NationStates Jolt Archive

A hippy's paradise is so colorful it almost appears like an oil painting. It's baby blue on top, splotched with whites and greys and interrupted only once by a glowing ball of orange and yellow. Beneath, it is green, so green it almost shines like a polished emerald. The grass and earth is soft for bare feet, the air clean and anxious for the waving smoke of dope. And behind it all, there's a sea, clean and blue and foaming at the head of its waves.

The SLAGLands is a hippy's paradise. And today, in the early morning sunlight of Newhartia, it's at least partly filled with hippies.

The most notable thing is, of course, the crowd. There are thousands of them, too many to count even by the tally of tickets sold, their cars parked atop a nearby grassy hill, their blankets and picnic baskets and bongs and water guns laid out on the ground beside them. Most are comfortably dressed for the hot SLAGLandic summer; others are quite naked, and many are blissfully ignorant of how strange their bellies look hanging down nearly to their knees. Dotted over the landscape are also the pavillions, vendors and carnies and representatives of causes alike. Food is overpriced, but few seem to be buying it anyway. Merchandise is overpriced, but many seem to be buying it anyway. Water is free; after all, what sort of idiotic country charges money for the world's most abundant substance?

The centerpieces for the occasion are two tremendous stages, each facing the other, each supported by the strongest of reenforced beams, each abuzz with roadies and techies. Above each stage hangs the same banner, expertly hand-painted in a swirl of oranges, reds, and yellows with similarly distorted blue text: "FreakFest 2XXX!" Behind either stage, the backstage stairways lead into monstrous tents that balloon like turtle shells behind the stages.

At promptly noon, a man and woman appear from the backstage area. Both are in their mid-20's, their dark brown hair tied back in ponytails. Both wear the standard multicolored "FreakFest 2XXX!" T-shirts and loose-fitting jean shorts. The man taps the microphone and backpedals at the screeching feedback.

"Test... test... this is mike number one, this is mike number one, isn't this a lot of fun? Test... test..." At last, the feedback fades. "Okay, great! I wanna thank you all for coming out here today. Welcome to The SLAGLands' newest premier celebration of music and the arts, FreakFest 2XXX!" The crowd explodes with cheers. "I'm Brody Jameson, and this is my wife Juanita, and we're the co-owners of Jameson & Jameson ArtWorks--your hosts for our show today!"

"It truly rocks to see so many great music fans out here from all over the world!" Juanita chimes in, leaning into the microphone. "In fact, things have been so successful here, I think we're all making a bold statement about our love of the arts. I don't know about you, but the state of the industry right now pisses me off!" The crowd lets out another enormous pop. "The music industry fell last time because of greed, exploitation, and deceit! Well, I say we're all in part out here to say, 'FUCK THAT!' Isn't that right, folks?" The crowd cheers once more.

"But enough of our yappin'!" Brody interrupts. "Ladies and gentlemen, music fans the world over, welcome to FreakFest 2XXX! In just a few minutes, we'll have By Thunder out here to kick things off, and then we've got a whole host of your favorite bands coming out to love you guys! And capping off the show, we've got Method to Madness, Crimson Sedition, Day Mascus, Kaosu no Tenshi, and our dual headliners: Kaze Progressa's legendary Monaa, and your very own hometown heroes, give it up for SLAYA HATER!" The crowd explodes at the mention of each performer. "Now let's get things started! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome... BY THUNDER!"

The crowd offers a round of applause as the Jamesons retreat to the backstage area. Clearly, this is going to be a hell of a day for music.

As if on cue (Gasp! They were cued somehow!?), four girls in their late teens-early 20's appear from the backstage area. The spiky-haired groupies present them all with instruments, all of which are, in typical Hard Rock Band From Orgla fashion, flying V's: a black flying V bass, a blood red flying V guitar, and even an odd V-shaped keyboard. The bass player meanders to front and center; the crowd applauds as they immediately recognize her as Lara Gütterhoüsehn, formerly of notorious one-hit wonder band Nine-Second Tractor. The guitar player settles to another microphone, adjusting it to reach her low mouth level.

"Test... test..." Lara begins, pulling her orange shirt over her with a free hand. "Hey, how y'all doin' tonight? We're By Thunder and... uh... damn, there are a lot of you out there."

The guitar player tugs nervously at the collar of her black leather jacket. "Yeah... a whole lot. Anyway, I'm Leila, and that's Alex back there on the skins, and Keebs over there on the ivories... and that there's my main girl Lara on vocals. Damn, but she's looking foxy today!" The crowd shouts their approval, and Lara offers a knowing wink.

"Okay, this here's gonna be the first single off of our upcoming album," Lara says. "It's the title track, too--a little number we like to call 'Grind.'"

Lara strums an octave on her bass, pulling back the keys to tune it, then turns back to Alexis and nods. The drummer nods back, tapping a 4-4 count-off on the high hat before the song springs. It's a thunderous, no-holds-barred explosion of minor 3-chord goodness, the guitars heavy and crackling with distortion. Lara leans into the microphone, a sexy growl behind her alto vocals:

Late night is drivin' me wild
And it's never too mild
Like a screamin' child

And it's hard comin' home to unwind
Drivin' home from the grind
Drivin' home for a grindin' good time

The song shifts into a basic minor 4-chord progression for the chorus, Keebs and Leila providing the echoing shouts:

Come on (Come on!)
I've had a real rough day now
Come on (Come on!)
And read between the lines
Come on (Come on!)
'Cuz it's the end of the day now
Come on (Come on!)
I'm in the mood for a grind

The band bobs and bounces to the beat as Leila offers up a brief squealing solo before the song moves on to the second verse and chorus:

Damn! With a simple first glance
In your tight-fitting pants
I'd just like the chance

To feel your body up against mine
On the couch make you mine
Settle in for a grindin' good time

Come on (Come on!)
I've had a real rough day now
Come on (Come on!)
And read between the lines
Come on (Come on!)
'Cuz it's the end of the day now
Come on (Come on!)
I'm in the mood for a grind

Two crushing beats later, and Lara indulges herself with a 4-measure bass solo, her fingers deft in their slap-bass improvised stylizing. Just as she finishes, the entire band offers a similar two-beat frame, and Alex pounds out a responding drum solo. Keebs responds in kind, sliding her fingers knowingly across the surface of the keyboard. Finally, Leila jumps in with a furious guitar solo, faster and more deft than any of the other members of the band. She plays on as the song returns to the 4-chord of the chorus, this time without vocals. Then, all at once, the entire band save the rhythm section drops out. Lara's vocals turn from shouting to low and seductive as she hisses the vocals like a serpent:

Baby you know that I want you
Baby you know that I need you
Baby you know that I'll get you

The band begins to inch its way back in as Lara's vocals begin a slow crescendo:

When you feel my hand against you
You feel my face against you
You feel it... you feel it...

All goes silent except for Lara's scream:

YOU FEELIN' THE GRIND!

The song immediately explodes back into the final verse and chorus:

Scream when you feel it escape
Then it's time for a break
Kept the neighbours awake

Tomorrow I'll work on the line
Goin' back to the grind
And comin' home for a grindin' good time

Come on (Come on!)
I've had a real rough day now
Come on (Come on!)
And read between the lines
Come on (Come on!)
'Cuz it's the end of the day now
Come on (Come on!)
I'm in the mood for a grind
Come on (Come on!)
I'm in the mood for a grind
Come on (Come on!)
I'm in the mooooooooooooooooooooood

The band drops out one last time for Lara's final shout:

Baby, gimme a grind!

The crowd erupts. Lara offers a meek "Thank you," a stark contrast to the power and fury she shows in her vocals, as she begins nonchalantly retuning.

OOC: Tag for future post.

ooc; know my bands up next but am out of town for the next two days, hope it's ok just to post when i get back :)

o.o.c It's okay with me cause it gives me time to write my stuff.

OOC: Tag for post soon, just need to write up some songs.

(OOC: Apologies for the lateness... planning a wedding and working full-time can be remarkably stressful.)

The girls of By Thunder put on a respectable show in the vein of the first song--lots of up-beat singalongs with a touch of hard metal. It's certainly nothing the crowd hasn't heard before, but then again, it's not necessarily a bad thing. By the time the end of the show rolls around, the band is looking quite pumped.

"Oh, wow, you guys rock," Lara says between deep breaths. "We've had a lot of fun here tonight. We wanna thank the Jamesons for getting this whole thing together..." She chuckles slightly. "...it's just so fucking great to see this kind of support for our art. Thanks, guys. You rock."

As Lara begins tuning up her bass for the last time, Leila steps up to the microphone. "So this last song tonight is dedicated to all the musicians out there. Don't let nobody tell you that you can't make it in this day and age. It's called 'Never Mind the Mess.' Thank you all so much."

And with that, Leila opens the song with a driving modal dorian riff in C, crunching forward with gritty distortion. A quick half-measure roll on the snare later, and the rhythm section and keyboards have thundered into the song with matching vigor. Lara sings in an unusually low, wistful tone, contrasting the fire in the music:

Never mind the mess
Never mind the cobwebs on the amps
Never mind the empty seats in front of you
They'll fill up soon, I guess
Never mind the emptiness
Never mind the echo of your voice
Never mind the people that aren't in there
Never paying mind to you

All at once, like a sudden cloudburst welcoming the sun, the song transforms into a major key, losing none of its energy. Lara's drone transforms into an enflamed scream at the same time:

Never mind the struggle
Just you wait and jam and see
Never mind the poverty
Never mind the aspirin and distress
Never mind the anguish
They'll still hear you if you scream
Never mind the ignorance

Just as quickly as it entered a major key, the song drops back into modal, and Lara's vocals drop again.

Never mind the mess...

The song steamrolls forward in a similar way, adding a slow and eerie piano accompaniment from Keebs for the second verse and chorus:


Never mind the stress
Never mind the standards that you've set
Never mind the way that things were just last week
Old pictures of success
Never mind the hollow
Never mind the gone cold
Never mind the fact that fat-cat fuckers
Never paid a mind to you

Never mind the assholes
Just you wait and jam and see
Never mind executives
Never mind the cocaine and duress
Never mind the sorrow
They'll still hear you if you scream
Never mind the ignorance
Never mind the mess... the mess... the mess... THE MESS!

As Lara's vocals rise from drone to scream, the entire band drops out save the keyboards, which proceed forward in a haunting, dirge-slow bridge. Lara's eyes close as she pulls the microphone gently into her lips. She sings sweet and low, rising to almost screams at the end of the first quatrain before immediately dropping back:

I can see it now
Your name in flickering headlines
Living out your boyhood dreams
Letting loose with wild, untamed screams

I can see you now
Your feet on faraway stages
Maybe on another day

As the bridge nears an end, the drums begin to creep back in, driving the tempo back up:

You can see just why the hell I say

Then, all at once, the music stops. The usual pop from the crowd that accompanies any silence in a live song ensues, but moments later, the song returns to its former vigor for the final chorus:

I don't mind corruption
I'll just wait and jam and see
I don't mind the black-ties
I don't mind if those guys aren't impressed
I don't mind the crying
You still hear me if I screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeam!

The final scream drags on even as the band drops off, and the song reaches its finale with only Lara singing accapela, her voice dropping to almost a whisper.

And there's no more ignorance
If there's no more ignorance
I can't feel the ignorance
Never mind the mess...

The crowd roars as the band gives one final vow before retreating backstage.

End

OOC: I'd like everyone to drop some kind of indicator at the end of their final post to this thread, be it the final song or not. I'll be adding the last song in each of my performer's sets; however, you're all certainly not obliged to. Just let us know somehow when you're finished so we can move on to the next performer.

Now, if Basie is back with The "Good Times" All Star Big Band, we'll get moving there; otherwise, Celack is up with The Cavalier Earwigs.

The musicians slowly shuffled their way onto the stage and started tuning up together, tightening strings and keying drums, slowly they settled, and one of the older members of the group, who, up to then had been orchestrating the tune up sat down at the piano and leaned into the mic;

"Well hello there people, my, there sure are a lot of you guys out there, you all ready to have a good time?"

A general ripple of appreciation rose into a chorus of cheers and whoops from the audience,

"Now there may be some of you, who dont know who we is, so i'll tell ya. My name is William Constanza and these folks, that is my band, they like to call me Sir but you guys can call me anything you damn want to."

There were a couple of laughs from the crowd and a couple of hecklers shouted,

"Yeah, we usually do!"
"Now now there children lets not get too carried away just yet"

William allowed himself a little chuckle,

"Now the rest of the folks up here, as i said, are my band and we hail from the great land of Basie. What we want to show you guys is just how we have a good time in our home and hope that you pick up on the vibe and come along for the ride with us. First up let me introduce to you an old friend of mine, sittin over there with that beautiful golden saxaphone dangling from his neck, stand up my man, let them hear you blow your horn."

With that the man sitting in the centre of stage stood up, raised his instrument too his lips and blasted a few short piercing blasts before playing a short jazzy riff,

"Howee, thats my man, mister Courttia Coelho or Coco as we know him and he's gonna take the lead for our first tune, as it's one he wrote himself he called it, Coco's Boogaloo, take it away my man."

The saxaphonist looked round at the rest of the band, tapped a 3/4 time signature with his foot and signalled. The drums started first, a solid insistent groove first banged out on the toms before the timbale joined in to accentuate the top notes, after a few bars of this had warmed everybody up, the horns exploded into action with 6 short stabs, then the rest of the band laid into an uptempo latin dance number.


OOC:
Sorry about the little wait people, suffered an unfortunate and rather violent home computer death so am having to rely on work computers at the moment, should have all the posts for this done by tomorrow evening though cheers,

o.o.c. Planning a wedding? Congrats SLAG. Your getting hitched eh? Oops I'll stop highjacking. Good news! first half of my act is done.

o.o.c. Planning a wedding? Congrats SLAG. Your getting hitched eh?

OOC: This is the last hijack you'll see...

Yes, I'm getting married. And yes, she's a hot redhead who loves playing video games and making fun of the Mario Bros. movie. If you would like to indulge this topic further, start a thread about it, because I don't feel like it.

A few swift rolls on the congas ended the percussive breakdown of 'Mas que Nada' followed by an appreciative and admiring cheer from the audience. William wiped his brow with a small handkerchief and leaned back into the mic,

"Wow, wow my people, lets give a huge hand to my friend and teacher, the man who started me off down this street, the magician himself, Gabriel Puente, aint nobody else that can slap those skins like my man there."

Another cheer went up from the crowd as the rest of the band nodded their heads or stamped their feet in agreement.

"Now, I know we got you all swinging but we gonna slow things down a bit just for a little while. There can be no finer pleasure for me than to introduce you to our next guest. The angel herself has flown down to be with us this afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, miss Annie Simone, c'mon out here honey."

Anne sashayed out onto the stage, dressed in a full length red sequinned dress and looking like she already owned the place, she made her way up to centre stage and took hold of the mic,

"Well good afternoon, it's nice to see so many fresh faces out there, how y'all doing, you having a good time out there huh?"

The crowd roared back its approval,

"Well thats mighty good to know, i'm gonna start off by singing you a little lullaby that was sung to me, originally, when i was very young, and i'm gonna ask three of my boys here to give me a hand."

She nodded towards Gabriel, William and the young singer Isaac Anderson at which they took their positions, Gabriel moved over to sit down atop a cajon William flexed his fingers at the piano and Isaac moved to a mic closer but just behind Anne.

"Now we gonna start with the chorus and its pretty easy to learn so i want you all to sing along with us once you pick it up, ok"

She nodded to the band and Gabriel started knocking a soft calypso style rhythm on the box drum as William laid down a few delicate chords from the piano, then Anne softly started to sing,

The world is full of infinite riches
The sun on the beaches
and Shining on me

At this point Isaac added an alto harmony in with Anne's voice

The world is full of infinite riches
A song of the land
which is calling to me

"Did you get that? don't forget to join in now when the time's right"

Anne called out then slipped back into the song

When i was young, my mother came to me
She sat down beside me
and looked in my eyes.
She smiled at me
and started to tell me
Of all of the good things
That are under our skies

The world is full of infinite riches
The sun on the beaches
and shining on me,
The world is full of infinite riches
A song of the land
which is calling to me

One day, before, while i was out playing
My Father came too me
and sat down beside,
He took my hand
and started to tell me
of all of the beauty
that came on the tides.

The world is full of infinite riches
The sun on the beaches
and shining on me,
The world is full of infinite riches
A song of the land
which is calling to me

And now i'm here, i sing this to you dear
So you can know just that
This land is your own
and when you go
to look on life's splendour
The sweetness of love
will keep calling you home

The world is full of infinite riches
The sun on the beaches
and shining on me,
The world is full of infinite riches
A song of the land
which is calling to me

Anne lingered on the last line, letting it sail out

"Thankyou boys that was lovely, now, shall we pick up the pace a little? heres another song about travelling on life's road, and sure that roads long, and sometimes it can get a little bumpy, but i tell you what, there aint no turnin back, hit it boys."

Then, the drummer tapped out a quick 4 count on the sticks before rolling into a tight funk groove with the rest of the band.

The mid afternoon sun was beating down as the band, chugged through a glorious rendition of a Gil Scott Heron classic, egging the crowd on to join in with the chorus until several thousand voices joined in with the lines,

And you can be, so very beautiful
When you are who you are

As the song drew too a close, Gabriel started an intense solo, cracking the air around him with sharp hits of the timbale, then, slowly he softened the beat as Anne walked back into centre stage.

"Well now, we coming up to the end of our little session for you here this afternoon, and we gonna leave you with our version of a song first done by a heroine of mine, i hope you all gonna dig it"

The band sparked up again with a tight groove, the horn section punctuating a counterpoint rhythm over the bass and drums, Anne started to sing again her voice caressing the words as she sent them over the crowd,

now some say thats its hard to understand
and some say that its in the masters plan
but i say there is nothing in this world like love
it's proven day by day
that its what this world need plenty of
won't you come and sing it with me

The rest of the band then joined in on backing vocals as the song continued, finally reaching a crescendo,

some say its a special kind of high now
and some say that love will make you cry but
ohhhhhhhh
there is nothing in this world like love
i say-ay-ayyyy
there aint nothing in this world like love
mm mmm mm like love
like love
like my love

Anne screamed the last line with an amazing vigour, smiled broadly and said

"Take it on home boys"

William picked up his mic and started to speak over the final locked groove of the band,

"Well thankyou miss Simone, we'll do our best"

He winked at her and she smiled again

"Ladies and gentlemen, the wonderful Miss Anne Simone, let me hear you thank her."

The crowd cheered as William continued to speak

"Now just so as you dont forget i'm gonna tell you all of our names once more, we are the good times soundsytem big band and first up over there on bass is the fantastic mr Umberto Nara."

The band stopped as the bass played a quick but surprisingly complex eight bar solo. The final introductions continued in that way, each member conducting their own brief solo until it got back to william again,

"Well, i've been William Constanza, we hope you've enjoyed our little get together this afternoon, we've sure enjoyed playing for you, i know there's all sorts of other great bands coming out a little later on to entertain you folks, you gonna love em. I'd like to thank you guys for listening and thank Brody and Juanita for putting this whole damn together, take care we'll see you in the bar later, peace people!"

With this final shout the rest of the band stopped for william to do his own solo before all coming together for one final flourish. All the band members then made their way to the front of the stage and took a final bow to the noisily applauding audience before walking off stage and letting the road crew begin their work resetting for the next band.

The Cavalier Earwigs take the stage amongst wild applause.

“Who’s here from Celack?”

One person claps.

“Ah good. Our entire fanbase made it here tonight! HI MOM! Now as one of you know, we are the top comedy/folk band in Celack and we would like to share some of our songs with you.”


Listen up brothers and sisters, come hear my desperate tale
I speak of our friends of nature, trapped in the dirt like a jail
Vegetables live in oppresion, served on our tables each night
The killing of veggies is madness, I say we take up the fight
Salads are only for murderers, cole slaw's a fascist regime
Don't think that they don't have feelings, just cuz a radish can't
scream

I hear the scream of the vegtables(scream, scream, scream)
Having the outside peeled.(exposing their inside)
Juiced with no mercy.(PupplY)
How do you think that feels.(It hurts realy ad)

Carrot juice is murder(that’s a real crime)
V8 IS GENOCIDE(Call the Hauge)
Time to stop all this gardening(It’s dirty as hell)
Let’s just eat some steak (It’s tastier)

I saw a man eating celery, so I beat him black and blue
If he ever touches a sprout again, I'll bite him clean in two
I'm a political prisoner trapped in a windowless cage
Cuz I stopped the slughter of turnips by killing three men in a
rage
I told the judge when he sentenced me, this is my finest hour
I'd kill those farmers again just to save one more cauliflower


I hear the scream of the vegtables(scream, scream, scream)
Having the outside peeled.(exposing their inside)
Juiced with no mercy.(PupplY)
How do you think that feels.(It hurts realy ad)

Carrot juice is murder(that’s a real crime)
V8 IS GENOCIDE(Call the Hauge)
Time to stop all this gardening(It’s dirty as hell)
Let’s just eat some steak (It’s tastier)


“Thank you”

“That was just one of many songs we have.”

“Hey I can see some people grabbing pillows already.”

“That’s always a good sign”

When I look around me, I can't believe what I see
It seems as if our country has lost its will to live
Our police is lousy, we barely have any rights
But we can still stand proudly cuz Celack's really old
We're the fifty second oldest country on this planet earth
And if umm 51 older ones die then sooner or later we'll be
first
AMF has Sentinels and Slaglands has Camo-frogs
(The crowd’s cheers at the mention of their homeland)
They can keep them thanks, they just don't amount
Cuz when you get down to it, you find out what the truth
is
It isn't what you do with it its the age that counts
Most people will tell you that Ruhr is pretty of
But you can put fourteen France's into this land of ours
(It's take a lot of work, It'd take a whole lot of work)
We're older than Malaysia, almost as old as Melkor
We're old than Australia and it's a continent
So big we seldom bother to go see one another
Though we often go to other countries for vacations
Our mountains are very pointy, our prairies are not
The rest is kinda bumpy, but man do we have a lot
(we've got a lot of land, we've got a whole lot of land)
So stand up and be proud and sing out very loud
We stand out from the crowd cuz Celack's really old.

“If that didn’t make sense we’re sorry. It’s translated from original Celack by our friend rummy John.”

“Anyways we we’re going to play the next Saharan pirate but the other group from Celack ate the sheet music so we couldn’t practice. Sorry.”

“So instead we’ll play the mounted animal nature trail.”

“We we’re driving across southern Celack,which is like 5 billion miles long and we came across this real place called the mounted animal nature trail. They advertised it as the most fun in 5000 km in any direction.”

The band begins to play

On the Mounted Animal Nature Trail, you'll be sure to see
All Mother Nature's favorite pets, all sitting rigidly
They're never hungry any more, their last meal left them stuffed
Don't worry, they won't walk away if you try and pet their fluff

And the dog goes... the crowd makes dog sounds,
and the cow goes... the crowd moos
and the bear goes...the crowd makes bear sounds
And the pig goes... the crows oinks and at this the band stop playing
“They don’t make any sounds. Their dead! And stuffed! No sounds!” they continue to play
And the crow goes caw!, I guess it was alive
You can see all this
On the Mounted Animal Nature Trail

The Mounted Animal Nature Trail, it's great for Mom and Dad
Where else can Grandma and the kids see the silence of the lambs?
Don't have to walk a hundred miles ore climb the steepest hill
And the only fearsome sound you'll hear is the ringing of the till

And the dog goes... The crowd woofs again
And the cow goes... The crowd moos again
And the bear goes... the crowd makes bear sounds again
And the pig goes... the crowd oinks again, and the band loses it’s cool again and the music stops. “We just covered this! Their dead! Their stuffed! They have no vocal cords. They cannot make a goddamn sound OK?” The band started playing again.
And the crow goes caw!, I guess it was alive
You can see all this
On the Mounted Animal Nature Trail

The only things that bite are the bugs (Oww..)
And unlike other theme parks, the mice won't say "Hello"
And if you're having troubles with your own family pet
You can bring him and add him to the trail

Everyone, and the dog goes... The crowd woofs one more time
And the cow goes... The crowd moos again. “FOR THE LAST GODDAMN TIME THEY ARE DEAD! THEY MAKE NO SOUND”
And the bear goes... The crowd moos and one confused person meows loudly. “Meow? Bear’s don’t meow. Bears never meow. Not even if a bear was trying to talk to a cat would it meow. They growl. And this one won’t growl cause it’s dead!!!!!”
And the pig goes... Not a sound was heard, for once.
And the crow goes Meow! I guess it was a bear
You can see all this
On the Mounted Animal Nature Trail

o.o.c. I'm sorry about this. I had a really bad case of writers block soI'm dropping out.Sorry.

A lone microphone stands in the middle of the stage. (In the background, the roadies are still setting up the microphones and drums.) There is an odd silence and distant footsteps are heard in an irregular pattern, but that noise is eclipsed by a screech of wood against wood. From offstage, Vomit stumbles toward the microphone, dragging his guitar behind him. He is in full "costume", covered from head to toe in a dark, thick layer of brownish mud. In his other hands he holds a half empty bottle of whiskey. He, drunkedly ambles up to the microphone and looks deep into the microphone, as if it were some portal. He taps it. All the while keeping his efforts focused at standing up.

Meanwhile a handfull of peculiarly dressed (a flurry of tatoos, piercings and mohawks) persons push their way through to the very front of the stage.

"Uh..." says Vomit, and stares deeper into the microphone, "Wha... what-a fuck are-ya lookin' at?"

Four more mud covered band members go up on stage. One of them, Fecal Slim approaches Vomit and says,

"Lemme take over this shit." Slim slightly pushes Vomit to another microphone.

There is murmur of uncertainty from the general audiences, while the handful of hardcore fans in front cheer and hoot in encouragement.

"This is Robort's Fetal Discharge," mumbles Slim barely comprehensibly. Then he mumbles something else, which not even the hardest of the hardcore fan could comprehend.

"Yeah... We dunno hows we got hea..." mumbles Slim, "But we gonna bring you some... DEATH SEMEN!!!"

The roadies disappear as the set is completely ready. And Horned Ass Sickle slams the drums aggressively. Aggressive heavy guitar riffs introduce the song.

The hardcore fans in front create a mosh pit of headbanging.

Fecal Slim growls out incomrehensible lyrics as the guitars grind on. Aluminum Man stands and sometimes presses one key on his keyboard, the effect is barely heard over the aggressive dueling guitars. Drunken as Vomit was, he plays on, without any major error, although slightly wobbling.

The song pauses to introduce the two word chorus that everyone in the band yells,

"DEATH SEMEN!"

The guitar riffs continue and Fecal Slim continues his growling lyrics. (It is truly impossible to decipher the lyrics in this particular song.)

There are several more choruses of "DEATH SEMEN", and eventually the song ends. There is only a scattered cheer and applause from the majority, but the hardcore fans cheer with their hands doing the metal devil symbol.

Someone in back screams, "You suck!". Vomit drops his guitar and wobblingly moves toward the edge of the stage, yelling to the guy in the back, "I'll... fuckin' kill you! ... YEAH! you... foul... mother..." He's about to step into the audience, but Fecal Slim restrains him.
"Woah, woah calm down, man. He's not worth it." he mumbles to Vomit.

Fecal Slim stumbles backwards and points into the audience, "Yer lucky... You cockaraoch... But next time... I'll bury the cockaroaches!" He picks up his guitar and talks into the microphone by him.

"And now DEATH CROW!!" screams Vomit at his respective microphone. A quick and loud guitar riff follows and the song begins. The music pauses and Fecal Slim, quite articulately hisses,

"Death crow in the sky
Death crow flying high
Death crow yer gonna...

DIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"
With the last word the guitar screech and the drums slam down and continue the song.

As Fecal Slim goes into a solo, two roadies bring in a couch onto the middle of the stage, Vomit drops his guitar and takes his wakazashi from one of the roadies.

He proceeds to run at the couch, stabbing and slashing it with the japanese short sword, while screaming "DIE DIE DIE!"

This continues for 1 minute or so and then finally Slim's solo ends he continues to growl out vocals that are no longer decipherable. Vomit is still beating the couch and running around stage screaming (and headbanging). Slim and MEchanical Raper cease playing and all is heard is one keyboard key sounding over and over accompanied by the drums still playing aggressively.

Slim leans toward the microphone and hisses "Death crow says... Death crow says... Death Crows says..."

Then he screams, "DEATH CROW SAYS!!!!"

He begins to screech in mimcry of a crow, and the bass guitar resumes. Vomit hurls the wakazashi offstage (a scream is heard offstage, "MY ARM!") and picks up his guitar and resumes playing as he was.

Finally the song ends.

The audience cheers slightly but their cheers are muted by the yells and screams from the very front from the hardcore fans.

"You know," says Vomit, "That was our very first song we played as you guys may know." He spoke more to the fans in front than the general audience.

"And we're gonna have our first album out soon... surprisingly. Yeah... you guys have been great. And now we're gonna... we're gonna... drown you... in THE CREAMY RIVER!"