NationStates Jolt Archive

"...Is this thing even broadcasting?"

"Wait a second... Yes, I think it now is!!"

-- START OF TRANSMISSION --

"It better be, you... Uh oh! Can you see me? Can you hear me?"

The transmission was sent with both audio and video. The video-part basically consisted of something that looked like a stubby midget with a long white beard and green clothes in, surprisingly, sitting in a sauna. He seemed startled.

"We are making this announcement to make our presence known to you, you people who stopped giving us food hundreds of years ago! You thought we were merely SUPERSTITION! Ha! You were WRONG! All WRONG! We really do exist! Like those unnaturally long elves with no beards do! They look like overgrown children, too!"

"You might think who I claim to be, so I'll just spit it out! I'm the King of all Sauna Elves, that's who I am! And it's for me to know and for you to find out what my name is!"

The Sauna Elf slit his throat with his hand in the universal "Cut The Transmission" kind of way, looking away from the camera. When it didn't happen, he became angry.

"Cut the damn transmission!"

"But sir...!"

"Just do it! NOW!"

-- END OF TRANSMISSION --

A Christmas elf saw the transmission in Tonttumaa, and chose to reply to it. He, being the stealthy little bugger he was, easily passed Santa's security and went in to transmit a voice-only message to the Sauna Elves. They were, in a sense, their cousins after all!

"We always knew you existed, and oh, what a joyous day this is! We, the Christmas elves of Tonttumaa, salute you! Finally you have found your way to the so called international s...!"

Sounds of gunfire were heard, as well did a very audible death cry. After a while, someone was apparently dragging something away, after which someone walked into the room. Some light grunting came then, after which the one in the room began to speak.

"This is Santa Claus. You are always welcome to come to Tonttumaa and become my little play... *cough*, I mean, citizens of this great nation!"

... After which the transmission was cut.