Wombat News
17-06-2004, 11:47
Hofburg; Lavenrunz
It has begun! The mighty Antarctic Army of Penguins (AAP) has taken its first foothold in Lavenrunz! (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=151712&highlight=) They came out of the sea, hordes of them, quickly and fearlessly going about their destructive tasks. Squadron after squadron flew out of the water. Some hit land and began their invasion. Others flew deep into the heart of Lavenrunz to soften up the defences. Alas, the Lavenrunz defence forces never saw them coming, and within hours the majority of them were falling back in disarray and panic.
Those who did manage to escape from the onslaught described the experience as "terrifying". One trooper, fleeing in terror, gibbered "I've never seen anything like it … hundreds and thousands of penguins flying through the air and wobbling up the beaches … we knew hadn't a chance … I just thank God I got away! The rest of my platoon are in penguin labour camps producing electricity on treadmills for their new penguin masters!!"
Troops from the Federation of Glorious Humanity are even now preparing for a counter-strike. President Albert explained his nation’s strategy, "We and our allies will be striking back at the penguins as soon as we have our troops in position. Menelmacari troops will not be joining the force. They said they're busy at the moment ... yeah."
Unfortunately, the relief force's chances against the penguins are not good. For starters, penguins are shifty little buggers and they can deliver really nasty nips from their bone-crushing beaks. Second, bullets seem to have little affect on a crazed penguin. In order to bring down a typical penguin you have to hit it with 5 or 6 rounds, fired at close range, and with extreme accuracy. And then you have to subdue the creature! Couple that with the fact that most troops join the army simply out of boredom, and don’t really want to see any action, and you have a pretty dire situation ...
The missing element in this struggle is Knootoss. Where are they? This seems to be the imperative question until you learn that their government receives millions in aid from an undisclosed source in Antarctica. A Melkor Unchained marshal (we hear there are several) told us this, "Damn Knootoss and their cavorting with penguins again", from which we can only infer that Knootoss is in bed with the penguins ...
But what of the rest of the world? The general sentiment seems to be of apathy according to a recent global poll. Most Sketchians answered with gibberish, while most United Indiastanis answered with a call to jihad to "kill the infidels", although it was unclear exactly who the infidels being referred to were. Meanwhile, Australian Marsupials seems to have engineered a truce with the AAP. "You know, wombats scare the living bejeezus out of penguins. We'll be fine. They leave us alone, we leave them alone!” noted one government representative.
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – THE BEADY EYE OF TRUTH ON THE SEAGULL OF LIES
It has begun! The mighty Antarctic Army of Penguins (AAP) has taken its first foothold in Lavenrunz! (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=151712&highlight=) They came out of the sea, hordes of them, quickly and fearlessly going about their destructive tasks. Squadron after squadron flew out of the water. Some hit land and began their invasion. Others flew deep into the heart of Lavenrunz to soften up the defences. Alas, the Lavenrunz defence forces never saw them coming, and within hours the majority of them were falling back in disarray and panic.
Those who did manage to escape from the onslaught described the experience as "terrifying". One trooper, fleeing in terror, gibbered "I've never seen anything like it … hundreds and thousands of penguins flying through the air and wobbling up the beaches … we knew hadn't a chance … I just thank God I got away! The rest of my platoon are in penguin labour camps producing electricity on treadmills for their new penguin masters!!"
Troops from the Federation of Glorious Humanity are even now preparing for a counter-strike. President Albert explained his nation’s strategy, "We and our allies will be striking back at the penguins as soon as we have our troops in position. Menelmacari troops will not be joining the force. They said they're busy at the moment ... yeah."
Unfortunately, the relief force's chances against the penguins are not good. For starters, penguins are shifty little buggers and they can deliver really nasty nips from their bone-crushing beaks. Second, bullets seem to have little affect on a crazed penguin. In order to bring down a typical penguin you have to hit it with 5 or 6 rounds, fired at close range, and with extreme accuracy. And then you have to subdue the creature! Couple that with the fact that most troops join the army simply out of boredom, and don’t really want to see any action, and you have a pretty dire situation ...
The missing element in this struggle is Knootoss. Where are they? This seems to be the imperative question until you learn that their government receives millions in aid from an undisclosed source in Antarctica. A Melkor Unchained marshal (we hear there are several) told us this, "Damn Knootoss and their cavorting with penguins again", from which we can only infer that Knootoss is in bed with the penguins ...
But what of the rest of the world? The general sentiment seems to be of apathy according to a recent global poll. Most Sketchians answered with gibberish, while most United Indiastanis answered with a call to jihad to "kill the infidels", although it was unclear exactly who the infidels being referred to were. Meanwhile, Australian Marsupials seems to have engineered a truce with the AAP. "You know, wombats scare the living bejeezus out of penguins. We'll be fine. They leave us alone, we leave them alone!” noted one government representative.
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – THE BEADY EYE OF TRUTH ON THE SEAGULL OF LIES