NationStates Jolt Archive

King of Mers

Planet Mers
01-08-2004, 06:05
King Ganymede of Mers clutched the heavy blanket that was draped over his shoulders with one hand while with the other he sipped at the hot cup of tea. Despite the fire merrily consuming the pile of logs in the mammoth marble fireplace the cavernous room had a noticeable chill in the air.

"Cold, Your Majesty?" asked the young maid who had just poured his tea. Mina was young and attractive in a uniquely Mertian fashion with her green hair and gold eyes. The saying on Mers was that verts have more fun. However, at the moment Mina didn't seem to be having fun so much as just stoically enduring the cold.

"It's always cold at Olympus Mons," the Monarch complained between sips. "I could be sitting on the beach at some Hellas seaside resort sipping a Merslide while soaking in the sun." More importantly was the fact that the shapely Mina could be prancing around the beach in a bikini instead of her current multiple layers of clothing under a heavy cloak thick enough to be a throw rug. Just one more injustice heaped on the poor monarch of Mers due to the miserable inhospitable Olympus Mons.

"Then why don't you, Your Majesty?" the Tea-Girl asked. "You are the King after all. You can do as you please-"

"Can't," King Ganymede grunted. "The GV told me I had to stay here for some stupid Royal function or other. Heads of State and all that sort of nonsense."

"Ah, I see," Mina said. No more needed be said. When the Grand Vizier spoke people listened, even the King. Or more accurately, most especially the King.

"It doesn't bother him in the least," King Ganymede said. "What with the forty layers of robes he's buried under he could probably do cartwheels on Pluto without so much as getting goose bumps."

"I do notice that the Grand Vizier does seem to have an affinity for the weather here," the Tea-Girl said.

"Good sleeping weather he says," King Ganymede said bitterly. "No doubt the weather here is a perfect match for his cold black heart. It's not fair, Mina!"

"Perhaps another log on the fire, Your Majesty," Mina suggested. She moved to follow her own suggestion and walked towards the fireplace and the small stack of logs that hadn't yet been used.

"I'll do it," King Ganymede muttered and pushed himself out of the over-stuffed chair he had been sitting in. "Not that it will make much of a difference." He tossed a log from the stack into the blazing fireplace and prodded the burning logs with the heavy iron poker that hung from the thick slab of marble that was the fireplace's mantle.

"Probably not, Your Majesty," Mina sadly concurred.

"Okay, enough of that," the King of Mers said firmly.

"Enough of what?" a puzzled Mina asked.

"Your Majesty this and Your Majesty that," King Ganymede replied. "It's getting monotonous."

"But...but I have to," Mina said. "The Grand Vizier said-"

"He's not here right now," King Ganymede pointed out. "This will be our little secret."

"Very well then, Your Ma-" she paused as the Monarch lifted an eyebrow, "that is, what should I call you then?"

"Something less formal," King Ganymede said. "How about Your Divine Worship Whom I Greatly Desire to Bear the Children Of?"

Mina looked away.

"No? Too long? In that case how about-"

"How about Your Majesty?" said a voice from behind them. "That always seemed to work well enough before."

The reigning Monarch of Mers turned to discover a figure swaddled in voluminous robes whose face was obscured by dark glasses, a beard (obviously fake), and a tall stovepipe hat. Ganymede suppressed a smirk as he demanded, "Who the hell are you?"

"Do not be alarmed," the man said as he removed the beard and glasses, "it is only I, your loyal and faithful Grand Vizier."

"Ah, Grand Vizier, I had no idea that it was you," King Ganymede said with a straight face. A quick glance at Mina showed the Tea-Girl busy rolling her eyes.

"Yes, I was traveling incognito," the Grand Vizier said.

"Ah, very ingenious, Grand Vizier," King Ganymede replied. He considered telling Mina to stop rolling her eyes before she injured herself but refrained because he knew nothing good could come of it. "So to what do we owe the honor of this visit?"

"There are rumblings, Your Majesty," the Grand Vizier said.

"Rumblings?" King Ganymede repeated. "That's odd, I certainly didn't notice any tremors and definitely nothing as strong as a full mersquake."

"Not that sort of rumbling," the Grand Vizier said. "I meant that there are rumblings in Parliament."

"Really? What about?" the Monarch of Mers asked.

"Your marital status," the Grand Vizier said.

"What about it?" King Ganymede said.

"See for yourself," the Grand Vizier told him as he handed over a folded newspaper.

King Ganymede of Mers unfolded the paper to read the headline of "Bachelor King Threat to Monarchy?". Underneath in smaller type read the line "Progressive Party claims the King's refusal to marry is destabilizing Planet Mers".

"You have to be kidding me," King Ganymede said. "This is some sort of joke, right?"

"This is no joke, Your Majesty," the Grand Vizier said. "Moreover, the Progressives do have a point. Without a heir the continued peaceful succession of the Monarchy is in peril."

"So to avoid that I have to get married?" King Ganymede said. "Forget it, I'll face the peril."

"That is not an option," the Grand Vizier said bluntly. "The good of future generations outweigh your own wishes in the matter."

"Fine," King Ganymede replied. "Mina, let's get married and make lots of babies."

Mina's eyebrows disappeared into her hairline. "Wha-what?" she managed to choke out.

"Marriage. You. Me. Babies and lots of them,” King Ganymede said.

"This is all so sudden but I am sworn to serve the Monarchy," Mina muttered to herself. She took a few moments to gather her wits. Squaring her shoulders she looked the reigning monarch of Mers in the eyes and proclaimed, "I accept. For the good of Mers I will be your wife and have your children."

"Excellent," King Ganymede said as he turned to look at the Grand Vizier. "See? Crisis averted. Now run along and pester someone else with ill tidings."

"NO THE CRISIS IS NOT AVERTED!" the Grand Vizier shouted. "You cannot marry Mina. Totally unacceptable."

"Why is that?" King Ganymede asked. "Is she a cross dresser or something?" He peered suspiciously at the green haired Tea Girl. "You've been a man all this time and managed to hide it from everyone?"

Mina just blinked in her befuddlement.

"No, it's nothing like that," the Grand Vizier said. "Then reason that you can't marry Mina is that you are the King of Mers."

"I know I'm the King of Mers," King Ganymede said. "Thanks for reminding me though, I do sometimes forget."

"My point is that as the King it is forbidden that you marry someone like Mina," the Grand Vizier said through clenched teeth.

"Someone like me?" Mina said, giving the Grand Vizier an angry scowl. "What do you mean by that exactly?"

"The King is of Royal blood, it is forbidden him to marry a commoner," the Grand Vizier clarified. "Unless he abdicates the throne."

"That doesn't seem very fair," King Ganymede said.

"I'm sorry," the Grand Vizier replied. "I didn't make the rules but it is my job to uphold tradition."

"Tradition is awfully inconvenient most of the time," King Ganymede observed. "Although it usually seems to suit you well enough."

"That's why it's called tradition," the Grand Vizier said. "Now moving on, I do have good news for you, Your Majesty."

"Good news? What you brought me was a bunch of bad news."

"Ah, but I do have good news," the Grand Vizier informed his monarch. "See, I have solved the dilemma of your marital status."

"You did? How?" King Ganymede asked.

"I, the Grand Vizier of Mers (your humble servant), have arranged your marriage," the Grand Vizier said proudly.

"But I thought you just said that Mina and I weren't allowed-"

"NOT with Mina," the Grand Vizier said.

"Oh, then with someone else," King Ganymede said.

"Yes, that's right, with someone other than Mina," the Grand Vizier said, nodding his head.

"She's not ugly is she?" King Ganymede said with suspicion. It would be just like the Grand Vizier to shoot down his plans to marry the young nubile Mina only to set him up with an absolute howler.

"No she isn't," the Grand Vizier said with a sigh. "I have a photo of her right here as it happens." He reached deep into his robes, pulled out a small photo, and handed it to the monarch. "So what do you think?"

"She's got no boobs," King Ganymede said bluntly after a quick glance at the photo.

"But she is attractive," the Grand Vizier insisted.

"Oh sure, in a waifish no-boobs sort of way," King Ganymede agreed.

"May I?" Mina asked, examining the photo once the King handed it to her. "Well now, I wouldn't call her waifish-"

"She's skinny as a toothpick," King Ganymede said.

"Slender," Mina corrected. "Her body is too well defined to call her merely skinny."

"Great, so she's in good shape," King Ganymede said. "She can't exercise her way to a larger bust now can she?"

"There are more important things than breasts, Your Majesty," the Grand Vizier said.

"Oh yeah, such as what?" King Ganymede asked.

"For one thing Princess Luna is an expert in hand to hand combat," the Grand Vizier said. "She's highly skilled in both unarmed and melee combat as well as proficient in all manner of archaic weapons such swords, pole arms, flails-"

"Wait, who is this Princess Luna you're talking about now?" King Ganymede asked.

"I believe he means the girl in this photo," Mina said.

"So you're telling me that the girl you're trying to marry me off to can easily disembowel me if she chooses to?" King Ganymede said as he rounded on the Grand Vizier.

"I wouldn't put it like that, exactly," the Grand Vizier said. "She's actually a very sweet girl and I don't think disemboweling is going to be a top priority to her. However...."

"However?" King Ganymede prompted.

"Well, she's very firm and assertive," the Grand Vizier said. "But that will be good for you I think. It'll give you more intestinal fortitude and backbone I say."

"Grand Vizier," King Ganymede growled. "I don't need you helping me with my intestinal for-"

"Oh, look at the time," the Grand Vizier said as he glanced at his wrist which was lacking any sort of time keeping device on it. "I have to run now, lots of important Grand Vizierly thing I have to attend to. Bye now!"

King Ganymede watched the retreating back of the heavily robed Grand Vizier, "What the heck?"

"I believe you've just been rolled," Mina commented with some amusement.

"Tell me about it," King Ganymede said. "Why do I let him get away with these sort of things?"

"Perhaps it's that intestinal fortitude he was speaking of," Mina said. "Still, it's not all bad. Your new fiancé is cute at least."

"Sure, if you're into flat-chested girls," King Ganymede retorted.

"She isn't actually flat-chested," Mina said as she examined the photograph. "Her breasts may be small but they are there."

"Small-breasted, flat-chested, what's the difference?" King Ganymede said. "Still, at least the producing an heir part should be fun even so."

"Maybe," Mina allowed. "Although she might insist on artificial insemination."

"That doesn't sound like much fun," King Ganymede said, his mood quickly darkening.

"Perhaps they might even have to get the necessary sample by needle," Mina said.

"N-n-needle?" the King of Mers said.

"You know, like drawing blood but in this case it would be sperm," Mina said.

"No way!" King Ganymede said as he cringed. "I-I-I have to, um, I just remembered something I have to go do." He turned and fled looking every bit a dog that had its tail tucked between its legs.

"Yes. Your Majesty, I imagine you do," Mina murmured with a small smile as the great doors of sitting room slammed shut behind the fleeing Monarch of Mers.


"No way am I letting some violent flat-chested vampire chick stick needles into my tender parts," King Ganymede snarled to himself as he clambered up the gantry. He was bundled up in his thick white coldsuit, the only distinguishing feature of the suit being the red chevron at the shoulders. On his back he carried a heavy pack that bulged at the seams. "If the GV is set on the idea then let him marry her!"

At the top of gantry he stood in front of the control panel that would extend the top of the gantry to armored helm of the thirty meter tall mech. He pressed his hand to the clear glass plate set in the panel.

"Authorization confirmed," a disembodied no-nonsense voice intoned and with the sudden whine of an electric motor the gantry swung towards the massive mech even as the mech's red visor silently retracted into the helm allowing the Monarch access to the mech's cockpit.

When the gantry reached the end of it's track King Ganymede slung the heavy pack off his shoulders and gently lobbed it into the cockpit after which he made the short jump from the end of the gantry.

He sat in the cockpit's sole seat and strapped himself in as the gantry swung clear and the visor descended to close the cockpit once more.

"Please confirm," a soft sultry voice filled the cockpit.

"Ganymede, Sovereign of the Planet Mers, pilot and wielder of the Domina, and servant of the Divine Will."

"Welcome, King Ganymede," the sultry voiced computer said as the cockpit sprang to life. Various system telemetries flashed to green as the control harness descended from the cockpit's ceiling. The familiar faint hum of the super-compressed anti-matter engines filtered into the cockpit as they spun themselves up to speed.

"Good morning, Domina," King Ganymede cheerfully replied.

"Warning: all ordnance bays have been unloaded for routine maintenance," the Domina said.

"That's fine," King Ganymede. "This is just a little trip to keep up on my hours. To shake the rust off my piloting skills so to speak."

The Domina's computer seemed to accept this. "Communication attempt detected."

"Let's hear it," King Ganymede said.

"Your Majesty!" a male voice blared. "We unloaded all the ordnance from the Domina. If you go out you'll be virtually unarmed."

"Not quite," King Ganymede said. "I'm just taking a stroll around Olympus Mons to knock off some of the rust on us. Now please be so kind as to open the hangar door for us if you would."

"Of course, Your Majesty."


"Of all the idiotic things to do!" the Grand Vizier raged, shaking his fist that clutched a white sheet of paper. "That moron is going to embarrass the whole of Mers!"

"Please calm down, Your Excellency," Mina said. She was taken aback by the intensity of his anger. The King annoyed the Grand Vizier on a daily basis but never to the point of his current white knuckled and purple-faced towering rage. "What seems to be the problem?"

"He took off is what!" the Grand Vizier snapped. "Here, read this!" He thrust the sheet of paper into Mina's face.

"Hmmm," Mina murmured as she studied the paper. "Dear Grand Vizier,” she read. “I've decided to decline your generous offer of marriage to Princess Luna. Since she is so wonderful I've decided that I'm going to let you marry her.

Don't bother looking for me, you'll never find me. I packed lots of food as well as my favorite comic books so you don't need to worry about me. I'll be fine.

Sincerely, Ganymede, King of Mers."

"That's just stupendous!" the Grand Vizier said. "As we speak Princess Luna is on her way to Mers to meet her future husband. What am I supposed to tell the Princess? 'Oh sorry, the King has run away from home. Better luck next time.' ?"

Mina suppressed a smile. "How hard can it be to find someone strolling about in a thirty meter tall Titan? In any event I'm sure you'll figure something out. You're the Grand Vizier after all."


If this seems interesting at all then by all means do join in. The sky's the limit. However, I would prefer any posts to be story based with a heavy emphasis on absurd humor. I'd like to think of this as more a collaborative story than than something where the more rigid rules of RP must be observed.
02-08-2004, 03:43
OOC: Tag, may post
02-08-2004, 04:38
OOC: Well, why dont GMan just go ahead and give Mina a royal title...problem solved. Or she could role my way, and we could give her a position of royalty among the Imitoran Elite.