NationStates Jolt Archive


Wombat News: Sketch To Secede From Earth

Wombat News
23-05-2004, 21:19
Sketch; Wombat News

Citing pollution, sparse foreign investment and the festering Metus quagmire, the Sketchian president today announced that the planet Earth had very few positives to offer his people, and that as a result, he was taking steps to relocate Sketch elsewhere in the solar system.

“The drawbacks of staying here far outweigh the advantages of a breathable atmosphere, potable water, and temperate climate,” said the president in his weekly radio address to the Sketchian people. “And that is why I’ve decided that we have to leave.”

Sketchian scientists have been feverishly working to ready the nation for eventual secession. They have tried a number of methods for lifting the country off the planet’s surface, including several types of catapults, trampolines and sophisticated lever systems. So far, the most promising method seems to be a network of rockets bolted to the ground which will be simultaneously launched, thereby carrying Sketch into outer space.

The Sketchian people seem to be united behind their leader. “We can only take so much abuse from an unforgiving world,” said Num Knutts, a peasant. “We’re outta here. There has to be something better out there.”

Bygot Rednek, chair of Theological Studies at Syskeyiapolis University, remarked “Sketch’s plan is not completely out of the ordinary. For about 50 years in the twelfth century, Rezo seceded from the world, relocating to the surface of Mars. They came back, and my guess is that Sketch will too.”

Sketch plans to have all rockets in place by August to be ready for a 1 September, 2004 departure.

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Sketch
23-05-2004, 21:49
The official government line:

We can neither confirm nor deny the allegations that the nation may or may not be departing sometime in the far or near future.

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As always WN, love your work :wink:
Treznor
24-05-2004, 00:26
Yay.
Cyberutopia
24-05-2004, 01:44
Reports have come in recently that point to the large possibility Cyberutopian childern will be gathering near the Sketchian state to gather rocks as they fall from the sky.

"We're going to watch the glorious show of millions of shooting stars." 5 year old Jimmy Becker told the press.

"Screw that, we're gonna sell 'em on the black market for crack and whore money." His older brother commented.