NationStates Jolt Archive

After recent gains by animal rights activists, all hunting of animals has been forbidden. However, many hunters have risen up against this crackdown, and after much debate, a compromise has been reached. As of 0600 hours today, all of the elves were herded into game reserves. Elf season will be from April to July, and the bag limit is three per person. Baiting is forbidden. Hunt nice, and have fun.

-Game Warden Tirpitz

Dodekistan is very interested in hunting teh elves. We wish to schedule a safari with President Niles Falk and his two sons, Charles and James. We will be bringing our own firearms, supplied by Dodekistan Special Ops. We wish to inquire as to the weaponry restrictions, as we intend on bringing flamethrowers to carry around, and miniguns and TOW missiles to mount on our safari jeeps.

Elves must DIE. Brutally, painfully, and in gratuitously enormous quantities. The fact they haven't yet, hopefully means that a far worse, almost unimaginably horrible fate awaits them at an unspecified point in the future. If this is not the case, then it is a great tragedy indeed.

http://www.blackguard.com/demo/files/2d_art/elves.jpg%20
The quarry.

Crankey McYanker News Report
Biggest Elf yet!

Today Rod McFarlen bagged the biggest Elf to date. Weighing in at an astonishing 295lbs and a height of 6'11, with an estamated age of betrween 200 and 500, the elf was brought down near the Kilterelf lodge.

"I am honored to be the man to bag teh biggest elf yet!" said McFarlen, who was munching on a tasty stick of Elf Jerky during the intervew.

"The middle aged elves make for better jerky, since the meat has at time to grow and mature, but not be tainted with age. This elf here will make several hundred pounds of jerky, and its head is going over my mantle for sure!"

Crankey McYanker News Report
Local Hunter Arrested

Today, local hunter David Frebert was arrested for violations of the Elf Hunting License. While most hunters prefer the sport of the hunt, often stalking the fleeing elves for hours before shooting them, Frebert took a much more utilitarian view on the hunting. Assembling a false GravShip, he set it outside the Reserve, and then staked out with an MG42 inside of a camoflagued bunker. When the elves, thinking that this was the GravShip to Freedom, ran for the perimeter, Frebert opened up with the old Machine Gun, mowing them down in hordes.

States Game Warden Teller, "It was like Normandy all over again!" The Warden is in charge of gathering the bodies for disposal and tagging the dead. "This is going to cut down on next year's herds, but with the diseases setting in, we did need to cull the herd." as he stated this, he rolled another body into a ditch. "Such a waste... he should have fired on burst."

Frebert is charged with baiting the Elves and breaking bag limit. Judge Matherson declared, "Listen, it's not that he machine gunned them! I like shooting the elves just like any other man, but you can't just go and kill that many in one sitting! How will anyone else bag an elf?" There is no law governing what weapons to use in the Reserves, but many are calling for the implementation of more stringent regulations. "You know, it's no longer a sport when you have these morons flying about in helicopters, chaingunning the elves. There's no challenge!"

In reply, Elf Hunter Association President Rather declared, clutching his flamethrower, "This is a proud tradition of the Yankers! My great grandpappy shot teh elves with cannon and twine shot! Especially, with dignitaries coming to partake in our hunts, now is not the time to take our freedoms! You can't take away our mortar and panzerfausts!"

At the center of the debate, Mr. Frebert has little to say. When asked why he shot the two hundred elves, his lawyer responded, "He likes the jerky."

This has been a Yanker News Report.

OOC: Starts readying the grav-ships, KNOWS that this is some ones puppet

IC:

"We request that the government of Crankey McYanker stop this hunting imediatly. Or else we will be forced to end it for them. The Thelasi government will not stand by while this slaughter of inoccent, sentient, beings continues. Again we warn the government of this country, stop you actions, or you will be destroyed."

In response, the Yanker Government sends this reply:

"We apologize for the recent incident. We will not allow the slaughters to continue anymore. From now on, we will enforce the bag limit more thoroughly. We, too, feel anger at a ruined sport. We would also like to extend an invitation to come to the Hunt.

"If you don't like hunting Elves, perhaps you would prefer our Dwarf Preserve, or the Hybrid-Human Forest? We have many varieties of species to hunt. Thank you for you interest in our product."

-Warden Tirpitz

The resonce came back,

"I beleive we might have had a mix up in comunications, we mean ceace the slaughter of ALL elves. If you know about our nation, we ARE elves, as such, we are greatly concerned that our fellow elves are being killed as animals for sport, I hope that we can work together to iron this issue out."

~Thelasi Force Commander Marinda

OOC:
(watches with interest)
"Do I detect a very brief war approaching?"

OOC: Ignored. Kaukolastan, hon, this barely even begins to be amusing.

~Siri

OOC Ignored. Wow, another prejudiced society jumping on the bandwagon.

OOC: I knew it was some ones puppet, got to love the IP scans

OOC: It was satire. Note the fact that K-stan did not do it, nor did this puppet (my other "serious" country). Note as well, that I did not specify the nationality so as not to provoke war. This is satire, and effective, too, as it seems to have garnered some response. I did not declare war on nations, nor did I externally RP in any way other than in dark humor.

There is a Silent War on NS, one waged every day. "I Kill Teh Elves" and the required "I n00x j00!" reply. It has reached the point to which it is a staple and expected on a daily basis. Sometimes, it's roots stem from sad people who merely wish attention, others from people seeking serious RP, and sometimes from anger at the power of the often-elvish larger nations. To this is the expected reply of the nuking, demanded by IC truth and OOC irateness. This was my target, and from the fact that an IP scan was done, demonstrates the accuracy of my strike.

This post was targetted at both groups, at the lack of tact of the antagonists and the lack of humor from the response. If this post bothers you that heavily, then perhaps you should wonder why. I'm interested to learn that from both sides. Consider again, the IP check. Had I posted as this nation, but replaced every incident of the word "Elf" with "Human", I would have received replies on the content of the post, but not on the existance of the post. Merely by saying that I was hunting an imaginary race, I became the target of an IP check to determine my "true" identity, and there were posts of vindication (Thelas) at my unveiling. Now, in Menelmacar's defense, this is because of the constant rash of "I kill teh Elves" threads, but the fact that she had to come here and respond to this indicates the scope of the very problem. My point has been made, and humor has resulted in the revealing of the issue.

Perhaps you doubt the fact that this was indeed satire? Consider the dark humor applied, the use of the word "teh", and of the stats on the nation that was used to put forth this thread. The fact that this post garnered not just one, but four nations jumping onto it demonstrates a problem in NS, and that was my goal to expose. I did not do this to mock the Elven nations, nor to spoof the Elf-Haters, but to point out the idiocy that reigns. If you don't find the humor in an OOC sense, then I apologize. But if you cannot understand the problem, then I am sorry.

Thank you for your time.

EDIT: Added points to Argument in last body paragraph and to the conclusion. I welcome OOC replies.

With this I bring to you an image of mine:
http://members.lycos.co.uk/tarek13/elves.jpg
Enjoy the rest of your short lived existence...

OOC: I EAT teh elves.

OOC: This is sad. You could try to get attention in other ways, definitely sad. I could say I blast your country with superior and unbeatable force, yet it would be a waste of time, and my fingers are not that idle because I have better things to do with them...:P

OOC: Kicking this back up for more views and maybe actual responses to the long post I wrote explaining this. If it has angered you, perhaps you should know why? Also, had I wanted attention, perhaps it would make more sense to use my real nation with which an RP would matter, or at least to take a less ironic tone. My main nations have no issue with the Elves, nor do they wish one. This was, as I have said, an expose of one of the many blights upon the forum.

NOTE: I shouldn't have to say this, but I will anyway: IC actions can not be taken upon K-Stan or TRSN for the IC actions of the joke nation. (Not in response to Aelosia, merely pre-empting.)

OOC: I EAT MORE of teh elves!!! YUM YUM!!! :twisted: :twisted:

OOC: I EAT MORE of teh elves!!! YUM YUM!!! :twisted: :twisted:
This is not encouraged! Note the above. Why does this happen? This is what I asked in my thread. This is now exhibit A.

OOC: But they are so tasty!! You can't tell me you don't want to sink your teeth into an elf-mcmuffin!!!

http://www.afn.co.kr/archives/diary/egg_muffin.jpg

<tag>

OOC: I EAT MORE of teh elves!!! YUM YUM!!! :twisted: :twisted:
This is not encouraged! Note the above. Why does this happen? This is what I asked in my thread. This is now exhibit A.


Indeed, someone could hurt your nation...please note that Kaukolastan was joking, but...If you're not joking, it could be hazardous to the health of your people...

OOC: But they are so tasty!! You can't tell me you don't want to sink your teeth into an elf-mcmuffin!!!
OOC: Disregarding the content of that message, I believe it is a "McElf Sandwhich", not an "Elf McMuffin". Can I get a real response to the arguments I presented, or will it be drivel?

OOC: But they are so tasty!! You can't tell me you don't want to sink your teeth into an elf-mcmuffin!!!
OOC: Disregarding the content of that message, I believe it is a "McElf Sandwhich", not an "Elf McMuffin". Can I get a real response to the arguments I presented, or will it be drivel?

Statement from the Dodekistan Health Department:
Elf McMuffins, aka McElf Sandwiches, are actually high in protien and fiber, and vitamin A. So they are actually quite healthy, especially for fast food!

Nutritional Information: Elf-McMuffin
Serving size: 1 sandwich (approx 1/4 lb)

Calories: 200
Calories from fat: 124

Fiber: 40 grams
Protien: 70 grams
Carbohydrates: 30 grams
Sugar: 10 grams
vitamin A: 30 grams
vitamin B: 0 grams
vitamin C: 15 grams

Someone is preparing a fleet...*giggles*

OOC: It was satire. Note the fact that K-stan did not do it, nor did this puppet (my other "serious" country). Note as well, that I did not specify the nationality so as not to provoke war. This is satire, and effective, too, as it seems to have garnered some response. I did not declare war on nations, nor did I externally RP in any way other than in dark humor.

There is a Silent War on NS, one waged every day. "I Kill Teh Elves" and the required "I n00x j00!" reply. It has reached the point to which it is a staple and expected on a daily basis. Sometimes, it's roots stem from sad people who merely wish attention, others from people seeking serious RP, and sometimes from anger at the power of the often-elvish larger nations. To this is the expected reply of the nuking, demanded by IC truth and OOC irateness. This was my target, and from the fact that an IP scan was done, demonstrates the accuracy of my strike.

This post was targetted at both groups, at the lack of tact of the antagonists and the lack of humor from the response. If this post bothers you that heavily, then perhaps you should wonder why. I'm interested to learn that from both sides. Consider again, the IP check. Had I posted as this nation, but replaced every incident of the word "Elf" with "Human", I would have received replies on the content of the post, but not on the existance of the post. Merely by saying that I was hunting an imaginary race, I became the target of an IP check to determine my "true" identity, and there were posts of vindication (Thelas) at my unveiling. Now, in Menelmacar's defense, this is because of the constant rash of "I kill teh Elves" threads, but the fact that she had to come here and respond to this indicates the scope of the very problem. My point has been made, and humor has resulted in the revealing of the issue.

Perhaps you doubt the fact that this was indeed satire? Consider the dark humor applied, the use of the word "teh", and of the stats on the nation that was used to put forth this thread. The fact that this post garnered not just one, but four nations jumping onto it demonstrates a problem in NS, and that was my goal to expose. I did not do this to mock the Elven nations, nor to spoof the Elf-Haters, but to point out the idiocy that reigns. If you don't find the humor in an OOC sense, then I apologize. But if you cannot understand the problem, then I am sorry.

Thank you for your time.

EDIT: Added points to Argument in last body paragraph and to the conclusion. I welcome OOC replies.

OOC: A bit of clarity about my "I knew it" post, of course I knew it was satire, even n00bs don't make that spelling mistake, oh and Dodekistan, I am assuming for your sake that none of those were posted IC...

Someone is preparing a fleet...*giggles*

Someone is preparing an Elf-McMuffin....*sizzle*

http://www.comtec.net/images/flame-heat-barbeque.jpg
That's me!