NationStates Jolt Archive

OOC: I just saw one of those list things at another site. It's an interesting concept, so let's just see how it works...

I'll do Roania.


You know you're a Roanian when...

* Your biggest complaint with the government is that they haven't killed enough mormons/pagans/accountants/insert-evil-people-of-week.

* When ever someone says anything bad about any figure in the government to you, you suddenly feel as if you're being watched.

* People who run into the street shouting about cameras being everywhere are probably government employees.

* You have freedom of speech, provided you don't talk about A) Politics or B) Anything else.

* Occasionally when you turn around, and then look behind you, the people you were talking to have disappeared.

* You can be arrested and put in jail for a week, and consider yourself lucky.

* The government system you live by exists purely by flattening people like you; but you're too uninspired to do anything about it.

* Whenever you read fairy tales, your children root for the evil queen.

* Being an athiest is considered a non-survival strategy.

* Every time you see someone who wears black-on-black, you click your heels and salute.

* You can walk the streets at night and be safe from any criminals because the police shot them all. And those police are watching you...

* It's a good day when you're allowed to return home without having to fill in form #72388qj.

You know you're a citizen of Sigma Octavus when....

*You shoot a thief right in front of a cop, and he waves at you.

*You watch as your pay check is whisked away to fuel the Sigma Octavus war machine.

*You are sent away to some god aweful backwater country to stomp an enemy army into the ground, nut they have already been beaten by the time you get there.

*You work in a giant underground factory the size of New York city.

*You have your healthy child with rare genetic patterns whisked away (like your paycheck) to become the next member of the SOET.

*You get bitten by a Sand Diver.....dirty beasts....

*You have a hate for Roanians aqcuired from the government. (had to throw it in.)

You know you're a Resian when...

*Your co-worker is a robot and your best friend is a cat person
*You refer to your family as "products" instead of "people"
*You got out-promoted by a cat person because they can multi-task with their tail
*Brand-name recognition means being concous
*The air you breathe is being charged to your credit account as you speak
*It is common knowledge that not only is Resi Crunch a part of this balanced breakfast, but that your credit will be off-balance against you if you choose not to eat it
*The fact that what you did in the shower could be marketed in tomorrow's porno tape does not bother you
*"Wage-slave" is considered a sign of endearment

You know your an Imitoran when you understand why Larkinia said never bet against an Imitoran with a gun, and refer to teh Deazeman situation as operation Bitch Slap...

Interesting idea.

You know you're Roman when:

* You feel guilty breaking your leg because it means the government will have to raise taxes AGAIN just to cover it

* You know at least seven or eight different languages, because so many ethnic groups have come in that in order to talk to anyone you need to know all those languages

* You use the Roman flag to cook dinner and don't think twice about it

* You see a man in a business suit and think he's a criminal

* You don't think it's odd to have a national ruler who listens to thrash metal

* You worry about picking up an errant mini-coin (OOC: 1 cent U.S.) on the ground because you don't want to cause a national strife (as crime is so low no other crime gets committed)

* You seem indifferent to the fact the "Roman" Free Press constantly bashes their own government

* You feel like you're a failure if you don't ask everyone you meet on the street, "are you okay?"

* You are not fazed by public nudity and may even be walking nude yourself

* You are not aware of the terms "obscene language or acts"

* You always wonder why the government constantly speaks out against international atrocities but never does anything about them

...and, finally:

* You don't mind having an ugly nose

You know you're a Citizen of The Eastern Bloc when...

*Someone asks you where you're from, and you run away screaming, "Too many words to know!"

*You get pissed off every time you watch Hollywood Squares. (Whoopie for the Bloc!)

*You have such deep pride for your country you don't even care that The Eastern Bloc isn't even a Bloc anymore... or in the Sol System.

*The people catch up and ask you where you're from for a second time. You give in and tell them, "The Eastern Bloc Soviet Independent States," then promptly pass out.

*You get called a commie every time you visit another country.

*Your a noble in The Eastern Bloc and have 1,000 criminal slaves working for absolutely nothing. Communist my ass!

You know you're a SLAGLander when...

* ...you're not sure if you have a beer gut or a pudding gut.

* ...you know better than to lick a Camofrog.

* ...you get beat up by the school bully and 532 alliances suddenly rush to your aid.

* ...you've seen the goddess Esmerelda naked.

* ...you've seen the goddess Esmerelda naked and several kilometers tall.

* ...the leader of that bizarre church down the block from you is a buxom blonde screaming "BATHE IN THE BLOOD OF THE ELVENFOLK!"

* ...you know who Grandpa Slag is.

* ...you drop out of football because chess club is just too time-consuming.

* ...your spouse is an electronic sentience and has avatars married to several other people.

* ...you remember when The Trapeze Accidents spent that week named Rede & The Crazy Flying Keilbasa.

* ..."Wololo" isn't just that sound your drain's been making lately.

* ...you get at least five letters in your mailbox a day requesting funding for the WMNK Coalition Reenactment Society.

* ...your uncle is an eyeless Cro-Magnan, your dad is an electronic creature, your mom is a cyborg, your grandpa is a renowned scientist, and your brother is a backwoods hillbilly with four arms.

* ...you really thought The Passion of The Christ should've placed Jesus in a tank at some point.

* ...you just can't stop hugging that derned tree!

You know you're a Langhan when...

* You have a life-time membership with the NRA.

* Your child's school teacher cusses twice in every sentence.

* Your neighbor has a chain link fence around his/her house and multiple attack dogs patrolling the vicinity.

* The clerk at a store or bank holds up the robber with a bigger gun and demands his money.

* Your daughter's a necromancer and butchers oxen or any other big animals in your backyard.

* Government officials listen to death metal and wear nothing but camoflauge.

* You go into a pet store and come out with a free chicken to cook.

* Your son microwaves cats for fun instead of playing video games.

* Alot of hot sauce is not enough.

* Your child's first word was a cuss word.

* Cops sit back and watch people beat the hell out of criminals.

* There is no such thing as disturbing the peace.

* Social services are scared of stepping foot on your property.

You know you're from Crimmond when:

-You are issued an assault rifle and are throughly trained in it's use and maintainence.
-You are told that you have freedom of religion, as long as you don't join any of the violent ones.
-You will never have to use aformentioned gun as no one would dare mess with your nation.
-(Applies only if you are Marine) You were grown in a tube, had neural network imbedded in your body, are shoved into power armor and told to go blow up the enemy in any way that makes ratings.
-(applies to Naval Captians) You are informed that if you run out of ammo, you are in command of one of the largest Kamikaze ships ever made.
-(applies to Foriegn Relations staff)You work for a giant meat eating lizard with a really short temper and a taste for interns.
-You have never seen a tourist from outside the Empire.
-You have three computers for downloading music off the internet.
-You have never heard of the book 1984.
-You are suprised when someone sounds shocked that you look 30 years old and are 183.
-You are afraid to even walk in front of buildings with more than two black SUV's in front and three security cameras.
-You jumped for joy when the military was deployed to annex your neighboring nation.
-You were so happy that Crimmond was rejoining the GDODAD that you would have rioted in the streets, but the MP's patrolling them convinced you to go home before you even started to possibly look like a potential threat.

You know you're a Kryozerkian when...

- You have 'democratic' elections, even though you know damn well within months the gov't is going to be overthrown and replaced with the dictatorship of the week
- You never quite know exactly where the border is and who we share it with
- get ready to take up arms at the mention of Kutou-koku
- dispise Farflorin because they are Farflorin
- you are allowed to vote in elections but you have no other rights
- you or one of your family members is a regular member of the Kryozerkian army
- you can only be atheist

You know you're a citizen of Haaregradia when...

The idea of a politician giving a speech and not shouting seems unheard of.

Wherever you go people assume you're Russian.

Wherever you go people assume you're a Communist, even though the Communist party hasn't won an election in years.

The idea of going to the grocery store to buy some weed or some magic mushrooms seems down-right normal.

Your favorite restaurant is the hash bar with an all you can eat buffet.

You're a big liberal, yet you still like to watch the May Day military parades.

The government is overwhelmingly complex, but hey, you don't need to show papers to enter Dill Row or Metropolis Industries.

You're free to own assualt rifles and sub machine guns, but don't actually want to.

No one's ever heard of affirmative action before because racial minorities have always been fairly represented in society.

You've seen a homeless person or a slum, but you've heard about them in Sino before.

Someone says "Turn to God" and you respond "God? You mean some people still believe in those."

You know when your a Nodea Rudavian when.....

--Your a seven-foot tall Komodo Dragon with Humanoid Legs, Arms, and Body, yet retain a tail, head, claws, and something else every reptilian has....
--Your a Human that is considered a Birthright for the lone fact that you were born from a long line of humans coming from Rudavia only
--Your best friend is a Reptilian Humanoid
--Your best friend is a Birthright Human
--You tail surves more purposes than usual
--Your teeth are considered a natural weapon
--Your claws are considered a natural weapon
--You jump on and eat alive an Outsider when they make you angry, at least once in your life
--The Government covers up the fact of you feasting on an Outsider by saying simply "missing"
--No one cares who or what you are as long as you who you say you are
--Lies are almost non-existant
--Crime is Non-Existant
--The Government controls what its people allow it to control
--You never heard of a Government controlling you
--You never would allow a Government to control you
--You kill enemies by biting them to death
--You are considered family
--You see the main difference between a Human and a Birthright Human
--Your allowed to do what you want, your only restriction is your parents and elders
--You respect those older than you, yet call those younger than you equal
--No one is higher than anyone, expect for the Men-in-Uniform
--Your called a Komodren
--You leave your house unlocked
--You feel safest anywhere
--When your alone, someone often happens by to start a conversation
--You consider everyone born in the borders of Nodea Rudav a Birthright
--A Birthight is known to you as one whom has no Outside Blood-lines
--You live on a Planet called Novar in the Nova Kretani Solar System
--Everyone whom is a Birthright consideres themselves one big family
--You never see a Birthright Human and a Komodren in a Couple
--Male and Female is a Marriage
--There is no such thing as a Homosexual, only Heterosexual
--Everyone in your Nation consideres it proper to be yourself
--Everyone in your Nation is a Heterosexual
--You crave for "The Hunt" and begin a right of passage to symbolize your strength as a Hunter and Defender
--It is proper for a Man to be the Top-Person in a House-Hold, the Woman the one whom is Top-second
--A male never attacks a female
--A female often attacks a male
--Everyone laughs after fights
--No one cries for personal reasons unless they've eaten their pet
--No one is different, expect for the obviously apparent Reptilian and Human difference
--A tail is something with many, many uses
--If you haven't a tail, you'll use your buddies for the heck of it

--More to Come--

You know you're an Offshorian when...

- you've never even set foot in your own country

- you think that "no laws" is a pretty neat idea

- you have no idea how to get to your country

- you try to play football in the national stadium but keep kicking the ball out of the borders and into the sea

- you can start a national election and have your two-year old daughter vote in it, but no one will care about the results

You know you're a Warmongering Lunatic when....

-Your first toys were a fake rifle and a plastic sword, given to you when you began your training.

-Your uncle and your grandfather fight a duel with their walking sticks in the front yard every morning.

-Your "three Rs” are reading, writing, and reconnaissance.

-When someone tried to rob your house last week, he didn't make it past the minefield.

-Your representative on the Council voted against the war, and was promptly recalled from office.

-Instead of a pet dog, you have a Lesser Jungle Shark trained to attack intruders.

-Your arsenal is bigger than your pantry.

-If your kids build a fort out of sofa cushions, you attack it with a catapult.

-The strange person who lives in an ivy-covered mansion with a big wall around the yard and three dozen "No Trespassing" signs posted is the neighborhood pacifist.

-The city has air raid training three times a day, and holds a mock war at least once a week.

-It isn't considered proper to be out in public without a weapon.

-New diplomats are nervous about referring to your country by name.

-When the High Council announces that the country has been invaded, you run out into the streets to celebrate with your neighbors, then collect as many weapons as you can find and head for the relevant border.

You know your a Colodian when...

- Your government spends millions in "Pokemon" cards
- The government taxes high-valued video games
- You see kids playing with AK-47's on the street
- Sex is encouraged
- HIV/AIDS is unheard of, and people mysteriously catch diseases

You know you're Chimaean when...

- You step out into the street and the first thing you see is a policeman, the second thing you see is a soldier and the third thing you see is someone making a political protest.

- You believe passionately that crime is on the rise yet you walk home at 2 AM carrying a million dollars in an expensive briefcase.

- Your spouse is another man/woman and your little girl was created using invitro fertilisation.

- The old man next door is bound to have been in the Amerigo Anti-Slavery War.

- A 'Reich' is a slang term for an embaressing sexually transmitted decease.

- You fall into a well and the emergency services create a committee to discuss your plight while concerned citizens simply pull you up.

- You visit the military memorial looking for your grandfather's name and find it a week afterwards.

- The only thing you wear to work is a leather dog-collar.

- When you go in to talk to the Boss at lunch he's sucking blood from the neck of an attractive woman and you don't find this at all strange.

- You knock off to the pub after work with the cat-person in the other cubical.

You know your a Tersanctan when...

- The word Executor isnt strange to you, its that guy that runs the country, not an Executionist.

-Youve never heard of "Illegal Narcotics".

-Four year olds are smoking in the classroom, and telling the teacher too "fuck off"

-Youve never voted in a National Election--because there arent any, but you seemed too stoned too care.

-Your national religion is banned by the Government, yet encourages you too try out for its warrior class, simply because they are so lethal in combat.

-The Military is comprised of pissed-off postal workers, and are told that venting thier aggression on the enemy is "Therapy"

-Women and Men are both dominant in the Bedroom, which usually leads to more arguing than sex.

-Men and Women are considered equal, as long as they both shut up.

You know you're Tsarainese when ...

- You get paid for overtime, not actual work. After all, you're expected to work.

- "Capitalism" is an outmoded economic system which will shortly be replaced by the glories of Sound Governance. You saw it on the national news channel, so it must be true. After all, nobody is disagreeing with National DataLink, are they?

- "Communism" is a near-anarchic economic system constantly on the brink of total failure, propped up by long and boring rants by communist leaders, and practiced by terrorists like those CACErs.

- Your idea of cutting-edge fashion involves many bright colours produced in neighbouring Third World nations, and jewelery made from bits of derelict spacecraft.

- You've never seen the sky, and don't expect to.

- Questioning authority doesn't even enter your mind. After all, your ancestors didn't get to live by being negative.

- You can pronounce "ktthrlakhtd" perfectly well.

- Everyone you know is either very short or very tall.

- You're an atheist. Your workmates include an archaic worshipper of Ruki Aestrakhor, a weird Cultist of Fate, and an alien who worships Kari Kymni. There is nothing odd about this.

- Aliens are "opportunities for technological salvage" and not "opportunities for contacting new species".

- Orcs and Elves are both creepy, outmoded human subspecies. Thank goodness you don't have to see any.

You know when you're a Vrakian when...

-You have a hankering for seafood, especially clams.
-When you weigh more than a ton and start growing tusks.
-When you like to frolic around and not get any work done.
-You think there is nothing wrong with nearly naked fat men (or certain sea mammals) wrestling in a small, enclosed ring.
-When you incorporate body parts of a certain sea mammal into your speech, e.g. By my flippers, I would never do that!

You know you're a Devaryn when....

-Your next door neighbor apologizes for the weather.

-Your uncle was accidently transformed into a ten foot tall monster with seven arms, and has been getting double pay ever since.

-When a little green man appears out of no-where in your front lawn and starts babbling at you in a language you've never heard before, you say "Oh great, not another @#&$! hole in the fabric of reality again. They just cleared up the last one three days ago!"

-Your most common method of transportation is magic portals.

-Your boss has been researching the exact properties of a rare marsh plant for over 300 years.

-If it rains on the company picnic, you know the boss is angry about something.

-Most of the tourists you meet are from other worlds, and over half are from completely different settings.

-The most serious crime you know of is interfering with an experiment.

-Your biggest fear is that one of the High Council will take an interest in your neighborhood.

-The last time someone tried to invade your country, their army was stored in a small bottle for later use.

-Criminals never go to jail... they're just sent to the research center.

-The word "Torendari" means "those people with the big fortress, right across the Eastern border."

(If I think of more, I'll add them... Great idea! This is fun.)

You know you're an Yn when...

* your neighbour was taken away by the police in the middle of the night, and you never saw him again

* you've just eaten your other neighbour for dinner

* you've never travelled outside your country

* you've never even left you home town

* you've been taught repeatedly that you don't want to travel outside your country

* the soldiers on the borders have their weapons pointed inwards

* your leader is psychotic, but you worship her anyway. Not that you have a choice.

* you've no idea what a tourist might look like

* you're completely paranoid and convinced everyone is out to get you

* you've never stopped to think life might be better elsewhere

You know you're an enslaved victim of Kazar-Tiyon when....

-You see someone with glowing red eyes, wearing black armor and a cloak darker than night, and recognize him as your leader.

-Most of your coworkers are reanimated skeletons.

-You believe that you are being watched at all times by a tiny point of red light... because this is, in fact, the case.

-Whenever you hear the word "stranger" or see someone you don't recognize, a voice in your head starts shouting Kill! Kill!

-If you see a demon roaming the streets, you bow and say "I am yours to command, mighty one."

-Criminals are either put in the army or sent to meet Kazar-Tiyon (briefly), depending on their crime.

You know when you're from the Grand Duchy of Luxornburg when...

There are no criminals; therey're just a whole lot of miners in Davis Mines.

When you celebrate Matthias's Day with fireworks and party for three straight days on July 4th to the 6th

When people have bought the next concert of Her Ladyship Ariana Yolinda 6 months in advanced.

When you argue what's more despicable; the Socialists or the Libertarians.

When you refer to the Gullians as 'rednecks' but respect them fully to their face.

When you gossip on who's going to be the Heir Designate to the Grand Duchy; her Ladyship Melina Margaret or His Lordship Darius Alexander Treborne.

When you compare which is faster; the island ferry or the Royal Air Force.

When you argue with your friends on what service to enter when drafted: the RAF, Marines, Navy, or Army.

When you get your first AK-47 for serving three years in the Army/Marines.

When you get your first saber for serving four years in the RN or Royal Marine Core.

You know you're a citizen of the UCSZ when...

1 ) You never see tanks, firearms, bombs, fighters, bombers, armed policemen, battleships, cruisers, submarines, artillery or any other form of military force that's native to your country.

2 ) You never see riots, only protests.

3 ) You've nearly hit hypothermia three times this summer.

5 ) You can watch as cold water oozes out slowly from the shower, only to stop and form an icicle.

6 ) You have no natural limbs due to frostbite, five seconds after you were born.

7 ) You see a sign that says no kissing outdoors, but it was too late to remind you from getting stuck to to your beloved other.

8 ) Nudity outdoors, is not only against the law, it's a health recommendation not to tolerate it.

9 ) You're a pacifist communist and wonder why every foreigner looks at you curiously. (Hint: Pacifism and communism is rarely used in the same sentence.)

10 ) You wonder why the government puts so much money in saving the environment, when all you see for miles is snow and ice.

You know you're a Ruskkie when...

*When you're a commie or a loyalist to the Duke every other week.

*You just shurg your shoulders when the commie or the Duke is back in power.

*You have a flag with the Ruskkie USSR clog and one for the Empire.

*You only get to spend about 4% of your income on food or yourself.

*You get a warning from the government about your fourteen-year-old son selling lemonade on the sidewalk.

*You see see the police ready to arrest you.

*You wonder when you'll get your water rationing book.

*You keep on staring at the sky just in case the military decides to test out 'em new bomber zepplins.

*You regrad a SteamEarther as an enemy and a friend, though you still keep that plank of wood with a nail in it handy.

You know your a Danneland citizent when..

*You get nuked every 6 months..

You know when your an Imperial citizen when:

-You complain that the products you have bought aren't expensive enough

-Everyone you know has a huge house and 2 cars

-You see fighters fly over your house on patrol everyday

-You plan a holiday on the Planet Tydus Prime

-Your best friend is a Taiidanian

-Your job is to maintain machines that do all the jobs for you

-You think your Emperor is god on Earth

-You think of developing countries as "Savage nations"

You know you're a dyelli Beybian when....

You just stole someone's car while parked in front of the police station. It's OK, because you're the police chief.

A close friend of yours just got eaten by a 20 metre long crocodile.

A band of revolutionaries has just seized the Capitol, the previous administration is hiding in the mountains somewhere...along with the administration before that, and the one before that.

You get to vote, but the vote is only counted if you tick the right box.

You're ineligeable to vote because you're legally classified as a peasant/noble/woman/dwarf/giant/overly bearded individual.

You got fed up with the Church in Rome so decided you'd make your own one.

You got bored on a Sunday afternoon, so went out for a spin with the Navy boys and looted a passenger liner.

You are a Rejistani when

* every three weeks another region of your country has elections
* you stay away from work to see an important match of your local sports team, get sacked and think it was worth it.
* your next company employs you because the boss is fan of the same team
* matches of the national team are an accepted reason not to work
* the government sues companies repeatedly for things like controlling too much of the market, producing insecure products or 'unfair' advertising, yet you think they are too capitalistic
* you never had to pay income taxes, but everything you buy has a high sales tax added to the price
* brawls in the parliament are a known form of political discussion
* you don't know what the term ethnic majority refers to
* You know 5 different languages, 4 of them are languages of languges of small ethnic groups, the other is rejistanian
* When you don't mind that the name of your capital city (Sike kali) means 'there city' and the name of the biggest city looks like an attempt to sound 1337 (KaMaRi kali)
* you have never heard of guns or the military except in some foreign TV shows or news from 'where-people-still-eat-each-other'
* you believe in many gods and sacrifice to them - especially before matches of the national team


* you can explain the offside rule

You know you're a Marimaian when...

A rave breaks out every time they play the national anthem

A tourist says "Don't you have elections?", and you walk over to tell them why the nation doesn't need elections

You took up fencing just because Premier Suun did

You know that the news is propaganda, but you watch it anyway for entertainment

It was revealed that there were small numbers of elves and catpeople living in the country and your first thought was "Nice..."

You call equestrian sports "Horsie-Dealies"

You try to access a foreign internet site and you're redirected to the website of the Marimaian People's Information Network

At least one of your family members has a crush on the Premier

You've actually told people to "Have A Suuny Day!"

You know you're from Daistallia 2104 when:
- you have just emerged from a white hazy fog after a week.
- And you have to ask if it was the White Fog or just the drugs.
- And the "person" who answers your question is an intelligent cow.
- Your drink of choice is Habanero Schnnaps.
- You can't decide if your "leader" is the ass-kick name-taking commando acting-president or the great and holy lama.
- The only reason you don't remember when the president of Daistallia's favorite hardcore punk/industrial band playing the innagural is because you were too stoned, not because you weren't there.
- You are rooting for any opposing player to kill your national coach in the 4th Don Cherry Cup.
- You are one reason the aforementioned coach McGurk has a team of 10 bodygaurds.
- More to come...

You know you're a SteamEarther when...

*You fear yet another invasion by the Ruskkies, thats why you've set up tenches round your house and have placed a machine gun at every window.

*You've built yourself a fallout shelter after the military took over the space cannons.

*You tell the salesman that you want a Model-T Ford or a Bridgand Light Bomber.

*You have the flag pole on your front lawn with the confederate flag.

*You have anti-Ruskia propaganda posters in your attic in fear of Ruskkie invasion.

*You carry a firearm at all times in case of meeting the police, an air pirate or a Ruskkie.

*You spend the best part of a decade to save up enough money to travel third class on a zepplin.

You know you are a Hattian when...

The only thing keeping you from pulling out your gun and shooting nearby people is that you know everyone else also has a gun.

When the Prime Minister makes the same amount of money as a farm worker.

When you walk by someone's frozen corpse on the street and think, "Stupid foreigner."

When a cop tries to sell you some drugs.

When you go to a pawn shop and purchase anti-aircraft missile launchers.

You know you're a Syskeyian when...

You're only complaint with the Vatican is that they haven't canonized Geegaw Hackwrench (http://www.toon.eu.org/alex/heroes/geegaw.shtml?eng) yet.
You vote for political candidates in national elections, then vehemently criticize every single thing they do once you elect them.
You wonder why there are no swordfights in other nations' Senates.
You love Chimaeans, despite their social liberialism, becuase they fought side-by-side with your people in the Amerigan Slaver War.
You hate the "Knazis," despite the fact they fought side-by-side with your people in the Knootian Civil War, because of their social liberalism.
Every day you go to Mass in the morning and watch Chip n' Dale's Rescue Rangers in the afternoon ... even if you're an adult.
For your 18th birthday you got your very own SR16 rifle, as after graduation you were drafted into the miitary.
During your senior year in high school you recieved a deluge of stuff from the Syskeyian Army, Navy, and Air Force, each encouraging you to join their respective branch of the military when you graduate.
During your last year of compulsory military service, your mailbox was overflowing with college recruitment propoganda from what seemed like every single college and university in Syskeyia. You chose which college you were going to attend, then wadded up all the rest of the colleges' stuff into a big ball, which you then used for live-fire target practice.
You flow easily between English and Latin in casual conversation.
You took either Greek or Quenya for your "foreign language" in school.
You're a girl and when you were a kid, you wore a white shirt and plad skirt to school, and wore a sari when you got home.
You're a girl and you still wear a sari, except if you're a businesswoman in New Nicaea, in whcih case you would be clad in conservative buisness attire most of the time.
You're a (unmarried) guy in the military and have had vigourous arguments with your fellow soldiers over whether Gadget Hackwrench (http://www.toon.eu.org/alex/heroes/gadget.shtml?eng) or Sirithil nos Feänor is sexier.
You'd be glad to talk ad nauseam to most foreigners about Good King John, David Mai-shirong, the Battle of Nova Ardea and the Syskeyian Reconnection, except for the fact that most foreigners would fall asleep in the middle of your talk.
You probably have ancestors from India, Thailand, Malaysia, the Philippines, Vietnam, Burma/Myanmar, Cambodia, Laos, and China, though you physically probably only look like one of the ethnic groups described above.
Your first name is a saint's name, and your surname is Asian.
You involuntarily shudder when someone says "Iesus Christi," even if they're talking in Latin about Jesus.


God bless,

The Republic of Syskeyia

You know you're a citizen of Jeruselem (or a "Jeru") when....
10. You know the bible from back to front including all the stupid errors
09. You call Jews and Moslems brothers, but call JWs and Mormons "Satanists" and Athiests "Non-believers".
08. You navigate the streets of Jerusalem by their proximity to the nearest Church, Synagogue or Mosque in the old city.
07. You have no Athiest friends
06. You can't live anywhere unless it is 70% or more desert
05. You never buy from a Jewish store even it is in another country
04. Your brother has more images of Queen Mariah I in his wallet than of this girlfriend.
03. You secretly donate to anti-Gay groups
02. You prefer coinage to paper or plastic money anytime.
01. You have tea with a Jeruselem religious leader once a week
00. Anyone who can't understand Latin is an idiot

You know you're a Draconian citizen when...

* Your King is blue and furry
* Your Crown Prince is also blue and furry
* You bump into a drunk Odin at your local tavern
* You carry a sword in public
* You don't notice theres no crime
* A typical holiday involves going to another planet
* You don't trust people who aren't Asatru
* Theres a group of vampires living nearby
* The vampires don't scare you
* You don't see any point in electing a leader because the Gods had chosen the King centuries before he was born
* You join a crew of Vikings to rape and pillage
* You enjoy watching men fight to the death as the national sport

You know you're a Sakkran when...

-You shed your skin, and begin writing term papers on it.

-Licking elves supports the economy.

-Your mating acts would be considered hazardous by other species' standards.

-Devouring enemies on the battlefield is considered S.O.P.

-You get threatened with nuclear bombardment, and your response is to put on a pair of goggles and bask in the sun.

-Your favorite beverage has enough narcotic in it to kill a horse.

-The national sport accounts for 1/4 of the deaths in the nation.

-Drinking contests determine an Emperor's fitness to rule.

-You consider genocide to be inefficient.

-You use bone splinters to pick your teeth. Both rows of them.

You know your an Alconian/Hubirac/Logthi/Cawahettian when:

* You are more likely to own a boat than a car, after all there is nothing of that much intrest that you can't sail to.

*You understand that saying 'not doing your duty' to someone is going to get you into a duel

*You think that not having a dual with at least five witnesses and a Master of the Feild present is underhanded.

*Everyone you know who isn't a Vaux owns a sword and an AK-100.

*You see all your neighbors every Saturday on the drill feild behind the local armory.

*You know what a Vaux is.

* You are a Militant Quaker, or know one.

*You know that rabbits are lethal animals, but good eating.

*You understand why you must bow to a Baron, but can ignore a Lord.

*You never travel to the mainland without a Klaymore Kitty in your backpack.

*You think the word "Socialist" means insane, power hungry, sheep molesting, anti-christ and you can name your family members killed by them in gorey detail. But your still polite to them.

*You can say "To God and Athena" with a strait face.

*Everyone you meet in college is in a uniform, including yourself

*You know not to piss of women in grey trenchcoats

*You think that a passenger liner without an 88mm fast fire gun, and shoulder launched anti-ship missles in every cabin is just asking for trouble. (See D.B. above)

*You understand that you should take a gas mask to Vrakian Opera.

*You think the term 'Southern Klatchian' is a swear word.

*The term Pirate, usually is considered an automatic death sentence.

*You can't understand why people just don't want to trade and make money...but you'll sell them the guns to fight wars if they want.

*You understand the Klatchian Constituion.

OOC: Ah, jokes that are only funny to me and a small handful of other people, most of whom will never read this. Good times, good times.

You know you’re a Teaklander when:
- The leader of your country looks like an orange-haired Muppet with a gold tooth.
- Your decision after high school has to do with whether to get a post-secondary education and have the government pay for it, or to get a post-secondary education and have the military pay for it.
- You complain that even if you eat a huge platter of Blue-Tipped-Spider-kebabs, you’re hungry 30 minutes later.
- Your parents are disappointed in you because you only have one Bachelor’s degree.
- The blustery hot winds coming from the South-East aren’t Chinooks, but rather from the “war” between Basilstan and Zyzak Land.
- When your child calls you a “tyrannical whoremonger”, you enter a furious debate, dissecting her argument until she concedes and rationally sends herself to her room.
- Your favourite professional hockey player has a Master’s Degree in Sub-Nuclear Physics.
- When your son asks for a chemistry set for his birthday, you worry less about what will accidentally happen than about what will happen on purpose.

More to come when (and if) I think of any…

You know you are a Populist Zenithi when...

* you have free speech but it does not really change anything
* your country's neighbouring populations appears to be less intelligent than yourself.
* you are constantly correcting other peoples linguistic pronunciation, grammar and punctuation.
* you believe that people are only being dragged off the streets by henchmen in black cars for a trip to an ice cream parlour.
* your leaders have no real house.
* you are quite happy in the absense of democracy.

you know your an Atlantian when:

A nearby village suddenly sinks beneath the waves (na, j/k, not realy)


1. the ozone of an enemy nation is suddenly gone, and it's just part of the daily routine

2. you show Terrans your language, and they arn't able to decipher it.

3. You suddenly find giant derilect space battleships in your backyard.

4. your a socilist, yet your stock is rising at an uber pace

5. a nearby State (House) declares war on your State (House), and the Government grabs a bag of pocorn and watches

6. you watch 2 nations kill eachother, and it's consitered a sport.

7. Road rage has a whole new meaning, which includes Orcalic Laser Rifles.

8. Your parinoid of other nations--even if your an ordenary citizen

9. Jungle fever is another name for the flu.

10. Your naighbor is a half man-half horse.

11. Everyone else is just jelous that Posiedon likes you more.

12. protests are usualy followed by full scale war.

13. you use Hydra's for target practice.

14. warp drive is the equivilant of a Model T Ford

15. Demons are another name of a race of intergalactic war-mongers...and you have several mounted on your wall

You know you're a Scolopendran citizen when:
You cast protest bids in gag auctions of "personal items" in order to return items to their original owners.
Cats stuck in trees elicit the assistance of everyone on the block, usually with the additional hassle of organizing into emergency response units.
The concept of voting a "straight" party-line ballot is as alien to you as how to make soap out of excrement.
You notice that it isn't a cat stuck in the tree, it's some sort of genemod Tyger.
The biggest corporation in the country produces existentialist literature.
You notice that it isn't a Tyger stuck in the tree, but rather a kzin.
The kzin is your best friend and you often share a brew down at the bar on Thursdays.
The local megacorp sells artificial sophont flavor using the advertising angle of 'all the cannibalism with none of the guilt.'
You can curse fluently in at least three languages (English, Arabic, and usually tkzinsu'tung).
Your name is Abraham Ndegi Dae-Hyun Al-Sahhah III.
You are simultaneously the most militaristic and the most liberal person you know.
Anti-war protests have military protection, with polite debates between hippies and troopers on the side.
Having slug-beings, robots, kzin, elves, and various metahumans over for dinner seems like the most natural thing in the world.

You know your a citizen of Western Lower Michigan when....

The Dark Lord devours your soul!

You know your a citizen of Western Lower Michigan when....

The Dark Lord devours your soul!

OOC Joke: You Know your a citizen of Western Lower Michigan when you hear someone say this is "Engler country"

Or, you know they are talking about waterfront property when they ask what the "front footage" is.

You know when your Keithrichards when-
- self medication is a hobbie
-your best friend dies with an icecube up his bum
-sleep is a part of conversation
-everyones name is either "cat" or "maannn"
-the edge has a ledge
-tomorrow is just later today
-and yesterday never happened
-women are like cars, or is it the other way round
-taxes make you move unlike most things
-healthcare is a personal choice
-education is a new chord and is free
-class can not be bought or sold its just there, like the clap

You know when your Keithrichards when-
- self medication is a hobbie
-your best friend dies with an icecube up his bum
-sleep is a part of conversation
-everyones name is either "cat" or "maannn"
-the edge has a ledge
-tomorrow is just later today
-and yesterday never happened
-women are like cars, or is it the other way round
-taxes make you move unlike most things
-healthcare is a personal choice
-education is a new chord and is free
-class can not be bought or sold its just there, like the clap

You know when your Keithrichards when-
- self medication is a hobbie
-your best friend dies with an icecube up his bum
-sleep is a part of conversation
-everyones name is either "cat" or "maannn"
-the edge has a ledge
-tomorrow is just later today
-and yesterday never happened
-women are like cars, or is it the other way round
-taxes make you move unlike most things
-healthcare is a personal choice
-education is a new chord and is free
-class can not be bought or sold its just there, like the clap

You know when your Keithrichards when-
- self medication is a hobbie
-your best friend dies with an icecube up his bum
-sleep is a part of conversation
-everyones name is either "cat" or "maannn"
-the edge has a ledge
-tomorrow is just later today
-and yesterday never happened
-women are like cars, or is it the other way round
-taxes make you move unlike most things
-healthcare is a personal choice
-education is a new chord and is free
-class can not be bought or sold its just there, like the clap

You know when your Keithrichards when-
- self medication is a hobbie
-your best friend dies with an icecube up his bum
-sleep is a part of conversation
-everyones name is either "cat" or "maannn"
-the edge has a ledge
-tomorrow is just later today
-and yesterday never happened
-women are like cars, or is it the other way round
-taxes make you move unlike most things
-healthcare is a personal choice
-education is a new chord and is free
-class can not be bought or sold its just there, like the clap

You know when your Keithrichards when-
- self medication is a hobbie
-your best friend dies with an icecube up his bum
-sleep is a part of conversation
-everyones name is either "cat" or "maannn"
-the edge has a ledge
-tomorrow is just later today
-and yesterday never happened
-women are like cars, or is it the other way round
-taxes make you move unlike most things
-healthcare is a personal choice
-education is a new chord and is free
-class can not be bought or sold its just there, like the clap

You know when your Keithrichards when-
- self medication is a hobbie
-your best friend dies with an icecube up his bum
-sleep is a part of conversation
-everyones name is either "cat" or "maannn"
-the edge has a ledge
-tomorrow is just later today
-and yesterday never happened
-women are like cars, or is it the other way round
-taxes make you move unlike most things
-healthcare is a personal choice
-education is a new chord and is free
-class can not be bought or sold its just there, like the clap

You know you're from the Dominion when...

* Your country has a name, but you never use it

* Your Prime Minister was elected before you were born

* You have two seasons: Hockey and horse racing

* Someone says they can cure your gambling addiction, and you respond "wanna bet?"

* Your six-year-old routinely doubles his allowance by playing poker with the old man down the street

* A pair of police officers carrying sub-machine guns and wearing kevlar vests walks by and you just smile and wave

* While talking to those officers, you proudly boast about the Uzi you just bought, and they smile ask you how that handles on full-auto.

* On Saturday, you strip naked, light up a joint, and head downtown to make some extra money giving blowjobs to tourists. You, stoned out of your mind, offer a uniformed cop a hit off your joint, and he declines, but only because he's on duty

* You debate with friends on whether or not your government owns the corporations or the corporations own the government

* You don't care who wins the debate, because either way, they do a good job of keeping you happy

* Your neighborhood has a Discordian temple

* You've met the deity in question

You know you're a Aelosian when...

* You have forgotten when was the last time you saw an ugly woman.

* You have forgotten when was the last time you saw a beggar.

* You tend to spend more in clothes and jewelry than in anything else, even food, after all you can live only eating lembas.

* You have pointy ears, and very big pointy ears, for that matter.

* You learned to love the Noldor and you still don't know why, after all the history says that they slaughtered your people several times in the past.

* You're trained in every weapon known to Elf and men alike, from a staff to a plasmathrower.

* You see several "heads" of the goverment, yet you still don't know who really hold the power.

* You consider all non-elves "charming and lovely" people until they approach too much.

* You know that committing a capital crime it's not a good thing, you could end as a Kalessini slave.

* You love to hunt fake animals in the Craftworld hunting grounds with an archaic bow.

* Your pet is either a hound, a hawk, a horse, a Giant Eagle or a Dragon

* You see military advertisements that say "JOIN THE FLEET, DIE IN MARS!", and still most people love to join.

* Old men are always mumbling things against the Noldor, yet all of them carries a holopicture of Lady Sirithil in their wallets.

* When people start to dissappear at random in the Craftworld, you know that the ShadowPrince is in a bad mood.

* When people start to reappear at random in the city, you know that the Princess Aliria spoke with the ShadowPrince.

* You learned to love the C'tan, yet you don't know why, after all they're all green glowing eyed metallic skeletons.

* You love all the eldar stuff, yet you avoid to have a conversation with an Yvressian. (That uneasy feeling...)

* You tend to consider Thelasi "brothers" and "nuisances" at the same time.

* You play darts aiming at a Melkor holopicture. (and you don't use darts, you use shurikens)

* You have a paternalist attitude towards anyone who don't believe in the Valar.

* For you, arrogance is a virtue.

You know you're a Thracian when your lunch has more rights than you do.

You know you're a Thracian when your computer gets *you* to do the maths.

If..

*You're having trouble with the gulls

*That 50,000 ton battleship is firing its main battery on a Spanish trawler foolish enough to venture close to national cod stocks

*The most successful sport's team in your nation's history is only semi-professional, and you don't understand the rules of the game in which they're kicking arse

*You're saving up the massive sum of forty pounds towards that clatterbox you've always wanted

*You collect fountain pens

*Your head of government still refers to the United States as, "that damnable pirates' nest" and you're off to watch the hanging of an Irishman claiming to have been snooping about the embassy district in his official capacity for some obviously fictional republic

*You're late for work because Mr.Benn mistakenly took your suit at the dry cleaners, or because the horse is sick and the tram's behind schedule again

*Unlike the majority of people in this thread you don't know how to work an assault rifle

*The only police officer you've ever seen was armed with a bit of wood, a whistle, and a top hat

*You heard that the mayor just got one of those picture boxes

*Prize fighting is dashed good fun, isn't it?

*You've stood next to the same two people five or six days a week for twenty years while waiting for the tram, and you only know them enough to guess what they probably think of to-day's weather, and that like you they consider this a, "good morning"

*You're afraid you were very, very drunk

..Then you just might be Walmingtonian.

You know your a Wazzu when...

*...your utility belt comes equiped with box cutters, packaging tape, a squirt gun, and several methods of lighting fires.

*...your apartment is the size of a walk-in closet.

*...your front door is tougher then most starship hulls.

*...Venus' atmosphere is safer to breath.

*...your often caught vandalizing forign spaceships...by writing to and return addresses in magic marker on them.

*...flying hovercars consists of letting computers fly you within centimeters of billions of other hovercraft, aircraft, buildings, and various obsticals...none of which you can see through the smog.

*...the most devout people in your nation are taxi drivers.

*...getting promoted to govenor is considered "democracy."

*...the only thing the short, fat, clinically insane guy walking towards you is wearing is a pistol.

*..."halfway decent" is a complement beyond measure.

*...you never see the light of day...on Earth.

*...the only 24,000 strong federal police force is "all-pervasive."

*...the worlds "the Society" doesn't refer to the population at large.

*...an 8 hour work day is "getting off early."

*...a five day work week is a part time job.

*...drugs are legal but anyone who does them is shunned.

*...your votes are weighted by stock held in local corporations.

You Know You're Valerian When...

* You speak a dialect of Russian, yet all Russians are tortured and executed without visas.

* The favored Valerian names are Russian or Greek, or of a minority in the nation like Italian.

* Raising a symbol of Communism can get you castrated on the spot.

* The people in the north can have pork, but your emperor bans it from other markets.

* Your kids all have their own guns to beat back "the evil invading heathens".

* Your emperor has a huge approval rating, even though 15 million people suspected of "treason against the Mighty Crown" are now dead because of him.

* You are lucky not to be forced into slavery when you commit a petty crime.

* You can beat up a Catholic or an Atheist, but you are executed for attacking a Jew or an Orthodox.

* You are suddenly uprooted from your home and plopped off in a wilderness "for the glory of Valeria".

* The smell of ammonia and dung fills your nostrils from the military stable down the block.

* Nearly everyone has a mistress or extramarital lover, and no one has a household family size under 4 members.

* There is a striking resemblance between the intrigues of the Byzantine government and your own.

* Your neighbor is Frigberian, your pastor is Imperial American, that soldier who lives down the street is a Visigoth, and your new brother-in-law is Ianislian.

You Know You're Valerian When...

* You speak a dialect of Russian, yet all Russians are tortured and executed without visas.

* The favored Valerian names are Russian or Greek, or of a minority in the nation like Italian.

* Raising a symbol of Communism can get you castrated on the spot.

* The people in the north can have pork, but your emperor bans it from other markets.

* Your kids all have their own guns to beat back "the evil invading heathens".

* Your emperor has a huge approval rating, even though 15 million people suspected of "treason against the Mighty Crown" are now dead because of him.

* You are lucky not to be forced into slavery when you commit a petty crime.

* You can beat up a Catholic or an Atheist, but you are executed for attacking a Jew or an Orthodox.

* You are suddenly uprooted from your home and plopped off in a wilderness "for the glory of Valeria".

* The smell of ammonia and dung fills your nostrils from the military stable down the block.

* Nearly everyone has a mistress or extramarital lover, and no one has a household family size under 4 members.

* There is a striking resemblance between the intrigues of the Byzantine government and your own.

* Your neighbor is Frigberian, your pastor is Imperial American, that soldier who lives down the street is a Visigoth, and your new brother-in-law is Ianislian.

You know you're Scotian when:

- You swear in English, Russian, and Korean, and that's just on the way to work.
- You have to pay admission to cross the street.
- You laugh scornfully every time you hear the words "Mutually Assured Destruction".
- You personally know two nationally recognized authors.
- Your ten-year-old daughter has been in the country longer than your millionaire employer.
- You leave the country for a week's vacation and miss three referendums.
- You give someone the finger in traffic and get your hand shot off.

You know you're from Phalanix...

.You have to own atleast one pistol

.You've seen a nuke fly by

.You own a old tank or Warthog

.You wonder when you'll be nuked off the face of the Earth

.You actualy don't get paid for working

..more to come

You know you're from Phalanix...

.You have to own atleast one pistol

.You've seen a nuke fly by

.You own a old tank or Warthog

.You wonder when you'll be nuked off the face of the Earth

.You actualy don't get paid for working

..more to come

You know you're from Sketch when.....

you've never seen the face of your leader
you've never seen an outside in Sketch
consider this life of ruthless oppression as "normal"
don't notice that camera in your bathroom
heard by word of mouth that Sketch is one of the largest producers of that thing called an "automobile", but you aren't sure what that is exactly
have internet access but can't actually look at anything other than "educational material"
wake up in the morning, step outside, and breath in a nice fresh mouthful of uranium dust as part of a daily routine
are allocated the right to have two children, but only if one is given over to state custody
take comfort in knowing that you are being protected by one of the largest police forces ever created
at the same time you wonder when they'll "discover" you comitting a crime
everyone including you has a job, you might not like it, but its better than the alternative.....
are very healthy.....its either that or get purged
you try not to think too much.....you might be committing a thought crime and not even know it

You might start to suspect your are a Nianaciana (never mind that you had to apply for citizenship...) when...
You read in the newspaper that the town has had its first 'house invasion' in the last twenty years. (It's blamed on the increasing popularity of schools.)
The patrolling policemen wave at you as you examine your submachine gun prior to climbing into your private fighter jet.
You get excited when you see someone driving an automobile.
You go to the top of the tallest city building you can find at night and are able to skywatch.
You laugh at the young immigrant who thinks that no school means he doesn't have to learn anything. (You can't pass the citizenship tests without some education.)
You try to explain to the young immigrant why everyone shuns him for doing drugs even though they're legal.
You explain to the young immigrant (who still doesn't understand the culture) that everyone will shun him if he doesn't give money to the homeless man.
You get annoyed when you go on vacation and find the gift shop selling "Special Nianacia Chopsticks" that are round and blunt. :evil:
You eat bugs for breakfast.
You are taught skills that will help you find a job as your punishment for theft.
You shoot yourself in the foot and get treated by military doctors.
You see military engineers burying electrical lines.
You go to the zoo to see the moas and giant lemurs.
You see nothing wrong with living in the tropics and having never seen a tropical bird.
You freak out because there are only two crops this year.
You stop freaking out because you have enough food to last over a year.
The mayor is trying to figure out how to keep the island the city is built on from sinking.
You could travel the whole world in your car if only you didn't have to worry about maintenance, fuel, and the weather.
You would crash into a sluice gate if you ignored the traffic lights.

You know you're a Mmrkuudnian when:

You see cotton pencil shavings grinning at the mud.
You have foggy hammers and elbow seeking glue in your toolbox.
Eight million blazing jabberwocks are dancing in your coffee mug.
It took you until the fourth cup to notice the blazing jabberwocks.
Your lawn is verbally assaulting the postal carrier.
Every time you visit your doctor, you ask to have the trees removed from your left nostril.
You've mailed mouse confetti with a hollow noise sardine.
You need to buy new maps every day because they reshape the country overnight.
Blaaaaarg.
Inane prattle is your native language.
THURSDAY! THURSDAY, I TELL YOU!

You know your a Skeelzanian when:

-You go to the post office and wind up in an Anti-Alien pogrom.

-You rather loudly thank the government for its incredibly low tax rates, and then spend all your money on government approved products for fear of being sent to the Uranium mines.

-You don't find it appalling that, not only are children often seen gambling in the nation's casinos, but that children are often used in bets at the nation's casinos.

-You can't fly a simple box kite without it being downed by one of the mobile Flak batteries.

-You support the "Pave the Rainforest" Movement.

-The national animal is legally entitled to devour you if your slow enough for it to catch you.

-Your unruly child is often locked in a small, dank closet by his teachers.

-You wake up and find a family of refugees setting up a scrap metal shack in your driveway.

-You frequently get out of your car to point and laugh at people exiting the nation’s few remaining churches.

-You know that if you ride a bike on a major roadway, motorists are legally obligated to hit you.

You know you're a Krowemohian when...


* You're a catperson who full heartedly supports capitalism.
* You just lost your job to Vector Industries' newest Commerical Grade Realian, and you're okay with that.
* Mechas patrol the streets, and you're not concerned.
* The daughter of the Prince could kill you with a single thought.
* The Prince has more power then the King.
* Dogs scare the living daylights out of you.
* You own no less then five items made by the Resi Corporation.
* You have a barcode on the back of your neck.
* You use robots as lawn decorations, or know someone who does...

You know your a Belemian when....

At least one member of your high school class was accompanied out of the building never to be seen again by the nice men in the Kevlar suits

You are not only allowed to kick elves but encouraged

you want to grow up to be an Inquisitor even though they took away your Uncle Henry for spitting on the picture of the Emperor

burning efigies of elves and heathens brings in Unification day, New Years, Easter and Christmas!

all your problems are because of Elves, Heathens, and Communists or whoever else the government doesn't like this week

You memorized the three primary topics and atleast 20 of each secondary topics in the Destiny of the Belem people

you attempted to memorize all 900 topics in the Destiny of the Belem people

you agree with the Destiny of the Belem people or the men in Kevlar will come and see you

you get to kick and stone criminals to death and even get rewarded by the government!

if your male your given you a gun at 16 and told if Belem is invaded your job is to die for Belem but make sure you kill atleast four invaders first

OOC: more coming soon im tired need sleep

You know you're a Berserker citizen when:
You're very intelligent and believe stupidity is a threat to sentients everywhere.
You're the most jingoistic person you know, however you're rather rational in your assertions.
You're also the most caring person you know, unless someone's being a moron.
You believe in Good and Evil, and that "The Bullet of Justice Shall Cap Evil's Ass"
You think its normal to live in a series of tunnels and archologies.
You travel to work on a different moon, and its just another commute.
Your personal vehicle has hardpoints.
You use said hardpoints.
Corporations are everywhere, but heavily taxed.
Having slug-beings, robots, kzin, elves, various metahumans, and old anglo saxons, over for dinner seems like the most natural thing in the world.
You enjoy playing video games against your friend, R-Tem, but he always kicks your ass, he's (its) an EI. Bastard.
Your best friend is liberal, or rather would be considered liberal, if you actually cared about party lines.
You can't curse in as many languages as your neighbors, but you're signature phrases are renouned. (Now if only you could say them in Kzinti)
You think Nazis are "wastes of valuable CHON"
Protesting is perfectly acceptable (even normal), just don't lie in the street, cars won't stop. (Hey, you're the moron who layed down in a busy street, you deserve what happens next.)

*Updated*

You know you're an Aumanii when:

-If you are convicted of a felony and your punishment is "Organ donation".
-If Marduk calls your work section a "Pussy" for not manufacturing your quota.
-When you wake up and realise that you are now the property of Tor Yvresse Mars.
-When you wake up and realise that you are property of Noriegania.
-When you wake up and realise that you are once again the loyal servant of Balthizar Marduk.
-When Marduk calls you a "Pussy" for not contributing to the liberation of your homeland.
-When you've been serving your 6 month mandatory military service for 15 years.
-You have no real free speech, but are convinced you do and therefore use it to bash enemies of the state.
-When you pay over 4 billion "Tears of the Innocent"(Aumanii Currency) for a loaf of bread, a razor blade and a quart of milk.

You know you're from Whispering Voices when:

You really do hear voices in your head ...

((I just realised this is my most popular thread since before my vacation. That's really, really sad.))

You Know You're Nuevo Kowloonese when...

-Your neighbour comes out at sundown to work his fields.
-your Son (or daughter, or sister, or Mother, or Father...) sleeps all day in the dark, and goes to work at Sundown.
-You have to show your children that there are no Communists hiding under the bed, waiting to pour diseases down their throats as they sleep.
-You're Thirty, and you still check in the Closet and under the Bed for the ChiComs.
-You don't think it's unusual to be allergic to light, because you're related to someone who's allergic to light.
-You can make a middle-class living on the equivalent of $1.10 an Hour-including two automobiles, a two-bedroom residence, and your spouse doesn't have a job.
-You think cars with fins are a neat idea.
-You wonder why Foreigners protest Nuclear Power.
-Everyone you know over the age of 14 owns a Semi-Automatic rifle in .30-06, attends Militia Drill at least twice a month, and does two weeks of active service per year.
-You don't think it's strange for your Daughter's sixth-grade Teacher to be a Sergeant.
-You're ashamed of your son because he still doesn't know the right way to disarm a Soviet-style landmine (and he's just turned Eight!).
-At least one of your children goes to "Night School", and gets middling marks for silent movement-and you're ashamed of them.
-You met your wife at Militia Drill.
-Your Wife is a better shot than you are.
-"Going to the Beach" involves your whole Militia Squad, and it's to check the minefields.
-You're proud of your youngest daughter because she beat out the other 250 kids in her grade-six class-998 out of 1000 possible points on the Rifle range.
-Depleted Uranium is cheaper bullet material than Lead-a useful industrial metal.
-"Chemical Weapons" is an Epithet.
-"Biological Weapons" is a reason to kill someone.
-"Nuclear Weapons" are a reason to kill someone.
-You honestly believe there are countries just waiting to invade you with bottomless hordes of cannibalistic perverts, psychopathic rapists, and enfleshed demons. You call these people "Foreigners."
-You think impalement is a humane punishment for Heroin production.
-You don't see anything Communistic or Socialist about the Village you live in owning the major employer in the area.
-You vote in local elections, and the people you voted for win or lose honestly... but there has never been a Presidential Election in your lifetime.
-"the President" has been dead for more than Seventy Years.
-Your children have seen the remains of a city that was destroyed by Atomic Bombs-from the inside of lead-lined suits, the city was destroyed before your Grandfather was born.
-You think an M-1 Garand is a "Light Rifle", and that an M-16 is an "Ammo eating automatic toy."
-You could use a Bayonet Properly before 7th Grade.
-You think 12 Hours is a good, normal, shift.
-You can go to any office, business, or establishment open to the public at any hour of the day or night-because everything is run off a 24 Hour clock.
-Your kids own guns, because you want them to do well in school (and not by threatening the Sergeant).
-"Cops" are there to promote the peace, and protect society.
-"Television" is black-and-white, and requires an antenna.
-"Radio" is AM, FM, Shortwave, and Digital.
-You connect to the Internet via Radio waves through ARPANet.
-Your whole family has been training to fight a Foreign invasion for generations- the invaders still haven't arrived, but you just Know they will...
-Your Nephew got "A's" in Reading, Writing, Mathematics, and Bomb Disposal. (He's 12).
-You know how to use a Slide-Rule, and prefer it when calculating adjustments on the district nuclear reactors.
-You don't think it the least bit strange to shift between Vietnamese, English, and H'mong in a single sentence, much less a conversation.
-You're out of Your country for the first time in recorded memory, and you're looking at your allies-wondering how in hell they expect to hit anything with those plastic and aluminum toys they're carrying.
-Optical Sights are for snipers.
-"Night Vision" is when you take the welding goggles off after dark (Number 8 filters-the best when your eyes don't contract enough...)
-"Day Vision Devices" are more useful to you (Number 8 Welding Goggles)because your pupils don't contract enough to adapt to sunlight.(True for 20% of NK population)
-People from nations with Vampires mistake you for a Vampire.
-People from Western European nations mistake you for Chinese or Japanese-and you're deeply offended.
-People from Elven nations mistake you for someone who believes in magic.
-Everyone you meet thinks you don't know how to use their High-tech gear, just because you're wearing a steel-pot helmet and canvas leggings.
-People who watch too much Hong-Kong Action Theatre think you must be a Martial Artist because of the shape of your eyes.
-People from Hong-Kong make the mistake of thinking you can't kick their ass because you don't claim to study Martial Arts.
-You don't think these things are strange.
-You have a hard time accepting the idea that someone who's only been in training for six years is considered "Elite" at Twenty-Five.
-Especially when he's using a bipod, and a scope, and Match ammo, and you're still outshooting him.
-On the Thousand Yard/Meter range.
-and you're using stock peep-sights.

You know you’re a Southern Waster when:

*You wonder where all your taxes go when theres offically not a government.

*You drive either a tank or an armoured personnel carrier to work.

*You always get junk mail from the corporations offering jobs.

*When some one says 'worm' you starting running like hell for the nearest rock or high building.

*You know what a Graboid is.

*You keep a whole army worth of weapons in case of the Graboid and other reasons.

*When the ground starts to rumble you turn everything off and stand very, very still.

More to come...

You know you're an Ass when.....

*everyone else makes fun of your nationality

*You're likely to see battle between vampires and police out in the street

*Random objects fly into you

*The government explodes the house next door for suspected terroism

*All your weapons have a silver component in case of vampires

*A monkey lives in your toilet

*A christian declares a crusade upon you

*You're so cynical you don't know why you are still living

*Violence is an acceptable method of solving problems

*You can hear the thoughts of all the people that hate you

You know you're an Ass when.....

*A christian declares war a crusade upon you



Not yet :P

If you...

... tend to just accept whatever the goverment says regarding rules and taxes...
... because, of course, you can always move over to the next district if the Count gets a bit pushy...
... occaisionally pester the local noble to settle dispute...
... work in a job that involves just pushing buttons or doing physical labor...
... left school after passing the final required grade at 15...
... believe that its better to just sit in a nice, safe bunker when there's a war...

... then you're probably a Cetagandan serf. On the other hand, if you...

... have sworn your eternal allegiance to the imperial crown with a magical binding oath...
... served a term in the national military...
... are still a member of either the fleet reserve or local milita...
... are well educated...
... consider you personal weapons as part of you...
... think no celebration is complete without lots of fireworks...
... regularly vote in local, senatorial, and directorate elections...
... have at least basic comp interface implants...
... regularly have lunch with psions, werewolves, and other such critters...
... ARE a psion, werewolf, or other such critter...

... then you're probably a Cetagandan citizen. Of course, if you do all that and also ...

... have to run a district goverment...
... or have seat in the Senate for merit...
... have to sit through boring meetings of the Senate.
... have to listen to serfs who come to you or your minions with their disputes...
... have keep said at least slighy happy so they don't leave and take your taxes with them...
... not to mention to keep the local citizens reasonably satisfied so they don't boot you out of office...
... wonder how the Kalessini nobles get away with doing neither of the above...
... sometimes wish you could still summarily impale those serfs...
... wonder why some people think being an noble is all fun and games...

... then you're probably a Cetagandan aristo. But, if you...

... have a psionic link to all of the citizens and aristos in your empire...
... have to settle disputes between all those damned nobles...
... not to mention the ones between the Sidhe, dwarves, werebeasts, vampires, dragons, and cetaceans...
... were called you an 'imperious git' in a message sent by the man you're going to marry to a foreign cadet that was read by other heads of state...
... grew up with your ministers treating you like a nephew, or in one case is a cousin...
... have a sword that can level cities...

... then you're probably the Cetagandan Emperor, you poor man.

You know you're a Spacer when....
*You feel the wind and immediately start looking for a hull breach patch.
*You're afraid to use the bathroom on the ground.
*You don't understand why you can't just turn off the engine and coast the rest of the way down the interstate.

you know you're jitanese when you've been summarily conscripted at least three times for no reason

<TAG>

You know you're Sir Paulian when...

-The Ministry of Propaganda's InfoHour is your favorite show.
-The ballot for president had only one name on it.
-You think there are WAY too many bigtopians immigrating into the country
-You suspect that the CEO of the Senior Industrial Regents of Pizza, Automotive, Uranium, and Liquor is the same person as the Minister of Corperate Regulation.

*Double Post*

You know your a Kallistian when:

..... everything you do seems to be in 5s or 23s
..... you know what a "Fnord" is
..... about every other person you know is a prostitute, or has been one at some point in their lives.
..... vampires don't phase you
..... neither do werewolves, ghosts, half-dragons, elves, etc...
..... your ruler is a goddess and that doesn't phase you either
..... your used to snow storms durring mid July
..... your local temple has an anti-order defence system
..... you more then likely have a clone of yourself being grown
..... the names of most of the gods and goddesses are taught to you in preschool
..... you know Golden Apples really -do- grow on trees!
..... You see your co-workers coming to work naked, or in dominatrix gear
..... you grow weed in your herb garden
..... you know pirates get the right of way on the island of Fernando Po
..... your beinging to get used to the fact that there are giant robots landing near the Empress's palace

You know your a Patoxian when...

* You think that 'Air Pirate' is a legitimate occupation.

* Your Diplomatic Corps double as your olympic running team as they are constantly running from one hot spot to another to put out yet another diplomatic brushfire.

* You dive an armored vehicle to pick up the kids from swordsmanship class.

* You think nothing of major dogfights happening around the country.

* A lot of people you know own armed aircraft for transport.

* Your motto is shoot first ask questions later if you see anything suspicious.

* You belong to an criminal group and boast about it in public.

* You know how to get into Zeke's Peak but sometimes like to try out the defences.

* You see nothing wrong with people walking around town armed to the teeth.

* People assume that you're communist because your country is near a lot of communist countries.

* Despite all the Illegal activity people seem to still have a sense of Honor.

* You spend several hours a day making sure that the Ant-Aircraft gun in your front yard is in good working order.

* You can tell people who live in cities by their pale complexion from underground living.

* You look up and are not surprised to see several zeppelins with escorts.

* Your main source of entertainment is the radio.

* You could care less about the national government, and often do the opposite of what they want you to do.

* You shrug you shoulders when you hear that the capitol has been attacked/burned, It's not like it affects you or anything.

* You wonder why Imperial Germany keeps threating you and you allies when they use pre-world war technology and your allies ride around in modern tanks and jet fighters until you take a look at your military's mostly WWII era forces... (we're modern but backwards :) ).

You know you're an Eniqciri when:
Not only can you swear in four languages, but you actually know the etymology of every single one of those expletives.
You worry about catching computer viruses.
You own at least 10 high-power computers... one of which is military grade, and another five of which are either in or on your body.
You know everyone of the block... but only by screen name.
Lizards riding Rodents of Unusual Size just means that the local branch of TIGER is nearby.
You consider drinking alcohol to be a total waste of perfectly good gas.
You don't bother catching butterflies- their either metal or some genetic experiment anyway.
You have to get a breeding license before you can have kids.
You try to rescue a cat from a tree, only to remember that there are no cats in this Province, at which point the cat morphs into a silvery slug, and the neighborhood militia is organised to set up a quarantine until the Replicator's owner can be located.

You know you're an Old Celdr Provincial when:
You do what m'Lord says, and you're darn happy to!
You pretend not to know that m'Lord exists.
You can walk down the city mainstreet and not expect to be recognized by anybody.

You know you're a New Celdr/Serik Provincial when:
You do what m'Lord says, becuase you like m'Lord.
You know what m'Lord looks like.
You know what m'Lord's favorite food is.
You have actually asked m'Lord for something.
You, or someone you know, has actually been in a duel... and your Prime Factorization Algorithm totally creamed his port-scanner and Intrusion Countermeasures.
Chocolate-covered termites don't make you puke.
You think it's perfectly normal for people to change clothing colors and styles in the middle of the street... without ever changing the actual clothes.
You faithfully check the Health Department bulletins to make sure none of the local neighborhoods has spontaneously begun reforming into fractal organisms and industrial appliances.
Almost everyone you know has at least one non-static artificial organ.
You know at least one persob who doesn't have any natural organs left.
You don't have any natural organs left.

You know you're a Scyldr Provincial when:
You, or someone you know, has actually been in a duel... and your diamond double-edge totally creamed his rapier.
Chocolate-covered termites don't make you puke.
Rain freaks you out.
You know someone with at least one titanium bone.

You know you're a Traveler when:
You carry around a book of local laws whenever you leave home, just in case.
You can see a black sky and stars in mid-day.
Wind freaks you out.
After being drafted, you learned how to deploy a three kinds of drones in under a minute, and then learned how your sidearm works.
You get ready for battle by leaning back in your chair.

You know you're a Minor Lord when:
You get at least 200 e-mails a day... and only 5 are spam
...and 10 are from the Lord Steward
...and the rest are from Provincials.
You come up with no less than three new plots a month.
Your cousin is on the High Council.
You're married to your other cousin.
You actually like your daughter's new boyfriend, but you can't admit it.

You know you're a Lord Steward when:
Your house is bigger than a city block.
You can't even see the end of your front lawn.
You have to send at least 5 e-mails an hour.
You have actually talked to the High Steward and...
...you aren't military
...you aren't an academician
...he gave you land
...he yelled at you
You have the equivalent of a small nation's military at your command- but all in one field.

You know you're a Snel when....

*You find yourself carrying fish in one hand, celery in the other hand, a briefcase in the other hand...
*You live in a tree... with spaceships docked to it.
*You attempt to dig a well, only to run into aluminum plating and remember that there's a vacuum down there.
*Every five months, you suddenly acquire a strong affinity for mint and hot chilly peppers.
*You think it's perfectly normal to have moss growing on your living room wall... how else do you expect to light it?
*You think it's perfectly normal to have conversations with a cubic kilometer of sophontic slime-mold.
*You think burying your dead is a waste of perfectly good CHON... better to feed 'em to the slime mold.
*You hold a funeral for your nest door neighbor in the Warrior Caste... and he hasn't even gone to battle yet.
*You know 60 different ways to incapacitate any of the major sophont categories (primate, insectoid, cetacean, mollusk, sauropod....) but actually harming them makes you throw up.
*You think 65 degrees is cold.
*The walls of your house are constantly damp from the humidity.
*You think jelatinous red star-shaped blobs floating a pond are cute.

You know you're SR when:

- The military constantly raid the local fish and chips shop in fear of drugs
- You're stuck in traffic behind a tank
- You've just had a nuclear strike drill in the last three weeks
- There's a Surface to Air missile site on your front lawn
- Your local police officer carries an automatic rifle
- Your next door neighbour has been carted away for questioning
- There are govermnent monitored cameras in your house.

Finally, the number 1 way to tell you're part of SR is:

You have a barcode on your head, and a regularly scanned.

You're definately living in the Orion Sector (Steel-Empire) if...

*...Your civil rights are "rare"
*...and like it...
*...and expect it...
*...you punish those who try and attain civil rights
*...You parents remember when they elected an Emperor for life after one died, only to have one of the men who lost the election assassinate the man who did.
*...You embrace this man as your new leader
*...Your commander of your space fleet discovers he's of an ancient, omnipotent race and leaves for a self-finding adventure
*...You don't know if what you remember of yesterday really happened that way due to time-travelling SB citizens from the future fighting a war throughout time.
*...You don't know if you're the only one thinking thoughts in your head, due to aliens from the aformentioned future being able to invade your conciousness.
*...You think six-digit paychecks are unrealistic, and that no one can live well on seven-digit jobs.
*...You haven't noticed that the Empire began a 10% income tax a year ago due to the unbelievable size of your bank account.
*...You're a CEO or a President of a company, and you get those who work for you to pay your 10%
*...The government doesn't care what you do if you run a business that helps it.
*...You have free speech, yet you still don't speek against the Empire or the Emperor simply because you're used to not saying anything.
*...Your capital planet and city are the same thing
*...You think a whole planet that is entirely a city is beautiful
*...You leave your sunny clear-blue beach on another planet in the Empire to vacation in the huge capital city/planet.
*...The man who you try and rob shoots you in the kneecaps, beats you up, and then random citizens who hate those who break the rules join you. Eventually you turn the man over to the authorities, who do the same thing, kill you, and then deport your body to a random spot in space
*...the words police and military mean the same thing to you
*...the words capitalism and religion mean the same thing to you
*...the words socialism, communism, homosexuality, abortion, liberalism, and the phrase "change, get out, or die" go hand in hand.
*...you have no clue why there is a civil war going on, merely that you are in it and you're moving out tomorrow.
*...you realize that since AIDS and other STD's have been cured, you can now have sex with whoever you want, whenever you want.
*...you don't realize that the corporation who cured AIDS did it to cover up their illegal and genocidal activities.
*...and that the president of this corporation is using your Emperor as a puppet...
*...and you don't know that the Emperor doesn't know he's being used as a puppet either...
*...and you don't know anything about the resistance because you're not allowed...yet you don't know you're not allowed...you just assume nothing's happening.
*...you remember back before the russian mafia was purged, and realize that they do a hell of a lot more damage now as space pirates with a huge grudge than they did as mobsters controlled by the ever-present police.
*...you find it weird how you elect people to the Senate, however they do nothing and never have sessions...
*...but you do it anyway...just to find out about this strange thing called "democracy"
*...you leave the Empire on vacation to learn more about these democracies, and dismiss the idea as a time-wasting pathetic excuse for a governmental form.
*...you enjoy being led by an Emperor
*...you enjoy the Empire being dominated by big business and monopolies.
*....you realize that swords would never do damage to the battle armor that you wear as a soldier (if you're a soldier) however you train everyday in various arts of swordplay.
*...you hardly ever train in your polaron pulse rifle because shooting comes natural to you
*...you play or watch international baseball non-stop through a bloody civil war
*...Your pro-football team also doubles as a marine unit.
*...Your ballet squad also doubles as a Space Fleet crew.
*...The senior class of your highschool also doubles as a Mobile Infantry unit.
*...Having a name in an RP doesn't mean you're going to live. Not having a name doesn't mean you're going to die in the RP.
*...if things that happen to you in RP's are overly dramatic
*...if things that happen to you in RP's are completely twisted plot wise
*...if things that happen to you in RP's are never what they seem to be
*...If you're arrogant to a fault, and your girlfriend finds that endearing

(more to come)

You know your a Citizen of Comdidia when-
-Your Saturday night consists of Who wants to be a citizen, (the tv show where immigrants try to cross a hundred mile island alive...)
-You think you have a democratic government but its really run by the military.
-Your yearly spending is on guns and booze.
-You join the military for fun not to serve your country....
-Instead of prision your sent to some asteroid to "mine".
-People randomly get abducted by top secret government projects no one cares about.
-You have a TV camera man around you 24/7.
-You think you have allies.
And last and not least
-You actually thought your government wasn't a warmongering bunch of loonies with WMD's.
-Your Sunday paper consists of whos going to be blown into space next.
-Your wife and you never married.
-You have 16 kids.
-You like it how you have civil rights as long as you promote the government.
-Your life depends on if the next test of that New weapon works....If it doesnt work you live, if it works you die.
-You think taking a vaction is going to the gun show.
-Your family car is some sort of armored vehicle or space transport.
(more to come later)

Now this is a good idea.

You Know You're A Cyberutopian When...

• A robber dashes down the street naked and you are unfazed.

• The cop chasing the robber is naked and you are unfazed.

• Someone has walked down your street with a chain gun in hand.

• Your homeland has almost declared war on itself before.

• The air smells strongly of drugs, but is otherwise totally clean.

• You celebrate Hlaksjdflksdjnf Day and don't even know what it is.

• You can pick out the location of every major military base on a map and name their corresponding unit allocations.

• The Grand Admiral of the Fleets is the job most likely to get you assassinated.

• You actually know your way around New Sapporo.

• You think a building that is 100 stories tall is "puny."

• When people ask you if you've ever been in a rural area, you say, "Huh?"

You know your from New York and New Jersey when:
-You look down the street and you see cops drive by in a small tank
-Witnessing drug raids on the news is as routine as the five day forcast
-You spend your Sunday nights watching: "Who wants to hang a Knootian druglord?"
-You constantly gloat on how much better your nation does thing in comparison to a majority of your elven regional neighbors.
-You pondered going to Mars for vacation, only to remember, its a Red Radioactive Ball right now
-You've been drafted at least three times, and if you havent, your just waiting for the call.
-You want to join the DEA just to fly P-51s
-You cant remember the last time troops havent been moblized and the nation prepared for war
-You dont leave home without your rationcard, which has pretty much replaced VISA,Mastercard,and American Express.
-You cant remember a time when New Jersey didnt glow a bright radioactive green

You know you're a Ceranissian when:
You are a magical being who worships Ceran the supreme ruler of Ceranus
You travel through magical portals to get to places
You are bound by a magical contract forced to serve the Ceranissian High council in any way shape or form
Too be continued

You know your Crownguardian when:



Reef is where coral is, not where the party is

You have a tax on how much you are taxed

The economy is so great, you dont mind the fact that you have a barcode on your ass

You greet preachers at your door with: "God? We dont want any..." and slam the door in their face

Hippies are an endangered species; dwelling in preserves in the woods

Nuking protestors is a "security exercise"

Its good to finally be the King

National forests are future toilet paper

Black shades mean big trouble

Knighthood is a career

Torture is fun for the whole family

Your organs are commodity to be traded in for credit

Your credit card has a plastic explosive...you know...just in case

You need a calculator to count the number of bombs dropped today

Black military choppers fly...wait..WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU TAKING ME?! HELP!

you know your're a carlemnarian when ...

you've just had noodles and meatbeast in a mushroom broth for breakfast

you grew the mushrooms yourself

and the meatbeast is living in your root cellar

unharmed and already regrowing the slice you took to put in the soup

you'd rather take the little train the long way arround then get on your grav sled and go streight there

you log on to the work needs list and get excited to find someone
wants to clear brush and do a little grading to extend another branchline

when you show up at the site the lead person hugs you

you've brought your own masterbot

two days ago it was your turn on local security
and today it's your daughter's

your standard issue equipment was a staff of themnax, power bands, belt of xendu and an 'elvin cloak'

you brought your own staff of themnax

slightly customized

under the cloak you wore bell bottems and love beads

or a unisex t-tunic

with pockets in it

you spent most of that day sitting arround the mathom house swapping
lies with the person who'se turn it was to look after the place that day

you live in a house that you built yourself that doesn't look anything like anybody else's in your or any of the nearest 20 surrounding communities

your house looks more like a mushroom, a giant gourd or a natural rock formation then anything made by sentient hand

your son or daughter leaves home to go on pujush at age 12 and you realize you may never see them again.

they already have the equivelant of two masters degrees and haven't
even entered upper school yet

the vending machine at the trolly stop doesn't take any kind of currentcy or coinage but will only give you one item that day

the only key you need to open any lock you have access to is your thumb pressed the request button which scans it

you can leave your masterbot at the trolley stop and it will still be there when you get back unless someone else needs to barrow it

and when they do they actualy bring it back as soon as the're done with it,

usualy the same day,

cleaned!

you land in a strainge town and you're given five mathom chits and a place to stay

no questions asked

and no charge

you want to take a long trip for vacation this year so you go to the craftufacturing center and make a sakahachi

three of them

two for the mathom house
which gets you the extra mathom chits

and one for yourself to learn how to play

no one gives a secont though to the tradition of performing solstice rituals in the sacred grove

skyclad

you come home and theres a strange wild creature sitting in your favorite chair because you left the door open

or the door is a twisting passage way with no closure

or a bead curtain

and no one has taken anything

and the creature licks the back of your hand and purrs

(i wasn't sure i'd come up with enough of these and now i realize i have to cut it short if this isn't too long already)

=^^=
.../\...

You know you're a Sinoese when you have dreams of being a soldier and mowing downs Japs in their droves with your machinegun.

You knwo you're a Sinoese when you find yourself wistling this tune ( http://www.ibiblio.org/chinese-music/Ceremonial_Music/J10.Troop_Reviewing_March.au ) when you're bored.

You know you're Sinoese when you adress every adult male as "Sir", refer to your food as "ration, MRE", or when you see a flock of birds flying over you house, you get out your firearm and prepare to defend your country's airspace.

You know you are a Kwaswhakistanni when you (Loud explosion)


Well, the person who was telling the story was a Kwaswhakistanni, and he killed himself using his surgically implanted C4 like most other citizens do.

You know you are Lapsian when:
- Your first word was catfish
- you hate sea food
- you think a democracy is oppresive
- You actually enjoy dieing for your country
- people actually say hello to you without blasting your head off or stealing your wallet
- you cant work out the difference between a really big fish and a human

You know you are Lapsian when:
- Your first word was catfish
- you hate sea food
- you think a democracy is oppresive
- You actually enjoy dieing for your country
- people actually say hello to you without blasting your head off or stealing your wallet
- you cant work out the difference between a really big fish and a human

-You Know you're an Aumanii when Lapse narrowly avoids being invaded by you.

-You know you're a Lapsian when you narrowly avoid Aumanii invasion.

You know your an Teritoran:

-When Honor and Chivalry are central points in your life.
-Your an extremely devote or even fanatical Catholic
-You have 7 to 24 brothers and sisters and half of them are in the church.
-Your idea of fun is dueling, fencing, going to the local Turnament, archary contest or joust.
-You find nothing wrong with public humalition, torture or excutions.
-You regularly wear armor and think nothing of it
-You are an expert swordsman and always carry an sword
-You have an 1 in 3 chance of having at least one noble title no matter how minor if not two or three
-You belive that limited feudal Monarchism is the perfect government system
-You find nothing wrong in being loyal to king, your local lord and his prince and the catholic church.
-You have had miltary training since childhood and your gym time was sent training in swordplay then later with assault rifles and other pleasent weapons.
-You find nothing wrong with hunting somebody down and killing them for crimes commited agaist your family or lord.
-You find nothing wrong with private armies or that the Royal army known the guard inforces the law.
-You find nothing wrong with people being burned at the stake for witchcraft or various heresies
-You think serving in the miltary and dying for King, country, your lord and the church is not just duty and an honor, that its the only life.
-Your regular speak an languge that nearly nobody else outside your country can speak and your also fluent in Church Latin.
-You regularly drink wine with dinner, lunch, and breakfast

You know you are Lapsian when:
- Your first word was catfish
- you hate sea food
- you think a democracy is oppresive
- You actually enjoy dieing for your country
- people actually say hello to you without blasting your head off or stealing your wallet
- you cant work out the difference between a really big fish and a human

-You Know you're an Aumanii when Lapse narrowly avoids being invaded by you.

-You know you're a Lapsian when you narrowly avoid Aumanii invasion.

-You know you are Aumanii when you follow SRs lies willingly like a little puppet

You know your an Tordoran when:

-Your worried about IDI invasions and epceally the Belem, Teritorans and Kechans
-Your employed either by the National government or the high Tech Evil Mega Corporation, Geran Corp.
-Seeing Cyborgs and Robots don't phase you
-That you belive uncontroled AIs are evil and must be brought undercontrol or destroyed
-You are surpised to see an building thats not soaring literally into the clouds that isn't an church or an shrine.
-That you worry more about the destruction the Tank Police will do than the highly dangerous and heavly armed criminals.
-That you regularly use techology that many would concider futurisic.
-That you know more about Advanced Computer systems, Robotics and Cybernetics then some foreign experts
-You have several degrees in advanced techological fields
-Your careful not to use Illegal techology so the Techologal Police don't come after you.
-That even if you belong to another faith other than catholism you will still go to church so the Inquisition hopefully will not catch you.

You know your an Zerni when:

-You can get anything you want accept for illegal drugs that would hamper worker preformence.
-That corporate wars are common and often are literally wars
-That more than likely you work for you work for one of the native founded Mega Corporations Dorni, Yornt, Hernix, Tegi, or the Foreign mega Corporations, Geran Corp, Resi Corp, Wuzzonoa Corp and Mishima Conglomera Corp.
-That nearly everything is legal
-That the only thing you can count on the police to do is to not get involed unless ordered by the emperor himself
-The only respected and really known governmential figure is the emperor
-that two in three chances your an shintoist
-You only care about family honor not personal honor
-Your sense of family honor is very strange
-Your only real loyalities frist is to your company, then your family, finally the emperor.

You know your an Zoir when:

-You live in what the heart of what used to be an 100,000 year old Near Galaxic empire intil it fell in the human 1000 AD or your an space pirate and everyone includin said empire wants to kill you
-You belong to the oldest space going race or one of the races part of their empire
-Your ever preparing for war with the anceint enemy of your people
-Theres an few score of races who hate you for being Zoir
-That in your nations ancient past your people blew up the homeworld and nearly wiped out the the race of people who are now your best allies
-That your worship your forebears
-That your people have ruins, abandianed stations, bases, artifacts and other such things all over the galaxy.
-That besides the normal air, your used to breathing gases that are concider poisonious by other people.

You know your an Tirahian when:

-Your country is commonly attacked by Imperalist powers trying to seize the valuable mines on your homeworld.
-Your invaded by Mega Corporations seeking control of the said valuable mines.
-Your country is ruled by an General turned grand duke put in power by popular revulotion
-Your country is attacked by an country formed from the colonies of an collapsed allaince seeking revenge
-Trade wars are fought over your nation for one reason or another
-That you have combat rifle in your closet because your part of the militia.
-That besides the space port in capital city its surpising to see an building higher than three stories
-That you live most likely either in small town, village or on an farm.
-That theres only one city in your country which is the capital
-Your either an catholic or belong to an orthodox sect

You know you're a Dominican when...

Your better then everyone else.

You know your an Elven when.....
~Your contantly oppressed by nations wtih 2 billion+ population.
~Eat leaves before diplomatic confrences.
~Your house and nieghbors house is the same tree fortress.
~You can't vote till age 200.
~Can smoke marjuina in your house and its legal.
~Green and silver is the national colors.
~Your president's throne is made of tree-bark.
~Your nieghbors make fun of your human-shaped ears. (lol I had to throw that one in)

Your know your an Zroini when:

-You been raised to hate the Tirah

-You have no civial or political rights

-Your not surpised if somebody is shot and you pretend nothing happened no matter what so you don't die as well

-Your more scared of what your government could do to you than anyone else could ever do to you

-That Capitalism and the government is your only gods or else you dispear permently.

-You don't even know what communism or socialism is.

You know your a Verniian when....

-You honestly do believe what PubInf tells you.
-You believe people who InSec disappears probably deserved it.
-You can protest against the government as much as you want, it isn't going to change anything.
-The government is an aristocracy pretending to be democratic.
-The same President who has a space yacht that costs $900 million, and recently purchased $10,000 worth of wine, pretends to be the friend of the same people that have a 63% income tax rate. And you believe it.
-The navy got thrashed by the Valinor and Takan navies in the recent border war, but since PubInf says they lost, you believe it.

You know your a Verniian when....

-You honestly do believe what PubInf tells you.
-You believe people who InSec disappears probably deserved it.
-You can protest against the government as much as you want, it isn't going to change anything.
-The government is an aristocracy pretending to be democratic.
-The same President who has a space yacht that costs $900 million, and recently purchased $10,000 worth of wine, pretends to be the friend of the same people that have a 63% income tax rate. And you believe it.
-The navy got thrashed by the Valinor and Takan navies in the recent border war, but since PubInf says they lost, you believe it.

You know you are Lapsian when:
- Your first word was catfish
- you hate sea food
- you think a democracy is oppresive
- You actually enjoy dieing for your country
- people actually say hello to you without blasting your head off or stealing your wallet
- you cant work out the difference between a really big fish and a human

-You Know you're an Aumanii when Lapse narrowly avoids being invaded by you.

-You know you're a Lapsian when you narrowly avoid Aumanii invasion.

-You know you are Aumanii when you follow SRs lies willingly like a little puppet

Lapse, SR is my ally...Im not following lies, Im following contractual obligations. ;)

You know your a Trixian when...

-Not being funny is frown upon

-Being unemployed gets you beaten

-Thinking of becoming unemployed gets you beaten

-You love being Imperial

-When Honour and Chivalry are crucial

-Being at war is just another day...

-You don't have a problem with public floggings

-You don't have a problem with casual sex

-You love being Trixian :wink:

(More added when i get a funny phase)

You know that you are a Bulgar when:

-Before going on holiday, you leave the door to your house open with all the items inside on display, and when you come back they are not only there but cleaned by the Cleaning Service

-You don't have to pay into your child's college fund, as it is free

-At 18 you get a brochure calling you to see the Military Commision (if you are male)

-Your library contains a large section of books by Marx, Engels and Lenin

-When your only complaint to the government is that it wasn't sunny today

You know you're a Dregrite when...

*The earliest memory of your life you can remember is a voice whispering, "Join the military... join the military..." Over and over into your ear at night

*Your parents disown you because you become a successful businessman and not a Private in the Army.

*You find yourself queing up to watch the weekly criminals be executed.

*You are 6 feet tall when you're 14 and considered, "Average height" by your teachers.

*Your father teaches you how to kill a man when you're 4 years old, and yells at you if you miss a "Kill shot".

*You call the military police, "The good guys".

*You call anyone on the street who speaks of freedom of speech a traitor and gun them down, regardless of who they are.

*You find yourself enrolled in the military by the tender age of 6.

*You refer to major wars as "My day job".

You know you are a kevinngzhitizen (citizen of the kevinngzh) when

- You wear nothing to work
- You vote when you want to
- You are drafted into compulsory military service at 18
- You need to pay for only your child's enrichment lesson fees at primary level
- You think that prisons are useless and that the only way to curb crime is rehabilitation
- Your government returns you most of your money after you paid taxes.
- You are the national animal
- Your tertiary level kids sell their kidneys to pay for their fees and to get some pocket money
- Weapons smugglers often have more firepower than the entire military

You know you are a Hell Bovinian when...

*After travelling to a foreign country, people stare at you and kids scream "look momma, its a talking cow"
*Your milk has a good quality
*A foreigner aproaches at you with a fork in his hand
*Smoking a cigar and drinking tequila are the first things you do in the morning
*You travelled abroad with friends to burn a McDonalds
*A documentary about cattle in Discovery Channel turns you on
*You want to join any revolution you see and hate colonialism with passion
*You know you will die either with lung cancer or being eaten by humans
*Truco is your favourite card game and you once played it with foreigners that appeared after a white fog
*You feel sympathy for horses, sheep and normal cows
*You worship Hator, aka, The Holy Cow
*People tend to think you are either adorable or a walking steak

Will add more later, probaly....

You know your a Catholic European when...

-You attend Mass 5 times a day.
-Your local mayor is a priest.
-Heresy is punishable by death.

You know you're a Blargian when...

Your fave music genre is emo
Your an emo kid
You love civil rights
One of your biggest complaints is paying taxes
You are influenced by either Fugazi, Hot Water Music, Nation of Ulysses, or Sunny Day Real Estate
You are hXc or sXe
You know that Blargia was an Ex American Colony
Your a vegan or a vegitarian
You vote when you want to
You consider Jimmy Eat World "sell outs"
You have more vinyls than cds
You know the Blargian flag is just an emo guitarist with the words EMO bolded.
You despise rap and pop
You can't vote until age 12
You know who Cory S. Blargia is
You go to Hot topic every week.
You own a copy of 30 Degrees Everywhere
You hate war unless if it is a huge emergency
You cry a lot and get depressed more than other nationalities
You tolerate other religions
You go to at least 20 emo shows.
You know either Small Branch, Rising Tide, War sucks, Dark Blue, or Attack/Rebel records.

You know you're from Temme when. . .

-Your child refers to 'capitalism' and has his/her mouth washed out with soap.
-The dress code is enforced by the temperature in winter and the mosquitoes in summer.
-You vote Socialist Labour, even though you couldn't even name one of their policies.
-Your 14-year-old sets up a lemonade stand, but never gets any customers because of the high tax rates.
-10-year-olds set up unions to negotiate allowance--and the contracts are upheld in court.
-The future is 'wide open'--but they had to shut it again because of the cold.

YOU ARE CANADIAN IF;

-You believe it is a Crime to Eat a maple leaf made of Maple Sugar
-You donated 1,000 dollars to the Fund to build the CF-109 Uller
-You spit on a Model of a BOMARC Missile Every Day
-You spend at least 15 miutes of your free time trying to think of ways to make the tundra Usefull
-You Attack Tourists eating there maple leasf made of Maple Sugar
-You eat Reindeer for brakfast

BUMP!, because it is still good!

When someone suggests it's time to retire and you cringe.

You know you're a Khenalian when...

...you decide to go "out to eat", and so take an elevator down a few floors to the "Community Kitchen", and dine with your neighbors.
...you don't mind lengthy, interrupting phone calls from UN Survey people right in the middle of dinnertime.
...you are somewhat nervous of large, open spaces and prefer the hustle and bustle of a large City.
...you somtimes wonder if the City's skyline ever ends.
...you try to remain on good terms with everyone, and help sort through any problems between your neighbors.
...you wake up, look out the window, and see the Rings of Saturn welcoming you to the day.
...most of your paycheck is taxed to pay for vital government services, but you don't really mind as its more than likely going towards helping other people.
...you pretty much have no qualms with anyone, except Sketch. You hate Sketch. ;)
...a "day at the beach" or a "trek through the forest" means travelling uptown to one of the arcologies where you soak in the artifical sun on the coast of the manmade lake/ocean or you hike through the manmade forest while under the clear blue sky generated by a holographic projector.
...you're a complete neat freak. And so are your neighbors. And so are your children.
...your best friend is probably an Elf, a Kzin, a historic anglo-saxon, or one of those nifty reploids.
...you think Scolopendran art is swell.
...you've vacationed in nearly every Triumvirate nation, except Suunto. They're a bit odd.
...you'd probably vacation there anyway, just to try to cheer them up.

You know you're a Nimzonian when...

Your son bribes you not to have to do his homework.

You then use the money to bribe your wife into staying home while you go out with your friends. She probably then bribes the kid to get him to do his homework.

While out, you spend roughly $500 in bribes, but you get most of it back through people bribing you over the course of the evening. You treat this whole state of affairs with a "Some days you're up, some days you're down" mentality.

You weren't concerned when the government appointed a 'Minister of Bribes and Backhanders.' In fact, you probably bribed a few people in support of the appointment.

You know you're a Czardaian when...

• You've memorized your country's constitution;
• You don't care if the government legalizes public nudity, as you've probably been walking around in the altogether for a long time before that;
• Election day is a national holiday;
• Part of your daily routine when you come home is to log on to your government account online and vote on laws;
• You refer to government officials by their first names;
• You've forgotten whether you're lower-class, middle-class, or upper-class because it's not really that important;
• Your television serves only for public service announcements;
• You laugh at people who think they can't make a difference in the government;
• You believe you have a basic right to take over everything from the neighbor's discarded magazines to nations thousands of miles away;
• You have never heard of poverty;
• Your pet is an animal no-one has ever heard of;
• You don't know what authoritarianism is;
• Your idea of a good night is to spend time with your friends sitting around a table debating;
• When the government wants to outlaw something, you protest.

~Czardas, Supreme Ruler of the Universe

You know you're a Siren when

- You don't know what you are, who are you and feel the need to spread your cells into other organisms.
- You have hidden several hundred incarnations of yourself in many hosts.
- You have the power to take over a human and gain complete control over its body.
- You're able to infiltrate many buildings or even the minds of people when guided by the Master Siren.

Hmmm, I was going to add some more, but then I realized that I had written most of the stuff that could apply to me (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6041679&postcount=34).

Oh well, here goes...
You might still be a Syskeyian if-
You translated the Coo-Coo Cola jingle (http://www.toon.eu.org/alex/vspom/lyr_cola_e.shtml?eng) into classical Latin in hexameter while you were in middle school.
In fact, you could probably pass it off as a poem written in classical antiquity, if it were not for the dead give aways of "cola," "Pensacola," and "Coo-Coo Cola" (not to mentioned "bottled")
Your car is either made by Gestalt-Fabricken or Peacock Motors.
You're a civilian, but can shoot better than a Eurusean conscript.
You have relatives on Mars.
You've read Bellum Contra Rex several times.
You actually know what I'm talking about when referring to Bellum Contra Rex.
Your backyard looks like a jungle - literally.

More might come eventually. :)