Wombat News
16-05-2004, 22:04
Devras, Dread Lady Nathicana; Wombat News
In a surprising development Devras couple, Nathicana and Alkanphel Smith announced that they are expecting a baby, which is in fact a clown.
"We didn't believe it at first, ourselves," said a shocked Alkanphel Smith. "After a lot of talk and comparison, we now believe our baby girl, Alkana jr., is a clown, like her mother."
Unlike the infamous death cult-linked company, Resi Corporation, that recently announced its own clown baby, but refused to provide proof, the Smith's agreed to produce their baby immediately after birth.
“We've nothing to hide," said Nathicana. "I’m expecting a baby. That baby is a clown baby." How does she know? Well, like all mothers-to-be in this dump of a city, she carried that baby for 9 months. "My ma says that the baby is acted up just like I did when she carried me - movin', kickin' and squirtin' custard. And it’s due out three weeks late just like me."
And if that isn't enough proof, most folks are apt to remark how much Alkana jr. looks like Nathicana on the ultrasounds scans. "Most say it's downright uncanny how much our unborn baby looks like me," commented Nathicana. "Most say it's the big feet or the red, frizzy hair. Some add that the baggy yellow pants are pretty much alike. And, of course, Alkanphel thinks the baby is the "spittin' image" of me. He even joked that maybe the baby isn't really his, that maybe some other guy, like Melkor, is the real father. We all laughed when he said that."
According to scientists, as much as features that look alike can suggest similarities, they are not enough in and of themselves to confirm that baby Alkana is a clown. More sophisticated tests are required. "We don't care about no tests," stated Alkanphel Smith, father of the clown baby. "It's enough for us that we know in our heart of hearts that this baby is definitely a clown baby."
The publicity surrounding this event has overwhelmed the Smiths. So much so that they are only taking calls from leading media personalities or well-known tabloids. "We have to draw the line somewhere," said Alkanphel Smith. "Most media won't pay for a story like this, but some will and that's who we want to hear from. We've got bills to pay."
In a related development, Melkor Unchained announced this week that he would be starting a babysitting and creche service in the Angband area. "I am am a very caring employer, and I want to be certain that my employees know and appreciate that Melkor Unchained stands by best practice in the workplace. I am especially keen to demonstrate my support for my warlords, and I know that I will have no problem with caring deeply for their children, and frankly, warping their pathetic little mortal minds and bending them to my will, and well, I'm also a little short of snacks right now," said Melkor.
Rumours of his snack-time woes have been circulating of late and this would seem to support those rumours. [i]"It's a temporary snack flow problem because of the munchies I’ve had with all those late nights dealing with those terrible elves’ plots against me, but really it's also an opportunity to do something I really enjoy," continued Melkor.
According to unidentified Melkor Unchained advisors cited, some late-night convenience stores are unwilling to continue to give him credit, and there seems to be considerable unease amongst his closest supporters at the choice of snack-food that he seems to prefer.
What he plans to charge for his babysitting services was not disclosed but Melkor said, when asked, "If it wasn't for this snack shortage thing, believe me, I'd wouldn’t have the damned kids anywhere near my Iron Throne, but they’re just so crunchy and tasty, and no-one will miss just one or two, will they?!"
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – BRINGING YOU THE LATEST FROM THE PRODUCTION LINE
In a surprising development Devras couple, Nathicana and Alkanphel Smith announced that they are expecting a baby, which is in fact a clown.
"We didn't believe it at first, ourselves," said a shocked Alkanphel Smith. "After a lot of talk and comparison, we now believe our baby girl, Alkana jr., is a clown, like her mother."
Unlike the infamous death cult-linked company, Resi Corporation, that recently announced its own clown baby, but refused to provide proof, the Smith's agreed to produce their baby immediately after birth.
“We've nothing to hide," said Nathicana. "I’m expecting a baby. That baby is a clown baby." How does she know? Well, like all mothers-to-be in this dump of a city, she carried that baby for 9 months. "My ma says that the baby is acted up just like I did when she carried me - movin', kickin' and squirtin' custard. And it’s due out three weeks late just like me."
And if that isn't enough proof, most folks are apt to remark how much Alkana jr. looks like Nathicana on the ultrasounds scans. "Most say it's downright uncanny how much our unborn baby looks like me," commented Nathicana. "Most say it's the big feet or the red, frizzy hair. Some add that the baggy yellow pants are pretty much alike. And, of course, Alkanphel thinks the baby is the "spittin' image" of me. He even joked that maybe the baby isn't really his, that maybe some other guy, like Melkor, is the real father. We all laughed when he said that."
According to scientists, as much as features that look alike can suggest similarities, they are not enough in and of themselves to confirm that baby Alkana is a clown. More sophisticated tests are required. "We don't care about no tests," stated Alkanphel Smith, father of the clown baby. "It's enough for us that we know in our heart of hearts that this baby is definitely a clown baby."
The publicity surrounding this event has overwhelmed the Smiths. So much so that they are only taking calls from leading media personalities or well-known tabloids. "We have to draw the line somewhere," said Alkanphel Smith. "Most media won't pay for a story like this, but some will and that's who we want to hear from. We've got bills to pay."
In a related development, Melkor Unchained announced this week that he would be starting a babysitting and creche service in the Angband area. "I am am a very caring employer, and I want to be certain that my employees know and appreciate that Melkor Unchained stands by best practice in the workplace. I am especially keen to demonstrate my support for my warlords, and I know that I will have no problem with caring deeply for their children, and frankly, warping their pathetic little mortal minds and bending them to my will, and well, I'm also a little short of snacks right now," said Melkor.
Rumours of his snack-time woes have been circulating of late and this would seem to support those rumours. [i]"It's a temporary snack flow problem because of the munchies I’ve had with all those late nights dealing with those terrible elves’ plots against me, but really it's also an opportunity to do something I really enjoy," continued Melkor.
According to unidentified Melkor Unchained advisors cited, some late-night convenience stores are unwilling to continue to give him credit, and there seems to be considerable unease amongst his closest supporters at the choice of snack-food that he seems to prefer.
What he plans to charge for his babysitting services was not disclosed but Melkor said, when asked, "If it wasn't for this snack shortage thing, believe me, I'd wouldn’t have the damned kids anywhere near my Iron Throne, but they’re just so crunchy and tasty, and no-one will miss just one or two, will they?!"
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – BRINGING YOU THE LATEST FROM THE PRODUCTION LINE