NationStates Jolt Archive

"Sex a threat to world peace," says Quimby

We are live from Mayor Joe Quimby's personal strip club where Mayor Quimby has just signed the "No Condom Left Behind" Act whereas sex will be regulated by a democratically appointed committee; all members are prominent members of the First Church of Springfield.

Hoping that by putting the issues of sex in the hands of the religious community, Quimby hopes to regain votes from conservative Christians after stating, "Christians don't deserve to be citizens." Many former George H.W. Bush supporters were outraged by Quimby's statement and vowed to not vote for him during the reelection season quoting, "Religion should most definitely interefere with state affairs. Anyone who hasn't been embraced by the grace of God is just mentally disturbed."

Quimby plans on enforcing the Sex Council's laws with brute force. This includes public floggings, death sentences, and watching Pauley Shore movies. Police are already preparing to combat the newest threat to world peace, sex. Police are armed with nightsticks, semiautomatic rifles, pistols, rocket launchers, battle tanks, heavy bombers, and nuclear ICBMs.

According to Springfield's own CIA Department, the rest of the world is supporting Springfield to the fullest extent. Anyone opposing Quimby's new plan will be labeled a terrorist and shot.

In other news, three people were crucified today in attempt to imitate scenes from "The Passion of Christ"...

Kent Brockman
Channel 5 Action News
http://www.grudge-match.com/Images/kent.jpg

Hehe

What are you...catholic? :lol:

A bill has been passed in Foe Hammer called "Freedom to F*ck". This ensures that the mistake made by Simpsons Springfield will never be made in Foe Hammer.

Very interesting post, I give it 2 thumbs up for the last part.

Muktar waits for all the women in Springfield to hit metapause, then everyone will laugh as they fade from existence and Muktar moves into the abandoned land to scavange the technology and resources.

--Commercial Break--

(Two children enter the scene which is a street)

Boy: I'm so thirsty and I can't afford milk because my mom spends all her money on her "super duper happy powder."

Girl: My dad says I can't have milk because if I drink it, I'll get Mad Cow's Disease.

(Krusty enters)

Krusty: HEY HEY!

Boy & Girl: Hey Krusty!

Krusty: Hey kids! Can't get any milk? On a low budget? Paranoid of contracting a disease? Then drink Malk! Now with vitamin R!

(Krusty tosses two cartons of Malk to the boy and girl who catch them and gulp down the malk)

Boy & Girl: MMMM!

Krusty: And Malk is better than ever now that it has an FDA approval pending!

(Krusty gulps down Malk, gives thumbs up while winking)

http://www.egalwaat.lu/pics/malk.jpg

--Commerical Ends--

I don't believe I've ever seen an unfunny post from you, Springfield. A job well done. :D

A kamikaze n00b bumps into thread and explodes.

<<one last kick>>

What about a shove, then?

We are pleased to announce that

--12 youths (12-17)
--40 seniors (65 and up)
--2,559 adults (18-64)
--5,229 housepets

have been arrested for committing the crime of immoral sex. You know, the type where the male inserts its reproductive organ into the female's. Although it wasn't necessary today, nuclear ICBMs are ready to be launched should the resistance mount to a certain level (paticularly peaceful protest by disgusting liberals).

Vote Quimby!

--Quimby

A fantabulous job, Springfield...

Springfield, how long will it take before all the women in your nation become... incapable? Keeping in mind a day RT is a year NS time, we want to know how long it will be before your nation dies from lack of repopulation.

One day equals one day... besides, we can use something called cloning...

--Quimby

<OOC: ermm... not everyone uses the one day equals one year... good roleplayers use something called fluid time. and, uh, if you're going to say something OOC then properly mark it.>

--double posting--

Springfield, how long will it take before all the women in your nation become... incapable? Keeping in mind a day RT is a year NS time, we want to know how long it will be before your nation dies from lack of repopulation.

OOC: There is no set speed at which time flows...

Springfield, how long will it take before all the women in your nation become... incapable? Keeping in mind a day RT is a year NS time, we want to know how long it will be before your nation dies from lack of repopulation.

OOC: There is no set speed at which time flows...

[OOC: I agree with fluid time. 1 day = 1 year is what I use in R&D projects, 1 day = 1 day is what I use for certain RPs, 1 month = 1 year for the aging of my characters (so I can use my characters longer), etc... And those are just guidelines I use - I am not forced to follow my own guidelines...]

In a democratic vote today, whereas six votes were cast by the entire town, Proposition 69 passed today. Horrible left-wing biased networks are already ravaging the just act which was passed fairly and democratically. These lefties are obviously morons with no clue what fair and balanced news is.

Anyway, Proposition 69 reads

Any X or Y chromosome found without a license will be arrested and prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

Though unsure how X and Y chromosomes will actually be arrested, the Sex Council has assured all five supporters of Proposition 69 that the great American law system will find a way. Paticularly by infringing the people's right to privacy.

-Channel 5 Action News-
Your number one unbiased news source