NationStates Jolt Archive


WPO NEWS RELEASE: Gyland's Pope Jeffrey Paul II Takes Ill.

01-02-2004, 16:36
Vatican City.

Today the Holy Republic of Gyland announced that his Holiness, Pope Jeffrey Paul II is indeed very ill. This would explain why the Pope, who has made monthly public appearances to the people of Gyland since being appointed Pope 34 years ago, has made no public appearances in the past three months. During his last appearance in October, the Pope seemed to lack his usual enthusiasm, and looked very tired.

His public address on November 15th was postponed, supposedly due to scheduling issues and important foreign matters of state according to official Gyland government press releases, and was never rescheduled. His December and Janurary addresses simply have never been scheduled.

In the official release Dr. Peter Cannon, the director of Gyland's Health Ministry, stated of the Pope's condition, that "His holiness is very ill, and his condition appears to be serious in nature." Dr. Cannon would not comment further on the situation.

Meanwhile, the Gyland Freedom Movement had sent the World Press Organization (WPO) a letter in December which claimed the Pope was actually assassinated on November 12th by fellow patriots of the movement, who had "infiltrated the Vatican grounds, and executed the tyrant in his bed." The Gyland government has responded that the letter was nothing more than continued Marxist propaganda by the GFM and their anti-Catholic Communist allies.

"His holiness is very ill, but is still alive and will recover with God's will. The claim of his assassination is simply preposterous." Said Archbishop Joseph Masnica, who was appointed by Gyland's Catholic Senate as temporary Chancellor of the Holy Republic of Gyland on Thursday, January 29th. He further went on to say that this was an attempt by the GFM to "create panic and dissent within the population to forward their cause of a Marxist revolution in Gyland. This, like the Socialist Utopian ideals of the GFM will never come to fruition."

-Douglas Allmon (WPO)