Wombat News
17-03-2004, 16:53
Holy Vatican See; Wombat News
Following the tragic death of Pope Sixtus VI (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=129082&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0), Wombat News chief editor Pape Razzi announced today that Wombat News would be producing a religious version of the well-known show “Pop Idol”. Pope Idol should hit your screens later this year, and has been dubbed as the "Holy Man's Pop Idol".
Pope Idol will see budding priests, bishops, deacons, monks and any other eager religious "nutcases" battling it out to win the ultimate Bible-bashers prize, along with the eternal glory of being every nun's number one papal pin up.
With the Catholic Church hit by recent scandal, this could not come at a better time to revive the fortunes of the papacy.
Judges have yet to be confirmed but Razzi said: "What we will be looking for is the ultimate Catholic. You know … the ones who really hate Protestants. The ones who don't eat meat on a Friday. The ones that think every time they have that piece of bread at Mass, they're biting into Christ's ample belly."
Meanwhile, the world waits with clenched buttocks to see just who will be chosen.
Catholics the world over can barely breathe with anticipation and talk of little else but who will next occupy Peter’s Seat.
"Non-Catholics don't realise just how important the Pope is ..." Cardinal Titahs of Jerusalem told Wombat News. “The Pope says condoms are out ... the rubbish is going to be filled with condoms. If he decrees a particular sexual position preferable, well, that's the one everyone's going to be doing. If he says gay is bad, then there's going to be a rush of hairdressers looking for wives ... one really can't underestimate the power this guy has."
Wombat News asked churchgoers leaving Largent’s St. Mary of the Apocalypse Catholic Church just what they were hoping for from the new Pope.
"I think condoms are a big issue, " Mrs Mary Magdalene told Wombat News. "I mean, my husband and me, we've got seventeen children already. We don't want anymore, so I'm hoping that he's going to OK condoms or the pill or some other solution. We need some new thought in the Church."
Her friend Debbie Dallas agrees. "Bobbie and I have nine kids and we definitely need something new. Even if he doesn't say anything about condoms as such, all the wives here are at least hoping for an explicit condemnation of anal sex. Most of us just can't take it up there anymore."
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – LIFTING THE VEIL OF RELIGION TO BRING YOU CLOSER TO THE TRUTH AND THE LIGHT
Following the tragic death of Pope Sixtus VI (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=129082&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0), Wombat News chief editor Pape Razzi announced today that Wombat News would be producing a religious version of the well-known show “Pop Idol”. Pope Idol should hit your screens later this year, and has been dubbed as the "Holy Man's Pop Idol".
Pope Idol will see budding priests, bishops, deacons, monks and any other eager religious "nutcases" battling it out to win the ultimate Bible-bashers prize, along with the eternal glory of being every nun's number one papal pin up.
With the Catholic Church hit by recent scandal, this could not come at a better time to revive the fortunes of the papacy.
Judges have yet to be confirmed but Razzi said: "What we will be looking for is the ultimate Catholic. You know … the ones who really hate Protestants. The ones who don't eat meat on a Friday. The ones that think every time they have that piece of bread at Mass, they're biting into Christ's ample belly."
Meanwhile, the world waits with clenched buttocks to see just who will be chosen.
Catholics the world over can barely breathe with anticipation and talk of little else but who will next occupy Peter’s Seat.
"Non-Catholics don't realise just how important the Pope is ..." Cardinal Titahs of Jerusalem told Wombat News. “The Pope says condoms are out ... the rubbish is going to be filled with condoms. If he decrees a particular sexual position preferable, well, that's the one everyone's going to be doing. If he says gay is bad, then there's going to be a rush of hairdressers looking for wives ... one really can't underestimate the power this guy has."
Wombat News asked churchgoers leaving Largent’s St. Mary of the Apocalypse Catholic Church just what they were hoping for from the new Pope.
"I think condoms are a big issue, " Mrs Mary Magdalene told Wombat News. "I mean, my husband and me, we've got seventeen children already. We don't want anymore, so I'm hoping that he's going to OK condoms or the pill or some other solution. We need some new thought in the Church."
Her friend Debbie Dallas agrees. "Bobbie and I have nine kids and we definitely need something new. Even if he doesn't say anything about condoms as such, all the wives here are at least hoping for an explicit condemnation of anal sex. Most of us just can't take it up there anymore."
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – LIFTING THE VEIL OF RELIGION TO BRING YOU CLOSER TO THE TRUTH AND THE LIGHT