NationStates Jolt Archive

Finally! We have thirty-two sides from across the NationStates world to send in their million wong entry fee to come to Melmond and play in this winner take all elimination tournament which seems to have become surrogate champions league as that tournament has been dormant for a while. The rankings and schedules have been calcuated. Here are the first matchups!

Melmond City Bracket
Matches in Makinshakes Stadium, O'Connor
#1 Barcoenfuego (Kingsford) v #8 Megalopolis City FC (Oglethorpia)
#4 Strike FC (Vilita) v #5 Melmond City Blues (Melmond)
Matches in Bwnlqjd Knjgi, Wzkknfs Hnyd
#2 Cornellby City (Audioslavia) v #7 Folenisa (Liverpool England)
#3 Parkville (NEWI Cefn Druids) v #6 Wurtherington Wanderers (Giant Zucchini)

Acosta Bracket
Matches in MPNK Stadium, Faasen
#1 Marauding FC (Giant Zucchini) v #8 Likh'gokh K'druz'ba (Cockbill Street)
#4 Iskara Daii (Starblaydia) v #5 Mackintosh Thistle Celtic (The Weegies)
Matches in Xpress Counsel Field, Cali
#2 Acosta Browns (Melmond) v #7 High Mountain Buffalo (Bedistan)
#3 Cali Purples (Melmond) v #6 Hundon FC (Bedistan)

Aldi Bracket
Matches in Panther Pilsner Park, Bezrukova
#1 Marine Coast United (Vilita) v #8 Highlanders (The Lowland Clans)
#4 Aldi Reds (Melmond) v #5 PARANOiA UNiTED (Dance 2 Revolution)
Matches in White Bread Dome, Suburbia
#2 Prehistoric FC (Giant Zucchini) v #7 Vaje~n Sekhika (Rejistania)
#3 Hades Lavamje (Rejistania) v #6 Jamaica Giants (Bedistan)

Unne Bracket
Matches in Lifedonations Stadium, Morales
#1 Yeaddin Owls (Vilita) v #8 Beesburg (NEWI Cefn Druids)
#4 Raiden FC (Audioslavia) v #5 Elliston (Krytenia)
Matches in MelAir Park, Lee
#2 Trotting Pinwheel (Kingsford) v #7 Hetlasane Hetkali (Rejistania)
#3 Unne Yellows (Melmond) v #6 Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati (Rejistania)

Stadiums to be in Use

Melmond Bowl
Location: Melmond City, Melmond
Seats: 92,542 (Open Air)

Melmond City is the capital and largest city in Melmond. The United Postmodernist States of Melmond grew from this ancient city which was said to be visited by the mythical light warriors. Anything and everything happens in the megalopolis known as Melmond City. The Melmond Bowl was built so that Melmond would have a national stadium of sorts as well as have a centerpiece stadium for a World Cup bid. It was built with football first at mind as it is the home of the 4-time Melmond Premier League champion Melmond City Blues. However, it also hosts events like the Exclusive Capitalizt Zone Olympics as well as many other athletic and non-athletic events. The stadium itself has a throwback bowl shape, but with all the modern amenities of skyboxes, a jumbotron, and lots and lots of restrooms for the 92,542 who can fit into the stadium.

Microcosm Football Colossuseum
Location: Aldi, Melmond
Seats: 97,474 (Open Air)

Aldi is the second largest city in Melmond and is on the coast of the Aldi Sea. It is known for its beautiful weather and gnarly surfing. However, this town does seem to have an inferiority complex to the larger Melmond City and the more glamourous Unne. One sign of this complex is that the city of Aldi felt it had to build a bigger stadium than Melmond City to still look like a world-class city. With that and the sinister brainchild of Microcosm of Melmond, the Microcosm Football Colossuseum was built by those subconsciously hypnotized by the talking dolls made by the company and Matmel which brought people from other cities in Melmond and far away places like Bedistan and Commerce Heights to build this monolith for free.
This stadium is the home of the Melmond Premier League club Aldi Reds. The stadium is in the shape of the most perfect circle a sentient being can create. However, the pitch is in your traditional rectangular shape to keep the fans near the action. Of course, being that Microcosm of Melmond is the sponsor of the stadium, this is one of the most hi-tech stadiums with air-conditioned stands and two jumbotrons. Of course as with any prerequisite for a stadium this size, lots and lots of bathrooms!

Feliz-Unne Stadium
Location: Unne, Melmond
Seats: 48,000 (Open Air)

The city of Unne is Melmond’s third largest city and is said to be the most fashionable city in the nation. The city was named after the famous Dr. Unne, in which Melmondian legend claims that he taught the Light Warriors an ancient language which helped rid the world from Chaos (the evil being, not the concept). Descendants of the Unne family make their home in Unne and are a sort of unofficial royalty in Melmond. Four members of the Unne family: Critandi, Gina, and Diallo have played the for Melmond. Feliz-Unne Stadium is one of the few football-specific stadiums in Melmond as it was built due to the success Melmond had in the Cup of Harmony also along with success the Unne Yellows club team had. They expanded the smaller Feliz Stadium by 30,000 seats. It was funded by the Unne family, hence the name. Seats are almost right on top of the pitch, and in the humid climate of Unne, it can make opponents claustrophobic. This also makes it a large yet intimate venue for world class football. Some of the closer seats to the pitch actually retract in to make room for the track field which is around the stadium. Some of the old section of the stadium was maintained and is an excellent spot to watch the match.

Makinshakes Stadium
Location: O'Connor, Melmond
Seats: 60,217 (Open Air)

The city of O’Connor is Melmond’s fourth largest city. It is the big city hub which is smack dab in the middle of the Melmondian fertile plain. O’Connor is also the heart of the largest industry in Melmond, the book publishing industry. However, it was Melmondian fast food giant Makinshakes who bought the naming rights of this new football-specific stadium. It is a very versatile stadium which can host things from hockey games or a regional favorite like American football. Football is its number one client however as O’Connor Greens of the Melmond Premier League calls the stadium home. This stadium doesn’t have some of the fancy amenities new stadiums like Melmond Bowl and Microcosm Football Colossuseum have, all it has in technology is a jumbotron, but it has a blue-collar beauty to it that the people of O’Connor love to call their own. Of course, having Makinshakes being the sponsor of the stadium, expect good food at the concession stands as well as the famous sandwich of O’Connor, the Big O. It is also said that the city of O’Connor has one of the most beautiful skies In Melmond.

MPNK Stadium
Location: Faasen, Melmond
Seats: 58,750 (Open Air)

Faasen is Melmond’s fifth largest city and is more known for its music scene rather than its sports. Faasen is known as the place that spawned international music legends such as the Lying Eyes, Neurotransmitter Frequency, Alice Millie, and new sensations Entry. Sports it is not at all the known for. MPNK Stadium was built during the rush of popularity of the Batter Up Baseball League and is mainly funded by Faasen media giant MPNK. MPNK just started up as a punk and ska radio station in the Faasen area and just grew to be a media giant in the nation. MPNK stadium is the home of the Faasen baseball team as well as the Faasen Oranges club team. Nothing remarkable about it as a stadium, but it is a memorable place for baseball moments.

Xpress Counsel Field
Location: Cali, Melmond
Seats: 37,500 (Open Air)

Cali is Melmond’s sixth largest city and while Unne is said to be the most fashionable city, Cali is said to have the most fashionable people. Cali is the heart of Melmond’s movie and fashion industries and not very known for its support of sports. However, it being the sixth largest city in Melmond got a new stadium built in the Batter Up Baseball League boom of popularity. Xpress Counsel Field is obviously sponsored by Xpress Counsel, a firm in which makeovers are common, fashion wise and psychologically. The stadium houses the Cali baseball team and the cellar dwelling Cali Purples of the Melmond Premier League. In case anyone gets injured Cali has good hospitals as Theys Eluay could attest to.

Frankndottir Stadium
Location: Acosta, Melmond
Seats: 42,176 (Open Air)

Acosta is Melmond’s seventh largest city and possibly one of Melmond’s most majestic cities. Acosta’s crystal clear skies and its glacial and mountainous background make it a tourist attraction for nature lovers. Finally, Acosta football fans can enjoy that grandeur from their own outdoor football specific stadium. Frankdottir Stadium was a stadium where many college and semi-pro sports events happened. It got a facelift and five times the seating so the Melmond Premier League’s Acosta Browns can make their home there. It will be expanded from 37,176 to 42,176 seats if Commerce Heights and Melmond get the right to host the World Cup. The retractable seats near the pitch are also used in the newer stands of Frankdottir Stadium just like Unne’s Feliz-Unne Stadium, also because track events are also held at Frankndottir Stadium. It’s not the overbearing intimacy of Feliz-Unne, but this stadium has a scenic background that is second to none.

Lifedonations Stadium
Location: Morales, Melmond
Seats: 33,550 (Open Air)

Morales is the 8th largest city in Melmond and has been made famous by the macabre novels of Orphan Saffron in which Morales was the location. Lifedonations Stadium is one of the many stadiums built during the uprise in the popularity of the Batter Up Baseball League. It was originally meant for baseball only, but once the Melmond Premier League started up, the Morales Blacks used the stadium in the off-season.

White Bread Dome
Location: Suburbia, Melmond
Seats: 42,122 (Domed)

The city of Suburbia is the ninth biggest city in Melmond and is one of the home Suburbia Whites of the Melmond Premier League. The White Bread Dome was built with football in mind, but it is also very useful for the many concerts and conventions that come by Suburbia. It is an architectural marvel as the White Bread Dome has natural grass. What happens is that parts of the stands retract as the grass field is wheeled into the stadium. The grass grows just outside of the stadium and can be used for local kids to play on! The city of Suburbia itself was made as many of the northern suburbs of Melmond City conglomerated into one. The place is mainly made up of strip malls, car dealerships, and suburban homes. However, the construction of the White Bread Dome is the city’s effort to have a cosmopolitan heart of town. So far it has succeeded, as the marvel of the stadium itself has drawn people near it and it has a good bird’s eye outlook of the endless expanse of commerce which is the city of Suburbia. This is certainly the most futuristic and high tech stadium of them all and since it is sponsored by the White Bread Baking Company, there is an excellent bakery within the dome’s premises.

MelAir Park
Location: Lee, Melmond
Seats: 32,001 (Open Air)

The city of Lee is the 10th largest city in Melmond. It is in the hot southern plain region of Melmond, a place known for cow grazing and your Melmondian cowboy. Needless to say great steaks are found here. This is also the home of Melmond’s leading airline, MelAir as Lee International Airport is one of the busiest in Melmond as it is a favorite stop for transfer flights. Also, just outside sunny Lee, Melmond’s soda bottle shaped rockets are sent into space. The stadium MelAir Park itself was built for the Batter-Up Baseball League team in Lee. It is a rather quaint yet state of the art stadium. It should be a crowded pitch as it is by far the smallest in terms of area among the stadiums used for the Melmond Club Eliminational Invitational.

Bwnlqjd Knjgi
Location: Wzkknfs Hnyd, Melmond
Seats: 50,024 (Open Air)

The region formerly known as Ruffia and now nown as Wzkknf finally has a major sporting stadium to call its own in its capital of Wzkknfs Hnyd. The Wzkknf region may be techinically part of Melmond and there are no wishes for independence as they are rather happy of the unobtrusive Melmondian rule, this stadium is like a national stadium in a region which has its unique culture unto its own. The world famous gum company based in Wzkknfs Hynd, Bwnlqjd, put in a lot of their own money in this stadium. The stadium itself has a cover for all the seats so they do not get wet, unless you want to be really close to the action where retractable seating is used as this stadium can be also used for track and field as well as football. Wzkknfs Hnyd is Melmond's eleventh largest city and has boasted such Melmondian football players as Snhp Xtfuinxm and Fwynj Otsjx.

Panther Pilsner Park
Location: Bezrukova, Melmond
Seats: 33,365 (Open Air)

Bezrukova is the 12th largest city in Melmond and is known for their rather green friendly urban planning as both nature and the needs of a major city are beautifully met in this city. The new stadium built in Bezrukova also incorporates the blend of human innovation and Mother nature. However, this new stadium was intended to be baseball-only and it is a big surprise for most people in the nation that they are getting a team in the Melmond Premier League. So until they find a football-specific home, they will play at the brand new Panther Pilsner Park, sponsored by one of the few beermakers who are actually decent in Melmond.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/sports/teams/marine/logo.gif


VILITAN STELLAR:
Champions - ( S2 )
Runners-Up - ( S1, S3 )

VILITAN CUP:
Champions - ( S1, S3 )

TROPICAL TROPHY:
Champions - ( S1 )
Runners-Up - ( S2 )


-------------------Marine Coast has a strong history of League Performance in Vilita. Since the Formation of the Vilitan League, they have finished no worse than 2nd, and their goal differential frequently equals or exceeds their goals conceded. They missed out on the Stellar Division title in season one on the last day to Yeaddin Owls, before pipping the Owls to the title in Season Two. But Yeaddin fought back to reclaim the title in Season Three. However, Marine Coast has never been without Silverware, as since the creation of the Vilitan League system, they have twice won the Vilitan Cup, each victory coming in season that they had lost out to Yeaddin Owls in the league. Both Vilitan Cup victories came against Turori's Cednia Beach AFC. Coast have also competed in the Tropical Trophy, played at the conclusion of each season between the Champions of the League, and the Champions of the Vilitan Cup. Marine defeated Yeaddin 4-2 to win the first tropical trophy, but after leading 3-2 into the last 10 mintues, Marine collapsed against Vilitan Cup champions Tivali City when Hluali Mijatos and the now retired Manolis Lebe scored in the final 10 minutes to give the Trophy to Tivali. This years Tropical Trophy between Marine and Yeaddin will be held at the completion of the Melmond Club Invitational.


::Club Records::

LARGEST VICTORY:
( 5-0 ) v. Mliona-Lpaka - Vilitan Cup (S1)

LARGEST DEFEAT:
( 0-3 ) v. Tivali City - Vilitan Cup (S3)

HIGHEST SCORING MATCH:
( 5-5 ) v. Cednia Beach - Vilitan Stellar (S1)

CONSECUTIVE VICTORIES:
( 14 ) - Season 3

CONSECUTIVE UNBEATEN:
( 16 ) - Season 3

CONSECUTIVE DEFEATS:
( 4 ) - Season 3

CONSECUTIVE WINLESS:
( 7 ) - Season 3


----------------The 5-5 Draw with Cednia Beach at the Cednia Beach Center in Turori in the middle of the Inagural Vilitan League Season will go down as one of the matches that catapulted the league into what it is today. The only 10 Minute period of the game where no goals were score was the final 10, after a Keiaon Akita goal in the 78th minute for Cednia Beach levelled the scores at 5. Cednia Beach had opened the scoring 9 Minutes in, but it took Baron O'Toole just 9 more to equalize for Marine Coast. Then it was Jim Vella putting Marine back in front another 8 minutes later. Yet another 8 minutes passed before Cednia Beach tied the match to the delight of the home support, but Baron O'Toole's second of the match from the ensuing restart quited the Cednia faithful. Mailano Mumamba would have none of that however, as he converted a beautfil free kick less than 5 minutes later to send the match level into the half. Cednia took an improbable lead 5 minutes into the half, but Jim Vella quickly set the match level at 4. It was Baron O'Toole who scored the first hat trick for Marine Coast, before Akita's late leveller launced Cednia Beach into the limelight, taking them from a Relegation threatened team, to a well supported Vilitan Cup Finalist.

::Individual Records::

MOST ALL TIME APPEARANCES:
Rory Issah - (77) - Season 1-3

ALL TIME GOALSCORER:
Callum Banda - (56) - Season 1-3

GOALS IN A SEASON:
Jim Vella - (31) - Season 3

YOUNGEST PLAYER
Malovar Stokks - (17 Years) - Season 2

OLDEST PLAYER
Rikkia Mani - (40 Years) - Season 3

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/kpv/s-mar.gif

Marine Coast Recognized Internationals with International Statistics:

GOALKEEPERS:

[ 82 ] Rory Issah [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- GK ( AGE: 36 GOALS::SR: U21: REG: )


DEFENDERS:

[ 2 ] Enzo Ahat [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- D RC ( AGE: 29 GOALS::SR: 2 U21: 0 REG: 0 )
Textbook Central Defender beginning to hit World Class form, a regular on the National Team

[ 4 ] Giacomo Adika [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- D/DM LC ( AGE: 30 GOALS::SR: 4 U21: 0 REG: 0 )
Left Wing Back for his club, Centre back along side teamate Ahat for the National Team

[ 7 ] Danilo Liguori [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- D LC ( AGE: 23 GOALS::SR: 0 U21: 1 REG: 0 )
Future star of Vilitan Football, if injuries don't impede his progress, Broke into the National Team during World Cup 14 and has climbed to the Top of the Depth Chart at Left Back thanks to a series of impressive performances at the U21wc3.

[ 64 ] Sibusiso Azaïez [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- D C (SW) ( AGE: 19 GOALS::SR: U21: REG: )

[ 1 ] Elekim Cairns [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- D RC ( AGE: 34 GOALS::SR: 1 U21: 0 REG: 1 )
Trustworthy WingBack who was influential in the National Team prior to their entrance into the Inter Nation-Statal scene. Retring from Internationstatal Level after World Cup 16.

DEFENSIVE MID:

[ 32 ] Jürgen Ramzi [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- DM C ( AGE: 30 GOALS::SR: 6 U21: 0 REG: 0 )
Defensive Midfielder, not selected for World Cup 13 do to injury. Took up a role behind the central midfielders in a strong World Cup 14 Qualifying showing by the Jungle Cats and has retained his place in the side. Will assume Captaincy of Marine Coast following the departure of Kecker.

MIDFIELDERS:

[ 27 ] Jonathon Baledrokadroka [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- M RC ( AGE: 28 GOALS::SR: 5 U21: 0 REG: 0 )
Right/Central Midfielder used in a rotate-by-performance system on the Vilitan National Team.

[ 108 ] Baron O'Toole [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- M RC ( AGE: 35 GOALS::SR: 1 U21: 0 REG: 0 )
Player/Manager of Club Marine Coast United and the Jungle Cat U21 side

[ 27 ] Cuolia Tuirma [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- M RC ( AGE: 23 GOALS::SR: U21: REG: )
Turori International Captain

[ 24 ] Christian Dogbé [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- M LC ( AGE: 31 GOALS::SR: 2 U21: 0 REG: 0 )
Lost Left Midfield starting role following World Cup 13 and has not returned to the starting lineup since. Captain of his club side.

FORWARDS:

[ 16 ] Callum Banda [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 24 GOALS::SR: 27 U21: 6 REG: 0 )
Sensational Striker averaging over a goal per game in the U21's remarkable Runner-Up performances in U21 WC3. First Appeared for the National team in World Cup 13 and scored the Jungle Cats first ever goal in Inter-NationStatal Competition in the 2-1 over

[ 18 ] Jim Vella [ - Marine Coast United - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 29 GOALS::SR: 5 U21: 0 REG: 1 )
Impressive, Undervalued strike partner of Callum Banda at Marine Coast United

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/sports/teams/yeaddin/logo.gif


VILITAN STELLAR:
Champions - ( S1, S3, S5, S6, S7, S8, S9, S10 )
Runners-Up - ( S2 )

VILITAN CUP:
Champions - ( S5, S6, S9, S10 )
Runners-Up - ( S2, S4 )

TROPICAL TROPHY:
Champions - ( S3, S7, S8, S10 )
Runners-Up - ( S1, S5, S6, S9 )


-------------------Yeaddin Owls have consistently been one of the best teams in Vilita. However, it was a major upset when Yeaddin pipped Marine Coast United to the inagural Vilitan League Title. Marine got one over on Yeaddin though at the end of the season, when Marine out-dueled Yeaddin to the Tropical Trophy, played between the Stellar Division Champions and Vilitan Cup Champions at the completion of each season. Marine and Yeaddin will meet once again in the Tropical Trophy at the completion of the Melmond Invitational. Yeaddin were unable to qualify for the Trophy last season after a 2-3 defeat at the hands of Tivali City. Jonathon Stott and Nigel Chapman put the Owls 2-0 up at the half, but Tivali fought back and upset the Two-Time League champions in their only Vilitan Cup final appearance. The Owls looked ready to face Marine Coast in the Season Three Cup final, before a 2-1 second leg defeat to Cednia Beach saw Yeaddin out.


::Club Records::

LARGEST VICTORY:
( 7-1 ) v. Tivaliy City - Vilitan Stellar (S1)

LARGEST DEFEAT:
( 1-5 ) v. Strike FC - Vilitan Stellar (S3)

HIGHEST SCORING MATCH:
( 6-4 ) v. Yutzie Sorma - Vilitan Stellar (S3)

CONSECUTIVE VICTORIES:
( 16 ) - Season 10

CONSECUTIVE UNBEATEN:
( 24 ) - Season 10

CONSECUTIVE DEFEATS:
( 3 ) - Season 7

CONSECUTIVE WINLESS:
( 4 ) - Season 2


----------------Yeaddin find themselves in the record books for two of the most lopsided victories in the history of the Vilitan Stellar Division. The 6-0 Victor over Inland Peaks in Season One still stands as the most lopsided match in Vilitan History. Yeaddin were 4-0 up after just 25 minutes, before Jonathon Stott added 2 more in the last 15 minutes of the match to complete his 3-Goal Performance. It was also one of the last matches for German Salomon at the club, his 26th minute goal one of his last before his transfer to Kingsford Club Elders. The 6-0 Result has only been duplicated once since then, in Cednia Beach's 6-0 victory over Lopinka in season three. However, Cednia had the luxury of 2 Penalty Kicks in the opening 15 minutes, after Lopinka had their goalkeeper sent off. The 1-5 Defeat at Strike goes down as the second most lopsided scoreline in Stellar Division history. The Owls had taken an early lead, before Serge DuPont equalized for Strike with less than 10 minutes remaining in the first half. DuPont lit up the stage in the second half, with 2 quick goals for himself, then setting up another for a teamate to put Strike ahead 4-1. The fifth goal was gifted to Strike after DuPont's shot was deflected in for a Yeaddin own goal.

::Individual Records::

MOST ALL TIME APPEARANCES:
Matteo Ollirg - (364) - Season 1-10

ALL TIME GOALSCORER:
Jan Christiansen - (132) - Season 2-10

GOALS IN A SEASON:
Jan Christiansen - (30) - Season 2

YOUNGEST PLAYER
Thierry Columbo - (12 Years) - Season 6

OLDEST PLAYER
Hazem Emam - (41 Years) - Season 2

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/kpv/s-lir.gif

Yeaddin Owls AFC Recognized Internationals with International Statistics:

GOALKEEPERS:

[ 87 ] Bryan 'Pop' Duiker [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- GK ( AGE: 22 GOALS::SR: U21: REG: )


DEFENDERS:

[ 5 ] Matteo Ollirg [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- D C (SW) ( AGE: 31 GOALS::SR: U21: REG: )
Sporatic appearances at Centre-Back in the previous two World Cup Campaigns, Influencial Club Team player

MIDFIELDERS:

[ 23 ] Jonathon Stott [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- M RC ( AGE: 27 GOALS::SR: 7 U21: 1 REG: 0 )
Respected utility midfielder solidifying his place in the Vilita Roster during World Cup 14 with many productive performances on the Right Wing.

[ 45 ] Calaesa Mitaroka [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- M RLC ( AGE: 21 GOALS::SR: 1 U21: 2 REG: 0 )
Performances for Yeaddin in Season One earned him Youth Player of the Year Honors along with Yeaddin's Stellar Division Championship

[ 26 ] Nigel Chapman [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- M LC ( AGE: 33 GOALS::SR: 3 U21: 0 REG: 0 )
Lost place in Starting Lineup during the Cup of Harmony held in Vilita. Goalscoring Midfielder. Former Team Captain on Regional Level

[ 18 ] Rieux d'Arderer [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 26 GOALS::SR: U21: REG: )
Kingsfordian player has scored for his National Team against Turori


FORWARDS:

[ 13 ] Jan Christiansen [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 21 GOALS::SR: 0 U21: 2 REG: 1 )
Young Striker with appearances on the Under-21 lineup. Transferred to Yeaddin Owls from Strike to replace German Salomon, after being pushed out at Strike by Serge DuPont.

[ 18 ] Akamoari Liano [ - Yeaddin Owls AFC - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 24 GOALS::SR: U21: REG: )
Current First Choice Striker for the Turori National Team

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/sports/teams/strike/logo.gif


VILITAN STELLAR:
Third Placed - ( S1, S3 )

VILITAN CUP:
Semi-Final - ( S3 )


::Club Records::

LARGEST VICTORY:
( 5-1 ) v. Yeaddin Owls - Vilitan Stellar (S3)

LARGEST DEFEAT:
( 0-4 ) v. Yeaddin Owls - Vilitan Stellar (S2)

HIGHEST SCORING MATCH:
( 3-5 ) v. Cednia Beach - Vilitan Stellar (S2)

CONSECUTIVE VICTORIES:
( 7 ) - Season 3

CONSECUTIVE UNBEATEN:
( 10 ) - Season 1

CONSECUTIVE DEFEATS:
( 2 ) - Season 2

CONSECUTIVE WINLESS:
( 5 ) - Season 2


::Individual Records::

MOST ALL TIME APPEARANCES:
Danilo Liguori - (57) - Season 1-3

ALL TIME GOALSCORER:
Serge DuPont - (32) - Season 2-3

GOALS IN A SEASON:
Serge DuPont - (20) - Season 3

YOUNGEST PLAYER
Ricky Ezis - (16 Years) - Season 3

OLDEST PLAYER
Linoi Niabula - (22 Years) - Season 2

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/vn/kpv/s-shu.gif


Strike FC Recognized Internationals with International Statistics:

DEFENDERS:

[ 0 ] Esemar Aliana [ - Strike FC - ]
------- D RLC ( AGE: 21 GOALS::SR: 1 U21: 2 REG: 1 )
Promising young utility defender making his first appeances for The U21 side during the successful Runner-Up finish to Jeruselem. Became a regular on the Subs bench in World Cup 15

[ 8 ] Ricky Ezis [ - Strike FC - ]
------- D RC ( AGE: 17 GOALS::SR: U21: REG: )
Promising young defender debuting on the u21 Roster during u21 WC IV.

MIDFIELDERS:

[ 43 ] Umberto Melli [ - Strike FC - ]
------- M C ( AGE: 23 GOALS::SR: 0 U21: 2 REG: 0 )
Exciting Central Midfield prospect earning a starting role for his Club team and for the Vilitan U21 side. Reknowned performances in U21 WC3 may be enough to earn him a place on the WC15 Roster.

FORWARDS:

[ 12 ] Serge DuPont [ - Strike FC - ]
------- F C ( AGE: 21 GOALS::SR: 3 U21: 8 REG: 11 )
Youthful Prospect Striker signing for Strike FC prior to VL Season Two. Made International Senior Debut in World Cup XV Qualfiying against the East Asian Empire and has been favored on the senior bench over veteren Lorenzo Mumamba. Has scored at the inter

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/sports/teams/strike/player.gif
Strike FC Midfielder Umberto Melli In action in the Vilitan Stellar Division, After a Year on loan at Giant Zucchini side Tonka City.

Starblaydi Alpha Division Champions: Iskara Daii - Factfile.

Coming from the Iskara District of the nation's captial, Jhanna, the Daii came from relative obscurity in the Beta Division to rocket into the Alpha and win it after just two years. Iskara always had good players, but after a consortium bought them a new 75,000 seater stadium they went from strength to strength. With Starblaydia's best current striker leading the attack, they're looking odds-on to win their fourth title in six years. Former Big-shots Penningworth United are looking too old and past their best, while Hallad Reavers are just too young and inexperienced.

Providing numbers 10 and 1 through 4 for the national team, the solid core of the Daii was forged in the lower leagues and at Under-21 level for Starblaydia. Those partnerships have continued as the players have got older, progressing them into the national team. With the increased financial muscle that success and a huge stadium provide, the Daii are the benchmark for any future Alpha Champions.

The Daii will be looking to hammer Cockbill Street, in particular, as Starblaydi teams do not have a good record against Cockbill Street, never having won a match against the dwarf-inspired team.

Stadium: The Foundation, Jhanna (75,000)
Home Colours: White and Red
Away Colours: Navy Blue with White trim
Key Players and Positions:

Goalkeeper, Rodriguez Da Silva, 26
The man between the posts for club and country, he's simply the best 'Keeper in Starblaydia

Left-Back, Rastian Salaam, 25
Not a very attacking full-back, Salaam is very solid and reliable.

Right-Back, Ceri Salisbury, 23
The architypal attacking-full-back, Ceri has speed and vision, plus a wicked curling, dipping free-kick.

Central-Defender, Jean-Pierre Durand, 17
Making sporadic appearances due to his age, JP will surely be the rock of any team in the future.

Defending Midfielder, Ki-Jana Carter, 25
Big, stong and determined, Ki is the most effective one-man wall in midfield that a coach could ask for.

Defending/Right Midfielder, Roberto Di Bradini, 18
Still young and very, very talented. His skills were honed as a youngster while trying to cage his gifted older-brother's talents.

Striker, Simeone Di Bradini, 25
Simply the best striker in the land, Simeone has been top scorer in practically every competition he's played in at some time or another.

Striker, Karl Robertson, 24
Although not really fulfilling his potential for his country, Karl is superb at club level with his understanding of Simeone's game.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/wc16bids/EllistonFC.JPG

All players Krytenian unless stated. Players in bold are internationals.

GOALKEEPERS
1. Snhp XTFUINXM (MEL)
13. Roy VANDERPUYE
16. Jamie KUREHWA

DEFENDERS
2. Graham LIVORNETTO
3. Yves DAVISON
4. Daniel ASTAVJEVS
5. Ryan CAREW
14. Simon OWUSU
17. David DUNDAS
21. Brian SANTANA
22. Ron LUCIC

MIDFIELDERS
6. Gary FILIPESCU
7. Tom KHAN
9. Damien VLAOVIC
11. Kevin MANSIZ
12. Charlie LOPEZ
18. Frank ESTEVEZ
19. Andrew SALAZAR
23. Peter MORALES

FORWARD
8. Chris KOCHANSKI
10. Martin CIPPOLINI
15. Ben EDBERG
20. Jason MARCHEGIANI

HOME COLOURS: Amber shirts, black shorts
AWAY COLOURS: All maroon


Home Stadium:
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/wc16bids/AtterbrookWay.JPG

Ankh-Morpork C-mail

Streetian No-Hopers Seek Surprise
But really...Likh'gokh?

Despite having three international players in the line-up, Likh'gokh K'druz'ba have never received any success in the Compound League. They have just been one of the mid-table teams nobody ever cared about, because they were so...well, like the other teams. However, the Melmondians seem to have noticed them (probably because they led the league at one point some years back) which caused for them to be invited to Melmond to play a tournament there. The Streetians have many good memories from Melmond - although no Likh'gokh player was in that team, the Street took their second of their two trophies in that Cup of Harmony tournament six years ago. Now, however, a relatively young team of seven dwarfs, three humans, and one troll, is about to take on the Giant Zucchinis of Marauding FC. The Marauders are seeded first in the Acosta Bracket (if the name is familiar? Yes, it's where Rikki plies his trade) - however, no matches will be played in Acosta. The first match is in Faasen, a direct knock-out, and the ninth-placed team in the Compound League against one of the best teams of Giant Zucchini? All I can say is...thanks for the effort, guys!

Likh'gokh K'druz'ba team vs Marauding FC (Giant Zucchini)

1 Olaf Hammerfist, aged 27, goalkeeper
2 Scott Walker, aged 23, left back (international left-back, human)
3 Glod Axewielder, aged 26, centre back/defensive midfielder
4 Lars Fearinciter, aged 24, centre back (international reserve at the moment, though things may change as Tomas Rogers might retire soon at the ripe age of 36)
5 Einari Glodsson, aged 27, right back
6 Stein Golddevourer, aged 32, attacking midfielder
7 Thorgeirr Stonelover, aged 28, right winger
8 Robert Woods, aged 30, striker (human)
9 Liam Jones, aged 21, forward/attacking midfielder (human)
10 Storir Pickaxe, aged 23, striker
11 Larvikite, aged 32, left winger (in and out of the Streetian bench for eight years now, troll)
---
12 Bjorn Bjornson, aged 24, left back/defensive midfielder
13 Thorir Stronginthearm, aged 22, centre back/sweeper/striker
14 Einari Fearinciter, aged 21, left back (Youth World Cup Five silver medallist, who struggles to get into the team due to the presence of Walker. May be sold after the tournament).
15 Harald Spearthrower, aged 26, left winger
16 Ivar Bearhugger, aged 29, striker/right winger

LIKH'GOKH K'DRUZ'BA
Hammerfist

Glodsson L Fearinciter Walker
Axewielder
Larvikite Stonelover
Golddevourer
Jones
Woods Pickaxe

http://ohiocoaster.50megs.com/barcoenfuegobanner.GIF

BARCOENFUEGO LAST STAND
http://ohiocoaster.50megs.com/barcoenfuegojerseys.GIF

The Kingsford club Barcoenfuego will take it's last stand before dissolving. It will play it's first game against longseated rivals, Megalopolis City of Oglethorpia. The star studded roster of Barcoenfuego includes the following internationals

Pacé Araño - Kingsford
Celedonio Santander - Kingsford
George Quintana - Kingsford
Scott Dark - Kingsford
Petter Stonelover - Cockbill Street
Garret Ashallond Jr. - The Eagle's Nest
Morris McGarity - Bedistan
Santo Kecker - Vilita
Paschal Coco - Brazillico
Marasent Sioane - Vilita
Hans Jorgen - Liverpool England
Victor Cruzazul - Kingsford
Saturn Calcéte - Kingsford

a majority of these players have already signed with Giant Zucchini teams, but a few notables, including the great Saturn Calcéte, Kingsford's best forward, has not signed with a team

Three of Bedistan's greatest teams of the present and past are on their way to Melmond right now to participate in the second iteration of the Melmond Club Eliminational Invitational. The always-solid Jamaica Giants and High Mountain Buffalo are there, along with former giants, now middle-of-the-road club Hundon FC.

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/high_mtn.png

Highest League Position: 2nd in First Division (2031, 2047, 2049)
Lowest League Position: 14th in First Division (2036)
2049 Season: 2nd in First Division

(Roster to come later)

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/jamaica.png

Highest League Position: 1st in First Division (2036, 2042, 2047)
Lowest League Position: 15th in First Division (2015)
2049 Season: 6th in First Division

(Roster to come later)

http://bellsouthpwp.net/h/a/harleyt_1387/hundon.png

Highest League Position: 1st in First Division (2035, 2037, 2038, 2039, 2040, 2041)
Lowest League Position: 9th in Second Division (2049)
2049 Season: 9th in Second Division

(Roster to come later)

OOC: You messed two names up: Hetlasane Hetkali partitipates, not Hetkali Hetaki.

Who's participating for the Orange-Blues

Hades Lavamje
The team from the KaMaRian kalesa Desnike (well, it always was between the kalesa'ny of Desnike and Hanin, but since Hanin Sekhika insists to be Hanin'tes (from Hanin) and Hades'he HATE Hanin Sekhika, they insist on being from Desnike, i.e. Desnike'tes) is one of the most successful teams in the rejistanian H1SR and HVSR. They were unrelegated in the entire club history and frequent HVSR participants. Many known names hail from there: Syku Hexen, Mata Koleni, Jen Y (the first) and Su I Y spend their carreer in Hades. Also international, the Hades are the most successful rejistanian team since they won the first Melmond inviational tournament.

Colors: Dark green, white, sky blue (incidentally the majuvedian colors)
Pronounciation: HAR-Dehs Lah-WA-Mjeh
League notation: HD L

Vaje~n Sekhika
Vaje~n Sekhika is not a team like each other in the H1SR or in Rejistania. It represents the ethnic group of the Isesi. There are Isesi in all parts of Nanti Kansu, but for some reason, Vaje~n Sekhika became their symbol, maybe because it was the first team to break the dominance of the Nanti Simu in the HVSR or because the most famous Isesi, first lentine (president-like position) Hangila Sede, is Vaje~n Sekhika fan or maybe for some reasons which have no logical explanation. Whatever reason there may or may not be: When Vaje~n Sekhika plays, the numerous fans are Isesi and when they tried to sign a Trsi player, fans protested so much, taht this plan was given up. National successes are rare, the Vaje~n'he'ny tend to finish second in both H1SR and HVSR.

Colors: a reddish violet and white
Pronounciation: VA-jin Sek-HEE-Kah (the 'in' in 'jin' is pronounced like the french 'in' in matin)
League notation: VJSK

Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati
Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati was always mediocre team, a grey mouse in the H1SR, so to speak. Suddently they became known in entire Rejistania (which is not that easy even for a H1SR team since the Rejistanian first league consists of 54 teams) due to their financial problems and then because rejistanian billionaire Ju Exkira bought this club. Despite being currently the most solvent club in the Rejis and espite using its financial might to sign national and international top players, "SLS" is still a mediocre team, with one short episode of being utter crap and playing in the H2SR.

Colors: light red and blaack
Pronounciation: Zen-LAR-Zou Reh-LEHK-ha-ti ('Zou' like in Soul)
League notation: SLSR


Hetkali Hetaki????
We don't know how that is possible, Hetaki is a team which is not known for financial... well, let's call it 'stability'. Or in other words: Hetkali Hetaki is a team, which is loved for its attacking-style sekhika, but never expected to survive the current season without having to declare insolvency. They would be capable to play in this tournament if only skill would be deciding, but no one can anyhow imagine how they could afford an entry fee of 1 million wongs.

Colors: Orange-green
Pronounciation: Heht-KAR-lee he-TAR-kee
League notation: HHTK

but maybe not Hetkali solven'ta is participating but:

Hetlasane Hetkali
The team, which is competing with Hades Lavamje on the title of the most successful club in Rejistania is located in the north of Rejistania, in the most northern town to be exact. Former legend SyLy played there and the most famous Isesi player Hetaneserari Ky plays there currently. An amazing but rather pointless fact is only 1 HVSR match took place in the Hetlasane Hetkali Stadium (this however does not give any idea on how much a team participated there since all HVSR matches are played on neutral ground)

Colors: Yellow, black
Pronounciation: Heht-LAR-sar-neh Heht-KAR-lee
League notation: HLSH

it is Hetlasane Hetaki...sorry about the error...scores coming soon!

MCEI First Round Results!

Melmond City Bracket
Matches in Makinshakes Stadium, O'Connor
#1 Barcoenfuego (Kingsford) 3 - #8 Megalopolis City FC (Oglethorpia) 0
#4 Strike FC (Vilita) 3 - #5 Melmond City Blues (Melmond) 0
Matches in Bwnlqjd Knjgi, Wzkknfs Hnyd
#2 Cornellby City (Audioslavia) 1 - #7 Folenisa (Liverpool England) 0
#3 Parkville (NEWI Cefn Druids) 4 - #6 Wurtherington Wanderers (Giant Zucchini) 0

Acosta Bracket
Matches in MPNK Stadium, Faasen
#1 Marauding FC (Giant Zucchini) 0 - #8 Likh'gokh K'druz'ba (Cockbill Street) 1
#4 Iskara Daii (Starblaydia) 4 - #5 Mackintosh Thistle Celtic (The Weegies) 2
Matches in Xpress Counsel Field, Cali
#2 Acosta Browns (Melmond) 1 - #7 High Mountain Buffalo (Bedistan) 1 [AET: 2-1 AB]
#3 Cali Purples (Melmond) 0 - #6 Hundon FC (Bedistan) 0 [AET: 1-0 CP]

Aldi Bracket
Matches in Panther Pilsner Park, Bezrukova
#1 Marine Coast United (Vilita) 1 - #8 Highlanders (The Lowland Clans) 1 [AET 2-1 HIGH]
#4 Aldi Reds (Melmond) 1 - #5 PARANOiA UNiTED (Dance 2 Revolution) 0
Matches in White Bread Dome, Suburbia
#2 Prehistoric FC (Giant Zucchini) 0 - #7 Vaje~n Sekhika (Rejistania) 0 [AET: 1-0 PRE]
#3 Hades Lavamje (Rejistania) 0 - #6 Jamaica Giants (Bedistan) 3

Unne Bracket
Matches in Lifedonations Stadium, Morales
#1 Yeaddin Owls (Vilita) 2 - #8 Beesburg (NEWI Cefn Druids) 0
#4 Raiden FC (Audioslavia) 0 - #5 Elliston (Krytenia) 0 [AET: 0-0, PK: 4-2 RAI]
Matches in MelAir Park, Lee
#2 Trotting Pinwheel (Kingsford) 2 - #7 Hetlasane Hetkali (Rejistania) 2 [AET: 2-2. PK: 6-5 HH]
#3 Unne Yellows (Melmond) 2 - #6 Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati (Rejistania) 0

Second Round Fixtures

Melmond City Bracket (all matches in Melmond Bowl, Melmond City)
#1 Barcoenfuego (Kingsford) v #4 Strike FC (Vilita)
#2 Cornellby City (Audioslavia) v #3 Parkville (NEWI Cefn Druids)

Acosta Bracket (all matches in Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta)
#8 Likh'gokh K'druz'ba (Cockbill Street) v #4 Iskara Daii (Starblaydia)
#2 Acosta Browns (Melmond) v #3 Cali Purples (Melmond)

Aldi Bracket (all matches in Microcosm Football Colossuseum, Aldi)
#8 Highlanders (The Lowland Clans) v #4 Aldi Reds (Melmond)
#2 Prehistoric FC (Giant Zucchini) v #6 Jamaica Giants (Bedistan)

Unne Bracket (all matches in Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne)
#1 Yeaddin Owls (Vilita) v #4 Raiden FC (Audioslavia)
#7 Hetlasane Hetkali (Rejistania) v #3 Unne Yellows (Melmond)

it is Hetlasane Hetaki...sorry about the error...scores coming soon!
It is Hetlasane Hetkali!

Rejistanian is a very tough language to spell....

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid137/p2f7654666daa60d7141ab383a10f159f/f74651cf.jpg

History: Perhaps the most storied Club in all the Lowland Clans, they have often been the pinnacle of football in the nation. Currently employing some of the most storied veterans and talented newcomers, and the youngest ever player in the Allied States, Jason Fleury, son of the legendary Gavin Fleury. Currently reigning champions of the ASPL, the Highlanders are ready to take their game to the international level.

ROSTER: Coming Soon

International Record
(1-0-0)
#1 Marine Coast United (Vilita) 1 - #8 Highlanders (The Lowland Clans) 1 [AET 2-1 HIGH]

A Great Win to Begin
With Four Goals on The Sheet, They Now Face The Street

While some Weegies fans literally set their end of the stadium alight, Iskara Daii metaphorically set the competition alight with a Four-Two win.

The Daii will have to invest in some attacking midfielders at some point, beacuse if anything happens to Simeone Di Bradini then The Daii are sunk. A Di Bradini hat-trick and a Ceri Salisbury free-kick were needed to send of the Weegies' side of Mackintosh Thistle Celtic, who put two past the Daii.

Strike-partner Karl Robertson tried to play down recent reports that he wants to move away from Foundation Road to ensure he's first-choice up front. The twenty-five year old, who has scored two goals for his country, said:

"Increasingly we're playing a four-five-one, and i'm getting sacrificed for Simeone, which is something no striker would be happy with. I still want to stay at the Daii though, my family are in Jhanna and I wouldn't want to go anywhere else."

uh-oh!!!
Rejistanian teams were never really successful on international level or even had fame internationally. Hades won the first installment of the Melmondian Invitational, but as it seems now, that was because the other clubs did not field their full potential. In the Champions League, rejistani teams never won a thing, like a game. Karela lines even went through most of its champions league 'career' without scoring one single goal. You will remember the Hades success in the last installment of this cup, but you might not know, that the other rejistani teams didn't even reach the second round. To tell a bad story quickly:

Hades Lavamje (Rejistania) 0 - Jamaica Giants (Bedistan) 3
Talking about being outplayed... The Hadesi had few chances in that match and were luck not to be trashed (or 'jisu-ed since 'jisu is a term which is said to be from Desnike) even higher.

Unne Yellows (Melmond) 2 - Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati (Rejistania) 0
The team of international top-stars could defeat the Reds in a fast, aggressive and despite the score close match. Critandi Unne met his former team again, but this time as rival. It was a sign of his professionality that he played in this match despite that.

Prehistoric FC (Giant Zucchini) 0 - Vaje~n Sekhika (Rejistania) 0 [AET: 1-0 PRE]
"When in trouble, karela!" is a famous quote of the Vaje~n Sekhika coach I~nki Ja~oke. Unfortunately, this time he decided to change to a more attacking style in the extra time and that was the reason why the 0:1 was conceded

And the winner is...
...Hetlasane Hetkali. Despite some confusion among the Melmondian organisators between Hetlasane Hetkali and their local rivals Hetkali Hetaki and between the words Hetkali (Minokajetian for 'the city' or 'capital city') and Hetaki (rejistanian for 'attack', one of the few words, which were derived from english) did the Lasane show up for the match and play a good match against Kingsford side Trotting Pinwheel. The Kingsforders had the better start and took the lead in the 5th minute. Hetlasane attacked fiercely and Inik Raju managed to equalize the score merely with luck. He did not attempt a header but got hit by the ball in exactly the right angle so it went past the Kingsforder keeper (we don't know the roster, so we can not confirm that he really is from Kingsford, but english is not as versatile as rejistanian where "Kingsford'ra'tes" would indicate that fact). Only 4 minutes later, The Lasane took the lead after a corner kick of Raju'he and a header of Xtani Lanja. The match remained heated and full of chances. Unfortunately one caused the 2:2 as Ky'he (I will not type his full name, the reporter) could not parry a quick shot by the Kingsford top-striker. The Lasane is no team to play System Karela and hope for counter-attacks, they continued their attack-minded type of match and nearly took the lead again, but uiunfortunately, Inik Raju was in offside position. The following penalty kicks were a close affair again. Defender Kadu Hsen shot the first kick into the clouds. while the Kingsforder player scored. But the Kingsforder, who shot the third penalty kick luckily missed while the Rejistanians scored. When Hetaneserari Ky parried the last penalty kick, cheering started. Hetlasane Hetkali defeated the LEAF team and qualified for the second round.

Trotting Pinwheel (Kingsford) 2 (<player> 5th, <player> 73rd)
Hetlasane Hetkali (Rejistania) 2 (Raju 30th, Lanja 34th)
[AET: 2-2. PK: 6-5 HH]

The Bedistan Sports Digest

News From Melmond Mostly Bad
Hundon out as expected, but High Mtn also succumbs

MELMOND -- Though Bedistan sent three clubs to participate in the second Melmond Club Eliminational Invitational, after the first round of matches only one remains.

At Xpress Counsel Field in Cali, Hundon FC faced Cali Purples. Hundon were definitely overmatched here; though they may have won six championships in a seven-year period once, they are now mediocre at best, having finished ninth in the Second Division last season. The surprise here was how long Hundon managed to hold on. In fact, at full time, neither team had scored. It would take an extra time period to decide the match, as Cali Purples finally managed to get one past the Hundon keeper in the 108th minute.
Final score: Cali Purples 1-0 Hundon FC AET (0-0 FT)

Oddly enough, the much stronger High Mountain Buffalo, ranked #3 in Bedistan in the latest polls, fared no better. They faced Acosta Browns, where Bedistani international Dave al-Armani plays. al-Armani, however, started the match off rather weakly, and a High Mountain striker managed to get past him and into the box for 1:0. Six minutes later, though, the Browns brought the Buffalo back down to earth with the equalizer. Like the Hundon match, this one had to go into extra time, and like that match, the Melmondian club would be the one to score the goal there for the victory.
Final score: Acosta Browns 2-1 High Mountain Buffalo AET (1-1 FT)

Now for the good news: the ever-consistent Jamaica Giants had a much different experience at White Bread Dome in Suburbia. Their opponent, interestingly enough, was Rejistania's Hades Lavamje, as the match was kicking off less than a day before the World Cup semifinal between Bedistan and Rejistania. The Jamaica offense had apparently stolen Hades' supply of "vitamin C" and ran rings around the opposing defenders. They would score three times before the final whistle with no reply, and they are the only Bedistani team to proceed to the second round.
Final score: Hades Lavamje 0-3 Jamaica Giants

The Giants next face Giant Zucchini's Prehistoric FC at Microcosm Football Colossuseum in Aldi.

Excerpts from Sports Pages Across Melmond

From the Melmond City Herald
Melli Single-handedly Destroys Melly City Blues
It has been long said that Melmond City Blues has been on a downside since their heyday when they won three MPL titles in a row. We know it was certainly true in the Melmond Premier League as they finished an unimpressive sixth out of ten. Now we know that this recession goes for international club football as well as the cream of the Vilitan second-tier Strike FC routs Melmond City Blues 3-nil at Makinshakes Stadium in O'Connor. This is thanks to the efforts of one man, Strike FC midfielder Umberto Melli, who was a savoir-faire in this match, always being in the right place in the right time, scoring a hat trick.

From the Aldi Tribune
It's A Bird? It's A Plane? No, its Chris Owen!
Time and time again one can seem to always count on Aldi Reds striker Chris Owen on making a spectacular play in the air, especially in the clutch moments as his play gives Aldi Reds a 1-nil victory at Panther Pilsner Park in Bezrukova. In the middle of the second half as this match was to look like a boring scorelss match against PARANOiA UNiTED of Dance 2 Revolution, Chris Owen takes a cross and heads in right in the net right past PARANOiA UNiTED goalkeeper Paul Handplant. Aldi Reds goalkeeper Masidora Frikeren played lights out, robbing PARANOiA UNiTED striker many times of a goal. Aldi Reds will be returning home to face a surprise team, Highlanders of The Lowland Clans, who upset Marine Coast United of Vilita in extra time. Here are the key players for each side.

Aldi Reds
GK Masidora Frikeren (Kaze Progressa)
D Scott Cheney (Melmond)
F Chris Owen (Melmond)
F Setsuna Shirosawa (Ravenspire)

Highlanders
F Jason Fleury (The Lowland Clans)
D Moe West (The Lowland Clans)


From the Unne Sun-Times
Unnes Great For Both Sides, But Unne Yellows Victorious
In a very anticipated and historic match, Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati of Rejistania showed up at MelAir Park in Lee with a member of the prestigious Unne family on their side, Critandi Unne, considered the best footballer of the Unne clan. In this match, s/he was to play the team that hir family owns, Unne Yellows, as well as three of hir siblings: Gina, Charles, and Diallo. Certainly there was lots of emotion in this matchup, but it was all very positive emotion of goodwill. The members of the Unne family played rather well throughout the match, but it will be non-Unnes who make the difference as Jordi Neeskens and Chee Blackwing both score for Unne Yellows and give them the 2-nil victory. Both sides received a standing ovation after the match. Next up for Unne Yellows is Hetlasane Hetkali, a heralded Rejistanian side who was able to beat last gasp Kingsford side Trotting Pinwheel. Here are the players to watch for each side.

Unne Yellows
GK Gina Unne (Melmond)
D Sergio Ortiz (Melmond)
D Charles Unne (Melmond)
M Jordi Neeskens (Audioslavia)
F Chee Blackwing (The Lowland Clans)
F Diallo Unne (Melmond)

Hetlasane Hetkali
GK Hetaneserari Ky (Rejistania)
D Kadu Hsen (Rejistania)

From the Cali Tribune
More Lopsided Than The Score Implies
Despite the match going to extra time, one can tell that our Cali Purples were in full control of the match and the once-great Bedistani side Hundon FC was just trying to hang on to the well-oiled machine that is Cali Purples. After two scoreless halves, the story can be seen as the sides jogged off the pitch, Cali Purples looking very fit and Hundon FC gasping for air. The fatigue caught up to Hundon FC in which a Hundon FC defender makes a horrible pass easily intercepted by Cali Purples midfielder Chara Effitont who puts the ball past the tired Hundon FC goalkeeper. Next up is a rather familiar opponent, Melmond side Acosta Browns, our constant nemesis along with Unne Yellows for the constant duels atop the MPL standings. This match will certainly be tougher for Cali Purples as this time they do not have the luxury of their home stadium, quite the opposite since the match is in Acosta. Here are the players to watch.

Cali Purples
GK Peaches (Snub Nose 38)
D Pound Sterling (Commerce Heights)
D Phael Survigosis (Melmond)
M Martin Goodwin (Melmond)
M Chara Effitont (Melmond)
F Trevor Belmore (NEWI Cefn Druids)

Acosta Browns
GK Johannes Bach (Dennisov)
D Dave al-Armani (Bedistan)
D Kestrel Bluesummers (Melmond)
M Geoffrey Fletcher (Iansisle)
M Keats (Snub Nose 38)
F Rikki Stone (Cockbill Street)

From the Acosta Chronicle
Rikki Stone Scores When It Matters...for a Change
The prolific goalscorer for Acosta Browns from Cockbill Street Rikki Stone is know for piling on the goals in meaningless matches for Acosta Browns but failing usually in key matches for Acosta Browns. However in this match against High Mountain Buffalo of Bedistan at Xpress Counsel Field in Cali, Rikki Stone made two very important goals, the only goals Acosta Browns scored in the match which went to extra time. In the first parts of the match, Acosta Browns defender and Bedistan native Dave al-Armani made a weak challenge and he and Acosta Browns goalkeeper Johannes Bach was beaten by a High Mountain Buffalo striker. The momentum was to shift back to Acosta Browns six minutes later as Rikki Stone gets his first goal. The match played into extra time. At the beginning of the second half of extra time, Rikki Stone gets his second goal. The Acosta Browns defence keeps away High Mountain Buffalo attack and Acosta Browns get the 2-1 victory. The next matchup is against a club we are all too familiar with, those pesky Cali Purples of Melmond. However, we do have the home field advantage, which should be critical in this single elimination tournaments. Here are the players to watch for each sides.

Acosta Browns
GK Johannes Bach (Dennisov)
D Dave al-Armani (Bedistan)
D Kestrel Bluesummers (Melmond)
M Geoffrey Fletcher (Iansisle)
M Keats (Snub Nose 38)
F Rikki Stone (Cockbill Street)

Cali Purples
GK Peaches (Snub Nose 38)
D Pound Sterling (Commerce Heights)
D Phael Survigosis (Melmond)
M Martin Goodwin (Melmond)
M Chara Effitont (Melmond)
F Trevor Belmore (NEWI Cefn Druids)

Ankh-Morpork C-mail

No-hopers Blast Off Sensation
Marauders Marauded in First Round

It was probably Likh'gokh's best match ever. Their best ever league position in the Compound League is fifth, and they've never gone beyond a Cup quarter-final. Yet, they had been invited to Melmond, and should have been totally outclassed by the zucchinis of Marauding FC. Led by the legend Urk and two of the Brazillican Cannon siblings (Tobias and Alex), they had many more pure international stars than Likh'gokh, whose major stars are on the left back in Scott Walker and U21 international Einari Fearinciter.

Still, the team worked as that - a team. The passes were excellent, and hit the right people, nobody tried idiotic dribbles in their own half, and nobody were more egoistic than they had to be in order to create chances, and the players worked for in other in defence. Marauding's stars, for all they were worth, simply tried too hard, and that gave up chances for Likh'gokh.

Of course, the goal came out of some luck - a long free kick was played up on the towering Robert Woods, who chested it down past a Marauding defender. Behind him was Stein Golddevourer, who suddenly got a great opportunity to score, hammered it towards the goal, and the ball went in off the crossbar over the zucchini keeper.

Marauding never recovered from the shock as Likh'gokh went back in an extreme System Karela - all eleven players stood in goal and tried to avoid getting hit on their hands. Surprisingly, Marauding still struggled to create anything seriously dangerous, and the match petered out with a 1-0 win.

Likh'gokh K'druz'ba will now play Iskara Daii, many times champion of the Starblaydian Alpha Division, and the draw couldn't have been luckier. With the statistics that Starblaydian teams have against Cockbill Street (3 losses, 2 draws, no wins), Likh'gokh have a very good chance of advancing to the quarter-final, where they will meet either Acosta Browns (yup, that team) or the Cali Purples.

Ratings: Hammerfist 8 - Glodsson 6, L Fearinciter 7, Walker 5 (E Fearinciter on 66 7) - Axewielder 6 (Bjornson on 48 7) - Stonelover 6, Golddevourer 7, Larvikite 7 - Jones 6 - Woods 8, Pickaxe 7 (Bearhugger on 81 6).

Likh'gokh K'druz'ba 1 (Golddevourer 61)
Marauding F.C. (GIANT ZUCCHINI) 0

a 1-0 loss. That was all that could be said. Nothing else mattered. The Oglethorpia-Kingsford Cups. The First ever LEAF Cup. The world cup that the majority of the team had achieved. The Southern Cross Cup. The 11 Uppurmaen Cups. The four KPL Cups. Nothing mattered. The last hurrah had grown quiet as the flame was extinguised forever. The boat would be on fire no more. Greats like Araño, Santander, Stonelover, Sioane, Calcéte, would never don the light blue jerseys again. The legacy, the dynasty of Barconenfuego was extinguished forever because of one sad goal. The players filed silently into the locker room, knowing they would never march on the field in those colors ever again. The worst day in the history of Barcoenfuego: The club, The city, and Kingsford Football.

and this old house grew quiet/
as the cars they pulled away/
in this uninspiring ending/
of this uninspiring day/
and it got so awful quiet except for passing cars/
or the hum of drunken dischords creeping from the local bar/

twothirtyeight - Romancing the Ghost

MCEI Second Round Results!

Melmond City Bracket (all matches in Melmond Bowl, Melmond City)
#1 Barcoenfuego (Kingsford) 0 - #4 Strike FC (Vilita) 1
#2 Cornellby City (Audioslavia) 1 - #3 Parkville (NEWI Cefn Druids) 0

Acosta Bracket (all matches in Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta)
#8 Likh'gokh K'druz'ba (Cockbill Street) 0 - #4 Iskara Daii (Starblaydia) 2
#2 Acosta Browns (Melmond) 3 - #3 Cali Purples (Melmond) 2

Aldi Bracket (all matches in Microcosm Football Colossuseum, Aldi)
#8 Highlanders (The Lowland Clans) 0 - #4 Aldi Reds (Melmond) 1
#2 Prehistoric FC (Giant Zucchini) 1 - #6 Jamaica Giants (Bedistan) 1 [AET: 1-1, APK: 6-5 JG]

Unne Bracket (all matches in Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne)
#1 Yeaddin Owls (Vilita) 1 - #4 Raiden FC (Audioslavia) 0
#7 Hetlasane Hetkali (Rejistania) 1 - #3 Unne Yellows (Melmond) 1 [AET: 2-1 UY]

Quarterfinal Fixtures

Melmond City Bracket (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City)
#4 Strike FC (Vilita) v #2 Cornellby City (Audioslavia)

Acosta Bracket (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta)
#4 Iskara Daii (Starblaydia) v #2 Acosta Browns (Melmond)

Aldi Bracket (Microcosm Football Colossuseum, Aldi)
#4 Aldi Reds (Melmond) v #6 Jamaica Giants (Bedistan)

Unne Bracket (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne)
#1 Yeaddin Owls (Vilita) v #3 Unne Yellows (Melmond)

Barcoenfuego and Kingsford International Star Calcéte looking for a club

Saturn Calcéte, after the final match of Barcoenfuego, has announced his looking for a club. He's received several offers from Vilita and Starblaydia, and while he hasn't ruled those out, he would like a wider range of oppurtunities. If you club is interesting in signing Calcéte, send a TG to Kingsford.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/sports/teams/strike/logo.gif

Strike FC [1]-[0] Barco. (KNG)
......................[ DuPont 79 ]............

Melmond Bowl, Melmond City, Melmond
http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/aofiles/rp/bar.gif

----------------Strike FC prepared for it's second ever International Club match against Favorite's Barcoenfuego of Kingsford at the Melmond Bowl by taking a day off following their impressive routing of home town club the Melmond City Blues. An Umberto Melli hat trick had led the Strike through their tough first round matchup, and handed them an even tougher match up in the second round. A Star-Studded Barcoenfuego team looked set to run-amuck over their Vilitan counterparts, Led by historical Kingsfordite Saturn Calcéte, as well as Vilitan's Santo Kecker and Marasent Sioane among others.

----------------Kecker was impressive to start the match and looked a real threat to the Strike goal. His freekick on 20 minutes was barely tipped over by the Strike Keeper for a corner kick. On the resulting corner, Calcéte was undone by 17 year old Strike defender Ricky Ezis, and the referee pointed to the penalty spot. However, in a rare instance, after minutes of arguing from Strike captain Melli, the referee consulted his linesman and ruled that Cruzazul had strayed off side for Barco, and that would be the call. The match would play out even through the first half.

----------------In the second half, a scare for the Vilitan National team as Barco's Santo Kecker went down hard under an Esemar Aliana challenge. Post match X-Rays would come out negative, but Kecker missed the rest of the match. His absense was direly felt by Barco, who, lacking a bit of control in midfield, were unable to put a productive attack together. This left the door open for Strike to pounce, and that's exactly what they did in the 79th minute, when Umberto Melli's through ball was met by Serge DuPont who recorded his first of the competition. Strikes All-Time top scorer nestled the ball in the far corner before wheeling away to the delight of the travelling Vilitan faithful.

----------------As the final whistle blew, the focus was not on the match winners from Vilita, but the losers from Kingsford. A round of applause from all supporters for Barcoenfuego, as they remained on field for one final bow. It was the end of an empire for the Kingsford club, and one might say that the Strike players almost felt bad for winning the match, but it all comes down to sport, and Jungle Strike have taken the torch from Barcoenfuego, and will look to defend it against Cornellby City of Audioslavia in the Quarter Finals.

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/sports/teams/strike/player.gif
Strike FC Midfielder Umberto Melli In action in the Vilitan Stellar Division, After a Year on loan at Giant Zucchini side Tonka City.

PARANOiA UNiTED beaten in boring defensive display

In what happened to be a boring display of defensive superiority, PARANOiA UNiTED lost in the Microcosm Football Colossuseum against Home team Aldi Reds. Not much attacking football from either teams and attacks from Uber and new signing Naoki Maeda fizzled out before reaching the opponents 16 yard box. Aldi Reds were better on the attack forcing Handplant into saves but mostly comfortable saves for the D2R #1 Keeper.

Later in the 2nd half, Aldi Reds managed to get a good cross into the box for Aldi striker Chris Owen who nodded the ball past Handplant for 1-0 to the Reds. Progressian born keeper Masidora Frikeren managed to keep the late surge of attacking play at bay, preventing Maeda, Uber and Yret from levelling and made sure the Reds got through to the Quarter Finals, Eliminating PARANOiA UNiTED in the process.

Excerpts from Sports Pages Across Melmond

From the Aldi Tribune
Shirosawa Propels Aldi Reds to Victory in Hard Fought Match
The fans who piled into Microcosm Football Colossuseum expected a rout at the hands of Aldi Reds. They played the surprised Highlanders squad from The Lowland Clans. Highlanders may be a legendary club side in The Lowland Clans, they still have much respect to gain outside their home nation. They made a very good start in gaining that respect as they pulled off a colossal upset of Vilitan side Marine Coast United. Now they face Aldi Reds, not as highly rated but having the all-important home pitch advantage. Highlanders played rather strongly if not physically throughout the match. However, at one point Highlanders did get a bit wild as defender Moe West got a yellow card for a rather high tackle on Aldi Reds striker Chris Owen. In this meat grinder of a match, it was not Chris Owen to get the goal but his partner in crime, Ravensipiran foxgirl Setsun Shirosawa, who used her fox magic to baffle the Higlanders defence and goalkeeper and kicks the ball out of nowhere to get it into the net. Next up for Aldi Reds is the resilent Bedistani side Jamaica Giants, who wiped the floor with previous MCEI champion Hades Lavamje and beat Prehistoric FC of Giant Zucchini in penalty kicks. Here are the key players for each side.

Aldi Reds
GK Masidora Frikeren (Kaze Progressa)
D Scott Cheney (Melmond)
F Chris Owen (Melmond)
F Setsuna Shirosawa (Ravenspire)

Jamaica Giants
D Ian Hammond (Bedistan)
D Kurt Mumm (Bedistan)
M Sam Willow (Bedistan)

From the Unne Sun-Times
Diallo the Dagger Strikes Again
Sometimes old favorites come back again and make a big impression, like Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody, a big hit in two different decades. There were thunderbolts of lightning very very frightening in the downpour at Feliz-Unne Stadium in Unne as Unne Yellows took on the last remaining Rejistanian side Hetlasane Hetkali. Unne Yellows took the first leading as striker Chee Blackwing intercepted an errant pass and kicked the ball past Hetlasane Hetkali goalkeeper Hetaneserari Ky for the 1-nil lead. Hetlasane Hetkail would counter late in the first half with a header by defender Kadu Hsen from a corner kick. The second half was dominated by the play of the goalkeepers of both sides, as Gina Unne and Hetaneserari Ky made excellent saves to keep both teams in the match. However, in extra time, Unne Yellows veteran striker Diallo Unne proves that he can still make the clutch goal as he was able to power the ball past Hetaneserari Ky and win it for Unne Yellows as they hang on 2-1 after extra time. The next match is against the highly touted Yeaddin Owls side from Vilita. Here are the players to watch for each side.

Unne Yellows
GK Gina Unne (Melmond)
D Sergio Ortiz (Melmond)
D Charles Unne (Melmond)
M Jordi Neeskens (Audioslavia)
F Chee Blackwing (The Lowland Clans)
F Diallo Unne (Melmond)

Yeaddin Owls
GK Bryan 'Pop' Duiker (Vilita)
D Matteo Ollirg (Vilita)
D Sibusiso Azaiez (Vilita)
D Kenter Surf (Vilita)
M Jonathon Stott (Vilita)
M Calaesa Mitaroka (Vilita)
M Nigel Chapman (Vilita)
M Rieux d'Arderer (Kingsford)
M Theirry Columbo (Vilita)
F Jan Christiansen (Vilita)
F Akamoari Liano (Turori)

From the Cali Tribune
Cali Purples Blow 2-nil Lead Over Rival Acosta Browns
For common rivals Cali Purples and Acosta Browns, this was just another match that had a lot on the line between both sides, may be even more like 32 million wong on the line. However, it truly had an uncommon finish, especially for the defensive minded Cali Purples, who gave up three goals in the second half and lost to Acosta Browns in Acosta 3-2. Cali Purples started very strong in the first half after midfielder Martin Goodwin fed crosses which were headed in by Chara Effitont and Trevor Belmore to give Cali Purples a 2-nil lead. However, even the stellar Cali Purples defence led by arguably the best defender in the world, Commerce Heights native Pound Sterling could not stop the Acosta Browns offensive machine as Rikki Stone scores the first goal and the equaliser and Iansisle native Geoffrey Fletcher put the match away with a spectacular free kick which Cali Purples goalkeeper Peaches could not reach.

From the Acosta Chronicle
Amazing Acosta Comeback Against Cali!
What has kept Acosta Browns competitive every year in the Melmond Premier League is the resilency instilled by the manager of this side Tex Thorson. This straight shooter keeps his team in line and there eyes on the prize as they did not quit after falling behind 2-nil against the rival Cali Purples. Striker extraordinaire Rikki Stone scores Acosta Browns' first two goals and Iansislean Geoffrey Fletcher makes an immaculate free kick to give Acosta Browns the hard fought comeback victory. Next for Acosta Browns is the surprising side from Starblaydia, Iskara Daii. Iskara Daii arguably has had the easiest path to the quarterfinals beating Mackintosh Thistle Celtic of The Weegies and Likh'gokh K'druz'ba of Cockbill Street. Here are the players to watch on each side.

Acosta Browns
GK Johannes Bach (Dennisov)
D Dave al-Armani (Bedistan)
D Kestrel Bluesummers (Melmond)
M Geoffrey Fletcher (Iansisle)
M Keats (Snub Nose 38)
F Rikki Stone (Cockbill Street)

Iskara Daii
GK Rodriguez Da Silva (Starblaydia)
D Rastian Salaam (Starblaydia)
M Ki-Jana Carter (Starblaydia)
F Simeone Di Bradini (Starblaydia)
F Karl Robertson (Starblaydia)

http://www.dirt-racing.com/3wide/sites/vilita/sports/teams/yeaddin/logo.gif


Owls Avenge National Defeats, Upstage Rivals

-------------Yeaddin Owls and Marine Coast United have walked side by side since the creation of the Vilitan League in every way possible. The Owls have won two league championships, but both times Yeaddin won the league, Marine Coast won the Vilitan Cup. The teams have finished 1-2 in the Vilitan Stellar division in every season since it's inception, and both teams have exported two top players to foreign countries for large sums of transfer cash. Headding into the Melmond Club invitational, both clubs were handed #1 seeds, and it seemed that they're identicality could continue all the way through the club final.

-------------That would not be the case however, as Yeaddin Owls upstaged their Western Rivals with a 2-0 Victory over NEWI Cefn Druids Beesburg side. Marine Coast was shockingly knocked out by Highlanders of The Lowlands Clans, with Marine Coast unable to avenge the 4-0 Loss that the last Vilitan side to play a bunch of Clannies suffered, in the Vilita National Teams first ever World Cup Qualiftying match.

-------------Yeaddin were able to upstage their rivals once again, not only by winning their second match by a 1-0 scoreline, but also by avenging the national teams short comings, this time in the shape of Raiden FC, who are from Audioslavia, the only team that defeated the Jungle Cats in the World Cup 16 Qualiftying Campaign. Twice.

-------------Turori's Akamoari Liano and Vilitan All-Star Winger Jonathon Stott registered the goals against Beesburg, while youthful Midfielder and all time Owls appearance leader Calaesa Mitaroka netted the lone goal that saw the Owls earn a Section-Final matchup with Unne Yellows, the local favorites from Melmond.

-------------The Yellows are a fitting opponent for the Owls to test their mettle, as in addition to many of the Underachievers, the Yellows have two notable internationals. The first of which is Attacker Chee Blackwing. Blackwing himself is a member of the Lowlands Clans national team, yet another chance for the Owls to upstage their Arch Rivals and avenge another National Team shortcoming. Also on the field for the yellows will be Jordi Neeskens, the Audioslavian midfielder who scored the second goal in the Slaves 2-0 World Cup Qualifying Victory. First they got the club, now they will look to get the player, and move on to the Semi Final of the Melmond Club Invitational.




#1 Yeaddin Owls (Vilita) 1 - 0 #4 Raiden FC (Audioslavia)
#1 Yeaddin Owls (Vilita) 2 - 0 #8 Beesburg (NEWI Cefn Druids)

MCEI Quarterfinal Results!

Melmond City Bracket (Melmond Bowl, Melmond City)
#4 Strike FC (Vilita) 0 - #2 Cornellby City (Audioslavia) 2

Acosta Bracket (Frankndottir Stadium, Acosta)
#4 Iskara Daii (Starblaydia) 0 - #2 Acosta Browns (Melmond) 0 [AET: 1-0 AB]

Aldi Bracket (Microcosm Football Colossuseum, Aldi)
#4 Aldi Reds (Melmond) 2 - #6 Jamaica Giants (Bedistan) 1

Unne Bracket (Feliz-Unne Stadium, Unne)
#1 Yeaddin Owls (Vilita) 0 - #3 Unne Yellows (Melmond) 2

Semifinal Fixtures

Final Four: Melmond Bowl, Melmond City
#2 Cornellby City (Audioslavia) v #2 Acosta Browns (Melmond)
#4 Aldi Reds (Melmond) v #3 Unne Yellows (Melmond)

Daii out at Quarter-Finals
And they still got just as far as the Vilitan Sides :p

It looks like Home advantage has played a distinct role in the Semi-Finalist line-up as three of the four teams are from Melmond.

Starblaydi Champions Iskara Daii lost by just a single Extra-Time goal to Acosta Browns, with both defences performing well throughout the game. It was a slip by tired right-back Ceri Salisbury that allowed the Brown's striker through to score the winner, just when both sides were preparing for the seemingly-inevitable penalty shoot-out.

Of course, who else could it have been but the Cockbill Street striker Rikki Stone. If i were you, I'd start trying to avoid playing the Street, as they're becoming a bit of a bogey nation for Starblaydi teams.

All in all it has been an impressive international debut for the Daii, who can hold their heads up high with two wins and an extra-time loss over quality opposition.

Three Mells and a Cornellby
Audioslavian side gets to semis of Melmond Invitational

While the majority of Audioslavia's backs were turned watching Audioslavia win bugger-all at the olympics, Premiership table-toppers Cornellby City have been bounding their way through a club tournament in Melmond, and have progressed to the semi-final.

All the other teams who have made it through are from Melmond, as reported by a local Melmond paper the 'Aldi Tribune', and also reported by an scary wee girl with some voodoo dice, a penchant for nepotism and a computer.

Either way, Cornellby face off.... sorry, kick off.... against 'Acosta Browns', a team famed for their shit-coloured shirts.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches

MCEI Semifinal Results!

Final Four: Melmond Bowl, Melmond City
#2 Cornellby City (Audioslavia) 1 - #2 Acosta Browns (Melmond) 2
#4 Aldi Reds (Melmond) 2 - #3 Unne Yellows (Melmond) 1

MCEI Final Fixture

Melmond Bowl, Melmond City
#2 Acosta Browns (Melmond) v #4 Aldi Reds (Melmond)

MCEI Final Result!

Melmond Bowl, Melmond City
#2 Acosta Browns (Melmond) 0 - #4 Aldi Reds (Melmond) 0 [AET: 0-0, APK 4-3 AB]

CONGRATULATIONS ACOSTA BROWNS! YOU HAVE WON THE MELMOND CLUB ELIMINATIONAL INVITATIONAL AND 32 MILLION WONG! PLEASE TELL US HOW YOU PLAN ON SPENDING THE MONEY!

CONGRATULATIONS ACOSTA BROWNS! YOU HAVE WON THE MELMOND CLUB ELIMINATIONAL INVITATIONAL AND 32 MILLION WONG! PLEASE TELL US HOW YOU PLAN ON SPENDING THE MONEY!

Hopefully on some regular-sized type. I've got a fiver here if you need the extra cash.