Convert to the Church of Kia, for your own good.
Convert to the Church of Kia, for your own good.
Please convert. Kia looks favorably on his followers. Kia is all-powerful.
All you have to do is:
1. Announce your intentions to everyone you meet for seven hours to follow the path of Kia
2. Read the Book of Kia-ness-y-ness.
3. Don't use firearms or automobiles
4. Don't say ketchup, say catsup.
5. Visit the 10.0001 sites of Kia at least once in a lifetime
6. Do what the Derka says, for as Kia's direct descendent, he can speak to him, and he will respond.
7. Due to negetive response, we have decided to post more of the rules mentioned in the Book of Kia-ness-y-ness to this short list of a few selected ones. Perhaps you just need to learn more of Kia and his wisdom.
8. No animal products may be consumed.
9. Either black or blue must be worn at all times
10. Every house should keep a pet Asandan Wolf. Onl asandan wolves because they don't have to eat animal products.
11. On every eleventh day, one must not wear a shirt.
12. On every twelvth day, one must not wear a shirt or pants
13. On every thirteenth day, one must go completely nude.
14. Everyone must have lost their virginity by the time they are twenty-five. Converts above this age who have not lost their virginity should lose it as soon as possible. Kia understands.
15. White must not be used in interior decorating.
16. Everyone must pay a tithe of one kilogram of gold every month (please note the figure may go up or down, Kia left it to the discretion of his Derkas what it would be. Of course, he can tell them if it is too high or too low.)
17. All followers must exercise daily.
18. Children are considered adults once they reach the age of fourteen.
19. Everyone must have seven sculptures of the number seven in their house.
20. Everyone must have two sculptures of the number two in their house.
Emperor Derka Zandt VIII
Derka, Ruler, and Emperor of the Holy Theocratic Empire of Kia-Derka
Teritora
21-03-2004, 00:34
Ah more Infidels to deal with. Anyone who leaves the true faith will be dealt with. Another group to add to the list.
~Grand Inquisitor Bern.
I'm not going to join you, and I don't think anyone else will.
Hey Teritora, deal with me. I am the follower of no faith. I am your anti-diety.
Draconis Nightcrawlis
21-03-2004, 00:45
We laugh at your church, our bookies our now taking bets on how badly uber-religious nations will kick your arse.
HRDH Queen Wanda
:lol:
Teritora: Kia will not like this...
Skager: Follow this faith! Kia loves you!
Draconis Nightcrawlis: Bet away, Kia has nothing against betting. But bet for us, for we shall win, Kia willing!
Bumplords: This is not a cult! This is the Church of Kia!
Emperor Derka Zandt VIII
Derka, Ruler, and Emperor of the Holy Theocratic Empire of Kia-Derka
yes, it is a cult. a crappy one at that. so, i say again:
WORST.CULT.EVER.
What makes the Church of Kia a cult? We have five million followers right now!
What makes the Church of Kia a cult? We have five million followers right now!
Emperor Derka Zandt VIII
Derka, Ruler, and Emperor of the Holy Theocratic Empire of Kia-Derka
Draconis Nightcrawlis
21-03-2004, 01:00
To Draconians all non Asatru religons are cults.
Teritora
21-03-2004, 01:01
Somehow I am worried.
~Grand Inquisitor Bern.
Draconis Nightcrawlis: Convert, please! For you own good! Kia loves you!
Teritora: You should be. Kia is great!
Emperor Derka Zandt VIII
Derka, Ruler, and Emperor of the Holy Theocratic Empire of Kia-Derka
Kia-Derka- Unofficially, I would join, but officially, the Dominion has wiped out all religion within the country.
Teritora- You should be worried, you've begun to get on my nerves.
Draconis Nightcrawlis
21-03-2004, 01:06
False love, you do not love us you only want to control us.
What makes the Church of Kia a cult? We have five million followers right now!
Emperor Derka Zandt VIII
Derka, Ruler, and Emperor of the Holy Theocratic Empire of Kia-Derka
ok, you are a cult. you say "join or else". Stop this evil propaganda.
Bumplords: No, we don't say join or else! When have we ever said those words? Check out history of messages. Right above is the first time we have typed it!
Draconis Nightcrawlis: Kia loves you! Love him back! Please! We only want the best for all of Kia's creatures!
Emperor Derka Zandt VIII
Derka, Ruler, and Emperor of the Holy Theocratic Empire of Kia-Derka
Draconis Nightcrawlis
21-03-2004, 01:11
Oh BTW
Ketchup!!
Sorry had to be said :lol:
Phalanix
21-03-2004, 01:15
Worthless fools. I highly doubt you would ever establish even one fallower here in the nation of Phalanix.
High Archon Prak
Leader of the Holy Church of Heros
http://bethany.mca.org.tw/webclass/fall2002/Solomon/solomo5.jpg
Bumplords: No, we don't say join or else! When have we ever said those words? Check out history of messages. Right above is the first time we have typed it!
Draconis Nightcrawlis: Kia loves you! Love him back! Please! We only want the best for all of Kia's creatures!
Emperor Derka Zandt VIII
Derka, Ruler, and Emperor of the Holy Theocratic Empire of Kia-Derka
"Convert to the Church of Kia, for your own good"
check and mate....or mate and check....or just mate....whatever.
The Resi Corporation
21-03-2004, 01:25
What bizarre laws your religion has! I would never follow such a horrid and ordered religion. Let your mind be free, worship how you choose! This is the power of chaos, to which Eris is queen.
All hail Eris Kallisti, mother of Discordianism!
Dia Discordia
Cheif Priestess of Discordianism, Resi Chapter
http://invisionfree.com/forums/Corporate_Islands/index.php?act=Attach&type=post&id=367
Draconis Nightcrawlis: CATSUP!!!
Phalanix: Kia loves you!
Bumplords: "For your own good"- Positive connotation, implying that good results will come from taking an action.
"Join or else"- Negetive connotation, implying that bad results will come from not taking an action.
Resi Corporation: Kia loves you! Our religion is not bizzare!
Emperor Derka Zandt VIII
Derka, Ruler, and Emperor of the Holy Theocratic Empire of Kia-Derka
OOC: Of course, Resi, you are right OOC. This was set up to be bizzare.
Phalanix
21-03-2004, 01:30
Only when the hells leak fires on the people will they join your worthless religion. Out people are strong and will do what they wish as long as they serve the heros.
High Archon Prak
Leader of the Holy Church of Heros
http://bethany.mca.org.tw/webclass/fall2002/Solomon/solomo5.jpg
please stop. my head hurts from all the cult-ness.
Teritora
21-03-2004, 01:34
Draconis Nightcrawlis: Convert, please! For you own good! Kia loves you!
Teritora: You should be. Kia is great!
Emperor Derka Zandt VIII
Derka, Ruler, and Emperor of the Holy Theocratic Empire of Kia-Derka
Right... what I am worried about is I forgot to sent for more wood. After all you can't people at the stake with no wood. Your false god will not save you or any other followers.
~Grand Inquisitor Bern
Perhaps you merely have not heard enough of Kia's wisdom. More of the rules listed in the sacred text have been posted on the first post in this thread. Please enjoy and follow them!
Remember, only by following Kia may you be granted a plot of desk space in the great giant cubicle in the sky!
Emperor Derka Zandt VIII
Derka, Ruler, and Emperor of the Holy Theocratic Empire of Kia-Derka
Send your missionaries. Our palates hunger for a new taste.
A team of 500 Spreaders of the Faith has been sent, along with religious texts and pamphlets.
Pantocratoria
21-03-2004, 17:14
The Church of Kia has been added to the Ministry of Cultural Development's list of "undesirable cults and sects". Therefore, under the Act of Religious Sovereignty, any member of the Church of Kia entering the Holy and Most August Empire of Pantocratoria will be expelled immediately.
The Steel Legions
23-03-2004, 18:51
The Steel Legions follow his most glorious God Emperor of Holy Terra and none other. We will die before we ever submit to you. We will bring the swift retribution of the Imperium down upon you! :twisted:
Pantocratoria: Kia loves you! Love him back!v We are sending religious texts to help you find Kia.
The Steel Legions: If you still feel that way after reading the texts we are sending you, then bring it. Kia shall side with us. Through Derka, to Kia. We worship. We serve.
Pantocratoria
25-03-2004, 08:24
No religious texts will be accepted, nor will any missionaries, under the terms of the acts already described.
Crownguard
25-03-2004, 08:33
This Church/cult? wickedly amuses the atheist nation of Crownguard. While we certainly will not dictate to a nation preaching...whatever it is, we find it odd how all these religious nations are in an uproar. Kia has every right to practice is absurd religion as you all do.
All religions are equally absurd in Crownguardian eyes; Teritorian, Kian, or any other. The fact that all these people will worship some magical sky pixie is somewhat amusing, especially with no scientific proof offered. While we respect the right for people to practice religion, we will rebuff all attempts at external conversion in our nation, as well as religious retribution. Do not call us, we will call you.....crazy, that is.
Sincerely,
Crownguard
(OOC: Nice choice of religion Resi...Im glad I still have the Book of Discordia kicking around on my Favorite's page :twisted: . Rule of Fives, dontcha know...)