Wombat News
24-05-2004, 01:53
Applied Research in the Field of Quantum Ichthyo-Astronometric Dynamics: Crenimugil Labrosus and the Space-Time Continuum
Kaenei; Wombat News
Wombat News reporters have recently been granted exclusive access to the academic records of the Serene Union of Kaenei. What they have found is nothing short of shocking. Amongst records of experiments, some dating back decades, found in the archives of the Aengelistoria Scientia Institute of Applied Science and Mechanical Research, one piece of unfinished research seems to shine through the rest: Julianna Erefitan’s observations of the effects of prosthetics and wigs on the swimming patterns of fish in outer space (that is, fish brought from planet-side into outer space, not those found there). (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=144766&start=0&postdays=0&postorder=asc&highlight=)
Erefitan died (some claim suspiciously) shortly after publishing her seminal theoretical paper “Mullet in the Nether Regions of Space and Time”. In this work, Erefitan investigates the theoretical relationship between fish, space, time and teleportation. Her insights shed light on the space-time bridge theoretically achievable by fish when their natural propulsion patterns are disturbed through the use of prosthetic fins and silver-dyed wigs popularised by 1970s female roller-disco dancers, and explore this most interesting topic in the theatre of applied quantum ichthyo-astronometric dynamics.
In the margins of a notebook found at Erefitan’s residence shortly after her death, three elements are outlined as necessary for the study of such dynamics: fish, prosthetics or wigs and the zero gravity of space. To account for each of these, the following method was employed.
Three “terrestrial” grey mullet (crenimugil labrosus) were selected such that their belly surface pressure fell within the average adult range (3.0 – 3.5 kPa). Each fish was contained within a separate 100l seawater tank for a period of six weeks prior to space flight and fed a high protein diet of hens’ eggs and vanilla extract. Unfortunately, due to cost overruns, Erefitan was unable to secure the funding necessary for transportation into space. To compensate for this most unexpected caveat, it was determined the protocol should be continued using a large 700l clear-bottom seawater tank on Kaenei (a technique often employed by Kaenei’s space industrial complex to simulate the zero-gravity of space) into which a 500l clear-bottom seawater environmental tank was placed where experiments would be conducted. More specifically, the outer tank would provide the simulation of zero-gravity surrounding the inner environmental tank, exactly replicating the experience (for the subjects) of swimming in the depths of outer space.
Due to the reluctance of the fish subjects to wear prosthetics and wigs, they were wrapped in 4m strands of common household grade polypropylene bailer twine (to simulate the effect of prosthetics and wigs) and dipped in a bath of paraffin wax at 60°C for three seconds to prevent chafing. One by one, the fish subjects were immersed in the inner 500l environmental tank and released from a fixed point. Each was allowed to swim for a period of five seconds toward a bait consisting of six asparagus crowns. The fish subjects’ swimming patterns were observed and recorded for analysis.
Post experiment, all subjects were destroyed, rendered and sold to the Menelmacari as phosphorus-based fertilizer.
Results for each subject varied. However, all seemed frightened and appeared inhibited by the “prosthetics”, “wigs”, or “zero-gravity” present in “outer space”. There were no obviously observable signs of inter-dimensional or time travel present (though one mullet did start off much slower than the others, he made up for his start by speeding up later on). However, such travel was theoretically present.
The use of a double tank enabled a double zero-gravity event to take place for each subject fish, since both tanks in fact independently simulated the gravitational state of outer space. The net result was that any motion automatically constituted an instantaneous teleportation from one point in space-gravity to another, theoretically similar to what is commonly referred to as a quantum leap. Therefore, the fish subjects were, for all intents and purposes, existing within two points of space and time (space-time (a) and space-time (b)) simultaneously while moving to and from two independent points as well. Some questions remain as to the possible experience of a theoretical space-time (c) on account of the paraffin wax bath. If such paraffin-space does exist, what are the implications of its less dense than water (i.e., lighter than zero-gravity) properties?
Though perhaps too early to state with complete confidence, grey mullet may have some ability to surpass the bounds of time and space under certain conditions. The implications of this are vast and stretch beyond the exciting realm of ichthyology and into the great unknown of physics, astrophysics, ichthyophysics, interstellar astronomy, and perhaps even interstellar ichthyoastronomy or quantum ichthyo-astronometric dynamics.
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – EXPANDING THE BOUNDARIES OF THE FISH-BASED PHYSICS
Kaenei; Wombat News
Wombat News reporters have recently been granted exclusive access to the academic records of the Serene Union of Kaenei. What they have found is nothing short of shocking. Amongst records of experiments, some dating back decades, found in the archives of the Aengelistoria Scientia Institute of Applied Science and Mechanical Research, one piece of unfinished research seems to shine through the rest: Julianna Erefitan’s observations of the effects of prosthetics and wigs on the swimming patterns of fish in outer space (that is, fish brought from planet-side into outer space, not those found there). (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=144766&start=0&postdays=0&postorder=asc&highlight=)
Erefitan died (some claim suspiciously) shortly after publishing her seminal theoretical paper “Mullet in the Nether Regions of Space and Time”. In this work, Erefitan investigates the theoretical relationship between fish, space, time and teleportation. Her insights shed light on the space-time bridge theoretically achievable by fish when their natural propulsion patterns are disturbed through the use of prosthetic fins and silver-dyed wigs popularised by 1970s female roller-disco dancers, and explore this most interesting topic in the theatre of applied quantum ichthyo-astronometric dynamics.
In the margins of a notebook found at Erefitan’s residence shortly after her death, three elements are outlined as necessary for the study of such dynamics: fish, prosthetics or wigs and the zero gravity of space. To account for each of these, the following method was employed.
Three “terrestrial” grey mullet (crenimugil labrosus) were selected such that their belly surface pressure fell within the average adult range (3.0 – 3.5 kPa). Each fish was contained within a separate 100l seawater tank for a period of six weeks prior to space flight and fed a high protein diet of hens’ eggs and vanilla extract. Unfortunately, due to cost overruns, Erefitan was unable to secure the funding necessary for transportation into space. To compensate for this most unexpected caveat, it was determined the protocol should be continued using a large 700l clear-bottom seawater tank on Kaenei (a technique often employed by Kaenei’s space industrial complex to simulate the zero-gravity of space) into which a 500l clear-bottom seawater environmental tank was placed where experiments would be conducted. More specifically, the outer tank would provide the simulation of zero-gravity surrounding the inner environmental tank, exactly replicating the experience (for the subjects) of swimming in the depths of outer space.
Due to the reluctance of the fish subjects to wear prosthetics and wigs, they were wrapped in 4m strands of common household grade polypropylene bailer twine (to simulate the effect of prosthetics and wigs) and dipped in a bath of paraffin wax at 60°C for three seconds to prevent chafing. One by one, the fish subjects were immersed in the inner 500l environmental tank and released from a fixed point. Each was allowed to swim for a period of five seconds toward a bait consisting of six asparagus crowns. The fish subjects’ swimming patterns were observed and recorded for analysis.
Post experiment, all subjects were destroyed, rendered and sold to the Menelmacari as phosphorus-based fertilizer.
Results for each subject varied. However, all seemed frightened and appeared inhibited by the “prosthetics”, “wigs”, or “zero-gravity” present in “outer space”. There were no obviously observable signs of inter-dimensional or time travel present (though one mullet did start off much slower than the others, he made up for his start by speeding up later on). However, such travel was theoretically present.
The use of a double tank enabled a double zero-gravity event to take place for each subject fish, since both tanks in fact independently simulated the gravitational state of outer space. The net result was that any motion automatically constituted an instantaneous teleportation from one point in space-gravity to another, theoretically similar to what is commonly referred to as a quantum leap. Therefore, the fish subjects were, for all intents and purposes, existing within two points of space and time (space-time (a) and space-time (b)) simultaneously while moving to and from two independent points as well. Some questions remain as to the possible experience of a theoretical space-time (c) on account of the paraffin wax bath. If such paraffin-space does exist, what are the implications of its less dense than water (i.e., lighter than zero-gravity) properties?
Though perhaps too early to state with complete confidence, grey mullet may have some ability to surpass the bounds of time and space under certain conditions. The implications of this are vast and stretch beyond the exciting realm of ichthyology and into the great unknown of physics, astrophysics, ichthyophysics, interstellar astronomy, and perhaps even interstellar ichthyoastronomy or quantum ichthyo-astronometric dynamics.
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – EXPANDING THE BOUNDARIES OF THE FISH-BASED PHYSICS