "We appeal to both sides in this conflict for restraint," she said. "We would hate to see any further dissension between our esteemed trade partners from the God-forsaken frozen wastelands and our valued friends from the Gull-infested lands of the Shield. I appeal to everyone involved to put down their arms. And these puns, they have to stop. Won't someone, please, think of the children?

"We offer our mediation services to both sides. And i promise, you'd be well advised to accept this offer. Otherwise, we will continue to repeat our offer again and again until you want to gnaw off your own legs.

"My last word is to the people of Squornshellous. What a fine tournament you've run. What fun it's been. I see that you have been elimated by the Tanah Burung Cassowaries, who i had been given to understand were nothing but a bunch of goons and drug addicts who agreed to play hockey for our country in order to keep the prison population down. I feel your pain on this sad day for Squornshellous, and i wish to offer an official apology to your country for winning, on behalf of my government." She smiled. "I look forward to the opportuntiy to offer more apologies in the days to come."

For clarification:

There is (1) game remaining in the second round, the top two teams from each group will advance to a single game playoff. The top team from Group A will play the second place team from Group B and vice versa, then, the winners of those two games will play each other for the cup. The losers will play for third place.

Sqournshelous on a cold streak
Second consecutive loss eliminate Ferrets from competition
A sad day in Squornshelous, the Ferrets went down in defeat against Group Leaders Tanah Burung. This loss placed qualification for the Ferrets beyond reach, and left us in 5th place in Group B. Our only hope now is to play spoiler and defeat fellow newcomers Esth, who are still in contention for the second place spot.

Fixtures for Game 5:

Group A:
Kalaallit Nunaat v The Belmore Family
Iansisle v Kaze Progressa
Starblaydia v Trakken

Group B:
The Gulf States v Tanah Burung
Liverpool England v Dennisov
Squornshelous v Esth

Also, one minor edit, Starblaydia, although not mathematically eliminated, are eliminated because no possible combination of wins and losses will result in them having anything more than 3rd place.

Round 2 Game 5 Results:

Group A:
Kallalit Nunaat 4-0 The Belmore Family
Iansisle 3-5 Kaze Progressa
Starblaydia 0-0 Trakken

Group B:
The Gulf States 6-2 Tanah Burung
Liverpool England 3-1 Dennisov
Squornshelous 3-2 Esth

Standings After Game 5:

qualified teams
eliminated teams

Group A:
Rnk Team P W T L GF GA +/- Pts
1. Kalallit Nunaat 2 4 0 1 16 7 +9 8
2. Kaze Progressa 2 3 1 1 13 12 +1 7
3. The Belmore Family 2 2 0 3 7 8 -1 4
4. Iansisle 2 2 0 3 12 14 -2 4
5. Starblaydia 2 1 2 2 5 8 -3 4
6. Trakken 2 1 1 3 8 12 -4 3


Group B:
Rnk Team P W T L GF GA +/- Pts
1. Tanah Burung 2 4 0 1 12 10 +2 8
2. The Gulf States 2 3 1 1 19 12 +7 7
3. Liverpool England 2 2 2 1 11 8 +3 6
4. Esth 2 1 2 2 11 10 +1 4
5. Squornshelous 2 1 2 2 7 10 -3 4
6. Dennisov 2 0 1 4 8 18 -10 1

Gulls Humble in Defeat

With the news that Iansisle’s quest for the Sixth Cherry Cup was over, Iansisleans and the Gulls retired quietly and with the dignity typical of their great country.

“Great tournament,” said Steve Martinson. “Shame it had to end this way, but there you have it.

“We wish the best of luck to all the teams in the next round. Except in Kalallit Nunaat. May they burn in the hottest circle of hell. And the Gulf States, for cursing at random. And Kaze Progressa, for beating us. And Tanah Burung, for not appreciating our puns. May all four of them lose and be ostracized by their family and loved ones.

“In fact,” Martinson said, “I’ve only got one thing to say: a big [raspberry noise] to this whole thing! I hate my life and I hate all of you! I’m taking my puck and going home.

“But before I go, I’ve only one thing to say to ‘Tie’ Di Harmonic-Convergence da Sousa: We’ll end our war. It SNOW big deal because we only have ICE for you!”

No one laughed

“Bother with Don Cherry and his trumpet and his cup and Greenland!” shouted Martinson furiously. “I’ve got better sports to play, by myself, where they appreciate me more!”

Martinson then stormed out of the conference room, slamming the door behind him. Hotel workers report that his pillow was stained with tears.

((it should be noted that this entire post was IC. I just want to thank, oocly, Squor for running such a great tourney and KN, TB, Star, and everyone else for being so much fun. Best of luck to the finalists; cheers to everyone, and I'll see you in CC7!))

((You know i love your puns, Ian dear. Now, let us never speak of this again.))

For the Cassowaries, already guaranteed top spot in the group and a place in the semi-finals, it was a meaningless match. The Gulf States needed the win to move on ahead of Liverpool England, and they went all out for it.

"Six to two, though? That's an embarassment of Cherry Cups 1 through 4 proportions," said Zach the Superfan, waving a foam rubber cut-out of a flightless bird. "We're supposed to be good now!"

The result means The Gulf States move on to face the Cup's most self-confident side, Kalaallit Nunaat. Tanah Burung backed into a match-up with Kaze Progressa. Hockey analysts speculate that the air of Squornshellous is especially favourable to countries with more than one word in their name. "Yeah baby, the harder to spell the better," said Zach the Superscientist. (Shome mishtake, shurely? -- ed.)

Asked about the next opponent, Zach had this to say: "They're a fine team, i think. Honestly, i would have loved to have faced Iansisle, since we managed to beat them back when we couldn't even tie our own shoelaces. Er, skatelaces, i guess. I guess they just needed more offence, maybe a few more COLDscorers! Heh heh. Hey, don't hit me. No, please, don--"

Starblaydia (3-1), Kaze Progressa (3-0) and the Belmour Family (4-0) were dismissed like so many minnows beneath the crushing force of the Red and White Iceberg. President Aglukark, if she could be located, would no doubt scoff at their miniscule talents. Yet the president is well into her final madness. Last seen harpooning an innocent sea gull and cackling 'death to meddling mediators,' she is not expected back until the entire iansislean nation offers reparations for the blow suffered to Greenland pride by their impertinent defeat of Kalaalit Nunaat's finest.

Acting prime minister Curley Tungaak meanwhile introduced a new national coat of arms. It features a motif of a dead gull superimposed on a mound of dead gulls and the immortal and timeless legend 'Sandiego Suckus.' The prime minister said: 'Thanks to Kaze Progresa for beating the archfiends, but we'll have to be slaughtering you now. Vote Tungaak!'

First or .... something .... yeah, that's it.

The Gulf States hockey team has once again advanced into the Semifinals of the Cherry Cup tournament. And once again, fans are anticipating the results of the upcoming games.

Head Coach Brian Stephenson:
"Every game matters now. Every game, we must win. Our fans have been wanting a Cherry Cup so badly. Hockey is the second most popular sport in The Gulf States, but we want to be the first team to bring a world championship to TGS. Our fans deserve the Cherry Cup as much as these players. We gone so far, come up short more times than the Buffalo Bills. It's ridiculous. This year we plan to change all that. We believe we can beat anyone left in our path and become the best on the ice. Kaallit, Tanah, Kaze. None of them scare us, we don't fear them. They're all good teams. It's just our mission to give blood, sweat, tears, and all on that ice.

You promise to only leave those three bodily substances on the ice though, right? Nothing icky, like lymph.

Way to completely miss the point.

((Way to completely miss the joke.))

Headline newsreel!
All the propaganda we see fit to let you in on!

*picture of a stately university, with ivy covered professors in ivy covered halls†*

Anchor: Royal Standard University! Beating heart of a thriving academic empire!

*cut to stock picture of Zach from Tanah Burung*

This man, Zach, has been offered a job in RSU's Department of Puns, Hockey, and Star Trek! He is from Tanah Burung, with a last name as mysterious as his past!

*cut to Dean of Punology at RSU*

"We feel that Zach would make the perfect addition to our department. That is why we decided to offer him an honorary doctorate in both Punology and Hockey Studies if he will come join our institution."

*cut to jungles of Loro Sae*

So far, RSU has been unable to contact Zach, but the massive search continues!

*stock footage of rescue boats, Saint Bernards, fire brigades, and police officers*

The military in particular is interested in seeing Zach safely installed at the University!

*cut to First Sea Lord*

"After the Gulls failed to qualify for the finals, we fear that we may lose ground to a resurgent Kalaallit Nunaat. Our sources have indicated that future Cherry Cups will be awarded on the merit of how hard a country's name is to spell. Iansisle has a tricky 's' in the middle that a lot of people miss, but it won't be enough against the Greenlandic menace!

“We have to pound them NOW, and we can only do that by hiring the most skilled professionals. Zach, if you can hear me, please take the job. The fate of the temperate world depends upon it!"

*back to shot of jungles of Loro Sae*

And so the search goes on! We will bring you further developments as events warrant! Now please, sit back and enjoy the latest installment of Captain Diamond, Man of Right!, followed by our feature presentation!

-----

† - I'll give a cookie if someone can name me the artist and song.

Semifinal Fixtures:

Kalallit Nunaat vs The Gulf States

Tanah Burung vs Kaze Progressa

Semifinal Results:

Kalaallit Nunaat 4-3 The Gulf States

Tanah Burung 2-0 Kaze Progressa


Third Place Game:

The Gulf States vs. Kaze Progressa

Third place just means 2nd best f***up. The Gulf States hockey team lost to the K. Nunaat squad 4-3 in the semis of the Cherry Cup tournament. Once again, the nation is disappointed with the poor showing. Canada, most of which is a part of TGS, was the most dominant hockey nation in the planet. Now, it's been taken over time and time again by countries like Starblaydia, K. Nunaat, and Kaze Progressa. The Gulf States team has never won the Cherry Cup - but will have to wait till next time (again.)

Ian McDaniels, bench forward: "I think I speak for the entire team. We want the Cherry Cup. We want it badly. We can't keep finishing third time and time again. It's like we're the Red Sox. Just short all the time, how long did that last? We got to win something soon. Our fans, our nation, my teammates, we can't let ourselves keep in this rut. One year, it's our year. There's always next year, I hope Cup 7 is ours.

Reporter: You know there's one more game left. You got to beat Kaze Progressa to get 3rd place.

McDaniels: I know. We're not going to let them push over us. We got to make an impact, give 100% in every game. Perhaps we can send a message now, that we will be ready for anyone that wants to challenge us. We are one of the best hockey teams in the world, and we just want to become the best. We got too much pride in ourselves to throw a game away. Besides, bronze betta den nuttin. *laughs*

TB in second consecutive Final Shock Horror!

Third Place Game Result:

The Gulf States 1-0 Kaze Progressa

Congratulations to The Gulf States on their Third Place finish.

The Final:

Kalaallit Nunaat vs. Tanah Burung

(I got the point TGS. Sometimes i post a bad joke. Well, quite often, actually.)

When it happened last Cup, many of Tanah Burung's players were all too ready to believe that their second-place finish was a fluke. A hallucination, really. But the ungainly pill-popping Cassowaries find, to their surprise, that once again they have lurched into a championship match.

This time, the ticket to the final came courtesy of a 2-0 win over Kaze Progressa, marred only briefly when Zach the Defenceman tried to snort the blue line. "I was so excited to be offered a teaching job in Ian's aisle," he said, somehow managing to mispell while speaking.

The competition for the Cherry Cup, though, could not be tougher. The hockey team from Greenland has oodles of experience, class, poise, speed, talent and all-round good looks. ;) They are ranked number one and favoured to win the Cup which they created. And yet the Cassowaries are in with a chance: after all, Kalaallit Nunaat has qualified for the finals many times, yet never managed to win their own Cup. Seems like carelessness, really.

By the way, sign up for the next installment at http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=368545

The Progressans ultimately fell apart, as expected, though doing so to Tanah Burung in a 2-0 defeat was slightly humiliating as this side has barely deserved (in raw skill anyway) two consecutive appearances in the final. But the dream of the underdog won out over raw ability, and then the Gulf States secured third place with a 1-0 win.

But this was a fine tournament for the Progressans who did not expect to make it this far. With the country's eyes off the Cherry Cup this time with the World Cup and Olympics taking place on home soil, there were pleasant surprises for those fans that watched. Until the semi-finals, anyway.

The Progressans will be back. Manager Jaulinta Rantolani will not, though - he has retired and will be replaced, probably by Quaza Vabuzo.

Tanah Burung? President aglukark howled with derisive laughter, and added more ketcup to her seagull.

Final Results:

Kalaallit Nunaat 1-3 Tanah Burung

Thanks to everyone for participating, its been a great tournament. Congrats to TB, Kalaallit Nunaat, I know exactly how you feel, I've been there.

From the sweltering jungles of Loro Sae, to the humid beaches of Tiga Burung, the cry went up.

"Zowie! We won a Cup!"

It's an even greater surprise, given that there are still only five working ice rinks in Tanah Burung. But the Jamaican bobsledders of the Cherry Cup have gone from dunderheaded laughing-stocks to champions. An they did it by defeating the founders of this Cup by a rather handy 3-1 score.

Analysts suspect steroid use by the Cassowaries may be behind this modern-day miracle on ice. Team officials were uncharacteristically tight-lipped on the point. "I deny all knowledge of how [goalkeeper] Mau Sumo grew to become as large as a hockey net," said Zach the Chemist.

Mau Sumo's enormous bulk has been credited for the Cassowaries' strong defensive record. That explains why they only allowed one goal by Kalaallit Nunaat, but everyone is at a loss to explain how they managed three goals against the top-ranked team in hockey.

Defence officials are on high alert against retaliatory strikes by the defeated Greenlanders, or at least by their insane leader. "We really respect the people of Kalaallit Nunant and would like to offer each and every one of them a gambling holiday," said Bi Kikere, people's representative for territorial defence & sports. "In fact, since Don Cherry is a racist blowhard with the fashion sense of a potato beetle, we'd like to suggest the Cup be renamed. Something nice, like the Susan Aglukark Cup."

The Cassowaries expressed their thanks to the organizing committee from Squornshellous for a great Cup and their sincere apologies for any damage caused to the dressing room.