Wombat News
24-05-2004, 15:05
Scolopendra; Wombat News
To look at Gregor Pandousco, you would just think that he's another 400 pound lazy Scolopendran slob. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2087307#2087307) But, beneath the flabby exterior of this odiferous individual, lies an unseen calm - an omniscient calm - a calm stereotypically reserved for Robert Redford types. For Pandousco is what people in the consumer goods industry call a "shopping trolley whisperer".
A shopping trolley whisperer (or trolley whisperer) deals with troubled shopping trolleys. Many different types of troubled shopping trolleys plague consumers worldwide. Some trolleys have been in accidents, and refuse to go back on the aisles. Some trolleys have been abused by their users and require a special touch to get them back to a functional state of mind, and some trolleys are beyond even the help of a trolley whisperer and need to be destroyed.
"It is a real shame to destroy a trolley," Pandousco told Wombat News, "without giving it every opportunity to rediscover itself and see that it is a beautifully balanced piece of machinery. I have only seen two trolleys that were beyond repair - both were demolished by crashes with big SUVs, but I’ve saved all of the others I was hired to talk to."
Wombat News asked Pandousco what exactly it is that he does to these trolleys. He says, "I listen to them. Every trolley has a soul. You think you're pushing a dumb, emotionless contraption made of wire and wheels, but you're wrong. Shopping trolleys have very distinct feelings. They emotionally bond with their users. One of the biggest problems I come across is where the user has called the trolley a rude name for something that the user did herself. When this occurs, the trolley will usually start making an irritating, squeaking noise, and one of the wheels will usually freeze up."
"I just talk to the trolley and reassure it that it is not the problem. Then I talk to the user and explain to them that they really need to be more sensitive to the feelings of their shopping trolleys. Of course, not all of my clients are this basic, but this should give you an idea of what I deal with."
Gregor Pandousco found himself in the spotlight last week when he got a call from Reploid Productions asking Pandousco to come and have a look at one of the newest models of their fleet of shopping trolleys. Reploid Productions had been planning mass production and distribution of the new line of shopping trolleys, but the prototype trolley had been found to be acting up. Pandousco had Reploid Productions’ trolley back in tip-top shape within an hour.
Gregor Pandousco is the best at what he does. If you ever find yourself in need of a shopping trolley whisperer, Wombat News highly recommends that you contact Gregor Pandousco. He has worked for all sorts of shopping trolley owners such as Zero One, Angelus, and Scolopendra itself, of course.
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – SHEDDING LIGHT ON THE MYSTERIES OF THE SHOPPING MALL
To look at Gregor Pandousco, you would just think that he's another 400 pound lazy Scolopendran slob. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2087307#2087307) But, beneath the flabby exterior of this odiferous individual, lies an unseen calm - an omniscient calm - a calm stereotypically reserved for Robert Redford types. For Pandousco is what people in the consumer goods industry call a "shopping trolley whisperer".
A shopping trolley whisperer (or trolley whisperer) deals with troubled shopping trolleys. Many different types of troubled shopping trolleys plague consumers worldwide. Some trolleys have been in accidents, and refuse to go back on the aisles. Some trolleys have been abused by their users and require a special touch to get them back to a functional state of mind, and some trolleys are beyond even the help of a trolley whisperer and need to be destroyed.
"It is a real shame to destroy a trolley," Pandousco told Wombat News, "without giving it every opportunity to rediscover itself and see that it is a beautifully balanced piece of machinery. I have only seen two trolleys that were beyond repair - both were demolished by crashes with big SUVs, but I’ve saved all of the others I was hired to talk to."
Wombat News asked Pandousco what exactly it is that he does to these trolleys. He says, "I listen to them. Every trolley has a soul. You think you're pushing a dumb, emotionless contraption made of wire and wheels, but you're wrong. Shopping trolleys have very distinct feelings. They emotionally bond with their users. One of the biggest problems I come across is where the user has called the trolley a rude name for something that the user did herself. When this occurs, the trolley will usually start making an irritating, squeaking noise, and one of the wheels will usually freeze up."
"I just talk to the trolley and reassure it that it is not the problem. Then I talk to the user and explain to them that they really need to be more sensitive to the feelings of their shopping trolleys. Of course, not all of my clients are this basic, but this should give you an idea of what I deal with."
Gregor Pandousco found himself in the spotlight last week when he got a call from Reploid Productions asking Pandousco to come and have a look at one of the newest models of their fleet of shopping trolleys. Reploid Productions had been planning mass production and distribution of the new line of shopping trolleys, but the prototype trolley had been found to be acting up. Pandousco had Reploid Productions’ trolley back in tip-top shape within an hour.
Gregor Pandousco is the best at what he does. If you ever find yourself in need of a shopping trolley whisperer, Wombat News highly recommends that you contact Gregor Pandousco. He has worked for all sorts of shopping trolley owners such as Zero One, Angelus, and Scolopendra itself, of course.
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – SHEDDING LIGHT ON THE MYSTERIES OF THE SHOPPING MALL