Wombat News
01-04-2004, 10:45
Aelosia; Wombat News
Aelosia (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/target=display_nation/nation=Aelosia) announced today that they have launched a "total all-out invasion" against Arda. In a tersely worded statement the Supreme Commander of the Armed Forces of Aelosia, the ShadowPrincess Avril Poisson said that “the entire might of the Aelosian armed forces will soon be hurled against Arda." (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=136003)
The invasion was prompted by rumours that Melkor Unchained is finally having a short nap, which has led the Aelosians to believe that a country already dazed by events on Mars will be now be unable to repel a sustained attack. In the words of Ms Poisson, "we've been waiting for this opportunity for years, now we'll get them just when they least expect it, the bastards!"
Outlining the invasion plans to Wombat News, Commander of the Aelosian Navy, Count Admiral Jim Teakirk, wearing a full admiral's uniform and an enormous plumed ostrich-feather hat, was speaking from the helm of the flagship of the Aelosian Navy, the Nimloth, a vessel which appeared to be a hastily modified dinghy with "Property of Western Might" crossed out and a double barrelled shotgun strapped to the front with "industrial strength cellotape".
He also denied that the invasion should be seen in any way as retaliation for Melkor’s past rudeness. "This is purely a defensive measure to ensure the protection of our people as well as keeping those orc-loving fiends away from our hills and dales, woods and fields. Anyway, Aelosians are a modest people and it is not in our nature to laud it over another's misfortune," he explained as he ran up the ship's colours consisting of a giant frisbee with a few stars emblazoned haphazardly around it.
Mr Teakirk then formally launched the maritime force with the traditional command of "Paddle her out, Captain. Steady as she goes." Aelosia's ShadowPrincess then went on to explain what weapons the Aelosians would be deploying. "Our scientists have worked day and night to develop an array of state-of-the-art weaponry. Our genetically modified sUper-g0ats can devour an acre of grass in less than one minute thereby reducing the Southron grasslands to a half-decent soccer pitch in record time. The anti-submarine über-s4lm0n of d00m has been specially bred and trained to swim into and block up a submarine's torpedo tubes, and our whirligig se4gulls of desparation have been taught to deliver a devastating aerial payload to the head. The Ardans won't stand a chance."
When asked whether any of the 2000 Thelasi and Yvressian armed forces personnel currently stationed on the Craftworld would be called upon to assist, Ms Poisson confirmed that "she hadn't got round to asking them yet and was rather hoping they wouldn't notice until the invasion was fully underway."
However, she confirmed she had informed Menelmacar. "I have just spoken to the Elentári over a crackly sub-space line. She appeared very excited by the news," she explained. "Although it was difficult to make out her exact words, what with the static and all that shouting at the other end, I am certain that she congratulated us on our great endeavour. She also said how much she admired Aelosia's pluckiness - at least I think that's what she said."
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – NEWS AS IT OUGHT TO BE
Aelosia (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/target=display_nation/nation=Aelosia) announced today that they have launched a "total all-out invasion" against Arda. In a tersely worded statement the Supreme Commander of the Armed Forces of Aelosia, the ShadowPrincess Avril Poisson said that “the entire might of the Aelosian armed forces will soon be hurled against Arda." (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=136003)
The invasion was prompted by rumours that Melkor Unchained is finally having a short nap, which has led the Aelosians to believe that a country already dazed by events on Mars will be now be unable to repel a sustained attack. In the words of Ms Poisson, "we've been waiting for this opportunity for years, now we'll get them just when they least expect it, the bastards!"
Outlining the invasion plans to Wombat News, Commander of the Aelosian Navy, Count Admiral Jim Teakirk, wearing a full admiral's uniform and an enormous plumed ostrich-feather hat, was speaking from the helm of the flagship of the Aelosian Navy, the Nimloth, a vessel which appeared to be a hastily modified dinghy with "Property of Western Might" crossed out and a double barrelled shotgun strapped to the front with "industrial strength cellotape".
He also denied that the invasion should be seen in any way as retaliation for Melkor’s past rudeness. "This is purely a defensive measure to ensure the protection of our people as well as keeping those orc-loving fiends away from our hills and dales, woods and fields. Anyway, Aelosians are a modest people and it is not in our nature to laud it over another's misfortune," he explained as he ran up the ship's colours consisting of a giant frisbee with a few stars emblazoned haphazardly around it.
Mr Teakirk then formally launched the maritime force with the traditional command of "Paddle her out, Captain. Steady as she goes." Aelosia's ShadowPrincess then went on to explain what weapons the Aelosians would be deploying. "Our scientists have worked day and night to develop an array of state-of-the-art weaponry. Our genetically modified sUper-g0ats can devour an acre of grass in less than one minute thereby reducing the Southron grasslands to a half-decent soccer pitch in record time. The anti-submarine über-s4lm0n of d00m has been specially bred and trained to swim into and block up a submarine's torpedo tubes, and our whirligig se4gulls of desparation have been taught to deliver a devastating aerial payload to the head. The Ardans won't stand a chance."
When asked whether any of the 2000 Thelasi and Yvressian armed forces personnel currently stationed on the Craftworld would be called upon to assist, Ms Poisson confirmed that "she hadn't got round to asking them yet and was rather hoping they wouldn't notice until the invasion was fully underway."
However, she confirmed she had informed Menelmacar. "I have just spoken to the Elentári over a crackly sub-space line. She appeared very excited by the news," she explained. "Although it was difficult to make out her exact words, what with the static and all that shouting at the other end, I am certain that she congratulated us on our great endeavour. She also said how much she admired Aelosia's pluckiness - at least I think that's what she said."
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – NEWS AS IT OUGHT TO BE