Ekwenda News Agency
New Prime Minister
Grand Duke Nicholas IV this morning accepted the resignation of Prime Minister Hamun Kalanda and appointed Justice Minister Qarat Zakwende as his successor. Judge Muxammad Dzumu becomes Justice Minister. (Sunday, 9 May 2004)
Minista Yoma Bogor
Butu Koma Nikolas IV watsankena humbinu zaini rezigneshono Ministaka Yoma Hamun Kalanda u waindana Ministayo Virkedema Qarat Zakwende kaya basalidzu. Virku Muxammad Dzumu ayungga Minista Virkedema. (Sanisa, 9 Mevullu 2004)
Three new provinces
Interior Minister Lui Andru Kandaberke has announced the creation of three new provinces, effective from today. Gundar Island is to be separate from the Alandi and Makendi Islands, and to have its capital at Port Gundar. Those areas of Xanduba with an ethnically Manggela majority are to become Manggelakendra, with capital at Ceexaad; the rest uniting with Siasiba to become Siasiba-Xanduba province, with capital at Alo.
New governors: for Gundar Island, Prince Haluk of Gundar; for Manggelakendra, Tuntaku Numba; and for Siasiba-Xanduba, the former governor of Xanduba, Ngalimbe Kundre. (Tuesday, 11 May 2004)
Era kundro bogor
Minista Itsukedema Lui Andre Kandaberke waminkama pogami era kundroyo bogor, antakesse hograba. Buru Gundar itsaina Buruto Alandi u Makendi, u ilima kovo Murmatu Gundar. Le xendarat Xandubaka majoritilu esnik Manggela ikirdian kundruyo Manggelakendra, kovu Cexadu; barrak ipirandalam Siasibalu ikirdalam kundruyo Siasiba-Xanduba, kovu Alolu.
Kundrukut bogorat: Burubi Gundar, Tambutu Haluk Gundara; Manggelakendrabi, Tuntaku Numba; u Siasiba-Xandubabi, kundruku ayakada Xandubaka, Ngalimbe Kundre. (Cuzisa, 11 Mevullu 2004)
Here are the results of regional elections held yesterday. Two provinces and one autonomous territory went to the polls.
Central Ekwenda
Monarchist Party 12
Constitutional Party 8
Republican Socialist Alliance 7
Communist Party 2
Ekwenda National Agrarian Union 2
Democratic Socialist Movement 1
MP leader Elizabet Xarudi remains provincial president at the head of an MP-ConP alliance.
Alandi and Makendi Islands
Alandi Socialist Party 6
Monarchist Party 5
Republican Socialist Alliance 3
Communist Party 1
Constitutional Party 1
Makendi Independence Party 1
ASP leader Tur Ghan Haariq takes office as provincial president at the head of an ASP-RSP-MIP alliance, and announces plans for a referendum on autonomy or independence.
Western Kandu-Bakil Autonomous Territory
Kandu National League 4
Kandu Independence Front 3
Constitutional Party 2
Bakillan Kaziguunut Xelekbeen 1
Communist Party 1
Monarchist Party of Bakillan 1
KNL leader Muhamad Sampu remains chief minister at the head of a KNL-ConP-MPB alliance.
Southern Ekwenda and Karia
Elections not held due to deteriorating security situation.
Fraudulent gun petition
Information Minister Matin Kinduba today condemned reports of a fraudulent petition purportedly being put to the National Assembly, calling it a crude forgery, and a disgrace to Ekwenda's values of freedom and security. Internal clues show the forgery to be the work of foreign subversives.
According to the reports, a group calling itself 'Gun Owners of Ekwenda' presented a petition for compulsory gun ownership to a body the document names as 'Congress'. No real group by either name is known to exist in Ekwenda. An extreme right-wing party that garnered 0.07% of the vote in the last elections does advocate allowing gun ownership, and its members are now being investigated by police to see if they had any hand in the forgery.
Of the three options supposedly given in the petition, all are in favour of gun ownership, and the status quo is not even presented as an option. Another oddity is a spokesperson for one of the options being named as a 'Police Chief Bill Hamilton'. It is not known whether this is a pseudonym or a self-assumed identity, but it may simply be another crude error indicating the foreignness of the perpetrators.
Detective-Inspector Qarin Nuhanta said that gun ownership was an extremely serious crime, and impersonating a police officer (if that was what the foreign title was intended to be) was punishable by a heavy fine. All efforts will be made to root out the perpetrators. He added it was not known yet whether they have any links with Karian separatists.
Minister 'pissed off'
Interior Minister Lui Andru Kandaberke announced today that he was pissed off with the constant stream of repeated proposals showing up before the parliament of Ekwenda. He doubted he had seen anything new for quite some days now, and he was pissed off about it.
Sir Maikal Uqintu, permanent secretary of the Interior Ministry, who was sitting next to Mr Kandaberke at the press conference, pricked up his ears at this and looked at his minister with what observers described as a startled expression.
Mr Kandaberke explained that he was really, really tired of pissing about with issues that they had already resolved, and did these no-hopers think they had nothing better to do in Parliament than keep dismissing them?
Sir Maikal stretched across the table and tried to have a quiet word with the Minister, but was shooed away with a hand. The Minister went on to point out how utterly, thoroughly pissed off he was. The Permanent Secretary got up and went round the back of his chair, hissing 'Minister!' in an audible tone, but the Minister just spoke louder, so the Permanent Secretary started looking for a microphone switch. When he noticed press flashbulbs recording his movements he tried to wave them away discreetly, with an annoyed expression.
Mr Kandaberke repeated once more with clarity and a kind of drawn-out, exaggerated enunciation that he was so pissed off like you wouldn't believe. Sir Maikal is alleged to have barked, 'Minister! Have you been drinking?'. Reporters rushed the podium with tape-recorders as the Minister told his PS to 'shut the feck up, you fat boring old git'.
Photographs of the subsequent brawl have been classified under the Defence of the Realm Act, and are expected to be released for public viewing in January 2055.
Cabinet Appointment
Prime Minister Qarat Zakwende has appointed Sera Magaret Kwadele-Zeqa as Interior Minister, the incumbent having retired to spend more time with his family.