NationStates Jolt Archive

A little gray man extended his head from behind a red rock.

He walked out from behind it in much the same way a fish wouldn't.

He kind of looked like a fish, too. A gray fish. Or maybe a grey fish. He had black eyes, a little more wideset than human eyes, and much larger. And he had no ears.

He opened his small mouth to speak.

"Everyone on Mars, get off our planet. Or we will destroy you and your entire race."

News just in
A meteor swarm was sighted over Thermidorean skies today. Reports are coming in of "little grey men" being sighted all over the country. Astronomer Elini Brigadoon states "these red rocks were not naturally formed - here or anywhere else - it may be there's intelligent life out there". When asked to elaborate she stated "there's an en-suite bathroom in it... what more proof do you want?"

Reuters - Thermidore

The little man threatened idly, of course. And he knew it. Rather than getting smacked down by uber-godmod nations of elves, AIs, and half-vampire angels, he ran away.

Upon reaching the edge of a cliff, he stopped running. He scaled down it, until he reached a fissure in the cliff-face, just big enough for him to fit through.

Where he met a gingerbread man - who said - "hmm elves after you too?"

"Yeah. I don't really like them. Something about their ears. Not to mention the rest of those Terran mentulae. They wanted to move Mars, did you know that?"

He added, "Then there are the genocidal humans and orcs. Speaking of which..." And with these words, he ate the gingerbread man.

Headline from the Adderton News Review

SIGHTED MOVEMENT ON MARS; ASTRONOMER CLAIMS IT IS LIFE

Excerpt from the Adderton Word
Domestic News, Page 20

"...Jimmy Tune claimes to have seen movement on Mars. This is firmly denied by the National Astronomy Association due to the impossibility of determining what is movement of satillites or movement of other things..."

The little grey man in the little black crevice in the big red cliff on the relatively large red Mars rubbed his stomach in satisfaction.

This is possibly the most intelligent thread on NS. =/

Then he poked his head out of the crevice. Satisfied that no large nations had considered him worth the effort of vaporizing, he began to ponder what would happen if someone moved Mars. It seemed people still wanted to move it. Venus, too, though that didn't matter to the little grey man since he was on Mars. The way he saw it, Venus was closer to the sun, so if it spiraled into the sun in a degrading orbit the effects on Mars would be negligible.

However, if Mars were moved, say, seventy percent closer to Earth than it was now, the gravitational effects would increase elevenfold when the planets were at their closest. Assuming they weren't in identical orbits, they'd have to be that close every few years, possibly affecting tides on Earth, not that this would matter on Mars. Not to mention moving the planet might cause problems with its rotation, which could cause severe earthquake damage, a problem for native Martians like him and for the mentulae who'd moved here recently.

Of course, this went far beyond the short spaces of thought this little grey man was accustomed to and he knew far less about the science than the astrophysicists planning the operation, so he shrugged away his fears. At least they weren't charging for this...since it would probably cost trillions of little red rocks he didn't have. He felt glad people would be willing to spend money like that for no reward at all.

Headline from the Adderton News Review

TELPATHIC WOMAN SPEAKS OF INTERCEPTED THOUGHTS FROM ALIENS; CLAIMS THEM TO BE OF 'SMART STUFF'

All that thinking had made him tired. He decided to go to sleep, hopefully to dream of incredible things that could never ever possibly exist. Too bad his world didn't have anything like that.

<Tag of UBERIMPORTANCE>

A rare Zerom fighter loomed overhead, then lowered, dropping large amounts of excess trash on the surface of Mars when nobody was looking, and shouting, "Kzar Nitake Zerom!!!" before chuckling and flying off.
http://img6.photobucket.com/albums/v19/BrianJ/Zerom.gif
Zerom

Headline of Adderton News Review

TELEPATHIC WOMAN GOES TO SLEEP!

The little grey man woke up when he heard a crash from outside his little cave. He dismissed it. Something must have hit the valley floor- a little extra debris from that space battle a few days ago, probably. As he stretched out his body, he began to think back to the time before the terraformers. Sure, they improved the air a little, and the dust storms aren't as bad, but they brought things like oceans, too.

He'd been living on the warm equator right in one of the cliffs when they first came, those ugly things with the ears. Elves. When they started building, he decided it was time to move on. So he moved east, but he ended up finding some more ugly things. Uglier, if it was possible. They had ears, too, but less pointy. They were talking about some crazy plan to move Mars, and they also planned on staying, so he kept on moving. Then he hit the place where he saw the other elves, the green ones; they were the ugliest yet! And they were brutal. There were only two, and one of them smashed in the other one's head with a rock and ate it. He hid for a few days, then came out. He heard later that these people had broken off with their home, and he never saw more weird elves, but after that one time he kept going.

Or tried to. That was when he first saw it. The blight on Mars. Water. Sure, there were stories about water at the poles, but no one had ever come back from the poles, so who would take them seriously? Besides, the stories were never about liquid water. This was stuff a little grey man could drown in, and it was no little hill he could walk around. So he turned back, went all the way past the elves, only to find more. He ended up going north to the edge of some water a new group had claimed before giving up. Now he wandered from place to place, trying to find a new home, hiding from the settlers. He never saw any of his own people; they, too, had been driven into hiding...or killed.

He shook his little grey head regretfully and opened his little grey mouth mournfully. "And does anyone ask forgiveness of this little grey man or offer compensation as a suppliant?"

Headline of Adderton News Review

TELEPATHIC MESSENGER CLAIMS MARTIAN IS AFFRONTED; PRAYERS OF FORGIVENESS SHOULD BE SENT UNTO HIM; A CHURCH OF THE MARTIAN HAS BEEN CREATED

After a little while pitying himself, he started feeling better. Kind of like a banana would feel if it had been unsquashed.

[double post]

Headline of the Adderton News Review (page 9)

Telepath run over by bannana truck; last words claim to have been sent by alien.