03-03-2004, 03:17
The Heaven's Door cult, a radical group of anti-nationalists, recently erected a 2-story tall set of doors in the nation's capitol of Linkin Park, constructed mostly of chicken wire, single-layer plywood and paper maché, onto which they attached the names and photographs of several hundred people working for the government, as well as those related to said workers. Hours later, assasination attempts were made against nearly two dozen people, all whom were mounted to the door. During a press release, a Heaven's Door member stormed the stage with a crudely fashioned cudgel, injuring the Minister of Internal Affairs as well as several bodyguards. The cult member is currently being interrogated as to the size and location of the Heaven's Door HQ. The president, during the aforementioned press release, encouraged citizens to disreguard the Heaven's Door on the basis of "they're all homosexual faggets", and furthermore "they like it up the butt." The president then reiterated the national sentiment that his mother is really, really fat, after which he was flown to a secure location, along with his collection of Linkin Park CDs. Norm Washingface, head bodyguard, has gone on the record stating "He's on the edge and about to break."