Wombat News
13-02-2004, 16:28
Wombat News
A daring daylight offensive commenced yesterday at the NationStates Zoo. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=122869&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0) With no warning seven-year-old chimpanzee Scolo began scooping piles of faeces and hurling them over the moat surrounding ToY Island, hitting several young children who were part of a field research project from nearby Melkor Unhinged.
The faeces are being considered biological weapons and the surviving victims have been quarantined. Wombat News asked ToY Island worker Fallible Bob if this was an ordinary occurrence.
"The monkeys are always throwing shit at each other and all over their island, in fact, the only thing they do other than throw shit is masturbate. They masturbate a hell of a lot. Usually they can't throw the shit over the moat, but Scolo has quite an arm and ever since we increased the fibre in his diet, his stools have become more solid which means that they can be thrown further. Seriously, man, those kids never knew what hit them."
Bob said the other ToY Island monkeys did nothing to stop Scolo. "They really appreciate a well-thrown ball of poop.”
Resident Wombat News expert, journalist and biology professor Muck Racker defended Scolo, "Research indicates ToY Island monkeys spend up to 80 per cent of their lives throwing shit, collecting shit, examining shit, picking shit up with sticks, trying to eat shit, rolling in shit, building primitive structures out of shit, we are talking about a species of shit connoisseurs, shit experts whose knowledge of shit has evolved over millions of years."
THIS BROADCAST HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – SIFTING THE CRAP TO BRING YOU THE PEARLS OF TRUTH
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid103/pe946042bf534e7a786f592aa6de775a2/f9a25818.jpg.orig.jpg
A daring daylight offensive commenced yesterday at the NationStates Zoo. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=122869&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0) With no warning seven-year-old chimpanzee Scolo began scooping piles of faeces and hurling them over the moat surrounding ToY Island, hitting several young children who were part of a field research project from nearby Melkor Unhinged.
The faeces are being considered biological weapons and the surviving victims have been quarantined. Wombat News asked ToY Island worker Fallible Bob if this was an ordinary occurrence.
"The monkeys are always throwing shit at each other and all over their island, in fact, the only thing they do other than throw shit is masturbate. They masturbate a hell of a lot. Usually they can't throw the shit over the moat, but Scolo has quite an arm and ever since we increased the fibre in his diet, his stools have become more solid which means that they can be thrown further. Seriously, man, those kids never knew what hit them."
Bob said the other ToY Island monkeys did nothing to stop Scolo. "They really appreciate a well-thrown ball of poop.”
Resident Wombat News expert, journalist and biology professor Muck Racker defended Scolo, "Research indicates ToY Island monkeys spend up to 80 per cent of their lives throwing shit, collecting shit, examining shit, picking shit up with sticks, trying to eat shit, rolling in shit, building primitive structures out of shit, we are talking about a species of shit connoisseurs, shit experts whose knowledge of shit has evolved over millions of years."
THIS BROADCAST HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – SIFTING THE CRAP TO BRING YOU THE PEARLS OF TRUTH
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid103/pe946042bf534e7a786f592aa6de775a2/f9a25818.jpg.orig.jpg