NationStates Jolt Archive

No more Colours, Flavours, or Defences

In a startling move today, Mayor Joe Quimby declared that, "all traditional English spellings of words that have been Americanized are to be outlawed effective immediately."

Words such as "colour" and "defence" must be spelled "color" and "defense." These words among many others must be spelled the American way. Any offender to the law will be tickled to death with former President Reagan's schlong.

Quimby stated his reasons for the law, "It's about damn time that Americans took back this language from those god damn Brits across the ocean -- not pond. English is an American language and any person to question that is unpatriotic and should be imprisoned on charges of terrorism. We made this language better and I'm tired of British tourists and immigrants (all four of them) coming into my town and spelling words the wrong way. It's 'defense' not 'defence', goddamnit! 'Flavor' not 'flavour.' It was just going to far. And this law should stop this 'Britishization' of our glorious national language. SIEG HEIL!"

Already two British tourists have been arrested and imprisoned on charges of "Grand Improper Spelling." Their fate is undecided, but it is likely that they will receive the Reagan Treatment.

Well, not to be biased or anything, but we here at Channel 6 News wholeheartedly agree and you the viewer should too! Visit www.channel6news.com (http://www.kitkat.co.uk/) and vote on our Internet poll to cast your opinion!

This has been a Channel 6 News Report

We ask that the nation of Simpsons Springfield allow language expression of all flavours and colours. Isn't freedom of speech important? It is the citizen's defence against opressive governments.

OOC: You realize that links to a British website at the bottom, right? By the way, good satire- I usually read your satires, but this is the first I have replied to.

The Bucket and Wig Inn, somewhere in the UK

"But most of the American spellings are the traditional!"
"Oh, aye, the language was an unfinished project when they left."
"That's what I'm saying, their spellings are the old way, ours are new, by and large."
"Aye, but we're talking as if Quimby isn't just a colonial buffoon."
"Oh, fair point, fair point!"
"By the way, do you know anyone who calls it the pond?"
"I've heard it called such about three times, previous. By a yank each time, of course."
"Moat, maybe."
"Eh? Oh, aye, right, right."

Dennis fell off his stool eight minutes later and is now in the local general hospital having his arm set.
Bill is in the next bed recovering from the hernia operation necessitated by his uproarious laughter following Dennis' accident.

We ask that the nation of Simpsons Springfield allow language expression of all flavours and colours. Isn't freedom of speech important? It is the citizen's defence against opressive governments.

OOC: You realize that links to a British website at the bottom, right? By the way, good satire- I usually read your satires, but this is the first I have replied to.

In the name of national security we must sacrifice the rights listed in the Bill of Rights!

If a British terrorist were to hijack one of our planes and send their demands to us via mail, we wouldn't understand what the heck they would be talking about? We would be like, "Realise? What the bloody hell is that??"

Thus, this law has been put into place to protect the people of Springfield, the freest nation on the entire planet!!!

-Quimby