NationStates Jolt Archive

Wombat News: Roania to Talk to Melkor’s Answering Machine

Wombat News
19-03-2004, 17:04
Roania; Wombat News

Duke Simon Darquis has announced plans to visit Melkor Unchained, where he’s scheduled to hold important new talks with Melkor’s voicemail service. (

In what several regional analysts are touting as breakthrough discussions, Duke Simon will canvass a wide range of issues with a number of Melkor’s top-level answering machines.

The official four-day visit will begin with a dinner in Ali’Staan, hastily vacated on the eve of the Duke’s arrival. The following morning, Duke Simon will meet with Melkor’s personal secretary, who will present him with a traditional Melkor Unchained memo explaining that Melkor is out.

Duke Simon is then scheduled to engage in key diplomatic talks with a number of high-ranking telephonists, who will each put him on hold. He’s also expected to attend a number of important round table discussions with a government receptionist who will apologise that no-one else could attend.

Duke Simon has stressed the importance of maintaining a dialogue with Melkor Unchained, and says he hopes the visit will strengthen his relationship with the country’s telephonists.

Exclusive to Wombat News:

Melkor’s Voicemail Message:

“Hi, you’ve phoned Melkor. I’m not in right now, but if you leave your name and number after the beep, I’ll endeavour never to get back to you. If you’re ringing to suggest I should crack down on elf smuggling, press one. If you’d like me to pull the orcs out of wherever they are this week, press two. Or, if you wish to be put through to me directly, then stop telling me how I should run my country.”

Der Angst
19-03-2004, 17:49

Poor Melkor, paying for all this...

Poor Roania, paying a giant phone bill for nothing ^_^
20-03-2004, 11:35
ROFL :mrgreen:
The Imperial Navy
20-03-2004, 11:43
Fantastic work. :D
Wombat News
21-03-2004, 17:30
"And now, back to Glenda for the main news .. "

This has been a Wombat News bump
21-03-2004, 17:33
Damn I love Wombat News.
22-03-2004, 11:00
LOL, buy that reporter a drink!
22-03-2004, 11:03
OOC: Sadly, WN, I actually subscribe to the Chaser. So, I knew that one from the second I read the title.


Princess Malissa Black looked around. Then she ripped open the closet, and stuck a pistol to the reporter's head. "I knew it! You bloody Australian Marsupials! How'd you get in my palace, anyway?"
Dyelli Beybi
22-03-2004, 11:20
they strike again!
22-03-2004, 11:25
ooc: *snickers in laughter* "Wombat News can be amusing at times"


John walks around the corner, and stares in shock at the rather angry Malissa holding the gun to the reporter's head. Thanks to the Wombat News broadcasting just about everywhere the current news, he knew instantly what had happened.

"And they mess with Roanian security....such fools..." he muttered to himself.