Wombat News
15-01-2004, 16:34
Executives from Xanthal Hypercars were today urging caution just one week after the launch of their Xord Slipstream, the Faster Than Light version of the popular family saloon the Trabant. (http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2487005&highlight=#2487005)
"We were too keen to roll out the new model," said Mimi Stratos, spokesperson of the government-owned company. "We did not think through the consequences of faster than light travel upon the consumer, particularly the ladies."
Within hours of the model becoming available, it was clear that problems would ensue. Women drivers who could not parallel park at conventional speeds were in complete disarray as they tried to cope with the spatial and vector calculations needed to successfully manoeuvre the FTL cars. Other women insisted on restricting their FTL vehicles to thirty miles per hour and caused massive tailbacks as far as the Andromeda Galaxy.
Mrs Mixa Mattosis of Xmarksthespot told us of a particularly harrowing experience as she took her brand-new Slipstream car out for the first time. "The salesman told me about the effects of relativity," she said, "But I'm a woman - how on earth could I know what he was talking about? All I know is that I went too fast and met myself on the way back. And now I keep hogging the bathroom so I can't get in to use the toilet."
But Miss Xena Ghost of the Union for Sexual Equality and Ladies Ending Senseless Servitude was eager to champion the female perspective. "It's a myth," she said, "that women drivers are any worse than their male counterparts. In fact, statistics show that women are generally safer than men when in control of a vehicle."
But the day's reports speak for themselves. Thirty-two moons managed to 'jump out' in front of the lovely ladies. Sixteen women hit a tree on the third world of Snaggle VI. Ten women checking their make-up in the rear-view mirror managed to plunge into Barnard's Star. Two hundred women making goo-goo noises at infants disappeared down a black hole near Sirius. The list, it would seem, is endless.
"You've just got a problem with women," stormed Miss Ghost. "It's just another case of male inadequacy." Then she stamped her feet, jumped in her new Slipstream, did a thirty-point turn, hit a lamp-post and proceeded to crawl up the Milky Way on the wrong side of the road.
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – GOING FEARLESSLY WHERE NO MAN DARES TO VENTURE
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid87/pda22c0ab2140ceb42cbbf0f2271afd5b/fa9f249c.jpg
"We were too keen to roll out the new model," said Mimi Stratos, spokesperson of the government-owned company. "We did not think through the consequences of faster than light travel upon the consumer, particularly the ladies."
Within hours of the model becoming available, it was clear that problems would ensue. Women drivers who could not parallel park at conventional speeds were in complete disarray as they tried to cope with the spatial and vector calculations needed to successfully manoeuvre the FTL cars. Other women insisted on restricting their FTL vehicles to thirty miles per hour and caused massive tailbacks as far as the Andromeda Galaxy.
Mrs Mixa Mattosis of Xmarksthespot told us of a particularly harrowing experience as she took her brand-new Slipstream car out for the first time. "The salesman told me about the effects of relativity," she said, "But I'm a woman - how on earth could I know what he was talking about? All I know is that I went too fast and met myself on the way back. And now I keep hogging the bathroom so I can't get in to use the toilet."
But Miss Xena Ghost of the Union for Sexual Equality and Ladies Ending Senseless Servitude was eager to champion the female perspective. "It's a myth," she said, "that women drivers are any worse than their male counterparts. In fact, statistics show that women are generally safer than men when in control of a vehicle."
But the day's reports speak for themselves. Thirty-two moons managed to 'jump out' in front of the lovely ladies. Sixteen women hit a tree on the third world of Snaggle VI. Ten women checking their make-up in the rear-view mirror managed to plunge into Barnard's Star. Two hundred women making goo-goo noises at infants disappeared down a black hole near Sirius. The list, it would seem, is endless.
"You've just got a problem with women," stormed Miss Ghost. "It's just another case of male inadequacy." Then she stamped her feet, jumped in her new Slipstream, did a thirty-point turn, hit a lamp-post and proceeded to crawl up the Milky Way on the wrong side of the road.
THIS BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY WOMBAT NEWS – GOING FEARLESSLY WHERE NO MAN DARES TO VENTURE
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid87/pda22c0ab2140ceb42cbbf0f2271afd5b/fa9f249c.jpg