NationStates Jolt Archive

NationStates, Wombat News

NationStates’ favourite newspaper, Wombat News, announced plans today for complete and utter world domination. In a press conference earlier today, a spokesman from Wombat News outlined the company’s ten year plan. "Yeah, we're pretty much going to rule all of humankind, as well as all other species, by the year 2014."

The first step that Wombat News will take to bring about comprehensive control of NationStates is changing the title of its most popular newspaper. The already popular newspaper will now be called "Wombat News Today, Tomorrow the World". The company will also be developing mind control capabilities by controlling the news that actually reaches the public, attempting to manipulate their views.

Bruce Ocker, Wombat News’ representative says, "It just came to me, I thought, since we control a large percentage of various media outlets around the world, we could easily influence what people think by only printing news that we want people to hear. Then, they will all become sheep in our maniacal attempt to control the human race."

"The great part about it is, no media conglomerate has ever thought about using their media monopoly to sway the opinion of the public. We're really breaking new ground here," Ocker added.

Wombat News' no-holds-barred campaign for merciless domination of the entire planet starts in mid-2004, with plans for a yearly conquest of each continent around the globe. The second step in human mind control involves changing the programming of Wombat News’ television stations to what is being affectionately referred to around the office as “Tit TV”.

All stations will air non-stop reruns of cheap commercial soft core vehicles, such as BabeWatch, harnessing the power of their glossy starlets’ irresistible sexuality. “In between these shows, we will air commercials aimed toward the 18-24 year old male demographic, slowly sucking them in, and controlling their minds,” Ocker adds. After the triumph over the human race, Wombat News will concentrate on more vulnerable species, such as elves, cute little rabbits and reptilian creatures.

THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – YOUR FORECASTER OF GLOBAL POLITICAL CLIMATE CHANGE

:lol:

Well, we've put Wombat News off the list of recieved channels.

Anyone who still can recieve it in our nation will be flogged in public.

-Minister For Preventing Evil Corporations From Taking Over Our Fine Nation

Well it was only a matter of time until Wombat News went power mad

Well it was only a matter of time until Wombat News went power mad

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! ONE WOMBAT TO RULE THEM ALL!!!!!

This has been a Wombat News bump

<--- Would bow to Wombat News

:lol:

So you admit it! You have been putting subliminal messages in your texts to increase the Wambatist conversion rate!

Good luck with it!
We've been trying for a while, but we've only gotten so far without the media.
*eyes glaze over*
We...could...help you...with...our fantastic...military...All hail...The Holy Wom...
*shakes head*
Erm, I mean, all hail The Great Ineffable Bob...Yes, The Great Ineffable Bob, of course...

I am inviting you into the WDU.

We, The World Domination Union, are dedicated to having fun. If this sounds like something you want to be a part of reply for more info.

Have Fun!

*Dies laughing and bows down Wayne and Garth style*

we're not worthy!!! we're not worthy!!!

We have secretly started to train hamsters to counter the wombat threat. That is all.

~ The intern

We are happy to say that we of Jehovaa are a primitive people who have not yet discovered the television, and are therefore in no way threatened by this attempt at domination. Hurray for our side. :lol:

I say dominate! Dominate and then occupy. Love and let live... Poo and then wipe... Laugh and then legalize.


Simple.

We have secretly started to train hamsters to counter the wombat threat. That is all.

~ The intern

Our elite brigades are ready to repel the threat!

http://www.digikitten.com/playhousev2/files/Mishgan/infantry1.jpg
Member of the 5th Special Anti-Wombat Brigade ever so vigilant.

Our military turtles have been mobilised. Although less ferocious in battle, every turtle also carries a meerkat assualt squad...
http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0TgBEAxYZuwl23NmcjPwJt0jqXnBkFhFq871S*OCMxEIWnIanLdLGpfT!iHp3WxBfRnTcXVMqAn*CmQp3wh*UijMHBlh9yOwblsH 7hw1iD1s1SExQXuhhtw/turtlemeerkats.gif?dc=4675460641800232789
A Military turtle on duty in the north-east-west-north-southern sector

Our military turtles have been mobilised. Although less ferocious in battle, every turtle also carries a meerkat assualt squad...
http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0TgBEAxYZuwl23NmcjPwJt0jqXnBkFhFq871S*OCMxEIWnIanLdLGpfT!iHp3WxBfRnTcXVMqAn*CmQp3wh*UijMHBlh9yOwblsH 7hw1iD1s1SExQXuhhtw/turtlemeerkats.gif?dc=4675460641800232789
A Military turtle on duty in the north-east-west-north-southern sector

The TNDF would be interested in purchasing a number of those Turtles for its elite Anti-Wombat brigades! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: [add a gozillion more such smileys here]

Our military turtles have been mobilised. Although less ferocious in battle, every turtle also carries a meerkat assualt squad...
http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0TgBEAxYZuwl23NmcjPwJt0jqXnBkFhFq871S*OCMxEIWnIanLdLGpfT!iHp3WxBfRnTcXVMqAn*CmQp3wh*UijMHBlh9yOwblsH 7hw1iD1s1SExQXuhhtw/turtlemeerkats.gif?dc=4675460641800232789
A Military turtle on duty in the north-east-west-north-southern sector

The TNDF would be interested in purchasing a number of those Turtles for its elite Anti-Wombat brigades! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: [add a gozillion more such smileys here]
What kind of a number? I'm sure something could be arranged...
Would you also be interested in the more terrifying Silver Turtles? 7ft tall reared on their hind legs(actually, the land-warfare ones are the Silver Turtle's cousin, the Silver Tortoise. The Silver Turtles are occasionally used for anti-ship/anti-sub warfare), semi-intelligent creatures created out of living metal.
Seven thousand Military Turtles, complete with a full complement of Meerkats are on their way to you. That will be 35 million.

Would you also be interested in the more terrifying Silver Turtles? 7ft tall reared on their hind legs(actually, the land-warfare ones are the Silver Turtle's cousin, the Silver Tortoise. The Silver Turtles are occasionally used for anti-ship/anti-sub warfare), semi-intelligent creatures created out of living metal.
Seven thousand Military Turtles, complete with a full complement of Meerkats are on their way to you. That will be 35 million.

*wires money* :twisted: :twisted:

Oh, and toss in a thousand of those Silver Turtles and two thousand Silver Tortoises :twisted: :twisted:

*submits to the holy wombat*

Hey, Wombat! I have a gift for ye...LEAD! TAKE THIS SUX0R!

*BLAMMO BLAMMO BLAMMO*

http://www.cardhouse.com/drcliff/studio/army/kangaroo.JPG Our Legion of Rifle-Kangaroos stand ready to fight the Wombats.

General Kyuubi of the Kyubi Division stands ready at our word to defeat the Wombats.
http://park.zero.ad.jp/~zaw02337/gar/wahuu/image/kyuubi10.jpg

Very well. They are on their way.
That will be 30 billion (2,000 * 5,000,000 and 1,000 * 20,000,000).
The Silver Turtles, being nearly exinct in the wild and the nations national animal cost a bundle. The Silver Tortoises were genetically engineered from tortoise and silver turtle DNA, and are easier to produce, so cheaper.
But be warned! You must feed them pure silver! Or they shall perish.

lol

"So, let's see. Hmm, potential minions ... potential threats ... undecided ... better step up the subliminal programming ... "

Richard D'Asterdly
Special Projects Leader

This has been a Wombat News bump