Wombat News
03-02-2004, 17:12
Granny Slag Issues DeathMatch Challenges to World Leaders
The SLAGLands; Wombat News
Any doubt that Granny Slag’s power, prestige, and confidence was based solely on her domination of the world choc-chip cookie market were forcefully dispelled at a press conference this morning. Introduced with the cry of “Granny’s Ready to Grapple!", Granny Slag charged into the conference room wearing a knit-wear thong, a sweat band, and a belly-revealing sleeveless t-shirt in a lilac print bearing a picture of a choc-chip cookie above the words “Granny to Go.”
Repeatedly flexing an unexpectedly impressive array of pecs, biceps, and triceps, Granny Slag launched into one of her most animated press conferences to date, fielding not merely reporters’ questions, but often the reporters themselves. Those who asked questions Granny regarded as silly, naïve, or poorly phrased found themselves being body slammed, rabbit punched, or bounced off the walls of the conference room.
After introducing the two leather thong-clad young men with her as “my bitches, Mr. Happy and Mr. Lucky” Granny Slag proceeded to issue a series of challenges to what she described as the World Federation of Evil, which apparently includes Melkor Unchained, Automagfreek, Iesus Christi, most of Arda and the Reich.
After defying the leaders of those areas to meet her “anywhere, any time, day or night, in the DeathMatch cage” and experience “GOAT – the Granny of All Thrashings”, Granny Slag went on to make numerous derogatory allusions to those leaders’ courage and physical strength, as well as the size of their gross domestic products.
With the assistance of the late correspondent from the Roania Government News network, Granny Slag then demonstrated the “Cookie Crusher” which she expressed a wish to try out in the immediate future on The Brotherhood of Nod, godmodders, certain unidentified “NationStates flamers” and a person named Gerald whom she apparently still remembers from school.
At the conclusion of the press conference, many observers appeared sceptical of Granny Slag’s claim that Ruhr had accepted her challenge to a tag-team match with the Dread Lady Nathicana, since it was generally thought that Ruhr’s partner, Mr. Floppy, would be busy that weekend. None were heard to express their scepticism openly, however.
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The SLAGLands; Wombat News
Any doubt that Granny Slag’s power, prestige, and confidence was based solely on her domination of the world choc-chip cookie market were forcefully dispelled at a press conference this morning. Introduced with the cry of “Granny’s Ready to Grapple!", Granny Slag charged into the conference room wearing a knit-wear thong, a sweat band, and a belly-revealing sleeveless t-shirt in a lilac print bearing a picture of a choc-chip cookie above the words “Granny to Go.”
Repeatedly flexing an unexpectedly impressive array of pecs, biceps, and triceps, Granny Slag launched into one of her most animated press conferences to date, fielding not merely reporters’ questions, but often the reporters themselves. Those who asked questions Granny regarded as silly, naïve, or poorly phrased found themselves being body slammed, rabbit punched, or bounced off the walls of the conference room.
After introducing the two leather thong-clad young men with her as “my bitches, Mr. Happy and Mr. Lucky” Granny Slag proceeded to issue a series of challenges to what she described as the World Federation of Evil, which apparently includes Melkor Unchained, Automagfreek, Iesus Christi, most of Arda and the Reich.
After defying the leaders of those areas to meet her “anywhere, any time, day or night, in the DeathMatch cage” and experience “GOAT – the Granny of All Thrashings”, Granny Slag went on to make numerous derogatory allusions to those leaders’ courage and physical strength, as well as the size of their gross domestic products.
With the assistance of the late correspondent from the Roania Government News network, Granny Slag then demonstrated the “Cookie Crusher” which she expressed a wish to try out in the immediate future on The Brotherhood of Nod, godmodders, certain unidentified “NationStates flamers” and a person named Gerald whom she apparently still remembers from school.
At the conclusion of the press conference, many observers appeared sceptical of Granny Slag’s claim that Ruhr had accepted her challenge to a tag-team match with the Dread Lady Nathicana, since it was generally thought that Ruhr’s partner, Mr. Floppy, would be busy that weekend. None were heard to express their scepticism openly, however.
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – BRINGING YOU FACE-TO-FACE WITH CAUSALITY
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid87/pda22c0ab2140ceb42cbbf0f2271afd5b/fa9f249c.jpg